#munch crunch sun's out bitches

[foreignobjecticus]

Legit that’s all??? 4 hours and I can just go buy a bike?? It’s such a nice day today, I quite honestly have never seen so many motorbikes out on the roads.

[a-simple-imagine]

Queen Material - Chapter 3

Synopsis: It seems like Valkyrie has put some distance between the two of you since that awkward night. Nothing like a pasty drunk white boy (think a fraternity bro named chad type) to get you talking again. 

Pairing: Valkyrie x fem!Asgardian!reader

Words: 1.8+

WARNING: Alcohol use, swearing, brief sexual reference and very mild mentions of violence.   

After that very weird night with the King, you haven't really seen much of her. She hadn't been coming to the bar as often as normal. You kind of missed her lingering presence even if she didn't talk to you all that much. She was kind of like a badge of honor. A shiny medal, you could show off and brag about. You wanted them bragging rights back. But she only came in every so often and you hardly spoke. Every so often she'd catch your eye and offer a smile. You don't think she was avoiding you otherwise why show up at all? She could just come in when Kyle was in charge - which wasn't nearly as often as you were but still - so you imagine all her drinking is being done at the palace. She must have a great variety of liquor at her disposal so she didn't really need to go to your bar at all. Despite it all, you can't help but wonder what had brought Valkyrie into your bar that night. Had she planned it? People only get that drunk when there is something wrong. What makes the mighty king of Asgard tick?

Cloth in hand, you wipe up a spill as you listen to the woes of some lonely Midgardian traveler. He was looking for sympathy but you had none to spare. Staring off into the distance at the king who was nestled in a booth, arm wrestling with a group of locals. She had won every round so far but the guys weren't going down without a fight.

"So are you like... one of those people?" He drags your attention painfully back to him. You can't be sure if he's intentionally being rude or it's just casual so you take no offense. Offering him a tight-lipped smile, you stop to give him your undivided attention.

"If by those people, you mean an Asgardian then yes, I am."

"A-mazing," He practically slurs, reaching over the bar as his dirty eyes take you in. "You can't even tell the difference. You're fuckin' fit though."

"I can certainly tell," You disguise your words in a sigh, taking a step away from him. "Thank you though... I think?"

"It means you're attractive," He whisper-yells his explanation. Your eyes flicker to Valkyrie as she laughs loudly in the distance and then back to the Midgardian.

"Okay," From context, you had already figured out that fit meant attractive.

"That was a compliment,"

"A compliment I already thanked you for," You shot back.

"What's the difference between humans and you people?"

"Well," you started, kinda feeling like you needed a drink the longer this conversation happened. "for one we don't like being called you people. I am Asgardian. " You state proudly. "I guess one of the biggest differences is our strength and life span."

"Are we the same all over?" He asked, a smirk spreading over his pink lips. "I would love to find out."

Was that supposed to be flattering? You couldn't help but cringe "...ew."

As quiet as the words came out, it was clear he heard them and he was not pleased. "Too good for me huh? You fucking bitch." He spat. "You Asgardians really think you're better than everyone else."

At least he finally used Asgardian in a sentence even if he was trying to offend you.

"What was that?" Valkyrie walked up behind the blonde, towering over him like the beloved king she was. A few burly looking regulars stood behind her. "You have something against my people?"

He spun on the stool, knocking over his glass of beer in the process. You close your eyes and sigh to yourself. "Who the fuck are you?"

"The King of Asgard." She replies firmly, standing tall. There was a silent challenge behind her words.

The man bursts out laughing, completely unaware of the consequences. Disrespecting the king was not something to be taken lightly. "You can't be serious,"

"Choose your next words carefully, Midgardian."

You watch the exchange more than amused by the way her eyes narrowed in and her hands went to her hips. You slowly reach for a packet of crisps to munch on while the events unfold. It was almost like they were having a stare off except Valkyrie had like three huge guys backing her up.

"You know, as our king, she can have you executed right?" You add casually, bitting into a crisp with a loud crunch. "Haven't had a good beheading since Hela took over Asgard."

"You're telling me this little girl is in charge? No wonder you lost Asgard."

It was one thing to objectify you. It was another to make fun of the king. But to outright disrespect your homeland and its people was unacceptable. New Asgard was great, you were grateful to Thor for finding you a new place to settle but Asgard was the place that held your memories. The room was suddenly thick with tension and as angry as you were, you couldn't let this escalate into the fight that was brewing. "Actually we were under the rule of Hela at the time. The daughter of Odin and goddess of death so I suggest you leave before you say something that'll get you killed."

"But-"

"The lady asked nicely," Valkyrie interrupted. "So leave because I won't be so nice."

A weird silence came over you all, interrupted by how crunchy your snack was. You could practically see the gears turning as he debated his next actions. Thankfully, he got off the stool and headed out the door; smart movie. Jumping into his grave, the king took his place at the bar. Dismissing the men behind her who were clearly just there to make her seem more intimidating. "Seems like I jumped in at just the right time."

Placing the packet of crisps off to the side, you clean up the spill from earlier. "You really didn't need to do that, I'm used to dealing with arseholes like that.

"Must be exhausting."

There's a part of you that wants to remind her of that night she decided to invade your day off but you don't. You just flash her a smile before retreating into the back to collect a beer for her.

"Here. On the house." You slide the glass bottle over to her. It was the least you could do considering she decided to hijack your conversation which made it all the more enjoyable.

After a moment, you see a flash of realisation and her face lights up. Glancing from the large brown bottle to you. "Is this what I think it is?"

You return the smile, nodding a little.  "Most Midgardians can't handle the heat so I keep they locked in the back. Don't want my bar being burnt down."

Using a small dagger that came from god only knows where Valkyrie pops off the cap. It falls to rumble against the countertop as a small flame shoots out of the bottle. She quickly blows it out and takes a swig. "You spend far too much time in this place,"

"Ha, I could say the same about you," You quip, the sarcasm more than evident in your tone. You instantly regret it, unsure about how well she would take it. "I'm sorry, your majesty."

"Sorry for what? You're right," she chuckles, taking another but smaller sip of beer. "But you practically live here. Don't you get tired of serving idiots day after day? You could afford a little more time to yourself

"This bar is like my child. It's pretty much all I have since Ragnarok and I've watched it grow. Sure, you get the odd few who make your job tedious," You explain, radiating your shoulders in a small shrug. "I don't mind though, I love what I do. And I save money on staff if I do most of the work."

You weren't sure she was actually paying attention because her eyes seemed drawn elsewhere but then she glanced towards you. "Everyone needs a break."

"I allow myself the odd day off."

With the bottle to her lips, the king downs the rest of her beer before settling it on the bar with a loud clang. "Then it's settled." You wait for her to elaborate, brows knitting together as she takes an oddly long pause. "Tomorrow you're taking a day off."

You had a full shift tomorrow and it was Saturday which meant it was generally busier. If the sun was out like predicted you'd also get more guests. You don't want to leave that to Kyle. Not because you don't trust him but because he wasn't supposed to be working. "I can't just take a day off."

"You can and you will. Get that scrawny blonde fellow to take over."

"You mean Kyle?" You question. Was she just bad with names or...?

She gives you a firm nod. "Let Kyle take over."

"I can't-"

"That is an order, fair barkeep." She declares, sliding her empty beer bottle towards you. And so we're back to barkeep. "Going against my wishes could be considered an act of treason. You wouldn't defy your king now, would you?"

There was so much wrong with that sentence in the sense she was not only abusing her power but also manipulating you. Of course, you wouldn't defy your king. You'd always had a lot of respect for the rulers of Asgard. Odin, Thor, even Hela despite the fact she did some atrocious things: which you did not partake in. The verdict was still out on Brunnhilde. With a heavy huff of breath, you begrudgingly agree. "Fine, I'll see if I can get Kyle to cover for me."

"Just tell him, you'll be serving the king," She adds, giving you a warm smile. "It's not a lie considering we'll be spending the day together."

"We will?" You're confused as to why she would even want to spend the day with you. You had nothing to offer her and your not sure how great company you'll be. She smirks, giving you a firm nod. "What will we be doing?"

"I... do not know yet but I will think of something."

"I'm not sure about this.

The woman jumps down off the barstool, "Doesn't matter, I'm not giving you much of a choice here, now can I get another one of these? Add it to my tab. " She points at the bottle and you comply, returning with a bottle in hand. She takes it and turns on her heel "Now if you'll excuse me."

Valkyrie surveys the establishment before heading to a table where a pretty brunette sat alone. You watch as she pops the cap and the brunette's face lights up much like the king's earlier but probably for a different reason; She seems Midgardian. You continue to observe until you're summoned to the other end of the bar. Plastering on a smile, you walk down the bar. "So What can I get you, sir?"

PREV // NEXT

Tagging per request: @iconicwlw @sarcasticmami

[maryjeanstar]

Trucker Trax

There was a stench of motor oil in the café that morning. It reeked of sickness. The waitress came to the table with a cigarette clamped in her jaw. “What’ll it be.” she said, eyes on her pad.

Coupe perked up on his suspensions. “You got strawberry lemonade?” he asked.

“No.”

Coupe lowered to the floor, and said nothing else.

4WD blinked his headlights lazily over from the window. “I’ll have a doughnut and some cheese.”

“We don’t got cheese.”

“Just the doughnut then,” said 4WD.

The waitress scribbled. “What about you, red?”

“The name’s F-Type,” said F-Type, his engine glowering beneath his crimson paint, “And I’ll have nothing. This place is a dump.”

“I like it!” Coupe said quickly. “F’s just cranky from the ride heh sorry w-we’re just passing through our transport broke down and we thought we’d….”

The waitress walked away without asking 2WD anything. 2WD’s lights were still on the blue horizon out the window, her green paint reflecting the sun’s rays.

“AUgh,” F-Type revolted. “Someone chucked up in here. I’ll bet it was something they ordered.”

“F,” said Coupe, “please don’t get us killed with your crude social antics.”

“Nobody’s gonna kill anyone,” 4WD said casually. He grabbed a few sugar packets and stuffed them in his glove compartment. “It’s just a café.”

F-type snorted in disgust. “If that’s what you wanna call it.”

“Meh it’s whatever, short-stuff,” 4WD said. “We’ll be out of here as soon as Trailer’s done gassing up and stuff.”

“It could be a couple hours…” Coupe beeped softly. “He said he had to check his wheels and taillights. Suppose he needs to get them replaced. Suppose the person replacing them is crooked! What if he gets abducted and we’re left in this café forever!”

F-type got up from the booth, gagging out his exhaust. “I can’t breathe in here!”

“See ya,” 4WD said, and started drumming the table with a pair of plastic spoons.

“Wait,” Coupe said, “Where are you going?”

F-type did not reply. His engine revved loudly, and in a screech he peeled out the doors.

“Where do you suppose he’s going?” Coupe asked 4WD.

4WD shrugged, then continued drumming.

“Is he checking on Trailer?”

“Probs.”

“What if he gets captured too?”

“Coupe nobody’s been captured. You really need to cool it dude. Get some water or something.”

“I didn’t order any.’

“So order some.”

“But—”

4WD honked. “Waitress! Water and doughnut here!”

The waitress did not look up.

“Waitress!”

Coupe shushed 4WD. “It’s fine, Four I’m really not thirsty—”

“You sure don’t look comfortable,” 4WD said gently. “Wanna play cards?”

“I… I’m gonna check on F-Type.” Coupe began inching out of the booth. “You two gonna be okay?”

2WD did not respond.

“Psh,” 4WD said. “Go ahead lil dude, get some fresh air while you got the chance. We still have a few hours in Trailer’s rig till the next track. He’s got water too, so keep yourself hydrated if you see him lil dude.”

“Okay Four,” Coupe said. He cruised down the booths to the diner entry and nosed his way out in the blinding sunlight. As far as he could see there was endless fields of dead grass. A small flat hill sat an indeterminate distance away to the south, where the road was headed. F-Type was doing doughnuts in the parking lot. He was also screaming.

Coupe zipped over. “F-Type!” He horned. “You okay?”

“AHA!” F-Type cried. He braked hard, leaving a trail of steaming rubber. “Big Blue in there ordered doughnuts, and it gave me an idea how to show this dump my appreciation!”

“Jeez F, you’re gonna ruin your treads!”

F-Type spat windshield wiper fluid, and began a new circle. “C’mon let’s tear this pigsty a new decal!”

“Did you find Trailer?” Coupe said to F-Type’s dust. His horn could not be heard over F-Type’s engine and tires. “Egh, F! F I’m asking you a question! Darn it!” Coupe raced after F-Type, careening through the parked semi trucks, a narrow metal canyon slick with oil spillage. F-Type careened around a BMW and narrowly missed hitting a farmer’s tractor coming out of its parking spot.

The farmer was so busy shaking a fist at F-Type he was not ready for the collision. Coupe smashed into the tractor’s big wheel head on. The tractor jerked, but otherwise remained completely undamaged. Coupe meanwhile shattered and exploded into a dozen large low-poly chunks of yellow car all over the parking lot. His headlamps and wheels rolled under the tractor. His hood lifted itself over the farmer’s astonished head. One of Coupe’s sides leaped out from a pick-up’s back. Within seconds Coupe’s parts remerged into Coupe on the tractor’s far-side.

“S-sorry!” He bleated over his taillight, and before the Farmer could give him a piece of his farmer mind, Coupe streaked off after F-Type.

“HAHA!” F-Type was laughing manically. “You bit it, Coupe!”

“Fuck you!” Coupe cried.

F-Type zoomed under an oil tank. Coupe went around its front.

F-Type did a figure-8 around two gas pumps. Coupe went in the middle of them, forcing F-Type to brake.

“What gives, lemonhead!?” F-Type demanded. “Make way let’s do some stunts!”

“I’ve been trying to talk to you you asshole!” Coupe beeped.

F-Type rolled his headlights. “Ech, you’re such a bitch.”

“Oh so showing concern for others is being a bitch huh?”

“I am sick of you breathing down my neck for everything I do!”

“Like ignoring me is any less inconsiderate!”

“The whole point of this trip was to have fun and you’ve just been a killjoy the entire time!”

“Have fun, yes, at the fleeping Trax you meatball! This is a truck stop!”

“I don’t care!” F-Type backed up, his wheels grinding into a sharp turn. “I’m done. Have fun worrying about me I am out.”

“F-Type stop right there!” Coupe honked, but F-Type pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the highway loud as a tornado. “Fine!” Coupe called after. “Stop wherever you run out of gas you pipewad! Jerk! Child! Maniac!” Coupe’s headlamps were teared up. “…you fucking idiot.”

Behind him a pair of large wheels slowly crunched over the cracked gravelly pavement. 4WD had a doughnut and was munching it slowly. “Heard some shouting,” he said casually.

“Four,” Coupe said. “I messed up big time.”

“Where’s shorty going?” 4WD asked through another bite.

“Another fit. We better go after him with some extra gas or something.”

“No need, lil dude,” 4WD said. He gestured with the doughnut he was holding towards the road. Coming up from the dry grass and bounding onto the road, a flash of green fell in hot pursuit of the crimson tantrum. “Two-wheeler’ll sort him out. She’s good at that.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at him,” Coupe said. “I just I’m so tired of feeling like the only one who gives a shit about anything.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up just ‘cause shorty’s got his ass screwed in too tight. He probably roared off because what you said to him was true.”

“Could you really hear us?”

“Dude the whole café was boggling out listening to you lot—”

Coupe began to sink.

“Erm, I mean they didn’t care really, nobody said anything, it’s cool hey did you see Trailer?”

“No. The whole time I was trying to ask F if he’d seen him.”

“Did you ask him?”

“NO it was just a stupid argument. It’s like he leads every conversation with defensive snaps he’s so dense and touchy it’s—” Coupe sighed deeply.

4WD munched sympathetically.

“I guess I’ll go look for Trailer myself,” Coupe said.

“Cool, I’ll wait for Shorty and Two-wheeler.”

“F and Motor.”

“That’s what I said.”

“I— never mind bye.” Coupe drove off.

F-Type became visible driving calmly beside 2WD. They approached 4WD, and 2WD tooted.

“Hey Big Blue,” F-Type said to the pavement.

“Welcome back, Shorty.”

“Don’t call me that.”

4WD finished his doughnut in silence. 2WD fell over and purred in the sun.

“So, uh,” F-Type began again. “Where’d Coupe go?”

“He’s looking for Trailer.”

“Okay.” F-Type glanced at his tires, then the sky, then 2WD, then said “I guess I’ll go um, look for Trailer too, I think I need new tires. Kinda heh, wore these ones out.”

“Yeah dude, you claimed this turf.”

“Heh. It was righteous!” F-Type’s engine fired up a gear. “We were zipping through the trailers like Owl City Turnpike on friday afternoon it was sick!” He scoffed. “Then Coupe kinda spoiled the mood with all his worrying crap.”

4WD shrugged. “He was anxious and you weren’t listening to him. I think that’s what boiled him.”

“That mid-weight is too damn sensitive,” F-Type said pointedly.

“I get you man,” 4WD nodded. “But you’re one to talk. Wanna tell me where you were going just now, bucko?”

F-Type averted headlights. “Nowhere. I just felt like I needed to drive, y’know?”

2WD tooted.

“Heh,” F-Type chuckled. “Me too, she says.”

“I think the both of you hot-engines need to cool it majorly. Get me?”

“Sure, yeah. I’ll go get a drink of water from Trailer’s trailer,” F-Type said. And if I see Coupe, he thought furiously, I’ll shove a rock up his— He took in a deep breath and exhausted slowly. I’ll say sorry first to show I’m more cool-headed than he is. F-Type gave 2WD a tire-bump before cruising off towards the mechanic shed.

He saw Trailer there, sporting a new set of wheels and getting his tank refueled. “What’s up, Rig?” F-Type greeted. “Just here for some water, I’ll just grab some and—”

“Hey F,” Coupe said, emerging from the front of Trailer.

F-Type made to ignore Coupe, but willed himself to a glare.

“I’m sorry about calling you names F,” Coupe began.

“I’m sorry!” F-Type stammered. “F-for uh, for not listening.”

Coupe smiled a little. “I uh, well, I wasn’t listening very well either, to be honest.”

“No, you weren’t,” F-Type snapped.

Trailer peeked over, his deep voice giving a forced cough.

“You were anxious,” F-Type continued. “I should’ve figured you’d be too sensitive and maybe I shouldn’t’ve been so rude, so uh, I’m sorry we’re both a mess.”

“Me too,” Coupe said. “We’re a couple card houses waiting to topple.”

“You and your analogies, Coupe.”

“Let’s get Four and Motor,” Coupe said. “I was just talking to Trailer he says everything was just fine and we’ll be out of here in five or ten minutes.”

“Sooner’n that I hope,” said 4WD, as he and 2WD entered the shed.

Trailer wonked his diesel horn. “All right Stunt Race FX, let’s roll out! Coupe, F-Type, kiss and be merry let’s go.”

F-Type gave Coupe a friendly wheel scuff on his way back to Trailer’s trailer.

Coupe’s back lights burned red all the way up the tailgate, and stayed on for a solid hour thereafter.