#mum wasnt too happy about tha

[captainshyguy]

im tired of my mum acting like any possession of mine im not actively using is suddenly completely eligible to give to my grandparents lmao 

[heres-my-dream-journal-blog]

24th feb 2019

At this stage I dont remember much... there was a bit where i dreamt i was in Pontardawe - the place where i grew up - and things had changed so much. I wanted a costa coffee but it was only open to teachers at cwmtawe comprehensive school. I then dreamt I was in a place where there was a lot of people but was raped or attacked in some way in front of everyone. I dont remember the event itself but knew it had happened. A man came forward and said he was a doctor and a dad of someone I know n said he would help me. He played detective and took a statement, and took measurements of a crossbow that was tangled around my body. He then took it off me and i realised i was naked. We went to my old house in Allterwerin and he helped wash me. I dont remember anything about the man apart from i felt safe and trusted him and that he was i think topless. but I hate having dreams in that house. I always feel watched and uneasy. Always so fearful in those dreams. Anyhow... I went into my mums room to look around as it had been years from last being there and had to leave cus tha atmosphere was too negative and scary for me. I remember thinking "this is why i hated going in mams room." I didnt even attempt to go into my sister room - which used to be my old room. I ran passed it. I felt as is somthing was there and i couldnt even look. I ran straight into my room. It was just as uncomfortable but it was my room so i stayed. I remember seeing a large chest of drawers covered in a salmon pink towel with a tv on top of it by my door. The man opened the top draw to pull some knickers out for me and he pulled out a pair of carys pink peppa pig knickers and i looked at the man - who now resembled wayne - and i laughed, telling him he's always mixing up our underwear and socks somehow. I got dressed and then it was time to go to work. I didnt wanna go but when i did i sat in the car park of bnm and kyle arrived in maireads car n said he was late. He was mad at me for some reason and stormed off n left me with mairead cus i had to go back to her house. so she told me to drive as she was already in the passengers seat.I looked at mairead and her atitude towards me was aweful. I felt so small and belittled and didnt want to be around her. The air was just so tense. She was wearing a white fluffly house coat with grey hearts and she was smoking and i asked if she was ok and she laughed at me. I laughed back for some reason and decided to try and manifest a happy mairead so i didnt feel so shit. I just felt so bad around her tho and felt like i had to bring her home even tho i didnt want to. I kept getting nervous and making silly driving mistakes. The traffic lights were all green n we drove passed robinsons bar. I think at one point we met a red car in the road and i had to reverse back to let the car go but there were cars behind me n i felt so stuck! Eventually the red car passed and i continued driving to the loughall road.. We drove passed all the estates where i thought she lived and came to a sand dunne where the loughall road starts. We got out and mairead sat on a bike that was on the side of the road n told me to push her up the sand dunne. So i did. I started to cry n she started to shout at me for being off work and saying it doesnt matter what reasons i had for being off work, i should have been at work. I tried to tell her that i was raped but she didnt give me a chance to say it, she said no one especially kyle will think any reason is a good enough reason to take time off. I was so upset and angry but i continued to push her up the sand dunne which was extremely difficult. When we got to the top of the dunne there was a forest. She went ahead to some gates that i assumed were gates at her drive way. She started tapping sticks together. I felt it was to scare away somthing i could hear in the bushes. I wasnt afraid of what was in the bushes tho. I was just standing there observing. A family of 4 - 2 adults and 2 children -that were jogging by saw mairead and ran in fear. I woke up. I felt so axious when i woke. Worried about work