#mum is leaving tomorrow I can scream and cry and bite and hit stuff when she leaves please brain please please please

[ayakashibackstreet]

Will you guys love me when I show autism symptoms

[ofanxiousallergies]

I got tagged by @kindcrgartcncxup so yeet (og post by @xleafyheartx

Tagging: uhhhhh no one,,, do this if you want--

I’ll be writing my answers in bold

001. When is their birthday? - April 23rd!  002. Do they do anything to celebrate their birthday? - Cake and presents! Also a party 003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea? - He doesn’t particularly like either, but he likes coffee more 004. Do they prefer being alone or with others? - Alone if he can help it 005. Are they in good health? - Not really 006. What sense do they most rely on? - Vision! 007. Is your character an optimist or a pessimist? - Both, but more pessimist  008. What is their favorite fairy tale? - Beauty and the Beast 009. Do they believe in happy endings? - Not all the time, no 010. Do they believe in love at first sight? - Nope! He needs to get to know someone

011. How would your character court the person of their dreams? - Awkward “hey can we sit together at lunch and play at recess” while stammering 012. What makes your character embarrassed? - People mentioning his obsession with germs. He hates it 013. Have they ever been bullied or teased? - Oh, definitely 014. Detail one secret shame your character feels. - He wishes he didn’t have his obsessions 015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? - Tongue 016. What is their choice of weapon? - His own fists 017. When does your character think that violence is justified or deserved? - When his own life, or the life of someone he cares about, is in danger 018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do? - Freak out for a good hour or two 019. If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? - Super strength! 020. What are their hobbies? - Collecting cool rocks he finds and he also wants to learn how to knit 021. How do they display affection? - Gently leaning on someone’s shoulder without saying anything. Just enjoying the moment. And lots of compliments 022. What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? - Any flower that isn’t green 023. What do they consider beautiful in others physically? - Smiles! He likes seeing others smile 024. What do they consider ugly in others physically? - Nothing 025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise? - A good heart 026. What do they consider ugly in others personality-wise? - Rudeness and ignorance 027. What is their idea of perfect happiness? - Being able to relax with friends and family 028. What makes them laugh out loud? - Hearing others laugh he’s also a sucker for stupid puns 029. What sort of sense of humor does your character have? - Somewhere in the middle of dark and normal humour. A grey humour. 030. Do they believe in the afterlife? - Yep! Doesn’t know what he expects from it though. 031. Are they superstitious about anything? - Walking under ladders and breaking mirrors? BIG NO NO 032. Does your character believe in ghosts? - Yeah, but he’s shit scared of them. 033. Do they keep their promises? - He tries!!! 034. What’s their view of lying? - Hey, if you’re doing it for protection, there’s no harm. If he’s lied to, he goes wild 035. What is the most important rule your character lives by? - An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind 036. How honorable is your character? - Eh, not very. 037. If your character saw someone drop a large sum of money and  knew that they could probably take it without anyone noticing, what would they do? - He’d hand it in automatically!! He doesn’t want any bad karma 038. What bad habits do they have? - Fidgeting, biting his lip and nails too 039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? - Murder or torture 040. What is their obsession? - Germs, order and Destructotron 041. Are they comfortable with technology? - Pretty comfortable. He sees/uses a lot of it at the doctors! 042. What is their greatest achievement? - Going almost a full day without needing his inhaler 043. What will they stand up for? - His mum’s company and his friends 044. What disgusts them? - Dirt and mess 045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions? - Asthma and OCD 046. How do they handle getting sick? - Freaks the fuck out, thinks he’s dying even if it’s just a cold. Can and will take a week off just for a cough 047. What was the last medical problem your character had? - ... asthma and OCD 048. Do they have any allergies? - Green flowers 049. How does your character feel about growing old? - He’s excited for it until he hits real old age 050. How does your character feel about their own mortality? - It scares him, but he tries not to think about it 051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today? - Spend as much time as possible showing his friends and family how much he cares, making amends 052. What is your character’s worst flaw? - He’s a stubborn little fuck sometimes 053. What is your character’s greatest strength? - He can stand up for himself when he needs to 054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind? - Nah, he’s not fussed about that stuff 055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert? - Introvert 056. Has your character ever struck someone in anger? - Yep! He slapped someone and he cried for two hours after even though they said it was okay 057. Has your character ever killed anyone? - No, but he has considered it... probably 058. What is your character’s idea of a perfect day? - No asthma attacks, no freaking out. Just spending a good day at kindergarten 059. List several phrases your character is fond of uttering. Where did they pick them up? - “These are so dirty.” and “Oh God, that wasn’t supposed to happen”. Managed to create both himself through daily life 060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning? - He loves it! He enjoys learning a lot 061. Does your character prefer adventure or safety and security? - Safety and security 062. What sort of legacy does your character wish to leave behind? - He doesn’t want one 063. How well does your character handle difficult people? - He tries to ignore his anger and talk to them calmly. “Hey, you’re being an ass. Mind stopping?” 064. In what ways does your character annoy others? - Repeatedly asking questions and asking them to not touch him/his things before using hand sanitiser. It pisses a lot of people off 065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer? - He prefers following, but isn’t opposed to leading sometimes 066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature? - City life! Nature is dirtier and full of allergens 067. Does your character believe in fate or destiny? - Yeah. Big believer of destiny is particluar 068. How strong is your character’s sense of responsibility? What kinds of things trigger it? - He takes responsibility when he can see people doing things the way he wouldn’t do it, but his sense of it isn’t that great 069. What about your character is heroic? - He’d stick up for someone if he absolutely needed to (he’s helped Ted out with Felix a lot, even though Felix kinda scares him) 070. What about your character is cowardly? - If he has something he has to say, he’d get someone else to do it for him 071. How kind is your character? - He’s pretty 50/50. He’s hostile to people he sin’t familiar with, but he’s nicer when he gets to know them. 072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.) - Wizard (I know nothing about D&D) 073. In a novel, what plot role would your character fill? (hero, anti-hero, sidekick, villain, etc.) - The witty sidekick with funny one-liners 074. What is your character’s favorite game? - He likes Hopscotch and anything he can play with Destructotron 075. Is your character ticklish? - Super!! He hates being tickled though. Like, if you did it enough, he’d hit you 076. How do they express anger? - Crying and screaming. Sometimes he just won’t even say anything. 077. How often do they cry? Over what? - He cries when he’s angry, when he’s worried he’s gotten germs or if his routine is messed up. Sometimes he cries for no reason. Keep an eye on him 078. How emotionally stable is your character? - Yeaaaaahhh not very. It’s easy to send him off the edge of stability 079. How easy is it for them to read the emotions of others? - He’s pretty good at it! At recess he keeps to himself and it’s his chance to observe everyone. 080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?  - Easy enough. He expresses it a lot with his body 081. Is your character religious? - Nah 082. What are your character’s sleeping preferences? - Sleeps on his back or his right side (HAS to be his right) with both of his ears covered 083. What is the first thing they say and/or do when they wake up? - He takes his medication before doing anything 084. Describe your character in one word. - Awkward 085. Describe your character in three words. - Awkward, but trying 086. How would your character describe themself in one word? - Tired 087. How would your character describe themself in three words? - Lonely, still friendly 088. Is your character quiet or loud? - Mostly quiet 089. How vocally expressive is your character? - More than you’d think! He has no problem expressing what he thinks of something or someone 090. How bodily expressive is your character? - He uses his body as his main expression gateway 091. What type of music does your character like? - He likes stuff like Gorillaz (his mum plays it sometimes because he enjoys the tune) but also nursery rhymes 092. What emotion does your character evoke in others?  - Confusion 093. What is your character’s goal in life? - To be a little less... him 094. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to know.-  What his conditions even mean, the best ways to take care of a plant, how to fix a toy

095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do - Write a good few sentences, stick up for himself, kill

096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project? - Chaotic energy, Moves quickly and with lots of small movements 097. How well do they adapt to change? - He fucking hates it. Will have a meltdown if its bad enough 098. Does your character like animals? - Yes for the aesthetic, no for the germs 099. Do they talk to inanimate objects? - All the damn time 100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about? - He dreams about his friends, and being happy

[ayy-to-zee]

IMPERFECTION

masterlist//rules//request

Pairing: High School Student! Huang Renjun X Female!Reader

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Word Count: 3.2K+

Summary: 『 Even in a crowd, I can easily find you because only you would have that certain glow around you. 』- NCT DREAM; La La Love

🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫

Truth be told, you loved the beach.

Blue skies, clear waters, calm waves, warm sunlight— there was definitely nothing wrong with the beach.

Today though, as much as you wanted to go and the more you seemed to stare at your reflection in the mirror, the more you were convinced otherwise. You clicked your tongue in disgust at the sight of yourself, your hands briefly running over the skin of your stomach, legs, and thighs. 

There is no way in hell you were going to go out with this body and wear the cute bikini you bought in front of Renjun of all people. You weren’t even being modest about this. You were completely terrified at the idea of him seeing your imperfections. Your scars, stretch marks, body fat showing in all the completely wrong places.

Even with that, the thought of skipping out on your best friend-slash-crush’s invitation and his face contorting into disappointment once he hears your sudden decision just keeps slipping in, making it harder for you to decide if you actually want to go. He was seriously persistent about it, too.

Maybe he’d be different? Maybe he wouldn’t care? You thought to yourself. But what if he wasn’t? What if he was like them?

Even if you practically knew Renjun since birth, it wasn’t as if you would know every little thing going through that Moomin-obsessed head of his. 

That boy was pure, like Christ, bless him and his cute fluffy honey brown hair but sometimes the words that come out of his mouth are just so lethal you could barely even tell if he was the same person. The literal definition of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The wolf part usually comes out, especially when you’re around so you have a hard time believing people when they say that Renjun is such an angel.

The moment you heard your phone ring, you rolled your eyes at the screen after you saw who was calling.

📞📞injun is calling📞📞

Speak of the devil, you thought. You tapped the screen to accept the call and place him on speaker.

“What?” You asked, placing your phone on your dresser.

“So?” you heard him ask. “Are you finally prepping for tomorrow?”

“Yeah?” You asked, questioning his intent. “Why? Do you need help packing or something?”

“Nope. I’m all done,” he says rather confidently. “Just checking to make sure you haven’t slept ‘til noon and forgotten about tomorrow.”

“Hey! I can be responsible when I want to!” You say incredulously. 

“Whatever makes you push through with life, (Y/N). Tell that to me and your procrastination habits,” he casually remarks through the line. You see what you have to deal with right now?

“But, really, you’re gonna go, right?” He asks, the tone of his voice beginning to lace with concern. “I don’t want you skipping out like the last beach hangout we were supposed to have because you got sick.”

“I can’t help that my body would get sick!” You groaned. “Stop picking on me!”

“Just making sure, (Y/N),” he says. “I don’t want to have to wait outside your house for an hour to hear from your mom that you got sick tomorrow, okay? Rest up early today and eat something tonight.”

You bit your lip at the thought. Your last resort was practically figured out.

“Yah. (Y/N), answer,” Renjun asserted through the phone.

You roll your eyes and lightly laughed at his tone. “Yes, Mrs. Huang,” you teased. “Jesus, it’s like you’re my mom.”

“Don’t give me that tone, young lady!” He haughtily commands, as if to pretend to be the naggy mother you’d see in those dramas you watch together. He always knew how to make you crack a grin on your face.

“Alright! Alright! Now gimme some space,” you exclaimed. “Geez, what do I pack for tomorrow to make Injun shut the hell up...”

“You better not think about it if you want to live the rest of your miserable life peacefully,” Renjun playfully warned. “I’ll drop by your place tomorrow, okay? 6:00AM! Doyoung-hyung’s gonna bring us there. See ya!”

The moment the call ended, you sighed in relief. Just talking to Renjun takes out literally half your soul. But... honestly, a huge part of you screamed that you were thankful for his call... He was making sure you were coming—

Okay, fuck all that. Don’t overthink it because of your stupid crush on him. You’ve made that mistake before, you’re not gonna make it again, either. Of course, he’d be pissed if you skipped out on his invitation. 

“What-fucking-ever.”

🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒

“... Aren’t you hot in that?” Renjun asked, staring at your figure as you got out of the car wearing an oversized long-sleeved shirt over your bikini. “That thick thing is ruining the idea of enjoying the summer heat.”

“Injun, I’m gonna get sunburnt, anyway, so let me wear what I want!” You huffed, walking with him onto the sand. Oh gosh, the sand felt so nice between your toes, you casually thought to yourself, removing your sandals to revel in the feeling.

“You’re gonna die of heatstroke today, you crazy woman. I doubt you’ll live with that thing” he says in exasperation, setting up a mat and umbrella just for the two of you. “If you’re worried about getting sunburnt, then just put on some sunscreen! Just take the damn thing off.”

“Yes, mum,” you say, placing your stuff on the mat and giggling as you look up to see his face that spoke ‘I am so done with you.’

‘Maybe it really was okay to wear it in front of him? Who were you kidding? You were just probably overreacting,’ you thought to yourself, slowly stripping off the long shirt and wrapping the sleeves around your waist. 

“Is that you, (Y/N)?”A familiar voice caught you off-guard. The moment you turned over, your heart sunk. 

“Jin Soo...” the name escaped your lips and Renjun’s guard rose up, seeing the male move to you. This rather good-looking guy may be decent to others, but he was notorious in his book. Not after what he’s done to you years ago.

------------

“Sorry but... you’re not exactly my type...”

Your eyes froze in horror at the statement. “Wait... what do you mean?”

“I mean... I go for pretty and skinny girls... Like maybe your friend Lisa from the other section and the thing is... you’re not like any of them. Have you even bothered to take care of your face or your figure?“ he asked shamelessly. “Jeez, I even wonder how Renjun’s stuck with you...”

You found it hard to speak. You wanted to get angry. You wanted to hit him. Your heart is racing, desperate for some sort of reason to take back what he said but for some reason, the words that came out of your mouth were nothing but desperate pleas. “Listen, I-I’ll try to be more careful about my skin,” you blubber out. “I-I’ll try to lose weight. Maybe learn about makeup from Lisa and Jin. Please just—”

“Look. I won’t have feelings for you any time soon nor am I interested in dating you...” He tries to emphasize once again, placing his phone in his back pocket.

“But... I thought you said...” your voice got quiet, your hands falling to the side as if losing the energy to grip the hem of your school skirt. “You said you liked me...” you tried to fight the tears stinging the back of your eyes.

“Look, I was only trying to be nice to you, okay? You were the new girl in class and you had a hard time adjusting,” He says, rubbing the back of his head in frustration. “There’s a difference. Don’t fucking overthink every god damn thing I do. Your head’s all up in the clouds. Just forget it.”

------------

You gulped, trying to avoid any eye contact with him. “What do you want?”

“What? It’s been a while since I last saw you, right? Nothing wrong with saying hello now is there?” Jin Soo looked at you and shrugged.

His gaze lingered on your figure for a while and it made you uncomfortable, your fingers beginning to fiddle with the sleeves of your long shirt. Jin Soo must have noticed because he shifted his gaze over to Renjun.

He gestured to him. “So... I’m guessing he’s your new boyfriend?” He asked, lightly scoffing at the sight of you two together. You fidgeted, looking to Renjun and back.

“O-Oh no... W-We’re not like that,” you tried to explain but he just looks at you with derision, scoff just escaping his lips.

“So love is blind, after all,” he states out loud. Renjun furrowed his brows, biting his lip at the atrocity of the guy in front of him. He leans over to hand over a bill and tell you to go buy some ice cream. Boy, you were glad that he actually did. You nodded slowly, taking your shirt and slipping it over your bikini-clad torso again before moving walking away. You did not want that guy and, most of all, Renjun, to see you cry.

Even as you walked slowly, you could hear Jin Soo laughing in disbelief. “Dude, I mean, no offense but,” he sideglances as if looking for anyone who could possibly walk in on their conversation for a bit before looking back to him. “Didn’t that hot girl in your class invite you for a beach date the other day, too? Did your tastes downgrade or something? I thought you said you liked girls like...”

You lowered your head and bit your lip as he kept talking, the distance between each step you took getting larger. You shouldn’t have come. You should have just listened to yourself and stayed at home. Why, by any chances, did you even think that you could have a chance of standing next to him?

You stopped in your tracks. Why were you standing next to him? 

You looked to Renjun who was rather deep in his thoughts as he continued to endure listening to Jin Soo. There was absolutely no reason for him to invite you out. He has other friends who he can dedicate his free time to. Girls who were prettier, more active, more responsible, skilled, and kinder in comparison to you, were practically begging to be in your position. Girls who were less of an imperfection as compared to you.

It would have been more understandable if he did leave. It would have made everyone happier. It would have made Renjun happier...

You turned away, your breathing getting heavy. Just the thought of Renjun being with someone else brought a bitter taste to your mouth. It made your chest ache and sink to your stomach. Maybe it was the jealousy that came along with being the childhood friend but you knew very well that it was far more than that.

Your feet brought you to a rather far side of the beach where long boats lined up and rested stably on the sand. Sitting yourself down behind one of them, you rest your head on the wooden structure and think, looking to the bill that Renjun gave for you to buy ice cream with. Well, it looked like it was enough for a one-way trip back home. You could go back, get your stuff, and-- actually, nevermind. Scratch your stuff. Scratch going back. You didn’t want to see Renjun. You’d definitely cry the second you see him.

“Christ, this is the worst...” you huffed out, the tears slowly rolling out as you slapped away some sand in frustration. Look at you, you even cry at the thought of him. How pathetic. You looked hugged your knees to yourself, resting your head on your arms. You looked at your body. It all started with your body. God, as if you didn’t feel any insecurity about your body.

You remembered the countless times you’ve compared yourself to the models and idols being shown on screen. How nothing you were compared to those perfect beings. You remembered all the work-out routines that never made it to the end, the rather expensive skin-care products you’ve gotten in secret but never seemed to work, and even all the countless times you’ve actually considered the thought of getting some sort of plastic surgery.

Should you have pushed through with them a long time ago? Maybe you should have. Maybe then, none of those people would have anything to say about your body anymore. Maybe... Just maybe... Renjun wouldn’t have to feel so ashamed just having you by his side.

“You... 

Even until now, you still suck at hiding from me.”

You look up from your position to see Renjun, a rather playful smile dancing upon his lips as he stands before you before he sits down, cross-legged across your position.

You bitterly laugh, trying to wipe away the tears on the long sleeve of your shirt. “Even until now, you still know exactly how to find me... I must be pretty stupid if I can’t even merely hide from you.”

He shakes his head. “As if you can. Maybe you can from others, but never ever from me,” he says, leaning back so his hands rest on the sand.

You bite your lip, sniffling as you look to him, searching for any hint of sincerity in his face. “Why?”

“Because I know you just that much, (Y/N),” he says upfront, looking to you with those bright brown eyes of his. “We’ve been stuck at the hip since we were born. How could I not know every damn thing about you?”

“You didn’t have to stick with me for that long,” you say, pursing your lips into a tight line and avoiding his gaze. “It could have done you less burden...”

He leans forward and rests his elbows on the edges of his knees, looking at your face. He takes your face in his hands and makes you face him, your face brightly flushing at the sight of his face being so close. “Sticking with you for more than ten years was my choice,” he says, his voice serious. “I would do it for a lifetime even if I had to choose among a sea of people.”

Your tears begin to pour out, the salty beads dampening the pads Renjun’s fingers. “I’m telling you that you didn’t have to!” you try to emphasize with every breath you take in, hitting his shoulder with each word you say. “There’s a ton of girls who are prettier and so much better than I could ever hope to be. Why can’t you just go with them?”

“Do you want me to?” he asks, looking at you. “Look me in the eye and tell me word for word that you don’t want to be with me anymore. If you can at least manage to tell me that, then I will seriously do it.”

You took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. “I...” you spoke out, trying not to let your stubborn will get wavered. You were not going to stand next to him anymore. He was going to be much happier without you... You sobbed at the thought. It was hard. You couldn’t imagine a life where you weren’t going to be at his side anymore. It hurt more at the thought of him spending the next years of his life with someone else.

“I can’t...” You shook your head as you wept.

Renjun sighed, a small smile on his face as he scoots over and pulls you into his embrace. “Knew it...” he mutters to himself, kissing the top of your head gently as you hiccuped with each whimper. “You’re such an idiot, you know?” he says, running his digits through your hair. “Don’t go on thinking that I’d be happy without you. If you can’t handle it, then what more for me? I’ve been in love with you for years and you tell me to step away from you? You’re the worst!”

Your eyes widen, immediately pulling away from his touch. “What did you say?”

"What? You’re the worst?” he asked, a playful laugh escaping his lips.

“Say it!” you whine. “The one before that!”

He looks away from you, rubbing his hair before he looks back at your pleading eyes. He sighs again, his face flushing at the sight of you. “I’ve been in love with you for years...” he says, his voice lower than a whisper. “Happy now?”

How many times was this guy gonna make you cry today? Because, gods, you are crying again, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“Stop crying! I’m trying to comfort you here!” Renjun says, pulling you away from his shoulder and using his thumbs to gently wipe off the tears on your cheeks. “Do you hate me so much that you’re crying? If that’s the case, then I should be the one crying. Not you.”

You laugh through your hiccups, shaking your head as he does so. “I just love you so much I even cried when you said that...” you say, leaning your head comfortably on his shoulder again. “I thought that you wouldn’t love me back...”

“Why? Because there’re others who you think are better than you?” Renjun asks softly, earning a small nod from you. He shakes his head before leaning over to kiss your forehead. “Don’t think that. The tiniest bits of you that you hate, I’ve loved about you for a long time. So don’t you dare say that those parts of you are ugly, okay? I’ll shove a mirror in your face just to show you.”

You laughed softly and hit his chest playfully. “Okay, fine... I’ll try...” you say aloud. “Just for you, okay?”

“You better,” he warns with a rather playful tone. “Anyone who says talks shit to you will have to go through me. My god, my one and only chance to enjoy the beach with you got ruined ‘cause of that rat. I’ll hit him next time I see him in school.”

A giggle escapes your lips once again. “Don’t...” you say, sighing contently in his embrace, as you feel his hands fiddle with the edges of your hair. “He doesn’t deserve even your attention.”

“Fine... ” he sighs again, letting the soft sounds of the waves hitting the shore relax you both. “If ever you do think about stuff like that again, though, don’t hesitate to talk to me... I’ll tell you about how much more beautiful you are for days...”

“Alright, Renjun...” you affirm him gently. “Lemme do the same for you, okay?” you say gently as you slowly intertwine your fingers with his. Hearing his “okay,” you feel his lips touch your forehead again with a small smile.

You definitely loved the beach. Even if you were asked to choose between the shallow end of the pool and the ocean, you’d definitely choose the latter. There was nothing to hate about it. Well, sure, there were definitely times you may have gotten a few bad experiences. Maybe a little sunburn here and there. Maybe a few rainy days.

You subtly looked up to see how sunlight shone through his fluffy honey brown hair before you smiled to yourself. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to come, after all.

-END-

A/N: To the anon who requested for this, I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS TO TAKE SO LONG.  Also, sure! you shall be Ren-chan the Renjun anon! Because this is probably the first time I’ve ever gotten a request about Renjun? ;;V;; The boy needs to have more requests. Plus, I like writing about his rather straightforward side. It was so refreshing~ If I wrote him to OOC, please hit me hard qwq

[buckyspetpsychopath]

Back To You

Words: Blake Richardson x reader New Hope Club

“Why don’t you ever pick up the phone?” I scream launching my phone onto the couch. “What’s wrong?” My mum asks rushing into the room.  “Blake” I say simply, she sighs and sits me down on the couch. “Again?” Honey I don’t see why you stay together, all you ever do is fight it’s not healthy for either of you! she says. “Not you too” I groan. “I overheard Reece and George saying the exact same thing”  “Well maybe its the truth then” she suggests and I glare at her mum.  “No! I love him, I really, really do. I don’t think its a childish love, he’s the only person I’ve ever felt this strongly about” I explain.  “Honestly, the same thing happened to me when I was your age” she admits.  “And what did you do”  “I married him” she laughs. “As I see it you have two options, break up and move on or sit down, talk and try to work out your differences”  “I prefer the latter, I’ll talk to him when I land tomorrow” I say.  “OK, I just don’t want you to get hurt. trust me I love Blake myself, but if you decide to take time apart there’s nothing wrong with that.Now are you all packed for America?” she questions. “Half ready” I reply.  “Well lets go, pick a really cute outfit to knock him off his feet,” she smirks and we head upstairs to finish packing. I get a call later on in the evening. 

-Hello? -Hi its me -Where were you before? I called you at the time we agreed on, its a little late over here now, my parents are asleep.  -Oh sorry, I was working… -What’s with the sarcasm? -oh my gosh, babe, can we not argue for once? -I don’t know Blake, can we? -Please don’t -Don’t what? -Can we just stop for five minutes -Look, I need to go I’ll see you tomorrow if I can be bothered getting on my flight

I hang up the phone and roll over. About half an hour I get a text. ‘Be angry with me all you want, but go outside’. Confused, I get up and sneak down stairs. When I open the door there is a little box on my doorstep, I bring it in and up to my room. I sit on my bed and open it, inside is a little teddy bear saying I love you, a red velvet cupcake and a little card that simply says I love you. I immediately call Blake I don’t even say hi 

-Where on earth did you find this at midnight, while in another continent  -I love you -he says and I can hear the smile in his voice -I love you too -Are you still angry with me? -I’m angry but I love cupcakes, so temporarily we’re ok- I smirk and he laughs -sure,ok, I’ll take that. -I’ve missed  your laugh -I’ve missed you to baby, will I be seeing you tomorrow? -Yes, I’ll get on the flight -I say rolling my eyes.  -Good, now eat your cupcake and go to bed, you’ve got a long flight -See you tomorrow, but damn you I just brushed my teeth! - I huff playfully and hang up. I take snapchats and instas of my little ensemble, tuck in to my cupcake then go asleep. 

When I wake up in the morning, I get dressed in comfy clothes, hug my parents goodbye and head to the airport. Its a long flight but I get there soon enough. I’m met by waddy at the airport and immediately run over to him, embracing him in a hug. 

“hey you ready to go?” he asks.  “yeah, I have my suitcase here, I’m so excited”  “I bet you are. I used to get like that, now I enjoy time away” he jokes and I laugh. We jump in a cab and drive to the tour bus, the boys are inside preparing the show so I quickly get ready, putting the outfit my mum and I picked out, doing my makeup and then hair. It doesn’t take me long so I go into the venue, I wave to some of the fans sitting outside and they all scream. When I get in I’m directed towards the boys dressing room. I knock and Ben opens the door. 

“Well you’re not coffee” he jokes pulling me into a hug. When we pull away I look around for Blake, he’s sitting on the couch but immediately stands up to greet me. We share a really long hug and kiss then I hug the other two. We all start catching up and as I sit next to Blake trying to hold his hand he shrugs me off. He places his hands on the back of the couch and I lean into him but he huffs and stands up moving to lean against the wall. I look at Reece and he shrugs. I sigh and stand up, quietly making my way out of the room. Nobody follows me and I get outside heading for the bus before I’m spun around 

“hey where are you going?” Blake frowns.  “are you joking?” I snort and he furrows his eyebrows, “really? Now you want to know me”  “What are you talking about?” he laughs as if it’s a joke and tries to grab my hand but I pull away and step back crossing my arms.  “We haven’t seen each other in months and you just kept shrugging me off like I was annoying you”  “I mean you were a little bit?” he admits and I frown  “How?”  “Trying to be all coupley in front of the lads and stuff, I don’t want you to” he huffs turning away. “Are you actually being serious right now?”  “can you stop being an annoying selfish little brat for a second” he yells frustrated, turning around flailing his arms and accidentally hitting my face, he gasps and jumps back holding his mouth. The tears spill out of my eyes like a waterfall and I choke back a sob. I hold my face. “babe I’m so sorry” he chokes out.  “Its fine, it was an accident, but If I’m that annoying to you I’m just going to go back home. You know I flew here, by myself, on a flight next to a man with the most irritating cough and a baby that wouldn’t stop crying for the entire 14 hours! Call me anything but don’t you dare call me selfish, You know what” I pause bending down to crouch on my legs and pull my hair in frustration. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I whisper.  “woah, what do you mean by that”  “I don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us, I think we should take time apart.” I say standing up and turning to walk away.  “No! You are not walking away from me right now” he yells, tugging at my hips and turning me around. I hit his chest and push him away.   “Don’t touch me.” I cry. “I can’t, I can’t do this anymore” I sob and he comes forward wrapping his arms around me. Too exhausted to fight I collapse into his arms. I look behind him and notice Reece, George, Ben, Waddy, Joe and a couple of the crew members watching the whole entire thing, never mind the growing pile of fans on the fence watching. I pull away wiping my tears.  “Please-” Blake starts but Ben yells that he needs to do soundcheck. Blake sighs and hangs his head. Ben looks guilty but I understand its his job. “we’ll continue this later, hopefully with less yelling, can you please just stay” Blake says and I nod. He goes to kiss me but I turn my head and hear him sigh. He bolts off to get ready and I take a moment to compose myself before walking back to the venue. Some fans call me over so I go over to them instead and they squeal.  “omg, hi can we get a picture?” they ask and I nod with a smile.  “Of course” I say and take a group photo then individual pictures. 

“are you ok?” one of them asks me and I look down.  “yeah I’m fine” I lie.  “You know its fine if your not” she whispers placing her hand on my arm. I smile gently at her and her friends.  “Ok, I’m not but it’ll be fine” I shrug. I stay around and chat for a while before I look over to the girls staning next to us and I see one girl yank something away from one girl, throw it on the floor and push her down. My eyes widen. “sorry girls, excuse me one second” I say and go over to them.  “hey whats going on here?” I ask.  “WOW, hello, you’re y/n right? This is so exciting, can I get a picture?” the girl who pushed the other down asks, chewing on some gum. I roll my eyes and push past her muttering ‘no’, I reach my hand out to the girl on the floor and she gladly takes it and stands up. I turn to the girl and she has her arms crossed. 

“why did you push her?” I ask.  “she knocked into me and made me drop my phone, now I have mud on my jeans” she scoffs.  “is your phone broken?”  “no”  “then why did you push her? You know the boys don’t need a fan like you, do you even like the boys? I’m sure you’re just trying to get in with them to become famous? This girl didn’t do anything bad, especially for you to push her. Please leave, I’m sure the boys don’t want you here” I say rolling my eyes. She scoffs an walks away. I turn to the other girl and the girls from before come over. “are you ok?” I ask her and she stares at me blankly. She bites her lip and holds out her hand out to me, I take the small object from her and gasp. It was part of a hearing aid, I look down and see the rest of it in pieces on the floor. Luckily I had a cousin who was deaf, so I had learnt sign language to communicate. I start signing to her and she looks shocked but replies. 

‘will you come with me?’ I sign and she nods confused. I take her to a clinic and pay for her to get a new hearing aid. We meet up with the fans from before and we all go out for lunch. My phone is blowing up with tweets, texts and phone calls from fans and the boys.  “The show is about to start guys, shall we go back” I say and they all nod. We walk back to the venue chit chatting and part ways when we get there. I hug them all before I go and take down their social medias. I show the security guard my pass before making it to where the boys are. When I’m in sight Blake rushes over to me. 

“Where on earth did you go, you missed our soundcheck” he pouts and I roll my eyes.  “I just needed to sort things out, I went out with some fans” I shrug.  “I know I saw the videos.” he admits.  “Hey I didn’t know you knew sign language” Reece interrupts and I shrug.  “yeah, did you really pay for that girls hearing aid?” George asks and I nod, explaining the entire situation.  “how did you guys know?” I ask confused.  “there’s hundreds of tweets and videos of you arguinng with that girl,talking to the deaf girl and you out with all the girls” Reece replies.Blake had stayed silent 

I watch their first song ‘medicine’ and can’t bare to watch any more so I head to their dressing room and end up falling asleep., jetlag and that. I feel somebody place something over me but stay asleep. I end up having a nightmare and wake up screaming. Blake is immediately at my side holding me, I notice him share a look with the boys and their all shocked I wrap my arms around him tightly.  “Babe what happened you’re shaking” he asks.  “I saw you, you weren’t breathing and I called for help and nobody came, I couldn’t move. There was so much blood” I sob.  “I’m here. I’m fine” he chuckles pulling me into him.  “I didn’t mean what I said before” I mumble. “I know. I’m sorry for what I said, we’re gonna be better. I’m going to be better, I promise, I can’t lose you” he mumbles resting his head on mine not caring about the boys.  “I love you” I whisper. I love you to” he whispers back.