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shellelyn2 · 7 years ago

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Hope & Healing (Newt Scamander X Reader)

@mudbloodscars requested: Reader is very self-conscious about her looks/weight and doesn’t think she’s pretty at all. She is very sarcastic and cracks jokes a lot, but inside she is very depressed and anxious. (Element of thoughts about self-harm, but if that makes you uncomfortable, you can leave it out.) Newt senses something is up and tries to dig deeper, but reader is so anxious that she doesn’t trust anyone. One night, reader can’t sleep at all and starts crying (just because of general anxiety). Newt hears and rushes in. It’s very fluffy, a little dark, but they end up having a little make-out session and say they love each other. @ashfox1203

A/N: *For everyone feeling this way, please know that no matter what, you are loved and needed and the world is a better place with you in it. We all have a part in the story. Make it the best! You will find hope!*

Title: Hope and Healing

More?

MASTER LIST

Pairing: NewtXReader

Rating:T

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, implied self harm but nothing graphic

Fluff Level: Out of control!

Author’s Notes: This is a little gift for my new friend Alexis. I enjoyed writing this because it was a bit of a challenge for me as I don’t typically write too much angst. (I’m all about that fluff life.) But, I DO like to branch out with my writing and this helps. I really hope you enjoy it, girl! As always, feedback is appreciated.

Newt had tripped over the same hole in the floor of his shed about a hundred times now.

“Well Pickett, about time we patch that up, don’t you think?"

The Bowtruckle squeaked in response, peering out from the lapel of Newt’s coat.

"Yeah, I agree. Maybe later.” Newt smirked, walking out of the shed.

You were standing near the Occamys, laughing gently at the little creatures as they writhed around in their giant nest. You somewhat envied them. They looked so comfortable. “Hello, little ones, I wish I could cuddle up with you and take a nap.”

“Why don’t you then?” Newt inquired, the sound of his voice made you jump, not having heard him approach.

“Are you kidding me, Newt? I wouldn’t fit.”

Newt shook his head in disbelief, “Darling, that nest is huge. Of course you would fit.”

You shook your head and turned away from him, the smile fading from your lips. It was easy for him to say. He was tall and slender whereas you… well, you would choose other words to describe your appearance. All sorts of sarcastic comebacks came to your mind, but you chose to bite your tongue, your best friend was only trying to be sweet.

You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and turned to face him, “Are you all finished for the night?”

Newt rocked back on his heels, contemplating, “Yes. Yes. All accounted for.”

You smiled, awkwardly wondering what he was thinking. What was he looking at? He was staring right at you with such kindness in his eyes. Was it kindness? You weren’t sure. You wanted it to be but your mind kept saying - No, no, he’s thinking nothing at all. He’s only thinking of his creatures.

“Love, thank you for helping me with the creatures today. They really like you. I can tell by the way Dougal follows you around.”

You glanced at the Demiguise. You really liked him too. “It’s really no problem at all. Thanks for letting me help.”

“Since it is early, I was wondering,” He shifted nervously in front of you, peering through his curls with hopeful eyes, “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Just another reason for insecurity to wash all over you. How could you possibly eat in front of him? He would totally think you were… like an Erumpent. Or worse. You bit your bottom lip hard, trying to conceal your fear, “Sure Newt. That would be great, thanks.”

He looked so happy as the two of you climbed out of his case and entered the kitchen of his apartment.

“What shall we have?” Newt inquired, leaning against the counter.

Besides you? You thought, slightly blushing. You shrugged your shoulders. “Surprise me?”

The truth is the two of you had been working really hard all day and had worked up quite the appetite.

“How about pizza?”

“Sounds great!”

“Do you like pepperoni?”

“Yeah. With extra cheese.” You blushed, looking down in shame.

“Sounds AMAZING!” Newt exclaimed, gathering the necessary ingredients. Of course he would have everything to make it. He was always so prepared. You thought it was adorable.

“Do you mind if I do this the muggle way?” He asked, rubbing his hands together.

Your lips curled into a smile at his excitement, “Sure, go ahead.”

“Erm, well, would you like to help me?” Newt’s eyes pleaded with you.

“You don’t have to beg, Newt!” You laughed as you walked towards him.

The two of you gathered everything you needed for the recipe. Newt held the mixing bowl in his arms as he stirred the dough then your job was to spread the dough onto the pizza pan. You both shared the duty of placing the sauce, pepperoni, and the mountain of cheese on top.

You looked over at Newt, he had flour down the front of his shirt, in his hair, and on his cheeks. You began to laugh, “What happened to you?”

Newt glanced in a nearby mirror and smirked, “Oh dear. I seem to have had a small disaster.”

He strolled back over and stood right in front of you, looking down directly into your eyes, “Is it a handsome look?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Come, love.” He cupped your chin in his hand and tilted it so that he was studying your eyes. You felt very insecure but couldn’t break away. Without warning he bopped you on the nose with a flour covered finger. “I love your cute nose.” He leaned in and kissed it gently.

Your face turned bright red as you reached your hand up to your face, covering your nose. You shook your head, “No, you don’t, Newt.”

Newt could tell by the look in your eyes that you were embarrassed. “So sorry?” He questioned, pulling the pizza from the oven.

You sighed, letting it go for now. “It’s okay,” you mumbled under your breath.

Newt Scamander KNEW from the look on your face that it wasn’t “okay.” He had observed many hurt, abused, and abandoned creatures in the wild and lately he had noticed you were acting just like one. He had tried for several weeks now to “crack” your shell but it just wasn’t working. No matter how he approached you, it seemed to be the opposite of what you wanted.

You never treated him angrily. You just shot him warning glances a lot and locked up, retreating into yourself, and he desperately wanted to help… to be there for you. To nurture you.

Newt lit a couple of candles and laid out the table, cutting two giant slices of pizza each. The cheese melted off the sides and you both could not wait to try it. The first bite was like heaven and you sighed, content to fill your empty stomach.

You talked of nothing in particular. Newt had a lot of sketches scattered across his table of various creatures he was studying. He told you stories of how he had discovered them and you listened intently, finishing your second slice of pizza.

You loved the passion in his eyes. You so wished you could borrow some of his joy for yourself.

You really wanted a third piece of pizza and watched as Newt took one for himself. No big deal to him… but for you, this was different. What would he think?

“Would you like some more, darling?” Newt asked, brushing some crumbs from his hands.

You looked away, “No. No, it’s fine.”

“Darling, what’s bothering you?”

“What do you mean? Nothing is bothering me.”

“Oh, sorry,” Newt winced, “I just meant… well, you seem a little nervous or…”

“Look, it’s fine. I’m fine, Newt.”

He looked pained, and you hated seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“Right. Erm, it’s getting late. Would you like to stay here tonight? We have to get an early start in the morning and I just thought…”

You really didn’t have the strength to argue about anything.

“Sure Newt. That would be great. Thanks.” You replied with a small smile.

“You can stay in the spare room, if you want.”

“Yeah, sounds great.”

A little later you had said good night and found yourself alone in the bedroom. It was cold. Saying you couldn’t breathe was an understatement. You literally felt like your head was going to explode. Walls were crashing in. Everything hurt and it was just too much to process. You needed sleep… or at least something you could focus on besides this pain. Your thoughts turned darker and you wondered if you should go to the bathroom and– No. No. No. You shook your head. You weren’t going to do that anymore. It wasn’t worth it.

Suddenly you began to cry…hard. You threw yourself onto the bed and buried your face in the pillow, trying desperately to hide the violent sobs that escaped your chest.

You felt yourself sinking.

This was too much.

Suddenly, a light flickered on, and Newt came bursting through the door. “[your name], darling, what happened?”

You were still sobbing. You couldn’t stop shaking. Newt didn’t want to make it worse but he thought if maybe he could just… hold you. Maybe that would help? At least he could dry your tears.

“Can I come over to you?” Newt whispered, his eyes full of tears.

Somehow you were able to mumble out, “Su-Su-Sure.”

Newt cautiously walked towards the bed and climbed on next to you. You were face down and didn’t appear to want to move. He timidly reached out his hand and placed it on the middle of your back, “Shhhh, love. I’m here.”

No response from you, just a small whimper. Somehow the warmth from his hand was already helping you feel grounded.

“I am just going to sit here against the pillows, darling, and if you want to… I can-” He took a deep breath, “Well, I can hold you.”

You were shocked by his offer and kind of afraid. How would he hold YOU? Why would he even want to?

You felt him move up against the pillows. He kept one hand on your back rubbing in small, comforting circles. He let the silence rest between you for several moments knowing that when you were ready to talk, you would. Or maybe he would think of the right thing to say. Either way, he desperately wanted to help you. He cared for you SO much.

Eventually, you lifted your head just enough for him to see your face. Newt’s heart shattered at the state you were in. He saw your red eyes and the tears that were still falling. You looked so fragile and he was afraid if he hugged you as hard as he wanted to, you would shatter.

He did the only thing he could think of… he opened his arms wide waiting to see what your response would be.

“Yeah right, like I’m gonna fit in your arms Newt.” You choked out between small sobs.

“What?” Newt looked so confused, “What are you talking about?”

You couldn’t believe he acted like he didn’t know what you were saying.

“I’m so much - much - bigger - than you think I am.” Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you confessed your feelings to him.

Newt’s eyes were completely shocked. Never had he EVER thought anything like that about you. To him, you were absolutely beautiful. He loved the curves of your body - in fact, he thought they were kind of sensual and very satisfying to look at. He blushed at these realizations. His arms were desperate to hold you now, if for no other reason then to prove that you would fit perfectly together.

“Come here.” He whispered gently, “Seriously, come here.” It was more of a demand than a request and you weren’t used to such boldness from Newt.

You trembled and pulled yourself up towards him. His arms were there to catch you as your face crashed into his chest and he pulled you close against him. You bent your knees and tucked into him as close as possible. His warmth was all around you. You could hear his heart beating beneath his shirt. You could feel his lips gently caressing the top of your head. His fingers trailed up and down your back. You just held on for dear life, burying your face into him.

You sat there for a moment in this quiet position and then Newt began to speak in a calm tone, “See? We fit together, perfectly.” He was hiding under his curls again, a little unsure of himself.

You were surprised to hear a small chuckle escape your lips, “I guess.”

You gripped his shirt tightly, wondering if it was safe to tell him your fears and dark thoughts. You wondered if he would understand.

“Darling, I have this terrible feeling that you think that you aren’t…” He paused, choosing his next words carefully, “That you aren’t beautiful or wanted. That you aren’t enough.”

You swallowed hard and felt a shiver run through your body. How did he know?

“I see that you are hurt, that maybe you think you can’t trust anyone… however, for what it is worth, I want you to know that you are safe here with me. You can trust me. Tell me anything. I know how it feels to be insecure and to feel like the world is crashing down all around you. It’s the worst feeling. I used to feel it at Hogwarts when I was younger and alone. I annoyed people.”

You listened to him breathing and it helped to steady you. Your sobs began to lessen, your tears dried, and your breathing became more normal. He held you tightly, raking his hands through your hair and kissing the top of your head.

This kissing of the head thing was really nice. You felt your heart melting at the tenderness. You began to feel this was his way of comforting and showing you love. You didn’t recognize it at first because of the walls that you had built around your heart but you thought, just for a moment, that he had broken through, just a little.

You began to sit up and Newt reluctantly loosened his arms from around you. He wanted to continue to hold you, but he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable either. He waited for you to be his guide on what to do next.

You scooted up to the pillows and sat side by side with him. Both of you stared forward. This was new.

You glanced over at Newt, just barely, and he turned his head and met your eyes. You seemed to memorize each other. What should have felt awkward felt completely calm. You watched as he bit his bottom lip and smirked. It was the most attractive you had ever seen him.

You don’t really know what happened next. One moment it was just Newt staring in your eyes and the next his lips were melting with yours. You kissed him with desperation and he kissed you with longing. It was almost as if the emotions of your year long friendship were being communicated through this one kiss.

He cupped each side of your face with his hands as you held him around the neck. Slowly, you ran a hand through the back of his hair. He moaned against your lips, causing him to break for air.

“Oh Merlin.” His heart was beating so fast, “You are so beautiful.”

You blushed, “No, I’m not.”

“Yes.” He kissed your nose, “You are so beautiful.”

Both of his hands slid down to your hips, and he pulled you towards him, finding your lips once again. Now it was your turn to feel your heart beating out of your chest.

When you finally parted Newt burrowed into your neck leaving kisses along the way. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders. You were silent for several moments, both catching your breath and thinking of what this all meant.

You almost laughed when Newt looked up at you through his messy hair. You sure had attacked every part of it. He looked like he had been electrocuted. You smiled at that thought.

“Ah, is that a smile?” Newt whispered, tenderly gifting your jaw with a kiss.

“Maybe?” You felt goosebumps forming on your arms and Newt noticed.

His voice was deep and husky, “Shall I warm you up again?"

Where was this coming from? You couldn’t believe how daring he was.

You hummed in agreement as he scooted up to your lips. He kissed you, slowly. It was as if he was memorizing the feeling of your lips against his. You moved together perfectly. Finally, you parted once more. He placed a kiss on your cheek and looked directly into your eyes, "Oh my darling, I love you.”

You felt tears forming in your eyes, “You…love me?”

“Oh yes.” He whispered, reaching up to run a finger down the bridge of your nose, onto your lips, and then stopping on your chin.

Timidly, you whispered back, “I love you too. Newt, I’ve ALWAYS loved you.”

Newt smiled brightly, his face full of joy, compassion, and unconditional love.

“My dear, I will always be here for you. I will take care of you. I know who you are. I want all of it. ALL of it. We can heal together.” Newt was determined to make you believe him.

He grabbed your hand and held it tightly, you rested your head on his shoulder, feeling utterly content.

Newt turned to kiss your forehead and gently caressed your neck, tears of happiness on his face.

You knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of hope and healing, Newt forever by your side.

END.

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