#much love to james and humbug for helping me w some parts i wasnt sure of 🫶

[sophaeros]

transcript:

jo: let’s start the whole thing off with a quickfire round of “up-close-and-personal.” it’s something that we do on the show and you’re gonna love it, i can tell you about that. matt: [inaudible sounds of agreement] alex: alright, yeah.

jo: so, um, what’s your job title, first of all. matt. matt: what’s my job title? jo: yeah. matt: dream job title or-  actually, correct- jo: actual job title. matt: (blows air out through lips) entertainer. jo: alex? alex: yeah, i mean. we’re in the same- Band. jo: morecambe and wise, maybe. or chuckle brothers, maybe. (laughs) alex: um, entertainer, yeah. or, y’know, musician. matt: (chuckles)

jo: what was your first job? matt. matt: entertainer. (chuckles) uh- no, um- alex: (laughs) matt: first job- uhh- jo: did you do it as a- matt: (crosstalk) sales associate. jo: where at? matt: “next.” jo: were you? matt: next menswear. never forget.

jo: (chuckles) al? alex: i think i’m- it’s just going to be same to all. matt: it was actually, innit? i did have a paper round, but- can hardly call that a job, with how little they were paying me. yeah. alex: yeah. jo: so you worked in “next” as well, alex, or a different shop? alex: yeah. it was- matt: different branch. alex: most- different branch, mostly backstage, my work, i were doing that actually, as well, it was a stockroom job. jo: stocking shelves. alex: yeah. and then also around that period i did work in a restaurant, as well. on a roundabout. all: (burst into chuckles/giggles) jo: what’d that involve doing? were you good at your job? alex: i like to think, i uh, yeah!  jo: and what were you doing, were you actually serving food, or? alex: yeah. jo: i hated being a waitress. i was a waitress as well. ‘cause you’re basically- you’re the front of house, so anything that goes wrong, you’re the person that has to apologise. matt: [inaudible crosstalk], complain to you. jo: yeah. matt: could never be me.

jo: what’s your favourite season? al. alex: (inhales. Very long pause.) matt: there’s only four. alex: autumn. jo and matt: (wheezing chuckles) jo: nice! any particular reason? alex: (inhales) No. uh. does it- jo: okay no leave it there, that’s fine, i don’t wanna know.

jo: what’s your favourite body part, matt? matt: ooh. left leg. jo: alex? alex: eyebrow. jo: left or right? matt: (immediately) raised. jo: raised, he’s good, isn’t he? can see why you’re in the band. (chuckles)

jo: what’s your favourite dessert? alex. alex: ...ehh....................(exhales) jo: c’mon, this is dessert, this is food. matt and alex: (giggles) jo: this is food, this is what you’ve- surely, there’s- something must leap into your head. alex: i just don’t wanna get it wrong, in front of everybody. matt: (chuckles) jo: but it’s only dessert we’re talking about, we’re not talking about the album. alex: yeah. it’s a serious business. matt: and if someone ever sees you eating a different one, it’s fine. alex: it’s alright. jo, gently: it’s okay. alex: i- (stutters) uhh- all: (burst into laughter) jo: hey, i can give you some options! lemon meringue pie, tiramisu, chocolate brownies, apple crumble. alex: it’s not lemon for me. matt: no, it’s not lemon for you. alex: it’s not lemon for me- not that- and i think matthew would probably tell you: sticky toffee puddin’. matt: that’s mine. jo: ah, together again! alex: although i know this is not that- that’s not the game we’re playing ‘ere though, is it, we do our own.  matt: (giggles) you know what mine is. alex: (crosstalk) that is a game you do play sometimes, innit? matt and jo: yeah. jo: sticky toffee pudding. you’re not going to regret that. alex: [inaudible crosstalk] how well do you, uh... matt: oh, like mr and mrs? alex: yeah. jo: oh that’s a good game. alex: is that what it’s called? matt: it’s what it- yeah. jo: it is, yeah.

jo: what’s your favourite board game? matt: oh what’s it called- there’s this one i recently played called uh, othello, or something like that. jo: oh, yeah that’s good! matt: with the black and white little things. jo: yeah. alex: just some strategy. jo: c’mon, tell us about that! matt: the slogan’s great too, it’s “it takes a minute to master-” wait no, “a minute to learn, a lifetime to master.” and anythin’ like that, i enjoy. all: (giggles)

jo: d’you have a favourite board game, alex? alex: (nervous laughter) um- (exhales) jo: (laughing) god, i hadn’t realised this was going to be so hard. alex: (crosstalk) cluedo... matt: (laughing) yeah- cluedo, yeah. cluedo. alex: definitely, yeah- jo: (crosstalk) i thought we were startin’ easy. alex: cluedo. enthusiast. jo: cluedo, ah, okay. d’you have a favourite character to be? everybody has a favourite character to be. alex: (with great pain) if i knew it was going to breed another question, i’d have chosen a different game. all: (laughter/giggling) matt: what’s his name, colonel, uh- alex: there’s [inaudible mumbling]- only one you can be. jo: colonel mustard. alex: yeah, that’s- that’s the answer to that. wait, i thought we’d already done the dessert. jo: (laughs) let’s take a break, and-

/end transcript

Quickfire round of up close and personal questions with Alex and Matt. Or alternatively titled, "the most difficult 4 minutes of Alex's life."