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werejusttouchingeachother · 5 years ago

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NEW YORK CITY 2018 [June 18th, 8:00AM]

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 T/W: angst - mentions of depression, abuse, cursing Words: 1465

You had reread the message Manager had sent you the morning after Baekhyun left your apartment at New York almost twenty times before the words finally registered in your brain. You’d waken up and had just picked up your phone to call Baekhyun but then felt time stop as you saw the message notification:

[5:00AM] Y/N, Baekhyunie just texted me from the airport? He caught an early-morning flight back to Seoul and said he’ll reach tonight. I don’t know what happened between you two or if anything happened at all but since this is so sudden, I felt that you should know. Hope everything’s okay.

Seoyeon had driven to your apartment about three hours later after you’d finally managed to call her and uttered a few incoherent words before breaking down into loud sobs. After about an hour of calming you down and another, you had finally explained the entire shit-storm that occurred the previous night.

“Before anything else,” Seoyeon started, meeting your teary eyes with a sharp gaze of her own. “I need to ask about Yuta. What exactly happened in that room? Drunk or not, you said you wanted to kiss him. Are you falling out of love with Baek—?”

“No!” You’d protested loudly, shaking your head wildly as you sniffled. “No, no, I’m not. I love him with everything I have, Seoyeon, you know that.”

“Okay, so my assumption is right, then,” she nodded and sat down across from you, grabbing your hands that you’d held clasped tightly in front of you.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Seoyeon said slowly, her tone sounding more serious than you’d ever heard it. “This is something I’ve always wanted to tell you but I’ve never found the right time to and now seems better than any so here goes: Have you ever considered therapy?”

You blink, completely caught off guard by the question. “I-what? Therapy?”

“Yes,” she nods. She pauses before saying, “Okay, I don’t mean this offensively but your childhood has fucked you up, Y/N.”

“Whose hasn’t?” You snorted derisively and Seoyeon shoots you a glare.

“This is exactly my point,” Seoyeon states, rolling her eyes. “You don’t see it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You have severe trust issues that interfere with every relationship you build. Look at us, for instance. I’m your closest and only friend, Y/N. Do you remember how you were when we first met at Paris? You were an apprentice back then. You thought I was an airhead and that I was faking my interest in your designs and lying about helping you with the boutique, about wanting to give you the business mind that you lacked. You regard everyone at arm’s length and you don’t let anyone into your life or personal issues. It’s why I was so surprised when you and Baekhyun happened—the way you fell for him so hard and so fast, throwing all your caution to the wind which was so unlike you. I was praying it wouldn’t affect your relationship with him, but with his career, it only became more of a reason to trigger it.”

You were staring at her like she’d been speaking Greek and Seoyeon sighed, tightening her grip around your hands as she said, “You’re not in love with Yuta. You know that and so do I. You had your first real fight with Baekhyun, he said stuff that made you feel as if you’d fucked up—which you did—but you let it get to your head in ways that he didn’t mean it. All these demons that you keep running away from resurfaced and what you did with Yuta was a clear matter of self-sabotage. You wanted to take the easy way out because you knew deep down, Baekhyun wouldn’t up and leave you just like that. You needed to fuck up so that he would leave first while blaming you because you know that you can’t leave him.”

You can still recall the way you’d felt as you listened to Seoyeon’s words that day. She made no sense but at the same time, it was like the most dreadful realisation had dawned upon you and had numbed you all over.

“He did, though,” you muttered softly, eyes brimming with tears again as you looked at her. “He did leave. I did fuck up.”

Seoyeon shook her head, sighing. “You fucked up by believing that you’re worthless because your parents always said you were and you let that affect you. He left because he thought he was hurting you by being in a relationship that made you feel worthless, not because he thinks you are. He left because he doesn’t want to hurt you, Y/N.”

“But it’s not him.” You look up at her. “It’s… it’s my head. I’m hurting myself.”

Seoyeon hesitated, cocking her head before responding, “Well, I wouldn’t say it’s just you.”

You frown and she continues, “Look, you have shit that you need to get together, true. But he’s not wrong. You heard everything he said, with the media and the fans and that entire tragic scenario he so kindly described for you. Those are also obstacles that will be there in your relationship, if you choose to continue pursuing it. Even if you manage to not let your doubts and anxieties get the worst of you and wreck this relationship—that is something in your control. Baekhyun’s life and job aren’t. There are high possibilities you may never go public. You may end up getting married in an extremely small event with just a few people and forever living as Mrs. Byun X. Your identity when related to him may have to always be a secret, Y/N. Till the grave.”

She let go of your hands then, pulling away and leaning back in the seat to look at you. You had an expression as if hell had frozen over and she paused before saying gently, “Maybe a break is a good thing, Y/N. There’s a lot to consider and maybe now is the time to do it.”

You shake your head, pressing your fisted hands to your eyes. “I can’t let go of him, Seoyeon.”

You felt her arms wrap around you then and you reflexively leaned into her warm embrace that had been as gentle as her words, “Work on yourself. You need to stop being so harsh on yourself and thinking you’re not worthy of the love that Baekhyun and I shower upon you. You can’t go back into a relationship with the same baggage that was the exact reason for it crumbling in the first place.”

“Therapy?” You pull away and say it hesitantly, the word tasting foreign on your lips. “Am I that… fucked?”

Seoyeon shakes her head at your broken tone and hugs you tightly, her voice hoarse as she quickly reassures you, “It’s not your fault, love, oh god. Please don’t blame yourself for your parents’ mistakes. I only want you to get help because I don’t want your past relationships to wreck those in the future.”

You’re crying in her chest and she runs her hand over your head soothingly. It reminds you of Baekhyun’s habit of always kissing the top of your head which makes you cry harder.

“Does he know about your parents, Y/N?” She asks and you shake your head, pulling away and sniffling as you look up at her.

“Less than you,” you reply, making her eyes widen.

“What? But I only know that they abused you both physically and mentally.”

“Mentally,” you immediately correct her. “They only hit me those two times.”

“That is still abuse,” Seoyeon snaps, her voice and glare sharp enough to make you back down. She takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose as she says, “I know a therapist who’s pretty great. If you’re ready, I can book an appointment with her tomorrow. You can’t keep running from what happened to you and lying to yourself. The first step to healing is confronting your shit and your fuck-ups. And as scary as that is, I’m going to be here for you and help you. Regardless of what happens with Baekhyun, this is something you need to do for yourself.”

“Why do you know so much about this?” You raise an eyebrow as you finally voice the question you’d been thinking the whole time. “The whole in-depth psych analysis you just did, all this about demons and past. What’s going on?”

“Everyone has demons, Y/N.” Seoyeon gives you a smile then, one that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Most just need help facing them and I’m trying to push you in that direction. Now come on, let’s get you under some water. You’re still in the dress and makeup from last night.”

#bbh-net #exosnet #exo fic #mshm baekfic #baekhyun fanfic #exo fanfic #exo baekhyun #byun baekhyun #angst #romance #fluff #idol!au #chapter 11 #mshm 11 #nyc mshm #no moodboards lol cause idk what to do for this #also am buried under a million assignments rn so

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werejusttouchingeachother · 4 years ago

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writers' tag game

Tagged by @hkynm @blackberrykai and @guardians-of-exo thank you, loves 💕

1. what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

my bed/my couch, somewhere that I'm comfortable with my earphones so I can have my Spotify writing playlists playing in the background

2. what is your favorite genre to write?

this will probably come as a surprise to everyone on here but dark tbh. my favourite genre is fantasy/supernatural but I've kept that out of fanfiction for some reason which is why the most fun that I ever had was with the x-exo series where I let myself explore the darker concept, altho on an experimental basis. I've only been writing smut for a year now but it's apparently become my branding now lol

3. do you prefer to write on paper, or digitally?

digitally, definitely! the words just flow faster on the keypad and I know the pain of transferring everything from paper to typed documents first-hand because a lot of school and uni gave me no option but to write on paper and type it out later at home

4. it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?

this actually happens (altho not the waking up part, I sleep like the dead) but I'm mostly nocturnal so if I get an idea at 3AM, I'm usually awake and what I'd do is either type it out onto Evernote (which I use a lot, especially for plot ideas or concepts). A lot of the time, if I think of dialogues or particular scenes, however, I type them to myself in Telegram (this messaging app that has this thing called Saved Messages which helps you store all your important messages). About 40% of my bbh fic MSHM was written in long messages in Telegram that I later copy-pasted and edited.

5. who is your favorite person to write about?

i don't really have one? Is that weird lol 😅 i wanna say my bias bbh but i have honestly never struggled writing for anyone as much as I did for him. I definitely enjoy writing more for members of both exo and nct whom i haven't written for before (which is why i kind of went berserk with my recent suho fic cause I've been wanting to write him for a while)

6. do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

both! I only started writing fanfictions a year ago and I've been writing my own characters since I was ten years old so there's no difference as such. except for a few fics where I've written the idols as themselves, they're mostly aus or my perceptions of them + i give them characteristics too that may not necessarily be accurate to how they are irl

7. have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (or 100k words)?

yep, I've been writing since I was a kid and I've written a few novels and series (although they'll never see the light of day lol)

8. how often do you get ideas?

oof, I have phases tbh. there's days when I'm on a roll and my brain just churns out multiple ideas one after the other and then there's days like right now where I'm just in a rut and can't think of anything

9. do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

this is my writing history in an entire sentence/question form. i think one of the main reasons i enjoy writing fanfiction so much is cause they're all one shots and i get this false temporary sense of accomplishment when i finish it which is rare when i keep losing motivation and commitment for lengthy-works. its one of the primary reasons why I took so long to write a series at all.

10. what is your least favorite plot?

ugh definitely Ratatouille or Vanilla. to this day, idk why its popular because i hate it from the cheesy/cringe title to the basic-ass outline and I generally struggle with soft/fluffy smut so yeah, it's my least favourite fic on here

11. tag 5 or more people

@127-mile @dimplyjae @kweebtrash @ninibears-erigom @sm-entertain-me and anyone else who wants to 💕

#tag games

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