#mrsmilne

[awhilesince]

Saturday, 2 June 1832

9 3/4

12 35/..

fine morning Fahrenheit 61° at 9 3/4 – incurred a cross just before getting up thinking of Mrs Milne tho despising her – down at 10 25/.. – hurried to see Mr Cobb – George had had a quiet night and shewed some sign of consciousness this morning in opening his mouth when desired by Mr Cobb – no fever as yet – but impossible to calculate the effects of reaction to say he is out of danger yet – Mr Cobb or his son (who slept here last night) will him again today – 16 oz. (ounces) of blood taken from the arm yesterday, might lose 5 oz. (ounces) before getting home and the 24 leeches might take 8 or 10 oz. (ounces) – the poor fellow looks more himself this morning – seems asleep – is to be kept very very quiet – very kind joint letter from Mr and Mrs Duffin glad to see me at all times – beg me to fix a day – do not go to Acomb till Whitsun-Tuesday – skimmed over my Times newspaper came upstairs at 11 50/.. – in 1 3/4 hour till 2 35/.. wrote 3 pages and one end and 1/2 the other small and close to M– (Mariana) mention and explanation of George’s accident – and that Mrs M– (Milne) and I got on very well together – my persuasion that she and CN– (Charlotte Norcliffe) etc etc think I know all about the proposal to Louisa  explain how I turned them off this idea by talking of Lous formality said I should – own that M– (Mariana) repeated to me never have thought of her but might of Eliza if not married some observation of Mrs M–‘s (Milne’s) or my style of conversation …. 

‘I only mention this, that, in case anything of this sort should be hinted at (tho’ I suspect it will not) you may merely declare that you have never told me anything without a very sufficiently good reason, nor anything which you did not feel it your duty to tell me as a friend – keep to yours – Mrs Milne, at least, will understand you – In days of yore, I praised you to her – I have done it again even more effectively – Stand firmly on your own high ground, assured that you are, and can be only raised in the estimation of everyone in proportion as that one who has known you best is led by circumstances of any kind to speak of you with unreserve – that I have descended a little in your scale of interests, is doubtless, as it will be believed by everyone who knows us, not your fault, but mine, – a belief that must be confirmed in the minds of all who see or even suspect the bitterness of my own disappointment and regret – I only hope that amid all your changes of plan, your visit to York will not be prevented – I should really grieve over your mother’s disappointment – recommended from us all geranium (a sort of bright cherry colour) for your light-blue-walled saloon –

Tabourette, says Mrs N– (Norcliffe), with a satin stripe – wide 7/. or 8/. a yard – narrow 4/. or 5/. a yard – to be had all colours from Manchester – like the sitting room curtains here – then wrote 3 pages and ends and under the seal to my aunt – account of George almost the same as that to M– (Mariana) but modified and rather enlarged – promise to write again by Monday’s or Tuesday’s post – then having just said that I should see John’s son and give him the one pound my aunt meant to give out the gig-sale, and lend him what more might be necessary, the boy came – gave him a good sermon upon conduct, etc and finished by giving him in his name £1, and 25/. more as a last gift from myself telling him he must do for himself in future and never want another shilling from his father or me – he has 6 guineas a year out of which pays a guinea a year for washing – 1st 1/2 year due the 9th of this month – he seems likely to do well, and, as I told my aunt looks really much improved in his new clothes – then having had Charlotte for a little while before the boy came had Mrs N– (Norcliffe) afterwards – sent off by the keeper at 3 3/4 my letter to my aunt ‘Shibden hall, H–x (Halifax)’ and to M– (Mariana) ‘Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire’ – CN– (Charlotte Norcliffe) and I agreed to walk after dinner and then dress afterwards – dinner at 4 1/4 – coffee and then CN– (Charlotte Norcliffe) and I out at 6 for 1 1/4 hour – went into the little wood and saw the tree in which poor George was shot – then sauntered in the fields and in the village – dressed – tea at 8 10/.. – 

Mr Charles Cobb came – thinks George quite as well as could be expected but still in a very precarious state – put a blister on the nape of his neck – asked what opening medicine he had been taking – powders calomel and another purgative, which I got him to say was epsom salts i.e. with senna in a drought which drought was given every 3 hours till the medicine operated –  which it did before and after Mr Charles Cobbs being here the pewter bedpan being left in the bed he had clean sheets and was made quite comfortable this afternoon  Begged Mr Charles Cobb to stay here all night if he thought there was the least occasion but he thought not – he apprehended no bad symptoms and if there was any nothing could be done – bleeding could not be necessary again tonight – If he snored (without being asleep) it was all over – CN– (Charlotte Norcliffe) and I had examined his hat – 16 or 18 shot had entered it – of the 5 or 6 that had entered his head, none of any conseqence but that that had entered by the eye – and so small a substance could only have produced so great an effect by having wounded some of the small arteries of the brain – read a few pages of volume 1 Mrs Jameson’s memories of female sovereigns – she says women are not fit to rule  all the instances we have of their sovreignty prove this

wrote the last 14 lines till 11 3/4 p.m. at which hour Fahrenheit 62° – fine day –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0075, SH:7/ML/E/15/0076

[jennamoss]

First car with my new name! #mazda #mazda3 #mazdarobina #mrsmilne (at Gold Coast Mazda Robina)

[awhilesince]

Thursday, 31 May 1832

8 1/2

1

finish morning Fahrenheit 59° at 8 1/2 – appearance of having been a great deal of rain in the night – down at 9 3/4 – Mrs Milne came at 10 – about 1/2 hour before Charlotte came – Mrs N– (Norcliffe) breakfasted upstairs on account of having a blister on her chest – sat dawdling and and talking till about 1 1/2 when Dr. Travis called to visit his patient Mrs N– (Norcliffe) walked with Mrs M– (Milne) and C– (Charlotte) about an hour in the East balk field – dressed – dinner at 4 1/2 – coffee – tea – Mrs N– (Norcliffe) left us about 10 – came upstairs at 11 5/.. – 

decided love making a few minutes alone with her in her room this morning after dinner and tea love making with our feet under the tables  and lastly got her to the piano she afterwards pulled a great chair before her so dexterously that tho Charlotte sat close to us I had her knees within mine and put my hand over her gown so near to her queer that I knew she felt it and that tho she gently drew my hand away we might have gone farther had Charlotte not been there – on sending away Cameron watched Charlotte to her room and then stole into Mrs Milne pretending I had lost my light  but asking if she was angry with me no said she  I vowed I did not mean to make her so should be miserable etc  only entreated her never again to say as she had done before that I had behaved ill  then kissed her tenderly  she said not everyone would keep my secrets so well  no said I nor would everyone be tried said had she seen me six months ago she would not have known me to be the same person  I could be with people and be very different  she said I had once loved π (Mariana) so  yes and she had kept up her influence for twenty years but …… yes ssaid Mrs M (Milne) she earned it  I said Mrs M (Milne) was mistaken in the means impossible said she  I am sure from my own feelings it is impossible  I still persisted said she had not heart enough  was too cold not to do all she thought right  she married soon after I knew her  was politic  we were like Petrarch and Laura  she had just done enough to keep my interest alive and no more  I had lived on hope of better after L (Charles Lawton) going off but was now tired (perhaps she was rather more credulous at last?) but since Mrs M’s (Milne’s) argument this morning about expediency and not marrying (alluding to her have some not feasible attachment) and her belief about π (Mariana) it was enough I would break thro the spell  I would never see her again this she combated hard made me say I loved her and parted with well you love me more or differently from what you do π (Mariana)  she said at breakfast this morning it was well for her she was going and talking of going to India and my lamenting its impossibility  she said she would run off with me this startled me but I merely looked passionately and said well but this would throw us out of society  we could not return to England  could she brave this  she said I should repent it by and by but not she  here we were luckily interrupted by Charlotte  when I see her in the morning I will stick to the not seeing her again  say I would not bring repentance and ruin on her etc etc doubting as I must do of my power to make her happy – how she is gulled I despise and care not for her but somehow could not resist the excitement of this little adventure quite determined to be civilly off tomorrow – what would π (Mariana) say if she knew?

showery day – heavy thunder shower and very vivid lightning – and very very loud peals of thunder as we sat at the dinner table about 5 – and rain afterwards – Fahrenheit 63 1/2° now at 12 1/2 tonight – we had brandy and water tonight as yesterday  Charlotte told me to make it stiff for Mrs Milne or she would not like it I gave her a pretty dose five times as much as I would have taken not half half and and she presently drank it off! her conduct to me

left marging: is bad enough  she said herself I respected π (Mariana) and despised her Mrs M (Milne) she is right  she is like enough to a bad woman  she said she wondered how Charlotte likes her so much tho quite different from my kind of liking –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0074

[awhilesince]

Saturday, 26 April 1823

8

12 40/60

Down to breakfast at 9 5/60 – From 9 3/4 to 12 1/4 read aloud the last page of the St. James Chronicle a good deal of volume 1. Hallam on the middle ages – a good of the morning’s Yorkshire Observer (number 23) and the principal parts of the Yorkshire Gazette 

was to have ride out at 12, but the morning continued rather rainy, and on meeting the groom afterwards in the street, he said the veterinary surgeon recommended my not riding till the eschar had come off the place the saddle hurt on Tuesday – 

Letter from M– (Mariana) (Lawton) 3 pages rather hurried – she still seems better in health – a delicate thing to get the prescription cannot ask Steph must speak to the apothecary herself the first time she can get so far Mr D (Duffin) rather in a short cross humour I abominate it he has got a bad cold – Mr D– (Duffin) on account of his cold would not stir out – 

my cold is very bad today, but I was off at 12 50/60 – Called and staid a little while with Lady Mary Stapleton  (vide page 46) Mr S– (Stapleton) of Carleton there – Talked all the while in praise of Pope’s Rape of the lock – the Diabolicad § and Diabolady, poems in vogue 30 years ago and of Hayleys poem on temper – Called at the Willeys’  walked with Miss W– (Willey) to Blake Street to the taylor’s shop much used to be kept by Rhodes, to get patterns of cloth for a habit – on returning, walked with her as far as the mount, and back to her own door – 

having met Mrs Milne near the bar alone , said I would follow her by and by – joined her near the mount 2 or 3 minutes before 3 – we walked as far as the 2 mile-stone, and I came in to dinner at 3 50/60 – complimentary style of conversation told the story of the lady that put her backside out of her carriage window, etc etc and that I knew of a brother and sister married and having three children etc etc Mrs M (Milne) certainly likes my company she cannot get anyone eelse to flirt with safely she told me I was a queer genius because on overtaking Miss Willey the poor girl blushed Mr M (Milne) said as if I had been her lover she Miss W (Willey) thought I should wonder at her walking out again – 

Happening to mention to Miss Willey this morning, I had never chanced to be introduced to any of the Hales, we soon afterwards met 2 of the girls, and to my surprise Miss W– (Willey) introduced me – Having accompanied Mrs Milne beyond Mrs Willey’s, walked back to our own door with the Misses Yorke and Moseley – Mac in rather better humour than I left him he was not well either today or yesterday had a rum visit at the Bs (Belcombes) and could eat no dinner Mr B (Belcombe) thinks him failing –

After dinner wrote the latter 3rd of my journal of Thursday and the whole of yesterday and came up and copied my letter to Marianne Henry took to Fisher’s my letters written yesterday to IN. (Isabella Norcliffe) (Croft-Rectory) and to Miss Dalton (Croft Rectory) – It seems Mrs James D– (Dalton) had been rather hurt at my not writing to Marianne – noticed at some length to IN– (Isabella) Norcliffe Expressed my sorry etc but never hinted at anything of the kind to Marianne – 

wrote a note to the Cromptons in Mr D–‘s (Duffin’s) name and my own to say we would wait on them to a small party on Friday – added a few lines to Henrietta of thanks for the note and she sent one this morning with 2 or 3 violets in it, and regretting that the rain prevented our walking together (the Prestons with us) at 11 as was fixed – By the way, I had no idea of any such plan – I intended to ride – But no matter – After thanking her for her ‘sweet’ note, I added ‘Perhaps by some lucky accident we may meet tomorrow somewhere and somehow – 

‘Hope maketh the heart sick’ – I am rather so just now; but having got a bad cold, I have you to attribute the evil to the latter cause in whatever desire may suit your pleasure, your skill, or credulity – Ever very truly yours AL Anne Lister’ – 

In the evening played 3 games at chess with Mr D– Duffin won the 1st – lost the 2 last – Interrupted in the midst of the 2nd to write a note to Mrs Anne and Miss Gage to say we could not dine with them on Tuesday, and a note also to Miss Yorke and say I would meet a small party there on Friday – Mrs Yorke called yesterday surely the Y–s (Yorkes) are uncommonly civil – But how is it, they do not ask Mr D– (Duffin)? 

Rainy till a little after 12, then became fair and continued so the rest of the day – fine evening – pleasant enough walking but rather cold – came upstairs at 10 1/2 wrote the whole of today – E two dots O one dot, marking discharge from venereal complaint –

left margin: Mrs D– (Duffin) has had a very bad cold these last 2 or 3 days, and is not well –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/7/0005

[awhilesince]

Friday, 1 June 1832

8 1/4

12 50/..

fine morning Fahrenheit 59 1/2 at 8 1/4 – down at 9 25/.. Mrs M– (Milne) came in about 1/4 hour – we both looked serious and I with arched lips and as she acknowledged as if I felt deeply and too much she said she had something to say to me  so said I I have to you and I began  said that after a nights reflection I doubted that I could make her happy and that the she could make me so yet I doubted her being steady doubted her constancy and then I should be miserable past my strength of endurance I knew a great deal about her  owned that π (Mariana) knewing my partiality had told me much for my good  hoped I was not always sso bad as I seemed  hinted that I was peculiarly situated towards her that she was the last towards whom I could do an unprincipled thing (she understood me that I could not amuse myself for the moment  should be miserable ever afterwards I believe she would willingly try me for curiositys ssake) and perhaps this was more for the sake of of others than for her own – she said perhaps I was right she could not be constant she should be very sorry to add to my unhappiness  she did not know how it was she thought she could not help it but she thought I despised her  declared but etc etc but it was a great consolation she thought me right  she said something about not leaving William and I said if sure of my being made really happy should I think so legitimate anxiety no stumbling block however I suspect that if my say had not prevented hers she would have told me a very different tale she would have run off with me or got me into the scrape and laughed at me if she could   I pretended her influence was overwhelming and certainly looked and acted the part of passion well enough  perhaps to her hearts content  I said indeed it was no joke to me no said she with satisfied air I see it is not  but we kissed rather fervently and think I played my backward game inimitably  what a woman she is! she would be bad with any man and try me too rather than not – 

breakfast at 10 1/2 – and till 2 1/2 up and downstairs and dawdling away the morning reading a few pages of the natural history of enthusiasm, and wrote 3 pages of 1/2 sheet note paper to ‘Mr and Mrs Duffin Micklegate York’ (after having talked over the last years annoyance about luggage with Mrs N– (Norcliffe) and Charlotte and Mrs M– (Milne) to propose going to them for a couple of days if they could take me in – but not fixing any time Mrs N– (Norcliffe) having offered my leaving the imperials etc at her house in Petergate – Mrs Milne took my note and went in the gig at 2 1/2 – 

I had been in and out of her room by stealth several times and had abundance of kisses as empassioned as I could be in the humour to take them  she said in her light way ‘I think you had better take me yes thought I but I knew you too well  I had again this morning stuck to the tale of πs (Marianna’s) immaculateness but when Mrs Milne wished me happy said that was more than I expected and owned that πs (Mariana’s) conduct had ruined my happiness and that as for Mrs M Milne I should neither be happy with or without her  luckily for me there was humbug enough in all that – 

the 1/2 hour bell had just rung at 3 1/2 when a man was seen running up to the house – what was the matter – come for a ladder – the keeper had shot a man in a tree – all in alarm – soon learnt it was George – shot in the head – was dying – prepared for the worst – he was soon brought up and laid on a bed in the dressing room downstairs – but the wound did not seem to me so bad as to be decidedly alarming – by 4 3/4 Mr Cobb and his son arrived – no wound of any consequence but from one grain of shot that had entered the socket of the left – (small shot – at the distance of) about 30 yards in the top of a high tree near a carrion crows nest – the keeper shooting at the old birds – this one shot must have pierced the socket from the stupor, and insensibility, and the catching convulsive clothes picking motions of the hands and arms – this always taking place in cases of apoplexy and any pressure on the brain from extravasated blood or otherwise – saw Mr Cobb – (dinner at about or near 5) – he seemed alarmed – said the chances were far greater against them for – but he (George) would be better or worse before morning – took 10 oz. ounces blood from the right arm, and about 9 two dozen leeches applied to the wounded (the left) temple – the pulse at first very faint, gradually rather quicker till it became pretty good, and then quicker than that by 11 p.m. – fever would not come on – the change – the harm would not be apparent in the constitution of 12 hours – the eye was fomented with lukewarm water till the leeches were put on and afterwards, so that by 11 tho’ the stupor continued the poor fellow looked more himself – yet the catchings continued at intervals as before – he had thrown up his dinner soon after being brought home – and been sick 2 or 3 times afterwards – once brought up blood which his lip being shop he had probably swallowed – he had given a few tea spoonfuls of warm strong brandy and water before Mr Cobb came – but he did not swallow well – Tonight (about 10) he had swallowed some medicine well – Mr Cobb left his son to stay all night who has a little bed in the room and 1 or 2 of the servants sitting up with him – he has only once (and that tonight) attempted some inarticulate word since being taken down from the tree – coffee at the usual hour – then tea –

 came to my room at 11 – wrote all the above of today till 12 1/2 – kind letter this morning 3 pages and ends from Miss H– (Hobart) nothing particular – as I had not written to Lady S (Stuart) she Lady S (Stuart) feared she had said too much against my dame de compagnie scheme Miss H (Hobart) thought it might suit me and therefore begged me to please myself did not see why I should not – finish morning – rain came on at 2, and rainy afternoon and evening Fahrenheit 63° now at 12 1/2 tonight –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0075

[awhilesince]

Wednesday, 30 May 1832

7 1/2

12 50/..

fine morning Fahrenheit 59° at 7 1/2 – wrote copy of letter to Bado downstairs at 9 1/2 – wrote one end and crossed above 1/2 the 1st page and finished my letter begun yesterday to M– (Mariana) said the weather had sent me by York instead of Duncombe park – dined at Dr. Belcombe’s and staid 1/4 hour in the minster court – no mention of my travels there

‘but tho’ I did not reach here till after 9, we somehow got into the subject of Miss Salmon, etc etc and I soon found, from the manner in which the thing was handled, that the wisest way was to yield, to own that a new light burst in upon me, – that they were probably right, my scheme was too anomalous, and I should write to you today, and give it up – the fact is, I am convinced both by their remarks, and by the laughing and quizzing here, that all their hopes of serving me in this instance are vain – we had best think of it no more – your sentence ‘you have now so little to do with Yorkshire people, that perhaps you had better not begin again,’ made me melancholy the while – it forcibly brought to mind all I have often felt, and lamented over of late – I see all old connections so slipping from under me, that my eyes must be opened wide upon it now; and the sooner I set myself about being resigned and reconciled the better – all this costs me a deeper sigh than even you imagine; but the truth flashes upon me at last – no effort of my own can save me; and all I can do is to submit – now and then I am sadly out of sorts – but I am better certainly than I was; Croft and Isabella did me good; and I hope and flatter myself you will find no fault when you see me’ –

Mrs Henry Stephen B– Belcombe going to Harrogate for a fortnight but counts upon seeing you – 

‘and very kindly hoped I should continue to be of the party – I really will accept her offer (for one or 2 days) if I can – I have no idea as yet how long I shall be here – a stay of only ten days will not suit the above plan – and now that you have made me so aware of the nowadays common uncomfortableness of our meetings, I hesitate what to do – I grieve over the Snape business, and shall always grieve, with all my heart and soul over ‘everything that gives you the least pain so undeservedly, and so oddly’ – as uncertain and unsettled as ever – people so impressed with ‘the difficulty of suiting me’ have given up the thing of inquiring about a maid hereabouts – I am glad to find Mrs Milne here – her power of being agreeable is undisputed and I am quite sure of benefitting by it during my stay here?’ – 

ask her to write soon – then in what is dated this morning say Mrs M– (Milne) suspects her of telling me everything ‘which I do not allow, and say, I only wish she could persuade me that such was true’ – have told both Mrs M– (Milne) and Charlotte that I think she M– (Mariana) has managed the matter about Miss Salmon having left me time enough to cool about it – 

‘In fact, I have given the thing up – I think again and again of your advice respecting Yorkshire people, I am more and more inclined to follow it – If I may no longer prudently feel the same interests I used to do, I may at least remember them with affectionate regard – But changes at heart will have begun with me more recently than it might be easy to make anyone believe – I feel already the wholesome influence of Langton air – All send their love – Ever my dearest Mary very especially and entirely yours AL (Anne Lister)’ –

Had just written one page to Mrs James Dalton when Mrs Milne came down at 10 10/.. – ten minutes alone flirting kissed her then  breakfast at 10 1/2 – afterwards the news and talking and dawdling away the morning – offered to take Mrs Milne overland to India and be off in July – Joke turned to earnest – she could not leave William – said I would really be off with either Charlotte or Mrs M– (Milne) if either of them could go – Mrs N– (Norcliffe) would not consent to the one – the other could not go or would with pleasure –  came to my room about 1 1/2 after a little tete a tete first with Charlotte then Mrs M (Milne) kissed the latter three or four times told her it was well she could not go to India  wrote pages 2 and 3 and the ends, chit chat, and finished my letter to Mrs James Dalton – Love to all, and Isabella would write to by and by – and 

‘Marianne too in gratitude for her regrets about the coffee, and kindness about the plants – Langton seems very odd to me without the one especial person who has always greeted me there before – but she is at Croft – I should be uncomfortable to have less to say, ungrateful to wish for more – ever my dear Mrs Dalton, very truly and affectionately yours AL( Anne Lister)’ – 

dressed – sent George to Malton with my letters to ‘Mrs Lawton Lawton hall Lawton Cheshire’ and to ‘Mrs James Dalton Croft Rectory, Darlington, Durham’and to ‘Monsieur Bado, Harrington house, Whitehall Gardens London’ – dinner at 4 1/2 – coffee – tea – read the first 20 pages of the natural history of enthusiasm – a long talkathon from Mrs Norcliffe about the Percivals said George’s gaucherie had made the original mischief, but owned that really I had not courage to run the risk of their meeting our friends either in an evening or in a morning call – this led to a long talkathon about the peerage etc etc I of course defendent regretting from principle, that respectable people should run it down – It seems Mrs Norcliffe and Charlotte met Lady Charlotte Lindsay and the Miss Berrys at Rokeby last year and afterwards at Ambleside – the Miss B–s (Berrys) fine, and Mrs N– (Norcliffe) from her own account must have been a bore, recalling all sorts of remembrances that might have been unrelished – she left us at 10 1/2 and we sat up talking till 12 – about les usages du monde etc etc when they doubted my being sick of the world said π (Mariana) had disappointed me a sentence two likes had brought me down to have it explained insinuated her giving into reports about my liking this and that etc I did not blame her but was hurt and disappointed whatever appearances might be she at least ought to

left margin: have given me credit then talking of companions ssaid if Eliza had not married might have asked her  what said Mrs M Milne and not Lou looking significantly at Charlotte   no I declared I never should have thought of it and then descanted on her stiffness coldness and formality – fair but threatening day – rain between 5 and 6 – blustering windy rainy night – Fahrenheit 62 1/2° now at 12 1/2 tonight –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0073, SH:7/ML/E/15/0074

[awhilesince]

Tuesday, 29 May 1832

8 3/4

12 20/..

finish but dampish morning Fahrenheit 62° now at 9 a.m. – great deal of rain in the night – breakfast at 10 1/2 – afterwards sat downstairs partly talking partly writing 3 pages and one end to M– (Mariana) went out at 2 35/.. and walked in the garden with Charlotte and Mrs Milne near an hour – dressed – dinner at 4 10/.. – coffee – tea – came to my room at 11 1/4 – 

an attention to Mrs Milne that she but probably none else remarks only saw her alone for a minute this morning  said I was glad to see her  are you really  said she  adding that she did not know whether I was or not I was sso formal said I dared not be otherwise for consistency and proprietys ssake  tonight for the last half hour Mrs N (Norcliffe) had left and I sat talking to Charlotte and Mrs Milne  a sort of running fight against her for always abusing me mentioned her telling π (Mariana) of my levity in conversation (when I told the Boive stories) and what a lecture π (Mariana) had given me  Mrs M (Milne) would have it π (Mariana) told me everything  I said I only wished she Mrs M (Milne) could succeed in persuading me so  I once believed it but did now only wished to do so but was now desabuse on that subject  I had after tea hinted when asked about meeting π (Mariana) in York that she would not care about seeing me  yet said I could not exist without her letters tho I could and did without herself  I told them in the minster court that π (Mariana) would fret heartily if anything happened to L (Charles Lawton)  she had been too long used to his teazing to do without it  I knew that she now preferred the things that be to those that might be  they will all think something the matter between us  just as well they should and that my being off should not come upon them quite unawares

finish day particularly afternoon – Fahrenheit 63° now at 11 50/.. p.m. – civil letter from my landlord (Paris) this morning

left margin: saying he would wait for my rent till my return –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0073

[awhilesince]

Monday, 28 May 1832

7 3/4

1 10/..

finish dullish morning – Fahrenheit 62° at 7 3/4 – Letter from my aunt Shibden, 3 pages all well – nothing particular – breakfast at 9 1/2 – rain at 9, and threatening to be a rainy day – breakfast at 9 1/2 – off from Croft at 10 1/2 – the day so unpromising (rain again soon after leaving Croft) gave up the thought of Duncombe park and Bylands abbey, 2 miles on the road there (Duncombe park) from Thirsk – and came by York – got there at 4 – alighted at the Black Swan – had my hair done and walked to the Duffins’ – both out – then went to Dr. Belcombe’s – dined there – sat 1/4 hour with Mrs Belcombe and Anne and Louisa in the minster court, off at 6 3/4 and at Langton at 9 1/4 – rained all the way – coffee – wrote 2 widely written pages to Mrs Henry Stephen B– (Belcombe) chiefly saying I had left my parasol there and would be obliged to her to send it to Fisher’s – left my note downstairs to go by Peacock tomorrow and came to my room at 11 1/4 – 

some opportunity occurring asked if they knew of a ladys maid  not said Mrs Milne such a perfect person as you want in such a manner that I see Camerons sstory has gone forth of my difficulty etc etc  I laughed and said I had been thinking of a dame de compagnie and spoken to π (Mariana) about Miss Salmon but she was sso long about it I was tired of waiting to all their questions merely replied that I had given π (Mariana) carte blanche but I saw from Mrs Milnes and Charlottes manner their quizzing it and talking of my bell ringing etc etc that they knew all about the Louisa scheme and even if I wished it it would not do  I had better too inquire neither for maid nor anything elsewhere perhaps π (Mariana) was right and I must trust to my southern friends I must think of it and do as well as I can the more independent I am of hereabouts the better they are all but little suited to me now that I see plainly enough – 

Rain at 9 a.m. and at and before noon – then very thick – rain again between 5 and 6 p.m. and rainy evening – Fahrenheit 62° now at 12 midnight – cutting all my nails –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/15/0073

[awhilesince]

Saturday, 7 June 1823

6 50/60

In the stable a few minutes From 8 to 8 3/4 rode Hotspur up and down the Hall-croft –

I have almost always kept a copy of the 1st letter I have written to a person therefore for near an hour Before Breakfast (down to breakfast at 9 3/4) and afterwards (came upstairs at 10 55/60) from 11 to near 12 copied what I wrote yesterday to Henrietta C– [Crompton] Tolerably satisfied with it – there are 2 sentences ending ill – speaking of Benvenuto Cellini (Toscoe’s life of) ‘when the business of a goldsmith was not what it now is’ – I was anxious not to write too well to Miss H– [Henrietta] C– [Crompton] but to this moment these 2 ill concluding sentences ring in my ears like discords – was not what it is now – more of pleasure than it possesses – How small an alteration will sometimes make the difference between good and bad style! How much the 1st sentence proves the remark of Dionysos Halicarnassos (vide Larcher i. 189. note 26. ‘que l’arrangement des mots donne plus de grace au discours que le choix même des Expressions’ –

After copying my letter to Henrietta C– [Crompton] copied that to Marianne D– [Dalton] and sent them both to the Post Office by George at 12 35/60 – to ‘Miss Dalton Croft-Rectory Darlington’ and to ‘Miss Henrietta Crompton Esholt-hall Bradford’ – Read over the copies of my letters – that to Marianne Dalton kindly Explanatory of the long gap in our correspondence – ‘Anger is that very spell that never moves a heart like mine’ – ‘Friendship does not live a on letters alone, but on every feeling that proceedeth from the heart’ – ‘Anger absolutely scares me’ – Ever her ‘invariably sincere and affectionate friend AL– [Anne Lister]’

wrote the above of today – all which took me till 1 3/4 – then read my letter I had this morning (before breakfast) from M– [Mariana] (Lawton) – this does shew feeling towards for she has been uneasy because my last letter and one or two letters from York were not sealed with her seal but with the pelican

‘However trifling and foolish the thing seem, it has truly given me much pain’ – …. ‘I really shall not be quite at rest till I hear from you, how the mistake occurred’ – she has no idea that Mr Charles L– [Lawton] will either be with her at Scarbro’ or York – ‘Think of the possibility of going with me or joining me at S– [Scarborough]’

in a letter from Eli to Louisa the following speaking of Mrs Milne Miss Lister certainly did her a great deal of harm feeding her vanity by telling her what a fascinating creature she is how irresistible etc etc and which I told Miss L [Lister] was anything but but right do not tell π [Mariana] this for it would only make her unhappy and do no good besides the chance of producing a quarrel but really I must say her conduct to H [Henrietta] was truly disgusting tho she swallowed eagerly all the nonsense. I shall make no comment except just to recall to your recollection all I have said and felt on the same subject and to assure you that my feelings are not less with three dashes alive than they were at that time I have replied to all this in about two closely written pages shewing that what Eli says should be taken with caution that it was all surmise on her part who could know nothing of what passed when H [Henrietta] and I were left to oourselves and certainly there was no foolery before people. I have thrown of the charge as well as I can mentioned speech to Henrietta C [Crompton] about my flirting with her and their never seeing me in Petergate say H [Henrietta] C [Crompton] thought it impertinent and that I don’t like this sort of thing and in fact if π [Mariana] has much penetration she sees I do not like the party much but have said Mrs M [Milne] is far the most ladylike of them and that I thought her the most agreeable companion then in York hint at Elis having told me of Hs [Henrietta’s] conduct in these words with Elis permission I could change my conduct and act consistently and perhaps have more beneficial influence with Mrs M [Milne] you are any of you aware –

Musing over M–‘s [Mariana’s] letter from about 2 1/4 to near 6, wrote her 3 pages and the ends and under the seal, all very small and close, particularly the last page and the ends –

In the evening did nothing but look a little at the large map (in sheets) of Yorkshire –

came upstairs at 9 10/60 at which hour wrote all but the 1st 15 lines of today – A little rain sent me in from riding this morning 1/4 hour sooner than I intended – fair till between 2 and 3 then a very rainy afternoon and evening Barometer 1 degree below changeable Fahrenheit 52 1/2° at 9 10/60 p.m. –

My uncle at the navigation committee meeting this morning when Mr James Edward Norris was elected their law-agent – Mr Carr of Wakefield proposed him, and Mr Briggs proposed Mr James Stansfield the unsuccessful candidate – my uncle as senior proprietor was chairman and voted for Mr N– [Norris] out of 16 votes given (only 17 members of the committee I understand and Mr Waterhouse staid away and would give no vote at all, very properly – would not vote against Mr N– [Norris] could not against his wife’s cousin Mr S– [Stansfield]), out of 16 votes given 9 were for Mr N– [Norris] 7 for Mr S– [Stansfield] Mr N– [Norris] being one of the committee was there and voted, it seems for himself!

writing all this took me till 9 55/60 – went downstairs at 11 and came up at again at 11 40/60 – [E three dots O one dot, marking discharge from venereal complaint] – one single little drop urine rather turbid this evening –

Hotspur lost 1 of his fore shoes this afternoon in the field –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/7/0021

[awhilesince]

Friday, 16 May 1823

Friday 16

8 20/60

1 10/60

Down to breakfast at 9 3/60 – From 9 35/60 to 12 10/60 read aloud from page 545. to 624. end, all but the index, of volume 2. Hallam on the middle ages – Note, in pencil, beginning ‘Your verses are Excellent Glad I am my faith was untrue to produce such a souvenir’…. and to say they would call for me to walk at 1 1/2 – at 12 172 went over the bridge to the Belcombes’ – saw only Mrs Milne and Eliza to give the former the sale of ponies – staid perhaps 20 minutes crossed the water, came along the walls, and got home at 1 1/4 – Mr D– (Duffin) had sent for Berrington’s listing of the literature of the middle ages 1 thick volume 4to (quarto) – read aloud from page 70. to the end of the chapter about 20 pages – 

the Misses Mary and Henrietta C– Crompton and their brother Joshua called for me at 1 3/4 – Having a couple of children with us, went out of the bar, along the outside of the walls to the ferry – Crossed to the manor there – looked about the ruins buildings there, went thro’ Wolstenholme’s workshops – peeped into the manor court, returned down Mary gate to the river, recrossed and went into the Cromptons’ the back way thro’ the stables – Mrs Carrol now of Hawkesworth (originally a Bradford lady) at the C–‘s (Cromptons) – Just introduced to her – her carriage at the door – when she was gone, we all (Except Margaret Crompton) went to a ‘Mr. Charles Louis Barber, Schierochiratomist,’ to have our profiles ‘taken in 28 seconds, without drawing a machine’, price 1/. Henrietta to sit for me et aliis – I sat for her – left mine with Henrietta – not at all like – 

met Mrs Milne and Anne B– (Belcombe) at the end of Castlegate – they walked back with me a little way – got home 2 or 3 minutes before 4 – asked Henrietta for a sketch said I would wait six years for it she said I should forget her in half that time  she had often been forgotten in less time before she asked what I would do for her I said I would think of something or other  talking of Breadalbanes letter not liking to be called great and valiant in friendship not liking enthusiasm misapplied she Henrietta and I were now too old for such nonsense she agreed and owned she had had too much of it  I hoped she had not run into the opposite extreme but that there was sstill as much left as might be called forth with propriety if I had her at all fairly to myself I could make her sentimental if I chose – 

Miss Marsh arrived (from Langton) about 6, looking well – I did not write to M– (Mariana) yesterday so wrote 3 pages promising to answer her last more fully from home next Saturday week – did not yet know the day of leaving here, but be at Shibden by Thursday  Had been detained here by Mrs D–‘s (Duffin’s) illness ..... Sent this letter to M– (Mariana) (Lawton hall) a little after 7 – Talked all the evening –

Came upstairs at 10 20/60 – wrote all the above of today – Fine day – rather windy – Mrs M (Milne) not so much in the kissing way as usual but full of enquiries what he should do and what not etc etc he has evidently brightened up at her coming she asked me if I had done this and that how we had gone on together and if we had sparred I said that of course we had not but this question struck me she knows his touchy cross temper but James manages him best this lad or young man is sometimes downright impertinent Mr D (Duffin) complained the other morning the kettle ddid not boil I think sir you don't know when it boils  ssuch instances have occurred several times

E two dots O one dot [marking discharge from venereal complaint] Note from Mrs Best just at 4 to say the report of her uncle Baker’s death in the last Monday’s paper was false – to beg I would name it to the C–s (Cromptons) – she had thus been ‘prevented going to 2 agreeable parties this week’ – Note of invitation from Mrs Lloyd St. Saviour’s gate for next Wednesday – 

It is observed by Hallam volume 2. 576/645 that ‘Our public libraries are sometimes of departed reputation; and the dust accumulating upon their untouched volumes speaks as forcibly as the grass that waves over the ruins of Babylon’.

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/7/0013, SH:7/ML/E/7/0014

[awhilesince]

Saturday, 3 May 1823

8

1 5/60

Read aloud the principal part of the St. James chronicle – At 11 1/2 Mr D– (Duffin) and I went over the bridge – went to Wilson the butcher and walked thro’ the market in Ousegate – 

Read aloud the Yorkshire Gazette and at 1 Mr Christopher Sykes called for me to go to see the Philosophical society’s rooms and collection – we were about an hour there – Several fossil bones from a pretty fair infant collection of minerals, and a few books – Mr S– (Sykes) and I walked together as far as the mansion house –

parted then and I went to the Belcombes’ – got there about 2 – from then to 3 3/4 staid tête à tête with Mrs M– (Milne) in her own room  a flirting style of conversation – 1/4 hour with Mrs B– (Belcombe) who has lost her voice having just got a bad cold –

at 4 Mrs M– (Milne) walked with me into Micklegate came in for a few minutes – washed my hands etc – followed Mrs M– (Milne) down the stairs but could not overtake her – dined with them at 5 – afterwards from 6 50/60 to 7 50/60 Mrs M– (Milne) and I walked together to the end of the new walk – flirting style of conversation she pays me a compliment now and then and certainly likes my society well enough told her I did not like her husband she was lost upon him he was very good but one of the stupidest fellows I ever saw and I liked anything but his company she said she supposed I fancied myself privileged to say anything I apologized declaring I thought what I said but would say nothing she did not like in returning she suddenly asked me if I thought Hartley was a poet without at all guessing what she meant I said if he was he must be a stupid one she then said she had had some verses and asked if I knew anything about them I denied but she looked at me my poetical letter instantly struck me I smiled and perhaps betrayed a very little however tho she said two or three times I was insincere and fancied I did know something she owned at last she could make nothing of my countenance though it put on for the sake of getting to know and believed I was ignorant and said she wished she had said nothing about it she had never named it to anyone I got out of her she received the letter at Langton could not attribute it to anyone did not at all knew the hand indeed it began by saying she did not knew the hand she would give anything to know the London postmark very civil written by a friend ended with a prayer for her happiness but yet not complimentary  how did it occur to think I could know anything about it  she said she was not certain whether it was from a gentleman or lady but after my disclaiming all knowledge I think she fancied it from a gent  I told her I would find out anything in the world I could for her said I had had plenty of anonymous letters in one a quotation from Drydens Juvenal must be from a lady but an improper book for a lady to read then she would get it asked what I thought of Horace I said it was nothing except one or two odes one to an old woman etc which she seemed to know – I completely deceived her about the letter how well I must have disguised my hand I think the thing made an impression on her she said she had destroyed it but I scarce believe this she remembers it so well she must have read it often – 

Letter this morning from Mrs Henry Stephen Belcombe (Newcastle Under Lyme) forwarded from Shibden to ask my advice and opinion about their going to Pontefract in consequence of the death of Dr. Haxby – Just after tea this evening wrote 1 1/2 very hurried pages to say that were I in Steph’s place, I would not change my present quarters until I came to settle in York – that there was not at P– (Pontefract) to repay them for moving, and that it was my opinion they had best stay quietly where they were – sent this letter a little before 10. to Mrs Henry Stephen Belcombe (Newcastle Staffordshire) – 

the room was so very hot, I did not like to trust my cold to the sudden change from hot to cold, came back therefore in a chair and got home at 10 20/60 – Mr D–‘s (Duffin’s) dinner party not all gone – Major Middleton, Mr George Crompton, and Captain Stainforth stayed playing whist with Mr D– (Duffin) till 11 10/60 – I came upstairs immediately (at 10 20/60) and wrote all the above of yesterday and today, and had done at 11 35/60

the Cromptons sent me this morning while I was out the note of the Quarterly review containing the critique on O’Meara’s work – Really they are very civil and attentive – 

told Mrs Milne I would give her a parasol –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/7/0008