#mpreg undertones if you squint

[inkstitchez]

EXOGENESIS: The Reincarnation of GOLB

officially my favorite piece ive done this year <3 the petrigrof brainrot is real lmao

[wangxianficfinder]

Fake/Pretend Relationship

~*~

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer) translations available in multiple languages

with you, I am home by tellthemstories (M, 47k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, fake dating for reasons, Meeting the Family, There Was Only One Bed, Casual Domesticity, wwx is oblivious in more ways than one, 'this fic is like emotional edging’, this comment sums up the entire fic)

The Mistletoe Virgin by Vamillepudding (G, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, Romantic Comedy, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Deaf LWH, Christmas)

Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart by Alaceron (T, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend relationship, Oblivious WWX)

❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, wangxian, modern w magic, college/university au, fake/pretend relationship, single parent WWX, homophobia, light angst w/ happy ending, idiots to lovers, fluff)

Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Modern, JC mooning over WQ, getting wrecked sexually, WWX's single brain cell, Practice Kissing)

caught in the sugar by occultings (microcomets) (E, 13k, WangXian, Modern, Fake/Pretend Relationship, fake FWB, Workplace Retreats, Drinking Games, Humor, some blink-and-miss-it wwx-flavored comphet during the sex scene, LWJ dicking WWX down so hard he sees shrimp colors, as per usual, the hero’s journey to answer the call of being a bottom, Barebacking, First Time)

Close to the Truth by Winglesss (M, 14k, WangXian, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Romantic Comedy, Modern, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff)

we don't need to talk about it by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 48k, WangXian, Modern, Fake Dating, the slimmest of premises, there was only one bedroom, There Was Only One Bed, kissing to prove you're dating, being idiots to prove you're dating, they're idiots your honor, Pining while fucking)

like a magpie and a ring by martyrsdaughter (E, 14k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, Case Fic, Ghosts, Horror, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Tenderness, Feelings Realization, Demonic Cultivation, Lust Potion/Spell, the wangxian "he can't stand me" to "let's get married" speedrun, Riding, Come as Lube, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, of the undernegotiated cnc variety, Face-Sitting, Dry Humping, Creampie, Marathon Sex)

The Epic Lie of the Yiling Laozu and His Wife by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 9k, WangXian, WWX/WQ, JGY/NMJ, WWX & WQ pretend A-Yuan is theirs, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Misunderstandings, Lies, Jealousy, A really tiny bit of jealous LWJ and JC, Assisted reproduction (mentions of insemination with talismans and other things), Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied Mpreg if you squint at the end, or it could a surrogate baby, or a breastfeeding talisman, yiling wei, WWX Has a New Golden Core, More like a red core, BAMF WWX, Canon Divergence, dialogue heavy in some parts, A little angst, Switch LWJ)

Symmetry by Vir_Abelasan (M, 13k, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, One-Sided JC/WWX, One-Sided JC/LSZ, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Canon Divergence, LSZ is raised by WWX, WWX still dies sorry, Revenge, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Dark LSZ, Manipulation, Power Imbalance, Torture, Not JC Friendly, JC's Canonical 13 Years Murder Spree, BAMF LSZ, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, LSZ Gets to Go Apeshit)

Plus One by nirejseki (G, 2k, WangXian, NHS & WWX, WIP, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Canon Divergence, Scheming)

🔒 the tragic and entirely true story of the romance between the yiling patriarch and his wife, most renowned doctor of her generation by ravenditefairylights (T, 18k, WangXian, WWX & WQ, LSZ & WWX, Major Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Canon, but also during canon, Character Study, Canon Temporary Character Death, excessive use of personal headcanons, Baby LSZ, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Oblivious WWX, Rumors, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Heteronormativity, Fake Marriage, Chronic Pain, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining)

雙喜臨門: double happiness at your door by besanii (T, 57k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Fox Prince WWX, Dragon Prince LWJ, Immortals, Xianxia, Romance, Developing Relationship, Three Lives Three Worlds AU, Love Confessions, Oblivious, Weddings)

~*~

[ao3feed-ateez]

Poisoned

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/ABze9Iy by Anonymous Navigate the world dark pasts and whispered secrets with Hongjoong as he falls head over heels for a naive trophy wife, the main suspect of his investigation; while also simultaneously getting attached to the child of the murdered sire's child. Words: 7, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: ATEEZ (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage Categories: M/M Characters: Kim Hongjoong, Park Seonghwa, Choi San (ATEEZ), Song Mingi (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ), Jeong Yunho (ATEEZ), Choi Jongho (ATEEZ), Kang Yeosang Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa Additional Tags: Top Kim Hongjoong, Bottom Park Seonghwa, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Investigator Kim Hongjoong, Trophy Wife Park Seonghwa, Pregnant Park Seonghwa, Murder, Poisoning, Intersex Park Seonghwa, Temporarily tho (he gets surgery), Anal Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Post Mpreg, Breeding Kink, Praise Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, How Do I Tag, No beta we die like fatherless orphans, other ships if you squint read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/ABze9Iy

[redvelvetreel]

Red Velvet Reel 5.2: Recipe for Disaster

                         [Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Summary: Edge takes Stretch out to eat (& lets Stretch drive his car) at the Factory Cheesecakes(TM) after an unfortunate batter-spilling situation. Talk about lots of stuff.

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus) with mentions of Chara (Underswap Chara) & other characters.

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Dubious Science (Magic?) Fiction to Explain Monster Biology! Lots of headcanons! Hints of deeper issues with Chara! 

Warning: Mentions of poisoning/attempted poisoning that were thwarted. (Potentially unsuccessful anyway because skeleton?)

Rating: Teen and up!

Note:  Hey! This chapter is pretty lighthearted overall, but mind the warning about attempted poisoning! It’s very minor, but, you know. If you’re curious what the warning is for exactly, its- (SPOILER: Chara pours dishsoap into Stretch’s batter, and he realizes this so he spills it instead.)

The most surprising thing that happened that day, it turned out, was Edge tossing him the keys to the car.

“Are you sure-?” Stretch started to ask, looking up from the keys resting in his palm to find his husband already sitting in the car. Buckling himself into the passenger’s seat and engrossed with something on his phone.

Well, stranger things had happened... Stretch slid into the driver’s side with only a little hesitation, shifting the seat back to a more comfortable angle for his legs. “Do I set a course for home, Captain?”

“To The Factory Cheesecakes, Ensign,” Edge answered, sounding distracted as he was still tapping away at his phone.

“Aye aye, Sir.”

“Steady as she goes.”

Heh. Stretch was content to drive without speaking, listening to one of the new songs from that Aerok group playing on the radio. Undyne would be betrayed if she knew he was listening to any A-Pop groups other than m00nsh1n3, but these GLOWEE boys weren’t half bad...

“I don’t know why your friend is so anti-phone calls,” Edge finally put the phone down, rubbing at his good socket as though it hurt, “Having to send hundreds of text messages over the course of several minutes seems infinitely worse than speaking for a few seconds.”

Stretch gave a noncommittal hum as they waited at a stoplight, shrugging, “Maybe if you used your reading monocle like you’re supposed to-“

“It’s not a monocle!” Edge sank into his chair with an aggravated sigh, “I’m not going to use anything in public that advertises I can’t see perfectly without assistance!”

Stretch bit back the obvious reply that the literal claw marks ripping through his socket did more than enough 'advertising’ than glasses ever could.

“Besides, I don’t need it!”

This was an old argument he absolutely did not want to get into right now. “So what does the good ol’ Doc say?” Stretch asked instead, “Asgore was right about the glowing stuff?”

“Yes,” Edge leaned his head against the window, looking displeased, “It’s a first quarter symptom that occurs across all monster types, although it’s most noticeable in darker-hued monsters. Dramatically, sometimes- Moldsmals are able to match the brightness of the Underground’s magic crystals by the 10% mark.”

Stretch nodded, drumming his hands on the steering wheel, “That’s really cool. Why don’t you glow like that, then?”

He squinted, glancing at his husband with an impish smile. “Or do I need a reading monocle too?”

“It’s most likely a defense mechanism for the Moldsmals, and any other dark-hued monster,” Edge sounded annoyed, pointedly ignoring his bait, but the mood passed quickly enough, “Other monsters are less likely to step on them if they’re bright enough to see, since they are rather small. In worse situations, they would also be able to camouflage themselves with crystal clusters.”

“Sounds reasonable…” Stretch nodded, pulling into the crowded parking lot as he started looking at the rows of cars.

“By the blue truck,” Edge gestured to a free parking place on his side, “Brighter colors, on the other hand, have less of a need to stand out, resulting in a more muted glow. When Pancake is at 24%, my body should be able to light the space directly around me for a few feet. Helpful to a certain degree Underground, but useless on the Surface.”

“I guess that’s also why we didn’t notice,” Stretch bypassed the spot for one at the end of the row. He wasn’t about to risk letting a truck dent or scratch the car when he was driving it. “There’s a lot of natural and artificial light in our apartment, and pretty much everywhere up here, so it doesn’t really stand out much.”

“Mmhm,” Edge seemed to agree, unbuckling his seatbelt as the engine shut off, “Apparently the eyes have the brightest glow, but I can’t imagine that really stands out on a skeleton.”

He turned to face Stretch, “Are my eyes noticeably brighter?”

Stretch leaned forward as Edge kept unnaturally still, making a show of ducking his head to either side as he scrutinized his husband’s eyelights. They seemed… exactly the same, but then again, he was still under 15%, right? At least under 20. Maybe it’d really kick in another week from now.

Stretch pressed their mouths together in a chaste kiss before Edge could get concerned, leaning back to unbuckle his seatbelt with a wink.

“Eye think they’re beautiful, as always, darlin’.”

The surprised silence was short, with Edge quickly getting out of the car with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks. “I wanted an actual answer, you sap,” he tried to sound annoyed, but Stretch had plenty of experience picking up on his husband’s flattered and pleased undertones. He also didn’t miss the way sharp claws brushed against his fingers as Edge very deliberately waited for him to catch up.

“You’re going to glow, too, by the way,” Edge told him pleasantly, a mischievous glint in his bright(er?) eyelights.

“Me?” Stretch blinked, looking around as if to confirm Edge was actually talking to him, and not some other random person in the parking lot.

“You have objections?” Edge asked wryly, instinctively tensing when Stretch looped his arm around his shoulders. He forced himself to relax, leaning into his husband’s side, trying to keep his tone light, “Take it up with Pancake- it’s all their idea.”

“I would never!” Stretch did his best to sound solemn, giving Edge a squeeze before pulling away to put his hands in his hoodie pocket, keeping close enough their elbows brushed together. The one upside to parking so far away from the door. “I guess it makes sense, though. Monsters may not have obligate symbiotic relationships with their partners during pregnancy, but the importance of a positive and supportive emotional environment for the healthy development of the souling encourages more involvement. Certainly more intraspecific interactions than non-magical animal species.

“In this context, mutual bioluminescence wouldn’t just be an external indicator for others, then. It’s also establishing a more direct link with their non-pregnant parent as a form of, uh, emotional reassurance, I guess? But it’s a somewhat physical bond? Psychic? Hm. “ He rubbed at his chin, frowning at his other hand as he started counting something on his fingers, “I don’t remember. It’s been a while since those mandatory Physio-Repro classes in high school, I’ll have to dig around for my old textbook or something.”

Stretch looked up suddenly,  “I do have a question, though.”

Edge didn’t say anything at first, expression carefully blank if not a touch alarmed, “If you, of all monsters, don't understand something, I'm not sure what you expect me to say-”  He drew himself up to his full height, looking much more determined, “But I will do my best.”

“Heh.” Stretch grinned, taking the stairs two at a time to cut in front of his husband, “I was just wondering, you hungry? Even after a whole day spent making and eating pancakes with your delightful kids?”

Sighing wearily at the comment, Edge looked earnestly confused, “Of course not. Why?”

“Of cou-?” Stretch gestured at the restaurant with an expansive sweep of his arm, “We're just here for the ambience then?”

”I'm not hungry,” Edge sounded impatient, moving off to the side, away from the main doorway and other patrons, “But I know you are.” Edge hesitated, crossing his arms over his chest as he glanced at some of the lingering dampness on Stretch’s hoodie from where they had cleaned the batter earlier.

“You’re not that clumsy, Papí,” Edge sounded almost absent-minded as he leaned forward to pick at a dried speck Stretch had missed along his collar, “Chara put something in your batter that made it inedible, didn’t they? And you pretended to slip and spill it on yourself so no one else would accidentally eat it. It was too much salt, or something?”

“Or something,” Stretch agreed, putting his hands in his hoodie pocket and worrying at his ring. Soap. It was dishwashing soap. He probably would have been fine, since he didn’t have any organs to poison. But he was pretty sure that much soap was probably dangerous for humans. And since he had made his super delicious ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ batter and played it up so much, a lot of those kids would have wanted to sample it. The whole point of this exercise had been to share different flavors and toppings, bonding and sharing for caring or something.

Was it a “prank” that had just gotten out of hand? Did they know soap in that quantities was probably not good for humans? Had they been banking he would just find a way to hoard his pancakes and eat them all himself? Were they trying to get back at everyone else in the room, too? Should he tell Edge about it? Asgore or Queen Toriel? Probably, but what would he even say?

“Stretch?” Edge called out softly, the beginning of a worried crease between his browbones, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m good,” he smiled breezily, still feeling unsettled and conflicted, “Just thinking of what flavor cheesecake best conveys: ‘I told you so! That little demon has had it out for me since day one! And the more you try to defend me from them, the angrier they get and the more they hate me and the worse they act!’ I’m thinking probably anything that doesn’t have chocolate, ugh.”

Edge looked far from convinced, but he let the matter go, expression softening into something apologetic, “Chara was in rare form all day- I suppose they didn’t take to the news as well as I was hoping. Apparently, they’re having issues with Asriel too- pushing him down, pulling his ears, things like that. They’re jealous and angry, and I guess Pancake just made things worse. I’m sorry-”

“Ah, c’mon, Babe,” Stretch walked towards the front door, holding it open from the inside as Edge followed him in, “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I’ll just keep avoiding them, they can pretend I don’t exist, and we’ll both be happy! Well, I’ll be happy, and  they’ll hopefully go back to their usual, slightly less angry self! Let’s just focus on delicious cheesecake and ignoring  huge, complex issues!”

“But-”

“Oh yeah, I nearly forgot!” Stretch turned around after exchanging a few pleasantries with the host, eyelights gleaming as he clapped his hands together, “This restaurant is notorious for its dim lighting, so we can check out that whole  G-L-O-W thing too! And it’s still bright enough that no nosy people will be able to tell. Ever the brilliant strategist and awesome hubby- catering to my sweet tooth and insatiable curiosity. Love you, Babe.”

“I-” Edge sighed, face growing hot as he pointedly looked away, failing to suppress a smile, “You.. too... In that case, I think the flavor you’ll probably want to order is Tiramisu. After you’ve had something more filling and nutritious, of course.”

Stretch made a face, sticking out his tongue for extra emphasis, “Ugh, no way- it’s so bland! Maybe like salted caramel for something a little more mellow.”

“Key lime, then.”

“Oh, mango key lime!”

“Ugh.”

[End of Recipe for Disaster]

[Part 1] [Part 2 - Here!]

[redvelvetreel]

Red Velvet Reel 6.1: Cele-BRAT-ion!

                      [Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Summary: Eight skeletons walking into a bar seems like the perfect setup for a joke. Too bad the punchline seems to have been Stretch's expectations of a fun little get-together with friends.But hey, what's a few baited taunts, stupid posturing, escalatory challenges, heated arguments, well-meaning scolding, clever puns, veiled threats, unnecessary bets, and borderline fights between cross-dimensional clones?

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus) & Red (Underfell Sans) & Blue (Underswap Sans) & Classic (Undertale Papyrus) & Comic (Undertale Sans) & Slim/Puppy (Swapfell Papyrus) & Black (Swapfell Sans) & some poor random waitress lol. 

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Meeting up in a (sports) bar! Everyone talks a lot and never shuts up! (A little) Stupid Fellverse posturing and antagonism! Lots of headcanons! A little betting and drinking?

Rating: Teen and up! (I guess?)

Note:  Hah, a labor of love that I’m still not satisfied with but! Enjoy!

Underswap Papyrus – Stretch             Underswap Sans –  Blue Underfell Paprus – Edge                     Underfell Sans – Red Swapfell Papyrus – Slim/Puppy          Swapfell Sans – Black Undertale Papyrus – Classic              Undertale Sans – Comic

Stretch squinted into dimly lit bar, past the dancers that seemed to be having an increasingly good time, “Yeah, I don’t see them-“

“It’s been 30 minutes,” Edge sounded completely nonplussed, scanning the drink menu almost languidly, “Unless the Tale ‘verses and your brother are such...” He paused, tilting his head with a pensive hum, “Weightless drinkers?”

“Lightweights, Babe,” Stretch corrected automatically, popping himself into his tiptoes as if that would help him spot their friends in the crush of monsters and people. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t help much.  “And we’re late because you didn’t even start getting ready until 7, so I wouldn’t go around casting stones-“

“Mhm,” Edge flipped the drink menu over with a distracted hum, tapping at something with his claw, “They have Honey Mead here.”

“Awesome.” Stretch sighed again, using his hands to shade his sockets, “Like, Seriously, I know you like to look good- and you always do- but I just don’t get why you waited until the last minute. What, the ~*Captain of the Royal Guard*~ needs to be ~*fashionably late*~ to everything?”

“It’s an easy way to make a memorable entrance and an impression,” Edge sniffed primly, gesturing at the area behind his husband with an incline of his head, “And all attention is on you- sometimes before you even realize it.”

Stretch finally caught sight of Blue, who was now standing up and waving emphatically from a corner booth. Along with several other familiar faces who were starting to wave too.

“Papy, over here! I mean, Stretch! Edge!”

Stretch grabbed Edge by the hand before he could look too smug, pulling him along to the end of the table quickly, “Good evening, folks, you’re looking snug as can be.”

“Just so! They was thinkin’ ya wasn’t gonna show!” Red held his tankard up in greeting, sloshing some of the contents on the table right next to Classic. “I real know my Ñaño eh?! Shoulda bet on it, heh!”

“Yes, yes, you were right. I’ll just-“ Classic took Blue’s napkin, daintily dabbing at the spot with a long suffering expression. That definitely wasn’t the first (and certainly not the last) time that happened. Stretch didn’t envy him, being sandwiched between Red and Blue.

“Red-“ Edge started mildly, only to be cut off by a dazzling smile aimed directly at him. Classic waved his arms as though trying to convey it was no problem, but looking more like he was desperately cutting the air, vibrating in his seat as his smile stretched even wider, “It’s fine! This is a negativity free zone! Because!! You! Or you! Neither of you can afford to be stressed whilLE YOU’RE-“

Before Stretch even felt his hand go empty, Edge was in the booth- knee in between Slim’s legs, half-draped over Blue, and both hands covering Classic’s mouth.

“Hey-!” Blue started to complain, wriggling away until he met Stretch’s pleading expression, settling down wordlessly, but very sulkily.

“Your enthusiasm and excitement are noted and appreciated,” Edge sounded amused, even as he rotated his hands so his fingers were clamping the excited skeleton’s mouth shut, “But this is privileged information. Your discretion is mandatory!”

Eyes still bulging in surprise, Classic nodded quickly, looking a little worried.

Stretch cleared his throat, giving his counterpart a thumbs up with a wink, “We knew we could count on Ambassador Papyrus.”

That did it. Classic nodded emphatically, eyes sparkling with excitement (or tears?) as he quickly broke Edge’s hold to clasp his hands passionately.

“I understand! You can count on me!” Classic tried his best to whisper, but it was still loud enough the table behind them collectively winced and hunched into themselves. “I am a master at keeping secrets, state or otherwise! But! Congratulations! To both of you!”

“Thanks man,” Stretch made a little heart with his hands, “Classic, you’re a class act.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about that sentence,” the other skeleton narrowed his eyes suspiciously with a frown, before brightening immediately, “But you’re welcome!”

Edge managed to take his hands back at that point, straightening his spine and looking down at Slim primly, “Puppy.”

If Slim was at all disturbed at having Edge towering over him, practically sitting in his lap, he gave no outward indication. He simply ducked his head in greeting while still being almost completely engrossed on the baseball game playing over the bar.

“Oh, sit, sit!” Classic firmly (but gently) yanked Edge down into the new space between Slim and Blue, motioning Stretch to do the same, “Both of you! Being on your feet for too long isn’t healthy for, um, the um-“

“The VIP.... or VIB, as it were,” Comic offered with a wink, sliding closer to Black and patting the spot next to him with a lazy smile, “We’re all sorta family here, so make yourself at home, Big guy.”

Stretch grinned, sidling up next to Comic and slinging an arm over his shoulders, “Thanks, lil’ guy, you’re a great berson.”

Comic put his arm around Stretch’s back with a chuckle, fingertips just barely visible over the fabric, “Blease, pro, you’re gonna make me plush.”

“Ughhhh.” Black finally broke his silence with a sneer, the corners of his mouth twitching in annoyance even as he stubbornly refused to acknowledge anyone. Stretch idly wondered if those two were really that passionate about baseball, or if it was just a convenient distraction. Black’s posture was stiff and straight, while Slim was steadily curling on himself, like they just felt incredibly out of place and uncomfortable. Welp, time to make things more inclusionary then.

“Ok!” Stretch rubbed his hands together, “Now that we’re all here, let’s open this lil’ shindig properly! You ready, Babe?”

Stretch received that incredulous look Edge had been perfecting over the course of their relationship, rolling his eyes with unnecessary emphasis of how put upon he was... before doing exactly as he was asked. Edge drummed on the table, steadfastly avoiding eye contact with everyone else, as Stretch grinned and swept his arms out dramatically.

“Friends, family, and emotionally- repressed multidimensional assholes who aren’t sure why they’re here-“ Black smiled at that, putting all of his sharp teeth on display. It was deeply unsettling. “It is my pleasure and honor to officially announce the newest addition to our little family-“

Edge stopped drumming on Stretch’s cue, expression carefully blank but with that slight twitch to his mouth that meant he was trying very hard not to smile. “Pancake! They’ll be having their debut bash in February, probably, so keep your sockets out for the deets. Thanks for coming to celebrate with us, it means a skeleton.”

Classic gasped loudly, eyes bulging out of wide sockets, “Pancake?! Like the food?! Are- are you really-“ He withered when Edge turned his head to glare at him directly, “Um! That’s really creative! And very, very cute! I mean that, honestly! What, uh, what inspired you both to call your child Pancake?!”

“It’s a nickname,” Blue answered for them with a slight toss of his head, a note of irritation in his tone, “And I agree! My brother is a very creative and cute monster himself, so of course his child is going to have the most adorable and creative nickname, too!” Just as quickly, his voice lost that edge and he was all smiles again, dreamy stars in his eye sockets, “My little nibling is going to be the best monster ever! Have the best name ever! We’re gonna have the best time together!”

Blue looked down at the table with furrowed browbones, smile becoming less sure as he turned towards his brother-in-law, “That’s ok, right, Edge?”

To his credit, Edge was able to force down his surprise before it became too obvious, giving Blue a decisive nod. “Of course,” his voice had the usual bravado and self-assurance, but Stretch could hear the uncertainty in the undertone, “In fact, I’ll be counting on you to keep Red from getting them into unreasonable mischief. ”

“Just the regular, reasonable kind of mischief, then?” Blue asked wryly, but his smile was weak, clearly disappointed with the answer.

“If they take after me,” Edge puffed out his chest proudly, slipping into his more boisterous persona as he gestured with his hand dramatically. He was obviously uncomfortable, too, unable to interpret Blue’s new mood, “That will be inevitable!”

It was awkward and stilted, and Stretch found them both glancing in his direction for guidance, but they were trying. His husband and brother were trying very hard to actively get along, after months of bare minimum pleasantries and steadfastly avoiding each other. Stretch couldn’t help tearing up, wiping at the edge of his sockets with a sniffle.

“That confirms that then,” Black sniffed dismissively, resting his chin on his palms as he leaned against the table, “But it’s not much of a victory if you have to share it.”

“Huh?” Stretch dabbed at his eyes with the handkerchief Blue had passed him, distracted by the feel of Edge’s boot brushing along his femur. “What?”

“Ya sure, Lil’ Tyrant?!” Red was positively giddy, “Ain’t no one sure who’s knocked up!” He flapped his hands emphatically, clearly several drinks into the evening, “Don’t say nothin’ yet, let ‘em stew!”

“That’s not entirely true,” Blue chimed in from the corner, playing with his bendy straw and pointing it at himself, “Some monsters are sure...”

Red put a hand on Classic’s chest just to push him back far enough to pointedly glare at Blue. Classic smoothed the front of his shirt wordlessly, while Red leaned on the table conspiratorially, “There’s a bettin’ pool.”

Edge smirked in a way that made Stretch uneasy, resting his chin on his hand, “Oh? Well, in that case~”

He called the waitress over, “Two honey meads, some water, and a refill for the table. We’re going to need it.”

“You- or you?! -can’t drink!” Classic looked between them, scandalized, then at Comic for confirmation. Comic nodded sagely. “Yes, see?! Alcohol isn’t as bad for pregnant monsters as other things, but it’s still not good for you! It impairs your concentration, so your magic goes all funny! Yes, fine, there’s debate about its impact on raw, unused magic- but why take the chance if you’re loading a baby?!”

The waitress came back with a tray of drinks and started putting them on the table, hesitating when Blue and Classic glared at the mead. “Thank you,” Edge told her pleasantly, completely ignoring them and taking both himself.

He slid one mug towards Stretch, who took it with palpable unease and hesitation, flinching when Blue smacked his hands down on the table. “Papy, say something! I don’t know what game they’re trying to play, but you shouldn’t just condone it, especially because I don’t think you know either! Don’t just-“

“Shh!” Red crawled into Classic’s lap, putting his hands over Blue’s mouth with a scowl, “Pipe down, Baby Blue- ain’t nothin’ goin’ to happen to the squirt. Wait ‘n listen, ya goddamn goofs-“ He turned to give Classic a stern look too, “Got lotsa shitty stuff in this family, but idiocy ain’t one of ‘em.”

Although Edge managed to keep himself from reacting to the backhanded compliment, his smile was less threatening and more genuine as he ran a claw along the circuit of the mug. “I’m raising the stakes- another drink of equal or greater value to the pool. I’ll take your bet and the reasoning behind it as suitable collateral.”

[Part 1 - Here! ] [Part 2 ] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

[redvelvetreel]

Red Velvet Reel 4.5: A Crabapple A Day

                                      [Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Summary: Edge is incredibly unhappy, Undyne is incredibly nervous, and Stretch tries to keep them both from self/outwardly imploding.

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus) & Red (Underfell Sans) & Blue (Underswap Sans) & Undyne (Underswap Undyne)

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Iatrophobia (fear of doctors)! Anxiety manifesting as aggression! Awkward & Anxious Swapdyne! Stretch & Undyne being buddies!

Rating: Teen and up! (I guess?)

Note:  Hello! This is still a queued post! I’ll try to edit the links as soon as possible, but since I only have mobile access right now, it’s a little tough… But I’ll get to it eventually! Thank you for your support! <3

“UGH.” Edge looked disgusted. “Terrible. Absolutely horrendous.”

Undyne cleared her throat, clicking her pen and holding her clipboard professionally. “Why don’t we get started. I’m Dr. Undyne, and-“ she stopped suddenly, earfins drooping as she seemed to collapse on herself. “I... I already introduced... myself...”

She stood up abruptly, heading towards the door, “That was really stupid... I’m, uh- I should maybe-“

“Undyne!” Stretch pulled her into a big hug that had her squeak in surprise, lifting her clear off the floor. He nuzzled the back of her head like she was a toy, and she clung to his arms as if afraid of falling. Undyne looked suddenly much more relaxed, for whatever reason.

“It’s going tibia ok! Edge won’t bite you or anything! He’s a lot more nervous about this than you are!”

Edge narrowed his eyes, stung by that inadvertent betrayal. “Doubtful,” he sneered, “You reek of fear.”

“Edge,” Stretch’s voice took on that rare warning tone, giving him that vaguely disappointed quasi-judgemental look that never failed to make Edge actually feel (a little) bad, “Play nice.“

Undyne leaned toward her armpit discreetly, sniffing the fabric a little too loudly to go unnoticed. “I knew I should have taken that extra shower...” she mumbled to herself, cheeks flushed in mortification.

Stretch squeezed her to get her attention, continuing with an obvious undertone of pride, “My Dyne-amo’s a great friend, and an even better doctor! She’s hardworking and honest, and has a great bedside manner! She owns up to her mistakes and works hard to fix them, so you couldn’t be in more capable hands!”

Edge held his tongue, watching actual sparkles manifest by his husband’s head with a carefully neutral expression. That was hardly reassuring, but Blue was right- isolating her would do him no favors. He would just bide his time until he could find a more suitable physician, if necessary. He gripped the plastic on either side of him tightly.

“Oh, well...” Undyne started playing with a loose lock of hair almost bashfully, before she grinned, “You’re such a huge dork!”

She turned around and started mercilessly noogieing Stretch’s head, laughing boisterously as he sank to his knees in pain, “OW OW! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!”

“BECAUSE I GET OVERWHELMED AND I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO EXPRESS MY SINCERE APPRECIATION OF YOUR SUPPORT!

Edge felt something stir deep in his soul, a strange feeling that made looking at them suddenly unbearable. Was it jealousy? Stretch gave hugs to everyone, and Undyne didn’t seem like much of a threat... What was it, then?! As much as he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t make himself relax.

“Do you know m00nsh1ne?!”

Edge looked back, watching Stretch massage his neck and shoulders for a moment, before turning his attention back to Undyne. She sat on her little stool, clipboard held against her face and looking incredibly excited.

“...Homemade distilled liquor?” Edge asked, unsure of what to make of her odd question. He was fairly certain that wasn’t what she was asking, but he had no idea what else it could be.

“If that’s a roundabout way of asking if I drink, then I haven’t since I found out I’m pregnant.” Edge wasn’t sure why she deflated, turning to look at Stretch in obvious confusion.

“A-pop- Aerok* Pop Music.” Stretch pointed at the poster on the wall. “They’re an A-pop band called m00nsh1ne, and Undyne’s their biggest fan. You were looking at the poster so...”

Oh. The poster featured a group of pretty girls in identical, impractical dresses, posed with something written in the middle in a foreign language. Maybe not, he squinted, maybe it was just very stylized.

“Hm.” Edge felt her eyes on him, even as she started fiddling with a complicated-looking machine. “No-“ He could see Stretch behind her miming a conversation with his hands, followed by a pleading expression. “You may tell me about them some other time.”

That wasn’t the best answer, but Undyne lit up like a Gyftmas Tree and Stretch made him a little heart with his hands. Edge sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Excellent!” Undyne picked up a portable screen and held it up, “I’ve read through your medical file, and you don’t seem to have any underlying conditions, but if there’s anything I should be aware of-“

Edge instinctively scrambled away as she came closer with the machine, only stopping when Stretch physically sat on the end of the examination table. He dug his claws into his husband’s femur as though grounding himself, keeping one arm raised defensively at chest level.

“Why...” He forced himself to take a deep breath, straightening his spine and asking with more aggression than he intended, “What’s that for?”

Undyne flinched as if he struck her, leaning back against her chair and pulling the screen up to her chest. She actually seemed to be trying to hide behind it, looking down as though afraid to make eye contact.

“Uhhh...” she started, worrying at her lips nervously, “Medicinal- um, magic- magicianal-“

“Ok, let’s all calm down,” Stretch was as soothing as possible, draping an arm on Edge’s shoulder and reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Undyne’s lap. It was more suffocating than comforting, so Edge quickly shrugged it off, putting his back against the wall instead.

“Did I say or do something bad?” Undyne asked timidly, ear fins drooping in obvious consternation.

Stretch looked in his direction, but Edge pointedly looked at the machine instead, bringing his foot onto the examination table.

“We’ve had very bad experiences with doctors before-“ Stretch sighed, but kept his voice calming and even, “So we’re very wary and very uncomfortable being here, right?”

Edge gave a curt nod, not trusting his voice when every instinct screamed at him get out of this room. He tapped his fingers on the plastic cushion restlessly, reminding himself over and over that neither monster was an enemy or a threat. They were allies. Allies. Allies. Allies-

“What?!” Undyne got up immediately, eyes dilating and gills flaring in obvious anger, “Doctor’s take a solemn oath to follow a strict ethical code tohelp their patients! That anyone would dare violate this is INEXCUSABLE!“

The aggression put Edge back on high alert, crossing the room with his handle on the doorknob in an instant- but it was familiar. Justice-fueled and aimed outward at no particular target. Just outrage at things outside of her ability to throttle into submission. Comforting. He felt something almost forgotten stir deep in his soul, and he almost smiled as Undyne let out a guttural scream of rage. Edge forced his fingers to uncurl around the handle, making a tight fist at his side as he watched her every move.

“THAT QUACK-! MALPRACTICE SHOULD BE PUNISHED BY EXECUTION!” She snapped her clipboard in half. Stretch looked completely unfazed as he ducked his head to the side, avoiding the largest piece of shrapnel as he kept an eye on both monsters.

“Ah!” Undyne looked down at her clipboard with furrowed brows, “That’s the fifth one this month!”

Stretch patted her back, taking the remains from her hands and tossing it in the trash with practiced ease. “At least it wasn’t the machine. You almost caused a fire last time.”

“Sorry!” Undyne was incredibly apologetic, ducking her head repeatedly in a series of quick bows as she swiveled towards the door, “I didn’t mean to startle you! I just can’t stand bad doctors! I can only imagine what that- that- UGH did if they could make someone as cool and as tough as you are that uncomfortable!”

She shuddered meaningfully. That, more than her praise and passionate outburst, did more to settle his insecurity and anxiety into something more manageable. Edge had to remain stable and in control for the sake of all the monsters looking up to him. For the monsters depending on him.

“Since your previous physicians- if you can even call them that- failed you, it’s my duty to make up for their shortcomings!” Undyne continued earnestly, procuring a new clipboard from a drawer filled with them. “Rest assured, you’ll have the best care here! And I’ll make sure little Pancake never has to suffer the same way!”

Edge nodded, still a little terse, “Very well, Doctor.”

Undyne sat back down, beaming, “What can I do to make you feel more at ease? This is your appointment, after all- you’re in charge!”

He was?! Edge felt something in him unclench, and while not at all comfortable, it was... better.  He went back to his spot on the examination table next to Stretch, discreetly laying his hand next to his husband’s fingers. He felt Stretch shift, squeezing his hand gently. Feeling a little more like he was in control, Edge looked at the machine she was holding, forcing down his trepidation.

“Explain what you will be using, where and how, and for what purpose before you do anything,” he instructed, sounding more confident than he felt. Undyne flinched at his commanding tone, but nodded nonetheless.

“...I can’t run the same risks as if it were just me, you understand,” he added softly as an afterthought, watching her every movement carefully. Her face softened as though she understood (how could she?), but if it was for Pancake’s sake, he could do it. He would do it. He would do anything.

“Of course.” Undyne pushed her hair out of her eyes to little effect, “Well, then let me explain what this thing is first, then.”  

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5 - Here!] [Part 6] [Part 7]