#moving on. the rework is satisfactory

[secretknowledge]

i detest terrorbeaks.

[tj-dragonblade]

popping my head in to ask about Mer Hob 👀 from the WIP title ask game

Finally popping my head back up to answer, my apologies for the wait! Mer-Hob came out of server conversations about mer-Dreamling fish assignments and aquatic mating displays, but he kind of fizzled out with the scene I tried to write. Dusting him off for this, though, I think I can breathe the spark back into it. Take it past where I meant to before, so it will have a more satisfactory conclusion. I have scrapped the lackluster 'how did they meet' that was stalling me out and given them new backstory and now I'm unsure how exactly I want to structure this. Start where I've started and then jump back to the meeting, then bring them back to the present? Make the backstory a separate fic? Rearrange the whole thing chronologically, which would require a lot of rework and shortening of the current opening bit? IDK but I'll figure it out. In the meantime, here is a chunky chunk of drafting for their meet-cute (sfw but cut for length):

Dream is not surprised to find a waterline-level cave out on the rock formation in the bay, on the side not visible from shore. Nor is he overly surprised to find someone stretched out in the handsbreadth of water covering the floor with their eyes closed, as the morning light fills the first several feet of the cave brightly in a way that is conducive to sunbathing.

The fact that the sunbather has a bright orange tail with brilliant yellow fins and blue-black leopard-like spots is rather less expected, however, and Dream gasps his surprise.

The sound startles the man—the merman—surely not?—who sits bolt upright, eyes wide and panicking as he locks gazes with Dream not an arm's length away.

Dream's heart skips a beat. He's beautiful—

"Oh, fuck!" The merman—there is no other explanation, no mistaking the flurry of fins and scales as he moves—the merman twists and flops and dives past Dream, a less-than-graceful plunge off the rock and into the sea and then he is gone.

"Wait!" Dream cries, to the bright flick of yellow vanishing into the depths, but of course it is no use.

He could swim back to the boat, could don his diving gear and follow—but no. The merman is already gone, and will be more so by the time Dream could be equipped to give chase.

He swallows back his disappointment, his disbelief, and tells himself resolutely that he surely imagined the entire thing.

But he did not imagine it, he knows this; the knowledge lodges in his mind, burrows down into his consciousness and curls around his common sense, stokes his curiosity.

He saw a merman.

Merpeople do not exist.

But he saw one.

He returns the next day, hoping perhaps to repeat the discovery, but he is the only visitor to the cave in the hours that he spends there. When the tide has gone out and come back in, high enough once more to cover the floor of the cave, when he has spent all day waiting with nothing to show for it, he admits defeat and swims back to his boat.

He returns again, and again, later each day with the drift of the tide, diving to explore beneath the surface when the cave remains empty. He finds nothing of note, nothing to hint at the existence of merfolk, nothing at all out of the ordinary; by day six, he is trying to convince himself to make peace with the likelihood that he will never find any trace of the merman he knows he had seen.

On day seven, the merman is back, sunbathing at the front of the cave again.

Only this time, he has human legs, is wearing swim trunks, is sitting further away from where Dream is treading water, stunned.

"…Hello," Dream manages.

"Hi," the man says, warmly polite. He is cross-legged with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around them, one hand holding the other wrist; he is meant to look casual and relaxed, Dream is certain, but the tension and the nervousness coming off of him are palpable.

He is still beautiful.

"You're. I saw you here, before?" His thoughts are still trying to catch up; he hoists himself into the cave, doesn't move closer.

The man's shoulders drop a tiny fraction. "Yeah, yep! Startled me good, you did!" He chuckles lightly, a carefree and casual sound; the fingers of his dangling hand wriggle, a nervous and distracted sort of gesture that draws Dream's attention to the profusion of hair on his bare legs, and arms, and what Dream can see of his chest.

"You had a. A tail, last time," Dream says, somewhat awkwardly, tearing his gaze from the sprinkling of hair on the man's bare toes.

"Oh, that, yes!" The man grins, bright and disarming. "I'm a mermaid performer, with the, ah, the local carnival."

Dream is convinced this is a lie even as the logical part of his brain points out that this explanation makes far more sense than believing in merfolk. He knows what he saw, the flexing of muscle and the fanning of fins, the bending and twisting that did not match up to the way that human legs would move in that configuration. The merman speaks with casual confidence, but the tension in his frame and the nervous fidget of his clasped hand are easy to read.

"…No, I don't think you are," Dream says, and the man's bright smile dips before returning to full wattage.

"Calling me a liar, are you?" He laughs, a light and enchanting sound that Dream immediately wants to hear more of. "Merfolk, they don't actually exist, I'll have you know."

~ The wip tag has a tiiiny bit more of this one, also.

[ask-the-bone-boys]

indefinite hiatus.

so, as much as I really hate to say it, I think I and anyone who’s been following along with this blog for the last year or two could tell this has been kind of a long time coming.

Basically, the gist is that I don’t know if I’m having fun running an ask blog anymore. I genuinely do love writing these characters, and I want nothing more than to keep working on this story and helping it grow and develop. But lately, I’ve been struggling massively with actually getting the motivation required to work on it. 

It’s become a pattern; I get motivated for a few weeks, drop some updates that are more than just static talk sprites and text, and then disappear for months more before it all starts again. I feel bad and guilty every time I disappear, especially for no reason, but I just can’t get myself to work on what I need to do next. It doesn’t help that I’ve gotten progressively more busy as time goes on, too.

That’s another thing. I started this blog when I was thirteen, you guys! Next summer I’m gonna be getting ready for college! There are so many things I wrote back at the start that I wish I did differently, good lord. But that’s besides the point, which is that in the four years I’ve been working on this, only about a week and three days have actually passed in canon. Considering how long I plan for the full thing to be, thats..........a little demotivating, yeah

But enough with my list of grievances! I want to say now that this does not mean this story is being put to bed. I want to keep working on it! I want to tell the damn story I’ve been writing for four damn years!!!! I’ll abandon it when I’m in my thirties!!!!!!!!!

Lately, I’ve been playing with the idea of fully moving away from the ask blog format and converting it into a more traditional fanfic. This would come with its own challenges, being that I would have to almost completely rework the first two arcs, but. Writing’s always come a bit faster to me, somehow. 

I haven’t decided on anything yet, though. Maybe I’ll try the ask blog format a bit longer. I love interacting with you guys, after all, and I love seeing what weird shit you decide to say to my skeletons! But for right now, I just need to take an actual, intended break, guilt-free, just to figure out exactly what I want to do. I’m also gonna start a separate fic for Karma’s backstory sometime soon, so maybe that’ll help clear up some of the weirdness in my brain. Who knows! I don’t!

But anyway this is long as hell and y’all get the point by now, so I’m just gonna say, thank you all so, so much for sticking along with me for as long as you have. I hope that I can find a way to continue that’s satisfactory for everyone, and I hope that one day, we can all see it to its end.

[ageless-aislynn]

I know that nobody can make this call other than me but I’d be really interested to hear what my fellow writers do when they find themselves in a situation like this. I’d do a poll so you could have cool clicky buttons but... I am not yet poll-worthy. 🤷‍♀️😥😉

Anyway, here’s my question: if you have a fic with 2 chapters already posted and you are bitterly, horribly unhappy with the third and final chapter, what would you do? I’ve been trying literally for years to rework that last chapter to give this fic a satisfactory ending but it’s just not working. I accidentally built too many flaws into the first 2 chapters for this to end in a way that I’m pleased with.

So would you post what you’ve got anyway, figuring AN ending is better than no ending at all? Would you just keep it a WIP and hope that maybe one day you’ll find something you’re happy with? Would you just abandon the fic and admit defeat (and would you delete the first 2 chapters or leave them in that case)?

Like I said, only I can make this call on my own fic but I’m interested to hear what others might do if they get well and truly locked with a half-posted fic and an ending that sounds like an orchestra all playing different songs and out of tune at the same time.

In case you’re wondering, I really have fought to salvage this one. I’m currently on draft 40 of this one chapter. 😬 I’ve moved the ending to different places on the timeline. I’ve changed the tone a bunch of times. I’ve added in other characters, I’ve cut the characters down to the bare minimum. I’ve switched the p.o.v. and it’s still a joke with no punchline, a song with no ending coda, just weak trailing off. If I go with the obvious solution, it’s boring because it’s too obvious. If I go with something less obvious, it has no support from the previous chapters, so it looks like I’m pulling a very angry, sentient avocado out of my hat instead of a rabbit. Short of completely rewriting the entire fic, I’ve exhausted all of the ways I can find out of this one with the two chapters already set in stone.

And honestly? I don’t want to rewrite this entire fic. I want it in my rear view mirror, whether because it’s done or because I’ve decided to stop trying to salvage it.

As a reader, which is worse to you: a bad ending or no ending at all? I wish I knew what to do. I could just post what I have and call it a day but I loathe posting something so weak, especially since it’s been caught in limbo for 3 years.

Post what I have, even though I’m unhappy with it or abandon the fic, that’s where I’m at right now. Any thoughts, advice, words of encouragement, pertinent song lyrics, or cute animal and/or Halo Spartan GIFs 😉 would all be really welcome right now. Thanks, frens. Love to you all.

[melissas-blogs]

Dragon Model Redo - Creation

Beginning the rework, I used the older model of the dragon as the base since the proportions were not planned to change. I took the rig back into its A pose and closed the mouth before applying the armature to the model and re-meshing. This allowed me to begin working on the redesign while keeping the model fairly flat with the scrape tool, maintaining the stylized theme.

The main reason for re-meshing was to keep the mouth closed, avoiding the issues with the teeth encountered in the previous test. Additionally, I removed the wings by selecting both wings, deleting all of their faces, and manually joining the vertices together. This method, while tedious and time-consuming, was the best functional option I could find without redoing the entire model. Moving on beyond the body I worked on adding clothes. This was something I wasn't experienced in which took a lot of time and research to attempt. First was the arm wraps where I followed the tutorial “Arm wrap in Blender NO ADD ON by (TLD Studios, 2023)” to create the arm wraps as part of the design of my character. I used a plane that would shrink-wrap around the main mesh so it would easily follow its shape. I then added modifiers to solidify so that it has thickness and subdivision to allow it to wrap around the mesh more smoothly. Duplicated and adjusted each wrap to create multiple wraps around the arm overlapping each other. 

Next, I worked on the cloth that hangs down the middle of the character. Because this model was aimed to be 3D printed, I needed to ensure the mesh was thick and fairly simple for the printer. Using the video by Theo GL titled "How to Simulate Thick Clothing in Blender" taught me the basics of the cloth simulation tool in Blender while applying a solidify modifier to it.

Despite many trials and errors in changing the simulation stats and modifier effects, I couldn't achieve a satisfactory outcome for the cloth. After spending most of the day trying to perfect this feature, I decided to remove the cloth from the model to avoid falling behind schedule.

With all the smaller assets completed, I was ready to begin rigging the model to pose it for rendering. However, I was facing multiple crashes when trying to move the pose of the high poly model. Therefore, to fix this I used the low poly base to put it into a pose ready for a higher poly later. To help smooth out the process, I kept the belt and wraps separately so I could control and place them onto the mesh more easily than trying to fix weight paints.

With the rig and mesh working without crashing I began testing out poses. Overall, it was good. There was some slight stretching in the shoulders as they were too pushed out, but this can be adjusted later with the rig and the model itself. Additionally, I noticed that some controls were not following properly, such as the toe controls not following the rotation of the foot. I fixed this by adding a copy rotation constraint to the bone. This process, despite its challenges, has improved the Dracythr model and prepared it for the final rendering stage.

After these few adjustments to the rig, I was happy with the final pose. I used my low-poly base, subdivided it, and shrink-wrapped it around the high-poly model. This allowed the low-poly model to capture most of the high-poly details, giving me a high-poly look without the lag.

This model would not be suitable for any games; however, since it's intended solely for 3D printing, retopology is not needed. Finally, I created a base to be printed separately from the model, which will help keep the model balanced. From my previous 3D print, I learned that the model could not remain upright on its own. The base was made using simple cylinders with two extra supports at the base of the foot, which were then cut into the mesh using the Boolean tool.

References

TLD Studios (2023) Arm wrap in Blender NO ADD ON. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teN4A5LwNCY (Accessed: 18 January 2024).  Theo GL (2022) How to Simulate Thick Clothing in Blender. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m06QU_khLIY (Accessed: 18 January 2024). 

[sincelastsession]

It's almost 7am. I haven't slept.

My parents have a budget of 1k and want to move me asap. I'm supposed to find alll the places by myself and call.

I was going to go talk to the office today about my neighbors. I feel like I need a script to go off of or someone in my ear telling me what to say. They seem to treat me like I'm a racist. Yes these people are POC. The problem is the noise and rude behavior. I'm very protective of my peace and cannot function if it's disrupted constantly.

I was told not to bother by my mom because she doesn't think it's going to fix anything and I will be moving soon enough and to wear earplugs and the shitty ear protection that is not made for autistic people and does not block out enough noise. I do not think I should have to wear either of these items in order to live in this apartment complex I have not needed them before. All this began when these people moved into the apartment near me. I can hear people dropping off their children as the apartment currently and the children are crying and screaming. I hate it. My head already hurts. When I got home Yesterday from eating lunch with my mom I was at my door and somebody spoke through the ring doorbell that they have set up at their little daycare and yelled who is it. It was not a normal question it was aggressive and rude and they also yelled something else intelligible at me and I cannot prove any of this happened. The office seems to not give a fuck about my sanity or anything else for that matter.

So my parents are willing to move me and they are both arguing about who has to pay how much and I have been given a limit of $1000.

Most places that would be safe and quiet for me to be able to heal and balance out and work on things and flourish are more expensive than that my parents already expect me to contribute to the $1000 which does not make sense because they told me that before they told me I needed to contribute which means that I have to rework my entire budget which I don't mind looking at but I would like to have money to do nice things for myself just like they do nice things for themselves. I would like to lead a normal life as much as possible. I was not allowed to do so in my childhood. I was the one taking care of everybody else so there was the least amount of conflict possible or I was made to feel that I had to be that way. I have always been put in the middle and forced to choose between my parents. They both speak about each other in horrible manners. I am not innocent of talking shit about both of them obviously. But what I'm saying is true and what they are saying is to manipulate me against one another which they have done as far back as I can remember. I was used as a weapon. I am still being used as a weapon. They think that I am using them and that is far from the truth. I am extremely angry at them though.

So anyway I have 1K to work with. I either need a very large one bedroom home with a small office room that I can use as an office or guest room. Or I need an actual 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment where I can get a roommate or a 3 bedroom apartment where I can get 2 roommates or just one I really don't care. Actually that's not true I would prefer not to have a roommate I have a lot of furniture and I do own a lot of things and there's more furniture that I would like to get from my father's house. I could furnish my own home and most of the furniture I do have is antique and inherited from my grandmother. I do not wish to live in a place so small that I would have to put it in storage and pay extra money that I don't have or sell it. It has functionality and sentimental value. I throw away things that I don't need or I give it to people who do need it or I handed over to people will go and drop it off to be donated if I'm having trouble doing that myself.

I have found many places however none of the places are satisfactory to either of my parents. They tell me that all the places that I have found that are affordable are in bad areas. Some of the places they are talking about they are correct about but they have given me a limit and that's what I have to work with. I have told them both that I would be happy to have a condo with 2 bedrooms if one of the bedrooms was downstairs and I would happily get a roommate who could live upstairs But in all honesty I would like to keep a guest room/office/art room. I am a 37-year-old woman and I feel that that is important to me in a place to live. I need a place that will allow me to have my cats. They are natural therapy cats. They help me from having very bad Complex PTSD episodes. They help me when I am having autistic meltdowns. They are overall beneficial to my well-being and get me out of bed when I am having a rough time.

My biggest fear is that my parents are not serious and aren't planning to move me like they say they are and that if I start packing things that I am not using currently will it be a waste of time and energy?

Is it going to be another lie?

One time my mom Almost ruined a very long friendship of mine because she wanted to put a down payment on a small garden home for me and thought that she would somehow magically have the money to do that because she was speaking to a scammer. She never admitted this to me but I figured it out. It was not hard to figure out. She did not reply to any of the Is attempts at contact from my friend. He spent time and energy out of his very big business That he charges his normal clients lots and lots of money for his services. His clients include some very prominent figures in Louisiana. I was going to get all of that for free and she ruined it.

My father then said that he would help me find a place to live and we looked at exactly one place with a friend of Mine who was considering being my roommate but after being around my father and becoming quite Disturbed about his behavior he Changed his mind and he also told me that the price was Too Much anyway which I agreed on and I asked him if he would not mind looking at other places with me and he said sure and Then a few weeks later he blocked me completely And I never got an explanation. I assume that it's possible that my father might have called him or that he might have been so disturbed by my father that he did not want to be my roommate or associate with me anymore. I can't really figure out what exactly I did in that situation to make someone completely stop speaking to me I have pored over the messages and thought about everything I had said to that person prior to them disappearing out of my life I'm sure that they had their reasons and it might have not been a malicious reason.

It's 7:20 AM and I hear children screaming. I hear a lady screaming at them to shut the fuck up. This is apartment 60 In the corner near my apartment. I do think that at some point someone should probably call CPS because I do not know what is going on in that situation nor do I think that daycare's run out of apartments in apartment complexes are a very good idea for children a business or community. There are only 2 bedrooms in that apartment and there is no way that all of those children live there.

People tend to drop their kids off more often when the pool is open someone has ripped the pool sign that says closed off of the pool area out of anger because they think I am responsible for that. Unfortunately as much as I would have liked to be responsible for the green algae in the pool that is a natural occurrence due to lack of chlorine in the pool and weather I looked it up and read about how it occurs. It probably has to do with the fact that she makes the children stay downstairs in the pool and around the pool most of the day and I don't See them get to go upstairs to use the restroom ever until she calls them in to come eat and get dressed so their parents pick them up. I know that they are a Muslim family and I do not have any hate in my heart for the Muslim religion. I know that my other neighbor is Christian and I do not have hate in my heart for their religion either. If I have to continue to live here I am going to put pagan things out as decorations just like they have put their own decorations up. I want to do that because I have always wanted to do that not despite these people technically. It is part of my belief system and I feel that you know I have freedom of religion and writes to express that. I feel though that if I did that the apartment complex would have an issue with me and it would be a literal witch hunt. I am surprised that none of the children have come over to the area in front of my apartment and fucked with anything yet but there's still time I guess. They already call me a witch and say things about me that I know that they are repeating from the woman that lives there. There has been no direct confrontation but there has been many indirect things said towards my direction when I have been outside and wanting to garden and have nervously gone inside my apartment because I can't stand the noise and the behavior.

All of this could be solved in several different ways but those ways are out of my control and in control of the office and people that can report things to child protective services. I have tried to speak to child protective services but I have no proof of child neglect or anything else even though there is obvious Neglect going on in some way. I do not video or record these people or take pictures of them. I was asked by someone once in the office to do so and I told them no. I feel like that is going too far.

I am upset that I did not sleep and I am absolutely dreading today because I am exhausted and I know I'm going to hear a lot of Loud noises and I cannot Sleep with earplugs in or headphones and I Really do not Want To pull a 24 hour. My head fucking hurts and it's hurt on the right sad for over a year and I have spoken to so many fucking doctors about it and nobody has given me an answer but I can spend 5 minutes on Google and figure out a couple things it could be but fuck me they're not going to investigate any of it because I'm a big stupid not Doctor person And how dare I not go to Doctor's school and get my little Doctor's certificate. How dare I know things that professionals don't even think about. I mean it could be just a simple headache related to the concussion I sustained A couple years ago. It could be an aneurysm because I never got that test done because no one wanted to take me to get that test done and it was fucking ridiculous and I cannot afford an Uber all the way to New Orleans and all the way home. I really don't want to get a brain aneurysm test done by myself. That's really scary and nobody understands that I need somebody to go with me. Nobody understands that every single Doctor appointment I have is traumatic for me. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the eighth and I am terrified That I'm in trouble and I couldn't tell you why I would be in trouble but I called them in distress because I got screwed up with taking my anxiety medicine I was not taking more of it than I should have I was taking less but I did not know when I needed to pick it app or if I had a refill or when my next appointment was or if I needed to schedule and I told them that I was in APT SD flair and I needed to get some help and I needed to Either have my medication dose up or I needed some suggestions on what else I can do other than go to therapy to reduce the amount of stress and anxiety etc that I am experiencing. I do not know how a psychiatrist and his PA are going to solve this. I have literally been on every medication you can think of that would work for someone with anxiety including heart medications that fucked me up and anti psychotics and mood stabilizers etc. It's actually really funny to be able to understand why Britney Spears is so fucking unhinged I feel a great sense of relation to why she is acting so bizarre because she is finally free. I wonder sometimes if I will act bizarre when I finally am free. Also a lot of the American public does not understand that she is just a woman from Kinner who has been overmedicated her entire fucking life and not diagnosed correctly. I am sure that she has lots and lots and lots and lots of trauma. It seems like her and other big name movie stars seem to have alter egos and I find that pretty interesting. The fact that her parents and sibling tried to control her life is very relatible. She's not like somebody I'm super into I'm not a huge fan I just identify with a lot of the things that she had to go through. People around her even now don't seem to have her best interest in heart and that makes me sad because I feel that way about a lot of people that aren't part of my support system. I feel like most people don't want anything to do with me unless they're getting something out of being my friend. Or unless they can use me in some way.

The only time I have felt in control recently is when I have been in submission to my dominant with enthusiastic consent. I feel this is therapeutic for me. I try not to overdo it because I do not want my partner to feel or think that it is his job to regulate me all the time. In fact it's not his job at all to do that. He understands my situation and every aspect of why I seek him out to dominate me. He understands that I love him very much and that I have no desire to fuck up his life in any way with my bullshit just like he doesn't want to fuck up my life with his bullshit.

I really do love my partner.

I also really miss my ex-boyfriend. It really hurts because I know he has feelings for me but I know he is also 30 years old and does not know what he wants in a lot of ways. I don't think that I am feeling liberence I truly feel that I am still in love with him and I have not been able to stop being in love with him. I really do want nothing more than to date him again. Granted he would be okay with me having my long distance partner. My long distance partner Would like if I had someone here to meet my needs and be supportive of me because he can't be in 2 places at onceven though he tries really really hard to be there for me and tends to speak to me more than he speaks to everyone else so I have been told. I am hesitant to say but I feel like he actually really does love me and it's hard for me to understand. It's hard for me to understand being loved. I have no problem loving others but I do not understand people loving me. I do not know how to receive love from people correctly. I am scared of this. I want so badly to be able to love and have sex and go out and have fun and have drinks and do stupid things and not regret any of it like so many people go out and do constantly. I am 37 and I feel like I have 0 prospects and that I'm never going to get to live my life and I'm terrified that I will never get married or settle down or have somebody to grow old was and I don't want to be alone because I have been alone my entire life. And one could argue that I have not been alone in my entire life but that's how it feels. I feel like a captive in my own apartment. It feels like a gilded cage and I can leave if I want to but I don't know if the door will be shut when I come back. I have everything I need. But what about the things that I want. It's hard to get myself anything that I want because that's wrong. It's hard to go get a haircut and get my nails stun or buy myself closing or do anything because it's wrong because it's a waste of money because I already have that even if it's torn pieces.

I feel terrorized By my own mind and by my own family.

I really just want to find a 2 bedroom place to live that is Going to meet my needs.

I don't like how bad I'm doing. I know that's the environment I'm in and with all the noise and with the miscommunication with my parents and all of the trauma that I have endured last year and this year that I am not going to get any better staying here. I cannot walk around with noise blocking devices forever I have sensory issues I cannot deal with it for so long. It makes me want to jump out of or rip-off my own skin and run Into the Woods to never be seen again unfortunately I have to see doctors and take medication and take care of my health so I cannot run away.

I'm exhausted and for the I don't know how many days in a row I just don't want to participate with today I do not want to get out of bed I want to sleep I want to eat I don't want to do anything I don't even think I can concentrate to do anything except the app that's this fucking phone and record what's going on in my head and within my life.

Stephanie at 1 point was going to help me get a place to live and pay for part of it and work with my father until he had me ask her to buy me an apartment or rent an apartment for me or something like that I don't know you'll have to ask me in session about that if I have not told you.

I would like Stephanie to come in for an appointment. She seems to think that I have hypochandrea and does not understand all of my mental health issues or physical health issues and I have tried to explain to her in simple terms that I am medically fragile. She has been my mentor since high school. I view her like an aunt or a very strange mother. She has grandchildren now that she is more focused on and she promised me money a long time ago and it never happened because she sent a check in the mail and my mailbox was broken into and so I had to have her canceled the check.

There's many peoples that I would like to have and participate in these appointments. I feel like that could be highly helpful. I feel like that there is something that I am missing about myself.

If you do not know what a Johari window is please look that up. Basically what I want that can tell me.

I also just want to know in general if a neuropsych is actually available to evaluate me. Medicaid says there are 2. One of them refuses to see me and I don't know why. I saw them once as a teen when I felt I was having cognitive decline. He told my parents I was just probably bipolar and disrespectful and spoiled. Thus made my life hell. I never even completed the cognitive testing because I had trouble with it. A neurologist at the neuromedical center pointed out that I did gave some sort of issue but said it wasn't anything to worry about. They were white spots.

I have seen a neuro a Tulane and been completely blown off because I will get in what people hear as frantic or rude when I'm just trying to be clear and assertive.

I don't like that I only have a few people that can understand me if I just talk in my normal tone. Most people can't read my inflection and think I'm being rude.

Yesterday when I was talking to my mom I realized that I have not been at peace and relaxed and not hypervigilant my entire life.

I cannot think of a moment in my life where I was not hypervigilant.

Even as a small child I do not remember being safe or comfortable.

I know that there is a locked door in my head full of other things that I am not ready for. I would really just like to reinforce that door and never open it.

I have remembered enough. I was subject to horrific things at the age of 2 years old onward.

Everybody just thinks it's my parents.

Yeah there are a big part of it probably a majority of it even though the other things that I've been through are pretty fucking terrible as well.

[updatecrazy]

Satisfactory update 0.8.2.0 is available to download on PC players. According to the official Satisfactory patch notes, the latest update adds a lot of QOL, optimizations across the board, bug fixes, reworks of many features both big and small. In addition, Satisfactory patch 0.8.2.0 also includes an entire rework of our Online Integration, Epic Online Services (EOS) update for crossplay and even another Engine Upgrade to 5.2.1. Since the last Satisfactory patch, players are experiencing problems with the game. Today's Satisfactory patch 0.8.2.0 will fix a few of these issues. Check out more details below. Satisfactory Patch 0.8.2.0 Notes - October 16, 2023 NEW Unreal Engine Upgraded to 5.2.1 Online Integration has been reworked (Work In Progress) This is still WIP and we will be patching it up through the next few weeks Most of the UI for Multiplayer related menus has been redone (Some of it is still WIP and will be updated in the future) Epic Online Services have also been updated (Enables crossplay between Steam and Epic and friend list visibility) Account unlinking is WIP, so if you need to unlink your accounts and are running into issues doing so this can be done on the “Default” Early Access Branch (Not on Experimental) Auto Detect Settings (Experimental) When starting the game, your video settings should now be automatically detected and set up to recommended Video settings for your system If you’ve never changed a setting before, a new default will be applied to it If you manually change an option, it will not be overwritten automatically on startup, but you can still manually force ALL settings be autodetected by clicking on the “Auto Detect Settings” button in the options menu in the Video section QOL Blueprints You can now sample blueprints from dismantle mode Pillars can partially intersect the edges of the blueprint designer again Hotbar Hotbar system has been reworked Added a way to save the current hologram into the hotbar by pressing ALT+Shortcut key combination You can now swap the Hotbar scroll direction in the “Controls” menu in the Options menu (Clockwise and Counterclockwise) Conveyor Lifts Quick Switch is now supported when building them Can now be Nudged Nudging Holding CTRL when Nudging will now nudge in half steps Fixed so Wall Mounted Flood Light Nudging is Vertical Zipline Increased Zipline sprint acceleration. It should be easier to tell that sprint mode is turned on now due to the more direct change in speed Zipline path selection now works vertically too Additional improvements to try and mitigate cases where you get disconnected from ziplining when ziplining on an incline Power Tower/Power Poles Changed power poles and power towers to use gradual rotation (45 degrees on foundations) Holding CTRL when building a wire off another wire now aligns the new Pole to the original one Building a Power Tower off a wire from a Power Pole now correctly increases the build range for the Power Tower Hypertubes Implemented network correction and smoothing for remote players moving in Hypertubes, This should make the movement inside hypertubes much smoother and prevent any kind of desync, this is also enabled for Clients Fixed character getting too much acceleration when braking while going downhill Fixed hypertube attachments incorrectly building when attaching them in a section of a hypertube Hypertube Entrances can now be nudged Hypertube entrances now work correctly when they are built directly on top of a floor hole Input System Added an “Auto release sprint” option when Hold to sprint is off, this option is off by default. This makes it so whenever your movement stops, the sprint key is automatically released so you have to press it again to start sprinting Resource Miner Can now be Tap E to Mine (Toggle) or Hold E to Mine, depending on how long the button is held Fixed a couple of issues with mining lingering around when walking away from the node

Signs Improved snapping for signs, they can now snap to foundation sides and ceilings and can be rotated more freely. Changed signs to use the same snapping logic for walls and foundations Power Switch and Priority Power Switch Both should now have gradual 45 degree rotation on foundations Power Switches can now be upgraded to Priority Power Switches and vice versa Added buttons for turning entire priority groups on and off in the Priority Power Switch Build Gun / Dismantle Gun When trying to dismantle invalid buildables they will now redirect to the valid dismantlable (I.E. Like the Integrated train tracks or the Sub Buildings of the Hub, they will now dismantle the Train Station and the entire Hub respectively) Splitters/Mergers Can now be upgraded to Smart or Programmable versions Can also be upgraded to each other (Splitter to Merger and viceversa) as long as only the main input and output is connected OPTIMISATION Parallelized post processing blending. Chaos memory optimizations Texture memory optimizations Mesh memory optimizations Enabled virtual textures for HLODs Updated HLODs to use virtual textures. Enabled PSO caching Removed legacy assets BUG FIXES Fixed a bug where drones would sometimes consume batteries multiple times when starting a new trip, especially when the player is far away Refactored player mapping contexts, reordered player mapping context priorities, so we have a clear hierarchy. This should potentially fix issues where certain actions like detonating Nobelisks cannot be done. Fixed so quick switching a conveyor/pipe doesn’t reset the hologram anymore. Fixed bug where quick switching Pipeline and Conveyor holograms would reset pole rotation on the second build step Fixed a rare UI crash Fixed a bug where it was possible to accidentally delete items by splitting them Potential fix for bug where item stacks can not be split in the inventory for Client Refactored wire splitting so it works with power towers Fixed bug where build effects for wires never got cleaned up Fixed so wire build effect works again Fixed so poles created from wires copy the rotation of the pole you drag from Fixed issue where changing materials (Customizer) in the Quick Switch menu would stop working after the first time Potential crash fix for an Input System related crash Reworked Object Scanner, should now work correctly in Multiplayer, fixed multiple visual bugs Fixed Clients not continuing to have Flight Mode enabled after logging in and out of a session Fixed Bacon Agaric not displaying properly when using a FOV other than 90 Fixed Hoverpack not displaying properly when using a FOV when loading into a save where the Hoverpack was already equipped Fixed Gas Mask not displaying properly when using a FOV other than 90 Refactored the way vehicles are outlined Removed knockback when the player has Flight Mode enabled Flight mode is no longer turned off when you use Turbo Bass with the Boombox while it is enabled Fixed Hyper Tube Floor Holes appearing visually distorted Fixed railroad track signal visualization Fixed trajectory visualization for the jump pads Fixed outlines displaying incorrectly on Beams Fixed Ping indicator occasionally pinging the player Fixed Resource Miner having an incorrect animation in Multiplayer or when Holstering Fixed Chainsaw, Xeno Basher and Xeno Zapper displaying and behaving incorrectly in Multiplayer Refactored the Gas Mask, fixing a lot of bugs with it Refactored the Flying Crab Fixed a bug where the Blade Runners would not work until after you jumped once after equipping them Fixed bug where player can fall through world as a ragdoll when falling to far, It's still possible to clip through the world when traveling really fast as a ragdoll, but it's much more difficult and won't happen under normal circumstances. Pipes having incorrect visuals when built in certain scenarios should now be fixed

Camera should now rubber band as much when driving vehicles as it is now allowed to clip through various objects Vehicle engines will now shut down when the vehicle is submerged in water Fix head bobbing not working, and head bobbing scale option not affecting anything Fixed so players don't get registered as an "aggressor" when dealing damage to a creature in passive mode. (Creature won’t immediately attack when changing from passive to retaliate) Fixed being able to sample buildings when you shouldn’t (i.e. Inside a Hypertube) Fixed Full Screen setting being reversed when pressing apply after restarting the game Fixed players being unable to enter a vehicle if another player was interacting with the inventory of the vehicle Fixed sliding not ending when entering vehicles Fixed a specific Copper Node producing Limestone if the miner was placed prior to Update 8 Removed a duplicate coal node Improved visual quality of the Blue Palm billboards when looking at them from very far away Improved Beam Support to Pillar snapping Fixed Nobelisk smoke not displaying properly Fixed a specific case where aiming the Hypertube Floor Hole would flash the screen white Locomotives should now start to brake when self driving is disabled Fixed MAM nodes showing up as unlockable when the tree itself is not unlocked when No Cost Advanced Game Setting is enabled Fixed Tractor headlights breaking when opening its inventory Fixed Jumping off a zipline canceling the Zipline input if it's still held, now holding it will continue the input as it should UI Updated Map Render Fixed multiple Jetpack UI bugs Fixed Game Phase Numbers and Naming in the Advanced Game Settings menu Renamed “Rotate Hologram” Keybinds into “Rotate Hologram Right” and “Rotate Hologram Left” so they no longer share the same name Renamed “Nudge Up” and “Nudge Down” to “Nudge Forward” and “Nudge Backward” Fixed Object Scanner UI disappearing when hopping in and out of vehicles Fixed Object Scanner UI not showing the Object Name Updated Storage UI so that industrial storage boxes no longer use a scroll bar when using small inventory slots Fixed issue where keyboard input was lost after manually entering text when Overclocking Fixed a bug where you would have to click on the Gameplay sub-menu in the Options Menu twice Trains are now sorted in the Train Station UI Fixed an issue where drag and drop wouldn’t be cancelled when opening up a different menu Fixed issue where mouse would be lost if clicking the chat window by closing the window if the player clicks outside the text input box. If you close it by doing that you'll have to hit enter twice to open it again. News Feed in the main menu should now be easier to read Items in the Options Menu setting have been re-arranged in various menus, most noticeably in the Video menu AUDIO Fixed an Audio issue leading to performance hitches in factories with Blenders and Refineries, including audio optimizations for the Refinery Replaced some audio files for the Tractor and Truck Tweaks and adjustments for Tractor and Truck audio LOCALISATION Fixed hundreds of typos across English (US) and English (UK) Fixed Japanese and Traditional Han characters display, and added Devangari and Bengali support as well Updated all languages with the latest translations Updated language completion rates Updated community translators in the credits

[addwebsolution]

What is DevOps? Simple Steps You Can Follow for Seamless Transition to it.

Enterprises can achieve certain levels of success by identifying the need in the market, hiring skilled resources, and utilizing advanced tools and technologies. Every one of us is doing the same to keep moving in this competitive world.

But do you feel it helps you set apart and chart a long-term success for your business? The answer is a big NO! To achieve long-term success, you must address the values, beliefs, and behaviours to enable a “carefully crafted” work culture. It is something that helps an enterprise to transform its idea into a value. And when we talk about introducing such new practices and processes, DevOps plays a vital role. You must be wondering what DevOps is and how it is relevant. Let’s figure it out.

What is DevOps???

First thing, DevOps is not just a bunch of tools. Still, it is more about a cultural shift involving changes in how people are organized, and the processes facilitated by them are not governed simply by technology or tools. In another way, DevOps is a mix of cultural, development, and operational changes to better any enterprise or business. DevOps focuses on three different aspects like collaboration, communication, and seamless integration between technical and operations teams. 

But why DevOps? Well, before we get into the nitty-gritty of how you can prepare your business for the DevOps transition, let’s take a look at the factors behind the rise of DevOps.

Management bottlenecks and IT Silos:

The approach is time-consuming and not helping enterprises get a satisfactory outcome for their investment.

Error-prone testing approach:

With fixed silos of the department, testing is not done in each stage of development, which results in post-release bugs and poor quality of the end product delivered.

Lack of transparency:  

Isolated work stages cause a gap between expectations vs delivered products. The lack of transparency and collaboration makes the team rework and fails to address complaints from the end-users.

Delay in providing fixes:

Due to a lack of transparency between the technical and testing team, fixing bugs, making new changes, or implementing them takes longer than expected. This, in the end, results in a delay in time to market for the client or stakeholders.

Related Article: The Fusion of DevOps and Agile

Benefits of DevOps

We’ve seen what the different problems faced with traditional SDLC are. Let’s take a look at how DevOps benefits enterprises.

Enable faster deployment with frequent delivery of updates and bug fixes.

Get rid of stress to release new features or fixes with a stable work environment.

Helps you improve the overall product quality with effective collaboration between tech and testing teams.

Since back-end systems are updated in smaller chunks and testing and development cycles are streamlined, your website remains up and running. In the end, it reduces downtime.

Ease of automating repetitive tasks, which encourages innovation and fixes the bugs quickly.

Brings agility to your business.

Continuous delivery of a product since all the departments are equally responsible for delivering a quality solution.

Helps you reduce the overall cost of production since maintenance and new updates are all covered systematically.

How to transition to DevOps?

Shifting your organisation's culture is not possible overnight, but you can surely define actions and informed decisions to initiate it for sure. Adopting a DevOps culture is challenging, and no enterprise can implement it successfully without following the right steps. Let's take a look at how you can prepare for the transition to DevOps without any hassle.

Make sure everyone within your team is aligned. Since it is all about a cultural shift, everyone must be on the same page. You can start educating them about what DevOps is and why DevOps is important for your organization. Unless everyone is sure and confident about how it will benefit your organization, you cannot move ahead.

Figure out a budget. Another important factor you must consider to prepare for the DevOps transition is creating a rough estimate of the expenses you will have to deal with while transitioning to DevOps. Not having a proper budget plan will waste money and reduce productivity.

Foster communication and collaboration. Communication and collaboration are two main aspects of DevOps. It would be best if you kept in mind that DevOps is not limited to development and operations. It is more about bringing all stakeholders together to work on common goals and objectives. You should start adopting agile practices and let everyone in the team know about their role. They should have an overview of where the project is moving and steps to help them be there.

Employ discipline and accountability. It is a must that you enforce discipline and accountability where everyone is responsible for their work. You can follow things like spike programming, unit tests, commented code, etc. Since developers and DevOps engineers work through the entire application lifecycle, they must develop diverse skills that are not limited to any specific role.

Train your team. DevOps is all about developing a new skill set, and thus, you must start investing in training your team as a long-term investment since it will help you change your development approach. It will help you achieve faster completion of the project in the future. 

Start using the right set of tools. Of course, DevOps is all about mindset and cultural shift, but tools are also integral. Your transition works effectively when your team is well-aware of various tools like Git, Docker, Hadoop, Kubernetes, etc. However, it is important to keep in mind that whatever tools you use are compatible to enhance the work environment.

Don’t overlook version control systems. It would help if you always considered the scenario where you have to roll back certain changes or access archived code in the event where you need to re-use previously written code snipped. Using version control systems and shared repositories could ease your work.

Once you’re ready with all the necessary preparations, you can start the transition journey to DevOps.

How can We help?

When you implement DevOps, you can achieve significant improvements in speed of delivery, cost, and security. However, this is true when you have implemented it correctly. We know how difficult it is to shift to DevOps and our DevOps experts know who to make it smoother for you. Get in touch with our DevOps engineers now…

Source: What is DevOps? Simple Steps You Can Follow for Seamless Transition to it

[spfmp]

UE Assets - Bioconstruct

The bioconstruct, previously mentioned as AI or worker, is the main focus feature of the game, being the centerpiece of the whole automation process of the player's factory.

Throughout the last multiple weeks, I've been creating and adjusting features for this AI in order for it to work correctly, this post will serve to communicate its current features and known issues.

Originally, when the AI was first made, I had tried to make it move on tick, however this had created too many problems and ended up being very disorganized. Due to how many issues this was causing, I lost time having to rework the entire system, although this one isn't without its problems too. The most prominent problem is that due to the AI's movement no longer being updated constantly, if it fails to find a route to pathfind to its destination, which it often does, it will simply stay still. I have installed a failsafe for this by making it so that the AI's job is reset if it is unmoving for 10 seconds in order for it to retry pathfinding however I feel as if this isn't completely satisfactory and will try my best to solve this issue without having the AI Idle about.

Features

Due to the amount of features, this will be presented in sections.

Tick events

Every tick, many different things happen, the first two being the most important. At the very top of tick events, lies the system for the AI to obtain a "job" which will determine what actions it will perform. After determining that the AI does not have a job, it will contact the "job manager" actor, explained in the next post, and check whether there are any jobs that have been detected, if there aren't any jobs, it will put away any items if it is holding any and move back to its resting place, should the energy system be implemented, it will retreat to its assigned dock station however this feature is not in the game yet, so the AI will simply attempt to return to its spawn location which can cause problems if there are multiple AI as there is only one place for them to spawn, that being the creator. On the other hand, if there is a job/ are jobs it will take a job at random at which it will consult the second row of tick events.

The second row consists of a string switch which is entirely responsible for allowing the AI to start the appropriate task depending on what job it receives, currently there are 3 "initiator tasks"; picking up an item, taking an item from the smelter and mining from a nearby vein. When one of these strings are selected the AI starts the appropriate task.

The remaining tick events consist of updating the mesh of the item the AI is holding, a set of print strings to help during development which will be removed in any releases, a failsafe in case the job the AI currently has no longer exists (was completed through other means), a feature that would dictate when the AI needs rest which is currently unused and finally the aforementioned failsafe should the AI stop moving for an extended period of time.

Tasks

Tasks are started by the aforementioned initiator tasks and consist of picking up items, moving items to storage, gathering resources from veins and moving things to and from factories, currently as there is only one fully functioning factory it is optimized only for the smelter however should I continue the project it may be readjusted to feature operation of multiple factories.

Gathering items from veins/Mining is the most common task for the AI to perform currently and is an initiator event. It is possibly the simplest task, first, every vein is identified and if the vein contains at least 5 resources, it is targeted. After moving to the vein a failsafe is conducted to make sure it isn't empty, after which it will interact with the vein, taking resources from it and unmarking it, allowing the job manager to identify it as a compatible job again once it meets the criteria while also removing one job for mining from a vein from the list after which the AI checks if the item is smeltable, if it is it will trigger the next task to move it to a smelter, otherwise, it will trigger the task to move the item to storage. Side note, if there were multiple factories this would instead work by checking if the item is compatible with any factories rather than simply checking its tag and the item would be moved to the appropriate station instead

Picking up items is an initiator task that consists of finding items and deciding what to do with them. To start with, the list of compatible items is cleared in order to make sure no void results remain after which the process starts, all items on the ground are identified and for every item found, the AI checks if it is currently targeted by an AI or if it has no compatible storage, if both of these are false (AKA item isn't targeted and is thought to be able to be stored) then the AI adds that item to the list of possible items to pick up. Once this process is complete, the nearest possible item is identified and after a couple of failsafes, it is targeted by the AI and the AI starts to move towards it. Finally, once the AI arrives at its location, the correct animation is triggered using the "picking up" variable and the item is picked up after which the AI does the same check as the one made when an item is taken from a vein to determine whether it is smeltable or not. Side note, this would work the same as above

Moving to and from factories/smelter while technically 2 tasks, they both operate factories and taking items from the factories is the last initiator task. As the other tasks taking items to factories start by finding all factories and checking them against the criteria, that being if the factory is already targeted or if it is full, once a factory that responds false to both of those criteria is found, it is targeted and the task starts. Beginning with a failsafe, the AI checks if it has found a suitable factory, if it has it moves towards it. Once it has arrived at the factory, another failsafe is triggered to see if it is full, once that is not the case the correct animation is played and an item is inputted into the factory and due to the factory having to process the item, the AI's job is set to none so that it can receive a new job which makes taking items to factories an "ender task". Moving items from a factory however is not. Like moving items to factories, first the AI checks for factories that aren't targeted however instead of looking for empty factories, it looks for full ones instead and after one is found it is marked and the task begins. Also beginning with a failsafe, the AI checks if it has found an appropriate factory, if it has it moves to it. Upon arrival more failsafes are conducted to make sure the factory is full, after confirming, the AI interacts with the factory, takes the item and unmarks and untargets the factory before starting the store task. Side note, if there were more factories this would yet again check if any of them need the created resource instead of going straight to storage

Storage is the final task along with being the second ender task. As all other tasks, the AI identifies the all correct structures, that being storage, and checks them against criteria that being simply if the identified storage matches the item type of the currently held item. Again, a failsafe is conducted to see if it found an appropriate storage, unlike other tasks however, if a storage is not found, the AI will drop the item its holding marking it as "unstoreable" meaning there is no storage for it, this tag gets removed whenever new storage is built, allowing the item to be picked up and checked again. If the correct storage is found, the AI moves to it, plays the appropriate animation and adds the item to the storage, yet again ending the job chain.

This concludes all of the AI features so far, though there may be more to come should I continue this project.

[keilemlucent]

Honestly, I think it's really cool and admirable that you have the awareness and dedication to both recognize the way that the writing was affecting you to make the decision to step back and sorta upend something that you put a lot of effort into in order to make it something you feel will be more satisfactory and fulfill your creative goals more! That's really impressive and I think it sounds like you're happy with the decision and that makes me glad! I hope you have good luck with reworking LL and are able to make it into what you want it to be! 💗💗💗 I also hope you're able to keep doing what makes you feel good! It's wonderful to see that kind of self care! 🥰

-captainxsassafras

oh gosh thank u messa :’^) your words mean the world 💕thank you for them!!

having creative boundaries is something that i’ve had to hone and work on to avoid burnout. i nearly burnt myself out for good stressing out over ll, hence why i have taken such a lengthy break from the fic. there’s lots of layers to it, but a lot of it stems from my own anxieties and fears, which can be coped with, but sometimes that takes lots of time. and that’s okay!!!

to ramble a bit more, i really like being slow. i like taking my time and moving when i feel compelled, not when i am expected too (if i’m able to anyways lol).  i felt (feel too) this pressure to produce ‘content’, that it can be easy to stray from doing things i want and instead just creating to stay relevant. lavender latte means a lot to me, and i want it to be what i want it to be, even if it takes awhile. 

[buddha-in-disguise]

These contradictions sum up the season.

How does S5 actually end?

So Jesse was recently interviewed. In itself, nothing surprising about that.

Except his words contrast sharply with Nicole and Jon Cryer over how they plan to use the footage already shot for 5.20.

I'm including screenshots of the relevant interviews.

So, either Jesse hasn't been privy to the same phone conversations - or his interview is actually more about Brainy and his resolution (although he talks specifically about it being shot solely as 5.19, so I don't think that is the case,) - or Nicole & Jon have both been fed a line of bullshit.

The crux of the matter here is fans already feel disillusioned by this season's writing. Disillusioned enough to not trust the showrunners at all.

I get this cynicism. I truly do. After all I wrote my last Tumblr piece entitled Weariness and cynicism is deadly.

Despite my own scepticism though, I find it hard to imagine that they would lie not only to Nicole, but to Jon Cryer as well. I mean, I really would think lying to someone like Jon, who is so well respected within industry, would be tantamount to shooting yourself not only in the foot, but both feet and arms.

And playing devil's advocate here, perhaps they went in to edit both episodes into one, and found it hadn't worked as they'd hoped. But I find that hard to believe, as I see clips from the Supergirl fandom where video edits are often of the highest quality. If fans can rework existing footage, from their own homes and computers, into meaningful high quality pieces, then a TV production should have no difficulty in doing the same thing. None at all.

So at this moment, I'm hoping it is merely either Jesse hasn't had similar conversations with the showrunners, or Brainy's storyline hasn't been impacted in any way, so remains as it would've done had 5.19 gone ahead with 5.20 being shown next. Hence the way Jesse words things.

If however they do nothing of the sort, then it will surely leave fans feeling that the ending gives no satisfactory answers, and when many are struggling to stay motivated to watch again in a weeks time, it is one hell of a risky move to end on a cliffhanger. Because with the potentially lengthy hiatus before we even see S6, that 0.10 key viewing demographic could literally land up through the floor. Especially when, from GLAADS own figures, some 20% of that key demographic is made up of the LGBTQ audience (and this applies across demographics – the General Social Survey from NORC at the University of Chicago this summer found that 23 percent of Black women in America 18-34 identify as bisexual, and the University’s GenForward survey reports that 1 in 5 Latinx Millennials are LGBTQ.) If the Lena and Kara storyline is as harsh as the synopsis suggests, then it will anger those already feeling angry, hurt & betrayed with queerbaiting. If Dansen have nothing meaningful to end the season, then Dansen fans are going to feel angry, hurt & betrayed, especially as absolutely nothing that was suggested we might see this season has materialised with Dansen, & Kelly's lack of screen time & quality storyline has been shocking. The same applies to Alex. To Lena and Kara. Nothing is as it seems is sure as hell right, because nothing they said pre-season is what we are seeing on-screen in any meaningful and cohesive way.

So dismiss the LGBTQ audience at your peril. We make up a far bigger percentage of viewers than a lot of people believe.

But if it is a cliffhanger to end the season? It utterly beggars belief they couldn't edit it into a more meaningful end. So let's hope that they did.

I guess the upside is, we only have to wait 8 days to actually find out what the hell is going on!

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Grind In SSO?

To start, grind is a gaming term for having to do a lot of repetitive actions to make progress. And it’s something that I have a love-hate relationship with in game, though the community largely seems to have a hate relationship with. So, let’s dive into this mechanic.

First of all, like I’ve said before, I don’t hate the grind mechanic. I think it can be at odds with the rest of SSO’s design at times, of this take everything really slow bringing really fast-paced moments to a screeching halt (one of the reasons I think story quests should be less frequent in bigger bundles so this doesn’t happen as much). I think, when balanced well and used effectively, it can be a good way to build hype on unlocking future content or giving the dev team a little more time to finish a big release while still giving the players something to do. The crafting system is a big example of this.

What brought this up is actually recently starting a new account since all the day blockers have been removed (Amaranta Eveningwatcher is on Avocado Island/Swedish servers, but I’ll save them for another post). I was honestly overwhelmed with how much I could do in one day on that account. Knowing I could buy to finish the bridge, by the end of day one, I was already to the point about learning about Linda being locked up in the castle in the main story, and I had unlocked all of Silverglade, Harvest Counties, Jorvik Mall, AND South Hoof. And I didn’t even finish. I was at level 8 after 8 hours of play on that account. And let me tell y’all, it felt so satisfactory. If that had been my first time playing, I would be significantly more excited about making that much progress. And because I ended up getting off with not only day blocked quests to look forward to but more quests I didn’t finish, it felt like I had more to look forward to.

I do think there is a huge problem between current SSO and most long term fans because most of them haven’t experienced this new low level experience that the team is building. And while character slots is a whole other debate, I think that it comes back to that SSO’s dev team has a history of overshooting how much players will be willing to put up with grindy experiences and too late to fix it, causing a big swath of their players to feel shorted.

Ok, what does that mean? Well, let me talk about a really good example of grind that I still hold is SSO’s best use of this mechanic. A week before Harvest Counties unlocked, SSO released the bridge building quests. It took exactly 7 days to build the bridge, which built a lot of hype around that area but it wasn’t a long enough period of time that anyone was getting shorted for not finishing those quests. Particularly because not long after Harvest came out, SSO then added Billy Bulldozer to buy items and increased how much each of those items do to repair the bridge. Buying your way through to the bridge can happen in a day now or two days just on the dailies.

Let’s look at this conversely with fishing. Fishing is, undoubtedly, one of the biggest features in need of an overhaul but fishing as a whole isn’t a bad mechanic. Personally, fishing wasn’t even that bad until I realized I would have to do it for, oh, how long? To get it maxed out.

Which is likely why SSO added the Moorland branch for fishing, speeding up the process. But at the time, a lot of people who had finished fishing just from Golden felt short changed, because now everyone got this big shortcut and they did all this work. And this consistently is the feedback on these things when SSO cuts features now to better balanced grinds, but those that did the longer method often feel short changed or frustrated about having to come back to the mechanic for some new quest with a bunch of experience they didn’t get to use. See the fishing and hens achievements, Dino vs Epona archeology, the all of the druid training (which is apparently entirely gone now), and any number of reworked grindy reputation groups.

And there are two prime candidates right now for this pattern to repeat: Soul Riding and crafting. I see this as a really risky situation. Do these quests need some reworking on grind, absolutely, but I’m worried about that backlash. Because, particularly for crafting, the grind is part of the point and not entirely a problem. But I see any expansions on these systems that speed up the process of getting reputation with these groups as being really frustrating to others. If SSO releases new Soul Riding missions or team missions, people who spent 3 months legitimately getting the Rune Runner are going to be miffed, even if those features should be added. And changes and speed ups to unlocking recipes in crafting will leave others irritated at their weeks long grinds getting the whole inventory.

The core of this is where SSO wants to land on humane game design, balancing encouraging binge versus encouraging returning play. Honestly, I don’t know where they should lean on this, because I do agree that limiting play when dealing with minors is important, but no balance leads to dragging out quests for months and months and the situations we had before with all of these previously discussed poor.

I will say from personal experience in just what SSO has done to change quests, their early levels feel like they are moving more towards binge and as a player, binge is way more enjoyable. It puts control more directly in the players’ hands and makes them want to come back because there’s more they get, not just because they have to wait and come back.

I think SSO needs to start undershooting their current estimates on how long things should take, so when they do eventually want to or can expand the options for play, no one gets short changed. Eventually all of these mechanics should take less time so people get get to the new content faster. That’s just the cycle of MMOs. I don’t think SSO ever needs a full straight to level 20 bonus for players, but eventually I would hope there are 3 or 4 horses you can unlock through Soul Riding. And when a new one gets added, it’s a little easier to get the Rune Runner. Or when there are new crafting recipes, you get a little more experience for learning Farah’s recipes. 

All of this is to say that the grind itself is not bad, but SSO needs to do more to listen to feedback on the length of time that these things take and make sure it’s still being balanced with a sense of reward and control and not a feeling of slogging through material just for the sake of having content out there for players to engage with. Even with the Rune Runner at the end of it, people still got frustrated or less interested in getting it because of the length of time. People already seem to be waning in interest towards crafting (which kills me).

I think a big step in this with an easy start is to change the material trade-ins for crafting. Spending time to collect that much gathering materials to trade in should be as much if not more towards leveling with Farrah as doing the dailies because it’s a bigger time investment than doing the daily crafting jobs. It’s also proof that these systems aren’t unfixable, but they do need to be better balanced to focus on how much time the player wants to invest and not on pushing long term retention of players in such an obvious and painful way.

[castlevania-afterdark-imagines]

Alucard, Trevor, and Carmila with a masochistic s/o

 This request is a three-in-one combo of asks! A semi-anonymous threesome, if you will. Enjoy!

Alucard

It probably takes him a little while to warm up to this. He’s always been used to reserving his strengths for combat so the first time he accidentally pulls his s/o’s hair a little too sharply in bed and they just unravel around him he’s both completely undone and mildly panicked.

Then he noticed how excited they’d get when he went quiet, prowling up on them and forcing them into a corner with his body. He could hear their rushing heartbeat peak when he grabbed them, delighted by their small squeak when he reached behind them to dig his claws into their ass.

Maybe there was a safe line where he could be wholly himself…

Is the type of dom to check in frequently, watching his s/o’s eyes carefully for any hint of “too much”. When that look never happens and he can push just that little bit farther he praises them, moaning his own appreciation in their ear.

Bitey, very bitey. He loves leaving mark anywhere he can, though never easily visible. His favorite spots being the inside of his s/o’s thighs, so when they walk he knows they’re still feeling him there.

Sometimes he’ll hold back just to rile his partner up though, waiting till they’re practically screaming before giving them what they want, forcing them down and fucking them mercilessly in whatever position he’s forced them into.

Takes the time to unwind his s/o after their nightly romp, massaging out their muscles and purring when they groan under his firm hands.

Carmilla

You literally described her ideal partner right there.

She likes that she doesn’t have to be 100% careful with them all the time. A slip of a fang, a kiss that’s a little too rough,  she loves hearing their whimpers when things turn harsh.

She also gives exactly zero fucks who is able to hear when she hunts down her s/o.

She’ll have them pinned against the wall, face against the cold stone, breathing against their neck while a few guards quickly scatter.

She’d be two fingers deep inside them,  her s/o perched on their toes and groaning into the stonework.

She loves hearing then whine, purring against their neck before grazing over it with her fangs just enough to leave raised marks. Just a sample of what will come later.

Another favorite game of hers is catching her s/o off guard, walking by their side one minute, forcing them up against a wall by their throat the next. There is something very satisfactory about having someone appreciate the thrill of her vampiric powers instead of *just* screaming.

She never goes so far as to break her precious play thing though, and rewards them thoroughly for letting her have her wicked ways.

Isaac

He’s been used to using pain as a way to clear his head, to encounter peace, but has found an appreciation to the art of using that same approach to make his s/o focus entirely on him. Their ecstacy sharpened by deliberate pain, their devotion to him displayed by their shaking body and pleasured mewls.

He isn’t as keen on permanent marks for his s/o, but will experiment with an entire variety of tools to see what he can create one day that will be reworked the next.

The sconces on the walls of Dracula’s castles gave him a whole series of ideas as well, one that he poised to his s/o in the form of laying them out on his work table with the command of “Do not move.”

When they had obeyed perfectly as he cascaded molten wax over their body, aside from the biting of their lips and tossing of their head, he was so proud.

What was even better was carefully removing the chilled pieces from their skin with his blade, pressing gentle kisses to the small burn marks left behind. Once they were clean he’d cradled their body into his arms and carried them to his bed.

His attention to caring for their minor wounds is just as focused, though sometimes it is put on hold until he has finished “rewarding” them for their efforts.

Hector

Doesn’t quite get it, but tries. He can’t get himself up to doing things like giving them “the look” in public, or trying to manhandle them, but he figures out his own balance.

He finds comfort in words, smirking when he says his s/o’s name in the right tone and their head whips towards him. Then he can give them a wink and their back goes rigid but they’re grinning. He loves seeing them get so excited before he even touches them.

When the hall clears he whisks them back to his workroom by their wrist, listing all of the incredibly inappropriate thoughts he’s had about them all day.

Leaving them bound on his forging table, and swatting their ass when Godbrand is raving just to see if his s/o could keep from alerting anyone else…

Even if he’s not as aggressive on the day to day he does get a thrill out of the lustful little looks his s/o will cast in his direction, giving them small nods and hums that guarantee everything and nothing at once.

And while he’s never fully comfortable being rough by his own hands, that isn’t to say he finds other means. When he catches his partner eyeing the row of collars he had set aside for the more rowdy reanimation he runs his finger along their neck, laughing when they jump back into him.

“Shall I make one for you, dearest?”

Trevor

He’d only found out this kink of theirs on a fluke. They’d been teasing him as he was trying to focus on sharpening his blades, making lewd implications about just where he could stick his own “dirk”.

“Don’t make me get my whip to teach you some manners.”

His eyes had been focused on his work, but he heard the audible gasp and glanced up just in time to see them clamp a hand over their mouth, their face bright red.

He’d never use his actual monster hunting whips on them, but when he offers that he could easily make a small flog from scrap leather he gets confirmation in the form of a very excited s/o mounting his lap and snogging him until he had to break for air. That was the next day’s plans sorted.

Is much more willing to get handsy with them, he likes their warmth in his palms and feels more in control of how much force he’s applying with them.

Teases them about the wild sounds they make for him, warning them that they’ll draw unwanted attention even while he rails them in the alley behind an inn.

He’s never been good at gentle, so he’s enamoured with his s/o who likes it when he isn’t.

-Mod Soviet

[dieced]

Day 1 - Asking Out

Prompt: Asking Out

Fandom: Magic: the Gathering

Pairing: Jace/Gideon

Warnings: N/A

Notes: Happy Month of the Ship everyone! Some context for this is needed. A while back, just after the start of the Ixalan story, I came up with my own AU ending for the story, which involved Jace and Gideon developing feelings for each other. My AU ending got a few things right, like Jace regaining all his lost memories of childhood, but was largely way off the mark. I might rewrite it someday to work with the cannon, but it would need some serious reworking, because it got very dark in some points, way darker than anything I feel like writing out. But the ending was happy, and it makes for a good setting for me to write my Month of the Ship entries in. So a few mentions of my AU Ixalan will pop up here and there, but I’m intentionally keeping it vague so I can rewrite it someday. All that you need to know is that Jace went through a physical trauma of sorts and had to rely on the Gatewatch for help and support in the aftermath.

Months ago, Gideon would have startled when he felt Jace's mind brush against his own unexpectedly, but as of late, the sensation had become incredibly familiar. This time it was a simple image of a secluded private garden towards the rear of Jace's home; an invitation.

The walk was short, and when he arrived Jace was already there, seated at the lone patio table and fussing with a tea set.

“Hey Gideon. Have a seat, I'll just be a moment. I knocked over the darn tea leaves.”

Gideon sat opposite him, watching as Jace salvaged what loose tea leaves he could back into their bag, then swept the rest into his hand, turning and dumping them into a flowerbed. “Tea is good for plants, right? Nissa's not going to be mad at me for that?”

“It's a plant itself, so I'm pretty sure it's fine.”

Jace nodded and set about filling the infuser at last. “Thanks for coming down. I was hoping we could have tea and talk for a bit, if you have time.”

“Of course.” Watching how focused Jace was with the tea, clearly trying to avoid eye contact without seeming rude about it, Gideon had a suspicion why Jace wanted to talk, but he asked anyway, “So, what's on your mind?”

Jace glanced up briefly, gauging his expression, then back down to the teapot, setting it aside to infuse. “I wanted to talk about... uhm, well... about, y'know, us.” He busied himself with looking down at a napkin, unfolding and refolding it.

“Aha.” Score one for Gideon's instincts. “Yes, I feel that's something we should talk about too. Us. Changes to our relationship recently, I suppose.” Gideon took a tea biscuit and leaned back in his chair, gazing around the garden. “I'm honestly unsure of where to start. Was there anything you wanted to say?”

Jace snorted. “Wanted? Are you kidding me? I mean, I know we need to talk, but needing something and wanting to do it are two entirely different things. Heck, I'd have put this off longer if Chandra weren't dropping not-so-subtle hints that she'll melt me if I wait any more.”

Gideon leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table, grinning broadly. “She really doesn't have any patience for people avoiding the obvious, does she? I'm sure she'd melt both of us.”

“Probably,” Jace laughed quietly. He finally set down the napkin and faced Gideon directly. “It is pretty obvious though, isn't it? You and I?”

“We've developed feelings for each other.”

There was a beat of silence after Gideon finally said it out loud. Then the tension broke and Jace let out a breath of air, relief plain on his face. “Yeah. I guess we have.” He reached for the teapot finally, checking how well it had steeped and, finding it satisfactory, poured them each a cup. Gideon took his straight away to drink, watching with amusement as Jace added an unhealthy amount of sugar to his own cup.

They sat in silence for a time, each busy with their own thoughts. Gideon was halfway through his tea when Jace finally asked, “So, what now?

Gideon opened his mouth, paused, thought a moment, then said, “What indeed?”

“Do we start dating?”

“Do you want to?”

“I...” Jace set his cup down and leaned back, scratching the back of his head. “Yes and no, I suppose.”

Gideon willed himself not to react yet, motioning for Jace to continue.

Jace leaned further back, gazing up at the sky, gathering himself. This was something he'd had plenty of time to think about, but he often couldn't put his thoughts into words.

“It's been a hard time for me lately, with everything we've all gone through. The rest of the Gatewatch have been so patient and kind to me. I honestly didn't expect it, and I still don't feel like I deserved it. But you especially, Gideon. You've been there for me in a way no-one else has. It means-” Jace's breath hitched, and he closed his eyes. “It means so much to me. I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you, I know that for sure.

“I know I like you. But I'm worried about how I came to like you. I don't trust my emotional state right now. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but my fear is that I like you because you were there for me, and not because of who you are. I mean, who you are is the kind of person who would be there for me, I suppose. I don't know, I don't think that's the case, but I've been second-guessing myself over this a lot. Like I said, this probably doesn't make sense.”

Jace rubbed his eyes, hunching forward. “I haven't had the best of luck with relationships in the past. I'm not in a great state of mind, and I don't want to mess this up. If I'm wrong about my feelings, I don't want to hurt you.”

He stayed hunched over for a while, eyes shut and breathing deeply. He had just told Gideon that his feelings might only be circumstantial, and it made him feel sick.

“I trust you,” Gideon said.

Jace hadn't been expecting that response, and he could only reply, “What?”

“I trust you.” Gideon moved both their drinks aside and leaned closer, elbows on the table. “This might be overly optimistic on my part, but I trust that your feelings are real. I also trust that your worries aren't over nothing, but we can work through that.” Gideon reached forward his hand, and when Jace didn't move away, he placed it on his shoulder. “I care about you a lot. I want this. I want a relationship with you, and I want to keep helping you.”

Jace stared at him a moment, then shook his head, smiling. He placed his hand over Gideon's, squeezing slightly. “I don't know how you can trust me so easily, when you know so little about me.”

Gideon took Jace's hand and drew it between them on the table, clasping it with both of his own. He smiled encouragingly and said, “Then let's fix that.”

[schoolevacuationchairs-blog]

status up to The take a look at With faculty Chairs

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[justsupportmainthings-blog]

Been using an alt account to practice playing Mercy and boy howdy I've absolutely fallen in love with her playstyle. I don't understand how anyone could say they can't play her. She has a skill floor so low anyone can pick her and do a satisfactory job, but her skill ceiling is fairly high so anyone who puts more than an hour into her can become a nightmare. A good mercy knows when to engage and when to pull back. A good mercy knows how to constantly move and change healing targets.

I enjoy mercy (as a continued main of her), and I think, like another anon stated a while back, that a lot of her complaints and general upset came from the 4-5 months of nerfs that blizzard applied after they reworked her in the first place. There was a general discorce (from at least what I saw) that a lot of people felt unheard and began to lay blame and well o. o it was a bit of a mess, that I feel if statistics were added and better reasonings displayed behind their tweaks, may have had less of an uproar. (But who’s to say really)

Compared to her past version though, she’s a bit less…well I guess the best way to put it is, flashy. 

Rez 1.0 you’d have a grand shouting of heroes never die as your entire team got put back into the field. Valk 1.0 you were a insane speed demon who could heal insta rez like 3-4 times and be a blur of health (think this was also when her unlimited ammo had a damage buff). Valk 2.0, you could still insta rez in ult, but the cast time was added to her main rez. And then her current build (Valk 3.0 or would it be 4.0?) where rez is only every 30 seconds no matter what, her ult has dramatically slowed, but hey she can still fly. 

So in the end she’s a bit more in the background, which isn’t a bad thing, but isn’t a thing that some people enjoy. (Then again I don’t speak for everyone, and each person can have their own reasons for no longer finding enjoyment in our angelic medic)