#mousie watches telenovelas

[mr-divabetic]

I adore Vesta Williams and her mega-hit song "Congratulations." The video is frothy camp perfection!

The song tells the story of a woman mistakenly congratulated by her old friend on her wedding day, but it's not her wedding. Her current boyfriend is marrying another woman. What? Plot twist!

In 80's fashion staples, Vesta initially laughs off her old friend's assumption, but then she's gobsmacked. She takes off like a freight train for the church without putting down her shopping bags.  Her shady old friend either gave her the address, or there was only one church in town because Vesta knew precisely where to go. 

We can only imagine that she sounded like a wolf howling at the moon or a moose caught in a bear trap when she entered the church because several people turned around to see her. Won't you know her old friend is one of them? Sorry, Vesta, you were duped you. 

Sulking in the shadows, Vesta reminisces about the ups and downs of her relationship (there were many more downs than ups) with the groom before rhapsodizing in a crazy fantasy sequence about being the bride. It's like watching a telenovela.

Why Vesta is so verclemped is puzzling. The groom is a dirty dog. Fresh from having sex, Vesta catches him talking to someone on the phone in the kitchen. Was he talking to Vesta's old friend?

Back at the church, watching him exchange vows with some mousy woman, Vesta faces the hateful hand of cards she's been dealt. The newlyweds drive off in a limousine, and a disgusted Vesta heads, we hope, to the closest dive bar. "Bartender, make it a double!"

 But hey, this song is so good.

The big payoff is listening to Vesta repeatedly deliver the word "congratulations." She flexes, she stretches, and she marinates in every syllable like she's getting paid per "congratulations." It requires repeated listening, but trust me, it's worth it.

https://youtu.be/RUP4y5-FMxg?si=SWlKsL6001jPFEE_

[dangermousie]

So, here is my list of telenovelas to watch

099 Central (Argentina) - hot cops fight a super psycho who is hero’s brother and make out. I am in it for the leads who I will watch in anything (they are the OTP in Padre Coraje.)

Alborada (Mexico) - like one of those old-school romance novels, our hero is a hunted nobleman whose paths cross with a mistreated wife.  Wife’s evil in-laws blackmail him into pretending to be her husband on pain of death (go with it - just think of Kathleen Woodiwiss) because they need heroine to have a kid. That happens and they meet years later. I am here for fine lawn shirts, swords, tight pants, and make-outs in the field of flowers.

Alma Pirata (Argentina) - three friends, love stories, revenge blah blah. Watching because recommended. 

Amazonia (Brazil) - it’s period, that’s all I need to know. 

Amor del Bueno (Peru) - have never seen a Peruvian one. Also politician’s wife and hardcore journalist falling for each other when they are kidnapped? Yes PLS.

Amor Gitano (Mexico) - noble woman in love with a gypsy in the Middle Ages? OMG where do I sign up! 

Caminho dos Indios (Brazil) - a telenovela set in India? Frankly I am checking it out because It sounds so strange!

Chocolate com Pimento (Brazil) - 1920s, flappers, chocolate factory, poor heroine makes good.

Corazon Salvaje (Mexico) - 1993 version. Pirate x nun. That’s all that needs to be said.

Corazon Valiente (US) - two lady bffs meet as adults. There are cops and stuff and it’s on Netflix so I am gonna give it a try.

El Elegido (Argentina) - adultery! masons! blah blah blah!!! It came recommended and I like the actors but frankly I know little about it.

El Zorro, la espada y la rosa - Zorro!!!! Mmmmmm!!!!

Gabriela (Brazil) - small 1920s town is shaken up by the arrival of Gabriela, a sultry and mesmerizing migrant and Mundinho Falcao, a young reformer. Surprisingly they do not hook up but have parallel stories and OTPs. Hooray. Based on one of my very favorite novels though only very very loosely.

La Dona (Mexico) - lady and her daughter fight for the same man. Okaaaaaay. But looks pretty!

La Esclava Isaura (Brazil) - yup, am gonna rewatch the 70s novela of my childhood about boring but virtuous white slave girl who finds happiness despite her evil master. The main heroine is blah but ahhhh the side stories! Ah, Henrique my love! 

La Gata (Mexico) - poor girl, rich boy. Oh, my girlcrush Maite Perroni, ILY!

La Mujer en el Espejo (Colombia) - ugly woman becomes pretty during the day thanks to a magic mirror (and back to ugly at night) but what happens when it breaks? This sound awesome!

La Passione (Brazil) - lady learns her husband gave away her kid. My fave plot trope, sorry!

La Tempestad (Mexico) - I am here for William Levy. The end. I am sure there is some sort of a plot but does it really matter?

La Traicion (Colombia) - two hot identical twins in the 1890s fall for the heroine. Pity that one is evil and will stop at nothing to separate her from her true love, the other twin. (Lady, why be picky? Either one looks like Mario Cimarro.) This sounds so bonkers I simply must. 

La Usurpadora (Mexico) - if I discovered I had an identical twin, I’d find better uses for that knowledge than to ask her to swap with me so she could put up with my husband, who is awesome, sexy and looks like Fernando Colunga. But what do I know?

Made in Cartagena (Colombia) - lady is ordered to seek revenge on awesome guy. Geeee, I wonder what will happen? Mainly to see Miguel de Miguel play a sweetheart as he was so repulsive and terrifying in La Esclava Blanca, I cannot imagine it.

Mas Sabe el Diablo (US) - the mob plus the male lead looks a lot like Aidan Turner and I am a shallow woman!

Milagros aka Mas Alla del Horizonte (Argentina) - set in 19th century, this has it all - evil families, star-crossed lovers (he is a white boy brought up by Indians! She is a well-off white lady!) etc etc etc! 

Montecristo (Argentina) - modern day count of monte cristo. Yum.

Morena Clara (Venezuela) - 1980s clothes and mullets (yes, one of the characters has a mullet!) terrify me but I am a sucker for star-crossed lovers and want to see Luis Jose Santander as an earnest romance hero after watching him steal the show as a charming scoundrel in Pasion. P.S. I am aware Morena Clara was made in 1994. Somehow it still has 80s hairdos and fashions.

O Clone (Brazil) - a woman is torn between her lover and his clone. Ummmmm. Solutions that come to mind are not suitable to family television.

Padre Coraje (Argentina) - yes, I am still watching this beast of a show! It’s almost 200 eps and I am on 135. Noble bandit pretends to be a priest to solve a crime, hooks up with the victim’s daughter, there are psychos and supernatural conspiracies.  if you ever wanted to see a reincarnation of Jesus nibble on a woman's neck and caress her legs, this is for you.   

Pasion (Mexico) - am on ep 70 of 95 now. Pirates, damsels, evil lords, costumes, wigs, multiple OTPs oh my. It’s not deep or realistic in any way, but sometimes I have a yet for a picaresque fluffy romance novel of a show.

Pasion de Gavilanes (Colombia) - it feels like I’ve been watching this for a decade because this is pretty and shippy but so slow I can literally hear grass grow as I watch.

Pasion y Poder (Mexico) - poor abused oppressed rich wife wants to leave her monster of a husband and reunite with her first love. Ooops, everyone in the audience apparently is bored to death by first love and evil husband steals the show. The fun is watching the poor writers trying to madly rewrite the story halfway through and turn supposedly evil husband into a misunderstood woobie. Eh, who am I kidding, I am here for Fenrando Colunga, 50 but still fiiine, going from villain to hero on the sheer force of his charisma.

Ramona (Mexico) - noble Indians and noble Spanish fight evil Americans in the 1840s. I am here for Eduardo Palomo in a loin cloth and also because I’ve never seen Kate del Castillo in anything. Secondary dude has an unfortunate 70s mustache but alas we can’t all be perfect.

Reina de Corazones (US) - Our heroine wakes up not remembering her marriage to a hot hot guy. I wish we all had such problems.

Resistire aka Siempre Julia (Argentina) - talk about married to the mob! Poor heroine unknowingly marries an evil mobster with a plan to take over the world. Luckily, one of his assistants (a) also wants out of the life (b) is madly in love with her. Witness protection and make outs ensue!

Rosario Tijeras (Colombia) - a mob hit woman gets involved with two different dudes and nothing good happens to anyone. I’d prefer the Mexican version but can’t find it anywhere with subs and this is on Netflix. 

Senora Acero (Mexico) - bring it on, cartel queen in love with a federal agent! On Netflix.

Sortilegio (Mexico) William Levy and his biceps star as an amnesiac who is told a lady is his wife but little does he know she was forced by his evil brother to pretend to be so to steal his cash. We all should have such luck!

Terra Esperanza aka Esperanca (Brazil) - true lovers are separated by a trip to Brazil where our “hero” (I use the term loosely) acquires another wife. Ooops, his first love is not dead and somehow sets to win her hapless, spineless but very hot man back. Good luck to you, lady!

Terra Nostra (Brazil) - lovers are separated by a trip to Brazil where our hero acquires another wife. I am noticing a theme here. Luckily, heroine also acquired a husband so reciprocal angst and misery for everyone.

Yago, Pasion Morena (Argentina) - villager x city lady. Here purely because of my Facundo Arana megacrush.

[dangermousie]

This was the most romance-novel scene I have ever seen in a show.

Pirate x consicentious widow FTW!

[dangermousie]

Mousie, now you're making me want to watch Amor Gitano lol I have to ask though how is the romance between out otp are there any breakups? I feel like this is a drama that was created by your brain but if that's the case torture for our leads will come true.

Re: AG. It’s a telenovela, so misunderstandings and break-ups and love rivals are par for the course. At one point he thinks she is evil blah blah blah.

Also, are you a Spanish speaker? If so, have fun! If not, there are no English subs anywhere (I watched with professional Russian dub.)