#motivation i summon youuuuuu

[dayz72]

you know what would go unbelievably hard? a fic where Jon was reading statements but its the events of the hatchetfield trilogy

[arachcobra]

Naruto Episode 3, 4 and 5 Review

Whom toils for the bell

Review of Naruto Episode 3, 4 and 5: Sasuke and Sakura: Friend or Foe?, Pass or Fail: Survival Test and You Failed! Kakashi's Final Decision

ArachCobra

Before anything else, I should mention the intro. It's quite nice. The music is good and the visuals tell a neat little story. A good intro that I could easily imagine drawing people in.

So we start off with Naruto's morning routine and upon seeing this, a question pops up. Who takes care of this kid? I mean, we haven't really followed his home-life up until now, so the question has just been hanging in the air, but now it comes to the fore. You could argue that Naruto can at this point live on his own. He is expected to be in the military, after all.

And fine, that's a good argument. But who took care of him until then? Did they just throw baby Naruto into an apartment and say: “Come back in six years when you're ready for school, kid.” Someone must have been Naruto's caretaker, yet this person is strangely absent.

So Naruto goes to school, stopping only to have a short talk with Konohamaru.

Somewhere else, Sakura leaves for school too, only to meet her bitchy rival Ino. The two then engage in a power-walk duel.

In school, we quickly learn that every girl hast the hots for Sasuke, the brooding boy with the black hair and thousand mile stare. So of course, everyone in the room with a vagina is fighting over him like dogs over a piece of beef, despite him quite clearly not giving a single fuck about any of them. I've never experienced anything like this personally in real life, but I guess it's not entirely unrealistic.

The only exception to this is Hinata who's completely into Naruto instead, but he was to get close to Sakura instead. It's a mess, to say the least. Of course, Sakura doesn't care about him, even violently showing him aside so she can chat with Sasuke, in a move I'm sure will endear her to the viewers.

Anyway, Naruto, for some reason, climbs up on a table so he can glare at Sasuke, because Naruto wants to bet he one drowning in women. But then he gets pushed and the two share their first kiss.

Awkward.

And then all the girls, except Hinata, just straight up mauls Naruto for daring to be in an accident. Because every woman in class except little miss Shrinking Violet was apparently under the belief that they were entitled to be the first to swap mouth water with Sasuke and that Naruto has stolen it from them.

You know, I actually feel kinda sorry for Sasuke here, what with the way he's being objectified as this here vaunted prize that the girls are fighting, violently even, to get ahold of.

So while Naruto is nursing his shattered skeleton, Iruka comes in and designates teams, with Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke being on the same team, which causes Naruto to yell, in the middle of class, about why someone as great as him should be on a team with someone like Sasuke.

These diplomatic skills and self-reflective values will no doubt do him good as future hokage.

Anyway, the reason is that to balance the team ,they've put the worst student(Naruto) with the best(Sasuke). And Sakura... Well... I guess she's there.

So after this the episode decides that it's time for shenanigans.

And by shenanigans, I mean that Naruto violently ambushes and assaults Sasuke, then steals his form so that he can try and use it to get it on with Sakura, only to be struck by diarrhea due to drinking bad milk, resulting in more misunderstandings and violence.

Unwarranted violence, attempted rape(Rape by deception.) and toilet humor. Isnøt this just the height of comedy.

Now, before anyone tells me that it's just a series of joke and I shouldn't take this serious, remember that this is all still supposed to happen in universe. Being “a joke” doesn't magically eject the scene from existing alongside everything else and what we see is a very disturbing side of Naruto.

Maybe he really was left to raise himself from chilhood and that's why he's developed these deranged tendencies.

The episode mercifully ends and we go to the next, where we start with Kakashi, their new ninja group teacher, showing up late, resulting in him beaing pranked by Naruto.

Kakashi is this extremely chill dude who's not afraid to call the trio out on their bullshit. He's such a great character.

So he takes them away to get their introductions. Naruto's is pretty much what we expect. Then we get to Sakura, who keeps blushing and glancing at Sasuke while trying to say what or who she likes. You can practically hear the gushing of vaginal fluids.

And then she finishes of by declaring she doesn't like Naruto. I don't blame her. After the last episode, I'm not too fond of him either.

Sasuke's intro is great, if only because it's hilarious. “I don't like anything and I dislike a lot.” He's moments away from declaring that he takes his coffee black, LIKE HIS SOUL! And when he talks about his motivation, he declares that he will kill “a certain someone.” Mostly because the author hadn't figured out yet who that was. So that sounds really hilarious. At least in-universe, Naruto is uncertain who he's talking about.

So Kakashi talks about a test they will be put through and the next day, all three show up early in the morning, tired and sleepy.

Well, except Sasuke. Because he's supposed to be cool.

So hours later Kakashi shows up and gives them the rundown.

Meanwhile, Iruka is having tea with the Hokage, concerned for Naruto. This scene is actually split up in multiple smaller parts, spread across this and the next episode. Which gives the impression that the two are spending hours, slowly talking, not helped by the background suddenly changing. We also learn that Kakashi has had dozens of teams in the past, none of which ever succeeded in passing his test. Which seems maybe just a tad bit unbelievable, especially considering that he's only 26.

Back in the field, Sasuke and Sakura have gone into hiding to look for an opening. Naruto on the other hand is out in the open, loudly challenging Kakashi to a fight. Because Naruto has apparently misunderstood what being a ninja is all about.

It's not like his attempts work out. Kakashi is just too good. And he he shoves both his fingers up into Naruto's ass hard enough to launch the kid into a nearby river.

Yep.

So then Narutoo actually manages to outwit Kakashi by using his clones, attack with a full squad and having an extra clone ambush Kakashi. Well, until the man magically switches place with a clone, which causes the Naruto army to succumb to infighting.

Then Naruto spots a bell lying in the grass and instantly think he knocked it loose, only to be hoisted into a tree by a snare.

You see, Naruto isn't very smart.

Then, as Kakashi emerges from hiding, Sasuke strikes with the most stupid looking long-range assault ever. First, he throws his weapon out in a fan, despite him trying to hit one specific target. Then all the projectiles veers to the right, like a flock of migrating geese changing course, and then slams left into Kakashi. Then, to continue the stupid, Kakashi doesn't even look like he gets hit. It looks more like he was standing on a wheel and the projectiles showed him to the side. And then, despite being hit in the side, we suddenly see him flying backwards in this weird wavy way that is probably meant to look like slow-mo, but instead makes it look like Kakashi turned into a balloon.

And then he turns into a log.

Thanks to the microphone in Sasuke's head, we get a full analysis of what this technique is all about. I'm not sure why Sasuke would think this, but it sure does keep us viewers informed.

So then we switch to Sakura, who's ambushed and hypnotised by Kakashi.

Naruto gets caught by the second snare in the tree, which you would have though he'd have noticed from his vantage point.

And the Kakashi fights Sasuke in what is actually a pretty cool sequence, except Kakashi has to shill Sasuke by being amazed by his fighting and surprised by his jutsu.

He's still beaten, left in the ground for Sakura to dig up.

Naruto tries to steal the food, but Kakashi catches him.

And after Sakura digs Sasuke up, she worries that he will get a bell and she won't separating them. So she suggests they should just give up. Gee, that's real love right there. “I'm so clingy that I'd rather have you redo an entire year instead of risking our lives not being fully fucking synchronized.”

So the test ends and Kakashi straigt up spells it out for them that they failed to demonstrate teamwork, all the while tearing into them for all the mistakes they made. It's awesome.

So Kakashi gives them another chance, and if that was his plan from the get go, I feel like he should not have explained the teamwork part yet.

So the three decide to team up by having Sakura feed the tied up Naruto(Which he seems a little too happy about), only for Kakashi to explode onto the scene with a hilarious war-cry of “YOUUUUUU!” Then he summons a goddamn thunderstorm to set the mood, because Kakashi wants you to know he's the best character so far. When the three stand up to him and stick with each other, he lets them pass.

And then the yall walk happily into the sunset.

Except Naruto. He's still tied up.

Great teamwork right there.

Okay, so the first episode is not good. In fact, the second half makes it awful. The humour doesn't work, the characters behave abhorrently and the toilet humour is cringe as Hell. I can heartily recommend skipping the rest once teams have been assigned.

The two episodes covering the bell test works a lot better, with some awesome fight scenes, Kakashi being funny and some good insight into how difficult it can be to be a ninja. Though I can't help but notice that both Naruto and Sasuke got to attempt to take a bell, whereas Sakura was just kinda ambushed and left behind. It feels kinda... Uneven. But besides that and some minor goofs, the episodes are quite good.

Givenea

Episode 3

Was this episode written to piss me off? Because if so, it’s working.

Let’s split this up to talk a few parts: Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura.

Firstly, Naruto has over the last few episodes been established as this loathsome little squirt with few redeeming qualities, (see the former reviews for clarification) and here this reaches critical levels.

His kiss with Sasuke was an accident and so I’ll not cry sexual assault on that one. I will however cry assault later when he, well, assaults Sasuke in order to tie him up so he can steal his form and sexually assault Sakura. And yes, as disguising yourself or your identity to sleep with them is rape, doing the same for a kiss is sexual assault. But such antics aren’t out of character for Naruto and he has yet to, and will never to my knowledge, be called out on it.

Oh, and the only thing that stops him, is being physically unable to go through with it do to a bout of diarrhea. So, he has no qualms assaulting his crush. This does not speak in his favor. 

Then there’s Sasuke and Sakura, they are afforded two characteristics each.

Sasuke broods and we see a glint of something that could be a sense of honor towards Naruto. Let me elaborate on that one. When he and Sakura meet up, he asks what she thinks of Naruto and she berates him and notes upon Naruto being parentless as a reason for this. SASUKE CHEWS HER OUT FOR THIS. By actions this guy is already pretty likeable. More of this please.

Sakura crushes on Sasuke, hates Naruto. The first seems a pretty standard prepubescent crush, so let’s not dwell on that, though she seems way more occupied with it than good is. Her dislike of Naruto is by herself attributed to Naruto being annoying, though with the behavior we see out of him that is a pretty mild sentiment. As she says him being “annoying” is due to him not having parents and given the attitude said to be held by the adults of the village: I’d call it obvious that her hatred is partly do to an influence from her parents that she was never quite aware of. But, more importantly when Sasuke calls her out on this, she realizes her wrongdoing and makes a conscious effort to be nicer to Naruto. Even if this doesn’t stick initially, it lays the ground for character development. More of that please.

Besides, I’d rather watch these two develop, work past their issues and become a well working team, than spend one more minute observing Naruto be an asshole. Less of this please

Episode 4-5

This episode introduces Kakashi. He steals pretty much every scene he is in. More Kakashi please.

Two major themes: a focus on teamwork and the harshness of the ninja world, are introduced. And rather well actually.

The first them is showcased through dialog during the test mostly, but the test does show how necessary it is to work together.

The later is really hammered home with Kakashi’s speech at the memorial stone, it is a really great emotional moment, and the three kids’ reaction shows just how unprepared they were for this reality

The show also does a really good job at showcasing the hurdles each character must overcome to become a good team. 

Naruto must learn to trust as well as stop and think before rushing in.

Sasuke must learn to respect his comrades and work with them.

Sakura must learn to consider both of her teammates equally and not let her crush on Sasuke blind her to the task at hand.

I generally just like these two episodes, they’re full of good setup for what is to come for these characters.

Fluttersniper13

Well, really, there wasn't much there but the most intense love affair between two girls ever and girls beating the shit out of Naruto. All I can remember of that episode.

Then there's the test. Some cringe, but Kakashi is cool, even if he seems to like bad touching his students. Then there's more fighting, cringe and then it's over. And then there was that hilariously dumb scream. And yeah, that's about it.

(Link to chapter: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13125294/3/Naruto-Rewrite-1-Road-to-Ninja)