#motherhood speedrun but also no not really

[transingthoseformers]

oh God don't let me toss my favorite crew of idiots (affectionate) the Coalition / crew of the Fortitude into a xenomorph situation

[shutupeiffel]

4, 8, 12 for the bookworm asks?

Thank you for these prompts!

4 - Favourite sci-fi books: This is going to be a very abbreviated list because otherwise i could go on for days but some of my favourites are:

The Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers - hopeful and character driven sci fi that weaves some amazing anthropological world building in and also convinced me after a reading slump that actually I didn't hate books, I just needed to read the right ones

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir - there's nothing I can say about these books that hasn't been said by twenty thousand other people. They're amazing, they're the perfect blend of sci-fi/fantasy, go read all three and then suffer with the rest of us in anticipation for book 4

Dreadnought by April Daniels - Trans girl inherits the powers of a superhero, including giving her the perfect body - aka transition speedrun, aka my personal dream. A really interesting look at superheroes and what it would actually be like to be thrust into that world - if you want to know more, The Hidden Bookcase did a great episode on it!

8 - Favourite Queer Fiction Books: Again, too many to count, but here are some highlights

The London Calling series by Alexis Hall - The gay rom com we all deserve. Starts off with fake dating, ends with a book dedicated to the complicated relationship queer people have with marriage and the experience of reaching that weird age where all your friends are getting married and you don't know what to do with yourself. Will make you laugh, sob, then laugh and sob simultaneously

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters - don't let the title put you off like it nearly did me, this book is not weird TERF stuff. Instead it's an incredibly powerful look at trans experiences, motherhood, loneliness and, yes, detransition. Every character is messy and flawed in a way that trans people - especially trans women - are very rarely allowed to be, and honestly its so refreshing. 10/10, would not recommend to cis people unless they're really chill with trans people.

Infamous by Lex Croucher - Found this in a bookshop for £2.50, took a chance on it since I recognised Croucher from their YouTube days, instantly fell in love. Croucher has an absolute gift for writing complicated female protagonists, deconstructing the 'not like other girls' mindset from within and exploring the dangers of being caught up in that idea of yourself and the kind of superiority complex you get. Also it's Regency and it's lesbians, which are two things almost guaranteed to get me into a book.

12 - Favourite Horror Books:

How To Sell A Haunted House by Grady Hendrix - Absolutely gripping horror - I spent the entire book trying to work out if I was enjoying myself or genuinely terrified, but my god did I finish it. All the best horror is secretly a metaphor for something else, and this one is no difference. There's some amazing explorations of generational trauma and the impact of keeping secrets, even when you don't even know you're keeping said secrets because you've just repressed the memories so incredibly hard. Also - terrifying murder puppets.

A House With Good Bones by T Kingfisher - Apparently I love a creepy house/tale of generational trauma? I found T Kingfisher through her fantasy book Nettle & Bone, so was apprehensive about horror, but this book was amazing. Also has some great Suburban America Horror and a really solid mystery running through, which is absolutely essential for me with horror - I am, at heart, a murder mystery boy who happens to also vibe with ghosts, especially rose based ones

[thegeminisage]

tng update time. last night we did "the child" and today i did "where silence has lease"

the child: GOOD. FUCKINGGGGG. LORD

first of all, i watched this after having been awake since 4am and working all day and then getting hate mail on my fanfics. i was so sleep deprived it's unreal. i dissolved into hysterics multiple times

the first time i think was after deanna got impregnated. i did say with my real mouth "i hope it's riker" and then regret it because i didn't actually hope that but truly i think we would have been better off

the second time i can't really remember. i think it was after the kid talked the first time. immediately my primal instincts screamed at me that the child was unholy and unnatural. anyway both times we had to pause for several minutes in order for me to collect myself

why did we have to have a meeting in front of all deanna's peers talking about the changes in her body and whether or not she should get an abortion...like im with worf, abort that thang, but what the fucj

at first i was kind of excited that dr crusher would be leaving because she is an exhausting character to contend with. now i realize i was a fool. with no dr crusher and no tasha yar deanna troi has to take on the role of Every woman. i made a joke in which the punchline was the mother the son and the holy spitroast but i don't think it's as funny without the leadup

also, on the replacement dr: i hate her forever for being mean to data. first mispronouncing his name and then being like ehhh who cares when corrected AND THEN being like wow this bag of bolts can actually get his feelings hurt! i'll kill her

am pleased to say i recognized her from tos not because of her face but because of her voice. score one for the ol' voice acting ear

anyway i kept going i be BEVERLY (upgraded from dr crusher) could have saved deanna's satan baby because at least she can FUCKING PRONOUNCE DATA'S NAME RIGHT. i hope beverly left because picard wouldn't stop making eyes at his ex it would serve him right

wesley was fine in this episode for once.

HIIII GUINAN HIIIIIIII wow she looks so young. just like in sister act, the primary thing i know her from. weird to have her playing shrink to wesley this entire time but i'm sure we'll get more from her later

anyway having deanna speedrun motherhood in 36 hours Because She's A Woman made me for the first time consider skipping some episodes on tng. but i couldn't do my skip/watch list that way so i will SIGH persevere.

where silence has lease: im blogging this as i go. first of all since the first few seconds of this have no dialogue i was excited and thought we were about to get a whedon-eqsue no-dialogue episode but alas. no.

secondly. "im worried about riker AND worf there are certain elements of the klingon psyche its best to be ignorant about" like girl are they fucking?? not quite but almost. riker was sooo dirty. paused the episode to inform cathy of this and got this gem

anyway, the skeleton prosthetics were good but i ca already feel that this is going to be a "klingons are so big and scary and savage" kind of racism day

worf automatically gaslighting himself about the klingon legend is SO sad especially bc we as viewers KNOW its gotta be true. get vored idiots

why is wesley always on the bridge now instead of geordi...is he just always in engineering now? that is Too sad

THIS BITCH JUST CALLED DATA "IT"?????????????? I WILL KILL HER MYSELF

like i cannot believe she is doubting DATAS ABILITY TO DO HIS JOB more than the fucking SIXTEEN YEAR OLD sitting next to him just bc wesley is human and data isnt. ill fucking kill her. i never thought id say this but i miss beverly

jonathan frakes has asked lots of questions this episode

this freaky ass unreality void thing that doesn't actually exist is sooooo fucking cool. stuff like this is what i like about scifi...sometimes the scifi premise is stupid but sometimes it fucks

WHATEVER RIKER AND WORF HAVE GOING ON IN THIS EPISODE. IS GAY. riker telling him to pull himself together and worf repeating his words from earlier...prolonged eye contact...i wish tng was like this all the time

actually riker is kinda fun in this episode...he keeps giving orders without waiting for picard's okay and he is soooo upset when he gets back from that freaky ship

WHOA THAT CGI FACE WAS FREAKY AND BAD

LMAOOO AT THIS ALIEN GOING AFTER THE DR FOR BEING FEMALE. WHEN DEANNA IS RIGHT THERE. like "your contruction is different" not to the half betazoid or the klingon but to the WOMAN. well if anyone deserves it

wow. love that they got ordered to fuck nasty on the bridge <3 riker and worf should volunteer

SIGHHH of course they kill the random black guy redshirt

started to have respect for picard when once again he was willing to blow up the ship rather than submit to enemy will but then he ruined it by going eeeh idk riker how much time do YOU think we need before the self-destruct? like how much time do they need to prepare to die?? and then riker was like uhh idk 20 minutes? like if you're gonna do it just do it. jesus christ. don't even tell them first it's so much kinder. there are FUCKING children aboard

AND HES JUST GONNA SIT IN HIS QUARTERS AND LISTEN TO MUSIC? INSTEAD OF COMFORTING PEOPLE OR DOING HIS JOB? it's always one step forward two back with this show

THOSE FREAKY HALLUCINATIONS TRICKED ME...it's just like data to ask about death. but it wasn't him!!

the ending to this was actually a little anticlimactic but i did enjoy the journey. too bad it wasn't a big klingon ship eating monster though

one down, five to go 😤

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Positive

Cult girl and Hannibal find a way to turn a life-altering mistake to their favor.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: accidental pregnancy, discussion of abortion, adoption, slight emetophobia

Another week passed and the 'hangover' didn't subside. Then a third week passed, so you had to give up the façade and just admit you were sick. Hannibal was smugly concerned, but not alarmed. It paid to have a doctor for a fiancé. Studying could be done from bed and you needed to be in perfect working order to burn down your grandmother's country club and fully enjoy it.

Hannibal wasn't so much of a hypochondriac that he denied you affection while bed-ridden. That, or he didn't believe what you had was contagious. Whatever it was.

It wasn't until you woke up late, just days before the start of the new semester, that you discovered. You hobbled blindly to the bathroom to take your medicine. You were fully prepared to drop to your knees and vomit in the toilet and you wanted nothing more than to return to bed and slip back into sweet unconsciousness. Not even microdosing meth could keep you awake.

You slid your birth control packet out of its sleeve. You were halfway through the green placebo pills, so you were sure that didn't help how miserable you felt. This period sure had a hell of a build-up.

That's when a number caught your eye.

It was a number you weren't even previously aware existed. A date on your birth control packet. Dated three months prior.

You weren't lucid enough to comprehend what it meant, but once it hit you, you spit the pill into the sink.

Expired. You thought. How the fuck do pills expire?

No. No. No. No.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." You called back. "I... just need to take a shower."

You turned the faucet on. It was a bad lie and he would figure it out eventually, but you couldn't involve him. Not yet. You needed a minute alone to think.

You found the pregnancy test you stashed under the sink all those years ago. You double-checked the lock, then began the test. There was no romantic or even palatable way to describe the process of peeing on a stick, quietly as possible, to avoid your frankly terrifying fiancé's notice. Once it was done, you wrapped the still-loading test in toilet paper and shoved it back under the sink.

You had no idea how long it would take to give you a result. Or if waiting four years to use it would give you a false result. There was so much you didn't know.

You jumped into the shower and washed up, trying to push all thoughts of panic out of your head. It didn't work. You went right into bury-the-body mode. A fall down the stairs could best pass for an accident, but had the unintended consequences of severe bodily harm. You wondered if those special herbal teas actually worked and where you'd find one. Or, instead of investing in gimmicky, pseudo-scientific abortion teas or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, you could just talk to him.

You sat on the bathroom floor in a towel for what felt like hours, holding the mummified pregnancy test between your fingers. It took all your strength to rip through the tissue paper and confirm what you already knew.

A big, obnoxious pink plus sign. Almost like it was rubbing it in.

Your head was screaming just talk to him. He was your goddamn fiancé. The man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. But you couldn't tell him. Not after what he said at the country club.

"Hannibal?" You called out, voice weak. "Can you come here, please?"

He opened the bathroom door to find you huddled against the sink wearing nothing but a towel. It was a sight that would make anyone freak out.

"My god, [F/N]." He took a knee beside you. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?"

You gestured to the pregnancy test at your side. You hugged your knees into your chest and waited for him to process everything.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression. "I thought you were on birth control?"

You covered your face with your hands. "I did too. Nobody told me that the pills actually expire."

Then came the question that you were dreading.

"What do you want to do?"

That was why you were hesitant to tell him. Not because he would try to make a decision for you, but because he wouldn't.

"I don't know." You blurted out. "What do you want to do?"

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "You know I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." You threw your head back in exasperation. "I'm just asking for a little direction. You said you definitely wanted to have kids-"

"Not like this." He cut you off. "Not when it would derail your entire career.” 

“Look, you know I was on the fence about having kids at all.” You rambled, just trying to collect your thoughts. “But then you described what you wanted for us and it just sounded so nice.” 

“Darling, I am begging you,” He pressed his fingers to his temples. “Please, decide for yourself and only yourself.” 

“I’m trying!” You objected. “I just need a second to think.” 

“Don’t think, just answer.” He implored. “What do you want to do?” 

“I want to get an abortion.” You blurted out before slapping your hand over your mouth. 

“Was that really so hard to say?” Hannibal asked, voice broken with relief. Relief of what, you couldn’t place. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him. “It was, a little.” 

“Why?” He tilted his head curiously. “And please don’t say it was because of me.” 

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, hiding your face again. “I just learned I was pregnant, like, five minutes ago. I shouldn’t be expected to make a choice this massive without at least ten minutes to think about it.” 

“Do you really want to get an abortion?” He asked. 

Your voice wobbled with uncertainty. “No... yes?” 

“I see.” He said, as if this were just a point of academic curiosity that didn’t involve him whatsoever. “Is there a part of you, no matter how small, that wants to see the pregnancy to term?” 

“Well, yeah. Thus the basis of my uncertainty.” You threw your hands up. “But I also know it’s insanely unrealistic to think I could just speedrun my last two years of school and however long it takes to establish a career just to get to the domestic bliss.”

“You would do good to not expect motherhood to be a blissful retirement plan, love." Hannibal gently scorned. "Parenting takes just as much commitment as your studies. Likely more."

"I know." You bashed your palms against your forehead. "I said it was unrealistic, didn't I? Look, I just don't foresee any worthwhile outcomes if I carry this pregnancy to term. Even to put it up for adoption just seems selfish. Why bring a kid into the world just to set them up for a shitty life?"

Hannibal paused, and looked off into the distance pensively.

"If you could forgive me a hypothetical," He began. "What if we could guarantee them a wonderful life?"

"Are we talking philosophy, or do you have an actual suggestion?" You probed.

"A bit of both, depending on where your mind takes you." He smirked as if he were about to say something very clever. "What if Beatrice [L/N]'s estate made sure our child had a safe, comfortable upbringing? With a weighty college trust fund in their name, naturally."

You couldn't tell if this was brilliant or insane. It all depended on how 'hypothetical' the whole situation really was. Either way, you were interested.

"Go on." You urged, letting the idea slither into your mind.

"There's nothing in the will that specifically states we must raise the child ourselves." He recounted. "Only that it must be of blood descent."

You hadn't considered that, but it made sense once you heard it out loud. Your grandmother had many skills to make her a sharp manipulator, but her inattention to detail was always her downfall.

“Forty-five million extra dollars in the bank would be nice.” You said. You were humoring him at first, but when you said it out loud, it rang true. 

“Forty-five is drops in the bucket compared to what we can get from her property.” He added. “The house and the golf course.” 

You put your hand on your chin, actually, seriously considering it. You were on the precipice of inheriting more money than you could possibly spend in one lifetime. Money that could make so many problems go away overnight. Money you could hand out to anyone you wanted to, just to make their lives a little easier. You pictured yourself giving waitstaff six-figure tips, or handing a hundred dollar bill to someone asking for change on the street. You could erase your best friend's college debt as a birthday present. Get Hannibal a proper gift. All with money you bled out of your abusers.

It was divine justice. All at the price of nine months of your life.

"So..." Your voice trailed off. "We just need to keep this thing alive for the next nine months..."

"We can find an adoptive family in that time." Hannibal nodded along. "And we can set up a college fund for the child to be given to them on their 18th birthday."

"And we could make the adoption open, in case the child ever wants to meet us." You said.

"Right." He agreed. "Allowing the option for an adoptee to meet their biological parents is much better for their mental health and adjustment."

You covered your mouth with your hand, only to hide your excitement. "I take it back, I'm starting to see a positive outcome."