#mother has image-focused gaslighter whose favorite child was the boy for a mother | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hannahchronism · 2 years ago

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i saw. an edit on tiktok (yeah i know) of someone who had compiled a bunch of pictures they took when they started to feel like the thing they were doing wasn't real and that sort of. boxed me into acknowledging that that should probably be. the minority feeling. if it happens at all.

#smth smth christian household. smth smth father from very....#oh my mom said it the other day and it was such a good word for it but now i've lot it.#hmm anyway his father was army and not particularly. hm. not Not demonstrative but didn't Say things #father from very 'my dad was army and his dad was army' family #mother has image-focused gaslighter whose favorite child was the boy for a mother #(and her dad died when i was very little)#((and then actually dad's dad died when i was a little older but still. quite little.))#(((((that's a fun trend we have. there's more to it but that's . anyway.))))#this is a very circumventive way of getting do ''my god do i know how to not talk or address or look at things''#jordan's family freaks me out they all yell at each other about stuff and it's like. that's not allowed ;slkfjgs;dlkfjg #like that sound derogatory i really don't mean it to be and im sure there's a whole list of pros and cons for that one too it's just like #god it's So Different. it's so different. we don't yell until someone has like. Snapped. usually over something little #this has steered in a way that one wonders how the things are related but i swear they are #the ultimate point meant to be ''god i wish i knew how to talk'' which actually i guess isn't that it's really more like #god i wish i trusted myself to know how to talk because i do i worked very very very hard to be able to but im always afraid to do it anywa #it's so much easier to never say anything if you are willing to accept the cost of that #and if you have been doing it for a very long time its very hard to remember whether or not you are and how to hold on to not accepting it #which is mainly. rooted in self trust #im having a time. im trying very hard i know it does not look or sound like it.#and if you are down here this far please understand i don't think. that i want eye contact over the top of this post #i am very good at looking away. i am very good at (& used to) being invisible. being looked at is very scary.#i really almost don't like it very much at all but if you could sit with me without looking that would be. really very cool #but that is much harder online #hmmmmmmmmmm starting to feel very visible in fact right now but i've been posting on this blog for years since like the peak of disaster #why stop now

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