#mostly that flashback because it was cute yet sad

[i-cant-sing]

im WRITING NOTES AGAIN!!!

ok so i had to reread the ending of TTAU pt 9 cos i was confused on why y/n was crying! but im refreshed, that’s just so sad to me. it must’ve felt very dehumanizing with how the royals (specifically Miriham ) treats y/n and to have her niqab ripped off of her. and her broach stolen too, but idk if she cares for that. i’m mostly focusing on the niqab being her coverage and her way to feel closer to her religion. idk maybe im reading too into it.

AGH BALDWIN MENTION!! RAHHHH RAHHHH RAHHHHH

Ibrahim PRAYING to have y/n fall in love with him too. I FEEL SO ROMANTICAL!! that’s just too cute , it’s not forcing y/n to be with him but hoping she comes to love him aswell , RAHHH I LOVE IT

also i feel like with him wanting her…idk if he’ll actually help her get Out. maybe get out of the royal area , or something. but idk about…letting her leave him?! it makes me suspicious but then he prayed for her and now idk…his intentions just seem 🫨 to me. it’s shaking me around

mustafa bringing more broaches for y/n to wear, i wonder if he realizes that mihirmah is taking them without asking yet. or if he fr thinks y/n is still giving them away cos she doesn’t care.

im so stupid for not finishing that paragraph before writing something.

“there's no way he doesnt know Mihirmah is the one taking them when she openly flaunts them in his face.” is deadass the next sentence

“Baris asked as he looked through your closet.” i bet, he’s judging so hard. his ass is the type to throw something out cos he thinks it’s ugly.

another baldwin flashback 😭 STAWP , i’m trying to hate him in peace

"Because... I have to look for a present for Mustafa." SHE PLAYING BARIS LIKE MONOPOLY “present for Mustafa ☺️” LIAR !!!

"Have you stolen it?" RAHHHH I FEEL SOMETHING WEIRD IN MY TUMMY! DOES SHE KNOW ? DOES SULTANA KNOW SOMETHKNG SHE SHOULDNT ?

“Have you stolen what you came for? What exactly were you looking for? Mustafa's gold? His jewels?" bruh nvm. i’m stupid for thinking she’s smart.

“Just like Isabella, he will betray you every chance he gets.” that’s gotta be rough. like y/n has no one. literally no one. she’s just by herself until she can get home to her family, to her brother. i mean, y/n is clearly capable of surviving on her own, but it must be incredibly lonely and sad ! RAHHHH Y/N ! GOVE Y/N A BREAK!

“But... where did the portrait go?”

1. one of the boys has it hanging up cos “oh it looks so similar to the loml” 🤮

2. someone took it as black mail and is going to accuse y/n of witchery

3. it’s getting fixed up from where bladwin made out with it and they’ll find out it looks so similar to y/n and think y/n is related to royalty cos “why did a king 400 years ago have this portrait painted IF NOT IT BEING THE LOVE OF HIS CRAZY ASS LIFE ! AND Y/N IS A DESCENDANT AND CLEARLY NEEDS TO MARRY ONE OF THE BOYS THIS INSTANT! “

4. someone burnt it for y/n already

“ "I may not know how to hunt, but you do. So... shall we?" You asked patting the horse. “ y/n just makes herself seem like the weirdest person ever in both time periods cos she just wants to get OUTTA THERE! she does Not care if they think she’s crazy, she’ll say whatever to get where she needs to go.

“You both stared at each other, heaving and trying to catch your breath before breaking out into a laughter.” this horseback riding/chase scene is giving Anthony & Kate love story in Bridgerton. next thing we know Mustafa is gonna be going 🥴😵‍💫🤯 for how y/n smells. (this joke is gonna be lame if u haven’t seen bridgerton, i apologize)

“And somehow, you would soon hit the bullseye in his heart.” this shit corny as hell.

do it again

“…looking off into the distance as you remembered the old couple who helped you.” RAHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! thats so saaaaad,

“‘…Maybe I'll see them there, just from a distance?" Mustafa nodded at your request. How could he say no to such an innocent ask?” *5 Seconds of Summer’s song Wrapped Around Your Finger starts playing *

“Those words, that praise... isnt that what he's yearned for all his life?” oh damn. this dude fell in love with a time traveling scammer. get in liiiine buddy, GET IN LINE!!!

“Doesnt he ever deserve to even delude himself that he has a chance at being the next sultan?” this whole paragraph just opened this character to me in such a naked way, it makes me FEEL REAL EMOTIONS! STOP IT! 🤮😭 also #daddyissues

“ "Wherever it'll be the most prominent." He smiled gently. “ hey, i’m just gonna jump off this cliff rq, ok? but fr tho? THIS IS TOO CUTE!! idk y/n’s plan with this is cos she doesn’t NEED to get him a gift, maybe it’s to get closer with him so he’ll have more leeway with her walking off without him? i’m under the delusion that she might be falling in love tho 🤷🏽‍♀️

“…or the way his heart warmed when your pupils dilated and he was ready to give you the world if you asked for it.” her pupils dilated ? well, she’s definitely attracted to the man 😀 right ? RIGHT?

“ "crochet your anger away, Y/n." “ I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT Y/N’s FAMILY!! THEYRE TOO CUTE !!

“…you finally sighed exaggeratively, as if this wasnt exactly what you wanted.” awe damn, mother fucking bitch. I AM DELULU! I HATE IT! i should’ve known, y/n is a scammer girl 4 lyfe 😣

“ “I do. But unfortunately, I had given it away to a Roman diplomat as goodwill." “ liar. he’s got it. i’m calling it rn. he’s got IT ! HES HIDING IT SOMEWHERE!!!!!! RAHHHH U LIAR!!! I DONT TRUST ANYONE NOW!!!!

“By the time you two left Manisa, Mustafa had decided that he was going to marry you.” damn bruh. u quick asf with that, huh? u love y/n thaaat bad ? OOOOH u wanna kiss y/n soooo baaad! he’s a little simp! simp! simp! simp!

“Mustafa doesnt have Suleiman's respect. “ oh damn that spiral was a little crazy. i like that. that’s my type of spiral.

“…he could only hope you dont mind that he lied to you about the portrait.” …i knew it 😩 I KNEW IT 😣 YOU CANT TRUST BITCHES ANYMORE ! WHAT HAPPENED TO HONEST GODLY MEN WHO DIDNT LIE 👹 AND CHEAT 👹 AND BE MEN 👹 ! RAHHHHH

“For him to stare at, to clear his mind as he peered into those eyes above the paint smudges, that looked eerily similar to yours.” hey now. let’s all chill out and not look into that, ok! let’s just stare at the portrait that was made 400 years ago, and is missing the bottom half of its face cos of no reason what so ever. don’t ever try to make a artist try to replicate it. don’t do anything crazy.

“On returning to Constantinople (present day known as Istanbul),” instantly reminded me of that scene in Umbrella Academy w/ Five fighting all those agents in a doughnut parlor. (i keep referencing things and just hoping you know one of them 😎)

“…your eyes being trained on the sad man who was busy buying vegetables.” RAHHH STOP I FEEL SO SAD ! THESE TWISTS OF EMOTIONS ARE TORTURE (i’m jk, i love being melodramatic)

“…but deep down, he knows he only stepped in to impress you.” HEADASS! this dude a simp.

“Mustafa threw a pouch of gold coins and told him that the debt is paid. Period. “ period 💅🏽

him still thinking of y/n saying she’s proud of him? HES SO INFATUATED WITH HERRRRR RAHHHHHHH

“…not knowing about the shit storm that was about to come.”

1. mihirmah is mad

2. the other lover boy (Mehmed) is mad

3. the sultana (that ISNT mustafa’s mom) is mad cos her kids are mad

“…but it seems like sweet talking didnt make a dent on you” ok? bitch tf? SAVE MY GRANDFATHER FROM GETTING HARASSED AND PAY OFF HIS DEBT! then we can talk, tf? Y/n DOESNT OWE U ANYTHING BITCH

“ "You're clearly accusing me of something, so say it." “ oh man, i just love when a women doesn’t let bitchass men walk over them. PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE GIRL ! YES BITCH!!

“…they still stay here, only leaving when the sultan takes them along." “ you saying only a lady’s baby daddy or real daddy can take them out of the house ? get the FAWK out of my face , THIS DUDE GOT ME MAD!

“Is he- did he just say you tempt men?” barf. this man is the definition of “i trust You, i just don’t trust men around u,” BITCH SHUT UUUUUUUUPPP

“…but the moment these men know that you're a woman, you're meat for them.” this sounds like projection, mother fucker. get into some therapy. BARF

“This veil that you seem so proud of?…” why did this make me feel attacked? this made me even more upset for y/n, cos ??? y/n has every right to be proud of it even if “It only makes men to want to rip it off you more”, that isn’t Why y/n wears her veil. maybe i’m not using the right words or expressing my feelings right but it just made me really mad.

“but you're wrong if you think I'm using my veil, my covered body to invite men to stare at me." “ oh beautiful. she put it into words for me.

"I AM THE NEXT SULTAN! I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU!" the gasp that i just gusped!! HOW DARE YOU!!

“His hand reached up and grabbed your niqaab, threatening to yank it off you.” i’m feeling VERY VIOLENT THOUGHTS!

“Do you think you can stop me from making your worst nightmares come to life?"” 😮.

“he found it necessary to reprimand you.” 🤢

“He patted your cheek to make you nod, and he finally backed away and left you alone in the hall.” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

“how Mehmed had lifted up your veil and traced your skin.” that was a deadass traumatizing scene between the two and all the palace bitches got from that was “ohhhh they’re in loooooove” SHUT UUUUUUUP

“You want Mustafa to lose- you want Mahidevran to lose!” oh this bitch is crazy. her thots spirals just like her sons, apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“..it doesnt register at first the hard smack she delivered to your face.” god damn. y/n never catches a break in this awful place. GET HER OUT ! GET HER OUT NOOOOW!!

“Hurrem turned to look at you, grimacing at your bloodied face.” oh god damn. i just hate everyone atp.

“…then that is what I will say- Mehmed did this to me.” y/n is too smart for her own good. FUCK THEM BITCHES UP WITH INTELLIGENCE GIRL!! GET THEM WITH UR UPDATED SCHOOL TEACHINGS!!

“But if you were to help me escape-" “ i hope to god this bitch helps y/n leave PLEASE GOD PLEASE

“Baris walked in with Mustafa, Mehmed and Mihirmah, all looking at the state of your injured face.” oh damn, my girl isn’t wearing her niqab 😩

“…it was Mehmed's eyes that pricked you and you quickly grabbed your veil, tying it around your face to cover it.” he’s cool for that, ig. i still hate him and want him to die and want him to fall on his face and break his nose and i want his dad to stop loving him.

“Suleiman's eyes widened at the state of your face- bruised, bloodied and swollen.” THIS ANGST IS CRAAAAAZY! DUDE ITS CRAAAAAZY !! I GET WHY Y/N WONT SNITCH BUT PLEASE ! PLEASE ! LET SOMEONE BE SMART ENOUGH TO FOGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN ! (i’m asking for too much ik) WHERE THEY CAN IGNORE Y/N TRYING TO LIE ABOUT HOW SHE DOESNT KNOW! PLEASE

“No. No, she couldnt have.” YES SHE COULDVE U DUMB BOY! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! JUST FIGURE OUT UR MOM IS A DUMB BITCH ‘ PLEASE

“ Suleiman's sixth sense was keeping him unsettled” NAUR BITCH ! ITS MORE LIKE A 5 1/4th OF A SENSE ! UR SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR ! PLEASE ! SOMEONE PLEASE !

“ Her hands hiding under her sleeves.” OH THANK GOD ITS A FR 6th SENSE ! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!

“ "It’s okay, sultana. It was an accident." “ i did all this begging and for WHAT? whyyyy y/n ?! whyyyy do you have to care about the timeline and the fact that you’re literally controlling the future with what you doooo! whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

“ All this time, I thought she was cheating on you but Hurrem set her and me up. “ so CLOSE! YOURE SO CLOSE! Hurrem’s son is just a fucking crazy misogynistic that deserves the PLAGUE ! idk what plague, of if there is a plague at this time , but i hope he gets something bad!

“He now understands why his mother wanted him to marry you. You- you are the key to having the throne…” i like that he Just now got it! i like to think he truly likes y/n all on his own without the mission of the throne. it definitely helps his feelings, he gets the girl he likes and the throne. but he liked her fr, just for her.

“…had his blood boiling at the sight of your face uncovered as Baris applied healing balms to your wounds.” is this dude ever Not mad ? gtfo

“He corrected you before turning your face to him harshly” i just realized this dude is a real yandere. like an actual yandere. i forgot that this is what it’s all about. i’m all like “hes dehumanizing y/n!” “hes misogynistic !” like bitch look at wtf ur reading. ofc he is. he’s a yANDERE ! i’m sorry, dear author! i forgot where i was for a second!

"If you can do it yourself, then why let Baris do it? Do you enjoy his touch?" i still hate him.

“…because you dont want to stay in a place without the only sane person who had your back.” as far as we know….as far as we know.

“…besides giving him curt replies, which he doesnt notice because his head is so far up his-“ BARF BARF BARF! i hate him

“Mehmed has fucking lost it, and I need to get out of here right now.” PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN! PLEASEEEE

"I'm saving your ass. Duh." i don’t trust ur Baris. someone def paid him to do it.

"He's having their eyes stitched up for staring at you." oh he’s CRAZY CRAZY! those poor people! y/n is going to feel so guiltyyyyy NAUUUR ! nawt more trauma ! leave my girl aloooooone!

“Keep a low profile and try not to seduce any more unhinged men.” little does Baris know…theyre in a story written by someone who will definitely have that happen :)! i’m sorry y/n ! i’m sorry for what the author with put u thru!!

“He had been paying me since the moment you set foot in the palace to keep you safe.” ibrahim! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU IBRAHIM!!

“So thats what Suleiman wanted to discuss with you.” Y/n ! LOVE IBRAHIM! PLEASE LOVE HIM! (i’m jk, but fr, i’m glad y/n is getting out)

“They're in love with me. And when they heard I was leaving, they decided to come along. “ baris, you devil man. i knew you were good this whole time…

“Maybe you just lucked out-“ i don’t want to scroll down. i don’t WANT TO MNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN! I JUST WANT TO TURN OFF MY PHONE AND DELETE TUMBLR AND LET THAH BE IT!!!

“You were struck by lightening.” god damn. just god damn. just- ohmygod! OHMYGOD! HO ! MA ! GAWD ! CAN SHE HAVE ANYTHING ? CAN SHE JUST GET A BREAK FOR A SECOND?’ CAN SHE JUST FEEL HOPE AND JOY FOR A SECOND?!

“ "I know where she is." He stood up, Mehmed following behind him. “ NAUUUR! THE GRANDPARENTS!! THEYRE GONNA DIIIIIE ! PLEASE NO! PLEASE GAWD NOOOOOOO!!!

“She killed herself the next day. She had jumped off the roof, but she didnt die instantly. She died as Hurrem watched from her balcony, and she refused to alert anyone to help the poor woman.” the old couples daughter, nooooo! just nooooooo! at least they can meet with her when they die,,,hopefully from old age!!

"BY THE ORDER OF SEHZADE MUSTAFA! OPEN THE DOOR!" it’s not gonna be from old age, they are Not dying from old age.

“ "Do it. Save Y/n." He told her, but before anyone could react, Mehmed sliced off the man's head, “ IM ACTUALLY CRYING. LIKE FR ! this isn’t faiiiiir! i mean? i know they were gonna die and i kept joking but IT WAS TO COVER THE PAIN! PLEASE NOOOOOO

“Mehmed kicked her in the back and the old lady fell to the ground. “ she died just like her daughter…kinda ? that’s so sad. i’m so upset!

"Fine." He pulled out his sword. "May the better prince win." god damn. just god damn.

“Mehmed was going to win and she needed to be there to witness it.” she’s as crazy as her damn brother. why tf did i think she was a lesbian and in love with y/n. i should’ve known 😣 i was pushing my gay agenda , the republicans r right 🫨 IM JUST FUCKING AROJND! i’m KIDDING

“ "I am better than you. In every way." Mustafa raised his sword to drop it on Mehmed's neck, just as cruelly he had done to that old woman.” SCREAMING! IM SCREAMING!!

“But that will be for another day-“ nauuur bitch. ur brother is gonna kill you! TURN AROUND BITCH ! TURN AROUND’ RAHHH NOOOO RAHHHHH

“People who more than willingly began microdosing Mehmed with poison.” i didn’t Not expect this. ho em gee

“You slammed your fists as the room began catching on fire.” y/n and fire! god damn. you’d think fire is a yandere for this poor girl. ohmygodddd

“The next moment, Mustafa's head was chopped off.” THE. GASP. I. JUST. GUSPED. NAUUUUUR I LIKED HIM THE MOST! NAUUUUR NAUUUUR NAUUUUUR

“It’s on.” oh mygod. OH MYGDOD

“Whatever time you land in, it'll be better than the one where you almost burn to death. Right?” RIGHT ?! RIGHT?! god PLEASE SOMEONE! GET THAT DAMN SCREEN FIXED ! PLEASE !

i’m feeling so many emotions. everyone died. girl when u said “ no one gets hurt “ or something like that. i was like “oh some ONE will die” bitch i didn’t think EVERYONE! the old couple! mustafa ! fuck head! like god damn bruh. i wonder how badly this will fuck with the timeline in the future.

ibrahim is at war rn and waiting to get home to his soon to be wife! the sultanas have lost both of their eldest sons! hurrem has some leftovers, so i wonder who will be in charge next.

the old couple gets to see their daughter again, and i loved how they loved y/n. i wonder why the old lady was choking y/n tho? was it to kill her so she didn’t have to go with mehmed & mustafa?

mustafa dying really upset me too. he had a genuine connection with y/n i feel like (besides ibrahim ofc) and i really liked him. you fleshed out his character so well that it shocked me when he died! he must’ve been scared, surrounded by people who wanted him dead. his mom far away. the love of his life (y/n) meeting an uncertain fate in that random castle. his brother just dying infront of him. i thot he had his army with him too, so im surprised Mehmed’s men were surrounding him. it’s just sad!

BUT SO GOOD! i’m so excited to see how this goes! how far it goes! i’ve really enjoyed annotating while i read as well, i feel like im more immersed in the story! thank you for chapter 10! it was delicious 😩

11/10 review, amazing, showstopping fabulous <3333

and yes, the old couple was killing y/n to save her from being taken advantage of by the ottomans, as their daughter was. in a way, they had good intentions for y/n.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Gmmtv 2025

So now, that I have time, I'm actually gonna sit and watch the trailers properly. Let's go.

Dare You to Death - The plot is appealing to me, the cast is interesting. I was never a JD fan so if I decide to watch it will be for all the ensemble and the actual plot.

Head 2 Head - My babies! Forced cohabitation my beloved. I'm gonna pretend I didn't see the vision thingy cause other than that this just seems like a cute bl, and I'm here for that.

Burnout Syndrome - OffGun in a love triangle? Gun being fought over by two men just has god intended? I am so seated for this!

Whale Store xoxo - MilkLove is back and I wanna like this one. It seems cute, and drama light. I'll probably be tuning in.

Only Friends - Dream On - The chill that came down my spine when the song started playing. I left my body. With that said, and like I said before, EarthMix is here, so who am I kidding? I will watch. Kinda surprised to see JossFluke already paired in another bl, before the first one has even started airing. OhmLeng was predictable as a recurring pair and I'm always here for Ohm. Leng has a lot to prove being surrounded by all these names.

That Summer - MOND! Mond kissing boys! That's it.

My Romance Scammer - Not in a million years did I think we would get this OhmFluke combo. Dimples is back kissing boys and Ohm is just back. And MarkJunior seem to be here to stay. Also, I love that since we got gay marriage we should immediately tackle gay divorce. Sounds good.

Melody of Secrets - I'm glad they're back playing adults although the dynamic seems to be the same. I wish they changed it up and let Book be the pursuer. I like the horror elements and we don't get enough of those but I don't know about this one.

Love You Teacher - The first half of this trailer had me. I love Perth and he's playing a grown up so I was sold. And then it happened. And I don't know how I feel about any of it.

MU-TE-LUV - I guess we're getting this and not OurSkyy3. Will watch the queers and the rest we'll see.

Cat for Cash - This is just rude. Do they know that cats are my ultimate weakness? I can't watch all these shows, but a show with talking cats? multiple of them?? C'mon. I'm not even gonna pretend to be torn about this one. I will be watching.

Girl Rules - So, Only Friends but make it sapphic. I'm sad to say, I'll probably pass on this one.

Boys In Love - PAPANG!!! The rumours were true and he's paired with Pod in this. All I saw in this trailer was that and the dimples. Who is that kid? Cause he's adorable. This is the obligatory high-school bl, it looks soft and fluffy. Might check it out.

My Magic Prophecy - I will be skipping this one.

A Dog and a Plane - What a mess of a trailer. But do I care? Not even a little. It's TayNew so I'll be watching with bells on.

Me and Thee - This show will be the true test of how shallow I can get. Will I start a show because Est was wearing glasses in the trailer? Only future me will know. Look, PondPhuwin can play, we know this, but I don't know if I want another show with them so soon. At least they're playing different roles, so there's that.

Wu - Who was saying this wasn't bl? Did you not see the golden thread? And the fate talk? And the looks? And well, everything? It's a bl. I don't know about this one mostly because I don't know the actors. Although tumblr is doing its job well and I'm this close to binging the frenemies show so maybe I'll reevaluate.

Memoir of Rati - I am so easy, it's embarrassing honestly. They so pretty, the scenery is so pretty, historical bl. Sold!

Ticket To Heaven - So many flashbacks to catholic school. It looks good, which doesn't surprise considering it's Aof. I'm glad GeminiFourth are back playing more serious roles. I am really intrigued by this one but also don't trust it completely for some reason. I don't know yet.

Yeah, I'm a sucker. I will be watching most of the first episodes of this line up in like a year when they actually get made. Probably not gonna stick with a lot of them but we'll see. As it's becoming obvious, I'm easy.

Also just a fun fact I guess, and as @lurkingshan as said here, with these shows, 4 couples will hit 5 series as a pair. OffGun, FirstKhao, ForceBook and EarthMix, even though that last one I'm counting Ossan's Love which is also not released yet.

And another thing, of the Gmmtv 2024 QL shows, 7 have yet to premiere. Thame Po, will premiere December 13 but the other six don't have dates yet. They are : My Golden Blood, Ossan's Love, The Ex-Morning, Us, Sweet Tooth Good Dentist and Revamp. So yeah, we're not gonna see any of these new shows anytime soon. Although I'm putting my money on the OffGun series being one of the first to premiere in this line up.

All the trailers and posters for gmmtv2025 can be found here.

[mcclens]

Alright I'm throwing my own view on Arajin as a character since I've seen people shade him and dislike him. The annoying thing about him is that (as Senya said lol) he thinks with his other head too much. Clearly he has no luck with women and only with men, which isn't something he's overjoyed about. For that idk, I think its kind of cute that he wants to love someone, but at the same time its sad that he's just being used lol. But I'm not a fan of the pervert horny trope.

But I mostly want to focus on his whole "I don't want to fight" thing. Yes, he's a coward, there's nothing bad about that imo, but I think they're setting up character development for Arajin in regards of that, since it's a big thing holding him down. As kids, him and his best friend Matakara used to practice to become honki people, and it was really fun for them until the day when three older boys made fun of them. Matakara thought he could take them on, and Arajin was cowardly and probably knew 2 on 3 fight (with clear age differences) wasn't gonna end good. He tried backing off but Matakara went on and attacked anyways. Arajin ran off crying, and the picture of Matakara beat up on the ground stayed stuck in his head.

Nowadays, it's very clear that Arajin feels guilty. He feels guilty that he got Matakara to believe they were strong enough while practicing, to the point he took up 3 boys by himself. He feels guilty that he was too scared and cowardly to help Matakara, that he ran off and left him alone, even though Matakara looked up to him. Matakara said that Arajin is a really nice, strong guy who doesn't like to fight others, and he still believes that, he still looks up to him even 5 years later, he still thinks of him as a friend and holds his best friend stone closeby. He doesn't hold a grudge against Arajin. He isn't mad at him at all. It is Arajin whos still stuck in the past. This whole thing is something Arajin has to get over by himself.

Every time Arajin is around Matakara he remembers the past, so he tries to avoid him or brush him off, but Matakara still wants to be friends and doesnt seem to understand how guilty Arajin feels. ("Matakara didn't deserve to be treated this way", true, but I don't think Arajin thinks Matakara deserves it either... He definitely doesn't think Matakara is a bad guy or anything like that. He thinks him treating Matakara badly (avoiding him, not talking to him) would make Matakara give up on trying to be friends. Clearly, its too rough for Arajin to be near him. And the one sided feeling hurts Matakara in return.)

Matakara knows Arajin is avoiding him too and guessed why correctly; "Is it because of what happened?", "I'm stronger now", but Arajin is still holding that guilt. So for them to come to an understanding, both sides should WANT to talk it out. But its clear Arajin doesn't want to, at least not yet. His character arc isn't there yet, which makes everything a little frustrating since we are halfway through the anime and things are just now getting down.

I don't personally think Arajin is a mean person, he's a 16 year old guy who wants to get a gf and be romantic and all that, he doesn't wanna be in gangs or fight or anything. I think he's just insensitive towards Matakara because he has his own issues he doesn't want to deal with. Totally unfair to Matakara. But I want to believe Matakara when he said Arajin is a really nice guy. The dude looks completely smitten. It also kinda sucks that only time we saw Arajin interact with a friend was in a flashback. Nowadays, he has no friends. He avoids Matakara, doesn't really consider anyone else but Mahoro (lol) his friend, so all his relationships are currently one sided lol

[numericalbridge]

001 for Dariraine or 002 for Lilith.

Hi! Thank you for the ask!

Dariraine

when I started shipping it if I did: i can't remember, but probably when the 'Oh, Titan' aired and there was more art of them.

my thoughts: i don't actually actively ship it (even in my dariraine au the focus is not exactly on romance), mostly because i don't usually ship anything in the specific fandom way; but the dynamic of the two rebel leaders who started at the wrong footing via misunderstandings and then became closer is really interesting to me, both platonically and romantically. Plus i usually enjoy good romantic side plots between secondary characters. And as a platonic dynamic, their scene in Oh, Titan was such an unexpected but pleasant surprise. They were so fun! But, as i've mentioned before, the way ER was written and the way their friendship was there just for 1,5 scenes still leaves their canon dynamic in a very weird place for me, so i only see it as a ship in an AU/as somewhat removed from canon.

What makes me happy about them: i like that they had seemingly overcome their differences and reached a certain level of trust between ER and Oh, Titan. Yet at the same time they can and will annoy each other with stupid little things. Like, they sounded very fond of each other when they were explaining things to Luz, then it was immediately followed by Darius teasing Raine over their acting, and Raine tormenting Darius with the team name, only to then switch to the scene where they are holding that scroll together at the rebel table? A+ moments.

What makes me sad about them: in-universe it's that they have lost so much time they could have spend working together, all because of the mistrust/miscommunication/whatever ended their schooltime friendship. And on meta level it's that Darius wanted to protect Raine, as they have said themselves + whether intentionally or not it was implied that he agreed to not involve Eda (even when it would mean going with more dangerous plans), so it seems like he indulged Raine a lot, but we never got a moment of Raine doing the same for him.

things done in fanfic that annoy me: i don't think i've read any fic with them as a ship (sorry if i am forgetting anything) because usually shippy dariraine fics are either smut or they are a side pair in a long story that i am not interested in. But when it's platonic their friendship is often just there for them to give each other relationship advice rather than exploring their own dynamic. Also the way their personalities flip-flop depending on the fic type, when it's clear it is just meant to serve other dynamics rather than an actual attempt at characterization (for example, if it's a Hollow Mind fic and it's dad*rius then Raine would be soo over the top ruthless, but if it is a raed*a fic then it's the opposite and Darius just doesn't care about 'some teenagers')

things I look for in fanfic: at this point just a fic about their own dynamic whether platonic or shippy😭

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Eda or Camila for Raine (no one understands ramila like i do😐), and Camila or Perry for Darius

My happily ever after for them: they participate in the rebuilding and reforming of the Boiling Isles while annoying each other and at the same time being ready to kill for each other.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: they switch

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: just working on something together like the scene at the end of Oh, Titan. Or scheming.

Lilith

How I feel about this character: i really liked season 1 Lilith as an antagonist and the flashbacks of her dynamic with Eda when they were younger. I never doubted that she would be redeemed, but i don't like how her arc was handled in season 2, especially season 2b, especially Oh Titan.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: no one, obviously

My favourite platonic relationships: her friendships with Hooty and Steve were very cute. Her relationship with Eda was mostly really interesting, and her relationship with their mother - even if not positive - was interesting too.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i think both her and Luz's arcs would have benefitted if their s2 relationship was more complicated; and i don't like how Lilith - especially considering how she behaved in King's episode in s2a - was presented as this good historian who will uncover the truth, while a brown woman was apparently the bad corrupt historian.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Short answer - i wish her arc and character development were finalized in a serious manner in Oh, Titan episode, and earlier episodes had more focus on the initial awkwardness between her and Luz until it would have been resolved in the time travel episode.

Long answer: I wish her treating Luz as if Luz was a teacher in s2e2 was presented as something Lilith did because she was feeling awkward after what happened between them in s1, with Luz acting awkward in return. Then the tension between them would have been a plot point in the time travel episode, and it would've been resolved by the end of it. As a follow up, in ASiAS instead of the Azura sub-plot, Luz and Amity would have gone to do research with Lilith - resolving Amity and Lilith's mentorship offscreen and freeing time for Willow, Gus and Darius. And in Oh, Titan, Lilith's arc would've ended on a serious note via her travelling with King and Steve and reacting to common people and helping them during the montage, and then a serious conversation regarding King and her worldview.

a headcanon fact: I think she and King would develop a great relationship during the time skip.

for this ask game

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 35 - The Gobbal Set

Finally, a non-heavy, light little episode. Thank god.

Their conversation is cute, their closed sign is cute, even they're both cute.

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, and Kerubim Crepin to tell a single story where he went to Brakmar, despite that seemingly happening many times, between, and those are just the ones I can remember at the moment, his and Lou's "slaughter safaris in Sidimote Moors" or having a rare sword from there.

He's trying to "disappear" all the occasions that may or may not involve Atcham out of his life, as if it's 1984.

He is so normal.

Kerubim would love NFTs.

I love you, Kerubim's Unspecified Adult Responsibilities.

Joris is so special for this.

I like to imagine, that as an adult, he publishes sad """romance""" novels under thirty pen names (lest anyone in his real life learns he has emotions)

They are, in part, musings on why one must imagine someone spending thousands of years of immortality happily, — the same way Sisyphus must be happy, haha.

If Kerubim and Atcham learn about this, he will explode.

He truly is god's strongest Kerubim apologism warrior.

I just wanted to include this because gay people.

He is so bad at this. It's very cute. I love him.

Let the traumatic flashbacks to Kerubim actually almost drowning commence:

I'm insane about researching Joris's psyche.

Is there anything you'd like to tell us, Joris? Does this make you scared frequently, haha? Do you think about this a lot?

A friend had recently convinced me of the headcanon that Joris has OCD (not that I needed much convincing. If you've read my fics, I uh... accidentally gave Joris OCD in one of them. Whoopsie.), and while it's mostly about his adult self, I can see him having inclinations/some form of that even as a child.

Mostly due to the "persistent scary thoughts of someone he loves dying," "being so upset by the concept of changing bedtimes, that is a Nightmare to him," "needing reassurance that his thoughts of Kerubim dying are Not going to happen for real," things, — which look similar to the way intrusive thoughts and thought spirals work, — as well as the "having so much anxiety compared to an average seven-year-old (due to Kerubim and the general home situation), that he sometimes still sucks his thumb while sleeping" thing.

He looks so peaceful here. Cute.

It is interesting that he values something that was quiet and quaint so much. I guess both excitement and the calm, are equally important to him. It makes sense, considering he keeps pivoting between returning to adventure, and then going on breaks again, during his long, immortal life after the series.

(From this show's quietude, to moving between cities, to settling down in Bonta for a little bit. Then, two-hundred-something years later, yet again, more adventures, and yet again, settling down in Astrub. Then in Wakfu, moving to Bonta again, going on missions with Joris, and complaining that he needs his retirement, while getting beat up heavily due to lack of regular training. His switching between these two things is so interesting.)

He's so funny for this.

[snazzyjazzyazzy]

Thoughts On New Ep (Mostly The Flashback Scenes) + Screenshots (Spoilers!!!)

First things first- he slayed.

Honestly, I absolutely ADORED this episode!!! I loved how amazing and sweet Fizz and Ozzie were to each other, I loved the overall plot and how funny the lawyer stuff was (Stolas' excitement over reading got me xDD) and I love the backstory stuff we got. Overall, it was a 10/10 episode for me, and it was a well needed break amidst all the personal and all the drama related to some of my fandoms I've been experiencing. Onto teeny tiny thoughts!

I honestly just, ADORED Fizz' antics throughout the entire episode. He's shot right up to being one of my favourite characters in the entire series as a result! I mean come onnn, look how cute he looked!

However, the backstory scenes honestly might've been my favourite, purely cuz of how haunting they were.

Honestly, Blitz' bitterness is understandable in the birthday scene, but it's sad knowing he unintentionally caused the fire all because of (I suspect) his father's bullshit. I mean, just LOOK at this card!

This episode made me HATE Cash Buckzo more than I already did-

It was interesting to see the actual effects of hellfire, particularly how imp horns seem to be built, but ngl I also felt so nauseous during that little part-

Also, the subtle things in this scene you'd only notice if you lip-read what he was saying- I think it was, "Fizz!" or "Help!" and then, "Mom" when he looked at the other tent that was burning down (a medical tent? Her personal tent?) And this episode sadly did confirm she died in the fire that maimed Fizz.

On a lighter note, the song was unbelievably hilarious, amazing and a perfect song to show off Alex Brightman (the voice of Fizzarolli)! You can listen to the song here!

I have more thoughts on the episode I'll probably dive into later or some other time, but this might just be one of their best episodes yet!

[mixingpumpkins]

(Good Omens season 2 long post, you have been warned lol)

Okay I know episode 2 will be a bit underappreciated in the immediate aftermath of season 2 given all the Things That Happen Later

But I REALLY need to give a shout-out to this episode. My god.

It feels like we’re getting more of S1Ep3 at first — “Oh, cute, more funny biblical-era meetings to build their relationship history,” but then. THEN.

It’s not just the funny takes on the story of Job. It’s not just adding more depth to Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s (and Gabriel’s) characters. The shift in tone during that last scene in the episode is so goddamn good.

I wasn’t expecting it and it works so well — and that was the moment I knew this season was actually going to manage being a really good Good Omens continuation without clinging too much to the same things that made the first season so charming.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I love S1Ep3 so much and was totally down for more of those kinds of historical shenanigans. But the fact this ep went from funny to heartbreaking in the last scene was just... god.

It was that little bit of difference this season needed early on to show how it was going to stand out from season 1. I fucking love it. It would have been so easy to stick with these mostly funny historical flashbacks, and instead they let that last scene linger on the sadness and loneliness Aziraphale and Crowley have to wrestle with for thousands of years. And it miraculously doesn’t feel out of place in a story that, at this point, still has the same lighthearted spirit of season 1 and isn’t (yet) in the emotionally devastating place of the season 2 finale. That is so, so hard to pull off convincingly and they fucking did it.

And the implications for Crowley’s character in that last scene alone? Holy shit.

We joke about him being a “disaster puppy” and bad at emotions and “oh my god just fucking TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS already,” while Aziraphale generally comes off as the kinder, more compassionate, more empathetic one, but this scene gives us the chance to see that flipped that on its head. Crowley is clearly the more emotionally intelligent of the two, even if he usually pretends he isn’t. And that scene in episode 6 later drives this home.

Yeah, he ribs Aziraphale here. He laughs and pokes fun a little bit that Azi is worked up about something that, in the scheme of things, is a negligible wrong, if it’s even a wrong at all. (And let’s face it — Aziraphale’s anxiety about doing the right thing is often played for laughs from viewers, too.)

But the moment it’s clear that Aziraphale is fully, actually in-tears devastated about the fact that he’s lied and truly believes he has fallen, Crowley stops laughing immediately. His body language and what we can see of his face change like that. Even as the character whose WHOLE DEAL is saying “fuck it” to rules and shoulds and not caring if he riles Aziraphale a little — or a lot — he knows there is A Line here, and he will not cross it. (And right there, it’s immediately clear that this is one of the moments we’re not supposed to see Aziraphale’s distress as funny, either.)

Because as ridiculous as Crowley finds a lot of what Aziraphale believes and worries about, Crowley doesn’t want to hurt him. He doesn’t back down from his points, but he’s so, so gentle about it. It’s “I don’t agree with you, but I can see that this whole circumstance is actually very painful and terrifying to you and I am here to be sincerely supportive because I know what that feels like and I don’t want you to have to try to work through that alone.”

And that’s exactly what Aziraphale needs here. Crowley could have easily been more dismissive — he’s the one who actually fell, so he probably had it much, much worse. But he’s also had time to work through his feelings, as well as being the one who always put less stock in what the higher-ups thought of him anyway. I just love how for so many scenes in season 1, Aziraphale always seemed more like the older, more paternal, old-fashioned one while Crowley mostly brought the younger, edgier, street-smart vibe. And here, that dynamic does a fucking backflip. Crowley gets the chance to be the older, wiser one guiding a younger, less emotionally mature angel through a crisis. And then you can’t unsee it in the rest of the series (previous and subsequent episodes alike).

And the “I’m a demon. I lied” callback... *chef’s kiss* Every flashback scene with these two helps us better understand their relationship, but this final scene of the episode was a pivotal one. It really changes how you can see all their chronological interactions past that point, while not undoing everything the season 1 flashback scenes did.

This episode, man.

[yakuzacanons]

mama <3

Majima with a crush who has a personality that reminds him a lot of Makoto. Just overall the same innocence, softness, and fragility. 👁️👁️ Can't hold a grudge, can't hurt a fly, literally never gets angry, cries a lot, and is super caring of him 😭 They're in a "situationship" if u will, bc they're both clearly in love with one another BUT NO ONE IS SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT IT BC THEY BOTH HAVE TRASH EXPERIENCES WITH ROMANCE

"Goro, i got u this crucifix so the Lord can protect u on ur errands."

Hehe yesssss brain go brr. Also, as a note, I'm going to switch it from a crucifix to an amulet as I want everyone to enjoy these headcanons and I don't want it to just be specific to one religion. Amulet charms are a pretty common thing in Asia so hopefully that switch isn't too jarring for you (I have a couple of them myself, mostly for luck at school when I was still in college lol). Anyways, details below the cut!

It makes sense for Majima to have a partner that is actually the opposite of him. In fact, it suits him and he really likes it. Is he just projecting his feelings for Makoto? He'll never tell so don't ask.

Truthfully, he knows the answer is totally yes. Makoto wasn't his first love but it was definitely...something. Meeting you reminded him not necessarily of Makoto but the way it felt to actually feel something about someone else. Majima's no stranger to flashbacks or daydreams about what used to be Makoto but with you, it's different. You don't remind him of her; you remind him of fond memories.

Majima isn't great at hiding his curiosity and he starts coming onto you pretty quickly. It happens so fast that you both declare it to be a situationship more than anything, but anyone who has ever seen the two of you together can see right through your act. The truth is that both of you want to take the plunge but are just too shy to take the first step. The both of you find yourself in "No, YOU hang up first" situations way too often.

Eventually, Majima's feelings evolve from nostalgia to just having actual attachment to you. He's not getting a hit of what used to be anymore, now it's transformed into something he wants to happen. Because of this, he slowly starts opening up. He lets you baby him, he doesn't deflect as much when you ask how he's doing, he starts wishing you good mornings and good nights. It's surprising to him just as much as it is to you.

Majima knows you have your own history to deal with. Both of you actually feel a little relaxed knowing that there's a mutual understanding of what it's like to go through those difficult experiences. Slowly but surely, you find yourself no longer as lonely on those nights when the memories are just too heavy to bear. Instead, you find yourself sitting next to Majima, his arm wrapped around you, telling you he understands and for once it doesn't feel like a hollow statement said out of pity because you know it's true; he DOES understand.

Even though you don't have an official relationship label, the two of you have fallen into the habit of functioning like longtime lovers. It's the little things: good mornings and good nights, asking Majima if he's eaten yet, him asking you if you slept well. He comes to you on his hardest days, knowing he can be safe with you, that you'd never judge him, never yell at him.

On the flip side, he thinks it's totally adorable when you cry, which you do easily. It's not that you're actually sad, you just have a big heart. You see a mom and daughter out together and you get a little misty eyed at how cute they are. At a cat cafe, you cry from happiness. Sappy movies make you sob. Majima might tease you but in reality, he admires how tender your heart is. He thinks being vulnerable is actually the greatest strength of all.

Majima loves how doting you are. You're very much a look-both-ways-before-crossing-the-street person whereas Majima isn't and his heart skips a beat when you say things like "Watch your step" or "Be careful". No one's ever thought Majima was delicate by any means and because of it, he's felt he's had to appear invincible. Majima's always had something to lose but he never imagined he'd be something that someone else was afraid to lose. It warms his heart to the point he could cry but he won't, instead he'll just shower you with kisses.

One of Majima's favorite memories is when you gave him that protection amulet. At first, Majima was confused, saying "Oi, what's this 'bout?" but you insisted, saying "Goro, I got you this so I know you're protected wherever you go." and that's when Majima realized just how serious you were about him and how serious he was about you. Now, he carries the charm with him everywhere, feeling for it in his pocket whenever he feels unsteady or scared, knowing he's got you to fight for, to look after, to come back to.

[lucem-stellarum]

Stream of consciousness angsty theory time to make myself sad! Mostly about Regulus, so warnings for his canon level of mental & magical manipulation and disregard for autonomy. Under the cut for length.

So, in one of Regulus' audios (Yandere Invisible Man Catches You Again) he says that it wasn't his choice to leave. That 'they' tried to keep [him and his listener] apart. That 'they' took the listener's memories of Regulus.

There are almost certainly multiple demons working for the department. But we know Camelopardalis does memory modification. From a Doyleist perspective, why introduce a redundant character? From a Watsonian perspective, do you think taking those memories gave Cam flashbacks to Ivan and Vega's listener, Baby? But this time, there's no cute follow-up video where they get to see how well everything worked out.

And Vega's free now. He admitted that Ivan was his experiment. There are an awful lot of parallels between Ivan's treatment of Baby and Regulus' treatment of their listener. And there can't be that many places to imprison demon, not with how difficult it's implied to be; it's an easy jump to say that Vega and Regulus were held at the same facility while imprisoned. There's something going on there with that, but I can't quite work out what yet.

(plus, regulus is referred to as a 'fallen' empathy demon. what does it mean for a demon to fall, how does that even happen? Did Vega have something to do with it, or was it someone/something else since Regulus was 'fallen' before he was imprisoned? someone with more knowledge of classic Christianity is gonna have to draw the parallels with Lucifer falling from heaven. does the 'fallen' moniker have any relation to hush being called an abomination?)

Because of the similarities between Ivan and Regulus... how terrible would it be if history repeats itself and Caelum is the one to discover what Regulus is doing to his listener? The contrast between a 'fallen' and 'upright(?)' empathy demon is stark. It would be heartbreaking to see them together. With how manipulative Regulus is, he would do a number on Caelum. On one hand, I can see it being very validating for Caelum if he were able to singlehandedly save the listener, as a display of character growth from his... half baked idea to save Baby.

On the other hand... Caelum isn't quite a normal empathy demon himself. He's gotten a special allowance from the Chorus so that Freelancer (Deviant) can see him since normally empathy demons are invisible. I know that empathy demons are "the best of us... like children" per Gavin. But, paraphrasing Avior here, just because they feed on good feelings doesn't mean they are good people. They can't ALL be as nice and innocent as Caelum. Mix in Vega's idea that being trapped in the Meridian changed E'Laetum from what he used to be that after being tormented for millenia, he won't be on humanity's side anymore. E'Laetum fought in a war that made Vega want to forget how horrific it was. He wasn't some innocent uwu bean to begin with. Something, something, Caelum and Regulus are two sides of the same coin and what if E'laetum was the one to make Regulus 'fall' in the first place and that's what their maker thinks empathy demons are supposed to be?

[lerry-hazel]

Some more ramblings on how “Good Omens” s2 makes me sad:

Yet another reason why GOs2 hit me so hard is that I was counting on it to get me through the rest of the summer, basking in funny/soppy videos and cheerful posts savoring all those new and exciting things we might have learned about our beloved characters.  

Now, funny videos give me Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto vibes, and soppy videos make me contemplate the original dialogues and gape over the sheer number of people who, apparently, find messing with one’s significant other’s things cute.

Excited posts just make me want to argue.

*****

Like, I would brave an “Aziraphale loves Crowley” clip that mostly has staring and touching, but also includes “there must be something I can do for you” line; which is inoffensive enough on its own, until I realise the line comes from 1941 flashback, which kind of implies the whole tedious, unnecessary, embarrassing (not)magical display was supposed to be payback for Crowley saving Aziraphale’s life and books?

*****

Or I would read a beautiful post on how Crowley can maybe relate to Gabriel on account of being robbed of memories on their way out of Heaven: the whole “my head isn’t big enough anymore” thing.

And all I can think of is how Gabriel’s story is even lazier and sloppier than I initially realised. Because the “too small head” thing does imply that Gabriel can only remember bits and pieces because he isn’t an archangel anymore. Except we’ll then find out that he removed his memories himself and is still in possession of his big angelic head that should, if anything, feel too empty.

Granted, that doesn’t do much for (against?) the plot, since no “cause leads to effect” is involved in not-solving Gabriel’s mystery;  but it surely throws some extra shit on the fan where the entity Aziraphale blatantly manipulated Crowly into babysitting was not a harmless has-been, but an actual archangel – In possession yet not in control of his demon-obliterating powers.

[beyond-abyss]

I woke up early one morning from a nightmare, and I was so disturbed, I couldn't go back to sleep until I'd written it down.

~*~

TIME FOR A NIGHTMARE - 1/16/2022 @5:30AM

I was at a big convention hall with many other young people, including Alicia. It was run by the government’s CIA or something, investigating people claiming to be time travelers. We were playing silly games and bonding with one another. Then after a while we all formed a big line around the room toward the one table with the only two agents claiming to run the program. During the whole thing, no one had ever suggested that we weren’t time travelers, but in line Alicia was antsy to leave, and I kept telling her not to worry because when we got to the front of the line it would be over and we could talk tomorrow. I said, “I mean we’re all claiming to be time travelers, right?” Everyone turned to look at me. The whole time during the games, most people had very reasonable explanations for being time travelers and how the CIA (or whatever it really was) found them. Alicia had gone on the dark web (“just once?” I asked her). The whole time I had not explained myself, but I carried on with a confident, borderline-arrogant attitude. Now, as everyone left in line kind of glanced my way, I realized that they all believed themselves, but no one believed me. Alicia and I got to the front of the line, and we were the last ones there. We signed some kind of form at the table, and then a couple in suits and shades entered the hall and said, “Ari, it’s time.”

Alicia was confused but she was still very concerned and anxious. Again I told her not to worry, and that her mom was waiting to pick her up. I said, “I’ll see you soon.” Once she was gone and I was alone with the 4 agents, I opened my arms, and teleported the entire church through time. We reappeared in a mountainous region, with only an elaborate monastery compound nearby.

(I had actually been recruited weeks ago when they found me bouncing through time collecting money that infamous bank robbers had dropped in their heists.)

I walked into the compound that housed some of the other recruits from the convention hall who had proven themselves to be real time travelers in different ways. I was glad to see a couple of the cute boys, but grimaced at the one mean-girl. Once we had all assembled, we were directed to the rooms. Two people per room, choose our roommate wisely.

We hadn’t even settled in yet when there came a scream. A chubby darker skinned boy and one of the girls were settling in a bunk-bed room when suddenly a face made of water (like Rasputin) appeared in a little window in the wall and the boy began to suffocate. The girl screamed and when she tried to help the boy, she got clawed (by nothing) and shoved back. A bunch of us ran into the room. I was the only one who remained in control and didn’t panic or freeze. I locked eyes with the Rasputin face in the wall and banished it with my mind. I ran to the boy to turn him on his side, and I yelled at everyone to back up and give them some room. I got him breathing again, coughing up water, and I was trying to calm the bleeding girl down. By that time someone had gone to get an older adult master, and I was wrapping the girl’s clawed arm.

It was too late though, because the sight of her blood had me hearing a music box in my head. The tune was light and normal-speed, but so eerie and sad. I could almost hear a woman humming along……

Suddenly I was in a full-on flashback.

I was younger, maybe 13, and I was with tiny Cecelia and her mom, my adopted mom (who was actually Chris Hemsworth’s wife Elsa). We were wearing bathing suits and walking through the woods on a sunny, summer day, and mom was humming. We were somewhere we weren’t supposed to be, but going to a magical place, our mother had promised. [All throughout this, I hear the music box.]

We arrived at a river, mostly mud because it was low tide, but a section in the middle that we had to swim. The water was warm and salty and the sun was shining. On the other side, we walked through a lot of mud, and then arrived at some big rocks. In the mud at the base of the rocks was a bunch of cool, old stuff. I saw a car from the 1920’s in eerily new condition, some random junk here and there… Mother waved us up the rocks, saying she had to see something for a moment, so I helped little Cecelia climb the rocks. I glimpsed our mom disappear around the side of the rocks, but then I found an old music box. Like, early 1800’s. Miraculously, I wound it and it worked! It began to play the eerie melody that was haunting me. I put the music box on the rocks near Cecelia and was starting to talk to her when our mother’s cry pierced the quiet of the river area.

I turned to see her some distance away on a mid-level rock, reaching out to us with her left hand. She was moaning and calling our names. She was bleeding, bleeding a lot! My brain for a moment was confused. And then my brain registered the fact that her right arm and leg were gone. A neat slice like a fourth of her body had been cloven away by the world’s biggest cleaver. Just a clear, neat slice opening up her insides. She was gushing blood, and her expression was twisted with pain and fear.

I stood and told Cecelia not to look. I made my way carefully but swiftly climbing over the rocks toward her, all the while saying out loud to her, “Mom, don’t worry, you’ll be okay, we’ll go get help and you’ll be fine,” but as I said them I knew they were lies. No way we could go back across the river and through the woods before she bled to death. As I got around the last rock, she disappeared from my sight for just a second, and when I finally arrived at her side, our mother was dead. She was pale, oh so pale like a ghost, and her eyes were open and staring. I heard a noise and saw little Cecelia had followed me, and was about to come around. I grabbed mom’s remaining hand and pulled her down to the area I was standing, carefully tilting her until I couldn’t see the sliced open chunk of her. Cecelia came down beside me, and I put mom’s hand in hers, and told her to say goodbye. We looked at our mother for the last time, and I closed her eyes. Then I gently pushed her body into the natural rock slide and she slid into the river below, gently, and bobbed downstream for a moment before she was out of sight.

I picked up Cecelia and hugged her close and I began to sob, partially from pure grief, partially from terror. Our mother was dead, and I had no idea what had killed her. That was no accident. Now I had to begin the long trek back across the mud and the little bit of river, back through the woods and all the way to the nearest town to report to the police that she was dead. As I walked and climbed and walked, carrying Cecelia, the music box on the rocks seemed so loud it was deafening.

I woke up, horrified.

My brain tells me our mother’s death had something to do with time travel, my powers, and the ancient secret organization that had recruited me and others to fight those demon warlocks through all of time. I wish I knew what the hell had happened to our mother. Not knowing how she could have been sliced like that, neatly…and I couldn’t see the missing chunk of her anywhere. I was so freaked out that I ran to my real mom and climbed in bed with her. (As a grown-ass adult.) I laid there in the dark, my eyes wide open, just seeing that gore. All the blood gushing out of exposed veins in her sliced half. The desperate, pained, scared expression on her face as she reached out toward me. Her inhuman paleness once I reached her, dead.

What the fuck. How did my brain create this. I can still hear the music box and the mom’s humming. I am so traumatized.

It’s been a while since I had a really bad nightmare like this. And it was so intricate, the plot of the dream. The first part at the convention hall was so fun. I myself was watching out for people who were real, and noting those who were fake, while we all played games and laughed together. And why is Alicia in most of my dreams?! Is she a dream-guide or something?

Anyway, it’s 6:30AM now and maybe I can go back to sleep…

[here4theheartbreak]

Omg! How does it feel to have the swaggiest bag and photocard holders in the world? I really need a photocard holder. I'm carrying around Seonghwa in my purse like he's my wartime sweetheart. 😅

I'm actually enjoying the chill — often sad — birthday songs. But I never thought about it like that?? It IS supposed to be a celebration/party~! Jongho, drop us a banger with a sexy beat in October?? Failing that, Wooyoung pull through?? I know he can do it! That Studio Choom 'Bad' is forever engraved into my brain.

It seems like San gets so passionate about things so fast? I feel like he'd argue for something SO mundane like it's the most important thing to him in the entire world. What an endearing, but also potentially hilarious, quality to have! And I'm suddenly having flashbacks of the Wanteez 'that's my rabbit~!' 🐰😂

They DEFINITELY had to give something to Jongho for that dinosaur video. I can feel it. They OWE him now. He's so funny though. So often, I think he might actually be the funniest member and that's a hard crown to reach for in such a funny group of men!

Exactly! THAT is what I want KQ to understand. Yet they continue to miss both the point AND the mark. (And they're making it very hard/nearly impossible for new fans to get into them.) If they just make more merch available, it will get bought up so fast and so consistently. And that would give them a MUCH larger profit margin — and all without their artists' labour. Also, yesss to more international fanmeets and fanevents. Honestly, I'd like the company to monitor them more closely though, like make it so the same people don't win over and over and over. Please, let them meet new faces.

My fankit literally just arrived about two minutes ago. Ahhh, I'm so excited to open it!

I lovvvvve Good Omens the book. But I haven't watched the series yet. I keep meaning to... but I never seem to actually do it? I annoy myself, because I know I'll love it. 😂

Ohhhhhh, you should definitely make an idol photocard tarot deck! It sounds like so much fun, even just as a little project?? If you do, you'll have to show me/tell me. I'm so interested in who you'd choose for what card!

THAT PHOTO OF SAN. CHOI SAN, WHY?? WHY IS IT ALWAYS YOU?? 😩💕

Let's see, what's been happening in Tinytown lately..

🌸 Jongho is injured again. 😩 I hope he gives himself time to get better, even if it takes months. I know he probably won't. Because he'll want to be back doing shows, with the other members, singing for atiny. But it would do him so much good to let it heal properly. It's so risky to his long term health. I know it's his choice at the end of the day, but I hope he sees a doctor who pushes for it.

🌸Queertiny are winning again? Apparently this is from the photobook dvd — featuring the pride, lesbian, bi, and trans flags??? That's our Ateez~! 🌈

🌸Talking of. Wooyoung taking photos in front of those rainbow crates/boxes? What a cool looking backdrop! I also would not have been able to resist...

🌸I'm excited about the tour? They get to see new countries and see more evidence of their global impact. And fingers crossed for some of those long YT lives where they're just eating and chatting for hours. Seonghwa and Hongjoong, I'm looking at you two!

Okay, I'm going to open the kit now~!

ahah this is the full bag - I have very little room left for pins, I need to stop collecting. i did move some of my photo card holders into the bag just because they were clicking around and I am afraid to lose them lol.

Aww that’s a cute picture of him tho! I don’t have a bigger wallet, just a guy’s like traditional bifold leather one so I don’t have any place to put a pc in mine 😂- I do need a new wallet tho and have considered a bigger one since I mostly shove it into my bag anyways so, idk tho. I used to carry one in the back of my phone case but I have a big sticker there (a UK based queer artist - also the one that did the 2 pins I have at the top of my bag, Heteronormativity is a Plague and Satan Respects Pronouns; here in the US there was a big fuss during pride month with this artist’s stuff and Target, the conservatives got it pulled from shelves bc it was “satanic” (none of the Target ones were this - they were all set pastel, love is love type things) - so I decided to buy from his shop instead of Target for pride instead lol

I like chill songs but they also make me wanna cryyy lol - if they’re happy so am I but yes, please, drop something less melancholy. Can still be slow! Just not gloomy lol. See Wooyoung is so back and forth like Ughhh Bad killed me, but then I watched his other dance performance of 1-800-273-8255 and I may or may not have cried for 10 minutes solid lol

San is so disproportionately passionate about things and I love that so much. He’s such a sensitive person like, the slightest upset really seems to hit him and make him speak up which is a beautiful thing, he seems like someone who really wouldn’t stand to let someone get pushed around, but also a sad thing - because being so empathetic and sensitive can be tough sometimes. But they all seem to support each other well, so I am sure he’s got enough members around to keep him from getting too lost in the feelings.

Jongho is 100% the funniest member purely because of how his humor hits. It’s very sudden, out of the blue and very dry, which is right up my alley. He uses intelligence and sarcasm as humor without being overly mean about it, and it’s such a delightful contrast to some of the other members’ more juvenile jokes or physical humor. The group really does have it all in every way.

Oh my fucking god don’t get me started on the serial fanmeet callers omfg. My friends and I firmly think there should be a limit, like max 1-2 calls per comeback, let new fans get a chance. Because what happens is it’s all these big GOMs that take advantage of the situation and keep the calls to themselves rather than giving back to the people that HELPED them get them. I am friends with a couple smaller GOMs here in my state and what they do is if they win more than one or two calls over a comeback, they end up raffling off the extra call(s) to their buyers - so anyone that wants to have their name added who’s bought from the GO that the call is from gets a chance to get their name drawn. I think that’s so much more fair and I feel like other GOMs should do that, esp the ones that do have 200+ albums per order and pretty much a guaranteed fancall.

Oh the series is so delightful. I haven’t watched season 2 yet - I’m hesitant bc I’ve heard it ends sad and with the current Hollywood writer’s strikes it’s a question mark on when the next season will be out - but I will watch it soon, I have every reason to believe it’s just as good as the first though, Gaiman being so deeply involved in it helps a lot. He’s such a good writer, one of my favorites. I’m going through s1 with my kiddo slowly.

I saw that about Jongho, poor thing - It seems to be connected to his earlier injury. Those meniscus tears are awful to heal from without surgery - and even with it it can be tough bc of how much stress his legs are under for his job; hopefully he’ll be able to take some time off like you mentioned. After this concert tour hopefully they can all take a short hiatus/break and recover before the next one. (I know I’m wishing for a miracle but)

Ahh I saw that little clip on twt with the hearts! I love it. you can’t tell me they don’t know what that means, they have enough editors ffs. I’m so excited to get my summer photobook (which is what these seem to be from I think?) It’s in the process of shipping so I am eagerly awaiting V_V Patience is not my strong suit lol.

And Wooyoung with the boxes was so good, I loved it, I think I saved one and put it in my lockscreen rotation on my phone lol

What did you think of the kit???

[heesterical]

Falling For Another — Jung Jaehyun.

PAIRING Ex!Jaehyun x F!Reader.

SYNOPSIS when relationships go sour, break ups are inevitable. But Jaehyun and Y/N were different: they decided to stay friends who occasionally reached out to the other. That doesn't mean being invited to his wedding made Y/n happy though.

GENRES Romance (past kind). Angst with a little fluff (like little) mostly Bittersweet?? Lovers to Exes (to friends) trope, flashback midway through the fic, Jaehyun is getting married 😵‍💫 only hurt, no comfort 😃

WARNINGS alcohol consumption, Y/n is sad, mentions of their break up.

NOTE reposting from my old blog because I just love this fic too much.

WORD COUNT 1.9k words.

Y/n’s memories of Greece were bittersweet.

It was where she had first met Jaehyun at a beach party, both tipsy and done with the crowd. In hindsight, the party had sucked pretty badly and if it hadn't been for the something of a meet cute with him, she probably wouldn't have bothered remembering it.

It had gone from there: a long conversation about their favourite songs and genres in music, and a couple more drinks later, they had decided they were acquainted well enough to exchange numbers.

The catch? It was also the very same place they had broken up at.

Memories of coming to this exact beach and spending time with Jaehyun here filled her mind. Memories that made her smile, yet made her heart ache.

And now, as she saw him standing in front of the huge mirror, dressed in a expensive suit, nervously fixing his bow tie whilst speaking animatedly to Johnny, his best man, all she could do was tuck away the lingering sadness she felt and put on a bright smile; for him.

They might be exes, but they were friends first.

“Well hello there, Mr Jung,” She greets him with a dramatic gasp. “Looking handsome in your wedding suit!”

Jaehyun whips his head around at the sound of her voice, his smile brightening further at seeing her.

“Well hello there, Ms L/N,” He rolls his eyes with a grin, but plays along. “Looking beautiful in your dress!”

She laughs at that, walking further into the room to stand next to Johnny, who gives her a one-armed hug. She notices Jaehyun’s hand reaching for his bow tie again and stops him by the wrist.

“Don’t fidget.”

Jaehyun gives an awkward chuckle, tucking his hands into his pockets to keep from fidgeting further.

“Nervous?” She inquires teasingly.

“Me? Nervous? Never.”

“Yeah, right. He almost passed out when his mother said Yeona’s almost ready and the ceremony would begin soon.” Johnny laughs, and Y/n smiles, a small twinge in her chest.

Yeona was the name of the bride - Jaehyun’s to-be-wife.

When Y/n and Jaehyun were seeing each other, his family had wanted him to 'hangout’ with a business partner’s daughter, despite knowing about their relationship. Their suggestion had been innocent enough, but Y/n knew better.

He had refused and there had been a huge argument within the family and Y/n had just smiled sadly and told him to go. He had protested, but she didn’t want him to fight with his family.

That was her first mistake.

Because one hangout became several and it looked like he liked hanging out with Yeona. Until eventually he ended up liking her as well.

And then came the canceling on her because of some “family gatherings” with his parents, Yeona and her family.

And she agreed, not complaining much - though she felt him drifting away from her.

Soon, their parents began talking about marriage; and the rest was history.

She wished she had been more selfish and possessive of him. But at the same time she was glad she had let him go - it was over ever since he started prioritising someone else over her.

Shaking her head at the unwanted bout of memories, she cuts off her inner monologue.

They were just friends now. And he was getting married.

She didn’t want to further ruin her memories of Greece with anymore bitter memories.

Seeing Yeona walk down the aisle and towards Jaehyun wasn’t per se pleasant to Y/n. Seeing the smile he gave her as she slipped her hand into his outstretched palm, almost hurt. Almost.

It was the same way he had looked at her before; fond and happy, as if she were something precious to him. Although she had moved on — she swore she did, — she couldn't help the bitterness.

When the time came, everyone stood to congratulate the couple on getting married and amidst the happy sighs and coos from the others, all she could do was watch.

The wedding reception was at full swing. The happy crowd surrounded the star couple, laughter and joy filling the room; while Y/n stood by the railing out of the celebration hall, looking out into sea instead.

The buzz from the alcohol she had drank earlier still lingered, bordering on tipsy - allowing memories that she had been repressing, to flow in more easily.

Jaehyun was the one she had spent many of her firsts with - first love, first real relationship, first heartbreak, etc. So it was rather difficult for her to move on from him.

⇝(begin of memory lane)

Standing at the balcony of the beach house with a coffee mug in her hand, Y/n continued to gaze at the sun rising beyond the waters, colouring with rays of gold, yellow and orange.

“Hey.”

She starts at the sudden voice, and the feel of arms around her, but eases into it immediately when she realised the source of the warmth against her back, and the chin resting on her shoulder.

“Hey,” she greets back, smiling as she reached up to brush Jaehyun’s cheekbone with her free hand.

“Sleep well?” She questions, voice soft as she turned in his arms, carefully cradling the coffee so as to not spill it — before she sets it down on the table placed next to the relaxing chair. She settles her arms around his shoulder, smiling in content as he lightly bumps his forehead against hers.

He hums in response and grins, wild haired and handsome, the gleam of the rising sun softening his features and leaving her feeling breathless.

He was so painfully beautiful that it made her heart stutter in her chest. It was then that she realised that she didn’t just like him.

She loved him.

And she hoped that there would be many more sunrises to come, where she could enjoy them with him. So she smiles and quietly makes a wish, closing her eyes and savouring this moment with him, hoping that it would come true.

“Hey, Jae?” Y/n calls for Jaehyun, her tone mischievous.

When he turns around with a smile, she splashes him with water, immediately running away as his relaxed smile fades away to an incredulous look.

He drops her hat that he had been holding and chases after her, to get revenge.

“No! Stay back-” she shrieks as Jaehyun picks her up effortlessly and throws her over his shoulder, both of them laughing as she pounded her fists on his back.

He doesn’t stop, however, continuing to walk a little deeper into the water and shuffles as if he were about to drop her.

“Jae, wait! I’m wearing a dress-”

And she gets thrown into the water.

Resurfacing, she glares at him, but he just laughs, borderline cackling at her misfortune. Huffing, she reaches out her arms towards him with a pout. He raises an eyebrow, but complies, stepping forward to help her up when she yanks on his wrist, causing him to fall in after her.

And they continued to laugh and splash each other, joyful and blissfully unaware of what was to come.

“Stop that!” Jaehyun yells as Y/n, yet again, moves the decorations around and changes it from how he had set it up.

“No, you stop that!” Y/n counters, tired of having to keep moving them again and again because he was so darn stubborn.

“I asked first!”

“Well, I was the one who gave you the idea!”

“God, you’re so annoying!” Jaehyun grits his teeth, jaw clenching.

Y/n gasps at that, eyes narrowing at him threateningly and Yuta, Jaehyun’s friend, shuffles uneasily.

He really regretted asking you two to help him decorate the house for his partner's birthday surprise.

“I think you two should just take a break for now-”

“I can’t believe I love someone like you!” Y/n exclaims, frustratedly throwing her hands in the hair.

“I can’t believe I was attracted to you first.” he grunts, with an exasperated eye roll.

“Hey! I confessed first!”

“But I asked you out first.”

“And I said I loved you first-” Y/n gets cut off by a very frustrated looking Yuta.

“Are you two seriously fighting over that now?”

And that’s how those two got kicked out of his house.

“Hey Jae, it’s late where are you -”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry I don’t think I can make it to today’s dinner.”

There’s a pause as she blinks, confused at the voices in the background. And then she a female voice calling for Jaehyun and he hurriedly apologises again and hangs up on her, leaving her confused and dazed.

“Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I think we should break up.”

Y/n’s hands pause mid-stir, halting mixing the batter. She turns off the stove and turns towards him.

“What… What do you mean?” Y/n couldn’t believe her ears.. What was he saying, all of a sudden?

“Listen, I’m sorry -” Jaehyun tries to explain, holding her by the shoulder, but she shrugs him off. Sighing, he runs his hand through his hair.

“Do you mean that? Please tell me it’s a joke-” Jaehyun cuts her off this time, with a shake of his head and her voice trails off.

“Why?” her voice tremors a little, and she swallows thickly. “Why now?”

And the guilty expression he gives as he explains how his family wished for him to marry Yeona, instead.

What hurt the most was, he didn’t even seem to want to fight back.

⇝(end of memory lane)

After weeks of moping around and avoiding people, Y/n had finally begun to feel like she was recovering - Jaehyun had tried to reach out to her several, under the request that they remain friends.

She said she would think about it.

She would be fine.

And eventually she agreed, but then a few months later she received an invitation to their wedding and it had felt like a slap to her face. She wanted to decline, but didn’t want to seem like a petty ex. They had been friends at first after all.

“Are you okay?”

The sudden voice snaps her out of her mini walk down the memory lane moment and she turns around to see Johnny standing there with his hands in his pocket, a small smile on his lips.

She looks away from him and at the water, pondering at what to answer.

And she was fine now, standing there with a drink in her hand, eyes on the beach where the water reflected the moon and the sand glistened from the light shining from the millions of lights set up outside the venue.

She was fine before him, and she would be fine now too.

“Yeah.” Her voice comes out soft but firm, and she’s grateful it doesn’t shake.

Johnny just nods, coming to stand beside her in silence, and she was fine with just standing next to him, sharing company in a comfortable silence as they both gazed out into the night, under the peace of the stars and beauty of the moon.

NCT masterlist.

[n0b0dy11]

I Can Be With You ~Remus Lupin

RemusLupin x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Remus Lupin (young) x female reader

Genre: Fluff, bit angst/sadness in the beginning

Tw: swearing? and my awful writing ;) (If you find something you find needed to mentioned let me know)

Summary: Remus has finally let it out, he told her and to his surprise and fear she said it back. Now he is trying to avoid her at all costs, because that would hurt less than forcing her with a werewolf, right?... (this is part 2 of 'I Can't Be With You')

Good to know: Last year Hogwarts, Y/n is Hufflepuff and pureblood, Italic is mostly flashbacks, Y/n (your name), Y/n/n (your nickname), Y/n/l (your last name), June Montegmory (Y/n's bestfriend, if this is your name im so sorry) I used Kaya Scodelario as a reference for her :)

Part one - part two

Enjoy!

Remus had done everything in his power to avoid her, Y/n Y/l/n, other wise known as the girl of his dreams.

It sounded weird and maybe mean to call her such as he had turned her down and yet before that kissed her and professed his liking, (love), for her.

He planted his lips on hers, while his hands found her waist. She melted in his arms, her hands tangling in his hair and her eyes closed. She loved how she could feel the little cut in his lip and how his hands would tighten around her waist when she tugged at his roots.

He loved how her soft lips felt, they were even softer than he imagined. He was getting addicted at her pulling his hair softly and massaging his scalp while he could freely explore her back and waist.

But then flashes from his transformation flashed before his eyes, him hurting Y/n and her screaming for him to stop. His heart sank when he realized he couldn't give her what she deserved, so he pulled back tears pooling in his eyes.

"I can't do this to you. I can't make you love me, I'm sorry."

She looked confused, "You don't have to make me love you, I alre-"

He shut her up with placing his lips on hers again, "don't say that please," he whispered against her lips. "I can't let you love me."

"Why?" she wanted to cry, but she was just so hurt it was numb, while his tears rolled over his cheek.

"I'm a monster, now even more than before. Please, just forget me, and be happy."

His hands left her waist and she already missed his body heat, he wasn't a monster and she would never think so, not even after he left her like this, because that's what you do when you love someone.

Y/n knew he was ignoring her and honestly, it broke her even more. If he didn't want to be with her, fine, but telling her he liked her then kissing her to then just shut her out; wasn't fair.

It was mean, and ruthless.

But it didn't matter, because she couldn't help it but love him, his stupid smile, his stupid fluffy hair, his stupidly cute frown, and his stup-

"Y/n?" June asked.

"Sorry? I wasn't paying enough attention, I'm sorry." Y/n hated what effect it had on her, how she would zone out in class, not hear her friends call to her, and drown herself in homework just so something was on her mind.

She couldn't think of him, yet he never leaves her mind completely.

Everybody noticed the change in her mood, how she always was happy and laid-back, she now was always stressed and looked tired.

Remus noticed this too and he didn't know if it made him guilty or not, and it sure made him rethink his decision every time. It wasn't fair of him to kiss her and then tell him they couldn't be together. He was being immature, and just a grade A asshole.

Y/n was wondering about it almost every time of every day, was it her? Was she in the end not what he wanted, did he just want to kiss her and not even once consider her feelings? What did he mean with being a monster? Nothing made sense anymore, everything was just a spiral of more questions.

"Y/n? You did nothing wrong you know that right?" June was worried about her friend, she hadn't been herself and she couldn't pin point were the problem was.

Of course she had made the connection to Remus, she could see her lingering stares on him and his on her, when she wasn't looking. She noticed how her friend was drowning herself in home work and saying 'sorry' to almost everything that wasn't even her fault.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go," Y/n spoke softly her books clutched in her hands, "homework."

June was beyond furious now, she was hurting so much yet talking about it was something she obviously wasn't going to do. So she was going to talk to the only other person who would know what was going on, Remus fucking John Lupin himself.

.•*¨*•.¸♪¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♪¸.•*¨*•.

"Talk," June was standing before her fellow prefect, Remus. They had rounds together, she asked to be put together, Y/n was head girl so she wasn't around at the moment.

"W-what?" he was slightly scared of June not gonna lie, she was bloody scary if she wanted to and now she sure as hell did.

"What did you do?" her blue eyes were boring into his and he didn't know how to react. He was maybe slightly frightened by her?

"What are you on about?" he asked, and if he wasn't talking to June maybe the person would've believed he honestly didn't know but she could see right through him.

"Y/n," she responded flatly, "what have you said or done."

He sighed, he knew someone was going to confront him about it, he just wasn't ready for it yet. Their little conversation was almost two weeks ago, and he hadn't bothered to talk to anyone about it.

He just couldn't, and he didn't even know why it broke him so hard.

"Nothing," his voice turned just as monotone and flat as hers.

"yes, she hasn't been doing well, she sin't herself and everybody knows it! For gods sake! All you two ever did was stare longingly at each other, and now she looks at you as if you've burned down her world while you stare at her as if you're looking at a broken china doll."

"I, I made a stupid mistake, but I can't set it right."

"That's the most bullshit reason ever."

"I just," he didn't know why was even considering telling June, he didn't know her and for all he knew she would just blab her mouth to Y/n, "I liked her, no, I- I still do. It's just, I don't know how we would work, and I came to that conclusion after."

"After what?"

"I kissed her," he looked at the dark brunette while her eyes widened, "And then I-I told her we couldn't be together, and left, I fucking left June!"

The dark haired girl stood speechless, she knew of her best friend's crush, of course, but what he did was extremely unexpected at least to her.

Her mouth hung to the floor and her eyes dropped open as if she saw light for the first time in years.

"I know," he sighed,, he already knew she would react like this, who wouldn't?

"Fix it," she said slowly and weirdly soft, gentle. "I know she still has the same feelings and by how sad you sound I'l guessing you do too."

She was right and he knew it, but how would he tell the most perfect girl in his eyes that he was what he was; a monster.

"I'll try."

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The next days Remus was building up courage to talk to her, but she was slowly giving up, she lost faith that maybe he felt the same. It was probably a stupid Marauder prank, it was meaningless.

But why did he kiss her so passionately?

"You've been staring at her for weeks! Please tell me you are finally planning to talk to her again," James pleaded, he was done with his friend being a mopping wolf all the time.

Just as were their other friends, he was always sour around the full moon and they respected it, but now he was sour all the time and even worse at the full moon, that was a few days ago.

"I am, actually. June talked to me while we were doing our prefect rounds, and she told me that Y/n stilled liked me and that I should just talk to her."

"Finally!!" a very dramatic Sirius exclaimed. Which did cause them to get a few weird looks but, they didn't mind, the sour wolf maybe would be gone!

When Remus saw his girl leave the great hall he stood up immediately, he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

But just as he was about to follow her he sank down again.

"What just happened, wasn't there supposed to be applause or a kiss or something?" Marlene asked, "Why did he sit back down?!"

"She wouldn't want to talk to me," Remus muttered, "she should just move on, I'm bad for her anyway."

"No way Moony! We aren't letting you throw away this chance again!"

"She's perfect for you! She'd understand, you just have to tell her!!"

"Alright," he mumbled, and stood up again. He was going to talk to her, and he wouldn't let it go badly again.

He almost ran out the great hall but his nerves slowed him a bit down. He searched everywhere, their common room, the kitchens and she was nowhere to be found. So, he was going to look at the last place, the Black Lake.

And that's where he found her sitting with a book in her hand, and head hung low, if he looked closely he thought he could even see a few tears.

"Y/n?" he asked, whispered more like.

Her head shot up from her book but didn't look at him, she just stared out before her at the lake. "What are you doing here?"

He swallowed hard, he knew he had hurt her but seeing her like this, red puffy eyes, anxiety marks on her neck, black circles under her eyes, and tear stains on her cheeks, made him realize how bad he hurt her.

"I- I wanted to talk to you," he sighed, nerves taking over him. He hadn't meant to hurt he, in fact he wanted to make her avoid the pain.

"Why?" she finally looked up at him, "You didn't bother for maybe a month?"

His heart broke even more if it could. He had ignored her for so long, but was so caught up in his self-misery that he didn't notice how she was also counting the days, hours... months, they didn't speak.

"I am sorry," he looked down, he couldn't look at her this moment. "I- I shouldn't have done that and-"

"So it was a prank?" she asked, but more like stated it, as if she expected it to be, "it looked fun to you to just walk up to someone and say you like them... kissing them. Does that seem like a prank to you?"

"It wasn't a prank!" his eyes were now also brimmed with a few tears, while hers were dried, she wouldn't cry in front of him, "did you really think I would do something like that? To you?"

He asked it, but her answer surprised him, " Yes."

The look of hurt plastered on his face grew, she noticed, "How could I not? When somebody says they like you, and even kiss you!, you don't expect them to say you can't be together! So the only explanations are: 1) it was a lie and the person didn't actually love you, 2) it was a prank.

You can't blame me for believing for a moment that you would pull a prank, you're a Marauder after all, maybe even the most brilliant one of them."

She was right, and he could follow her reasoning, it was true, but ti wasn't. It was true that he was a prankster and it could've been, but it wasn't because it just wasn't a prank.

"If I told you it wasn't a prank?" he looked at her, straight in her eyes, "Would you believe me?"

"I don't know," she whispered honestly, "why wouldn't you want to be with me then?"

He sighed, and looked at the ground, Remus couldn't tell her. he thought he was ready to tell her, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Would you really think I'm capable to do such a cruel joke?"

"Remus," she was broken and he could hear it in her voice, but it still sounded amazing how she spoke his name. "i don't, didn't think you would do something like that, but I believed it.

Because everything sounded better than settling on the fact that you..." her eyes filled with tears again, why did he have such an effect on him?!

"That I, what?" he asked gently, he was fighting the urge to just wipe away her tears, he couldn't stand how her beautiful eyes were filled with the salty liquid, and he was the reason what broke him even more.

"That you, you just didn't love me."

He was speechless, he hadn't expected that, yet he was also happy about it. She didn't really expect him to be awful, which was a relief. But if it broke her so much thinking he didn't love her, it would've meant she loved him back, right?

"I- I," he wanted to tell her, to shout it out but how her eyes filled with tears looked into his, he didn't find the words anymore. So, Remus did the only thing where he could express his feelings with without having to say anything.

Kissing her.

At first, she didn't kiss him back, he would probably just pull away and run... again.

But in the end she kissed him back, she just liked the feeling of his lips too much. And if he did run away again, she would at least have this kiss, again...

She started to pull away, but he didn't like that so he reached forward and kissed her even harder and more passionate than before.

Y/n melted in the kiss right away, untill they came in an uncomfortable position, he was leaning sideways as did she. So he pulled her of the ground and placed her in his lap. Where he wanted her to stay, for as long as he could have her;

The beautiful girl, now situated in his lap, pulled away though, after realizing he still didn't really explain himself.

"Why did-"

"I love you."

Now it was her turn to be stunned, "You," she spoke pointing at him, "like me?" she asked doubtfully, while now pointing at herself.

He mimicking her actions pointed at himself, "I love," he started then turned her finger to her, "you."

"Then why did you run away?" she asked.

"Because I was scared," he started honestly, it's now or never, "I was scared you would leave me-"

"But you left me."

"And that was the most stupid thing I have ever done," he chuckled softly and very embarrassed, but it made her chuckle a bit too. "I was scared, you'd be scared of me."

"Why would I be?" Y/n still situated in his lap, asked, putting her hands on his cheeks almost forcing him to look at her, "Can you give me a reason, why I should be scared?"

"I'm a monster Y/n, you deserve way more."

She hated how he talked about himself, she may not know why he thought so, but she knew it couldn't be that bad to make her think the same.

"You are way more than I deserve," why couldn't he just see that he was all she wanted, and that that'll never change, it'll be him in a heartbeat.

"No, you don't know that. You deserve someone, who could promise you the world a-and money, a stable life, a family and not some messed up," he took a deep breath, "a messed up me."

"Tell me then.

Tell me why you are, in your eyes, a messed up someone. Because in the end, it's my decision, if I want to be with you, who you really are with your flaws and your good habits. I'll love you either way."

"Y-you love me?"

"I do, I really do," she smiled sadly, and she pointed at herself, "I love," and while pointing at him she smiled, "you."

"I'm a werewolf."

"What?"

He sighed, he shouldn't have thought so stupidly! Of course she would be disappointed, his head fell and she could feel the tears on her shirt.

"Remus-"

"No, don't. Just don't."

"Remus, listen to me!" his head shot up at her, she had raised her voice but he couldn't spot anger he was confused, now more than ever.

"I'm sorry, if that came of wrong. I didn't mean it, as if I was disgusted, I just wasn't expecting it. I don't care, really. You aren't a monster, you're Remus Lupin, and to me you'll always be."

"But, I'm a-"

But before he could say his sentence she had herself pressed against him, her lips locked with his and her hands in his hair. She couldn't stand it, how he talked so badly about himself.

"Don't say that," she murmured against his lips.

"But, I am one, and you should scream at me and run a-and-"

"Shut up."

"You are not a monster, not to me. You can try to tell me o-or convince me other wise, but it won't work. It wont work. Not on me."

"I don't deserve you, we - I, i can't be with you..."

"No, you can," she stated, "Now it's just the question if you want to be with me. Because I do, I want to be with you and I can, if you let me in. If you would just let me love you.

Remus John Lupin, just let me love you."

"i want to, i so desperately want to be. But I can't let you throw away your life like that."

"I won't," her eyes were boring into his, her face was so close to his, and she looked so kissable, so sweet. Y/n couldn't understand when or how she could make him believe he was what she wanted. She would never, ever want someone else, just him and his love; like he had hers.

"if you love me enough to give me- us a chance, let me know. Because I can't deal with the idea of you not loving me, not being this close to you as I am now. I want to show you that you are and can be loved, everybody who doesn't is daft. Let me love you, please."

His breath was short and a bit delayed, his eyes were watery but his smile was permanently pasted on his face. "I want to be with you," he finally whispered while already dipping his head a bit down to capture her lips between his.

"But, can you be with me? Because you can want to, but are you ready to let me love and care for you? To tell about your werewolf antics, because I want to be there for you.

I don't care what you are, to me you'll always be Remus Lupin, even when you are undergoing your problems.

That's what you do for the ones you love..."

"I can be with you," he stated. He had never been more sure about anything. "I want to be with you, and I'll love you till the end of the line. i just don't want you to get hurt."

"i won't," she promised with a soft peck on his kissable lips, "I won't bring me or you in danger, but I'll be waiting every morning after a full moon and i'll love you either way."

"I love you"

.•*¨*•.¸♪¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♪¸.•*¨*•.

It had been a few weeks since then. Both couldn't have been happier.

Remus couldn't stop himself from smiling at her every time they passed or he could just see her, his girlfriend.

At first they went on a few dates but he couldn't bare it to not call her his, so he made Y/n his, and his only.

They hadn't told their friends yet, of course everyone noticed the change of mood in the both of them but if someone asked they just shrugged or gave very vague answers.

"Soooo...?"

Remus went straight to his dorm after their rendez-vous, he couldn't bring the smile of his face. They loved each other and he could be open about his problems, they kissed and laughed, they kissed a bit more, and laughed even more...

"What?" the tall boy asked.

"What?" James mimicked, "Tell us!!"

"there's nothing to tell." he shrugged. Very amused at his best friends' interest.

"Moony!!"

Of course Y/n couldn't keep it from June though.

"He asked!" the hufflepuff screamed when she plopped down on her bed next to June's.

"WHo did what?"

"remus, he asked me to be his-"

"Girlfriend?!"

Y/n didn't even respond she squealled with a dreamy smile on her face. June her response was jumping on top of her friend's bed squealling along with her.

"How did he do it?"

"Well,

we were walking around Hogsmeade, and we saw a lake. I started tugging on his arm saying I wanted to ice skate. He laughed at me, but not mean, you know just his dreamy, cute little sm-"

"You're going off topic Y/n!!"

"Right," she said clearing her throat, "we transfigured our shoes to ice skates, and just skated for a while. At first I wasn't that good but he always held my hand so I wouldn't fall and such. Then he told me he had something special he wanted to do, so I skated to the edge while he started making this ridiculous moves.

But then he signed me to come closer again, and I looked down to see he had spelled 'Be mine?' on the ice!!!"

"Oh My Helga!!"

"Moony you've been awfully happy for a full moon Today," Peter said next to him.

"That's because today is special."

"How come."

"be-"

When he started his sentence the door opened behind them and he turned around, making eye contact with the prettiest girl he had ever seen, his girlfriend.

"because I have my girlfriend," he sighed softly. Before walking up to Y/n who had stood still once they made eye contact.

"hi love," he whispered in her shoulder, after he pulled her in a hug.

"He-" but she was cut of be him pressing their lips together again. She just melted into it, ignoring the shouts and whistles from the other students, she was his and he was hers. She didn't care if they could see that, because all that mattered anyway was him and her, them.

"MOONY! I FEEL BETRAYED!!"

You're not alone Siri."

"Why didn't we know?!"

"Let them be!!"

"But Lily-Flower! They just kissed and are still staring in each other eyes while whispering and-"

"It's true love!!"

A smirk came up on James' face, "Like we are?"

She just blushed shaking her head and heading for a table.

"She is right though," Remus whispered to his love, "You are my one true love.

And you'll always be."

A/n

Okay I actually really liked this!! I was supposed to be doing homework but...

Hope you enjoyed! have a great day!!

also the last seen from Lily saying "it's true love" reminded me of this gif...

:)))))

Also reminder to:

@anonymousbabygirl13-blog

Hope you enjoy!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Dec 2021 Wk 5

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bad Buddy (YouTube) Ep 10 - Didn’t drop, presumably because it is New Years.  I’m live blogging it here.

Gen Y 2 (grey) Ep 2 - not much progression in the plot, to sum up: everyone is a chaotic mess. I’m trash watching and live blogging it here.

Paint with Love (Gaga) Ep 6 - whatever 

Loveless Society Ep 4 fin - the work trip was used as an excuse for there’s only one bed and well executed high heat content but... don’t watch this one. In the end it’s an abysmal pulp could have been used to explore some interesting and mature concepts of trust, player reputation, losing the v-card, and the nature of friendship versus affection, but truly terrible production and script rendered that impossible. Perhaps if the captioning had been better some of this might have been mitigated because the actors tried hard and the chemistry was good, but combined with a sad ending I can’t in good conscious suggest anyone actually watch this. NOT RECOMMENDED, FATALLY FLAWED 

Not Me (YouTube) Ep 3 - not to make this serious social cometary about me or anything, but speaking for the bisexuals of a certain age, I can’t tell you how happy I am to watch a bunch of super hot Thai dudes run around dressed like every sexy lesbian I had a mad crush on in uni. Meanwhile, White has had a seed change, they threw “there’s ONLY one bed” at us and I still like the side couple better. Oddly, I’m less into the SeanWhite, as it feels like their romance is being shoe-horned into he plot, rather than the other way around (which is how BL normally goes). I’m still engaged, but it’s interesting to note that I watch all the Vietnamese BL first on Sundays - this show is clearly not a priority or me. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Tinted With You (Korea - Viki) Ep 3 & 4 -  I’m mostly confused about the plot but everyone is very pretty. 4 has not been subbed yet, and it’s feeling short and moving a bit too quickly for comprehension. Might make mroe sense if you wait and binge.  

Behind Cut (Korea - Viki) Ep 1 & 2 -  the sub team on this one is really slow but they both landed by Friday. I like it, I like the fashion world and I like the meet cute, not wild about the love triangle. Seems to be sunshine boy who’s lost his way is ex of top model now dating sullen designer who meets sunshine and decides he’s his muse. Interesting take. 

The Next Door Crush (Vietnam - YouTube) Ep 1-2 - Reality TV lockdown style project that includes flashback retellings of first loves. It’s very cute, and more importantly DIFFERENT. It’s using an epistolary framework to tell a plot with an epistolary element, which is pretty sophisticated and quite clever. I’m was intrigued by the first ep, but the second was much slower and a bit bogged down. Certainly this is no Mr. Cinderella, speaking of...

Mr Cinderella (Vietnam - YouTube) Ep 5 - usually Vietnamese BL doesn’t go over 6 episodes, so Sunday could be out last. YAY! We got all the good things in this episode: communication, discussion of prep + safe sex, matched Love Sick shirts, a sad sack pity party, childhood pining addressed & realized, couple of fun tropes, and while I’m not wild about the side couple, they did give VERY good kiss. 

In Case You Missed It

Love Stage (delayed from 2019) does seem to be finally happening. Thai BL remake, staring Kaownah & Turbo (Nitiman), adapted from the Japanese yaoi manga (and live action BL drama Love Stage!!) and anime of the same name. This is a GOOD story but Japan’s BL wasn’t successful and did not highlight the crossdressing prevalent in the original manga, I wonder if Thailand has the guts to do the original yaoi justice? I’m nervous about this one. I really want it to be a more honest adaptation than the Japanese live action, and I don’t think Thailand is that bold. Really only Korea and Vietnam seem to be handing crossdressing well at all. Starts Jan 29 on Amarin TV, reruns on AISPLAY. No news on international platform.

Korean BL Cherry Blossoms After Winter - high school set, cohabitation, hurt comfort + friends to lovers completed filming late Nov 2021, set to drop Feb 2022 on Viki. Based on a webtoon of the same name by Bamwoo.

New Year's eve, My Love Mix-Up released a special episode focusing on Akkun and Hashimo, plus some behind the scene and an interview with Meguro Ren and Shunsuke Michieda on Viki. 

This bonus content for Utsukushii Kare is SO CUTE!!! 

The Love of Winter new Thai BL from 28 MDP Studio to be released in January. Story of Kinn and his 2 friends traveling to Northern Thailand for a vacation. When his phone gets broken and plans ruined, he meets North. Kinn asked him to be their tour guide. Looks like a standard pulp.

THREE new V-BLs (thanks to @heretherebedork for the assist): 

The Next Door Crush - just started, very cute beginning, see above for description as I’ll be following it in the weeklies 

Beef, Cupcakes, and Him is a completed 50 minute movie about the restaurant world featuring a relationship between 2 chefs. 

You Are My Sunshine (not to be confused with existing 2021 V-BL Follow My Sunshine). is a micro series “complete” at 2 episodes. It featured an out gay nerd getting bullied and the jock (puppy) who falls deep into crush. It has VERY low production values and it reminds me a bit of recent Taiwanese offering My Type. I like a jock/nerd dynamic and this one included tropes like gifts, baby is a messy eater, pillow clutch, faen fatalle, and supportive bestie. It did have a tiny bit of a cliff hanger 4th wall breaking end. It also continued what is now a grand Vietnamese and Pinoy trope of alluding to Thai BL in their BLs. 

2021 Round Up & Awards Posts

Best Kisses in Thai BL 2021

Best Kisses in Taiwanese BL 2021

BL 2021 STATS & TRENDS BY COUNTRY

TOP 10 BL TRENDS OF 2021

2021 BL Trope Awards 

More awards to come 

Gossip

K-BL Love in Spring looks shaping up to be The King’s Affection but MAKE IT GAY YOU COWARDS and I am very excited about it. Announced idol star Youngjae (B.A.P.) in the lead. 

Upcoming K-BL Ocean Like Me (starring Kpop’s best known out gay singer Holland) now rumored to possibly co-star the return of Han Gi Chan (Where Your Eyes Linger).

NOTE: TUMBLR’s REGRETABLE BUNT PANNING #

You know what I mean. I rarely used many of these tags anyway. But among the accused are:

BL (I’ll just use yaoi if needed) 

boys love (see above)

GL drama (I’ll just use yuri) 

long post (whatever, all my posts are long, if you follow me, I guess you’ll just have to get used to it) 

So far as I can tell Thai BL and tags that are similar are not getting banned or whited out. Also, so far, if you put a period after, it gets through the filter. 

Adventures in Miss-captions

Today in, drop that article = handing AbsoluteBL a meme. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Love Area Part 2 starts on GaGa tomorrow. A trailer dropped but it’s mostly just part 1 recaps. Mr Cinderella and Not Me drop on Sunday. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here. I keep a full record there of everything I announce in the weekly updates.

This week’s best moments?

Look, we have never gotten a scene like this before, I have to give Vietnam a million props for it. 

[heyitsyn]

MANAGER!SEIJOH AU

a/n: this is kind of an au like what if you were

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i would like to request a seijoh!manager reader who’s a first year and is siblings with ushi and the team’s reaction to finding out that she was supposed to go to shiratorizawa with ushi and their reaction with her getting along with the shiratorizawa volleyball team and maybe the manager is a small cute soft little energetic ball of sunshine 🥺🥺 also hewwo, hope youre doing well! ☺️ -🎷🐛

- Ir seijoh manager series is so gooood. Can we get something where by some weird reason yn-chan is close to ushijima and tendou and the seijoh boys dont know about it and how they'd react to her being so affectionate w them ahahwindkdn

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HOW FREAKING PRETTY TENDOU IS LIKE AKLFDJLASKFJDLSKFJDSFLKD

okayokayokay

so this is a what if thing

like what if ushijima was your older brother

SLKFDJADFLIJSDKLDF I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE OIKAWA SCREAMING

you didnt exactly have the best relationship with your mom

you remember when you were younger that she used to yell at your brother for using his left hand and you got angry a lot because you were fiercely protective of your brother

this caused her to yell at you too for being nosy and being involved in something you shouldnt be in

duh we know that ushi’s dad takashi actually supported him for this and protected him too and you were also a papa’s girl so you always ran to him

he understood you both better and while your mother worked, he was at home taking care of you two

then when they mentioned wanting to separate, you were very sad but somewhat relieved

mostly because you hated hearing your parents arguing and you felt bad for your brother as he constantly did whatever to get you out of the house

thats what brought on your love for volleyball

you werent exactly the best player but you were interested in it and often watched matches with him

but you also liked volleyball because your brother liked it

you liked whatever your brother liked

he adored you too and he was a boy who didnt talk much due to your mother but he was always a talker with you

especially when you couldnt sleep, he would sneak you out of your room and you both would run to the kitchen and eat ice cream

even with just a 2 year age difference, he looked as if he was older than you due to his massive height

‘just wait nii-chan! i will drink enough milk to reach your height!’

*insert lenny face*

AKLDJFSLDKFJDF I HATE MYSELF

CAN I PLEASE DIE

however

when they divorced, you thought your father would take both you and ushi

like the lady at the court even asked you where you wanted to go and not a breath of hesitation you chose your father

you weren’t very concerned because you knew your brother was going to choose your dad as you both were closer to him

so imagine your surprise when he said he didnt care and naturally, the mother would get the child

lowkey you felt hella betrayed and when your dad whisked you away overseas, there was this grudge you held against toshi

yall youre like 5

i would be hella mad too if my brother chose the person who yells at him all the time

in california, your father made sure you still remembered your brother and you tried to detach from the japanese lifestyle to your new one but you just couldnt

maybe around 6 years you were already fed up with the hot california heat and you wanted to go back to japan to see toshi again

you got over that grudge years ago but your mother refused to have any contact or anything to do with your father and so that included you too

she refused to let you both video chat and any type of connection

your dad obviously noticed your sad expressions and your obvious longing to go back to your brother again and so he arranged something

you shut the door gently before taking off your shoes by the doorway

the large house was often quiet except for the constant typing of a keyboard in your father’s study

‘tadaima’

you meekly mumbled but his sense of hearing never wavered so he heard your voice

‘oh? y/n?’

his voice echoed through the hallways and you heard his chair squeak as it was moved back so he could stand

your sock-cladded feet padded against the hard wood floor and you walked towards his study where indeed he was standing there

your father has definitely aged yet his job as a coach made him as fit as he was decades ago

as much as it disgusted you, you could tell what your friends meant when they said your dad was good-looking

they actually said your dad was hot but you refuse to acknowledge that

you and your friends are like 12 tf

you closed the door and sat down on the loveseat at the corner of the room as it was your designated spot

‘hey, papa’

you greeted with a smile and he gave you the same grin

‘i ordered f/f (favorite food) for dinner tonight so try and listen for the bell to ring, okay?’

you nodded

there was bit of small talk and you asked about his team while he asked about school and you both arranged to hang out over the weekend at some ice cream shop

the conversation dragged on until you heard the doorbell and you ran to the door to answer the delivery man

your dad put out the plates on the table and you excitedly dug in

‘also, you remember your grandmother? and her terrible back?’

oh god of course you did

they lived about 30 minutes away from your house in japan and she constantly worried your father bc the woman was approaching 90 and was still picking peppers!

with old coach ukai

‘what did she do now?’

your father chuckled at the exasperation in your voice

‘she misses you. says something about the family’s princess needing to go back to her country or something’

there was a smile in your face

your grandmother was your favorite and she always said you were the princess

she hated your mother because of how insensitive she was so she only acknowledged you as the only other female in the family

obviously your brother was also liked but there was just a special bond between you and your grandmother

‘so when are we going back?’

you asked and it was clear that you were excited at the thought of going back to japan as you havent been back since you moved due to your father’s busy job and your school

takashi swallowed his food before revealing the news

‘actually, if you want, you could finish your schooling there. but only until college first though because your old man needs you over here too’

nah bro you didnt even care about the last part

literally your fork fell to the table and you shrieked 

‘WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!’

and thus brought you back to japan

you stayed with your grandmother on your dad’s side and you quickly got accustomed back to japan life

OH

your BROTHER!

okay

so waka-chan def heard you coming back

your mother was grumbling about it the other day and he was sure he heard your name in there

‘sdkfjkdslfjdkslfj y/n dkfjlsdkfjldkf’

LMAO THATS ME TRYING TO SAY THAT WAKA COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAID SINCE SHE WAS MUMBLING SHE WASNT KEYBOARD SMASHING LMAO

there was a mutual giddiness in there too and he was excited to see you again after many years without contact

however

there was a bit of fear in there that thought back to when you were younger and his choice of not really having a specific parent despite your pleads to stay together with him

but he was going to make sure your bond was still intact!

he would do anything in his power to do so!

when you arrived

your dad accompanied you back to japan and you both were walking out to the exit of the airport when you saw your grandmother excitedly waving a sign around

in bold sparkly letters, it said ‘USHIJIMA’

okay wait i love grandma usui 

you quickly ran over to her and she grasped you into her arms

‘nana’

you sobbed and she hugged you tightly

‘im so happy youre back home’

your father shook hands with the friend she brought to help drive you guys back home

old man ukai was basically the chauffeur but hes really good friends with your nana so it was okay

the entire ride you guys basically caught up with each other and you couldnt help but laugh whenever your dad would go on a rant about your grandma being too reckless and your nana defending herself

‘oh stop it, takashi. i was only given one life and if it’s over, it’s over. for now, ill live it how i see fit!’

your old family home was exactly as you remember it but you didnt expect the 6′2 boy in the living room

‘nii-chan’

you meekly whispered and he let out a soft smile before opening his big arms

you ran into them and he held you tightly

‘i missed you. so much’

he whispered and you nodded 

it was def such a nice thing to have your brother again

oooo your dad been knew that you would be sticking to waka like you did when you were itty bitty young

so when you practically begged waka to stay at your nana’s house the entire summer, he couldnt refuse you

duh your mom went to see you but you just quietly sat there and smiled at her

polite but distant

due to being around waka so much, you naturally went to his volleyball practices and their training camp

there

you met his friends and you guys quickly got acquainted especially with tendo bc he was just so fun

and he was your brother’s boyfriend best friend

the others were still kinda distant with you ahem ahem im looking at you shirabu

but they were mostly amazed at how powerful the genetics played in your appearances because wowza you were beautiful

lmao dont let waka hear them say that bc they would be benched all season in a single snap

during training camp, you usually sat at the sides or you would be their stand-in manager

goshiki absolutely LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSHIKI MY SON MY BABY

him and you were the same age so there was an easier way of being friends and your energies just matched so well

he would run up to you whenever he got a play right and you would ruffle his hair affectionately

LADKSJFLDSKFS FLASHBACK TO TENDO!SISTER X GOSHIKI

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

hell even ushi was getting annoyed at goshiki’s constant need for you

tendo would steal you away and he would be giggling to you about how adorable you were and you just giggled along bc wow this beautiful man is really talking to me right now

ALKSDJFLKSF CAN YOU TELL IM ALSO A TENDOODOO SIMP?

‘cmere, y/n-chan. i taught toshi this the other day and he was very impressed and wanted me to do it again. okay so it goes in a rhyme, ya ready?’

you nodded along and he shot you a close-eyed smile before starting to draw on the dirt with a stick

‘there once was a man with-’

lets just say

you were definitely your brother’s sister

sometimes though

you would try and go towards the calmer players to get away from the rowdiness from baby daddy tendo and baby goshiki

you would find them at the gym just doing drills and at the sight of you, they would turn red but continue playing

they didnt really mind seeing you there bc youve always been such a positive energy and cheered them on which gave them strength

���NICE ONE OHIRA-SAN!’

‘WAHHH SO COOL YAMAYAMA-SAN!’

you were like a cute ball of serotonin >o<

‘wah, of course its expected for you guys to be the top in the prefecture. youre like,,,,, silent but deadly~!’

duh a compliment from a girl?

dead

shirabu’s bangs would get in the way of his vision sometimes yall i will never stop making fun of that ridiculously adorable haircut so you would use a clip and tuck it away for him

this big babie is so awkward that he turns red when you whisper in his ear that you were done

semisemi baby and you got along bc you guys had a similar taste in music and because you lived in california, he was fascinated that you were in the music capital of america

‘did you see celebrities down the street?’

he asked you excitedly one day during lunch

you stopped then smiled softly

‘semisemi-kun, i didnt live at that part of california’

nah to him, america is just filled with celebrities

OH DEAR BABY BOY KAWANISHI

taichi is a generally quiet guy

like you thought he was actually selectively mute when you first met him

but you gradually got him to talk and you would help him whenever he would want to practice

usually it was during the ungodly hours of the morning

you woke up and went to grab a drink from the common room but you noticed his large build exiting the door so you followed him into the gym

‘kawanishi-san?’

you called out and felt guilty when he jumped 

‘oh, hey’

he aknowledged

‘wha-’

you stopped to yawn causing your eyes to close making you miss the brief second of softness that flashed in his eyes

‘what are you doing?’

you tiredly asked

taichi dusted off his trackpants after kneeling down to rummage through his bag and you couldnt help but gawk at his height

‘im training early’

he answered

‘why? is it because you want to keep up with the others?’

you mumbled and he was surprised for a second but reverted back to his stoic expression

‘i have to make sure i am able to reach my seniors level for next year’

taichi turned away to grab a stray ball and you moved to go to the storage room for the ball cart

‘oi, what are you doing? go back to bed’

he said from the other side of the gym but you just looked back at him with a tired grin

‘meh, i want to spend time with you, senpai’

you reasoned

he shook his head before walking over to you then ruffled your hair

‘no wonder youre so tiny. you dont sleep enough and let your body grow’

yep that was the closest youve gotten to taichi joking with you

usually, hes training and when hes in the zone, nothing else has his attention but the ball

maybe thats why the others ahem goshiki has said that he was very scary

his game face was practically a mean face

basically you spent the entire training camp with them and then soon, you were going back to school

duh everyone hmm maybe not shirabu bc he most definitely read the school book of rules thought you would be going to shiratorizawa with them 

but you broke the news to them one afternoon and imagine the tears from both tendo and goshiki

‘WHHYYYY!!!!’

‘NOOO!!!!!’

‘why can’t you?’

semi asked and you were about to answer when shirabu beat you to it

‘the school doesnt allow late transfers’

oh right

the american school system was set in a different schedule than a japanese school system

it was considered the summer for them yet school already started a few months ago

since shiratorizawa was a very academically and physically prestigious school, they refused anyone who would potentially be late or behind their curriculum

‘so where ya headed to then, chibi?’

tendou pouted and you leaned against his arm

‘hmm some school named aoba johsai? i dont know its near my grannie’s so that’s all that mattered’

oh dear

USHIJIMA NO Y/N WILL NOT ASK TOORU TO GO TO SHIRATORIZAWA

they consider seijoh a rival bc theyve played against them practically in every prefecture tournament and they were worried for that infamous setter

‘ne, y/n-chan, promise us that you won’t be swept away by them! especially a guy named oikawa tooru!’

uhhh

well

tendou’s warning was kinda ignored bc you ended up being seijoh’s manager

hehe

surprise?

but they weren’t really really shocked tho bc they knew you liked volleyball so you would naturally be in the volleyball team

even as a manager

meanwhile in seijohhh

OooOOOoOoOooooo sEiJOOhHHHH~~~~~~

okay so you were actually registered under your father’s last name usui rather than the ushijima last name

therefore you werent exactly immediately known as HEY! USHIJIMA’S SISTER!

you still became the manager the way you did as mentioned in part 1 

and you still are their adorable baby manager

you were aware of their oikawa’s hatred for wakawaka so you try not to talk about him even though youre literally the closest person to him

was it traitorous? 

maybe

but you actually even help them when they practice

duh the boys are like eyebrow raise emoji 

‘wow youre really into volleyball, huh, manager-chan?’

matsukawa commented and you just smiled

‘hmm, my family likes it so ive picked up a thing or two’

LMAO

little do they know your brother is literally the best volleyball player around and is a member of the under 19 team and your father is a volleyball coach in america and would someday be someone iwaizumi hajime (19) would apprentice under

there was a lot of times you thought you would slip up like your home screen was of you and waka but youve been careful to cover it up

BUT

you cant always be sneaky

it was during the first day of the tournament and you were filling up their water bottles I SWEAR WHY IS MANAGER-CHAN ALWAYS FILLING UP WATER BOTTLES when you found a familiar bunch of boys at the end of the hallway just chatting

you havent seen tendou and the boys in so long so you placed the bottles down and rushed over there so quickly

‘TOMUTOMU!’

you shouted and the oddly-haired boy turned and he gasped before grabbing you into a large hug

this grabbed tendou’s attention and he cheered then hugged you too

your giggles and happy cheers were so infectous and they just absolutely missed you so much 

these tall boys were at a advantage so someone scooped you up and you were just affectionately being talked to and hugged and LKDSJFSLDFJ SO LUCKY SO LOVED

meanwhile

the plant babies were wondering where the heck you went to 

‘y/n-chan?! where is she?!’

oikawa panicked quickly while iwaizumi hit him to shut up

‘be quiet! you won’t find her if you’re too busy freaking out!’

‘ill find her’

matsukawa volunteered and they nodded, feeling at ease of him being capable to find you if you were in trouble

but when he returned empty-handed and with large eyes, they knew something was up

they ran behind mattsun to stop and copy his shocked expression at the sight in front of them

is that

you?

with

shi

ra

to

ri

za

wa

oh my god

‘y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted, being the first to speak

you jumped and your own eyes widened

‘oh. oh no’

you mumbled

the others were so stunned and seijoh itself was so hard to make speechless but they were just shocked

period

‘what is happening’

iwaizumi mumbled

yea the others were just shocked period

‘hey guys’

you waved and you motioned them closer

‘uhh,,, well,,, um they are my friends’

you smiled uneasily and they could see that

‘aaand?’

oikawa signalled you to say everything bc he knew it wasnt the whole story

you sighed

‘ushi,,, jima is my brother’

you mumbled the last part

but they heard you

‘HAH?!’

you cringed and the shira boys were about to move to protect you but they saw you glare at them

‘what? what about it? hes my brother? and?’

you babbled

‘but,, why are you,, in seijoh? dont get me wrong! its just,, youd naturally go to shiratorizawa right?’

mattsun waved his hands around and asked the question thats bugging the team

‘i came to the country late’

‘THE COUNTRY?!’

well,,

turns out you havent exactly told them everything about you yet :/

even when youve cleared the air and introduced waka as your brother, seijoh still didnt say anything

they were stuck in this shocked and surprised moment even at the end of the day and when you went straight to the shiratorizawa team,

they watched with wide eyes as you laughed with goshiki and was jumping around with tendou

‘AH! TOMU! MY HAIR!’

‘TORI-SAN! SATORI-SAN! TAKE THAT!’

wow you were actually really beautiful when youre happy

‘i dont think ive seen her this happy with this much energy’

makki said and they nodded

it was true

you were usually calm and collected and was the perfect balance to this chaotic team

so seeing you so free and loose with them was so refreshing, even if it was with damn ushiwaka

you finally went back to the seijoh boys and they all sent glares to the violet team before sending you a smile

‘you ready to go, manager-chan?’

watari ruffled your hair before handing you your bag to start walking to the bus

‘yea. lets go home’

as you all walked, oikawa was already starting his tantrum

‘y/n-chan~! why aren’t you that happy around us? are we not enough for you?’

oikawa whined and pouted

but you just turned to smiled at him and stopped walking to pat his head

‘im not their manager, therefore im not pressured to act like anyone except as a friend and a spectator. but i try to be as professional as i can with you guys to make sure you dont appear bad to others. and you guys are perfectly chaotic enough, adding me into the mix will just about kill coach’

oikawa didnt seem satisfied though

‘but! thats not fair! they get to see you smile and i dont!’

iwaizumi growled at him to be quiet but you beat him to it

well

you smiled at tooru but your eyes shone maliciously

‘i knew you would act like this, oikawa-san. as punishment, i gave nii-chan your phone number. good luck avoiding him now’

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAWWWWW LETS NOT KILL COACH IRIHATA OKAY? HES LIKE OUR GRANPAPA AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE OIKAWA ALONE WAKAWAKA-KUN!