#mostly because most of the transmascs I know have incredibly complicated relationships with their mothers

[just-a-black-boy]

I do think we need to make space within transmasc community to talk about this phenomenon specifically as an extension of an enmeshed mother-"daughter" relationship that is further complicated by transmascs (medical) transition.

In this case it's not just any cis woman who feels that entitlement but specifically the poster's mother and as someone with a mother who is staunchly against my transition, even though I've been out to her for like 6ish years, I think there is a level of projection from the mother onto the so-called daughter (aka transmasc child) that occurs in these cases which is perhaps specific to the mother's perception of her son/ masc child as a daughter.

Not at all to say that the mother's feelings are justified but rather to bring it to our attention that in wider discussions of transandrophobia we should probably pay attention to family dynamics, and add this to discussion about how trans men are perceived but also how people might continue to treat us as women even if we pass or are out to them simply because they refuse to respect our identities. The point on family dynamics here is specifically because I think there's a discrepancy between our ability to identify an unhealthy mother-daughter dynamic when it is two cis women and our ability to do the same when the "daughter" in question is actually transmasc.

I understand that the difficulty of this is in the way it kind of flirts with misgendering (although I think this depends on how people phrase it, I'm not really phrasing what I mean the best rn but I think it is possible to say that something is part of what we typically associate with a mother-daughter dynamic without relegating the transmasc individual to a "daughter" if that makes sense) but my dynamic with my mother is one fully shaped by her dynamic with her mother and the intergenerational trauma she's experienced as a woman of colour. She engages with me as her daughter regardless of how far along in my transition I am because she refuses to view me as a man. Thus we are in a "mother-daughter" dynamic which is complicated by my being a man and my transition because it means I've veered "off-script," and chosen myself over her but I cannot say we have a "mother-son" dynamic because she does not treat me the way she treats my cisgender brother. Really we need terminology to specifically describe the "mother-trans son" / "mother-transmasc" relationship but on some level I do think we should open up our discussions surrounding unhealthy mother-daughter relationships to include transmascs in a meaningful way.

I also think the same goes for any sociological or scientific attention we pay to family dynamics we normally associate as being between a mother and daughter. We need to start factoring the transmasc experience into these things (think also for example of eldest daughter syndrome) not just because it is an important aspect of transmasc experience but also because I think it can give us further insight into these dynamics and how they express themselves / shift over time.

Very fascinated with the phenomenon of cis women (especially relatives & occasionally random terfs on the internet) mourning the "loss" of trans people's boobs.

Like girl it's literally just fat & tissue existing on another person's body, wtf is your problem?