#mostly Tomas

[symptoms-syndrome]

Reflecting on. Some stuff. Possibly could be under the label of "psychiatric trauma?" But I'm still grappling with that. Talk of that, and a brief mention of suicide.

I'm struggling with this idea, an idea that I am fairly sure has mostly been implanted in me by my history with psychiatry, psychiatric treatment, special education, et cetera. It's hard to summarize or simplify.

Most of my life, I have been told that my problems should only be handled, or that I should only be handled, by trained professionals. My mental health struggles were "severe" and I "need to consider the impact I make on my peers." Of course this has been present a lot through most of my life. I didn't talk to peers or teachers about problems I was going through, because either it would alienate me from them, or I would be given a talking to about what's appropriate for me to talk about, or I'd have to sit in a little room with the school psychiatrist and talk about whatever it was that I wished to talk about with someone who was not her. But I guess I didn't fully comprehend this sort of...isolation, or treatment, until my first real suicide attempt. It was the first time I had really been sent to full inpatient, though I'd been to partial hospitalization a few times at that point. I remember being scared. I remember being lonely. I didn't have any of my familiar clothes or belongings. My first visitor was my school principal, accompanied by my birth mother. He met with me in one of those smaller meeting rooms, and he told me that I wouldn't be having any visitors from the school. He was worried, he said, that my choices could influence an already fragile school population, that I may drive others to attempt as well if they saw the state I was in.

After that I never actually went to that school again. I was only there for a couple months before the litany of partials and inpatient stays, and eventually two different special education institutions. Both were meant to be temporary. They were staffed with around three staff members, clearly psychiatric-focused, who struggled to teach us basic education between therapy groups and coping skill classes and DBT sessions. They treated us with a distance and unfamiliarity that wasn't much like teachers in mainstream schools. Cold professionalism.

For, I believe, the last year of high school, I was allowed back into one of the mainstream high schools. With supervision. I had daily class periods in the special education classroom and weekly check-ins with the school psychiatrist. In my classes with mainstream teachers, they treated me without the warm friendliness they afforded to the other students, many of whom they'd spent four years being in the same building with, or teaching in different classes. I had attendants to check in on me. I was given extra discipline for things that other students did with impunity. Other students could tell. I was sometimes treated with a cautious, almost pitying kindness by them, which I appreciated but wasn't close to the way they treated their friends. I was forbidden from a number of extracurriculars because they lacked the staff to supervise me after school. At one point I was explicitly told I was a "liability."

All of this seemed to show me that I cannot be trusted to integrate with normal folk. Not without the guidance and supervision of professionals. Like zookeepers.

Now...what am I to do? I was told not to be vulnerable with anyone but professionals. No one but the highly trained can understand or handle me talking about my experiences, or crying, or talking about the way I feel. I'm like radioactive material that can only be held with gloves or pliers.

And now I'm left behind by those professionals. Their duty is just that, duty, and once they are no longer obligated to make sure I'm properly contained their job is done and I am no longer their responsibility. No more mandatory check-ins or special education, no more being whisked away from the normal folk when I start to stray from sterile, empty behavior. I mentioned once before, I feel like an animal that's been released into the wild after captivity. I am supposed to just...be human. Be natural. Supposedly instinct will guide me. But I don't know how to be a wild animal anymore. I don't know how to hunt, I can't fit into a pack, all I know how to do is pace around the space I'm used to being caged in. And wait for orders or guidance or whatever else was offered to me by my highly controlled environment. When I try to be natural, it's like I'm being reminded of an electric fence that's no longer there. I can't share with normal folk, it's a bad influence for them. I can't cry in front of normal folk, I'm being disruptive. I can't be natural, because for some reason it was decided that my natural is bad. And I can't figure out what it could be that's different between my natural (bad) and their natural (good.) Other people cry, other people get upset, other people share things that are sometimes upsetting, other people share the ways they're feeling authentically. But I was told that when I do it, it isn't appropriate for them. It's disruptive, or manipulative, or attention-seeking, or a bad influence.

I want to know how to integrate with normal folk, and how to be natural. I'm just very, very afraid of hurting them, because I was told that's what I would do. I was told I wasn't fit for normalcy. The only place I belong is institutionalization. The only people I belong with are handlers and psychiatrists. I'm a dangerous animal that needs constant supervision. And I don't even know why.

[sarcasticmothdraws]

I'm back on my meds but due to the few days hault in between I feel icky. so im just drawing whatever sticks.

[tomaturtles]

Got inspired by this and had to

[cookie-shmookie]

A little project I never finished - some mk characters in clothes I see fit them

[nightseeye]

Chappy 3 centaur time!! Post train crash Toma goes missing (hiding from Catnap, as the redsmoke probably outright kills smaller toys) for most of the chapter, and Player gets a leg injury! No more kicky for them :]

Lots of dream sequences are different, no Kissy Missy attack (though she still does surprise, shes just not trying to maul you this time). Probably Catnap tries to convince the Player to follow the Prototype at some point, idk

[buggyjuggie]

──★ ˙ ̟ Lin kuei trio headcanons

Note: Please someone request something i’m so bored and i have no requests

*Tomas knows how to knit! He learned it from his mother and now usually does it if he’s stressed or doesn’t want to remeber his past or Bi-han. He knits stuff for Kuai liang and Syzoth all the time.

* Before sedling as his main weapon Kuai liang was really good at archery

*Tomas had long hair even as a kid but cut it short because Bi han kept telling him that it was gonna be a hinderance during battle

* I don’t think Tomas is as soft that people make him out to be. I think he’s mainly soft around people he knows or trusts

* Even tough Tomas doesn’t speak/talk alot with people he’s really good at combacks. He made Johnny cry with one of them.

* If he wasn’t a ninja and lived an average life Tomas would have definitely had either an emo or scene phase growing up

* Tomas definitely picked up swear words from Bi han when they were young and the proceded to repeat them to Kuai liang (Bi han got his ass kicked)

* Kuai liang + longer hair+ eyebrow slit/piercing. I rest my case

* Tomas is the tallest ,,human” character (idk how to explain it like hes the tallest out of everyone in earthrealm/human)

* Bihan trains in kombat to take his mind off of things

* Kuai liang likes gardening (idk i feel like he’d have a liltte bonsai tree or some succulents that’s he’ll take care of as a hobby)

* When Tomas was first taken in by the Lin Kuei Kuai liang asked him about his Czech culture and heritage to get to know him better

* When the brothers feel intense emotions, aspects of they’re elements will change i.e. When Tomas gets super happy puffs of smoke will start to apear, when Bi-han is angry he will progressively get more cold until ice starts forming on his shoulders or neck, when Kuai Liang is embarrassed if he’s holding something it will burts into flames.

* They’re love languages:

Kuai liang: quality time

Bihan: SUBTLE acts of service

Tomas: gift giving

*. ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

[tsururoach]

i forgot i made this. but to excuse the back to back mspaint doodles I'll also add the textpost memes I've been making of re:vale/zool:

[eepytricksterart]

I wanted to post these before the new game came out but alas my energy these last few days has been low.

Anyways, enjoy some Lin Kuei :3

[laismoura-art]

Me writing the MK Boys, a summary:

Hanzo: Oh that sounds like a personal issue I should probably address... *shoves issues under a pretty rug* ANYWAYS--

Kuai: It was no big deal! *proceeds to share a personal issue that is worth at least 5 years of therapy*

Bi-Han: I might be evil... but I might just need a nap.

Saibot: *no thoughts just elevator music*

Tomas: Do I wanna know? "No" The answer is "no". I don't wanna know.

Sareena: Why is everyone yelling? Isn't that normal?

Narrator's voice: It was not normal

Cyrax: You know, I'm receiving way too much shit for a side character!

Sektor: *woke up and chose violence*

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

Thought bout falcone siblings as brothers from darjeeling limited

[reallyhardy]

ALAMAT performs "Just Say You Love Me" | MYX Live!

Ending this season with a bang is the PPop boy group, Alamat! Alamat promises to offer audiences a proudly and uniquely Filipino experience that entertains the world. More hip-hop performances inspired by traditional Filipino music and backstage exclusives from Taneo, Mo, Jao, Tomas, R-Ji, and Alas as they take over the MYX Live show.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Okay.

Drag Thursday - good/fun (unpaid - going to a drag show and like to overdress, the show encourages costumes, dressing up makes me feel good)

Drag Saturday - :P but I'm going to a fun event afterwards to make up for it (pays very very well)

Drag Monday - good/sad but cathartic. Sad but on purpose. So fun. (Pays eh. But among my close community. What I would consider drag family but real.)

Drag next Saturday - mildly stressful but fun. Not stressful like drag upcoming Saturday. (Pays well)

That's the schedule. I can do it. I can I can I can. I'm going to make good money this week to make up for my reckless manic spending last week.

The only things I need to do to prep are memorize my lyrics, and do some last minute adjustments to my costumes. Adding some appliques to one of them and stoning the other. Easy. Easy easy.

I also have something coming up where I'll be working with kids and teaching them about drag makeup. Which makes me a little nervous even though I'm really excited. I worry about protestors, given the whole. Climate right now. But I look forward to working with kids again. I enjoy it and miss it. Also it pays very very well.

[starrynightnight]

DRAWPILE WITH @tomatexe ME BELOVE AND OTHERZZ!!!!!! /P

highlits gonna be in a seperate post ima exceed the img limit fr

[tomaturtles]

Can you believe there's an officially licensed kawoshin childhood friends au

[avallands-basement]

look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her

[eveharson]

Something from Dec. 2023 -> Jan. 2024

There is much more, but I forgot where I put them at.

- I was stressed these days.

Bonus:

- In the last pic, I tried to draw Liu Kang in MK11 but I don't remember his design so I just "Eh, I'll be back." and left him there, looking at you.