#mostly I draw comics-- so prose is always fun to try! every time it's like: wow that sure was fun......but I cannot tell if it's any good

[claiborneart]

Interview with The Most Famous Face in The World

Todd Smalls is a reporter for the Daily Times; specialising in celebrity news, gossip, and marketing. Article originally posted on 6/16/96; last updated on 6/24/96

When Mr. Arno Dun opened his door to let me into his tiny downtown flat, up on the twelve story and with that last-century 'one-bedroom' antique layout, even I was starstruck.

I've done interviews with everyone from CEOs to world leaders to the faces of A-list actor-musicians, but this was The. Arno. Dun. I, like most of our readers, grew up seeing his face on every box of cereal, snack bar, every ad both at home and on the street.

The face of the The Most Likeable Man, whose likeness had been leased by a a tenth of all companies in existence, lived in an apartment that was not worth the price of one minute of his own face.

The first thing he said to me, he confessed, was that he couldn't afford his own likeness either.

"I kick myself every day for letting that clause stay in the contract," he told me. "I didn't realize at the time, or I thought, or hoped, that they weren't serious about not letting me use my own face for personal use."

The room we were sitting in was nice enough, well-lit, and with family photos on a nearby desktop. While the grown children in the group photos shared close resemblance with Dun, his face was, of course, notably absent.

"I spent half my royalty money buying an old cottage out in the middle of nowhere," Dun said. "but that just made everything worse. People looked at my face, and wouldn't leave me alone. Here, at least," he gestured out the window at the city around us, "there's more people to blend in with, so I don't stand out as much. plus, most people are using ARG or some other, so I can go shopping in peace, most days."

"And," he added, smiling wryly, "at least no one asks for a photo."

Q: what made you decide to sell your likeness?

A: it seemed like a lot of money for very little effort at the time, so of course I said yes immediately.

A: Wish I had a lawyer read the the contract before signing, now, but a part of me thinks if I had asked to change anything they would have just moved on to someone dumb to sign it at that first meeting. Hah! I guess I was that dumb*** (swears have been auto-omitted, courtesy of cleanAirBroadcasting™)

There had been thousands of people who had signed similar contracts, nearly every single one for far less money than he, but it didn't seem the right time to remind him of such info.

Q: but was it a good payout, once you add in royalties?

A: Royalties…..well, some years it was enough that I didn't need to work, or only needed to work part-time, but they expired at the 50-year mark….hah! When I was young I thought 50 years was impossibly far in the future, and that getting old was for other people. Now look at me.

I did.

It was interesting, after seeing over 50 years of pre-aging for various brand and demographic-nicheing needs, how the most famous face in the world had actually ended up looking. More frown lines, and a saggier neck.

Still, a face rated most appealling to Broad Demographic Marketing aged more gracefully than most could ever hope for.

Q: so you've worked other jobs then?

A: oh for sure, sure-- whatever I found, here and there. I used to like working with people, but with my limitations, it's made that rather difficult. Nowadays I work for ******* (company name has been auto-omitted, courtesy of cleanMarketRelavance™), which is hard work, for someone of my age, but what can you do?

Q: How do you feel about the alternate-face clause, over half a century into the contract?

A: I don't mind it most of the time, to be honest. It means I don't show up in the background of stranger's videos as myself, so at least I never go viral that way. But…

at this he paused.

A: I don't like it when I want to be in a photo. with my friends. with my family. I don't like seeing a stranger's face in the middle of them, instead of me.

[The banner image, which under usual contract compliance included an ai-generated random stand-in face, was edited to a pixelated mirage on 6/24/96, at the request of Mr. Dun.]

[whumpsterfire]

The Guardian Angel’s Doll - Prologue

cw: car accidents, hospitals

4169 words

It started with a car crash.

Well, not exactly. If Efrem thought a little more about it, things had already been set in motion. Of course, Efrem would make some bad choices afterwards this whole incident under the ill advice of their friend.  

But it was the car crash that really sealed their fate.

Efrem… absolutely hated being late. Kieron just had to come over last night, staying up late with Efrem with a new game he had wanted to show them. And it’s not like Efrem minded – they didn’t, they liked it when Kieron came over, liked watching him play and listening to his voice as he talked and hearing the way he laughed – but Kieron knew how much Efrem hated when he came over unannounced. At least send a guy a message, you know? Efrem had a schedule, a whole routine. Kieron just happened to fuck it up every time he appeared out of nowhere behind their door to visit them.

It was frustrating. Well, they got over the irritation after Kieron had hung around for a while. But still. He should learn some manners and try asking them when they’re free. Or send a warning, at the very least. That absolutely wasn’t too much to ask.  

In any case.

Kieron stayed over for the night and Efrem stayed up way too late. The man also happened to have that effect on them. Which in return made Efrem miss their alarm in the morning, made them rush out of the appointment ahead of Kieron – he wanted to sleep a little longer and Efrem didn’t have the time nor the patience to argue – and well.

Rushing to the streets, just woken up? Turns out that isn’t such a good idea.

Efrem had never thought that you would really see things in slow motion when you were in a dangerous situation. And well, they kind of didn’t. The colours of the world deepened for a while and Efrem was acutely aware of the loud screech of someone hitting the breaks of a car.  

Really, they hadn’t even seen it coming.

How did it feel to be hit by a car? That wasn’t an easy question to answer. Sure, Efrem wrote a lot but they mostly did laid-back slice of life comics about their own life. They tended to be very dialogue-heavy. No need to use copious amounts of purple prose to describe the colour of the sky when the sun rose, that feeling when you looked at your best friend smile when he told you about this new set of dice he had pre-ordered, or what kind of physical sensations were going on with who’s body at whatever moment.

So, the first word that came to Efrem’s mind was pain. The sound came first – a thud and a disgusting, wet sound of something in their body going crunch. Efrem was just going to assume that this is where they went flying, because the next thing they remembered was blinking sluggishly back to consciousness on the pavement and thinking:

Oh, that fucking hurts.

Their whole body hurt. A sharp, searing pain on their chest and arm. And fuck, their head throbbed with a dull pain. The crushing pain lingering on them had to be the most intense Efrem had ever felt. They laid on the ground, brain scrambled and limbs not moving no matter how much they tried and then...

Well, then they woke up in the hospital.

Efrem wasn’t one to exactly like hospital visits. They were an unnecessary evil, they supposed. They hadn’t stayed in hospitals for too much but they did have a few surgeries under their belt, some more recent than others. They were glad for the painkillers, that was sure. But let’s see, what had they told Efrem again?

They had been suffering from a concussion. Their left collarbone was broken, along with a cracked humerus and rib. Apparently Efrem had been lucky that the rib didn’t puncture their lungs or harm any of their organs.

Efrem didn’t feel especially lucky. What kind of ‘luck’ is it to get hit by a fucking car? Now they had to stay in the hospital. They would need to take time off from school. They would need to take a break from drawing their comic. They would need to make a new routine around the current state of their body and they hated that.

At least Kieron visited them. As much as Efrem hated to see the guy fuss over them, they appreciated the awkward hug, careful of their many injuries, and the company.

Efrem really, really appreciated Kieron’s company.

He obviously seemed to think that he was responsible for Efrem’s accident. No, Efrem didn’t think he was – they could have just slept earlier or put on more alarms so they wouldn’t miss theirs – but Efrem also... kind of didn’t think he wasn’t responsible. Not that they would ever say that to Kieron, not directly.  

In fact, they were hell-bent on proving the guy otherwise.

“Listen. I was careless. I got hit by a car because I didn’t make sure there wasn’t any coming and because I was in a hurry. I do that so often too – don't look at me like that, I know I shouldn’t - but nothing’s ever happened. I just... I got lucky those other times.”

Kieron looked at Efrem in that miserable way only he could – brows upturned and chewing on his lip like he tended to when he was worried.  

“But if I’d just gotten up and gone with you--”

Efrem rolled their eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself because I’m a dumbass”, Efrem said. Gods, Kieron really needed to get over himself about this. “This was bound to happen some time. It was only a matter of time, really.”

The other man didn’t look too convinced so Efrem let out an irritated sigh.

“I did this to myself and no, I’m not listening to you whine more about this. That’s that on that.”

That was that on that.

“You have to start being more careful, Em.”

“Yeah, I kinda got the message on that from the universe. Could’ve been more subtle.”

That earned a careful chuckle from Kieron. Despite Efrem’s general bad mood over well, starting their day by getting hit by a car, they found a small smile forming on their lips. Kieron tended to have that effect on them.

“Really, though. Getting hit by a car isn’t... it isn’t a small thing. You could’ve--” Kieron cut himself off, as if afraid to finish that though. Efrem was happy he didn’t. In that small moment of quiet, they didn’t know how to act. They swallowed.  

“I don’t know. I’m just glad you’re okay. Or that you know, you’re not worse”, he finally finished.

“Yeah.” Efrem agreed. “Me too.”

There was a small silence, where Efrem let the gaze of their dark eyes fall onto their lap. As much as getting into an accident like this sucked, they couldn’t help but think that they had definitely earned this. It was them who hadn’t been careful enough and them who had practically ran under the car driving by. So yeah, this was a painful lesson with a price they wouldn’t have preferred to pay but probably deserved anyway.  

Then there was the thing Efrem hadn’t considered they would feel: guilt. A part of them felt guilty for being so careless, for getting hurt and for having Kieron visit them like this. Efrem may have earned their lesson, but Kieron definitely didn’t deserve the scare of having their friend being wounded like this. Efrem knew they needed to apologize but they couldn’t bring themself to. For ending up here and for... not entirely thinking it was all their fault, alone. They bit their tongue.

“How long do you have to stay in the hospital?”

“Oh?” Efrem was caught off guard by Kieron’s question. “Oh, just for like, tonight. They want to keep me overnight because of the concussion.”

“Right. I mean, that makes sense. I’m glad you don’t have to be here longer”, Kieron seemed visibly relieved. Maybe he was understanding that a few broken bones really wasn’t that serious. That despite the accident, Efrem really was okay.

“Same. I honestly could go home already but they’d never allow it.” They knew for a fact they wouldn’t - Efrem had asked.

“Yeah, maybe it’s better they’re observing you for tonight”, Kieron said and it’s not like Efrem disagreed. They just preferred their own bed over this hospital one. They winced when their collarbone protested with their shrug.

“Hey... I know that you don’t care about shit like this, but I kind of have an idea. I mean, you’re gonna think it’s stupid and all, but...” Kieron started and Efrem hated when they started talking like this. No, Efrem didn’t think Kieron’s interests were stupid, even if they made fun of them sometimes. Yes, they wanted him to be able to talk to them about anything without having to feel so damn insecure.  

“What?” They urged Kieron to continue.

“There kind of this, ritual?”

Oh, it was that kind of stuff.

“Go on.”

“I was kind of thinking if you’d be interested in doing it? When you get home, I mean. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t know—this whole car accident thing got me kind of, well, scared? And if I knew that you did that it would put me at ease ‘cause well, at least I’d know that there was some small extra form of protection on you or something, like isn’t it better to do a ritual and go on with your life and not do one, even if you don’t believe in that stuff? And--”

“I mean, sure. I don’t mind?” Efrem said casually and before they could sound too much like they actually believed in whatever occult stuff Kieron had lately been into, they added: “If it puts you at ease, I mean.”

There was a beat of silence, where Kieron just blinked at Efrem. Efrem felt their face get warm. They looked away.

“What? I don’t have to if you don’t--”

“No, no! I’m just surprised, you know? Since you always say that this stuff isn’t really your thing or don’t seem too interested in it, so I didn’t think you’d actually agree to it”, Kieron admitted.

Efrem brushed some of their dreadlocks aside awkwardly.

“So, what is it like”, they asked, casually.

“Huh?”

“The ritual, Kieron”, Efrem said with a roll of their eyes.  

Kieron’s brown eyes lit up with excitement. They always did when he was talking about something he was interested in. Efrem loved to see it.

“It’s actually really simple.”

***

Efrem looked over at their room. They liked to keep things clean, so they didn’t need to make space for the ritual. It really did seem fairly simple. Kieron had sent Efrem a message with the details to this thing he called a ‘ritual for protection’. It was... something about connecting with the spirits that protected you to have them watch over you in everyday life, or whatever. Definitely not Efrem’s expertise or even something they believed in.

But well. They kind of wanted to do it for Kieron. Or well, to just put his mind at ease. And it would be easier to actually do the thing than to lie to him about it. Efrem didn’t like lying, anyway. They had agreed to do the thing so they would do it.

They had the room set up for the ritual. They had used chalk to draw a circle on the floor, just like the instructions said. It also said to use salt for ‘protection’, but Kieron knew Efrem’s vacuum cleaner was broken. Getting rid of the salt would be too much of a pain without one and Efrem didn’t know when they’d be able to buy a new one, so chalk would have to do for now.

And Kieron had said it was probably fine. If they ‘charged’ the chalk to protect them, it’d be cool. So that’s what Efrem did... they assumed. They didn’t really know how charging worked and how you would know if you succeeded in it or not. Still, they drew that circle and it didn’t look too bad, either.

There was an incense Kieron had given them to burn for the ritual. Sandalwood. Efrem quite liked the smell of it, too. They didn’t mind knowing that the smell would linger. Burning it like this, they noticed that Kieron kind of tended to smell like it.

Efrem thought it was nice.

They looked at the circle. So they had it drawn, they had the incense burning, they had the four candles burning – for each cardinal direction respectfully – and they had the herbs they were supposed to burn and the words they were supposed to say. Kieron had instructed to use white candles, but Efrem didn’t own four white candles. They supposed it wasn’t that important – two white candles, one red and one blue should do just as well.  

As long as they burned.

So they were ready. Efrem looked at the bundle of herbs Kieron had given them. They weren’t actually sure what it contained – it seemed to have several ones and Efrem had never been too good at recognizing plants. It wasn’t important for them to know what kind of plants there was in the bundle, though. Kieron was the one who knew about this shit and he was the one who gave them this.

Efrem pulled a lighter from their pocket with their hand that wasn’t out of commission and packaged up. They lit it up, bringing it to the herbs. They didn’t just start burning instantly, to their surprise. It took a little while of trying, but eventually, the fire took.

“And now I’m supposed to say...” Efrem couldn’t dig out their phone while they were holding the burning bundle of herbs. They didn’t want to put it down either – that didn’t sound exactly safe. They could remember this; they took pride in their good memory.

What was it again...?

“May the spirits keep me protected.”

Yeah, Efrem was pretty sure that was it.  

Silence followed. Having said the actual words, Efrem felt kind of... silly. They were facing the circle, standing a few feet from one of the candles – the one signifying South. They stood still, waiting the bundle of herbs to burn out as per Kieron’s instructions.

They waited. Standing became boring soon, so they sat down to wait.

And they waited.

The herbs stopped burning. That meant the ritual was done.  

So that... was it, then.  

Well, Efrem didn’t know much about rituals but they supposed that this wasn’t too bad. This pretty much aligned with Efrem’s idea of what occult-stuff was about, anyway. Drawing circles, burning incense and candles and herbs and saying things. Now when they had tried it out, they knew it wasn’t really their thing. But Kieron was free to be into it and maybe Efrem wouldn’t mind hearing more about this stuff on an occasion or two. The herbs would apparently go under Efrem’s pillow and everything else they needed to clean up. Maybe they should call Kieron up to help them with the chalk on the floor, that was going to be a bitch to wash away with Efrem’s broken arm--

Efrem blinked, looking at the circle.

There was a guy.

Standing in the middle of it.

And he was looking at Efrem.

They froze.

“Uhh.... hello?” Efrem could hear themself say.

That’s weird. The pain medication Efrem was on wasn’t supposed to be that strong.

The... guy, stood there, right in the middle of the chalk circle. His skin was brown and he had short and curly white hair. He was wearing some kind of a blue robe, and the thing seemed to flow with a wind Efrem couldn’t feel. His eyes were surrounded by thick, white eyelashes and his eyes seemed to... miss their irises entirely, with only small black dots in the middle of the white scleras.

He was smiling. With very, very sharp teeth.

Efrem found themself unable to move.

“Hello, Efrem”, the guy (? Creature?) answered. His voice was smooth and light, almost like silk.  

It was a beautiful voice, Efrem found themself thinking.

More silence. The thing kept looking at Efrem with his weird, unsettling eyes. This certainly wasn’t anything Efrem had expected. What did they do now? What was going on? It was too fast to jump to any conclusions, so for now they should get some information.

“You’re in my circle”, Efrem said, carefully. The thing’s feet shifted inside the circle. His eyes didn’t leave Efrem’s form.

“You invited me, Efrem”, he said, slowly. It almost sounded like he was... speaking with an accent. Like the words quite didn’t fit his mouth. It was... unnerving.

“I did?”

The thing looked at the circle around him, breaking eye-contact for the first time since his arrival. Efrem swallowed.  

“A ritual for protection, wasn’t it.” He smiled at Efrem again.

“Y....yeah. It was.”

“It is a very nice circle, Efrem.”

“Oh! Thank you... um. Do you have a name...?” Keiron hadn’t said anything about this. Anything like this wasn’t supposed to happen, was it! Not that Efrem really knew what exactly was going on, yet. Was Keiron pulling a prank on them? Was this one of his friend’s that he had put to mess with them? No, Keiron wouldn’t do that, especially since this was like, Efrem’s second day at home after staying at the hospital.  

“You may address me as ‘Zey’”, the thing responded after what seemed like a moment of pondering.

“Cool, cool”, Efrem nodded along. “So uh... I invited you. What exactly are you?”

“I am... your guardian spirit.”

He was a what? Not an answer Efrem had expected, nor was it one they knew how to react to. He seemed to be serious, though. What the fuck do you say to that?

“You mean like a, err, guardian angel?”

The creature’s face lit up, smile widening. A sense of terror sparked through Efrem – there were a lot of teeth. Too many teeth. It didn’t - it didn’t look natural. Efrem’s skin felt clampy with the cold sweat rising to it.

“Yes. Exactly like a guardian angel.”

Efrem didn’t know what to say. The room was starting to feel increasingly small – there was plenty of space around, but suddenly they felt claustrophobic. The thing – Zey – pinning them down with his eyes didn’t help much either.

Could he... could he really be a spirit...? There was no way, right?

Right?

“I’m so glad you invited me, Efrem. I’ve been watching you.”

Efrem blinked.

“You... have?”

The self-proclaimed spirit chuckled, looking at Efrem in a way that looked almost...

Adoring...?

“Well, I am your guardian spirit, aren’t I.” He said it like it was something obvious. “I haven’t been able to keep you safe properly until now, but...” Zey took a step. And another.

He stepped out of the circle, stopping to stand in front of the still-sitting Efrem. Efrem looked up at him and for the second time in the span of a few days, they found themself completely unable to move. He looked at Efrem and--

And--

His eyes were the only thing Efrem could look at. Like everything around them was left in the dark, Zey’s eyes the only light there.

Efrem was entranced.

“But now when you invited me to your world, I can finally touch you.” Zey reached down and Efrem didn’t even realize they were reaching for his hand before they made contact.

They took Zey’s hand. His palm was cold, colder than a human body would be.

“I must say, though, Efrem. This time it was me who managed to come through, but you could not be as lucky in the future.”

Efrem’s throat was dry. They could barely form thoughts – what was he saying? It was so difficult to focus on the words coming out of his mouth.

“Never, ever, forget the salt from your circles.”

That must have been when Efrem’s mind faded to black. The last thing they remembered was the sound of that voice, the feeling of that hand squeezing theirs and...

Those small, black pupils, fixed on them.

***

Efrem woke up in a room. It took them sitting up and a few blinks to realize that wait, this isn’t a room they recognize. They didn’t remember drinking, they didn’t remember... anything. What was this place? They were on a bed – it was a big, a double bed and a fairly comfortable one, too. They got up fast – too fast – and was hit by a wave of nausea and dizziness. Efrem had to squat down, waiting for it to pass.

They remembered... getting hit by a car. Shit, were they still alive? A quick pinch convinced them that yes, they must still be in the books of the living. What about any injuries...? They didn’t seem to have any.

Efrem guessed they had gotten lucky.

But they still needed to figure out where they were. They got up in the dimly lit room as soon as they started to feel more normal. There wasn’t much light, but there was enough for them to be able to see around them. They couldn’t see any sources for the light.

For now, the room.

Small investigation brought Efrem up to date about their surroundings. There was a bookshelf full of books. They opened it, browsing through a few books. All of them seemed to be written in a language they couldn’t read - in fact, the scripts engraved on their pages weren’t anything Efrem could recognize. There was a wooden desk and Efrem found ink, a few quills and what seemed like several pages of empty parchments from inside it. There was a piano. Efrem had never learnt to play one and they had no idea whether it was in tune or not. They were, however, able to tell that it sounded terrible. There was a wardrobe, packed full of... what seemed to be different types of robes. They weren’t from any culture Efrem could recognize.

Robes...? Efrem blinked.  

This... didn’t seem right. What was this place? Efrem saw a door – they could have sworn it hadn’t been there just a moment before. But there it was now and Efrem marched to it.  

The door knob didn’t turn. The door didn’t budge. Efrem felt cold.

“H...Hello?” They knocked on the door. “Hello! Is anyone out there!” Slowly, a sense of panic grew inside of them. What the fuck was going on? Where the fuck were they? They started banging on the door, voice growing louder as they got no response.

“Somebody! Help me! I’m trapped here! Some--!”

Efrem was cut off by the door opening in their face. It was closed as fast as it was opened, a figure stepping inside with ease.

Recognition sparked inside Efrem’s mind as the figure’s small, black pupils fell on to them.

“You have awoken”, he announced.

“Yeah, I noticed. W-Where am I?” The thing was standing way too close to them. Efrem took a step back. The creature – spirit, Zey – took a step closer.  

“This is your room, Efrem. I made it for you.”

That didn’t clear up anything. Actually, what was he even talking about?

“What do you mean? This isn’t my house. Where is.. Where I am? Where’s my phone?” Efrem needed to message Kieron. Zey looked at them, with a look that was almost pitiful.

“This is your new home. You won’t need your phone here, pet.”

What?

“The car accident was an unfortunate little thing. I wasn’t able to protect you.”

Efrem remembered – they did wake up in the hospital. They did get injured. They went home and they, they--

The ritual.

“So I brought you here, Efrem. So you can’t get hurt anymore.” Zey’s hand was on Efrem’s cheek and they jumped. He was tall. Why was Efrem unable to get away from them?

“So I can protect you better.”

Oh, okay. So the gist of it seemed to be...

“I took the liberty to fix up your injuries. It’s so fragile, that mortal body of yours”, Zey chuckled, like he was telling a joke. His hand was no longer on Efrem’s cheek.

“Please, make yourself comfortable in your new home. I can’t stay with you at this very moment, but I promise that I’ll play with you later, pet.”

Efrem stood still, staring at the spirit as he talked. They didn’t remember if he said anything else, absent-mindedly staring at his many sharp teeth as he talked.

He must have left at some point, because soon enough, Efrem was alone. The room was cold and empty. Never in their life had Efrem felt more confused and more alone. They more collapsed and less sat on the bed.

The gist of it seemed to be that Efrem was, thoroughly, fucked.

[wyvernquill]

WyvernQuill's GOOD OMENS Works - Masterpost

Hello everybody, hope you're doing well in these turbulent times! I figured now would be as good a time as any to compile all my GO fics here, so anyone affected by quarantine/social distancing measures can treat themselves to a bit of Ineffable Goodness if they're so inclined. (All of these are Aziraphale/Crowley, with the occasional side pairing thrown in, and all of them have/will have a happy ending, no matter what!)

So, without further ado:

Good Endings (56k, completed, T): humorous post-canon slow burn with ensemble cast matchmakers, angst, and Pratchettisms abound; book canon, mostly written pre-show, with plenty of illustrations!

Flies and Furniture (<1k, completed, G): Ineffable Bureaucracy gets lost in an IKEA. That's it, that's the fic. More than a bit cracky, obviously.

Marriage and Misery (10k, completed, M): Regency-era marriage of convenience, lots of pining and misunderstandings; human AU, but pointed avoidance of period-typical homophobia - Aziraphale has many struggles to overcome, but being gay ain't one of 'em!

Team Ineffable - A Pokémon GOmens Story (3k, completed, G): humorous meet-cute fluff with a bit of a crack twist, in which Crowley and his one (1) braincell try to pass him off as a Pokémon Go expert to impress Aziraphale; human AU, no real knowledge of Pokémon Go required.

By Any Other Name (12k, completed, T): soulmate names AU with a bit of a twist, full of pining and misunderstandings. Crowley's name reads "Aziraphale", but Aziraphale's doesn't read "Crowley"...; follows canon through the 6000 years of slow burn, part of a Soulmate AU pact with Lurlur and Pearl09 - do read their fantastic fics here and here, too!

All's Fair In Love And Serial Killing (10k, completed, M, graphic violence): serial killer/cop AU that is far cuter and sillier than that premise suggests - apparently I can't write anything without a twist to it; human AU, mind the warnings, minor character death but only bad guys, unreliable-narrator!Crowley.

Yes and Please and Thank You (19k, ongoing, T): lots of angst, Crowley has been under an obedience curse since before meeting Aziraphale and it causes Problems(tm); first two chapters follow canon, everything after is post-canon, some Adam&The Them feels thrown in for flavour.

AN ANTICHRISTMAS CAROL (7k, ongoing, T): retelling of A Christmas Carol but with more of a romance plot; human/Victorian AU, written in the style of Dickensian prose.

Born To Take Care Of You (18k, completed, M): reverse!Omens mutual pining and mistaken identity, featuring Azirafell, Baron of Eternal Torments, and the Archangel Raphael pretending to be merely a demon called Crowley; reverse AU, obviously, follows the 6000 years of slow burn.

Tied Up With String (comic, completed, G): silly little fluff comic for the Christmas season, featuring atrocious self-knitted sweaters.

The Whole Damned World Seemed Upside Down (102k, completed, M): my GOBB fic! Crowley in opposite-world, humour, second apocalypse, lots of angst and pining with a happy ending. Ensemble cast, but, y'know, OPPOSITE ensemble. Main selling points include: Death doting over an adorable kitten, the Not-Them, Notziraphale actually selling his books, and secret library parties!; one-year-post-show canon. Also has beautiful art, and a fantastic mini-sequel by @rosiepaw!

Here's some more fics that I can only take partial credit for, so to speak:

COLLAB WORKS WITH VARIOUS OTHER AUTHORS:

Correction Fluid (16k, completed, E): very very smutty, and very very kinky. Doing your taxes (yes, really) has never been so hot - I was mostly involved in the form of 50+ humorous footnotes, all the wonderful sex is the work of... entirely too many fantastic fellow authors who just went feral in a Google doc.

Correction Fluid [ART] (art, completed, M): see above - sexy collab art for sexy collab fic, coloured by the awesome robynthemagpie!

Līgfāmblāwende (5k, completed, G): St. George and the Dragon, except it's Crowley and he's really just playing along with it for laughs. Light-hearted and fun!

Of Good Books & Black Omens (11k, completed, T): crossover with Black Books - Aziraphale and Bertram strike up a friendship over hating the customers of their respective bookshops, and Crowley feels replaced; Manny, meanwhile, is just along for the ride. Knowledge of Black Books enriches the experience, but possible to read just for Aziraphale and Crowley, as well.

My Fair Angel (14k, completed, G): writing all done by the amazing @handlebarstiedtothestars, I only did the illustrations. Retelling of My Fair Lady, in which Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to pass off the Them as little heirs and an heiress; includes lots of delicious, delicious pining and genderqueer!Crowley in Audrey Hepburn's beautiful dresses.

Miami Ice (3k, ongoing, T): a present for @aughtpunk, built around their prompt of Aziraphale and Crowley being responsible for the Under Pressure sample in Ice Ice Baby - now with extra Florida, alligators, NASA, and space!

And, I only drew for these, but can personally vouch for their fantasticness, so what the Hell, they get included in this list, too!

GOBB FICS I DID ART FOR:

Panem Et Circenses (89k, completed, T), by @thelittleblackfox: Aziraphale and Crowley take part in the Great British Bake-Off. Need I say more? Absolutely brilliantly written and downright delicious, and you'll LOVE Mel and Sue!!! Not a human AU, but canon divergence - slown burn, and lots and lots of mutual pining.

Butterflies In A Bell Jar (31k, completed, T), by @still-not-king:two office workers meet, hit it off, and fall in love, almost as if they've always known each other... but why is the office's non-fraternisation policy so unforgivingly strict, and what's the deal with their odd bosses? An absolutely wonderful office human!AU... or IS IT!?!? ;)

All The World's A Stage (16k, completed, G), by @ifeelbetterer: theatre students Adam and Warlock are matchmaking between their professors Crowley and Aziraphale, and maybe, possibly, perhaps, growing fond of each other in turn... adorable, full of pining, and some big misunderstandings all around!

Tadfield Heat (15k, completed, M), by @vodkertonic: do you like Hot Fuzz? Then you'll love this one! Crowley and Belle (Beelzebub) are detectives in a tiny little village, and their respective crushes, bookshop owner Aziraphale and the strange new American in town may or may not actually be spies... Ineffable Bureaucracy and Ineffable Husbands, an absolute delight!

Roman Holiday (30k, completed, G), by @percyjacksonfan3: beautiful, touching retelling of the movie, featuring genderfluid!Crowley (and a less bittersweet ending than the original, rest assured!)

All of these five are absolutely fantastic fics I am honoured to have had the privilege of drawing for, and I promise you're going to enjoy every single one!!!

That's all of them for now, though rest assured I have more planned - I'll update this list if any of the ongoing fics get completed, or if I start a new one. Please enjoy, and stay safe everyone!

^-^ <3

(And here's some dancing book!Husbands for you, just because!)

[moonb-eam]

Hi! I just started reading your fics. You're such an amazing writing. Do you have any writing advice? Also what books/movies/TV shows have influenced your writing?

ahh hello darling!! 🧡🧡🧡 these are such lovely questions thank you so much!! 

okay, so i answered a fanfic ask about writing advice here a little while ago, but i’ll reiterate a few points, and add some new ones!!

i do want to say that these tips are just my opinion, and writing, like any other form of art, is so specific in process to each individual writer that what works for me definitely won’t work for everyone 🧡

(these are going to be very general and conceptual, but if you’d like some more technical “craft” advice then please let me know!!)

1. i’m going to keep repeating this until i die - the most important thing is to write, as basic as that sounds! i know some people who write every single day - i don’t, i find that exhausting - but i do try to write as often as i can, even if it’s something i observe on the bus to work that i write down on my phone, or it’s a single line for an opening of a new story. for me personally, i find it important to keep that part of my brain exercised, which is actually why i started writing fan fiction in the first place - so i could make deadlines for myself and keep writing in the midst of a terribly depressing job search, so i don’t lose that part of myself.

2. now, that being said, there are some days where writing just straight up doesn’t work. i sit down at my laptop and i have no words inside of myself, and it’s so frustrating when that happens, especially when you only have certain times of the day/week/month dedicated to writing. when that happens, i don’t force it. i have a friend in edinburgh who bakes every time he’s frustrated with a story - he says it always helps him to methodically create something and see it come to fruition, so he doesn’t feel so mentally stuck whenever he returns to his story. i have another friend who draws whenever she hits a writing snag. for myself, i like to go for runs whenever that happens  - it helps me clear my head and sometimes, gives me new ideas. writing is something that doesn’t just happen at the computer or the notebook. it’s happening constantly, with the media you consume, the interactions you observe, the new words you learn, the  fragments of ideas that pass through your mind. so yes, the actual writing of the words is critical, but so are all the other parts, and above all, it’s so important to take care of your mental state before anything else.

3. it’s also important to read a lot!!! there is no better inspiration that consuming the work of authors you really love and admire! i pretty well always have a book on me, and in the rare moments that i don’t, you know i’ve got ao3 loaded on my phone

4. rules and conventions exist for a few reasons, and one of those reasons is so they can be broken. so often young writers are told time and time again to find their “voice” or their distinct writing style, and what can happen is they feel pressured into boxing themselves up so early in their career - for example, in my master’s program, i wrote mostly science fiction, and was essentially labelled “science fiction girl” - that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because i love sci-fi, but i felt like i could never step outside of that box, because the people in my workshop would say, “this doesn’t feel like you” - but i didn’t even know who i was as a writer at that point, and honestly i still don’t - writing fan fiction has actually been really good for me to experiment with my prose and see how readers react to it. what i’m saying is, try something new, try whatever interests you, whatever you think may be cool, and if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t, but don’t let yourself be swayed by what you think people may want to see from you. does that make sense? always remember that you’re writing for yourself before anyone else

5. the “don’t be afraid to write badly” advice is overused, but that’s because it’s important. i have a bad habit of self-editing as a write, which means writing a first draft can take me ages. sometimes, the best thing you can do is try to let go, and just let yourself put the words down without overanalyzing them. i described it in a group chat as “no thoughts, only words” asdfjkdf - when i first started in my workshop in edinburgh, i was terrified to write anything that wasn’t perfect, as though i would be judged for it. but the best thing you can do, is to show unfinished, imperfect work to people you trust. it is inherently embarrassing to share your writing, to let people see the inside of your heart, more or less, but it is the best way to improve - to get feedback, and to take it into consideration for your own work. not all feedback is good feedback, but all of it should be listened to! (conversely, if you’re ever asked for feedback, it’s so important to learn the distinction between being critical and being constructive)

6. this is getting quite long 😬 so i think i’ll do just one more - in the midst of practicing writing, receiving feedback, drafting and editing, i think it’s important to remember that, on a base level, what we do is tell stories, and that’s something that is really special. the act of writing isn’t always fun. editing certainly isn’t always fun, but telling stories is. finding new ways to look at the world is. discovering something new about a character is. what i mean to say is, get excited about your own work. get excited by your own ideas. those moments of excitement, for me, always help to carry me through some of the rougher bits

and now for a bit of inspiration!!

there are a lot of writers whose work i really admire - i would never say i’m as good as them asdfjk but i think they all have influenced me in one way or another

for novelists, i’m really inspired by madeleine miller, erin morgenstern, cherie dimaline, maggie stiefvater, leigh bardugo, ursula leguin, kurt vonnegut, mary shelley, shirley jackson, thomas king and kazuo ishiguro 

then there are some writers who do short stories and more experimental work, who have influenced me more in the last year or so: helen mcclory (i highly recommend everyone check out her work!!), shane jones (specifically the short novel light boxes), leanne shapton, and susannah m. smith (specifically the fairy tale museum)

and poets!! anne carson, richard siken, pablo neruda, amanda lovelace, i know there are more i’m forgetting....damn it

then there are a few illustrators/comic artists whose work really inspires me, such as tom gauld, emily carroll, tove jansson (moomins!!) and again i just know there are more i can’t think of!!! 😫

okay, okay lastly film and tv: i love any work by guillermo del toro, jane campion, alfred hitchcock, hayao miyazaki (so i LOVE your icon!!) and joe wright (except the peter pan film...we don’t talk about that...) i also think phoebe waller-bridge and dan levy are such stellar tv writers and i am very, very jealous of them - and OF COURSE skam, and all its iterations 🧡

(and if you browse through my “fic rec” tag on here, everything on there is from incredibly talented writers!!)

alright this got very long, I'm sorry about that!! but i hope there’s something in here that speaks to you in some way ✨ best of luck to you in your writing, and please drop by my inbox anytime if you’d like to talk more about it!! 😚

[comicteaparty]

April 4th-April 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble  chat that occurred from April 4th, 2020 to April 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is something you’ve improved with in regards to writing or comic creation thanks to working on your story?

carcarchu

Oh this one i can answer definitively. it's 100% lineart. forcing myself to have to do lineart for hours everyday is definitely a way to force yourself to get better at it while i still don't like it it's something that i can do now without being scared about it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Colouring. I had to get really creative in expressing emotion and hinting plot devices with colour. Also got much better with drawing gesture drawings due to looking at a lot of references!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Either writing dialogue or drawing/painting backgrounds... I used to be particularly awful at writing dialogue. It was too stiff and formal, and sounded a lot like old prose. Now, because of writing a comic and going through several scripts, the dialogue is a lot more natural, and the pacing is more realistic to actual conversations. And the other: backgrounds. I really used to not even draw them at all, and doing a comic forced me to have to think about environments in scenes. So I went from drawing floating characters to having to consider where they are and how it affects the story/mood.(edited)

Feather J. Fern

Paneling! That was my main focus to figure out how to do good paneling to have clearer pages

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly? Everything. It's all gotten better and I've learned so much. I would say my biggest improvement is probably in my time management, and art wise is probably composition and layouts. But it's hard to pick because I've grown so much in every aspect!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Biggest thing I learned was to keep the story small and focused - and that the smaller, more human struggles are much better in creating tension than the whole default "the world's gonna end!" thing. Mind you, I still love a good "world's ending" story, but you gotta make people CARE about the people in that world first!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

ohohohoooo I have done more drawing in photoshop in this short time I have worked on Wayfinders, than the rest of my life! That has given me some skills for sure! Coloring is another one, and generally just efficiency and flow in a comic

Nutty (Court of Roses)

For me it's been my use of color, and getting more confident in experimenting with it to really drive home a scene's mood!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The clearest improvement I always notice is my layouts - I’ve gotten more adventurous with panel shapes and placement as time has gone on, experimenting with more interesting designs for the whole page. Some of those experiments haven’t been totally successful but it always feels like a worthwhile try. I’ve gotten some really, REALLY cool layouts out of these experiments, and I love seeing how dynamic the panels have become compared to my first chapter. Also speed. I’m so much faster now. Thank gooooooodness (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) I've definitely noticed the experimental panel layouts! They're really cool.

AntiBunny

Planning. Book 2 is when I started using sketchbook thumbnails to plan ahead. The luxury of that first draft meant I could rethink panel layouts and how to best express the events happening if I first had an idea of what was happening laid out.

Also digital art by necessity since I switched to digital during the current arc. I was decent at lineart already, but other aspects have really challenged me to grow as an artist. I had to totally rethink the way I create backgrounds for instance. During this time the background quality actually declined a little while I got used to a new method, but experience has improved my skills greatly as I force myself into new methods.

DanitheCarutor

Hmmm maybe paneling, speechbubbles and backgrounds? My current project is my second real attempt at doing a comic, but I have learned a lot of stuff from the community and general art and story tutorials. Backgrounds and bubbles were the worst for me when first starting out, I only read manga before starting so the speechbubble shapes did not fit with how English is written. Plus I've only drawn wooded fantasy settings before making my comic, so using a ruler, figuring out perspective points and drawing buildings was very new to me. I still hate drawing cities and such, but I've gotten a lot better at it and it is easier to do now. Since I mostly stuck with B&W before my current project, coloring also kind of improved? Depending on who's looking at it. Lmao If I were to think about story/characters/dialogue, I have no idea if I've improved. Honestly, I don't pay much attention to the quality. Also my brain kinda says it's all bad regardless of what I make.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

For my Improvements: I'm getting better at my comic panels, as I adjust to the vertical style. Before I've always drawn the standard format. It's more than just boxes, I try to keep a variety of sizes. I'm picking up roughly how much 'gutter space' I need per 2-3 panels.etc I'm also improving on choosing colors that fits my love of detailed linework.(edited)

OH! I'm also learning about Clip studio shortcuts, how to use the assets they provide which makes the process, abit easier on me. Things I need to change, is I want to get a good speedy coloring style, without referring to my usual coloring.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

the more I worked on the comic, the more I feel ambitious in making different angles and perspective. So it's really hitting me out of my comfort zone which is good! lol Though I'm trying to keep in mind of my speed, what I feel like I've improved a bit is trying to keep in mind of paneling and dialogue.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Process! Space and i have definitely figured out the most productive way to produce content at the rate and quality that also provides us with time for our own projects. Comics are a useful tool that helps you discover ways to better organize your creative workflow for sure!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I think probably scenery. I used to dread drawing inanimate objects but now I feel more confident in filling in a scene & even look forward to it sometimes. Maybe also page composition and paneling but I still have a lot to learn there

eli [a winged tale]

One of the reasons I embarked on the webcomic journey is to push myself to improve not only storytelling but also utilizing art to create a reader experience that would be difficult to replicate with just words. I’d like to think that 9 months into making A Winged Tale, I’ve improved on deciding when is a good opportunity to invest more into backgrounds vs character dynamics and when should be focused more on sequences of panels and composition. While the comic is written in a four panel format, more and more I’m finding areas where the story could be told by breaking those rules (attached pic). It’s a balance and I hope going forward I will improve more in pushing the limits of panels and find ways to express the story in fun and interesting ways.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Wow that's a very good description @eli [a winged tale] I look forward to reading more of your story journey

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks so much Joichi! I’m eager to keep learning~

Capitania do Azar

I'm gonna go with planning and actually getting it done. I'm so much faster because now the process is much more streamlined to me

kayotics

My whole comic was started s an exercise to just get better at comics generally so I’d probably say every part I’ve improved at? The biggest things are probably colors and the upfront planning process

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Ooof hard question. I think my main improvement lies with page and speechballoon layouts and writing natural feeling dialouge. I'd say maybe also character acting?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm slowly learning how to create more engaging comic narrative. I read and research in the polished prem webcomics to see what makes them engaging? Like I'm going to challenge myself by creating a series of short stories with a reoccurring set of characters. Every new comic series I create is an experience, trial and error. Sometimes I skip the writeup and just go in blind, trust my own instincts. I'm glad to reach out and talk about it than in my own head. I hope by this year, I'll have at least 2 chapters of Hybrid Dolls out.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've definitely gotten better at planning/ outlining multiple chapters ahead of time. I did not even do this when I was doing the first 10 something chapters. (I did attempt an outline before I began the comic, but the story changed significantly from the outline by the time I started the comic, and I did not try to do it again for a long while.) I can't remember when I started, but I do recall having a lot of trouble the first time I tried to do it. It's gotten a little easier each time, though. In fact, I just spent the past few days outlining the next few very important chapters, de-tangling some big tangles. I'm really glad my outlining (and overall writing) skills had leveled up, because HOO boy, I don't think my 2014-2015 self could have done this!

I also became friends with enviros. I had already become somewhat comfortable drawing perspective when HoK started, but I had a sort of mechanical approach to it, like "oh I need some enviro for these establishing shots, guess I'll draw them." But now I LOVE drawing enviros! (some types anyway...) It's my comfort activity, something I treat myself to after a long day! In the thumbnails for my next few pages, there's a few enviro-heavy panels that I have to remove, because I drew too many of them (and the pacing got too slow as a result). I have to stop myself from drawing too many of these.

My biggest improvement is probably I've come to understand my characters and my themes much better, but that's more of a "I got better at making HoK" than a "I got better at making comics." There's definitely a difference between the two.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) ah I totally understand I tried the outline method before I start but my story changed alot after I drew it. So it start to feel like a waste of time for me, but I'll still write an outline to make sure to plan where my story heads(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah! I needed to draw those first few chapters to understand the direction of my own story.

The drawing part is an essential part of self-reflection, to try to understand what it is that I want out of the story. The answer has always been there in my heart, but I'm not able to see it clearly from the get-go.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I end up breaking scenes and put them in for future episodes, since I want to get a certain flow in the story.

It could be tricky to see what it is you want out of the story until you are in at least 3 chapters in?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I needed way more than 3 chapters -- though granted, my chapters are short, so that could be a part of it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I see the early first script as testing the water. like a test to figure out the characters personalities. Unless you are bringing in old characters which you knew before?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Even if the characters have been with you for a while, unless I have made a comic with them, there is a big chance that the characters will completely change, too.

DanitheCarutor

You know, I was thinking about about this, mostly about how I wouldn't have been happy if I was able to finish my comic the day I started. Then I realized I'm happy that I didn't. The first chapter wasn't the best, I was just learning how to coloring a comic, still fleshing out my characters and was still brainstorming small kinks in the story. I also still didn't have as much of an understanding of perspective, or panel and bubble layout. Even though I still have a lot I need to work on, I've gotten a lot better in all those aspects. Even though my use of color is weird, I've definitely gotten much more confident in it, enough so that I experiment and take a lot more risks with style. Even though my panelling can be boring, I have a much better understanding of how I want a page to look. I've improved a lot with my planning as well, like even though my thumbnailing/storyboarding only takes maybe 30, I've learned to step away for a bit if I don't like a layout, or analyzing why I don't like it and brainstorming ways to make it better. If I had magically finished the comic all at once, it would look really bad and may have been less readable.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

That is inspiring to hear about your improvement @DanitheCarutor

Natsu-no-Hikari

Chiming in! Just this week, Miko (my co-creator) and I were discussing how far we've come from when we started our first comic (https://liarsgotoparadise.com/) vs. where we are now. I think there have been a lot of learn experiences, such as art, dialogue, general editing - but especially with pacing and character interaction. We regret that we didn't stop to focus more on that interaction, as we wanted to move ahead in the story...and now we can't change that, except to start now and not allow ourselves to grow impatient. Take our time and enjoy the journey - that's our new motto. There's a time to rush ahead in perilous moments, but there's also definitely a time to catch our breaths and let the characters mingle and speak. It's an improvement that will become more noticeable going forward in Liars and our second comic as well.