#most often than not he uses it as a blanket he pretends Batman himself draped over him

[methoughtsphantom]

Mental image where Batman’s cape gets snatched up by something and he doesn’t notice but nine year old Tim does. Finders keepers rule makes it his now and it’s his version of Jason’s “robin gave him magic” line, in a more “this cape makes me one with the shadows and nothing can hurt me as long as I wear it” way. Tim having it with him as he goes out bird bat watching. Tim hanging it in his window as a makeshift black curtain. Tim bundling himself in it while he slouches over his computer and edits his photos. Tim casually dropping in character and pretending to be batman around his house.

[ask-jokeboi]

The Party

Hope everyone's having a great holiday season so far! This time of year isn't always easy but thankfully friends and a good distraction can make things easier. 

I drew these pic’s to pair with a moderately long fic I wrote to follow up the aforementioned party from earlier, it’s below the the cut! Read it if you want! Either way, Happy Holidays! 💜💚💛

Words: 4,142    Relationships: Harlivy /Harley & Joker friendship / Batjokes (mentioned)     Universe: Mine / Lego Batman

A/N: sorry for any typos or weird grammatical stuff, I'm good at art, not writing

Summary: Joker’s felt a little down since Batman’s been out of town, will his best friend Harley be able to cheer him up?

Warnings: Alcohol use, implied depression

_____________________

"C'mon Jay it'll be be fun!" Cheered Harley, mustering all the enthusiasm she could in an attempt to persuade Gotham's former clown prince of crime to pull himself together 

"I don't care!…. Go bother your girlfriend or something. Leave me alone…" He was currently piled under several layers of blankets, sunk deep into the ball pit he called a bed

"Nuh uh, I'm not haulin' my butt outta this room 'till you haul yours. You can stay in that pit and cry all ya like, but it won't fix nothin', you gott-"

"I don't GOTTA do anything!" Jay snapped. Throwing his blanket aside and revealing his less than kempt appearance, his face twisted into a frustrated glare

Harley, already familiar with Jay's usual harmless outbursts only sighed as she looked her long time friend up and down, taking in his surroundings with a curious eye

It'd been a month or two since Batman left the scene and his absence was definitely beginning to take a toll on the poor clown.

She could tell it'd been a while since he'd done anything to care for himself…. His hair, which was usually swept back into a flawless green pomp, lazily draped his face. The dull forest black of his roots beginning to seep back into the rest of it. Same could be said for the state his room which, due to his erratic nature, was always a bit untidy  but had recently fallen into a state of near disrepair. Bags of half eaten junk food and empty bottles of all sorts of things lay strewn across the floor, particularly around his half deflated bed.

Despite the mess, he still seemed a little...thin… more so than usual to be honest… his ribs visible beneath the loose shirt he wore, arms comparable to sticks despite the muscle.

most of all though, he just seemed... tired. Jay always looked tired out of makeup. It was one of the first things she'd managed to take note of when he'd first entered her office years ago…. But right now the purple rings beneath his eyes that never seemed to go away were deepened to a point that made it clear he wasn't getting much sleep or doing much for himself in general...

Seeing her best friend in a state like this was hard to witness… and although her partner, Ivy, didn't have much but mild disdain for Jay, Harley couldn't find it in herself to leave him like this… which is why she thought a party might lift his spirits a little 

"C'mooon! You love parties!! It'll just be a small one anyway!" It was actually much bigger than she was implying but Jay liked big and she didn't wanna scare him off too soon… 

"Yeah, like that'll make things any better… who did you even invite?? A good half of the rogues don't even like me…"

"Sure they do!"

Jay only looked at her, bereft and unimpressed. 

"I mean ok you and Riddler don't always get along and it took a lot a beggin' ta get ya un-banned from the iceberg lounge but still!!"

"Uhg whatever! It doesn't matter! I don't need those bozos seein' me like this anyway..."

"Like what?" 

"I don't know!  I'm just…... I'm not in the right… mood for something like that right now.... You know how this works… they'd see right through me. "

Back when Jay was still her patient they'd end up talking a lot about masks…Batman's would come up more often than not but every now and then he'd end up discussing his own…. Or more specifically, the metaphorical one he'd put on every time he picked up a brush and painted himself a new face…..

"Jay, sweetie…  you don't have to pretend to be okay… they won't think you're weak or nothin', you know that right?..."

Jay gave her an incredibly tired look before turning away.

"What happened to the Jay that wasn't afraid to let people know how he's feelin' huh? The one that turned every emotion into a show….?"

He kept his head down, shoulders stiff, before speaking...

"....Cause I'm not just sad this time…. " As he looked up slowly an emotion that was rarely seen on the mans face showed itself, flooding his eyes. 

"W- when I'd talked to Robin and Batgirl that last time and asked about Batman they gave each other this look and…. Something's wrong… he's in trouble or something I… I can feel it…..  W-what if he doesn't come back and he leaves me here all alone an-" 

Harley put a polished nail up to Jay's lips and smiled warmly.

"Shhhh…. You're worryin' too much puds… ur big dumb brain is just an overdramatic liar… don't listen to it okay?" 

Jay sniffled, giving her an understanding nod.

"You still got me an' your crew an' Bud and all the other little silly things that make ya days good doncha?"

He smiles halfheartedly. "Y-yeah…. But still… he was..."

"I know… he's special….but do you seriously think anything out there could actually kill Batman? THE Batman? C'mon now….  He's luckier than any bastard out there and you know it…"

"Yeah…. Yeah I guess ur right"

"Of COURSE I'm right!… now come on…" she offers her hand and helps her friend stand up. "Let's get that hair done and those nails shined up  so you're brain can take a break from making all those nasty thoughts" 

Jay smiled a little wider this time, forever grateful he had a friend as great as Harley around… he really didn't know what he'd do without her sometimes...

"Right…. Also… uh…. Harley?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for….uh…. Bein'... around… I guess…" Jay practically mumbled...

Harley smiled knowingly, amused with his poor attempt of gratitude

"No problem, Pud's….." she gave him a peck on the forehead leaving a black smudge behind 

"now enough mush...Let's clean this mess and get ya fabbed up"

________________

A few hours later, Jay stood outside the titular iceberg lounge in his best winter fit, a long boa around his shoulders and a pair of unnecessary sunglasses obscuring the mascara he'd only half ruined on the way there…. 

He truly, honestly, did not feel like socializing with anyone at the moment, but who was he to refuse a doctor's orders?....

Taking a deep breath of the cold winter air, Jay stiffened up, smoothed the wrinkles from his vintage memphis style sweater and entered the lounge, heels high and head high as he could manage 

____________

When the doors swung open with a swirl of winter snow, Jay was greeted by a surprisingly full and stunningly silent room. Christmas music cut through the tension like a knife as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Joker's fashionably late arrival.

He didn't know if it was because of his natural ability to demand attention or the fact that he hadn't been seen in nearly 3 weeks, but for some reason the room seemed slightly on edge. worried he'd come with another Joker brand surprise perhaps. Thankfully, Harley, who'd left his place a little earlier to get everything ready, noticed who'd finally arrived.

"JJ!! YOU MADE IT!!" she leaped off her stool and came running to grab him, The rest of the room taking it as a cue to un-tense and to go back to their festivities, the lounge lighting up  with warm greetings and laughter.

" Hey…" said Jay as Harley put an arm around his shoulder and escorted him to the booth she was sitting at….  

"So… is all of this for me or…?"

"No, did she tell you that?" Ivy who was sitting at the booth with his other less than fond acquaintance, Catwoman and someone else he didn't seem to recognize, gave a snide smile, Jay suddenly felt he should probably sit someplace else

"IVY!! SHHH" Harley shushed

"What? He was gonna find out out eventually…. It was supposed to be Penguin's annual winter ball" 

"Uh,It still is tho…?" said Kat, mouth full of shrimp 

"Well, yah…. Difference is we had to 'finesse' Penguin into letting HIM in" Ivy explained, disdain in her voice

"And you... helped with that?..." asked Jay, surprised. Ivy sighed

"for Harley's sake, yes. not yours" 

Jay smiled, amused. "well how charitable of you, here's to hoping you won't regret it"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "As if I don't already" she said, taking a short sip from her drink, Harley sitting down next to her give her thank u peck on the cheek.

"Hey, why'd you get banned from this dump anyway?" Asked Kat, eyes squinting curiously 

"I have no idea…." Jay shrugged 

"He put a coke and mento bomb in the fountain!" Harley interrupted 

"Oh yeah…." He'd totally forgot

"Ha! Awesome…" 

"Right uh, anyway, who the hell are you?" Jays attention suddenly turned to the woman sitting opposite of kat. She had light blue skin, bright white eyes and hair that made her look like a human lighting rod.

"Name's Livewire." She said, voice sharp as her appearance 

"She's from Metropolis" explained Ivy. Jay rose a brow.

"Metropolis huh?? How'dya like dealin' with boy scout full time over there?" He quizzed 

"Sweet!…" she exclaimed enthusiastically "Big blue aint got a thing on me! 'sides, dweeb's been outta town for months now! metropolis might as well be my personal playground"

The mentioning of Superman's absence made something in Jay's chest twist. He'd known their neighbor hero had been MIA for even longer than Batman, Supergirl taking over the workload just like Batgirl had in Gotham. but still… the reminder was enough to worry him. I mean… if superman was taking so much time up there, what chance did Batman have against whatever it was they were so busy with??

Trying his best to shake off the uneasiness building in his stomach Jay took a breath and snapped back to reality, offering Livewire his hand

"Well, uh... Livewire, i'm this city's head honcho while the bat's gone so welcome to Gotham and try not to wear it out" 

Harley and Ivy exchanged looks as Jay smiled slyly and took Livewires hand…

...Only for his usual gesture of hospitality to be met with an equally shocking grip that sent blue sparks flying in every direction.

"DAMN, what the- !! " Jay yanked his hand back and held it in pain, hot needles running up his arm.The new addition to Harley's crew laughed crudely and smiled

 "why do you think they call me 'LIVEWIRE' genius?" 

Jay stayed silent with defeat as the table went up in hysterics "Yeah fine, okay, I shoulda saw that one coming" he sighed and smoothed out his hair which had sprung up to stand on end, his face ever so slightly red "anyway, you ladies have a nice time… i'll set up shop somewhere else and let you guys… idk… flirt with each other or whatever..." without much fanfare he slunk off to sit someplace else.

After the table had settled down completely though, Harley noticed Jay making his way to the bar looking somewhat dejected.

"Aw Jay…." 

The rest curiously turned their attention to the direction of Harley's gaze.

"You're not going after him are you?" Asked Ivy after a beat.

"Well… yeah…?" Harley shrugged.

"Uhm, why?" Asked kat, dipping more shrimp into her cocktail "like if he's not in the mood for a joke that's kinda his problem…?"

"Yeah, but still…. I've never seen 'im like this for so long…. He's usually so funny and animated, it's like somethin' drained all the life out of 'im…." The concern on Harley's face was very apparent. Ivy brushed back a few strands of her hair and tried her best to reassure her.

"Look i'm sure he'll get his second wind when Batman comes back at some point… but ‘til then it's not your job to take care of him…" 

Harley sighed silently. "I know but… he's still my best friend… and if I hadn't met him, I wouldn'ta met you!" She squished close to her spouse with a smile, Ivy suddenly unable to hold back a small one herself.

"He helped me outta my slump all those years ago, least I can do is help 'im outta his..."

Ivy gave her a soft look before reluctantly caving "Kindness has always been your best and worst trait, silly bee…" she said with a smirk "fine, go ahead and do your thing, I've got plenty of company over here in the meantime…"

Harley smiled happily and gave her one last kiss before running off to join Jay at the bar.

____________

Jay sat alone at the bar in silence until he was suddenly startled by Harley's arrival.

 "What's shakin' grumpy gills?" She asked pulling up a stool.

Jay didn't answer as the bartender slid over a funfetti martini topped with the works, Jay lazily catching it and drinking deeply.

"Those guys didn't get ta ya did they? I know they seem mean bu- "

"Ah… I don't care about them…" said Jay dismissively  "we're all villains here right? I'm sure they got their reasons… sides, Livewire's pretty fun even if she did fry my Joy buzzer" He said regretfully…

"So what's up then…?" Asked Harley, head tilted 

Jay looked down at the table with a frown, fingers anxiously scraping the side of the glass in his hand….

"What she'd said about metropolis…. And… superman…."

"Oh…"  Harley nodded "well…. I'm sure they're together wherever they are…. Right? Him and Batman? And I mean, with Superman around, he's bound to be okay….." 

Jay had a hard time matching her enthusiasm but that logic did comfort him some. "Yeah… yeah I guess so"

"C'mon Jay, you gotta get that stuff off your mind for a minute! Go mingle! Go dance!… look at everyone who came this time! Turn-out's never been so big!"

As Jay's looked around the room, Harley did have a point, usually these get-togethers only managed to scrounge up about half the gang, but it looked like almost all the rogues in town had come this time. Even D-listers like Polkadot man, Killer Moth, Crazy Quilt ect. Had managed to show up, plus people he didn't seem to recognize…

For example at the bar sat Scarecrow and a… Oddly scruffy looking man he looked to be sharing a drink with. He'd heard from Riddler over the phone some time ago that crow had found himself a friend and that the two were "in cahoots".  whatever that was supposed to mean. He supposed that must've been the "friend" in question…

A few tables down sat another unfamiliar  in a polkadot shirt and a pair of cracked thick lensed glasses. He had a peculiar looking puppet sitting on his lap which made J raise a brow, but he didn't judge. Looking at his woefully nervous face he guessed it must it must've been a security thing anyway… 

Despite the big crowd though, Jay did notice one person missing of whom he hadn't seen in quite a while...

"Yeah I guess everyone is here...  except uh, Lex I guess…?" Jay considered himself friends with metropolises king of corruption, even if the feeling wasn't always mutual. Seeing so many crooks he knew in one place made him realize how rare it was to see the mal hearted mogul at these things.

Unfortunately, Harley could only shrug with defeat. "Ah I tried to get Lex but you know how he is… nobody's seen that shut in for ages".

Jay's eyes narrowed at that "How long is ages…. ?" He pressed

"I dunno… a few months guess???  Livewire said he's been quiet lately, probably off in one of his labs making some over convoluted instrument of destruction I guess"

The growing list of missing big shots was beginning to piece something together in Jay's head… what on earth was Lex up to? Where was superman?? Why did the league need Batman's help? How did it all connect?? After a moment Harley noticed Jay slipping into his thoughts again and shook his shoulder lightly to pull him out of it.

"Hey, don't worry about that egghead. he'd only kill the mood if he were here anyway" 

Jay couldn't disagree, the billionaire was kind of notorious for being a giant stick in the mud.

"If you're really worried about what's goin' on with those guys, you can come up with a plan Tomorrow…. right now we got a' open dance floor, unlimited drinks and a Karaoke competition that's about ta kick off in ten"

The word 'Karaoke' was enough to snap Jay back to reality. "Did you say Karaoke?" 

"Yes, I did."

"Do they hav-"

"Yes, they have Queen" 

Jay nearly looked as if someone had told him the best news of his life. "Oh thank god" maybe Harley was right. Worrying would have to wait. 

_____________

The rest of the night went on with few hang ups. Drinks poured, music played and poorly screeched lyrics kept the mood upbeat.

The Karaoke stage hosted performance after performance, some more enthusiastic than others. Some painful, others surprisingly pleasant. Jay's teetered off the edge of both categories, but when "somebody to love" burst through those speakers, he'd sung it with his whole chest. The best performance by a long shot though had to be Ivy's who's affinity for 50's ballads lent to her beautifully rich voice and her's was closely followed by the Dent's who'd decided to attempt a duet with no chorus which everyone found somewhat impressive.

Emotions did flare up once or twice though, as they tend to do when it comes to villain gatherings. Ed and Jay got into a fight about something stupid and unimportant, both obviously enjoying themselves, Bane and Croc engaged in an arm wrestle that woefully ended in a tie, and Jay inevitably got worked up about Batman again, this time with a crowd of eager listeners somewhat entertained by his rambling, giving questionable advice here and there.

At the get-together's height, the dance floor had filled to the point where Penguin was just about ready to call the whole event off until Riddler dragged him on to the floor himself.

After another hour or so the party wound down some more and the night devolved into quiet discussions between friends, everyone either ready to leave or half asleep. Eventually Jay and Two-face of all people were left alone. Once Ed, Crow, Hatter and the rest had gone home.

Jay always liked Harv, for someone known for his temper he seemed to have a lot of patience and Jay found both of his selves uniquely interesting in their own ways. Harvey the "handsome" one was always very nice, easily flustered, and had a sadness in his eyes that was hard to ignore. "Dent", the one famous for all those 2 themed crimes, was a bold individual and one of the most brutally honest people he knew. That night though, even he seemed a little sad. He admitted later that it was because it'd been a while since he'd gotten to talk to his old pal Bruce, someone Jay was mildly familiar with of course, and they spent the rest of the night discussing Batman and wayne and how they seemed so similar until it really was time to head home. 

 sometime after midnight, long after everyone had either left or found someplace to pass out, Harley broke up with her girl gang again to come get Jay who'd fallen asleep in an empty booth.

"Wake up clown" she said loudly, nudging him a bit. Jay giggled quietly in response, turning over after a moment and opening his eyes.

"Oohh what's up??"

"Time to go." 

"Aw…" Jay huffed disappointedly, then did his best to sit up straight, his head slowly spinning as he did so "ah jeeze…"

"Don't worry I called one of your guys, he's waiting outside." She explained "I dragged you here, might as well drag you home" 

"You did that for me?" Jay smiled "That's so nice…."

"Mhm" carefully, she took his hand got him to his feet, doing her best to keep him up straight. As they headed out they met up with Ivy at the door

"Taking pennywise home?" She asked 

"It'll only take a minute" Harley assured 

"Alright… don't take too long…" she turned to leave but before she could, Jay suddenly spoke up.

"H-hey, Wait!" 

Ivy turned around, brow raised "You have something to say to me?"

"Uh… yeah? I mean… sort of? I just, uh… wanted to say i'm sorry for…  messing up your garden all those times…." 

Ivy blinked "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I just thought you shud kno….  And that um…. Maybe you'd hate me…. A little less... if I said sorry for once..." the frown on Jays face was absolutely pitiful, Ivy could only roll her eyes.

"I don't hate you… Joker"

"Oh?"

"I just think you're annoying…."

"Oh…." Jay couldn't really tell if that was any better but at the moment he was too drunk to care. "Okay…"

With that ivy turned around to join Kat and Livewire

"Thanks for the apology though I suppose…Take care of yourself…. And, Harley don't take too long… it's only 1:00am we still have plans."

"Don't worry Ive's  i'll catch up." 

after one last look, Ivy went back on her way and Harley continued walking J to his car.

As they went Jay hummed to himself, swaying slightly, until a certain thought made him go quiet again.

"....Harley….?" He asked suddenly.

"Yeah, J?"

"Am I a bad friend?" The question just as out of the blue as his apology to Ivy…. 

Harley looked at him, concerned "Why do ya ask?"

"I just…. Please?" He pleaded. Harley hesitated for a long moment but decided being honest was probably best.

" not exactly but… maybe sometimes"

"Hm…" Jay decided he'd have to work on that

"But I also know ya don't really wanna hurt anybody…. That you try your best everyday ta make people happy and that you've been through just as much any of us….  A few mean comments an' dumb pranks ain't gonna make anybody think you're the devil or somethin'….not me or any of the other guys... "

Jay had to smile at that, Harley always had something smart or nice to say no matter what. still, her answer only made him feel worse about how he'd been earlier when she was just trying to help… he really, honestly, didn't deserve her…. But the least he could do was let her know he was glad to have her...

"Harley…?"

"Yeah, J…"

"Thanks for being really, really great all the time… and… y'know… around… " Harley smiled as she secured his arm around her shoulders. 

"Thanks J..." 

"also sorry for sucking sometimes..."

She sighed. "It's fine Jay…."

carefully, she hauled his ragdolling body a few more feet and shoved him into the back seat of his car. J grunting as his head hit the leather seat.

"Now go home an' try not to get lost on your way to the door" She said sternly. Jay gave her a lazy wink and a pair of wobbly finger guns.

"Gotcha." 

with that,Harley slammed the door shut and the J-Mobile's engine roared to life. One his lackeys sitting in the driver's seat.

"Where to boss? HQ?"

"Yup… ah, sorry t' call ya out so late…"

"S'alright boss…. Don't worry about it"

As the car lurched forward, street lights shining in through the windows as snow fell ever so lightly over Gotham like a dusting of fresh powdered sugar, Jay did inevitably start thinking about Batman again, wondering when he'd come back, desperately wishing he knew anything about where he was right now….

The thoughts were hard to ignore and when he got home he knew he'd be surrounded by the same walls he'd spent the last month trapped with them in….  even so, the world felt a little less washed out than it had before he left, and it wasn't just because of the alcohol swirling in his blood. 

He may not have had Batman... But today reminded him he wasn't alone.

He had friends… real friends… In a way he'd always considered them such… but deep down there was always doubt. I mean sure he got along better with some than others, but after knowing people so long he shouldn't have been so dumb to think they hated him as much as he thought they did. 

When you're a villain in Gotham sometimes all you have are other weirdos in the same boat as you to help keep you and everyone else afloat. People need people in more ways than one…  and as Jay drifted off to sleep in the back of his gaudy getaway vehicle, laying in a position that was just barely comfortable, he pushed his worries aside and made sure that was something he'd never let himself forget.

~ End ~

[thejokervaleska]

1. stop the world (i wanna get off with you)

Pairing:The Joker (Ledger) x Reader Rating: T (for this chapter, E for the series as a whole) Words: 2700 (I’m so sorry, I have no self-control) Requested by: @nicolesyneah25

PART TWO / PART THREE / PART FOUR

With the exception of you I dislike everyone in the room And I don't wanna lie but I don't wanna tell you the truth Get the sense that you're on the move and you'll probably be leaving soon So I'm telling you, stop the world cause I wanna get off with you

The party was really not your style.

You didn’t care about Bruce Wayne or Harvey Dent, had no interest in Gotham politics, and didn’t particularly like champagne. You couldn’t exactly mingle with the rich folks, laughing airily as they talked about their yachts, their gap years in Europe, and their trips to the Amalfi Coast.

So you spent most of the time leaning against a wall in your cheap dress, arms crossed over your chest as you stared off into space. Your “friend” who’d insisted you come along so she didn’t have to walk in alone had long since abandoned you in favor of flirting with some old guy with a pervy smile and a wedding ring tan line.

When you saw the two of them sneaking out of the room hand-in-hand, you figured you’d done your time. She was a big girl, she could find her own way home.

You were almost to the elevator when the doors slid open and a man dressed in a purple suit stepped out. Stopping short, you could only stare as your brain worked to process what your eyes were seeing. The man’s face was covered in a mask of heavy, white greasepaint, marred by black circles around the eyes and a lurid red slash across his mouth. The effect was startling and macabre.

Oh, it’s that guy from the news…the Joker, you thought, just as he raised his gun and fired it into the ceiling.

After a few startled screams, the room went silent as clowns flooded out of the elevator and into the crowd. The Joker was speaking, saying something about Harvey Dent, but you weren’t really listening. You were focused on the way he seemed to repel people, by how his presence alone was enough to make them cower away.

It was fascinating to watch; clearly, he was aware of the effect he had on people and knew how to use it to his advantage. When he grabbed the woman in the green dress, he knew just how to make her squirm.

You were surprised, and admittedly a little impressed, when the Batman suddenly appeared and sent the Joker reeling. The fight that ensued wasn’t pretty but you found yourself trying desperately not to giggle at the Joker’s glee when he managed to get a few kicks in.

A woman standing nearby glanced over at you and frowned mightily when she saw the mirth in your eyes. Your smile faded as you looked around the room and found that everyone seemed to be wearing a similar horrified expression. How did they not find this funny? He wasn’t shooting people at random or anything. What were they so afraid of?

A sudden gunshot drew your attention back to the action in time to see the Joker dragging the woman over to the window.

“Very poor choice of words,” he said in response to something you hadn’t heard, then cackled as he let her go.

Her blood-curdling scream filled the air and the Joker ducked out of the way as Batman heaved himself out of the window after her.

Still giggling to himself, he looked around for his henchmen and said, “Alright, boys, let’s go.”

And then, like a lightning strike, his eyes fell on you. You couldn’t look away; the twin black holes seemed to be sucking you in, warping you, exposing you. You hadn’t realized he was stalking towards you but suddenly he was standing right there, close enough to touch as he squinted at you, brows furrowed.

And then, bizarrely, he pretended to lunge for you, stopping just short to hiss, “Boo!”

When you just raised your eyebrows at him, truly baffled, his mouth twisted down into an almost comical frown, like he was disappointed by your reaction. The expression had a strange effect on his makeup which, up close, you could see was starting to crack and wear off in a few places. The sight of normal human skin underneath was a little disconcerting.

While you were distracted, he grabbed you (for real this time) and spun you around so your back was plastered against his chest. A second later, you felt the knife at your throat as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

And then he leaned down, his breath hot on your neck, as he muttered in your ear, “Walk.”

With an annoyed huff, you let him propel you across the room as his clowns fell in line behind you. You supposed you were meant to be his human shield, to discourage any brave attempts to stop the madman as he fled the scene, but it crossed your mind that he would’ve been better off grabbing someone these people actually cared about.

The clowns piled into the elevator, limping and whimpering, and the Joker dragged you along with him. As the doors slid closed, you caught a glimpse of the horrified, sympathetic faces of the partygoers. Oh, now they noticed you. Of course.

As the elevator started to drop, your ears were filled with the sounds of heavy, often pained breathing from the men around you but behind you, the Joker was silent. His grip had loosened but you could still feel his hand on your shoulder, pressing the handle of his knife into your bare skin.

When watching heist movies, you’d often wondered what criminals talked about during their downtime on a job. The answer, apparently, was nothing. Not a word was spoken as you descended to the ground floor.

When the doors opened with a little ding, you fully expected to find the entirety of the GCPD waiting for you with their guns drawn. But the lobby was, surprisingly, empty. Well, not completely empty. There were a few dead bodies scattered around, presumably from the Joker’s trip in.

He steered you past them, through the big glass doors, and out into the cold night air. You shivered as the wind hit you, contrasting sharply with the heat of his body at your back, and carrying with it, the shriek of police sirens.

Right on cue, a big white van careened around the corner and jumped the curb, rolling to an abrupt stop in front of you. On its tail was a whole pack of police cruisers with their lights flashing wildly.

The Joker’s arm tightened painfully around you as he moved towards the van, careful to keep your body between him and any trigger-happy cops. You could see the clowns piling into the back, surprisingly spry despite their injuries. The passenger side door was open and the Joker backed towards it, dragging you along with him. Well, you admitted to yourself, he didn’t really have to drag you. You were kind of just…walking along with him.

In a sudden, surprising show of strength, he hauled both of you up into the seat and twisted around the close the door behind you as the van sped off into the night, tires squealing.

You could tell from the drone of the sirens that the cops were giving chase. Beneath you, the Joker was squirming, and he reached up to adjust your position like you were nothing more than a blanket draped over his lap. By the time he settled back into the seat, you were situated quite comfortably, half-turned with your right shoulder pressing into his chest and your knees curled against the door.

The position did, however, put your face uncomfortably close to his. Close enough, in fact, to feel his breath ruffling your hair. But he barely seemed to notice you were there, too focused on the lights in the rearview mirror.

“Take a right,” he muttered to the driver, who complied immediately. He jerked the wheel sideways, sending you reeling as the vehicle screamed around the corner.

You nearly toppled to the floor but in a surprisingly considerate gesture, the Joker hooked his arm around your waist and held you steady. For just a moment, you wondered why he’d bothered but decided not to dwell on it since the gesture was appreciated no matter what the intention was behind it.

“Another right,” he told the driver and then, “Now a left.”

You were heading for the tunnel, you realized. Frankly, that seemed like a bad idea but who were you to judge?

At the very last minute, the Joker said, “Jump the median.”

You held on tight, hands clutching at his jacket as the van bounced across, cut through oncoming traffic, and fishtailed out onto the highway. Peering into the rearview, you saw that many of your pursuers didn’t manage to follow and had been forced into the tunnel.

“Smart,” you murmured, mostly to yourself, but of course, he heard you.

“Hm?”

You looked up at him, again, much too close, and found him squinting at you suspiciously. “Nothing.”

It took a few more odd maneuvers to lose the rest of the force but when the red and blue lights faded behind you, you felt the body beneath yours relax marginally.

Apparently, it was time to talk.

“So,” the Joker started, examining you like someone might examine a peach they were considering buying. His eyes lingered on your dress, your lack of jewelry, as he asked, “what were you doing at Bruce Wayne’s fancy party?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “I snuck in with a friend. She was there to pick up rich old men.”

“Ah.” He nodded sagely, as if that explained it all. “Not your scene?”

“Uh, no, not really. It was so boring.” You paused, looking out the window at the city lights sparkling in the distance. “To be honest, this is a lot more exciting than hanging out with those stuck-up, judgmental pricks.”

From the corner of your eye, you could see him frowning at you. He scratched his chin thoughtfully, then cocked his head to the side.

“What, uh, what’s wrong with you?” he asked, twirling his finger by his temple. “Are you a little loopy or something?”

You supposed it was a reasonable question considering your seeming lack of concern at being kidnapped at knife-point but it annoyed you all the same. You rolled your eyes. “That’s pretty funny coming from you, of all people.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. He tangled his fingers in your hair and jerked your head back sharply, drawing a pained yelp from your lips.

Leaning down, he spoke directly into your ear. “Nobody likes a smart ass, doll.”

His tone was pleasant enough, in control. Since he hadn’t yet taken the opportunity to slit your throat and dump your body into the river, you figured you better smooth things over. Being nice to him might improve your odds of surviving this little trip into his world of clowns and insanity.

“Sorry,” you told him quietly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

That didn’t seem to make things better though. If anything, his frown only deepened. After staring at you for a moment, he suddenly lifted his head and looked out the windshield. When you turned to follow his gaze, he grabbed you by the back of your neck and crushed your face tightly against his chest.

“What the hell?” you shrieked, your voice muffled.

“Shhh shh sh.”

You fought against him but quickly realized it wasn’t getting you anywhere. His arms were like steel bands and he seemed unmoved by your struggling. When you finally settled against him, muttering expletives into his smoky-smelling jacket, you felt him pat your hair awkwardly as he muttered something that sounded like, “Good girl.”

You could only assume he didn’t want you to see where you were going. That, or he was trying to suffocate you very, very slowly. It could go either way, really.

Whatever happened, at least you weren’t sitting at home alone, watching TV.

 The Joker’s “hideout” was in a rundown (probably condemned) apartment building somewhere in the Narrows. It smelled strongly of stale cigarette smoke, old Chinese food, and too many men.

You paused by the door, taking it all in as the maimed clowns dragged themselves into the room until the Joker jerked you along behind him. His grip on your upper arm would probably leave bruises but you figured there was little point in complaining about it.

As you stumbled over a pile of empty beer cans in the hallway, you muttered, “You know, you could use a housekeeper.”

“Are you volunteering?” he asked cheerfully. “No? Well, then shut up.”

He threw a door open and led you into a bedroom littered with clothes and old newspapers. When you saw the rumpled, unmade bed, you felt your first stab of fear that night. Your thoughts must’ve been written all over your face because he rolled his eyes.

“Now you’re afraid,” he muttered, then snorted out a little laugh at some private joke inside his head. “Don’t uh, don’t flatter yourself.”

And with that, he shut the door behind himself and went laughing down the hallway.

You stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do with yourself, but after a few silent minutes ticked by and nothing happened, you decided to sit down on what you presumed was his bed.

The night’s events were finally catching up with you and your eyelids felt unbearably heavy. Glancing over at the still-closed door, you didn’t hear footsteps stomping down the hall so you figured it was safe just to rest your eyes for a few minutes; just a quick little nap. He would never know.

Lying back on the pillow, you sighed as your bones relaxed into the surprisingly soft mattress. And then your nose was filled with a smell that could only be the Joker. It was oddly pleasant – cigarette smoke, soap, and man. You could deal with that.

Rolling over onto your side, you snuggled your face into the pillow and closed your eyes.

When you next opened your eyes, the room was dark. As you laid there, trying to orient yourself and figure out what woke you up, you felt it.

Someone behind you was touching your hair, lazily, repeatedly twisting a lock of it around their finger. It was strangely relaxing and your eyes started to slip closed again. But then suddenly you remembered where you were, what had happened, and who must be lying in the bed beside you.

You must’ve tensed up with the realization because he seemed to notice that you were awake and immediately moved his hand away.

Curious, before you could change your mind, you rolled over on your side to face him, the bed squeaking as you shifted. He was lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling, with one hand pillowed beneath his head and the other resting on the bed between the two of you.

You were surprised to find that he’d shed his jacket, tie, and vest. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who ever really relaxed but there he was, stretched out beside you with his strangely-printed shirt unbuttoned at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves.

Honestly, it was kind of cute to see him like that, especially when you remembered him absently fiddling with your hair like a little kid. You almost smiled at the thought but then his head lolled to the side and he looked you.

It was difficult to see his face in the darkness but with the sliver of blue moonlight creeping in through the boarded-up window, you could just make out the wet sheen of his eyes.

“You can keep playing with my hair if you want,” you offered, your voice thick with sleep. “It feels kind of nice.”

But he scoffed at that and turned his head away, looking back up at the ceiling as if you weren’t even there. Not exactly the reaction you’d been looking for but you weren’t sure why you expected anything else from him. Sighing, you rolled back over to face the wall and closed your eyes.

As you started to drift off again, you felt the brush of his knuckles against your bare back and the light, repetitive tug of his fingers twirling your hair again.

Despite the danger, the uncertainty, it quickly lulled you back to sleep.