#most of this was written while I was half asleep on my flight to Japan

[fae-fire]

A Knife in His Eye

Returning to the compound was suffocating. Rei’s wounds for the past week were still healing. Scabs on his arms were beginning to break from where he had been cut with fishing wire. Under his Yukata, bandages wrapped around his torso hid the stitched up gash on his back from the oni that sliced his shoulder open. He had various other cuts, scrapes and bruises, though his eye where Tsubasu had punched him had mostly cleared up. Faint yellow spots lined parts of the skin as the bruise was mostly healed...so that was one victory for him. Rei had borrowed new clothing from the Ko when he left, a Yukata with a new pair of geta, and a simple haori as he himself was not one for elaborate patterns for daily use. He kept his hair up though...for a reason only he himself would ever know. The red tie he used dangled slightly with gold mixed into the tassels.

He almost looked dreary entering the compound for the first time in a week. His own men stared at him as though he were a ghost come back from the dead. It was noticeable right away that the Sekiro-kai was not prepared for his return, nor did they seem to expect it...ever. A familiar hyur came running to him, his wide and skin paler than usual under his scarred face. A heavily tattooed hand took him by the arm.

“What is it, Sato?” Rei asked. The Seeker almost sounded confused, but he knew something was wrong. He could guess what they were told though.

“We caught wind that the Ko had recovered your body from the bay--that the Wolf had killed you. Arik suffered the same fate when he went to go retrieve your remains,” he gripped Rei’s arm tighter, causing the young man to wince under his wounds. “No one...thought they’d see you again.”

Sato pulled Rei in to hug him and ruffled his hair. Rei stayed still, his arms at his side as his suspicions were slowly being confirmed. Sato was incredibly loyal to him--having been in the Sekiro-kai for nearly as long as Rei and from the same age, they were like brothers. Though Sato Kagemitsu was a few years older than Rei, and a head taller than him. Sato held the young Seeker by the shoulders and looked down at him. Rei looked slightly past him. “I thought you were dead…”

“No, I didn’t die. And no one came to look for me…” Rei lied to his subordinate’s face as the hyur started to usher him inside the ground, keeping one step behind him. “Though it seems like the situation here is a bit...strange,” he commented idly, looking around as many continued to avert their gaze.

“Well…” Sato started slowly, “with you dead, it was only natural for the master to promote your brother,” he whispered, leaning a bit closer as to not be overheard, “many were convinced he had orchestrated your disappearance to--” Rei pushed the hyur away, albeit gently and shook his head.

“It’s true Ichiro sent me out to do a favor for him, and something did go wrong. But it wasn’t his fault...surprisingly,” he lied again, keeping his voice down as the two walked. “I was attacked by the Wolf and the Ko intervened. I spent the week resting there, nothing more,” he smiled at Sato, his gaze empty as the two stopped in front of his quarters. “It’s...good to be back, Sato. I hope you can forgive me.”

The Hyur canted his head slightly, noticeably confused by the Seeker’s choice of words He then nodded slowly with a slight grunt. Rei smirked and then shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Have a good evening.” He bowed his head slightly to the older man and then slid the door open to his room. He stepped inside, and then quietly shut the door behind him. Crimson eyes down cast at the ground, Rei sighed heavily…

“Tomorrow…”

---------

The room was dark said for the soft glow of a few candles spaced evenly along the walls of the chamber. Yuuta tended to keep his meeting room on the darker side as he preferred the natural light that wafted in from the windows. However, now he kept the shades closed. A night and half a day passed since Rei returned, and the Seeker had requested a private audience with the oyabun--his own father. The Seeker didn’t tell anyone else about this meeting and he was certain to be discrete about requesting it… This was not something for prying eyes.

Yuuta sat up on the raised platform towards the far wall of the room. His legs were crossed as a pipe lazily dangled from his fingers. He was well into his fifties, but he was still oddly youthful. His hair only having the stray gray strand here and there, his skin smooth, said for a few battle scars. It was almost unnatural but many didn’t question it with this man. Many feared him too much for that. Opposite him near the entrance sat the seeker, his head lowered towards the floor. He was dressed more formally in a black yukata with a nicer haori over it, silver jewelry chains holding the haori closed at the chest. But his choice of outfit wasn’t out of respect, no. The extra fabric made it much, much easier to hide his daggers.

“Life your head,” Yuuta barked from across the room, shooing the young man with his hand. Rei did as he was told, his face mostly expressionless as to hide his intent.

Keeping his emotions was key to his success. For so long Yuuta had trained him to keep a hold on them for his own dignity. But the events of late had revealed to him the truth as to why Yuuta had been so strict about his emotions. About his magic. And aether… The lies all made sense. Rei didn’t figure out what was done to him, but he knew Yuuta was behind him. And that the man was using him for something. “I already have a guess as to why you’ve requested this meeting…” Rei nodded at the statement.

“You were quick to replace me with Ichiro… It had only been a week. You didn’t even bother to look for me…” Rei said quietly, shaking slightly. The truth was that, despite everything, that did hurt him. He had believed that his father, although strict, had loved him. This man was his god. He had saved him after all.

“We had gotten word that you had been killed by the Wolf. I had sent Arik to recover your body but he, too, was killed. After that I deemed it too dangerous to continue the search for you, and--”

“Arik died trying to kill me!” Rei interrupted the Sekiro-kai leader--something he had never done before. “He died at the hands of the Ko who protected me from him... “ his tone was mostly even as he talked, continuing to fight his emotions until the right moment. “But, before he died...he said some interesting things.”

A loud crack of the pipe erupted from across the room as Yuuta emptied the burnt leaves into the dish at his side. He leaned forward slightly with a slight smirk on his face.

“Oh?” he asked, resting his chin on his palm as he propped his elbow on his knee. “What sort of interesting things?”

“It’s no mystery his orders were to either bring back my body, if I had really been killed, or to kill me if I were still alive. If he had found I were still alive, you could’ve declared war on that clan, but that wasn’t your aim… You rather me dead than in the hands of someone else...because either you use me for something as your tool. Or no one does…” Rei glowered from across the room, his eyes glowing in the candlelight. “What are you using me for?”

Yuuta signed heavily and shook his head.

“You claim this as reality and yet… If this were true, then why are you sharing this with me? Wouldn’t it just drive me to end your life with my own hands? You are sitting here, after all… It would be easy...” Yuuta narrowed his gaze on Rei--there was no humor in his tone despite the relaxed phrasing of his words.

“Because I, as The Wolf, will be killing you…” He growled, beginning to jump to his feet as he reached for a dagger in his sleeve. He stopped fighting his emotions, the temperature in the room dropping considerably, the candles going out. Frost crept up the walls as Rei had every intent of throwing the dagger into the man’s skull. Anything he could do to just end the Sekiro-kai leader.

But, suddenly, a hand was pushing him back down by his face and he found the back of his head slammed into the ground. Stars danced in his eyes as pain erupted in his skull.  “H-how?” he choked out, Yuuta standing over him, the hand on his face sliding to his neck.

“When you get to live as old as I, you tend to have a few tricks up your sleeve…” he grinned, fingers crushing into Rei’s neck as the Seeker tried to gasp for air. “What? You thought I didn’t knowabout you? About your little hobby?” The older man growled, prying the knife from Rei’s hand to hold it in his own. “Who else but you would have a grudge against your own kind… The position to pick his targets? I planned to let you continue until it what done, and then expose you myself as an excuse to go through with it. But, alas…”

“The hell’s...are you…” Rei choked out, “I lovedyou as a father, Yuuta!” tears stung at his eyes. Despite the frost forming under his fingers, none of it seemed to affect Yuuta as it would anyone else. Rei had bet on the ice being an advantage to him, and yet it did nothing.

“You are no son of mine,” he growled, “I killed the love of my life to obtain you!” he squeezed his fingers harder, white blurring the sides of Rei’s vision as he squirmed, kicked and struggled under the Sekiro-kai leader. Rei knew he was talking about Hana--the woman who owned him before Yuuta saved him. The woman who had scarred him emotionally and physically. The woman who carved her name into his face with a knife.  “I have lived 150 years...alone. And I killed her--my only love--for you. For your aether.”

He reached over with the hand with the knife in it, and dug his fingers into Rei’s hair, grabbing a fistful of it. Rei grunted in pain, still trying to kill the man off of him while struggling to breathe. “Do you know why I have you keep your hair like this?” he sneered. “It’s to remind me of her.”

In that moment, Rei stopped struggling, looking up at Yuuta with a dead, almost hurt look in his eyes. He felt...disgusted with himself. Dirty. Self hatred and sadness overtook him as Yuuta released his hand and brought the knife close to his face. The older man dug his knee into Rei’s stomach to hold him down. “I am going to kill you… But first,” he ran his thumb over the side of the tattoo on Rei’s face, “this is where she cut you, yes? I can feel her name…”

Without warning he suddenly jabbed the end of the knife into Rei’s left eye, dragging the blade down, beginning to carve his own name there. The shock only dulled the pain for a moment--he may have even momentarily lost consciousness--as a sudden flash of light quickly turned to darkness in that eye. Hescreamedfrom the pain of it. Struggling, kicking, choking, as blood oozed down his face. He could feel the knife cutting away with each stroke. It was his signature. Sekrio-kai no Yuuta. Rei struggled to breathe from the pressure on his throat and chest as Yuuta removed both the knife and his hand from Rei’s throat and gripped one of Rei’s ears. “Next… These unsightly flesh…”

Just as the knife began to cut into his ear, Yuuta suddenly stopped. Someone’s blood sprayed onto Rei’s face as a sharp pain erupted in his side. Blinking with his one good eye, Rei looked up to see the glint of metal...going through Yuuta’s chest and into him. The slick sound of metal on bones and flesh followed as the sword was removed. “Who…”

Yuuta collapsed and someone kicked him off of Rei. The Seeker slowly sat up, coughing, his hand covering his eye to staunch the bleeding, though blood seeped through his fingers. He looked over to see…

“Ichiro…” he gasped, “What...why?” He was confused. It made little sense for Ichiro to kill Yuuta. After all, the one who stood in Ichiro’s way was Rei…

“I, too...was not a successor. Because that fucker won’t die of natural causes--not any time soon--so I killed him,” Ichiro shrugged.

“And you’re not going to kill me?” he was still having trouble breathing. His side burned from his new stab wound and his eye hurt so much he was almost numb to it.

“I don’t need to kill you… Because my men are going to do it for me…” Ichiro sneered.

“What—“

“Help! Rei’s gone mad! He’s killed the oyabun and betrayed us for the Ko!” He yelled and then grinned at Rei with a wave of his hand. “You better start running, little wolf,” he laughed, the sounds of shouts and footsteps outside the room growing louder.

Rei turned to run, only to feel the sharp slash of steel against his back as he stumbled forward, He could feel blood soaking through the back of his clothes as he groaned in pain, “You’re going to need to be faster than that...or you willdie.”

The Seeker turned on his heels, ejecting a knife from his sleeve that hit Ichiro in the arm who stumbled back and ran, bursting through the paper frame on the door. He continued to run through the compound, delirious from blood loss as blood trickled down his face from his eye and mangled ear. His side and back burned with each step as he snuck his way through the Sekiro-kai compound, avoiding the usual guard routes for the one he had taken to sneak out many times before. He had almost made it to the front gate when someone spotted him.

“There he is!”

Rei recognized the voice to be one of Ichiro’s men. ‘So this was a planned coup…’ he thought to himself, running from the man as fast as he could.

He knew exactly where he needed to go. And exactly how to get there, but with each step his body became more and more heavy. Toz’o’s directions to the tunnel remained clear in his head, but even he wasn’t sure if he could remain conscious for that long. By the time he made it to the docks, he was already dizzied and delirious, and it was difficult to sneak past without getting spotted by even the Sekiseigumi.

Rei continued to flounder through his escape. Everything happened like a blur. Even in the tunnels, he walked what felt like forever, dragging himself along the wall as blood dripped down his legs and into the dirt behind him. But as the ground began to slope upward, he knew where he was. And with the last of his energy, opened the entrance in the ground. He only barely just climbed out of the ground when he found his face hitting the gravel under him.

“Heh… I didn’t make it...in time…” he wheezed out as footsteps approached, his ear twitched. But darkness soon overtook him.

[vendettaparker]

Peanut Butter and Extra Jelly [T.H]

Summary: Tom’s long time crush on you becomes painful when you and Harrison are cast as love interests in a movie. 

Paring: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader 

Word Count: 5.8k

Warning: Suggestive themes, fake smut (very light), jealousy, probably some typos, swearing 

a/n: i have no idea how filming a movie, or auditioning for one actually goes so don’t crucify me for this. i’m pretty happy with how this turned out, especially considering that this is the most i’ve ever written for a fic. also, Burt Kreisher is one of my fav comedians in real life, he has 3 shows on neflix and a mini series.  

                      ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     Tom was not a jealous person. At least, that's what he always told himself. He prided himself in thinking he was a very level headed individual who didn’t let his emotions get the best of him. That worked best for his job anyways; always being able to control his emotions and not get in his own head. That simple, pacifistic mindset seemed to change when it came to you. 

      You were one of the many actors Tom got the pleasure to help hone their technique and work closely with. You were new to the lifestyle of Hollywood and the only roles you had before were in small indie films that never garnered too much attention. The first major role that you landed, which also happened to help kickstart your career, was in the MCU. You played the secondary villain in the third Spider-man movie. 

     Meeting the cast was a dream come true; they were all extremely helpful and they provided tons of tips and tricks in navigating the hectic schedule required for such a huge production. By the time filming wrapped up, you were considered part of their little Spider-man family. 

     Tom was easily the most helpful. Whenever he saw you struggling with anything, he offered to help. You two spent hours upon hours together in his trailer, ordering take out and practicing lines. Some nights you two planned to work through your script, but inevitably ended up falling asleep binge watching The Office, and laughing about crazy shit that happened on set that day. 

     When the movie wrapped up and you went home for a month before the press tour, you were completely unsure and nervous about what direction your career was going in. You auditioned for a few new movies, but had yet to hear from any of the directors about casting decisions. You kept in touch Tom during the month you were apart and expressed your concerns. 

     “I don’t know, Tom. I’m just so sick of waiting around and hoping that some director out there throws me a bone, ya know’?” You said on facetime, while making cookies. 

     “Yeah, I totally understand that, (Y/N/N). I had that issue a couple years ago before the Marvel movies. Trust me, you did outstanding in that role and once it gets noticed I’m positive you’ll have directors calling you, begging for you to audition.” Tom smiled warmly into the camera as he walked around his apartment in London. 

      “Yeah, easy for you to say, movie-star.” You giggled, turning your face away from the camera in hopes that Tom wouldn’t notice the blush his compliments painted onto your cheeks 

     “I’m serious! You were outstanding! Like in that one scene where you—” 

      “Tom! Tessa chewed a hole in my trousers again!” A voice came from outside of the frame, “Mate, you gotta get her to stop doing that somehow.” 

     Tom sighed, and waved his hand dismissively at the figure, “Okay, sure. I’m busy right now.” Tom looked back to the camera, “anyways, as I was saying, don’t stress about not having a new project yet, (Y/N)—” 

     “(Y/N)?” The other voice whisper-yelled. “Let me say hi!”, suddenly the phone was yanked out of Tom's hands and the video shook around a bit as Tom wrestled to get it back. Finally, the camera stilled and Harrison was on the other end smiling. “Hi, (Y/N)!” 

     “Oh, hi Harrison!” You smiled back, laughing. You'd met Harrison a few times when he visited Tom on set. “How are you?” 

     The camera started moving around more as the background behind Harrsion whizzed past. You assumed Tom must’ve been chasing him to get the phone back. 

     “I’m good! I just auditioned for a new movie. You should audition too! The main female lead’s description looks just like you.” He exclaimed, running past the kitchen to his room. 

     “Oi! Give me my phone back you div!” You heard Tom yelling in the background, no doubt in hot pursuit of Harrison. 

     “I don’t know, I'm not sure I’m prepared for a lead role.” You sighed, “What’s the movie called? I’ll look into it.” 

     “It’s called ‘Collateral Damage’, it’s a spy movie.” Harrison said, shutting the door to his room, while Tom pounded on it from the other side. “Yeah, it’d be really fun working with you. Tom constantly talks about how much fun you are on set.” Harrison wheezed out, trying to catch his breath. 

      “Aw, that’s sweet of him.” You laughed. “Well I’ve got to go. Just tell Tom he can call me tomorrow or something.” You waved at the camera. “Bye!”

     “Yup, bye.” Harrison said right before the video cut out. 

      Harrison finally opened the door to a seething Tom. Tom grabbed the phone back from Harrison and noticed that the call had ended. 

     “Dude! Why would you do that?” Tom whined. 

     Harrison just patted Tom’s back, “Sorry, mate. She said she had to go, though. I was about to give the phone back.” 

     Tom huffed and sulked for a moment. “Whatever, I’ll just call her later, I guess.” 

     Harrison nodded and smirked at how whipped Tom was. “You should just ask her out if you’re so desperate for her attention.” Harrison teased. 

     “Shut up. I’m not desperate for her attention, I just like her voice and her personality, and the way she talks, and her funny sayings, and how her hair looks when she just woke up.” 

                      ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     It was only a few days later when you received an email from the director of the movie Harrison told you about, asking for you to audition. You were ecstatic, Harrison must’ve already sent in some things about you since the director seemed adamant that you were of high interest for the role. 

     You called Tom immediately to share the good news. 

     He picked up after the third ring, “Hello, darling! How are you?” he beamed when he answered your call. He usually was the one to call you so he felt a sense of pride knowing that you were calling him for once. 

     “Tom! The director of the movie Harrison auditioned for just emailed me asking for me to audition!” You squealed excitedly. 

     “Really? That’s wonderful, love! Harrison just got the part of the lead too, so you’d be filming with him if you got it.” 

     “That’s so exciting, I’m flying to London for the audition in two days. Are you still there?” You pulled the phone away from your ear and switched it to speaker. “I’m booking the flight right now.” 

     “Yeah, I’ll be in London for another week and a half. Then we have the press tour starting in Japan.” Tom said, also switching to speaker phone to look at his calendar. “You can stay with Harrison and I while you’re here. Since we have to go to Japan together anyways.” Tom offered nervously. He really wanted you to stay in his flat with him. It’d be all cute and domestic, and maybe, just maybe, he’d spend enough time with you to not feel nervous about asking you on a date. If he was lucky, that is, but awaiting your reply he was a jittery ball of nerves. 

     “Yeah, that sounds wonderful. I won't be intruding though, right?” You said, smiling from ear to ear. Thank god you weren’t on facetime and Tom couldn’t see the stupid smile adoring your features. 

     “No, of course not. Harry will be so excited to see you. And Tessa too, she really misses you.” Tom shuffled around with his phone, shooting a quick text to Harrison letting him know you were coming to stay for a week. 

     “Ok, thanks so much, this is really thoughtful of you. I absolutely can’t wait to see you!” You gushed, finalizing your purchase of a one-way ticket to London. “K, the flight is at 2:30 pm here, it’s about 9 and a half hours, but you’re also ahead of me, so I’ll be in around..5?”

     “Yeah, that sounds right to me,” Tom chuckled, “I’ll come pick you up. I’ll wear my incognito disguise.” 

     “If you mean that stupid t-shirt you got that says ‘I’M NOT A CELEBRITY’, then maybe I’ll ask Harrison to come pick me up…”

     “That’s cold (Y/L/N).” 

     You giggled softly, “I’m sorry, Tommy. If it makes you feel better, that shirt isn’t as bad as that stupid blue beanie that you never wear correctly.”

     “How the fuck would that make me feel better? You’re killing me, (Y/N/N).” 

     You laughed at his over dramatic reaction, “Sorry that you’re a sensitive babe. I gotta go now, see you soon!” You hung up before Tom could respond with a sassy quip. Then immediately after you received a text:

Tommy: The second you get here I’m bout to 👊 

                     ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     Tom called Harrison up after you got off the phone, he needed to make sure his best friend wouldn’t say or do anything to embarrass him in front of you. 

     “Tom, don’t you think this is a bit obsessive? I mean, she’s only staying with us for a week and you already know her so well from spending all that time filming with her.” Harrison sighed, sick of listening to Tom ramble about every possible embarrassing situation he could be put in, in the coming week. 

     “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It's no big deal. But don’t mention that time I accidentally shit my pants at the club, or that time I got hit in the head with a golf ball ‘cus I got distracted by a flock of geese, or that time a got chased by a flock of geese, or—”

     “Geez, mate. At this point we might as well not even talk to her.” Harrison chuckled, thinking of all the stories he could bring up about Tom around the dinner table with you. Tom really was just a walking ball of embarrassing moments. 

     “Stoppp ittt,” Tom whined, “when we were on set it was usually just the cast and Harry around, but you? You could do some real fucking damage to my love life, Haz.” 

     “What love life?” Harrison barked out, laughing. 

     Tom then hung up and began praying to whatever god was out there that this week could go by without a hitch, and then you and him would be on your way, together, to Japan. 

                    ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     The whole week spent in London actually went really well, especially the audition. Tom and Harrison both accompanied you for moral support, well Harrison actually had to be there to be your scene partner, but it was still nice knowing he supported you. 

     The director shook your hand and you went through the normal formalities before beginning your scene with Harrison. It was a quick scene with a monologue in it. The main premise of the movie was all about choosing love over work, especially in dangerous, life-threatening scenarios. The scene you used to audition with Harrison was the scene where the main character, Lincoln, and his lover interest, Mallory, were arguing, trying to push each other away to keep each other safe. The scene had a lot of raw emotion that you were able to tap into, and the directors gave your performance a standing ovation once the scene concluded. 

     They said that they’d get back to you within the next few days, but they also mentioned how the chemistry between you and Harrison was off the charts, leaving you hopeful. Tom and Harrison both gave you hugs and pats on the back. Tom had watched the whole scene unfold and he was in complete and utter awe of your talent. Part of him was annoyed that he didn’t audition for the movie and a chance as your love interest. But Harrison deserved this big break and so did you, so he was hopeful of the outcome being something that benefitted both of his best friends. 

    After the audition the rest of the week went by nearly perfectly. The real kicker was when Tom’s family invited you and Harrison to join them for dinner. Tom had not anticipated his mom asking you to come to family dinner, so he wasn’t able to stop the embarrassing anecdotes his mom told on his behalf. 

     “Tom had the cutest little tush,” Nikki exclaimed, placing the old homemade scrapbook in your lap and flipping through a couple of pages. “See look,” she happily pointed to a picture of Tom as a toddler in a bath, surrounded by bubbles, his little bum poking through them. 

     Tom sat uncomfortably on the sofa next to you, cringing at the now 21 year old photo of him. He expected you to also cringe along, or worse case scenario, get up and make a flimsy excuse to leave his crazy family, but you just chuckled along with Nikki and continued making your way through the scrapbook, making little comments here and there. 

     “Oh, and this one,” Nikki said, pointing to a photo of Tom crying and Sam holding up a superhero action figure triumphantly, “that was Tom’s favorite toy, but when Sam saw how much Tom liked it, he made an effort to always be playing with it when Tom came into the room and he wouldn’t share.”

     You giggled at the little whiny face Tom made in the picture, and turned to him, replicating it on your face, making fun of him. Tom laughed along and playfully shoved you. He adored how well you seemed to fit in with his family and his feelings for you only multiplied. 

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     The week in London was one of the best in your life. You didn’t realize how much you missed Tom until you got to the airport and he was there waiting for you, unfortunately in his stupid blue beanie, and no, it wasn’t on right, his big ears poked out of it horrendously. 

     The last day you had in London before you and Tom went to Japan, you finally received a call about the audition. The director called you to congratulate you on getting the part, and he sent you numerous emails about scheduling, where to be, and when. Harrison was elated to have a familiar face playing his love interest on screen, and Tom was over the moon excited for you, this on top of the Spider-man movie coming out, you were certainly becoming a force to be reckoned with. 

     You spent the night celebrating at a club, Harry and Sam also showed up to party with you. The night was still young and the club was already packed and in full swing. Tom ordered two shots for each of you to start off the night before he was whisked away by a few fans to sign autographs. When he didn’t return you took it upon yourself to have his shots, giving you an extra edge to help spice up your night. 

     Harrison found Tom in the corner of the club talking to some fans. But throughout his whole time taking pictures with them, he couldn’t help but glance at you every once and a while. You looked so carefree and beautiful, dancing around in your shiny silver top and leather leggings. 

      “Tom.” Harrison interrupted Tom’s gawking and directed his attention to the small group of fans Tom was with. 

     Tom nodded and finished up his pictures and autographs before wishing them all a good and safe night. Once he reached you, you engulfed him in a bone crushing hug. 

     “Thank you for such a great time in London, Tommy.” you slurred, already feeling the impact of the four shots you took. “I had the best time of my whole life.” You pecked his cheek and pulled him close to dance with you. 

                            ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     The following month or so on the press tour was a once in a lifetime experience. You travelled to more cities than you even knew the name of and you had all of your friends by your side. More so, you had motivation to remain approachable and well liked by fans considering that you were moving up in the industry. Some interviews were mostly for Tom, Zendaya, and Jacob. Your role in the movie was big enough for you to be needed for some interviews, and most people were genuinely interested in getting to know you, but there were also a handful of press activities that you weren’t included in, which you didn’t mind. 

     When you didn’t have anything to do for an hour or so, you would text Harrison and send him funny memes. He was quickly becoming one of your closest friends; you had already created a surplus of inside jokes with him just over the phone. 

     Tom noticed how you were always laughing at your phone or rapid fire texting. Even when you were being interviewed, Tom could faintly hear the buzz of your text message notifications going off. 

     “Tom,” you snapped in front of his eyes, “did you need something?” 

     “Huh?” Tom blinked a few times, “Uh—no, sorry.” Tom’s cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed for having been caught staring at you. He couldn’t help it though, you were dressed so pretty that day. You had your hair done up in two bubble braids and you wore his pink sweatshirt over your yellow sundress. 

     “Okay then.” You smiled at him. You went back to your phone, reading what Harrison had just texted you. “What was the name of that comedian we watched the other night?” 

     “The one on Netflix?” 

     You hummed out a yes, tapping away at your phone. 

     “Burt Kreisher, why?” Tom asked, leaning over to your chair to try and catch a glimpse of who you were texting. When he saw the contact name “Hazzy”, he couldn't stop the little angry pit of jealousy that started in his stomach. Sure, you were here with him now, not with Harrison, but when you two were apart you also texted him nonstop, and the texts seemed to all be inside jokes, which was something you also shared with him that he held near and dear.

     “I made a joke referencing him to Harrison and he didn’t get it. Fucking nerd.” You chuckled, texting Harrison a link to the skit you were referring to. 

     Tom chuckled along, but he couldn’t help but frown slightly at how bright your smile was when Harrison replied. 

                       ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     The press tour and premiere of the movie seemed to go by lighting fast. You’d never been to a premiere for a production this big, and your nerves for the red carpet were starting to get to you. 

     You and Zendaya were stuffed into a hotel room with both of your respective teams, both trying to rapidly get both of you ready for the event. 

     “So when do you start filming for your next project?” Zendaya asked, she sat in front of a broadway-equse mirror, bright bulbs of light giving a luminescent glow to her already near flawless complexion. She hadn’t even finished her makeup yet and she was so pretty.  

     “In a month, I have to go back to London next week.” You said, sifting through the opinions you brought for dresses. You brought three options, just in case you changed your mind after seeing yourself in the dress. “Harrison and I are going to go over the scripts together and we were also told to go out in public a few times; for press and whatnot.” 

      “That’s exciting!” Zendaya mused, she glanced at the clock and gave her hairdresser some instructions about how much time she had to do hair. “It’s a good thing you guys are already friends. I remember when I filmed ‘The Greatest Showman’ I didn’t know many of the actors personally, so we had to go out together and do press all while being almost strangers. It was a bit nerve wracking.” Zendaya smiled at you fondly, she was like an older sister to you during this whole movie-making process, she constantly had your back. 

     “Yeah, I mean I’ll probably be in a situation like that at some point, but for my first lead role it’s nice to be working opposite a friend.” You smiled back, finally deciding on the red, sequined dress. 

     You both sat and worked through the makeup process in comfortable silence. 

     “So you and Tom…” Zendaya broke the silence and looked at you with a smirk on her face. 

     “What?” You looked at her with a dumbfounded look, before nervously laughing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

     “Don’t play dumb, (Y/N/N).” She poked your arm and laughed, “He’s literally obsessed with you.” 

     You laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. A movie star, and very famous movie star at that, obsessed with you? You? Impossible. 

     “Yeah no, sorry but you got the wrong girl, babe.” You sighed, pulling out your phone to snap and selfie with her for your instagram story. You quickly snapped a pic of the two of you, her kissing your cheek, leaving a small, faint lipstick mark. “I mean it’d be nice,” you back tracked, “but I’m sure that’s just my wishful thinking.” 

     “What wishful thinking? I thought you were a pessimist?” Zendaya chuckled, taking her own photo with you to post later. 

     “I am, but I can’t help but indulge a bit.” 

                      ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     Before you knew it, you were back in London, staying in a rented out flat for the next three to four months. Harrison was kind enough to come over to help you set up a work space, but he also offered you to spend most of your time at his place. Since Tom was in New York, doing interviews about the new Spider-man movie and having meetings with the Marvel Cinematic Universe team to try and gauge his future in the MCU, he wouldn’t be around for almost a month, so Harrison offered up Tom’s office when you needed to go over a scene by yourself and wanted a place that was already set up. 

     The days of filming seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Most of your scenes were with Harrison, and he was the perfect scene partner. He rarely messed up, but if he did then he was quick to use it as an opportunity to improvise. His skills weren’t as well honed in like Tom’s, but it was obvious that their style ranged from a similar source. 

     The main thing about this movie that you were excited, but extremely nervous for, were the two sex scenes. The first one is at the beginning, where the two leads give in to each other for a night, then there's some implied stuff in between, and the last one is when the two leads part ways for the final time at the end of the movie. The first one had to be rough, fast, and needy, whereas the second one was direct to be more slow, thought out, and sensual. 

      Both were extremely stress-inducing to film. Harrison had also never done any scenes like this before, so he was on the same boat as you. Thankfully you had an amazing director and stunt coordinator to work with and with the help of other crew members, the scenes were mapped out so that it wasn’t too much improv or guessing on your part. 

                                 ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

     The first intimate scene you shot actually happened to be the one at the end of the movie. That scene was more tame and dealt with more emotional subtexts than physical. Since you filmed that one first, you went into filming the next one with more confidence. It only took a few days to get the first scene down to perfection, so with this newfound confidence, it shouldn’t take too long to get the next one done. 

     On the days you shot intimate scenes, you only needed to wear the costume you wore before the scene and then you changed into a robe with nude underwear underneath. The bits with the outfit on before were already shot, so the director called a 30 minute break until you could begin shooting the actual sex part. 

     You were standing by the snack table, eyes scanning the table for any more muffins leftover from breakfast. The robe you wore made your skin prickle whenever a draft came onto set. 

     Just as you had found the muffin you were looking for, a pair of warm hands covered your eyes. 

     “Guess who!” An all too familiar warm, British accentuated, voice called. 

      You turned around in his arms, effectively nudging his hands from your face, and soon you were met with the warmest hazel eyes. Eyes that you missed so much this past month. 

      “Tommy!” You squealed and thrusted yourself into him in a hug. He immediately reciprocated it and wrapped your body in warmth. “What’re you doing here?” You asked once you let go of him. 

      “Harrison gave me the location so I could come watch you film. I just got home, like, two days ago.” Tom eyed you up and down, not realizing what little you had on. “Um—are you wearing anything under that?” He pointed up and down your figure. 

     “Nope, today and tomorrow we’re scheduled to film the sex scene.” You said casually, doing a silly twirl. Tom gulped. 

     “A s-sex scene?” He choked, “I didn’t know you guys had one.” 

     “Yup,” you smirked, “two actually, this is my first one ever, Haz’s too, I think. Well actually, we filmed the sex scene at the end of the movie last week.” 

     “Yeah… t-that’s cool.” Tom smiled weakly. 

     Right as you were about to continue your conversation with Tom, an arm swung over your shoulder and pulled you close. Harrison smiled at the both of you. He wore a similar robe to yours, except he left the front open. His plaid boxers on full display. 

     “Don’t listen to her, Tom. She’s a natural.” Harrison pinched your cheeks. Tom clenched his jaw at the comment. He knew Harrison hadn't meant to imply anything with it, but he couldn't help but hear the hidden meaning behind the otherwise innocent compliment. 

      You giggled and pushed his hand away, “Only ‘cus my scene partner is so darn cute.” You retaliated, poking and tickling his pecs. 

      This kind of goofy banter was normal between you and Harrison, but Tom hadn’t seen either of you in so long. He also had never seen you two interact so fluently with each other. He watched the interaction with a tight-lipped smile, nodding along and shrugging every once in a while to seem like he was paying attention. In reality though, he couldn’t pry his thoughts away from how close you were to Harrison. 

     “Ok everyone! Places! Let’s wrap this scene up and put it to rest today!” Your director called. You and Harrison smiled and waved goodbye to Tom. Harrison pointed to a chair in the room that had a nice view of the set where Tom could watch. Tom nodded and walked over to the chair, enthusiasm for watching you work completely dissipating. 

     The scene started off rough right off the bat. The second the director said ‘Action!’ you and Harrison were practically pouncing on each other. Harrison had you pressed up against the wall and you were both breathing heavily. He was leaving sloppy, wet kisses down your neck, then across your collar bones. Your moans, which Tom always imagined to sound like music to his ears, sounded too real for his liking. But no matter how much he tried to look away, his eyes were glued to the two bodies moving fluidly with one another. 

     “Cut! Cut!” The director yelled, effectively ending the scene. You and Harrison pulled apart and he gave you a peck on the cheek, as in saying ‘good job’. “That was good, but Harrison,” The blonde nodded, awaiting further instruction. “You gotta be a little rougher, hm?” 

     Harrison nodded along with the critique. “(Y/N)?” the director moved his attention to you, “would it be okay if Harrison marked you up? Just a few hickeys to really sell the illusion. We can do without, though, if you feel uncomfortable.” 

     Tom overheard the interaction and internally hoped that you were too uncomfortable for that, but deep down he knew you would do it. You were never the type to stray away from a challenge. 

     “Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded, chest still heaving from the scene. You looked at Harrison. “Is that okay with you?” 

     Harrison nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, you guys have been working at this scene for days now, but he’d never been rough enough to leave marks. He’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t invigorate him. 

     So the scene started from the top, you pressed up against the wall, all your weight shoved between the flimsy wall of the set and Harrison’s strong arms. Harrison did exactly as the director required, leaving noticeable dark spots across the top of your chest. Unlike your previous moans, which had just been for show, this new roughness in his actions tore real moans from your lips. 

     Tom sat uncomfortably in his chair, wishing he picked a different day to visit you on set. He shifted around, watching twin moans pull from both you and Harrison’s throat. He watched as you nipped at Harrison's ear as he faux thrusted into you. The jealousy that had pitted itself in his stomach soon turned to self-loathing. You looked really into the scene, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. He knew you were a great actress, but he couldn’t believe that this was all acting. In his eyes, he believed that some part of you must wish that this was real. And part of you did like this scenario, but you wouldn’t have picked Harrison to be opposite you in this little fantasy. 

     Your moans and Harrisons both grew louder, leading up to the climax as scripted. Tom, not wanting to watch anymore exited the set quickly before he could watch the scene end. 

     You and Harrison finished up, gaining applause and praise afterwards from the director and crew members on set. 

     “Where’s Tom?” You asked, scrambling back into your robe and smoothing out your now roughed up hair. 

     Harrison, now noticing the absence of his best friend, began to feel a bit guilty. He knew Tom had a thing for you, maybe he should’ve told Tom not to visit set today. 

     “Um, (Y/N)?” He mumbled, pulling you aside slightly. 

     “Yeah?” You still looked around for Tom a bit, heart sinking when you realized that he must've left without saying goodbye. 

      “I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” Harrison began, drawing your full attention, “but Tom really likes you. He always downplayed it, so I didn’t realize how much, but I think watching this scene might’ve upset him a bit.” Harrison looked towards the exit, no doubtedly where Tom left through, out into the parking lot. 

     “Oh—oh!” You gasped, feeling terribly for having put Tom in such an awkward position. “I didn’t know he felt the same.” You whispered, smiling softly to yourself. Guess Z was right after all. You pulled away from Harrison, “I’ll go talk to him.” 

                                 ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

      Tom didn’t go far. He still wanted to be there to support you; he didn’t want to come off as a jealous prick, but he couldn’t keep watching that intimacy between you and his best friend. He sat on the curb outside of the building the set was built in. A few people passed him going to their designated buildings on the lot, but he didn’t pay any mind to them, too lost in his thoughts. He needed to tell you sooner rather than later how he felt. No time to be a pussy anymore. 

     “Tom?” You walked up next to his sitting figure, still only in a robe, tightly wrapped around you. He looked up to acknowledge you, mumbling a soft ‘Hey.’ before looking back down, trying to collect his thoughts and courage. It’s now or never. 

     You sat beside him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Harrison told me something interesting in there,” You paused for a moment before continuing, “about you.” 

     Tom’s head shot up, and he looked at you with frantic eyes, only imagining the worse. There were too many things Harrison could’ve told you about Tom to sully your image of him. 

     “Whatever it was, he's a lying prick!” Tom rushed out. 

     You giggled, lifting your head up to look him in the eyes, his dark hazel eyes boring into yours. 

     “That’s a shame then,” You shrugged, “considering I like you too.” 

     Tom breathed out a sigh of relief, before looking back at you, doing a double take. 

    “Wait, what?” 

     “Mhm, yeah.” You said casually, standing up. “But since Harrison’s a liar then I suppose he was wrong.” You teased. 

     “No!” Tom grabbed your wrist and pulled you back next to him, but his aim was a bit off and you ended up in his lap. “He lies about a lot, but not about this.”

     You smiled at him, “I should hope not, considering I’m crazy about you.” 

     Tom couldn’t help the smile that beamed across his face, but then he noticed the marks left on you by Harrison. Remembering why he was insecure in the first place, he looked away. 

     “What about Harrison?” He asked. You looked at him utterly confused. Tom caught on and explained further. “You looked like you were really into that scene with him.” 

     You giggled and pinched Tom’s cheek, turning it red. “I’m an actress, you idiot.”

     Tom scoffed, “I know that. It’s just— I didn’t realize you could fake that kind of love.” 

     You looked at Tom’s downcast face. You leaned in and kissed his neck, just under his jaw. You nipped and sucked softly, leaving a nice, dark pink blotch that would go away in a few days under his jaw and he whimpered softly.

     “I’d never fake that kind of love with you.” You grabbed his face, holding it gently in your hands. “I’d never have to.” You whispered, pulling him in for a kiss, soft and sweet. 

     Tom pulled you closer, resting a hand on the small of your back, kissing back fervently. 

     The short make-out session being cut short by the door to the set bursting opened. Harrison rushing out, now dressed in slacks and a white button up for the next scene you needed to shoot that day. 

     “(Y/N)! Hair and makeup need you.” You lugged yourself off of Tom’s lap, promising to talk to him after you finished for the day. You went back inside, jokingly blowing a kiss to Harrison on your way. 

     Harrison stayed outside and sat next to Tom. 

     “Did she confess first?” He asked after a moment of silence. 

     “Yup.” Tom smiled happily, licking his lips, tasting the strawberry chapstick he saw you put on earlier. 

     “You owe me 10 pounds then, you wimp.” 

     “Oh, fuck off.” Tom groaned, promptly pulling ten pounds out of his wallet and handing it to Haz. 

[arukou-arukou]

Happy birthday to me!

Tony rolls his neck and tries not think about how it feels like several of his vertebrae have ascended into his skull. “Turtle turtle,” he mutters nonsensically, slumping against the elevator wall as the private lift rockets up. His back aches from sitting in his office chair all day, ergonomics be damned, and his temples throb with the threat of a migraine.

“J, time?”

“12:47 AM, Sir.” The censure in his voice does not go unnoticed.

“Urgh. Ugh. And the flight tomorrow is?”

“7:40 AM. Today, I might add, Sir.”

“What?”

“The flight is today.”

“And just why the hell is it so early, anyway? Isn’t the whole point of having a private jet not having to get up at the asscrack of dawn to catch a flight?”

“For that, Sir, you would need a private airstrip as well, and unfortunately, that is prohibitively expensive in New York City, even for you.”

Tony groans and rolls his shoulders again. This late, Steve’s probably already in bed. And with having to get up so early, Tony’s not even going to get a good morning snuggle or snog or anything. Maybe going to bed is a wash. He could go down and get a head-start on the latest software patches for their GPS, or maybe work out just why exactly the targeting system in the left repulsor has been on the fritz. It’s six hours to California. That’s enough time to just sleep on the plane, and there’s always concealer for under-eye bags.

The elevator arrives at the penthouse, but Tony can’t seem to find the energy to unpeel himself from the wall. Eyes drooping, he considers just curling up to sleep right here.

“Sir?”

Tony snorts, blinks, managed to dislodge himself. Half asleep on his feet, he stumbles out, only to come up short. A banner is draped over the living room flatscreen.

“HAPPY BIRDTHDAY!” it proclaims, sloppily written out in purple marker and adorned with little symbols which Tony supposes are meant to represent each of the Avengers, if the hourglass and purple H are anything to go by. The D of “DAY” has been filled in with a rough approximation of the arc reactor, and it slams into Tony like a ton of bricks.

Ever since the whole palladium debacle, he’s kept his birthdays pretty low-key. Not to mention there’s been a world-threatening event every April since then. It hardly feels like a time for cake and booze when weird green aliens are trying to take over the planet. Somehow, this year he just...forgot.

In addition to the banner, there are balloons (one of which is most definitely a dick), streamers, fairy lights, a stack of party hats, and several six-packs of bottled beer, slightly soggy from having been left to sweat at room temperature. The room, however, seems deserted.

“Happy 51st birthday, plus one day, Sir.”

“Ouch, J. You could at least soften the blow.”

“Excuse me. Happy 38th Birthday the Thirteenth.” 

“Wow. See if I give you that nice new rack of servers I’d been thinking about.”

Tony stumbles further into the living space, taking in the obvious care with which the decorations were made, the fact that one pack of beer is his favorite snooty craft label. As he rounds the sofa, he sees a stack of gifts, some haphazardly wrapped, sitting next to the coffee table.

And Steve.

Steve is slumped down into the embrace of the couch, birthday hat askew, fast asleep. It’s the most endearing thing. A glistening trail of drool trickles from one corner of his mouth. His shirt rides up where he’s slid further and further into gravity’s embrace, revealing both boxer-brief waistband and tantalizing abs. He’s managed to kick off one sock, as he usually does in bed. Someone had tried to drape a blanket over him, but the blanket has puddled on the floor, only one corner still trapped under Steve’s ass.

Enraptured by the vulnerability, the humanity, of what’s before him, Tony stalls out again, blinking dumbly in the dim light of New York. It takes him a long while, certainly long enough to be creepy, before he finds the energy to stumble forward and put a hand to Steve’s shoulder.

“Come on, honey. Up you get.”

In his usual way, Steve snaps from sleeping to waking, though he doesn’t flail the way he used to. A few too many mishaps in bed have trained him into clamping his arms down in the moment of waking, a measure meant to keep him from accidentally punching Tony with all the strength of a startled supersoldier.

“Tony? Tony!” Steve flails then, arms and legs jumping, body jerking up and promptly spilling onto the floor. “Guys! Tony’s...”

Only then does Steve seem to realize he’s alone in the living room. He blinks cow-eyed for a moment, and then scrambles to his feet. “Well, uh...” Hands to his pockets, shoulders hunched, Steve looks amazingly vulnerable for a man who’s 6′2″. “Happy birthday?”

“I’m sorry I stayed working so late at the office. I didn’t realize... I mean... This is a surprise.”

“Well, for once, we...” Steve pauses and self-consciously reaches over to knock on the mahogany end table. “For once, we didn’t have a space invasion on our hands, so I thought we’d surprise you. So much for the man with a plan, seeing’s as how this one didn’t work out at all.”

“Are you kidding me? That banner is great.”

“Clint’s handiwork,” Steve says sheepishly. “Bruce made your favorite. Or, uh, I suppose it’s probably packed into Tupperware in the fridge. And Nat picked up that tiramisu from that place you like.”

“Aw, honey. Thank you,” Tony says, stepping into Steve’s place. His back and shoulders are still tight knots of tension, and all he really wants to do is sleep for twenty-four hours straight, but all that fades in the wake of this overwhelming cotton inside of him. He feels soft and warm, indistinct. Is this love? Is this what it is to be loved?

Steve steps forward to meet him, freeing his hands and pulling Tony close. “We’ll reschedule. For next week.”

“Week? I’m only in California for two days.”

“Oh crap.” Against Tony’s face, Steve flinches. “I really can’t pull off anything today.”

“What now?”

“Um, can you pretend you didn’t hear anything?”

“Absolutely not. This sounds too juicy. What is it?”

“Your business trip tomorrow isn’t actually a business trip. It’s Pepper’s gift to us. A week off. We’re flying to Japan to be tourists, at least as much as we can be.”

“Steve, are you serious?”

“Sushi, hot springs, and monkeys, oh my.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god, I love you.” The reprieve of it all sinks into his bones, cuts his strings, and he melts into Steve, consigning all his weight to gravity. Steve holds him, and then does him one better and lifts him, bearing all of Tony’s weight.

“Happy birthday, sweetie.”

He glances down for a kiss, but Tony’s already out like a light.

[ivygoesabroad]

And the adventure begins!

January 9, 2017

Hello everyone and anyone who is reading this! This is my first official post on this blog. I hope to give everyone insight on what it is like to study abroad and to live in another country where you don’t know anything! This blog will contain text posts, pictures, and even vlogs! I welcome everyone into my travels abroad. This blog is meant to be a personal and intimate blog in respect to my life and what I am going through. It is meant to feel real, it is meant to be blemished. With that being said, feel free to ask questions by clicking on the “ask” link on the left-hand side of the page under the description bar. I will be tagging all of my text posts as “blog” and any pictures as “pics.” You can also access all of this through the links on the left-hand side of the page as well! Feed the little fishes and play some nice music. Enjoy your time on my blog! Thank you so much for visiting.

*all times are written in 24hr time*

Good morning from Newark! It is currently 07:01. I did not get any sleep leading up the my flight… I decided to have a FaceTime date with my boyfriend instead of sleeping and I don’t regret it at all. My plan is to fall asleep when I board my 10:50 and sleep *hopefully* 8 hours and wake up when there was approximately 6 hours left in the flight. My reason being: to beat jet lag. I left my house at around 03:30 this morning and got to my local airport around 04:00. Checking in to United wasn’t too bad but due to the lack of employees at the counter (there was only one), the lines were slow and impatient. My dad took me to the airport this morning. It took me everything in me to not burst out into tears when I said bye to him. But that’s me all the time. I hate saying bye even though I know it’s only temporary. I’m such a softy. After getting through security, it was easy-peasy.

Until…

I went to go buy a water bottle at one of the stores in the terminal and when I looked in my wallet I noticed I didn’t have my credit card nor debit card! It was incredible, really. I had taken them out to photocopy them so I could have a hard copy as well as one at home. I was copying everything in preparation. However, I have the worst habit of leaving whatever I am scanning in the scanner after use! I quickly texted my dad about the dilemma. The plan is to wait until I receive the correct mailing address and then the cards will be mailed to me. Luckily, I have more than enough to survive for at least a month in Japan and I’m going to play it smart.

How? By writing EVERYTHING down. I plan to be very articulate about money I spend and managing it.

My first leg of the trip was to get to Newark. Boarding started at 05:08, ended at 05:28, and take-off was around 05:55. It was an extremely short flight! Only about half and hour. Newark has definitely changed in the last 5 years since the last time I have been here. It’s been upgraded and modernized quite a bit on the inside. It’s also an absolutely beautiful morning here in Newark. Watching the sunrise is definitely one of my favorite things to do but I am rarely awake to see it. It’s clear skies and 13º outside currently (07:48). Back in my hometown, it is currently 0º and clear skies. Despite being dreadfully cold out, I love watching winter sunrises. At the current hour, it is about 22:00 in Tokyo and it’s a wonderful 46º!! And it looks like the weather doesn’t really dip below 30º most days/nights. I really can’t wait but at the same time… I’m terrified!

Currently waiting in the terminal for the last leg of the trip. A whopping 14 hour flight!

For now, that is all! The next post will either be while I’m on the plane or when I’m in Japan! How exciting!

Until the next post~

[samanthasroberts]

27 Of My Most Cringeworthy Moments From My Early Twenties I Will Recount Here For Your Entertainment

If you are my mother or my father or are in any way affiliated with them, please stop reading right here. Unless you’re Aunt Julie. Because you can hang, Jules.

1. I once locked myself into a bathroom with several cases of beer, because the cops showed up to a college party. I declared it my throne and proceeded to continue to drink cans of Coors Light for over an hour BY MYSELF until I decided it was safe to emerge.

2. After my 21st birthday party, I fell asleep on my staircase with my tights midway down my legs cradling my then baby dog and assuring her over and over, “You’re so beautiful.” I woke up to her chewing on my hair.

3. I played Peter Pan in college and had some sort of weird virus that resulted in 85% of my body being covered in hives. I was released from the ER after my school’s health center sent me there post thinking I was going into anaphylactic shock, but I had to do press and several photo shoots for the show. So now, there are photos of me (that yes, you can find) dressed as Peter Pan, flying around, while on several milligrams of Valium. Gives a whole new meaning to “flying high.” (sorry I had to.)

4. Once I got drunk in a field solely so I could hang out with a goat named Penelope. Here’s a picture:

5. My boyfriend for the latter half of my early twenties was around a year younger than me. So he couldn’t drink with me (in public anyway) at my 22nd and instead had to take care of me, bless his heart. On my 21st birthday a friend had challenged me to take a shot of SUPER cheap whiskey and I’d managed to do it. On my 22nd I tried to complete that same challenge and ended up puking into a cloth napkin, and sneakily throwing it away in the trash. My boyfriend promptly took me home after.

6. Another throw up story (let’s just stick with the theme) involved a pint glass. A party was being thrown at my ex’s house and naturally, I didn’t want to attend. One of my best guyfriend’s offered to accompany me to a bar near said ex’s place called “The Town And Country Lounge” which is a bar in a refurbished double wide. We sat there for approximately two to three hours, drinking cheap beer and shooting whiskey. The last shot of Jameson I did didn’t sit well, and I ended up methodically vomitting into the pint glass next to me, filling it straight to the brim. Surprisingly though, I didn’t spill.

7. At 25 I got so heated with a cab driver after a long night that he ended up calling the police on me. From my own phone. Saving that whole story for my eventual Lifetime movie. But it happened.

8. I went to a One Direction concert and a stranger who was drunk and talking animatedly with his hands clocked me straight in the face. I told him it was okay, I missed Zayn too. Again here’s a photo from said evening:

9. At 25 I sent presents to some dude who wrote for the same website as me, because I thought it meant we’d be friends. Now I’m pretty sure he just wanted to have phone sex (never did) because he was lonely as he stopped talking to me the SECOND there was a possibility of us hanging out IRL. Learn from my mistakes kids: don’t send flat-brims to people just because they’re sad. Save that money.

10. I left my number on more coasters and napkins for cute bartenders than I can even remember. It’s not really a cute move though, and I fully shake my head at myself now.

11. I sort of notoriously trolled a guy on Tinder and wrote about it. It made a lot of people really mad. I still stand by my original intent of writing the piece, which was/is that it’s kind of fucked up that we laugh when people threaten us or harass us or even just get rude, but I didn’t execute this well at all. Like honestly, I am linking to it and saying, “I think this ispoorlywritten and I am the one who wrote it.” BUT – I don’t believe in deleting work even when I don’t really relate to it anymore or even when it doesn’t garner the reaction I was hoping for. Instead I just shake my head when I get random messages about this piece (yes, even over a year later) and use it as a reminder to always do better.

12.After my first big breakup I decided to get out of a dodge for a bit and flew home to be with my parents and my childhood best friends. Only problem, I was flying out of my college town on my ex’s birthday. And apparently, his parents were also flying out on the same flight to go on vacation. I was in first class (not bougie – just the only ticket that was available) and they had to awkwardly stand beside me waiting to get to their seats. One of my absolute least favorite memories.

13. I impulsively got a tattoo with a sort of boyfriend one day on my ribs. I didn’t really WANT a rib tattoo but this dude told me it was “so sexy” so I caved. I also made the mistake of not going to a reputable artist, and frankly the tattoo looks like shit now. Eventually I’ll get it covered up but for now, the scratchy quote stays. Here’s another a picture so you can see visual representation of my mistakes!! Yay!

"curiosity often leads to trouble."

A photo posted by Kendra Syrdal (@kendrasyrdal) on Apr 6, 2013 at 4:58pm PDT

14. Once I went out on a date with a guy who actually, seriously quoted that fucking AWFUL book about picking up women called and I didn’t leave. Not only did I not leave, but I let him stay the night at my apartment (didn’t hook up with him because I maintained SOME level of self-respect) AND let him shower in the morning. He used my brand new, pretty spendy Sephora bubble bath as body wash, and opened brand new shampoo. He wanted to have a “discussion” after I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. Yeah…I pick winners.

15.For my 20th birthday party I threw a joint birthday party with my friend Nicki that was “P” themed. This meant everyone who came to the party had to come dressed as something that started with the letter P. (Best costume was this dude Kyle who came as the preamble. It was gold.) The only other rule was that no one could come as a princess because that’s what Nicki and I were being. I dressed like this:

16.I was so in love with a boy that I bought him Decemberists tickets for literally no reason. Actually, come to think of it, a lot of the moments where I look at my younger self and go, “What the actual fuck were you thinking?!” have to do with spending money on boys who didn’t appreciate me. My therapist told me that I show affection through material goods because I have difficulty expressing emotions. Whatever, I’m working on it.

17.I have written so many prose pieces about guys who I knew were pulling away from me in a sad, pathetic attempt to try and make them see that I was worth their time and attention. Spoiler alert: If a guy doesn’t even read your stuff to begin with, this will literally never work.

18. At 23 I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s 21st birthday and the two of us go so lit up before going to the wax museum that we found a karaoke machine (it’s next to the was figure of Simon Cowell) and started serenading the entire museum with renditions of Celine Dion hits like “Taking Chances” and “The Power of Love.” We attempted to shake his hand after. We cleared the room of 70+ people. What I’m saying is, it was embarrassing.

19. I was really bad about remembering to renew my tags for my car in college and was pulled over for said offense one summer, and still didn’t renew my tags. 7 months (yes I know, I was/am the worst) later I was pulled over AGAIN for the same thing. Apparently there was a warrant out for my arrest and the officer decided midnight was the appropriate time to lecture me about this. Catch? I had just finished a performance ofwhich, if you’re not familiar, is set in Japan. So I was in FULL kabuki makeup while this policeman decided to lecture me about my fuck up. I was sobbing, Ben Nye makeup was smearing everywhere, he felt pretty bad. It was overall just a mess. But I didn’t go to jail. Thanks, Missoula Cop who didn’t take me in while I was still rocking the geisha makeup. I really appreciate it.

20.Iwas feeling vulnerable and sad one Halloween and decided the cure to this was hooking up with my friend’s much younger, VERY hot, trying to be a stripper friend. It was fine, it was whatever. But we hooked up on the floor of an apartment which was basically concrete. I ended up slipping a disc, bruising my tailbone, and having to spend the next 3 months getting chiropractic work to make my back okay again.He was hot, but not hot enough to justify that amount of back pain. #srynotsry

21.I got violently ill once from antibiotics and promptly shit in my leggings after trusting the fart. There is more to the story but again, saving it for my future bestseller.

22. I thought this was a good look. And also did this in public.

23.In college I played Columbia in the live musical version of where, for the midnight shows only, we were topless. I debated about it, but it was a paid gig and I felt fine about it so I decided sure, why not. My boyfriend at the time was NOT okay with it. I later found out he adamantly REFUSED to let his friends come to the show, even going so far as to pay them back for the tickets they had already purchased. I didn’t find this out for years and it still makes me super embarrassed for his behavior.

24.A guy broke up with me when I was 25 because I didn’t make enough eye contact. That was his honest to god reason. (Still bitter.)

25.I went on a mini vacation with some friends to Austin, Texas for my 26th birthday and decided to really just GO for it when I was there. This meant doing one of the ultimate “why not” moments: the Tinder one night stand. Only problem? We didn’t know our way around Texas and I didn’t bring any condoms. So my solution was to have Postmates deliver them. I didn’t even try to play it off and ordered like, chips and gum to make it better. I straight up just ordered a box of 16 Trojan’s to the AirBnb. The delivery man was loling, my “date” was loling, my friends were loling. It was lols all around. 10/10 recommend.

26. A friend of mine came to Seattle for an audition and I took her out one night to blow off some steam/show her the city. We ended up drinking all night with a professional indoor soccer team from Vegas, and I definitely got naked in a photobooth with a bunch of them. Somehow though, I still didn’t get laid. Only I could be one of two girls surrounded by a bunch of guys who were hot, professional athletes, show them all of my tattoos that required me taking my clothes off, and end up going home to eat queso in bed.

27.I lived. I made memories. Or I had those memories told back to me because I didn’t really…well… them. And even though sometimes that makes me all “god dammit smdh” I honestly think it’s pretty dope that I have all of these stories – cringeworthy or what have you.

Plus I once peed on my neighbor’s lawn furniture because she was threatening to call the cops on my Harry Potter themed party. And you can’t pay money for those kinds of stories.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/30/27-of-my-most-cringeworthy-moments-from-my-early-twenties-i-will-recount-here-for-your-entertainment/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/08/30/27-of-my-most-cringeworthy-moments-from-my-early-twenties-i-will-recount-here-for-your-entertainment/

[adambstingus]

27 Of My Most Cringeworthy Moments From My Early Twenties I Will Recount Here For Your Entertainment

If you are my mother or my father or are in any way affiliated with them, please stop reading right here. Unless you’re Aunt Julie. Because you can hang, Jules.

1. I once locked myself into a bathroom with several cases of beer, because the cops showed up to a college party. I declared it my throne and proceeded to continue to drink cans of Coors Light for over an hour BY MYSELF until I decided it was safe to emerge.

2. After my 21st birthday party, I fell asleep on my staircase with my tights midway down my legs cradling my then baby dog and assuring her over and over, “You’re so beautiful.” I woke up to her chewing on my hair.

3. I played Peter Pan in college and had some sort of weird virus that resulted in 85% of my body being covered in hives. I was released from the ER after my school’s health center sent me there post thinking I was going into anaphylactic shock, but I had to do press and several photo shoots for the show. So now, there are photos of me (that yes, you can find) dressed as Peter Pan, flying around, while on several milligrams of Valium. Gives a whole new meaning to “flying high.” (sorry I had to.)

4. Once I got drunk in a field solely so I could hang out with a goat named Penelope. Here’s a picture:

5. My boyfriend for the latter half of my early twenties was around a year younger than me. So he couldn’t drink with me (in public anyway) at my 22nd and instead had to take care of me, bless his heart. On my 21st birthday a friend had challenged me to take a shot of SUPER cheap whiskey and I’d managed to do it. On my 22nd I tried to complete that same challenge and ended up puking into a cloth napkin, and sneakily throwing it away in the trash. My boyfriend promptly took me home after.

6. Another throw up story (let’s just stick with the theme) involved a pint glass. A party was being thrown at my ex’s house and naturally, I didn’t want to attend. One of my best guyfriend’s offered to accompany me to a bar near said ex’s place called “The Town And Country Lounge” which is a bar in a refurbished double wide. We sat there for approximately two to three hours, drinking cheap beer and shooting whiskey. The last shot of Jameson I did didn’t sit well, and I ended up methodically vomitting into the pint glass next to me, filling it straight to the brim. Surprisingly though, I didn’t spill.

7. At 25 I got so heated with a cab driver after a long night that he ended up calling the police on me. From my own phone. Saving that whole story for my eventual Lifetime movie. But it happened.

8. I went to a One Direction concert and a stranger who was drunk and talking animatedly with his hands clocked me straight in the face. I told him it was okay, I missed Zayn too. Again here’s a photo from said evening:

9. At 25 I sent presents to some dude who wrote for the same website as me, because I thought it meant we’d be friends. Now I’m pretty sure he just wanted to have phone sex (never did) because he was lonely as he stopped talking to me the SECOND there was a possibility of us hanging out IRL. Learn from my mistakes kids: don’t send flat-brims to people just because they’re sad. Save that money.

10. I left my number on more coasters and napkins for cute bartenders than I can even remember. It’s not really a cute move though, and I fully shake my head at myself now.

11. I sort of notoriously trolled a guy on Tinder and wrote about it. It made a lot of people really mad. I still stand by my original intent of writing the piece, which was/is that it’s kind of fucked up that we laugh when people threaten us or harass us or even just get rude, but I didn’t execute this well at all. Like honestly, I am linking to it and saying, “I think this ispoorlywritten and I am the one who wrote it.” BUT – I don’t believe in deleting work even when I don’t really relate to it anymore or even when it doesn’t garner the reaction I was hoping for. Instead I just shake my head when I get random messages about this piece (yes, even over a year later) and use it as a reminder to always do better.

12.After my first big breakup I decided to get out of a dodge for a bit and flew home to be with my parents and my childhood best friends. Only problem, I was flying out of my college town on my ex’s birthday. And apparently, his parents were also flying out on the same flight to go on vacation. I was in first class (not bougie – just the only ticket that was available) and they had to awkwardly stand beside me waiting to get to their seats. One of my absolute least favorite memories.

13. I impulsively got a tattoo with a sort of boyfriend one day on my ribs. I didn’t really WANT a rib tattoo but this dude told me it was “so sexy” so I caved. I also made the mistake of not going to a reputable artist, and frankly the tattoo looks like shit now. Eventually I’ll get it covered up but for now, the scratchy quote stays. Here’s another a picture so you can see visual representation of my mistakes!! Yay!

“curiosity often leads to trouble.”

A photo posted by Kendra Syrdal (@kendrasyrdal) on Apr 6, 2013 at 4:58pm PDT

14. Once I went out on a date with a guy who actually, seriously quoted that fucking AWFUL book about picking up women called and I didn’t leave. Not only did I not leave, but I let him stay the night at my apartment (didn’t hook up with him because I maintained SOME level of self-respect) AND let him shower in the morning. He used my brand new, pretty spendy Sephora bubble bath as body wash, and opened brand new shampoo. He wanted to have a “discussion” after I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. Yeah…I pick winners.

15.For my 20th birthday party I threw a joint birthday party with my friend Nicki that was “P” themed. This meant everyone who came to the party had to come dressed as something that started with the letter P. (Best costume was this dude Kyle who came as the preamble. It was gold.) The only other rule was that no one could come as a princess because that’s what Nicki and I were being. I dressed like this:

16.I was so in love with a boy that I bought him Decemberists tickets for literally no reason. Actually, come to think of it, a lot of the moments where I look at my younger self and go, “What the actual fuck were you thinking?!” have to do with spending money on boys who didn’t appreciate me. My therapist told me that I show affection through material goods because I have difficulty expressing emotions. Whatever, I’m working on it.

17.I have written so many prose pieces about guys who I knew were pulling away from me in a sad, pathetic attempt to try and make them see that I was worth their time and attention. Spoiler alert: If a guy doesn’t even read your stuff to begin with, this will literally never work.

18. At 23 I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s 21st birthday and the two of us go so lit up before going to the wax museum that we found a karaoke machine (it’s next to the was figure of Simon Cowell) and started serenading the entire museum with renditions of Celine Dion hits like “Taking Chances” and “The Power of Love.” We attempted to shake his hand after. We cleared the room of 70+ people. What I’m saying is, it was embarrassing.

19. I was really bad about remembering to renew my tags for my car in college and was pulled over for said offense one summer, and still didn’t renew my tags. 7 months (yes I know, I was/am the worst) later I was pulled over AGAIN for the same thing. Apparently there was a warrant out for my arrest and the officer decided midnight was the appropriate time to lecture me about this. Catch? I had just finished a performance ofwhich, if you’re not familiar, is set in Japan. So I was in FULL kabuki makeup while this policeman decided to lecture me about my fuck up. I was sobbing, Ben Nye makeup was smearing everywhere, he felt pretty bad. It was overall just a mess. But I didn’t go to jail. Thanks, Missoula Cop who didn’t take me in while I was still rocking the geisha makeup. I really appreciate it.

20.Iwas feeling vulnerable and sad one Halloween and decided the cure to this was hooking up with my friend’s much younger, VERY hot, trying to be a stripper friend. It was fine, it was whatever. But we hooked up on the floor of an apartment which was basically concrete. I ended up slipping a disc, bruising my tailbone, and having to spend the next 3 months getting chiropractic work to make my back okay again.He was hot, but not hot enough to justify that amount of back pain. #srynotsry

21.I got violently ill once from antibiotics and promptly shit in my leggings after trusting the fart. There is more to the story but again, saving it for my future bestseller.

22. I thought this was a good look. And also did this in public.

23.In college I played Columbia in the live musical version of where, for the midnight shows only, we were topless. I debated about it, but it was a paid gig and I felt fine about it so I decided sure, why not. My boyfriend at the time was NOT okay with it. I later found out he adamantly REFUSED to let his friends come to the show, even going so far as to pay them back for the tickets they had already purchased. I didn’t find this out for years and it still makes me super embarrassed for his behavior.

24.A guy broke up with me when I was 25 because I didn’t make enough eye contact. That was his honest to god reason. (Still bitter.)

25.I went on a mini vacation with some friends to Austin, Texas for my 26th birthday and decided to really just GO for it when I was there. This meant doing one of the ultimate “why not” moments: the Tinder one night stand. Only problem? We didn’t know our way around Texas and I didn’t bring any condoms. So my solution was to have Postmates deliver them. I didn’t even try to play it off and ordered like, chips and gum to make it better. I straight up just ordered a box of 16 Trojan’s to the AirBnb. The delivery man was loling, my “date” was loling, my friends were loling. It was lols all around. 10/10 recommend.

26. A friend of mine came to Seattle for an audition and I took her out one night to blow off some steam/show her the city. We ended up drinking all night with a professional indoor soccer team from Vegas, and I definitely got naked in a photobooth with a bunch of them. Somehow though, I still didn’t get laid. Only I could be one of two girls surrounded by a bunch of guys who were hot, professional athletes, show them all of my tattoos that required me taking my clothes off, and end up going home to eat queso in bed.

27.I lived. I made memories. Or I had those memories told back to me because I didn’t really…well… them. And even though sometimes that makes me all “god dammit smdh” I honestly think it’s pretty dope that I have all of these stories – cringeworthy or what have you.

Plus I once peed on my neighbor’s lawn furniture because she was threatening to call the cops on my Harry Potter themed party. And you can’t pay money for those kinds of stories.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/30/27-of-my-most-cringeworthy-moments-from-my-early-twenties-i-will-recount-here-for-your-entertainment/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/164769835047

[allofbeercom]

27 Of My Most Cringeworthy Moments From My Early Twenties I Will Recount Here For Your Entertainment

If you are my mother or my father or are in any way affiliated with them, please stop reading right here. Unless you’re Aunt Julie. Because you can hang, Jules.

1. I once locked myself into a bathroom with several cases of beer, because the cops showed up to a college party. I declared it my throne and proceeded to continue to drink cans of Coors Light for over an hour BY MYSELF until I decided it was safe to emerge.

2. After my 21st birthday party, I fell asleep on my staircase with my tights midway down my legs cradling my then baby dog and assuring her over and over, “You’re so beautiful.” I woke up to her chewing on my hair.

3. I played Peter Pan in college and had some sort of weird virus that resulted in 85% of my body being covered in hives. I was released from the ER after my school’s health center sent me there post thinking I was going into anaphylactic shock, but I had to do press and several photo shoots for the show. So now, there are photos of me (that yes, you can find) dressed as Peter Pan, flying around, while on several milligrams of Valium. Gives a whole new meaning to “flying high.” (sorry I had to.)

4. Once I got drunk in a field solely so I could hang out with a goat named Penelope. Here’s a picture:

5. My boyfriend for the latter half of my early twenties was around a year younger than me. So he couldn’t drink with me (in public anyway) at my 22nd and instead had to take care of me, bless his heart. On my 21st birthday a friend had challenged me to take a shot of SUPER cheap whiskey and I’d managed to do it. On my 22nd I tried to complete that same challenge and ended up puking into a cloth napkin, and sneakily throwing it away in the trash. My boyfriend promptly took me home after.

6. Another throw up story (let’s just stick with the theme) involved a pint glass. A party was being thrown at my ex’s house and naturally, I didn’t want to attend. One of my best guyfriend’s offered to accompany me to a bar near said ex’s place called “The Town And Country Lounge” which is a bar in a refurbished double wide. We sat there for approximately two to three hours, drinking cheap beer and shooting whiskey. The last shot of Jameson I did didn’t sit well, and I ended up methodically vomitting into the pint glass next to me, filling it straight to the brim. Surprisingly though, I didn’t spill.

7. At 25 I got so heated with a cab driver after a long night that he ended up calling the police on me. From my own phone. Saving that whole story for my eventual Lifetime movie. But it happened.

8. I went to a One Direction concert and a stranger who was drunk and talking animatedly with his hands clocked me straight in the face. I told him it was okay, I missed Zayn too. Again here’s a photo from said evening:

9. At 25 I sent presents to some dude who wrote for the same website as me, because I thought it meant we’d be friends. Now I’m pretty sure he just wanted to have phone sex (never did) because he was lonely as he stopped talking to me the SECOND there was a possibility of us hanging out IRL. Learn from my mistakes kids: don’t send flat-brims to people just because they’re sad. Save that money.

10. I left my number on more coasters and napkins for cute bartenders than I can even remember. It’s not really a cute move though, and I fully shake my head at myself now.

11. I sort of notoriously trolled a guy on Tinder and wrote about it. It made a lot of people really mad. I still stand by my original intent of writing the piece, which was/is that it’s kind of fucked up that we laugh when people threaten us or harass us or even just get rude, but I didn’t execute this well at all. Like honestly, I am linking to it and saying, “I think this ispoorlywritten and I am the one who wrote it.” BUT – I don’t believe in deleting work even when I don’t really relate to it anymore or even when it doesn’t garner the reaction I was hoping for. Instead I just shake my head when I get random messages about this piece (yes, even over a year later) and use it as a reminder to always do better.

12.After my first big breakup I decided to get out of a dodge for a bit and flew home to be with my parents and my childhood best friends. Only problem, I was flying out of my college town on my ex’s birthday. And apparently, his parents were also flying out on the same flight to go on vacation. I was in first class (not bougie – just the only ticket that was available) and they had to awkwardly stand beside me waiting to get to their seats. One of my absolute least favorite memories.

13. I impulsively got a tattoo with a sort of boyfriend one day on my ribs. I didn’t really WANT a rib tattoo but this dude told me it was “so sexy” so I caved. I also made the mistake of not going to a reputable artist, and frankly the tattoo looks like shit now. Eventually I’ll get it covered up but for now, the scratchy quote stays. Here’s another a picture so you can see visual representation of my mistakes!! Yay!

"curiosity often leads to trouble."

A photo posted by Kendra Syrdal (@kendrasyrdal) on Apr 6, 2013 at 4:58pm PDT

14. Once I went out on a date with a guy who actually, seriously quoted that fucking AWFUL book about picking up women called and I didn’t leave. Not only did I not leave, but I let him stay the night at my apartment (didn’t hook up with him because I maintained SOME level of self-respect) AND let him shower in the morning. He used my brand new, pretty spendy Sephora bubble bath as body wash, and opened brand new shampoo. He wanted to have a “discussion” after I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. Yeah…I pick winners.

15.For my 20th birthday party I threw a joint birthday party with my friend Nicki that was “P” themed. This meant everyone who came to the party had to come dressed as something that started with the letter P. (Best costume was this dude Kyle who came as the preamble. It was gold.) The only other rule was that no one could come as a princess because that’s what Nicki and I were being. I dressed like this:

16.I was so in love with a boy that I bought him Decemberists tickets for literally no reason. Actually, come to think of it, a lot of the moments where I look at my younger self and go, “What the actual fuck were you thinking?!” have to do with spending money on boys who didn’t appreciate me. My therapist told me that I show affection through material goods because I have difficulty expressing emotions. Whatever, I’m working on it.

17.I have written so many prose pieces about guys who I knew were pulling away from me in a sad, pathetic attempt to try and make them see that I was worth their time and attention. Spoiler alert: If a guy doesn’t even read your stuff to begin with, this will literally never work.

18. At 23 I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s 21st birthday and the two of us go so lit up before going to the wax museum that we found a karaoke machine (it’s next to the was figure of Simon Cowell) and started serenading the entire museum with renditions of Celine Dion hits like “Taking Chances” and “The Power of Love.” We attempted to shake his hand after. We cleared the room of 70+ people. What I’m saying is, it was embarrassing.

19. I was really bad about remembering to renew my tags for my car in college and was pulled over for said offense one summer, and still didn’t renew my tags. 7 months (yes I know, I was/am the worst) later I was pulled over AGAIN for the same thing. Apparently there was a warrant out for my arrest and the officer decided midnight was the appropriate time to lecture me about this. Catch? I had just finished a performance ofwhich, if you’re not familiar, is set in Japan. So I was in FULL kabuki makeup while this policeman decided to lecture me about my fuck up. I was sobbing, Ben Nye makeup was smearing everywhere, he felt pretty bad. It was overall just a mess. But I didn’t go to jail. Thanks, Missoula Cop who didn’t take me in while I was still rocking the geisha makeup. I really appreciate it.

20.Iwas feeling vulnerable and sad one Halloween and decided the cure to this was hooking up with my friend’s much younger, VERY hot, trying to be a stripper friend. It was fine, it was whatever. But we hooked up on the floor of an apartment which was basically concrete. I ended up slipping a disc, bruising my tailbone, and having to spend the next 3 months getting chiropractic work to make my back okay again.He was hot, but not hot enough to justify that amount of back pain. #srynotsry

21.I got violently ill once from antibiotics and promptly shit in my leggings after trusting the fart. There is more to the story but again, saving it for my future bestseller.

22. I thought this was a good look. And also did this in public.

23.In college I played Columbia in the live musical version of where, for the midnight shows only, we were topless. I debated about it, but it was a paid gig and I felt fine about it so I decided sure, why not. My boyfriend at the time was NOT okay with it. I later found out he adamantly REFUSED to let his friends come to the show, even going so far as to pay them back for the tickets they had already purchased. I didn’t find this out for years and it still makes me super embarrassed for his behavior.

24.A guy broke up with me when I was 25 because I didn’t make enough eye contact. That was his honest to god reason. (Still bitter.)

25.I went on a mini vacation with some friends to Austin, Texas for my 26th birthday and decided to really just GO for it when I was there. This meant doing one of the ultimate “why not” moments: the Tinder one night stand. Only problem? We didn’t know our way around Texas and I didn’t bring any condoms. So my solution was to have Postmates deliver them. I didn’t even try to play it off and ordered like, chips and gum to make it better. I straight up just ordered a box of 16 Trojan’s to the AirBnb. The delivery man was loling, my “date” was loling, my friends were loling. It was lols all around. 10/10 recommend.

26. A friend of mine came to Seattle for an audition and I took her out one night to blow off some steam/show her the city. We ended up drinking all night with a professional indoor soccer team from Vegas, and I definitely got naked in a photobooth with a bunch of them. Somehow though, I still didn’t get laid. Only I could be one of two girls surrounded by a bunch of guys who were hot, professional athletes, show them all of my tattoos that required me taking my clothes off, and end up going home to eat queso in bed.

27.I lived. I made memories. Or I had those memories told back to me because I didn’t really…well… them. And even though sometimes that makes me all “god dammit smdh” I honestly think it’s pretty dope that I have all of these stories – cringeworthy or what have you.

Plus I once peed on my neighbor’s lawn furniture because she was threatening to call the cops on my Harry Potter themed party. And you can’t pay money for those kinds of stories.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/30/27-of-my-most-cringeworthy-moments-from-my-early-twenties-i-will-recount-here-for-your-entertainment/