#most of it is obvious violent sickening jealousy but. i think a lot of it is also just the christian trauma & stuffs. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dollmoth-productions · 3 years ago

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@ablobwhowrites accidentally put this in the wrong blog I believe so I'll just write it on here I just platonic because Mac is only 17 and no King Hippo or balls balls since I can't really think of anything for him because I can't really think of a scenario for him

Platonic yandere boxers fighting for your attention

⚠️OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR STALKING POSSESSIVE BEHAVIOR MURDER BLOOD I DO NOT DO THIS IS IS NOT GOOD ⚠️

Minor circuit

Glass joe

❤ although last Joe was pretty cowardice he was very nice to you when you first joined he admired your spunk he offered to be your first opponent actually although you were knocked out a few times you were obviously beaten up pretty severely but you always got up

❤ immediately after the fight he came up to you and and asked if you were okay you better get used to this reassurance from anyone besides Mac and Doc

❤ after that you too pretty close you two even started training together even though he refuse to lay a hand on you you would always hit him and well it would feel like a brick

❤ when it was your turn to fight disco kid he felt a sense of jealousy play she never felt before he would glare at this go to the point where he could feel something burning through his head

❤ let's just say that's not the first time or the last time something like that would happened

💙Disco kid💙

💙 when you first I'm there it was pretty obvious he would be instantly attracted to you in some way not in the way that you think but in a way of a you're interesting I like that

💙 when it was your turn to fight him you were a lot better than last time and actually landed a bunch of punches in a way you didn't want to hurt you but he knew he had to this was a point of boxing

💙 well let's just say that didn't last long when it was your turn to go against to Von Kaiser like glass Joey fellows sense of jealousy he never felt it was more malicious than he ever expected he was just trying his best the living do for the flow but he couldn't help but be passive aggressive at him

💙 he was always by your side at this point same with glass Joe but they were always at each other's throats making comments or even threatening each other you would always have to but them apart

💙 he started acting the same to almost everyone in the ring to the point where it became obvious

🖤 von Kaiser 🖤

🖤 he's pretty good at being a trainer but what shocked and it is how young you were yet you were so powerful he never met a kid with quite your strength can I hear you quite a lot even complimented you afterwards

🖤 but afterwards when you were getting ready to fight King Hippo he saw the two boxers fighting over your attention he thought it was childish until you started paying attention to someone that wasn't him he saw a sickening feeling down in his stomach

🖤 although he was usually a very tough teacher he gave you most of his praise mostly dragging you away from other people so you can be only by him it was very obvious that he was acting like the rest

🖤When was your turn to fight the Champions she's going to have to do it but you mostly just pushed him away like the rest he understood your curiosity to fight King Hippo but he didn't want you to be hurt

🖤 he soon started fighting with everyone like the rest it soon became a lot more violent than everyone expected it wasn't very pretty at all

Major circuit

Piston Hondo

❤ when you first came up to him he was shocked he thought that Little Mac was bad but you were strong and respectful and he felt a certain protective feeling about you she never wanted to leave your side no matter what you will knock down a lot but you always got back up

❤ surprisingly when he she was finally knocked down you could see a smile you didn't know if it was respectful malicious or even worse but it seemed off but you knew who was coming next bearhugger one of the toughest boxers around

❤ when you started training he applied to be your coach you tried to refuse but he was so convincing of course when you two started training it was very one-sided he would always let you win and you watching The Challenge you started pressuring him to start actually you know fighting

❤ of course when you really want to challenge he wouldn't give it to you he was too scared of harming you so he decided to sit back and let doc continue to train you

❤ once he was given the chance he sat down and watched your next fight but so did the rest of the minor circuit of course they were still fighting for your attention and wearing all your merch it was embarrassing to say the least but he was giving in he started fighting with the rest of them

Bearhugger

💙 first off this man is from Canada the North if you think he knows a lot about protection and fighting so he's really sweet really he really just stepped down so you can fight great tiger next

💙 if he is really a a very good cook and often brings you maple syrup and pancakes a lot of Pancakes you often can't even eat them all but the homemade maple syrup is very delicious

💙 soon he started following everyone else buying all your merch and basically just selling out all your tickets he loved your attention he love your smile your laugh everything he was basically like a dad to you but when you started paying attention to someone who wasn't him he became bitter and tyrannical

💙 it was obvious what was going on he was ending up like the rest jealousy and murderous he was a lot more on the violent side honestly one of the more scary ones

💙 you often got a lot of warm clothes from him he really expected the weather to be a lot like home but it was the thought that counts right

Great Tiger

🧡 actually he's pretty cool chill and sweet and actually lets you see his magic up front even though he's one of the least Jealous Ones he can be a little mean to the competitors he's actually one of the main competitors actually fight you

🧡 honestly he doesn't buy emerge besides a shirt but he does support you with your fight he's very tail because well he knows that you can do great things

🧡 although you were pretty tough he was definitely concerned with your with your health you always fought and you always got injured even more than mac

🧡 even though he's pretty to he's more on the violin side when it comes on he was jealousy he doesn't get jealous often but when he does it's dangerous

🧡 get ready for random hugs he will teleport behind you just to hug you and it will definitely be a shock but you don't mind it but it's scary to say the least how he knows where you are

Don Flamenco

❤ he's basically like the fun Uncle for you but he's very strict and probably one of the most jealous out of everyone it's very dangerous to make him angry and if he they even dare make you cry let's just say they won't come out alive

❤ it was pretty fun fighting him even though he got really angry and knocked off his toupee but you offered to buy him a new one with your money and she could only look at you with kindness afterwards

❤ but because I said he's the most jealous you feel like you're walking on eggshells half the time you can't even do anything without him glaring at the other boxer

❤ he is one of the many people who buys your merge and is very overly supportive to the point where it's a little embarrassing it's not even funny

❤ but this changed when you went to the world circuit he was becoming more angry and jealous and violent towards the other boxers

World circuit

Aran Ryan

💚 he always fights for your attention it's not even funny it is violent I mean if you thought Don Flamenco is bad get ready for him he will fall on pull you away from the other boxers or even headbutt them

💚 sense his lucky number is number seven he usually gets you 7 Things or seven clovers or anything seven

💚 but he does support you during your fights even though he's a little more crazy nothing gets kicked out he probably launched a firework in there one time

💚 no matter how you see it you're never getting rid of him literally he will pick you up and drag you away from everyone else just so he could have you for himself but this will lead into a severe fight

💚 he probably bite the people at this point it's very dangerous to even get him angry even though you're not walking on eggshells

Soda popinski

💜 he's really chill despite everything but not the chillest he'll probably drag you away like the rest he will support you and even give you some soda

💜 you couldn't describe the flavor but it was very sweet and you loved it it fills you with energy and you were able to fight your next round you were so tough it shocked and despite your age

💜 when you knocked him down you earned his respect and his admiration which led him to act like the rest jealous toxic Etc but despite that you tried to keep a good relationship with him even though he was ending up like the rest

💜 he would be the second most violent in the fight for your intention even trying to buy your attention with gifts Food House he'll even your own boxing ring but it didn't really work

💜 but you try your best to be sweet and kind to all of them but she will always be the nicest to you at least try to do it earlier affection

Super Macho Man

💙 he will buy you anything and everything you want he's Rich a app so you should really expect anything from him hell he'll even by McDonald's for you

💙 he would be the chillest out of everyone he will probably buy the most merch out of everybody because he can Flex she will buy the newest or unreleased months just to gloat to the other boxes to say that he's better

💙 and when you're even having meetups he will buy a bunch of tickets and possibly give it out to the other boxers if they beg but he will definitely brag to everyone that he knows much more about you than everyone else he is a little bit of a bastard at that

💙 even though they all hated each other they started planning something together

💙 but my God the idea that he had was Bloody amazing

Mr.Sandman

🖤 surprisingly she is in a yandere he's actually trying to get you out of the situation he's chill

🖤 it honestly was shocking to say the least you became really close with him afterwards because well he wasn't acting like a psychopath to you

🖤 but that all changed when the plan went into action the boxers cornered him and well they threatened him even though it wasn't talking to him he was still terrified

🖤 but he stepped back and stop talking to you out of his own safety even though it hurts him severely he had to do it his family was in danger it scared and to say the least why they were acting like this

Doc and little mac

❤ they are Duo and it is crazy how they worked with the plan because well Hender plan was they were going to share you even though it's scary

💚 Mac is the least violent but he does hunger for your attention most time the most the time you'll be very sweet and follow the rules of what they planned

❤ it's pretty scary how much doc knows about you in general and she did learn more about you especially with research pretend it's a lease that you wanted to quit boxing because of how everything was going it was scaring you in he couldn't have that so he had to tell everyone to calm down

💚 even back agreed that they were being a little scary and they all agreed to calm down but with the people who were working together to grab your attention they were planning on breaking you out so you would be safe

💚❤ that wasn't going to do not for anyone

I am never doing this again-

This was too many characters but it was fun

In a few years

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1994sunflower · 4 years ago

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locked out of heaven. (m.c)

pairing: michael clifford x reader

genre: angst

word count: 10.2k

involves: infidelity, light self-deprecation, language, mentions of sex, mentions of violence

summary: every dream had its ending. the moment where you wake up and reality hits you. that was how it felt when, at a moment where it felt like everything was perfect, everything was normal (especially your relationship with michael), everything came crashing down. after that, nothing was the same, it couldn’t be.

this is the sequel to heaven to you. read that first to understand this story.

heaven to you. | part two

There was a lot that came with dating Michael Clifford. You found that out quickly.

♔

It came with whispers.

Even with three years of dating him, those were the hardest to get used to. They were worse when you were with him. The constant stares and whispering rumors that you heard faintly in the background each time you walked or sat with him.

You weren’t really shocked. If you were an outsider looking in, you’re sure you would be equally as surprised by the couple as everyone else was. Though, you’d like to think you’d be more inconspicuous about it.

Your height difference was enough to pick up looks. You weren’t teeny tiny but you might has well have been when you’re next to him. Not only is your short stature obvious next to his tall one, where you have to crane your neck to look to his face. But even his shoulder widths were enough to cover your entire body. But you liked it, you liked feeling so small and protected with him and he liked protecting you. When he was standing behind you, he almost looked scary compared to you.

Scarier even was your personality difference.

You were a shy pacifist that preferred the silence of the library and your focus on academics. Soft colors made up your entire closet, your preference for lilac and baby pink obvious in your everyday outfits. You tried to be kind to everyone and a smile was always adorning your face.

Michael relied on violence and found solace in parties, alcohol and sex. He wasn’t good with school so he never tried and he had a rough past that landed him in jail more than once - a fact he seemed to pride himself on. His upper body was covered in tattoos that read out obscene words and scenes. His wardrobe was almost exclusively black and he was never in a good mood unless he was doing one of his aforementioned hobbies.

But you two worked. No one really understood why. You weren’t even sure yourself. But when you looked at Michael, you didn’t see his reputation. Instead you saw someone that made you feel accepted and electrified in every sense. He didn’t try to change you, instead he loved your innocence (maybe to a fault) and opened you up more to the world while simultaneously keeping you safe. You didn’t try to change him, you loved his tattoos and you respected his vices even if you didn’t agree with them while you simultaneously kept him grounded and as out of trouble as you could manage.

♔

It came with violence.

You hadn’t meant to walk in on the scene. You were going to be late to your biochemistry class after staying too long at your physic professor’s office hours. So you decided to take a shortcut: going behind the looming library building and through the bus loop.

But as soon as you reached the backside of the building, you saw Michael’s familiar figure. He wore a black leather jacket and tight jeans. His hair fell messily in front of his eyes. You almost called out to him before seeing his angry expression. A string of curse words left his mouth. Then your eyes trailed down and noticed another figure.

The smaller figure was curled up below Michael, trying to shield himself and was held up only by one of Michael’s hands twisted in his t-shirt. The other hand was punching the boy’s face and stomach violently and without hesitation. There was a sickening crunch each time his fists connected with the boy’s cheek.

The image of your boyfriend being so ruthless, with the smaller boy cowering under him and his attacks, left a bad taste in your mouth. You weren’t used to seeing him that way; this wasn’t the sweet, smiling boy you knew.

You weren’t naive, you knew he did this. But since you starting dating, he had been a lot better with controlling his anger, less people were beat up on the daily due to his fists. Obviously, today was not one of those days.

“Michael, stop!” You called out and immediately, his fists stopped their violent actions and he looked up to see you running to him. He never acted violently in front of you, going at lengths to wait for your departure to let out any frustration. Michael wanted to protect you. He didn’t want you to see him in that state and start to fear him, he didn’t want you to be around so much anger, especially his own. And now you knew why.

Michael had stepped away from the boy, watching you silently with clouded eyes. You stepped in between him and the still crouching boy.

“Are you okay?” You asked the boy in front of you, your eyebrows furrowed in worry. You leaned down to be at his eye level. The boy only stared at you.

Michael pulled you by your arm, placing your securely under his arm. “He’s fine.”

But the boy’s bloody face and scared eyes told a different story. But nonetheless, you allowed Michael to pull you away. You were just relieved he had listened to you and left the poor boy alone. You weren’t sure what he’d done to Michael but you knew from experience that even the smallest thing could set Michael off.

When you tried to look back, Michael’s body shielded you from the scene.

♔

Most of all, it came with some insecurities.

You were a virgin when you first met Michael. And Michael was, well, not.

Michael went to every big party campus had to offer. Parties - that’s what he became known for. He became king of the campus because of them.

In those parties, he did everything short of killing himself. He drank, he did drugs, and most importantly, he had sex. And a lot of it.

He went home with a different girl every night and made it quite obvious that he had absolutely no preference. All he asked for was someone hot and someone who could please him.

Whispers followed his name because of this. ‘He never fucks the same girl twice’ quickly became an almost motto for him. Well, except for you. You quickly not only became the exception to that rule, you also became the girl that broke it.

You knew how experienced he was when you first started dating. While that fact itself didn’t bother you, it actually ended up being a big asset to your sex life (because you couldn’t deny how good your boyfriend was in bed), to say you had been hesitant to have sex with Michael was an understatement. Not because you didn’t want to but because you were sure you wouldn’t measure up. You were inexperienced.

Luckily for you, your boyfriend seemed to have quite a preference for that. In fact, he loved it. He constantly told you how hot it was to be the only man to ever touch you, to be the one to take your virginity, to take your innocence. He would still mention it, especially in bed, even years later.

And while Michael had made sure any and all insecurities when it came to making love were destroyed, he couldn’t quite find a way to stop your other insecurities.

Mainly because they were personified every corner you turned. You saw all the girls before you that, while had never gotten to know him as intimately as you did or had ever been his girlfriends, had experienced him in the same way you did.

You wished you could say jealousy didn’t affect you. But as you saw the sheer number of them, walking alongside you on campus, sitting behind you in class, it was hard for it not to. Harder still, was to look at them and not compare yourself. Compare to the sexiness and seduction all of them exuded. Because while Michael said he had no type, cute was definitely not on the top of his list. Unfortunately for you, you seemed to embody that.

Worrying about being enough for Michael was a constant in your mind, at least when you were alone. Being in Michael’s presence somehow made any insecurity fade away into nothingness, replaced with only feelings of belonging and love.

♔

Two braids rested at the front of your black hair while the rest of it was in waves falling over your tan shoulders. In fact, your hair was covering your entire upper body as you folded your arms on the table in front of you and covered your face in that little sanctuary.

“Why is physics so hard?” You muffled out.

Ashton and Michael were seated in front of you in your little table at the student Union. While Ashton didn’t tear his eyes from his phone at your outburst, Michael ran his fingers through your hair comfortingly.

“You know what’ll make you feel better?” Ashton suddenly spoke, bringing both you and Michael out of your silent moment.

You raised your head just in time to see him push his phone out to both of you, a digital flyer for a sorority party was on screen. “It’s tonight.”

Michael stayed silent as you stared at Ashton with deadpanned eyes, “Don’t you have an exam tonight?”

You watched his excited grin fall in amusement. “Crap, I forgot.” His tongue poked at his inner cheek, “Well, you two can still go.”

Michael shook his head, “We’re just going to stay at home.”

You sighed before taking Michael’s bigger hand in your own. “I can’t today, Mikey. I have a big biochem exam tomorrow that I really have to study for.”

It was hard to miss Michael’s crestfallen expression. His plans had just fallen through and while, if it were any other class, any other exam, you would let him come over while you studied, you couldn’t this time. Especially when you knew if he was around, you wouldn’t exactly get much studying done.

“But you should still go!” You tugged up on his hand for emphasis. “Have fun, I know you haven’t been to a party in months.”

Which, truly, was an amazing feat for Michael. Considering how much he loved partying and how big of a portion in his life they were. Even more amazing was that he hadn’t been to a party alone in years. Since you started dating, to be exact. He did it for your benefit, really. He would always prefer being with you. But you trusted him more than anyone and you loved him more than anything which is why you wanted him to let loose, be social. Have a good time.

But Michael frowned slightly, “I can just chill at my house.”

Or study for your own exams, you stopped yourself from saying because that would only result in a huffy Michael, which wasn’t exactly prime for you to convince him of anything.

“Come on dude, there are some people on this campus that are forgetting who the king of greek life is.” Ashton pushed Michael’s shoulder, laughing. “Besides, you can go with Calum, he’s the one that sent me the invite.”

Calum was Ashton’s close friend, and Michael’s by association. You’d met him once or twice and his shy smile and kind eyes were enough for you like him. Michael liked him quite a bit too, for someone who hated nearly everyone. They weren’t as close as he was with Ashton especially since Calum lived with his frat but he was the guy Michael went to early on in his college career to get access to the parties he had become so known for and Michael appreciated him a lot.

So, that was all it took an already tempted Michael to smirk and nod back in agreement. “Fine. I’ll go check it out.”

You couldn’t help the smile that illuminated your face. After months of feeling guilty, like you were inadvertently forcing Michael to change and abandon his hobbies and interests, you finally felt relieved. It was also a plus that this would maybe soften Michael’s reputation of being untouchable enigma that had seemingly strengthened in force after the two of you had gotten more serious.

♔

You hadn’t talked to Michael since you left the Union. You went straight home to study and had fallen asleep in the middle of it. It was 10am when you finished your exam and you finally had a chance to call him.

If he ever picked up.

Usually he picked up immediately. But you had called twice and there was radio silence on his end. But, you didn’t fret much. Instances of his hangovers came to mind and him oversleeping was a very big possibility. So you didn’t think much before heading to his house. In fact, you expected to find the house deadly silent as Ashton was in class and Michael was passed out in his bedroom.

What you didn’t expect to find, as you used your key to the broken house, was to see Michael standing in the middle of the living room. He was shirtless, the artwork adorning his entire upper half on full display, his jeans unbuttoned and standing in front of the scratched up black couch that you had an unwarranted amount of fondness for.

Just his appearance itself wasn’t that jarring. What was though, was the half naked girl sitting on the couch, staring back at you. She was blonde with big blue eyes. Her slacked jaw and wide eyes should’ve been enough for you to connect the dots. Hell, her bundled up shirt that she clutched to cover herself up should’ve been enough.

But maybe it was because it was a truth you didn’t want to accept, that you didn’t want to make sense of. Maybe that was why nothing was clicking. In fact, you were frozen at the scene in front of you, unmoving and silent.

No. This couldn’t be happening. The world seemed to be crashing around you but you were stuck in place.

That was until you heard Michael’s familiar voice curse. “Y/N.” Was all he said and that was all it took.

Finally, your breath stuck in your throat. The tears sprung in your eyes. You felt dizzy and your body was cold with the fear and complete betrayal that soared through your blood. You couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t talk as you shook your head and took a step out of the house you no longer felt at home in.

The hurt was so much, it almost felt like it was manifesting itself into physical pain. That was the only explanation for the sharp stabs you felt to your person.

It was then that you finally registered him as a person that could hurt you, did hurt you. In the worse way possible. He cheated on you.

It was then that you saw him as the person everyone else had warned you he was.

You saw Michael’s face. The horror displayed so vividly on each detail of his face. His shining eyes wide with the fear of being caught, his eyebrows furrowed and his head shaking as if he himself were trying to reject what he had done. His tattooed arm stuck out as he took a step towards you, as if to try to grab you before you could leave.

But he was too late. You had already sprinted out of the doorway and into the sidewalk. And if you’re petite size gave you any advantage, is that you were fast. Faster than a half naked, barefoot Michael could be anyway. And that was what counted.

You barely heard the frantic calls of your name and the angry and tearful yell that followed them. But you didn’t stop, you didn’t care if you were making a scene. You only flinched particularly when you heard him kick a metal trashcan, the clanging sound making your already fast heartbeat go into overdrive.

Hot tears were streaming down your face by the time you got back to campus. You only stopped running then, when you knew there was no way he had followed you. You couldn’t breathe, your breaths were coming out in short spurts and you were gasping for air to fill them in. The world felt tilted and as if it was caving in around you.

You couldn’t talk either. You learned that the hard way when you picked up your phone and dialed the only person you wanted to see at the moment. “Maia?” Was the only thing you managed to get out before your words slurred as your cries got in the way and your vision blurred by the tears. You wanted to collapse, to give in and disappear. It felt like your heart was going to do so.

But first, you had to get away. Maybe then the betrayal would go away, too.

♔

Michael was seated in the same position he had been seated two hours ago. Right in front of your apartment door.

“Mike. Dude, don’t do this. Let’s just go home.”

Michael glared up at Ashton with tearful, yet hard eyes. “My home is with Y/N. You go back if you want to so fucking bad.”

That was the truth. Without you, the house felt barren, without life. Even if you didn’t even live there, you made it a home. It was also true that he couldn’t quite bear going back to that house. The house where he had made, it felt, the biggest mistake of his life. Even bigger than all the times he had gotten arrested, nearly expelled, nearly killed. Even bigger than all that because now, he had lost the best thing in his life, the best thing that had ever happened to him. You.

That particular thought brought back the never-ending ache in his heart. His hand went up to press his eyes as he felt the tears he had been trying to hide since the morning rush down his cheeks.

It was an accident. It was all an accident, one he made when he was too drunk to notice. Too drunk to figure out that it wasn’t you he was with. All he felt were hands and he wanted it so desperately to be you that he convinced himself that it was, that you finished studying early and you were there for him. And his body responded thinking it was you because you were the only one he would ever react for.

He should’ve known though, your sweet moans were different, your small, tight body, the one he knew and loved so well, was replaced with an unfamiliar one. The hair was different, your deep chocolate eyes weren’t there. It was different from the moment it had begun, when he picked who he thought was you up and they didn’t squeal and hold on to him tighter like you would. Your sweet, melodic moans sounded off, they weren’t the ones he loved to hear. Your cunt didn’t squeeze him in like it always did. He didn’t feel that pulsing love he always did. It didn’t feel good like it always felt with you. Even as he groaned out your name. It was supposed to be you.

But he wasn’t in his right mind to realize it wasn’t. His body did, to an extent. He didn’t touch ‘you’ or talk to you like he normally did. It could’ve been the alcohol but nothing about that night felt right. He’d gone soft about halfway through because it at least was able to recognize that it wasn’t you, it wasn’t the woman he swore to be faithful to. Not that it was enough. While he attributed it to the alcohol, it should’ve become very obvious right when it happened, hell right when who he thought was you made him wear a condom. He never wore condoms with you. You were the only girl he’d gone raw with.

He just got carried away, it was his first time back to a party in a while and he felt electrified. He couldn’t control himself, let alone turn the cups down when he got offered more and more drinks. No, he drank more than he ever had in a while, he reclaimed his title as the king of the campus. Not that it was a title he ever wanted. Not when it meant losing you.

Michael felt like he was going out of his mind. His fingers pulled at his hair in frustration, his heart beating erratically. He had searched for you desperately. He tried to follow you out of his house but there was so far he could travel barefoot. Instead, he had been forced to go back inside and come face to face with his regrets.

“Get the fuck out.” He said through clenched teeth as soon as he walked back into his living room. Partly to control his anger and partly to stop from crying. Michael didn’t look at the girl in front of his as he spoke. He couldn’t. It would’ve been too much. Too much to see who he had just broken his relationship, broken the girl who had always been to good for him, for.

“Excuse me?” Even her voice made him cringe away.

Unluckily for her, he was not in the mood to be patient. So when his fist punched the wall next to him, leaving cracks behind him, she jumped just like he expected. “I said get the fuck out.” He yelled, scaring her.

And she was gone. Just like that. How easy an ending for something that had just destroyed his life as he knew it.

He didn’t even know her name. He had slept with her once before, a long time ago. That much he knew. But he didn’t care enough to know anything about her, then and now. The sex sucked and, as his throat closed up, he realized that he might have irreparably broken something he treasured so much for an impulsive, awful night with a forgettable girl.

His movements were rough and frantic as he tried as fast as he could to get dressed and go after his girl. Part of him wanted to throw his head against the wall, maybe then the pounding in his head would calm down. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like his world was crumbling around him.

Michael couldn’t remember how it happened. Why it happened. One minute, he had arrived to the party, the other he had been given an endless supply of alcohol - a gift for choosing Tri Delt as the location for his re-emergence into the party scene. Then, he woke up on his couch with a naked girl beside him. A girl that wasn’t you.

The way his heart dropped when he realized what happened was something he had never experienced before. The way his body felt heavy and frozen with the implications was terrifying. His already pounding headache from the hangover was nothing with compared to the sheer panic and anxiety that filled his body. It was hard to breathe. This wasn’t happening.

Michael was on his tenth call to you by the time Ashton knocked on the wall to signal his entrance to his room. He was just heading out, your sweet voice filling his ear as he went straight to voicemail again. It was a testament to how completely out of it he was when he walked right into Ashton. And even more when he didn’t even stop to look at him but instead pushed past him towards the outside.

You weren’t answering. His fingers were turning numb at how much he texted you by the time he had visited your apartment, your classes, the library. Anywhere he could think of. He wasn’t sure if anyone had looked at him or talked to him when he was out. Everything was a blur. All he could think was your face. The horror you looked at him with when you walked in.

It was just his luck for you to walk in just as he finally processed what happened, what he had done. He didn’t even get the chance to kick the girl out. Instead, he got to witness first hand him destroying the one person he loved more than he loved even himself. Just like he destroyed everything else in his life.

And now you were gone. You disappeared and he couldn’t find you and a part of him was scared that he had lost you for good.

“Michael.” Ashton’s voice sounded a lot more firm as he took a hold of Michael’s arms and pushed him to a standing position. “Mate, she’s probably not going to want to see you.”

Since his lack of luck at finding you, he had marched right over to your apartment, sitting right in front of your door and had made it his mission to stay there until you came back. Then you would have to talk to him, have to see him. Maybe it was more for him than it was for you. It was already midnight and there was no sign of you

Ashton must have figured out what happened as he followed Michael around all day. He might’ve even seen the half naked girl running out of his house and put the dots together. Because Michael was sure he didn’t tell him. He couldn’t possibly have because if it hurt that much to even think about, there was no doubt in his mind he could’ve said it out loud in a confession.

Michael broke free from Ashton’s grasp. He never really got mad at his friend, other than you, he was the only one who knew how to handle Michael and his appreciation and care for Ashton ran deep. But at that moment, Ashton’s words struck a nerve that Michael wasn’t ready to touch.

“You don’t fucking know that. She’s still my girl and I’m going to wait for her to come back so we can work it out. We always do.” He sneered in the shorter boy’s face, daring him to challenge him. But he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

Unfortunately, it seemed Ashton didn’t realize the sensitivity in which Michael was operating at. Didn’t understand that the Michael standing in front of him was not the same as his best friend. No, this one was scared and running on pure adrenaline.

Ashton sighed, ruffling his own hair. “I hate to break it to you bro, but I don’t think that’ll happen this time. You cheated on her.”

It was that word that broke Michael. That made his body, that already felt heavy as if his blood was made of lead, feel almost crushed with the reality. His reality. Michael was not very good at dealing with panic, it was not something he ever had to feel. Usually, he caused that feeling in others.

So his options on how to react to his sins being laid in front of him were limited in his mind. Either he could hyperventilate and break down like he wanted to. Or he could do something else to release his pent up emotions. And that’s exactly what he did.

He punched Ashton directly on his cheek. As hard as he could. But it didn’t feel as satisfying as it usually did. No, the pain in his chest was still there and the feeling of lightheadedness when he remembered waking up to that girl or seeing you run out of his house didn’t go away. The tears running down his face, making him stutter out for breaths, were still there. When Ashton went down, he almost wondered if he had broken his cheekbone.

Ashton groaned, his hand cupping the side of his face protectively. “I’m going to let that go because I know you’re hurting right now but fuck dude.”

Michael just stared down at him, he couldn’t even focus enough to feel bad. What he wanted to do is find out where you were and drag you back, beg for forgiveness. He just wanted you back in his arms, where you were meant to be, to kiss you and forget that this bloody day had ever happened, to make love to you and show you how you were the only one for him.

He clenched his hands into two tight fist, so tight he was almost surprised his palms didn’t start bleeding.

♔

Your eyes were red and your head hurt by the time you got off the bus at your best friend’s house. Half an hour away from campus and half an hour away from the man that had broken your heart. The man you never thought would do that, disrespect you with a girl who clearly didn’t care he was your boyfriend; the entire campus knew who you were and if not, they at least knew you were dating Michael. Any action against that was purposeful.

Knocking on the door was more of an reflex than a thought out action. In fact, you weren’t thinking much of anything. If you allowed yourself to, your mind would betray you. It would take you back to the moment when you walked in on them. When you saw the love of your life just come down from having sex with a random girl. When your heart was broken.

It had gotten so bad that you didn’t even look surprised when the door opened to reveal Justin’s friendly face and smile. Instead, you just stared up at the tall blond in front of you, tears still rolling freely down your cheek.

Justin opened his mouth to speak, his eyebrows already pushed together in worry, when an even more familiar face popped her head out from behind him. Her brown hair (slightly fried from how long she spends in the pool), brown skin, hazel eyes and bright smile was everything you needed to see.

Maia gathered you in her arms, “He was back in town from midterm week so I thought getting the gang back together would help.” She explained without you needing to ask. That was why she was your best friend. And that’s why you were there, you needed someone.

But without her meaning to, as you took a seat on her plush couch, she just reminded you of why you had to show up in the first place. Your boyfriend had sex with another girl. So when you cried out even harder, Maia froze. Your sobs were loud and racked your chest devastatingly. It got to a point where you didn’t have enough oxygen left, leaving you heaving heavily, looking for air.

But you couldn’t stop. It was your only outlet to let out your hurt but even that didn’t feel like enough. It was an invisible pain and no matter how much you tried, it was always there. Weighing you down.

Why? Why had he done it? Why couldn’t you have been enough?

Everything had felt so perfect. You hadn’t had a fight in months, you thought your relationship was healthy and going well. What had changed?

It was then that all the insecurities that you worked so hard to push away came running to you. You couldn’t please him enough in bed, you were too childish, not pretty enough it would make sense. But that didn’t make you feel better.

No, as Maia laid you so that your head was laying on her lap, you almost felt worse. You felt bile in your throat at everything that had happened. Michael had touched another girl, felt her, looked at her in the way he was only supposed to look at you.

Maia had begun braiding your hair soothingly. You still hadn’t spoken but she and Justin took up that job easily. They tried to get you involved, but after minutes of you not talking, they decided just the sound of their voices would suffice.

But you couldn’t really hone in on their words. Instead, their voices acted as the background music to your thoughts. Which bounced from Michael’s face, to the stupid couch, back to Michael and finally to you.

You had trusted him. You told him to go to that party because you trusted him so entirely. You told him to have enjoy himself. Your heartbeat quickened and you felt like you were hyperventilating again, maybe it was a panic attack. All you knew was that you wanted to hit your head repeatedly at the memory and how stupid you were.

Now, you didn’t know what was worse. That he slept with another woman or that you so blindly trusted him that the thought that he would ever cheat on you never even crossed your mind. You were so stupid. You hid your face.

Even more so because, even with the evidence displayed right in front of you, you still couldn’t completely wrap your mind around it. How could your boyfriend, the sweet, loving, protective boy you had fallen for do this to you? How could he be such a monster? A part of you didn’t want to think that he really wasn’t the person you had always seen him as. But it wasn’t a mistake.

I guess I’m no longer the only exception to his never sleeping with the same girl twice rule. Not that you cared about the title. You cared more about what it meant. That you were no longer special to him, maybe you never were.

You hadn’t stopped crying even after a few hours at Maia’s house. It felt as if your tears were infinite. Your heart still felt like it was being constricted. You still felt this deep rooted pain that felt so real you weren’t sure if it was ever going to go away.

Dazed, you realized that night had fallen. Time had flown so quickly, but then again, you becoming a human shell likely had a lot to do with that. A part of you wondered if Michael was looking for you or if he had simply gone back to find another girl, a prettier more experienced one now that he didn’t have to deal with you. Your head shook violently to try to physically rid yourself of that thought.

It was funny, how quickly you had started to believe him capable of such monstrous things. Because the truth was, he always had been. Who knows how long he had cheated on you. With you the naive, little girlfriend who hadn’t even suspected it.

“I should go.” Your voice was hoarse and cracked uglily when you finally spoke. You were already moving to sit up. You didn’t want to go back. In fact, going back to campus, to Michael, where you were sure the rumors of your humiliation had been spread far and wide was the last thing you wanted to do. Your breathing turned shallow and quickened just at the though. But you had to. You had already skipped all your classes today and while it felt like Michael had taken away your present, he would not take away your future. You wouldn’t let him.

“What?” Maia’s voice sounded surprised, “No. No! You can stay here, we’ll have a girls day tomorrow and…”

But you were already shaking your head. You took a deep shaking breath. “I-I have classes tomorrow. I’ll be fine.” Then you hugged her tightly. You closed your eyes when she conceded, she knew you well enough to know you needed this. School would be your escape. Even if your mind was jumbled.

It felt nice to hug her. It made you feel loved in that moment. It made you remember all the good times you’ve had with her before which, at that moment in time, you desperately needed to remember the good.

Maia returned the phone she confiscated from you the moment you arrived, which had been turned off. You made no move to turn it on. You weren’t sure if you were afraid to see Michael’s texts and calls or to see the lack of them.

Justin had been silent throughout this but as you got up, he did as well. “I can go with you. It’s dark and you’ll have to take the bus alone otherwise.” His hand ruffled the back of his hair sheepishly, “It’s on my way home anyway.”

“You live an hour away from her university.” Maia deadpanned from beside you. Her eyes narrowed at him in a silent conversation that seemed to exclude you.

You looked between them for a second before reaching out to Justin, “Thank you. I’d like that.”

Because you didn’t want to be alone. You couldn’t trust your mind just yet.

♔

The bus was empty with only the two of you sitting in the very back. Everything outside was pitch black so reality almost felt distorted in the brightly lit bus.

Justin was silent beside you and you appreciated his thoughtfulness. But you needed a distraction, you were still shaking.

“You were right about him.” You choked out and even the indirect comment about Michael made you force back a sob and made the tears stream down again. But you delicately brushed them away with your ring finger. “He’s, um….not a good guy.” Your lip quivered as you tried to control your voice. You couldn’t help but remember the last time you were on the bus with him, where you had defended Michael. The irony was almost laughable.

Justin bit his lip for a moment, taking in your distraught appearance. While you were still shaking and your small figure looked even smaller, at least that’s how you felt, he looked as put together as always. An expensive bomber jacket rested easily on his broad shoulders and so did the khaki pants he wore with it. It was almost nice to have him so calm beside you, like a rock.

Eventually, he sighed and nodded, looking straight ahead. “I don’t take pleasure in being right about that.”

And you could hug him for saying that. He was so nice. And reliable. He was Justin. For a few seconds, you wondered what would’ve happened if you had confessed to him back in high school. Maybe you would’ve started dating, he would’ve been your boyfriend. And maybe you wouldn’t be in this pain right now.

But as you let out a humorless chuckle, the what-ifs disappeared. “I thought he was different.” You cleared your throat, trying to clear the self-pitying tone you had taken on. “I thought he loved me and sure he had his issues but we were working through them. He was so patient and determined with me….I never thought he would be capable of…”

You stared out the window to your left but unfortunately, Justin was seated in that direction and he caught your gaze easily. “I’m not exactly sure what he did but I know you Y/N. Or, at least I knew you in high school. But the Y/N I knew then was so smart - smarter than me - and she wouldn’t let her boyfriend destroy her.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You answered without really thinking. But it was the first time you had said it out loud, first time you even thought it. And the reality of it pushed down on you so much so that you gasped out loud. You never thought you would break up, let alone like this. Part of you thought he was the one. Yet here you were, you’d lost the most important person in your life. You wished desperately that this wasn’t your reality. But it was.

He had taken everything from you. Your love, your heart, your trust, hell even your virginity. Maybe that’s all you were good for in the first place to him. Sex. And eventually, he got bored. Like he always did. Like his reputation declared.

Justin’s dark eyebrows shot up at your confession before looking away, maybe to give you some semblance of privacy.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, under his breath. But after a moments pause, he lowered his eyes to look at you straight on. “I’m really sorry, for whatever happened. You don’t deserve it.”

The truth was, you didn’t deserve it. You liked to think of yourself as kind, smart and a hard worker. You didn’t deserve what you had walked in on. To see the man you love come down form being so intimate with someone else. You didn’t deserve to have your heart trampled. You didn’t deserve seeing your first real boyfriend and love dressing himself after spending the night fucking another girl.

But it didn’t really matter what you thought. Because it was what happened. You could all but picture Michael’s hands touching her body, his face filled with pleasure as he got off, his words; the words that you loved to hear so much in bed, how his language was so dirty but somehow so wonderful to hear from him as he pleasured you. Those words being directed at another person.

You wanted to throw up.

Cold numbness seeped to the tips of your fingers and the bottom of your feet at the thought. It was like you were shutting down.

“He was my first real boyfriend, did you know that?” You sniffled. “We weren’t even supposed to get together. It was an accident. I was walking back home from study tables and he had just gotten out of a fight. We never would’ve even met if it wasn’t for that night.”

You stared at your hands as you tried to fiddle feeling back to them. You were rambling, you knew that, but it was the one thing that kept you from breaking down: remembering the good times. Before Michael ruined everything.

“It was dark out and he was bleeding. I didn’t even know him but I forced him to come back with me so I could bandage him up. I felt bad for him, I thought he had gotten robbed or something. Plus, I thought it would be good practice for med school anyway.”

“I didn’t know anything about him at the time. I was never in the same crowd as him so how could I, really? He was so sweet that night. He barely even spoke except to say thank you. And then after that, he was always there for me. He was understanding, supportive, and he made me feel like I was his world. That’s how I saw him. Not the angry boy you and everyone else knew him as. For me, it was just his appearance that was intimidating but even then I learned to see beauty in what everyone else feared. But maybe I just saw what I wanted to see.”

Maybe you had never known Michael at all. Because the Michael you knew never would’ve done this to you. Maybe he never loved you at all, only made you feel like it to make it easier to play you.

You had a headache.

Justin gnawed at the inside of his cheek and it dawned on you that he was silent because he didn’t disagree with you. He couldn’t defend Michael or tell you that you were wrong because he truly believed Michael was a bad person, a monster.

“Justin, I’m so sorry for what happened last year.” You whispered simply because you couldn’t take reliving any more regrets. “You didn’t deserve that. And I still…” You felt like you were going to be sick. “I still forgave him after that. Oh my gosh, Justin I’m-”

Justin’s strong arms wrapping themselves around your body cut your next words off. And you were thankful for it because the more you thought of how much Michael had done, how much you had been a doormat, the more pathetic you felt. And being so hidden in his arms, behind in large frame, you felt protected. Protected from the world and its cruel reality.

Maybe that was why, when you pulled away from the hug, you leaned up to kiss him so resolutely, without thinking. Your lips met his gently. It felt different than kissing Michael. No, his lips weren’t as familiar as Michael’s were. The kiss didn’t feel full of love and longing at the same time. It wasn’t a deep or passionate kiss you had gotten used to with Michael. It was only a peck.

A quick one at that because as soon as Justin processed everything, his hands took a hold of each of your forearms and pushed you away gently.

“Y/N.” He breathed out, his blue eyes searching yours in confusion.

One of your hands reached up to touch your lips in disbelief. What had you just done? Why did you do that? “I-I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

It felt wrong. His lips weren’t Michael’s soft ones, his arms weren’t the strong, protective inked ones you were used to. His eyes were too open. He didn’t have the scent that was mixed just right with smoke that you had grown to love. It was all wrong.

Justin scanned your face for a second before releasing a deep sigh. “You’ve been through a lot today. Okay? That much can effect your impulsivity. It’s fine.”

You were already shaking your head, though. Tears sprung into your eyes. How could things have changed so much that this was how your day ended?

“No, that was not fine. I can’t believe I just did that. I swear I didn’t even think about doing it, I just…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Justin’s voice was soothing. He looked away to the front of the bus for a moment. “I can walk you up to your apartment if you want.”

You hadn’t even noticed your bus stop. “No, um, I can make it back on my own. Thank you though…for everything”

“No problem, call me if you need anything.” Justin’s friendly smile was back. You nodded and made a move to leave but his hand on your wrist stopped you. “I mean it Y/N. For anything.”

It was hard not to feel a small tinge of regret when you nodded. He really was the perfect guy.

You were still embarrassed when you left your seat and got off the bus. You hadn’t meant, or even wanted to kiss him. He was right. The events of the day, this impossibly hurtful day, had finally weighed in on you. Made you act out.

When you stepped onto your apartment floor and made your way to your room, you felt lifeless. Any semblance of energy left in you was gone and everything about you felt dreadful.

It was hard to control the ache in your heart when you didn’t see Michael there, waiting for you.

♔

Michael had been persistent for weeks. And he had no plans on stopping any time soon.

Since the moment you had left, he had left you countless calls since he had let himself be persuaded by Ashton to leave your doorway. Calls (73), texts (247), voicemails (19), dm’s (24), facetimes (48), anything and everything he could. All of which were met with silence. And his already broken heart crumbled even further.

The first time you saw him the day after, it was on your way to your first class. Your mouth dried up as you saw him pacing in front of your class building, no doubt waiting for you. Your heart thumping rapidly in your chest, your fingers tightened around your notebooks and you turned right around, heading to the back entrance.

It was right at the time he finally noticed you. Because you heard his desperate pleas of your names and while a part of you was embarrassed at the amount of people around to see the scene, you were also grateful that the sheer number of students walking around made it harder for Michael to reach you in time. In fact, as you finally made your way inside, you glanced back to see Michael still shouldering his way past everyone else. He pushed a smaller boy out of his way so roughly, the kid fell to the ground. But Michael’s eyes were focused on you. You had never seen them look so desperate and sad, practically begging.

There was a knot at your throat as your vision began blurring due to the tears in your eyes. A single droplet trailed down your cheek as you closed the door and made your way in, your breathing coming out stuttered and uneven as you began to hyperventilate. It was too much. Seeing him so soon after. But you wouldn’t give him the chance to speak to you. There was nothing he could say to make it better, to make you forgive him. Not this time.

♔

Michael watched you ignore him for the millionth time this week. He was showing up to every single one of your class buildings in hopes to see you and get you to talk to him, listen to him, forgive him. He was following your schedule more religiously than he had ever even glanced at his own schedule.

But each time, each day, each week, you would find a way to allude him. You found new entrances, you would walk in with a pack of students that, in your small height, would mask you. One time you even tried walking in with your professor, thinking he wouldn’t dare disrespect a PhD like that.

You quickly found out that he would do a lot for you as he marched right up to both of you. But you had still ran away. Leaving him with a broken heart and a desire to hurt something. His hope was dwindling and with it, his sanity. His heart clenched at the idea of not having you anymore. His entire body went cold at it.

Weeks without talking to you, having you with him, laying next to you was slowly killing him. He felt like he was missing something and it was worse knowing what it was but not being able to do anything about him. You two had always been able to figure things out because you had a heart of gold that allowed him to learn from his mistakes, made him want to.

But now you were gone and so was every once of goodness you had brought into his life with you. He had used up all of your patience and love and now he felt shriveled. You weren’t his anymore and that thought had him punching the first thing he saw, which was a wall and only resulting in a probable broken hand.

Michael was never one for relationships. In fact, before you, it was the last thing he wanted. He preferred to just have sex, no strings attached and he was happy to live his life like that. But then you came into his life and suddenly, he couldn’t imagine living without you.

You were his world, you brought him back to life and it was like the sun came out in his life, like he could smell the roses for the first time with you beside him. He saw what he had been missing, a good loyal girl at his side to support him, encourage him, give him the love he had so little of in his life. All you ever were to him was good, you did nothing but love him and respect him. You didn’t try to change him but instead brought out the good in him. Good that he, and everyone else, was convinced didn’t exist within his hard shell.

Just like he couldn’t imagine a life without you when you first got together, he couldn’t imagine a life after you. But as he was currently starting to live it, he easily decided it was not the lifestyle he wanted. He wanted your kind eyes and happy smile on him, he wanted to hear your sing-song voice, listening to you ramble on excitedly about whatever had made you happy that day. He wanted you.

You who still looked so effortlessly perfect even when your eyes were now puffy from the hours of crying, even when your lips quivered every time they laid on him. Even then, he couldn’t imagine someone prettier, more beautiful, than you.

Your black locks had been straightened in an attempt to hide your face from him, your clothes more gray and baggy, but that didn’t stop his heart from lurching every time he saw a glimpse of you on campus. The lighthearted, happy aura that you always exuded had been destroyed. And it was his doing. He had successfully ruined the one person he feared of truly corrupting the most.

His lips curled in disgust at himself, at his actions and if he wasn’t in public where everyone was watching him, he could cry. Truth was part of him hated himself for being the reason you were hurting so much. It killed him to see you cry and even more to know that he was the cause of it. You didn’t deserve what he put you through.

The way you looked at him was particularly hard for him. You looked at him like everyone else did. Like he was a monster and for the first time, he felt like one. But to see the love of his life, his soulmate, look at him with those eyes, with the eyes he thought he would never see, at least on you, was devastating. Even if he knew you had a right to.

He should’ve never gone to that party. He hadn’t even really wanted to go. Sure he liked parties but when given the chance between them and you, he wouldn’t hesitate to leave them behind just to be in your presence. It was something he knew you felt guilty of, ‘taking him away’ from them but you never had a reason to. He was more than willing to do so, he wanted to. But when he got there, he got carried away at the familiar surroundings that he did miss, at least to an extent.

His body felt poisoned with a deep regret. He was an idiot. He was an idiot for letting you go, for taking advantage of your trust, for deciding to go without you or Ashton to help ground him when he knew Calum would likely get too distracted, go off on his own to get himself laid rather than be Michael’s backup in case anything went wrong. For letting himself get so piss drunk that he couldn’t even control himself or his thoughts. For doing something that triggered what he had known was a big insecurity of yours: that you were too inexperienced for his liking.

An insecurity he thought was stupid because how could you believe you were undeserving of him when it was so obviously the other way around? How could you not believe that no matter your innocence, your inexperience, you were the best he’s ever had? No one knew what he liked in bed as much as you did and no one could please him as well. It was one of the many things he hadn’t considered getting a girlfriend would bring, someone who knew his preferences and could give them as well as they could take them (and, man, could you take it). His dick twitched involuntarily just at the thought.

You pleased him more than enough, more than anyone ever had. But it was important to you. He had never even thought of cheating on you, never wanted to. Ever since you started dating, it was very obvious you were the only girl for him. Especially when he broke almost every rule he had set for himself when he started dating you: no girlfriends, fuck a girl only once and move on, and no feelings. Because with you, how could he ever look at another girl the same way. How could he imagine ditching you for another girl when you were everything he could ever want.

But he did and now he lost you. All because of one night. One lousy night he didn’t even bother thinking about after it was over, one he wished he couldn’t remember. Because it felt wrong, it felt wrong to imagine himself with someone other than you. Even though, while it was happening, he had convinced his mind so much that it was you. Maybe because he wanted it to be so much, wanted himself to not be making the biggest mistake of his life.

A flaming hot anger licked through Michael’s body, an anger at himself. How he wished he could go back in time and stop everything from ever happening. He would’ve stayed home, he would’ve waited to see you the next day after your exam. You would still love him and he would still feel completed with you next to him. Everything would be okay. But it wasn’t.

Michael was leaning with his back against the brick wall of the library you frequented, uselessly hopeful that maybe you’ll walk past. Maybe you’ll finally talk to him. Maybe he’ll stop feeling like shit. He hit his head back against the wall, not minding the pain.

“So.” Michael heard an amused voice next to him. He moved his head just slightly to see a shorter girl, slightly taller than you, leaning her shoulder against the wall he was on. She was a brunette with a very low cut shirt. At a previous time, she would be exactly Michael’s type. But now his type was a lot more specific: you. Your small stature, your loving eyes and kind personality. Your innocence.

Michael didn’t glance twice at her as he returned his gaze to the students passing by. He wasn’t going to waste time on a random girl when he could be looking for you. Not when the whole reason he was on campus, spending all his days and energy there, was because of you.

But she wasn’t deterred by his obvious lack of interest. Her long acrylic nails trailed down his arm, tracing the outlines of his tattoos. Like you used to.

He snatched his arm away from her quickly and roughly. His heart was thumping at the familiar gesture, a gesture that just made him yearn for you more. You were the only one who he had let do that, the only one he had felt safe enough to be so vulnerable with.

And he missed it. He yearned for those moments of being vulnerable with you, safe in your arms instead of sulking alone in his dark room, letting ugly tears run down his face as he had been for the last few weeks. He missed the good moments where you made him feel normal.

The girl blinked up at him, her blue eyes widening in what appeared to be faux-innocence. “Rumor has it you’re single now.” Her smile was anything but, “And since I hear you’re over that ‘no fucking the same girl twice’ thing I was thinking…”

Michael didn’t know what was more disgusting. The fact that his misery and breakup were a rumor, one that detailed the night he fucked up, one he had no doubt had spread to you and caused you even more pain inflicted by him. Or that anyone could think he was looking to hook up with someone when he was so obviously in love with you, so broken that he betrayed you and so completely convinced that no one would ever compare to you. He adored you. Her sultry look couldn’t even touch your natural pureness in his mind, the innocence you embodied that was naughty just for him. The way your body has only ever known him. No one could get him off like you could.

Or maybe what was worse was hearing it being put into words that you were no longer his girlfriend, that you two were no longer connected. It was something he hadn’t allowed himself to think because it hurt so much. But to hear it being formulated into words, made it so much more real.

Without thinking much about it, he grabbed the girls shoulders and push her roughly against the brick wall. It wasn’t enough to seriously hurt her but it was enough to knock the wind out of her.

His eyes were fiery when he leaned down to make sure she got his next words loud and clear, his words coming out of gritted teeth. He wouldn’t let anyone disrespect you or your relationship, the beautiful thing it was, ever again. “Don’t you ever - ”

But his words got caught in his throat. Not because Michael was against threatening a girl. No, he stopped because of her eyes. Her scared eyes. Only it wasn’t her eyes that he saw in that moment, they were yours. The hurt, confused and betrayed eyes you had given him when you walked in that fateful morning.

He felt like he had been delivered a blow as he slowly backed away from the girl. He couldn’t face you then even if you would give him the time of day. The fear in your eyes, the self-doubt, the betrayal followed him around in his mind constantly, like a ghost.

He was haunted.

♔

@imagines-to-die-for

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