#morrigan's one of my favorite characters and that's why the whole thing hurts like... tabris was happy for her to come along with them

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.

I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.

For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.

I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.

Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.

If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.

That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"

Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.

For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.

The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.

At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.

The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?

Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.

Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-

But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.

Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.

To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.

"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.

"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."

And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.

What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.

I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.

[ragefear]

OC Interview: Aeriannon Surana

Tagged by @adhd-tabris. Can't believe you're making me flesh out thus absolute shitpost of a character.

Tagging @thornhasalife , @skeletorific , @rookisaknight , and... @friendly-neighbourhood-honeybee .

1. What’s your name?

Aeriannon Surana

2. Do you know why you are named that?

Well, I would assume Surana was my family name. Other than that... No, not really.

3. Are you single or taken?

So I'm definitely taken, several times, but I'm also not opposed to being taken several more times.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

They call me the Punch Wizard Warden Commander for a reason!

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Why?

6. What’s your eye color?

Brown.

7. How about your hair color?

Red-orange. I've been told it's a fairly common colour for elves.

8. Have any family members?

Theoretically, I have parents. I adopted myself a grandma from the Circle, an antagonistic Qunari uncle, a distinguished lesbian sister, and then I married a king, an assassin, and a witch. Was that what you were asking?

9. Oh? How about any pets?

CheeseStick!!! My darling baby boy... He's a Mabari dog. I miss him.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like.

Templar rights.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

I've only just recently been introduced to the concept of hobbies. I really enjoy fishing and home decorating. Zevran tried teaching me some drawing but I just can't get a feel for it.

12. Have you hurt anyone in any way before?

You *do* know I'm the Punch Wizard Warden Commander, right?

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Punch. Wizard. Warden. Commander.

14. What kind of animal are you?

Hmm... Maybe a wolf?

15. Name your worst habits?

Well, Alistair says standing in my own lightning storm while punching demons with my bare hands is a bad habit. If I were one of my allies, I would simply not be weak to lightning. Rip to them but I'm different.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Wynne. She made it through the Circle with her kindness intact.

17. What is your sexuality?

Pan.

18. Do you go to school?

I basically LIVED at school most of my life. Not anymore, though.

19. Ever want to marry and have any kids one day?

I'm actually married to three different people, and technically I have one kid? Not quite sure how that works. I wouldn't really want to have more kids now, not with the taint.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

I walked into an Alienage a couple of days before I left Ferelden. I had this... kind of pipe dream, I guess, that I would find my parents. Someone would recognize my face, not because I strangled an archdemon and survived, but because I reminded them of... it was a stupid idea. But there was this little girl playing with her friends, and she raised her arms up, and then made "zap" sound effects and punched the air. "I, the Warden Rianon, will banish you, demon!" And then one of her friends said "I get to be the Warden next time!" I... Well, Alistair will tell you I cried.

21. What are you most afraid of?

I suppose this is a cliche, but... abandonment. Alistair is king, you know? He could have anyone. And I'm an elf mage. I'm like... the bottom of the barrel. Zevran is always traveling, and what if he finds another fling, someone who's not tainted? And Morrigan--she left me once. I was so scared I wouldn't get her back. I--can we move on? We're moving on.

22. What do you usually wear?

While I did love my custom robes, I'm getting really into flannel and denim. Comfy, lightweight, durable.

23. What one food tempts you?

My neighbor Grizzly grilled up sone salmon I caught the other day? It was all drizzled with butter and... plants of some kind. I ate my whole fish before I even realized it was on my plate.

24. Am I annoying you?

I love talking about myself. I don't think you could if you tried.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Excellent!

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

That's... not easy to answer. Hmm. Well, you can put two marks in the "low" column for being an elf mage. One point in the "high" column for being the king's wife, and one more for being Warden Commander. So I guess it averages out to "middle".

27. How many friends do you have?

Surprisingly enough, I have quite a few.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

I had pie for the first time when Wynne came to visit my new house. She made this fresh cherry pie. Flaky crust. Tart yet sweet filling. I would eat pie every day if I could just get the damn crust recipe right.

29. Favorite drink?

Nothing beats a good hot-chocolate-chai-tea combo on a crisp fall evening.

30. What’s your favorite place?

Southeast of my town, there's this cliff face where the river falls into the ocean. You can sit right by the waterfall and stare out to this infinite blue. Or you can walk the path down to the beach. It's empty most of the time, and the water is loud enough to drown out your thoughts. It doesn't seem to have a name, so I secretly call it "Warden's Point."

31. Are you interested in anyone?

Well. Aforementioned King Alistair, former Crow assassin and dismantler Zevran, and local Witch of the Wilds Morrigan. Also, a new addition to the family, sassmaster and cat-lover Anders.

32. That was a stupid question…

Considering that all of Ferelden already knew? Yeah, it kind of was.

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Ocean. I like diving for things.

34. What’s your type?

Uhhhh.... Hmm.... Someone who gels with the group, I guess?

35. Any fetishes?

Sex is great and all but have you ever layed down a draw 4 card on top of a STACK of draw cards and watched them dejectedly pick up eighteen cards??? Poetry.

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

I camped for a LONG time whike I was campaigning in Ferelden and so when I finally built my house in Raeton I thought I'd be done with it. But it turns out there's something about sleeping under the stars that just never gets old.

[niceness-before-knives]

get to know my character: 01, 05, 11 for Suibhne; 21, 31, 40 for Arlette; and 43, 46, 48 for Mir.

Thank you so much for all the questions! ;;v;; They were all great and I had a blast with them!!

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? 

Suibhne means well-going in Gaelic (says behindthename). This is actually the name of my Cousland but I ended up reusing it for my Tabris because I couldn't find either S(vowel)-name I liked better than Suibhne. /shrugs I thought it worked pretty okay with his cousins’ names too, so yeah. It was picked just for aesthetics reasons! And because I enjoyed that way it sounds too.

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? 

Ah, Suibhne is asexual actually!  Sexual attraction and him aren’t really the best of friends, hah. I’ll still tuck him into the more quiet confident side though because he isn’t sex-repulsed. He was okay with Zevran's advances and took them with ease because sex isn't a bother to him. It's just not something that’ll come up when left to his own devices.

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

Okay, so. I'm really weird about words sometimes. Case in point, rage is not a word I associate with Tabris because it's a hot anger kind-of word and he’s not a hot anger kid. Rage is for lashing out, and Tabris doesn’t lash out at people. He gets revenge.

And the easiest way to do this is to hurt someone in his family. If someone does hurt one of them (either of his cousins, his dad plus Zevran, Morrigan and now Kieran), it's a promise they'll die a slow and painful death as soon as Tabris can make it happen since he doesn't have much and his family is the dearest thing he can imagine. So, yeah. Don’t hurt anyone in his family. No one wants to incur Tabris’ cold wrath.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

Failure! Or, like failing her family. Arlette lived for her family, especially Bethany and Carver and it was always her biggest fear that she wouldn’t be strong enough to protect them, that she’d lose them one way or another.

And that’s exactly what happened! :D Malcolm died and she didn’t want to live Lothering because Carver wasn’t there with them. They left too late and Bethany died, and Arlette will always blame herself for that. In response to it, she tried so hard to keep Carver close and safe that he ended up having to join the Grey Wardens or die at the end of Act One. Which again, she blames herself for immensely. 

Neither had to leave her, but because she failed, they left her. It honestly haunts her more than she ever admits to people. She reacts by trying to compartmentalize all that pain and regret, and just try to move on. She actually tries very hard not to fill the void left by them because she’ll fail again and it’ll hurt and no thanks. But you know, the Kirkwall crew is more endearing than she would’ve guessed at first. And she trades one set of siblings in for another and does her best to keep them all safe and happy.

And in return, they try to do their best for Arlette too.

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what?

Yup! Arlette is more than okay with killing! It's not her favorite course of action because death is messy and people tend to ask questions but she rarely feels a sense of regret over the lives she takes too. She grew up in a family of apostates, so life or death was a really real consequence in her mind's eye. She'll never have a problem killing if it's done in order to protect those she loves. They will always matter more than the soul she killed, always.

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

Honestly, for the vast majority of her life, any hobby, past time or pleasure Arlette took apart of she didn't want any one to know. She took to being the step-in caregiver of the family to an absurd degree and doing anything that wasn't for Bethany & Carver seriously made her feel like the worst person on the planet. Of course, that is a ridiculous thought but Arl always felt it very hard. She tried being the best caregiver she could for the twins (and Leandra on her bad days), and that sadly, to her, meant suppressing a lot (a lot!) of her own desires.

Moving to Kirkwall especially post-Act One was kind-of a weird experience for her because it's the first time she's honestly free from those thoughts. I mean, they still exist and exist hard but there's nothing that cements them into reality like before. Bethany is gone. Carver is gone. Her mother has a new life she seems to enjoy and Arlette is like ??? with all this new free time. 

She takes up cooking for fun (and teaching others to cook too like Sandal) and reading (especially light-hearted romantic fantasies and smutty things because she's always like those books the best~). But, she shares these things with her friends all the time. She needs connections too much to hide them when most of her family has left her in some way or another. Bonding moments are good!

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?

Yes? Mir has two weirdly different personality sets he uses. One is his “Inquisition” personality. It’s a bit of an over-exaggeration of his real self: more loud, sarcastic, playful and carefree. He acts all on impulse and falls into a nasty habit of not thinking anything through. This isn’t closer to his self per se, but it’s the one he likes better and feels more at ease in. It’s like a comfortable worn-in sweater.

The other is a more subdued version of his real self and it tends to pop up around the Dalish. Growing up, he hid in Mahre's shadow a lot and ended up being a lot more quiet and standoffish as a personal safety measure. He didn’t like letting people close to him, so he put up his defenses as high as they could go. A few people got in there and here, but it was rare. Even during the Inquisition, he still switches back over it too when he’s around other Dalish clans. I’m sure people assume it’s a Dalish thing, but it is definitely ‘my twin is an abusive asshole and I have a hard time disconnecting sometimes at first’ thing.

As for his 'true' self, eh. What Mir considers his true self he does not like letting people see it. It has all his negativity and twisted emotions in it and no one needs to see that, iho! But it still happens. Sometimes he lets people in to see it (Dorian, Thuril, Iseult & Asa) because he at least trusts them all enough not to hurt him with what they’ll see. Sometimes people just lucked out on his bad days and stumbled over it (Vivienne, Varric, Souvelani) and sometimes the Fade casts you into a nightmare hellscape made up of your worst traits and fears for everyone (namely Blackwall, Sera, Bull) to see! :D

Seriously. Fuck the Fade.That shit was the worst.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

He just touches them, a lot? o: Mir is very tactile person and needs to touch things for his peace of mind be it walls, tables, sleeves, rings, fabric, something just needs to occupy his hand space and it definitely doesn’t stop around his lovers.

He loves giving out simple touches, brushing back bits of hair, reaching out to hold their hand or tracing patterns over their skin as he talks up a storm next to them. Like kid has a lot of trouble communicating his romantic feelings verbally, so he resorts to trying to physically communicate them instead. With every touch, he just wants to say, ‘I'm here. I like you. I hope that's okay.’

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

Mhm. For all his own internal insecurity and odd trust problems, Mir's not really a jealous person. He knows what it's like being restricted in a relationship, be it for love or friendship, and it would hurt his soul if he ever inflicted that on someone he liked. That being said, he’s a territorial fuck though especially once boundaries have been established in a relationship. Other people crossing them will definitely spark him to be like 'excuse me, hold up', unintentional or not.

Bull's loyalty mission definitely a sparked a bit of that too. If he was reasonable sure Bull still enjoyed the Qun out of love for it, the whole Gatt and Hissrad tango wouldn't have bothered him much. But, he felt otherwise and oh god, did it ever bother him something fierce hence why taking 'his name is Iron Bull' option feels so good and in-character for Mir. It’s his lovely claim that ‘no, you are wrong and don’t talk to my friend like that’.

He still apologizes later to Bull though because making claims like that on people is still really shitty to him and it’s not really one of his fave personality flaws, if he’s being honest with himself. :l :l :l