#more dumb posts from my drafts sent out into the wild :)

[emergingghost]

a collection of julien baker just hanging out in the middle of the road

[scaramouche-bully]

THAT POST ABOUT OVERSTIM MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I WANT TO DESTROY CHILDE HELP. CAN U WRITE SMTH WHERE HIS S/O USUALLY BOTTOMS BUT WANTS TO TRY TOPPING HIM AND HE JUST KEEPS TRYING TO FLUSTER HER AND TEASE HER AND SHE GETS SO ANNOYED THAT SHE JUST FUCKS HIM STUPID 💕💕

— ☆ Wrecking T*rtaglia headcanons

Includes: Childe

[ Top ] Female reader

Contains: Overstimulation, bratty sub, mind break, sub space, aphrodisiacs, anal gaping, dacryphilia, degradation, size kink, slapping, choking, cock-stepping, humiliation, rough sex, stomach bulge, multiple orgasms, masochism + sadism.

— ☆ Overstimulation headcanons - Xiao, Childe, and Scaramouche 🐏 [ GN ]  

— ☆ Bratty Sub headcanons - Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, and Childe 🐑 [ GN ]

[ masterlist ]

Welcome to the "Bully T*rtaglia" club, we are currently taking applications (u‿ฺu✿ฺ). My original draft was sweet but then my computer crashed and I lost everything. So I'm going to channel all my anger into destroying this man (consensually, I promise the ending is soft.).

— ☆ Childe

When you bring up the idea of you topping him, he doesn't take you seriously but he's open to it. While he thinks it's cute that you want to try new things, he's so much bigger than you, and being on top is actually a lot of work compared to being a pillow princess. Are you sure you can handle it?

One of the big issues that came up during your first times was Childe's competitive nature and how fast his recovery time was. He could have came three times and then suddenly flip you on your back and fuck your brains out instead.

Even when he had the patience to be the sub, he would constantly taunt you and be an insufferable brat. Constantly disrespecting you and trying to fluster you. Always reaching down to finger fuck you even when he was stuffed full.

So the next time you brought him a drink, you decided to add something extra. Sitting patiently as he thanked you and downed the entire cup. It only took a few minutes before he began to squirm in his seat.

Childe's face was slowly growing redder and redder, soft pants breaking through the quiet office, his eyes darting to you before settling on the ground. It was amusing seeing him be so quiet rather than running his mouth off every minute. It's only when you start to walk over him in feign concern does he break out of his haze.

Stumbling over himself as he makes wild hand gestures to stop you but as soon as you round his desk, you see his cock straining against his pants, and the embarrassment flood Childe's face. Trying to laugh it off, you're just so pretty he can't help himself, but he's quickly cut off when you prop yourself up onto his desk and step on his cock.

"W-Wait-" Childe groans as his hips buck into your shoe as he grinds against it. Clutching the hand rests of his chair as he leans his head against your knee, soft keens slipping out as you run your fingers through his matted hair as he humps against you. He makes a confused noise when you suddenly tip his chin up, smile sweetly at him, before he's sprawled on the ground as you slap him.

"When did I say you could touch me?" you shot him a cruel look that sent shudders up his spine but also made his cock throb. Whatever you fed him was slowly making him lose his senses until there was just you, you, you. He whines, still on his back, when you take a seat in his chair and dig your shoe onto his dick, randomly applying pressure here and there, his pre-cum wetting his pants as he yelps at the pain. His hands flying up to lift your foot away but he catches himself as chooses to claw his fingers into the wooden flooring instead as he reaches his peak. It's so empowering seeing the man who used to fuck you stupid, whimper and cry as he cums in his pants just from you stepping on his dick.

"P-Please...ah! mm...wha?" Childe looks down confused to see that even after just orgasming, his cock is still hard. His body is so hot that if he doesn't cum again, he feels like he's going to die. He's tries to lift himself onto his elbows and unbutton his pants before you kick him in the chest and send him back down. He's disorientated from the fall when he feels you sit on his chest, cupping his face in your hands to lift him, before slamming his head down. You're almost ripping his hair out with every yank and slap you abuse him with as he yelps like a dog.

"You filthy whore. Did I say you could cum? You ungrateful brat," you spit out as Childe wails in pain, almost knocking you off when he seizes up and shakes. You don't even need to check to know he came again, "Maybe I should gag you and throw you onto the streets. Let everyone here know how much of a pig you are. Is that it what you want?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" his voice is choked up from his tears as he cries over himself. You almost feel bad but he's basically useless in this state, sniffling over himself as he apologizes over and over again. You softly coo at him as you lean over and kiss him sweetly, taking his arms and placing them on your waist as he grips onto you like a lifeline.

"There there Childe. It's alright now, we're going to teach you how to be a good boy. That's what you want right?" you whisper to him as he nods. You pull yourself up even as he grips onto your clothing to stay with him as you unclasp the buttons of his pants and free his cock. Still red and hard in your hands as if he hadn't already orgasmed twice in the span of a few minutes. He's already so wet with pre-come that you don't even need to find lube to jack him off. Ignoring his moans and screams to stop, he's still sensitive, you take him to the hilt in your mouth. Quickly pinning his hips from jerking upwards and choking you, you're the image of content as you swallow around his cock as Childe throws his head back and sobs as he cums down your throat.

“Pl-please, please, mmn- put it in me, please…” he manages to pant you, his mind melted as his eyes blink in and out of consciousness. His body is still burning hot and he can't escape the feeling of being empty. He wants to be filled with your cock, stuffed fill until he can't live without being fucked by you. You've completely ruined him.

"It seems we still have a long way to go. You really are a disappointment Childe," you sigh as you wipe away the stray cum dripping from your mouth as you reach over and feed it to him. He whines low in the throat at tasteing himself but feeling you touch him in some way is the only thing grounding him before you pull away and stand up, "Go on. Finger yourself open for me."

"W-Wha?"

"Childe. I said. Finger yourself open. I won't repeat myself again."

He quickly nods, not ready to disobey you again, as he lifts himself up to get his pants fully off. He knows what you want and it makes the fire in him burn hotter. Using his own pre-come with shaky hands, he reaches over to hold his legs up for you, and circles around his rim before dipping inside. The embarrassment of holding himself open like this and your watchful gaze almost has him cumming again but he can't. He wants to be good. He does his best to spread himself open at this awkward angle but he soon loses himself. He should feel ashamed for getting off on someone watching him but it makes him finger himself deeper and harder. He's taken out of his pleasurable moment when he feels your hand join his. Taking one hand as you spread his ass to see his loose hole. The pre-cum from his cock slowly leaking down. You're absentmindedly lacing your fingers inside him, before pulling both your hands out as you line your strap on to his rim. He didn't even notice you put it on.

"Did you know I had to fake every orgasm because you were such a sloppy fuck? Perhaps I should show you how to fuck someone properly," is the only warning he gets before you grip his hips until your fingernails draw blood, before slamming into him. He throws his head back and chokes on his screams as his cock shoots cum all over his chest.

"Who said you could come?" you spit out as you grip his cock and squeeze harshly as he screams. The overstimulation is too much, it hurts. He's desperately trying to push you away but whatever strength he built is lost. Only able to lay there and take it. He looks down to see his stomach bulge with every thrust you make, the image of you rearranging his insides sends him flying as he tries to cum again but the death grip you have on him, he just can't. He's full-on sobbing as you continue to abuse his prostate, he's going to break, you're breaking him.

"nO! P-PLEASE! STO-" he begging as you continue to pound into him. You push even further, until your cock fully inside him now, and stay there rubbing right up against his prostate. Watching amused as Childe tries to shudder to the large intrusion, the never-ending pressure on his sensitive spots makes him almost feral. You swear he has hearts in his eyes right now.

"Pleasepleaseplease-"

You pull out slowly, just until the tip is inside him, before gripping his wrists as leverage and ruthless slamming into him. Childe parts his hips in a voiceless cry as you finally break his mind and fuck him dumb. He scrambles against the floor as he tries to find anything to ground him, trying to fuck himself back on your cock as he drools all over the floor. His vision leaves him as all his senses focused on the harsh drag of your cock in him, the wet slapping noise that fills the room, and the tears that slip from his eyes down to the floor. His cock throbs with each thrust you force into his body, thighs jerking, as his tongue lolls out.

"Oh!--mh, m-more!" Childe babbles deliriously, he's being reduced to nothing but a warm hole for you to fill whenever you feel like it. Reduced from a harbinger to a whore for you to use. He feels the breath get punched out of his lungs as his abdomen stretches and burns. His hole clenching around your dick that you have to forcefully yank him down to stuff him, "Hahh, you're tearing me o-open."

"You disgusting whore. Can you feel it?" you mock as you take one hand to spread his ass apart, you see his hole is red and puffy, pre-cum from his semi-hard cock leaking down where you're both connected. He shudders that you've fucked him so bad that his hole is gaping. It's when you reach over and clasp both of your hands around his neck and squeeze that he comes crashing down. Wheezing at the lack of oxygen that makes him see white, he feels so warm and content, mind filled with bliss, as he cums. Waves upon waves of pleasure crash into him as his cock finally softens as he relaxes and drifts off into space before slowly losing consciousness.

--- You slowly blink awake to soft kisses being placed on your neck, Childe's lazy form cuddled up to you as you stroke his hair. He's always so clingy the morning after. "Are you feeling alright? I was a bit mean wasn't I?" you ask a bit embarrassed as memories of last night flood your mind. You know you both agreed on what your limits were but you couldn't help but feel a bit worried you may have pushed him too far. Childe props himself on his elbow to smile dumbly at you, you were perfect.

"It was alright I suppose," he chuckles when you lightly punch him in the chest, "I didn't think you would try and drug me like that. You know I could get you arrested for that. " "Ha! Good luck finding someone that will fulfill your perverted fantasies. Besides you're the one that wanted to experiment with them and don't phrase it like that either," you shake your head at him before leaning up to kiss him. When you pull away you take notice of all the bruises and marks you left on him. There's a small part of you that purrs at the claim you made but you quickly shoo it away. It's too early for that. If your back is hurting you have no idea how Childe is faring. "Here, let me get you some water and let me see your head," you offer, pulling yourself up before Childe's arm wraps around you and pulls you down to lay beside him. Placing his weight on top of you so you can't squirm away, even as you swat at his back he smothers you until you give up.

"Stay with me."

"Hah...alright. Just for a bit."

[gothprentiss]

wow. when i sent you that ask, i did not expect such an /awesome/ answer. thank you so much for taking the time to unspool your thoughts on this. it was absolutely fascinating and i'm so tempted to rewatch season 6 because i've always found it to be so revealing about emily as a character. i'm very curious about why you think the declan storyline undermined the character work and what you said about mantras but i understand if you don't want to elaborate further. thank you for indulging me!

oh HI again! listen, thanks for playing— i love to do big long annoying posts about this show and i’m glad anyone else is interested. rewatch season 6! imo

i’m trying to figure out how to explain my issue with the declan arc. i guess the basic thing is that the entire doyle arc, from the buildup across the middle of the season to valhalla+lauren, is basically like “emily prentiss has been keeping Dark Terrible Dangerous secrets and is secretive and cynical and maybe even… bad!” and then after they have genuinely done some serious work to establish all that, they’re like “but what if she had a reason for it that we respect?” and don’t establish that reason very well at all.

like, largely i think it’s sort of my normal criminal minds writing beef: a lot of characterization feels very slapdash and haphazard for a wild variety of reasons which i find very difficult to unpick. sometimes i think they’re just going about trying to telegraph something about a character very poorly (e.g., HOT TAKE but i think emily prentiss having a black cat was meant to be like, symbolic of her personality (sure! absolutely!) but overlooks the fact that people who are essentially catlike are not people who own cats. it doesn’t really matter but it’s like— i don’t think people read this as a moment of animal symbolism because everyone instinctively knows that having a cat is a totally different personality type lol.), sometimes they sort of like, set a standard and adjust all other characters around it (e.g., over the course of the show you get characters being progressively dumbed down around reid. prentiss is a great example of this.), etc. i say this because i think the way they start out on the doyle arc genuinely rules. i love that they have doyle show up and be like “you are a liar and a conniver and a snake and the only thing you care about is saving your own skin” and she’s like “well. it was my job.”— it doesn’t completely aver his words, but it also doesn’t immediately or categorically deny them. i know that this had zero foreshadowing in previous seasons because it wasn’t planned on until they decided they didn’t want to keep paying paget brewster, but the effect of this is kind of cool: out of nowhere, it’s revealed that we’ve been wrong about this character the whole time. so the whole storyline is like, unfolding everything about her, and by and large it’s *not great* within the show’s ethos. as a huge demilyhead i have a lot of thoughts which i’ve shared at tedious length about derek’s reaction to her during this arc, but i think one function of his immediate horrified/angry/betrayed/devastated reaction is to set stakes for the viewers— if this is who she is, it’s kind of unforgivable. that’s on the moralistic side; the way she reacts to garcia is also there to telegraph how insoluble this old/secret life is with the life she currently lives.

[sort of irrelevant to the declan thing but what i love about all of this is that it’s entirely her own doing. like, sure, this is post-9/11 when a good majority of americans lost their absolute minds and went balls to the wall jingoistic, so it’s not surprising that a young and ambitious agent would get swept up in unbelievably ethically terrible counterterrorism espionage. but it wasn’t a draft, and she definitely had the connections and options for her career to not be ruined by taking this job. it’s always struck me as like, this is the thing she chose because she was more concerned about building her career for herself, without any support from her mother or reliance on family name, without thinking twice about what the consequences would be. i think that’s wild and awesome! when you want something so bad you’d do anything to get it and then realize only after what that everything entails. and do it anyway.]

anyway this keeps unfolding and unfolding, and includes a lot of stuff that she’s doing in the present that is also potentially unconscionable. she flirts with doyle in an attempt to save her life, which i think reinforces the idea that she really is as manipulative and cynical as she’s accused of being. she’s given multiple opportunities to go back to the team and doesn’t take them— this isn’t morally bad or anything, it’s just that she’s very persistently isolating herself from them. and all the while, it’s just like— this is how she is. then about midway through lauren we start the declan revelation, which almost entirely shifts the stakes of her behavior. it’s not her own life she’s protecting, it’s declan’s; at some point during the doyle case, the reason she was there was to rescue a child. the life of a child is like, the ultimate exculpatory logic for criminal minds, and protecting a child makes excusable otherwise unthinkable behavior. when derek is talking to her at the end of lauren, he’s basically like, ‘i know you did it all for declan’— this isn’t literally true. no one knew about the kid when she took the job, and we see her finding out about declan well into the established relationship with doyle. like— honestly, i love that derek says this to her because clearly he’s prioritizing making things right with her over his sense of right and wrong (he still was lied to), and i think that’s beautiful and magical. but the problem is that she’s forgiven so very very quickly, and then in season 7 the wrongness between her and the team can’t take that form, and instead becomes spencer (and to a lesser extent derek) being mad at her that hotch and jj lied to him about her dying. that means we never really get to experience her as that person again, which really sucks imo. it just immediately closes the book on the bigger and much more problematic kind of deception that they really should be unnerved by!

and the mantra thing— i meant to edit that out i think lol bc it’s just very idiosyncratic and self-indulgent but basically i think mantras (& their sort of brethren, things like aphorisms and maxims and so on) are just really interesting. like, okay, a mantra doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s traditionally a meditative saying. e.g. something like om shanti shanti shanti isn’t syntactically meaningful (shanti is lexically meaningful but om has meaning as sound rather than language). but when a mantra functions on the level of literal meaning it’s sort of… a tool which is intended to pull the world or the self in line with truth (or some other kind of aspirational state. wellness peace understanding etc.). religious and spiritual practices of meditation are more about understanding, but you get mantras and aphorisms in all sorts of pseudo-secular settings like self-help, uhh finance guy meetups, etc. you also get them as tools in various therapeutic and rehabilitatory settings. in a lot of cases, you’re repeating a short saying which is literally true and which you know to be literally true because you don’t have an easy relationship with its truth, or the truth it communicates isn’t one that’s easily conceptualized. also i think that emerging from a full-time undercover identity after what appears to have been quite a long time must be extensively difficult on every possible level. so if i’m really overreading i do sort of think of it as like, potentially evidence of a longer-term sort of like… therapy of the self she’s had to do to actually become herself again after the job. it’s very imaginable that there’s a long period of her life where “[you are/i am] emily prentiss. lauren reynolds is dead” was a mantra for her, one which was part of the work of like, rebuilding and reinhabiting her life and reordering her existence. a necessity borne maybe of the habit of not being herself and living at odds with the truth.

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

You’ve Got Mail: Jungkook One Shot

Request: Hi! I really love your writings! If your requests are still open, can you pls write a Jungkook story? Ex-lovers in high school where he broke up with her because he got bored or something like that. Then they met again in university and wants her back again. (Angst but happy ending pls). Thank you!

Description: After a messy breakup with high school heartthrob Jeon Jungkook, you swore off dating once you got into college. Even though it left you lonely, it was easier than being hurt. But one fateful blind date changes everything for you, and you realize that maybe isolation isn’t the answer either.

Word Count: 12.9k

Pairing: Jungkook x (gender neutral) Reader

Tags: Barista!Reader, Graphic Design Student!Jungkook, Non-Idol!Au, Ex-Lovers to Enemies to Lovers (? I guess? Haha)

Genre: Whole lotta angst, fluffy ending

Warnings: None!

A/N: It’s been two weeks since I’ve posted wtf!! But I’m back and less than a week away from the Rose Bowl concert, holy cow. This ask has been in my inbox for MONTHS, so I need to say thank you to the anon who sent it for waiting so long! I really enjoyed this request, so I hope you guys like it too!

Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter please do so! My handle is @/plzpunchmebts. I would post a link, but rumor has it Tumblr killed links and I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be posting concert videos and pics there, so please give it a follow if you’d like to see that!

- Mercury

You were never too keen on blind dates. Everything about them felt…artificial. It wasn’t that you were a romantic, not especially, but you had to admit that being forced on a date by meddlesome friends took some of the magic out of dating. When Sua had mentioned a cute new boy in her class who was too busy studying to date, you had to admit the red flags began waving in your mind. Of course, you could relate. College was taxing and it was difficult to find time to even eat three meals, let alone date. Perhaps if things had cropped up organically, you’d have been more excited. But the forced union was a little cumbersome.

The nerves and the insecurity and the fear, none of it was especially fun. But Sua had been adamant that the two of you would hit it off, and with her eyes round and expectant, her brows raised, and her lips pouted, you really didn’t have any room to deny her. You figured one night of discomfort was better than months of guilt, and even though you figured things wouldn’t work out with this mystery man, you’d humor your friend. After all, making friends in college wasn’t easy.

Making friends in general wasn’t easy.

You sighed as you waited with your chilly hands clasped around your phone, standing at the entrance to the subway station where Sua had instructed. The mouth of the entrance was muggy with exiting passengers as the wave of people clambered up the steep stairs and onto the street, lined on all sides by buildings that reached the sky. Every now and again, someone would graze their shoulder against yours without apology, or perhaps step on the toe of your sneaker. You took a few inching steps backward, glancing over your shoulder to be sure you wouldn’t hit anyone. Not that they’d care. You backed up until you were out of the streamline and instead took up a quieter spot beside a fish cake vendor.

You checked your phone once again, furrowing your brow. Sue said eleven, didn’t she? You pulled up your messages and scrolled through carefully, head tilted to the side as you read her most recent text.

Sua: He said he’s running a little late, but he told me to tell you to wait.

You: I am waiting…

Sua: He says he’s sorry and that the subway is close to the terminal now.

You: That’s good.

Sua: He says sorry again.

Sua: You know, this is kinda dumb. Let me just give you his number so you can text him.

Sua: 51-XXX-XX24

You pursed your lips and crossed your arms over your chest. Sua was right, anyway. Making her your proxy wouldn’t really do you much good, considering she wasn’t here to help you in person. But wouldn’t it be a bit forward to just…text this guy? You didn’t know him yet. And besides, what could you say that Sua hadn’t? Hey, I’m doing this out of obligation, sorry to disappoint! or you can just go back home now and we can tell Sua things didn’t work out. You shook your head and rubbed your fingertip along the screen of your phone, working your lower lip between your teeth. You were just looking for an out. And really, you didn’t want to bail after Sua had gone through the trouble of setting things up. Still, just texting a stranger was a little…

But then again, he’d agreed to the blind date too, hadn’t he? It wasn’t like you were someone he was forced to talk to. He’d come on his own accord. Rubbing your bare forearm in the spring breeze with one hand, you used the other to tap the phone number and save it and, with only your index finger, drafted a slow message.

You: Hey, I’m Sua’s friend. I think we’re supposed to have a blind date today? Haha. That sounded kind of awkward…

Within seconds, your phone dinged with an incoming text and you jumped, nervous, before glancing at your phone once more.

Blind Date: Oh! Haha, hello. It wasn’t awkward at all. Ahh, I’m really sorry I’m late. I wasn’t looking where I was going and I bumped into a cyclist and he gave me an earful so I missed the first subway.

Blind Date: But I’m one stop away! You’re outside exit 2 right?

You: Yeah! I’m next to a fish cake stall. I’m wearing a red blouse, so you can’t miss me :-)

Damn, you thought, was that smiley face too much? You picked at the skin around your nail and glanced up to see the near-constant flow of people was still in full force, the subway exit spitting pedestrians onto the cement sidewalk in droves. You squinted a little, trying to keep a good visual on the staircase leading out. With a sigh, you leaned over your bag to slip your phone inside when it buzzed again. Despite yourself, your heart raced and you eagerly unlocked it to see if he’d responded.

Blind Date: Cute! Let’s get some fish cakes then before we go to the movie.

Blind Date: Ah, subway just pulled in! I’m only a few sweaty staircases away now~

Blind Date: :P

Without meaning to, you smiled a little. Your nerves settled as you leaned on your right foot, grinning softly at your screen. He seemed like a good guy, at least. You were relieved. After the jerks you dated in high school, you’d sworn off dating for a while. Maybe trying to cleanse your palate. It was…oddly refreshing to be talking to someone who didn’t make you feel like you weren’t all that important. Like you were disposable.

Still smiling, you responded with a simple text.

You: I’m excited to meet you :-D

“Y/N?” asked a familiar voice from beside you.

A voice that sent chills up your spine, and not the good kind.

You stiffened and turned, eyes wide, toward the one person you’d been hoping fervently to avoid for life. Standing with his big, brown eyes wide and his hair slightly windswept, Jeon Jungkook stared down at you like you were a ghost. Your lips parted and, heart hammering, you opened and closed your jaw a few times. What were you supposed to say to the boy who broke your heart when you were sixteen?

Years later and he was still the heartthrob he’d been back then, only now he looked…like a man. His cheekbones were prominent, strong jaw, heavy brow and a serious, toned build like he’d lived at the gym in the years between your meetings.

You swallowed hard and slipped your phone in your bag, crossing your arms and thus closing yourself to him. You glanced up at him with a furrowed brow. “Jungkook,” you said with a sigh. “I’m actually waiting here for someone and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, so if you could-,”

“You’re on a blind date?” asked Jungkook, lips agape.

You shrugged, glancing down the sidewalk toward the open maw of the subway exit, squinting in the hopes of catching your date’s attention. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Wait, but-,”

You sighed and shut him up with a single look his way, sharp, venomous. “I’m gonna to wait someplace else if you’re gonna keep standing beside me.”

“No, it’s not-,”

You huffed and shuffled into the crowd once more, walking purposefully away from him, but Jungkook was hot on your tail and wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Every few paces, you’d glance over your shoulder and see him following you feverishly, angling himself through the narrow spaces between bodies. But you kept going, pushing through, until you were blocks away from the subway station and Jungkook was nowhere to be seen.

You exhaled long and slow, patting your chest to calm down, and veered off toward the shops on your right, taking cover beneath an awning. Something in your bag vibrated and you jumped. Shit. Your date. The spring day sun was warm on your hands as you fumbled with your bag, grabbing your phone once again.

Blind Date: Where did you go??

You gripped your nose bridge and exhaled through your nose. Of course he’d be confused. You were lucky he was nice enough to reach out at all after seeing you weren’t where you said you’d be. You typed your reply quickly, desperate not to hurt his feelings.

You: God, I’m SO sorry. I ran into someone…from a long time ago lol. I couldn’t shake him off, so I ended up down the street a few blocks. By a Burger King.

You: I’m making a really bad impression, huh? I’m sorry. Just…he’s the LAST person I wanted to see today, you know?

You: Or…well, ever haha.

You awaited a response with bated breath, brows knit, and chewed on the inside of your cheek. This blind date was a wild card, really. Since you didn’t know him yet, you didn’t know how he’d respond. And it wouldn’t be his fault if he decided you weren’t worth all the hassle. Honestly, you might’ve been a little relieved if that was the case. Running into Jungkook…it made you remember why you avoided dating.

But despite your expectations, your phone buzzed again and you jumped to grab it.

Blind Date: This person…you really didn’t want to see him?

You: No. It’s just a painful reminder of the past.

You: !!! God, I keep saying awkward things !!! Haha, please forget I said anything. Where are you?

Blind Date: No! It’s not awkward at all. I’m just…

Blind Date: I’m sorry you had to see him then, I guess.

You: Jeez…

You: You’re a really nice guy, aren’t you?

Blind Date: Haha! I don’t know about that…

Blind Date: How about we reschedule for another time? I get the feeling you wouldn’t really be up for a movie right now anyway.

You panicked, heart kicking up. Despite everything you told yourself, you were a little bit happy he was being so understanding. And even though you were scared, you wanted to see if…well…if maybe this guy might be different.

You shook your head. Of course you shouldn’t think that way. Putting your heart out there to be toyed with and thrown aside…you didn’t want to go through it. Not really. And what relationship could be worth all that? You sucked in your breath and typed a quick response, ready to cast Jungkook and this blind date into the banks of your memory to gather dust. Even if this guy did seem sweet…

So had Jungkook, at first.

You: Yeah. That’s probably for the best. I work at that coffeeshop on campus, so I’ll shoot you a text once I get my schedule. :-)

You: I’m sorry for all the trouble today. Seriously.

You sighed and turned on your heel toward the street. If you kept on this sidewalk for a few more blocks, you’d find exit 3. And from there, it was only a 20-minute subway ride home whereupon you could finally collapse on your couch and wait for this cursed weekend to be over.

But before you could take a single step, a text came.

Blind Date: It was no trouble. :D I just feel bad that you had an unpleasant experience…

You: Hey, it’s not your fault haha.

You: Oh yeah! I never gave you my name, did I?

Blind Date: No, actually. Haha.

You: It’s Y/N.

Blind Date: It’s nice to meet you again, Y/N.

Blind Date: You can call me Nochu.

You: … Nochu … ?

Blind Date: Haha, it’s weird huh?

Blind Date: It’s a nickname I prefer.

You: Ah! I see. I’ll call you that then.

You: Nochu.

Blind Date: Y/N :-)

You stood and placed your hands on your lower back and stretched, groaning, a week later. Classes had been dragging lately and with several coworkers sick with a cold, you were one of the only employees left who wasn’t too ill to work. Your body felt like it was slowly failing you. Even your feet were sore from constantly running from place to place. And the quiet coffee shop before you made you feel like taking a long and well-needed nap. Mismatched chairs and bistro tables littered the trendy place and students congregated around the windows or the fireplace or the used bookshelf. Nobody really bothered you except to order or ask for to-go coffee sleeves. Mostly, you just stood there. For hours. Watching everything and nothing at once.

But today the energy was a little different. You’d heard from Sua that the graphic design students were approaching an important deadline, and from the looks of the crowd it seemed that deadline was heavy on everyone’s minds. Laptops and drawing tablets and plenty of coffee littered the tables as students chatted in small groups, none of them looking all too happy. You wondered what the project was, but didn’t want to bother Sua with a useless question. So instead, you just watched over customer’s shoulders as they added thick white lines to separate sections of illustrations or grabbed whole images with slender styluses and slid them to new spaces.

“Excuse me?”

You jumped and turned to the queue which up until moments ago had been completely empty. You made sure to manage your expression with a tight smile and bowed your head. “Sorry,” you said quietly, lifting your eyes to meet the customer.

And, to your shock and horror, you saw a familiar face amongst the group of thee college-aged boys. Jeon Jungkook stood in the middle, a half-pace behind the guy who had roused your attention, and if his expression was anything to go by, he was just as horrified to see you as you were to see him. You felt your back go perfectly straight, eyes wide and lips parted through which only shallow exhales escaped. Your palms grew sweaty and your heart thump-thumped to an uneven cadence.

“Um, what can I make for you?” you asked finally, managing a tight smile at the speaker of the group whose attention was affixed to the sign above your head, reading the menu with squinted eyes. “If you need more time…,” you hedged, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze which you felt burning circles into your face.

“Ah, no I’ve got it,” said the first guy with a polite smile your way. “I’ll have a green tea latte.”

You nodded and wrote it down on your notepad, just to keep things straight. Had your coworkers been stronger in their constitution, you’d have given the order to one of them to get started on. Perhaps you’d even get started yourself and leave the cashiering to them. But alas, you were alone and painfully aware of it.

“Will you be paying separately or together?” you asked, a tinge of hope in your voice. Please say together, please say together, please say together, you thought over and over, like an endless mantra.

The first boy chuckled and gave Jungkook’s shoulder a firm punch. “Like I’ll pay for these good-for-nothings,” he joked before returning his attention to you, smiling. He had a kind smile, but even that did little to ease your anxieties. You simply nodded and took his card as he stretched it out toward you.

The second guy approached, another brown-haired college kid with a polite grin and baggy spring clothes, and hummed. “I’ll do the caramel macchiato,” he said with a nod, fingers still clasping his chin as he scanned the menu and you scribbled his order. “Ah!” he said, pointing at you. You jumped, still on edge with adrenaline coursing through you, but quickly settled with a smile. “And a slice of banana bread.”

“Banana bread,” you mumbled to yourself as you wrote it. “Okay.”

The second handed you a credit card which you swiped quickly, eager to get this whole encounter over with. He took it back with a bow and a smile which you struggled to return because the moment you glanced over his shoulder you caught Jungkook’s gaze, intense, warm browns peering at you like you held answers he’d been searching for. Despite yourself, you blushed and glanced back toward your notepad.

Finally, the moment of reckoning arrived and your nerves made your hands a little shaky as they clasped the pen and paper. Your eyes wavered around the space between your own hands, measuring the empty air, desperate not to look at Jungkook again.

“Um…,” he mumbled, voice a low rumble in his chest. You almost wanted to squeeze your eyes shut altogether, even though you knew how dumb that’d make you look. “Can I get a strawberry smoothie?”

You almost laughed. It was so like him to come to a coffeeshop and order something like that. It was so like him to still have a weak palate when it came to bitter things. It was so like him to chase after you that day, to show up here on coincidence. It was so like him to be exactly who you remembered him to be. Exactly who he was back then.

Slowly, once you’d written his order down, you lifted your eyes and looked at him properly at last. He was dressed well, casual as you expected, all black as you expected, handsome as you expected. His hair was half-styled out of his eyes, and those eyes were the problem really. Dark and depthless, staring down at you with furrowed brow, jaw clenched. If anyone had doubts you two knew each other before, they’d certainly know now with the way he was watching you. The way he hadn’t taken his eyes off of you for even a second.

“That’s all?” you asked.

“Um…yeah,” he responded, blinking at you like he had more to say.

By then, his friends had begun setting up camp amongst the mismatched sofas and recliners, setting up their computers. You caught sight of a drawing tablet as its corner poked out the top of the first boy’s backpack. So they were design majors too? Maybe your blind date had met one of these guys, then. But wait. If his friends were, did that mean…

“You’re a design major?” you asked, unable to stop yourself.

But once you said it, you wished to suck the words back inside like tapioca balls through a straw because across Jungkook’s face flashed a brief glimmer of excitement, eyes wide, mouth already open and poised to respond.

“Yeah!” he said, smiling a little. “I…uh, well you remember how I liked to draw.”

You nodded, typing the total into your cash register. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m really sorry about-,”

“Let’s not rehash things here,” you said, eyeing him from beneath your lashes, scanning the shop like a conspirator in search of any prying eyes, any listening ears. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We’ve both moved on so let’s just keep it at that.”

Jungkook shut his mouth and, after a long moment, sighed. “Alright,” he said, sounding defeated. You hazarded a glance up at him and found his eyes long-sighted, gazing down at the counter between you without really looking at it.

“It’ll be 3,500 won,” you said, holding out one hand towards him.

He blinked and shook his head a little, as if returning to himself, and yanked his wallet from the front pocket of his loose joggers. He pulled out a bill and handed it to you. 20,000. Was that the smallest bill he had on him? You examined it with a thinly-veiled scowl. Of course, he was probably making good money doing something impressive. That was Jungkook anyway. The type of guy who just…made things come to him. Like the universe responded to his will. You sighed and went to work on the old register, punching in the amount and sliding the bill inside. You produced his change to find him already bounding toward his friends with his broad back to you.

Panicked, you rushed to the side of the barista station and called out to him. “Hey! You forgot your change!” you shouted, cupping one hand around your mouth. A few patrons turned to look at you and Jungkook.

He barely glanced back at you when he said, “You can keep it.”

And suddenly you were blushing for a very different reason.

That jerk, you thought to yourself as you watched him plug away at some ad he was working on on his tablet. Evening had fallen slowly upon the city of Seoul, and you wanted nothing more than to stroll out into the lavender evening, forgetting this whole unpleasant day. But instead, you had to wait for your coworker, Sora, to relieve you after making you work fifteen minutes past the end of your shift. Scowling, you kept a hawk’s eye on Jungkook and, unbeknownst to him, wished silent curses upon his head. I hope you go bald, you thought. Or worse, I hope you go out for fried chicken and you get only tendons. You crossed your arms and lolled your head to the side.

You shouldn’t have expected Jungkook to change. He’d always been a ‘my pace’ kind of guy. Maybe leaving that tip was his way of flexing his money to you. That he had enough money to just throw around at random baristas he used to hook up with in high school. Or maybe he was pitying you, looking down on you for working such a menial job. Either way, it made your blood boil. You felt the money crinkle in the pocket of your jeans with every step.

You’d briefly considered spitting in his smoothie, but you didn’t want to lose your job over Jeon Jungkook.

After all, you’d already lost your youth to the kid.

You glanced outside and watched the rainclouds gathering. Of course, you’d forgotten to bring an umbrella. It wasn’t like you’d checked the weather on the way out. Grumpily, you glanced down at your phone to check the time. Twenty minutes late now. What did Sora have to do that was so important? Normally, you’d complain to a friend. But Sua was about the closest you had these days and you weren’t sure you could trouble her with it.

But…were you really friends if you didn’t reach out to her from time to time?

Sighing, you glanced around the shop, making sure nobody was watching you, and unlocked your phone. So much had already happened that a quick message didn’t seem reasonable, but you couldn’t very well bury your head in your phone so after every few clicks you’d sweep your gaze around. You settled for an anxious few words between nervous glances at the rest of the shop. Realistically, you were off the clock anyway. But you didn’t want any bad Yelp reviews on your behalf.

You: Sua, on God today is cursed.

You waited a few moments for a response before growing impatient. Everything was taking forever today: that interaction with Jungkook, Sora taking over your shift, and now Sua not responding. Of course, she had no obligation to. She was probably busy with her own preparation much like the other graphic design students. You had no right to expect that of her.

Wasn’t that your problem from the start? Expecting too much?

Your phone buzzed in response as your mind began to drift toward melancholy thoughts and as you slid it open your eyes went wide and your fingertips chilled as the blood rushed to your cheeks.

Blind Date: Hah…I’m not Sua, but I am willing to listen if you need it…?

Blind Date: Was wondering when I’d hear from you.

Mortified didn’t even begin to cover it. You cupped a hand over your lips in horror, and just as you were about to melt into a pile of melted pride on the floor, the door swung open and a breathless Sora met your eyes with a nervous smile. You swallowed hard and pocketed your phone, offering Sora your full attention. He bowed his head to you, bending at the waist, as he approached the counter.

“I am so sorry for being late!” he shouted, loud enough for every patron to glance at him and, subsequently, you.

Your flushed face went beet red as Jungkook turned to stare at you, eyes wide. Of course, another embarrassing moment in front of that guy. “U-um, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you said, waving your hands.

He sniffled and looked up at you, eyes red with impending tears. “I really didn’t mean to, but I fell asleep after class today and-,”

“Sora, it’s cool,” you said, removing your apron and hanging it on the rack behind you. “I’m gonna go now though so I can catch my subway.”

Sora stiffened and nodded, giving you a salute before scampering behind the counter and putting on his own apron. “I really am sorry!” he called after you.

You waved a hand and rushed out onto the sidewalk, lingering beneath the awning as the rain began to drizzle from overhead. You returned your attention to your phone, pushing your hair behind your ears so you could see properly, and swallowed your nerves.

You: I…am such an idiot.

You: I’m so sorry. I was at work and I’m not supposed to be on my phone, but I just…

You: Jesus, honestly you can just delete my number. I don’t think I can look at your contact anymore without cringing.

You were poised to take a step out into the rain when your phone vibrated again and you jumped to read it with barely shaking hands.

Blind Date: No! It’s okay. Seriously.

Blind Date: I can list dumber things I’ve done today alone.

Blind Date: Besides, sounds like you need someone to talk to anyway…?

You blinked at your phone screen a few times, cocking your head to the side. Somehow, his words had calmed you down, just a little. Your flaming cheeks were cooler now when you poked one with the pad of your finger. Your heart wasn’t a hammer against your ribcage. And as you glanced over your shoulder at the window into the coffeeshop, you found Jungkook was no longer in sight. With a few texts alone, things seemed a little better.

You: I won’t bore you with all of it, haha.

You: It was more of a Sua story anyway I think.

You: I’m trying to break through that kinda hesitant first stage of friendship with her and

You: Well anyway, I’m sorry to bother you. Hope you’re doing good?

Blind Date: Haha, hey I get it. Friendships are weird. Took me a while to make any real friends this year since I was so shy.

You: You were shy?

Blind Date: Oh big time. I still don’t really know how to approach people without saying or doing something wrong.

Blind Date: Like today. I think I came across like an asshole to someone.

Blind Date: That happens a lot actually -_-

Blind Date: Being nervous makes me act weird.

You: Really? You sound really confident over text.

Blind Date: Haha really? That’s good to hear at least.

Blind Date: I’m about the least confident person I know.

Blind Date: Whew, not exactly the impression I wanted to give to a possible date! Oops.

You smiled at your phone and began typing out a response when the door by your hip swung open and out walked Jungkook and his friends. Jungkook caught your eye as your smile was slipping into a scowl and you quickly righted yourself, looking away down the busy street. You held your phone close to your chest and popped a hip out to the side, feigning disinterest.

“See you guys tomorrow,” said one boy.

“Yeah,” responded Jungkook, and you saw out the corner of your eye that the guys parted ways. Jungkook lingered beside you underneath the awning, watching you keenly. “Who were you texting?” he asked.

You stiffened and glanced up at him with a frown. “Is that any of your business?” you asked.

He flushed a little, rubbed the back of his head, and let out a few breathy laughs. “Sorry. Guess not,” he said with a sigh.

For a few moments the two of you just stood there, silent. You weren’t sure what to do next without an umbrella, and you didn’t want Jungkook to think you were just…spending time with him for fun. But still, you didn’t move or make a sound. Just watched the steadily increasing rainfall splatter against the pavement, gathering in pools beside the sidewalk.

“Listen,” he began, turning to you properly. You eyed him from below with raised brows. “I really don’t want any bad energy between us, okay? I know things were messy before, but we’re in college now. It’s been years, right?” Some of the tension between you broke, but it was quickly replaced by a new tension: your outrage.

You blinked at him, working your jaw. “Jungkook, you don’t get to tell me when I’m allowed to stop being hurt,” you said, shaking your head. “Seeing you is a little painful, even though it’s been a long time. So…maybe just ignore me.”

Jungkook sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, Y/N. You know I am.”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t really want anything to do with you,” you said, meeting his eyes. Your own calm surprised you. He looked desperate, brows knit and lips parted. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to just leave me alone.”

He blinked a few times, eyes wide. “I…I mean, we go to the same school now and everything. I just transferred this year and it’s…I don’t really know many people. It’s not like we’re strangers, so why should we act like we are?”

You swallowed your anger. “I’m gonna go now,” you said, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and walking out into the rain. You turned to look at him. “I don’t think you get what I’m saying, so it’s not worth repeating it again in a different way. Just…leave me alone.”

But before you could take a single step toward the subway entrance three blocks away, Jungkook was beside you in the rain, fiddling with his umbrella. “Wh-what are you doing? I just said to leave me alone!” you called at him over the sound of the rain around you.

Jungkook spat rainwater out from between his lips and shook his head as the umbrella finally popped open and the rain stopped pummeling you, now ricocheting off the nylon. You stared up at Jungkook underneath the dark umbrella, confined beneath it, confined to this small, enclosed space. Your chest was nearly touching his arm and his breath was warm as it fanned across your face. Strawberries. Like his smoothie. Rain was caught in his long eyelashes and his rosy lips were still parted, cheeks a warm pink. He stared down at you and for a brief moment, you felt a hot, shooting sensation running from the top of your head to your toes.

“Let me walk you to the station at least,” he said, scanning you.

You felt a little faint, and the sweet scent of his cologne only made you more disoriented. “I’m fine. It’s only a few blocks,” you said, but even you could admit your voice sounded weak.

He sighed, eyes falling to the ground. “I know I hurt you a lot back then, but…,” he began, then shook his head. “Even if it’s small, I wanna make it up to you somehow. So…let me walk you.”

You rubbed your bare forearm and inhaled sharply, shutting your eyes for a moment. “Fine,” you forced out and the two of you began walking.

“So…,” said Jungkook after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. “How was your date the other day?”

You groaned. “What we’re not gonna do is this.”

Jungkook chuckled. “Sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Just curious.”

You watched your hands, clasped in front of you, and sighed. “It didn’t happen,” you said. If nothing else, at least your time with Jungkook made you remarkably comfortable talking to him about your thoughts and feelings. “We cancelled.”

“Why?” he asked, brows high.

You shrugged. “After seeing you, I was kinda crabby so…”

“It was my fault?” He pointed with his free hand to his own chest, eyes wide.

“I mean, yeah but not really,” you said with an easy exhale. “It’s for the best anyway. He seems like a really nice guy. I don’t wanna end up hurting his feelings or something.”

“You’d rather be alone than risk having things end badly?” he asked.

You peered up at him. “Wonder why that is,” you mumbled before glancing away.

He sighed. “Sorry.”

“Mhm.”

The rest of the walk was silent as the two of you were forced to simply live with the words you’d exchanged, unable to do anything to alter the events that led you here. All you could do was walk forward, united under a shared umbrella for just a moment, until you ducked out from beneath it and disappeared down the subway station stairs, not even pausing for a moment to wave or say goodbye.

Blind Date: Yikes, did I really scare you off?

You raised your brows at your phone screen as the subway bumped along. It was too crowded to find a seat, so you stood cramped between a stout businessman and a high school girl, all of you holding the railing overhead for stability. You couldn’t help it, but again you smiled. After all the craziness that had come from the day, this stranger seemed to help you feel at ease.

You: Haha nope! It’d take more than that.

You: I bumped into someone I didn’t want to see, so I had to take care of that.

Blind Date: !!! Same person as before??

You: Yeah, if you can believe it lol.

Blind Date: (o_O)

Blind Date: How unlucky can a person be?

You: That’s what I’m saying. (￢_￢;)

You: That’s actually one of the things I was gonna complain to Sua about.

You: Y’know, teenage heartbreak and high school angst. Etc.

Blind Date: Hey, I said it before. I’d love to listen!

Blind Date: Aight, that was too enthusiastic. How about: I wouldn’t mind hearing you out!

You: Lol, good addendum.

You: I mean, it’s not like it’s really that serious. Just…in high school I was really shy. I didn’t have very many friends and I thought that I was fine on my own, you know?

You: But I guess I was lonelier than I thought haha. There was this really handsome guy in my class who started sitting with me on the roof at lunch. At first, neither of us really said anything. Just…sitting together.

You: But after a while, we got pretty close. Half a school year maybe. He said he came up there because the air was nice, but I had a feeling it had to do with the fact that he was a little too popular for his own good. Everyone wanted to talk to him. But he was like me.

You: Introverted, I mean.

Blind Date: Sounds like you two were good friends, then?

You: Yeah, until I caught feelings lol. Mistake.

Blind Date: You confessed??

You: Hehe…yes.

You: After a while being close, I felt really comfortable telling him anything. I told him it wasn’t like I was expecting him to date me or anything. I just wanted him to know so he could be a little more careful around me.

You: But it seemed like he reciprocated.

You: We started dating…I guess?

You: Never put a label on it, which was another mistake on my part for not asking.

You: But we did everything couples did, just…not really in front of anyone from school.

You: Never asked about that either lol.

Blind Date: Oh…

Blind Date: I mean…that doesn’t sound so good…

You: Haha, it’s probably exactly what it sounds like because once we’d been together for about a year, he ended things really suddenly. We were getting ready to apply for colleges and he was gonna go for one in a different city. He said it wouldn’t work out.

You: I fought really hard for it, but he started saying pretty mean things and I didn’t want to get hurt so I ended up conceding.

Blind Date: Mean things?

You: Things I don’t really wanna type out haha…

Blind Date: Shit! Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.

You: Hey, don’t worry! Old wounds. I should probably get over it, really.

You: No time like the present!

You: He said he never really liked me and he was only with me because he felt bad for me. Didn’t really love hearing that.

You: He said because I didn’t have friends, he pitied me. That was why he went to the roof to eat with me. Why he kissed me and all that. Took me on dates. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌  Pretty dumb, imo, but that’s what he said and it seemed like he meant it anyway lol.

Blind Date: Y/N…

You: Hey, you asked!

Blind Date: That’s really shitty. You didn’t deserve that.

Blind Date: You carried that around with you all these years?

You: Hah, admitting it sounds kinda pathetic, huh?

You: I guess it’s not the sort of thing you just…get over. I think I really loved him too, so…

You: Anyway, seeing him now is really weird. Never thought I’d see him around here again, but suddenly he’s everywhere haha. Definitely doesn’t feel great, tbh.

You: Ew, sorry for laying all that on you. Not exactly small talk.

Blind Date: No!! Don’t apologize. I’m glad you talked to me about it. Honestly…I feel really sorry for you. It sounds like the whole thing affected you a lot. :-(

Blind Date: If it makes you feel better, I think I can understand you a little!

Blind Date: Like I said, I’m a bit shy myself. It’s not an issue of having friends, but finding good ones. It’s hard for me to socialize without saying something dumb and regretting it. So for a while, when I first started college, I isolated myself a lot. I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?

Blind Date: But recently, I’ve met some people who are really kind. People who don’t judge me when I mess things up (which is often haha). They help me communicate better.

You: You communicate really well, I think :-)

Blind Date: Haha, thank you. I’m actually blushing a little, whew. Uh, I guess it’s because it’s easier to type things out. Speaking is hard because you can’t just reword things before sending them. You say it out loud and it’s forever, you know?

You: Yeah! Jeez, that actually happened to me today (—_—)

You: I’m glad someone else understands it lol

Blind Date: Yeah, me too.

By the time you received the last message, you were already back inside your apartment, soaked from the walk home. You’d used your bag to cover your phone as you walked and typed, so now the thing was slumped against your dining chair like a sopping wet creature. But still, you smiled at your phone. Even though the conversation with Jungkook had been jarring, you’d almost forgotten it after chatting with your blind date. It felt oddly vulnerable to reveal so much to him, but his reaction had been really reassuring. You set your phone aside and padded to the bathroom to dry yourself a little with a towel, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks were a little flushed, eyes clear, and still smiling. You shook your head, trying to shake off your grin, but when you glanced back at your reflection it was still the same.

With the towel dangling across your shoulders, you returned to the living room and saw your phone lit up with another new text. Smiling, you unlocked it and read what he had to say.

Blind Date: Off topic, but uh…

Blind Date: Did you happen to catch the most recent episode of Game of Thrones?

Blind Date: Because I need to talk about it or I might explode.

You raised your brows and, without meaning to, you laughed. Was this okay? Was it alright to become close to someone like this again? Was it alright to be excited about someone again? You were fearful, cautious, hesitant. After everything with Jungkook, you’d found it impossible to trust people’s intentions. Were they being nice to you because they liked you or because they felt bad for you? Would you get hurt if you trusted the goodwill of the people around you?

You: Um…

You: CAN WE TALK ABOUT ARYA???

You weren’t going to talk to him again.

Well…that was your intention anyway. But by Friday, you’d spent every night up late chatting with this Nochu guy. It wasn’t like you talked about anything all that interesting or profound. Music you liked, games you played, anime you watched. You’d spent the better portion of Thursday night talking about whether Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was superior. You weren’t sure why you were compelled to respond every time his name lit up your phone. And you really weren’t sure why you were the one reaching out to him now as you sat watching your professor detail the process of molecular movement across a cell membrane.

Perhaps you’d missed making easy conversation with someone you liked talking to…

After high school, you’d become something of a recluse. You spent more nights in than out and despite doing well in your classes, you’d found yourself…slightly lonesome. That’s why when Sua gave you her number after you’d successfully finished a project together a few months ago, you’d been quick to take it. Even though it was a little scary, some small part of you wanted to trust people again.

And maybe that’s why too. Why you were sending this stupid text in the middle of your lecture.

You: Hey dude. You free today?

Blind Date: Hm? Why?

You: Idk, Burger King or smth?

Blind Date: Hehe, are you trying to revive our dead romance?

You: O.O Our romance died already? After one failed date?

Blind Date: Hahaha I mean…you can try giving it CPR if you want…?

Blind Date: Mouth-to-mouth ;-D

You: Yuck, I take it back. Our romance is dead and buried.

You: Anyway, you free?

Blind Date: Uh yeah probs later. I’ve got class until 4.

Blind Date: Does that work for your Burger King plan?

Blind Date: I know it’s hard to get a reservation at that place on short notice >.<

You: I take it all back.

You: I have plans tonight, soz.

You: Talk to ya later, weeb.

You smiled and set your phone down beside your notebook, refocusing on your professor.  But your attention was quickly assuaged by your phone vibrating once more. You smirked down at it and, covertly, read the slew of oncoming text messages with a chuckle.

Blind Date: !!! That’s rude !!!

Blind Date: You can’t just offer a Burger King date and snatch it out from under me like that.

Blind Date: I’ll be mad if you jerk me around >:-(

Blind Date: You see that face? I mean BUSINESS.

You: Calm down lol, I was kidding.

You: Let’s meet at the Burger King next to the ramen place near campus?

Blind Date: Hehe, sounds good :-P

Blind Date: Ah, but don’t be too surprised when you meet me, okay?

Blind Date: I don’t want you fainting when you see my handsome face 8-)

You: Mhm, I’ll be sure not to faint.

Blind Date: I mean…a little fainting is fine…

You: Haha shut up. I’ll see you there. Looking forward to putting a face to the texts!

Blind Date: Hopefully my face doesn’t disappoint lol.

You: Yikes, mine either.

Blind Date: Yours won’t.

Blind Date: Haha, I’m sure you’ll look great. That’s what I meant.

Blind Date: Ew, all of that was hard to read. Forget I said anything hhhhhh.

You smiled fondly at your phone before sliding it into your bag. “You look kinda smitten,” said Sua from beside you.

You jumped and glanced at her as the rest of the class began packing up. She was grinning at you like a co-conspirator, brows low, knowing grin on her face. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been texting someone named Blind Date during every class period for a week,” she said, cocking a brow. “I take it you guys hit it off?”

You felt yourself go warm. Not like with Jungkook the other day, but like something else. Something a little deeper than a physical reaction. Nonetheless, you cleared your throat and smiled at Sua. “He’s a good guy. I think we could be good friends.”

“Friends?” she asked with a laugh, flitting her hand as the two of you stood together. “Sounds boring. Get a smooch or two out of it or it’s a bust.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “I don’t really know if he’d be interested in me that way.”

“What about you?” she asked, eyeing you. “Would you be interested?”

You stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide, and opened and shut your mouth a few times. “I…,” you began, then glanced at your feet. You followed her out into the hallway where students hurried by in a flash beside you. “I mean…”

Sua paused her walking to stare back at you, her teasing grin replaced with a genuine one. “Wait, do you actually like him-like him?” she asked, eyes alight.

You stiffened, scratching your arm, and sighed. “Jeez, I don’t know! Maybe,” you said, waving your hands. “Forget it, I’ve got another class soon.”

She laughed as you maneuvered around her through the hall, calling after you. “You’re cute when you’ve got a crush!”

You sat at a booth by yourself at Burger King, waiting for your not-date to show up. It had only been a few minutes and already your anxiety was starting to speak in your ear. He’s not showing up, it whispered, You’re an idiot. And maybe you were. Looking around the fast food joint, you saw more than a few couples, sitting side-by-side or gazing at each other over fried chicken. You didn’t envy them. Not that way. Just…maybe it was the human connection you missed more than anything. Last time you’d been in this situation, you were still deeply in love with Jeon Jungkook.

You were sixteen and you sat twiddling your thumbs on a suburban bench overlooking Seoul. Trees swayed in the summer breeze and carried with them the scent of young hopefulness, naivety in the form of dogwood blossoms. You watched the uneven cityscape before you as it resisted the pull of the wind, and far in the distance, slightly glittering in the sunlight, the Han River. Jungkook had said he’d be there at exactly two. It was ten past, and you were getting a little nervous. You’d confessed not a week prior during the last week of school, and to your shock Jungkook had been receptive. He hadn’t said anything bold like ‘I like you too’ or ‘let’s date’ but he had invited you out for some ice cream and you figured that was much the same thing for him.

Maybe he’s just being nice, you thought to yourself with a sigh. You’d spent a long time picking out the right outfit, getting your hair to lay just right. And still, you didn’t feel quite up to par with him. Girls were always confessing their love for him. Guys too. What made you any different than the dozens of other hopefuls? He probably won’t come…

“Y/N!” called a voice from the winding, hilly street.

You jumped and turned, and your heart swelled as you saw Jungkook running down the sidewalk toward you, grinning from ear to ear. And that was what did you in. That sincerity, that vigor, that enthusiasm…all for you. You stood up to meet him and chuckled as he caught his breath, patting his chest.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, panting. “My mom started lecturing me, so I got tied up.” After a few moments regaining his composure, he finally looked at you properly and when he did, you noticed his cheeks going red hot, eyes round. “Oh, wow,” he said, glancing away with a jittery laugh. “S-Sorry, you…you look really nice.”

You felt a little faint. You’d spent months pining after this kid, pining after this purity you kept glimpsing in him, and now…

He was saying you looked nice.

It was almost enough to knock the breath out of you.

You smiled at your shoes and rubbed your neck. “Th-thank you,” you said.

He laughed, nervous once more, and gave your shoulder a shove. “Hey, don’t get all clammy on me, okay? Nothing’s weird between us. Just…two pals…on a date.”

You jumped and stared up at him with unbridled surprise. “Date?” you asked, shameless hope in your voice.

He laughed, eyes turning to crescents, and nodded. “What else would it be?” Of course. Of course, since it was Jungkook, the answer was just that simple, wasn’t it?

You swallowed hard and tried to manage your expression, but you couldn’t fight the smile teasing your lips. “Oh,” you said, letting out a breathy laugh.

He examined you for a moment, scanning you. You weren’t used to going out with friends, let alone dating. All of this was new and exhilarating to you. But you felt a sudden wave of shyness that you couldn’t fight off, and a slightly pleasant self-consciousness. You felt him looking at you, and it didn’t feel like he hated looking. You became very aware of your body, each limb, each finger. Still smiling a little, you laughed again, unsure of what else to do. These were uncharted waters, after all.

“Hm,” he said, bending down to meet your eyes. You blushed and leaned away a little, but he was blushing too and it made you feel better knowing perhaps he was just as nervous as you. “Lemme prove it.”

Your eyes went wide, but before you could say or do anything, Jungkook closed the distance between you, tipping his chin so that your lips met. His lips were warm and soft. They tasted like chapstick and banana milk. You didn’t move, not a single muscle, and perhaps this worried him because he was quick to lean away and stare down at you, fresh insecurity on display in his warm brown eyes.

“Sorry! Was that too sudden?” he asked, laughing and glancing away, down the quiet street. “Jeez, I got carried away, huh? Ha, I’m sorry.”

Before he could spiral, you took a timid step forward and pushed yourself onto your toes. Gently, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself nearer to him. He jumped and looked at you with stunned eyes. But you didn’t give him a chance to think too much, because before long you were kissing him, head tilted to the side, eyes shut. Without much pause, his hands found your waist and stayed there, respectful, unsure.

And somehow, you’d summoned the courage to do it. To kiss him back.

Because he showed up, after all.

He didn’t leave you alone…

Fifteen minutes now and you were beginning to worry. You reasoned that at least there were worse places to be stood up. A nice steakhouse, for instance. At least here you weren’t the only solo diner. But nonetheless, the feeling of a deep gut-punch was only growing. Dread and disappointment mingled into a bitter cocktail in the pit of your stomach. Wouldn’t this just be…poetic? Getting stood up for your first date after years of fear and emotional isolation?

Wouldn’t that be exactly what would happen?

Thirty minutes. At first, you tried to tell yourself he was probably just running late from a class. After all, the walk from campus alone was around seven minutes. Maybe he’d gotten released late. Maybe he’d gotten held up with a professor or classmate. You stared at your Whopper with dead eyes now, watching the cold burger as all the heat drained from it. It was too late to save it now. And perhaps it had never been meant for you to eat anyway. Maybe it was your destiny to become a vegetarian or something.

Nonetheless, you sent a text.

Even though it felt pathetic.

You: Hey, uh…we still on for Burger King?

You: No rush, haha.

You: Just a little worried…

Was this revenge for ruining the first date? Some elaborate plot to get back at you? He seemed like a really sweet guy, but so had Jungkook after all. After several minutes without a reply, you began to accept the fact that you’d been thoroughly stood up. Your throat constricted, eyes going a little hazy, and resolved to wait a little longer. Just a little.

Forty-eight minutes. No reply and no date. By then, plenty of customers had come and gone through the front doors, none of them him. You couldn’t bring yourself to take even one bite of food, the money wasted, the time wasted too. How much time had you wasted, really? How much of your life had you spent watering dead plants?

When Jungkook told you he wanted to break up, you’d been in disbelief. The two of you were close, so close it almost hurt, and the sudden end felt like a slap in the face or a jolt to the heart. You’d fought him in his room that night, the sunset turning the ends of his hair gold, turning his eyes gold too. He had no right being so handsome at a moment like that. You asked for a reason and he said he didn’t want any strings going in to college. He wanted to be unaffiliated. But you couldn’t accept that. You couldn’t accept that the time you spent together had meant so little to him, that the relationship was a dead plant from the start.

I was only dating you because I felt bad for you! he’d shouted once he’d had enough. Ever wonder why I never told anyone about us?! You’d been stunned then, stunned silent. Your brain was failing to process his words. He’d never spoken that way to you before. How much time had you spent in love? How much time had he spent pitying you? I was your only friend, for God’s sake! What did you expect me to do?!

Perhaps you’d been right after all. Perhaps giving yourself to other people was too dangerous, too painful. Perhaps loving someone wasn’t worth it, perhaps it could never be completely reciprocal. Perhaps any relationship you had would be a waste of time. Perhaps all you were destined to do was water dead plants until finally, you decided it was enough.

One hour. You stood up from your seat, wiped beneath your eyes as the tears you’d been fighting finally crested over your bottom eyelid, and carried your tray to the garbage. You slid your trash into the bin and, sniffling, wandered out toward the exit. Customers avoided walking too close to you, likely noticing the tears that were now tracking stubbornly down your cheeks. You would have wiped them, had you had the energy to care.

But all you wanted was to go home and be alone.

Alone for a while.

You pushed your way outside, taking in the fresh spring day. No more rain, even though you would have welcomed it. It could have concealed your crying, your red nose and swelling eyes. You could have cowered beneath a bus stop and nobody would have noticed you. Nobody would have noticed.

Instead, the spring day was gorgeous, teasingly beautiful. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon, and people milled about through the street, smiling and chatting easily. Sniffling, you wiped your nose and joined them, walking down the sidewalk toward the subway entrance near campus.

You were overreacting. You didn’t even know this guy that well yet. He wasn’t a boyfriend, he wasn’t someone you’d given your whole heart to. He hadn’t betrayed you, because deep down you’d expected this. Maybe that’s what upset you so much. Being proven right.

You exited the crowd of people a block from the Burger King and walked with your head down toward the subway entrance. You were about to step on to the escalator when you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N!”

You turned slowly, eyes bleary from all the crying, and rubbed your tears away to see them clearly. Again, like he had some sort of sense for when you were most humiliated, Jungkook stepped toward you. His face was contorted in worry, thick brows knit, mouth agape as he stared down at you, scanning you.

You sniffled and nodded. “What?” you asked.

“What are you doing?” he asked softly, taking you by the crook of the arm and leading you toward a more sparsely populated alley beside the sidewalk. You didn’t fight. Didn’t have it in you. “Are you okay?” he asked, his own eyes watery as he looked down at you, forcing your head up as he held it between two big, warm hands.

You kept your gaze on the dirty ground. “Let me go,” you said, but it was weak.

“Y/N…,” he whispered, smoothing his thumb against your cheek. “Jesus.”

“What?” you asked, looking at him quick, fierce. “Are you pitying me?”

His eyes went wide and he shook his head. Looking at him now, he seemed pretty shaken himself. Why did the two of you keep bumping into each other like this? “No! No, that’s not it.”

“Then what?” you asked, shaking his hands off your face. “What is it, huh? Here to show off your money? Show me how good you’re doing while I’m working minimum wage? Huh? Do you like feeling superior?”

He swallowed hard, his expression revealing some sort of hurt you couldn’t name. “No! Please, it’s not that! Let me explain-,”

“No! You don’t have any right to ask me to listen to you!” you said, sobbing. You wiped your eyes with your forearm and shook your head. “Just leave me alone! Everyone!” you shouted.

Jungkook took your shoulders in his hands to keep you still and you tried a few times to shake yourself free, but to no avail. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

You kept crying, the ancient pain welling up from inside you like some age-old reserve finally erupting. Your body rocked with the force of your tears. “Isn’t it pathetic? The minute I start trying to reach out, I get stood up?” you asked with a manic laugh. “Doesn’t that just make you feel so good? Aren’t I pitiable?”

Jungkook’s own tears were pooling in his eyes and you could see them there, threatening to fall. “Please,” he said quietly.

You shook your head. “Isn’t this what you want? Someone to look down on? Someone to feel bad for?” you asked, face wet from the tears. “Can’t you just leave me alone?!” you shouted, loud enough to rouse the attention of a few people on the sidewalk behind Jungkook’s back.

Jungkook, without another word, sniffled sharply and pulled you flush against his chest. You struggled against his strong hold for a few moments, writhing, before finally submitting. Without even meaning to, you wrapped your arms around his torso and sobbed into his black shirt. He held you close, resting his cheek on your head. You could have sworn you felt a few tears hitting your shoulder.

But before you could get too comfortable in his embrace, you pushed yourself away and stared at him, bitter, angry, from several feet away. You looked at him like a feral thing, like an alleycat. And the way he watched you was different than it was that day by the bench. It was worried now, like a shadow had crossed over his face.

“I’m sorry-,” he began.

You shook your head and shoved past him. “Don’t talk to me. Ever,” you spat as you walked by, rejoining the stream of people on the sidewalk toward the subway entrance.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Sua as the two of you left class.

Half a week had passed, and you were eager for more time to distance you from that unpleasant day. You’d received a slew of texts from your blind date, all of which had gone unanswered. They ranged from the typical I’m so sorry texts to more in-depth explanations. Apparently, he’d gotten nervous. Cold feet, he’d said. Nervous for what, you didn't know and you wouldn’t ask. You were meeting at a Burger King for God’s sake. What could he have been that nervous about?

You glanced at her and offered a tight smile. “Mhm. I’m good. Just…uh…gotta get to work later so I’m thinking about that,” you said, over-explaining. Of course, lying just wasn’t for you.

Sua sighed and hooked an arm around your elbow, leaning close to you as the two of you walked down the hallway. You edged away just slightly, and it seemed she noticed as she turned to you with wide eyes. You hated to admit it, but everything with that Nochu guy had made you wary of even Sua. They did know each other after all. Had this been one big setup from the start? Were the two conspiring to hurt you?

You shook your head and patted her hand with a smile. Of course not. Of course that was crazy. But…something about this whole thing had you feeling crazy. “Sorry,” you said quietly. “Just…met up with someone from my past the other day and it didn’t feel so good.”

She raised her brows. “What? You never mentioned anyone like that before…,” she said, her brows lowering. She looked a little hurt.

You swallowed hard. “Ah, well it’s no big deal,” you said, flitting a hand with a choppy laugh. “It’s in the past for a reason.”

She pouted. “You know you can talk to me, right?” she said, eyeing you.

And with those words, your chest constricted a little and a small pang of guilt clenched your stomach. You didn’t want to end up hurting her. She was sweet and she wanted to be close to you. But what could you do if you just weren’t ready for that? How could you tell her you may never be ready?

Instead, you turned to her and offered a smile. “I know.”

Blind Date: Y/N…

Blind Date: Please respond. Please.

Blind Date: I really really want to explain everything to you.

Blind Date: I know I really hurt you, but I want to explain.

Blind Date: Isn’t that selfish of me?

Blind Date: To hurt you and then ask you to listen to me?

Blind Date: I’m sorry.

Blind Date: I’m selfish.

You sighed as you watched your phone. The coffeeshop was quiet, fewer patrons now that the design students had finished their projects, and you felt safer looking at the onslaught of texts that just wouldn’t stop flooding your phone. You know you can talk to me, right? That’s what Sua said. She had reached out her hand to you.

And you’d pulled back.

You eyed your phone for a long few moments. Wasn’t it time to stop running away because you were scared of being hurt? Wasn’t it time to stop expecting someone to walk all the way across the tightrope to you and start walking to meet them in the middle instead?

Wasn’t it wrong to punish people for something someone else did?

You: Hey…

You: Sorry I haven’t responded. I just needed space I think.

Blind Date: Shit, I know. I’m so sorry.

Blind Date: You know I care about you though, right?

Blind Date: You know I wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose, right?

You: I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks haha.

You: Honestly, I probably overreacted.

You: After everything that happened with that guy I told you about, I think I’m just a little too sensitive. And I took it out on you. And that was wrong.

Blind Date: No, no! Please don’t apologize. Jesus. It’s entirely my fault. All of it.

You: Haha it’s really not. I shouldn’t hold you and him to the same standards when you’re different people. That’s on me.

Blind Date: Can I see you?

You: Huh? So suddenly? I’m working…

Blind Date: The coffeeshop on campus?

You: Yeah…

You: Don���t come right now though!

You: I won’t be able to talk to you anyway.

Blind Date: I’ll wait. When do you get off?

You: Nine…

Blind Date: I’ll see you at nine.

You blushed, staring down at your screen. Since when was he so direct like this? And why did it make your heart race, just a little?

Sua was right. You definitely had a crush…

You watched the front doors as you began cleaning up the coffeeshop. Closing time was coming soon, and with five minutes until nine you were beginning to feel that festering fear that you’d be stood up again. But as that voice returned to your mind, you were quick to quiet it. You wanted to believe in people again. You couldn’t live your life all alone.

So you swept beneath tables and propped chairs atop them. You cleaned the windows. You hummed a pop song to yourself, trying to keep your mind busy. When you glanced outside, you noticed the spring showers had returned and the rain was falling in bullets from the dark sky. With a sigh, you settled down on one of the recliners by the window, watching cars and buses and people speed by. You wondered which one would come inside despite the sign now reading ‘closed’. You wondered who this person was.

Before you realized it, you were dozing off, struggling to keep your eyes open as you reclined against the comfortable cushions. Your breathing became more rhythmic, deeper in your chest with each inhale, and you snuggled into the back of the recliner with a heavy sigh.

And that’s when you heard it. The distinctive ting of the bell dangling over the front door. Your eyes opened wide and you saw his reflection in the mirror beside you. Tall, dressed in dark clothes, hoodie up over his head and an umbrella in his hand, trailing droplets of rainwater onto the wood floor. You wanted to greet him right away, to get a proper look at him, but with your heart racing the way it was you couldn’t find the courage. It was enough for you just to respond to his texts. And now he was here, corporeal, right behind you.

You shut your eyes tight and feigned sleep.

“Y/N?” he called, and somehow you recognized his voice.

No way.

It couldn’t be…

You kept your eyes shut and curled your knees closer to your chest. Slowly, you heard him mill around the shop before pausing beside your recliner. His footsteps got closer, rounding the side of the chair to stand right in front of you. And, quietly, he laughed. And you were certain now. You knew exactly who he was.

You felt a warm, big hand press against the side of your head, smoothing your hair down, and heard a fond sigh. “Jeez,” he mumbled. You felt him crouch down beside your feet and his arm dropped to rest on the arm of the recliner. He gently rocked the chair back and forth for a moment, humming. “Don’t hate me too much, okay?” he asked in a whisper.

And, without another moment’s hesitation, you opened your eyes and stared right down at him. “Jungkook…?” you asked, scanning his face.

His eyes were round with shock and his whole person was wet. He gazed up at you from where he crouched on the floor and, mouth agape, said nothing. Wordlessly, you reached a hand out and touched his cheek with the pad of your index finger. Soaking wet. You sighed and pushed to your feet. Jungkook stumbled a little to accommodate you as you slipped past him to the counter. You rifled through the cabinets before producing a towel. By then, he’d followed you to the counter and was waiting on the other side. Sighing, you waved a hand, signaling for him to join you behind the register. He jumped and followed your silent command, and suddenly you were staring at his broad chest up close.

You swallowed your nerves and draped the towel atop his head. “Dry off,” you said, hopping up to sit on the counter. The lights in the shop were low, and the music still bumped lowly through the stereo. It might have been romantic, if it was anyone else. “Then we can talk.”

He nodded and fluffed the towel through his hair, obscuring his face from view for a few peaceful seconds. “I…I know I have a lot to explain.”

“Yeah,” you said.

He peeked out from behind the towel with one eye, watching you. “Are you mad?”

“Fuming, actually.”

He nodded and let the towel drop to his shoulders. “I expected that,” he said with a sigh. He came to stand in front of your knees, looking right at you with enough sincerity to knock the breath from your lungs. Just like that first date. “I don’t know where to start.”

“So you know Sua?” you asked, letting your heels bounce against the counter’s cabinets.

“Ah, uh, yeah,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “We’re in the same major, so…”

“And you transferred here?”

“Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes. “It was…no good out in Busan. I missed home too much.”

You nodded, watching your thighs on the counter. “Figures.”

He chuckled wryly. “You know me too well.”

“Thought I did.”

Carefully, he took a single step forward and you jumped, meeting his eyes like a frightened prey. “I never meant for you to carry all that with you for so long,” he said, brows knit and eyes hazy like he may cry. “I didn’t expect you to be so hurt.”

“That’s stupid,” you said. “You can’t tell someone you were only with them out of pity and expect them not to be hurt.”

“I know, I just…Jesus, I’m just stupid,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair. “Since I was moving away, I didn’t want you to waste your time waiting for me to come back, so I wanted to give you a clean break. Since I knew you wouldn’t wanna break up just because of distance.”

You stiffened. “You…what?”

“I didn’t mean it,” he said. “Any of it.”

You felt like you’d been hit right in the diaphragm, like when you play dodgeball and someone throws a ball at your chest. You sat up straighter and stared at him, watching him carefully. “You lied?”

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes seriously. It really looked like he might have cried. “I didn’t think it was fair to keep you from meeting new people and making new connections.”

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone we were dating?” you asked, brow low, scanning him for any signs of insincerity.

His eyes went wide. “I…I told you before, my high school friends…they weren’t so great,” he said, shaking his head. “I meant it when I was texting you about all that. How t’s hard for me to find good people.”

“And you didn’t show up to Burger King last time because…?”

He sniffled. “I meant what I said about that too. I was…really nervous. I was scared you’d be disappointed when you found out it was me.”

You sighed. “Why weren’t you just honest with me from the start?” you asked, all animosity draining from your voice as you saw him wiping his red, swelling eyes. “Back in high school. Why didn’t you just tell me all of it then?”

He sniffed and looked away. “I was scared you’d think less of me if you knew I was so insecure. And I didn’t want you to wait for me in college, not when you could’ve been out making new friends.”

“Well, the opposite happened actually,” you said with a dry laugh. “I got really worried that any friends I made would be doing it out of pity.”

Jungkook stiffened. “You…you did?”

You nodded. “Yeah…”

“Shit,” he breathed out, gripping his forehead with two hands. “I’m so stupid!”

Distantly, the sound of the rain picked up outside. You nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking at you once more, startling you with his sincerity. “I messed up so bad. I messed up everything.”

You blinked at him, standing nearly at eye-level, and slowly reached out to wipe beneath his eyes with your fingertips. “Well, you were right about one thing. I wouldn’t have accepted it had you not said what you said.”

He furrowed his brow and leaned into your touch. “I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” you said.

He swallowed hard and you watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Really?”

“Well, yeah,” you said with a shrug. “Now that I know everything, it’s hard to be mad at you for being a jerk when you were really just being an idiot.”

He stared at you, inching forward so he rested just between your knees. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.

“Yeah, I know,” you said, letting out half a chuckle as you let your hands drop to his shoulders, giving them a pat.

“Really,” he said, nodding once as he stared right into your eyes.

“Jungkook, it’s-,”

Before you could finish, he had closed the distance between you, one hand grasping your jaw as he pressed a kiss to your lips. You jumped back, eyes wide, and stared at him in shock. He too looked shocked, like he hadn’t meant to do it at all. He shook his head, eyebrows knit, stuttering out syllables that didn’t add up to anything.

“I-I-you-I mean-,” he sputtered, irises shaking. You noticed no small margin of fear in his eyes, like he was terrified he’d messed things up again.

I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?

The words he’d trusted you with through the screen, his sincere thoughts. He really regretted it a lot, didn’t he? Your expression softened as he continued struggling to find words, and, without even really meaning to, you wrapped your fingers around his neck. He didn’t seem to notice, or he was too spooked to comment on it, but you slowly pulled him closer. Just like that day in high school, just like it was when you’d first entered hopefully into this fateful relationship, you leaned in and pressed your lips against his, shutting your eyes. Stunned, he was completely still for a moment before eventually his hands moved to your hips, then slid along your sides, then hooked around your lower back. You hadn’t intended it, but the kiss was getting steamier with each passing moment. You felt his hot breath on your skin as he pulled back to adjust his position before crashing into you again.

As the fever settled down, Jungkook was the first to pull away, but only by a faction so he could speak. “I love you,” he whispered.

You stared wide-eyed at him, only inches away from you, eyes heavy-lidded and forehead resting just barely against yours. “O-Okay,” you said. It was all you could manage.

He chuckled once, still embracing you as he stood between your legs. “That’s it?”

“You expect me to say it back?” you asked.

He smiled, staring down at you. “I guess not.”

“You’re gonna have to give me some time,” you said with a nod.

He nodded too, shutting his eyes as he held you close. Slowly, he moved to rest his forehead against your shoulder, resting against the crook of your neck. “I understand.”

“Like…a lot of time probably.”

“I know.”

You let out a shaky exhale and only then did you realize your hands were shaking. As silly as it seemed, this reunion was pretty jarring to your system. The foundation on which you’d rebuilt your sense of self had broken down beneath your feet, leaving you to stand among the rubble once again. Just like back then. Everything you thought you understood had been proven wrong.

But nonetheless, you smoothed your palms against his back and rubbed gently. Not to comfort him, but to comfort yourself. To let yourself know that, even though it was scary, it was okay to trust people sometimes. Self preservation shouldn’t come at the sacrifice of human connection. And even though you knew the road ahead was going to be long and that trusting Jungkook again would take a long time and a lot of work on his end, you were ready to try.

So, as the two of you left the shop under one umbrella, you drafted a text.

You: Sua, I have SO MUCH to tell you.

[romefm]

what’s   poppeeeeeenguh   AURGH   !   this   was   meant   to   be   posted   a   century   and   a   half   ago   ,   but   due   to   some   ...   unforseen   (   read   :   i   was   given   a   edible   by   thou   who   shalt..   not..   be   named   ?   clearly   i   skipped   all   of   my   shakespeare   english   classes   )   circumstances   ,   it   was   delayed   .   but   i’m   here   now   to   deliver   u   this   steaming   pile   of   degenerate   fratboy   douchebag   on   this   fine   saturday   morning   (   shoutout   to   chloe   in   australia   idk   what   month   ur   in   much   less   what   time   of   day   it   is   so   bear   with   me   SKJFJKD   )   .

⋆ ╰  another  year  at  hollingsworth  ,  another  year  of  the  big  six  rivalry  .  i  hear  that  ROMAN PIERCE  is  ensuring PI KAPPA EPSILON  gets  a  solid  pledge  class  and  stays  at  the  top  of  the  ranks  .  oh  ,  you’re  not  familiar  with  HIM ?  ROME is  the  GREGG SULKIN look  alike  from  ATLANTA  ,  GEORGIA.  apart  of  PC  ‘16  ,  he  is  majoring  in  PSYCHOLOGY and  has  plans  to  PURSUE A CAREER IN THE NFL  after  undergrad  .  it  makes  sense  they  pledged  their  house  ,  their  ADEPT  &  MAGNETIC  attributes  make  them  perfect  matches  .  however  ,  their  IMPETUOUS   &  SALACIOUS  attributes  keep  their  name  alive  on  greek  rank  .  if  you  don’t  catch  them  dancing  to  MOUNT EVEREST - LABRINTH  at  a  fraternity  band  party  this  year  ,  you’ll  be  sure  to  catch  them  nursing  their  morning  hangover  at  THE PIKE HOUSE.  cheers  to  another  wild  semester !

i.

𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊 : roman gabriel pierce 

𝖆𝖌𝖊 : twenty - one

𝖉𝖔𝖇 : june 15th , 1998

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 / 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖘 : he / him 

𝖘𝖊𝖝𝖚𝖆𝖑 & 𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 : bisexual , but definitely more on the low low . he’s only ever been seen publicly with girls .

𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙: 6‘1″  🤡

𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊: having graduated from the title of white man’s wh*re , he is now cordially referred to as the white man’s beefcake . he treats gym sessions like a therapy visit , clocking in at a friendly 200 lbs . like all gym rats w/o a personality , he keeps his hair short on the sides n longer on top , a la this look . he has a scar running along the inside of his right arm from when he broke it , and another that splits his left eyebrow from his eighteenth birthday 

𝖔𝖈𝖈𝖚𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 : resident waste of space , quarterback for the hollingsworth mumbles , least favorite son of the year recipient 1998 - 2019 . 

𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖔𝖜𝖓 : atlanta , georgia .

ii.

second son of hall of fame ex falcons qb , miles pierce , and entrepreneur and daughter of a famed manhattan - based art collector , amélie pierce -- rome’s future was pretty non - negotiable since day one . as soon as they could stumble around enough to pass for walking , miles had his sons enrolled in as many football programs as he legally could . 

when rome was young , he loved it . the attention , the praise he received for his quickness despite being one of the smallest kids on the field . plus , going to his father’s games and being recognized as miles pierce’s kids was also fun . soon came time for the inevitable retirement on the heel of a downward - trending career , and after that things ... changed .

suddenly , it was less praise and more demands . earlier practices , with his father making rome and his brother run drills until they were sick . suddenly , things that were previously good weren’t good enough , despite how much better his sons continued to be . 

as anyone with half a brain could guess , these pressures eventually began to take their toll . with interests in anything else repressed by his father’s insistence that football is and always will be the most important thing in life , rome began to emulate his father’s aggressive attitude , first bringing it to the field and then , more notably , to his personal life . failed relationships , fights at school , sneaking home late absolutely blitzed out of his mind -- none of the behaviors were healthy , but they were enough to take the weight of his father’s hands off of his shoulders , if only for a moment . until papa helicopter parent found out , that is . 

tw abuse : despite his sons catering to his every will , miles’ incessant anger began to worsen , and soon a lot of the verbal abuse had started to become physical , too . sure , rome knew that it was wrong , but he also thought that maybe if he’d been better in the game last night , or worked harder at practice , maybe he’d stop . 

he made varsity his freshman year of high school and took his team to the state championships , expecting his dad to finally approve of something he’d done . instead , he came home to the news that his mother was leaving -- that his parents were splitting up and that this had been a long time combing . safe to say this mama’s boy ass bitch was devastated. 

tw death : his dad only sunk deeper into his madness , but all that anyone else could see is that rome was throwing further , moving faster , and making better plays . a non - football related injury left him with a broken arm , and it was on the way home from the hospital that his father received the call that his ex - wife had taken her own life . devastated part ii , coming soon to a theater near you !

tw drugs , alcohol , general debauchery : the partying worsened . rome had entered a phase in his life where he was looking for something -- anything to completely wipe his mind of any and all thoughts . the drugs , the alcohol , it was all a coping mechanism , but it definitely wasn’t a healthy one . soon , his brother left for college thousands of miles away , and rome found out that that fifth of rum goes down a lot easier after doing a few lines beforehand . 

he chose to go to college in georgia not because he wanted to , but because his dad knew that hollingsworth was a great school for scouting attention and that rome wasn’t never too far away to yell at SKDFKJ . in his midst of an extended bender compounded by having training now twice a day everyday on top of college courses , he decided to join pike -- and he absolutely loves it . 

he chose to major in psych because he wants to understand why his dad hates him so much SKJFJKS dumb b*tch . 

also last summer he may or may not have allegedly accidentally wrapped his masterati around a telephone pole and gotten a dui . in reality , it was his brother , but roman told him to gtfo and he’d take the fall because his bro finally managed to escape his dad and rome didn’t want him to suffer the same fate . it made headlines , but his dad pulled approximately 6 billion strings to get him conditionally reinstated to the team .

spent the summer before his junior year chillin in rehab , but he relapsed shortly after . consistency is key here , kids. 

still bender - adjacent , but he’s kept it more lowkey because the nfl draft is coming in HOT . 

iii.

he really .............. kinda sux , objectively SFDKJSDFJK

he has so , so much pent up frustration and anger directed at his father and himself that it manifests in some pretty shitty behaviors . 

he’s definitely controlling ( as a consequence of having v v little control over his own life ) , and he’ll manipulate any situation he deems worthy of his effort just to assure that he isn’t in any state of vulnerability . 

i know yall get it , he vapes , but he’s definitely the kind of guy to try to keep the party running til 5 am and get pissed when people tell him that maybe he should stop .

he will provoke anyone and anything ( even inanimate objects ) if found in a self - destructive enough mood . 

has a notoriously short temper , but what kind of gym rat doesn’t .

manages to still attain a 4.0 ( and in his words , psych is easy ) , so that’s another thing that makes it difficult for him to understand that his lifestyle is ... per se ... problematique . 

10000% has sent a plethora of  u up ? texts

kinda gets a little .. hm .. sad sometimes but that’s only after everyone bails from the party n he’s left alone in a dirty ass frat house SDKFSDJK

definitely an irredeemable trash bag and pls don’t think of him any other way 

is definitely fiercely loyal to the 2.5 people who can tolerate him . 

currently in an uber ride to hell , but 10/10 hit the option so that his uber driver can’t talk to him 🤡

[anissapierce]

1 So this is the logan podcast anon, if you're up for giving recs then I guess what I'm looking for is a fictional podcasts, not documentary or liveplay and preferably without any kind of omniscient narrator. Ie all dialogue is in character. I generally prefer genre fiction like sci-fi but that's optional, and mostly prefer mystery or thriller

2 something with more than 1 actor or host, I’ve tried a couple that were just one guy talking into a mic and it was very difficult to concentrate. Tbh I started looking into podcasts after listening to a couple tie in audio dramas to the dumb scifi franchise I follow. And please nothing by the mcelroys I’ve nothing against them I just don’t think they’re funny or interesting and when I ask for reccs they’re usually all I get

—–

The idea of only being recd mcelroys sounds like my own personal hell. Like the clips ive heard r funny but not enough to subject myself to these white men. so my condelsences anon. I feel u on the single narrator/liveplay podcasts. So the ones im reccing arent either. Im gonna come back to this post to add some clarifications but i know if i just sent this post to drafts itd end up there forever.these r all audio dramas/fiction podcasts

Ones tht fit ur clarifications (bolded means i like it a lot)

Adventures in new america, Aftershocks, Alba Salix/axe and crown, archive 81, Big Data,blackwood,brimstone valley mall, bubble, calling darkness,caravan, congeria, the dark tome*, darkest night,deadly manners, eos 10, freed, girl in space,greater boston, in her burning, lethal lit, life after/the message,limetown,mabel ,star tripper, station to station, steal the stars (this might b my favorite podcast of all time, v embaressing to say bc its from a network), the after disaster podcast,the blood crow diaries,the bright sessions, the infinite now,the once and future nerd,the penumbra podcast,strange case of starship iris,the two princes, the van,unwell, video palace,blackout,carrier,fuck humans,limetown, point mystic, what’s the frequency, the white vault

Anthologies: Monsters out the closet,nightlight,nosleep,scp archives,the grey rooms,the long hallway, the truth, uncanny county,

Maybe (some of these fit ur criteria but the quality might not b wht ur used to, or they dont fit your criteria but theyre rlly well made or i listened to them so long ago so idk of i can recommend fully ill specify in a bit): a Scottish podcast,ars parodica, audio diary of a superhero, bear and banjo, bronzeville, ethan sees all,fan wars, gay future,harlem queen,homecoming,it makes a sound,moonface,mythos,oakpodcast, palimpsest,paralyzed, passanger lost,podcast meander,radio drama revival,return home,sandra,sight unseen,small town horror,station blue*,still lives, the box, the cleansed,the deep vault,the deca tapes,orbiting human circus,under pressure,violet beach,inkwyrm,lake clarity, modern audio drama, the orphans,unplaced,earthbreak

Ok, finally got a chance to write some stuff under the readmore. It’s very long but I know that when ppl rec podcasts to me, I like knowing a lot and also this is for my own reference as well.

Adventures in new america- Summary: Set a few years in the future, Adventures in New America follows the escapades of two mismatched African-New-American best friends — fat, lonely curmudgeon IA and lesbian sneak-thief Simon Carr — who take on a series of increasingly high-stakes heists to get quick cash to pay for IA’s medical treatment while attempting to survive the wilds of New New York City… and a secret cabal of Tetchy Terrorist Vampire Zombies from outer space. Intrigued? Good! Frequently, there will be musical numbers — and radical reflections on our dangerous, beautiful, heart-pounding world. This is from the night vales network and so the production quality is really good. It’s fantasy but with a scifi mindset if that makes any sense, fantasy elements exist alongside scifi elements. and it’s got a very comedic bend to it. The acting is all pretty good, and I enjoy it. Critical of capitalism and power structures in general. 

Alba Salix/axe and crown: Fantasy but Shrek/Galavant fantasy rather than LOTR fantasy, I didn’t like s1 of Alba Salix that much but I liked the latest season and I really enjoyed every part of axe and crown. Axe and crown is very funny and it stars a curmegeonly gay troll cavern owner, his niece and his new much younger landlord. The landlord wants to change things up so the cavern can make money and be better competetion against the hip new place across the street. Alba Salix is set in the same world and is another magical workplace comedy starring the kingdom physician, a witch, and her assistants a fuck up ex-monk and a clumsy fairy. I really enjoy the second season a lot, its a lot of low stakes fun comedy. The looseygooseyness of a dnd liveplay but with structure and in very bit sized pieces. (It’s rare for an episode to be longer than twenty five minutes and the longest is 33. ) 

archive 81-  Summary:Archive 81 is a found footage horror podcast about ritual, stories, and sound. It’s kinda hard to explain because the second season is so different from the first, but explaining the second really spoils a lot of the fun. It begins with a man named Mark trying to figure out where his friend Dan has disappeared to after he took a job going through audio archives for a city, Dan left behind a ton of audio files for Mark to sift through though. I love the characters a TON, i adore the sound design it has especially how it makes certain things sound otherworldly, id say it’s more fantasy but it has a lot of scifi elements as well, like a really good marriage of the two.  I haven’t listened to the first season in forever though, so your mileage may vary on that but I found myself very invested.  I found it easy to keep up with who was who, even when I forgot, the story gives you nudges to remember who they are if you forgot. It can be confusing to follow sometimes but if you keep on things fall into place pretty easily.

brimstone valley mall- summary:The year is 1999. Lurking somewhere between Hot Topic and the food court, five misfit demons from Hell kill time inciting sin in a suburban shopping mall.

calling darkness

congeria,

eos 10,

the dark tome

girl in space

greater boston

Mabel*

Steal the Stars

Bright Sessions

The Once and Future Nerd

The Penumbra Podcast

Strange Case of Starship Iris

The Two Princes

Unwell

Point Mystic*

The Family Tree

The White Vault

The After Disaster Podcast*

Blood Crow Diaries

bubble, 

caravan

 darkest night

deadly manners

in her burning

lethal lit

life after/the message

star tripper, 

station to station, 

Freed*

infinite now

the van

video palace

blackout

carrier

fuck humans

limetown

Whats the frequency 

Big Data- Summary:What if someone stole the internet? This comedy caper takes 100% real concepts, like the seven keys to the internet, cyber police, relay calls, photocopier black boxes, 419 scams, and more, and turn it into an anthology of nerdy crime stories tied together by a global plan to end the internet. it’s a series of heists ranging from hijacking top secret military satellites, to stealing a dude’s pants. Features 73 actors from all over the world, including Paul F. Tompkins, Felicia Day, Jemaine Clement, Samm Levine, Amy Stoch and more! I loved this podcast when it came out, enough that I listened to it all at once on my janky phone that didn’t let me fast forward or rewind for certain podcasts (this one included) so it involved often having to  listen to the episodes a lot of times, because also it restarted the episodes if you started listening to another episode of another episode. But that was 2016 so I can’t bold it in good conscious. I loved the audio design and all of the actors are really good and from other podcasts. Kind of a whos who of audio fiction in 2016 also a bunch of actors who have like…. gotten season regular roles in tv and stuff. It’s finished and a very neat and tidy in story structure, gets it all done in 9 episodes (7 hours) in a way thats very professional. Also I’m pretty sure I remember all of the episodes having more than one person talking and no omniscent narrator but I can’t remeber for sure if thats the case for all of them. It’s a heist movie in podcast form, focusing on each member of the heist team.

blackwood- summary:Five years ago, Molly Weaver, Bryan Anderson, and Nathan Howell started a podcast focused on the local legend of a monster called The Blackwood Bugman. Quickly, the investigation grows out of their control, as they discover that, not only are the legends seemingly true, many people in Blackwood have turned up dead or disappeared without a trace. Worse, there may be a reason why no one has ever uncovered the truth before. Someone is watching them, willing to do whatever it takes to keep the secret. Their recordings have finally been released. I enjoyed this one a lot, its another finished podcast and I wasn’t sure if you wanted something so short form so it isn’t bolded, it’s from Skylark so it’s really professional sounding, the story is good and the acting is good. But also, my memories of it are Very Vague bc i listened in like a day while doing a laundry in 2018. It’s got six episodes all less than thirty minutes, but I remeber it being really interesting from a horror perspective.  It’s got a good mystery element as well, and reminds me of season one of the anthology show Channel 0. 

Aftershocks: Summary: It all started when Riley was institutionalized after suffering a psychotic episode, after being treated she was moved to Amber Ridge. There she meets Ryan and Eli, also patients at Amber Ridge. Together, the three of them stumble upon the dark secrets of the institution where they reside.  The thing that stops this from being bolded despite me loving it is me not being sure if it’ll ever continue? I love the story though and the way that the mystery unfolds without any cheap ‘turns out this person wasnt actually crazy what an Injustice!!!!! stuck with the crazies when actually this person is Speshul!!!!’. It’s supernatural but also very fascinating.

____________________________________________________________

Maybe (some of these fit ur criteria but the quality might not b wht ur used to, or they dont fit your criteria but theyre rlly well made or i listened to them so long ago so idk of i can recommend fully ill specify in a bit): a Scottish podcast,ars parodica, audio diary of a superhero, bear and banjo, bronzeville, ethan sees all,fan wars, gay future,harlem queen,homecoming,it makes a sound,moonface,mythos,oakpodcast, palimpsest,paralyzed, passanger lost,podcast meander,radio drama revival,return home,sandra,sight unseen,small town horror,station blue*,still lives, the box, the cleansed,the deep vault,the deca tapes,orbiting human circus,under pressure,violet beach,inkwyrm,lake clarity, modern audio drama, the orphans,unplaced,earthbreak

_____________________________________________________________

Anthologies: Monsters out the closet,nightlight,nosleep,scp archives,the grey rooms,the long hallway, the truth, uncanny county,

.

[goldenscript]

Who Are Your Favorite People On Tumblr? They Can Be Friends And Writers. And Why Do You Love Them So?

gosh, i have so many faves on here that i’m so proud to call my friend. i’m sorry if i’ve forgotten anyone though. i can be a bit scatter-brained, like just because i don’t mention someone that doesn’t mean that i don’t love them! just wanted to make that clarification.

edit: i’ve had this in my drafts for ten years so i’m sorry for making the person who asked wait so damn long jskhfkjshf

✗@jungnoir ; i love her for so many reasons, and i don’t think anyone’s a stranger to seeing her on my blog or how much i gush about her, but i swear to you man, she is my ride or die! we go waaaay back, and it still blows my mind that we didn’t get to consistently talking until 2016 over bts and monsta x and this wild world of kpop that we’ve fallen so deeply into now. i’m truly grateful for her always being there for me when i need someone or when i have a meme to share, for being patient with me and having necessary discussions whenever we have a disagreement (which isn’t often), and for being her. she’s really like starlight to me. that brightness in my life especially when it gets hella dark and dreary at night. i love you!!!!!

✗ @boosoonhao ; gosh, it truly amazes me that we’re still friends. i mean that in the best way possible because you are truly incredible to me. even when we forget to respond to mass messages from previous conversations or we go silent for some time, we always manage to fall back into conversation with one another and it’s like no time has passed at all. plus, you’re a huge inspiration to me, and i feel like you’ve inspired a lot of my current writing as of late, and that makes me very happy and grateful. seriously, aj, i love you and i am so thankful to know you.

✗ @wonhopes ; dude, being able to talk to her about anything whether that’s who i’d bang in all my asexual-ness or whatever dumb stuff is happening in my life. ngl, whenever i’m feeling petty, i just talk to her and it feels so damn good to share our hatred of certain people or things happening in the world. she’s just so freaking funny too. i could have the shittiest day and when i get hella messages from her about kihyun or wonho or some petty shit that happened at her work, i’ll just laugh and feel better because then i can just focus on the fact that she’s being a disloyal hoe (when isn’t she a disloyal hoe is a better question tho?). she’s great. 10/10 gal that wonho would bang.      

✗ @taesthetes ; i have so many reasons to love, cat. she’s literally the definition of kindness and all things good in this world. being able to get her snaps and read her messages always makes me smile, and gosh, her humor is the best. 10/10 sarcasm. it’s amazing to me how we came together by that sweet anon who i’m always hoping is doing well, and i just want cat to know that i am very grateful for our friendship because sometimes tumblr can be irksome to me, but seeing her messages or even interacting with her own followers brings a smile to my face. tbh, she inspires me to be kinder, and i’m really grateful to her for that.

✗ @tendershepherd ; there are so many things to love about shep tbh. i think one of the biggest things is that it’s so easy for us to talk about literally anything?? i can’t even remember how we started talking, i just remember us talking and somehow we’re here still talking and i feel even closer to her than before. whether it’s about writing or just weights i need off my shoulders or just sending her a good, ol’ dose of yoonkook, i love that i can hit her up and we’ll have a conversation right then and there. she’s also a fantastic writer who deserves more recognition than she gets and i want her to know that i’ll always be down to read whatever she has cooking up because i know for a fact that it’ll be good - she’s an inspiration to me… thank you.

✗ @cupofteaguk ; GOD, where do i even begin????? this girl is the sweetest, most charming girl ever!!!! i specifically remember gathering enough courage to talk to her about “hopeless hearts” and somehow we wound up talking?? i was on goddamn cloud nine, especially after reading her work and falling more in love with her and all the softness she brought me. i think one of the biggest things i love and appreciate most about traci is how comfortable i feel talking to her about school, writing, and dumb boys that i don’t think i’ll ever forget LOL. freely talking to her about these things just… gives me a lot of comfort and i hope she knows how much i appreciate her for it.

✗ @ixiia ; damn, where do i begin with meeks? she’s one of my biggest enablers on this damn website, who will not hesitate to send me those damn side eyes emoji followed be a “do it,” before proceeding to ask me to spill the tea on whatever idea’s going through my head. i love that. i love her. she’s hella fun to talk to and that kinda person i easily click with. she always hypes me up and she feeds me with all the drama from her damn kids. gotta love ‘em though (especially saint…. but you didn’t hear that from me!!!).

✗ @gentleknj ; MY MOONBEAM. THE KINDEST, MOST LOVING GAL I KNOW. WHO I HAVE HAD THE PLEASURE OF TALKING TO AND GETTING TO KNOW. goodness gracious, i don’t even think it’s been that long since we started talking and yet??? she has undoubtedly become one of my favorite people on here to talk to. we can talk imaginary dates with our men, horror movies, and just about life in general and i just?? i love that. i love being able to get to know someone and to just vibe with them, and it’s exactly that with her.

✗ @kihyussy ; this……girl…….. once told me she would eat sand for me. can you BELIEVE???? i was both in awe and baffled, but oh so touched because ria is literally a fucking angel to me, and i am so happy that we started talking and continue to talk. she’s funny, hot, sweet, and so fucking talented with her writing. i know it’s been a minute since she posted but i swear to god she has some masterpieces cooking in that creative brain of hers.

✗ @lilchims ; wowie, i know it’s been a minute since we’ve last talked but i swear to you i’ve never met someone i’ve vibed with as well as i’ve vibed with this girl. she’s so fun to hang with and just so goddamn chill like i really do thank whoever’s out there writing my story for letting us talk that one late ass night because it’s really been a blessing to me. thank you for existing and for just being such a down ass chick. ily!!!!!!!!!

and i can’t forget,

✗ @-happytbh- ; honestly, faye, i’m so grateful for you. every time i receive a snap from you, it’s like my own moment of happiness just to forget whatever else is happening because you always have something exciting to share! you’re really sweet and i’m just so happy that we’re friends, okay? you’re always thinking of me when you see stitch things, you drew me a beautiful painting, and you even sent me some wonderful goodies in that package you sent! i hope that the universe only treats you kindly, because you of all people deserve that.

[inloveandwords]

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this: Go to your goodreads to-read shelf. Order on ascending date added. Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books Read the synopsis of the books Decide: keep it or should it go?

I’ve been avoiding doing anything like this for awhile because, while I’m great at getting rid of things around the house and in most areas of my life, getting rid of books – even if it is just digitally – causes so much metaphorical pain LOL!

But, like Ally said, I don’t want to miss any great books and this may actually remind me of books that I need to bump up to the TBR ASAP list (which might be good or bad… we shall see.)

Here are the stats

Declutter Post Number: 1

Starting Total TBR Count: 1760

Current Total TBR Count: 1760

Total Marked TBR ASAP: #

Ending Total TBR Count: #

Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5) by Stephenie Meyer

Midnight Sun is the much anticipated retelling of Twilight from Edward Cullen’s perspective. An unedited partial draft was illegally leaked onto the internet in 2008; consequently, author Stephenie Meyer put the project on indefinite hold.

So, this is why we clean out our TBR. Right here. Because people like me joined Goodreads almost a decade ago and things like this were one of the first books added to my TBR. Sigh.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: DITCH

  Tell-All by Chuck Palahniuk

Soaked, nay, marinated in the world of vintage Hollywood, Tell-All is a Sunset Boulevard–inflected homage to Old Hollywood when Bette Davis and Joan Crawford ruled the roost; a veritable Tourette’s syndrome of rat-tat-tat name-dropping, from the A-list to the Z-list; and a merciless send-up of Lillian Hellman’s habit of butchering the truth that will have Mary McCarthy cheering from the beyond.

Our Thelma Ritter–ish narrator is Hazie Coogan, who for decades has tended to the outsized needs of Katherine “Miss Kathie” Kenton—veteran of multiple marriages, career comebacks, and cosmetic surgeries. But danger arrives with gentleman caller Webster Carlton Westward III, who worms his way into Miss Kathie’s heart (and boudoir). Hazie discovers that this bounder has already written a celebrity tell-all memoir foretelling Miss Kathie’s death in a forthcoming Lillian Hellman–penned musical extravaganza; as the body count mounts, Hazie must execute a plan to save Katherine Kenton for her fans—and for posterity.

I was OBSESSED with Chuck P back in the day. It’s been awhile since I’ve read any of his books and unless I go through another phase, I don’t see me going out of my way to purchase anything by him anytime soon.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: DITCH

  Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk

“Begins here first account of operative me, agent number 67 on arrival Midwestern American airport greater _____ area. Flight _____. Date _____. Priority mission top success to complete. Code name: Operation Havoc.”

Thus speaks Pygmy, one of a handful of young adults from a totalitarian state sent to the United States, disguised as exchange students, to live with typical American families and blend in, all the while planning an unspecified act of massive terrorism. Palahniuk depicts Midwestern life through the eyes of this thoroughly indoctrinated little killer, who hates us with a passion, in this cunning double-edged satire of an American xenophobia that might, in fact, be completely justified. For Pygmy and his fellow operatives are cooking up something big, something truly awful, that will bring this big dumb country and its fat dumb inhabitants to their knees.

It’s a comedy. And a romance.

See above commentary.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: DITCH

  Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

“Cassie Wright, porn priestess, intends to cap her legendary career by breaking the world record for serial fornication. On camera. With six hundred men. Snuff unfolds from the perspectives of Mr. 72, Mr. 137, and Mr. 600, who await their turn on camera in a very crowded green room. This wild, lethally funny, and thoroughly researched novel brings the huge yet underacknowledged presence of pornography in contemporary life into the realm of literary fiction at last. Who else but Chuck Palahniuk would dare do such a thing? Who else could do it so well, so unflinchingly, and with such an incendiary (you might say) climax?

I actually own this one, it’s on my bookshelf, so I’ll keep this one on here.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: Keep

  Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Buster “Rant” Casey just may be the most efficient serial killer of our time. A high school rebel, Rant Casey escapes from his small town home for the big city where he becomes the leader of an urban demolition derby called Party Crashing. Rant Casey will die a spectacular highway death, after which his friends gather the testimony needed to build an oral history of his short, violent life.

I own this one, too!

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: Keep

  Immortal: Love Stories with Bite by P.C. Cast

Seven of today’s most popular YA vampire and contemporary fantasy authors offer new short stories that prove that when you’re immortal, true love really is forever.

I added this back when I was in love with PC Cast, but I’m kind of meh about her books now.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: Ditch

  Infinity by Sarah Dessen

Ever felt as if your life is just going round in circles? Sarah Dessen’s thought-provoking short story about moving on will resonate with teens everywhere.

First of all, what is this synopsis?! Second, I thought I’d read all of SD’s books except for the latest one… hmm…

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: Keep

  Echo by Francesca Lia Block

Francesca Lia Block has charmed and amazed young audiences with tales of the mystical and ethereal. This outstanding story is no different. Following the life of Echo, an L.A. baby born to an artistic dad and a mom who’s an angel, this enthralling story offers more than fairy dust and the supernatural. It tells the tale of a girl who feels doomed to be less than angelic, at least in comparison with her mother. Mom’s startling beauty and aura enchant all who meet her, and Echo can never keep up. Desperate to be loved as much, and maybe find her own identity, she escapes to the boys in her life. Ultimately, she must rely on herself for the strength to survive.

Simple text ands story lines do not appeal to Block, who weaves a tale with amazing grace and the flowing energy of a true genius. Images of vampires, ghosts, and fairies fill these pages, daring the reader to believe. Told from the point of view of Echo and the key players in her life, the story imparts a dreamlike quality to Echo’s life. This a novel layered with pain beauty, and triumph, all which will appeal to young readers.

This one is on my bookshelf. I love FLB and her unique writing style.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/30/2010

Keep or Ditch: Keep

  Wasteland by Francesca Lia Block

An exquisite novel about the consequences of who we choose to love.

Lex and his sister, Marina, are inseparable. The air they share has always been light and boundless, but suddenly it’s weighted down. And now Lex is gone. When the one relationship that cradled her turns out to shatter her sense of self, Marina needs her friend West to help put the pieces back together. But Marina won’t feel truly complete until she faces the past that is haunting her.

Highly acclaimed and award-winning author Francesca Lia Block tells the tale of a brother and sister whose loving relationship is too intense for them to bear. With the sensitivity and refinement that Block is known for, she manages to weave together her characters and their lives into this beautiful and thought-provoking tale.

It pains me to take any FLB books off my TBR, but I just don’t see myself picking this over any others.

Date Added to Goodreads: 8/29/2010

Keep or Ditch: Ditch

    Bye-Bye Books: Decluttering My TBR #1 This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

[auburnfamilynews]

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

Trying to make sense of the last 24 hours.

If you stayed up on a Sunday night, you probably saw the beginnings of what may end up becoming the death rattle for college football as we know it.

When word started leaking out over the weekend that the Power Five conferences were all going to shutter the sport for the fall season, everything exploded. No real information got out. Rumor. Deceit. Everywhere. After the MAC canceled its season on Friday, we heard that P5 athletic directors, presidents, and chancellors had gotten together and were going to up and cancel the season for the rest of the country as well.

Yesterday morning, that gained momentum, with some saying that the Big Ten and PAC-12 would be canceling as early as Tuesday. Spoiler alert: it happened today for the Midwesterners.

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What might have been a meek exit into a blurry and continuing offseason turned upside down last night when Trevor Lawrence, maybe the nation’s most notable player and surefire top pick in the next NFL Draft, took to Twitter.

People are at just as much, if not more risk, if we don’t play. Players will all be sent home to their own communities where social distancing is highly unlikely and medical care and expenses will be placed on the families if they were to contract covid19 (1)

— Trevor Lawrence (@Trevorlawrencee) August 9, 2020

After his reasoning on why he’d like to play college football this year, we got this at midnight Eastern time.

#WeWantToPlay pic.twitter.com/jvQhE7noGB

— Trevor Lawrence (@Trevorlawrencee) August 10, 2020

It began as the nation’s most valuable player expressing his personal thoughts, but before the clock turned to Monday, it had become a full-blown grassroots players union. The hashtag #WeWantToPlay scattered across Twitter from notable players like Justin Fields and Chuba Hubbard, not to mention many others in leagues threatening to cancel.

The reasons for wanting to play aren’t dumb. They’re not dangerous. Many schools touting the danger of playing college football are sending students back for in-person learning. It’s no more of a risk to play football than it is to sit in a classroom or live in a dorm. The athletes would be in better hands than your average students, too. Testing multiple times a week, days before games, and having less time to get out into the world where you could contract the virus.

That’s not to say that the players should be forced to step onto the field. Auburn’s already had two holdouts for the 2020 season (if it happens) in Chandler Wooten and Traivon Leonard. I don’t fault either one. Wooten’s got a child on the way, and Leonard had the virus already. In this totally oddball situation, administrators are finally having to give way to what the players want.

You notice that nobody talked about canceling football ahead of players reporting for summer camps and workouts. You notice that the first time an athlete came back to the team and tested positive for the virus, administrators didn’t quake with fear and call for a blanket ban on the sport this year. It was only when whispers of player unity came about that things got serious. Let’s not make the mistake of believing that player safety is the number one issue at stake here. We’re moving closer and closer to a non-amateur sport, where players have more power than ever. The NIL legislation that’s been passed in many states recently speaks to that. Top-flight players would be able to make millions in college by selling their name, or endorsing a product (what I would have given to see Kerryon Johnson endorse the Magnolia Street Chick Fila), and their profitability won’t just be owned by the school anymore.

The repercussions of that avenue haven’t really been discussed much in a public forum yet, but eventually players would be made employees. They’d be able to be fired for underperformance. You know how a kicker in the NFL loses his job for missing a couple field goals in a game? Get ready for Alabama to have a revolving door of new guys coming in to try and reverse the goalpost voodoo that Nick Saban’s enacted.

Still, it would be right for the players to be able to do these things. Every other student can profit off of their image while in school. Why can’t athletes?

That’s a bit of a ramble on the road we’re going down based on last night, but let’s get back to fact. The Big Ten has canceled football for the fall. It was a 12-2 vote with Nebraska and Iowa standing as dissenting opinions. No word yet from the PAC-12, but the Big 12, ACC, and SEC are all still wanting to play. You can bet that the SEC will be the absolute last one to cancel, and honestly, they don’t have to lean on anything that the other conferences are doing in the slightest. When the rest of the leagues postpone, the SEC’s product becomes more valuable. You’ve already got players on campus. You’ve already got support from the players to play. It’s not wild to think that the old Jefferson Pilot game of the week between Kentucky and Vanderbilt at 11 AM draws millions of viewers in this situation.

Imagine what happens when LSU and Alabama play, or when the Iron Bowl rolls around. On network television? It’s the highest watched football game of all time.

But what if the SEC follows suit?

Well, we have absolutely no way of knowing the particulars in a deal like this, but here are possible repercussions for Auburn:

Assuming they just call the season a wash and pick up in 2021 instead of just delaying it, would we somehow skip going to Tuscaloosa and Athens?

Georgia’s going to have a generational defense and a ton of young talent on offense, and we just can’t make it happen in Athens. Alabama’s looking for revenge after last year, and while they lost a bunch as well, they’ll just reload. Not looking forward to heading there either. If the season got canned, both of those teams would have so many guys bolt for the NFL Draft and neither school would see a single bit of return off of them. Auburn’s not going to have the same problem at the same level.

When we return to the field in 2021, Gus Malzahn may (with some unknowns hanging in the balance) have his favorable odd-year schedule and a sophomore but really junior quarterback in Bo Nix, as well as an offensive line that’s practiced together for more than a year. If, somehow, we get no early departures to the league, then we’re a title contender off the top.

Looking at the hardwood, Bruce Pearl would have an absolutely loaded 2021-2022 roster. My goodness. Imagine the last couple of signing classes with no wear and tear. This season, Alabama might actually have a good team with the return of some of their dudes. Not having to deal with that isn’t the worst thing in the world.

HOWEVER, if they play football in the SEC, it’s going to be the most-watched season of all time. I don’t believe the SEC schools have said much in the way of number of fans allowed in the stadiums, but to be safe they may go crowd-less. You’ll have 20 million viewers for the CBS game of the week every Saturday, and it would approach national championship numbers for the big ones. Auburn-Georgia, Iron Bowl, Auburn-LSU, Cocktail Party, Alabama-LSU, Alabama-Georgia. The thing is, it wouldn’t matter. If nobody else is playing football, then we’re going to just get ten games with as many asterisks as the record books will hold. There won’t be a national champion, there won’t be a trophy at the end, it’s just going to be football. It’s gravy, house money.

This whole operation has the potential to be the dumbest endeavor ever, but doing dumb stuff is what makes college football great.

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from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/8/10/21362108/our-pets-heads-are-falling-off

[myhappywonderlandblog]

EEEK! I can’t believe it is fourth quarter. Soon Halloween will be here, then Thanksgiving, and OMG Christmas! Where did the time go? Third quarter was hectic for me.

Here’s a roundup of where I stand on reaching my 2018 writing goals.

Sadly, I read more two star books than is healthy for any human being.  Only the books worth posting about are below.

Reading Goals:

* * * * *

Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t by Steven Pressfield: Despite what you may conclude from the title, this book was inspiring. It is part memoir, part writing advice, and part self-help book rolled into one. The tips are gold for fiction and non-fiction writers. While the book doesn’t share step-by-step, handholding advice for newbie authors, the high-level, general points will help all writers at any stage. The chapters are short and to the point. Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t is an easy read that boils down the elements of a good story to its bleached white bones.

* * * * 

The Tinkerer’s Daughter by Jamie Sedgwick: The book kept me turning pages and I finished it in a few days. A significant drawback of the novel was that major problems were solved by deus ex machina. The main villain, Prince Sheldon, makes such a stupid and obvious blunder that the story fell apart at the end. The war between the three races concludes in an unrealistic way and while the main character—a half breed named Breeze—is very likeable, she is too perfect.

The Tell All (Locust Point Mystery Book 1) by Libby Howard: The first few chapters are slow. Not slow as in nothing is happening. Plenty is being set up, but it still reads as a bit dull. The mystery story kicks in starting at chapter 10, then rolls from there. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this cozy mystery. The protagonist is charming and reads like a real person. Overall, this was an easy book to finish with likeable characters and an adorable cat. I will seek out the next in the series.

* * * 

You Are Mine (Mine #1) by Janeal Falor: The heroine is slow and, more often than not, things just happened to her.

Nectar of the Gods (Beyond the Gods Book 1) by Mary Bernsen: The (dumb) heroine and (jerk) hero were boring. I couldn’t get into their instant love when mostly what they did was lie to and argue with each other. No typos or grammar issues, plus the cover is nice.

Ready to Were: Shift Happens Series Book 1 by Robyn Peterman: There were no typos or grammar issues. I was able to finish this book by skipping large chucks of it, which had no effect on the pacing or my understanding of the story. The hero, Hank, is an unlikeable, condescending, controlling alpha asshole who tells the heroine, Essie, what to do. She is also unlikeable and quite dumb. The first 40% of the book is about when she’ll “bang” Hank and the couple’s nonsensical “sexual tension.” There can’t be sexual tension when it’s obvious from the start Essie will drop her panties the moment Hank tells her to—which she does. There is also a cliché gay BFF, a feisty potty mouth granny, and easily defeated and glaringly obvious villains.

My Immortal Soul Book 1 by Odette C. Bell: No typos and I finished it. The main character, Celeste Ming, is an odious know-it-all Mary Sue. She has zero chemistry with her demon ex-lover, Thanatos. The plot had holes and made little sense. The most annoying part by far was the repetition and info dumps on every page. For example, Celeste broke into a dusty room in an orphanage. The dusty room is described as dusty over and over for no reason.

Betting Wilde: Immortal Vegas, Book 1 by Jenn Stark: This novel had potential to be 5-stars. It started off with a superhuman, international thief of magical artifacts named Sara Wilde. Where the story goes horribly wrong is with the love interests and the protracted ending. Sara has three dudes interested in her. All three are handsome, creepy, arrogant sexual predators who boss her around, invade her mind, talk down to her, lie, demand things or answers from her when they have no right to, and—worst of all—each one forcibly  corners her somewhere and either kisses or sexually manhandles her President Donald Trump style. Naturally, she enjoys it, even though she tells them to stop. (Ugh!)  Whenever Sara touches, thinks about, or is in the same room with said predators—especially the main creeper, Armaeus the Magician—she melts into a quivering puddle of lust. Nothing about these three men’s behavior is sexy, yet all Sara can think about is how hot they are and how much she wants to have sex with them no matter how many times they manipulate and–in Armaeus’ case—stalk her.

Writing Goals:

I finished self-editing the 4th novel in the Primordial Realms urban fantasy series.  This is such a relief.  It wasn’t as bad as I’d feared, but it’s finally done. The name of the novel is, Trapped in a Broken Place.  I sent it to my editor, so there is still work to be done. The worst may not be over.

I’ve been writing consistently to finish the fifth novel in the Primordial Realms urban fantasy series. Final book in the series y’all! Since I handwrite my first drafts, I can’t say how many more words I’ve written since 2nd quarter, but the notebook is almost full.

Author Goals:

Tattoo Switcheroo and Cerberus Confidential have been published in e-book and paperback formats! I couldn’t get any happier.

Here is the book trailer I created for Tattoo Switcheroo. Please let me know what you think.

The professional edits on Hound Dog Confidential was completed and it has been published in e-book format. The print version was also updated and is now available.

Three more short stories are up on the Short Stories page. You can read the latest one, Assassin, now.

Lastly, Through the Villain’s Eyes was pulled from Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and other stores in preparation for going all in with Amazon Kindle Unlimited.

Moving forward, I plan to:

Write at least one flash fiction or short story (OMG! I still haven’t written any. What is wrong with me?)

Hire a proofreader for Trapped in a Broken Place

Publish the e-book of Through the Villain’s Eyes in November and update the print version

Set up marketing for Through the Villain’s Eyes—AMS ads and 2-promo sites

Publish Trapped in a Broken Place in December

Set up marketing for Trapped in a Broken Place—AMS ads and 2-promo sites

Finish writing the fifth (and final) book in the Primordial Realms series

Outline next series

What goals did you accomplish in third quarter?

I hope you liked this week’s blog post. You can read my flash fiction on the Short Stories page. Also, you can buy my novels on Amazon.

Tattoo Switcheroo ($0.99) – BN, Kobo, Apple Books, Amazon

Cerberus Confidential ($0.99) & Hound Dog Confidential ($2.99) – Amazon kindle unlimited

Please let me know what you think by liking, commenting or subscribing.

Quarterly #Writing Goals: Q3 2018 Review EEEK! I can’t believe it is fourth quarter. Soon Halloween will be here, then Thanksgiving, and OMG Christmas!

[mikemortgage]

Kushner tenants: We were pushed out for luxury condo buyers

NEW YORK — The hammering and drilling began just months after Jared Kushner’s family real estate firm bought a converted warehouse apartment building in the hip, Williamsburg section of Brooklyn.

Tenants say it started early in the morning and went on until nightfall, so loud that it drowned out normal conversation, so violent it rattled pictures off the walls. So much dust wafted through ducts and under doorways that it coated beds and clothes in closets. Rats crawled through holes in the walls. Workers with passkeys barged in unannounced. Residents who begged for relief got a standard reply, “We have permits.”

More than a dozen current and former residents of the building told The Associated Press that they believe the Kushner Cos.’ relentless construction, along with rent hikes of $500 a month or more, was part of a campaign to push tenants out of rent-stabilized apartments and bring high-paying condo buyers in.

If so, it was a remarkably successful campaign. An AP investigation found that over the past three years, more than 250 rent-stabilized apartments — 75 per cent of the building — were either emptied or sold as the Kushner Cos. was converting the building to luxury condos. Those sales so far have totalled more than $155 million, an average of $1.2 million per apartment.

“They won, they succeeded,” says Barth Bazyluk, who left apartment C606 with his wife and baby daughter in December. “You have to be ignorant or dumb to think this wasn’t deliberate.”

This up-close look at one of the Kushner Cos.’ largest residential buildings in New York illustrates what critics describe as the firm’s sharp-elbowed business practices while it was run by President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and eventual White House adviser Jared Kushner.

The Kushner Cos. told the AP that it didn’t harass any tenants to get them out. But the data suggest turnover at the building known as the Austin Nichols House was significantly higher than city averages for coveted rent-stabilized buildings, leaving behind a trail of anger, disrupted lives and a lawsuit to be filed Monday in which tenants say they were harassed and exposed to high levels of cancer-causing dust.

“We’ve looked into hundreds of rent-stabilized buildings and this is one of the worst we’ve ever seen,” says Aaron Carr, head of tenant watchdog Housing Rights Initiative, whose investigation led to the pending lawsuit. “The scale and speed of tenants leaving, the conditions to which they were exposed, provides a window into the Kushner Cos.’ predatory business model.”

In a statement, the Kushner Cos. acknowledged it received some complaints about construction during major renovations, which ended in December 2017, but said that it responded to them immediately and that “tremendous care was taken to prevent dust and inconvenience to tenants.”

It said many tenants moved out when their rent was increased to the maximum allowed under rent-stabilization rules.

Those rules limit the amount that landlords can hike rent each year to protect tenants from getting pushed out, though in this building the rents weren’t cheap, with one-bedrooms going for more than $3,000 a month.

Also, the city’s building department says it sent inspectors to the building dozens of times since 2015 and uncovered no evidence that construction rules were being violated, a finding that some residents say doesn’t square with their experiences.

The landmarked Austin Nichols House at 184 Kent Avenue, for decades a warehouse for groceries and Wild Turkey bourbon, was gutted by a previous owner in 2010 to create sleek apartments that took advantage of the building’s high ceilings and waterfront views.

When Jared Kushner and two partners bought it for $275 million in April 2015, they made it clear they wanted to convert the building’s 338 apartments — all of them rent-stabilized — into condos. All but nine were occupied, and other than maxing out the rent, developers had few tools if they wanted to get tenants out.

Just months after the purchase, the Kushners began extensive renovations, ripping out appliances, floors and countertops that had been installed five years before.

“There were consistently people in the hallway early, 8 or so, banging on things, taking down walls. There was lots of dust. … They had fans, and they were blowing dust under the doors,” says tech salesman Marcus Carvalho, who left the building in December after six years, deciding the $1,000 or so increase in rent to renew his lease wasn’t worth it. “I didn’t want to spend another minute in that construction zone.”

His 679-square-foot (63-square-meter), one-room apartment, B502, sold the next month for $800,000.

A few weeks after Carvalho left, the woman in C405 couldn’t take the noise anymore either.

“It’s like having a root canal without the physical pain. … It was drilling from every direction,” says Jane Coxwell, a chef who works late nights and writes at home during the day. “It was impossible to take a call. You could never sit and read a book or get any work done.”

Then came the rats, including one she accosted with a tennis racket as it teetered on a curtain rod in her bathroom. She also had to contend with a flood after workers hit a pipe in the unit above her and with the constant fear workers would burst into her apartment at any moment after two with passkeys tried to do just that, once while she was in her underwear.

Coxwell says she sent dozens of emails to Kushner managers for more than a year asking for help, but got little relief.

One particularly noisy day she finally broke down, walked up to a construction manager and worker standing near her door and found herself forcing the words out through tears.

“I understand you have to work, but I don’t know how to ask anymore,” she pleaded. “Please, please, can you keep it down?”

She says the men just laughed.

Much of the work was done in 2016, and then the Kushners went on a selling spree. In 2017 alone, the company sold 99 apartments in the building, according to Jared Kushner’s federal financial disclosure forms. Brokerage data show an additional 16 apartments sold by early March 2018. That same month Kushner Cos. had 151 vacant apartments in the building, according to a court document.

The Kushner Cos. refused to confirm the numbers.

At the height of the construction, tenants fought back with three dozen complaints to the city’s 311 hotline about work after hours, banging and pounding, falling debris and rodents.

After people complained about dust, Kushner Cos. put plastic sheeting around doorways, though many say it didn’t help much. And after they complained about workers entering their apartments without permission, the company eventually posted guards in hallways.

“The banner says ‘Luxury Waterfront Homes For Sale,”‘ says Jeff Werner, a banker who’s lived in the building for eight years. “It doesn’t advertise ‘Live in a Construction Zone with White Toxic Dust Blowing.”‘

Dust samples taken from nine apartments in May by consultants Olmsted Environmental Services turned up dangerously high levels of lead and crystalline silica. Breathing in tiny silica particles has been linked to lung cancer, liver disease and an incurable swelling of the lungs.

A draft of the pending $10 million lawsuit alleges Kushner Cos. and its partners attempted to push tenants out by creating unlivable conditions with construction noise and dust in violation of state and city rules and laws. It also alleges the Kushners, by failing to take proper precautions, exposed residents to a “cloud of toxic smoke and dust.”

The Kushner Cos. disputed the findings of the environmental report, alleging it appeared to be an updated version of a report prepared several years ago. The company didn’t immediately respond when asked for comment about the lawsuit.

Ronan Conroy says he complained to the Kushners several times, walking down to the sales office once to confront management in person.

“Your strategy is to get people out, right?” Conroy recalls asking a staffer at the desk. He says the man basically shrugged, offered no dispute, then said, “We can let you out of your lease.”

Frustrated and facing a big rent hike, Conroy left in early 2016.

“My strong impression is they made the building as unlivable as possible so they could get everyone out of there.”

——

Burke reported from San Francisco. AP researcher Jennifer Farrar contributed to this report.

from Financial Post https://ift.tt/2zGIqMA via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage