#morals won't save you when you have to endure suffering

[mamuzzy]

Now I tell you this. When we were kids, imagining ourselves into a fucking wizard school in the middle of nowhere away from our abusive parents, abusive classmates, an environment that wasn't forgiving for non-conformity in any way, this fucking wizard school was still a better place for us than anything we had to endure in real life.

You see... not anyone was able to grow up. Someone literally. Someone remained a child because no safe adult was there to protect them.

And when you say shit like "at least don't make this public". Ohhh, poor baby, does my suffering make you feel uncomfortable? Do you really find my past coping mechanism problematic? Do you want me to rewrite my own history so it doesn't make you squick?

I should have do drugs like the normal kids around me? I should have offer my body to strangers just so at least my body is loved if my soul didn't deserve it? Oh. I should have cut myself instead and then endure the shame for scaring people?

I should have kill myself at age 18 after I graduated but failed to go to university because I didn't have future in mind and the future didn't have a place for me.

Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your fucking hypocrisy. You are no ally to me.

[silriven]

Thoughts on the Badlands Campaign

So I finally got around to playing the Badlands storyline for myself. I went into this thinking "oh, maybe I'm reading way too much into the quest text, maybe when I play it myself, I'll see why everyone tends to find Rhea the sympathetic one in the story here."

I'm here to report that, uh, no, when I was the one actually taking eggs from the imprisoned mother and then murdering both her and her children in game, I found it just as impactful. Maybe a little more. We do some really despicable things for "the greater good" here.

The black dragon body count racked up by you, the player character, in this questline is thirty-six: 12 darklight soldiers, 22 whelps, Velarok, and Nyxondra. Alliance characters get a trio of enthusiastic dwarf sidekicks to help us with some of this.

The saddest part about playing this, for me, was realizing that when Rhea sends you after the escaped Nyxondra, you find her circling above her brood. So her first act of freedom was to go to the surviving experiments to try and protect them. You then kill 12 for the quest.

Another sad thing is her one line of dialogue, which is also the last thing she ever says: "My kin won't forget what you've done! We will rage, mortals!" Have her kin actually forgotten? We don't know, because so far, none of the black dragonflight have brought this up.

(There are these lines from the recent "Misfit Dragon" quest line with Wrathion and Vyranoth in patch 10.2, though, which I still love. It's a stretch, but it could be a nod to a lot of Badlands story things, including this, so there's that at least.)

All of this is on top of the suffering endured by Nyxondra "off-screen" as Rhea forced her to lay eggs while she was an invisible prisoner trapped within eyeshot of her unaware kin ("right in the middle of their breeding grounds"). It's unknown for how long.

One last interesting thing that stood out to me was that Rhea refers to herself "an envoy of Alexstrasza herself", so I think it's not a question of "if" Alex knew about this but "how much" did she know.

There's also a very dark joke about draconic diplomacy somewhere in here

The part of the quest that I think is really most affecting is when Rhea seems to have an epiphany and realize the extent of the pain that she's caused, but then she immediately doubles down on the excuse that Nyxondra's sacrifice "was necessary." Nyxondra, of course, seems to disagree strongly. Her free will has been taken from her by Rhea, she has no agency in this situation.

After this, Rhea sends a Champion out to "put her out of her misery," like she's a wounded animal. It's barbaric.

Then there's this line: "The Red Dragonflight is as benevolent as it is powerful." This is the final bit of salt in the wound. The Red Dragonflight was anything but benevolent in this quest. I think the only way you could come to that conclusion is if you see the corrupted black dragons as not only past the point of saying, but as lesser beings who are disposable, whose pain is some kind of comeuppance for having succumbed to the Old Gods.

It's another case in World of Warcraft of corruption being associated with moral "badness" by the narrative. The narrative in this game constantly implies that the dragons who succumb to corruption do so because they have some kind of moral failing or moral weakness. The narrative tells us that black dragons "deserve" not just to be killed but be made to suffer for their madness and for the actions they took while under the Old Gods' influence.

Rhea even says this somewhat explicitly: Nyxondra supposedly deserves what Rhea is doing to her because of what her flight did to Alexstrasza. Her suffering isn't just the consequence of cold science being done to save the future of the black dragonflight, it's deliberately retributive.

I'm not really going anywhere with this, just kind of wanted to talk again about how (intentionally or not) Wrathion's origin story is dark as hell.

[mara-xx217]

Hello! I found out about you through AO3 after reading some of your works and let me tell you, you write beautifully! Hope it's okay to make a request 💗

I was thinking of a reader who is a team player willing to act as bait so that the other survivors won't be sacrificed. She refuses to escape if there is a chance that someone can be saved last minute, even if she is kinda clumsy when escaping from the killer herself. Which killers do you think would take interest in her?

Thank you for reading!

Hrrmmm...

Evan Macmillan/The Trapper

it's the principle that you abide by, even in the face of pain and death, that fascinates him

your stubbornness pisses him off, your altruism is pathetic, the way you look up at him defiantly when your stumbling over yourself is infuriating yet he can nearly see his own reflection from a time long since passed

perhaps one of the few times where he has the urge to gouge out another human beings eyes- he can't stand the way you look at him

you will die a hundred thousand deaths by his hand- as well as the friends you so desperately try to protect- yet you never stop standing in his way

you anger him, he wants to break you, make you beg, make you forsake the morals you stand for- will you outlast him in the end?

Max Thompson Jr./The Hillbilly

he is accustomed to the worst that humanity has to offer, seeing the exact opposite is akin to experiencing whiplash

jealousy is the crowning emotion that he experiences- he covets what you freely gift to those you deem worthy, what you sacrifice for them and what you bear for them and what he never once experienced in his short and miserable life

jealousy turns into rage- a childlike rage that is devastating and blinding- it isn't fair

it isn't fair

it isn't fair

it isn't fair-

Herman Carter/The Doctor

yet another interesting aspect of humanity for the Doctor to experiment with

altruism is a joke- perhaps one of the most self destructive and self serving aspects that a human being can indulge in- yet you freely and confidently indulge in it on a daily and public basis

you are either very selfish and deceptive or you truly buy into the myth of "the needs of the many out weigh the few"- the Doctor is interested in testing your resolve in this matter thoroughly

will you continue to protect your fellow survivor after facing horrors beyond your comprehension?- will you still preach and spew your self righteous bullshit when you are on the receiving end of what your "friends" would have endured in your stead?

don't disappoint the Doctor- prove him wrong, he's so bored of always being right...

Danny Johnson/Ghostface

what's better than tormenting a precious little toy that thinks they have the moral high ground?- not much, given that Ghostface has seen the worst of what humanity has to offer at their lowest and most pathetic moments

you think you can endure the pain and suffering of others?- you don't understand the gravity of the commitment that you just made, little toy

he'll break you- he'll make you forsake the ones that you claim to love and that you would supposedly die for

in the end, he'll prove that you are just the same as the rest, the same as him- you are only doing this for your own gratification, for your own grandiose sense of purpose and self worth

you aren't a martyr- you are a charlatan just like the rest

Michael Myers/The Shape

you aren't anything special, merely another plaything for him to break- you aren't the first to stand against him but you are the most persistent

killing you never gets old- there are too many different ways to break a human being for the Shape to grow bored of you- yet there is something akin to annoyance that creeps up the back of his neck when you continuously stand against him without wavering

what happens when a force of nature slams against a brick wall?- its sure to crumble and fall, yet it can be rebuilt and reinforced- you are that brick wall that the Shape keeps forcing himself against

you won't stop him from killing your friends- you can't- yet you still try and time to time you succeed

infuriating

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @slutwithadegree, @dead-bxxxtch-walking, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine

[elleventhsense]

Living with my Toxic Father... Again

After graduating from university, I moved back home with my parents. I've been living with them for a month now and I'm trying to change this.

I never had a functional relationship with my dad. He's a terrible person and has done unthinkable things to me. He has several mental illnesses, including narcissistic personality and bipolar disorder. He has severe anger issues, and is tolerable 60% of the time until he gets triggered (but he gets triggered by everything). Living with him is basically walking on eggshells 24/7. I've basically turned into a shell of a human around him, interacting as little as possible and avoiding eye contact. As cruel as it sounds, there have been many times in my life where I wished he was dead.

He's also a raging alcoholic and goes on daylong benders where everyone around him is miserable. I feel bad for my mom. She's a kind, sweet woman and she takes so much shit from him. She's a meek/passive woman and won't stand up for herself or others. She has admitted to living in a constant state of anxiety. I desperately wished for her to file for a divorce from him my entire life, it would've spared me from so much pain. A part of me has always resented my mother because I felt like she was complicit to my suffering. But I know this is a cycle of abuse she's enduring, because my grandma also had the same dynamic with my grandpa.

I think I could tolerate my father being a total piece of shit if he at least contributed to the home in some way or another. But he's absolutely useless. He doesn't work, cook, or clean. My mom pays for all of the bills on her minimum wage salary and he waits on her to make him all his meals. He'll also complain about how dirty the house is, yet sit at the computer all day. He loves to exercise power over people when he hasn't proven he deserves a single ounce of respect. He's totally fucking incompetent.

Due to his narcissism, he thinks he's a perfect human being. He'll play victim in every situation. His logic: "Oh, you're upset that I'm lashing out at you, well why did you do XYZ in the first place?". In fact, he thinks I'M evil for isolating myself from him - saying I don't know what the value of family is, my priorities are in the wrong place, and that I'm morally corrupted. When I was 19, it got really bad and I debated ghosting my entire family completely. Changing my name, moving somewhere new, and going no-contact. I didn't end up doing that, but I hope that shows the gravity of the situation.

Living on my own for 4 years while I was doing my degree was amazing. I had experienced freedom and peace like never before. It was like a breath of fresh air. Now that I've graduated and moved back in it's like living in fucking hell again. I feel like a helpless teenager again.

I'm saving up to move out. I have 2 months of rent right now, I need 6 month of rent and then I'm free.

[gothicprep]

This post I like a lot showed up on Facebook’s memory feature and I’d like to share it here:

Two things:

1) This meme is hilarious and I love it.

2) Thinking about how the "Disney-fication" of fairy tales has heavily altered how we perceive them. Disney's business model has basically been predicated on finding an existing story, sanitizing it to make it as cute and wholesome as possible to maximize your potential audience, and diving into the profits like Scrooge McDuck. And, like, cuteness is fine. I tend to think of Disney's adaptations of fairy tales completely separate entities from their source material because the themes and artistic intentions are so divergent. If a fairy tale is a grapefruit, Disney's version of it is a pamplemousse La Croix. You get the idea.

Like, an example you could easily point to here is Pinocchio. The original Collodi story isn't exactly heartwarming (Spoiler alert for a book published in the 19th century: Pinocchio is a puppet who runs around town being a dick and he gets lynched at the end). It was meant as a tongue-and-cheek "be good or suffer for it" sort of cautionary tale. Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid has dark and religious overtones that are also got left on the cutting room floor. Disney's version has a very "love conquers all" message about it. Anderson didn't agree with this, like, at all. The story comes by love as suffering and sacrifice. Anderson's mermaid doesn't just exchange her voice for legs, she endures the pain of being stabbed every time she takes a step, and in this version, her love is unrequited. Her despair isn't necessarily rooted in her not being human, it's because she doesn't have a soul because of this and won't be able to see her prince in heaven. The ending is the mermaid giving up her life in a Christ-like sacrifice to save the prince, and she's rewarded by being turned into a benevolent spirit who can attain a soul if she spends the next several centuries helping mankind.

Oh, and Collodi's grandson actually sued Disney because he was so mad about how unfaithful the Pinocchio adaptation was. "Moral copyright infringement." Gasp. Drama.

They seem kind of repulsive given our sanitized children's media diet, but gothic tones like these are pretty standard in old folklore. Fairy tales are layered and pretty dark sometimes, but this is a means of giving children a symbolic template for understanding the world. Research at a children's cancer clinic found that fairy tales served as a helpful tool for children to cope with their stressors and anxieties. The darkness of fairy tales can actually offer a light to children confronting adversity. But the cultural treatment we give to fairy tales no, post-Disney, strips them of their complexity

A psychologist named Susan Darker-Smith found that young girls who identified with Cinderella or Belle were more likely to end up in abusive relationships as adults, through her work interviewing domestic abuse survivors. Interpret this however you'd like.

I'm not trying to cancel Disney here or anything. These stories are, like, fine in a vacuum. But it's crazy how much the Mouse Behemoth has altered our perception of folklore because, like, let's be honest, those stories aren't giving children tools to navigate real life problems. Which was, um, the original point of children's folklore. Preparing kids for the darker aspects of adulthood in a consumable way. And there's a lot of inertia here – when Disney released films in the 70s-80s with darker tones, like The Black Cauldron, they were spectacular box office failures. The "Disney Renaissance" was basically a massive course correction back into the blanched and saccharine.

It's really something. Anyway, I hope das kinder are having fun with Hodenverstümmelung. They're better off for it.

[fedonciadale]

" The thing is Tyrion is victim and perpetrator. "

This is an interesting take and honestly most of the villains in ASOIAF are actually similar unless they are some one dimensional caricatures like Euron or Ramsay .

Cersei and Lysa were victims of patriarchy and were thrown under the bus by the fathers and had to endure loveless marriages but they still did fucked up things .

Heck even LF was a victim of the Classist nobility as a kid and was a victim of rape by a girl way above his station yet that didn't stop him years later to have people killed ,instigate war , traffic and groom kids.

Sandor Clegane was abused as a kid and years later he hacked a kid into pieces and then almost attempt to assault another .

Even Viserys who abused his little sister had a tragic backstory of witnessing the death of his house and family and yet that doesn't excuse him to hit his little sister.

Just because all these characters have a tragic backstory doesn't mean the fucked up things they do should be painted as an excuse .

Another tidbit , characters in ASOIAF are grey but that doesn't mean all are on the same levels of grey and as much as cliche it may sound and no matter how much Grrm tries to blur the line between villainy and heroism , people do exist on layers of spectrum . Someone like Ned is a flawed individual and you can term him as grey but he isn't LF . Same goes for Sansa and @ry@ wrt someone like Cersei . Just because characters will have to go through dark turns doesn't mean the level of darkness that each of them try to emulate will be on the same level . Also Tyrion won't be suddenly turning dark in TWOW, the character had problematic attitude with women even back in ACOK when he slapped Shae once .

Hi there!

Yes, many, many characters are victims and perpetrators. And that is actually quite realistic.

Still, there are nuances and grey characters does not mean that everyone is equally situated on a moral scale. There are nuances. Someone like Ramsay who skins people alive is not the same as someone like Ned who executes people who have broken the law.

And although I think that all the Starks will be forced to compromise with their integrity and do things they’d rather not do, they still have an inner compass that will prevent them from doing things like killing children, murdering someone without a trial (I honestly think we will see Ramsay killed by his own dogs, but not by Sansa).

We have seen the Starks saving lives again and again and it will have a pay off at some point. I think Sansa, Arya and Bran will refuse their rather creepy teachers and find their path again: Littlefinger, Bloodraven and the ‘Kindly Old Man’ will lose their pupils.

As for Tyrion, he has become darker in ADWD that is for sure, but he was no innocent before that. Sry, not sry, letting someone be killed because he flirts with the sex worker Tyrion thinks he has an exclusive right on and letting him vanish in a ‘bowl of brown’ is not on the lighter spectrum of grey.....

Yes, and all the things the victims like Tyrion and Cersei and Jaime, and Theon and the Hound etc suffered make them relatable. But they are an explanation not an excuse or in the famous word of Jack Peralta.

Thanks!

[anthemxix]

Had an interesting conversation with my best friend in the car today, and I thought you might be interested in a bit of Warriors angst we came up with.

So, it started as a different conversation, but basically we realized that in order to be a good ruler you can't be a good person. Rulers are forced, constantly, to choose between bad things. You have to make sacrifices to make sure your people are safe and cared for. You need to be selfish and focus solely on your people.

And you can see this in LoZ sometimes. Lullaby flees her castle and goes in hiding, since she's the only one who can help Time defeat Ganon and save Hyrule in the long run, but she's forced to watch her kingdom curmble and people suffer in the meantime. Short-term sacrifice for long-term victory. Dusk is forced to surrender to Zant because the other option it worse, she just gets lucky Twilight shows up when he did. Rhoam is a great example. He's looking down the apocalypse, and in order to be a good King, he feels forced to be a bad father (and he does realize later being a bad father won't save the kingdom, he just realizes it a bit too late). But he is, for all intents, a good ruler.

So, the Warriors angst.

Hyrule Warriors shows a war. Artemis is very much a good ruler but not a good person. She can't afford to be a good person. I have abandoned keeps playing that game, and the men in those keeps. In universe, those men died. And she had to let them. She had to sacrifice her troops because the alternative was far, far worse. It's not a good situation, and you couldn't call her a good person after some of those calls, but she is a good ruler.

And Warriors has to make those same calls. He has to let some men die, not even counting the ones he actually had to kill himself. He's had to make calls that he probably hated having to. He isn't a good person anymore, because he can't afford to be. He's led a war, and people leading wars can't be good people. He's a good leader instead.

And then compare to the other Links, who are good people. They had the privilege of being good people. A privilege that Warriors didn't get. And yet the others still think he did. They still think he's a good person instead of just a good leader. And he's probably clinging to that as hard as he can. Because he wants to be a good person, but he's not, he's a good leader.

(I also imagine he probably realized he can't be both around the time he ended up in Skyloft. Which is actually good, since he's paired there with Fi, who is very logical and factual. Percentages and numbers. Her advice don't care about how he feels. His emotions are irrelevant. Which would suck to hear, but she's right, his feelings don't matter here. They don't. And he needs to deal with that and adjust. And he does. And it sucks, but he does, and he ends up a good leader.)

(Also, now imagine in LU, Time realizing now that being a leader is a lot harder than he thought it would be. He was pretty sheltered from the war, I feel, and probably saw Wars in a very positive light. He's a Hero, and he saves people, and he's a good person and a good leader. And so he doesn't realize you can't be both, not really. And so he goes to Warriors for leadership advice, and has to come to the abrupt realization that Warriors is not who he thought he was, but that doesn't make Wars a bad person either.

"How do I save everyone?"

"You don't,"

And Warriors is right, and is sucks, but it's true. You save who you can, and feel bad about the ones you can't, and then you move on. And it's going to force Time to do a lot of reevaluating.)

-Attllhak

@attllhak thank you for sharing your thoughts! what an impressive and, in my opinion, very accurate analysis~

compared to the other links, warriors did have a unique experience. he regularly faced dilemmas with no positive outcomes and with immediate life-or-death consequences. i’ve had the same experience in hw that you described: sometimes you have no choice but to leave soldiers to die. logistically, it’s just not possible to protect everyone.

i appreciate that you used rhoam as an example of a good leader. folks tend to vilify him for the way he treated zelda, but he was doing what he thought would best serve his kingdom. in such dire circumstances as an impending apocalypse or a war, people have to sacrifice their own needs and emotions in favor of “the greater good,” so to speak. the situation is more complicated than “he didn’t respect his daughter, so he’s a bad person.” (and after all, wasn’t he right in the end, that zelda’s goddess-given powers were key to hyrule’s salvation?) and as you noted, warriors’ morality also occupies this complex grey zone.

your analysis here also raises some bigger questions that don’t really have answers. what truly makes someone a “good” person? warriors didn’t want people to die; he made these choices out of necessity. does that matter?

and the classic question of ethics: if ethical behavior means behavior that minimizes suffering, how do we quantify that suffering? is it the overall number of people suffering, or is it the amount of suffering each individual endures? that is to say, is it ethical to allow a few soldiers to die violent deaths in order to win, and thus end, a war? is it ethical to sacrifice a few in order to save the many? or is this sacrifice unethical because it causes a great amount of suffering for those few individuals?

ANYWAY, thank you again for sharing your thought-provoking ideas~ <3 <3

[strawberry-nugget]

𝙃𝙖𝙡𝙛 𝘼𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚

𝘼/𝙉: This is my piece for my very own collab 'Ice Cold Heart' and also my excuse to delve into some more canon rather than fanon Hawks, because canon Hawks has been clouding my mind lately and I needed to get this out

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Hawks/fem!Reader

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Angst, mentions of sexual themes

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 2k

"I'm in love with you"

The precious meaning of a phrase is only defined by the weight you decide to put on it. And today you have decided that with your words you'd give birth to what's only going to give you and him pure, undefined pain. An elephant in the room if you may, an ogre of emotions that otherwise would be unwanted to stand between the two of you.

You think 'otherwise' as if it's not unwanted already. The unrequited nature of your sentence will linger in your heart more than you'd like to admit, but you're ready to lift your eyes and meet his golden ones, ready to be judged with the coldness of his gaze, ready to be treated like you've expected you will when coming into his office.

You still have that hidden truth to spill to him, and it surpasses the one you spilt already, but you hold your dry tongue in your mouth for now.

What could possibly only hurt like a kitten's scratch -his mute, his echoing silence- is rather twisting numerous sharp daggers in your chest, twirling over the wound of your feelings, ravaging any hope for salvation you had been left with. You wonder how your friends ever managed to convince you that the hardest thing about confessing was the part where you had to build up your courage.

Your courage never suffered from a hit as you walked to his office, despite being terrified for what you had to say to him. Paperwork in your hands and none of a nervous trembling in your lips, iron clad feet clashing with the tiles of the building. You've made your decision to get rid of all those feelings, not wanting to spend another night bent on his desk or sprawled under him, only for him to act like he barely knows you in the office and then to be all greedy and sweet in public events.

His games, that god awful behavior of his, the way he chooses to use you -even if you feel like you use him to, to turn him into something that he's not with your imagination- you're tired of everything. And then there's also the fact that he's a traito-

"Aha"

The answer to your confession wasn't supposed to affect you either for better or for worse, rather this confession was an egotistical act, Mirko, or any of your friends previously said, that one had to endure in order to take the next big step. Whether that was a step accompanied by your desired person, or a step to redeeming the anathema a rejection could have caused.

Frankly it wasn't that the golden orbs staring back at you were rejecting. If anything, they didn't bore into yours in a way that left you hollow, but they didn't fill your heart with dreams either. And what your original intentions begged to stand up for was that you didn't care of any significant reciprocation.

You wish you didn't care where those words you had uttered had left Hawks, or in what inner conflict they had found him in. But you know, he won't be in any conflict about what you have to say, what you've kept inside for too long, what has bled onto your morals like a run over animal on the street, left to rot and seep into the road as it disintegrates under the sun or the cold.

Unbeknownst to you, deep down in his head, Hawks doesn't know how to feel, or how to react; its all too sudden for him to process. The way you spoke of it so casually yet, so lightheartedly, your tone suggesting that you let your most vulnerable object of thought slip through your fingertips, like you let it fall out of your head and shutter on the ground.

"I-"

It isn't much, just the start of a sentence that he hopes he could compose, but the way your brows furrow at the sound of his voice does nothing other than startle him.

You should have known, he's not going to give in to such demands. Love, relationships, he doesn't have time, space, a mindset, doesn't need you to be that one for him, he wants all the stability he can get when he wants it, however he wants it and he's gone when he gets it, swift as a bird, cold as stone. That doesn't necessarily tickle a nerve inside of him, you know the rules, even if he feels bad about you suffering like this there's nothing he can do -he doesn't even know how- and he chooses to let you speak, get it out, before he has to go and be a hero for the day.

"No, no save it," You wave him off "here's my resignation"

The authority in your voice isn't the one he was used to. As his eyes blink, honey colored orbs taking in the un-glory of your posture, he's met with the sight of your hands hugging around your own form; the ultimate sign of vulnerability, uncertainty.

"You don't have to quit because you fell in love with me"

'You fell in love with me' he speaks of the words so little, as if they're dirty, as if you're in this with yourself and they're so suffocating that he can't stand them, only to softly graze your ear with vore intentions, to tell you that you don't have to quit, to urge you to not take this too serious.

Your feelings aren't serious.

"I do" You speak, trying to jab him back with some crafted poison in your tone. But you know what you're going to say next will definitely do it for him, it'll poison him we'll, whether it makes you endangered or not. "I was on patrol when I saw you doing business with Dabi, so save it."

The weight of those words is what finally serves as a huge hit to your courage. You've outed yourself greatly and now the chewing on your bottom lip is profound and painful to a great amount. Hawks' face is contorted in a terrifying darkness, thick brows clenched above his eyes and lips pushed into a thin line, nose scrunched.

"Listen-"

"I just don't want to be a part of this"

That's when he knows he has to be forgiving.

Hawks isn't used to you, a fierce warrior of a hero, clenching your jaw tensely or furrowing your brows in sorrows. He isn't used to you being so upfront with your emotions either; whatever the two of you have shared in the past has been in words of reluctance and mind states of regret, each one desperate to prevent your hearts from getting hurt.

He knows his heart won't get hurt though, it's shielded way too well inside his chest, in such way he feels hollow, driven by anything other than the stupid organ. You should have known, he tells himself, before you got involved so deeply, but he left you with no time for thoughts like these, wiggling you under his wing while biting your skin instead of pecking it.

Just as Hawks has always known that he's going to hurt you no matter you rejecting labels or bottling feelings up and absolutely forbidding the mention of them, it's obvious that things can't go his way. He isn't used to you eyeing him with pain gathering in the corners of your eyes, but he's willing to play the part you're setting up for him right on the spot. Even if he has to admit, the thought of being painted in this color jabs him just like knowing things won't go back to the way they were between the two of you.

He doesn't mind. He had to let it go because by the time you know about the truth you won't even remember his face, or the way his voice sounds, and he shouldn't think about this but he does, in a way, in the very back of his head.

His mission, he thinks, is far more important than his personal life -it's a top priority for greater good.

Once greater good is achieved he's going to be able to invest in a personal life that involves feelings and excitement and even the noble pleasure of being able to choose between priorities. Right?

So, whatever he's feeling now -the tight knot in his throat, the painful lack of oxygen in his throat, his gut twisting and churning and his limbs alternating from spasming to going numb- he has to ignore.

But for the worse part he doesn't really know how to act. The confession that has startled him is still lingering on repeat in the back of his head, fueling the small ignition of a flame that begs to put you on a pedestal, or rather, it began to make his mouth move on it own, to tell how that he too wishes he could be with you as more than this secretly exclusive arrangement you've set.

Maybe, his heart pleads, maybe he can tell you about his mission and clear up the confusion.

He wonders if that would be a part you'd want him to play for you.

"I won't give you away. So long as you don't involve me in this, I don't have ulterior motives for protecting civilians."

"I-" He starts, darkness bottling up in his gut, stomach falling after going utterly numb. Somehow he knows he's not going to utter a word if he keeps acting like that.

"Hawks-"

"You'll get over it."

It's sharp and it's short and it sends heavy, lethal daggers to your chest, so much that you can feel your heart beginning to slip from in between your ribs, out of chest and onto the floor of his office. It'd be a mess to clean, the blood if your agony and your heartache rightfully on his floor. For him to look down on, this time, physically.

"I will"

He knows his words hurt, just by the mere look your face contorts and he won't utter a word about what you just said, he'll link you to Endeavor and when the time comes you'll know. His cause is greater than your heart breaking, greater than chasing after that small arrangement he's made so he can get physical release from time to time.

It's better not to react. Not to terrorize you into anything for if you're afraid you might out the wrong truth to the heroes in your circle and his plan -the commission's plan- will fail and the heroes will lose this war. And he can't lose.

You want to look at him with menace and disgrace, not to atone him for the way he's making you feel; crashing your dreams, poisoning your morals and your thoughts, living down to your expectations so much that you don't know what to think of him.

Like he did when you saw him after closed doors, cold and unapproachable, to the point he's scary. Manipulative so much that you found your way under him without even realizing how fast it happened, what impact it had to you to get involved with him. You just want to be out, unwielded from his spider's web and latch yourself into something real and kind, to serve your purpose as a hero. As a human.

When he opens his mouth again you're not scared anymore, of what he may do to you, of what will happen next.

"Hand me your papers so I can sign them"

Thanks for reading! Comments and reblogs are always appreciated <3

[lookwhatilost]

Crossposted from a Facebook memory:

Two things:

1) This meme is hilarious and I love it.

2) Thinking about how the "Disney-fication" of fairy tales has heavily altered how we perceive them. Disney's business model has basically been predicated on finding an existing story, sanitizing it to make it as cute and wholesome as possible to maximize your potential audience, and diving into the profits like Scrooge McDuck. And, like, cuteness is fine. I tend to think of Disney's adaptations of fairy tales completely separate entities from their source material because the themes and artistic intentions are so divergent. If a fairy tale is a grapefruit, Disney's version of it is a pamplemousse La Croix. You get the idea.

Like, an example you could easily point to here is Pinocchio. The original Collodi story isn't exactly heartwarming (Spoiler alert for a book published in the 19th century: Pinocchio is a puppet who runs around town being a dick and he gets lynched at the end). It was meant as a tongue-and-cheek "be good or suffer for it" sort of cautionary tale. Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid has dark and religious overtones that are also got left on the cutting room floor. Disney's version has a very "love conquers all" message about it. Anderson didn't agree with this, like, at all. The story comes by love as suffering and sacrifice. Anderson's mermaid doesn't just exchange her voice for legs, she endures the pain of being stabbed every time she takes a step, and in this version, her love is unrequited. Her despair isn't necessarily rooted in her not being human, it's because she doesn't have a soul because of this and won't be able to see her prince in heaven. The ending is the mermaid giving up her life in a Christ-like sacrifice to save the prince, and she's rewarded by being turned into a benevolent spirit who can attain a soul if she spends the next several centuries helping mankind.

Oh, and Collodi's grandson actually sued Disney because he was so mad about how unfaithful the Pinocchio adaptation was. "Moral copyright infringement." Gasp. Drama.

They seem kind of repulsive given our sanitized children's media diet, but gothic tones like these are pretty standard in old folklore. Fairy tales are layered and pretty dark sometimes, but this is a means of giving children a symbolic template for understanding the world. Research at a children's cancer clinic found that fairy tales served as a helpful tool for children to cope with their stressors and anxieties. The darkness of fairy tales can actually offer a light to children confronting adversity. But the cultural treatment we give to fairy tales no, post-Disney, strips them of their complexity

A psychologist named Susan Darker-Smith found that young girls who identified with Cinderella or Belle were more likely to end up in abusive relationships as adults, through her work interviewing domestic abuse survivors. Interpret this however you'd like.

I'm not trying to cancel Disney here or anything. These stories are, like, fine in a vacuum. But it's crazy how much the Mouse Behemoth has altered our perception of folklore because, like, let's be honest, those stories aren't giving children tools to navigate real life problems. Which was, um, the original point of children's folklore. Preparing kids for the darker aspects of adulthood in a consumable way. And there's a lot of inertia here – when Disney released films in the 70s-80s with darker tones, like The Black Cauldron, they were spectacular box office failures. The "Disney Renaissance" was basically a massive course correction back into the blanched and saccharine.

It's really something. Anyway, I hope das kinder are having fun with Hodenverstümmelung. They're better off for it.

[wjforever]

Shatter me again. Chapter 13

We go inside, and I find myself in another world. I am led through the main entrance, along the main hallways and halls. There are fountains, there are flowers, there is clean air and bright lighting.

I didn't see what happened to the rest of the world. I've been locked up all this time. Our world was crumbling slowly, gradually. I hardly remember myself as a small child. And the times from the past, which are more colorful in my head, then the world already begun to wither, to perish. Nature was dying, animals were disappearing. The world was unstable, like on a powder keg. Diseases and wars, parades and protests. Everyone pulled the pillow towards themselves until it burst and everything around was covered with white fluff. The Reestablishment took advantage of this. It started making promises. For seven years they urged us to fight against the madness into which our world has turned. And people were ready to march blindly for a new hope. We have all been cruelly deceived. I think I was one of the first victims. They wanted to get rid of all the weak and in the beginning didn't take away the sick physically or mentally from their relatives. They offered to hand them over voluntarily. Which is exactly what my parents did, happily getting rid of me.

While I was under the supervision of doctors, I heard that they had more work. It was getting worse every day. The real horror for them came when the sick ones began to be forcibly taken away, and the healthy ones were resettled in new temporary dwellings. I don't know what it looks like now. I only saw how the dwellings began to be built, but I have no idea how the life of citizens is arranged now. I didn't get a chance to see or learn much. I received information in fragments of phrases, muffled conversations behind closed doors. But I have learned to listen, observe and analyze. Until I was deprived of even these insignificant opportunities.

Obviously, the world wasn't a great place. But here. It is a monument to deception, corruption, suffering and death.

I fall to my knees, I'm suffocating. I can't move or think anymore. I almost pass out. I'm floating. I don't immediately notice that this is Adam carrying my body, beaten, exhausted, somewhere upstairs. I cry against the stiff fabric of his uniform. I cling to him as the only hope, the only real thing in this world of falsehood, blood, torment. I don't want him to let me go. And I remember that I'm a monster. I remember that he won't save me.

And I start begging him to kill me. To save me from torment, to rid the world of dangerous weapon. And I tell him this. I'm asking to stop what can happen. But Adam pleads in response. He asks me to stop, asks me to desist. And my hysteria thins out, hope is fading again, for the second time in half an hour. Adam again doesn't give me a chance for salvation, and again I can't blame him.

He finally stops. I turn my head to see the door of my new cage. I ask him to put me down, and he does. Then he opens the door and lets me in first.

What I see upsets me. When you are held captive, held against your will, there is some kind of justice in the grim gray walls. They are a symbol of punishment. You accept it, you have the right to feel like a victim, to feel sorry for yourself, injustice. You get a little as a punishment for who you are. Or you sacrifice your well-being in the name of an unnamed struggle, you are a hero who endures the inconvenience of all the tyrants of this world. But luxury makes you look like a pathetic and ungrateful creature, a capricious child. They would say, what else do you need? Others don't have this, and many would give a lot for such good things.

It's a matter of principles, a moral compass. But you can no longer complain or whine, because you are given the opportunity to preen your feathers, heal bleeding wounds. How can you talk about the injustice of this world to you when you have a double bed with soft pillows and silk sheets, when there is a lush carpet under your feet, when crystal lamps illuminate you, when you have clothes, when you are warm… You can't cry anymore how bad you feel. You have nothing to justify your weakness with anymore. You have everything you need to regain your strength and start fighting.

I hate all this. I want to smash this room to smithereens. I want to make it look like my old cell, so that I can sit in the corner again and dream about the bird that will come to save me. But the window in this room is too big, there is too much light, it is too warm here, to hide, to shrink into my own little world.

I shake my head, refusing to go any further. And Adam look at me with confusion.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't want to be here, I don't want to, I shouldn't, I don't want to…"

I step back to run out of here, Adam is still standing at the entrance, seemingly not understanding my reaction or understanding it too well, but he has already managed to close the door. His gloved hands wrap around my shoulders, he looks at me with his sapphire eyes, and my eyes begin to sting.

"Please, please, I can't, I can't…"

"Hush, hush…"

He says, his lips barely moving. And I'm waiting for him to pull me to him, but he suddenly drops his hands and lowers his eyes.

"Everything you need is here. Bathroom, clothes in the closet, bed linen."

"Adam," I whisper, suddenly upset by his abrupt change of mood. I want that eight-year-old boy to come back, I want him to be the sweetest person I've ever seen again. He has already shown me that this part of him still lives in him. Or not? And why would he risk for someone like me? I ask myself and sit down on the bed, burying my head in my hands.

Adam clears his throat.

"You can take a shower in the bathroom. And change clothes." He lets out a semblance of a chuckle, some kind of strained, suffering one. "You don't have to worry. There are no cameras there."

There is an abyss under me, and I'm falling into it. I have nothing to hold on to. I knew that I would be watched. They've done this before. But for some reason, to hear this confirmation from him now seems almost cruel and I have nothing to grab onto.

"You have time to rest. Sleep. They give you a few hours. Warner will be expecting you for dinner."

"For dinner?"

"Yes."

I'm a little surprised. I'm not surprised at all. He made it clear to me that they weren't trying to punish me. They don't even try to buy me. I am property, part of the interior. Without the right to moans, complaints and pleas. I will be fed, and clothed, and allowed to wash, and sleep in a soft bed. And I will have no right to be dissatisfied with my life. I will have to be grateful to my benefactors. And for this…

Adam goes to the closet, opens the door, raises his hand to the clothes.

"You'll need to wear one of this for dinner. For example, this dark purple dress. You'll like it."

I hear the rustle of fabric, like a bunch of little spiders crawling on the walls around me. My body breaks, as does my mind.

"I don't want to."

"This is an order… a request from Warner."

He closes the closet and looks at me again.

"If you like to, I'll show you how to use the bathroom." Adam tells me quietly and starts moving towards another door in the room.

"No need, I know how to use it."

"I'll show you anyway." He says and enters the room.

I get up, but don't move, undecided. I don't know what to do. I glance at the door. Adam is still in the bathroom, and I back up to the door, grabbing the handle.

"I don't recommend you try to get out."

I close my eyes. Exhale. He doesn't even see me. Did he determine my intentions by the steps? I don't have any options. He is kind to me as long as I comply with his demands. And Adam is not the one I want to argue with. He doesn't give these orders, he only executes them. And I don't know what will happen to both of us if he fails.

I go into the bathroom. The room is small and Adam is standing so close to me. He starts to turn around slowly and a sudden panic grips me. He's tense, he wants to do something. Perhaps he was ordered to do something. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. Didn't he say there were no cameras here, that he was trying to help me? But he also said that it was all useless, that he had to obey. I start backing away. I want to pull out his gun and shoot myself. Dignity is the only thing I have left.

Adam seems to understand that I'm terrified and opens his mouth in surprise.

"Oh my God, no, Juliette…" He whispers. And then turns on the water in the sink.

"We don't have more than a couple of minutes." He turns off the water. Then he turns it on again and speaks only when water flows. He speaks quietly, so I can barely hear him. "You are being watched, and if you do something wrong…"

He turns off the water, goes to the shower and turns on the faucet. "They tell me right away. Through the earphone. I'm at your door all the time." He turns off the water and turns sideways to me. I do see some kind of device in his ear. He turns on the water again. "Juliette… You must obey him. You have no idea what you're dealing with. This man…" Adam shakes his head and turns off the water one more time. Then he goes to the toilet and presses the drain without opening the lid. "He's a real monster."

I'm breathing hard. I would like to believe that I am safe, that everything is fine, that my life isn't turning into a bigger and bigger nightmare, but it's not. I'm grateful to Adam for his warning. Not that I was about to trust someone who was going to make me torture people. But this reminder won't allow me to buy into vile lies, flattery, deceptive ways to persuade me to his side, possible manipulations. I trust Adam more, and he tells me to be careful.

"Is it clear now how to use this?"

"Yes," I mumble. Now I understand what Adam was doing. He pretended to teach me how to use everything in the bathroom. The sound of the water drowned out his voice. God, is this really the only way to exchange at least a few words?

Warner sees everything. Warner listens everything. Warner is a monster I should be afraid of. I really don't want to go back to the room. I really don't want to be in full view. I feel that the bathroom will become my favorite place here.

"I'll leave you. Get yourself cleaned up and go to bed. I'll pick you up later."

Adam says dryly. He walks out without looking back and I sit down on the floor, hiding my head in my hands. I'm finally going to let myself cry, but somehow I can't even do that.

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