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moonsluvr · 3 years ago

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HIII SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO READ THIS I WAS BUSY WHEN U POSTEF IT SKSJSJ and also sorry for the long ass review but ‼️ this deserved it bye

ABI. MY LOVE. WTF. first of all i am so so honored and proud that such a talented author such as yourself participated in *my* collab like omfg AND THE FIC WAS SO GOOD HOLY everything about it is so perfect i can’t even describe with words (except i did with almost 800– bye). ANW i wanted to share some of my thoughts as i was reading because . i have many .

SPOILERS BENEATH BTW !!

You fell in love for the first time on a sunny spring morning, at the age of 6. — oh my gosh. even the first line hits so hard. the description of it being ‘a sunny spring morning’ adds to the vibe of the scene!! i’m nostalgic for 6 year old me already

so when Heeseung proposed to play hide and seek you got excited to try something new and more fun. — ABI THIS IS MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS WHAT??? i am ltrly in love with the ‘they brought something new and different in my life’ trope ugh,, and the way heeseung loses the game to comfort them– they're so cute <//3

A moment so sweet that later you wrote down in your personal diary with great detail, you didn't want to forget that moment for anything in the world. — i’m combusting rn HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? DO U KNOW HOW MY HEART REACTS ?? ur writing is too good wtf !!!

It was something new and fresh, like lilies of the valley covered with drops of morning dew. But what could you know? You were just a little brat. — your words are somehow always the best i don’t understand how you manage to outdo urself every time bye

It was as if all the memories you had shared together were shattered into thousands of pieces, just like his heart and the letter he had written for you, telling you even his deepest feelings for you. — NOOOOO YOU CAN;T DO THIS heeseung pls omfg

The second time you thought you fell in love was a winter afternoon when you were 16 years old. — have i tolf you your writing is my absolute fav? Because it is. AND PLS I LUV THE REPETITION ITS MY FAVVV LITERARY DEVICE its so chefs kiss

as well as a cute and innocent feeling inside your stomach that tickled your silly heart — yes my heart is so silly it can’t stop madly beating for you

Was all this real? It's as if the whole world had stopped, time ceased to exist, the birds that were flying were frozen in mid-air, and all sounds disappeared, leaving only the rapid beating of your heart pounding your chest with force. — sigh. what more can i say. i’m speechless. nothing compares to your writing fr 10/10 i’mcrying at how good this is

Both of your eyes already said a lot, although it was still not enough for two people who had loved each other so much and then stopped knowing about the other. — STOP PLAYING W MY FEELINGS I AM NOT THE ONE ABI

"Long time no see," it was as if you had become strangers, though practically You were "you're taller now." — this is such an amazing reunion pls i love how they immediately hug but there’s still some awkwardness (?) it’s so realistic and good and MWAH I LOVE IT SM

He was still the same Heeseung as always. — this is so fcking cute and for what

You felt your heart break a second time for the same person. — …. I’m sobbing what a rollercoaster HEESEUNG COME BACK BABE I MISS U SM

But looking into your eyes always gave him a little hope and he held tight to it, refusing to let go. — brb gonna go loSE MY FUCKING MIND RQ

Both of you are left with many unspoken words about to come out of your throats, but you had to swallow them. — say it. say the words. do it you cowards,.

He was still the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you think you can never get over Lee Heeseung — i know i sound like a broken record but your writing genuinely makes me feel so many emotions this is framed so beautifully like a literal masterpiece and i think there couldn’t be a better writer, ever.

"I never wanted to leave you." — gosh. currently typing from my grave, actually.

How dare he say love didn't exist when you felt it with every fiber of your body every time you looked into his eyes? — THE FEELINGS I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW. OH, IF I COULD DESCRIBE IT.

those orbs that you loved so much and from which you had fled so many times. — OUU THE CONTRAST my brain is malfunctioning as we speak

"Hold me again, I've missed your arms more than anything in the world, I can't let you go, not this time." —

the only thing left in the place were your butterflies that finally fluttered together. — this fic is everything to me omg i hold this endlessly dear to my heart

The first and only time you fell in love was that spring morning 14 years ago. — THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ENDING ISHEFOSFHWI IM SCREAMING INTO MY FISTS WTFFF it honestly ties everything tgt so well and ugh the way it circles back to the beginning it’s so good i love how you nicely wrapped it all together. and the whole concept and theme for this is just so good it makes me want to spontaneously combust.

back 2 u — lee heeseung.

pairing. heeseung x f!reader

genre. childhood friends to strangers to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slight angst.

warning(s). swearing, mentions of bruises.

summary. butterflies always found their home again in your stomach whenever you saw heeseung wrapped in the warm spring breeze, destiny and the decisions you both make in life make your paths cross several times unintentionally, although they repeatedly parted ways, in the end you always end up going back to the other.

note. this is my part for my beloved @moonsluvr's "in between the lines" collab. i hope you enjoy it cause it's especially for you! ik it's late but happy birthday love, i love you.

wc. 4.3k

You fell in love for the first time on a sunny spring morning, at the age of 6.

"Hi, I'm Lee Heeseung!"

You looked at the small hand that had multiple paint stains of all colors that was extended towards you to take it. This was the first time you saw him and the first thing that caught your attention, apart from the fact that he was almost completely covered in paint making his clothes a rainbow, was his bright smile which was missing a tooth and his beautiful eyes.

"Hi." your voice was barely above a whisper as you shook his hand shyly, noticing how it left a red stain on yours.

The boy who said his name was Heeseung stared at you, waiting for you to keep talking so he could know your name. Only after a few seconds in silence did you realize why his eyes didn't even want to blink, in case he missed any detail, when you finished telling him your name you were already holding back a few tears due to the embarrassment you felt.

One of the first things your mom told you was that you should always introduce yourself to the children who approached you and it was the first thing you forgot.

"Nice to meet you! Do you want to be my friend? I was painting a drawing I made myself, if you want you can help me." if you had to be honest you never met someone so energetic and cheerful before. The friends you made up until now were the same as you and didn't dare to leave the comfort of your routine and relate to someone outside your small circle.

You remembered your older brothers and how they had plenty of friends and always went out to play in the street with them and sometimes you used to feel jealous about it, so you would give yourself a chance to make new friends even if it was hard at first.

So you accepted. But in the short span of a few minutes you were already on the floor holding your knee with some tears running down your cheeks, without any teacher around to help you.

Now you were beginning to regret making that decision, you were used to playing quietly or just walking through the halls while talking about anything with your classmates, so when Heeseung proposed to play hide and seek you got excited to try something new and more fun.

But the moment you couldn't find him anywhere, about 7 minutes into the break, you began to despair, you were running from one place to the other, you checked all the places you knew although it was useless because it's as if he had disappeared from the planet. Your little mind began to think unimaginable and exaggerated things but the nerves had won over you.

When your crying reached the ears of the boy who was even holding his breath so as not to be found, he came out of hiding almost running with concern marked on his face.

"Are you okay?" He knelt in front of you, looking sideways to see if any teacher would peek out so they could handle the situation. What could a child do to calm someone crying?

A small spotlight was lit on his head, he quickly checked the pockets of his pants and a big smile came to his face when he found what he was looking for, he put in front of your eyes a band-aid with drawings of panda bears to show you that he already had everything under control.

He used to fall and hurt himself quite often so his older brother had given him a box full of those so that he would start taking care of himself a little bit so as not to give his mother too much trouble.

He gently placed it on your injured knee, it was rare to see that in him because of how unruly he turned out to be at all hours. Your wound wasn't that bad but you still flinched at the touch, successfully making the small waterfall in your eyes stop.

"I couldn't find you anywhere." that bothered him a bit, he didn't like to see people get sad because of him.

"I'm sorry."

He looked down as he played with his hands only now noticing how dirty they were from the paint, the thought of painting your face pink flashed through his head. He mustered up some courage and you felt his lips rest on the band-aid he just put on.

you were startled and he didn't even give you a chance to say anything because he ran into the classroom at the sound of the bell.

Maybe you were too young to experience what love really was, but back then you could swear your heart was about to explode and you were scared to feel that way whenever you were with him.

A moment so sweet that later you wrote down in your personal diary with great detail, you didn't want to forget that moment for anything in the world.

It was something new and fresh, like lilies of the valley covered with drops of morning dew. But what could you know? You were just a little brat.

The months passed and whenever you shared a moment that made your stomach turn, you wrote it down and treasured it for yourself. You never told anyone about those emotions that made you feel more alive than ever.

After a few years being the best friends that could exist, you disappeared from the city without notice leaving Heeseung alone.

And from there you didn't know anything about each other.

The day you didn't come to school worried him a lot, but nothing compared to the feeling that shook his body when he went to your house only to see the "for sale" sign outside, with not a single piece of furniture inside.

—

The second time you thought you fell in love was a winter afternoon when you were 16 years old.

Spring was just around the corner but these days the cold hadn't given you a single break, today was your first day in a new high school and you already made the mistake of not bringing any coat and letting yourself be fooled by the sun in the morning because now your body was shaking from head to toe.

The snow melted days ago and if you paid attention to your surroundings you could see how the flowers began to bloom, decorating the streets a bit giving them joy, as well as a cute and innocent feeling inside your stomach that tickled your silly heart. The sun's rays fed and gave life to everything every new morning.

You took a deep breath trying to feel the early warmth of the season you loved the most.

And your body completely freezes at the smell of that perfume.

And all because you exchanged glances with him.

Heeseung had been so engraved in your memory and soul that today, after years, you could still recognize the typical smell of his perfume.

But had you really fallen in love again? He was the same person after all and it was as if all those butterflies were coming out of hiding that they refused to leave. They never left.

You watched as he said something to the boy next to him to walk towards you. With each step it's as if he is activating a bomb in your head not knowing what to do or say.

"Hey."

His voice made everything around you return to normal, letting time run again.

You couldn't say anything, there were so many things you wanted to say that in the end they got stuck in your throat. Both of your eyes already said a lot, although it was still not enough for two people who had loved each other so much and then stopped knowing about the other.

You let your body act by itself and quickly passed your arms around hisneck while you hid your face on his chest, the warmth of his body made you feel in paradise and when he passed his hands on your waist a chill ran down your spine. Feeling his touch after missing him for so long gave you goosebumps. It was overwhelming.

When you parted everything was uncomfortable, he raised his shoulders not knowing what to do and you just covered yourself using your arms because of the cold that penetrated inside your light clothes.

"Long time no see," it was as if you had become strangers, though practically You were "you're taller now."

You did your best to make the environment more comfortable, it was the first time you saw each other after years. His eyes were still the same as you remembered them, he was tall, much taller, his bright smile hadn't changed a bit but he was already a bigger person, you could tell just by looking at him that he wasn't still the same 12-year-old boy.

"Are you cold?" he noticed how your body reacted to being outdoors without any source of heat "I don't want you to get sick."

Heeseung didn't even let you reply that he was already taking off the hoodie he was wearing to put it on your head without hesitation.

"Oh but you don't need to!" he didn't even listen to you and from one second to another his hands were already on the edge of the hoodie making sure it covered you completely "now you could get sick."

"I care more about you." he said softly. His face was so close to yours that you had to hold your breath. He was so cute, he smelled so good and his smile mesmerized you in a way that you could die right there.

He was still the same Heeseung as always.

You didn't talk as much as you would've liked, at least you were able to spend a few minutes talking about what you had done with your lives in recent years, although you couldn't concentrate even for a few minutes, your head kept overthinking every action you did and your eyes couldn't stop traveling in his face trying to remember every last inch of him as if you weren't going to see him again for another long period of time.

Only when you got home did you realize how red your cheeks were, you were embarrassed to think that Heeseung saw you all the time with your face burning and your heart beating so loud, you were sure he could hear it.

That night you slept without being able to take off the blue hoodie with some yellow lines and letters that he gave you, it was a silly thought but you could tell that it was something he would buy the second he saw it. You smiled at that, you had missed him so much that you couldn't be able to get away from that smell that comforted you so much in the past and that remained engraved in the depths of your mind.

You hadn't thought about him going to your high school until that moment, he had the same uniform as you so that got you excited because maybe you can be close again and just thinking about being near him increased your heart rate. You felt like in a fairy tale and you hoped you could tell him what your heart been holding.

But when you went the next day he wasn't there. Nor was it the following days.

Even if you were dying of embarrassment, Heeseung was much more important to you, so you had the audacity to ask the person you saw him with, but he just told you that he had left there and he didn't think he'd be back anytime soon. You felt your heart break a second time for the same person.

Your anger spoke for you but you wished you had never seen him that day just to avoid feeling that unbearable pain you didn't want to remember for anything in the world.

It's as if Heeseung had never existed, being all a product of your imagination that so longed to live his love story.

—

Heeseung was like a loose leaf that had been wandering since autumn letting the wind carry it to no particular destination.

That's why the air caught in his throat when he saw you in the cafe he used to go to whenever he needed to clear his mind of it. He had never seen you there before and you didn't seem to be some new employee so he assumed it was because he always picked the times you weren't working.

Feeling so many emotions running through his body made him overwhelmed and dizzy. It was ridiculous that you always met after years in places you least expected, he was tired of that, he was tired of feeling how his heart shrank at your memory and how he cried when he saw you, it erased all the "progress" he was making trying to forget you and he went back 100 steps because he already convinced himself that you weren't meant to be together.

But looking into your eyes always gave him a little hope and he held tight to it, refusing to let go.

It was for that reason that he was too cowardly to approach you, and he simply turned around wanting to leave the place and his feelings as well once and for all. Inwardly begging not to regret his decisions later.

And it looks like the universe heard him for the first time in years.

"Heeseung?"

There weren't many people in the place and he was grateful for it because he could take off his mask and cap calmly without anyone recognizing him, but he was surprised how you could tell it was him just by looking at his figure, his stomach couldn't stop spin around.

Despite the fact that the few who were there stared at him because he had been standing for like 5 minutes without moving, he shrugged it off and walked towards you, with the counter being the only thing that separated you.

"Hey," he smiled at you, "I didn't know you worked here."

"I used to work in the mornings," you didn't know if it was because you hadn't seen him in a long time and you couldn't remember him as well as before but you noticed he was a little sad, you both looked at each other for a few seconds and stayed silent trying to distract yourselves with something "you want a drink?"

"Yeah, of course." Heeseung ordered for his usual.

Everything was damn awkward, you couldn't even talk like you did that time at the high school entrance long ago, everything was worse since you were practically strangers who didn't know anything about each other, just two unknown people who shared a past trying to talk, which would obviously end in embarrassing failure.

Both of you are left with many unspoken words about to come out of your throats, but you had to swallow them.

When Heeseung had his takeout order in his hands, he said goodbye to you and started walking towards the exit. With each step he took, new thoughts came to your head, you couldn't let him go like nothing like you did before, you had to do something to keep him by your side even for a few more hours or else you would regret not having done nothing for the rest of your life.

"My shift ends in about 20 minutes!" your ears turned red realizing you yelled at him, when you got his attention you continued "do you want to wait for me so we can talk?"

"I would love that." his grin dispelled all your doubts, he didn't even have to think twice.

You couldn't do your job properly while he waited sitting next to a window, your mind kept wandering to the image of him with the sun's rays lighting up his face. He was still the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you think you can never get over Lee Heeseung.

Getting him out of your heart is like an impossible mission, it was as if he had been created specifically to be inside you all his life.

"I still have the hoodie you gave me that day." you played with your fingers not wanting to see his expression.

Both left the cafeteria and headed to the first park you found, there were some children playing and running everywhere. You couldn't help but think about when you used to play with Heeseung until it got dark and your mother had to practically carry you home by the ears, you even avoided going home to drink water for fear that she wouldn't let you out again.

His giggle made you look up "I can't believe you kept it," he looked up at the sky, hesitating as to whether or not to say the words on the tip of his tongue, but he was tired of keeping things to himself so he let his mouth speak for itself "it's more yours than mine, it always was."

You tilted your head to the side, not understanding what he meant "what do you mean?"

"This is embarrassing," he tried to cover his face that was beginning to turn pink, "but I bought it with you in mind."

"Are you serious?"

"I've had it since I was 12 years old just because I wanted to lend it to you, so I bought it a few sizes bigger than it still fit me," your chest tightened at the memory "I never wanted to leave you." his sudden words confused you.

"What?" you tried not to stutter.

"That day I had to rethink what I wanted to do with my life several times just because I saw you again after years wondering what happened to you," he took a deep breath trying not to overwhelm his emotions "but I followed my dreams ignoring the deeper feelings, I became a trainee and now I'm here, being an idol. I'm sorry I left, but I don't regret it."

"You fulfilled your dream, of course you don't have to regret it, I would never want you to." your brain still couldn't process everything he told you, you just concentrated on the fact that he was able to fulfill what he told you so many times and you couldn't be more proud of him because your body couldn't contain so much happiness "I'm so proud of you Heeseung, I still remember when you-"

"Even though I don't even know if I like it that much anymore," he cut you off with tears welling up in his eyes "you're right, I fulfilled my dream, but everything is so difficult that I'm beginning to believe that there are more cons than pros in all of this."

You didn't know what to say, you didn't even know what was going on in his life right now, and fuck, you don't even know if you can consider yourself his friend after being apart for so long.

"No matter what I do or how hard I try there will always be bad comments that sometimes become so overwhelming that they far outweigh the good ones. I'm just tired," he looked into your eyes and a spark traveled through your body "and this may be silly but I really do believe that love doesn't exist. Or at least not for me, I don't know if I should give up."

How could he say that? How dare he say love didn't exist when you felt it with every fiber of your body every time you looked into his eyes? When that strong feeling took over your heart from the moment you met him? How dare he when he taught you what love really was even if he didn't know it? It's true, it wasn't always pretty and it used to hurt a lot to the point you want to tear your heart out in order not yo feel anything and forget everything, and you knew that better than anyone for all the years you spent away from him feeling abandoned, but you wouldn't change the love you feel for Lee Heeseung for anything in the world, even if it hurts and burns you inside you're convinced you will never be able to find something similar in your life. Love was what made you feel alive every day.

"You're wrong about that... Love is real. I know because I've felt it."

"Please don't say you love me."

But even if you were consumed with shame and with your pride broken, you decided to stand firm and stare into his eyes, those orbs that you loved so much and from which you had fled so many times.

Hearing that completely paralyzed you, had you been so obvious all that time? You wanted to get out of there, run away and never see him again.

This was the last chance you had to tell him the whole truth and stop being a coward for once in your life, you were going to fight for what your heart dictated, even if everything ended badly you wouldn't be left with that heavy feeling following you everywhere.

"I love you Heeseung, I always have."

He didn't even move, you could see his gaze change but you couldn't figure it out, it was an ocean full of doubt and he was drowning in it.

"Don't make this harder please." His lips were trembling, afraid to blurt out the next words "because I love you too."

You had to blink several times to make sure you weren't in some weird dream or misheard. You wanted to beat him until your hands got tired, you wanted to yell at him until you lost your voice. You were already preparing to be rejected and he told you that? You couldn't believe it, so many years thinking that your feelings were one-sided when in reality he felt the same? You wanted to beat yourself up too by not taking the risk sooner.

But maybe that was fine, probably if you had done it before nothing would have worked, you wanted to believe that the universe was responsible for bringing you together at the right time.

"Please tell me you really mean it." your eyes were watery, waiting for any answer so the tears could fall.

"I never in my life said something so serious." his tone of voice changed to a slower and softer one to make sure you were the only one to hear him, his hands slowly moved up your neck to position themselves on your cheeks and caress them with his thumb "I'm sorry I didn't say it before, I was scared."

Your fingers were on his, not wanting to stop feeling the touch of his fingertips on you, giving you goosebumps "scared of what?"

"Scared of loving you." he was getting closer and closer to you, now you could feel his breath caress your eyelashes "scared of being the only one who felt all these butterflies when we were together and ruining the only good thing in my life."

You repeatedly shook your head letting some tears fall, although there weren't many because Heeseung took care to wipe them all away.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was going to move me out when we were 12."

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was on my way to fulfill my dream and let you slip out of my arms, you have no idea how much I wanted to see you again but I let you go."

"Don't worry about it, we're already together, right?" he nodded as your fingers played with his hair.

"Hold me again, I've missed your arms more than anything in the world, I can't let you go, not this time."

It was getting dark, the children were gone and the only thing left in the place were your butterflies that finally fluttered together.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped them around your waist. Your heart was threatening to burst out of its cage, he was getting closer and closer and you closed your eyes waiting for his lips to touch yours. The euphoric feeling leaving you dizzy and dazed, wondering what would happen to you if he didn't hold you in his arms.

Your lips fit together like a perfect puzzle which have been searching for its missing piece for too long.

This was how it felt to truly love someone, your hearts never gave up and if you had to wait 100 more years just to feel the moment when your lips and hearts were fervently linked then you would wait as long as it takes. There is nothing in the world you wouldn't do for each other, you would go to space back and forth, burn down entire cities and plant millions of trees if it meant you would meet in another life over and over again until your souls lived through it all.

The first and only time you fell in love was that spring morning 14 years ago.

14 years and the flower that bloomed in your chest without hope of living long hasn't withered yet.

Your heart and spring would always go back to him.

#READ THIS Y’ALL #moonandabi4lyfers #best fic to ever exist btw #abi had outdone herself once again #i am meowing purring barking rn #SAWRRY ABOUT THIS BRAINROT ABI ILYYY

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