#moon lovers uhhhh did not have to do that to me (((((((((((

[pxiedustnblades]

*slams door*

YOU ASK FOR QUESTION ABOUT YOUR LEILA??

YOU SHALL RECEIVE.

Or rather, this is not truly a question, but rather a sort of meme?? ( I did it a long while ago for Dottie, and it was much fun. I think it might be fun for Leila too! :D)

-----------------------------------------------

Unusual Muse Associations

SEASONING:

WEATHER:

COLOR:

SKY:

MAGICAL POWER:

HOUSE PLANT:

WEAPON:

SUBJECT:

SOCIAL MEDIA:

MAKEUP PRODUCT:

CANDY:

FEAR:

ICE CUBE SHAPE:

METHOD OF LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL:

ART STYLE:

MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE:

PIECE OF STATIONERY:

THREE EMOJIS:

CELESTIAL BODY:

Eee thank you so much for the ask, hon! It’s much appreciated! I remember doing this for Faline if I recall so this should be a fun exercise for Leila!

——

Unusual Muse Associations - Leila

Seasonings: Cinnamon! A versatile spice for our multiverse-traveling heroine. Perfect blend of sweet and sharp to encompass her compassionate, bold yet no bullshit attitude.

Weather/Sky: Moderately warm with just tiniest twinges of chill when the wind blows. A partly-cloudy early autumn afternoon. Perhaps after so it has that crisp to the air.

Color: Burgundy. Her earlier iterations were associated with red and purple so it’s no surprise my brain associates her with a blend of the two. Ofc her outfits would fool you with how her armor is blue. But they’re more so to honor her lover.

Magical powers: Psychokinesis and abjurations? That’s the closest to her magic in bg3 and her biotics in mass effect. [I had to look up the difference between psychokinesis and Telekinesis for this. Pls don’t come after me.]

House plant: I am going to be fully honest, I do not have a green thumb and do not have a proper knowledge of house plants except for my singular succulent I have, so I associate her with having something similar. There is a reason she is a ranger and not a druid in the dnd universe.

Weapon: Crossbow. While she does excel in magic she is best at ranged weapons.

Subject: … Statistics?

Social Media: I don’t associate her with any social media. 😭 She’s kind of socially awkward and likes to keep to herself for the most part. Less stress on her.

Makeup product: Mascara! Shes not a makeup gal really but she does pride herself on her eyes. Gotta keep those lashes looking fresh! If she can’t have her liner she’ll survive with the mascara.

Candy: Licorice.. I wish I was kidding. But that’s what I think of when I see her. SPECIFICALLY the kind you sucks on (*snrk*) I cannot remember what they exactly called but they were like old fashion hard candy. I’m not much of a licorice consumer myself but my grandmother distinctly always had those on her person. I remember they were just the lightest balance of subtle sweetness instead of the normal over processed American candy garbage. So yeah, that’s my girl.

Fear: Fires. After a couple near death experiences with fires and explosions; she’s developed a minor phobia of them. So much to the degree in which she’d rather sleep in a freezing tent in the wilderness than risk her tail catching fire.

Ice cube shape: Crescent moons! It reminds her of space ❤️

Method of long distance travel: uhhhh teleportation?

Artstyle: Abstract! I’m not sure why but it makes sense for her. She thinks outside the box a lot in her travels. And she was never one to do things by the book. So why not go funky?

Mythological creatures: Do… Do tieflings count? Because that’s what she is.

Piece of stationary: An envelope?

Three emojis: 💫😈♥️

Celestial body: Star! To keep herself dreaming and wishing to reunite with her love again.

Thanks again for the ask, Nemo! This was a lot of fun!

[stardusttshowers]

*heelys in a few days late with a smoothie* hi can i get uhhhh 6, 25, and 13 specifically abt dim (dunk him into a lake do it do it >:3)

heck yeah!!! >:3 never too late for salt!!

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

OH this is a good one!! going into the spm fandom for this one but i can name one pairing i think!! that pairing is d*mentio/nastasia!

i didn’t used to like it before because i had no idea how they would work out and the portrayals i saw felt out of character compared to their game selves; but my spm fandom friends changed that!!

while that pairing isn’t one i tend to ship myself, seeing my friends in the spm fandom explore their dynamic in a “rivals and lovers” way made it all the more interesting and absolutely delicious; and now i enjoy seeing the d*mentio/nastasia ship! and thinking about their potential sometimes >:3

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

this question made me think a lot!!

there is one ending to a certain show i watched that infuriates me really bad; but it’s mainly because I watched it for specific themes and things it pitched… that didn’t come through in the final execution? i really dont want to invite its fans to my post so i shan’t say what it is but that ending was really unsatisfying and frustrating to me and not for ship-related reasons, and id definitely change that!! the main character got the short end of the stick and I really don’t like that :(

I guess an ending that also infuriates me really bad that I can talk about is the ending to pokem*n ultra sun/ultra moon!! ive never played this iteration (only played the originals) so shoutout to my friend luke for giving me the gist but i would change SO much about it!!

they did lillie’s whole story so dirty here!! and instead of having her go off to kanto like the originals did, they made gladion leave for kanto!! they made her mother lusam*ne, who in the originals was an amazing villain and awful mother; into an anti-hero and the people in the games called her a great person - and SHE STILL HAD THE FROZEN POKEMON RIGHT THERE!!

the ultra games had cool fun concepts with necrozema and rainbow rocket, but yet they shafted lillie’s whole arc and story, something that gave the originals heart and warmth for these concepts they put in the ultra games. i guess id say keep lillie’s story like it was in the originals but find some way to integrate all that stuff into the postgame or in a way that doesn’t interfere with her story

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

HEHEHEHEH TIME TO DIMMADUNK >:3

i have so many unpopular opinions on this clown and i’ll try to keep them concise because this post is getting Long as im full of salt today but here’s my top three!

- regarding the popularly theorized backstory: if you agree with this theory and have it as your d*mentio’s backstory that is okay, the different takes are interesting!! but my unpopular opinion is that.. to me; he’s literally just some dude. i never really connected the dots to that master magician story being d*mentio’s backstory in the game; and ended up making my own for my headcanons!! he is just some dude who happens to be a magician to me

- regarding d*mentio hurting nastasia at the end of the game: idk how common this opinion is but ive seen it around a few times where people have said that he hurt nassy intentionally and they think that’s why a ship with them together would be considered bad. my unpopular opinion is that he didn’t intentionally hurt nassy and make her fall unconscious! he aimed that bullet for the count, but nastasia took it.

yes, he hurt her and laughed at her “adorably hopeless gesture”!!! but it wasn’t his intention! it was meant for the count!! now what was intentional was d*mentio putting a floro sprout in o’chunks and luigi’s minds.

- ships with d*mentio: my unpopular opinions are that i don’t think that all ships involving d*mentio are bad!! i feel like he should be able to love somebody like everyone else can. but they’ve really gotta be written right to really hit with me i think, and a lot of the more wholesomely written d*mentio ships don’t really do it?? like.. he’s a messy person and does some deranged stuff; I feel like those ships can get messy and interesting if done right; which there’s a lack of that I think.

also this post got long, but I still wanted to link this!! salt ask meme here if you want to hear more salt!

[pirdmystery]

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

hey would you look at that!! not sure i’ve heard of this guy before…

first impression - oh what a precious babygirl. oh what’s this? he has problems???

impression now - (years of inner turmoil later, blood dripping out of my ears and nose while typing this) what a precious babygirl! He has problems!

favorite moment - god almighty how could I possibly choose… ok here’s what i think i’m going with. you know when after remire when he cracks for real in front of everyone for the first time. and then if you talk to him at the monastery he’s like “wow I’m so terribly sorry you had to see that side of me it’s just that I can’t stop thinking about tearing the flesh from the bones of our enemies. anyway what did you want to talk to me about? something about a dance contest? oh please for the love of god do not ask me to dance.” just. like. that’s my boy in a nutshell right there :)

idea for a story — i am going to lovingly redirect you all to ao3 user reflektion, where at the time of writing there are no works that do not feature him! ok that was a bit of a cop out. a dream that i doubt i’ll ever realize is a collection of ficlets about all the different ways he could have lost his eye.

unpopular opinion — this is so hard bc like. there’s 3h fandom at large and then there’s the little corner of fandom I’m part of that is in general pretty dimitri centric and what would qualify as unpopular varies greatly depending on where you are. here’s what i’ll go with that feels like it might run slightly against the current of how people on here treat him in general: dimitri is not the main character or “hero” of fe3h. azure moon tells his story and it does a fantastic job at that but it isn’t telling the most comprehensive story of what could or should become of fodlan as a whole. I don’t know that him becoming king is the best outcome. It’s just the one I focus on the most personally, because I am obsessed with him.

favorite relationship - i think uhhhh. i think everyone here knows. that I’m a little not normal for dimilix. maybe more than a little. unquestionably that is my favorite dimitri pairing. the depth to mine there is endless i mean literally endless, every single day i have a new thought about them that knocks me out. what don’t they give me. what can’t they do. childhood friends to childhood enemies to teenage divorcees to pining lovers to depending on the route even worse enemies the cause of each others literal deaths OR lovers or king and advisor lance and shield closest friends two halves of a whole fbdvsxfjgbdjdj….

that being said ofc i have appreciation for plenty of his other relationships as well. dimidue is godlike and not comparable to any other relationship I’ve ever seen in anything. his… vassal. i love his relationship with all the lions. i would also like it if hilda braided his hair.

favorite headcanon — MODERN PUNK DIMITRI… yeah. that’s all!

[authoralexharvey]

happy WBW!! so, Nadia's a tarot reader, right?? does tarot reading in their world work the same as in ours? do the readings end up with more literal presentations than they sometimes do irl? and have you made any extra/setting-specific cards for their deck??

(apologies if any of this is weirdly phrased - im not super familiar with tarot to begin with, and im excited to see how it's incorporated into Nadia's world/story!!)

- @magic-is-something-we-create

Pax!! You're back!! I've missed your questions so much omg I didn't see you after the last wbw I answered super late and I was sad omg how are you I've missed you so much

*ahem*

Now that I've had my golden retriever moment. The answer. Thanks for joining me once again @magic-is-something-we-create I always love your questions.

I haven't actually used tarot in ASMLP yet tbh but of any of my characters, save for Dakota, Nadia is the one that makes the most sense tbh. Should add a scene of it maybe 🤔 Anyway.

Tarot in this universe is... similar? The Invention and origins aren't quite the same (was a card game that got ascribed meaning irl,,, haven't thought about the origins much in this universe). As this is a magical world the decks are actually magical tools and are used as such...they tend to be anchored to deities post-Ascension.

In Nadia's case, this is about as religious as she gets. Do I know what deity she aligns with? No, still have to explore that. But in her case--and in most cases post-Ascension, really--it is their means of communing with and getting answers from the divine. I relate it heavily to my own tarot use, which while CAN be public (hence why I did the Follower event and even offer readings if people throw me a couple bucks), is more often used for my own communication with the gods I worship.

Pre-Ascension/during Godsfall/after Orasion they weren't TOO popular and rarely used because magic of all sorts was still incredibly nebulous and often meant persecution (because it most often meant you were Luricae OR contracted to one). That said, it does get SOME use. Dakota in TWEfA even uses a deck and actually HAS scenes where she uses it to help decide her next steps.

The actual construction is mildly different from the real life counterpart. The decks can be made by one artistically inclined and attuned to their deitiy's voice, but is more often commissioned or passed down, though as the number of gods increase and the number of prophets in turn, tarot is getting more widespread use. A lot of the artwork, in turn, is based on personal discretion, aesthetic, and divine insight.

In terms of format, there's still a split between major and minor Arcana, but I did combine the kings and queens of court cards and renamed a lot of the Majors so they're more archetype based to me. The renamed list of majors is as follows:

The Fool

The Alchemist (renamed Magician)

The Sage (combines High Priestess and elements of Hierophant)

The Regent (combined Emperor and Empress)

The Master (reworked Hierophant)

The Twins (replaces the Lovers, puts less stock in the "love" part of this card and more on the "choices" element)

The Charioteer (basically The Chariot)

The Conqueror (renamed Strength)

The Hermit (same)

The Fate (renamed Wheel of Fortune)

The Arbiter (renamed Justice)

The Hanged One (renamed Hanged Man)

The Revolutionist (renamed Death)

The Scales (renamed Temperance)

The Monster (renamed Devil)

The Destroyer (renamed Tower)*

The Star (same)*

The Illusionist (renamed Moon)

The Sun (same)*

The Harbinger (renamed Judgement)

The World (same)*

*names subject to change because a couple of them no longer vibe or just got changed etc.

And uhhhh think that's it for now!!

[mikuchae]

mikuchae's top 40 kpop releases of 2023

DISCLAIMERS: i did not include japanese releases, english versions, remixes, or korean versions of japanese songs. but kep1ers "i do, do you? was the best japanese release this year, FYI. also i'm sorry if your favorite album didn't make it on this list. i'm sure i probably liked a bside off of it or two.

40. A Dream of ILY:1 - ILY:1

ALBUM RANKING:

twinkle twinkle (title track)

tasty

secret recipe

thanks to

2024 will be the year ILY:1 breaks out of nugudom. mark my words. every track on this ep brings the sort of fairytale/storybook/christian horse girl feel back to kpop effortlessly. it also fits the members incredibly well and i hope its the direction their company continues to take with their music for a while.

39. TEENFRESH - STAYC

ALBUM RANKING:

i wanna do

not like you

be mine

bubble (title track)

first of all, we're way overdue for a full album. second of all, great ep. bubble is almost infectious, a sugary sweet, vibrant song that makes it almost impossible to be in a bad moon when you listen to it; which is why it's such a crime to make it less than 3 minutes long. anyway, i think stayc, for a group just 3 years old, have managed to create such a wonderful discography filled with gems and songs that can fit in any kpop stan's playlist

38. KILL MY DOUBT - ITZY

ALBUM RANKING:

bet on me

none of my business

bratty

psychic lover

cake (title track)

kill shot

i have so much fun when i listen to itzy. it's been an honor to support them since dalla dalla and see their discography grow into the catalogue it is today, no matter what some losers on stan twitter say. bet on me is probably my favorite song from by them to date, a cooler, more mature switch from their usual music. it's a perfect song to listen to while walking outside w friends at night, and the meaning behind it makes it even more special to take in.

37. FACE - Jimin

ALBUM RANKING:

like crazy (title track)

alone

face-off

set me free pt 2

interlude: dive

oh, hey! the first boy-group adjacent release! was wondering when we were gonna get to that. anyway, this releasing the same night as fall out boys album was life-changing for me. like crazy is, well, a crazy song. the instrumental following the first chorus grabs you by your ankles and drags you through the rest of the song. the somber feeling in alone and face-off feels like sinking into a pit of tar ( in a good way). i'm not even sure how to describe set me free pt 2, with it's bone-shattering instrumental and jimin's booming, commanding voice suckerpunching you through the song-- like he's demanding to be heard. a one of a kind solo debut from a one of a kind performer in the industry.

36. A Midsummer NMIXX'S Dream + expérgo - NMIXX

ALBUM(S) RANKING:

roller coaster

paxxword

party o'clock (title track)

love me like this (title track)

my gosh

home

just did it

young dumb stupid

yes im including both releases bc a midsummer nmixx's dream was too good to be used for just two songs and also its my ranking list and i'll do what i want. besides that, im glad that this was a better year for nmixx. it's been tough seeing the backlash they've had simply for releasing just more experimental music than other groups-- which makes me understand this switch for a more smooth, less "noisy" sound. at least for these two releases - soñar seems to have that "nmixx change up" concept back, and we love her for that. back to these two releases-- i loved roller coaster so much. fun song, fun mv, fun choreo, i love fun kpop songs.

35. OMG + Get Up - NewJeans

ALBUM(S) RANKING:

ditto

cool with you

super shy

new jeans

get up

omg (title track)

asap

eta (title track? idk all of these songs had mvs)

newjeans continues to blow me away with every release. the only reason this isnt top 10 despite every song being basically perfect is bc every song is way too short (what the fuck is ador thinking making get up less than a minute long and then saying "uhhhh maybe we'll release the full ver someday 🤫. anyway) . and, although it was released in dec of 2022, i cant pass up an opportunity to talk about ditto. a beautifully haunting song with a melancholy feeling perfect for the upcoming month of january. just perfectly produced songs with concepts executed effortlessly and further cementing the group as a force to be reckoned with even with just 3 official EP's.

34. I'VE MINE - IVE

ALBUM RANKING:

off the record

payback

either way

baddie (title track)

ott

holy moly

following their first full album in april (which is coming up soon!!), ive once again took over the kpop scene with their first official EP. baddie wasn't necessarily a concept i had imagined for ive, especially since i've typically thought of their concept as a more mature, modern version of iz*one's. but i was pleasantly surprised with the song and the music video. however, i definitely prefer both pre-releases, with off the record being my favorite of the three and of the album. i'm a sucker for kpop producers sampling older songs, so this song using "memory" from cats was no exception. ALSO LOOK HOW CUTE WONYOUNG IS IN THE MV W THOSE GLASSES ASJAKDJSDHJLE

33: 5-STAR - Stray Kids

ALBUM RANKING

collision

hall of fame

item

topline (ft. tiger jk)

super bowl

fnf

mixtape:time out

s-class (title track)

get lit

dlc

youtiful

you either get stray kids's music or you don't. thankfully, i do. or at least i really did with this album. idk. i know experimental, "noise" music isn't every kpop fan's thing but i don't mind it-- especially if its from a group that does it exceptionally well. if i were recommend a non-experimental skz song to someone, it would probably be collision- a nice step back from the loud, fast-paced songs on the album.

32. THE WORLD EP. 2: OUTLAW + THE WORLD EP.FIN : WILL - ATEEZ

ALBUM(S) RANKING:

dune

we know

wake up

crazy form (title track)

wake up

this world

matz (hongjoong + seonghwa)

outlaw

arriba

emergency

dreamy day

bouncy (title track)

silver light

it's you (yeosang, san, and wooyoung)

django

youth (yunho + mingi)

everything (jongho)

fin: will

ateez's "the world" series is probably one of my favorite examples of world building in kpop. from the references to actual art pieces in the "guerrilla" mv to the cool "choose your character" type teasers with bouncy and crazy form, this was truly a great era for their music. both albums are a ride from start to finish. with this world building you up for dune's electrifying chorus like a rollercoaster trudging up a hill. the eery synths in we know feel like you're being prepped for a boss fight, either against or alongside ateez. although this recent album was the last of their "the world" trilogy, i hope they do decide to incorporate the instrumentals that accompanied it in future projects.

31. READY TO BE - TWICE

ALBUM RANKING:

wallflower

moonlight sunrise

set me free (title track)

got the thrills

crazy stupid love

blame it on me

no, it definitely doesn't make me irrationally emotional that we've now switched to just one regular twice comeback per year, why do you ask? besides that, another solid album from them. wallflower quickly became one of my favorite bsides of theirs with it's sultry, cooler feel to the instrumental. also i rly like the part in the set me free choreo where they're all dancing in a circle during the post chorus. we love you twice.

30. ISTJ - NCT DREAM

(and fuck tumblr for putting a limit on videos 🖕🏻)

ALBUM RANKING:

yogurt shake

blue wave

istj (title track)

broken melodies

skateboard

poison

starry night

pretzel

sos

like we just met

i'm happy to say that this is the first time i've enjoyed an nct dream full album entirely. in terms of title tracks, i still dont rly vibe with hot sauce, and it took me a bit to warm up to glitch mode, but ive always enjoyed most of the bsides. istj, however, is probably one of the best examples of "good" experimental sm music. a loud, techno-ish instrumental but with plenty of amazing vocal moments so the song doesnt sound like they're yelling at you. yogurt shake takes the cake as one of the cutest boygroup bsides of the year, another track that makes it difficult to be in a bad mood when you listen to it.

29. I feel - (G)I-DLE

ALBUM RANKING:

queencard (title track)

paradise

lucid

allergy

peter pan

all night

2023 was finally the year i decided to bite the bullet and jump into idles discography, with queencard being the catalyst for it. queencard is pure fun and you're miserable if you dont like it. oh, you're not a queencard? your boob and booty isnt hot? get over it.

28. Second Wind - BSS

ALBUM RANKING:

lunch

fighting (ft. lee young ji)

7pm (ft. peder elias)

i'd like to give a big shoutout to booseoksoon for releasing a song that manages to get me psyched up for work every single morning without fail. and not only that, but releasing an EP with a really cool concept; each track representing a different time of the day. ive listened to lunch many a time while waiting for 20 minutes in the line at qdoba. and i wouldn't have it any other way.

27. MY WORLD - aespa

ALBUM RANKING:

welcome to my world (ft. nævis)

thirsty

im unhappy

spicy (title track)

salty & sweet

til we meet again

would you guys be mad at me if i said i ultimately preferred this concept for aespa instead of the whole kwangya shebang? i hope not. on its own, i think the whole kwangya/alternate version concept is cool but the execution of it has been kinda meh since black mamba, but all the songs that came from it have been pretty good, dont get me wrong. plus i think it should have been just aespas concept all along instead of trying to tie in exos 10+ year old storyline into it, but whatever. anyway, incredibly strong bsides. also i <3 the blonde hair on karina

26. Love War + HATE XX - YENA

ALBUM(S) RANKING:

love war (title track)

wash away

hate rodrigo (ft. yuqi of (g)-idle) (title track)

wicked love

bad hobby

intro: wash away

and a big fuck you to kpop stans who lack basic media literacy to know that hate rodrigo is a satirical song about celebrity worship and an even bigger fuck you to yuehua for doing barely anything to protect yena when she was getting hate for the song. primal rage aside, very nice songs from her this year!! love war was an interesting concept change from her past two title tracks but that isn't a bad thing at all!! also yena + yuqi saiki k reference <3

25. The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION - TOMORROW X TOGETHER

ALBUM RANKING:

tinnitus (wanna be a rock)

farewell, neverland

devil by the window

sugar rush ride (title track)

happy fools (ft. coi leray)

my ult group makes their debut onto this list with their january EP. i thought of this album as a return to their softer concept seen in songs like "fairy of shampoo" or "blue hour", but with a more mature feel to the concept. tinnitus is an absolute gem in their discography, with the song and choreography (if you watch their performance) telling the story of using music as a coping mechanism. farewell neverland is one of txt's most underrated songs, in my opinion- another perfect song for winter. a brilliant start for boy group music this year.

24. D-DAY - Agust D

ALBUM RANKING

snooze (ft. ryuichi sakamoto and woosung of the rose)

people pt 2 (ft. IU)

haegeum (title track)

amygdala

huh? (ft. j-hope)

interlude: dawn

sdl

d-day

life goes on

polar night

when bts first announced their "chapter 2" back in june of 2022, i knew that yoongi's solo release was gonna be good. initially, daechwita was one of the only kpop songs i liked in 2020, and i patiently waited for him to produce another song using korean traditional instruments since it worked with his style so well. and my god, does haegeum deliver. using an instrument of the same name, haegeum is almost terrifying-- and the music video that accompanies it makes the experience all the more immersive. snooze is probably my favorite solo bside from a bts member this year-- an overwhelming yet inspiring track with a beautiful instrumental from the late ryuichi sakamoto, who had passed away a little less than a month before d-day's release, and kim woosung's wonderful vocals. people pt 2 was also an excellent pre-release, and has left me wanting at least 20 songs by yoongi with an IU feature. just a wonderful album overall that i regret not being able to see live every day.

23. Loossemble - Loossemble

ALBUM RANKING:

strawberry soda

newtopia

colouring

day by day

real world

sensitive (title track)

intro: searching for their friends

the second post blockberry creative freedom release, loossemble's self-titled debut EP is just a fun and easy listen. i also really appreciated them for releasing this on a friday so i didn't have to worry about going to work with less than five hours of sleep. from the jazz instrumentals reminiscent of red velvet's "birthday" in real world to the unapologetically cute intro title "searching for their friends", this album is pure kpop. i also think it was really sweet that yves, despite not being an official member of this unit, got to participate in the production of strawberry soda and make one of the sweetest b-sides of this year.

22. Howl - CHUU

ALBUM RANKING:

aliens

my palace

howl (title track)

hitchhiker

underwater

i am so unbelievably proud of jiwoo, especially as someone who's ulted her since 2018. her journey has been both heartbreaking and utterly inspiring. this ep is a wonderful solo debut and exactly how i envisioned it. aliens, an 80's-esque track, has aided me in several walks through campus, aka therapy. just an extremely solid ep that i also wish i could have seen live but alas had a final on the day she was going to be even remotely near me.

21. <Version Up> - ODD EYE CIRCLE

ALBUM RANKING:

air force one (title track)

je ne sais quoi

my secret playlist

did you wait?

love me like

lucid

hey, that's three loona releases in a row! wacky! anyway, with how deprived i was of loona music and how often the boycott podcasts kept getting deleted off of spotify, oec could have released an album of them reading aloud from a cookbook and i would have streamed it like it was actual music. air force one is a masterpiece, a song that sounds like exactly what i would have expected to hear from odd eye circle if loona's subunits had continued to release music in official ot12 albums. the bsides are nothing short of perfect, from je ne sais quoi's hypnotic chorus to love me like's pep that motivates me when I go on the treadmill at the gym. also jinsoul with an eye patch was hot.

20. UNFORGIVEN - LE SSERAFIM

HERE'S A GIF FROM THE MV BC I CAN ONLY POST 10 AUDIOS FUCK YOUUUU TUMBLR

ALBUM RANKING:

eve, psyche, and the bluebeard's wife

flash forward

fire in the belly

no-return (into the unknown)

burn the bridge

unforgiven (title track)

fearnot (between you, me, and the lamppost)

source music thinks they're slick for calling it a full album and then making the half that i didn't rank just a "greatest hits" compilation. i see you, bastards. anyways, shoutout to epatbw for being my most-listened to kpop song this year. it's funny to think that the part of "the hydra" that was never released back in oct of 2022 would end up being one of the most stand-out, love it or hate it b-sides of 2023. overplayed? you could argue that. catchy as hell? you betcha. flash forward also stands out to me, not only bc it's just a really cute song, but sakura finally has lines!!! the world cheered!!!

19. Guilty - Taemin

ALBUM RANKING:

guilty (title track)

not over you

she loves me, she loves me not

blue

night away

... the rizzness

taemin, we are so happy a REAL performer is back. guilty, the styling, the choreography, and the bsides that accompany it are so unapologetically taemin. a perfect return to an extremely impressive solo career spanning what will now be ten years. also if i ignore the first sentence of the rizzness i can like the song. his power.

18. Good and Great - Key

ALBUM RANKING:

coolas

good and great (title track)

can't say goodbye

intoxicating

mirror, mirror

live without you

if i could sit down and have a conversation with any idol and talk about their creative direction, it would be kibum. i'd also like to be in a committed relationship with him but i digress. from the dystopian workplace setting in good and great to the campy 80's horror movie elements used in the gasoline concept photos, to the bowie-inspired space concept in bad love, kibum has cemented himself as a one of a kind artist-- and has made me secretly wish for him to work with my favorite groups in terms of styling and concept direction. coolas is electrifying-- tbh one of the few english songs to come out of sm that i've enjoyed. kibum is many things to me, but most of all, he is a STAR.

17. EXIST - EXO

ALBUM RANKING:

love fool

hear me out

let me in

regret it

no makeup

another day

private party

cinderella

cream soda (title track)

i was so deep into my zb1 hyperfixation in july that, although i listened to it the same hour that it came out, i didn't come back to exist as much as i thought i would. which i'm regretting as i type this and relisten to the album for the first time in a while. i unfortunately still can't really vibe with cream soda, and i'm upset with myself for not knowing why. but, rather than focus on the negatives, let's talk about the positives. it's an exo album. every bside here is handcrafted by jesus.

16. Circle - Onew

ALBUM RANKING:

circle (title track)

anywhere

no parachute

paradise

caramel (ft. giriboy)

rain on me

expectations

cough

walk with you

always

good lord he's done it again. after serving pure cutieful in dice and gut punching me with blue, jinki somehow does both with circle. i'll let you all in on a little secret; i'm a sucker for choirs being utilized in kpop (ex. this song, kind of dune by ateez, mama by j-hope). this song is already gorgeous on it's own, but the choir in the background of the chorus makes it all the more heart wrenching. the bsides are all excellently produced-- from the breezy track anywhere to paradise, which is heavily reminiscent of sunshine, one of my favorite bsides from his previous album.

15. HARD - SHINee

(he's so fine)

ALBUM RANKING

10x

juice

identity

satellite

the feeling

like it

insomnia

hard (title track)

gravity

sweet misery

going on 16 years into their career and not a single miss. going on 16 years into their career and still being innovative. going on 16 years and still having an impeccable discography that still holds up TO THIS DAY.

14. LOVESTRUCK! - Kep1er

ALBUM RANKING:

happy ending

why

lvly

back to the city

giddy (title track)

bet u losers didn't think kep1er would show up here. THINK AGAIN, FOOLS!!!! kep1er once again releasing an incredibly high-quality EP only for it to go completely under the radar of kpop stans thanks to their shitty company. this concept was executed wonderfully, from the beautiful concept photos to that indie-film style trailer dropped before the album that apparently just never got brought up again. this album even has some of my favorite vocal moments of 2023, from the melancholy post-chorus in happy ending to chaehyuns spectacular high note in giddy.

13. MELTING POINT - ZEROBASEONE

ALBUM RANKING:

take my hand

melting point

kidz zone

good night

crush (title)

zb1 gave us the best boy group debut this year and then said "watch us do it again" 4 months later. ANOTHER perfect album for winter. also, for a group not even a year old yet, kidz zone feels nostalgic enough to make you feel like you've known these boys for years now.

12. I've IVE - IVE

ALBUM RANKING:

cherish

blue blood

not your girl

hypnosis

next page

heroine

lips

shine with me

i am (title track)

kitsch

with starships track record of literally just single albums in 2022, i honestly thought it was gonna take years before we even got rumors of a full album for ive. so imagine my surprise when they gave us one in april. this album is one of a kind, with powerful bsides like blue blood and hypnosis to cuter, more bubblegum pop tracks like cherish and not your girl.

11. SEVENTEENTH HEAVEN - SEVENTEEN

(cannot find a gif of god of music anywhere for some reason so here's a gif from home run)

ALBUM RANKING:

diamond days

monster

god of music (title track)

back 2 back

yawn

headliner

woozi you fucking genius you. a spectacular album to end the year with. from the callback to their literal first song in diamond days to the haunted house-ass instrumental in monster, another masterpiece from seventeen to fawn over until they release the next masterpiece.

TOP 10 HEYOOOOO

10. FML - SEVENTEEN

(woozi pls pick me)

ALBUM RANKING

dust

i don't understand but i luv u

f*ck my life

super (title track)

april shower

fire

hey speaking of seventeen here's the masterpiece they gave us before god of music. when super comes on i become the physical manifestation of "bro thinks he's on the team." FUCK YEAH SEVENTEEN, I LOVE MY TEAM AND MY CREW!!!

9. Chill Kill - Red Velvet

ALBUM RANKING:

knock knock (who's there?)

underwater

bulldozer

iced coffee

nightmare

will I ever see you again?

chill kill (title track)

one kiss

scenery

wings

it's a red velvet full album. do the math. every song is gonna be perfect. now don't make us wait 6 years for another one again i swear to god @/smtown.

8. Layover - V

ALBUM RANKING:

slow dancing (title track)

rainy days

for us

blue

love me again

just insane production. slow dancing is one of the prettiest solo songs from a bts member, teased originally as a 70's style song about dancing with your lover-- that had me hooked from the beginning and i hadn't even heard the song yet. i mean of course i would know all about that considering me and taehyung are in a fully committed relationship haha i mean what lolololol

7. the billage of perception: chapter three - billlie

ALBUM RANKING:

nevertheless

enchanted night ~ white night

euonia (title track)

extra-ordinary

various and precious (moment of inertia)

lionhearted (the real me)

my favorite release from them to date. billlie are on their way to crafting one of the most intricate, unique discographies in the industry. but honestly, the final chorus of nevertheless alone is enough to say that they've already achieved that. kpop groups are playing checkers. billlie is playing chess.

6. ok im gonna be honest i still havent listened to kiss of life's full debut album yet but i really like sugarcoat and i think that song is good enough to deserve it's own spot in the top 10. we love you natty. we're proud of how far you've come.

5. GOLDEN - Jungkook

(ok i know this technically isn't kpop bc every song is in english but have you considered i love jungkook)

ALBUM RANKING:

standing next to you (title track)

closer to you (ft. major lazer)

somebody

yes or no

3D (ft. jack harlow)

seven

shot glass of tears

too sad to dance

hate you

the last bts member to release an album this year, golden is modern pop perfection. standing next to you booms with it's high pace and it's almost as if you can feel jungkook's stage presence even if you're just listening to the song.

4. Unlock My World - fromis_9

ALBUM RANKING:

attitude

my night routine

#menow (title track)

prom night

what I want

eye contact

in the mirror

don't care

wishlist

bring it on

it's hard to rank an album when all of it's songs are perfect, as has been the problem with a lot of these releases, but with fromis_9 in particular. i've said this before on twitter, but fromis are one of the very few groups to have an extremely seamless, graceful transition into a more mature concept since their debut in 2018. i can only hope and pray that pledis does more to promote them this year, especially after the success of unlock my world, and continue this gorgeous transition.

3. The Name Chapter: FREEFALL - TOMORROW X TOGETHER

ALBUM RANKING:

skipping stones

dreamer

growing pain

happily ever after

chasing that feeling (title track)

blue spring

deep down

back for more (txt ver)

do it like that (ft. the jonas brothers)

coming in at bronze is txt's third full length-album, which managed to do the impossible; make a rock song released by a kpop group NOT sound corporate. skipping stones is guttural, a song reminiscent of day6's music that, if i were just a tad bit more mentally unstable, would make me fall to my knees and clutch my chest in any public setting if i were to hear it. dreamer feels like a big sister to their older r&b track, 20cm, and just might be better than it. a solid full-length album from my ult group that i will treasure for a while.

2. Magic Hour - Kep1er

ALBUM RANKING:

the door

love on lock

tropical light (yujin, yeseo, youngeun, and xiaoting)

tape (chaehyun, mashiro, dayeon, hikaru, and hiyyih)

galileo (title track)

YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE PRAISING KEP1ER??? YOU'RE TALKING TO HEAD KEPLI1AN HERE. this EP almossttt topped doublast for me. almost. magic hour, although i will defend kep1er's "noisier" music until the day i die, is the concept i admittedly think wakeone should have given them from the start. the softer, more elegant feeling exhibited in tracks like the door and tropical light fit each member down to a t and, if this is the path they will take until july of this year (except they're NOT DISBANDING they're gonna EXTEND THEIR CONTRACT UNDER A DIFFERENT COMPANY MARK MY WORDS), i am extremely excited for what's to come.

and.. without further ado...

YOUTH IN THE SHADE - ZEROBASEONE

ALBUM OF THE YEAR RANKING

in bloom (title)

new kidz on the block

always

back to zerobase

our season

and i

where do i even begin? this year saw the birth of the 5th generation of kpop, and i truly think there was no better song than in bloom to start it. refreshing and whimsical and sampling Aha's "take on me", in bloom is a masterpiece from start to finish. "my day starts and ends with you" rings throughout the song, promising the listener that they will stay with them. let's dissect the rest of the album. back to zerobase, the intro, is both mysterious and welcoming, ushering the listener in with a warm smile but holding something unknown behind it's back, evident in the album trailer it was originally teased in, with possible easter eggs to potential *matpat voice* LOOOREEE. new kidz on the block is fun and cool, telling other groups in the industry to look out, because here they are. and I shows off their cuter side, with lyrics perfectly crafted to fit the y/n fantasies of any zerose. our season is their standard thank you to the fans, we'll promise to stick by your side track except IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD AND THEY'RE GENIUSES FOR LISTING THE SEASONS IN THE SONG IN THE ORDER THAT WE MET THEM IN. finally, always, hao's solo song, is a sweet, vibrant song, carried by hao's beautiful vocals.

and there you have it. a very solid year for kpop for both boy groups and girl groups. this year was probably my favorite for kpop since 2018. now, with the releases already slated for january and the upcoming debuts of some groups, i'd say that 2024 already looks extremely promising be just as good as 2023-- if not better.

[my-name-is-bunnyfoxy]

warning this is gonna be a very long post. Get prepared.

Let's do this...

3

2

1

GO!

1)DOGDAY X CATNAP:

LITERALLY MY OTP

Sun x Moon duo>>>>>>>>

I love them so much!!

Their dynamic is so amazing, I love it, I wanna squeeze them, they make me mentally ill OH MY GOD

Introvert x extrovert

Energetic x Calm

Sunshine x emo

Unpopular opinion: Their relationship can work as friends, brothers, dating anything really.

I hate the fact that the fandom sexualizes them so much and makes their ship problematic like- GIVE ME SOMETHING CUTE COME ON!!!

They are literally a ship in every AU of mine lmao

Also an unpopular opinion: I feel like it's fine to ship their bigger bodies experiments, AS LONG AS! They are the same age/close to each other's age (whether that be that they are both kids or adults idk I cannot figure their ages out and if the toys can age), there is no problematic stuff going on and also that it's before the events of the game and also before the Hour Of Joy. In other words, they were like a couple way before everything went downhill. Maybe one of them or both had feelings for each other but never acted on them or they did in fact date. Maybe they had a situationship!? Or even better!! They knew each other when they were both humans and were childhood friends!!! Also just think about the angst potential man!!! Imagine you befriend someone and you then fall in love with them and you built years of trust and love only for your partner to throw it all away for a false god who manipulated it and turned it into a mindless slave. Like that is depressing. And I really wanna actually know if Catnap ever said anything to the Prototype about killing the Smiling Critters. While I believe it's hinted at that he didn't get along well with the other critters, let's go with the idea that they did and or Dogday was the only one to care and love him. Like- was there ANY hesitation?? Was Catnap horrified of the idea of killing his assigned friends, especially his best friend and possible lover like-!? OH MY GOD THE ANGST MAN-

Anyways uhhhh- their first date or even their first kiss is during a solar eclipse because I said so!!!

they are also so calling their child Eclipsa, Luna, Solar, Eclipsa or anything sun and or moon themed related. Or maybe even planets related since uhhhh- tehnically the moon and the sun are planets- Yes I'm aware the sun is a star don't come after me-

they groom each other lovingly

Dogday learned sign language just for Catnap and even when he is talking he used it because honestly to him it's fun.

Dogday wants Catnap to play and enjoy life. Meanwhile Catnap wants Doday to relax and rest every once in a while.

Don't kill me but Dogday is wearing the pants in this relationship.

They cuddle in bed together.

I hc Dogday can play the guitar so he writes songs that are dedicated for Catnap only.

They both actually dream of settling down, getting married and even possibly having kids. I headcannon they would absolutely love to have as many children as they can.

Nothing else to say other than infinity/10.

2)BUBBA X BOBBY:

It's actually kind of cute to a certain degree.

While not my most preffered ship, I can see it really.

I feel like Bubba would stay up late working meanwhile Bobby is awake the whole time and makes him coffee and or food while encouraging him to not work too hard and stress himself.

Bubba might feel guilty he doesn't show the same amount of affection to Bobby as she does to him. To that he feels guilty so whenever he gets the time, he spends time with her and does whatever she loves. Even maybe taking her out on fancy dates.

He genuinely loves her <3

Overall maybe a 5 or 6/10(?)

3)BOBBY X HOPPY:

Ahhhhhhh I love them so much!!!

Also my OTP!

Bobby is Hoppy's biggest fan and supports her all the time.

Bobby attends all of Hoppy's games and even will sometimes try to get in some of the sports she does. Even if she might not be that good at certain things.

Hoppy adores Bobby's affection and absolutely craves for her attention.

Hoppy will sometimes be whinny and demanding with Bobby. Pleading and begging her to give her her attention.

Lesbian jock x soft girl.

WAIT- BOBBY AS A CHEERLEADER THAT CHEERS FOR HOPPY YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Bobby also might be the reason for Hoppy to cool down a little and relax.

When they are tired they simply cuddle in bed and Bobby plants several kisses all over Hoppy's face.

Bobby so plays with Hoppy's ears. Hoppy's ears are sensitive and she only trust Bobby to touch them.

Bobby keeps talking about how happy she would be for Hoppy to be her wife and marry her, have kids and live with her. They both actually want to do it as soon as possible. I mean they are both happy so why not get it over with am I right?

A solid 10/10.

4) CATNAP X HOPPY:

Not really too into it really.

Although- Calm x Loud and tired x energetic dynamic <3

I think it be cute to some level.

Although Catnap would get annoyed by Hoppy constantly trying to pull him out of bed just so they can go and play. And Hoppy hates it when he spends all his time being lazy and not doing anything.

Catnap would probably try to get into her interests but just can't really. Although despite that, he is still very supportive and wants to show his support for Hoppy.

If they did get in a relationship I feel like it be a bit more short lived as they don't really see fit for each other. They are still friends though of course.

I'd give this a 5/10 if I'm gonna be honest. I can maybe see it... I guess...

5)HOPPY X KICKENCHIKEN:

This was actually my OTP before Hoppy x Bobby.

Even though that has since changed, I still love this ship.

Rivals to lovers in my opinion.

They both respect each other despite their competitive attitudes.

They challenge each other left and right.

They still love one and other.

"Anything you could do I can do better than you" is all I hear with these two.

They would probably deny their feelings at first until they eventually come to the conclusion that they do actually wanna make out with each other.

Their favorites sports are football and basketball.

Hoppy attempted surfing for Kickin and she ended up loving it and now does it whenever it's summer time and warm.

Kickin teases her by touching her ears which she gets annoyed by.

They throws jabs at each other and tease each other a whole ton. In an affectionate way of course.

Dope ship, I love it, I know some might find their dynamic generic but I love it and they absolutely fit with each other. 10/10.

6) BUBBA X KICKENCHIKEN:

Jock x nerd

I love their name star student!

I feel like Kickin makes the worst pick up lines and yet somehow Bubba actually likes them.

Kickin keeps trying to convince and tell Bubba to relax every once in a while. As Kickin wants Bubba to enjoy life and not waste it by simply working and or studying. Not saying he should suddenly stop doing what he likes but to just make time for himself to relax and maybe even enjoy other things as well.

Bubba has no idea how he fell for this dude but he did.

Kickin fell hard for him, but Bubba fell harder.

Bubba tutors Kickin.

They both enjoy sunbathing and swimming in the water.

I forgot to mention but- dumbass x smartass lol

In my opinion 9/10!

7) BOBBY X CATNAP:

AHHHHHH I love them so much!!

They have a very cute and adorable dynamic in my opinion.

Sweet loving and extroverted girl x Calm quiet introverted boy!!

Catnap's original name was supposed to be Kuddle Kitty... they both cuddle in bed.

Bobby doesn't mind laying around in bed with Catnap all day. In fact, she enjoys it! Mostly because they can still cuddle and show each other affection.

Bobby would absolutely help Catnap express more emotions and show him correct ways of dealing with his feelings.

Bobby manages to learn "I love you" in sigb language first. It does take her a while but she manages to learn how to do sign language. She panics if she messes up or not and sometimes gets lost with her hand movements. Catnap reassures her it's alright and that she will learn and figure it all out. That it takes time.

Bobby sends several gifts to Catnap whenever she can.

While Catnap would love to settle down one day, he finds it funny how excited Bobby is and is also a little taken aback by her planning way ahead of herself on how their wedding would be like, how many children they will have, where they will live, what traditions they can have, how many grandchildren they will have, what pets they might wanna have, where they will retire, when and how they died and where they will be barried-

Overall 10/10 as well!

8) PICKYPIGGY X CATNAP:

I wasn't originally that big on the ship but honestly, it has a little bit of potential.

While not my most favorable ship, I do kind of ship it tbh-

I actually headcannon that Catnap loves baking. Baked food takes time to be actually baked so he can take a nap while he waits. He only wakes up when the timer goes off. And I headcannon Picky's favorite foods are baked foods. So I feel like they would both bake together.

Catnap actually has a massive sweet tooth so him and Picky together bake cakes, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, muffins, pies, literally anything.

Picky would definetelly tease him from time to time. It's affectionate banter don't worry.

I imagine they are both rather lazy so they often just chill in bed or on the couch. Watching movies, playing games, reading or anything really just to past the time.

Okay even though I just said I feel like they are both lazy, I feel like Picky is the most hardworking between the two. As she does a lot of the chores. Catnap makes sure to help out because he doesn't want her to stress herself and overwork.

Catnap will randomly get up at night to grab some water and just finds Picky making chocolate pudding at 4 o'clock in the morning. This is a habbit of hers which led him to believe she is some sort of insomniac.

Nice ship, pretty cute in my opinion, 6 or something/10.

9) PICKYPIGGY X BUBBA

ngl this was more of a random ship that came out of nowhere in my opinion xp

however, I could maybe see the appeal?

I love their ship name sparkle! <3

book lover x food lover

I like to think they are very hardworking. Bubba does the typical normal jobs while Picky does chores. Sometimes both will help each other out.

Similar to like I mentioned in the Bubba x Bobby section, Picky makes Bubba food and coffee while working. She often stays up late and waits for Bubba to finish.

Bubba always makes sure to show his appreciation towards Picky.

Don't harm me but... Bubba is malewife material idk why...

Situationship maybe??

When somebody asks them if they are married or not they actually ask each other "wait did we actually get married or-?". 'Cause they act like a stereotypical couple. This would sorta lead to them actually genuinely wanting to get married.

Kids is very debatable. Reason I say this is cause both are very busy people. Maybe by the time they are in their 30s or something they might try for a kid. I feel like they would only have one or possibly two. Depends on the circumstances really.

They enjoy simple things like going on a small city stroll, sitting in a park, going to a restaurant. They don't go for anything big. As long as they are enjoying themselves then it's all good and dandy.

Overall, 8/10 in my opinion.

-

Being honest- I genuinely don't hate ANY smiling critters ship at all. Why do I say this? Because honestly there is nothing problematic with ANY of these ships. It's only problematic when it comes to how a fandom depicts a certain ship in their AU or something like that. But canonly, these ships are fine. I have my prefrences, I have my OTPs and ships I like and will indulge in but, there is not a single smiling critters ship I don't either dislike or hate. Even with ships I'm not too big on I don't hate. This is probably the first time ever because I always have at least one or two ships I hate from a certain fandom. But here, there is none. I will only dislike it depending on how a ship is depicted in maybe I don't know someones AU or whatever, that's it really. But talking about my personal opinion, I just don't man.

Well, I'm finally done. To @justmi1000 , you owe me money after the long ass paragraph essay I had just wrote. Have a good day/night.

Doesn't it happen to them that they want to give their opinion about a ship but they don't do it because no one asked them?

and since I want to waste my time..

here I ask you

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION (NEGATIVE OR GOOD)

OF THESE SHIPS:

1) DOGDAY X CATNAP

2) BUBBA X BOBBY

3) BOBBY X HOPPY

4) CATNAP X HOPPY

5) HOPPY X KICKENCHIKEN

6) BUBBA X KICKENCHIKEN

7) BOBBY X CATNAP

8) PICKYPIGGY X CATNAP

9) PICKYPIGGY X BUBBA

It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive.

shout how much you love a ship or how much you hate a ship!!

[jondalars]

movies, tv shows, and books of 2022

((* is a rewatch/reread; currently watching; can’t get through))

It Follows (2014) *

Word of Honor (s1*)

tick, tick... BOOM! (2021)

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

Mo Dao Zu Shi (s3)

Passage by Connie Willis

Don't Look Up (2021)

Zach Stone is Gonna be Famous (s1*)

The Lost Boys (1987)

Scumbag System (s1)

Dark Shadows (2012)

Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut

Tears in Heaven (s1)

Cheer (s2)

Hometown Cha-cha-cha (s1)

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien

The Land of Steady Habits (2018)

Brain on Fire (2016)

Paddington (2014)

Monster (2003)

JT LeRoy (2018)

The Door into Summer (2021)

The Lost Daughter (2021)

Interview with the Vampire (1994) *

Identity (2003) *

Our Beloved Summer (s1)

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Aziz Ansari: Nightclub Comedian (2022)

The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough

The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

Phantom Thread (2017)

In the Woods by Tana French

The Tinder Swindler (2022)

I Want You Back (2022)

The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (vol. 1) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Heaven Official's Blessing (vol. 1) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Heaven Official’s Blessing (vol. 2) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

All of Us are Dead (s1)

Guess Who (2005)

The Disaster Artist (2017) *

The Walking Dead (s1*, s2*, s3*, s4*, s5*, s6*, s7, s8, s9, s10)

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang

The Long Ballad (s1)

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Upload (s1*, s2)

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

Death on the Nile (2022)

The Weekend Away (2022)

Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives (s1)

Moby Dick by Herman Melville *

Eternal Love (s1)

The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

Bridgerton (s2)

Survivor (41, 42, 16*, 15*, s7*, s8*, 37*, s18*, s29*, s17*, s43)

The Scum Villain's Self-saving System (vol. 2) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Glass, Irony and God by Anne Carson *

Russian Doll (s1*, s2)

The Joke by Milan Kundera

The Wilds (s2)

Crush by Richard Siken *

The Circle (s4)

Are You the One? (s4, s6)

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley *

Ishmael by Daniel Quinn *

Jackass 4.5 (2022)

Beloved by Toni Morrison *

Business Proposal (s1)

Heartstopper (s1)

Senior Year (2022)

First Kill (s1)

Erha He Ta De Bai Mao Shizun by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou

Spiderhead (2022)

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (vol. 2) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Nirvana in Fire (s1)

Tenth of December by George Saunders *

The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles

Must Love Books by Shauna Robinson

Second First Impressions by Sally Thorne

Shipped by Angie Hockman

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood & *

Just Haven't Met You Yet by Sophie Cousens

The Boys (s3)

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

Everything I Need I Get From You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as We Know It by Kaitlyn Tiffany

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

The Mole (s3)

Dream Garden (s1)

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

The Flatshare by Beth O'Leary

The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas

KinnPorsche: The Series (s1)

The Invisible Man (2020)

The Hunt (2020)

Sliding Doors (1998)

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Miguel Ruiz

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

Book Lovers by Emily Henry

Persuasion (2022)

The Roughest Draft by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka

The Challenge (s25)

Umbrella Academy (s3)

People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry

The Challenge: USA (s1)

Claim to Fame (s1)

Great Men Academy (s1)

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

Boo, Bitch (s1)

Umma (2022)

Resident Evil (s1)

A Perfect Pairing (2022)

Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson *

Love Like the Galaxy (s1)

Rules of Civility by Amor Towles

Wedding Season (2022)

Fall in Love (s1)

Candyman (2021)

Black Bear (2022)

Lie to Love (s1)

Heaven Official’s Blessing (vol. 3) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

You Are My Glory (s1)

Love Between Fairy and Devil (s1 & *)

Democracy by Joan Didion *

Licorice Pizza (2021)

Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo *

Who Rules The World (s1)

Lovely Writer (s1)

Alchemy of Souls (s1)

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell *

The Scum Villain’s Self-saving System (vol. 3) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Do Revenge (2022)

Girl from Nowhere (s1)

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (vol. 3) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

The Mole (s1)

TharnType (s1)

The Ends of the World: Supervolcanoes, Lethal Oceans, and the Search for Past Apocalypses by Peter Brannen

The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay

The Rational Life (s1)

The Genius (s1, s2, s3, s4)

My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante

RRR (2022)

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo (s1)

Luckiest Girl Alive (2022)

Derry Girls (s1*, s2*,s3)

Demon King/The Parting of the Orchid and Cang by Jiu Lu Fei Xiang

Heaven Official’s Blessing (vol. 4) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Dracula by Bram Stoker *

Roswell, New Mexico (s1*, s2*)

Meteor Garden (s1)

Falling for Christmas (2022)

The School for Good and Evil (2022)

Mistakenly Saving the Villain by Feng Yu Nie

Heroes (s1)

The Story of a New Name by Elena Ferrante

The Scum Villain’s Self-saving System (vol. 4) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Kieta Hatsukoi (s1)

Plainwater: Essays and Poetry by Anne Carson *

Lighter and Princess (s1)

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins *

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

The Vow (2012) *

Mr. Bad (s1)

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins *

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins *

The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris *

Alice in Borderland (s1, s2)

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century by Kim Fu

Barabbas by Pär Lagerkvist

No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July *

The Hole by Hiroko Oyamada

The Plot by Jean Hanff Korelitz

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

[straykats]

ooh for that ask game: 4, 5, 11, and 30!

how did you pick the only questions i remember from when i skim read the questions the first time??? // answers utc!!

1. Have you ever wished on a shooting star?

why wish on a shooting star when u can wish on the same star every time (hello venus, the evening star. thanks for being noticeable) lmaooo but to answer this particular question, no, bc the only time i saw a shooting star i was too busy going "omg did you guys see the shooting star omgomgomgomg" and i was too amazed by the fact that i'd seen one to remember the whole wishing thing. to not answer this question but instead ramble on a related note, i've wished on the evening star before, esp when i see it early/before it's dark. while i don't have a serious "i made a wish, it better come true" kinda thing, something about finding significance in something (anything in general, be it a lucky charm or angel numbers or a coin flip or whatever) and wishing on it is so... like... humanely beautiful and makes me ARGHHH and idk where im going with this but to relate it a lot more back to the question, i'm a star lover so like while i don't think my wish will come true, something about the act of wishing on the evening star makes me feel a little calmer? uhhhh

2. Name a movie that makes you genuinely laugh.

i get emotional so easily that i can't even name a movie i havent cried in so i am thinking very hard about this question. can't go wrong with barbie mermaidia (this scene) which i know made me laugh a lot as a kid. bibble is Too Iconic. a lot of barbie movies made me genuinely laugh as a kid (princess and the pauper bloopers, anyone?) the demon slayer movie made me laugh (ilu inosuke)???? i know theres another specific movie that ive genuinely laughed at to the point i had to pause it to collect myself but i can't remember the movie or the scene or anything????? i just remember showing my brother and telling him that this/thats my sense of humour????

11. Describe the memory of the last time you felt true happiness.

when @decembermoonskz was talking about her OCs!!! the genuine excitement she had and the love and passion for them made me so !!!!!! other than that, i think it was a month or two ago when i purchsed the second volume of the given manga..? its rarely in store + it's always the same volume(s) in store sigh

30. What do you do to feel at peace?

when im listening to music. when the weather is bright but not hot, and its sunny but like.. diffused... bc clouds in the sky.. and theres a cool breeze. when i'm alone, looking at the ocean or other scenery (in above weather conditions). when it's raining and i have a book or i'm motivated to write. when i wake up and know i've hours of sleep ahead of me (and i'm able to fall back asleep). when i'm in the car with my friend at night, and she's driving, and i'm looking out the window at the passing lights and the moon and the stars and we aren't talking but that's okay and there's music in the background and i feel safe.

[coepiteamare]

catch up tag games

i love tag games, but i haven’t been around, so things have piled up. in a frantic attempt to do everything AND not spam the dash, i’ve (once again) compiled. 

tagging (if you haven’t done it and if you want to): everyone tagged below + @monvante @cutechim @augustbutwinter @propinqxity @hansolmates @zibermuda

10 questions

Tagged by @triviafics

rules: answer 10 questions and tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

relationship status: single. painfully single 

favorite color: pink and blue!

three favorite foods: tacos, creme brulee, honey lavender ice cream

song stuck in my head: levitating by dua lipa (yes i’m late to the party)

last song I listened to: it’s okay if you forget me by astrid s

last thing I googled: ...barbie movie with the weasel

time: 8:46pm

dream trip: visiting all my friends (irl and online), south korea at one point

anything I really want: for my loved ones to be okay. to be happy. 

WIP FOLDER TAG

tagged by: @bratkook @joonscore @triviafics @dinamitae @underthejoon @jinpanman​

rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. then let people send asks with the title that most intrigues/interests them and you’ll post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

1) favourite crime - jk x oc

2) dreamwalkers - jk x dreamwalker!oc

3) maybe the sea calls you (the way you call me) - jk x mermaid!oc

4) the day the world stood still - taehyung x oc

5) the dictionary of lovers - jk x oc

6) untitled, (things you didn’t say at all) - namjoon x acrobat!oc

7) welcome to wonderland (we’re all mad here) - yoongi & jungkook x alice!oc

8) turn back (look how far we’ve come) - jk x oc

the “butter” song challenge!

tagged by @triviafics @opaljm

choose five songs that spell out the word BUTTER and link them, then tag 5 mutuals or the last 5 people in your notifications.

B - brutal by olivia rodrigo

U - urs by niki

T - true crime by epik high

T - the same by ashe

E - ex by kiana lede

R - rain by bts

Zodiac This or That ✨

clean ones here!

tagged by: @triviafics

Sagittarius (sun): Teal or Purple. Topaz or Turquoise. Dandelion or Daffodil. Ginseng or Cilantro. Horse or Stag/Buck. Plane ride or Road trip. Learn Hindi or Learn Japanese. Ginger or Wasabi. Climbing or Snowboarding. Teleportation or Super Speed. Carnival or Circus. Sake or Tequila. Duffel Bags or Suitcases. Time Manipulation or Basic Precognition. Tambourine or Triangle. Backpacking or Whitewater rafting. Aquarius or Libra.

Virgo (moon): Navy Blue or Olive Green. Peridot or Sardonyx. Peony or Sweet Pea. Hops or Rosemary. Chess or Checkers. Carrot Cake or Fig Bar/Cakes/Cookies. Knitting or Crocheting. Grammar Checking/Quality Assurance or Critiquing a piece of work. Golf or Tennis. Buttercups or Morning Glory. Herbs magic or Earth and plant bending. Mice or Bees. Cabernet Frank or Micro-brews. Enchanted Garden or Magic that can perfect skills. Bunnies or Deer. Cancer or Scorpio.

Leo (rising): Gold or Orange. Cat’s Eye or Ruby. Sunflower or Marigold. Aniseed or Elderflower. Oranges or Peaches. Dance or Theater. Cosplay or Creating Fan Fiction. Sunbathing or Hot Stone Massage. Light Magic or Magical Statues/Monuments. Saxophone or Trumpet. Chardonnay or Gin. Super Strength or a Power like Occlumency. Lions or Tigers. Being a Queen/King or Having Immortality. Being the hero or Being the headliner. Tickle or Pillowfight. Libra or Gemini.

This or That

tagged by: @triviafics (lol i love you isi)

love at first sight or slowly growing fond of someone? love letters or mixtapes? hand kisses or kisses on the cheeks? understanding each other without words or finishing each others sentences? gazing into each other’s eyes or looking away blushing? longing to be with someone again or spending every second together? laughing together or crying together? someone run their fingers through your hair or gently playing with your hand? surprise kisses or long tight hugs?

check-in tag!

tagged by: @yeojaa

1. why did you choose your url?

coepi te amare means i have begun to love you in latin. i first heard it from a rixythewraith ff with double b and i’ve used it in a lot of things ever since. 

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them

estbellumsacrum - my personal. there’s just a lot of art and things that are too sad to be here. 

3. how long have you’ve been on tumblr?

uhm i had my first tumblr in 2014? in 10th grade. but this one, i made in January 2020. 

4. do you have a queue tag?

yup! exqueue you

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started writing fanfics in highschool, but stopped. i wanted a way to keep myself writing and accountable and motivated, so i started this!

6. why did you choose your icon?

because i love jungkook. hehe

7. why did you choose your header?

because i love him. but also, it looks kind of whimsical and magical. 

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

uhm probably “you have (1) new voicemail”

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i have no idea tbh

10. how many followers do you have?

300 something!

11. how many people do you follow?

233

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm not on here, but yes. yes i have

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

uhhh i used to be on it consistently. now a days, maybe once or twice a day?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

not to my knowledge!

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i feel a lot. i’m not just going to reblog things for the sake of reblogging, especially when i’m not educated on the topic and could be spreading false information. when i think it’s important, i’m going to do my research and educate myself. i do understand the importance of signal boosting, so i can understand where the “you NEED to reblog” part comes from, but at the end of the day, social media is also (especially tumblr) a form of escape. let people have whatever blogs they want, as long as they’re not hurting or harming anyone. 

16. do you like tag games?

yuh 

17. do you like ask games?

yes yes yes

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uhhhh tbh, everyone? all of my mutuals are really talented, and i think all of them deserve the world. but uhm...i asked my friend who doesn’t have a writing blog on tumblr and she knows @underthejoon and @bratkook

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

don’t we all? (but in all honesty, she inspired “love letters i cannot send”)

[woundjob]

i have an idea for a fic but i have neither the time or the energy to write it so im dying and i must. let it out on the internet.

hear me out: wolfstar military boarding school au

aka fic where walburga sends 11 year old sirius away to teach him “discipline” and remus is there because hes too old to be wanted at the orphanage

aka fic where sirius immediately becomes the target of the Lads because he screams about not wanting to get his hair cut but the next day he breaks someone’s face david and goliath style and everyone falls quiet

aka fic where remus knows hes fucked because his new roommate is the centre of everyone’s attention and also he’s pretty

aka fic where posh gayboy sirius calls angsty remus “twist” because he reminds him of oliver twist and theyre both weird outcasts

aka fic where 17 year old remus is expected to become general but sirius gets him into good music and they start planning a runaway plan

aka fic where remus only followed sirius because sirius’ dreams in music felt so real that it almost felt like he was the one dreaming it but when he finally did he found himself not belonging there

aka fic where remus has a midlife crisis and fucks up and sirius hates him but they cant leave each other because theyre broke

aka fic where they have hate sex

aka fic where theyre friends to awkward classmates to fuckbuddies to enemies to lovers to enemies

along with various greek mythology/canine/moon metaphors

and i have. 10 years worth of wolfstar mapped out in my head but i!!bnanamad

sorry this took so long to answer!

this sounds really cool! honestly i was a little nervous about military au, bc i hate us military industrial complex etc, and also a lot of the time when people write military stuff they do uhhhh a bad job lol but!!! but but but!!! this sounds really good and like you’ve done a lot of research

i totally understand the writers block tho. something this large is bound to feel insurmountable. something that helps me complete a fic or another big art piece is keeping it special just for me as i’m working on it. don’t get people hyped up for it, pretend like you’re writing in a diary. that way you can work at your own pace and not worry about the performance of it all, just creating art that’s for you :)

good luck anon!!!

[sapphichalo]

okay artists: one dee, hayley kiyoko, halsey, wallows, olivia o’brien (i went to high school with her), and king princess; albums: golden hour, fine line, folklore, and calm if u listen to 5sos (i cant rmbr fjcjcj); songs: the less i know the better by tame impala, heaven falls/fall on me by surfaces, pink + white by frank ocean, crzy by kehlani, and dang! by mac miller

This is literally gonna take me like 20 min but thank you darling!

One Direction

Favourite song: Top 3 are IICF, Home, and What A Feeling

Least favourite song: Gotta Be You, Na Na Na, Love You Goodbye, according to that sorting thing

Favourite album: MITAM or Four i cant decide

Least favourite album: Up All Night in terms of actually being good, but I think my actual least favourite is Midnight Memories cause UAN is full of bops

Song that got me into them: WMYB babey, ive been around from the start

Seen Live?: Yes Ma’am, the Take Me Home tour in Auckland

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Im gonna put everything else under the break cause this bitch is gonna be long

Hayley Kiyoko

Favourite song: Cliffs Edge currently, its so gooood

Least favourite song: honestly dont listen to alllll of her stuff so i dont have one

Favourite album: Expectations

Least Favourite album: I also havent listened to Im too sensitive for this shit yet, so thats on the to do list

Song that got me into them?: uhhhh I think it was girls like girls

Seen live?: Sadly no :((

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Halsey (I like her stuff but i dont know much of it yet)

Favourite song: Finally // Beautiful Stranger or You Should Be Sad

Least favourite song: I dont really have one!

Favourite album: Maniac I think

Least favourite album: dont have one

Song that got me into them: New Americana or Colors

Seen Live?: Not yet!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Wallows 

Hadnt heard of them!

First song youtube took me to: OK

First impression: surprised that dude is in a band, long song intro, like their sound

Do I like it?: Yeah!

Would I listen to them more?: Definitely!!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Olivia O’Brian 

Hadnt heard of her either but shes hot

First song youtube took me to: Just A Boy

First impression: Hot, Dua Lipa vibes, into it

Do I like it?: very much so

Would I listen to them more? absolutely

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

King Princess (Would die for her)

Favourite song: has to be Talia, but also her Happy Together cover is so fucking good, and also Holy

Least favourite song: dont have oneeee

Favourite album: Cheap Queen

Least favourite album: dont have oneeee again

Song that got me into them: Pussy Is God, such a good song

Seen live?: No, but I deserve to

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Golden Hour (I fuck hard with this album)

Opinion on cover design: Stunning, she looks amazing, couldve had more yellow, 9/10

Favourite song: Slow Burn or Space Cowboy

Least Favourite song: Lonely Weekend, I dont love how it starts which makes it hard for me to listen to 

Underrated track: Happy & Sad

Overrated track: I dont think there is one, theyre all such lovely songs

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Fine Line (I think this might be my all time favourite album)

Opinion on cover design: Love, wish harry was a lil closer, and also I kinda wish it wasnt black around the outside, idk why 8/10

Favourite song: Fine Line, then She, then Golden

Least Favourite: TPWK, Cherry, and Falling, but I love all three of them, thats just how theyve been ranked

Underrated Track: Canyon Moon - hes so happy and it makes me cryyyyy

Overrated Track: I would say Falling, its still so good but the hets really got hold of it 

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Folklore (wasnt planning on listening to it but I did for you)

ok first thots, i like the 1, I also like that shes swearing, thats fun. looks like this album is pretty gay, idk

Opinion on cover design: artsy, simple, into it, 8/10

Favourite song: i have only listened to two so far but im enjoying both of them

Least favourite song: cant say yet, i heard a bit of seven and didnt love it but ill let you know

Cant say for overrated and underrated yet

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 but this is based off of three songs

CALM (would also die for this album)

Opinion on cover design: Big fan, love the grungy vibes, they all look beautiful, 9/10

Favourite song: No Shame and Lover of Mine

Least favourite song: Best Years

Underrated Track: High

Overrated Track: I think they all deserve the hype

 Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Heaven Falls / Fall on Me - Surfaces (this was a good rec, thanks babe)

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Pink + White - Frank Ocean

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words this song is so fucking good oh mmy god

CRZY - Kehlani

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Dang! - Mac Miller

 couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[spockandawe]

K, N, Z! (Very late)

fasfd i appreciate the ask, because it reminded me that I had to actually respond to these things XD 

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Hmmm. This... is tricky. On principle, I’m not going to say Zuko, even though it’s divine. I’m having a bit of a hard time with this one, because a lot of my favorite arcs don’t have many big dramatic Moments where you see them making progress, which is something Zuko definitely had, and which then makes him a really solid example of a development arc :P

Let me see. It’s a small book fandom, so I don’t know how many people are familiar with it, but I’ve REALLY had Moon from the books of the raksura on my mind lately. It got pulled extra hard to the forefront of my mind when I saw this tor article about the series (and why it’s a nice read especially in terms of present events). But it is absolutely AMAZING to me when I look at Moon in the earliest parts of the series, and how defensive and untrusting and insecure he is, how unsafe he always feels, and see how far he comes by the end of the series. In a lot of ways, this development arc is more about processing trauma rather than a villain-to-hero-esque change, which is what I tend to gravitate towards, but it’s just... so lovely. I can go on and ON about this series if anyone is curious, but any character who goes from bitterly, unhappily resigned to loneliness to being one of the well-loved centers of a close-knit community, who ADORE him even though he’s not what he would have been if he grew up normally.... Perfection

Apart from that, lessee. Cyclonus is ALWAYS and forever a favorite. He’s so angry and hurting at the beginning of mtmte, and watching him soften and open up is exquisite. Even though Starscream’s arc.... did not end in a way I appreciate, I definitely appreciate how far he brought himself, and the potential for how much further he could have gone. Everything about Jon and Martin in the magnus archives delights me. I do also love Seivarden from the Imperial Radch books, and how she really, really struggles to be less of an asshole, but she works so HARD and makes so much progress. Oh, and you know what, additional shout outs to Sir Francis Varney and Grisaille in the Dr. Greta Helsing books, because I’m also a sucker for characters who go from unhappy, resigned loneliness to gradually feeling like they deserve the happiness they’ve found, and that they want to KEEP it.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

HMMMM. I’m always a sucker for fics that are the long side of short and explore kink from an emotional angle. I don’t write nearly as much of it as I used to, so I really ought to be stepping up my game too, but I love the way you can use that to dig deep into a character’s heart and open them up in a really vulnerable way. What else. I’m spoiled by homestuck, but I don’t see NEARLY enough crackshipping these days. Transformers is pretty good, if you dig for the gems, but it’s not the same as writing, like, feferi/meenah/karkat and realizing that eyyy, I’m not the first person to break in that relationship tag. And in general? More meta. I love me some meta. It can be hit or miss, because I’m more likely to get annoyed by meta than I am by fic or art, but I just LOVE being able to dig down into the concept of [a story] and pull analysis out. I’ll do it myself, given a tiny bit of encouragement, but that’s not the same

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

Oh god. Uhhhh, to build off the last one, I guess, PITCH ROMANCE. I know I’ve yelled about this before, but it’s been a while! I will NEVER stop advocating for aemula endurae as a transformers concept, now that we’ve got pale and flush romance in at least one canon, but I honestly want this in every fandom I’ve ever touched. It’s a little more embarrassing to yell about the potential of miscellaneous crackships in smaller book fandoms as opposed to something Old and Weird like transformers, but ummm... like, Moon and River have amazing potential, but their relationship is so ADVERSARIAL for ages and they both still dislike each other, but in a background sort of way, and meanwhile River is tackling a half-Fell progenitor to protect Moon, or Moon is barely able to stay upright but is still trying to guard a badly-injured River, and they both think the other is an idiot but still respect each other and uhhhhhh what if they kissed? A lot???

I love love love a good enemies to lovers or rivals to lovers story. But that’s not quite the same as what a pitch romance involves. Like, I’m deeply invested in Loki/Steve Rogers, and if you stick to canon at all, that pretty much has to be enemies to lovers. But in the main fic I follow for them, like, they adore each other to pieces and just got married and are INTENSELY sweet on each other. Or, I’ve been considering going back to my starbladejack verse soon (i want to, badly, my prose engine is just broken), and Windblade and Starscream are romantically involved... and spend lots of time in heated arguments and yanking each other’s pigtails. But if an external threat shows up, they’re going to present a united front. Two parties exasperatedly thinking ‘you’re terrible, you’re the WORST, why do i like being around you so, so much’. It’s a delicate thing to balance compared to a standard flushed romantic paradigm, but there are so many foe yay ships out there where bringing people around to solidly being on the same non-adversarial side strips the spice away from what the ship was originally, and I just think there’s a lot of interesting potential in preserving some parts of that initial oppositional spark inside a stable, caring (pigtail-pulling) relationship.

[penzyroamin]

for the ask thing: the letters of your name for the art of slaying giants!!!

okay i couldn’t decide to go with my actual name (amelia) or penzy so… i’m doing both! you enabled me so you are to blame fgsjdgshgds (ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THIS FIC I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY.

A- how did you come up with the title?

okay so fun fact there’s this book with a similar title that was actually the inspiration for this fic! i have never read the book and know nothing about it BUT i saw the spine in the library as i was walking along the aisles and i was like haha david and goliath! huh what if i wrote a fantasy au with.. slaying giants in it? and boom! the art of slaying giants was born!

M- got any premises on the backburner you’d wish to share?

this doesn’t really apply to the particular fic, but i do actually have some backburner fics right now while i work on the art of slaying giants– one modern fic about adult javid and their family, some spavey stuff, a rafaela/jojo childhood friends to lovers fic, and some possible followups to some previously written fics1

E- if you wrote a sequel, what would it be about?

huh. kind of hard to say for the art of slaying giants, since it isn’t over yet, but here are some sequels/followups i have thought about: a “losing my mind” sequel and a followup to “their mistake was they got old” !

L- how many times do you usually revise a chapter before posting?

i sort of revise as i go– whenever i get back onto a doc to write some more, i read through what i already wrote to remind myself of where i am and change stuff as i like! i’m a very messy writer fsjhsjhgdjshds so pretty often some typos fall through the cracks of my editing

I- do you have a fic reading/writing guilty pleasure?

i fucking LOVE dorm/roommates fics. (see: my blue moon obsession.) it’s probably honestly because i know that i’m enough of a mess to fall deeply in love with any pretty girl i saw in pajamas.

A- the title question again!

and then penzy!

P- are you what george r r martin would call a gardener or an architect? (how much do you plan in advance vs letting the story grow on its own?)

i’m sort of a mix! on one hand, i do have a vague structure for each of my multi-chapter fics before i start it, but even with those, and ESPECIALLY with my one-chapter works, i give them room to grow

E- i already talked about this one!

N - is there a fic you wish someone would write (or finish) for you?

uhhhh so many goddamn fgshdgshgd… i’ve always wanted to read a sci-fi superheroes fic??? also ella and i talked a long time ago about a fantasy au where jack’s like a Evil Mastermind aka dork who just hates the monarchy who casually kidnaps princess sarah so that davey, his bf, prince by day revolutionary by night, has an excuse to run away with him. god i really want to read that

Z- major character death– do you ever read/write it? which character’s death can you not tolerate?

(side-eyes their mistake is they got old) UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yeah i think i’ve made it abundantly clear that i can and will kill any character. no one is safe.

Y- a character you want to protect

hmm. smalls. she can take care of herself but i just feel the need to defend her fsdgsgdjsgds

thank u!!!!!!!! these were fun fgshdgshgds

[thatchoiboy]

for the introduction event of 2JAE Network 

📝 summary : Jaebum comes home to a silent house and the water running from the bathroom. 📝 pairing : youngjae, jaebum  📝 genre : angst / TW : depression, suicide, character death 📝 word count : 1k 📝 notes : yesterday was one of those days.. :) i hope you guys like this! sorry for errors its unedited.

Jaebum didn’t know what lay ahead. He had come to work early, kissing the top of Youngjae’s forehead before heading towards his car. It was infuriating, he wanted to stay beside Youngjae instead, watch the younger's steady breaths, and kiss every part of him.

Regret.

With a heavy heart he rushed to return home as soon as he got a text message from his lover, reading it an hour late, immediately calling 911.

”I’m sorry, Jaebum.” It read.

He slammed open the door, taking long strides towards the source of the sound of running water. The bathroom.

Raising his fists, sturdy knuckles colliding with the rough surface of the door. “Youngjae! Open up the door!” He cried, he knocks a little harder, causing his knuckles to form a bruise. He fumbled with the doorknob, finding out it was locked. Damn it.

Jaebum backed away from the only thing that is keeping his distance from Youngjae. He counted, and barged through the door, successfully breaking the door down. He was bleeding, he could feel the pain. His shoulders. Oh. But that doesn't matter, only Youngjae matters.

The sight left him numbed. The pain from his shoulder? Gone.

Youngjae? Gone.

He fell to his knees, scurrying towards the unmoving body underneath the tub full of water, ignoring the scattered sleeping pills that he crushes every step he took. He shakily grab a hold of the freezing body. How long did he stay in there? He must've felt cold.

Jaebum brushed his lover's hair away from his face, letting out a small smile, eyes welling up of tears that slowly slips down onto Youngjae's pale face each time he looks at him, he holds his hand, grasping the fingers, staring at the ring on his finger.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  He repetitively mumbled against the other's hair as he cradled the body closer to his.

He couldn't feel anything, see anything, his eyes blurry from the tears that constantly cover his vision. His whole body was shuddering, continuing to hold Youngjae close. Unable to hear the paramedics as they rush to transfer Youngjae's body to the stretcher. Jaebum stayed still, Youngjae is dead. Youngjae is dead.

Youngjae is...

He lets out a scream. Grabbing and tugging at his brown locks. He stopped and stared at his own reflection in the mirror, his hair disheveled, eyes red, his left shoulder still bleeding non stop. A hand on his shoulder pulled him away from his thoughts, he thrashes from their hold, until he felt a sharp pain from his neck. A sedative.

"We need to treat your wound or it'll get worse." He heard someone say, before falling into deep slumber.

What's the point? Without Youngjae, what's the point? I'm better off dead.

Voices. indistinct voices awoken him. Eyes adjusting to the white room, he moved his head towards his left side, the injured shoulder bandaged up securely, he wanted nothing but to rip it apart, to let the blood flow out until he runs out, but he was too tired, too hazy to lift a finger. His eyes drifted to the people seated on the couch. A woman rushes up to him. His mother, and another one, Youngjae's mother.

Youngjae.

He teared up, sobbing silently, sitting up from his bed and grabbing hold Mrs. Choi's hand, he repeatedly apologized, voice cracking at each word he spoke. “I-I c-couldn’t protect h-him.” He croaked out. He felt a soft hand caressing his hair, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. “It wasn’t your fault.” It was. “Don’t replace grief with guilt.” I will.

It was my fault. My. Fault.

His blurry eyes watched his mother hand him an envelope. To Jaebum. It read. “T-the police found this inside your bedroom, seems like Y-Youngjae really planned this out.” He shakily takes it, clutching it tight yet gently to avoid creasing it.

“We’ll leave you alone for a while. Don’t do anything, please. We’re very sorry for your loss.” His father says, his voice surprisingly unsteady, calling on everyone to get out of the room. The soft click of the door rang inside his head.

He opened the letter, staring at the messy handwriting of his husband. He laughed softly, before his lips tremble as he reads the letter : Dear my Jaebum,             If you are reading this right now. Then I am truly sorry. I have passed away. It slowly ate me, Jaebum. Everyday. I didn’t tell you.. but it hurt. I was suffocating inside, it was hard to breathe. I felt like I was just forcing myself to breathe, because I love being with you. I didn’t want to do this, trust me. But I got sick of those anti-depressant pills! I stopped taking them a few months ago. I wanted to know how it would feel without taking it everyday. I wanted to be truly happy without them. Taking them everyday left me nauseous. It was like I  faked being happy, I’m not saying that I wasn’t happy whenever we’re together, I was!  I love you, so so much that I fought it this long. The pain I felt got worse everyday that I spent most nights crying silently. I felt lonely, isolated, like I didn’t belong. The voices in my head didn’t help either. I lost the fight Jaebum, but that doesn’t mean you can follow me, I encourage you to live like how I wanted to live. Jaebum wiped his tears, “H-how can I live without you, i-idiot.” He snorted. He took notice of the smudges of ink on some words. Youngjae must’ve been crying while writing this. I know things will be difficult, I don’t expect you to get over it soon. But please live. For me. I really wanted to stay, but it got too much and I was sick of it. Maybe I didn’t fight back enough, maybe I should’ve seek help… but I didn’t. My death is not your fault, it’s mine. Take care Jaebum, I love you to the moon and back, and I’m sorry again. Stop crying, you’ll look ugly.. gosh, i love you so much also, Happy Anniversary My Precious Bummie <3 - Your hubby, Youngjae Youngjae’s letter was wet due to Jaebum’s tears, he curled up on the hospital bed, sticking the letter towards his chest. “I’m sorry. don’t worry my love, I’ll see you soon. You won’t ever feel lonely again.”  

Hewwo! I am Jane! First of all, I like reading + writing angst.  I like making edits when i am free. I am a 2jae and yugjae enthusiast! (honestly hmu with any ship)  I ship myself with watermelon (ik im weird) #watermelonjane and I love youngjae :D I love a lot of kpop groups :) EXO & GOT7 are my ult groups :3 i love coffee and hot choco~ i love the people whom i talk to everyday! uhhhh idk what to say anymore... i’m weird and i cry a lot and laugh a lot. Thank you haha okay bye. cr. pictures on header do not belong to me (& forgot where i found them)

[funkzpiel]

!!!! Could we have uhhhh Vamp!Graves having to save Theseus the only way he knows how? (To turn him into a vampire because Theseus very very nearly dies)

Warnings: NEAR-character death

Fate forces his hand, as it was so prone to do. He didn’t want to do it. To spread his curse, the curse of his family. A family only allowed to exist so long as its kin served the President. Complete subservience, a life of glamours and holding back. He didn’t want that for anyone else. He didn’t want that for Theseus.

But one look at the way he fell - a man turned into a doll with its strings cut the moment the bullets struck him - Graves knew he had no other choice.

No other choice, that was, that didn’t end in living a life with Theseus.

In the hellfire that was war, he cut a path as though it were nothing. He was young yet, but for the first time he felt the frailty of time as an immortal would. His expression lost all mock-worry he had been projecting over bullets or bombs. They were nothing to him. Ground was ripped from the very earth beneath his feet in chunks, but he did not sway. Never had he moved so elegantly, for never had he dared lest his peers know.

Now…

He parts the sea of war like light through the darkness. Metal bends around him, unable to pierce his skin. His glamour fades, magic rolling from his skin like water, leaving only the truth behind. His flesh is pale like the moon that barely lights his way. Eyes naught but embers that burn in the night, hotter than the muzzle flashes of the enemy. Fingernails that grow, sharp and deadly. Bones like marble, his visage more attractive, more otherworldly.

His men stop, hunched over in their trenches, and look on high at him as though a deity had laid foot on earth. And in a way they were not wrong. He was, after all, going to rip a soul from the greedy hands of death.

He nears and suddenly, he can hear him. Sharp, whistling, wheezing breaths that can’t quite catch in his throat. He’s panicked. Polished and brave as he is, even Theseus wilts beneath the weight of the realization that his human flesh is limited and that life is fleeting. Looking so small in the uniform that once made him look larger than life. Like a boy in his father’s clothing. Graves watches as the redhead, hair muddied, scrabbles weakly at the small holes that weep in his flesh. So small, so insignificant, these oozing dimples. But they will kill him.

Graves has seen it happen before.

So he kneels, fine knees sinking into mud, and gathers the man he had come to call brother into his arms. Brother. Lover. Friend.

Mate, he had hoped. Had fought with himself. For he did not want to pass the curse, but a life without Theseus seemed just as cruel.

“Graves,” Theseus whines through a scared mask of a smile, through bloodied teeth, through pleading eyes. “Percy.”

“I’m here,” he says, and holds him tighter as though that alone could cease the man’s shivering.

“I’m… you’re,” Theseus sucks in a breath, one pupil dilating while they other hung heavy and dull in his iris. “Fuck, mate, you look like an angel.” He barks out a weak, wet laugh. “Kind of fitting.”

“If only I were,” Graves says, and there’s a heaviness on his heart he has never felt before. The knowledge that he would be snatching this light from the world. That this light would change, invisible to death but no longer glowing with life. “Theseus, I’m so sorry.”

Theseus whimpers through a tremulous laugh. He is afraid. Graves can feel it in his pulse even as his heart heart begins to slow. “You didn’t shoot me.”

“No,” he says, “But I can’t let you go.”

There’s a question on Theseus’ lips. A confusion that Graves kisses away, but it is not the goodbye that the man was clearly expecting. It is ‘I’m sorry’, and it leaves his love tense in his arms. He pulls away to then pepper a line of apologies down Theseus’ stable jaw. Through the soft skin of his ear. Down to the thready echo of his pulse, numbered and fleeting. It is warm, but slowly cooling. Damp with fear and pain. He murmurs a soft “I love you,” into the flesh there, and kisses it one last time while a pulse still beats beneath it.

“I love you too–” The word cuts out into a sucked in gasp, like the hush of a gut wound, short and sudden. Sudden like the fangs that pierce Theseus’ throat, then retract, leaving a trail of venom behind. He doesn’t suck - there isn’t much left to take, nor time to take it. He wishes he could though. If this had been his choice and not his ultimatum that fate had given him, he would have taken his time. Would have crested Theseus gently through death so that when he changed, he wouldn’t even notice it between the sighs of pleasure Graves would draw from his parted lips.

He uses a nail to cleave his own flesh and make way for salvation. Blood seeps from the wound, bright and inhuman, and in his eyes he can see a horror awakening in his friend.

“You’re a vampire,” Theseus whispers. A question, a statement. Graves is not strong enough to hold his accusing gaze. He wilts, wrist raised and weeping, and nods.

When he looks back, Theseus has clenched his jaw. Has braced himself. And the weight of that gaze, that courage returned, sucks the strength from Graves bones in a rush. His wrist falls to his side in the mud, and he suddenly feels as old as the mountains his nana always spoke about returning to.

He…

He can’t do it.

“I’m sorry,” he says and red fills his eyes, hot and heavy on his lashes. “I… I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

He knows Theseus has a dozen questions. Why didn’t you tell me? How did this happen? Who else knows? How are you even allowed in society, America is anti-beasts! But there isn’t time, and he knows Theseus realizes that when his stomach contracts and his fingers tremble around one of the sluggishly leaking wounds. There is no time for questions, only decisions.

Theseus’ lower lip trembles, and Graves feels horrible for having robbed the simplicity of “the inevitable” from him. Because now he has a choice. He can choose to die and stick to his morals. Or he can choose to live, and all the costs that come with it.

He’s pale. His freckles hidden amongst the mud and the blood and the fear that makes the redhead look so fucking young.

“I…” he starts, and when he looks up at Graves, all fear of him is gone - replaced by a gnawing terror of another, much darker thing. “I want to see what Newt becomes. I want to go by to my pop’s farm when this is over and fix it up the way he would’ve wanted me to. I want to… Jesus, I want to do all the things we said we’d do after the war, Percy. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to want that, but I do. It’s not like they fucking tell you, it’s not… “

“There is no glory in death,” Graves says, because he has seen hundreds die – in alleys beneath his teeth. In the mud, in the trenches, in the streets. By his hand, by others. No one dies with grace, death is not so merciless as to spare some concept that any part of life is graceful. We are born into the world wriggling and screaming and we die slowly, messily, and just as scared.

“There’s not,” Theseus says. “I don’t want to die.”

“You don’t have to.”

“But I should.”

Graves sucks in a guilty breath.

“You should…”

But a hand grabs his nonetheless. Slowly, his wrist is brought to his lover’s mouth and willingly, Theseus draws from him. Hesitant at first, lips hovering over the raw wound, then fast before he can rethink it.

It is in that way, through both of their selfishness, that Graves steals a life from the hands of death - a light plucked from the dark, now invisible to the angel’s eyes. There, in the mud and the muck and the sea of moaning men and screaming, he plucks Theseus from the fabric of mortality so they can start again.