#moar sugar-induced theories

[wrengrif]

You know what we haven't done for awhile?

That's right. It's WHAT IF time.

Okay, but let me preface this What If with saying, I don't believe in the coffee theory. That it was poisoned or held some mystical juice or whatever. I believe Aziraphale went to Heaven because one, he really didn't have a choice and two, he thinks there is some way to really turn Heaven around. To make it an actual Good Place.

However ... I have read some compelling theories lately about not taking the Final Fifteen at face value and I got to say, it's gotten me to wondering.

I keep coming back to Neil and the other Good Omen creators saying, nothing in the story is accidental. Which got me thinking about themes. Themes that interwoven all throughout Season 2, emphasized in the background. One of the main themes was, in fact, subterfuge.

Hiding Gabriel from Heaven and Hell.

Saving Job's children.

The bullet catch, the photograph, the 'magical words' caught being lipped through a shop window.

Even Edinburgh, where they pulled a couple of flim-flams on the surgeon and on Elspeth. If Season One was about the power of them coming together, Season Two was about their ability to out-smart both Heaven and Hell on multiple occasions. Not always perfectly, as seen by Crowley getting dragged back down to Hell, or in fact the entire Armageddon plan.

The point is though, that Crowley and Aziraphale are old hands at subterfuge. They were able to carry on a friendship, for over 6000 years, without getting caught by Heaven or Hell (note, I don't think they pulled a fast one on God. I'm pretty sure She knows and she's all for it. Number one shipper, Her.) They trust each other, implicitly.

So, when the Final Fifteen happened ... how are we to know that they weren't already communicating on an entirely different level? What they said, I have no real proof. However, I do think that Crowley and Aziraphale perhaps knew, from the get-go, that they were saying good-bye to one another. That Aziraphale was going to try and fix the problem from the inside, not Heaven itself per say, but the issue of them finally being free of Heaven and Hell so they could be together.

The whole fight was Crowley not arguing with Aziraphale about 'taking a new job', but instead about Aziraphale going alone. Begging Aziraphale not to go into the lion's den, that they could figure out a different way together, there, on Earth. Escape the Metatron, regroup, make up a plan. Aziraphale knew, though, that they were being watched and there was no way for them to get out of the Bookshop without both being destroyed. They went through the motions of fighting about one thing, while fighting about something else entirely.

They nearly made it through the whole fight within a fight, until Crowley cracked. He was scared he'd never see Aziraphale again and he had to let his angel know how he felt. Thus, The Kiss. The desperate, 'I love you, don't do this, don't leave me' kiss. Aziraphale kissed back, half-apology, half-confession, 'I love you too, I have to, they'll kill you'. When he pulls back he's mouthing, 'do it again', and he nearly says 'I love you', but says 'I forgive you'. Perhaps, I forgive you for making this even harder for me.

Crowley's mad, to be sure, but he plays it to the hilt. 'Don't bother'. 'No nightingales', perhaps code letting Aziraphale know not to to contact him until they knew it was safe, really safe. He walks out the door and then stands by The Bentley. Another message letting Aziraphale know he'll be there, on Earth, waiting. Aziraphale pausing, perhaps mouthing, 'Trust me', before disappearing into the elevator with the Metatron.

Honestly, this is all conjecture, but What If? What if they're already playing Nefertiti and the three shell game? Look here, at Aziraphale, but don't look over here, to see what Crowley is doing. Magic! Smoke and mirrors!

Aim for my mouth, but shoot past my ear.

What if?

(Note, NO ONE SHARE THIS WITH NEIL GAIMAN. This is just brain thoughts. Leave the man to his creative process and don't fuck with him.)