#mm nothing tmi or anything just a long ramble

[eruhamster]

i hate the feeling of mourning that comes with being cut off from someone. like, i wouldn't even call myself friends with this person. i know for a fact she hated me. but i thought we were at least getting along in the group chat. she'd @ me for stuff and we'd talk. i'd defend her about stuff sometimes. and she was clearly friends with others in the group chat, that's why she was there.

the other day, like probably a week or two ago, she shows some story about some guys that used dark green acne facemasks and took pictures of themselves in it, with the mask all the way around their nose and around their eyes and like, clearly looking like they were doing a blackface bit. the school they were in kicked them out for it and the story was about them going to court about it. she agreed that this was incidental and they didn't mean it, and i and a couple others in the group chat disagreed. it wasn't an aggressive convo, just talking about experiences with these kinds of white guys that do terrible shit and then feign ignorance. but then during the convo she told the other two people, essentially, that if they didn't want to be called racial slurs in video game lobbies or discord channels, they should mute their mic or not be in the discord channel.

i was immediately like 'woah' at that, and while i don't think the conversation got aggressive, she clearly thought she was being dogpiled by 3 different people. she gave some weird apology about feeling differently about the story though no one was really upset with her for that, and when responded to by one of the people she'd basically victim blamed about being called slurs, she said something like 'fine, whatever, you're right. what more do you want from me' and i said she should apologize, and then specified it needs to be toward those two and about what she said about the slurs. she then replied back at me that 'nothing is enough for you' n i just. let that other person handle it, and when he talked to her further she said 'fine i'm stupid' and blocked him on discord and twitter and removed herself from the discord group entirely.

that other person told me later i was being aggressive but i didn't think i was, and i asked others for input with screenshots and only one thought the sarcasm of me saying she should apologize was aggressive (she said 'what more do you want?' and i replied like 'well, you could say something that starts with an s or an a') and my intention had been to be less mean by being less direct. everyone i asked agreed she was being rude and that she was victim blaming and ultimately at fault.

but i still can't stop thinking about it. even if she was in the wrong, even if she seemed like she really overreacted, and even if honestly i didn't like her and she clearly HATED me (we had an issue like.. a year or two prior over her defending harry potter, and like a week after that she got pissed at me just saying ACAB in a channel she wasn't even in at the time, and she then blocked me for months), there's such a strange finality in her cutting us all off, even our mutual friends, that still leaves such a weird sense of mourning.

in a way i feel like that's manipulative in and of itself, because it seems like it's really just a way for her to hurt us and also play victim when it could have just been an agree to disagree sort of thing and her apologizing about her shrugging off the others' experiences with racism, but i still can't stop thinking about it. i wasn't the final straw since i wasn't talking when she decided to block and leave, and again it seemed like most others i asked didn't think i was being aggressive, but the finality of it keeps making me feel like i should go find her and apologize. but for what? it's frustrating. and i know, i know what it's like for people to refuse to see what they've done wrong. i had to cut off someone back 4 years ago now after they really hurt me. and i keep thinking that maybe it's like that, maybe i'm lying to myself and i'm totally at fault and i need to apologize. but then i just look back and it's just. i don't... think i did anything wrong? like honestly. not in a 'i'm a justified asshole' way, i just straight up don't see how this went wrong. and i've been trying to be nicer. i know i come across as aggressive but i am like, trying to reel myself in. so being told i was aggressive initially had me so locked in on thinking i was the problem

but i really. really... can't think of anything. and it's causing such a weird sense of mourning in me for someone i feel like i wouldn't otherwise care either way about

[bblairxe]

drunk confessions ‘nd discipline | a.a

cw : smutish?, mdni, r!masturbating, slight voyeurism, plot, teasing, r!alcohol consumption, mentions of alcohol and weed, profanity, slight humiliation, dom!abby if you squint :p

wc : 1.4k

a/n : sorry for the ending i got bored of this, but lmk if you guys would want a pt 2! :)

abby’s been on patrol for god knows how long, and you’ve just been waiting around the shared room for hours. every minute that passes is another minute of waiting for that door to unlock so you can cover her with kisses—and possibly fucked relentlessly with that strap.

except, that last part probably won’t happen, since abby claims you’ve been soooo bad recently. all you did was moan her name in public in front of all her friends. that’s not even that bad, right?

it was late at night when abby said she was going to a bonfire with her friends and invited you to tag along. so, you did. you wanted to look nice for her but figured it was just a bonfire, nothing special, so you threw on a black crop top and some baggy jeans.

once the two of you arrived, the aroma of alcohol and weed lingered in the air. “oh yeah, this is my type of party,” you exclaimed with a grin.

“yeah, knock yourself out, babe, but not too much. i’ll be watching,” she replied, making a gesture from her eyes to you.

after a while, the atmosphere grew lively. the alcohol coursed through your veins, and you felt like nothing else mattered—except your lovely, buff girlfriend, of course. you started rambling on about all sorts of things like family, books, music, and eventually… abby.

once you reached the topic of her, she became more smiley and touchy, like, ‘yeah, that’s me, the awesome girlfriend she’s drunkenly rambling about.’ but she was also paying close attention to every word, since it’s so easy for you to slip up and say something you shouldn’t��especially with how intoxicated you were.

“yeah, dude, she’s fuckin’ awesome sauce. i love everything about her, especially her muscles. oh fuck, don’t even get me started on her damn muscles. i swear every time i see them, i quite literally cream my pa—”

“okay, that’s enough out of you,” abby quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, muffling your yells.

the group burst into laughter at the sight, watching how flushed abby got once you started talking about that, and how quickly she shut you up.

manny, as drunk as ever, decided to add fuel to the fire. luckily, there was no such thing as TMI within this group. “yeah, i think we both know abs isn’t as tough as she pretends to be, right, y/n?” he slurred.

abby shot him a glare, tightening her grip over your mouth, trying to make sure you didn’t say anything else.

unfortunately for her, it didn’t work.

you bit the flesh of her palm, making her yelp and pull her hand away. giggling, you turned to manny, ready to answer. “oh my gosh, dude, when i tell you she’s the whiniest person to exist. like, i swear my girl needs a muzzle or something.” you cleared your throat, ready to do a perfect impression of abby moaning.

“oh g-god, fuck baby, you’re going so hard and fast, i’m gonna cum!” you mimicked, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

everyone was laughing at the impression, half-convinced you were telling the truth. abby, on the other hand, was red-faced, staring daggers at you.

“oh, come on abs, it was funnyyyy!” you said between giggles.

“yeah, come on, we’re going home.”

you pouted, the fun was just getting started. why did ms. grumpy pants have to ruin it?

she stood up, facing everyone. “we’re heading out. i hope all of you get home safe—besides manny.” she then turned to you and helped you stand, unsurprisingly, you couldn’t do so without swaying. “mm okay, up you go,” she said, throwing you over her shoulder.

“woaaahhh, bye everyone!” you waved upside down. they all said their goodbyes as abby carried you off.

okay, so maybe it was a bit bad, but what’s wrong with a little joke every now and then?

about 30 minutes later, you finally heard the click of the door. “baaaabe? i’m homeee!” abby called out. moments later, you burst out of your room and ran into her arms, instantly wrapping yourself around her and inhaling her scent of pine and oak. you tilted your head up and started peppering her with kisses. it was the perfect opportunity to slowly turn things up a notch.

your hands began to roam her body, trailing along her sides, her neck, and over her nipples, causing her to shiver. “so eager, princess, what’s up?” she asked, her voice carrying a hint of nervousness that had you smiling to yourself.

you hummed in response, continuing to kiss her neck, grazing your hands over her waist, pulling her closer. you tasted her—sweat, a bit of alcohol, everything that made her abby.

she groaned, giving in to your touch, her hands resting at your waist. “what’s up, you need something, baby?” she whispered. she had this certain look in her eyes, like hunger and lust all at once.

“i’ve been waiting for so long, abs, c’mon,” you murmured, kissing that sweet spot on her neck that always made her breath hitch, while digging your nails into her waist.

“but you’ve been so bad, haven’t you?” abby said, slowly backing you into a wall. you pulled away from her neck to meet her gaze. you could tell she was undressing you with her eyes.

“b-but i didn’t do anything,” you whined, dragging out the last syllable.

“so, you don’t remember the bonfire? how you claimed i’m so submissive in bed?” she retorted, her fingers trailing down to your core, teasing your clit.

the slight touch had you pining for her. if you weren’t turned on before, you sure as hell were now. “ ‘m sorry abs, i was just joking.” you gave her your best doe eyes, hoping for some sympathy.

“yeah, you will be,” was the last thing she said before crashing her lips onto yours. the kiss was messy, passionate, full of lust. your teeth clashed a couple of times, and your tongues battled for dominance. your hands found their way to her braid, tugging at its base, making abby moan into your mouth. she lifted you up so your thighs wrapped around her waist and your arms around her shoulders. still kissing you, she carried you to the bedroom and set you down on the bed.

she pulled away, both of you realizing how breathless you were. she began leaving kisses down your neck, marking purple love bites along the way. abby wanted to take her time with you, make you beg, make you plead, have you whining to be fucked.

your back arched at the feeling of her lips, her warm fingers lightly massaging your clothed clit. soft moans escaped your lips as you ground your hips against her touch.

“abby…” you breathed out.

she hummed, still indulging in her slow, loving motions.

“need you s’bad.”

abby let out a light laugh at your desperation. “poor baby, if you want it so bad, you’ll have to work for it, yeah?”

you groaned in frustration. how could she do this to you? slowly, you sat up against the headboard, breaking all contact between you and her.

“if you won’t do it, then i’ll do it myself,” you grumbled.

her brow quirked up, half amused, half confused. “mm alright, baby, i’m gonna shower. don’t do anything that’ll make your punishment worse.” she leaned in, giving you a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing her clothes.

you rolled onto your side, debating if you should really go through with it. she’d been denying you all week just because of a simple joke. talk about being sensitive!

the shower had been running for some time when you finally decided—yeah, maybe you should. who was abby to deny you an orgasm? reaching over to the nightstand, you opened the last drawer where all your toys were kept. you were torn between the light pink wand vibrator and the 7-inch black strap. in the end, you went with the strap, never getting enough of how easily it filled you up.

you took the dildo off the strap harness, positioned it between your legs, and slowly pushed it in. waves of pleasure washed over you. you tried to keep your moans quiet, not wanting abby to know just how badly you were misbehaving. but a big part of you wanted to get caught, to see how mad abby would get when she found you fucking yourself with her strap.

“ohhh fuck baby, you’re fucking me so good with your strap. need you so bad, need you so fuckin’ bad abs,” you moaned, still so lost in the euphoric feeling of the strap hitting that spot inside of you.

abby heard your cries and burst through the bathroom door. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she growled, a white towel wrapped around her hips, perfectly showing off her v-line. her hair was in a messy bun, blonde strands sticking to her face.

“such a fuckin’ brat, baby.”