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asterjennifer · 2 years ago

Text

Mark

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: Saeran & Saeyoung (& V)

Word count: 2,599

After so long apart, it was inevitable for them to me again.

He resigned to the idea that's been feed to him. However, his other half isn't exactly thinking the same.

The moment they stood together in front of the big doors forced his heart to swell up into his throat. The wodden color of warm brown reached his consciousness only in vague shapes, he couldn't really focus on a specific detail on the door. He stood as straight as a candle; unsure how to approach the entire situation.

“Do you need some more time?”

Jihyun's voice was soft when reaching out to the younger man beside him, stiffer than he'd like to admit. His voice was welcoming, warm even the moment he noticed his distress, however, he only shook his head.

“No, no… I am okay. Let's go inside.”

Mint colored hair fell forward after Jihyun titled his head to see his face better; much to his displeasure. He breathed through before rocking back to his heels for a second, taking in more air. It would be fine and it's nothing that's having business leaving his heart to almost hammer out of his chest.

The two, big hands on his shoulders caught him off guard. Turned with ease in order to be face to face, and Jihyun looked at him the way he'd done quite a lot lately. Fresh determination inside his shining eyes that paired ever so well with the new found calm he'd claimed over time. Yet a honest expression of strict feelings that kept his face wrinkle free.

“I mean it, Saeran. If you feel too nervous then we can go in a little later. This small amount of time won't do anything.”

He hushed his racing brain one more time. For a moment he's speechless, wondering how often that actually happened over the short years he spend alongside his old guardian. It's not that he's not wanting to see these familiar faces, it's everything evolving around them. He didn't know what's changed about them specifically. He sighed when closing his eyes, reaching up to put his hand over Jihyun's.

“I'm okay.” He promised firmer. “Please… Just go in first, that way I have a second to process my surroundings.”

Jihyun kept his eyes straight as if trying to see through his soul for any particular lie. But Saeran meant it; he's ready despite his nerves threatening to snap. The older one took in a deep breath, patting his shoulder much too gently and finally letting go of him.

“Okay then. Let's meet them.”

Without another exchange of looks or words, Jihyun grabbed the doorknobs and turned them open. The noises of the party broke through immediately and the atmosphere did a one-eighty considering the smell of food, drinks and people hit forcefully. The lights inside the big hall lightning up the main floor brightly, a little too bright in Saeran's opinion.

He blinked at the pain it caused, lifting his hand up out of reflex. He didn't expect to find so many people in the room, he'd suspected perhaps hundred. Two hundred maximum. But this easily could've been a doubled number of faces, it caused his hands to shake from the pressure he's suddenly finding himself under.

“Don't worry.” Jihyun's voice reached out between the million others.

Saeran watched how he offered his hand in the middle of public. The smile lingering on the older one's face between doting and considerate, could be both at once for all he knew. It's embarrassing given some of the strangers already turned their attention to the scene he's involved in. Although it's maybe childish in some sense he's unwilling to see, he took Jihyun's hand tightly.

It's an instant reassurance that he's not alone right in the heat of the moment. Jihyun had strangely developed this trait of providing him his hand when seemingly overwhelmed. Not that Saeran complained, it's a nice gesture of care. It's difficult to get used to regardless. He's more than grateful though, it's not something somebody has given to him that openly before.

Jihyun began to lead them through the mass skillfully, like he knew exactly where to go. The people's voices lingered in his ears as the shimmer of the stage at the right side of the room kept attacking his eyes. The red curtains fit perfectly well to the red carpet running along the entire floor. The walls a golden touch, exactly like the lights and pattern in the ceiling.

He felt out of place by how fancy everything appeared. It's not quite right he was going across this hall. This very building he'd sworn to tear down one day, bury the dust deep into the ground right next to its occupiers. Days became blurry afterwards and now it could be laying back centuries ago, on the other hand it's just yesterday where he thought of demolishing it all.

“Wait here, Saeran. I will announce your presence as soon as I spoke to them.”

Fuzzy feeling, he thought to himself. His own steps came to an standstill, Jihyun let go of his hand altogether and suddenly he stood by himself behind the stage inside the darker part of the party. Ironical, a little fainted voice in the back of his head mumbled, quickly he suppressed it.

He peeked around the corner due to his insatiable curiosity. His hand against the wall's burning and he's certain the place itself is already flaming independently. But finally he could see them all in the very center of their successes.

Jaehee and Jumin stood with their usual professional attitude when discussing something that must've been important as usual. Yoosung and Zen lending an helping hand since the blond college student carried a list of his own. They looked… carefree. Happy. But there were two faces that had oxygen pressed out of Saeran's lungs right away.

She's present, too. He'd not seen her in what felt like an eternity. Eternity? Eternal...? The memories bubbled up to the surface when seeing her smile beam underneath the artificial light. She wore a pink dress, exactly how she did the day she arrived at Mint Eye two years ago. A lot more fancy today, of course. Her hair's braided back, showing the every inch of her face which hadn't changed in the slightest.

She was still pretty. Still the girl owning positive vibes, lovely attitude with her hands always being busy in some way or another. He'd not expected to feel his cheeks get warmer at the sight of her; especially now where the issue at hand wasn't his territory to play in. She's not the only face leaving his knees to wobble, though.

That red hair of childhood struck harder than prayed; the string of bitterness rose into his mouth. He wore these glasses he didn't even need in the first place. That happy suit in a lot more brighter shade than any of the two ever preferred. They both liked dark clothing most. It's true, his brother was an adult now. Simultaneously he's stayed the boy that he'd been since forever.

So many feelings woke up in a single second, just watching them laugh, speak and interact that easily with each other's concerning. They acted as themselves without a care in the world to play pretend. The RFA truly reminded of a close family.

“I've been waiting for this moment.”

Jihyun told her, to which she gazed back in confusion at first. Not long after her face shifted into pure shock, all their reactions were similar when thinking about it. Saeran's hand on the edge of the wall had strengthen the grip drastically until the tips of his fingers turned whiter than his skin.

No, he couldn't do this. Seeing them this way, peaceful and complete, where's his right interrupting this for the countless time? V assured he's wanted numerous times throughout their recovery together. Telling him they were searching, praying he survived in order to meet. Was it true?

Right there in the shadows of the greater good, far away and known by only the cloak of invisibility, he was home. All his life he's spend time in the dark by himself. There was too much light that it burned his retina, the warmth of the room letting sweat run down his back uncomfortably. This wasn't his home in the past, it wouldn't be in the presence and never be in the future.

The urge to turn on his heels and run until his body broke down filled his veins. He couldn't meet them like this, they shouldn't see him. He remembered well what exactly he'd done to the members of the organization and no matter how much time passed; this couldn't be his life. It implied so much happiness. That's nothing he's confident believing in. He couldn't be that happy without consequences.

“I have a news many of you wouldn't have expected – I'd like to introduce a new member of the RFA.”

Jihyun's tone of excitement tore him from spinning thoughts circling around his head. His body took a step back due to fear; he's aware what's about to happen. He didn't want it. He could not want it.

“I should have discussed it beforehand with the rest, but time was not so gracious with me.”

The short hint of a chuckle made Saeran's stomach sink. He couldn't smile at them if they were to find his presence soon. Should he shake hands with them? Apologize for all the destruction he'd done? Be silent and simply stand in the corner like decoration? He didn't know. Unconscious, his scar itched until he scratched it slightly.

“A new member...? But he did not discuss anything with us..” Jumin questioned.

Yoosung followed with a suspicious hint to his voice. “I think my skin is crawling right now..”

He swallowed, it's not that easy making out their words despite the short distance. People shut their mouths one after another; he's feeling the tips of his ears pulse the longer he was conscious of his body. He pressed a fist out of pure helplessness against his chest, hard and tight.

“Please give a round of applause for our newest member.”

And suddenly people were actually clapping. Saeran knew they're waiting for him, his mind went completely blank when acting on auto pilot, coming forth from the wall into the lightened side of the party hall. A variety of eyes staring holes through his tense limbs; there's not a single thing on his mind other than staring back.

He grazed the RFA, not one without wide eyes coming back. However, the second he met the ones oh-so very familiar, he's stuck in a slow motion. Saeoyung stood right there in front of him, mouth hanging open it what he assumed to be bewilderment.

“Saeran!!!”

“..!?”

It scared him to the bone. Hearing his own name being shouted by a voice he'd never imagine would even remember his existence. His ocean colored eyes widened in a different kind of shock as his older twin brother urged forward clumsily.

“You're Saeran, aren't you? It must be you!”

He yelped way too loud, way too emotional. His amber started getting wet once the tears reached the corners. Saeran felt torn, unable to keep his eyes at one point of the other's face. Exactly like before, he was left speechless. The hug that followed only added oil to the flames. His arms shot up instinctively; out of unwell emotions he'd rather forget about.

“You're alive. Thank you so much for being alive.”

The hug's strong and content, the grasp of his brother something he's sure he couldn't ever escape. His body continued to have grown a few inches taller than him, a little bigger than him, a little healthier and stronger. Nonetheless, Saeran wasn't sure who of them was weaker in that second.

“...See? I told you there is nothing to worry about.”

Jihyun tried talking to Saeran, affirmation of that kind he's not yet used to. He started shaking from head to toe, then. That scent knocking him over internally, reminding him of the ice cream under the sunny sky they shared in the past. That weird unconditional love he gave up shamefully quick.

“It must be you. Say something, Saeran...”

He pulled back to take him by the upper arms, for a brief thought he worried Saeoyung would shake him. Instead he stared in obvious desperation. What could he say? What should he say? It's luck he's standing on his feet right now and didn't fainted in the middle of the charity event.

“Saeran. It feels like you'd go away if I hold you. Don't go away! Don't you ever leave me now!”

God they pierced through deeply, each and every single world of that stupid man across from him. He shook his head slightly; unable to think of anything or find an action that could prove he's not mentally absent. Saeoyung's torturing stare finally broke away because of Jihyun, who stood behind him with the rest.

“Thanks, V. You have my gratitude for eternity.” His voice slipped at the edges.

“You saved my brother, didn't you?”

Jihyun's warm smile twisted into a painful one. “…I'm sorry I hurt him in the first place.”

He only received half of their conversation, busy scanning his other half closely. The last time he had seen his brother's face that up close was...

“.. You remember me. Even though my face is like... what it's like now.”

The second the meaning fell over his lips, he felt stupid. Supposedly should've said something touching or real for the thick air to finally dissolve. Saeyoung's head snapped back, eyebrows rising as high as they could as his grip tightened to the point of edging on hurtful.

“What are you talking about? Of course I remember my brother.”

Why did this hurt so much, but at the same time got this immense weight of doubt and shame falling down his shoulders in featherlight manner? Why did hearing that connection coming out of the other's mouth had him want to cry his soul out of his body? Why was he cursed to be melancholic even in the moments of true happiness?

“Let's never part again. Now let's stay together, safe and sound.”

Saeyoung pulled him into another hug, almost more aggressive then the one previously. Saeran this time managed laying his arms around his brother in return; to actually take hold of him after he's been unreachable for years. An emotional flame right there underneath his skin, immeasurable in comparison to a wildfire.

“...Saeyoung.”

There. He said the name out loud. A name so very conflicting to his heart. Going from the most precious word, to an insult to his faith and back to something soothing. The looks of the other RFA members filled to the brim with empathy, sadly Saeran didn't realize. He registered his own tears that ran down his cheeks, becoming more and more the longer he held his brother.

“It IS you...”

Feeling the nod, Saeyoung buried his face into the crock of his neck. The shaking of his shape unmistakably a sign of a silent cry with which Saeran was more familiar with than enjoyable. Instead of thinking over past memories, he gave the tears a pass since they're liberating. Hugging back and hiding into the suit of his older brother, mimicking his doing, almost too close to breathe properly. Yet neither could care one bit.

They stood there for mintues inside each other's arms. Hours? He didn't need to know. All he needed was to internalize the fact he finally go back the one thing he's been craving all his life. Looking for, fighting for in the first place. Crying out for endless times.

His family.

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