#mlabs lore dump

[mikittalabs]

ough i got the tim rogers boku no natsuyasumi review on and it's 12:30am so i'm in a sentimental mood lol.

idk like i've realized that i've met a ton of people, had conversations with a bunch of people, and just kinda drifted apart. and i kinda miss them all, but not in a sad way? like i'm glad i knew them, and i don't really regret drifting apart, aside from like a high school case which is a bit of an outlier.

in elementary school, i was friends with 3 different kids who all moved away at some point during the year. recently, i've found myself wondering how they are, how's their life been since 15 years ago?

or the kids who didn't move and we just slowly drifted away, or the people i've had maybe just one conversation with and never saw them again, or my old coworkers, or family members i saw once and never again, or teachers i had.

i remember all their names. i know their faces. i remember what they sound like, what i talked with them about, but i don't miss them.

one group that always comes back in my head are my old friends from high school. i graduated in 2021, and to say that covid affected it would be an understatement, i think. i don't remember much of my senior year, but i do miss my high school friends.

i've finally put it together recently that what had happened was that i essentially started dissociating at the beginning of covid. i don't remember why it started, and i don't know why it ended, but that's the best conclusion i have.

some of the only memories i have of my senior year are the times i cried on 5 separate occasions, 4 of those were all at the end of the year. i know i had to have begun ignoring that friend group, and to go and apologize now would be kinda pointless. what would it do?

be kind of funny, methinks. "hey sorry i dropped off the face of the earth, i was lowkey dissociating for a year and a half straight."

good conversation starter.

there's one girl in particular that i'm kinda worried will see this. i know she has a tumblr account. i don't know why she'd look for my blog specifically.

i think i'm worried cuz it's her that i'd most want to formally apologize to. i've considered it a couple times, but again, i'm not sure what use it'd be after 2 years. what's done is done and all.

i can't change it, but i don't think i'd want to.

which sounds kind of contradictory, i just spent 5 paragraphs regretting how my high school year ended.

i think it'd be interesting to see what would change, but i'm fine with the me i am right now. it's not perfect, it could probably be a lot better, but it's me and that's fine.

i think i'd get more out of getting to talk with my high school self. which sounds kinda wild, cuz that'd just be me but 3 years younger. idk man

so yea. sentimental mood moment

[mikittalabs]

in case you're wondering how the ocs are doing i've half spontaneously/half cuz i think it'd be interesting decided to make azure and louis get into a toxic codependent relationship while they're still teenagers. for enrichment