#mkplr

[mothric]

I got an anonymous ask the other day and deleted it out of annoyance but I keep thinking about it so I'll just say this once:

I have no interest in markiplier's tasteful (i.e. junk-less) noods myself, but I am not surprised at all that he made an onlyfans particularly as the point is to donate all proceeds to charity. this is entirely on brand for him. while I wouldn't encourage anyone to sell nudes as a rule, even for a good cause, there are frankly much worse things he could be doing with his time and resources.

I suspect people who feel scandalized about this haven't been familiar with him for long. as for those who are upset about not seeing peen: die mad about it 💅✨️

[ghostsinthecellar]

I post every insignificant thought I have and yet I’ve been avoiding posting about a youtube channel that makes me laugh so much I’m in constant pain (worth it) for fear of it being called ‘cringey’

[septic-dr-schneep]

I saw the JSE fanfic masterlist, is there a MKPLR one? Love your stories so much! It's not every day you find a JSE writer who writes clean stuff. Keep doing what you're doing! :)

Aw, thank you!

[ordinarywhip]

TELL ME NOT TO BUY MKPLR’S FUCKIGN TASTEFUL NUDE CALENDAR IM SCREECHING ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS IS A REAL THING

[viktorniikiforov]

legit worried my little cousin is gonna get like badly influenced b/c of this shit going on with mkplr and pdp

[mothric]

honestly I think at least 50% of the reason I like the character Wilford Warfstache so much is because he likes disco. I just associate him with the entire genre. he is a funky funky man and I can't argue with his impeccable taste.

[mothric]

consider: Captain Magnum asked us to call him 'daddy' sincerely and didn't know about any non-paternal connotations associated with the word. he saw our puny self and was like 'smol. defenseless. I’m officially adopting you before the seven seas claim you’. but when he saw our scandalized look he figured we just didn’t want to be pressured- maybe we already have loving parents back home, you know? the man is a respecter of boundaries.

also Magnum is a family name! he doesn’t know why it gets such weird looks. wouldn’t you be proud to bear the title of your pirating forefathers?

[mothric]

just noticed the security guard in the beginning is whistling “I Don’t Wanna Be Free”. what a cute easter egg (’:

[mothric]

look me dead in the eyes and tell me Yancy wouldn’t take one look at Eric Derekson and immediately adopt him as his little brother.

tell me Yancy wouldn’t offer to straight-up kill his dad for him. he could do it and he would. Eric just needs to say the word, and he’d do it.

Eric would never, of course, because his dad is the only family he has left. but anytime Yancy sees Eric flinch, anytime he hears the way his dad raises his voice at him, anytime he even gets a look at that smug asshole, he sees red. and he remembers his carefully thought-out murder plan that he absolutely will not carry out. he won’t. he won’t do that to his little brother. but he keeps it in the back of his mind. just in case.

[mothric]

I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.  I JUST WANTED TO JOT DOWN A QUICK IDEA. BUT HALF AN HOUR LATER, HERE WE ARE.

Yancy isn’t expecting a visitor. Especially not somebody who claims to be a distant relative.

But how could you not have marked your calendar?

Tags: Yancy x Y/N. Words: 816. Warnings: Silliness. Hotel: Trivago.

                                            *     *     *     *     *

Yancy was startled by the sound of keys jangling at his cell door. He looked up. Gerald, the kindest and most gullible guard (who, to everyone’s confusion, somehow hadn’t lost his job in the 5 years he’d been here) was standing at his cell. 

“Hey, buddy,” said Gerald with a note of excitement in his voice.

“Uh... hey?” Yancy squinted.

“Yancy, I got just the bestest news for ya.” Gerald was practically wriggling.

“They servin’ lasagna for lunch again?” That lasagna was good, and rarely offered.

“Ohhh no, even better! There’s someone here to see you!”

Gerald paused, an open-mouthed smile on his face, waiting for a reaction. Yancy just blinked. The words weren’t registering. “Didja find another pet snail? Youse said you was gonna name him Stanley Three, right?”

“Oh, I wish, but this is even better!” Gerald was doing jazz hands now. The man was truly insufferable sometimes. “It’s Visitation Day! You have a visitor!”

Yancy blinked again. He hadn’t wanted to believe it. He certainly tried not to expect it. It’s not like he was keeping track of the calendar or nothin’. But also... “And who, might I ask, is this so-called ‘visitor’?”

“Well, I didn’t quite catch their name, but they say they’re your long-lost aunt and/or uncle. Ooh, isn’t that just so excitin’? Reconnecting with old relatives you didn’t even know you had? Oh, I could just about burst with happiness for ya!”

Yancy’s breath caught in his throat. He definitely didn’t have no aunts nor no uncles who would’ve cared to see him. Not with his history. But that could only mean one thing. “They... they came back...”

“They sure did, buddy, they sure did!” Gerald bounced on the tips of his toes as he unlocked the cell door. “Now get out there and give ‘em a big ol’ hug for me! I was just about ready to hug ‘em myself, what with their mention of traveling so far to see you and all... but, you know, didn’t want to cross any lines, hugging strangers can be rude...”

Yancy barely registered Gerald’s prattling as he guided him to the visitation center. He hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up. He still didn’t. What if it was just one of them crazy types? Some batty old person who thought they’d traced their biological lineage or something? He tried to will himself not to think of that handsome, beautiful face that had captured his tough, manly heart. No, he wasn’t going to believe nothin’ til he saw it with his own eyes.

“There they are,” Gerald whispered, and pointed across the room. “Go say hi! I’ll leave to give y’all some privacy. Oh, where are my tissues? I’m just about to cry...”

Yancy stared where Gerald had pointed. And stared. And stared.

Sitting at the table in the farthest corner was someone wearing the most ridiculous hat he had ever seen. The brim was so wide he couldn’t make out most of their face, except for a prominent mustache. They were draped in what appeared to be luxurious furs. They tilted up their hat slightly in Yancy’s direction and gestured him over. Was this some kind of sick joke? 

Finding himself, he walked to the table and sat. He peered closely at the face underneath the hat. There was a mischievous glint in their eyes.

“Uh... hey?” he said for the second time that day.

The mystery person glanced around them a few times before quickly tugging the brim of their hat down so only Yancy could see their face. Then they reached up and oh gravy that mustache just peeled right off, and... oh.

Oh.

“It’s me.”

“It’s... it’s youse. It’s really youse.”

You grinned so widely, you felt like the joy welling up in you would just about split your face apart. 

“I didn’t... I wasn’ sure if... I mean, is’ not like...” Yancy fumbled, a blush creeping up his cheeks, until he finally found his voice. “That hat is stupid.”

You laughed. “Yeah. It’s really stupid.”

A snicker emerged from Yancy’s throat before bubbling into a laugh. It was infectious. The two of you laughed helplessly over the ridiculousness of the entire get-up. “And what-- what is that?” Yancy managed to sputter out, pointing vaguely at your gaudy faux fur coat.

“Don’t you know a long-lost aunt and/or uncle needs to show up in style?” you said theatrically, one hand to your chest, before dissolving into more giggles.

After a minute, Yancy got quiet. Then, “Youse really came back.”

“Of course I did.” You smiled.

Of course they did, he thought, unsure what to make of the fuzzy feeling in his chest. ‘Of course’ they did?? Of... course? ??? 

“Well,” Yancy said, that blush returning to his cheeks, “Next time wear somethin’ a little less tacky, y’hear? Don’ need my friends pickin’ on me about some weird relative.”

You smiled at the implication that he expected to see you again. “Of course.”

There it was again. Of course. He could hardly believe it. But there it was.

Of course.

[mothric]

hang on.

if you broke out of Happy Trails Penitentiary, and you returned to visit Yancy,

wouldn’t they recognize you and just throw you back in prison?

why have I not considered this plot hole

[mothric]

some more Yangst (Yancy Angst):

What if Yancy lost his parents to a tragedy that was indirectly his fault? Maybe he’d taken up smoking out of rebellion, and a carelessly tossed butt or stray spark landed somewhere and caught fire. Or maybe they were having an argument while his dad was driving, and in a moment of angry distraction they plowed into oncoming traffic. Or they drowned. Or he was careless with a gun.

Somehow, they died, and he made it out alive, only to be incriminated as the perpetrator of their deaths. Parricide. Life sentence. 

And why would he plead innocent? It was his fault. Of course it was his fault. He shouldn’t have-- and he was angry at the time-- if only he hadn’t been-- if only. If only. And all the evidence was pointing to it, and everyone else believed it, so why wouldn’t he?

He put on the tough guy act in prison. This is his sentence, right? He might as well make it work for him.

He still blames himself. He still hurts. 

He still misses them so, so much.

[mothric]

so I finally just found out who Eric Derekson is and watched all the clips of him and his dad from last year’s charity livestream and I realize I am a year late to this but HOO BOY

HOOOOOOOOO B O Y

GUESS WHO HAS A NEW SON

IT’S ME

I HAVE A NEW SON AND HIS NAME IS ERIC DEREKSON

DEREK DEREKSON IS CANCELLED, I’M YOUR FATHER NOW

[mothric]

Yancy, ready to fight you: Battle Stancy

@dorks-in-fiction

[mothric]

broke: Yancy’s in prison because he killed his parents

woke: Yancy grew up poor and thought he’d have a better life in prison so he murdered his parents to ensure a life sentence in a safe place

woker: Yancy grew up poor and his parents were violently abusive so he murdered them, but he pretends they weren’t as bad as they were so nobody else worries about him

glowing brain: somebody killed Yancy’s parents and framed him, or they died in a tragic accident and he was incriminated

rocket science brain: Yancy never had parents and he framed himself

galaxy brain: Yancy’s parents are alive and well and fully support his dream of living it up in prison 

[mothric]

my brain is spitting out ideas for this father/son AU faster than i can write them down and it’s times like this that my ADHD is both a blessing and a curse

a blessing because I have ACTUAL PLOT IDEAS that I could Actually make into something

a curse because I desperately need to attend to my real-life duties and this is an enormous distraction

I’m hoping that by dumping everything into a document now before returning to the real world, I’ll have enough to actually build something when I come back to it later, even if I’ve lost momentum

fingers crossed because I really wanna write this, y’all. this never happens.