#mj: im going to have an aneurism

[erinwantstowrite]

hey so obviously peter is pretty clueless about his feelings towards ned but once he figures it out is he going to be like “oh this makes so much sense” and just kind of accept it or is he going to have more of a crisis about liking boys

bc obviously we know he’s not homophobic but it’s different when it’s yourself

i come from a super supportive family so when i figured i liked girls i was just like “huh, okay” and moved on but like with peter and his experience with skip and i don’t know how supportive some of his other families were in the foster system, is it going to be more of a existential crisis for him? like internalized homophobia

i don't have it fully fleshed out yet because i know things will change once i finally get there (it's a SLOOWWWWWBURN) but i do think about this a LOT. because while i do like to avoid writing romance, when i do write it, i want to do it right. so i often think about what peter's realization will be (keeping that part to myself teehee) and how he'll deal with it

it's less of an internalized homophobia that he has to conquer and more of like... he never even considered this an option. he never had the time or mental capacity to think about this sort of thing before. life moved fast and he was always in the middle of a grieving period or some crazy superhero shit just happened to him. he didn't stop to think about his sexuality or potential romance beyond a "well one day I'll think about it" so when the moment does happen where he's thinking about it, he's struck with the fact that he knows basically nothing about how romantic love applies to himself.

at this point he knows he can be loved by friends and family, but romance? it's a whole new ballgame and he has NOT been paying attention to the rules. he thought he was just watching from the sidelines, cheering other people on. he thought he had far more many years to figure it out

he knows what love is- he can thank Ben and May for that (and on some level, his parents, though he only knows of his parents' love through how Ben and May described them). Peter's example of two people who love each other is almost entirely based on the love Ben and May had, and Ben and May are the type of people that made other people believe in soulmates. they completed each other in a way that was impossible to comprehend fully. where one was, the other was there. Peter understands romance through them, but there are other adults in his life that are in love. Tony and Pepper are a little unconventional and Peter doesn't fully understand their dynamic sometimes, but they love each other. and depending on who our ships are (tbh I haven't fully thought them through because it doesn't really matter to our plot), Peter sees other Avengers find love too and express it in a multitude of different ways. and when he looks at the Bats?? jesus christ. i think we all know how that goes. Bruce has more messy exes than anyone ever on the planet so Peter has already been told not to look there for an example. Dick too, is not immune to that, despite being in a committed relationship with Wally. Tim has two boyfriends and... whatever he has going on with Cassie and Bart at some point, as well as having many many exes. Steph is literally one of the exes and Peter doesn't know if the two's relationship now is normal or out of the ordinary or something to strive for. he won't ask because he's not nearly there

so Peter i think... is going to be overwhelmed and not know what to do next. Ned is his first best friend, someone that he clicked with immediately. and while i do hint at a puppy crush between the two of them (where Ned is far more aware than Peter is, the poor guy), their relationship is foundational in friendship. Peter is going to be more freaked out about ruining that than finding out he's bi. he won't have a clue what to do and i honestly think (at least right now this is what i plan) he is going to be far too embarrassed to admit to anyone he has a crush. like???? forget about asking Bruce, he obviously doesn't know. Asking any of his parents (save MAYBE Pepper) would be an immediate no because 1) that's like asking him to jump out of a plane with no parachute and 2) if they give him The Talk 🐦🐝 he will die and everyone else will die and no. scratch asking literally anyone else on the JL or in the Avengers. sure, he'll trust them to save his life. but trusting them to not give bad advice or tease him or accidentally tell someone else or snitch to his parents? nah. that leaves only two people on the planet who Peter could confide to, both who knew before Peter knew (not hard to do): MJ and Felicia

which is so unbelievably funny and y'all don't even know WHY it's so funny to me yet. but I love them so much