#mizuha's birthday arc

[bestbonnist]

For the @yuriolympics2023 collab round, Destiny.

Nova @spectacular-supernova and I made this together. The title is "The Hands that Guide Us." It was so much fun to work on this piece with her, and I feel like we got to know each other a lot better as a result.

Close ups under the cut:

[bestbonnist]

Mizuha is constantly looking for proof that the people around her love her. When she asks Fushi to cry if she dies, she's essentially asking them to prove that they care about her. The question of how to prove that you love someone is asked in the case of Mizuha, and in the case of the knockers—Fushi and Yuuki spent some time searching for a way to tell the difference between humans and knockers. The solution Yuuki suggested was that knockers might not be able to feel love.

This question is also relevant to Fushi, who isn't confident that they love their friends because they're not human either. If love is a uniquely human emotion that knockers don't have, no matter how human they look on the outside, Fushi shouldn't have it either.

So Mizuha asks her question. Fushi gives her the answer she wants to hear. And she calls them out on it—not only are they lying about crying for her, they've never cried at all. To translate this exchange into the bigger picture, Fushi doesn't love Mizuha because they're not capable of love for anyone. That's what Mizuha/the left hand is saying.

Mizuha specifically asked Fushi to cry at her death. Up until this point, Fushi's watched so many of their friends die, and now Mizuha/the left hand's telling them that their grief is a lie. The most painful thing is that Fushi can't even really defend themselves because they feel like they deserve it.

Ultimately, the difference between humans and knockers doesn't matter, because Fushi decides to create a world where they can live peacefully together. During the present era, we see knockers cry and express love for others. And of course, Fushi loves their friends, even if they don't explicitly acknowledge it. So whether or not they cry has nothing to do with whether they're human or not. It's just part of who they are.

[bestbonnist]

I'm working on one of my metas for the present era and I couldn't fit this into the actual post, but I still wanted to point it out. Fushi and Yuuki keep repeating that they have to get back home for dinner by the time the sun sets, which struck me as kind of familiar so I checked and:

Setting Sun is the title of the chapter in the Renryrr arc where Fushi officially gave up, and the chapter where Kahaku came in to make them dinner.

Interesting stuff.

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 172.3

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the implication here is that these people killed themselves and Fushi didn't bring them back. Which sticks out to me because when Fushi chose to wait for people's permission to resurrect their bodies in the present era, all of their friends decided to stay with them and there were no external consequences. Although it's only briefly touched on, now we have an example of people choosing to die rather than have Fushi resurrect them again.

Knocker cream from Yuuki :( I miss him so much... I'm curious about why March is applying the cream to two dolls and why she feels like she has to apply it in a no-star area, but I'm guessing there's going to be an explanation later.

I'm completely fixated on this line about being born "out of the love of two people" my mind just refuses to let go of it. First thing I find interesting is that Fushi's of the opinion that being in love is a prerequisite to having sex/having kids. Which maybe isn't true but is a very in-character opinion to have. Fushi's a romantic at heart, they choose to believe that people are motivated by love. It's a sort of coping mechanism, because they've got to have hope for humanity in order to keep saving them. And like they told Mizuha during her birthday arc, they're envious of people who have always had parents looking out for them. Fushi also uh. Sometimes just says things that they wish were true like they are true, and even if their ideal is a world where every person has loving parents, on some level they know it doesn't match up with reality. But they're trying to comfort someone who just died so they tell them something that would comfort themselves.

Second thing is that, if we take this seriously and look at the implications of what Fushi is saying, that means that people in their world simply do not get pregnant on accident. And I was thinking that if Fushi actually knows what they're talking about then maybe Kaibara might provide and encourage free birth control to prevent babies from being born without tag chips. Which would mean, yeah, people wouldn't give birth without a really good reason and maybe that reason is love. But none of this matters because it turns out this is information Fushi got from a nine year old.

Third thing: I looked it up to be sure and Fushi is talking about sex in the original Japanese. It can be taken romantically or sexually but it's something frilly like "making love." Don't really have anything more to say about that I just learned a new word and I wanted to share it with all of you :)

Now the doll. Fell from Kaibara. Supposed to tell "them" something ("they" plural in the original Japanese). If she was sent down by 32 to tell something to multiple people, odds are it's a message for the immortals.

So there are a few questions that this raises. First, what is the doll supposed to tell them. Something related to the sphere, maybe? A warning of some kind? Second, why did 32 want to tell the immortals anything: why did she try to help them when she works for Kaibara. Third, does this have anything to do with her death. She seemed to care for the doll quite a lot, I can't imagine she would drop her in the trash unless she was desperate. To be blunt, was 32 killed by Kaibara for helping the immortals, and was this before or after the doll got her tag chip? It's really frustrating, there's a connection there but there's just not enough information to gather the details. Ooima gives us scraps every few chapters but it still feels like nothing.

[bestbonnist]

I totally thought Ooima was going to turn the Fushi-left hand fight into a parallel of the last time they faced Hayase and let her live (and the time the left hand faced Kahaku and let him live), but alas. I must do it myself.

She did actually do it with the hand touch and everything but I don't know. The vibes were completely different. And there was no Kahaku.

[bestbonnist]

Spoilers for the newest chapter:

Literally I've been waiting for something like this to happen for the entire present era and Fushi using Kahaku's body to fight the left hand plus telling it not to insult him because he's their friend is fucking great.

[bestbonnist]

Look at the way Nagisa's repeatedly shown to think of Tonari when they're in danger:

Tries to protect her when they're in trouble/clings to her for no logical reason:

Pays attention to only her while they're celebrating:

Was devastated when she thought Tonari'd been taken over by a knocker and killed:

Praises her while blushing:

Plus this affection seeking behavior:

A crush. She has a crush. It's very cute especially since she's so grumpy most of the time.

[kafkaoftherubbles]

C-C-Can I pull a Vash-the-Stampede and run away from casting a vote like a true milquetoast?

I love the Past Era because I love seeing Fushi's growth—I'm the Beholder's one-sided best friend for a reason! I don't mean the more typical shonen type of growth, though. I meant the process of gaining humanity from a supposed "divine" or alien being. It harkens to my cognitive science stuff, i.e. the brain, so it's really just nerd fascination. Them growing philosophically was also great. The gradual discovery of their power set was cool, but as usual, I love the discovery of how Fushi's powers work more so than their effects and utilities. I've always been more interested in the hows and whys of things than the whats. Oh, and the Nameless Boy's loneliness will never stop resonating!!!

--

I love the Present Era because I got to see the Beholder himself gaining his humanity now (yes, there is a pattern here.)The Beholder—Satoru—is really my favorite thing. The birthday chapter is this arc's Nameless Boy shit for me. I had deliberately eschewed reading a large chunk of the Present Era because I wanna keep it for my Season 3, but from what I knew about Left Hand Nokker and Mizuha, I don't know... The latter is very intriguing as a character study, while the former... kinda resonates. Kinning a problematic Nokker is truly a weird thing for a self-styled "Beholder's One-Sided Best Friend."

--

I already like a lot of the Future Era. Of all fiction I read (which is not plenty, compared to the nonfiction shits), sci-fi has remained my favorite and most familiar genre. And very easy bias—the main character this time is a motherfucking DOLL, who wants to be human! I'm weak against that! Ah, and I love speculating along the story because of elements that pertain to my nerdy fascination: cloning, brainwave uploading, social stratification, transhumanistic themes, etc. The speculations, which at least one involves the NAMELESS BOY (oh I did not need to capitalize that), make me even more excited. This is the finale! The crescendo and the resolution! The end of their journey to gain humanity! How can I not be excited and looking forward to the end of these characters' themes, after transcending death... do they now desire that final rest? Will they? Why will they?

And where will you go, Fushi? Let me watch you till the end!!

...and that is why I'm the milquetoast who reblogged this and yet did NOT vote. I'm not strong enough! I have no dignity!

I'm curious! I also want to know which one you picked and why.

[bestbonnist]

Hi! I’ve reading your analysis on to your eternity manga chapters and they’re great. I wanted to request if you could talk about the recent chapter more, Mizuha falling to her death and meeting the ancestors later on in heaven. I was a bit confused on seeing that baby in her hands in the afterlife, can you explain that a bit? :) and also if she’s dead then why are her friends carrying her away like that since we see her soul go to heaven where she met with the rest of her ancestors! Thank you <3

You're not alone in your confusion. Mizuha was also confused, because the baby isn't a part of her Paradise. Not only has she never expressed any interest in having a child, but I actually think that since her perfection depends on her current young and innocent image, a baby wouldn't cut it.

I guess you could make the argument that if Mizuha allowed herself to dream about a future where she grew into an adult, a baby would be part of that dream, although I personally would disagree because I think she negatively associates parenthood with Izumi. Regardless, the baby is completely out of left field because the manga has never actually addressed Mizuha's feelings on having kids before. However, right after the baby appears, Hayase—who has said that she wants to have Fushi's child, whose dream included a kid when it was illustrated on volume five's cover, and who started reincarnating just so one of her descendants could fulfill her wish for her—also shows her face.

Hayase congratulates Mizuha on a job well done, then she's swept away with the rest of her ancestors. Although everyone looks happy, this is not cute. Mizuha's individual dream was replaced with a collective one, I highly doubt that the greatest dream of every single person in Hayase's bloodline was to have Fushi's baby. And if it was: that's kind of disturbing! In death, Mizuha's personality was stripped away by Hayase's overpowering will. We've never seen someone leave Paradise to reincarnate, but I imagine that's what this is supposed to represent.

Fushi and Yuuki were carrying Mizuha away because unlike the readers, they don't know she's dead. Even so, they can make an educated guess. She looks pretty fucking dead, and they have to know it's unlikely they'd reach the hospital in time even if she wasn't. I'd say, right now the possibility of Mizuha dying is so horrible to everyone involved that they don't even want to consider it. Yuuki in particular is fueled by his blind optimism and the slight chance that it's not too late. For their part, Fushi didn't seem to be in a hurry until they started getting shot at, so they may have already given up and just don't want to leave her body with the Defense Corps.

Thank you for the ask, I hope this was helpful and not too much :)

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 153.1

If you get nothing else from this meta, at least get that Fushi deliberately left weapons in a place Tonari would see because they believed that she would be able to take care of anything that happened as long as she had explosives. Also happy New Year's.

Weirdly, it doesn't look like Fushi's knocker put anything in the water. It just kind of held its arm inside. Typically you would avoid sticking your whole hand into water just to drop something in, although it doesn't seem like this knocker has adapted to its human body so it might not care. But what I think is that it was keeping whatever it used to knock everyone out under its skin... it would explain why Mizuha was sewing its body up: because she had to cut it open to put something inside (there's also that sludgy stuff which I'll get to in a bit). It's not like Fushi's knocker was carrying a bag that it dropped in and just happened to stick its whole arm in along the way. It wasn't carrying anything during its introduction the previous chapter.

Tonari looking dead into the knocker's eyes and immediately grabbing Aiko and going to get the bow and anti-knocker arrows was so fucking great. I love her. I love everything about her characterization this chapter. One thing I put together while reading is that Tonari—especially compared to Fushi—is quick to make conclusions and quick to act on them. If it were Fushi who had one of their friends controlled like this they wouldn't be able to kill them, first of all, but if they had every reason to think that all the knockers were dead then they wouldn't even be suspicious.

I love the contrast between Tonari's usual easygoing attitude and her seriousness in this fight. In the Jananda arc when Tonari was in danger she would continue to smile and joke around, which made Fushi think something was wrong with her. Up until the point where her friends died Tonari didn't pay attention during fights and was constantly caught off guard.

And yet in this chapter not only was she completely focused, but Fushi—who previously thought of her as a nuisance in the Jananda arc because they couldn't trust her to protect herself—is now trusting her to protect an entire school. They saw her resolve for themselves after her friends died and they know that she would do anything to prevent a tragedy like that from happening again (because that's what they would do).

I love this page here's why: Tonari's position in the first three panels is to show her opposition to everyone else at the school. She stands apart, she's moving against the crowd. Her feet are flat on the the ground and she doesn't show a hint of unease. In the third and fourth panels she's looking straight ahead, and with the way the perspective moves in closer to her you can tell that this is building up to something. But the final panel is uncomfortably close and cuts off Tonari's eyes, making her seem slightly creepy. She's not facing forward with confidence anymore, she's sweating, and her voice is wobbling, betraying her nervousness. A feather, which is supposed to symbolize friendship, is attached to the weapon Tonari's going to use to kill her friend. The whole page just has a lot of rising tension and captures the nuances of what Tonari's feeling even though her expression barely changes and she says literally three words so I love it. Best page this chapter.

The present era's knockers can distort their hosts' bodies if they so choose, but they can't change the stuff that was already inside. This sludgy stuff has to be something Mizuha put there. It's not the sleeping potion, which is entirely liquid, and it's not explosives (thank fucking god), which would have blown up the school the moment Tonari hit them with her arrow. So then what is it? No fucking clue, but it's there for a reason so keep it at the front of your mind.

We have a name for the homeroom teacher, finally. Tana-sensei. Fuuna calls her "Tanacchi" which is endearing and cute. Probably not very respectful though.

I'm trying to think of a reason why Fushi's knocker would put everyone to sleep instead of just killing them and I'm guessing it's so that it can pick and choose the good people to keep and the bad ones to kill (ie. the people Mizuha likes and the people Mizuha doesn't like) without a bunch of children screaming. We'll see if I'm right.

Tonari protecting the school by herself? Great, amazing, I love it, probably the best possible position Ooima could have put her in. Hear me out: Tonari's been putting herself in the role of the adult this arc, which makes it her job to keep children safe. Dating back to the Jananda arc, protecting kids has always been one of Tonari's goals. But Tonari's distant from her classmates because she doesn't really see them as peers, and as seen in Jananda she doesn't care that much about people she doesn't know personally. Like I said, Jananda's Tonari would give a bigger damn than usual simply because those people are children, but she's been willing to injure and even kill kids (Hisame and March, in case you're wondering who the hell I'm talking about) since becoming an adult.

The reason for Tonari's change is because she's committed to following Fushi/she's grown up and become a twisted adult. With them in the picture, she'll push herself to be the mature one and do what's best for them, not for anyone else. Conveniently, Fushi's trapped underground right now, leaving (TRUSTING) Tonari to choose between killing their knocker no matter how many causalities it takes or keeping everyone—a bunch of people she doesn't even fucking like—alive by risking her life for them.

Ooima has also helpfully kept five other students awake that Tonari can potentially rely on. I personally want to see her rely on someone else again, because she hasn't done that in so long... Basically this set-up is like a rehash of the Jananda arc's climax and I mean that in the best possible way because failing to protect anyone was what made Tonari become more mature, but right now she's miserable because she's not letting herself be selfish sometimes like she used to. All the cards are laid out to let her revisit the person she used to be or make everything about five times worse.

[bestbonnist]

So Izumi doesn't trust Mizuha's dad as far as she can throw him but he (apparently) did love her and continues to do so. And it looks like Mizuha's dad's knocker is fond of Izumi's knocker but Izumi's knocker tearfully declared that it was in love with Mizuha's dad before tripping and dying. This is a soap opera.

[bestbonnist]

Mizuha's grandpa is telling Yuuki to take the most obviously dead girl I've ever fucking seen to the hospital.

[bestbonnist]

I'm going to start sharing the editor's notes because they aren't included in the official English translation. Not that they're important or anything (unless you wanna know when FnAe's going to break), I just think they're neat.

Recap:

The fake-Fushi gains on Tonari... if it catches up, the end.

Preview:

They were able to drive the fake-Fushi away thanks to a sudden connection. But both in the shelter and at school, the crisis continues...

Continued in the next issue.

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 152.1

I’m not sure this is obvious unless you look at the raws, but this chapter’s title and Chapter 151’s title are matching. “Tsuna gu mono” and “igyou no mono” both have the word for “something” in the same place. It makes this title feel like a direct response to the four weeks of build up to seeing Mizuha again. The "thing that connects" her to her friends has been warped. Maybe this is an easy connection to make and I'm just being pretentious as usual.

Tonari's pain in the ass song makes her seem childish, even though she’s still trying to maintain an adult persona. In the short time we saw her, she expressed the idea that Fushi’s such a child that she, their mature mentor figure, has to help them out. I’m pretty sure it’s to cover up she actually worries about them just because she loves them, but even so Tonari restricting her role in Fushi’s life to cleaning up after them is demeaning for both of them.

By the way I am absolutely going to take a decent chunk of this post to talk about Tonari even though she did practically nothing. Because I love her. But first: you can see that Bon's been discarding his shit here too. The macarons and tea set are definitely his.

Twice now we’ve had Tonari’s point of view as she thinks about Fushi while they’re meeting with the left hand. It’s to show the contrast between two people who like Fushi (Mizuha and Tonari), obviously, but also going way back to the Jananda arc, Tonari was the only one who tried to save Fushi when they pretended to go with Hayase. Right now, they've gone off with one of her successors, but Tonari's not going to save them because she doesn't want to be controlling like Hayase. She's matured, but not in a good way! Her childish selfishness (for lack of a better word; basically the freedom to do what she wants) was what let her foil Hayase's plans way back in the day, but she can't do that anymore because she already tried to take an active role in Fushi's life, and it didn't work out. It’s like the timing was off, and now that Mizuha is actually an issue, Tonari’s worried about Fushi, and there are weapons right in front of her, she's not going to do anything. It furthers the feeling that things were supposed to play out a certain way, but they've gotten twisted somehow (like the present era being a subversion of the concepts introduced in the previous era on purpose, not like Ooima accidentally fucked the story up).

Mizuha, by the way, is absolutely living selfishly. She has what she's always wanted: someone who dotes on her and exists only to fulfill her desires. Obviously this is not a healthy relationship, which is what Mizuha truly wants. I've said this before, but Mizuha won't conceptualize a relationship with two people who are equals, because she's never seen one. The closest she got was trying to convey to Hanna way back when she ran away from home that Hanna was special to her with the feather hair-tie. Mizuha's character deterioration my beloved.

Literally eating Fushi is fulfilling Hayase’s wish to “become one with them” by technicality. If you've read Chainsaw Man, you know what I mean. But although Mizuha possesses Fushi in a materialistic way, she doesn't have what she needs, the immortality part. It would be easy for her to just ask Fushi to make her immortal, and they would agree, but as Mizuha says in this chapter, she doesn't trust them. Why should she leave her most important dream in someone else's hands when she can do it herself?

And then Fushi's response, that there's no real Fushi... Unfortunately this explains how Fushi could agree to let Gugu live with them forever and then jump at their first chance to get themselves killed like his determination means nothing to them. Overriding other people's decisions because they think that they can do better is something Fushi does a lot. Reread the last sentence in the previous paragraph please... yeah. They're just as selfish as Mizuha, in their own way.

Like Tonari says here, regardless of what Fushi does, their friends' wishes will come to pass. Even March and Eko can live on their own and rely on people better equipped to help them grow, like Mimori and their tutor. Fushi's been thinking of themselves like a tool they can use to help their friends, but that tool isn't necessary anymore. So there's no reason for them to stay.

Fushi's response to Mizuha's request, and the fact that eating them isn't enough to become immortal, really emphasizes how difficult it is to pin Fushi down. Unlike Tonari and Satoru, and presumably the knockers, their personality isn't affected if their vessel changes. It remains constant, which is actually pretty special if you think about it. Even if the knockers have one of their bodies, their self isn't affected at all, although their memories are. They're real, like Mizuha says, they can carry a conversation, but everything that makes them them is intangible. This is why the knockers have been having so much trouble finding out "where Fushi's life is located."

Even though Mizuha would probably say she's freer than she's ever been, she's physically trapped inside the Defense Corps. base, and her hair in this chapter is completely black even though her mother's has its usual shine. Funny how her hair only loses its luster after she casts aside the people she was afraid would make her dull. Besides that, it also looks like she’s unwell. I mean, physically unwell. She's always been mentally unwell. The overall vibe is that her depression has actually gotten worse.

About the reason given for why she's being kept underground: it's been hinted that the knockers now want to bring Paradise to humans instead of the other way around. This is exactly what Fushi wishes for as well, so it's possible that this meeting will turn into a negotiation between the Defense Corps. and Fushi about how to collaborate and create a perfect world. But like I said earlier, Fushi's realized that humans will help each other and make a happy world without their interference. It's not impossible to convince them, because we've seen pretty clearly that they're married to the idea of proving themselves to Mizuha, and they change their mind a lot, but it really depends on how the left hand/Mizuha approaches this.

For the majority of this chapter, Fushi was just parroting things they’d heard from someone else. It's especially blatant when they do this with Mizuha, but they do it practically all the time to everyone. Even this trip to find Mizuha in the Defense Corps. headquarters was based on Fushi's assumption that what worked with Fuuna would work with her.

This is one of the reasons Mizuha says nothing they say rings true. You can sort of think of Fushi as a collection of experiences they've had since they took on Johann's form, that just recites the stuff it knows. An oversimplification, yeah, but that's how Fushi thinks of themselves, and it affects how they interact with the world around them. It's funny, all the blocks they've put up to try and prevent themselves from feeling negative emotions are preventing them from connecting with other people. Rather hypocritical of Mizuha to call them out on this, seeing as one of her expectations after achieving immortality is that she'll stop feeling like shit all the time and be able to make friends easily.

By the way, Mizuha herself has a habit of speaking in riddles and half-truths, but she’s never technically lied, as far as I can tell. She values honesty, but as Saki said, she never says what she really means. For comparison, Fushi has lied to her a genuinely impressive amount since they met. And Tonari has been brutally honest. Thanks to Izumi's knocker, Mizuha knows that the Defense Corps. will accept her unconditionally, and as such she doesn't fear the repercussions of acting on her desires, meaning that she doesn't bother mincing words anymore. We saw this in Chapter 146.1 when she kissed Hanna and told her straight (ha) that she liked her, but she almost immediately reverted in Chapter 146.2 when she ran back to Fushi, and couldn't tell them what was wrong. That was because she hadn't had a lot of time to sit with her newfound confidence before confronting Fushi and Hanna, so she ended up cracking pretty quickly when pushed.

When it comes to herself, however, Mizuha has probably become a liar. In this chapter, she kept the conversation focused on Fushi's faults with blunt statements, and avoided their questions about her true feelings. The opposite of Tonari, who's now honest with herself but doesn't share her private thoughts with anyone anymore (another reason why the two of them are foiling each other within the narrative, but not practically).

I’m so glad Fushi having only cried once is actually getting covered in the manga. We’ve never seen them crying and I assumed it was a small mercy from the Beholder, but I also thought Fushi having never cried being something that marks them as the individual “Fushi” instead of a quirk of someone else’s body would be really cool. I mean, their other bodily functions work fine. But what Mizuha's implying is that this makes them less human. This is bullshit and she knows it, but she's still deliberately provoking them because even though Fushi said they don't exist like a page ago, they still get upset at the idea that they appear less than human. God was created in man's image and all that.

Mizuha is so obviously manipulating Fushi but because she/the left hand knows them so well there's nothing they can do. Like how they couldn't act against Mimori's knocker because of a moral loophole even though it was so obviously not doing anything good. They’re trying to rise to her challenge but in the end they’re doing what she wants anyways. I pretty much got my answer and Fushi will probably die. They've decided earning Mizuha’s approval is more important than returning to their friends, and to earn that approval, they’re going to have to use their own words. That would be a lot easier if the few times they tried to reach out to Mizuha about things that they found exciting, she hadn't shut them down. Fushi taking off the rope was a signal that they're willing to do whatever it takes to get Mizuha to listen to them, but also that they're releasing themselves from everything holding them back from saying what they want.

The different directions in Fushi and Mizuha's character development can be summarized like this: if Fushi's learned that having to ask someone not to hate them probably means that they should reassess what they've done to make that person hate them, Mizuha's learned not to ask for forgiveness at all. Why should she? She's convinced that she must be right. And Fushi's learned that they're always wrong.

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 156.1 Notes

End of chapter:

The fake-Mizuha ran away. After that, Fushi is... !!

To be continued in the next issue.

Mangaka comment:

By the way, in case you don't know, next week is Golden Week in Japan which means the entire magazine FnAe's serialized in will be on break.

[bestbonnist]

Chapter 155.2 Editor's Notes

No recap was provided this week. We dove straight into the action.

Preview:

No break next week.

Tonari is determined, however... what's that on her cheek?!