#miyajima's is killing me

[numberonefjordfan2020]

Staff tweets for dunmeshi ep 12! {Farcille Edition}

Episode 12

Aoi Abe

@agpi5

YÜTA

Yoshihiro Miyajima

@tamakakama2018

Emi Tamura

[a-student-out-of-time]

As if. You would still kill everyone here anyway. We know your type and they have no concept of morality. In fact they don’t understand it.

And yet you’d condemn the lives of everyone in this hospital, rather than forsaking just one life. I don’t have any reason to kill them if I don’t have to.

It’s only if you make me, really.

Liar. I can see your true intentions.

You’d destroy this entire hospital just for fun if you could!

And at this rate, I think I’ll start with you.

...

Miyajima-san, don’t antagonize her.

…You know, if I believed for a second that you’d actually spare the people in this hospital, I might’ve actually considered your offer. But I can see what you’re thinking too.

I don’t care what your reasons are. You’ve hurt and killed people I considered family, all so you could get to me. You’re a monster.

…

Typical, stupid children...

[memoriofagoldfish]

On this day, one year ago...

Today I took a day trip to Miyajima. I have this recollection of finding the Hiroshima transport system really difficult to understand. I think I struggled to find the right train, or bus, or tram, or whatever it was that would take me to the ferry. It took over 2 hours to get to Miyajima.

I feel really bad looking back on my time in Miyajima. It was such a lovely place full of so many beautiful things (and deer!) and I was just... not vibing. My head and heart weren't in it. I was so tired. When I got there, I had lunch at Starbucks (and killed myself laughing over some Stardom stuff while I was there) and had a mini nap... in the Starbucks. Which is much more socially acceptable to do in Japan, by the way.

But yeah, Miyajima! Gosh... there was a bustling market street where I got some ice cream. Hundreds of tame deer, just like Nara. And just so many sights! This is gonna be another photo dump 😅

First there was the famous floating Torii gate on the beach, which wasn't floating so much as the tide was out 😂

The beach was really lovely though, and the Itsukushima Shrine was very cool too. I bet it would have looked amazing if the tide was in.

Then you could go on walks up to more shrines and temples. Just walking through the greenery where there were less tourists and crowds was really nice.

The deer were, naturally, one of the best attractions :D

This guy was the first one I saw. I thought he was a statue or something. Nope! He was patiently waiting for the restaurant to open 😂

Someone very nicely offered to take my picture with this cute lil guy. Ignore the fact I'm holding the carrier bag like a gremlin.

After that it was back to the hotel! Pretty sure I got a takeaway pizza that night. I know I did one of my nights there 😅

But yeah, all in all I would love to go back to Miyajima. Maybe spend the night there. There's so much to do and see. There's mountains you can get cable cars up to, or go on long hikes. Too much for one day, and it's a shame my headspace wasn't better, but it is what it is :)

I got a steak bowl through UberEats for dinner :)

2023/05/01

[elizainjapan]

June 17th- Free Day

Today I saw my family! My younger brother and mom came in last night, so we all met at the train station to go to Hiroshima. My cousins have been stationed in Iwajima for the past two years, so they also met us later in Hiroshima for some lunch. The train was pretty normal and took about 2 hours to get there. I immediately introduced my family to 7/11, and then we walked to the Peace Memorial Park. I felt pretty awful seeing the A-Dome in person, and the feeling only worsened as the day went on. My cousins took us to an okonomiyaki place for lunch (which is what Hiroshima is known for), and it was delicious! After this, we walked around some more before heading to Miyajima by boat. I wish I could say that the scenery was beautiful, but I fell asleep almost instantly. Once we got there it was gorgeous though! I loved seeing how friendly the deer were, and it got me excited for our trip to Nara. We also say the very famous floating torii gate but it was low tide so we could go up to it. The weather couldn’t have been better for a beach day. We walked in the sand for a bit before grabbing multiple sweet treats. A personal favorite was a maple warm croissant with caramel in it. It was so good we had to go back to by more. Then we took the boat back to Hiroshima to go to the Atomic Bomb Museum. It was extremely moving. Very well done, but also absolutely horrifying. There were a lot of graphic pictures of people’s skin falling off from the burns, children throwing up blood from the radioactive environment, and limbs being thrown everywhere. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The hardest part was reading all of the stories. There was one about a family whose mother had died and the father tried to kill his children and himself. It was horrible. Museums never really impact me like this, but I think it was because I felt somewhat responsible. Anyway, we left to go back to the train station and go home, but we got on the wrong shinkansen and ended up an extra hour farther away. It was very stressful because there weren’t many trains running anymore, so we just had to hop on one and hope it would led to our trains fee station on time. It all worked out in the end though, and I got home to eat some delicious 7/11.

[byneddiedingo]

Tatsuya Nakadai in The Human Condition II: Road to Eternity (Masaki Kobayashi, 1959)

Cast: Tatsuya Nakadai, Michiyo Aratama, Kei Sato, Kunie Tanaka, Michiro Minami, Keiji Sada, Kokinji Katsura, Jun Tatara. Screenplay: Zenzo Matsuyama, Masaki Kobayashi, based on a novel by Junpei Gomikawa. Cinematography: Yoshio Miyajima. Art direction: Kazue Hirataka. Film editing: Keiichi Uraoka. Music: Chuji Kinoshita.

If the first part of Masaki Kobayashi's The Human Condition makes me think of the earnest "serious pictures" that came out of Hollywood in the 1940s -- I have in mind such movies as The Razor's Edge (Edmund Goulding, 1946), in which Tyrone Power searches for the meaning of life, or Gentleman's Agreement (Elia Kazan, 1947), in which Gregory Peck crusades against antisemitism -- then the second part, Road to Eternity, suggests, even in its subtitle, the influence of From Here to Eternity (Fred Zinnemann, 1953), that near-scathing* look at brutality in Army basic training. Kaji (Tatsuya Nakadai), our idealistic protagonist, has been sent to war, and has to endure all manner of abuse even though he's an excellent marksman and a sturdy trooper. His objections to Japanese militarism and his belief that the war is wrong mark him out as a "Red," and for a time he contemplates escaping into his idealized version of the Soviet Union. But his sympathy for his fellow recruits keeps him plugging away, occasionally taking heat for his defense of them, especially from the military veterans who have been called up to serve. They object to his treating the recruits he is put in charge of training with respect and human decency -- they went through hell in basic training, so why shouldn't everyone? The film ends with a cataclysmic battle sequence, during which Kaji has to kill one of his fellow soldiers, who has gone stark raving mad and whose antics threaten the lives of other soldiers. It's not the first time Kaji has resorted to killing a fellow soldier: Earlier, he has been mired in quicksand with a brutal man who has caused the suicide of a recruit, and Kaji lets him drown. The intensity of the battle scenes takes some of the focus away from Kaji's intellectualizing, which is all to the good.

*I have to qualify: From Here to Eternity is not as scathing as the James Jones novel on which it's based, thanks to the Production Code and the residual good feeling of having won the war. In some ways, The Human Condition II is more properly an anticipation of Stanley Kubrick's no-holds-barred Full Metal Jacket (1987).

[symphonicscans]

Fujimi Orchestra - Wandering Violinist (Book 2, Part 1)

Author: Akizuki Koh   Illustrator: Keiko Nishi (Read Book 1 Here)

Content Warning! 18+ Yaoi/BL/Soft Noncon This volume doesn’t have rape per say, but there are references to what happened in the first volume, so just in case I’m still providing a warning. Nothing is super explicit. Also, if you want to start with this book there is plenty of recap throughout the book to catch you up on characters and situations.

And we’re onto book 2! This book also has two parts, so hopefully I’ll have the second done in the next few weeks.  If you want to read on Google Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSuh6ZZf--fQVn8mkSKkovlnZgIfKcD0vL1dmNRBBo2xVNMPw3EHBpNChs0vW4zq5qymXWQcZsvZmib/pub#ftnt1

Part I : Wandering Violinist

I have no apartment… no roost… not for tonight. I looked around in the hot and humid summer night; I couldn't even mumble because I was completely stunned by the situation. If I had to guess at the statistics, I’d say that the Fujimi-cho neighborhood -- where 80% of the residents live in apartments -- is like a ghost-town every year around this time. This is because there are many brave people who insist that they celebrate the ‘Bon Festival in my hometown,’ undeterred by the hustle and bustle of expensive flight tickets or the hellish rush to return home. It kills two birds with one stone: they make their dutiful family trip, and they don’t have to pay for accommodations when they get there. 

Actually, I — Yuuki Morimura — was one of those people. The reason I say ‘was’ is because I had just returned to my dear home-town after a two year absence on one such obligatory trip. I’m 23 years old and a music instructor at a public high school, as well as a violinist and concertmaster of the Fujimi Citizen’s Philharmonic, also known as the ‘Ni-chome Philharmonic’ or just ‘Fujimi.’ I seem to be considered a quiet and serious person because of the glasses I’ve worn since junior high, and often mistaken as younger than my age thanks to my slim body and feminine face (that I’m not so pleased with); I actually think I’m a pretty assertive person. I moved to Tokyo for music school, and then Fujimi-cho, which has become my second home ever since. 

Since my mother passed away, Fujimi feels even more like my second home. So as I returned from my three-day ‘homecoming’ trip and smelled the familiar scents of Fujimi, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I arrived before Fujimi’s rehearsal day, just after nine o’clock in the evening. Many of the shops in Fujimi Ginza around the small train station were already closed, each shutter with a sign on the door that said they were closed for tomorrow’s Obon holiday; well, as far as the rest of the country is concerned, tomorrow is the real Obon holiday. I took advantage of the fact that I work at a school with summer vacation to beat the rush of people returning home. This was always my trick that I used in the summer when I would go back home to the country. I would take care of my obligations before the proper Bon Festival and spend the three days when Fujimi-cho was quiet, playing the violin in my empty apartment building. It was the only thing I enjoyed in the summer, as I don’t have any other hobbies.

Now the steel frame of the building was exposed to the sky, and underneath my feet was rubble that seemed to be made from the collapsed walls, along with black trash that must have been furniture. I had entered the alley and turned the corner as usual, and saw the scene that was now in front of me; it was a total loss fire. Both my building and the one on the other side of mine were at least 80% burnt down. I scratched my head and turned to the right. The liquor store on the corner was still open.

“Excuse me, good evening!” A lady came out while using a fan. She looked me up and down and made a sympathetic face. “Ah, the Miyajima apartment building over there burned down yesterday evening, I heard about it on the NHK news,” she said.

“I didn’t hear anything about it, I was back at my parents’ house.”

“Oh, you lived there?” The woman scratched her cauliflower-like permed head with the handle of her fan, probably because she was uncomfortable dealing with a person she didn’t know. “That’s terrible. The fire spread quickly and the firefighters didn’t show up for a while because it was right in the middle of rush hour, you know.”

“Um, did anybody...die?” 

“It was a blessing that you weren’t there, the people who were left were burnt to a crisp. They were all dead by the time the firemen got there.”

“I see…”

“I heard it started from tempura oil. Yamamoto-san on the first floor was the origin of the fire. His wife always looked very careless.”

“Ah...Thank you,” the lady seemed like she wanted to keep talking, but I hadn’t recovered enough from the first round of information to keep up with more rumors. I bowed my head and left the store. The only question for now was where I could sleep tonight… I wondered if there were any hotels in this town. I remembered seeing a few love hotels, but as I walked towards the station I realized I needed to find something else: money. I didn’t have any. 

I put down my travel bag and violin under the streetlight and checked my wallet. No matter how many times I counted it, there was only 3,000 yen. Naturally I didn’t have much left, since I had given most of my money to my sister when I left my parents’ house. It was only fair since I stayed for three days at the place she was living with four children and a husband on the salary of a civil servant, while also maintaining a large country house and fields. I wanted to be considerate, and also make a small gesture since I was now a salaried employee, so I left her with enough money for a meal. But now…

“The bank won’t be closed even on Bon holidays,” I said to myself. No — tomorrow is Saturday! No, wait, I can still withdraw money, my card is in my wallet. So in the morning I can get money. I picked up my bag and case, which was now all I had to my name, and started walking. Oh yeah, my scores, my CD player, the CDs themselves, my clothes, my wardrobe, my futon, my toaster… all burned. Everything, everything…! I was hit with the sound of an oncoming car and rushed to get out of the way. As I looked at the red glow of the receding tail lights, I thought of the word ‘penniless.’ I have a violin, an ATM card, and a few clothes for the time being, so I’m not completely broke, but I’d be grateful if I could at least talk to Ishida-san, the caretaker of Fujimi, who I know I could rely on. But he’s on his usual week-long summer vacation. His whole family left for Hokkaido in the country on the same day that I left, and of course his coffee shop Mozart is also closed.

There were only two other members of the orchestra who knew where I lived: Natsuko Kawashima, a flutist, and the conductor, Tounoin. I had been in love with Kawashima for three years, even proposed to her, but we finally settled as friends in the orchestra. And Tounoin… well, I thought about going to him. He would be more than willing to let me stay, but that ‘willingness’ was the problem. He was gay, fell in love with me, and raped me — though the rape was an accident, as Tounoin had thought I was also gay and that I wanted to have sex with him. I respect Tounoin as a genius conductor, and I also think he’s a very good man, as he was willing to give up his affections towards me and not bring that kind of trouble into our relationship as musicians. 

That’s why… I don’t think I should go to his place to stay. No matter how much help he offers or how strong his willpower is, I don’t want to give him the opportunity to spoil me. He’s a human being too, and you never know when his self-control might slip… I don’t want to ruin the friendship we’ve established. I couldn’t impose on him like that, but I also couldn’t think of anywhere else that would let me stay. The list of Fujimi members and school staff had burned to ash in the fire, and there were a lot of people that I couldn’t remember their full names to look them up in the phone book.

I was flipping through the pages of the city phone book, trying to find a hotel, when I heard the sound of rain. It started raining. Then it was pouring. It seems like bad luck was following me like a bad smell. I took out ten yen from my wallet and picked up the phone.

“Hello, do you have any rooms available? Yes, for tonight. Oh, that’s great. Where are you located?” I thanked them, hung up the phone and wondered out loud, “Yeah, that’s pretty far. The cab fare alone would wipe out all my money. I wonder if they would let me stay without a deposit?”

I heard a noise and looked outside. A soaking wet businessman was waiting, so I opened the phone booth and said, “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” and dashed under the eaves of a building to avoid getting wet. I hurriedly wiped the drops of water from my violin case. I decided to wait for the rain to let up and then walk to the hotel; since I only had 3,000 yen I really couldn’t spend it on the cab. But the evening downpour, which I assumed would stop if I waited it out, did not let up even after an hour. I waved my hand at the approaching lights of an empty cab and repeatedly counted the contents of my wallet in my head.

---

After going through 5 other hotels, the sixth hotel receptionist — my last ray of hope in the whole town — was a gentle, motherly woman with a pleasant appearance and tone of voice… “Oh, that’s the thing, isn’t it?”

I said quickly, “I have an ATM card, so if the bank is open tomorrow morning, I promise I can get the money! I know you have a rule that you have to pay in advance, but I won’t cause any trouble!” Needless to say, I’m not very good at this kind of negotiation. But there was nothing else I could do. I was so embarrassed that my forehead broke out in a cold sweat, but I persisted desperately. “I’m begging you. I can’t stay out in the open in this rain!” The woman, who seemed to be going through hardship of her own, looked down with a troubled expression. ‘One more push,’ I thought.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but if there’s any way…”

“Well, let me have your driver’s license.”

“Oh, that’s —“ I was sure that I had finally found a solution. “I don’t have it.”

“You don’t have a driver’s license?” It was heart-wrenching to see her face, which had finally softened somewhat, switch back into cold rejection.

“...my insurance card was burned. But..!” I pulled my ATM card out of my drenched back pocket. “I’ll leave this with you!”

The woman shook her head apologetically. “That doesn’t prove your identity, does it?”

“But if you look up my card number…”

“Can you prove it’s yours?” I was about to open my mouth to argue against her rude suspicion when the sound of rain started up again.

The easy-going face of welcome had turned into a cruel mask when she looked back at me. She said quietly, “Anyway, we don’t accept single guests.” Basically, I was interfering with their business, so get out of here.

“Ah, I see. Thank you.” Apparently this is the way the city is. I thought I could handle the love-hotel atmosphere, but I was naive. I gave the guests that had entered behind me some space so I wouldn’t have to look at them, but it seemed to be an unnecessary precaution.

“Oh, let’s take this room!” I heard the excited girl’s voice behind me as I walked out, not feeling the least bit guilty about being in a love hotel. This was the last of my hotel choices, and I had run out of ideas. I wondered if the heavens had come to regret their cruelty to me, as it was raining lightly when I went outside. But the situation wasn’t any better just because the rain was lighter.

“Police, maybe?” I had heard of something called ‘tiger boxes’ that were used to protect drunks, but I wondered if they would have anything for a lodger like me. ‘It’s all so bad!’ I thought, but that was the only option I could think of at this point. However, the police station was behind the Fujimi train station, which took me 20 minutes to get there by car, and now I had to walk back... “I’ve got 820 yen in my pocket, so I have no other choice.”

The problem was the violin, which could not get wet. I decided to put it in my travel bag, and used my summer jacket as a furoshiki for my overflowing clothes. I walked out into the rain, which was cold on my already soaking body. There was nothing else I could do.

—

“Achoo!” I sneezed, waking up. I was greeted by masculine-smelling air and unnecessary air conditioning. It seemed that I had caught a cold. I put my glasses on and looked at the round clock on the wall; it was barely 7am… I had stumbled into this police station a little after two in the morning, managed to get them to understand my situation, and they let me stay in the dormitory nap room.

“Achoo!” I guess it’s time for me to leave. After all, the air conditioning was too cold in here. I folded the blanket I had borrowed and left the dormitory room. I looked around for the middle-aged policeman that had helped me earlier, but maybe his shift had ended. I turned around and saw a policeman who looked younger than me.

“Oh, you must be Morimura-san.”

“Yes, I was staying here. Thanks to you, I was saved. This is for the person who helped me last night,” I offered him a box of sweets that my sister had given me to take home, “It’s a little wet from the rain, but inside is manju.”

“Oh no, that’s too much.”

“No, I’m really grateful.” As I was saying this, my nose started to itch again. I sneezed and bowed.

The city was already hot and humid, so I was grateful for the chills that were creeping into my body. I bought the cheapest lunch at a convenience store in the middle of the street and headed for the bank. It was 7:24am on August 13th, and in 30 minutes I would be able to say goodbye to the miserable feeling of having just 500 yen in my pocket. But I didn’t know… I didn’t know that today is the day the door of hell would be flung open.

It’s hot… the cicadas are so noisy. And… there was no money. The lack of money I thought I had was extremely shocking, there must have been some mistake. I’m sure it was just some small clerical error, like a paycheck failing to transfer. I did buy a new suit for the school year and paid for it in one lump sum with my bonus, but that should have gone through in July… but the ‘balance of 2,637 yen’ on the statement the cashier spit out was an unquestionable fact from the employee that was working that Saturday. He told me to come back on Monday for more details. The bank book, which was supposed to be a clue to solve my money question, had been reduced to ashes along with my personal seal and ID card. And the only thing that could guarantee that I am Yuuki Morimura was an ATM card, which could be stolen or picked up…

If it had been the bank where Kawashima-san worked, she probably would have taken care of it. Fujimi’s most beautiful flutist, Natsuko Kawashima, who had rejected my desperate proposal, was the type of person who would be strong in an emergency situation like this. But she’s not here, and anyway as a man I couldn’t just go to my girlfriend’s workplace and cry to her. For an hour I was at a loss for what to do, wondering what the hell I did to deserve this, envying the heavens and cursing my fate. Maybe I was stupid to have left with only my violin and a few changes of clothes. But! I had taken proper precautions against fire, and I was only gone for three days. Usually you don’t have to think about the possibility of your apartment burning down in such a short amount of time. 

The sun was shining on the benches, and shadows stretched out over the ground. I was craving grilled fish… but what was I supposed to do now, when it’s two more days until Ishida-san comes back? I was able to withdraw 2,000 yen from my credit card, but with a grand total of 2,511 yen it was barely anything. I pulled out the notepad I kept in my pocket. I knew I had only Mozart, Kawashima-san’s house, and the number of the school staff room written down. The school was closed for the Bon holiday and there was no answer on the phone. Kawashima-san was the only one who could help me. But… I said to myself, ‘Is it really worth it to go through all this?’ Of course, I wanted to just wait it out, but if I had to… if I did, I’d have to stay out in the open for two more nights. The policeman last night was kind enough to help me, but the way he acted made it clear that the police were not a hotel, and I was already feeling sick from my search for shelter in the rain. My pride as a man wouldn’t let me rely on Tounoin. 

As I soothed my dry throat with lukewarm water from the park fountain, I made up my mind. By the time I found a phone booth, I had sweated out more than I had drunk. I wondered if Kawashima-san would be at work or if she was off? In this case, I could barely spare even ten yen. In a desperate mood, I figured that she would have gone to work, so I looked up the number of her workplace in the Town Pages, which I was grateful to have even if it was in tatters.

The reply on the other end of the line was, “Kawashima-san is off today.”

I took my wallet out again… oh, ten-yen coins, you are valuable after all. I dialed her home number, and the voice that answered was that of a mother.

“I’m Morimura of the Fujimi Philharmonic. Is Natsuko-san at home?”

“Ah, the concertmaster. Thank you for always taking care of my daughter,” said the warm voice. I felt the dark clouds in my chest clear. Thank God. 

“Oh, of course. So, where is Natsuko-san?”

“This morning she went scuba diving in Izu with a friend. She’ll be back the night of the 15th.”

I couldn’t remember if I had said a proper greeting when I hung up the phone… as I exited the phone booth I felt that my last hope was gone. I’m finally going to have to live on the street. But… but… what the hell am I supposed to do? I asked myself over and over, and reluctantly arrived at the answer I already knew, the only solution. I have no choice but to go to Tounoin. Go to him… I’ll just borrow some money. As long as I have money I can do whatever I need to do; get a hotel room, ask the principal for a new ID when school resumes after Bon, go to city hall to get a certificate of seal impression, and then take it back to the bank. It’s just a debt, I will owe him a favor, but I can pay him back as much as I borrow. 

I walked, keeping my face down from the sun that was beating down on me. I was sweating profusely, yet an inexplicable chill ran down my spine. I put my hand to my forehead, which wasn’t even hot, but I felt like I was having a heat stroke. I need to borrow money to buy some cold medicine...a hotel… a cool room… I should have called Kawashima-san last night instead of trying to be proud and stick it out on my own. But it was so late at night… and either way it was too late now.

—

The Telephone Pole Mansion was silent and open as usual. On the wall opposite of the door to apartment 11 there was a row of mailboxes with numbers from 11-71 on them, and on box 71 was a handwritten name: “Kei Tounoin.” There was an elevator door next to it, and in front of the door an abandoned tricycle with the name ‘Mamiko’ written on it in permanent marker. I pushed the trike aside and pressed the button. I got off at the fifth floor — which was the end of the line — and climbed the remaining two floors, breathing hard. They say only idiots catch colds in the summer, but I felt myself getting more and more sick. But I had to act cool in front of Tounoin. He’ll probably tell me to use his place instead of a hotel, but I don’t want to accept a favor I can’t return. I had rejected him. Actually, he really wasn’t the kind of guy I could borrow money from, either… I finally managed to get to the apartment, and was anticipating getting to change clothes since the ones I had been wearing were soggy from being worn since yesterday. I put my hands in my pockets — I just remembered, I don’t have the key…

I usually have the key to his place. It was the middle of last month when Tounoin offered me his apartment, since mine didn’t allow the practicing of musical instruments and I had no other decent place to practice. At the time, we were still like a rabbit and a wolf, and I was the rabbit running away. I resisted and resisted, not wanting to be lured into the wolf’s house by some kind of trick. But then we developed a proper relationship as friends, and I decided to accept that his offer was out of kindness, not a trick. Since then, I’ve practiced here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night, and Sunday afternoon. I have a duplicate key because Tounoin’s apartment is soundproofed, and he plays music so loud that he doesn’t hear if somebody knocks. He gave me the key so I could come in on my own, but I had left the key in my apartment. On the morning I left, I put it in a bag of rice in the kitchen, along with my personal seal, bank book and other valuables… 

He had no doorbell. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I knocked a few more times, then thought to put my ear to the door, but it seemed to be silent behind it. Just to be sure, I looked for a window, but there was not a single window on this side. I went to the edge of the aisle and looked, but no, there was no window on that side either. There was a window across from the door inside… but regardless there was no sign of anybody being in the apartment. 

“He’s finally away…” did he go to his parents’ house, or on vacation, or just out shopping? No matter what Tounoin was doing, my situation was simple: I had no other place to go, no other option. As long as I had the key, I could go in; Tounoin wouldn’t mind if I came in when he wasn’t home. It would be much easier to wait in an air-conditioned room, and I would without hesitation, but without a key… it’s metal, so there is a possibility that it didn’t burn up in the fire. But to find it, I would have to go back down the stairs and walk for twenty minutes in the hot sun. Then I’d have to dig around in that pile of rubble, and what were the chances of finding it? Even if I did find it, it might be useless, and either way I’d have to come back here… by then, Tounoin might have returned. So I decided to just wait. Fortunately there was a roof over the passage, and the elevated location allowed for good ventilation. I sat down in the aisle with my violin case beside me on the concrete, which was cool and pleasant in the shade. Looking through the bars of the railing, the city was the color of scorched gold in the midsummer sun. I’ll wait here until it cools down in the evening, and if he doesn’t come back I’ll go look for the key…. but what if the key doesn’t work? Whether it’s there or not, I’ll have to come back, but what if Tounoin doesn’t come back tonight?

Then I’ll just spend the night here outside. No one but Tounoin comes up here anyway, and it’s summer so it shouldn’t be a problem to sleep overnight… but what if he’s on vacation? I haven’t heard anything about that. He’s probably shopping or something, he’ll be back in the evening. As I stared blankly at the scenery thinking about this, I began to feel sleepy. To tell the truth, I didn’t want to move anymore. The sooner I went to look for the key the better, and the sooner I could take some medicine the better. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I was thirsty and I knew I could get a cold drink at the convenience store downstairs. But once I was sitting like this, I didn’t feel like getting up again. I felt like I didn’t actually sleep much at the police dormitory, and yesterday was still yesterday…

I had helped Mimiko with her farm work in the morning, took my nephews to the town swimming pool, and taken a six-hour express train ride home, and then when I was feeling relieved to be home, the apartment was gone. And all that time I wasted looking for a hotel… after all that, it’s not surprising that I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. In other words, I was utterly exhausted. And to top it off, I was coming down with a cold. I laid down with my bag as a pillow, just to give my body a rest. After a short nap I would take a fever reducer… and then go find the key… I laid down, staring at the concrete ceiling of the aisle and the blue sky beyond, thinking about the pile of scores I had that were now burned. I hadn’t finished learning more than half of them, maybe I should have brought at least those with me… I couldn’t help thinking about it now. 

...I opened my eyes with a start and realized I had fallen asleep. My body ached all over, probably from lying on a concrete bed. But I didn’t feel like waking up, I was feeling very sluggish, as if I were being held in a metal box. I wanted to look at the time, but I couldn’t lift my arm to put on my watch. ‘Never mind,’ I thought, ‘This is the top floor, and the only room up here is Tounoin’s, so I can afford to take my time. I’m sure he’ll have something to say when he gets back, and there’s no need to move when it’s still so hot…’ With this thought, I was sucked back into the darkness of sleep. But it was a sleep that I shouldn’t have fallen into, like what people experience when they’re in distress on snowy mountains.

I was burning hot when I woke up again. I forced open my heavy eyelids. Through the bars of the railing, at the same height as I was lying, the orange sun was blazing, and I was basking in the west sun. I tried to get up, but my body felt like a bag of wet sand. If I stayed here, I would dry out in the sun. I managed to crawl up on all fours and move to the little remaining shade by the top of the stairs. As I let my head fall limp, I thought of something. The violin! I shouldn’t have left it in the sun like that… I crawled back to the apartment door, grabbed the violin case, and went back to the shade. The coldness of the concrete made me feel uncomfortable, like a myriad of worms were slithering under my skin. Chills kept running down my spine incessantly. I was already starting to doze off, thinking of how awful this was. The sound of cicadas chirping somewhere in the distance was becoming more and more faint. Water… water… when it gets cooler, I’ll have to go to the convenience store… barley tea, juice...water...water…. I found myself depressed. When I came to, it was pitch black. I felt cold, and when I moved my entire body was filled with aches and pains. My head also felt like it was going to crack open, and the breath on my lips was hot. I felt like I couldn’t get up, but I managed to do so because I knew I was in danger of dying out here. Going down the stairs, however, was even more dangerous. My legs were unreliable, and my hands were shaking as I clung to the railing with what little strength I had. Still, I somehow managed to reach the elevator and descended to the ground floor. 

I staggered the 30 meters or so to the corner store and went in. The brightness of the white lights hurt my eyes.

“Excuse me,” I said, leaning against the register, “Do you have any fever reducers?”

“No, we don’t,” the cashier replied, “But there’s a pharmacy a little bit down the street.” He seemed kind. 

“How far is ‘just a little bit…’” It was too far for me now. “Could I have a bottle of Pocari?” The clerk asked me which one. “No, a large one.”

“Two bottles are six hundred and eighteen yen.” 

With trembling fingers I took the change and the heavy package and left the store. I didn’t have time to go looking for the keys. I literally crawled back to Tounoin’s front door on the seventh floor, relieved to see that the violin I had left behind was still there, and then I completely ran out of steam. I would fall asleep intermittently, waking up with chattering teeth, and then fall asleep again only to wake up drenched in sweat… each sleep and awakening had a similar sense of torment and nightmares, and time passed slowly. Every time I woke up, I would first check to make sure my violin was safe, then take a sip or two of Pocari, touch the violin case again and fall back into another painful sleep. 

I felt like my beloved instrument, which was ‘only two million yen’ in the eyes of musicians, was still very precious to me even at this moment when I felt on the brink of death. When I was a student, quite a few of my friends had instruments worth 2 million, and some played on ones worth 3 or 5 million. I wondered how they managed to squeeze that out of their parents. The violin is a small but expensive instrument, with the best ones like Stradivarius costing hundreds of millions of yen. Because of their nature, being made with wood, the sound gets better with age, so the 300,000 or 400,000 yen new violins lined up in the window of a music store are only considered entry-level instruments. When I was a student, I used a brand new violin that cost 700,000 yen. My mother spent all of her savings to buy me the best one she could find in the country, and that was how much it cost to get the violin and the bow as a set. The sound is somewhat proportional to the price, so no matter how hard I tried my instrument could not match that of a 3 million yen instrument. That’s why when I got out of college and started a temporary job, the first thing I did was buy this violin. I had already given up being a professional, but I really wanted an instrument that had a better sound; it was the culmination of around four years of frustration. I sold my 700,000 yen set for 600,000 yen, keeping the bow, and then added 1.4 million yen of my own from a personal loan to purchase my current instrument. I was really happy at the time, and now with only one more payment, my beloved instrument will be mine in both name and reality. Then, I will buy a suitable bow for it… probably something around 500,000 yen… with a loan again, but I will do it to get a new bow. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to afford it. And then I wished I could play the violin just one more time before I died, if this was to be my last moments…. when I think about it, I was being as sentimental as something you’d see in a shoujo manga, and later I blush when I recall being like that. I’m proud of myself for being a violinist, and under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have ever thought of pawning my violin for money. But I’m a fool, and in some way it’s more manly to be foolish.

That was what I was thinking about when I absentmindedly changed thoughts to the man who seemed to not be coming back, no matter how long I waited. I thought I heard footsteps, but figured it was just another hallucination. But the sound was getting closer… a white object appeared on the stairs, quickly turning into a Panama hat with black eyes under the brim. As I was lying on my concrete bed, all I could see was what came into my field of vision from the other side — a man with only a head, then a neck… his eyebrows were tight, the eyes underneath long and narrow, with a well-defined nose that even from the front you could tell was high. 

“No way,” the lips murmured. Then the shoulders appeared under the man’s neck, and a hand came up and lifted the Panama hat, which he fanned his face with. The man’s dark hair was long and full, tucked in tightly from the hat; it didn’t look rude or obnoxious because the style suited him. “Morimura… san? What are you doing here…?” With a clatter of footsteps the whole body appeared, a solid 190cm tall body in an elegant linen suit. He was holding a trunk that had customs stickers in one hand. Had he been traveling abroad…?

“Hey,” I smiled, or at least I thought I did. It was Kei Tounoin, the 22 year old unknown genius conductor who had dropped out of the Music Department of the National Fine Arts University — which he was accepted straight into — because he had ‘nothing more to learn’ after one year, and then he studied abroad in Germany and Austria. His present status was as the permanent conductor of the 2-Chome Phil, or Fujimi Orchestra, an amateur ensemble of people who love music. “I’ve been… waiting for a while…” I said in a raspy, shrill voice. Before I realized it was me speaking, I was folded into the chest of the suit that had quickly appeared. 

“Morimura-san! What’s going on? What the hell are you doing in a place like this?!” 

I was going to answer, but I lost consciousness…

--

When I woke up, I was in the water. At first I just felt vaguely cool and comfortable, when I heard a chuckle in my ear. My face was wiped with a cold towel dripping with water, and I opened my eyes. 

“Oh, you noticed,” The one who said this in a very relieved voice was Tounoin, who was looking right into my face from above. I tried to sit up, as I was using his arm as a pillow, but I heard a bang and realized I was lying in a Western-style bathtub filled with water. Completely naked.

“Wha-ah…” I jumped in shock.

Tounoin said in a serious voice, “I had to hurry to lower your temperature, it was over 40ºC.” I was relieved to hear that, but then my eyelids began to feel heavy… “Wait! Just one sip before you go to sleep,” he said with a panicked voice, and his arm snatched me up in a hug while he placed something hard and cold to my lips. A cup…? “You’re dehydrated, just drink as much as you can,” he said. Adam woke up and took a bite of the apple, but when I covered my crotch with my hand I felt even more embarrassed. “Sorry,” he said and shoved a thin object into my mouth. “It’s a thermometer,” he told me.

When he saw the temperature dropped to 37º he let me lean back into the water. I noticed that the sleeves and chest of his expensive linen suit were soaked from where I was leaning against him. “I’m sorry… I feel lost… put it on…” when I mumbled with the thermometer in my mouth, Tounoin smiled.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” I was scared because I was afraid he was going to kiss me. But he only leaned in to read the thermometer. The door behind him slammed open, and he murmured, “It’s about time he got here.”

“How is it? Has it gone down a bit?”

“Seven degrees in one minute. I’ll move him to the room. Oh, can you get a bath towel for me from the cabinet over there? Two or three for the bed.”

“I should have brought a nurse,” said the man, opening the cupboard as he thrust his stethoscope into his pocket. Tounoin tried to pick me up, but I said I could walk myself. Both of them got irritated at me, thinking that I was just embarrassed. But the problem was the bed that I was brought to… two months ago, I was raped in this bed… but I couldn’t very well say that to Tonouin, who had taken care of me like a mother, nor to the doctor. After all, I don’t have a place to go home to, and I can’t look for an apartment until I get better.

“I’ll give you some glucose. You can still give him water. Basically the only medicine he needs is water and rest. Let him have some porridge when he has the energy to eat. I’ll come back tomorrow to see how it goes,” said the doctor, who left quickly after finishing his diagnosis.

I had enough energy to talk, “Are you related to that doctor?”

“He’s my uncle,” was the reply. I tried to tell him that there were pajamas in my bag, but he ignored me.

Instead, he pushed the dial button on the phone he pulled out from under the bed, but I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying. “Hello, this is Kei. No, from Fujimi… please tell him it will be a little while before I can come back. No, I have a guest.” As I listened I felt his voice soften, and it occurred to me that he had a family, too. I hadn’t thought about it before…

When I woke up after a good night’s sleep I felt much better. I put on my underwear and pajamas, went to the bathroom on my own, which also made me feel better. My precious violin had been placed on the shelf above the audio components. When I told Tounoin about my unfortunate situation, he expressed his deepest sympathy and said I could stay in his place for the time being.

“I can’t annoy you any more than I already have,” I said. He had taken care of me and slept on the floor so I could use his bed.

“I see…” he said, his tone of voice sounding slightly angry. “I don’t think it’s annoying.”

“Well, I think it will still be two or three more days until I can get everything sorted out. So I’m sorry for that.”

“Yeah. But there’s no rush, you can stay here until you have the energy to play the violin. Conductor’s orders.” I laughed, and Tounoin laughed too. He’s a handsome man, but with his usual expressionless face he looks dour and misanthropic. However when he smiles, he looks very youthful and friendly.

—-

It was the third day I had occupied Tounoin’s bed. I had been thinking that tomorrow I could go out and look for an apartment, but I fell asleep… I woke up in the middle of the night because of a faint sound of music, just a murmur. 'That is… that’s Tannhäuser,' I thought, the song that filled up this room when it was at full volume on the night two months ago, when Tounoin forcibly embraced me! ‘Oh my god!’ I thought, and felt like jumping to my feet. But my body stayed still like it was bound up by rope. No, I was holding my breath like a rabbit who had heard the snort of a wolf, who was stalking him. I stifled a gasp, then fearfully opened my eyes. 

The room was dark, illuminated only by moonlight streaming in through the window, where the blinds were lowered… Tounoin was in his usual place, looking like his usual self on the other side of the room: facing the console cross-legged with his back to the bed. The sound of Tannhäuser was leaking from his headphones. The broad shoulders of his back made me wince, and inwardly I took an escape stance. Tounoin raised his arms and folded his hands behind his neck, then slowly curled his body forward. He stayed like that for quite some time. I could only see his curled back as I secretly watched him, fighting the memories that came back to me no matter how hard I tried to push them away. I don’t want to remember, but why is it that inconvenient memories are so vivid? I was attacked and raped while this song was blaring at maximum volume… the feeling of his thing going into me, the pain of it tearing my ass and the sensation of my internal organs being pushed out of my mouth when he was penetrating me. The uncountable minutes of humiliation, feeling crazy, embarrassed, terrible… I felt unbearably miserable, I really want to be able to erase this from my memory! Of course I didn’t want to do it… but I had gasped and moaned, and he was saying, “I love you”... no way! I wish I was lying, but the facts are what they are. 

I don’t know why he’s listening to that song, but before I knew it the sound stopped, and the silence made me choke up even more. The sound of my heartbeat throbbed in my ears as I pressed my head into the pillow, and I was worried Tounoin would hear it. I swallowed hard… how long was the silence going to last? Tounoin, motionless as a stone, murmured faintly, “Yuuki… Yuuki…” in a piercing whisper. Then he took off the headphones and stood up. I shut my eyes quickly. I felt a presence approach the side of the bed, and the raggedness of his breathing was stifling. I tried my best to pretend to be asleep. Tounoin seemed to be staring down at me. “If… if he’s willing…” he said quietly.

I decided what I would do and how I would do it, but I was confused. If he comes at me like he did that other time, I’m going to punch him in the face and run away, but… can I do it? ‘I will!’ I shouted at myself. Tounoin is a good man, and he saved my life, but that’s one thing and this is another! It has to be different! Tounoin was still standing there. The tension in my throat was so great that I felt my face begin to flush, thanks to the struggle to stifle screaming and the feeling of wanting to leap out of bed. 

I thought I had reached my limit when I heard his baritone voice say, “I’m sorry…” and he softly ruffled my hair. I opened my eyes when I heard the footsteps move away from me and the sound of blankets being spread out. Tounoin was lying with his back to me on a blanket on the wooden floor, instead of his bed that he had given up for me. He knew. He knew that I was awake, that I was curious about him. He knew I was afraid that he might do something, even though Tounoin had sworn never to force me and was keeping his vow. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, but I was scared to do that because it would give him hope… if I made him want to try again, when he was trying to give up like a man…. well, honestly I was afraid of Tounoin. Our friendship was built on the thin ice of his self-control, and if I take one careless step and it cracks, I will be swallowed by the flames of his passion that are still burning underneath. I knew that for sure from that afternoon in July.

 I also knew that I couldn’t allow myself to succumb to pleasure in the arms of a man; I couldn’t forgive myself after my body confessed itself unintentionally. He had hugged me with arms that were free of lust and apologized. I had said ‘I understand, but I’m not going to be in a romantic relationship with a man no matter how much he loves me.’ He accepted it when I said those words, and then we settled down into the normal friendship I had hoped for… but the way Tounoin was fighting with himself now, the bitter battle between his true feelings and the pretense he showed me tonight, that was the truth. He only put on the ‘just a friend’ act for me, a false image that twisted his true feelings. I knew I had to snap out of it with an ‘I’m sorry,’ which I was able to say by pushing down my emotions through reason, but it was much more painful than I had expected. He said that we would go find an apartment tomorrow, and that was the scream of his suppressed emotions. I knew I shouldn’t have stayed here… I like Tounoin as a person, but I can’t accept him the way he wants me to. I’m like a fish laying in front of a cat, ready to be eaten. I can’t let him do this to himself anymore.

The next day we took a cab to the real estate office. I said we could walk, but Tounoin was adamant, so we drove. We actually went to four real estate agencies, but couldn’t find anything that I liked so decided to try again another day. While we were out I also went to the school I worked at, which was two stops away by train. The vice principal was there, and he expressed his deepest sympathies for my situation and gave me a new ID card after I had requested him to reissue it over the phone. I immediately went to the city hall, got my seal registration card and went to the bank. Tounoin asked the branch manager to check my bank account in a calm and unobtrusive tone, and got the answer that I should wait for a few days. The bank book with a balance of 637 yen was quickly reissued with a single three-sentence stamp, since he showed his passport and acted as my guarantor. It seemed my body was still not up to full condition since I fell asleep in the cab on the way home, which worried Tounoin a little. 

As soon as we got back Tounoin pushed me to go to bed, and then Ishida-san came to visit suddenly. It seems that Fujimi’s caretaker was very worried about me, since I had been missing since the fire. He said, “Well, I got a call from my landlord as soon as I came back from my vacation. He asked me if I knew where you had gone, so I called your family but they replied that you left them on the 12th. I didn’t say anything about the fire, I just told your sister that I had urgent business for Fujimi. Since the police assured us that nobody died in the fire, I didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily.” 

Come to think of it, Ishida-san was my guarantor for my apartment contract. “Thank you for everything,” I bowed my head from the bed. “I was going to call my sister after I found a new apartment,” I added, “But Tounoin didn’t think I should mention the mishap with the fire. It’s not really a nice thing to talk about, after all.” Ishida-san nodded in agreement. 

“It’s a good thing you have shelter right now. How is your cold?”

“I'm getting better. I’ve been troubling Tounoin-san a lot.”

“So, are you going to find an apartment?"

“It’s hard to find a cheap place where you can also practice violin.”

Ishida laughed, “I hope the landlord decides to rebuild, but he is getting old. I did hear that he will be compensated for the spread of the fire."

“That’s right, even though the landlord didn’t start the fire.”

“Well, that’s about it. So…” Ishida-san rummaged through the bag he brought with him. “There’s not much in there, but be careful when you open it,” he said, placing an envelope next to my lap.

“Oh no, no, you shouldn’t have.”

“It’s not much, just a gift. This is the kind of situation for it, after all. And you don’t need to give anything back in return; we’ve known each other for a long time, even if it doesn’t feel like it.” He smiled at me and sat up. “Are you going to stay here until you find an apartment?”

I was about to reply ‘no,’ but Tounoin said “Yes.” 

“That’s good. I’ll see you later, then. Is rehearsal still off for tomorrow?”

“No, I’ll go.”

“Oh, yes. Well, we can’t have rehearsal without Morimura-chan, and Tounoin-kun isn’t going to attend either. You don’t have to force yourself.” 

After Nico-chan left, looking busy, Tounoin and I had a disagreement about where I would stay until I found an apartment.

Tounoin said, “I’ll be staying at my parents’ place from tonight, so you can take your time finding an apartment.”

“That’s…! No, I’ll go to a hotel.”

“That would be a waste of money,” I choked up… it’s true that if the bank doesn’t figure out my situation, I’m penniless.

“But I can’t just kick you out of your own place…”

“It’s okay, I should be dutiful to my sponsors sometimes, after all.”

“Where’s your hometown?”

“Seijo.”

 Wow, a high-class residential area! “But then, won’t it take you nearly two hours to get here?”

“Well, yes.”

“I can’t bother you like that.”

“I told you, it’s not a bother.”

“But it’s definitely inconvenient.”

“It’s about time I slept on a decent futon anyway.”

“Well, let’s switch. I’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”

“You’re a sick man.”

“I’m better now!”

“Then why don’t you go for a run around the town?”

We were dancing around the subject, he knew it and I knew it. Tounoin wants to get out before his emotions get the better of him. I can’t make the man who saved my life leave his own apartment. But to hold him back would be to continue tormenting him… 'Oh, righteousness or humanity!' I thought, and then I realized that it wasn’t out of duty or courtesy that I wanted to keep him around, is it? It’s just my stubbornness, and that I don’t want to admit that I’m actually afraid of him….

“Okay,” I said. “I feel really bad for you, but if it makes you feel better…” 

Tounoin laughed with a huff, “I’m telling you that I don’t think you can sleep well with me around, so I’m removing myself.”

I was pissed off that he pointed out the truth so bluntly, “I trust you, don’t I?”

“Do you?” 

Now I was really annoyed, “So why don’t you sleep with me tonight?” I thought I’d lost it as soon as the words came out of my mouth, but I couldn’t unsay it. “If you don’t want to sleep on the floor, then sleep next to me. I don’t mind,” I told him, confident he would refuse.

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” he said with a sly smile.

“Then let’s go with that.” He smiled at me as I looked up at him, feeling like I had dug my own grave.

“I’m a better sleeper than Morimura-san.”

—

… Tounoin’s daily routine is that of somebody who is young and doesn’t have a regular job (I think, I never asked him about it), but is very precise. He wakes up at seven in the morning and has bread and coffee for breakfast. Then, he runs the washing machine and cleans the room with a rented mop. When he's done, he takes out a book or two from the cabinet full of scores, spreads them on his knees and studies them. He wasn’t playing recordings this time, but apparently just reading the music in his head; I had heard that only geniuses of Seiji Ozawa’s level could do that sort of thing without the assistance of an instrument. Usually you play piano or something at least. Conductors use the score, a book of music that contains all the parts of the orchestra (brass, woodwinds, strings, percussion), and each page has all the staves needed for the instrumental parts. The conductor’s job is to understand the flow of each part and how it interacts with the harmony in the complex combination as a whole. To be blunt, it was a task that my mind could never handle, but Tounoin apparently can construct it completely in his head. I knew he was a true genius. But of course, he didn’t seem to be doing it effortlessly either. He was doing it in his usual manner, with the score on his knees, but the level of tension and concentration was completely different from when he was reading with the recordings. He doesn’t talk to anyone, but I feel like I need to refrain from even breathing…

He does this from around eight o’clock, sometimes until the afternoon, without taking a break, and then would take a nap. After sleeping like a dead man for an hour, he would put on recordings in addition to reading the scores. Then he had dinner delivered from a restaurant (today while waiting for the food, he remembered the laundry and went to put it in the dryer), and after he finishes eating, goes back to playing recordings and score study.  He finishes up around twelve o’clock, takes a nightly bath, and goes to bed. He doesn’t have any sort of nightcap or alcohol; he was a man who lived a life completely immersed in music. 

I looked at the clock every five minutes, waiting for midnight to come. Well, maybe waiting wasn’t quite the right word, it was more like being in a state of trepidation. It was a little past midnight when Tounoin took off his headphones and turned the components off. He turned around to see if I was asleep (of course I pretended to be), turned off the light and walked past my side of the bed to the back door. Incidentally, this apartment is very well designed, except for the fact that the room isn’t square in shape. The first thing you see when you walk in is the audio equipment with five speakers that look like they cost a million yen. When you remove your shoes, you can see a large window at the other end of the room, and when you step inside the flooring is cork. The bed is at the far end of the room, and next to the double-sized bed there is a row of doors on the wall. The three closest to the entrance are cabinets full of musical scores. The fourth one leads to a cabin in the back, which houses a bathroom with a Western-style toilet, a storage area with laundry facilities, and a dining/kitchen area, all crammed into one functional space. 

After finishing his nightly studies, Tounoin went into the captain’s room for his usual bath, but he didn’t come out for a long time, while I waited and waited pretending to be asleep. He usually doesn’t take long baths, but it was over thirty minutes at least. Tired of nervously waiting, I actually dozed off instead of pretending, waking up when I felt the bed sink. Tounoin had laid down in the empty spot by the wall. He fidgeted a bit behind me with his back to me, but he soon quieted down. Then came the sign of someone who was satisfied with the comfort of sleeping. I couldn’t help but listen attentively to the sound of Tounoin’s breathing less than a meter away. If it didn’t switch to the sound of deeper sleep, I wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully myself… but it wasn’t long before I started to hear his breathing slow and fall into a regular pattern. For now I was relieved, and was ready to fall asleep too. But… my mind was still racing and I couldn’t quiet it. It wasn’t that I wasn’t tired, but I hadn’t been out of the apartment in days, and even if my body is tired my mind is so sharp that it refuses to sleep. And then the more impatient I am to sleep, the more I hear Tounoin’s sleeping breath, the smell of his shampoo, and other things poking at my consciousness that brought back memories from that night and afternoon. This man who suddenly revealed himself as a passionate person, who attacked me and stole me away, when I had only known him as an impudent and calm conductor… this man who plucked my pride and twisted my flesh into a type of affair I’d never known… this man with wide shoulders, a broad chest and strong arms, that held me captive and dominated me, stopping me from challenging him with his strength…

For a moment, I remembered the feeling of something thick and hot ramming into my ass. I twitched, and at the same time I realized that my penis was on the verge of rising. Why is my body in such a state of rebellion against my will? How was it that a  single, forced experience made me a homosexual who wants a man? But… but… smelling Tounoin’s scent… his presence… is what causes this change in my body. He already understood, I convinced him that I can’t be his lover, and he has not laid a finger on me as promised. I...I...I… stiffened at the sound of a sigh behind me.

“What’s wrong? Can’t sleep?” The sleepy voice had a faint hint of a teasing smile. The bed creaked as he turned over, and then Tounoin fell asleep with a swoosh. 

‘Damn it!’ I thought. I was supposed to be worried that he would break the chains of his reason! Yes, I was. He really wanted to have sex with me, but out of concern that he couldn’t keep his vows he was going to stay at his parents’ house. Because I hinted at that, his vain counterattack was this accusation that I didn’t trust him. The rest was just saying words for words’ sake, but… okay, I’ll buy it. I’ll buy it. I’m determined to see how much more of this you can take, until you give up! But if you lose it and come after me, I’ll laugh my ass off and ask what happened to your vows! Yeah, that’s right, I’m going to laugh about it. Once my mind was made up, all I had to do was sleep. Oh yeah, I’ll laugh it up. He’s going to get a real good night’s sleep…

I woke up twice in the night. Why is that? ‘I’m a better sleeper than you…’ get out of here with that kind of joke!

—

I woke up in a daze. It was cool and chilly, and I nuzzled my nose into the warmth in front of my face. I heard, “Good morning.”

“Mmm…” I replied softly. Huh? 

The warmth was the chest of Tounoin’s pajamas, and I had slept hugging him! I tried to sit up, but he pulled my head back and said, “Now do you understand? I have confidence in my ability to reason,” reminding me of what I had thought before I fell asleep. I steeled myself to prepare for an escape. 

“Yes, but you’re not a good sleeper, are you?”

 Tounoin laughed, “I’ll be as careful as possible.” Now I’m sure you’ll be sleeping with me as long as I’m here. Don’t start barking now that your tail is out, wolf… I’m perfectly fine with it. But the AC is so low in this room that it feels good to be together… I’m in trouble… I fell asleep again and was woken up for lunch, and I felt embarrassed. 

In the afternoon the two of us went out to look for an apartment again, but we didn’t find anything that day either. I withdrew my requirement for being able to practice the violin. I was satisfied with my modest request to be able to afford the rent, and making sure it was in Fujimi-cho, not too far from the station. But I couldn’t even find one that would satisfy those modest wishes. Most of the apartments in Fujimi-cho are bedroom-focused, and the emphasis on family units seemed to be a bottleneck. I didn’t mind living in an apartment with one or more baths, but the rent was accordingly expensive…

 I had a Fujimi rehearsal in the evening, but I was tired from visiting real estate agencies. But I had promised Ishida-san that I would attend, so I started preparing in the evening. I realized that if I don’t play for a day, I can’t move my fingers the following day. Aside from the right hand that uses the bow, the left hand has to play on the strings almost of its own accord. To make up for a week’s absence of practicing, I spent three hours before heading to the Civic Center. But… fuck! This is just Allegro! Why can’t I move my fingers better than this?

“Morimura-san.”

Oh, I’m depressed, I missed it again. And it’s in such an easy position…

“Morimura-san!” He shouted in my ear. I looked up to see Tounoin looking down calmly. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be on my way shortly.”

“Are your clothes OK? If you want to change…”

“No, thank you. It’s fine, it’s fine.” I only had two sets of clothes in my travel bag, and the ones I was wearing at the moment were procured by Tounoin because he thought it would be inconvenient to keep wearing the same clothes. He has good taste.

“So, we should leave soon. We can stop at Fujimi on the way home for dinner.”

“Yeah,” I nodded and thought to myself, is he acting like my guardian? Yeah… he is.

—

Fujimi’s summer vacation lasted ten days, and I returned on the second rehearsal after the vacation. I was escorted (or so it appeared) by Tounoin. We stepped into the main conference room of the Civic Center and got down to business as usual. I took out the folding chairs from the storage area and arranged them, took out the folding table and arranged it, then the tuner and checked the batteries… Tounoin helped me quietly, and when he was done he disappeared to somewhere else. 

The first person to arrive was Ishida-san with his double bass, “Well, you’ve come out after all.” Apparently he had come to set up the venue in my stead. Everybody else seemed to come very quickly as well, and when they came up to talk to me they all knew about the fire in my apartment. I shouldn’t have felt annoyed that they were worried about me, but I also felt embarrassed, so I just said, “Thank you” and “It’s okay.” Kawashima-san also came to give her condolences.

“I was worried when I heard from my mother that you called me. Where on earth did you go…?” as she said this, the beautiful flutist looked at me with a puzzled expression. She knows about my relationship with Tounoin, except she stopped short of saying anything out loud.

I took the initiative, “Yes, actually, I’m staying at Tounoin-san’s right now,” Ishida-san knew about it, anyway. I added firmly, “In a clean and respectable way, as a housemate.”

Kawashima ran her white fingers through her pretty hair, “So are you still following the trend?”

“Of course not! I’m not gay!” 

Kawashima-san cut me off, chuckling, “I’m sorry, I have to admit I have a little grudge against you, so I felt like teasing.” It was a one-way love triangle between me, Kawashima-san and Tounoin. I was in love with Kawashima-san, she fell in love with Tounoin at first sight, and Tounoin fell in love with me… then I was dumped by Kawashima-san, she was rejected by Tounoin, and of course I have no intention of becoming a lover to a man. But it was a joking manner of resentment. After all, she’s the one that keeps trying to get me and Tounoin together. She seems to think homosexual couples are ‘trendy,’ but you know… a man and a man bedding together is just an awful sight. 

That evening we were supposed to be finishing up Finlandia, which we’ve been working on since last month… I took a break, and hadn’t touched my violin for a week. I looked at Igarashi-kun, the student cellist, and thought, ‘Well… let's see.’ I clapped my hands to get his attention. “Since everybody seems to be ready, can we try playing the part together? Strings, let’s do all the strings together and all the winds together. Timpani, please join the winds. Kaizuka-san, please take the lead of the wind section.” 

The principal oboe raised her hand to gather the other winds, and I joined the string group, taking advantage of the rattling and rearranging. “Ichiyama-san,” I called the second violin leader. “I’m sorry, but I need you to be the leader today.”

“But Concertmaster, why are you stepping down?”

“I haven’t played for a week, so my fingers are completely rusty. I want to get back in shape before Tounoin-san gets here. Sorry to be so selfish.” Ichiyama, who was an accounting manager of a construction company in the next town, nodded seriously. 

“I heard you were sick in bed with a cold. How are you feeling now?”

“Better, thanks.”

Igarashi-kun smiled at me as I joined the circle. He was especially happy, but everyone was already tired of practicing the monotonous long notes. The winds began to play and Ichiyama-san frowned. “I can’t hear very well,” he said. For the next forty minutes, until eight o’clock, we concentrated on uniting the string section.

“Stop, stop! We have to listen to each other more. If the string parts are not played like a single instrument, it will be more disjointed when we put it together with the winds. Then, let’s take it from bar 32.” The group with the timpani added to the woodwinds and brass seemed to be working hard to create the right harmony, playing and stopping. Playing and stopping. I had been able to instruct them on the right way to practice.

“Sorry,” said Nico-Chan, scratching his head. Ishida-san, who held the title of ‘Fujimi Citizen’s Symphony Orchestra Caretaker,’ had been sentenced by his wife to have his instrument taken away when he almost destroyed his main business, Mozart coffee shop, because he was so devoted to Fujimi. As a relief measure for the situation when we lost our bass player, we won her pardon so he could return to playing after almost ten years of being benched. He couldn’t help that he couldn’t produce a solid sound, but Ichiyama-san had been a friend of Ishida-san’s since the formation of Fujimi, and therefore had a relationship that allowed them to complain freely. Ishida-san apologized and tried his best to meet the order of playing ‘crisply’ in a serious manner. This was one of the things I liked about Fujimi, how in the family-like atmosphere warnings and advice were exchanged very naturally. We were all getting better together while having fun.

“Morimura-chan,” Ichiyama-san’s voice made me turn around. “You’ve got a lot of tension in your shoulders.”

“Oh, yes,” I lowered my violin and did some exercise with my shoulders. I’m getting really stiff.

“So, let’s start at measure forty-eight,” It’s really wonderful to have such colleagues, I thought. Oh, I’m in tune… yes, it’s going well. Eventually, at exactly the right time, Tounoin walked through the door after his five-minute observation and climbed up on the podium. I wondered where he had gone off to; I had thought he was going to be there for the earlier part of the rehearsal since he came over with me. Then I realized something: could it be that he did it for me? I didn’t mind at all, but it's true that I didn’t want it to be obvious that we had come to rehearsal together. 

—

I was packing up to leave after Tounoin’s usual, ‘We’re done’ when Igarashi-kun came up to me, looking like he wanted to talk. 

“So I heard that you were laid up for a while,” Igarashi is a current student in the cello department of the local music university, who started school the same year I graduated. He’s a cute guy who looks up to me for some reason. He’s talented, motivated, and cheerful, and also tends to be the ‘mood-maker’ in Fujimi.

“I caught a cold when I got stuck without a place to stay,” I replied, “But I’m all better now. Why?” I opened the floor for him.

“Actually…” he scratched his head, “The thing is… I’ve been ordered by the orchestra director to transcribe some music. It’s for a program in next month’s school festival, and it’s due tomorrow. I gathered my friends and we worked hard, but we still have a third of the score left to do.”

“Haha… what’s the piece?”

“A symphony composed by Kitagawa, a senior student in the composition department. It’s long and complicated.”

“Then you shouldn’t have come to rehearsal tonight.”

“If I didn’t take a break from it, I’d be dead by now. I’ve been up all night for two days and still haven’t finished.”

“So are you trying to get another cat’s paw?” Igarashi rubbed the back of his head as I talked.

“Sempai, please. I’ll get you midnight snacks and breakfast!” 

Transcribing music is literally copying music, but not the easy way with the photocopier. What Igarashi and his friends were doing was creating parts from the conductor’s score, the music that represents the entire piece. However, for each player in the orchestra the score is inconvenient, since all the notes of the instruments are written in the music, and each page only consists of four to six measures per page, requiring frequent page turns. So for the performers, a part must be made from the score, a transcription of the part from the general score, and it must be done for each instrument; for first violin the first violin part, oboe for the oboe, percussion for percussion. Of course, for major works by popular composers such as Mozart, Beethoven and Toshiro Mutsu, the publishers give you both the score and parts if you buy them (or if there are copyright restrictions, you can rent them for a fee) — or copy them if you can get away with it. However, the ones that Igarashi and his colleagues are working on are by a student composer, with only the original score to work with…

In other words, the only option was to take the score and write out the parts, which I had done many times. The ‘Freude Orchestra’ was formed as a music college club, and had a tradition of playing newly composed pieces by fellow students mixed in with regular concert programming. In Fujimi, whenever I needed to make my own arrangements for missing parts, I was the one to do the transcribing (Nico could do the arranging as well, but as a busy coffee shop owner he usually didn’t have time to do it). So I know firsthand the difficulty Igarashi and the others are facing. 

“Okay, I’ll help you out,” I answered. “Where have you been working on it?”

Igarashi looked relieved, “In my apartment, we only have the string parts left to do.”

“Is it a good piece?”

“It’s not bad. Mayuzumi said it was a great work, but…”

“Hahaha!” I realized that the only people left in the practice room were me, Igarashi and Tounoin, and everything but the chair I was sitting on had been put away. I told the tall conductor, “I’m going to go with Igarashi-kun to help him with some transcribing right now, so please go home first.” He stared at me for a moment and nodded. He quickly left the room. “I’m staying with him for right now, since I haven’t been able to find a reasonable apartment,” I explained.

“Oh…” Igarashi nodded. After that, I felt like he was secretly biting back a laugh, but that was probably my paranoia. “Well, you really saved my life. I was wondering what I would do if Morimura-san refused me.” 

I finally escaped, didn’t I? But while listening to Igarashi’s smiling voice, I was thinking of how Tounoin’s back looked somewhat depressed as he walked away. It’s not a bad feeling to have somebody worry about you, but he’s being overly protective. I’m a full-grown man, I can take care of myself. I don’t need a guardian anymore.

—-

Igarashi’s apartment was on the third floor of a newer reinforced concrete building, just a few blocks from my old place that had burned down. The room, which was about six tatami mats with a kitchen, was fairly clean, and two exhausted-looking coworkers were waiting for Igarashi to return with his helper.  The windows were open and the air was a bit stuffy, but there was no fan running. A pile of staff paper scattered about the room was the reason why they couldn’t have any inadvertent breeze.

“This is Kikuchi on clarinet and Oyama on piano.” Kikuchi was a small man with pouty lips that looked like the type of person who would play clarinet. Both of them were dressed in running shirts and pants, and their eyes were red, their faces full of stubble and fatigue.

“I’m Morimura. How many more pages do you have to do?” The symphony, titled Yuguna, is a large work with a performance time of fifty minutes, filled with waves of sixteenth notes mixed with thirty-second notes in modulation after modulation, a characteristic of modern music. I could tell from a glance of the score that it was a difficult piece. However, I could see a glimpse of talent in the unique melodic quality of the phrases, which was probably why it was chosen as the piece for the Freude Orchestra’s regular concert. But...I put my face close to the handwritten copy. Is that a C? Or is it a D?...D apparently… it’s hard to tell.

“It’s hard enough to read, isn’t it?”

“I think you should probably re-write the whole score while you’re at it,” I said, and the atmosphere quieted down. I realized that I had lost my mind. Damn it, these people…

“Well, I guess Kitagawa-kun will conduct, so I’ll just leave it at that.”

 I tried to recover my position, but then one of them said, “Yoshida is the senior in the conducting department, he’s going to conduct it…”

“So…”

“I’ll take care of the conductor’s score.” Igarashi’s face lit up as I said it with a sacrificial look of resignation.

“I’ll do the second violin,” Kikuchi said, “Who’s gonna take cello?”

“I don’t mind doing the cello part,” Oyama said, staring at the copy of the score, “Just the cello.”

“How much time do we have?”

 I flipped through the part, trying to assess how long I thought it would take, when Igarashi said in a small voice, “I promised to have it done by nine o’clock…”

“... in the morning, right?”

“Hahaha, well…”

“So we’ve only got ten hours! What are you waiting for? Staff paper! Pens!” There was no point in transcribing music if you can’t make it accurate and legible. And most of the time, you have to race against the clock.

I started with the first violin part, one of the two that I had been assigned. There is only one conductor’s score, but there are eighteen violins in a full orchestra. Priority was given to the many. I wrote in the note heads as fast as I could, going back and adding the stems after I had written a few measures' worth. Then I wrote the accidentals as needed — oops, it’s in B-flat from here. Damn it, I don’t want anybody to get keystroke from… for moving chords around so much. It’s a six-bar break, not five. Oh, is it natural or sharp? No, it’s natural. Hey, is that an E or an F or… uh… 

“Igarashi-kun,” I called out to him from halfway across the table, where he was focused on his own work.

Without looking up, Igarashi placed something in front of me. It was dice.

“Is this..?”

“If it’s an even number, it’s E.”

“So you want me to roll the dice to decide which pitch it is? That’s random…” I mumbled, and began to examine the chords to try and draw a conclusion from their spelling.

“Iga, give me the dice,” said Kikuchi, who was behind me using a beer container as a desk. Igarashi tossed him the dice.

“I need them too,” said Oyama, who was also using a makeshift desk next to me.

“What, you’re all doing it that way? You’re lousy transcribers, aren’t you?”

Kikuchi muttered to me as he rolled the dice for Oyama, “I’m sure Morimura-san will figure out why soon enough.”

I knew that if I had to guess and interpret every chord, I would never make the deadline in time. Damn it, if it’s difficult, it’s probably a great piece. I don’t get this music at all! I started working on it about ten o’clock, and it was past midnight when I finished the violin part with the measure numbers written in. I skipped checking the music at this point and started transcribing the whole score. If there were any mistakes, they could find them in rehearsal and if not, then it’ll be what it is. After all, I had to finish this thick book of sheet music by eight o’clock at the latest… But let’s be real, this is impossible! It’s physically not possible to do in seven hours what it would take three people like Igarashi and his team two days and nights to do. But we had to get whatever we could done. As I wrote the names of the parts on the second sheet of the score, I called out to Igarashi, “The piano parts are done. I can’t finish the score by nine o’clock, but I’ll do as much as possible.”

“You’ve finished the violin part already?”

“Really? Wow, that’s fast!” Igarashi picked up the completed part. “I can’t believe this is handwritten! Morimura-san, you could make a living as a transcriber!”

“What? Which one? Wow, that’s great.”

“That’s true, the first violinists are lucky.”

“Ah…” I didn’t have time to be happy even if they praised me. Okay, brass is done. Next is…. but it’s so hot, even with the windows open, because there’s no breeze coming in. The rest of them were wearing only their underwear; they had told me to take mine off too, and I would feel better. So I took my shirt off, though I wasn’t wearing underwear so I was only naked on top, but it’s only guys here anyway. 

I was writing out the harp section on page 43 when I heard, “Oh, it’s finally done!” Oyama exhaled a deep breath and suddenly fell back onto the tatami floor. “It’s already four o’clock and I’m starving,” he said and rummaged through the bag from the convenience store that was left there.

“There’s a ramen if you want it,” replied Igarashi, still moving his pen.

“If you make it for me, I’ll eat it.”

“What about you, Morimura-san?” He asked me. I was about to answer ‘no’ when I remembered that I had skipped dinner, and I was almost at the limit of my energy with my stiff shoulders.

“I’ll eat. I missed dinner.”

“So you want me to make two?”

“No, just one.” I quickly sipped the cup of ramen while reading the rest of the score, and returned to my writing. As I started the fiftieth page, Kikuchi announced that he was done with his work. As soon as he finished his ramen, he flopped down beside Oyama, who had fallen asleep, and he did the same.

“So depressed that they’re done already,” muttered Igarashi. Oyama was snoring, Kikuchi had a peaceful sleeping breath, and the sound of Igarashi and my pens running on the paper… the smell of ramen and the sweat of tired young people… I noticed a cool breeze coming through the window, and when I raised my eyes it was light outside. I breathed in the brief freshness that comes between the tropical night and a hot day. Now only a hundred pages to go.

When Igarashi packed his and the other’s finished bunches of parts into paper bags and left the apartment, I was still wrestling with a job that would take another six hours. The sun was on the way up. The hot room was somehow even hotter; sweat dripped from my hair as I bent over the staff paper, so I wrapped a towel around my head. It trickled down my bare chest and armpits, even on the back of my hand. Sweat gushes out in beads no matter how much I wipe it off, making the pen slip in my hand. I took a short break when I had just started the 100th page. In order to reduce the remaining 50 pages as much as possible, I did one more page in the three minutes I was waiting for the cup o’noodles to be ready, but it took me longer than I thought it would, and the ramen turned into udon. 

As I slurped down the bloated noodles, I thought about how I was too good-natured. I felt like an idiot for staying up all night on a job that has nothing to do with me or Fujimi… speaking of which, I wonder if Tounoin was worried about me. But at this hour, it would be an imposition to make a phone call, and I don’t even know his phone number in the first place… well, it should be ok, I already mentioned that I was doing the transcription, and he should know that it’s a time-consuming job. I finished the soup, drank two glasses of Aquarius to rehydrate myself, and took up the pen to resume work. Ahh, my hands hurt, my eyes are tired… but if I rested now, I wouldn’t be able to finish the job. Give me strength… I wrote the last symbol on the last page, and the long, long job was done. Eighteen hours of work! My fingers were so stiff they creaked when I tried to put the pen down. I took off my glasses, which felt like they were burrowing into my nostrils, and placed them on top of the finished score. I was tired~

Igarashi and his friends had not returned yet. Come to think of it, he said he had rehearsal in the evening. It’s hard for the underclassmen when they’re overworked by their seniors… I was going to just leave my score behind and go back to Tounoin’s place, but when I laid down to stretch my back — which was stiff as a board — I didn’t want to get up again. I decided to sleep while looking after the house until Igarashi returned. Feeling my tired body falling asleep, I patted myself on the back for a job well done. 

—

I smelled food and drink. The sound of voices, sometimes loud and sometimes guttural. It sounded like I was in the middle of a drinking party. I turned over in my sleep, thinking it was too noisy.

“Oh, Morimura-san, are you awake?” I heard Igarashi’s voice say, and felt him come over to look at me. I pretended to still be asleep. They were probably celebrating being done with the transcription, but right now I wanted to sleep more than drink.

“Morimura-san, we have Oden. Hey, Morimura-san.” I didn’t want it, just let me sleep.

“No, he won’t wake up,” I heard Igarashi say to his friends.

“Ah, well he’s a great person. Did you see the score? He rewrote it down to the last page. I admire him,” Kikuchi replied.

“He’s a very serious person, he never makes mistakes on the violin. He practices like a pro, I bet.”

“And he’s cute, too…” Oyama’s voice said, “I didn’t notice it until I saw him sleeping just now. So amazing.” His speech was slurred, so clearly he was drunk.

“Hey, Oyama, don’t be weird,” Igarashi said with a laugh.

“What do you mean ‘weird’? Beethoven and Karajan had male lovers. Genius lives in homosexuality,” after making this startling counterargument, he seemed to stand up.

“Hey Oyama, sit down,” Igarashi said.

“Hehe, just look at him,” he said, and inwardly I frowned as I felt liquored breath on my face. “The more I look at him, the more attractive he is… so cute. Haha, he has such a beautiful chest… and smooth skin… and perky nipples.”

“Hey if Morimura-san wakes up he’s going to kick your ass!” Kikuchi yelled. Oh, I’ll kick his ass alright.

“Beethoven, Karajan… why are you making up that kind of bullshit?”

“Someday you’re gonna get killed, saying that kind of stuff.”

“It’s not bullshit, and I’m a genius. When I see a guy like this I get so horny… he’s so sexy...” The reason I didn’t take action until the person speaking slammed into me was because I was just too tired to bother moving.

“Whoa!” It wasn’t me who screamed, but Igarashi and Kikuchi. My mouth was blocked by the boozy lips stuck to my face. As I struggled, Oyama gasped and said, “You look so sexy, ahh…” as he groped my chest and stomach.

“You idiot! Stop it! Stop it!”

“Oyama, goddamn it, stop!” The two of them were yelling and trying to pull Oyama off of me. 

I twisted Oyama’s ear, which he grabbed with his struggling hand, then I slapped him as hard as I could in the face.“You perverted son of a bitch!” I shouted and glared at him. 

Oyama looked at me soberly, “This… you! You hit me! I’ll fuck you up!!”

“Oyama! That’s enough!”

“I’m sorry Morimura-san, so sorry!”

“Dammit, let me have a shot at him!” Oyama yelled, and still tried to grab at me while being pinned down by Igarashi and Kikuchi. I almost punched him, but I thought twice about it when I noticed a poster of some chamber music group on the wall behind Oyama. That’s right, I’m a violinist, and my hands are my most important tool. I looked around and saw a bottle of wine. I grabbed it in my other hand and swung it over Oyama’s head; he thought I was going to crack his skull, and Igarashi held up his hands in surprise. But what I threw at his head was… alcohol. After I emptied the contents of the bottle on Oyama’s head, I threw the bottle down.

“There, I’ve cooled you down a bit, asshole!” I spat at him between my clenched teeth. I glanced at the three rigid men and put on the clothes I had taken off. Damn it, if I had known I’d get mixed up in something like this, I wouldn’t have agreed to do anything. I stepped into my sneakers and opened the door.

“Oh, Morimura-san, please wait!” Igarashi dashed after me, but I ignored him. “Sorry, I’m so sorry! I’m really sorry this happened after you helped me so much. I’m sorry!” Igarashi was crying. “When he gets drunk he turns into a monster, but he usually doesn’t do that sort of thing! I’ve never seen him do anything like that before.”

“So are you saying it’s my fault?” Igarashi fell silent for a moment when I sprayed him with the cold anger that was inside me. I looked at him sideways. Igarashi followed me and wept with a crumpled face. I sighed and stopped. “...I know it’s not your fault. I can’t tell you not to worry about it, though.”

“I’m sorry…!” Igarashi squeaked out and sobbed. “Oh I… I can’t go to Fujimi anymore.”

“...are you saying you’re going to make the cello section vacant?”

“No, because I…”

It came out of nowhere. The blood that had been frozen in the pit of my stomach shot up to my head and I yelled as loud as I could, “Don’t be stupid! Don’t you dare waste that shit score I just transcribed for you! And now I’m repaid by getting teased by a drunk and being told that our only cello is quitting? Do you think I’m an idiot?”

Igarashi’s eyes darted as he looked up at me, mumbling, “I’m sorry...I’m sorry…”

“It’s all right, as long as you understand,” I said, and walked away. I thought how the tone of voice I used was like Tounoin’s. Come to think of it, Tounoin… is he worried? It was already night again, and I had left my watch in Igarashi’s apartment, but it was too late to go back. I hurried through the humid night, passing by the convenience store near the apartment. Remembering that I was hungry, I turned around. No, wait, I don’t have any money.  But I went ahead and took a peek at the clock at the cash register before I turned the corner again; just before one o’clock… ‘I wonder if Tounoin is asleep,’ I thought, and then I realized: I don’t have my keys. I still haven’t made another spare since I lost the last one, and the last time I left the apartment I was with Tounoin, so I didn’t realize that I would need it. I’m in trouble… guess I’ll have to camp outside of the door again…

I knocked several times, but there was no answer and the door didn’t open. I twisted the knob, hoping that it would work — the door was unlocked. It was dark in the cool, air-conditioned room, and Tounoin seemed to have fallen asleep. Feeling like a curfew-breaking teenager, I stealthily took off my shoes and entered the room, trying to dampen the sound of my footsteps. Tounoin was in the bed, asleep. I slipped my violin case on the shelf and walked quietly to open the door of the cabin without making any noise. I took a quick shower (the hot water needs some time to come out, but I didn’t want to wake up Tounoin), changed into my pajamas, and crept into the kitchen to get at least a piece of bread. I found a sandwich from the convenience store sitting on the table, a box of cup soup, a cup and a pot of hot water. As I took a bite, my heart was filled with a sincere feeling. ‘You’re a good guy, Tounoin…’ as my rumbling stomach settled down, I was ready to forget about what stupid Oyama had done to me, that damn drunk. I turned off the lights in the cabin and snuck back into the main room. I slipped into the space Tounoin had left open for me, and breathed a sigh of relief.

I heard a half-asleep voice say, “Oh… you’re back…”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Did you finish the transcription?”

“It was an all-nighter, eighteen hours of work.”

“...are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just want to go to sleep.”

“Good night.”

“Good night,” I said, and I fell asleep right away… around what seemed to be dawn I woke up because it was cold, but it was too much effort to get up and turn off the air conditioner, so I chose to huddle closer to the warmth that was near me. It was so warm… Tounoin seemed to notice and hugged my shoulder, but I was already drifting back to sleep so I didn’t know, and didn’t care. I’m not sure if it’s because I trusted that I would be safe with Tounoin, or because I believed he was different from Oyama and that narcissistic, violent homosexual Yasaka. 

—

The next day was super, as if all the bad luck I had been having was turned upside-down. It was literally my lucky day. First of all, the manager of the bank came to visit me with a gift. He told me that due to a computer processing error, my salary — which should have been deposited into my account — had been transferred to another customer’s account. The manager bowed his grasshopper-like bald head and said, “Please keep this matter to yourself.” He left me a noshi envelope with a greeting card and a brush writing on it. Inside was two months of my salary. I showed it to Tounoin.

“This is how much they gave.” 

He sniffed in frustration, “I’m not sure if that is adequate compensation for their part in causing these difficulties.”

“Well, yes, but it’s all over now…”

“If that’s what you want, then it’s not my place to tell you otherwise.”

“But I feel bad, you know… crashing in front of your apartment and all…”

“I was happy to do it,” Tounoin said, turning away from me with a sigh. I remembered that I needed to find a new apartment as soon as possible; I felt bad staying here forever. 

The second lucky break came at a real estate agency in a neighboring town, where I went separately from Tounoin.

“There’s a one-bedroom and bath for 40,000 yen, a three-year old condo on the 6th floor.”

“In Fujimi-cho?” I was about to jump for it without question, but the old owner’s eyes flashed behind his glasses.

“To be honest, it’s been hard to keep occupied. Since this past April, three people have already left within a month of each other.”

“No way… did somebody just move out again?” The realtor shook his head in disbelief. 

“The person in the apartment above play music loudly at all hours of the night and day. But you can’t complain about it, because it’s occupied by the landlord’s son, so you know…”

What? Could that be…? “Is it a tall apartment building down the corner from a convenience store…?”

“Oh, do you know it? It belongs to the bank president, so the facilities are top-notch, but just that one room on the 6th floor has been vacant since June. The floor is the only part that isn’t soundproof, and nobody could stand the ‘noise’ coming from the ceiling. So the rent has been discounted by 80,000 yen.”

“How big is it?” The realtor gave me a look like I shouldn’t ask, but told me that it was a Japanese-style eight-tatami-mat room with a four-and-a-half-tatami dining and kitchen. It also had AC and heating. “I’ll take it,” I said. “40,000 for a one bedroom with bath, AC and background music is too good to be true, I’d even put up with a ghost or two.”

“Well, if you say so…” the agent pulled out a contract with a face that said ‘Don’t come crying to me later.’ The name on the rental contract was ‘Inmitsu Tounoin.’ I thought of an old gentleman with gray hair, but if he was Tounoin’s father he couldn’t be that old. Rent can be paid via bank transfer; so, he’s the son of a banker, I knew he wasn’t a commoner. I’ve got three months’ deposit and money for the key, plus rent for this month and next month thanks to the ‘condolences’ money from the bank —but that’s a small price to pay for luck. “Ah, also I’d like you to get a guarantor.” The agent pointed to a blank space on the contract, “Here’s where your name and address are, please put your seal here.”

“Is it okay if I bring it back in a couple of days?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Here’s the address. Oh, right, you know where it is, don’t you? Now, the key.”

I took the key and asked, “Which bank president is the landlord?”

“Fujimi Bank, sir?” He looked at me like he couldn’t possibly not know the president of a long-established bank in this area. 

“Oh… and that’s located in…”

“It’s in Seijo. But I’m the property manager. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me.” It seems that I wouldn’t have a chance to cross paths with Tounoin’s father; I was a little curious what kind of person he is. On my way home, I stopped by Ishida-san’s Mozart. 

“Oh, in Tounoin’s building?” He smiled and said, “Well, I’m glad you found a nice place.” He smiled and said, “Since you found an apartment…” he pulled out a cardboard box from under the counter. It was full of sheets, towels, tea bowls, cups, pots and pans… “Kawashima-san is indeed a solid office worker. She made a ‘list of items needed to reconstruct a house’ rather than just gathering donation money, asked people to give their unused items from their houses, and it turned out to be enough for a whole house. That was the idea.”

“She’s going to make a great wife, I’m sure.” She knew that I’d mind if it was money, so she collected practical items. The fish that gets away is always big… “Um, so, could I get some coffee vouchers?”

“You don’t have to give anything back in return.”

“Yes, but I want to give something to Tounoin-san.”

“Oh, I see. So you want some coffee coupons?”

“It’s practical, isn’t it? Please, I’ll take three books of ten vouchers.” Ishida-san smiled a little apologetically; I’m sure that he knows I’m buying them as a way to repay him for the money he gave me when he visited.

“By the way, I’d like to talk to you about something,” Ishida-san stepped up to the counter, changing from owner of Mozart to that of Fujimi caretaker, “For our next piece, why don’t we do Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto?”

“A violin concerto?” 

Ishida-san looked around quickly and whispered with conspiratorial enthusiasm, “I got the hall reserved at the Civic Center. There was a cancellation for Sunday, November 27th.”

“So… would it be a regular concert?”

“Not anymore, it would be a proper concert.”

“Oh, are you sure we have enough time to prepare?” Ishida-san nodded smugly as I was leaning over the counter.

“I was thinking that we should do it this year, now that we have Tounoin-san with us. I really wanted to do it after New Year’s, but I heard that the hall would be under renovation from January to May. I happened across that cancellation, so I jumped at the chance even though I was a bit busy.”

“Yes, I’ll do it, I’ll do it.”

“So I thought I’d like to include the Mendelssohn.”

“That sounds great! But… what about the soloist?”

“There’s already one,” Ishida-san pointed at me.

“Me…? I’ll be the soloist?”

“Icchan agrees.” Come on…

“But we’ve never done a piece with a solo before…”

“So that’s why we should do it. It’s good for us to do one once and awhile.”

“But then what about the first violins…”

“We have Goto-chan, Miyake-chan, Kijima-san, Nitta-san, Yoshiko Suzuki-san, Hirota-san… why don’t you ask Haruyama-san to join from the seconds?”

“Then the second violins would be Ichiyama-san, Higashi-san, Hirai-san…”

“Seven people would be enough, right?”

“Yes, in terms of just numbers…” but when it came to balance of competence...

The door chime rang and a group of housewives walked in, and Ishida-san turned to welcome them and prepare some glasses of water. “Well, you should think about it, and discuss it with Tounoin-kun.”

“Yes, I’ve always wanted to do a concerto, but…”

“All the strings were saying that they wanted Morimura-chan to do a solo.”

“Hah...haha.”

—-

On my way home my feet were skipping lightly. ‘We can have a concert, we can have a concert. For the first time in two years, Fujimi can have a concert!’ I ran around the corner, bounded up the stairs and opened the door with my freshly made spare key. The sound of the Brandenburg Concerto hit me, but I was deaf to it today.

“Tounoin! Tounoin! I slid down on my knees in front of him, where he was sitting cross-legged in his usual spot. “We’re having a concert! November 27th!”

Tounoin made a gesture of ‘I can’t hear you, please wait’ and went to stop the music. As soon as the sound stopped, I repeated myself, “A concert has been scheduled! Sunday, November 27th, Shimin Kaikan Hall! Ishida-san was able to get a date because of a cancellation, and asked me if I wanted to play the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto!”

Tounoin looked at me from in front of the console, and I realized that I was very excited in contrast to his calm demeanor. My face flushed. “No, but do you know, it’s been two years since we had a concert.”

“November?” Said Tounoin in a cold voice.

“I know it’s soon, so it’s going to be hard, but it’s at the end of the month… so it’s about three months away, right?

Tounoin’s complexion softened, “It depends on how we do it. I don’t mind.”

“Really? Great…! So…” he glanced at the envelope in my hand.

“Oh, did you get something?”

“I was kind of lucky today, I found an apartment as well.” I pulled the contract out of the envelope, and when I was about to show it to him, I noticed the look in his eyes was somewhat complicated. At once I felt something flutter in my stomach; it was the first time I felt that. “It wasn’t a bad idea to crash here, but it was an emergency situation for both of us. Anyway, the place I got is cheap, well-equipped, and convenient. I’ve already signed the contract.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Tounoin with a deep sigh. If I remained here, it would only cause more suffering… the word ‘Love’ is very similar to the word ‘Strange’...

“Well, actually, I do need a guarantor,” I opened the contract and placed it in front of him. “Would you mind?”

“Yeah, well that’s already...” he said as he picked up the contract with a hand that was trying not to show his reluctance… I froze. I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not, his normally cool, long eyes were round.

“Not bad, huh?” I asked. Tounoin secretly panicked and turned his head, pretending to read the contract. 

“...It’s okay, I guess. How much is it?”

“40,000. But it’s only a minute’s walk to the civic center. I think it’s great. Now, why don’t you say something?”

With his head down, Tounoin patted various pockets. Then, “I’ll go get a pen,” he said.

“I’ll also need your seal,” I said, starting to stand up.

“Please stay here,” Tounoin said, “...I’m afraid I’m going to have to hug you.” Then he ran off into the cabin. I laughed, I couldn’t believe that the man who sells himself on his pride and arrogance lost his nerve like that. Just because I happened to get an apartment in the same building as his, that’s all. Then I felt a stinging pain in my heart at the thought. I got up and went into the cabin, but when I saw Tounoin’s back at the kitchen table, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have the right to ask him if he wanted to continue being a snake charmer for the rest of our lives, and it’s hypocritical for me to consider his feelings when I made the decision that I wanted to be his friend and nothing more… I pulled another envelope out of my pocket and approached his back.

I was spoiled by his kindness, but that together with when he agreed to give up on pursuing me, for the time being made us even. “And also this. I don’t know if I can thank you enough, but I mean, I feel…” I put the envelope over his shoulder on the table. 

He opened it as delicately as if it were a sparrow’s tapestry and froze again, but this time he got over it in an instant. “Thank you, I’ll treat you to Mozart’s coffee for the time being.” He turned around and had put on his poker face… ha, he’s not good at accepting this.

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll be over there to talk about everything until the performance.” Here as well.

“‘I’ll never go out with you for coffee or dinner,’' He said with a smile, reminding me of what I had told him. After all, this was the game between us. I want to make sure that we are friends, and Tounoin wants to develop into lovers. But I won’t be the one to lose.

—-

I woke up in the middle of the night after being kicked twice. The next morning, while Tounoin was making coffee and I was cooking bacon and eggs, I mentioned it to him.

“Well, you stole the blanket twice and gave me an uppercut,” he replied.

“I think even a double bed is too small for two men.”

When I glared at him, he said, “Well, it’s big enough if you’re embracing each other,” and laughed… that was the first time I ever heard Tounoin laugh out loud. The kitchen here is nice and bright. For the one in my apartment, it remains to be seen.

[moonwalkingcrab]

rules: complete the fifteen questions and tag ten others who you follow but you want to get to know more! 

I was tagged by the phenomenal @nookienostradamus, thank you so much! I get to spam people with even more tag memes XD

name: Emma, feel free to call me Crab, though age: 30 country: Scotland favorite colour: Purple when you made this blog: Around March/April of 2016, I think? Not long after I started writing TLJ fics anyway follower count: 774 choose a superhero power: Space phasing, like Nightcrawler (although without having to pass through a freaky hell-dimension to do it) favourite drink: Jasmine tea a song you love right now: Becky, be your own PET dream career: Travel writer. I wanna go to places, see the sights and eat the food then spread the love <3 dream vacation: I want to go back to Japan, start in Tokyo, then Kyoto, over to my second home of Tottori, a quick visit to Izumo then down to Hiroshima & Miyajima before heading over to see my friends in Osaka. Ideally it’d be in April as well, for hanami. hogwarts house: Ravenclaw favourite character/characters of the week: Oh man, this is hard! Right now I have an extreme thirst for Hank Anderson from Detroit: Become Human, damn you Clancy Brown. how you like to keep your hair: Fluffy cloud of curls, although I just got it undercut at the back and have been experimenting with straightening it. christmas or halloween: Hallowe’en, always. I mean, I do like Christmas, but working in retail for years and years kind of killed my enjoyment for it a little. It doesn’t help that it seems to appear earlier and earlier each year.

I shall tag @thesevioletdel1ghts, @magicandmalice, @obsessions-and-dreams, @theearlgreyalpha, @katherine1753, @katiesghosts, @allmannerofsomethings, @atlinmerrick, @bandvn and @marlonbookcase, I’d love to get to know y’all a little better <3 No pressure though!

[docrotten]

KWAIDAN (1964) – Episode 118 – Decades of Horror: The Classic Era

"You promised that night you'd never tell anybody. You finally broke the promise. It was a pledge for life for both of us. I told you if you broke it, I would kill you. You betrayed me!" Isn’t that always the way it goes? Join this episode’s Grue-Crew - Whitney Collazo, Chad Hunt, Daphne Monary-Ernsdorff, and Jeff Mohr - as they are mesmerized by the legendary Kwaidan (1968)!

Decades of Horror: The Classic Era Episode 118 – Kwaidan (1964)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! And click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

ANNOUNCEMENT Decades of Horror The Classic Era is partnering with PlayNow Media's THE CLASSIC SCI-FI MOVIE CHANNEL, THE CLASSIC HORROR MOVIE CHANNEL, and WICKED HORROR TV CHANNEL, which all now include video episodes of The Classic Era! Available on Roku, AppleTV, Amazon FireTV, AndroidTV, Online Website. Across All OTT platforms, as well as mobile, tablet, and desktop. https://classicscifichannel.com/

This film contains four distinct, separate stories: 1) "Black Hair": A poor samurai who divorces his true love to marry for money, but finds the marriage disastrous and returns to his old wife, only to discover something eerie about her; 2) "The Woman in the Snow": Stranded in a snowstorm, a woodcutter meets an icy spirit in the form of a woman who spares his life on the condition that he never tells anyone about her. A decade later he forgets his promise; 3) "Hoichi the Earless": Hoichi is a blind musician, living in a monastery who sings so well that a ghostly imperial court commands him to perform the epic ballad of their death battle for them. But the ghosts are draining away his life, and the monks set out to protect him by writing a holy mantra over his body to make him invisible to the ghosts. But they've forgotten something; 4) "In a Cup of Tea": a writer tells the story of a man who keeps seeing a mysterious face reflected in his cup of tea.

IMDb

  Director: Masaki Kobayashi

Writer: Yôko Mizuki (screenplay); Lafcadio Hearn (stories, as Yakumo Koizumi)

Music: Tôru Takemitsu

Cinematography: Yoshio Miyajima

Film Editing: Hisashi Sagara

Art Direction: Shigemasa Toda

Set Decoration: Dai Arakawa

Costume Design: Masahiro Katô

Musician: Kinji Tsuruta (biwa)

Cast

"Kurokami" ("Black Hair")

Michiyo Aratama as First wife

Misako Watanabe as Second Wife

Rentarō Mikuni as Husband

Kenjiro Ishiyama as Father

Ranko Akagi as Mother

"Yuki-Onna" ("The Woman of the Snow," "Snow-Woman")

Tatsuya Nakadai as Minokichi

Keiko Kishi as the Yuki-Onna

Yūko Mochizuki as Minokichi's mother

Kin Sugai as Village woman

Noriko Sengoku as Village woman

"Miminashi Hōichi no Hanashi," ("Hoichi the Earless")

Katsuo Nakamura as Hoichi

Tetsurō Tanba as Warrior

Takashi Shimura as Head priest

Yoichi Hayashi as Minamoto no Yoshitsune

Kazuo Kitamura as Taira no Tomomori

Yōsuke Kondō as Benkei

"Chawan no naka" ("In a Cup of Tea")

Haruko Sugimura as Madame

Osamu Takizawa as Author / Narrator

Ganjirō Nakamura as Publisher

Noboru Nakaya as Shikibu Heinai

Seiji Miyaguchi as Old man

Kei Satō as Ghost samurai

Kwaidan is Daphne’s pick and she loves every single second of the 183-minute runtime. In fact, she watched it three times! The beauty of the film, the amazing storytelling, and both the sound and set design blew her away. Chad agrees that it is a beautiful film with wonderful sets and music and appreciates how the four segments are based on supernatural folk tales. For the record, his favorite of the four is “The Woman of the Snow.” As a big lover of world folklore and ghost stories, Whitney is also on the Kwaidan bandwagon, granting it everything anyone could want in finely detailed sets, makeup, and folklore. The middle two stories, “The Woman of the Snow” and “Hoichi the Earless,” grabbed her the most. Jeff is gobsmacked by Kwaiden, calling it a stunningly beautiful film. He loved all the stories but “Hoichi the Earless” is his favorite with its historical prologue.

If you haven’t seen Kwaidan, the Classic Era Grue-Crew strongly recommends it. Yes, three hours is a long slog, but the individual stories are completely separate, so you can digest it a piece at a time. So if you haven’t seen it, do it know. If you have seen it, watch it again! Don’t make them break their feet off in your ass! At the time of this writing, Kwaidan is available to stream on The Criterion Channel and HBOmax, and on physical media as a Blu-ray disc from Criterion.

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era records a new episode every two weeks. Up next on their very flexible schedule is one chosen by Whitney: Dos Monjes (1934, Two Monks) directed by Juan Bustillo Oro. Dos Monjes is available to stream on YouTube and on physical media in “Martin Scorsese's World Cinema Project No. 3” (The Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray]. And the world folklore just keeps on coming!!

Please let them know how they’re doing! They want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans: leave them a message or leave a comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com

To each of you from each of us, “Thank you so much for listening!”

Check out this episode!

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Crunchyroll Editorial Staff's Top Anime of 2020

  As we near the end of this ... very interesting year, we here on the Crunchyroll Editorial team are taking some time to reflect on all of the excellent anime that has aired this year. While there were plenty of reasons this year to be sad, stressed out, or worse, anime was there to help us through. Our editorial team has members all across the globe, and we came together to celebrate the anime that kept that fire of hope burning inside us all through 2020.

    This year, due to many different circumstances, I wasn't able to keep up with nearly as much anime as I would have liked to, but there are a few shows I managed to watch that really left an impact on me this year. The year started off with an explosion of color and imagination with Keep Your Hands off Eizouken! Anime is something so special to all of us and this series about three girls coming together and learning to animate captures the power this medium has to inspire us. Later in the year, we got the first half of Re:Zero Season 2. While it had some ups and downs, the episode that brought us Subaru's fleeting reunion with his parents was a high watermark for the year. Finally, My Teen Romantic Comedy Snafu Climax capped off one of my favorite series of the last decade with one of the most successful, emotionally resonant ends I've seen in a while. I'm so grateful to all of the creators who brought these stories to life for us in a year where we desperately needed them.

  - Cayla Coats, Editor-in-Chief for English regions

    There are too many cliched phrases to apply to 2020, but despite every hurdle this awful year had, the endurance of those who create our favorite shows was still present. Even in the best of circumstances, these productions are strenuous, but it’s thanks to the work of every animator and staff member who is part of the process that let us enjoy every show this year. For that, I cannot thank them enough. With that, here are the best anime I saw this year.

  Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! - While Eizouken is “an anime about making anime,” it’s far more about animation as an art form and the physical/emotional energy it takes to make ideas into something tangible. An intimate look into what drives artists and one of the truest presentations of “it takes a village,” Eizouken is a love letter to much more than anime as a medium, and a series that aims to share that inspirational magic between viewer and creator.

  Beastars - What Studio Orange continues to accomplish with 3D animation is nothing short of incredible, and an ever-increasing shining example of what is possible in the space. Along with the stellar visuals, Beastars’ intricate worldbuilding and story of opposite ends trying to understand each other was one of the most gripping and emotional dramas I watched this year.

  March Comes in Like a Lion - This year I found myself, perhaps like many others, finally checking out shows on my “to-watch” list. I can’t tell you why I chose March Comes in Like a Lion from that list exactly, but I can tell you that the 44 episodes of the shogi drama contain some of the best television I have ever watched. What starts as a series about navigating trauma and pain turns into a powerful journey of recovery and self-introspection of finding one’s path to happiness.

  - Kyle Cardine, Editor for English regions

    This year has been a complicated one, but it also delivered some great moments with anime. January started strong with Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, a series in which its protagonists unleash an overflowing imagination and creativity trying to create ... an anime! It's a great story of effort and struggle for something that seems almost impossible, and also allows us to know a little better how the mind of a highly creative person works — particularly the mind of Masaaki Yuasa, who directed this series.

  This year we also enjoyed Haikyu! TO THE TOP, the new series starring our favorite volleyball team, which showed us that no matter how many episodes go by, the series' passion and great characters do not decline at all. The evolution of the protagonists, the wide and varied cast of characters, and matches capable of keeping you glued to your seat in tension (only to finally get you excited and stand up screaming) make it not only one of the best series of the year but one of the best spokons in the history of anime.

  Finally, I cannot forget to recommend Golden Kamuy, whose mixture of historical facts, interesting vision of Ainu culture, charismatic characters, action, plot twists, and of course, memorable comical moments, put it in a very high position in the history of anime. It's a wonderful story that nobody should miss, as few anime manage to mix the seriousness, comedy, fiction, and story in such a masterful way like Golden Kamuy.

  -  <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Sergio Vaca, Spanish News Lead

    As a longtime comedy fan, my favorite anime series this year couldn't be any different. Starting in April, we followed Catarina's misfortunes in My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! while she tried avoiding the destruction flags in order not to be either exiled (or even killed)! Throughout the series, due to her unique charisma, Catarina gradually wins the hearts of everyone around her (and she won mine as well).

  On the other hand, we have Rent-a-Girlfriend's Kazuya ... Since I've already read Reiji Miyajima's manga, I knew exactly what to expect from it. If you like a good old rom-com (and also don't mind getting constantly angry at your TV), give it a shot. But seriously though, you will want to throw your remote on the TV several times. Be strong, resist.

  And in this last quarter, as someone who absolutely loves bunnies, I cannot deny how happy I was when I heard Is the Order a Rabbit? was coming back for a third season (highly recommended for those who like cute stuff and coffee). It's so relaxing and fun to watch the day-to-day job life in the Rabbit House café, following all the characters as they play around through the streets and water canals from their small town inspired by Colmar, France — it's really a lovely place, it will be on your “fictional places I would like to visit” list. If you want to relax after a busy day at work (or school), this is the anime to go.

  - José Sassi, Portuguese News Lead

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  While 2020 as a whole was certainly improvable on many fronts, it also brought me the most positive of bamboozles: remakes of some of my favorite properties that are actually sequels in disguise. Not only did Final Fantasy VII Remake pull the rug from under everyone, but Higurashi When They Cry Gou repeated this feat just a half-year later and let me enjoy one of my favorite pastimes: Jokingly shaking my fist at the sky in anger and yelling a Japanese creator's name, be it Nomura or Ryukishi! Everyone who has had to suffer through more than 30 seconds of conversation with me knows of my fondness for the When They Cry franchise and after getting a new anime that might act as a bridge between Higurashi and Umineko (as of this writing, this is just a theory), I could hardly be more excited to see where this might lead in the future — maybe even a full-on Umineko reboot that finally lets me enjoy Erika Furudo shouting "<Good>" in anime form?! With Ryukishi becoming more and more prominent in the Japanese development sphere (he is currently working on an entirely new visual novel with renowned developer Key of Clannad fame and more of his works receive English translations like the recently released Iwaihime), I expect the next few years will be a promising future for 07thExpansion fans.

  Apart from losing it over singular frames in Higurashi's opening, I also very much enjoyed our very first Crunchyroll Original In/Spectre, with Kotoko's and Kuro's chemistry and the final battle being particular highlights for me (possibly because Kotoko fighting the internet itself not only reminded me of the debates in Umineko but also of my work as a community manager). If we manage to forget about reality for a moment, 2020 was a fantastic year for anime and I can't wait to see what next year has in hold for us (apart from, you know, more Higurashi episodes)!

<!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}-->

  - René Kayser, Public Relations & Community Manager, Germany

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  Despite the anime delays that occurred this year, the industry managed to come out with unforgettable shows. My watch list consisted mostly of sequels of my favorite anime which included Chihayafuru Season 3. It's difficult to categorize Chihayafuru as it's a distinguished series that defies the stereotypical themes, and this particular season saw big developments in terms of story and characters. It was a memorable and passionate journey told through an admirable trio.

  As for the anime that completely captured my interest this year, Golden Kamuy came back this year with Season 3. The power of narration along with an engaging and dramatic plot told through a unique set of characters made Golden Kamuy one of the best I've watched. Golden Kamuy is more than just an exciting series, but also a fulfilling experience, which Season 3 very much showcased.

  As for the newcomers, I myself am surprised that I've picked TONIKAWA as one of the best shows I've seen this year. I didn’t expect that I would fall in love with the show when I first saw it, however, I was absorbed the minute I started watching. It's a simple anime yet holds many beautiful and serene moments. Nasa and Tsukasa are both what I liked the most: they were like a cube of sugar in a warm cup of tea. I loved how clear and honest their relationship is and I can’t wait to see more of them.

  - Reem Ali, Social Media Coordinator & Editorial Lead (MENA)

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  This year has been peculiar, mostly for the negative reasons we know well. One of my solaces during 2020 was the wonderful anime that exceedingly impressed me. Ever since I found out about Jujutsu Kaisen, I immediately started looking forward to it since I love horror stories, especially if flavored with exotic mysticism. After the first episode, every feeling was confirmed and every detail of the series turned out to be a jewel. The characters are well defined and combined with a detailed and solid setting that looms in front of the audience. The Curses' character design is a masterpiece and shows all their temper, even before they start to act.

  I am also biased when it comes to Re:ZERO. I was waiting for the series to come back for a long time and I feared that my hopes would prove to be misplaced. A few minutes after the beginning of the first second season's episode, I found myself tangled by the unraveling events. It's been a crescendo ever since. Even though one of my favorite characters is missing in this arc, the storytelling kept me glued to that screen.

  For a long time, I didn't want to watch Dorohedoro because something about its style didn't sit well with me. But I fell in love after finally giving it a watch. MAPPA managed to portray a foolish but plausible world, filled with absurd, but believable characters. They can turn even the most weirdo plot set in a crazy place accomodating through the world of men, The Hole, and the world of the sorcerers. I got lost in Dorohedoro's urban landscape is filled with so many small details alongside the great Caiman and Nikaido.

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  - Francesco Ventura, Italian News Lead

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  Most of all, this year I remember the emotional roller coaster from watching Kakushigoto. Kouji Kumeta first shoots you witty gags in the Sayonara Zetsubo-Sensei style, mocking himself as the protagonist drawing obscene comedy manga (read Katte ni Kaizou to learn about the dark and incredibly funny past of Kumeta-sensei), and then tells the unexpectedly touching history of a relationship between father and daughter. Kakushigoto teaches a lesson for both little Hime and the audience: being sad is just as important as having fun. For me, this is the best anime of 2020. Although, Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! came out this year, a farewell ode to the art of animation by Yuasa Masaaki. Surely my colleagues and many anime fans already love Eizouken and want to celebrate this series this year, so I better take this opportunity to tell you about the existence of the Puparia by Shingo Tamagawa. It is an independent animation created only by the passion, hard work, and talent that Eizouken celebrates. Take a break from the mainstream, find this anime on the author's channel, and enjoy every shot of this three-minute masterpiece.

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  - Azaly Zeldin, Russian News Lead

By: Cayla Coats

[otome--gokoro]

Here’s the view of the Seto Inland Sea from Mt Misen on Miyajima, the tori gate at low tide, and SNOWWWW (I’m from a tropical country, snow is very exciting to me) Also I watched my sisters carry their children (11~14kg) up and down the mountain trail (which nearly killed me tbh, that was really rough) and I felt the truth of 妈妈真伟大. If you’re going up mt misen, don’t bother with hiking to the summit. The view is just as good from the topmost cable car station -_-

[a-student-out-of-time]

BUSTED! Honey anon

Wh-What on Earth are you getting at?

Sure, maybe you did have the right card. The right card from before the code changes.

But you would’ve known that, wouldn’t you? And yet you were still using it.

Huh?

And that’s not all. When I took a look at the security footage with Shimizu, you were there too. In that same room where Miyajima-san and Nakamura-san found this device.

Of course I have! This is my hospital, and it’s my priority to ensure that everything is up to code.

Of course you’d say that. Because it was true.

Nanami-san...are you suggesting what I think you are?

Why don’t you show me your fingerprints while we’re at it?

Fingerprints? 

When they found this device wedged in a vent, it was covered in someone else’s fingerprints. I have a feeling the one who planted this must’ve been sure that they’d be able to retrieve it before anyone else found it.

So, we got lucky then?

Whose fingerprints are there?

I got mine on there from grabbing it, but you found more on there.

Are you seriously intending to test everyone here? I swear to you, I’ve never seen that device in my life!

You know...here’s another question I have: Miyajima-san, Fukawa-san, you’ve both been here longer than us. Have you heard of a secret emergency exit that leads through the mountain?

No...I don’t recall that being mentioned.

Nobody’s told me anything about it, and I’ve been here for months.

Interesting that you told that to the two people who haven’t been here for long and the girl who wouldn’t remember you never said that before.

And with the turret, it’s the perfect cover story to get the three of you somewhere out of the way, to get rid of you. Because your original idea- making it seem like Ryoko-chan had a form of cancer you’re not equipped to treat here and to kill her during a transfer- wasn’t an option anymore.

Y-You...Y-You’re accusing me of being the assassin?! In my own hospital?!

No. Because it’s not your hospital. Because you’re not the real Okamoto Masayoshi, are you?

Wh-What?

Ryoko-chan, I’m so sorry you had to find out this way...but it’s the truth.

I don’t exactly know how you did, but at some points, you got into his head before the security protocols were installed, and hoped that you had everything you needed to access Ryoko-chan’s room. But when we showed up, you had to come up with a whole new idea.

Now that I think about it...that cliff was right outside your office too!

...

So, you decided to show up here yourself, huh? I thought you’d send another assassin to take care of this for you.

Who did...?

The person who stole Dr. Okamoto’s body. Who’s using it right now.

Am I right? Dr. Shirogane?

…Heh.

You all must think you’re so clever, don’t you?

[kateahontas]

Here it is, late and fairly difficult to write: my goodbye 2017 post!

2017 was both a great year and a really fucking terrible one (for want of better intensifiers). 2016 ended with Matt and I deciding to get married exactly a month after the year finished. Matt and I spent the end of 2016 and then beginning of 2017 in Australia with family and friends for Christmas and New Year. I think exactly this time in 2017, we had just arrived back in Japan. That night, Matt got a message from his brother saying that his mum’s health had gotten worse, and the next day Matt flew back to Australia to be with his mum.

I feel like this really set the template for the entire year. Firstly, we had some incredible times. We had  my brother’s wedding and then ours, two days apart. They were both very different weddings. Their’s was huge, and our’s was not. Our’s was on my birthday, and their’s was not. Both were amazing, and I feel that our’s was the best day of my life. Everyday, Matt does something and I am like “yes, this guy” and that is the best.

The three week Dudding visit was a perfect and beautiful time full of food and adventures and drinking. Matt and Sarah also visited in May, and it was fun and adventure filled and they all seem like a dream now. Sarah and Matt’s visit happened to coincide with the Japanese wedding party thrown for us by some of our amazing colleagues. Sometimes words are hard, but it was incredible and we are so lucky.

2017 was a good year of travel for us. We were able to travel to Osaka, Nara, Kyoto, Hiroshima and Miyajima with the Duddings. Matt and I went to Fukui for Golden Week and visited my host family that I stayed with in 2006. During August, Matt and I did two huge trips to Hokkaido and Hiroshima where we ate all the amazing foods and had all the good times.

We made a lot of memories and became a lot closer with our Japanese friends. We finally achieved our goal of going to Kenichi’s house, and then did it four times. We also went to a lot of house parties at Satoshi’s house.

Unfortunately, 2017 also rained a lot of shit down on us. The year started with Matt and I being separated so that he could be in Australia with his mum. We spent a total of six weeks apart, a time period which was split up by me returning to Australia for my brother’s wedding and our wedding, and then flying back to Japan solo the day after our wedding. That was a really hard time for both of us, and I often wonder how it even happened.

Three weeks after our wedding, Matt’s mum passed away. Nothing can take away from how terrible that was then and is now. It’s almost been a year. I miss her everyday and I sometimes have pretty vivid dreams about her. Whenever we go traveling in Japan, I see so many things I want to buy her or tell her about. I don’t think that will ever stop, and that makes me happy.

Matt and I suddenly and unexpectedly lost our two beloved pets, Stormahontas and Panda. Neither had been ill before we left, and Panda was only about five years old. We haven’t been back to Australia since either of them passed, so I think that will be a shit time. That brings the total number of pets lost while we’ve been in Japan to four.

Matt’s dad had two health scares pretty close together and spent quite a bit of time in hospital. He seems to be on the mend for now, so hopefully 2018 is a healthy year for him.

Work became a really difficult place for me to be at after summer vacation. The job itself is often meaningless and the work environment has become really negative, especially just before we went on winter vacation. I am currently at work for my first day of the year, and it isn’t going so well. I hope I can find some positive things here to help make things not so agonising.

I haven’t had the best mental health time, to be honest. For a really long time now. I become anxious about so many things and I am horrible to myself all the time. I don’t sleep well and I always feel tired. There are so many self-esteem issues that I am not even really sure how to conquer, but I would like to try.

2017 left a weird taste in my mouth. As a diabetic, I often have low blood sugars overnight. This was happening a lot recently, because my diabetes decided to be an illogical beast. When this happens, I wake up and have a little sugar binge before going back to sleep. The taste in my mouth when I wake up in the morning is this awful past sugary party and it’s super bitter and not a good time.

We said goodbye to 2017 by attending a party an aquarium/theme park with two of our best Japanese pals. After the countdown, we watched the fireworks and then visited the aquarium. We saw walruses and cool fish and it was the best. After that, we rode on a few rides and started the year in a very memorable way.

Unfortunately, Matt and I woke up to some horribly shocking news on the 1st of January. In the last few days of 2017, an old boss and good friend of Matt’s suddenly passed away. He was an amazing guy that I had the pleasure of meeting a few times. He was sunshine and in the timeline where our wedding wasn’t planned in just one month, he was going to be the MC. He had young children and a wife (and was young himself) and we are in serious shock over the news and it doesn’t even seem real. We had just been talking about how we were so keen to catch up with him when we were back in Perth. He will be so missed. Life is kind of terrifying.

We just got back from our New Year trip to Nikko yesterday. It was beautiful there and snowed a lot, so I feel happy about that. Unfortunately, time goes too fast, and, as I said, I am now back at work feeling the full power of the terrible environment around the vicinity of my desk.

In less than a week, two of my all time favourite humans are getting married and Matt and I can’t make it back to Australia for the wedding. This kills me a lot, but I know they know things would be the opposite if they could be. I am so happy for them both, but am also so sad that plane tickets cost heaps of money.

In February, one of the few people that understood teenage me and one of the loves of my life is getting married. This one I can go back for and I am dying of excitement for the wedding and all the people I will get to catch up with. I will also get to see my family, and other people that we will try to squeeze in catch-ups with. I have been missing everyone so much recently, so I hope this will make things better.

This is long and unfunny and it’s real only purpose is for me to be able to see what a time 2017 really was. I have hopes for 2018, but I think sharing goals, especially all over the internet, makes you not accomplish them. I really hope 2018 is full of more positive experiences than 2017 was for me personally. Happy 2018, everyone. May it be everything!

One other good thing about 2017 is that Matt and I realised how fun it is to sing Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt at karaoke. 

[wittypenguin]

What Have We Learned?

Things we now understand after watching 25 hours and 46 minutes of kaijû weirdness (not including re-watching most films to get details and then comparing my notes vs IMDb’s quotes, plus trivia entires, and then composing reviews to clarify in my own mind what’s going on in the ‘plot’ and various other things). Realistically, we’re looking at a devotion of 48–50 non-contiguous hours of viewing and mental attention to movies featuring guys wearing big rubber suits.

Throughout the entire experience, I’ve watched courtesy of the above entry in the Criterion Collection (Spine #1000) which I got on sale but would have gladly paid full price, had I known just how much pleasure I’ve got from seeing these. Watching the extras on Disc 8, I can see just how much work went into the cleaning-up of the images to make them nearly free of scratches and flaws. Honestly, it’s like night and day when you see the flat colour and hail-like scratches on the frames after watching them in pristine condition for all those hours.

I’ve only watched with the Japanese dialogue and English sub-titles, unless the only option I had was English; as was the case with King Kong vs Godzilla. After hearing the audio for so many Japanese films now — plus Yôjinbô, Tsubaki Sanjûrô, Rashômon, and Shichinin no samurai — it’s tempting to start learning some Japanese. There’s a whole bunch of sounds and groups of words which I’m starting to recognize but do not actually know what they mean per se. The subtleties of hai are something I am certainly starting to get already. I know nothing of actual Japanese characters, however, so while I might recognize the “Hepburn Roman Characterization” of Shichinin no Samurai, the notion of learning an entirely new alphabet so as to also recognize 七人の侍 seems a trifle more daunting. From a distance, the idea of learning Japanese from kaijū films seems cool and fun and an intriguing challenge; but once one gets in up to one’s waist, the notion undoubtedly has much more heavy lifting than being able to point at a hillside and scream “あなたが実行する必要がありますか、巨大なハゲタカがあなたを食べるでしょう！” (or “Anata ga jikkō suru hitsuyō ga arimasu ka, kyodaina hagetaka ga anata o taberudeshou!” if you prefer).

That said, I noticed a heck of a lot of ‘borrowed words’ from English in the films! The following list is not complete, but it’s most of them.

Borrowed words

helicopter

Engine (as in ‘I am having trouble with the engine of my plane’)

Typhoon (although we may have borrowed from them)

handlebag (handbag)

zero (the numeral)

drums (as in oil drums)

Geiger Counter

Remote Control

Oxygen Destroyer

Stop! (as an order to a vehicle)

Blue Mountain (some variety of coffee)

gas (as in a vapour)

Space Titanium

Radar

Maser (as in ‘Maser Cannon’)

Driver (as in ‘screwdriver’)

OK

Thank you (this may have been used in the same way we would use the French, however)

Titanosaurus Controller

Piano (granted, we would call a koto by its name, so not too surprising) 

Musical saw (ibid)

tower (as in Tokyo Tower)

action (as in ‘action films’)

microphone

orchestra

prescore (as in ‘music composed before the score is created’)

Screen (as in ‘movie screen’)

camera

happy ending (as in a story element)

Producers (the film role)

story (as a script element)

scenario (ibid)

Other things we can learn by watching these films

Less useful, but the following things can be approached as ‘rules’ to an extent. They should not be considered to be set in stone by any stretch of the imagination, however. There are a large number of times that the films contradict themselves when considering one film after another, and sometimes even within the same scene. After all, when people saw the Giant Octopus in King Kong vs Godzilla, a number of fans cried out for ‘more octopus,’ and so Honda-sensei obliged with an octopus the next kaijû film he did, which was set in the mountains, a location where octopuses are considered ‘rare.’

Anyway, with that veeeeeery flexible matter in mind, here are things I’ve noticed can/will invariably happen:

Japanese harbours are surrounded by refinery equipment prone to attract kaijû for the destruction of

Everything will burn, no matter what it may be made of (which may actually be true)

If it can’t burn, it may burn anyway

If it really can’t burn, then it’ll probably explode or fall on people or both

People will always be in the way of the monster

Railways attract monsters like honey does bees

Ships within 5 miles of any monster will be swept up by a storm and be driven towards them, then either zapped or smashed, with no reason other than the monster feels like it

Aliens will always attack, and so will subterranean peoples

Monsters can be made to defend humans from other monsters, but only if you’re willing to make it a sport for them

When all else fails and you still haven’t got the help of your chosen kaijû, sing at it

It is pointless to fire missiles at a monster, but it is important to do so as it is the expected thing

All aliens hide their ugly forms (and all aliens are ugly)

Co-operation to solve a common problem — and all problems worth solving are common — is the only way forward. Compassion and love will see you through. 

People are flexible and play many roles

At one point I was trying to keep track of actors who appeared multiple times in these films, so as to create some sort of bananas story about how one person had ancestors who appeared in Kurosawa-sensei’s films, and then their descendent appeared in theses daft films, but they only were one person in the Godzilla Universe… If I had actually kept track of everyone I would go insane. I have no doubt someone, somewhere, has a spreadsheet with this information in it. I do not want it, please do not send it to me.

However, here are two actors whose credits boggle the mind when looked at:

Takashi Shimura (chronological according to the setting of the stories)

Woodcutter - Rashômon set in… 15xx…? (1950)

Rōnin Kambei Shimada - Seven Samurai set in 1586 (1954)

Information Bureau Director Hiroshi Shimomura - Japan’s Longest Day about the very last day of WWII in Japan (1967) 

Chief Detective Sato - Stray Dog (1949)

Palaeontologist Dr. Kyohei Yamane - Gojira (1954)

Palaeontologist Dr. Kyohei Yamane - Godzilla Raids Again (1955)

Newspaper Editor - Mothra (1961)

Psychiatrist Dr. Tsukamoto - Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964)

Akihiko Hirata (eye-patch wearing man)

Dr. Daisuke Serizawa, slayer of kaijû - Godzilla (1954)

Chief Detective Okita - Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Captain Yamoto - Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966)

Environmental researcher Fujisaki - Son of Godzilla (1967)

Professor Hideto Miyajima - Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla (1974)

Dr. Shinzô Mafune - Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)

Don’t forget that the last two of Hirata-san’s appearances over-lap each other’s time line, are direct contradictions of character, and they were possibly done within a few months of each other. Imagine Harrison Ford showing up in The Rise of Skywalker as some ancient fry cook who dispenses poisoned blue milk to the followers of the Rebellion. 

Now the following one is my favourite character actor in Japanese film. I’m positive this list is incomplete, as he did little appearances is seemingly any film Toho produced from 1950 through to his death in the mid-’70s. Once you get to know his face and the way he moves, he sticks out a mile, no matter how much make-up or weird wardrobe you cover him with. He’s fabulous and had the kind of career I once would have killed for.

Ikio Sawamura 

Constable Hansuke - Yôjinbô (1961)

Elderly Slave - Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster 

Priest blessing egg - Mothra vs Godzilla (1964)

Honest Fisherman - Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964)

Elderly Slave on Devil’s Island - Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966)

Fisherman #1 - Furankenshutain no kaijû: Sanda tai Gaira 

Witch Doctor - King Kong vs. Godzilla

There are a bunch more but his final appearance was in Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975) as Mafune's Silent Butler. He passed away a few months after filming was complete but before it was released.

In conclusion…

All in all, I have had more fun watching all of this lunacy than one probably should. I’ve really been impressed with the storytelling, acting, and the model work (especially in the 1960s). I am probably going to watch most of them again at least once more before I put this aside and begin watching some other series off films with which I’ll become obsessed.

[jshi43]

#Week 2: Reading set 1

*Olafur Eliasson

It’s a genius work and definitely my favourite one among them. It’s so complicated, well-finished and aesthetically perfect, and the idea of letting viewers learn the mechanisms is wonderful; Without much explanation of what’s the meaning but to address the impact of the scene is such a confident and generous move; without elitism or pride from the artist but to encourage every individual thinks as equal individuals; and without throwing a bunch of stuff at the same time and claim that’s about the whole universe but to let the viewers explore how much informations they would like to have.

The scene itself is breathing taking and yet not so far away; I recall similar scenes in Star Wars, in Blade Runner and in many sci-fi films with good art directors. It has a future-like scene in it, but the objects are familiar and contemporary. It can raise so many questions regarding different things that I would definitely want to pay a visit in person. Art is not selling things; if people won’t buy it, then as the artist you can’t force them to buy. Maybe you just want to sell your work to a specific group of viewers, but you can’t call the rest of them stupid apes.

*Jenny Holzer

I like it because it’s common; it’s so close to life that it can immediately built a natural connections with individual’s personal life and memory. Writing and text are neutral. It seems to express strong feelings, but when compare to other forms they are so pale in a good way that this pale give them neutral grounds.

This cruel neural has give the work a new meaning. It recalls the experience when I walked through the Times Square and saw that, or went to a live concert and see ads about other events. Then many other thoughts will come back, directed by the different texts. Finally, what kills most will be the part completed by the viewer. Although Holzer likend the environment to public spaces, the way the photo was taken is still religious. That eventually comes back to how to present the work, unfortunately or not. Exactly how much control will an artist want to have over thoughts on her works? Since misinterpretation is inevitable, does that count as failure in the art works too?

*James Turrell

The piece is thoughtful. Judging from the description it’s a successful mode of slow art, and its appearance is attracting. The description in the book is “solid”. As I can get the idea, I still wonder its ture meaning. It’s a quiet work; it’s aesthetically nice; but I would like to see it in person before I put down any more conclusions or ideas. It’s not to say that this work is bad or anything; actually it’s fairly good so I want to visit in person. The thing is, texts are pale as I mentioned before. We use other things to describe, in the hoping that images of other things(such as solid grounds) may help us understand remote things. However, as English is my second language and I encountered many language problems in artwork descriptions all over the world, I don’t and can’t trust texts much. Seeing is deceiving; and in most of the cases, we don’t even get direct seeing.

*Tatsuo Miyajima

I’ll say something that looks like racial in here. It’s so Japanese. When I first see the picture I was thinking “oh this is definitely a work from an artist with Japanese background- no matter he is native or ABJ or whatever” before I saw the name. Once I was discussing with a designer friend and we both agree that Japanese artists(but saying so I still mean artist with Japanese birth features) has such distinct aesthetic feelings and controls over their work that no artists in other countries would ever be able to reach; they may copy, they may imitate, but they will never be there and viewers can tell at the first glimpse that it’s not a Japanese background work.

It’s not easy work; compare to three works before, this one is small but heavy. The meanings are heavy too; there are lots of stuffs going on in there. I do think that Eastern Asia countries and areas, each of them, have distinctive adaptations to Buddhism that even between themselves they could not fully understand each other, but only shared a vague common sense, and it is philosophically beautiful.

Come back to the work itself, this vague common sense still works; I have a strange feeling to see the artist’s name is a Japanese spelling; It almost feel like a familiar relief. However I’m not Japanese artist and I can’t or won’t ever want to be a Japanese artist. It’s just a short second of encounter during the endless time. After the moment, everything will continue on its own direction.

*Jean Dupuy

I didn’t realize it was a box. I thought it was a medium size room, with interactive features. That’s how photography forever changed the way we see things. After reading the text this photography deceiving even became meaningful in a peculiar way. The text also mentioned that the work requires participation but separates the viewers in the same time. For me that’s one of the idea ways to restrict and limit the viewers from the work- not going too far from the original meanings, and not overcrowded of each viewer. 

*Eadweard Muybridge

I’m also taking the photography class so I have a funny moment when see this work. It’s like a old history; like when in a history class and the text is showing the Pyramids. It’s not that old. Late 19th century, thinking on a historical scale, is just like yesterday from now. Guessing the idea of it in its time, I would argue that this is a scientific piece not an art piece. It has a solid and rigorous feelings in those photos that divided the work for “late 19th century art” or any art in any time period. However here it is, in an art-book and make perfect sense. Time can change everything.

How science and technology can bring the change in life and art area; things will never be the same tomorrow. That is to say, I’m looking forward to it.

[allymalinenko]

I know a few people who have been to Japan and all of them have told me that it will be unlike anywhere else that I have been. I believed them but I didn’t BELIEVE them believe them. But they were right. Japan has raised the travel bar more than any other trip. I have been home for almost a week now (!!) and I miss it terribly.

The route was Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Osaka and back to Tokyo. We bought Japan Rail passes which I highly recommend to anyone planning on leaving Tokyo. Even if you are just going to Kyoto it will pay for itself. And it can be used on the train lines within Tokyo. Win Win! (Important note: The passes have to be bought BEFORE you get to Japan!) Okay let’s go!

Tokyo:

Tokyo is BIG. Like really big. Like Endless City Big. It’s the stuff of science fiction novels. This is the view from the top of the Tokyo Tower. Those building just keep on going. The night shots were also incredible. This is from the Mori Tower (and it includes the Tokyo Tower!)

We did the Shibuya Crossing (you’ve seen it in movies, trust me)

Right across from where we shot this video was an amazing Mural called the Myth of Tomorrow by Taro Okamoto. It depicts the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

And we saw the statue of Hachiko, the most loyal doggo in the world

And of course there were the temples and the shrines and pagodas!

One of my favorite shrines was this little one for Basho, the great haiku poet, situated where they believe his house was when he set out on his journey north.

  And of course the crown jewel, the thing I had dreamed about seeing since I was a kid hanging out in the basement of my house, looking through National Geographic: Fuji-san

Even though we were there during the rainy season we were blessed with a clear day. It was one of the most incredible things I have seen on this planet.

  You can catch the reflection of Fuji-san in the rice field. Amazing!

From Tokyo we headed to Kyoto

The Bamboo Grove is the only place on the whole trip where it rained and it only lasted a few minutes and honestly it made everything look even more beautiful.

These are women who rented kimonos but I did for a brief second spot an actual Geisha in Kyoto and she was so beautiful she stole my breath. I didn’t take a picture (cause I’m not a jerk) but she was wearing the traditional dress and make up like this

Kyoto was just utterly beautiful

From Kyoto we went to Hiroshima

This was LITERALLY the view from the hotel. I will miss those mountains till I die.

The Hiroshima Memorial Park was a beautiful, heartbreaking space dedicated to the possibility of peace. Sadly, in this day and age, it seems farther away than ever. This is the A-Bomb Dome (Formerly the Prefectural Industrial Promotion Hall). It was very close to the Hypocenter (where the bomb was detonated) and everyone inside was killed instantly. The building stands today as it did after the bomb dropped.

Also in the peace park is this monument built for Sadako Sasaki, one of the bomb victims who survived the initial bombing but was caught in the black rain and developed radiation poisoning. She started a campaign to fold 1,000 origami cranes as a symbol of peace and a tribute to the innocent victims of nuclear war. Those cases behind the sculpture are filled with hundreds and hundreds of cranes. People still send them in to this day to be added.

On a very nondescript street not far from the A-bomb dome is plaque on the wall marking the Hypocenter – the actual site of the bombing. We also toured the Peace Memorial Museum which was incredibly difficult to walk through reading story after story about people who lost their children or their parents, about the chaos and pain of that day, and the years that followed of slow torturous death. Towards the end there is a ruined melted baby’s tricycle which gutted me.

This was up towards the Hiroshima castle, a beautiful shrine that we were lucky enough to catch right at sunset.

Near to Hiroshima is the island of Miyajima. It’s about an hour on the train down the coast and then a ten minute boat ride but to be honest you might as well have traveled to a magical land. 

Miyjima is famous for the Itsukushima Floating Torii Gate

Okay I took a lot of pictures of this Tori.

In addition there is the Itsukishima Shrine built in 593

It is right in the bay so when the high tide comes in, the shrine itself also seems to be floating.

And of course the most famous residents of Miyajima: the deer!

They are 100% native to the island and roam around the way squirrels do at home. Though I did learn it’s best to keep moving if you have some food with you. They are not shy about their love of fried chicken.

From Hiroshima we went to Osaka for ONE SINGLE DAY which was mostly spent at the Dontonbori, which is like the Times Square of Food!

This is Taro. He’s a super weird clown who plays the drum. A small version of him will be hanging on my Christmas tree this year! (Take that Eggbert!)

Then we headed Osaka back to Tokyo. With one day left we took a train trip down to Kamakura to see the Great Buddha!

There were these adorable little school groups of children at the Big Buddha practicing their English and they interviewed me about what I liked the best in Japan and then we took pictures together and it was so cute I died and came back to life.

And of course, the Pacific Ocean. In 2010 I went to Venice Beach in California and touched the Pacific Ocean for the first time. In 2019, I touched the other side!

And of course, along the way we ATE…and ate….and ate…..

That’s Butadon and it’s pork belly and heavenly and I miss it so much I could cry

GYOZAS! Dumplings rule

Okay this I didn’t eat cause that’s a whole octupus (with a quail egg in it’s head) and me and the creatures of the sea leave each other alone.

SOY DONUTS WITH CARAMEL SAUCE! *drools*

Japanese fried chicken (Karaage) is a thing and it’s delicious

This is okonomiyaki (sometimes called Japanese pizza but it’s made with cabbage and fried noodles) and this was one of my favorite foods!

And of course all the RAMEN. This one was in Osaka at the Dontonburi and it had a whole pork rib in it! 

And all the soft cream! This one was Matcha flavored but I also had Ramune (which is a soda flavor), green tea and grape and Jay had sweet potato!

Jay also had Kobe beef. Here’s his reaction in 4 acts!

First bite:

What’s this?

Oh it’s good!

Oh it’s sooooooooooooooooooooo good!

Now that I’m back the question everyone is asking me is: What was your favorite part of Japan?

Seems hard to choose right? I mean, between the all the cities and temples and mountains and sea, how could I choose my favorite part.

But I can. Easily.

We took the train down to Miyajima and we sailed out to the island and took tons of pictures and toured the temples and scritched the little deer on their little deer noses and climbed all the way up to the pagodas and ate delicious Karaage, we settled in at a little cafe called Cafe Lente

They have a little deck you can see there with a lovely view and we ordered some beers and rested our weary feet. Conversation lapsed as we watch the deer roam around and the waves lapping at O-Torri. I was thinking about how long I had been wanting to see this particular tori and how hard we worked to get here and I turned to Jay and I said, “I can’t believe we’re really here.” And he smiled at me and said “Considering where we were five years ago…”

And my breath caught and I realized I had forgotten.

I forgot that it was June 10th. I forgot that it was the five year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I had spent the whole day on this island and I just completely FORGOT the worst day of my life.

Japan let me forget, if just for a little while. Japan stopped me from counting time from the break in my life, from what I call The Cleaving. Japan let me relax and instead of thinking about what is going to happen next Japan insisted that instead I just lived.

Japan gave me that and I will always be thankful.

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot

The world forgetting by the world forgot

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.”

                                        – Alexander Pope

Peace, love, and starbursts,

Ally

The Land of the Rising Sun: Adventures in Japan I know a few people who have been to Japan and all of them have told me that it will be unlike anywhere else that I have been.

[tokyototokyo]

Day 5, 31st March, Imabari

Wonderful day today in and around Hiroshima. Breakfast was first with the sun rising over the water.

Our hotel was on the harbour so lovely to be able to walk along the foreshore.

Hiroshima, like a lot of Japanese cities, was fairly non descript for the most part. Not a lot of colour or trees in among the buildings.

Golf driving range.

There are a lot of water ways throughout the city.

Cherry blossoms along the waterfront.

Rain was predicted today so when the Japanese want the day to be fine they make paper boys and as many as they can for good weather.

We were catching a ferry to the island of Miyajimacho. Next to the ferry terminal was a boat racing  course. Gambling is illegal in Japan but there are four types of gambling the Japanese government allows. Horse racing, cycling, motor cycles and boat racing.

Boat racing is fairly popular but mostly for the men. The boats are only small. A bit like a go cart size.

The Japanese queue to get on transport so we were being good lining up for the ferry.

Kymie buying the ferry tickets.

Leaving port.

The Ferries leave often and it takes about 15 minutes to get to Miyajima Island which has a World Heritage listing.

From the ferry we walked along the foreshore. We had caught the ferry early to beat the crowds which certainly increased as the day progressed.

Looking back across the harbour to a fairly new All Religion Church. There are a number of these in Japan and encompass Buddhism, Islam, Christianity etc.

The sun had come out so a lovely sight looking towards the O-Tori’s Gate. Miyajima has been worshipped as a divine island since ancient times. This is why the shrine was built on the seashore where the tide ebbs and flows. The contrast of the blue sea, green hills and vivid vermilion-lacquered shrine is breathtakingly beautiful.

In front the gate to the Shrine. A female and male temple dog guarded the entrance. The female is the one with her mouth open as the guys pointed out it was because females talk so much.

The O- Tori’s Gate

The Itsukushima Shrine was first built in 593, then rebuilt in 1168 on the same scale as today. The Shrine has never been affected by earthquakes or typhoons.

A corridor of some 280 metres spans more than twenty buildings

People giving thanks.

Looking out to the O-Tori’s Gate.

Three lovely ladies.

Sake barrels

This bridge is so steep humans couldn’t walk over it. It’s designed for the Gods to use.

Shopping street

Beautiful couple

Elaborate detail of back of the kimono.

Cherry blossom

Daiganji Temple

Cherry blossoms and me. There were deers in the canal.

You can never get enough of the cherry blossoms.

Five storied pagoda

Rickshaw

Blossom tree

Another shopping street

There were a lot of stalls selling oysters.

This was a pastry in the shape of a maple leaf filled with custard, apple or choclate. Very yummy.

Heading back on the ferry. The ferry was virtually empty going back but big lines waiting on the other side.

This building is now known as the A bomb Dome but was orginally the Hiroshima Prefectural Commercial Exhibition Hall which was a distinctive landmark with its green dome. It was built in 1915. 

At 8.15am on Aug 6 th 1945 an American B29 bomber carried out the world’s first atomic bombing. The bomb explosed approx 600 m above the building ripping through and killing everyone instantly. Because the blast was almost directly above the building some of the centre walls remained.

Initially opinion was divided about the dome but when other affected buildings were demolished it was decided to leave this building as a memorial to the bombing.

This is the children’s memorial which is also at the Hypocentre of the bombing. The city was hit by heat rays of 3,000 to 4,000 degree C along with a blast wind and radiation. 

Near this area are shopping streets which are covered. We all enjoyed a wander and some lunch.

Eating Okonomiyaki a local dish.

Looking across to the Hiroshima Peace Park

It was a Sunday so lots of people out enjoying a picnic.

A young girl called Sadako was exposed to the radiation from the atomic bomb. Ten years later she developed leukaemia and died. Her classmates called for a monument to all children to be built. With donations from 3,200 schools and nine countries the Children’s Peace Monument was unveiled in 1958.

The story goes that Sadako wanted to make 1000 cranes to help her get well. Her classmates and family helped her. However she only got to make 620 cranes before she past away. The paper crane is now found at many memorials in all colours with some forming pictures. Behind the monument are glass boxes full of the cranes.

A Japanese family enjoying the day out. Even though the events that lead to the park being made are very somber its such a lovely area that on a beautiful day people are out to enjoy themselves. Except for a few westerners you don’t see many other nationalities around. Japan doesn’t really allow immigration and takes only a handful of refugees.

The 

Peace Memorial Park. The park was started in 1950 and completed in 1954  it was built to comfort the souls of the victims and to pray for everlasting world peace. 145,000 people lost their lives in the bombing. Many instantly.

Looking towards the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. The museum collects and displays belongings left by the victims, photos and other material that conveys the horror of the event.

Looking back to the A dome. President Obama visited Japan in 2016, layed a wreath here and gave a speech after visiting the museum.

When the bomb landed. 

Ruins. 

Map of the bombed area.

A poignant poem about the desperate need for water by the survivors.

This bicycle was buried, after the bomb, with the owners and discovered recently when the family were doing some building work. The skeletons of the children were found and they were holding hands. It’s usual for bodies to be cremated in Japan so the skeletons were cremated and the bicycle donated to the museum.

Survivors

Leaving Hiroshima we travelled on a 60 km long toll road that connects Japan’s main island of Honshu to the island of Shikoku passing over six small islands in the Seto Inland Sea. It is also known as the Nishiseto Expressway. The road was opened in 1999.

Each bridge has a different design.

Lots of lovely scenery along the way.

Each bridge was very impressive.

There was a lot of evidence of ship building in many settlements.

The bridges are all big structures.

Settlement along the coast.

The bus wound up the mountain to the Kirosan Panorama Park. It was a pity it was getting late in the day. Below was the last bridge we had to cross.

The guys taking the girls photo.

All the girls minus two.

Looking south.

Hotel foyer, very nice. The Japanese are so efficient with check in. Our keys are waiting for us so we can walk-in and go straight to our rooms.

Lovely lounge

Looking down on the city of Imabari. The last bridge can just be seem in the distance.

Sunset from our 19th floor hotel room. This was probably the nicest hotel so far but they do all blend into each other.

Another interesting meal. So many different pretty dishes. Washing up would be a nightmare.

Sukiyaki The meat was cooked at the table. It was very nice.

The Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum made me slightly angry. You can’t get away from the horrific destruction and huge loss of life and the continuing after affects but you look at the mostly Japanese people in the museum and wonder what they think. There was about six lines describing the start of the war and then the rest basically made no mention of Japan’s part In the war.

We have asked Kymie about what is taught in the school and the whole period of World War Two is not taught at all so people really don’t understand why the bombs were dropped. Children wonder why American would do this to them. Apparently, even today, the Japanese government doesn’t want to take any responsibility for what happened. Kymie has said on a number of occasions Japan got into the war because of one bad general and that’s the full story. Access to the internet has allowed the Japanese to know more.