#mister fantastic got turned into a twink

[bununiniji]

HABPY BURFDAY @inzaneinator !!!! UR OLD!!1!1! HOORAY!!!!

scribbleeessss

[thatringboy]

@yokelish @yoruzumy0 hey bitches, may I present to you:

It Takes Two

1,960 words - Fluff

Summary: Xiao and Hu Tao decide to open the Memory of Dust

Read it under the cut!

Xiao considered himself to be pleasantly distanced from most humans. He interacted with Qiqi of Bubu Pharmacy sometimes and he considered the Traveler from another world a nice companion. However, he had no excuse for why he spent his down time with the director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor as much as he did.

Nor did he have an excuse for why they had broken into Zhongli’s apartment and were rifling through his things.

“Director Hu,” he hissed as she opened up a dresser drawer and began searching what seemed to be a shirt drawer. “I put up with many of your antics, but this is going too far.”

She pulled her head up and her red eyes glowed mischievously. “But, Sir Alatus, you were the one with a key to the front door.”

“YOU PUNCHED IN THE WINDOW!”

“Tsk tsk, too many details. Now, help me find juicy things to hold over Mr. Zhongli’s head so that I can keep him from accepting commissions somewhere else. He’s too good for my business to lose.”

Xiao wasn't sure how to explain that the ex-archon had no plans to stop working at the funeral parlor and watched Tao shut the drawer and move to a small wooden desk covered in papers.

“Ooh, this is a fancy paperweight!” She lifted up a strangely shaped rock that glowed with Geo energy.

The adepti crossed the room and examined it. “It looks like a puzzle. Perhaps like that multi-colored cube Yanfei owns?”

Tao tossed the rock between her hands and looked over the ways the different rocks hooked together. This was child’s play for her. She could solve it in an hour tops. “Do you think he hides candy in here?”

Xiao took the puzzle and turned it over. His immortal eyes could easily pick out where the rocks needed to slide to unlock the center. “I believe the Lord of Geo would hold much more valuable things within this… whatever it is than sweets.”

She snatched it back and began fiddling with the locks and stone clasps. “Mr. Zhongli won’t be back from Ghuili Assembly until night, wanna find out?”

As much as the yaksha wanted to protest, the pleading look on Tao’s face and his own curiosity (which he blamed on Barbatos’ influence) won. They sat down on the floor and took turns sliding and unlocking parts of the strange stone. With each twist, the orange energy inside grew brighter and brighter.

It took them maybe thirty minutes to work a hole large enough in the stone to find the center. As Tao slid the last rock into place, the entire contraption began to vibrate and shot out of her hands. She squealed and Xiao’s hand shot out to pull his spear into existence. The sphere spun around in the air above them and became engulfed in the glow of pure Geo magic.

“What in Rex Lapis?” Xiao whispered and shielded his eyes from the light.

Tao grabbed Xiao’s spear arm and shook him violently while pointing at the floating thing. “Look, Gao-Xiao, look! It’s a person!”

“Huh?”

He opened his eyes and sure enough, the rock had vanished and where it had been floating now stood a young woman with long silky hair and a beautiful robe with billowing sleeves. She opened her eyes and Xiao was taken aback by how much the color resembled the petals of a Glaze Lily.

She blinked a few times and looked around. When she spoke, her words were soft and filled Tao’s heart with nostalgia like she had never experienced before. “May I ask where I am?”

Tao cleared her throat and let go of the adepti next to her. “You’re in, uh, Liyue Harbor?”

The woman smiled and turned her eyes to Xiao. “It is good to see you, Xiao. Do you remember me?”

He felt his throat go dry. Xiao let his weapon disappear and fell to his knees before her, biting his tongue to keep himself from making any noises. “My lady.”

She snorted playfully and tugged on his hair to make him stand back up. “Get up, you drama queen, since when have I ever required you to be so formal? So where is he? I do not feel Morax’s presence here.”

Tao reached over and tugged on her sleeve. “Yeah, hi, I’m Tao. I’m the director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? Whomst are you?”

“My name is Guizhong, my little peach.” Her eyes were as soft as silk.

Hu Tao’s jaw dropped dramatically as her words came out as sputters. Xiao got back to his feet with wide eyes.

“But how can you be here? You…”

“Died? Yeah, that happens sometimes.” Guizhong fluffed her hair with a smirk. “Anyways, where’s Morax? I need to ask him why it took him almost four thousand years to unlock the Memory of Dust.”

“He’s, umm, Rex Lapis is out today. We are the ones that freed you, Lady Guizhong. Were you trapped in there for over three thousand years?” Xiao cocked his head to the side.

The god looked around again. “That seems to be the case, yes. I put a piece of my soul inside the Memory of Dust as a failsafe in case anything happened to me during the Archon War. So tell me, Xiao, what all has happened in my absence? Why are you not accompanied by the other yakshas?”

Xiao rocked back and forth on his heels uncomfortably and didn’t meet her eyes. Hu Tao stepped over and linked her arm in Guizhong’s. “I’m not sure I know everything that happened, but I can at least tell you what happened in the past month or so!”

~~~~~ “What a splendid meal! I swear, Mister Zhongli, we should enjoy such fine dining more often!” Childe wiped his face on a silk napkin with a wide smile.

Zhongli nodded and reached into his pocket to retrieve his wallet to pay for the food, but stopped. “Oh, well, this is certainly awkward now.”

“No Mora again? I took you for a working man.” The Harbinger winked and pulled out his own wallet. “You are lucky to be dining with someone as generous as myself.”

Childe leaned across the table and his voice dropped tremendously. “And of course, you understand what I require in return.”

Zhongli shook his head. “I’m not fighting you.”

The younger man laughed and fell back in his seat. “Such stubbornness! Oh how I wish to beat it out of you!”

“Perhaps I could treat you to some quality tea and more chopstick-using lessons instead?” The ex-Archon felt himself grinning.

Childe’s smile only grew. “Deal!”

The walk back to Zhongli’s apartment was pleasant. Zhongli quite enjoyed all of Childe’s stories from his childhood in Snezhnaya and because he was no longer duty bound to Liyue as its Archon, he silently promised to one day visit the icy country of the North.

However, all pleasantries fell away when they approached the front door and noticed that a window was smashed, the sound of conversation floating out into the air of the night. Childe smirked and pulled out his swords. “Looks like I’ll get my fight after all!”

Zhongli recognized one of the voices, but he couldn't place it. He pulled his key out of his coat pocket and unlocked the door quietly. They slipped inside and looked around for the intruders. However, Zhongli froze when he caught sight of who sat at his dinner table without a care in the world.

“And then, after this guy almost floods the entire city, Zhongli still asks him out to dinner!” Hu Tao laughed.

Xiao crossed his arms and grumbled from across the table. “It is as they say, ‘love is blind’.”

“I for one think this Childe man sounds pleasant. He certainly isn't any more dangerous than Morax’s other exes.” The second woman giggled.

Zhongli dropped his keys as Childe slipped behind him. “What’s this? A party for us?”

The yaksha gasped and jumped to his feet, bowing lowly at the hip. “My lord! Forgive the intrusion! I shall repair your window at once!”

Tao coughed loudly from her seat. “Simp.”

Guizhong slid out of her seat gracefully and stood before Zhongli. “Hey there, old timer.”

He crossed the distance between them and engulfed her in a hug. “Are you really here?

“Uh… yes? My question is why did it take you three thousand and seven hundred years to unlock the Memory of Dust?!” She hugged him back, but gave him a wicked pinch.

He let go and looked around. “It was an impossible puzzle--”

Xiao rubbed the back of his neck. “Director Hu and I solved it in half an hour.”

“And out popped the pretty god!” Tao grabbed a cup of tea from the table and downed it in a single gulp. “Oh, hi twink!”

“Hi yourself, shortie!” Childe waved at her from the doorway. “Anyways, can someone introduce me to this lovely woman here?”

She moved a gaping Zhongli out of her way to shake Childe’s hand. “Hi, I’m Guizhong!”

“Guizhong? As in the God of Dust? Nice to meet you, I’m Childe, but I also go by Tartaglia!”

Hu Tao moved over to Xiao and pinched his elbow, prompting him to hand her three Mora. “I told you they would hit it off.”

Guizhong turned back to Zhongli to see a tear streaking down his cheek. She frowned and grabbed his arm. “Oh no, Morax! Don't be sad! I’m back!”

“I’m not sad…” He examined every inch of her face. How could he had forgotten how kind her eyes were? “This may be the happiest day of my life.”

Childe cleared his throat loudly. “So… about that tea and those lessons you promised me?”

The ex-Archon remembered his existence. “Oh, right, my apologies, Childe. Do you still wish to learn how to use chopsticks?”

Guizhong gasped loudly. “You don't know how to use chopsticks?! It’s a good thing that I’m a god of wisdom! Xiao, get in that kitchen and find us some pairs to use at once!”

The adepti gulped and moved to follow her orders. “Yes ma’am.”

Childe was dragged to the table by the woman with the large sleeves and forcefully sat down. Xiao returned with chopsticks and Hu Tao took the seat next to him with a large smile.

As Guizhong began her instructions, Zhongli watched the scene unfold with deep emotions in his eyes. He had fantasised for centuries about what the Memory of Dust held within - that perhaps it was some sort of parting wisdom from his oldest friend, but this? Having a piece of her soul be trapped within it, waiting for him to unlock it?

He chuckled to himself, of course it would. That was how Guizhong’s fantastic mind worked.

“Forgive my interruption, but how did you two unlock the Memory of Dust? I tried and failed for almost four thousand years to solve the puzzle.” He glanced at his desk where the contraption would have sat.

Guizhong’s laugh was like bells ringing in his ears. “Morax, you old fool, you simply needed two people to solve it. To acknowledge that you need assistance is the most wise thing a person can do.”

Zhongli sat down in an empty chair and watched Childe drop his chopsticks to crack his knuckles. “Then I see that even I still have much to learn from you. I take it you will be returning to Juyuin Karst?”

She snorted. “Oh gods no! I’m staying with you, partner! You think I can afford to travel around whenever I want to? In this economy? No sir, you’ve just got yourself a new roommate and you can blame little Conqueror of Demons and your boss for that!”