#miss maggnifica

[valkerymillenia]

Ok, so Miss Maggnifica 2018… Where do I start?

It was a very very long day yesterday and today everything hurts, from my toes to my head.

I didn’t win anything obviously. I expected that but it does sting a little that even in a contest designed specifically for people like me I still fall short. Well, I do it for the fun anyway.

But yeah, no win. Not first, not maid of honor, not congeniality, not photogenic. None of the prizes. Although I did deserve Congeniality at least because none of those girls knew how to be on stage, I taught all of them, I talked to all of them, I helped all of them with makeup, made them laugh, distributed water, and many other things… They even called me a muse just for being able to handle huge heels and for teaching them stage tricks and calming them. But the vote was done too early in the day, most girls didn’t know anyone well enough so they just voted for whom they knew at the time. Nobody’s fault really and the winner was indeed a wonderful person.

And I’m a little surprised about miss photogenic since the official photographers were the judges and they were the ones that pushed me into the final and kept saying I was the only one relaxed, experienced and interesting in my poses but I still didn’t win that. I'm not saying I deserved to win, I'm just saying that the winner was so much the opposite of me that it's surprising. Winner short and very cute and cheerful girl though.

Did give the best speech for the project though, if I do say so myself, so I’m pleased with that. But then again it’s not hard when you’re the only one there used to the stage. Still, the two first winners did had big groups of friends and family cheering on them and making noise so that “popularity” might have helped them out usually does, but idk. Nonetheless, the first place was well deserved, she had excellent poise and character and stood out brightly, it was a good choice.

Yet, as support goes, I had nobody at all except the other contestants (all really sweet, made friends) so I just tried to have fun, nothing else. I’m not blaming anyone for not supporting me though! Some had to work, my mom isn’t even here and my sister just… Couldn’t come.

What else? Hm…. Makeup artist botched my makeup, I there was a great artist there but I ended up with the rookie, she couldn’t work well with my eyes and dress color (I warned her hooded eyes are harder than average, even I have a hard time doing my own makeup but the organization wanted us to be pampered by the artists), anyway I had to hastily try to change it into something decent but it ended up heavy. Oh well, not the first time.

Got a pair of earrings for free, got a decent goodie bag, lots of sweets (sugar dick, cavacas/beijinhos, pastéis de bordallo), a bottle of cherry liquor (Ginjinha), a t-shirt, flowers, a handmade ceramic rose, magnets, clothing and spa discounts (that I’ll probably never be able to use, sadly), etc.

We spent the morning touring cock city (Caldas da Rainha), a place known for its colorful creative pottery, socially eccentric statues, sulfur hotsprings, and LOTS AND LOTS of comical penis imagery. I’m not even kidding. The morning was spent taking photos and seeing the sights, they offered us a really nice lunch with live music, and luckily it wasn’t overly sunny and there was wind to cool the day a bit. It was an ok day, tiresome because I didn’t sleep much (an hour) and painful because of I was sabotaged by my baby box (needed three painkillers at once) and I was lonely af because I was the only one without supporters but it was still a nice day… Also, all the clothes and bikini we wore we’re from the main sponsor’s store (a project designed specifically for plus-size women only) and my evening dress was a 160€ blue dress tailored to my size, they let me have it for 45€ instead that I can pay whenever I actually have money so that was sweet (discussion because I’m super broke right now). But I admit it still makes me worry, I always feel guilty when I try to treat myself or just get something pretty for no other reason than I like it.

Did get a lot of tattoo compliments though, that was neat. And made friends, turns out since of these girls are actually for places really close to members of my family.

The amount of public support was staggering though! The event too place at ExpoTur, a food and culture festival (wish I had photos), the red carpet stage was decked very professionally, the organization was very good, we had many more sponsors than expected, the whole thing was covered by a TV channel and hosted by a radio station, live dancers, live music (we finished off by dancing to a cover of Mika’s “Big Girls”), plus it was packed with audience supporters, no judgement or hate in a contest aimed at fat girls, which was refreshing.

I don’t have much in terms of photos because I didn’t have anyone to photograph me personally but as soon as I have the coverage photos and videos and the professional photographers photos I’ll share. I will share photos of the goodies soon though.

That’s pretty much all the is to it, I think. People have been asking so I thought making a post was easier.

[valkerymillenia]

It me!

Went to the 2nd elimination round for Miss Maggnifica 2018 today.

This is an exclusive national plus-size only pageant and of the 24 today, 12 will be announced as finalists on Tuesday so… Wish me luck!

The final is on August at this big cultural festival, winner wins prizes and gets exclusivity with the sponsoring brands for a year, which means paying work, tours, speeches, events solely about body positivity and fashion, among other things. In the last photo I’m posing with two of the official photographers and two of the organizers.

I got nervous for being late (damn rain and stupid GPS) so my hair was all frizzy and I bumbled my speech a bit but I have hope that I’ll at least see the final.

[valkerymillenia]

Miss Maggnifica is tomorrow

And I'm freaking out.

[valkerymillenia]

Personal crap

Sorry for the inactivity again. For once, things seemed to be going well in my life- my new modeling career was taking off surprisingly well, I got invited to several pageants and competitions, I made great cakes for my cousin and sister’s birthdays, I won a couple of prizes at the anime con down here (lost the cosplay contest but my sister won second place with a skit I voiced and wrote so I’m proud of her anyway), and so on…

But if you read my blog you’ll know karma is out to get me and I can never have nice things. Everything started to go wrong: -The dresses I bought (and paid extra for fast shipping) for Miss Pin-up 2017 got tangled in so much beaurocracy and DHL crap that they won’t arrive on time. All haven’t managed to find the shoes on time either. I have no shot now. -My Alt model stuff is just not popular, apparently I’m too lean and vanilla for the chubby kinkster’s niche but too fat for the regular crowd. -People keep changing times and not confirming fully planned jobs on me. -My first paycheck got sucked dry by my mom who promised to pay when she saw me but didn’t. Speaking of which, she went all out for my sister’s pageants but doesn’t seem to give a fuck about mine. -I was trying to get into the national Miss MaGGnifica pageant for plus-size models but though I chances were great, now the stress seems to have dropped me below the minimum weight limit (ironic, no?). -I was given a chance to do a dream job at the Castle Gothic fashion show but I think I just lost the selection. -I’m missing out of casting agencies that are literally waiting for me but that I doubt will wait much longer. -I have overdue payments for photoshoots. -My laptop is on its last leg and keeps crashing so I can’t even write to cool down. -Thanks to a change in organization, I’m no longer going to give the creative writing workshop at the next big con, they were also very rude and thanks to that, an outfit I’ve been working on for a year won’t be able to enter the Cosplay World Masters contest either. -My dad’s health suddenly went to he’ll and his limp knee is paralyzed so he can’t work and I’m worried. -Mom is still scheduled for surgery in late September and happens to be allergic to anesthetics. -I’m worried for my boyfriend, given his current home situation. -I’m worried about friends who now seem to hate me for no reason. -Barely any of my clothes for me anymore, including underwear. -My meds have partially run out so I keep feeling sick and sleepy and depressed af and can’t afford to restock now. -I keep getting fucking injured all over my legs for no reason. -And so on…

What did I do wrong in a past life?

[rac-things]

I MADE THE FINAL! I'M IN THE FINAL OF MISS MAGGNIFICA 2018! Miss Maggnifica is a Portuguese pageant exclusively for plus-size women. I passed the 2nd elimination round and made it to the last 12. I made it to the final, which will take place on August 12th in Caldas da Rainha (at Expo Oeste). Wish me luck!!!

[valkerymillenia]

7 days and the fire is still going. My aunt and cousin are complaining about the smoke but the flames haven't reached them yet and the winds died down enough to allow the spread.

Ben icing my dad's knee and scrubbing the floors in my own knees to make sure he doesn't try to do it while I'm gone and he says he's better. Not sure if I believe him given his reactions to so much as standing but I'll take it.

Phone bill is still due but at least with some struggling I managed to pay for my train ticket for tomorrow. Of course my mom couldn't care less so my sister and her bf have to be the ones to pick up at the station even though my sister is supposed to be working at the dance festival (she's a salsa instructer and the backstage tech worker and publicity artist).

Still no food at my mom's house but my sister is getting meals at her volunteer work so that's good at least.

Dad is broke and just got a summons for social security that doesn't bode well... Trying to be optimistic but I worry for him.

I'm still being called to court on that fucking debt and Mom doesn't give a damn. She just tells me to ignore it. WTF, Mom? That's what gets us in these messes!

I still have to finish packing... I hate all the trips... It always makes me a nervous wreck... Never really settling down, living out of a suitcase... It's been going on for 20 years and I still hate it. What's wrong with my life?

The only positive, and yet equally nerve-wrecking thing is that this Sunday I'll be at the national Miss Maggnifica final. I still don't know how the fuck I made it past two phases and into the final 12... And on the first pageant where I'm not just competing for fun, the first one that I actually have a small shot in since it's a heavily sponsored plus-size event... I'm actually really really nervous about it... And unlike all the other girls, nobody is going to be there to support me (not even my sister), only one single friend showed interest in showing up and honestly I just want to hug the daylights out of her for it but the lack of support from other people that I'm always supporting really stings.

My nerves are in tatters.

Please kill me, or save me. Whichever is easier.

FUCK!!!

I’ve been stressed as fuck these last few days but now it’s just too much!

The fire down south is all over the news, been burning and spreading for 6 days now and where near controlled, and now the village where my aunt and cousin live is under high alert for smoke intoxication because it’s so close to the fire and downwind. And that’s IF the fire doesn’t actually reach the village soon.

Plus, my dad fell and now his knee is worse and he can barely walk with his crutches. Right before I’m supposed to leave.

Then my phone bill is due tomorrow.

Then my sister tells me that she’s going to be home alone until I arrive on Friday and then we’re going to be alone for almost a week before we go to my aunt’s (yes, by the fire, and we might not even be able to afford that train trip).

The problem is that my mom decided to leave for work down south as usual for this time of the year and she’s leaving my sister with no food or money to eat. Add to that that my sister’s summer job was supposed to have paid her a month ago and still hasn’t and people wonder why I’m so worried!

Mom just tells my sister to ask her boyfriend for help our for me to ask my dad (who she knows even worse off due to the medical situation). Fuck, mom, you’re the one that makes promises and plans, you’re the one responsible but fuck us, right?

AND THEN I find out that “my” 200€ IRS debt that is going to court as was announced yesterday, is actually because of road tolls my mom didn’t pay in 2013 (their truck was in my name because I’m an idiot that shouldn’t help everyone so much) and she’s been saying she would solve it for years since the truck doesn’t even exist anymore but as it turns out she did nothing and just allowed the fines to pile up. Now it’s going to court and I’m the one that gets screwed.

[valkerymillenia]

What?

WHAT?!

Ok, I enrolled in Miss Maggnifica a while ago. It's a national plus-size model pageant with a high reputation and big prizes.

However, the first round is a social media round where both the juri and the "likes" of the audience count in selecting the girls that move to the second round.

The photo chosen for my application was horrible and not popular at all, it doesn't even truly look like me, so I basically gave up from the start. I just KNEW I wasn't getting past round 1 and actually going to rounds 2 and 3 (catwalk pageant phase and final), heck I was one of the least liked of the many applicants.

So I forgot about it.

And today I'm informed I actually made it to round 2... Through pull of the juri.

Now I'm panicking.

I wasn't ready to pass, I have no idea what to do next and I'm currently barely getting by, if I have to pay for the travels to the contest I don't know how I'll do it. It's in Caldas da Rainha and I have friends there and all but the actual contest is kinda hard to access for someone who doesn't drive so I'm kinda lost.

Besides, I have no real support in this and I know I have almost no shot at winning after seeing the other girls so I'm considering just dropping out... But I hate wasting opportunities and I hate quitting.

What the hell am I going to do...?

EDIT: Fuck, so I have 24 hours to confirm I'll be at phase 2 on June 10th in CdR where the 10 finalists will be picked...

It's too fast! I'm freaking out. How am I going to do this??

[rac-things]

Went to the 2nd elimination round for Miss Maggnifica 2018 today. This is an exclusive national plus-size only pageant and of the 24 today, 12 will be announced as finalists on Tuesday so... Wish me luck! The final is on August at this big cultural festival, winner wins prizes and gets exclusivity with the sponsoring brands for a year, which means paying work, tours, speeches, events solely about body positivity and fashion, among other things. In the last photo I'm posing with two of the official photographers and two of the organizers. I got nervous for being late (damn rain and stupid GPS) so my hair was all frizzy and I bumbled my speech a bit but I have hope that I'll at least see the final.