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cryoculus · 2 years ago

Text

— guard dog 08 ⟢

pairing: thoma x assassin!reader

summary: the taste of betrayal isn't something new to you. but it still stings when it's delivered by the same people you begrudgingly put your faith in.

word count: 4k words

notable characters: thoma, kamisato ayaka, kamisato ayato

tags: found family, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, eventual smut

notes: ayato makes his official appearance in this chapter, but like i said, this was written early patch 2.1 which was FOREVER ago, so the descriptions abt what he looks like are a little inaccurate JSAHFSD

header art cr: artofjuu on twt

masterlist

Your head was a bit fuzzy when you finally came to.

Memories of you stumbling on the way back to the estate. Being supported by Thoma and Ayaka alike in each step. Swimming in the murky waters of your own self-loathing as the moon mocked your predicament in the night sky.

From what you recall, you’d only consumed one of Thoma’s three promised drinks, yet the moment your eyes wrenched open the next morning, the worst hangover that ever existed came crashing over you like a tidal wave. But the exotic alcohol wasn’t behind it. Not at all.

You looked around, immediately noting that you weren’t in the attendants’ quarters. The familiar interior of Ayaka’s room was an undeserved comfort, and when you remembered how you fell apart back in Ritou, you suddenly felt nauseous.

She knew. You had no idea how; had no idea why, but she knew.

And yet…Ayaka didn’t condemn you for it. Instead, she cradled you in her grasp—putting back together all the pieces that shattered with every tender caress, every soft hum of that old forgotten lullaby. Comfort has been a stranger to you ever since you’d left your old life in Yashiori, and even if it was hypocritical in every sense of the word, you grabbed onto her. Clung to her presence like a lifeline.

I know you deserve better.

White noise filled your ears like how water would clog the hollow cavities of your lungs. You weren’t sure what to make of Thoma’s little stunt last night. His interrogation had a cut-throat precision to every word. The man you shared drinks with wasn’t the same person who knit silly patterns with the elderly retainers in his spare time, nor was he the chef whose miso soup was adored by everyone in the estate.

You hated it—how he forcibly brought all your failures, all your insecurities to light without breaking a single sweat. Being picked apart and broken down into nothing was easily your worst nightmare, and it no longer came as a surprise that after all these years, it’s Thoma who managed to tear all your walls, all your defenses asunder. But even with the chief retainer’s best efforts to dissect every skeleton in your closet…

You didn’t loathe him for it.

He didn’t stare at you like how the capital’s policemen stared at wanted criminals. Though he was nowhere near as cheerful as he usually is, you knew Thoma didn’t ask you all those questions to patronize you. You’ve felt the same way sometime before, too. When he’d secretly unveiled the curtain over the consequences of what you did to those men in Konda Village.

Thoma and Ayaka… If you hadn’t known better, you would’ve thought they were trying to help you or something.

Because… Why would they help a notorious assassin like you? The lightest sentence they could give when all’s said and done was a few years in the slammer. The worst being a public execution, maybe. But you’d already taken the risks into account the day you took up Doctor Naoko’s sword and fled for the capital. One day, you were going to pay the blood price for your sins—that’s the same old mantra you kept unconsciously repeating in your head. And you’d be a fool to think it wasn’t any less true just because these idiots from the Yashiro Commission were too kind for their own good.

You got up shakily before slipping out of the room.

The sun was already up when you traversed the halls of the second floor. Out of habit, you cast a sidelong glance at the end of the corridor. It’s a little unnerving how you’ve been here long enough to tell that the Commissioner wasn’t in his study. But you chalked it up to the fact that Ayato was rarely in the mansion these days. You weren’t getting used to life in this estate at all.

“You’re awake!”

You startled at the sound of a gentle voice resounding from the stairwell. There, you spot Hina carrying a pile of what you recognized as Ayato’s folded hakamas. You hadn’t really forgotten yesterday’s treatment, so you looked around for anyone else she could have been addressing.

Unfortunately, you’re the only one lingering on the second floor.

“Mister Madarame said that milady has relieved you of your chores for the day,” the healer informed with a smile, as if she and her friends didn’t openly badmouth you to your face yesterday. “You’re welcome to rest for as long as you want to.”

The suspicious look on your face lingered. “Okay… Thanks.”

Hina bowed her head into a curt nod before ushering herself further down the hall. But before you could contemplate whether you want to see the other retainers downstairs—

“Miss Kira, I…” She pivoted on her heels, pursing her lips. “I’d like to apologize on everyone’s behalf as well. For our behavior yesterday.”

You let her words sink in the silence of the morning, meeting her repentant gaze with glaring indifference. But…you couldn’t keep it up for long. In the end, you sighed, scratching the back of your head before leaning against a nearby wall.

“Why do you have to apologize?” you chuckled almost sadly. “I take it that everyone in the Yashiro Commission already knows what I tried to do, right? I deserve as much. Maybe even more.”

You’re almost positive that the only reason Ayaka had laid you off of the daily tasks is because they’d finally decided to turn you in for real. The moment you get handed over to the Tenryou Commission, they’ll definitely act as if they had no part in endangering the princess’ life in the first place. In the end, you’re just a tool to them. And a tool who couldn’t even live up to its purpose would be rightfully disposed of.

You knew all this yet…

“The people of the Yashiro Commission weren’t always as noble as you think, Miss Kira.”

Her words ring in your head more than they should. Then, a peal of recognition itched in the back of your head.

“Isn’t it the Kamisato clan’s personal preference to hire both ex-convicts and people with criminal records alike?”

The night you’d unintentionally eavesdropped on Thoma’s and Ayato’s conversation was still fresh in your mind. You’d always assumed you’d misheard them at the time, but from the way Hina was silently gazing outside the window now…

“We’re only human. We’re all susceptible to making mistakes. And for every mistake we commit comes a chance to correct it. But it’s entirely up to you if you’re willing to rise up to the occasion,” she said, meeting your gaze with a quaint smile. “That’s what this family has taught us from the day they’d salvaged us from our own dark beginnings.”

“I sincerely hope you’ll give it a chance, Miss Kira.”

Without waiting for you to reply, Hina stalked off to Ayato’s study—leaving you with more questions than you had to begin with.

Of course, your morning was only going to get more convoluted after that.

The attendants hanging around the common area had also forgone yesterday’s behavior. In its place, however, was an awkward sort of courtesy that made you wish you just holed yourself up in Ayaka’s room until it was time for them to hand you over to the authorities. You couldn’t do this. You could very much fake your way into their lives if they hadn’t known your true intentions, but all of this just feels so…staged. Artificial.

God, you hope they’ll turn you in soon.

However, just when you were about to grab something to eat, you passed by one of the meeting rooms by chance. The shoji doors have always been thin, which made all sorts of news spread rapidly around the estate. And it’s because of that, you’re able to eavesdrop on yet another conversation you probably weren’t supposed to.

“But milady, you shouldn’t trust her!” Ayame pleaded inside. “I’m aware you’re doing this out of the kindness of your heart, but as someone who used to be just as wretched as that woman… I know a killer who’ll go great lengths for money when I see them.”

Inside, you could hear someone sigh. “Miss Ayame, we’ve already gone over this during the communal summons back at the pavilion, remember?”

Thoma…

Then, footsteps—falling heavy across the matted floor. You could almost imagine Ayame marching up to the chief retainer before jabbing a finger at his face.

“I’m especially wary of her effect on you, Master Thoma,” she scoffed. “Who would have thought that the retainer we trusted the most in here would let himself be seduced by the same person who tried to assassinate Lady Ayaka?”

Wait a minute. Who’s seducing who again?!

Thoma let out a disbelieving laugh. “Is that why you broke our agreement and informed everyone else in the mansion, Miss Ayame? We agreed that you would keep quiet about Miss Kira’s real identity. Yet you dishonored our contract because you thought she was seducing me? Interesting.”

“You may be the best out of all of us, but you’re still just a man. I’m not blind. I can see the way you look at her, and so do the others.” Ayame chuckled mirthlessly. “They were already suspicious of how considerate you’ve been for that outsider, and they instantly believed it when I said—”

“Miss Ayame, I think I’ve heard enough.”

Ayaka’s voice was calm as always, but it was underlined with a twinge of…hurt? Betrayal? You couldn’t say for certain. And though every word in this infinitely odd exchange was throwing your mind into a loop, you decided to keep listening.

The sound of Ayaka’s fan folding shut nearly echoed inside, followed by a forlorn sigh. “I greatly appreciate your concern for my safety. I really do. But don’t you think it’s unfair for you to judge her so harshly when we have all treated you fairly and without discrimination? Regardless of their past misgivings, the Yashiro Commission will always open its doors to those who come knocking.”

“That’s the way we have always done things, remember?”

Ayame immediately quipped something in return to Ayaka’s solemn response, but the sound of your pulse thundering in your ears blocked out all the extra noise.

You felt your chest twist painfully—feeling like someone had ripped your heart out to leave you bleeding on the ground. Your vision started to tunnel in as your brain processed the newly discovered facts before you. Ayaka knew, not because your stingy futon-neighbor spilled your secret to the entirety of the estate.

She knew because she was the one behind this ridiculous charade all along.

“Don’t you think I deserve to be part of the discussion too, milady?”

Ayaka’s eyes were doe-wide when you stepped inside, jaw clenched tightly as you affixed her with a stone-cold glare. Thoma seemed like he hadn’t expected you to drop by either—expression almost frantic as he attempted to talk you out of your obvious rage.

“Miss Kira, look—”

“Save it. I don’t want any part in this weird fucking social experiment you’ve got going on,” you snarked, turning your attention back to Ayaka. “In fact, you should’ve just told me you knew all along! We didn’t have to pretend. You could have just killed me instead of making a fool out of me all this time!”

Why did you give me hope?

It was all a ruse. Her kindness. Her words. Even the tears glistening in those stupidly blue eyes right this second. They didn’t really care. You were nothing but a means to sate this family’s egotistical need to save people, and you shouldn’t have deluded yourself otherwise.

But I want you to care. I do. I do. I do.

“I suppose there’s no use keeping up pretenses now,” Ayaka sighed, wiping her eyes with a white handkerchief. Even when she was crying, she was still so beautiful. “Yes. I’ve known from the start that you intended to kill me. But I think it’s evident in how I’m still alive and breathing in front of you that you don’t…really wish to take my life, yes?”

“You don’t know me,” you glowered, feeling that familiar, constricting feeling in your throat. “None of you do. And none of you ever will.”

All this time, you’d been instinctively bracing yourself for a barrage of crisis-inducing statements from Thoma. He showed you no mercy last night, so why should he now, when everything has finally been revealed?

But they never came.

As you adamantly held Ayaka’s gaze, you could see from the corner of your eye how he stared at you with a look you couldn’t really place. He wasn’t the cheerful housekeeper. He wasn’t the ruthless chief retainer.

If anything, he was a man on the verge of heartbreak.

“If you wish to depart, I will not stop you,” Ayaka murmured, fingers gripping her fan with a strange firmness. “And I will ascertain that Brother does not make any…countermeasures to have you arrested. You can leave and forget our time together even took place. If it means I will gain your forgiveness, then I do not mind if we live our lives separately from now on.”

…Forgive her?

As far as you knew, you’re the raging criminal here. You’re the one who kicked up this fuss within the Yashiro Commission just because you’ve flubbed a mission so terribly. It didn’t make sense. She didn’t make sense, gods fucking dammit!

“I’m done.” You laughed, raising your palms up in surrender. “I’m fucking done with you all.”

“Hey, wait—” It’s Ayame that boldly attempted to dissuade you, someone you’d forgotten was there in the heat of your anger. But you didn’t give her an opportunity to put another word in as you sprinted back outside.

Past the other attendants. Past the empty halls.

When you got to your locker, your fingers wouldn’t stop shaking as you cracked the lock open. You cursed a few times, banging on the door as if violence would open it any faster. So, you let yourself breathe for a moment. Once. Twice. Until you could feel the tears finally break from the surface of your eyes and onto your clothes.

“Fuck all of this. Fuck everyone in this shithole,” you muttered, letting the moisture run freely across your cheeks as you finally opened the locker.

You didn’t pay the clutter inside any mind. The fox figurine from Ayaka. The kitsune mask and bake-danuki plush from Thoma. They all seemingly stared at you in pensive silence as you dug around for the only object you wanted to take out of this room for the last time. But you didn’t care. Not anymore.

Kujou Sara’s feather was in your hands once again.

Everything rushed past in a blur from there. Your body seemed to have a mind of its own, given that your own mental constitution was as wrangled as it was. You led yourself to the kitchen with the tengu feather tucked in the lapels of your garbs. Lunch preparations were yet to begin, which gave you all the leeway you needed.

You still remembered how one of the attendants taught you to start a fire to get the stoves going. In spite of yourself, you repeated her careful instructions—striking the flintstone against a cylinder of aralia wood that they’d always used to light the charcoal. After two or three tries, a spark ignited. The smoke scattered to the twigs and leaves they’d tossed into the mix until a lick of orange fire started to rise among the rubble—one after the other.

You stared at the growing flames with an indifferent look. Lightning seemingly crackled in your fingertips as you twirled the ebony feather in your grasp.

If I can’t make this choice myself, you thought. Maybe they can.

The back door to the estate’s kitchen was wide open when Thoma decided it was about time to cook lunch for everyone else. The scent of salt and seawater hung heavy in the air, and he wrinkled his nose in distaste before sliding the door shut. More often than not, the wind tends to blow the ocean breeze even this far up the Yougou Mountains. It was for that exact reason why he didn’t want the attendants to open it as they pleased.

When he allowed himself a moment to make a rough estimate of how many servings he should make, there’s a quick lapse in Thoma’s train of thought.

He hadn’t seen you since you stormed out earlier. And when he checked your locker, it was hanging wide open, but nothing seemed to be missing. The chief retainer sighed, scratching the back of his neck.

Was he a fool to hope that meant you were still coming back? Despite everything that transpired?

A raspy groan ripped its way from his throat as he massaged the bridge of his nose. There it was again—that indescribable instinct to keep you close to him.

Thoma once dismissed the feeling as vigilance. Despite the fact that you’ve somewhat warmed up to the rest of them, you’re still a criminal on the loose. If he had to take drastic measures just to put you down, he would do them in a heartbeat. But…

“I can see the way you look at her, and so do the others.”

A flush of red crept up the side of his neck as Thoma sighed into his hands. He swallowed the lump in his throat, wondering when his supposedly observant stares morphed into something more affectionate—if Ayame’s insinuations were anything to go by.

He was…fond of you. That was an uncontested fact. He’d even admitted that to your face the night of the fireworks festival, too. What compelled him to do so, even Thoma hadn’t the slightest clue.

But each day he spent with you, bickering in the halls, testing each other’s patience—he liked it. He liked how there was actually another person in this estate who didn’t regard him with utmost respect by default. Someone who naturally drew out a more feisty side of him that he’d always hidden away for the sake of keeping up the Kamisato image. Your ceaseless wit was a breath of fresh air and he wouldn’t mind if you lingered with them a little longer.

Reality, however, wasn't always that generous.

At the end of the day, you were still a murderer. He was still the chief retainer with duties to uphold before his own personal feelings.

He knew, from the start, that this was going to blow over sooner or later—starting with you finding out they had been lying to you all along.

The princess told him to give you some space. It was already obvious from last night’s events that you were not in the right headspace to completely digest everything that’s happened. And he knew that. He’s been by your side for the past month—even more frequently than he escorted Ayaka herself.

“I can’t make her realize that she has a choice not to chain herself to the past alone,” Ayaka told him once, a few weeks ago. “She’s starting to trust you more than myself. You’ll lend me a hand, right, Thoma?”

In the midst of his contemplation though, Thoma heard the familiar sound of flames crackling in the air. He frowned, eyes roving to the stove where the charcoal glowed red hot in the shallow pit in the middle.

That was odd. Had someone started one ahead of him? He didn’t run into anyone on the way, though…

But when he noticed that the lunch hour was drawing ever-so near, he decided not to think of it too much. With a sigh in defeat, he grabbed his apron from the rack before preparing an entire Commission’s worth of dishes as fast as he could. And then, he’ll entitle himself a bona fide fool when he makes one more extra serving.

Just in case a certain, self-sabotaging assassin dropped by if she felt like it.

A man with hair seemingly hewn from pure moonbeams found himself on a stroll in Chinju Forest.

Most of his retainers avoided this trail for all the logical reasons there were. The forest was mystical by nature, and no human in their right mind would willingly traverse into the great bake-danuki’s stronghold.

It’s a good thing that Kamisato Ayato liked indulging himself in the occasional thrill.

He led himself deeper into the woods, wholly aware of the eyes in the trees watching his every move. But despite being a human, the Yashiro Commissioner was no stranger to the otherworldly creatures that disguised themselves in the thick fog.

When Ayato arrived at his destination, though, the one he came to see didn’t seem like he was in the mood for visitors.

“Can I help you with anything, son of the Kamisato House?” Ioroi grumbled, his perpetually ossified visage seemingly glowing with contempt. “I have been dealing with one too many humans as of late, and I don’t think I can entertain you at the moment. If it’s not of dire importance, may I ask you to leave so I can have some peace of mind?”

Ayato flashed him a smile, setting down a basket of daifuku in front of the statue. Almost immediately, the tiny bake-danuki in the vicinity released their disguises—scuttling towards the sweet treats as Ioroi heaved a long sigh.

“You drive a hard bargain,” he told him. “But if the children are pleased, I suppose I can spare a few minutes of my time. So, what is it that you came for?”

“You mentioned having to deal with another troublesome human, right?” Ayato raised an eyebrow. “Would you care to tell me more about this person?”

The guardian of the forest scoffed. “That woman… She has absolutely no respect for me! I tried to get her to leave as Kichiboushi carried both my voice and my message. But she just ignored it! And no matter how much I tell the children to bother her and send her packing, she continues to remain indifferent!”

The Commissioner hummed, nodding. “So she’s taken up residence here, I presume?”

“Bah. Sure, she’s been sleeping near one of the abandoned shrines, but I wouldn’t say she lives here. I have no means to tell what time of day she leaves, but that one always heads up the mountain for hours on end.” Ioroi huffed. “It’s a good thing she isn’t making much of a racket since she’s frequently away. It’s for that reason that I have overlooked the slight she has committed against me.”

“I see,” Ayato replied, crouching down to scratch one of the little bake-danuki’s ears affectionately. “How about now? Is the woman in the forest?”

Ioroi was silent for a moment, as if contemplating. “Hmm… She isn’t here yet, but I can hear her footsteps on the earth. That woman’s probably headed back to the abandoned shrine as we speak.”

“Would you be kind enough to show me the way?”

“Ugh. You better be grateful that the children are taken with you,” the guardian mumbled. “Kichiboushi, Shousei, Gyoubu Koban. Go take him to the ghastly human who’s been invading our territory.”

The little bake-danuki acted the moment Ioroi had spoken. One even tugged on the hem of Ayato’s hakama as the other two started walking down the cobblestone path.

Before departing, though, he turned around to give the stone statue a single nod. “Thank you, Ioroi. I’ll make sure she’s out of your hair very soon.”

Ioroi gasped. “Really?! You will? Can you also put up signs at both entrances that say ‘No Humans Allowed’, too? You can be an exception, of course.”

“No.”

If the guardian of Chinju Forest could break free from his stone confines, Ayato was certain Ioroi would have body-slammed him to show him his place. Or turn him into an onikabuto. He wasn’t sure. The tales their mother had told them have long faded in his memory. Either way, he paid the guardian’s seething no mind as he followed the bake-danuki children down the hill.

He still had to fix his little sister’s slip-up, after all.

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