#misery and suffering YIPPEE!!!!

[gyrovagi]

keep asking myself is this idea too fucked up though...? knowing full well that i came up with it because it's exactly the right amount of fucked up for me. and this is my house

[weiryo]

Not A Chance 1.4 “Like a home, but not exactly.”

MATTHEW

“Like a home, but not exactly.”

“Lobsters pee through their faces.” I heard a familiar yet changed voice beside me. I looked up and saw a much taller version of my friend Oliver. The freshman boy smiled at me, clearly proud of his random fact. Oliver has always been a good kid. I feared what would happen to him once his first official year of high school ended, and hoped we could keep him out of the horrors that are the social prison of Upper Lake Academy.

“Where did you learn that?” I asked as I started walking, and he followed me.

Oliver shrugged, “Read it on Reddit.” He answered.

“Oli, stay off of there, that's the kind of shit that gives you mental illness.”

“Fair.” He muttered as he fidgeted with his sleeves, awkwardly trying to make himself look presentable. I couldn't help but smile at his behavior. The school would smell much better if only every freshman were as nice and hygienic as Oliver.

It did not take long for our stalker, Hira, to find us. She came up to us with an enthusiastic look. It was nauseating to see people seeming so ready for a new school year. She immediately ran to hug me tightly .“Matthew! Oli! Hey, how come you two didn't text me?” she asked curiously, smiling at her adopted brother, Oliver, and me.

“Didn't seem all that important,” I said jokingly with a smile. “Besides, you found us now. I'm sure you enjoyed having to search for us, looking around at everyone moving in?”

Hira nodded “Of course, there's nothing better than people watching, I saw so many new kids. I got to see Rain and this majestic new junior guy. Like when I say majestic, I mean majestic.” She said with a little too much passion.

Oliver snickered at her. “Mom said you can't stare at people anymore.” He teased, and Hira shot him a joking glare.

“Anyways” she continued “I finally got to switch to a new dorm building, I swear Crabapple is so gross and run down,” Hira complained while she walked alongside us. 

“Crabapple sounds like a disease, I like my building name better, Ponderosa Pine is just the most glorious name,” Oli mumbled while he not so discreetly opened Hira’s backpack and took out a juice pouch from her snack bag that their parents always packed for the two.

Hira shot him a glare which he visibly looked frightened of, but she didn’t take it from him “I know right, it’s so gross, at least Oli’s dorm building gets some fancy shit name.” She continued her tangent about how much she hated the dorms.

I finally got to escape her angry ranting about dorms once I found my dorm, River Birch, building 4, which strangely enough was the closest to the main building of the school. I waved goodbye and walked in, leaving Oliver with a desperate look that said Don’t leave me, please with the juice pouch straw still in his mouth as Hira kept dragging him along physically and in conversation. I rolled my eyes and made my way into the building for another year even walking through the halls, and looking at certain doors made me shudder deep deep deep inside my soul. Yet… It still felt like a home away from home, once you got to your dorm with your roommate whom you may or may not have quite a few exchanges that include quite a bit of oversharing, it’s pretty comforting. 

Now I’ve never really had bad roommate experiences at this boarding school, and I've been very lucky so far. All my issues have been with boys or girls who I’d rather die than share a room with, for different reasons. But when I walked into my dorm room, and saw it turned into a makeshift budget version of the Acropolium of Carthage I was slightly taken aback, now don’t get me wrong, love the Christians, Jesus was a pretty cool dude… But seeing a cross with a bloody Jesus figurine-looking thing felt like too much. I glanced over to the guy who was supposed to be my roommate this year. He was pretty cute, even though he looked like he was being drowned in sweat in his Sunday best button-up shirt. I stepped in and blinked a few times “Um so… You’re into the whole Gothic Cathedral style, that’s cool…” I very much attempted to make some humor out of this, he just glanced over at me with a judgemental look.

“I’m a Protestant. Not a Catholic.” He firmly corrected, as if being mistaken for Catholic was a very horrible insult to him.

“Right…” I mumbled in response, setting my duffle bag on my bed, “I’m Matthew Van Jaarsveld.

“Do your parents let you dye your hair like that?” He suddenly asked. No introduction, no nice to meet you, no nothing… I am just questioning my home life, as many good friendships start.

“Yeah… My parents are cool with it.” I answered, and his judgemental look only increased. Felt like a very familiar look. “Well, It’s my turn to ask you a question. What is your name?”

“Finnegan McCarthy.” He answered plainly as I held back my strong urge to burst out into laughter.

I nodded slightly, turning away so he couldn't see how much I wanted to laugh at his name. “Oh, cool. Well, I’m uh, gonna go for a walk.”

Of course, Finnigan looked at me strangely as I rushed out, but as I was out of sight, I began to snicker, until I looked up. A familiar boy with long black wavy hair and blue eyes that felt like a childhood home, staring directly at me, just a few feet away from me. Holy shit… Why was he here?

[cosmicourple]

The whole reincarnated god of potential Odysseus ask makes me wonder how many times Zeus saw his lover suffer and die, sometimes by his own hand. Yet despite everything he can’t stay away and stop himself from getting involved

Ohohohohoho—

yesssssssss >:]

The curse is a mighty one, and a sadistic one at that, it seems not even The Godking can beat it…

and it hurts. It hurts so, so very much, to watch his love (someone he never thought he would find who could bring out that younger love drowned deep within him-) suffer and [die]…

Over & Over & Over & Ov—-

and he theKingofTheGodstheUniversalRulerwhosucceśsfułlyavoidedtheCycleofDethronementTheGodaboveallGods—- is just. Powerless to stop it he-

He is powerless in this situation to stop his lover’s tragedy but he just can’t move on.

It hurts so much to cling on, to still care but he can’t, just can’t, let Dŷnæťösřę??? Odysseus go. He can’t.

He wants to still feel for them. He doesn’t want to forget to cherish them, to be overshadowed by the regret of their death(s) BY HIS HANDS- he wants to find them, even if it means misery (he’s not messing up and leaving them behind. Not like the other two)

uhhhhhhh— idk what that was HUUJRF3HUFGUYHTGG I got in the groove of it ig. Anyway, more angst and confusing writing to add to the pile YIPPEE🎉 (I do love this ask Anon lmao)

[milekael]

drop the essay on royai x anathema king :3c

YIPPEE thank you for supporting my yapping >:3c

This ask is referring to this art and I will post small portions of it here (Also, cutting it because it's long lol)

SO Anathema right?

To me the way this applies to Royai in easy terms is:

1- They both really hate the war and their role in it.

2- The army and state they both willfully yet ignorantly joined and now is they day-to-day job.

3- If you get really angsty with it, saying they heavily dislike themselves is very easy, specially stuff in relationship to flame alchemy.

I like to think all of those things come off in the drawing on its own. However when I say that this drawings fits a very specific version of them that exists in my mind that is slightly different from everyone else's is that I huh...

Like to think that at the beginning they kinda disliked each other lmao.

So the fandom is no stranger to them, specially (And rightfully) Riza holding a grudge towards Roy for what happened and both being pretty miserable about each other and this thing they got themselves into. Hell I would say that 1/3rd of all Royai is that, specially more miserable interpretations where they never get any happiness because of this guilt and anger that exists to some extent between them.

However I don't want them to be all sad I want them to bitch at each other. Riza legitimately getting mad and snappy at Roy's attitude and little work issues pilling up until is devolving into thinking how much of a mistake it was for her as a young girl to have even trusted him because he went away to become a mass murderer. Eventually she says something deeply hurtful, then regrets it as Roy just takes the blow. Then Roy getting frustrated with Riza and her way of always being on his tail and deep, deep down being mad that she joined the military in the first place which leads to him giving harsher orders and acting less considerately until she snaps and he realizes he's been a bitch and thinks "woah I keep hurting her I really should die".

Give me toxic Royai or give me death!! This is all headcanon of course but that's why we're here anyways.

What moves them in this early stages of them working together is spite. Spite towards the military and what it made them do, spite towards themselves for their participation on it and the way they are still here and progress to their goals is so slow. Spite that eventually in an attempt to keep that energy turns against each other and the second they realize they did such a thing it gets worse. Anathema towards everything related to each other, you might say.

That said. I've talked about how I dislike misery fest Royai in the past, even if this is basically that. This is why I say this part of my Royai interpretation is so specific to me because the point of all this suffering and hurt is that it cannot last forever, even if deep down they feel it should.

So, the thing about this spite, about this ugly thing that both drives them forwards and makes them dislike themselves and each other is that is an energy you cannot sustain forever it will drive you actually insane. At some point something has to break, and with how slow the ascension plans they have are?? With enough time, these emotions get drown out by other noises.

Here is where I start to explain the drawing and my artistic choices lmao.

Roy and Riza look pissed in this illustration, they are miserable as they keep committing the same actions that put them here... Yet they are working together. They are working together through all this stuff they dislike (Flame Alchemy, the vague representation of war and conflict with the red smoke, their day to day job as military agents...) and yet... Well, the background is more work, sure, but it is an organized pile of papers, probably left like that for the other's sake, and a cup full of coffee.

While I'll admit the diamond pattern was put there because I was looking for things to fill out the space, I do know I wanted it to be a pattern, something that repeats. The idea is that all this stuff they dislike (The anathema of it all) is bright and in the front and yet the thing that holds it all together is their routine and the small acts of consideration they have for each other.

In my brain, while this point in their history where they clearly were really bad for each other exists, eventually gets it's edges eroded by time and the the ways they do work well together and just- Cannot keep this angry, guilt-ridden pitiful attitude all the time. It still exists in the back of their minds, but when the days pass, at some point they realize they haven't really been thinking about how miserable they should feel because.... life just goes on, I guess.

And turns out that when not on edge, the two do truly get along, working together and actually having fun from just existing near each other....

Anyways. That was the Anathema essay thing. at first I was ashamed like oh maybe this is not as interesting as I thought at first then huuuuuuh blacked out and now it's this long. Hope you liked it friends ✌️

[meaningofaeons]

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ obviously oblivious

⊹ character(s) - geto suguru ⊹ word count - 2.7k ⊹ notes - gn!reader, fluff, a hint of angst if you squint, fake dating, takes place in hidden inventory (before all the bad stuff so ... hs!au sort of but still in jjks regular setting), possibly ooc suguru sorry </3

this is the raffle fic for the winner of the cat-baret raffle, @psychopomp-enthusiast !! they requested a geto x reader fake dating and I was more than happy to oblige *:･ﾟ✧(=✪ ᆺ ✪=)*:･ﾟ✧ permission was granted to post this fic! also, sorry in advance if there's any she/her usage or fem terms used for reader! I try my best to edit and ensure they're 100% gn, but sometimes things slip through the cracks! let me know if I messed up anywhere!

"You want me to do what?"

You kept your hands firmly over your face, already thoroughly humiliated by the request at hand. If not for the fact that Satoru would certainly value holding something over your head as blackmail, he would've already ran and told Suguru about your little plan.

"I'm not repeating myself!"

"No, no, seriously, I think I didn't hear you!"

Satoru's disbelief had melded into disbelief and humor, his eyes lighting up at your misery. "Tell me what you wanted my help with again!"

"Satoru, you are a dick!"

"I don't think that's how you ask someone for help if you really need them to help you out."

"Forget it."

"Why do you want me to pretend to date you, of all things?" he chuckled, ignoring your words and continuing the conversation, plopping himself right onto your desk. You glared at him, having half a mind to shove him off onto the floor. "Wouldn't that just make Suguru upset?"

"No— Well, yes, but like, not intentionally."

"You literally have bad intentions with this plan."

You shoved him hard, but the white-haired boy managed to keep his ass firmly on your desk, laughing at the futility of your gesture. You slumped backwards in your seat.

"What's the point?"

"The point is that he'd realize he likes me back. Or, if he doesn't like me, I'd be able to tell by him not caring. Or something like that..."

"That's stupid."

You groaned. You knew that.

"He's definitely the type of guy to just let it go and suffer in silence. I mean, I've been friends with him for ages. He'd be all, 'I'm happy you're happy, Satoru!' or something."

You knew that too. That's one of the reasons you liked him, for God's sake.

"So let's do it."

"Huh?!"

You shot up in your seat, eyeing your friend suspiciously. He only shot you a catlike grin in turn.

"Well, you asked me, Suguru's closest friend. So obviously, I could wring it out of him if he was really upset, and then boom, the sham is up! You two date! Happily ever after!"

You gave him an unimpressed look, and he whistled indignantly.

"...Or I could ask Shoko. Whatever."

"And what do you get out of this?"

"Entertainment?" Satoru batted his annoyingly long eyelashes at you prettily, placing his hands under his chin in a mock-gesture that made you want to strangle his perfect skin. "Fun? The satisfaction that I finally get to stop seeing you pine after him—"

"What do you really want?"

"You treat me to sweets anytime I want. It fits into the scheme, anyways! And besides, Suguru kinda pissed me off last week."

"You're literally rich! And you probably started it! What do you mean, he pissed you off?"

Satoru raised his eyebrow at you, and you let out a long, deep, exaggerated sigh.

"Fine."

"Yippee!" You could've pelted him the way he, a grown ass man, pranced around the room like a little toddler girl. As if he even needed your money for his sugar addiction.

"Prick," you muttered, just out of earshot of the strongest as he walked towards the door.

"Okaaay, I'm going now, my dearest! Have some Kikufuku on my desk tomorrow and I'll consider the contract sealed!"

"Prick!" you shouted it this time, really throwing something (a small eraser) but Satoru had already dashed out the door, laughing all the way.

Regardless, you collapsed into your seat again, utterly mortified.

Would this really work?

Guess you had to try.

—

"What's this?"

Suguru, despite himself, found himself questioning the packet of Kikufuku on Satoru's desk. They'd only just come from the dorms, and they'd done so together as usual, so there was no way Satoru would've had time to get it for himself. Not to mention...

"Isn't this the specialty one from Sendai, too? What, did you do Shoko a huge favor?"

The raven-haired man wasn't pleased when the only response he got was a happy hum from his white-haired friend, who sat down and inspected the treat before popping a piece of mochi in his mouth.

"No," he finally spoke up after a beat of silence, mouth stuffed (causing Suguru to gag in an over-exaggerating fashion). "This is from the best partner in the world! My pookie bear!"

"Very funny," Suguru deadpanned.

Satoru looked offended for a moment, but his affronted expression melted into a look of pure glee as soon as he heard the sliding door open.

Suguru looked up at that, a small smile coming to his lips as he spotted you walk into the room.

"Hey, Y/N—"

"Sweetie!"

The smile dropped at once when he watched his friend bound over to your side, immediately hanging off of you. This wasn't necessarily unusual, but the pet name—not to mention how you didn't immediately shove Satoru off as you usually would—caught Suguru's attention.

"Satoru, stop. We're in class."

"But you got this Kikufuku especially for me, right? Come on, let me pay you back with some cuddles~"

You pushed Satoru away by the cheek, but didn't necessarily work to extricate yourself from him. The raven-haired man definitely noticed this time.

An unpleasant feeling rose in Suguru's gut, but he played it as coolly as he could.

"What's this? Are you two going out or something?" he mocked, chuckling in disbelief. You looked contemplative, and Satoru got a nasty smirk on his face.

As if—

"Yeah, we are," you answered back, equally as calm. The man hanging off of your arm looked all-too pleased with himself as you answered, whereas Suguru had practically gone into shock.

"S-Seriously?" The sorcerer tried to keep his outward dismay to a minimum, but a stutter still edged its way into his voice.

While you were far too distracted in subtly attempting to remove Satoru's arms from around you without making it obvious that your "relationship" was a sham, the man clutching onto you was relishing in the way his friend tried desperately to remain casual at the news.

"Seriously, seriously!" Satoru chimed in, wrapping his arms around your waist in a tight hug. That was the point you gave up trying to get him away.

"Well, congratulations," Suguru muttered, half-hearted words barely forced out. He eyed you for any sign of this being a trick, but to his utter despair, your poker face revealed none of what he was searching for—humor, annoyance, anything that might tell him that Satoru was making the whole thing up.

"Thanks," you murmured back, a bit dismayed yourself.

Did he even care—

"So who asked who ou—"

"Okay, in your seats, everyone," Yaga walked into the room, cutting off Suguru's desperate question, glaring at you three. "Shoko's out on business and won't be back until the afternoon, so it's just you lot."

"Okaaaay," Satoru dragged his feet, letting go of you reluctantly and plopping himself into his seat. You sat one over from him, right between he and Suguru.

Throughout the entire class, your white-haired friend couldn't help but chuckle to himself at your raven-haired friend's urgent glances your way.

By the time Yaga had dismissed you three, Suguru excused himself quite quickly and practically ran out the door.

Well, strode was more like it, but Satoru could see the hurry in his steps.

Off to tell Shoko all about it, he was sure.

"See? He didn't seem to care at all," you pouted a bit, head slumped on your desk. Bright blue eyes rolled in incredulity at your density.

"Seriously? He always sticks around after class to hang out. Why else would he have ran off?"

"To not see you making a fool of yourself and drooling all over me?"

It was tempting to take that Kikufuku in Satoru's hand and pelt him right between the eyes with it as he batted his eyelashes innocently, but you resisted your violent urges. He only chuckled more, popping treat after treat past his lips.

"I think you're being dumb."

"You're dumb."

"Am not! Suguru's the dumb one, really."

"He's not dumb!" you fired back. "He clearly just isn't interested in me, so let's just stop this already."

"Wow, I've only been your fake boyfriend for a day, and you're already trashing me. Shame!"

"I just don't want to owe you more desserts than I have to for something that clearly won't work."

Satoru whistled. "Well, at least I got one bag of Kikufuku out of it!"

"Jerk..." you muttered.

A beat of silence passed, and you half-expected the man to up and leave after getting bored, but when you glanced up, you saw him fiddling with his flip phone.

Then, he grinned at the screen, turning to you.

"Let's go to Suzukien."

"What? Why?" you asked. In all fairness, matcha gelato did sound pretty delicious at the moment, especially to offput your bad mood. However, you'd be loath to admit when Satoru had a good idea lest his head inflate to the size of a large balloon.

"Just feel like a colder treat. Your treat, 'cause I helped you out and all."

You grumbled and pulled your bag over your shoulders, walking over to the door. "Fine, let's go."

"Yay!"

—

The second Suguru had gotten out of class, as Satoru had guessed, he had gone straight to Shoko.

She nearly leapt out of her seat as the door slammed open, whipping around with a glare to shush her friend.

"Are you insane? This is a clinic. I'm working."

"Did you know Y/N and Satoru are dating?"

For a moment, Shoko's expression reflected pure horror and pity, but then, she stopped. It took her a total of 5 seconds of thought to put two and two together, and she shrugged.

"No, they're not."

"They just told me they are."

"Then you're an idiot for believing them."

Suguru plopped himself into the cold metal chair in the corner, eyeing Shoko and awaiting an explanation. She sighed, finishing up her technique on the patient and removing her gloves, walking over to her table full of various medical tools.

"I remember like a year ago, there was a guy I thought was kind of cute. Gojo had this grand idea to get him jealous by pretending we were going out, but the catch was that I had to buy him sweets whenever he wanted. It lasted maybe a day, but he does a good job of being overbearingly annoying as a fake boyfriend."

Suguru, for all his intelligence, was still a bit slow. Perhaps it was the implication of you having some sort of feelings for him that ran the train of disbelief in his mind.

"And that connects to this situation... why?"

Shoko looked at him, extremely unimpressed.

"Did Gojo have a pack of sweets on his desk?"

"Yeah, Kikufuku..."

"And were they from Y/N?"

"He said—" Suguru paused, his brain running a mile a minute. Then, he buried his face in his hands. Shoko only pulled out her flip phone, typing away.

"I'm an idiot."

"Yes, you are."

"I bet this is because Yaga backed me up when we were arguing over the pronunciation of a word last week..."

"Probably. That's Gojo for you."

"So do I ask them out now?"

"What do you think?" Shoko flashed her phone's screen in Suguru's face, the man squinting to get a good look at the words.

Gojo had sent a whole slew of text emojis scattered between every word, but somewhere within the endless stream of colons and parenthesis and threes was a message detailing him taking you (or you taking him, more like) to Suzukien.

He was out the door with a quick thanks before the girl could even blink, and she chuckled, popping a cigarette out of the box as she sent one more text to Satoru.

"He's on his way."

—

You grumbled to yourself even more as you sat at a small bench outside of Suzukien.

The second your money was in the clerk's hand and Satoru's gelato was in his, he had taken off, some shit excuse about having somewhere to be flying off his lips before you could process he'd ran away with the treat.

You silently wondered how much trouble you'd get into with Yaga if you were to smear mochi and red bean paste all over Satoru's desk, when a breathless voice spoke up from next to you.

"Hey."

You jumped slightly, whipping your head to the side to see none other than Suguru. Instantly, your face burned hot.

"U-Uhm, hi. What's up?"

A part of you wondered if this is why Satoru was so enamored with his phone earlier...

"I, uh, talked to Shoko."

"Oh! Um, what would that be about? Here, let me buy you a cone, it's pretty hot out, you look exhausted—"

"No, no, it's okay, uh..." Suguru toyed with his bang, trying to maintain eye contact with you and failing horrendously.

He could talk to you just fine before.

What the hell was going on with him now?!

Right. You'd gone through all the trouble to get roped into Satoru's scheme just at an attempt to convey your feelings without really conveying them, and those feelings just happened to be the same as his—

"Suguru?"

The raven-haired man shook his head. Even if Shoko said what she said, he has to be sure he's not actually trying to steal his best friend's official significant other or anything.

"The dating thing with Satoru wasn't—isn't real, right? Just... Just double checking."

"U-Uhh..." You were torn between perpetuating the lie and telling the truth, but seeing the smoldering look in Suguru's eyes, you shrunk and bowed your head. "N-No, sorry... It was just, uhm, a joke. That's right! Just a joke. I assume Shoko—"

"She told me it was because you wanted to make me jealous."

Well, that was blunt.

It seems Suguru himself realized it, too, because at your flustered expression, he waved a hand frantically.

"But that's just what she said could be it, because Satoru and her did that to another guy! She could've been lying, or just relating it to another experience! Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"No, no, she's, uhm, she was right," you laughed anxiously, scuffing your shoe against the ground and fidgeting about as your cone slowly melted. "Being completely honest, she was right. I did— I did do it to make you jealous."

"Oh... oh."

The silence was thick with tension between you two, but you soon began giggling—out of pure nerves or actual humor, you weren't sure.

It wasn't long before Suguru joined in, his tense expression softening at your laughter.

"I'm sorry, I was being stupid... I should've just told you."

"No, I think I should've told you first. That I like you, I mean."

Your chuckles ceased at once, hot shock rising in your cheeks.

"Seriously...?"

"Seriously, seriously," Suguru mimicked Satoru. Your eyes widened, and you glanced away, but the raven-haired man only leaned back into your line of sight.

"So, do you want to go out? I'll buy you a new cone to make up for distracting you. It can be our first date."

It was at that moment that you realized the icy cold that was covering your hands, jumping with surprise and embarrassment as you noticed your treat all over your fingers. Suguru only smiled, heading inside and coming back out with some napkins, helping you clean off your hands and toss your cone in the trash.

"Really, though, Suguru, I'll treat. It was my fault for going along with Satoru's—"

"Nuh uh. He already made you buy Sendai Kikufuku. I can't imagine the time and effort to get that for today."

"Well, then, um... Thanks—"

"Finally!"

You two practically spun in a circle at the obnoxious voice ringing out from behind the corner of the block. Satoru waved around his flip phone victoriously, a picture of Suguru and you standing quite close together now on its screen.

"I've already told Shoko! Enjoy your date, lovebirds~!"

Before you could say a word, he had scrambled off, giggling all the way. You and Suguru shared a glance.

"Would you be opposed to sharing the punishment with me if I fucked with Satoru's desk? I was thinking of leaving him a couple of melted gelato cones in there."

"Yaga will kill us, but it'll be worth it."

The two of you smiled, laughing a bit. Then, Suguru led you into the gelato shop, warmth filling his chest.

It took a bit of time and confusion, but he had you.

[recentanimenews]

To Your Eternity – 01 (First Impressions) – A Dog and His Boy

Happy Monday Everybody! Are you ready to…bawl your fuckin’ eyes out?! I know I am. Welcome to To Your Eternity, one of the Spring’s most anticipated series. As always, I enter completely in the dark, unsure of what’s in store for me. Yippee!

It is sent to Earth, a tabula rasa of an entity that can take the form of things it encounters. First it’s a small and basic white sphere, then a rock, then the moss on that rock, then a white wolf that dies on that mossy rock. Fantasia and 2001 came to mind. The visuals and music are epic, and given greater gravitas with Tsuda Kenjirou’s narration.

Then, the wolf reaches a small settlement. Of the handful of huts, only one is occupied by a single boy. The last boy. He knows the wolf; it’s his wolf, Joaan. He welcomes him home, glad he’s no longer alone.

The boy makes dinner and shows Joaan how to eat. He talks of the others who left the village to find “Paradise” but promised to return with gifts. He stayed to take care of the elderly. That was five years ago. Some days pass, and the boy decides it’s time to stop waiting, leave the village, and head to paradise himself, with Joaan in tow.

The boy leaves his home with a sense of finality, like he won’t be returning. He drew pictures of everyone who lived there to show others that they lived. He trudges through the snow, following helpful arrow markers, camps for the night. His nose and fingers gradually become raw and red. One day, he falls through the ice.

He manages to avoid hypothermia, but he has a nasty gash in his left thigh. He dresses it, but the wound swells and festers. Joaan can only watch. The boy speaks for Joaan, carrying on a conversation with himself to keep himself optimistic. But the frozen tundra and his wound continue to wear him down.

The boy is in a very bad way when he comes across a final arrow marker X’ed out with blood, and close by, a host of graves and the ruins of a wagon. With nothing but more frozen tundra everywhere he looks, the boy grapples with the fact the others never reached paradise…or maybe they did, but had to perish to do so.

With no further markers, the boy has no choice but to return home. The weather worsens, as does his health. He feverishly crawls back through the door he so confidently closed for good when he first set out. He manages to get one more fire going, but the cold outside and his leg have already decided how this ends. We’re now firmly in Grave of the Fireflies territory.

The final choice the boy has is how to die. He does so sitting in a chair with the faces of the village, along with himself and Joaan, drawn on the wall. With one final smile, he hunches over and dies, his suffering at an end, and his journey to paradise complete as he reunites with all the other villagers. Triggered by the boy’s death, It transforms from Joaan to the boy, in search of more stimulation. From death, rebirth. But rebirth to something not quite what it had been.

It’s a triumphant glimmer of hope after an episode that was largely watching a happy-go-lucky kid die in agonizing slow motion as his unrelenting environment ground him into dust. This show absolutely wrecked me, but I’m glad to have watched it. It isn’t often anime—or anything on a screen—moved me to this extent. I hadn’t gone through so many tissues watching a single episode in quite a while!

Was this perfection? No. The music is almost uniformly excellent (and the OP is an absolute banger) but there was one out-of-place track that sounded like it was from a far older and less serious show. As good as some of Joaan the wolf’s expressions were, the animal modeling was all over the place, esp. in wider shots. Finally, as invested as I was in the poor doomed kid, he talked a lot. More Cast Away-style silent storytelling would have been welcome. Then again, boundless optimism was literally keeping him alive.

But those are minor quibbles. To Your Eternity is primo prestige shit with the potential to be a classic. It made me feel just about fucking everything! It’s a hell of a neat concept: a completely neutral “entity” that observes, then meets the conditions for transformation—a kind of Kino’s Journey, only Kino is a full-on alien. Considering the next episode involves some kind of child sacrifice, I fear we’re in for more misery than jubilation. But it doesn’t matter…I must watch on.

By: magicalchurlsukui

[weiryo]

Not A Chance 1.3 “Breathtaking moments”

SANTIAGO

“Breathtaking moments”

I suffered quietly, the van being more of a form of torture than anything else, loud sweaty teenagers nearby were not a good idea. Once the shuttle was in the park, the floodgates opened. We all rushed out of the van quickly, even if the drive to the school was a breathtaking view, it was also hard to breathe due to how packed it was inside the vehicle. I wished I was able to arrive a day earlier like I was supposed to, but my father insisted I didn't need to since I was a smart kid, which just meant he fucked up the dates and refused to admit that he messed up. I helped Hitori and Andrew get their bags out and Andrew patted me on the arm.

“You found us a real gentleman, Tori, just what our little group needed,” Andrew said playfully as he accepted his bag.

Hitori laughed quietly, shouldering her backpack “Yeah, cause you don't fill that role.”

Andrew gasped, feigning offense at her words “You wound me.” He said with a smirk as they began walking to the main building. I followed them since they knew better than I did.

I was surprised to see as many people as I did when I entered the main building, but at the same time I don't know what else I would've expected. There were just so many different people, it kind of felt… Suffocating. More suffocating than being in the shuttle a few minutes ago, it was a heavy feeling in my chest that I hadn't felt in a long time. I knew they weren't, but I felt like my eyes were all pointed at me. When Hitori poked me I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding, she smiled at me, but you could sense the underlying worry in her tone as she spoke “You alright, San?” She asked. I gave a brief nod and forged my way through the crowd, even when I shook the idea of eyes being on me, I still felt watched.

I won't bore you with the registration process, it was just long lines after long lines, all to get a few pieces of paper in a folder and a cheap plastic ID. My face visibly cringed at the ID photo we had to get pre-taken, my father had insisted on my hair being gelled back, and I would've argued against it if I wasn't already aware of the consequences for talking back. I just pushed it past me and put it back in the folder. Hitori started walking again, knowing we (me especially) had no choice but to follow her. 

Hitori looked over to Andrew “I wonder where Noemíe is.” She commented.

Andrew nodded at her remark “She'll be here, probably late though. She never wastes the chance to be fashionably late, which means we'll see her at dinner.”

“I'm sure she's got a lot of gossip to tell us about, I never hear about anything.”

I glanced over “Noemíe is the model girl you've told me about, right?” I made sure to ask, hoping I didn't get any names wrong. Hitori nodded in response.

“She's nice… if you know her well enough. She's a bit blunt, is all.” Hitori assured me.

Hitori and Andrew were forced to leave me eventually since they were returners, and I was new. They were free to go wherever, and I had to go to orientation, which was extremely boring. They gave us a tour of the campus, which was huge. After the tour they made us all sit in a gymnasium where the principal, who was an old greasy man, gave us a welcome speech, yada yada, ruled, yada yada. All that bare minimum shit, after that they told us to go find our dorms and wait for dinner, which is exactly what I did. I found my dorm hall, it was an old-looking building, almost like a little apartment complex. I took a deep breath and walked into the dorms.

[weiryo]

Not A Chance 1.2 “You can’t handle all of my baggage”

MATTHEW

“You can’t handle all of my baggage”

The smell of glorified mediocrity hit me as I stepped out of the car, I stared up at the familiar building. This was my third year here, I hated it but my parents insisted it was good for me. It didn't take long before I noticed my brother appearing behind me with my bags. “Oh, you're so grown up now. Your junior year, you're going to make such great memories, my baby brother.” He dropped the bags to the ground and hugged me intensely as he spoke. 

I groaned in annoyance “Milo, mom told you to drive me here, not be her.” I pushed out of his grasp.

“Hey, she would want me to embarrass you on your first day, Matty.” Milo smiled as he handed me my bags. “You're so lucky we're not all here to drop you off.”

“Don't call me Matty.” Was my only response. Soon enough I realized it sounded a bit mean, and I was trying to work on that… Milo always took my attitude in stride though, nodding as he smiled, he always understood my strange moods. “I definitely would not have wanted all 3 of you to show up, it'd be the worst,” I said jokingly. I gathered all my bearings, preparing myself internally for the new school year. So much had happened over the summer that I had a feeling that this school year would be boring. Some part of me yearned for a calm year, which would be a first, but what's the fun in that?

Milo handed me another backpack “Are you sure you need all this? It's like you brought the whole house with you.” He zipped open the bag for a second “Did you pack the batteries for your hearing aids?”

I took the bag from his hand “Yes I've packed them, and yes I'm sure. You've never even been to boarding school, you have no idea what you're going to need.” I said. 

Turning around and looking at the school, I already saw familiar faces. Nothing had changed. The school had all this funding, and they still had never changed it much. The fresh air was nice, though. You could just sense the nature around you. It was one of the only good things about Upper Lake Academy. I hugged my brother once more, of my own free will this time. I said my goodbyes and started walking to the entrance.

For some odd reason, they put the most grumpy teachers at the front to greet the first batch of kids. It was 9 AM, but a certain teacher looked like he had just woken up. “Mr Prescott.” I was pleased. You could almost see the look of regret on his face as the literature teacher spotted me “Van Jaarsveld, good morning, your parents didn't find you a new school?” He asked, I would've taken offense if it weren't for how many inconveniences I'd caused to the man.

I scoffed “Nope, and I heard Andrews coming back too.”

The man looked as if he wanted to run “God help me.” He mumbled as he handed me a pamphlet with a map, which I didn't need but was obligated to give to every student.

I walked in through the main entrance, there were already quite a few recognizable faces there, and some not so much. Some 6th graders were being led around in groups, along with new students who showed up yesterday, and any other students were just left to their own devices. I found myself lingering around the trophy case, the school always tried to make itself seem attractive, that they had very talented students, but most of the talent didn't come from the school. My eyes narrowed as I read the names for the first time, my eyes focusing on a picture of a soccer team from years ago, the names of the people in the image written on a plaque, Hernandez… That brought back memories, memories I didn't like.