#misarriage

[ch3rryb3ary]

going into the miscarriage tag and finding just pages and pages of fanfic often smut fanfic is just the worlds biggest jump scare man

i come here for idk support or coping mechanisms, and this is what i find instead? hope it helps someone but fuck man :(

[amberjazmyn]

so much blood 💔

pairing : daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

summary : daniel's wife, alessandra, at a grand prix, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the ricciardo's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the wags find her. 

warnings :  mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

a/n :  i have already written this multiple times and now i wanted to write it for danny ric. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

attending grand prix's with the rest of the f1 grid was most probably alessandra ricciardo's, the wife of daniel ricciardo, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and daniel's future baby and that was what made the australian grand prix all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the ricciardo's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2012, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and daniel that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. and it came out positive which brought alessandra and daniel so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace. because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the wags, alexandra, kelly, carola, francisca and daniel's sister michelle were on their way to the garages where they were going to be watching their drivers. but, it was on their walk to their separate garages that they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of baby ricciardo and whether or not they had come up with names just yet.

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby ric yet?" carola, checo's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst alex, francisca, kelly and sister-in-law michelle smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about daniel but, all i know is that scotty and his girl know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think soctty's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby ric," michelle, daniel's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as kelly speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby ric is going to be, you and daniel will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," kelly coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wags and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

💮

"...welcome to the australian grand prix, everyone! for our pre-race interviews, we have one of the australian greats, mr daniel ricciardo with us! hello daniel!" martin brundle and david crofty were interviewing the racers before the race, and it was currently daniel's interview

"hello martin and crofty! what a lovely little intro there, mate! how are we?" daniel smiles his signature smile and laugh as the two interviewers can't help but smile as well

"we're very well, thank you daniel! and we're glad you're doing well too. before we get into our interview questions about the race today, it's an even more special grand prix today isn't it but for different reasons, correct?" crofty asks this time as daniel nods his head - this was the first grand prix in a while that both ricciardo's were attending together

"yes, that is very true, crofty. this is an even more special grand prix for me today. even though home races are special, it's even more special for me this time because my beautiful wife, alessandra, is with me today which has been a long time coming..." daniel trails off, not wanting to blurt out the news straight away

"...it has been a long time coming, we've all missed seeing the lovely mrs alessandra ricciardo in the paddock! and now she's back, is it true that maybe, just maybe, there's some news you'd like to share with us before we go any further?" martin asks as daniel chuckles at the interviewers - and thankfully, he had been given permission by his wife to announce it

"yes, there is some news and that news is that alessandra and i are having a baby!" daniel announces as crofty and martin smile sweetly at the driver as they then see alessandra and give her a wave

"wow, that is amazing news! congratulations daniel and to alessandra as well! we had heard you guys had been trying to get pregnant for a while, correct?" crofty asks, the two interviewers no longer caring about the actual interview - they just wanted to hear more about baby ric

"yeah, correct. me and alessandra had been trying for what felt like forever and now, we've finally gotten pregnant which is exciting and we cannot wait to meet the little ric!" daniel giggles, his smile covering his entire face as martin and crofty share similar smiles on their own faces

then, the interview actually begun properly and daniel started getting asked the proper questions about the race. how he felt about it, whether or not he had trust and confidence that he'd do well. all that sort of stuff that was normally asked during a pre-race interview. alessandra watching in pure joy at the joy that stayed on her husband's face the entire interview after announcing their pregnancy. who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout daniel's interview and the happiness of the baby announcement, fear started to spread through the paddock as michelle and kelly ran through the paddock to find someone from daniel's team so they could tell them that daniel was urgently needed at the garages in the paddock. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of daniel's interview with martin and crofty until a member of vcarb ran up onto the mini stage, making the crowd in the stands make noises of confusion. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, the vcarb staff member made a beeline straight to daniel. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, daniel lowered his microphone, and the member started whispering something into daniel's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. martin and crofty, with confused faces watched on as the duration of their interivew with daniel was starting to finish. but they still tried to keep the energy up from earlier by mumbling some crazy things under their breaths to keep the audience occupied. their faces of confusion turning into looks of concern as within seconds, daniel's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards the vcarb staff.

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for the makeshift table, daniel wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at martin and crofty before leaving without even saying a word. the vcarb staff giving an apologetic look to the men before giving them looks of "it will be explained later".

martin then spoke up, "we are so sorry guys. everything right now is fine, daniel ricciardo driver of vcarb just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency by his team. as of right now, crofty and i assure everyone that everything is okay and all parties involved are okay. we are not entirely sure when daniel will return for his interview but that's not important right now. so, we will just move on to our next interview whilst daniel takes care of what's happening out in the paddock," martin announces as crofty nods his head and they begin the attempt of continuing their pre-race interviews with the drivers

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers as martin and crofty continue as best as they can. not even able to imagine in their heads of what the emergency that was going on in the paddock that had daniel sprinting over. and it wasn't like it was the first time that f1 commentators had to commentate and conduct interviews whilst tragedy's occur

💮

bursting out of the paddock and through the garages and hospitality rooms, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, daniel demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

kelly and now daniel's sister michelle were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door.

standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw daniel, kelly spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, michelle's made the call to 000, any minute they should be arriving," kelly was updating daniel, well, trying to as it seemed as if daniel was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" daniel's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with the same vcarb staff and the ricciardos' mum right beside her, francisca mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as kelly and michelle shook their heads as the vcarb staff and grace turned their attention to daniel who was looking for answers, which kelly gave to him 

"in all honesty daniel, we have no idea what exactly happened," kelly shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby ric and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab someone from vcarb to grab you and then grace, so, sorry for having to grab you from your interview but, maybe, for you, danny, she'll open it?" 

daniel shook his head at kelly's apology for making him leave the stage during an interview with brundle and crofty as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, daniel tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't daniel, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

daniel tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, kelly, francisca and vcarb staff watched on in fear, daniel jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his paddock outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was wearing, and throwing out everything in his pockets chucking them aimlessly at vcarb staff, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into daniel's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on daniel's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. daniel was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry dan," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where daniel could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

grace, michelle, vcarb staff, francisca and kelly looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, grace gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" daniel whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused daniel

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" daniel pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

daniel hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or lash out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as daniel felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" daniel whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the pre-race fun continued in and around the paddock of albert park, melbourne before paramedics ran through the hallways of the vcarb garage before reaching the ricciardo's and the rest of the wags. in a strange way, relief flooded daniel's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

💮

daniel picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the pre-race festivities inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, daniel gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, daniel ricciardo but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling daniel the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure grace was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when daniel was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the vcarb garage, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, max verstappen had been calling out his name, lando norris and carlos sainz not that far behind max. 

daniel's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with max, lando and carlos' worried ones, "...hey, daniel, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before daniel collapsed into max's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the blonde's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also daniel, max doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up daniel as he holds him tightly. encouraging the older driver to continue to cry over the emergency that still no one knew about.

"that's it daniel, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

💮

...daniel had just incoherently tried to explain to max, lando and carlos about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of his pre-race interview with brundle and crofty. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for daniel to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which kelly and francisca had walked in on the drivers trying to comfort their fellow driver. 

that was when, with some encouragement, kelly came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "max, what daniel's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and daniel's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got michelle and francisca to get someone from vcarb to grab daniel from his interview and grace from her seat in the vip area and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." kelly's voice faltered at the end as daniel let out a sob as max held him tighter, lando and carlos both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, lando softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and grace? have they gone to the hospital?" lando's voice also faltered as kelly nodded her head, confirming something that she knew daniel couldn't do himself 

"yeah, lando, hun, the paramedics found out that the baby was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby. because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," kelly sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as max once again squeezed daniel tightly as lando gestured to carlos to say that they should go over and help max comfort daniel 

and, without another word, lando and carlos squeezed themselves into daniel and max's hug as they all, max included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been another f1 grid baby. the wags, kelly and francisca, and daniel's sister michelle, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left daniel's mum all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, max whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

💮

now that it was well known within the paddock of melbourne's albert park that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital. the rest of the pre-race festivities that involved daniel and vcarb specifically was cancelled which meant that ultimately, the race would be delayed. the drivers couldn't even think about driving at this moment when they knew their fellow racer and teammate needed them. all of them going to the hospital alongside their wife/girlfriend. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their paddock outfits and rushed out of the race circut to one of the vans of vcarb's to get to the hospital that daniel had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, daniel's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his fellow racers had seen daniel really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all daniel ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before max got into the car with daniel and lando, max realised that daniel still hadn't gotten changed and was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught teammate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, lando this time speaks up, "hey, dan, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, daniel still does what he's told and makes eye contact with lando

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mum & sister needs you and you need your mum, sister and your wife!" wiping his tears away, daniel nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and teammate

but not before looking down and realising, lando was right, daniel did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied paddock outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." daniel hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the paddock so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his teammates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through lando's heart, it smacked carlos across the face and it just broke max's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable daniel had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up paddock outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to the vcarb van. daniel then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied paddock outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside. lando waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and grace. 

💮

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and daniel to get so excited about because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed daniel since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, grace, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse-" 

"-grace, where...where's dan? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry grace! i didn't mean to lose the baby i-" 

"-hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and daniel's baby! i don't blame you, daniel doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" grace stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when dan will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as grace sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop her from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" grace smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down grace's spine

"thank you, aless, and dan shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads drivers and wags since they will have also been made aware. now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" grace winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

💮

by the time daniel and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped daniel apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since grace isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." daniel whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as daniel choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

max, lando and carlos all cried as they watched their teammate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the new f1 grid baby. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl danny..." 

"...our precious little princess, aless..." 

fin

very depressing i know but hey, it's what i do best when i don't have any original ideas, i just go back to the depressing old ideas and just change it to whoever it's been adapted to. 

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[amberswilddreams]

so much blood💔

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : nicky's wife, alessandra, at a westlife concert, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the byrne's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the westlife wives find her. 

warnings : mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

a/n : i have already written this with mark before but obviously it'll be changed due to this version being about nicky. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

attending westlife concerts with the rest of the westlife family was most probably alessandra byrne's, the wife of nicky byrne, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and nicky's future baby and that was what made westlife's "number one's tour" 2005 all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the byrne's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2003, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and nicky that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive which brought alessandra and nicky so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the westives, gillian and jodi and nicky's sister gillian were on their way to the backstage wings where they were going to be watching their husbands, they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of her and nicky's baby and whether or not they had come up with names just yet. 

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby byrne yet?" gillian, shane's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst jodi and sister-in-law gillian smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about nicky but, all i know is that yvonne and nikki know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think nicky's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby byrne," gillian, nicky's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as jodi speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby byrne is going to be, you and nicky will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," jodi coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wives and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

*

"--hello london! how are we feeling tonight?!" nicky cheers into his microphone as he laughs at the enthusiasm of the london crowd in front of him 

nicky then continued on with his little speech since it was a break in-between songs since it was coming towards the middle of the show which was when nicky did his very long and always hilarious speeches. until it was time for nicky to introduce my love which was approximately around the middle of the concert. 

"--this next song takes us back to the year 2000 and it was another song that went to number one and it actually got us our second record of the year in a row back in 2000..." nicky trailed off as he smiled before continuing on, ignoring the other three bandmates who were teasing him 

"...for those who don't already know, the song is my love but--" 

"--nicky and alessandra are having a baby!" mark out of nowhere blurted out, the fear in nicky's eyes ever so present, turning back to his bandmate before relaxing as he saw the smile on his wife's face

"yeah...after trying for what's felt like forever, alessandra's finally pregnant so that's exciting but anyway! continuing on with the show, this next song is my love, enjoy!" nicky giggled as alessandra and the westives plus nicky's sister gillian all smiled lovingly at the mention of alessandra and nicky's pregnancy 

then, the cords for my love began to play and the lads started to sing. nicky felt like he was on cloud nine after mark's accidental announcement that nicky was about to become a father, i mean, who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout my love and the happiness of the accidental baby announcement, fear started to spread through the backstage as the two gillian's ran through the o2 to find baz whelan who was the band's security guard so they could tell him that nicky was urgently needed backstage. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of my love when baz ran up onto the stage, making the crowd make noises of confusion whilst others squealed that the security guard was on stage. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, baz made a beeline straight to nicky. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, nicky lowered his microphone, and baz started whispering something into nicky's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. the other three boys, shane, kian and mark, with confused faces watched on but still tried to keep the energy up by mumbling some crazy ad-libs and harmonies under their breaths to keep the audience occupied as their confused faces turned into looks of concern as within seconds, nicky's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards baz. 

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for one of the steps, nicky wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at nicky, shane, since he was sat right next to nicky, grabbed nicky's microphone from the floor as baz shot him and the other two boys a look of "i'll tell you three later"

the other three all looked at each other in concern for their eldest bandmate and also now at the crowd who were waiting in nervous anticipation as to what the hell had just happened and why nicky just ran off stage. 

baz then spoke up, with nicky's microphone that shane had just handed him, "i am awfully sorry everyone. everything is fine, nicky just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency. as of right now, everything i repeat is okay and all parties involved are okay. i am not entirely sure when nicky will return to the stage however, for the rest of this set, shane, kian and mark will continue whilst nicky takes care of what's happening backstage," baz announces as the other three, whilst absolutely fearful of what could be going on backstage right now, give each other comforting looks and decide to continue with the rest of my love without nicky 

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers and baz walks off stage trying his best to maintain his cool and not let his facade crumble since he was the only one that actually knew what was happening backstage (and that everything was anything but okay). shane, kian and mark, now knowing that whatever was happening backstage that involved nicky, would be told to them later on, terrified them yet they had to hide that fear and continue the song and show because not only were they just told to by their security guard but also by their fans reactions. i mean, singing after a tragedy shouldn't be too hard, especially when they weren't aware of it, right? 

*

bursting out of the backstage wings and through the back rooms of the o2, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, nicky demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

jodi and now nicky's sister gillian were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door. standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw nicky, jodi spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, gill's made the call to 999, any minute they should be arriving," jodi was updating nicky, well, trying to as it seemed as if nicky was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" nicky's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with baz and nicky's mum right beside her, gill filan mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as jodi and gillian shook their heads as gill and yvonne turned their attention to nicky who was looking for answers, which jodi gave to him 

"in all honesty nicky, we have no idea what exactly happened," jodi shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby byrne and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab baz to grab you and then yvonne, so, sorry for having to grab you off stage but, maybe, for you, nicko, she'll open it?" 

nicky shook his head at jodi's apology for making him leave the stage during a song as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, nicky tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't nicko, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

nicky tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, jodi, gillian and baz watched on in fear, nicky jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his concert outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was provided by the stylists and ripping off his in-ears and his mic-pack, chucking them aimlessly at baz, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into nicky's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on nicky's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. nicky was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry nico," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where nicky could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

yvonne, the two gillians and jodi looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, yvonne gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" nicky whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused nicky 

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" nicky pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

nicky hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or last out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as nicky felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" nicky whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the westlife concert continued on stage before paramedics ran through the hallways of backstage before reaching the byrne's and the rest of the westlife wives. in a strange way, relief flooded nicky's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

*

nicky picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the westlife concert inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, nicky gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, nicky byrne but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling nicky the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure yvonne was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when nicky was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the backstage area of the arena, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, shane had been calling out his name, kian and mark not that far behind shane. 

nicky's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with shane, kian and mark's worried ones, "...hey, nico, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before nicky collapsed into shane's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the brunette's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also nicky, shane doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up nicky as he holds him tightly, encouraging the older lad to continue to cry over the emergency that still, he, kian or mark had no knowledge of. 

"that's it nico, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

*

...nicky had just incoherently tried to explain to shane, kian and mark about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of my love and a few other songs. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for nicky to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which jodi and gillian had walked in on their husbands trying to comfort their fellow bandmate. 

that was when, with some encouragement, jodi came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "shane, what nicky's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and nicko's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got gill and gillian to get baz to grab nicky off stage and yvonne from her seat in the crowd and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." jodi's voice faltered at the end as nicky let out a sob as shane held him tighter, kian and mark both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, kian softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and yvonne? have they gone to the hospital?" kian's voice also faltered as his wife nodded her head, confirming something that she knew nicky couldn't do himself 

"yeah, kian, babe, the paramedics found out that the foetus was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," jodi sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as shane once again squeezed nicky tightly as kian gestured to mark to say that they should go over and help shane comfort nicky 

and, without another word, kian and mark squeezed themselves into nicky and shane's hug as they all, shane included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby after shane and gill's little nicole. the westwives, jodi and gill, and nicky's sister gillian, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left nicky's mam all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, shane whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

*

now that it was well known within the london o2 that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital, the rest of the westlife concert had been cancelled since the band knew they couldn't and wouldn't continue the show as a three-piece and leave nicky in the hospital on his own with his mam. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their concert outfits and rushed out of the arena to baz's van to get to the hospital that nicky had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, nicky's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his bandmates had seen nicky really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all nicky ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before shane got into the car with nicky and kian, shane realised that nicky still hadn't gotten changed was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught bandmate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, kian this time speaks up, "hey, nico, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, nicky still does what he's told and makes eye contact with kian 

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mam needs you and you need your mam and your wife!" wiping his tears away, nicky nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and bandmate  

but not before looking down and realising, kian was right, nicky did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied concert outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." nicky hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the venue so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his bandmates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through kian's heart, it smacked mark across the face and it just broke shane's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable nicky had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up concert outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to baz's van. nicky then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied concert outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside, kian waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and yvonne. 

*

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and nicky to get so excited because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed nicky since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, yvonne, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse--" 

"--yvonne, where...where's nico? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry yvonne! i didn't mean to lose the baby i---" 

"--hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and nicky's baby! i don't blame you, nicky doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" yvonne stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when nico will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as yvonne sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop yvonne from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" yvonne smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down yvonne's spine

"thank you, aless, and nico shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads and wives since they will have also been made aware, now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" yvonne winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

*

by the time nicky and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped nicky apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since yvonne isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." nicky whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as nicky choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

shane, kian and mark all cried as they watched their bandmate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby girl. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl nico..." 

"...our precious little princess aless..." 

fin

this was very depressing and again, if these topics do trigger you, please do not read it because if all the warnings are ignored it is not my fault that you consumed this fic after being told not to!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[estefiroberts-blog]

The Darkest Fairy Tale

When my husband and I were married for two and a half years, we decided to start trying for a baby. We always knew we wanted kids, but we anticipated having to try for a while before it would actually happen. Much to our surprise, we got pregnant the first time we tried. The Thursday before we found out I was pregnant (about one week after ovulation), I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick and thought to myself, “What if I am pregnant?" The days passed and I kept googling “pregnancy symptoms days past ovulation”. I was feeling every symptom in the book. On Sunday, May 14th (Mother’s day in the U.S.), we came home from church and I found out my best friend was pregnant. We took it as a sign that maybe I could be pregnant (as my period was not supposed to come until the following week). The pregnancy test confirmed I was pregnant really, really quick. I jumped out of happiness (and shock), my husband cried tears of joy. We both got down on our knees and prayed. What a miracle! We were going to be parents in January, 2018… The pregnancy was amazing, I was feeling a little nauseous, but not too much. I hated avocados, and loved limes. We saw the baby and heard its little heartbeat (165bpm) on June 14th, 2017, at exactly at eight weeks, on my husband's 30th birthday. Best. Birthday. Ever. I had previously been diagnosed with uterine fibroids. The doctor checked them and told me, with confidence, that everything seemed perfect. After 12 weeks, most women start feeling better, I didn't. I was still sick and after the 13th week I was no longer feeling like myself. Now that I know the facts, I know that around the middle of week 13 is when I caught an infection in my uterus. Much like a urinary tract, or a kidney infection, or any type of infection, this was unexpected and unavoidable. The cause is still unknown, just as in any other case of infection. In retrospect, I was feeling a little “under the weather” and had some lower back pain and possibly a low fever. I blamed it on the hormones and my fibroids. The week of July 24th to July 28th was the darkest week of my life. After a rough weekend (I worked on Saturday, and we had a busy Sunday), I started the workweek on a bad note. On Monday (the 24th), I could not sleep all night because I was having lower back pains. I blamed the fibroids. On Tuesday, I woke up from another bad night and had to take a quick warm bath to feel better. I threw up my breakfast and could not keep any food down the rest of the morning. Turns out I was in labor. I pushed through and made it to work on Tuesday (July 25th). I couldn't stand up, I couldn't sit down. I was in a lot of pain. My boss told me to go home, and my husband picked me up at work. Looking back I know now those were all signs my body was going into labor due to the infection. I got home and took a shower, it was the only thing that made me feel better. I put my pjs on and went to bed and took a 1.5 hour nap. My husband woke me up to serve me some lunch, since I wasn't eating and he was concerned. I got up from the dining table because I was feeling uncomfortable. Then my water broke. Just how you would picture it in the movies, a gush of water came out of me and I felt something popped. I was praying it was pee, but I knew it wasn't. My husband froze, looked at me and started crying. I said “Please don't, I need you to be strong for me, I am going to crumble”. We went to the emergency room and had a nightmarish experience. We had to wait, they didn't take me into the labor and delivery triage, because I was “only 14 weeks.” The waiting room was packed and I was desperately calling my doctor’s office and no one picked up. After what felt like an eternity, they finally took me in. They took blood work and a urine sample. At the time I collected the urine sample I did not see any blood, but the liquid kept coming out. The absence of blood kept my hopes up. We saw our baby on the ultrasound, with a heartbeat of 115, the ultrasound technician didn't say anything, but we saw our baby die. We saw our baby's heart stop beating. This was later confirmed by the doctor. After my ultrasound I needed to use the restroom. I went, and saw I was bleeding. It was, at that moment, when I knew my baby was gone. After hours of waiting and going back and forth waiting for the results (even though I knew them), we were taken into a room. They gave me the hospital gown to change into, and immediately started antibiotics. I did not think anything of it. A few minutes later, the doctor came in and said those words no parent wants to hear: “I’m sorry, I do not have good news, we did not find a heartbeat.” We wailed for a few minutes. Then I spoke to my doctor on the phone and she informed me of the infection. She said that was concerning, and that was the priority. She said I was going to be put on antibiotics and the next day the induction process was going to begin. I was not given the option to undergo a procedure called Dilation and Curettage (D&C) given the conditions of my fibroids and how far along I was. However, due to the infection, it was necessary for everything to come out while leaving the uterus intact. I was in a very delicate condition. At that moment, I didn't want to see the baby or find out the gender. However, after talking to my husband and my mother in law, we decided to meet “it”, and find out the gender. We didn't have a name for a boy, as we wanted a girl, and all of the old wives’ tales pointed to a girl. I was confused and sad; I was scared of meeting the baby, of thinking it was ugly or disappointing. The darkest night of my life began. They took me into a room in the Family Birth place (same place where live babies are born). I cried the entire time. It was not fair, why did I have to see all the pictures of the beautiful babies hanging on the wall, while I was going to deliver a 14 week fetus… not fair, just not fair. I was taken into a beautiful, quiet room. My husband crawled into bed with me, as my mom tried to sleep on the couch. No one slept. I was dreading four in the morning, the time I was scheduled to go to the other room and start the laboring process. I remember constantly telling my mom “I am scared, mommy." Now that I am a mom, I can imagine the pain she was going through. Suddenly, it was Wednesday July 26th and four in the morning came faster than expected. I knew we were about to face the hardest moment of our lives, and I was right. I just did not know how much love I was about to experience as well. They wheeled me into the Labor and Delivery room. Yes, just like you picture it, a huge room with two couches, a birthing bed, a neonatal bed, and a picture of a father lovingly holding a newborn. I remember burning with anger and asking the nice nurse, “Are the pictures and the neonatal bed really necessary?” She placed a pillow to my left to block the picture hanging on the wall. The room had a small pillbox window I could directly see from my bed. At around 4:30 in the morning I saw a white dove, perched on a windowsill just outside. I told my husband I wanted to name the baby Noah if it was a boy, in reference to the bible story of Noah. The dove meant God was with us in this storm. At this point we still thought we were having a girl. At five in the morning, they put the first dose of Misoprostol in my cervix to start the dilation and labor process. I had contractions all night. But after the pills, boy, oh boy, the heavy contractions started. I couldn't move for two hours to let the pills dissolve and it was painful. My husband massaged my back, held my hand, passed me ice chips. All the things a father does. My mom did not leave my side. At nine in the morning my doctor came in, told me she was so sorry for what happened, and explained the procedure. I looked at her in the eye and asked “Was it my fibroids?” “Absolutely not”, she answered. She checked me and said, “You are almost ready, it’s going to happen soon.” She ordered another dose of the pills. She was concerned about the placenta not coming out, possibly leading to surgery. At about ten in the morning I felt a gush and some pressure. I called the nurse, she came and asked me if I felt like pushing I said no, but I pushed anyway. The placenta came out first, and then my baby was born. There were fears of the placenta getting stuck and having to undergo a D&C procedure which, with the infection and my fibroids, would have been very dangerous. The fact that the placenta came out so easily was a miracle. They took everything from the bed, and placed it on the neonatal bed, including the baby. I asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The nurse asked, “Are you sure you want to know?” My husband--who did not leave my side for one second--and I said yes without hesitation. She replied, “A boy.” We both smiled and said “Noah”. My husband then heard the name "Eliot" and asked me if Noah Eliot was a good name. I loved it. They asked me if I wanted to see him and at this point, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind I wanted and needed to see my son. My doctor said, “Get me a baby blanket.” And I just smiled, as the thought struck me, “I just had a baby.” They carefully wrapped him in the baby blanket, just like a living, full-term baby. They placed him in our arms and everyone left the room. Time stood still. I was holding my son. He looked just like daddy. His shoulders, his bone structure, his nose. He had little feet that looked exactly like his cousins’ on my husband’s side of the family. I opened his little mouth and saw perfectly formed gums. We placed his hand on our finger, we talked to him, I kissed his blanket. My mom came into the room, held him, and fell in love, as any other grandmother does. They placed him on the neonatal bed again and I was in shock. We texted all of our friends and family letting them know everything went better than anticipated, and we had an amazing little boy named Noah Eliot Roberts. We later found out that the name Noah means comfort and Eliot means "God on high". Noah was a fully-formed perfect human the size of my hand. I could recognize my son among other 14 week fetuses. He is and will always be my first born. I don't know what I was thinking when I said I wanted a girl. I would do anything to have my little boy with me, to dress him up in bow ties and do all things boy with him. If God gives us more children, I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart I do not care what we have… We love you Noah Eliot, you made us parents. You came into our lives and left so quick, but you changed our world. I will never be the same, because of you. I never thought I could feel this much love for a tiny human, but I do. Looking back, I would not have had Noah’s birth any other way. He had everything he deserved. I would have gone through the same baby-picture-filled hallway, same maternity room, same labor and delivery room, a thousand times to ensure that I, and the world, knew he was worth it. The experience showed me that his life was as important as any other living baby’s.

[goddessofroyalty]

Do you think Tim would opt for an abortion if he was impregnated against his will and had the option to do so, or would he carry the child yo term and raise it or put it up for adoption? If the other parent was Ra’s he would try to keep Tim contained to prevent it, maybe contracting a magic user to put protective wards on the fetus just in case. But if Ra’s or another villain knocked him up and he got away shortly after the assault, how do you see him handling the resulting pregnancy?

So Tim is one of the characters where I have to manipulate the plot in order to have him not get an abortion - and normally it’s getting him in the emotional right place to not because he’s has the resources it’s really hard to make him unable to obtain one (like “oh it’s illegal in the state” well he has like 20 fake ID’s and an ability to go to Europe if he really has to). Just because he’s so pragmatic that unless there is a strong reason not to he would get one (including situations where it’s just not a good time he would). So there has to be an emotional reason for him not to want to. 

If he was impregnated against his will that default of getting an abortion would be even stronger. Especially with someone like Ra’s who it isn’t just the result of him raping Tim for reasons of raping-Tim, but the actual goal and plan is to get him pregnant and there is a plan for the child the results as well. 

And that stuff is actually the main reason Ra’s would want him to stay within one of Ra’s dens (? hideouts? You know what I mean) - he wants to keep Tim somewhere where Ra’s can completely control what happens to him and can prevent him from being able to induce a misarriage/obtain an abortion. (With the secondary ability to, you know, have access to the child the second it’s born instead of having to obtain it off Tim). 

However if Ra’s had any concern that Tim might escape, or you know, if Tim actually did escape, then Ra’s would actively be organising a second method ot make sure Tim wouldn’t be able to procure an abortion. Hell even if Tim was far along enough in the pregnancy where it’d be unlikely for him to get an abortion (so like 3rd trimester) Ra’s still would probably have be contacting magic-users to cast a charm just in case. 

And okay if Tim wasn’t able to get an abortion because of whatever-reason I do think he would keep the baby. Again especially if Ra’s is the other parent because of the fact Ra’s would have a plan for the baby and Tim know if he did put the baby up for adoption then he’s basically signing whoever adopts the kid up to being killed by Ra’s so Ra’s can collect the baby (and really there’s no steps that could be taken to ensure Ra’s wouldn’t be able to find the child). The child will be safer with Tim then they would be with anyone else and the least likely to end up just being taken by Ra’s and then groomed as his heir. 

Alight now off those tangents and onto the final question of how Tim would handle the pregnancy. 

I feel like Tim would try not to let how the child was conceived bother him. Like he wants to be able to emotionally compartmentalise it and not deal with it. And he can with most people but internally he can’t get rid of it (especially if it is because Ra’s had a protection ward to prevent him from getting an abortion because like that level of being denied ability to determine what happens to his body). So instead he just sort of buries himself into his work and tries to pretend it isn’t happening. Of course he isn’t allowed to go out as Red Robin (although if it was early enough in the pregnancy he probably would until like Bruce or Dick or Barbara or… Steph… okay until someone who could practically prevent him from going out finds out and does so), so instead he just starts coming up with new tasks in Wayne Enterprises to throw himself into. Like he is walking right up to his due-date even if that means he has to be on a laptop in the hospital doing it. 

He probably ends up stressing everyone out in how much he just throws himself into the company. Of course it’s kind of hard to tell him not to considering they all know the reason why he’s doing it and it’s hard for them to tell him not to partake his coping mechanism unless it starts being actively dangerous to him.

[chieffaceruins-blog]

Hillary job was to the people that didn't ather that it became twins in te south entrance it introduces be misarriag of the twins......

[miscarriage-me]

Thank you so much http://letterstoleia.tumblr.com/ for making these for me! Guys go follow her and I'm sure she'd make you something for your baby too!

[oliviawow1]

You don't know - Next to Normal

[mommyofonearmybrat-blog]

Praying for a Miracle

I spent my day yesterday in bed... I cried and slept all day. From when the bleeding started it seemed as though it had gotten a little heavier. I was feeling cramps on and off but what's really concerning me was my back pain. It feels as though there's a knife in it. Yesterday the thought of not being pregnant anymore would send me into a state of sobbing. My areola had gotten bigger and I jumped for joy the day I noticed it... I hadn't reached that point in pregnancy since my son almost 6 years ago. And now I may be losing this baby. It would be a miracle if this baby survived. I haven't stopped praying since the moment I fount out I was pregnant. Now more than ever I'm asking God to save my child... To allow this baby to survive. I love all of my children but i don't think I could handle this loss. In a few hours I will know how my hCG levels are doing... They should be around 36,000+ if they have been doubling every 48 hours. I continue to pray but I know that God's will shouldn't be questioned.

[amberjazmyn]

nicky byrne one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - so much blood

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - nicky's wife, alessandra, at a westlife concert, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the byrne's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the westlife wives find her. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have already written this with mark before but obviously it'll be changed due to this version being about nicky. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

masterlist

- - -

attending westlife concerts with the rest of the westlife family was most probably alessandra byrne's, the wife of nicky byrne, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and nicky's future baby and that was what made westlife's "number one's tour" 2005 all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the byrne's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2003, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and nicky that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive which brought alessandra and nicky so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the westives, gillian and jodi and nicky's sister gillian were on their way to the backstage wings where they were going to be watching their husbands, they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of her and nicky's baby and whether or not they had come up with names just yet. 

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby byrne yet?" gillian, shane's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst jodi and sister-in-law gillian smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about nicky but, all i know is that yvonne and nikki know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think nicky's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby byrne," gillian, nicky's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as jodi speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby byrne is going to be, you and nicky will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," jodi coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wives and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

*

"--hello london! how are we feeling tonight?!" nicky cheers into his microphone as he laughs at the enthusiasm of the london crowd in front of him 

nicky then continued on with his little speech since it was a break in-between songs since it was coming towards the middle of the show which was when nicky did his very long and always hilarious speeches. until it was time for nicky to introduce my love which was approximately around the middle of the concert. 

"--this next song takes us back to the year 2000 and it was another song that went to number one and it actually got us our second record of the year in a row back in 2000..." nicky trailed off as he smiled before continuing on, ignoring the other three bandmates who were teasing him 

"...for those who don't already know, the song is my love but--" 

"--nicky and alessandra are having a baby!" mark out of nowhere blurted out, the fear in nicky's eyes ever so present, turning back to his bandmate before relaxing as he saw the smile on his wife's face

"yeah...after trying for what's felt like forever, alessandra's finally pregnant so that's exciting but anyway! continuing on with the show, this next song is my love, enjoy!" nicky giggled as alessandra and the westives plus nicky's sister gillian all smiled lovingly at the mention of alessandra and nicky's pregnancy 

then, the cords for my love began to play and the lads started to sing. nicky felt like he was on cloud nine after mark's accidental announcement that nicky was about to become a father, i mean, who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout my love and the happiness of the accidental baby announcement, fear started to spread through the backstage as the two gillian's ran through the o2 to find baz whelan who was the band's security guard so they could tell him that nicky was urgently needed backstage. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of my love when baz ran up onto the stage, making the crowd make noises of confusion whilst others squealed that the security guard was on stage. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, baz made a beeline straight to nicky. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, nicky lowered his microphone, and baz started whispering something into nicky's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. the other three boys, shane, kian and mark, with confused faces watched on but still tried to keep the energy up by mumbling some crazy ad-libs and harmonies under their breaths to keep the audience occupied as their confused faces turned into looks of concern as within seconds, nicky's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards baz. 

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for one of the steps, nicky wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at nicky, shane, since he was sat right next to nicky, grabbed nicky's microphone from the floor as baz shot him and the other two boys a look of "i'll tell you three later"

the other three all looked at each other in concern for their eldest bandmate and also now at the crowd who were waiting in nervous anticipation as to what the hell had just happened and why nicky just ran off stage. 

baz then spoke up, with nicky's microphone that shane had just handed him, "i am awfully sorry everyone. everything is fine, nicky just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency. as of right now, everything i repeat is okay and all parties involved are okay. i am not entirely sure when nicky will return to the stage however, for the rest of this set, shane, kian and mark will continue whilst nicky takes care of what's happening backstage," baz announces as the other three, whilst absolutely fearful of what could be going on backstage right now, give each other comforting looks and decide to continue with the rest of my love without nicky 

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers and baz walks off stage trying his best to maintain his cool and not let his facade crumble since he was the only one that actually knew what was happening backstage (and that everything was anything but okay). shane, kian and mark, now knowing that whatever was happening backstage that involved nicky, would be told to them later on, terrified them yet they had to hide that fear and continue the song and show because not only were they just told to by their security guard but also by their fans reactions. i mean, singing after a tragedy shouldn't be too hard, especially when they weren't aware of it, right? 

*

bursting out of the backstage wings and through the back rooms of the o2, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, nicky demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

jodi and now nicky's sister gillian were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door. standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw nicky, jodi spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, gill's made the call to 999, any minute they should be arriving," jodi was updating nicky, well, trying to as it seemed as if nicky was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" nicky's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with baz and nicky's mum right beside her, gill filan mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as jodi and gillian shook their heads as gill and yvonne turned their attention to nicky who was looking for answers, which jodi gave to him 

"in all honesty nicky, we have no idea what exactly happened," jodi shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby byrne and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab baz to grab you and then yvonne, so, sorry for having to grab you off stage but, maybe, for you, nicko, she'll open it?" 

nicky shook his head at jodi's apology for making him leave the stage during a song as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, nicky tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't nicko, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

nicky tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, jodi, gillian and baz watched on in fear, nicky jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his concert outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was provided by the stylists and ripping off his in-ears and his mic-pack, chucking them aimlessly at baz, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into nicky's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on nicky's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. nicky was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry nicko," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where nicky could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

yvonne, the two gillians and jodi looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, yvonne gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" nicky whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused nicky 

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" nicky pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

nicky hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or last out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as nicky felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" nicky whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the westlife concert continued on stage before paramedics ran through the hallways of backstage before reaching the byrne's and the rest of the westlife wives. in a strange way, relief flooded nicky's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

*

nicky picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the westlife concert inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, nicky gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, nicky byrne but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling nicky the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure yvonne was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when nicky was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the backstage area of the arena, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, shane had been calling out his name, kian and mark not that far behind shane. 

nicky's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with shane, kian and mark's worried ones, "...hey, nicko, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before nicky collapsed into shane's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the brunette's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also nicky, shane doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up nicky as he holds him tightly, encouraging the older lad to continue to cry over the emergency that still, he, kian or mark had no knowledge of. 

"that's it nicko, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

*

...nicky had just incoherently tried to explain to shane, kian and mark about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of my love and a few other songs. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for nicky to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which jodi and gillian had walked in on their husbands trying to comfort their fellow bandmate. 

that was when, with some encouragement, jodi came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "shane, what nicky's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and nicko's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got gill and gillian to get baz to grab nicky off stage and yvonne from her seat in the crowd and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." jodi's voice faltered at the end as nicky let out a sob as shane held him tighter, kian and mark both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, kian softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and yvonne? have they gone to the hospital?" kian's voice also faltered as his wife nodded her head, confirming something that she knew nicky couldn't do himself 

"yeah, kian, babe, the paramedics found out that the foetus was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," jodi sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as shane once again squeezed nicky tightly as kian gestured to mark to say that they should go over and help shane comfort nicky 

and, without another word, kian and mark squeezed themselves into nicky and shane's hug as they all, shane included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby after shane and gill's little nicole. the westwives, jodi and gill, and nicky's sister gillian, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left nicky's mam all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, shane whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

*

now that it was well known within the london o2 that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital, the rest of the westlife concert had been cancelled since the band knew they couldn't and wouldn't continue the show as a three-piece and leave nicky in the hospital on his own with his mam. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their concert outfits and rushed out of the arena to baz's van to get to the hospital that nicky had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, nicky's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his bandmates had seen nicky really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all nicky ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before shane got into the car with nicky and kian, shane realised that nicky still hadn't gotten changed was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught bandmate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, kian this time speaks up, "hey, nicko, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, nicky still does what he's told and makes eye contact with kian 

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mam needs you and you need your mam and your wife!" wiping his tears away, nicky nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and bandmate  

but not before looking down and realising, kian was right, nicky did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied concert outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." nicky hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the venue so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his bandmates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through kian's heart, it smacked mark across the face and it just broke shane's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable nicky had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up concert outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to baz's van. nicky then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied concert outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside, kian waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and yvonne. 

*

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and nicky to get so excited because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed nicky since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, yvonne, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse--" 

"--yvonne, where...where's nicko? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry yvonne! i didn't mean to lose the baby i---" 

"--hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and nicky's baby! i don't blame you, nicky doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" yvonne stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when nicko will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as yvonne sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop yvonne from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" yvonne smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down yvonne's spine

"thank you, aless, and nicko shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads and wives since they will have also been made aware, now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" yvonne winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

*

by the time nicky and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped nicky apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since yvonne isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." nicky whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as nicky choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

shane, kian and mark all cried as they watched their bandmate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby girl. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl nicko..." 

"...our precious little princess aless..." 

- - - 

very depressing i know but hey, it's what i do best when i don't have any original ideas, i just go back to the depressing old ideas and just change it to whoever it's been adapted to. 

ok ily bye xx

wc; 5633

[miscarriage-me]

This picture makes me cry. I understand the feeling on her face so well. This artist did amazingly well on this. 

[miscarriage-me]

[miscarriage-me]

[miscarriage-me]