#minus hell since yk thats the other one

[synthshenanigans]

condemn him to chonnys inferno or memento mori

[lou-blooms-bitch]

diary entry

i havent been doing diary entries cuz my keyboards pissing me off like i honestly might just have to type with a weird accent or just get a new keyboard but like ITS TWO FUCKING KEYS COME ONNN.. anywho tho... ive been doing nothing as per usual. i have been playing minecraft A LOT tho like i shit you not its all ive been doing

im also still sick im not sure if i mentioned that or not.. SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME.

i hate being sick so much.

sore throat.

whatever ive been getting stoned a lot recently too, and sleeping a lot.. way too much. i first wake up in the morning at like 10 and then i go back to sleep and then wake up and go back to sleep over and over until like 4 pm.. i woke up at like 1:45-2 ish i think today tho so were good

i just heard my dad screaming downstairs, i can hear a lot of movement and shit too.. i hate it when he screams it makes me scared. whenever i was a kid and he would scream it would scare me a lot too, i know i dont have anything to really worry about but i think i just carried it into adulthood. i heard a door slam while typing this too.. and something again just there. not too sure what that was but what the hell

ive also been listening to lana a lot more.. i really like lana i always forget that since i only ever play my liked songs playlist but i was thinking of making playlists of my cds and like the orders that theyd usually go in so i made one for lana. i need to get more lana cds so i can add to the playlist, i love her whole discography minus a few cuz theres always gonna be a few you dont like and whatnot but fucking hell i love lana

ITS CHRISTMAS EVE EVE !!!!! christmas is in two days too !!!! TWO !!! im so excited i cant wait.. im getting such nice things... i cant wait to try on my new clothes and set up my new phone and shit UGGGGGHHHHHH I CAANT WAIIIITTTTTTT

ive been eating a lot recently, i dont like that. i dont know why thats happening cuz i can think of two reasons 1. im getting stoned then getting the munchies or 2. my period or fuck maybe even 3. both like idk ??.. whatever one or both of those. ive been thinking of ways how to like stop eating so much but i think the only way to do it is to just like... stop doing it..? i think im just gonna replace that with other things, like if i think "oh im gonna go get food" ill just like brush my teeth or clean my room instead not my whole room but just like my desk or like where my tv is or something. and then if im really hungry depending on when ill have a cup of tea. ill probs skip breakfast anyways just have a cup of tea for breakfast, and then for lunch have like whatever cold thing i find and then dinner whatever hot thing i find, i feel like that works the best.

ive been thinking about death a lot recently and i dont like it. im scared of death, it seems so painful.. and then after the dying process the decaying process... eugh dont even get me started fuck. its just so fucking messed up. like as soon as i think about death i just think about and see the decaying process like fucking bloat and then dry remains and its just like ffffuuuuuccckkkk eeeeuuwwgwhhhh... and its just so much worse cuz yk the gore addictions and then the intrusive thoughts merging together. fuck i hate it im getting them a lot with my cats tho, specifically with scamp. i just think like scamps nearly 10, reggie died at i think 12 ? 13 ? no older than that for sure but im just scared. i cant lose scamp, if i lose her everyones losing me god fucking forbid im in anywhere near the same place that i am right now when god forbid that does happen im 100000% killing myself like im fucking up everyones day to do it im jumping on train tracks idk what else i can do that wont hurt ill blow my brains out somehow idfk but i cant lose my baby. its kinda the same with molly, im scared for her sometimes. seamus was an outdoor cat he was always outside and so is molly and when seamus died we got an autopsy for him cuz we were just like what the fuck ???? and get this THEY DONT KNOW WHAT KILLED HIM ???? like fuck me bro wdym you dont know what killed him.. whatevs anyways im scared that if it was something outside that killed him it could kill molly too and i just get really scared about that, especially since molly is about seamus age and im just anxious about having to go through that again. ive also been thinking about when the time god forbid comes what am i gonna do, i wanna be there but fuck knows i wont be leaving after ?? okay whatever im cryinf now

but im gonna get a new vape, im thinking one like the one andrea had in 2021 the rlly small skinny one cuz if i wanna quit i gotta do it with a vape thats NOT an electric cinderblock so i wanna get that one but idk jack shit about it so its probs not the best thing to get. i wanted to get a juul too but guess what theyre not sold in ireland anymore ????? not a fucking clue at all why but that sucks cuz i rlly wanted to be able to say my angelina juulie but i think ill have to settle for something else :(

i also just brushed my teeth, its been hard but im getting used to brushing them during the day too cuz instead of just doing it at night to try and get into the routine of doing it i do it in the morning and get used to doing it quicker cuz lets be honest if im tired im going to sleep im not getting out of bed theres no chance so if i dont brush my teeth before that its not happening until when i wake up

either way tho dont know why i went on that ramble about brushing teeth i really just like brushing my teeth.. i need a new toothbrush tho i have to get one. its this specific brand of toothbrush its just so good its got these like SUPER soft bristles omg theyre amazing

OK SHUT UP omfg stop talking about tooth brushes

alright well i dont think i have much else to ramble about... im gonna go back to playing minecraft and then probs get stoned or something idk

slán