#millions of hugs to maggie katy sev and screech for putting up with me the past two weeks with no end in sight

[everyonewillsee]

So this boyband/1D au is really, um, a thing that is happening... Happy birthday to me, have a snippet/ficlet/teaser:

“It’s been eleven years since PSA performed together and there’s a burning question on everyone’s lips with this reunion tour. Will you finally tell us what the name stands for?” Tommy doesn’t need to look around to know that all of them are staring at the interviewer with the same practiced blank look.

None of them love the press junket of starting a tour and this one is particularly brutal because they’re trying, and mostly failing, to simulate a dynamic that hasn’t existed for a decade. It’s close to normal when Jon laughs and says, “Megan, I really doubt that that is the most important question our fans have.”

“Maybe not,” she giggles, which means he’s given her a teen heartthrob smile. Also normal. “But won’t you tell me?” She puts an emphasis on ‘me’ that all but confirms Tommy’s vague recollection that she’s one of the many young pretty things Jon dated early in his solo career. Unfortunately normal.

What’s not normal is the pause that follows her second question. Tommy knows that Dan and Jon are waiting, just like he is, for the joke that doesn’t come. He looks at Lovett out of the corner of his eye, sitting still as a statue, legs crossed under him, with that same blandly pleasant smile he walked into the room with. Come on, Tommy thinks at him. You can do it, just, reuse one. Proficient Sarcastic Accountants, Precious Salty Anteaters, even Dan’s stupid favorite: Pineapple Selling Adams. Lovett, Lovett, please.

Either Tommy hasn’t mastered ESP or Lovett is ignoring him, because he lets the silence hang until Dan says, “We couldn’t tell you at this point if we wanted to. I think what’s neat is that there are so many people who are still interested in coming out to hang with us, regardless of what we’re called.” Megan takes the bait and transitions to talking about their fans and the sold out arenas and the moment passes.

The night before their first performance together, they still hadn’t managed to name the band. They were anxious about performing and stressed out and more than a little drunk. None of them remember who brought it up but at 2 a.m, Lovett’s ridiculous bit of repeating “Public Service Announcement” in a robotic voice, followed by a dry recitation of famous pop songs was the funniest thing any of them had ever heard. The next morning, with a sidelong look at Lovett and an uncharacteristic giggle, Dan had said “PSA” to the producers and they were off to the races.

Seventeen years later, it’s passed embarrassing and circled back to being one of the funniest things Tommy’s ever experienced, but when they started to succeed and were asked what the acronym stood for, they all looked at each other, suddenly ashamed. It almost certainly wasn’t that funny to begin with and in the light of day it was clear that Lovett’s robot voice was a ‘had to be there’ joke. The question hung awkwardly, on live television, until Lovett lifted his chin defiantly and said with a completely straight face, “Pedantic Super Arrows.”

Tommy and Dan and Jon dissolved into giggles and the joke was born. Every time they were asked about the band name, Lovett supplied an increasingly ridiculous answer. Pea Soup for Adults; Pretty Serious Attitude; Purple Smelly Aardvarks. They sold t-shirts with some of his more popular names, fans tweeted suggestions, Lovett glowed with the laughter and the attention.

Over the years, the other three boys never got the knack of the names. Dan deadpanned in an interview once: Petty Student Activists and Lovett fell out of his chair laughing while the interviewers looked at him, perplexed. Tommy gave Dan a disappointed look and he just shrugged. Jon tried to do it a couple times but always dissolved into giggles before he could get a name out.

Tommy always maintained a personable non-answer in public. He whispered his ideas to Lovett backstage before a show, when they were shoving their bags into the overhead bins on planes, and once, as he was about to put his mouth on Lovett’s dick. That’s the one Lovett uses in their next interview and Tommy can never look at the t-shirt that reads Personable Smelling Akitas without an uncomfortable blood rush.

One of the many weird things about interviews once Lovett left them was the lack of silly names. They got asked as if it was the gotcha question that was going to prove they were falling apart. Dan pointed at the PSA logo on his shirt with a nervous chuckle. Tommy said patiently, “It’s always been more about the music for us than the branding” in his best imitation of Jon’s smooth press voice. Jon sat beside him, every muscle in his body tight, eyes fixed on a point above the interviewer’s head like it held the key to the universe, the polite smile Tommy quickly learned to hate on his face.

It’s a month into the reunion tour before they get asked again. They’ve known Charlie since they were teenagers and Tommy knows he’d cut it out of the interview if they really asked. He leans forward with a devious grin when he asks, “so anyone want to resolve the biggest mystery of the modern era?”

Tommy is opening his mouth to deflect with a bad joke about Dan’s obsession with cucumber water when Lovett says tentatively, “why people don’t understand how to walk on a moving sidewalk in an airport? Political Social Anxiety, Charlie.”

It hangs for a second before they all get it. Tommy starts laughing from relief as much as from amusement. On the other couch, Dan chuckles low and easy and Jon is laughing in spite of himself. Charlie guffaws amicably before saying, “Not one of your best, Lovett.”

Lovett looks around at all of their laughing faces and grins, shifting on his heels in the seat and settling in. “I’m a little rusty Charlie, sue me. Anyways, I’m Lovett, this is Tommy, Favs, and Dan and we are Perfunctory Stage Attack.”