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asxgard · 24 days ago

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Handprints | [3/3]

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x pregnant wife!doctor!reader

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Summary: The birth of your first child and all the little moments that you cherish with your husband.

[ My Masterlist ]

Note: I’m honestly enjoying this Robby and Reader, so I might do something with them/inspired by them. Let’s see where season 2 takes us👀

This one got away from me, but I had a lot of fun writing it!

Word Count: 4.4k

Most of my works are 18+ due to adult language and content

Warnings: afab!reader, established relationship, pet names (my love, sweetheart), mild angst, comfort, fluff, birth scene (nondescript), postpartum, mentions of a prior panic attack, therapy, Mother’s/Father’s Day, vague smut (minors dni!!!!), Robby getting good things because he deserves it

not beta read

Langdon returned in the last few weeks of your pregnancy, rolling into the Pitt with something to prove. He wasn’t as cocky as he had been, but he threw himself headfirst into the chaos of it all — which worried you that he would only fall back into his addiction.

Michael had put strict rules in place for him after he was done rehab — random urine tests, he needed sign offs for most of the drugs he could prescribe, as well as having him attend NA meetings. You could see plainly that even if Frank succeeded in all of that, Michael would need so much time to trust him as he once had. You didn’t know what had transpired between them during that shift, not really, but Frank had let your husband down majorly.

Most in the Pitt might not have known he had been stealing the drugs from patients, or the ED, but with one glance at you and it was clear Frank knew that you knew about it. How could you not? You were Michael’s wife, his one true confidant in the mess of it all.

Frank sucked up to you, maybe thinking it would be an easier way to soften Michael’s heart to him again. Brought you a muffin from the cafeteria when he saw you hadn’t eaten, pulled a stool over to your computer so you could sit, even taking the meaner or nastier patients from your plate. All with a smile. All with a humility you hadn’t seen in awhile.

You appreciated the gestures, but it did little to help gain your trust back.

“It’ll just take time,” you said to Langdon one afternoon. “He won’t trust you again if you take the easy way out.”

He seemed to consider it. “And you? When will you trust me again?”

You turned away from the computer screen to look at him, “Pass all your drugs tests. Show me that coin you get after one year in the meetings. Don’t fuck with my patients again. Then we’re square.”

He gave a curt nod, “Okay, I can do that.”

You smiled softly at him, “I hope so, Frank.”

Due to your large bump, you were not frequently in the trauma room, not wanting to risk bumping into anything or anyone. Like usual, you stuck to triage and the non-critical patients. Michael wanted to keep your stress and adrenaline levels down, which you accepted with little pushback. He also ensured you always sat down to have lunch, even pulling himself away from the chaos long enough to eat with you when you demanded requested it.

If he was going to make sure you ate, you were going to make sure the same.

It was roughly lunchtime when the cramping started, starting as just a mild sense of discomfort before edging closer to moderate pain. Braxton Hicks contractions, you thought, seeing as you were only in your 38th week. You had been getting them periodically since starting your third trimester, but they never got any worse than mild.

Dana found you hunched over the nurses station, trying to take slow, even breaths. The cramping had gotten substantially worse, edging closer to you not being able to think properly.

“Honey?” Dana called your attention.

You took another deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth. “It’s nothing, I’m okay.”

“You and your husband, I swear to god.” She let out a long breath before raising a careful eyebrow at you, “How long has it been going on?”

You hummed, thinking, “I don’t know, noon?”

Dana grinned at you, “Looks like you’re about to have this baby, kid.”

Your eyes widened, “What? No. I still have two weeks.”

“Babies come when they’re ready, not when you are.” She chuckled.

You groaned. Adam, you really had to make an appearance now, huh? Couldn’t have waited a week and a half for when I started maternity?

You clenched your teeth, “Where’s my husband?”

“I just saw Robby head into Trauma-1.” Frank said as he passed, eyeing you warily. “You okay?”

“Baby Adam just decided he didn’t care about the plans I had, no biggie.”

“You better get used to that.” Frank said with a laugh.

You only rolled your eyes at him, trying to catch your breath after the contraction. You watched as Frank ran to grab Michael from the trauma room, and you mentioned to Dana it might be smart to call in someone to cover until the end of your shift. In one fell swoop, two ED doctors were about to be unavailable.

You tried not to feel guilty.

Michael exited Trauma-1, hiding his annoyance of being pulled away well enough, before he spotted you. His eyes flashed before he was jogging over to you, hand immediately going to your back.

“Sweetheart?” His cool mask had slipped, the one that kept everything between you two mostly professional while you were at work.

You squeezed his hand, “Adam has decided he’s ready to meet us.”

Michael’s eyes widened, gaze flickering between your belly and your face. “What?”

“Contractions edging closer to five minutes apart, for about a minute. They’ve gotten worse since noon.”

“Noon?” Michael yelled, though not at you, glancing at his watch. “It’s nearly five! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“We were busy.” You said, “I thought it was just Braxton Hicks, like it’s been all month.”

“We were busy.” Michael echoed, tone disbelieving. “You were seriously—”

You hushed your husband as another contraction hit, clutching his hand tightly.

It felt like mostly a blur after that. You had gotten up to Labor & Delivery a little bit later, and Michael called a friend of yours to go get your go bag and baby bag to bring to the hospital.

As the contractions got closer, so did your desperation.

“Why did you do this to me, again?” You panted. “Jesus Christ, just get him out of me.”

Michael grinned at you, “Last I checked, you were the one begg—”

You swatted him away like he was nothing more than an annoying fly. “Michael Robinavitch, don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

He raised his eyebrows, looking mildly amused, though he tried to contain his grin.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” he said a few minutes later, after another contraction, kissing your hairline.

“Trade with me?” You asked with a sly grin.

He chuckled, “I would in a heartbeat.”

You made a small noise in the back of your throat, trying to catch your breath, using the techniques you had learned in birthing classes.

“Now you say that.” You said, closing your eyes. “Wish you had said that before I went into labor.”

Michael kissed your forehead and rubbed circles onto your back. “Tell me what you need.”

You hummed, “I think I want to walk around. Might help.”

He helped you from the gurney to your feet, holding you steady. You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned on him for support, swinging your hips from side-to-side. After breathing through a particularly bad contraction, Michael helped you walk back and forth across your room.

You breathed through each of them, taking them one at a time and trying not to get overwhelmed with how far you still had to go. Michael was steadfast beside you, nearly intuitively understanding what you needed when you needed it. Cold washcloth, soft caresses over your shoulders, squeezing your hips together while you leaned over the gurney, whispering encouraging words to you, or holding you close when the pain subsided.

“You’re so amazing,” he said, tone soft, standing behind you and swaying with you while you breathed in and out, arms wrapped around you. “You’re doing such a good job, sweetheart. Strongest woman I know. I love you so much.” He kissed your neck, moving to your jaw and then your cheek.

You hummed in acknowledgement, though you kept your focus on breathing through the contraction.

A few agonizingly slow hours later and you were ready to push. You felt ready to cry, clutching Michael’s hand with a grip that rivaled a vice. He soothed you, kissing your forehead.

“You’ve got this. Push when you breathe out, come on,” he encouraged.

Part of you wanted to kiss him. The other wanted to throttle him.

During the next contraction, that was what you did, breathing out as you pushed. Slow, controlled, powerful. It ripped through you and you screamed.

You had once wanted to be dignified during your labor. You worked at this hospital and these people were more-or-less your colleagues, even though you did not always work with them directly. The thought of remaining composed now made you want to laugh.

“Alright, he should be out on the next push.” your OB told you, looking over to Michael. “Would you like to do the honors, dad?”

Michael’s eyes got glassy, though he looked at you. “I’ll stay right here if you need me to.”

“It’s okay,” you breathed out, mustering a smile. “I know you want to.”

He kissed you, before moving to assist your OB with delivering your son. Thankfully, she had been right, and it only took one more push before your son was in Michael’s arms.

Adam Robinavitch was finally here.

You cooed at him softly when he was laid on your chest, though he cried loudly — clearly upset to be anywhere else but your womb. You could hardly blame him, but you felt overwhelming joy finally holding him in your arms. Tears leaked from your eyes, a warmth cascading through your insides at the sight of him, at the feeling of his tiny hand on your skin.

Michael had his hand on your head, stroking your forehead softly with his thumb. His teary eyes remained, looking between you and your son with a soft smile on his lips.

Adam gurgled on your chest, making small noises to highlight his displeasure. You kissed the top of his head before letting your head fall back onto the pillow, letting out a long sigh of exhaustion.

“I love you.” You said, blinking through your fatigue to look at your husband.

“Thank you.” He whispered back to you, big brown eyes soft and warm as he held your gaze.

You raised an eyebrow.

He smiled, kissing your forehead. “For this life. For loving me. For giving me a chance. For bringing our son into the world. I don’t know why you decided to take a chance on an old guy like me, but I’ll forever be grateful that you did.”

Tears blurred your vision and you blinked them away, “Oh, Michael. I’m so grateful it’s you. Even before I knew it, it was you. It always has been.”

He kissed you tenderly, whispering ‘always will be’ against your lips.

—

Postpartum was no joke, and add in being new to motherhood? You were in the trenches. You were thankful Michael had gotten a decent amount of time off to be in the throes of it with you, but at times, it still felt like you were drowning.

You tried not to feel guilty when you knocked out on the couch or turned in early, leaving the brunt of night shift to Michael. He was an ever faithful partner, and never even flinched when you felt he was shouldering too much of it. All he asked was that you rest, heal and spend time with Adam.

He took time in the mornings for himself, even started seeing a therapist via Zoom and you could see it helping. His shoulders seemed lighter and it created healthier habits for when he went back to working.

Michael’s first shift back did not come home with him, though you knew it was not likely to always be that way. Not when harder patients hit, or major casualties, but you hoped the things he was learning in therapy would help him whenever that day came.

You were rocking Adam back and forth, trying to get him to fall back to sleep, humming a lullaby softly. You caught movement out of the corner of your eye, and you turned your head to see Michael standing in the doorway, tired smile stretching across his lips.

“Hey, my love,” you said lowly, trying to keep your voice quiet so as to not stir your baby, who still would not fall asleep. “How was your shift?”

He gave a small shrug, “I’ve had worse.”

You raised a careful eyebrow at him, but didn’t push. “I think Adam missed his daddy.”

Michael stepped into the room, walking until he was beside you, looking at your son in your arms.

“Yeah?”

You made a small noise of agreement, moving to hand him over. As he stirred, Adam opened his eyes to look up at his father, their eyes complete mirrors of each other. It was undoubtedly one of your favorite features that he had inherited from Michael.

“I think he likes your lullaby much more than mine, actually.” You said, kissing the top of your son’s head.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s true, is it buddy? No, mommy’s lullabies are the best.”

Despite having a tough day of your own, your heart warmed. You leaned your head on Michael’s shoulder, staring down at Adam and rocking side-to-side with Michael’s movements.

Perhaps this was a healing all its own, in the quiet of your son’s room, just the three of you.

—

Mother’s Day came shortly after you got off maternity leave, and while it was nice to return to work, you missed Adam. It was nearly painful. But all your co-workers made it feel like a second home.

Dana and McKay were happy to swap baby stories with you, while Langdon attempted to give you and Michael tips. You seemed more receptive to it than your husband was.

You had decided that for your first Mother’s Day, you wanted the day off to spend with your son. Michael also ensured he had off, and let you sleep in. It was peaceful to wake up to a quiet house.

Michael brought you breakfast not long after you woke, and you showered him with kisses in gratitude. It really was the little things.

“I have a full day planned,” he told you, sitting beside you in bed, sipping a cup of coffee. “Slow morning, then when you’re ready, we’re gonna go out.”

“Out?” You questioned. “Care to be more specific?”

A sly grin formed on his face. “Nope.”

You scoffed, but you were smiling.

Sometime after noon, Michael was packing a lunch bag while you got changed, curious to see what he had planned. He got Adam ready, and you met him at the car with an eyebrow raised. He only smiled at you.

It was easy enough to guess what he was up to once you pulled up to the park. It was a beautiful spring day, and you enjoyed the little things — a picnic in the park with your family of three was perfect. Not too complicated, or required too much effort from you, and it was simple enough that you weren’t worried about Adam fussing too much.

You relaxed on the picnic blanket, enjoying the feeling of the sun on your skin, the warmth sending a happy buzz through your system.

Adam was only four months, but he took in the world around him eagerly. He was beginning to roll over with only a small amount of assistance, and he clapped his hands when he was excited, babbling nonsense.

It seemed like such a short amount of time since he had been born, but he was already beginning to grow far too quickly for your liking.

Michael kept Adam entertained while you read a bit, before you ate together. Michael really had quite the spread, aside from the sandwiches, he also had fruits and cheeses and crackers and your favorite chocolates.

“This is exactly what I needed.” You told him. “Thank you.”

Michael raised an eyebrow at you, “You think this is it?”

“Oh? Do tell.”

He only smirked.

You discovered when you got home that Michael had hired a babysitter for that night. He said he wanted to take you out to dinner, and an excitement thrummed through you. You and Michael had barely had any alone time since Adam came into your lives, and while you enjoyed all the time you got with your son, you knew a night out with your husband would be good for you.

The restaurant he had picked? It was where you had had your first date.

A quaint little Italian place, and you nearly cried when you pulled up to it. It was not fancy or lavish, but it meant the world to you.

“Thank you for today.” You said, sipping your drink, trying not to cry in the middle of the restaurant.

He grabbed your hand on the table and ran a thumb over your knuckles. “You deserve it, sweetheart. You’re the best mom Adam could ever ask for, and I always want you to know how much I appreciate you.”

Your face heated, suddenly feeling sheepish.

Conversation flowed easily, and it was nice to be able to feel normal again — not just a mom, or a doctor, just you. It made your chest feel lighter. The topic eventually leaned back to Adam, and the fact that you missed him.

“We can take dessert to go.”

You smiled in relief, “Yes, please.”

On the ride home, you intertwined your fingers with Michael’s.

“So…any thoughts on another one?” You ventured quietly, a teasing smile on your lips.

Michael choked on an intake of air, “What?”

You laughed, “Eventually. Maybe. I don’t know. Just popped into my head.”

“Give a guy a little warning next time.” He chuckled.

“Consider yourself warned.”

He squeezed your hand, “Do you want another?”

You shrugged even though he was looking ahead at the road. “I don’t know. Adam’s still so little, but he’s also already so big, you know? I already miss how little he was. I wouldn’t be opposed in a year or so, but I wouldn’t be upset if we just stuck with one.”

“So…possibly another?”

“What do you think?” You asked instead of answering.

There was a long pause, and then a sigh, “I’m not getting any younger, I’d like to watch Adam grow up, go off to college. If we decided to, I wouldn’t want to wait too long.”

“So possibly another?”

You could hear the smile in his voice, “Possibly another.”

—

Father’s Day came with another day off, Michael wanting his first to be spent at home as well. You knew these kinds of holidays might need to be sacrificed in the future, so you were grateful that at least your first of each would be spent at home.

Knowing Michael, you knew he wasn’t one to want much fanfare, so you planned most a day in. From breakfast and lunch, to a few nice things to grill for dinner. It was mostly about spending time together, and you were happy to supply it. The details of his present sat in a card on the dining table, a cabin rented in the Poconos to fish with enough room for Jack and Jake to tag along (both had already agreed).

The day turned into a well deserved relaxing day, though you could see how much Michael was enjoying spending some time off with his family.

After dinner, you handed Michael the card, Adam in your lap. You bounced your legs, making car noises with your mouth, making him giggle and clap. You heard Michael open the card and silently he read over it.

“Jack and Jake already took off, and I worked something out with your shifts, you’ll be all set.”

He blinked at you before he was out of his seat and kissing your face, making you giggle. Adam squealed in your lap, clapping more eagerly while he babbled at his dad.

“This is…thank you.”

“You haven’t taken any time to go back up there in a really long time.” You shrugged, knowing he used to try to get away more frequently earlier on in your relationship. Sometimes you tagged along, but you thought a boys weekend away was just what the doctor ordered (you, you were the one who ordered it). “Soon you’ll have to bring Adam with you.”

Michael grinned, looking down at his son. “You’ll love it, I can show you how to…”

You watched Michael excitedly explain fishing to your son, who watched him with big brown eyes, mesmerized.

You put Adam down to sleep sometime later, before joining your husband in the living room. You curled up next to him.

“Thank you for today…it was very needed.”

You kissed his cheek, “You’re an amazing father, you know that? I’m incredibly thankful for you.”

He pulled you closer and kissed your head. You turned in his grasp and kissed his lips, moving into his lap to kiss him deeper. Michael responded instantly, one hand going behind your head and the other going to your hip.

The first time you had been intimate after giving birth to Adam had been a process riddled with your insecurities. Michael kissed his way through each one and took his time, like he was relearning your body. It took an incredible amount of pressure off your shoulders, and you revealed in his touch.

Your hands moved from his chest to his hair, tongue licking along his bottom lip. His grip on you tightened, his tongue slipping into your mouth. Warmth pooled in your abdomen, and you moved your leg to straddle him.

His fingers ghosted over the skin of your hips, making you shiver. He moved a hand up your torso, grabbing at your flesh and you moaned into his mouth. You moved your hips down to find some sort of friction. A groan echoed low in Michael’s throat, and the sound set you on fire.

Michael had you up and on your back on the couch in a swift motion, settling between your hips. You pulled at the hem of your shirt until he helped you pull it over your head. He kissed down your neck and across your torso, moving lower until your head buzzed with pleasure.

You felt like your body was thrumming under his touch and you lost yourself in it. It wasn’t long before all of your clothes were scattered across the living room, Michael back between your hips.

He whispered his love for you against your skin, and proved it with each slow drag of his hips, until you were a moaning mess under him, a blinding heat overtaking your senses. He was everywhere, feeling so full of him, tears falling from the corners of your eyes, blissed out and overwhelmed with all the warmth swirling around in your chest.

Michael came with a few low grunts, groaning against your throat before pulling you into a rough, sloppy kiss.

You ran your hands over his shoulders, panting with him, foreheads touching. You leaned up to languidly kiss his lips again. He brushed a thumb across your cheek. He kissed along your cheek and nose, the hairs of his beard tickling your skin and making you giggle. You lightly pushed him away.

“Get off me, old man.”

An eyebrow rose, “Old man, huh? This old man can make you come again, if you—”

You laughed, “Get off.”

He moved his head in such a way that the softest touch of his beard ran along your neck and your face, making you squirm. The sensation was incredibly ticklish.

“Alright, alright, I yield. I yield!” You laughed again, turning your face away from him. “You’re not even that old anyways.”

He laughed and kissed your cheek, moving to sit back on his haunches. He looked down at you with a soft smile.

You raised a challenging eyebrow, “If you’re gonna keep looking at me like that, I might have to take you up on your offer.”

A sly grin spread across his lips, “Yeah? Thought I was an old—”

You reached up for him, “Just get back down here, Michael.”

He laughed, but complied.

—

A rare quiet morning was always a welcomed thing in your household, slow and lazy. With the hectic reality you both faced at work, you had begun to cherish these days. Adam on his playmat, you and Michael sitting on the couch eating breakfast and enjoying the company of each other.

When Michael came back into the kitchen from taking a shower, you had Adam sat in his highchair. You had a spread of paints and a canvas print sat on the dining table, a handful of newspapers protecting the wood from any mess.

Michael looked over it all with a face drenched in curiosity.

“Care to fill me in? What’s all this?” He looked over all the paints, raising an eyebrow at you. “This a new hobby, or something?”

You shrugged, “Not quite.”

He stayed silent and waited for you to elaborate, but you were messing with a few different colors, mixing them on a paper plate.

“Blue or red?” You asked.

“...blue?”

You handed him a paper plate with blue paint.

He stared down at it, “Do you want me to..?”

You looked at him and smiled, “Put your right hand in it.”

“Right, right. Of course. Logically, that was my next step.”

You chuckled, “I thought it could be a cute art piece for Adam’s room. Your hand, my hand and his in the middle.”

A softness warmed his face, and then he did as you asked. You pulled over the canvas print for him to put his now paint covered hand on. You handed him a damp paper towel when he was done. You dipped your hand into the red paint and copied your husband, so that your hands mirrored each other.

Adam seemed thrilled to be involved when you dipped his hand into the purple paint you mixed, placing his hand between both handprints you and Michael had left. You wiped his hand off and gave him a kiss on the head.

“It’s perfect.” Michael said in your ear.

You pulled him close, “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

You stared down at the little art piece of your handprints, your heart swelling at your little family you and Michael had carved out for yourselves. Even amidst the chaos, you had found your home.

“Always?”

“Forever.”

No matter what you two faced, you knew it was a promise you would both keep.

FIN.

All Dr. Robby content taglist: @cherriready @seeyalaterinnovator @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @bxxbxy @18lkpeters @flyinglama @hagarsays @mayabbot @anakingreys @happyfox43

All The Pitt content taglist: @cannonindeez @spoiledflor @kittenhawkk @nessamc @thatchickwiththecamera @sharkluver @loud-mouph

Robby deserves only good things. This brought me back to the layout I did for A Lesson in Firsts and omg it was another great journey.

Damn, s1 of The Pitt is over. What am I going to do with myself?? Write a lot? Probably

Also?? Heartbeat has over 1k notes?? That’s insane, thank you guys so much🥺🥹

#the pitt #michael robinavitch #dr robby #michael robinavitch x female reader #michael robinavitch x reader #dr robby x reader #the pitt x reader #asxgard writes #he’s so girl dad coded but oof I’m glad it was a boy to honor adamson #pregnant reader

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 10 days ago

Text

Gravity Part One

Pairing: Jack Abbot x Reader

Notes: Welcome back to another accidental two-parter. Not beta-read.

Rating: M

Length: 5.6K

Warnings: Yearning (a frickin lot); slow burn; coworkers to friends to lovers; angst; fluff; canon-typical medical chat; fluff; POV switches a couple of times; Reader is roommates with Ellis; Jack 'Prolonged Eye Contact' Abbot

Summary: Abbot didn’t make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.

It wasn't fair, of course. He was handsome, knowledgeable, charming when he wanted to be. He was an amazing physician, an excellent teacher. And it wasn't his fault you had a bit of competency kink. Abbot had never made you feel anything but valued—and nervous.

Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that you’d hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.

It started when she was an intern.

Jack was fully aware of his tendency toward strong eye contact. It helped him make sure he was fully getting a point across when he was guiding residents in the ER—so long as their focus wasn't meant to be elsewhere.

He managed to meet her eye fully exactly twice—and maybe it was odd, but Jack could remember both times clear as day.

The first one was her first day at the Pitt, when she’d shook his hand, introduced herself with a nervous tremor in her voice. Her palm had been a little sweaty, and cold, but her eyes had held his.

The second had been a week or so later, the first time she’d lost a patient. He’d clapped her on the shoulder, reassured her that there was nothing more she could’ve done. He’d tacked on, “Don’t let it happen again,” and he’d been kidding—but she had balked, ducked her head, apologized, and hurried away.

She had rarely met his eye since then.

At first, he’d figured that she was shy, and that she’d grow out of it. Then, he’d thought that maybe she was more reserved at work—some people simply kept their personal and professional lives separate.

But those notions had been disproven time and time and time again: when she palled around with her fellow residents; when she watched and communicated with Walsh attentively; when the senior resident that was clearly hitting on her leaned just a little too close for Jack’s liking in the staff room.

She hadn’t backed down from a single one, hardly batted a damn eyelash.

But any time she spotted Jack, her eyes would lower or dart away—to the floor, to her hands, to a chart, to the sandwich cart, to a counter.

Now, Jack was not a man to take these things personally, but after all these years, it stuck in his craw. He didn’t think about it most days, had learned to take it in stride, found ways to work with it. It had never caused a hold up during a procedure, or in the event of an emergency. She was always active in communicating with him, she just…Never looked at him.

“You’re going to burn a hole through her head.”

Jack hadn’t realized he was staring until Lena said so. He glanced toward the nurse, eyed her knowing smile, and redirected his focus to the computer in front of him.

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

Lena snorted, turning back to the desk as someone approached to ask her a question.

Jack only half-listened, unable to help his eyes drifting toward her again. She was hunched over her own computer, and seemed to be fighting back a smile at something Shen was saying. Another comment or two from Shen, and then her chin was tipping up, a bright smile on her lips as she held Shen’s eye.

Jack huffed a soft laugh through his nose at the sound of Shen’s cackling laugh, and it was like watching ripples in a pond—her head tipped, her brow furrowed, and her eyes darted in Jack’s direction. The smile flattened when she caught him looking, her focus lowering to her keyboard as she hurriedly straightened. She seemed to point to the charge board, mutter something, and turned on her heel, striding away with purpose.

Jack couldn’t help a swell of petty disappointment. What the hell was that? There was no way she’d heard him laugh. It was like she’d sensed a disturbance in the force. Jack shook his head, trying to refocus on the chart.

Did she panic because he had been smiling? Had he been staring at her as long as Lena implied? Did he look like some dirty old man?

Jack pushed off of the desk, eyeing the charge board with purpose. Whatever it was that made her skitter away like that—well. He’d forget it by tomorrow.

“Hey. You headed in?”

You glanced back, doing a double-take at the site of Ellis standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Uh—Yeah, just packin’ a few snacks. You need anything?”

“I got something to ask you.”

“Sure, what’s up?” You turned to face her, folding your arms expectantly. In the entire time you and Ellis had been roommates, you’d never seen her look concerned like this—and she usually didn’t bother trying to be delicate when broaching a difficult subject.

“Parker, what is it?” You pressed.

“Is something going on between you and Abbot?”

Your brow furrowed, mouth falling open as if to answer—but what the hell kind of question was that?

“Excuse me?”

“You and Abbot, what’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on.”

“You sure?”

“I think I’d know if something was happening between us, El. Where the hell did this come from, anyway?”

“Shen said the two of you were weird yesterday, that Abbot looked at you and you bolted. And—” She shrugged, “You kinda always seem like that. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened yesterday! I realized I needed to go check on a patient, I’d just gotten their results back.”

“And all the other times?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Ellis gave you a long look before she relented, holding her hands up in surrender with a mutter of, “Alright.”

“Great.”

“If you insist—”

“I do insist.”

“But you know what they say about people who protest too much.”

“Cap it, Hamlet. You on tonight?”

“Yep,” Ellis nodded.

“See you in there.”

“If you wanna wait, I’ll drive you.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” You shifted your bag onto your shoulder. “The walk is good for me.”

“We’re gonna be on our feet for the next twelve hours.”

“I like a warm-up,” You insisted. “See you in there.”

Slow and steady, that was how you left the apartment—even steps, a measured pocket-pat-down at the door to make sure you had your phone, keys, wallet, ID badge…And then you were out the door.

Out the door, and down the stairs, and cursing under your breath as you stepped out onto the street. Where the hell did Ellis get off, asking something like that? Implying that something could be going on between you and Abbot? You hardly spoke to the guy. Hell—you felt like you barely said more than two words to the man that didn’t have anything to do with work. The implication that the two of you had something going on was categorically insane—and it twisted your gut up in a knot.

The closer you got to the Pitt, the worse the feeling got, until it was bordering on nausea. You stopped a block away, drawing in a deep breath and puffing it out between your lips, trying to shake yourself of the feeling. Damnit, why’d you let Ellis get in your head that way?

You drew in another steadying breath as you started forward again, trying to shake the nerves out of your hands. This shift was going to be fine—as seamless as the ones before it.

“You doin’ okay?”

It was a fair question asked by the last person you wanted to hear it from. The shift had been hell. Patient after patient seemed to have some hitch. You were slower to respond when Abbot asked you questions, prompted you. It was only made worse by the feeling of Ellis and Shen watching every goddamn interaction.

Now, the test results were back for the patient you were least looking forward to seeing. The patient herself was sweet, but you were getting nowhere with her overbearing husband answering nearly every question for her.

You pushed yourself to straighten up.

“Fine,” You insisted flatly. “Thanks.” You straightened fully, hesitating as you heard him take a step away. “Actually—”

It was out of your mouth before you could stop it. You saw Abbot go still in your periphery, and your hands flexed around the iPad in your hands.

“I’m having trouble getting answers from a patient—a woman with a head injury. She said she slipped and whacked it, but based on where the cut is...I don't think it's possible. And her husband’s an overbearing ass. I’ve got a bad feeling about him.”

“Abusive?”

“I think so. Could you run interference?”

“Sure. You have one of those pens, one of the—”

“I always keep a couple in my pocket.”

She steeled herself before she went into the examination bay. Jack had seen her do it time and time again when she could. He wondered how it steadied her, savored the way that she closed her eyes for a split-second, drew in a deep breath, and then slapped a smile on before pulling the curtain back.

"How are we doing in here?"

Her chipper tone did nothing to reveal the concern that she'd shared with him moments ago. Abbot followed close behind, taking in the young woman laying in a hospital gown on the bed, and the man standing just beside her at the head. Abbot took another step toward the bed, then stopped as the woman seemed seemed to shrink back, attempting to make herself smaller.

"She's fine." The man's voice was gruff in his insistence, his hand curled into a fist just by his wife's head. Abbot's eyes skated across the bruises and scrapes to the knuckles there, his own hands wringing behind his back as he took another step closer.

Jack saw her glance back toward him before she gestured, "Dr. Abbot, this is Nick and Amanda Alpers. Mr. and Mrs. Alpers, this is Dr. Abbot. He's the ER's foremost expert on head injuries." An easy fib, and it seemed to be a necessary one.

"Aren't you all trained on the same shit?" Nick grumbled. Abbot took a couple of steps closer, taking in the slight matting of hair on the wife's head, the dark clotting of blood.

"We all have our own experiences that inform how we practice," Abbot passed easily, taking one more step. "Mrs. Alpers, would it be alright if I examined the—"

"It's just a scrape, really!" The insistence was hurried, and left the poor woman in a squeak. Abbot forced a small smile, giving a conceding nod.

"May I examine the scrape?" He conceded.

Amanda's eyes seemed to dart to Nick for permission, and only after a hefty sigh did Nick wave Abbot closer.

He couldn't help but note the way his fellow doctor rounded the bed, caught on the slight flurry of her questions as he gloved up.

"Are you feeling any pressure?" He asked, gently parting the hair to get a better look at the bloody, raised bump on her head.

"N-no. No more than usual—I mean! No more than anyone ever usually feels," Amanda hurried to answer. Abbot's eyes lifted to the doctor on the opposite side of the bed just in time to see her fingers tightening around her iPad.

"Any sensitivity to light, sound...?" Abbot went on, drawing his penlight out of his pocket and shining it from one eye to the next.

"Nn-nn."

"Hm."

"If that's all, can we go?" Nick groused. "Already been a waste of a night."

Abbot straightened, sizing Nick up. He waited for his fellow physician to say something, but—Nothing. He looked at her, certain she was eyeing the chart, but realized immediately that it was a mistake. Her eyes were right on his, widening pointedly as they darted to the creep beside her. Abbot cleared his throat, doing his best to focus on the patient—though he knew he'd be tucking that look away for himself.

"Nick, can I have a word?" He asked, gesturing toward the nurse's station.

"What for?"

Abbot pushed a short breath out through his nose as he rounded the bed, taking even steps so as not to raise the brute's hackles.

"There are some things that I'd like to discuss with you. Things that, you know," He nodded, "Women shouldn't hear."

Watching understanding wash over Nick's face made his stomach turn. It was a wonder the man had brought his wife to the ER at all if that was the attitude he held.

"We won't go far?" Nick pressed, though he was already moving.

"No, no," Jack insisted, following him out, "Just a few feet." He gave her one last look, and a quick nod before tugging the observation curtain closed behind them.

The knot that had formed in your stomach only tightened, but it wasn’t for your own nerves or panic anymore. You didn't like letting her go, hated seeing her leave with him. Abbot came to a stop beside you, and for a moment, the two of you just watched Nick steer Amanda out of the ER.

"What'd you say to him?" You asked.

"Distracted him with football."

"I didn't know you watched."

“Sometimes. She take the pen?” He asked.

“...Yeah.”

“It’s a start.”

“Might be too little, too late.”

“She’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“You think so?”

“Sure.”

“...I gave her my number, too.”

You saw Abbot’s head turn toward you, and you froze, biting the inside of your cheek.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” It should’ve been more of a scold, but you could’ve sworn his tone was tinged with admiration.

“I know.”

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” You turned away from Abbot. “Thanks again for distracting him.”

“...No problem. Will you tell me if she calls?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, turning to look at the board. “Hope she does—and soon.”

“Was that all that was bothering you?”

“What?”

“You seemed a little off earlier. Just making sure everything’s okay.”

Well, Abbot always was the observant type. It was one of the things that made him such a good doctor. You shouldn’t have been offended by his question, but in that moment, his concern was as unwelcome as Ellis probing had been just a few hours before.

“Just one of those days—nights,” You corrected, “You know.”

“Take a couple minutes, get some air.”

“I’m alright.” And before you could stop yourself, you gave him a grateful smile before turning away. In truth, you weren't entirely sure where you were headed to—you’re more distracted by the fact that you’d met the guy’s eye more in the last twenty minutes than you probably had in the last two years.

“Here.”

“Thanks,” You took your beer as Ellis set it down and settled into the seat across from you. “John on his way?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, “And uh…Don’t kill me, but he’s bringing someone.”

You frowned, shaking your head as you waited for her to explain. Ellis didn’t elaborate, merely tipped her brows up. It only took a second for you to put the pieces together, and you groaned, sliding down in your chair as nerves flooded your stomach.

“Parker—”

“It’s just a coincidence!” She took in your unimpressed glare, corrected, “Mostly a coincidence. We always ask, he almost never says yes. It’s as hard to talk him into coming out as it is to talk you into it. Besides, it’ll help!”

“There’s nothing here that needs helping.”

“It’s slowing things down—”

“When has it ever slowed anything down?”

“Last few shifts, he’s waited for you to look at him when you answer and nothing. It’s making shit weird. We leave that messy personal bull for the day shift.”

“I’m not—This isn’t messy, it’s just—”

“You barely look at the guy. We all notice it.”

“He’s so big on frickin’ eye contact, like,” You glanced around the bar, “It’s intimidating.”

“Intimidating?”

“Yeah.”

“Intimidating.”

“Yes! I barely even like making eye contact with you, but I live with you, so it’s mostly unavoidable.”

“You love it.”

“Sure. Who wouldn’t want to be adopted by the meanest lesbian in the ER?”

“I thought that was Garcia.”

“No, she’s the meanest lesbian in surgery.”

Ellis’ smile widened before she perked up, waving at someone behind you before she leaned in just a touch.

“Just be yourself, be cool.”

“Pick one.”

“You know, I bet he thinks you hate him.”

“What?” You hissed, “Why would he think that? And—Why would he give a shit, plenty of people hate their boss. Not that I hate him, I don’t, just—”

“Hey!” Shen’s voice cut over your nervous chatter, and you couldn’t stop your knee-jerk reaction of turning to look at him—and spotting Abbot just a couple of steps behind. Shen patted you on the shoulder, settling down beside you as Abbot rounded the table. Your eyes glued to your beer instinctively as he shrugged out of his jacket, sitting down beside Ellis. And you thought you’d just managed to be subtle enough—until both Shen and Ellis kicked you lightly under the table. It took everything in you not to kick back, instead lifting your head to meet Abbot’s eye, plastering a small smile on your lips.

“Hi.”

“Hello.” There was a little lean to his lo, a friendly tease that you felt like you hadn’t earned. And there was eye contact—heavy, steady eye contact as he folded his arms on the table. You tried to ignore the traitorous little flip in your stomach as you hurriedly lowered your eyes to the table, picking your beer up and taking a swig to try and drown the flurrying butterflies.

“We miss anything good?” Shen plied. Ellis shook her head.

“We were just talking about renewing our lease.”

“I forgot you two were roommates,” Abbot commented. Ellis must’ve told him, and you couldn’t fathom why he’d remember.

“What’s the verdict?” Shen asked.

“We’re gonna stick,” You reported as you looked at him. “Rent is going up, but, like, barely…Barely.”

“And the location is too good,” Ellis tacked on. “Half an hour to the Pitt walking, fifteen minutes by car—utilities don’t suck, either.”

“Decent space,” You added, “And allows dogs—if this one goes through with getting a dog.”

“I’m still in research and development.”

“Aren’t you allergic?” Shen nudged your arm.

“Yeah, but not deathly. And if she picks a breed that doesn’t shed much and has a low can f 1 gene—”

“I want to adopt from a shelter—”

“So I’ll probably be moving out as soon as that happens,” You teased, “Because god knows she’ll wind up with a mutt.”

“And sublet?”

“Sure, John. You can move into my room, I’ll move into your place. Even trade.”

“I don’t know about that—”

“Better rent, better location.”

“You won’t mind being further from the Pitt?”

“Nah,” You shrugged, “I like a long walk.”

“Sure does,” Ellis rolled her eyes, “I don’t know anyone that spends more time just wandering around on their days off.”

“Is it a crime to enjoy being outside when the sun is up?”

“You ever think of switching to day shift?”

Abbot’s question caught you off-guard—it was like you’d fallen into such an easy rhythm with Ellis and Shen that you'd almost managed to forget that he was there. Your fingers tightened around your beer as you forced yourself to meet Abbot’s eye again.

“Not once.”

It was the truth, and it made Abbot’s smile widen in a way that felt dangerously vindicating. Unnerving quiet wrapped around your shared gaze, and Ellis clearing her throat was what finally snapped you out of looking at him.

“So, hey,” Shen jumped in, “Did I tell you guys about my latest acquisition?”

“Jesus fucking christ,” You muttered over Ellis’ low whistle.

“Another ebay war?” She asked.

“Not a war, an easy buy,” Shen insisted, “You know, for—”

“Yeah, your shank bank, we remember,” You insisted, smile pulling wide as both Abbot and Ellis’ laughter catches from that side of the table. “That weird-ass collection of antique medical equipment—fucking medical history nerd.”

“I keep them as a display!”

“Must really get ‘em going on a date night. Nothing hotter to a woman than rusty scalpels,” You batted back, nudging Shen’s shoulder with yours. You didn’t mean to catch Abbot’s eye on your way back to looking at Ellis again. And this look didn’t hold for as long as the one before it—but it was just long enough to reawaken the butterflies, even as Shen insisted,

“This one isn’t even rusty!”

As you turned in for the night, Ellis teased you, insisted, “See, it wasn’t that bad.”

You didn’t argue, because she wasn't wrong—it wasn’t the worst way to spend an afternoon out. But it was…Different.

Your aversion to Dr. Abbot’s attention had started your first week at the Pitt, when he’d stuck close during an intubation. He hadn’t been breathing down your neck, but his steady focus had made you so damn nervous. You were used to your attendings being just a little scattered, torn in six different directions. And other matters had vied for Abbot’s attention, sure, but he hadn’t heeded them until the patient was in the clear.

You’d started to avoid his gaze after that, and it had just become second nature. Avoiding eye contact turned into avoiding him during the quiet moments of your shifts, which turned into a patient-treatment-only conversational focus. Abbot consulted on your cases, made recommendations, listened to your rationalizations.

When he did insist on meeting your eye, you gave him just a long enough look to show that you’d heard him, but never anything more. You’d avoided palling around with him, even though you palled around with your fellow residents, and with other attendings—but you were comfortable with them.

And Abbot didn’t make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.

Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that you’d hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.

You could understand how Abbot may’ve thought you didn’t like him—if he really thought that. But he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who needed everyone to like him. It probably helped, sure, but you were positive that your countenance had never caused a slow-down or a hitch in the ER, no matter what Ellis said. You were just focused—and since when was that a bad thing?

Either way, today had been kinda…okay. You’d made nice with Abbot, made eye contact multiple times without Ellis or Shen kicking you in the shins again. Whatever wound up happening, you’d tried, and they couldn’t take that away from you, right?

You settled in bed, letting your eyes slip closed, drawing in a deep breath to relax yourself.

For all your initial irritation, Ellis was right—it wasn’t that bad.

But it didn’t stop Abbot’s warm gaze from lingering behind your eyelids when you closed them, and it couldn’t keep the mirthful roll of his chuckle from playing through your mind as you tried to drift off.

You decided to make it a little experiment, approach it as something that you could train yourself out of. Seeing him over drinks had laid the groundwork—and you had managed to look at him twice a few shifts ago, hadn’t you?

You went into your next shift determined to look Abbot in the eye three times.

You only managed it once when you passed him by the board—a glance and a small wave.

The smile that he returned flustered you so much that you nearly walked into the sandwich cart, and it scared you out of looking at him for the rest of the night. As a matter of fact, it scared you out of it the next shift, and the one after that.

You talked yourself out of the whole foolish endeavor. You’d managed to work with Abbot perfectly well before, why change things now? Especially when looking at him seemed to awaken something girlish and fluttering inside of you—and you couldn’t afford to be girlish and fluttering at work.

She was doing it again.

Jack had thought they had turned a corner after Shen and Ellis had invited them all out together, but things seemed to be moving in reverse. It had gone beyond sticking in his craw—it was almost nagging at him now, and worse now that he knew what the full force of her focus was like. It was easy to brush off before, but these days Jack was hard-pressed to admit that he felt something in him wilt whenever she avoided his eye.

She was making a meal of it now, focused stalwartly as she instructed Javadi on setting a bone. He’d seen her head tip in his direction a couple of times, but she’d always given her head a little shake before refocusing. Was the shake for Javadi? For him?

“...You didn’t hear me, did you,” Ellis asked, forcing him to refocus. He had heard her—and he could feign that his silence had been fueled by contemplation. He turned away from the treatment bay, arms folded across his chest.

“See if the OR can take Mr. Tosches yet," He instructed. "I don’t want him down here too long. You follow up with the raccoon kid?”

“That’s my next stop.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

“Sure—Hey, are you coming by this weekend?”

That weekend. He’d been dodging giving Ellis an answer for the last couple of weeks. She’d invited him to the last four get-togethers at the apartment, but he’d never made it to one, either because he was working, or because he just wasn’t in the mood to socialize.

He wasn’t sure he was in the mood now, but…A fleeting smile flashed through his mind. They’d seemed to come easier to her when they were away from the hospital. And his therapist had been nagging him about leaving the house more…

“Yeah,” He nodded. “Yeah, I can make it.”

Ellis didn’t cover her surprise well, but her, “kay, sweet. I’ll text you the address," Told him that she was just as surprised by his answer as he was.

Abbot nodded, casting another glance toward the treatment bay before turning away fully. It was just an experiment, he told himself. He would see if her smiles for him came easier outside of work, or not at all.

If it was not at all, he’d let it go, once and for all.

“Is there any coffee?”

The question made you freeze in front of your cabinet. Your eyes darted through its contents, but you didn’t take in a damn thing. He was in your kitchen. He never came to these things, why the hell did he come to this one?

“Uh—” You turned, looking around your kitchen as though you’d never been there before. “It’s um—Yeah. Right there. It might not be hot, though. I can turn the pot back on.”

“I’ve got it.”

“You're on shift tonight?”

“Mhm.”

You nodded, turning back to the cabinet. Hell, what did you open it for? Goddamn, but you came in here looking for something—You huffed, shoving the cabinet door closed as you scrubbed your hand across your forehead. He wasn’t allowed to do this, he wasn’t allowed to make you feel this out of sorts in your own damn kitchen.

“Everything alright?”

“You know, I feel like half the time you talk to me, you’re asking if I’m okay.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop it, and embarrassment sprang up the second it did. “I should, um—You need a mug, don’t you,” You muttered, turning to the other cabinet, and glancing back toward the living room when you heard a swell of laughter. Damnit, but Ellis sent you into the kitchen for what? Napkins? Napkins would be in the cabinet.

“Well forgive me for being concerned when one of my best residents seems to spend half of her shifts avoiding me.”

You whirled around, too stunned to do anything but meet Jack’s eye. The steady contact seemed to catch the both of you off-guard. Your mouth worked wordlessly for a moment as your mind reeled. What the hell could you say to that? Well—what would you say if you were talking to Ellis or Shen?

“...Just one of your best residents?”

Abbot’s brows lifted, his lips quirk with a smile, and your stomach filled with that girlish fluttering again.

“You’re certainly not avoiding me now.”

You press your mouth together, gaze instinctively dropping to the floor.

“I don’t avoid you at work, either. I’m just—” You turned back to the cabinet, reaching into it for a mug. “I’m focused when I'm at the Pitt.”

“Seem to be focused right now, too.”

“Do you want a mug for your coffee or not?”

“Oh, that old excuse.”

“Fine, drink it from the pot. That’s Parker’s machine, anyway. She’ll kill you.”

“She wouldn’t. We’re short-staffed as it is.”

“Well, that’s true.” You crossed the kitchen, holding the mug out. And, though you knew the answer, you asked, “Do you need milk or sugar?”

“No.”

“Alright.” You turned, reaching for the cabinet by the coffee machine. Maybe it was something in there.

“...You don’t really think I avoid you," You plied, unable to stop yourself.

“Certainly avoid looking at me.”

“Focused.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re fine to look at.”

“Oh?”

“Good—Good to—” No, nothing in that cabinet. Check the next one. At least, you needed to get a few feet away from Abbot before you said anything else stupid. “You’re fine.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“...Look at me.”

It was so firm that you went still in front of your cabinet again, hands on the knobs, doors half-open as your heart leaps into your throat.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re not at work, you can’t need to be that focused. If I’m so fine to look at, look at me.”

Your fingers flexed around the knobs, palms growing sweaty.

“Ellis asked me to grab something for her and you’ve already distracted me enough.”

“Is that so.”

“You can be very distracting sometimes.” For fucksake. What was it about being alone with this man that had your head so horribly scrambled?

“I suddenly feel like I oughta apologize,” He commented.

“I feel like you’re making fun of me.”

“A little.”

You scoffed out a laugh, your nerves only worsening when you heard Jack take a few steps closer, saw him lower his coffee onto the counter beside you.

“It won’t take long,” He reassured, raising his hand to close one of the cabinet doors. “One quick look.”

You drew in a deep breath, planting your hand on the counter and turning to face Jack with wide eyes. You were prepared to stare at him pointedly—but you faltered at the look on his face. His eyes were softer than they had any right being. They searched your expression, sweeping over your nose, across your cheeks, to your lips, and up again—as if he was seeing you for the first time.

“...See?” He murmured. “This isn’t so bad.”

You struggled to swallow, throat dry; your face was flooding with heat. If this was a cartoon, you were certain that your heart would be beating out of your chest.

“No,” You finally managed, shaking your head a little, unable to tear your eyes from his, “No, it isn’t.”

Jack’s smile widened as he leaned against the counter a touch, fingers skimming against yours. And you knew that you ought to look away, go ask Ellis what she sent you into the damn kitchen for in the first place, but you couldn't bring yourself to move.

“You just gonna keep staring at me, Jack?” You murmured. His brows jumped slightly at the use of his first name, lips quirking with a smirk.

“You’re staring, too.”

“Making up for apparently avoiding you.”

“Very kind of you.”

“Do what I can.”

Maybe it was better that he was looking at your face, anyway—if he looked down, he might see the goosebumps sweeping up your arm from the gentle sweep of his fingertips against yours. It felt pathetic to get so worked up from such a simple touch. Goddamn, did he look at everyone like this? Did everyone feel like this when he looked at them? There was no way—if it was, nothing would ever get done at the Pitt.

“Hey, did you find the Triscuits?”

Ellis bottle snapped you out of the trance-like stare, and you whirled away from Jack like he was trying to set you on fire. The Triscuits, son of a bitch, that was what you were sent to look for.

“I just—I just saw them,” You fumbled, pulling the cabinet open again.

“My fault,” Abbot spoke up. “I asked for some coffee.”

“You’re on tonight?” Ellis frowned, and you were relieved to hear her come deeper into the kitchen. “I thought you were taking the day.”

“We had two call outs. Matter of fact, I should get going.”

You glanced doggedly back toward Jack, watching him pick his mug up and take a deep swig. You busied yourself with poking through the drawer beneath the cupboard, vaguely catching Abbot saying his goodbyes to Ellis in the background. Jeez, did the Trisuits fucking evaporate?

You glanced toward the mug as Jack set it down in the sink, and, against your better judgement, met Jack’s eye when he turned to look at you.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

“Sure,” You nodded. “Have a good shift.”

“Good luck finding those, uh…” He glanced toward Ellis. “Triscuits?”

“Uh-huh,” She nodded. “Thanks for coming, man.”

“Have a good night.”

You listened to his retreating footsteps, marked the opening and closing of the door…And tried not to die from complete mortification when Ellis tapped your shoulder, then pointed out the box of Triscuits where it was sitting on the counter.

Tag list:

@missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @amneris21 ;

@ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage ; @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ;

@millllenniawrites ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices ; @missswriter ;

@thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @realwhoreforfictionalmen

; @mad-girl-without-a-box ; @artsymaddie

@winchestershiresauce ; @lorecraft ; @kmc1989

#Jack Abbot x Reader #Jack Abbot x You #Dr Abbot x Reader #Dr Abbot x You #Jack Abbott x Reader #Jack Abbott x You #gravity

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angelesca · 1 month ago

Text

w.c. ~6.5k me? GONGAGA | (assasin) blade x gn!reader | warning for mild yandere, vague descriptions of injuries, red string of fate, everyone ships you and blade (guardian angel? more like boyfriend), reader fights for their life, xianzhou cast and stellaron hunters being stupid, silly as usual, skott is your (ex)fiance LUL💔exploring blade's past (some character study), reader implied to be yingxing's past lover reincarnated, a sidedish (whole lot) of angst, implied memory loss from mara

footnotes are included at the end of the post, including Chinese myths and proverbs :)

a/n: ignore the fact that the hair and eye is flipped😀and me using proper grammer? insane. happy 100+ followers!!! congrats again to blade for winning the poll, still the man of our dreams huhu BLADE SMOOCHERS LESGOOOOOO!!!

inspired by [touch within the abyss] (ILOVETHISMANGA SOMCUH), listening to [heavens official's blessing's] soundtrack while writing and editing was AMAZING omgg, and blade using butter knives as weapons was def taken from [black butler] lol

https://redstringservices.xzhou/homepage/requests/999

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Leave your request below. Reviews are uneccessary as all jobs are guaranteed to be well within the responder's capabilities.

Scrooooooll.

User 'Lacking_in_everything_but_muscles_General' has requested: Oho? A potential challenger to test the results of my training? Come, fight me! ↳ User 'XxEradicator_Of_Dust360xX' replied: Please stop using Jiaoqiu as a barbell. User 'grandpa!stop_doting_on_me' has requested: Uncle, can you find a pink-haired girl for me? She's skipping her training again... (；⌣̀_⌣́) Oh, leave her alive too, please. ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ User 'Mr.ColdFeet' has left a review: Dearest customer, thank you for ordering the '10x "Belobogian-sourced" strawberry milk drink!! Here, I'll leave you a good review as token of my appreciation~ [Deleted by moderator] User 'HealerLadyIsTheBest1': Hey, how is this website legal?😡Cease your business at once, I'm getting too many patients! User 'mostsanestbladefan' has requested: rerun when�� ↳ Mod 'SW#GU2055#addme' replied: lmao

... Seems trustworthy enough. Although, why is everyone talking as if this was a hiring for a hitman? Wasn't this a fortune teller who can alter red string fates? Bah, whatever. This may be your last chance of escape, and you are desperate.

You press the request button and start typing:

Guest_User#1002 has requested: Hello, may I ask to book a session for me and my insufferable-loser-of-a-fiance?

Ping! A reply already? A private chat has been created. You click on it.

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆' replied: Your full name.

You type it out.

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆' is typing...

...

They completely stop. "Huh?"

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆' is typing...

...

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆' replied: Sorry.

“Haha! I like to bully my subordinates, haha! Oink, oink– o–oops, f–force of habit,” Skott, yes, Lyndon Skott, your “insufferable-loser-of-a-fiance” wipes his mouth as if hoping to erase his words. If only it was possible to erase his entire existence too. “Anyways, fetch me my dog feed."

Out of all people, Skott is the worst possible candidate known to man. Stomach and back pains, cramps, coughs, sneezing. Every side effect ailed you anytime he did anything, as if you were an illness and the universe was trying to cough you out of its immune system.

“Here,” you say detachedly, handing it over.

Skott does a double-take. “This is... a ray gun? Where did you even get this?”

Oops. That was supposed to your last resort. “I think we're out, Skott. Your eating habits cost too much, even a dog doesn't eat twenty packs everyday.”

Skott suddenly stands up, hands on hips. “Why, you seem so tired,” Duh. “Well, it's nothing that I, Skott, the best possible candidate known to man, can't solve,” he pushes his lips together, leaning towards you. “C'mere... kissy kiss–”

You pinch his cheek before he could do anything. Skott whimpers pathetically. “I'm gonna go out and buy some dinner,” you grumble, immediately walking off.

“O–o-oink!”

Your phone blinks at you. You groan. Why did they ghost you? What's wrong with your name?

“Might as well buy more dog food too...” you mumble sourly, heading off to your usual supplier around the corner.

The store owner enthusiastically greets you, rubbing their hands together. “My, my, how lovely to see you again, my dear. Here to buy more food for your chihuahua? Haha, he sure does eat a lot for a small breed dog!”

You force a crooked smile, feeling crazy for having to lie about your fiance being a dog. “Yep... I'm here again... sadly.”

“Your chihuahua prefers wet food, right? Why don't you take a look at this new product? The texture of the loaf is incredibly soft—perfect for their jaws—which makes for easy consumption. High-quality lean meats mixed with fats, an ideal diet for a high-energy dog.”

Skott being as insane as he is would eat anything. “I'll try this one out.”

“Amazing!” The store owner beams, grinning. “Your boyfriend seems to agree too!”

“Boyfriend?” Did Skott follow you? No way. Skott doesn't walk; he marches to announce his presence with pride—there's no way you didn't hear his obnoxiously loud footsteps.

Ping! A chill runs down your back.

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆' replied: Behind you.

“AAAH!!” A sching! flies past your ears, a clear sound shot straight, streamlined, like a bullet. You dodge the sword aiming for your head, lodged in the wall against your back, dog food in hand.

The pathway you escaped along reclined into the shadows the further you ran, a detached wing from the body of Aurum Alley. An abandoned passage. Yet, two pairs of footsteps treaded the ground—one too many.

“W-who are you? I’ve done nothing wrong! I make sure to eat all my veggies- OH!” you swivel in time to miss the sharp object that would’ve hit your ankle. You look down. “A butter knife?!”

“Why are you running from me?” the voice calls out.

“Why are you trying to kill me?!” you shout back.

A pair of crimson eyes unravel behind the curtain of shadows. Highlighted with a target on your head, the spotlight shines on you, casted as the main character by this stranger.

They approach, way too close for your liking. A daunting waft of smoke and metal haunts the life out of the air, making it almost hard to breathe. Moonlight descends his hair, a silk ladder, ropes of dark strands rolling over his shoulders.

Stuck in a limbo with no escape. Great. “... Anything but the dog food... Skott throws a fit when he doesn't get his daily fix,” you mumble, pushing yourself onto the wall as far as you can, hoping to blend into it.

A smirk on his lips. A phone is suddenly shoved in your face. You groan at the brightness, cutting your vision into a thin strip of magnifying glass as you squint.

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆': Is this the target?

There's picture of you leaving the house.

Guest_User#1001 replied: Yes! Get'em already!!💥

“Me?” You cannot believe your eyes. “Someone requested a hit on me?”

Guest_User#1001: Teehee

You’ve tried everything to escape. Firstly, you ran around the neighbourhood like a headless chicken, yet his legs easily erased the distance, tormenting your back with his glare.

Attempted bribing with berrypheasant skewers? Failed. Songlotus cake? Nope. Steamed puffergoat milk? His eyes flicked to it for a moment. Almost.

And throughout everything, all you heard was an onslaught of hmphs and grunts rolling boulders over you, crushing your dignity in mocking. Save for the one instance he muttered his name to you, Blade.

Qingque, your fellow co-slacker worker, points a finger behind you, her face puckered. “Who the hell is that?”

“Don’t mind him,” you groan. Surroundings swirl, doused in a liquor poured by the hand of your exhausted mind. “He’s just my assassin.”

“How are you saying that so casually??”

Blade is glued to your side even at your workplace, the Divination Commision. But you are more angry that nobody is mentioning why this very obvious outsider, who isn't even dressed in uniform and is holding a sword, is following you.

“Hey,” You walk up to a random colleague. “Does this guy not look crazy dangerous?” You point behind you.

“Hm?” They blink. “I thought he was your significant other?” ??? Everyone must be tricked by his beauty!

It's worse that Blade only scoffs, giving no closed answer to their question.

At your desk, Blade is judging you when you quickly switch your monitor off your Celestial Jade game when Fu Xuan enters. In the break room, where there's even less people around, he's shaving butter knives with his sword into weapons of mass destruction as you drink your tea.

Most ridiculously, anytime Qingque—or anyone—does as much as tap your shoulder, Blade brandishes his sword at them. Mumbling and grumbling something about, “they're mine, not yours(?)”

“Ohoho~ what a handsome boyfriend you have!"

“Jiaoqiu, you're facing the wrong way—we're behind you.”

Jiaoqiu, your local coriander supplier—and you, his coriander dumpster—slowly turns around, smiling, as if garbage sludged out of your mouth.

Sensing dread root in your guts, a cold sweat running its tap, you turn to Blade– “HOLY–” You dodge his sword in the nick of time. Blade clicks his tongue, drawing his eyebrows together. Tch. “Did you see that?! He tried to–”

“Ah, how kind of you.” You snap back to Jiaoqiu who is patting his chopping board.

Dumbfounded, you trace the sword that landed squarely on the chopping board, having sliced a once-large-pile of coriander finely. A precision awarded to well-trained chefs who specialise in food and not cutting people up.

“Wow, what a handsome and capable boyfriend. Just like a guardian angel. Ha. Ha.” Jiaoqiu nods in approval.

“You can't even see him.”

“Oh, right.”

You came home with twice the normal haul of coriander, gifted to Blade, who didn't need "such useless sentiments", and stuffed it into your bag. You threw some extra into Skott's dog food.

Moonlight uncovers two figures standing on the rooftops, watching.

“General, is that…” A voice trails off.

“Yes, there's no mistaking him.” Another voice.

“Join me, Yingxing. B◼◼◼◼n◼... she may still live this way. And you... you need to save them too, do you not?”

Yingxing, the name was spat, drawled, torn through teeth, pulverizing the skeletons of each letter, leaving its corpse that would not survive to become a living legend.

Before his downfall, Yingxing was an exemplary but arrogant blacksmith under Huaiyan, and a member of the legendary High-Cloud Quintet. Drinking partners with D◼◼ ◼e◼◼, sparred with J◼◼◼l◼◼, smiled with B◼◼◼◼n◼, grew with Jing Yuan, who would bust his ears about there being one-thousand-three-hundred-and-fourteen gingko trees to ever live on the Xianzhou Luofu.

And finally, Yingxing was the lover of a free-spirit who walked the path of the Trailblaze. A love he was willing to risk for, because he could not afford to lose again after the devastation of his homeland.

Blade woke up, breathing away the vice around his neck, fingers opening and closing. Reaching for someone who was not there, a phantom. But they were his. They belonged to him. It's all he has, and he won't let go.

You decide to go to an actual fortune teller, explaining all the events until now.

Although they are masked with a hood, obscured in secretive shadows, the candle on the velvet-robed table carves out the frown on their face. “This sounds like a couple's bickering. And I do not want to be treated as a couple's therapist.”

“Why does everyone say that?! He's far removed from being my lover!” You could cough up blood.

“Then what's he doing here?”

“Who?”

Ping!

Mod 'SW_was_here(^_−)☆': Behind you.

Surely not– “AAAH!” you shout, almost having a heart attack. Sure enough, Blade is standing behind you, arms crossed.

“Stop running,” he demands.

“So you can kill me? Nu-uh,” you taunt.

The fortune teller clears their throat. "If you want me to trace your red string, I can do so," they direct the conversation. "Red strings of fate are divined by Yue Lao¹, and are hard to alter as it moulds one's fate."

“So, what does it look like?” You hold up your pinky.

The fortune teller is silent for a moment, rubbing their forefinger against their thumb, testing the unsteady fabric that weaves the air. The both of you are dressed under a skirt of silence until they stop entirely. Tension frays its string, ready to snap.

They share a glance between you and the person looming behind. A long sigh in front of you. A small chuckle behind you. “You really are sure he's not your boyfriend?”

“What's that supposed to mean?” You look at Blade. He looks back. You stare. He turns his face away.

Couples event! Lovebirds get a whopping 50% discount off our menu!

A brilliant idea pops in your head. “Blade, I know we're not on the best terms but– AH?!” You dodge a butter knife. The blade lands by the feet of a young woman, with orange hair tied into a ponytail, who almost collided into you with her tripod.

Blade already knows from the shine in your eyes. “Ridiculous.”

Bring your plus one to our story-telling theatre! Pay the price of one ticket for the value of two!

“How about this one?”

“Absurd.” Blade pulls you away, your feet dragging along. A short, green hair girl had barely missed setting you on fire with her tail.

Buy one-get-one-free steamed puffergoat milk for lovers! Come as two, and leave satisfied as two!

You hand the free cup of steamed puffergoat milk to Blade. "You're a fan of this, huh?"

Hmph. He takes it, face turned away. You think it's the trick of the lanterns, but a dust of red seems to colour Blade's ears.

This will be my breakthrough, Yanqing thought excitedly, General will certainly rely on me more if I catch this sneaky man!

“Boo!”

“AAAH! Y-Yunli?”

Yunli latches onto Yanqing's shoulders, who is hiding behind a wall, observing you and Blade who are sitting at a table outside a restaurant. Blade refills your teacup without you noticing. “Whatchu hiding?”

“Nothing,” Yanqing brushes Yunli off like dust. “Just on a mission.”

Yunli hums, stifling a smile. “Hmm... I'll watch your back then.”

Yanqing nods, straightening his back, and marching towards the table like a soldier. Yunli will be entertained by this for centuries, and will be rolling in her grave thinking about it.

A cough for attention. You slowly look up, meeting a blonde boy in blue clothes.

“Jing Yuan's kid…” A flash of recognition in Blade's eyes. “Did he order you? How bothersome.”

“Of my own accord, I came to arrest you”—Blade stuffs a piece of youtiao in Yanqing's mouth, a spoonful of congee to chase, and a bite of tofu pudding to finish—“Mm, good food.”

“You need to grow taller," Blade says. "Tch. What's Jing Yuan doing with you?”

“Excuse you,” Yanqing says, offended, taking a seat at the table.

“Should I order more?” you ask, confused. Was Blade always good with kids? It's kinda cute.

Behind the wall, Yunli rubs her temple. “Yanqing... were you that hungry to forget your mission?”

“I have to go, Yingxing. The Express is calling my name.”

“Ridiculous. Just stay here, you don't need them. Is there an imperative rule demanding you to board?”

A shake of their head. “Our lives are drastically different,” the voice choked out, “you have a past here with fond memories and companions. You belong in Xianzhou Luofu. But me, I have yet to lay my home.”

He scoffs. “You mean to say that you do not love me as much as you thought?”

“I love you most to search you out before anyone else. And I have loved you too much by entering your world when I shouldn't, knowing that this would happen.”

“Why are you leaving only now, when I have even fewer years to live? Will you not allow me to spend my last dregs of life with you?” Or does he have to force them himself?

“... I do not want to see you draw your last breath,” an inhale. “You would understand too, if you were also a long-lived species. Having to watch loved ones lose to time again and again, it never gets easier.”

How ridiculous, Blade thought, blinking away sleep as he stands guard outside your house, that he would end up in their exact situation.

Since the visit to the fortune teller, Blade's assassination attempts have been null. A change of heart? How charismatic you are. But then why is he still carrying your bags and listening to your rambles? And why is he swatting away people who get too close to you?

You can't bring yourself to ask him so you keep walking ahead, doing random things with your arms to distract yourself. Isn't this like... having a boyfriend? You slap your face.

Blade watches your back, tracing the flex of your body when you stretch, the snippet of your smile when you turn your head to the side, you looking back to check if he is still here.

Blade rarely demonstrates himself with his face. But if he were to release the tense muscles that he forces to stiffen, you'd realise that he's been holding back a smile all along.

He watches you for a bit longer, letting the script unwind past. The future is cast in stone, but dripping water can penetrate the rock with enough time.²

...

... Click, click.

Heels click down a corridor, purple hair tousled over her shoulder. She stops in front of double doors. Darkness throws its hunter's net, trapping, a natural selection in place to filter in only those who live to survive.

“Hmm, I see,” the woman echoes. “Yes, in Xianzhou currently.”

“Change of plans? Bladie would... Blade stays true to his name—there's no one he can't cut down.”

“I understand.” A small chuckle. “My regards, dearest Elio.”

“You again?” Blade grumbles, offering Yanqing no more than a short glance. He lends a levitating hand just behind your back as you walk up the hill. “What? Hungry?”

Yanqing points at Blade. “I'm here to arrest you!”

“For what?” you ask, looking back. You notice something quickly retracts, but everything looks pretty normal. Perhaps it was just a bug flying.

Yanqing throws his hands in the air. “He's an assassin!”

“Oh, I forgot about that.” You suddenly have a hard time looking at Blade. In your defense, he's been pretty nice lately. But catching him staring at you? You'll have to get used to that.

Just behind a tree, two people huddle together, cautiously sneaking glances.

“Firefly, why is he smiling like that behind their back? What's with that disgustingly sweet look??”

“I have no idea Silverwolf... isn't that what lovers do?”

Silverwolf tilts her head, tapping absentmindedly on her phone. “Blade... I haven't seen him like that.” She observes the smile peeking on Blade's face, hiding from sight as he stands behind you. As always. “We're supposed to help him with this mission as per Kafka's command, but…”

Firefly, with her gaze, draws along Silverwolf's line of vision, studying. “He must be happy here,” she says. “Oh, I'll miss his driving…”

“Who's a good boy~” you coo, scratching a stray puppy's head. The puppy closes its eyes, tongue wagging.

Blade crouches near you, watching you shower the puppy with affection, completely forgetting him. The dog looks at him, tilting its head. Hmph. “Annoying.”

“Why is that your first word of the day?!”

You see a sliver of a smile as Blade casts his gaze down.

Picking the puppy up, you hand it to Blade who awkwardly holds it in the air. You laugh. “Wouldn't it be so cute if this puppy stayed like this forever?” you say to no one in particular.

Blade pauses, hair slightly dancing in the wind, crested in golden gingko leaves. He finally says, “An eternity is of the same weave as an abyss, to never see an end. Yet, if all lived forever...”

Blade looks up at the gingko canopy, wistful, stern. But he looks at you with a soft crease in his eyes, lifted ever so slightly by the cheeks.

"I... would not mind it."

You hum, studying his face. Trying to distract the heat caressing your cheeks by thinking a million thoughts.

“But this puppy has so much to explore,” you say, taking the puppy into your lap. “Being stuck in one place for so long, the steps we take will always loop back.” You brush the gingko leaves off Blade's hair.

“If I stayed in the same spot with that insufferable-loser-of-a-fiance, and never messaged you, well, we wouldn't have met, right?”

A beat in his chest. Savoured as it ripples through his body. Alive. Blade closes his eyes, feeling the breeze run its hand through his hair, the pulse in your fingers. You were alive too. Opens his eyes.

“... Ridiculous,” he simply replies.

Shuhu's flesh. It writhed, beating its last breath in Yingxing's hand. His other hand drew along a cold arm. One he has touched many times when it was warmer. A mortal separated from their immortal lover, a retelling of Hou Yi and Chang'e.³

A love he was willing to risk for, because he could not afford to lose again, he renewed that vow. A burst of pain, a golden disease invading. A bloodlust riveted.

I hope that in your next life, you will never wish for freedom again.

May fate bind us with its thread and suffocate us until we have to share our breaths through parted mouths, mistake whose hands are whose, and dig our fingers into each other's backs, melting into flesh, draw blood to malnourish the body of weight, just to fit into each other's arms. Because even if I torment your dreams, crush your future, or tangle your tongue until you can't speak, at least, that way, you always have to think of me.

Hate eventually bleeds into obsession, and obsession will consume your every thought until you can't move. In that case, detest with all your heart, blacken me in your mind, and bite my hand when I try to feed; it will only make me love you more.

Stay where I can see you, or be chained to me forcefully... I will not lose you again.

...

When he awoke again, his body was pierced many times over.

"Remember the feeling of death," Her hair skimmed the moon's surface, an arc of the sword that glimmered silver, as if cycling through the lunar phases in a swift strike, and bloodred eyes. "And bring it to them."

Wounds mended and healed, tightened and closed. His new body is a seamster that weaves the fabric of his skin to fit his flesh again, a blacksmith that hammers out the steel and reforges it into a blade once more.

He does not come back to life—the joy of creation long forgotten in the face of death that has strangled everything else—a dead man walking. Laid his body on a bed of red spider lilies, the petals weeping on his clothes—or, was it a pool of blood? Doesn't matter.

The mara worked strangely on him—memories seldom passed by in his mind. Yet, this person crossed that boundary, weaved inside his head.

A face drifted along the tides of his mind, drowning and resurfacing every few seconds as he tried to fish the fragments. The scales shine, a bright smile, the tails flap, his hand weaved into another, the fins slither, laughter. Like carps, persevering past the strong waves of his mara.

He must've loved them so strongly to the point that it brewed hatred. A desire to blind them with his affection, and then mangle their limbs, so that the last thing they would ever feel was his selfish love.

Blade took you home as you sleeped in his carry, eyeing Skott intensely and scaring the man to make way. He draped you on your bed. It was too long since he's seen you so peaceful and... Blade stopped his fingers from feathering the rim of your lips.

Why couldn't he keep you here? Be chained to him, just stay here, you don't need anyone else. Crush you until you rely on him. This is where you're meant to be, right next to him.

His head lowered for a moment before he got up.

His words to Skott: "You're dead the moment you disturb them," Blade warned as he approached the cowering man. "Or, should I dispose of you here after what you put them through?"

Skott never returned home since, presumably ran away.

Blade went out and walked along Central Starskiff Haven. A simple thing caught his eye—a bobbin of blue string. And then—

"May I have a word with you?" Blade recognised that voice: Jing Yuan

...

“It was the same then, and the same now; you are fixated on the past.”

Blade studies Jing Yuan. Studies the carp swimming in the water, looking down. “Just skip to what you want to say.” Blade had little patience for the man who knew about the price of sin, yet said nothing.

Jing Yuan shakes his head, leaning on the railing of the bridge, looking up. He will savour every second of this meeting, one he had waited too long for. “Life is finite, grains of sand that slip through fingers. Fragile—for a reason—we are not meant to last forever. Even for us long–lived species, the mara is a cap screwed tightly to stop us, poised to spiral our memories into oblivion.”

Blade could almost laugh. This person before him, who used to reach only his shoulders, now was teaching him.

“Do you think it was only you who suffered all this time?” Jing Yuan frowns, frustrated. His shoulders shake. “We were separated. But the bonds we created last beyond a meeting. And I have have kept our companions in my heart. This way, they are always with me.”

“Fate may be predestined, but when the heart is moved, it becomes unforgettable.⁴”

Fate does not pity. Cruel yet kind at times, it does not know of its own recklessness, which must be why fate executes its job so easily. It feels no empathy.

But, it's exactly this reason why fate can never touch human connections. It does not understand the heart, therefore, what humans use it for are ultimately decisions that they make themselves. Fate is all-seeing, but not all-knowing.

“Hah…” Blade exhales. Words he didn't want from Jing Yuan, but needed to hear.

“And—” Jing Yuan winces, clutching his forehead. His eyes are watery, having recalled something yet lost it at the same time. A small silence. “Apologies, they say... that you are nearing the brink of death when memories start flashing at you, for the last time. Must be true... haha.”

Blade is wordless, fingers digging into palm. “Don't spout nonsense. Save your breath.”

Jing Yuan laughs, knowing that this is Blade's way of caring, the same as he used to, before saying, “I see all five of us. Underneath the gingko trees, where we met…”

Gingko trees... those words stood out. Jing Yuan would always... “Gingko trees... how many are there?” Blade asks, looking at Jing Yuan.

Jing Yuan's eyes are open in surprise, unexpecting the question. His mouth moves but does not mutter, on the edge of words, before saying with that lazy grin of his, “How would I know the answer to that?”

Blade walks along the rainy path to your home. Along the gingko trees, past the river flowing carps along, to a door that is open, ready to welcome. But before he could, he felt a presence. “Kafka.”

“Bladie, Elio's a tad bit disappointed,” Kafka steps out of the shadows, holding a black umbrella. “You were talking to General Jing Yuan. But what does he know?”

Blade lets the rain devour her voice. Kafka walks towards him, still wearing her smile. It is often that Blade cannot read her concealed expression. She fondles with something behind her back.

Blade's limbs are speared in place. Spirit Whisper. He steps back—

“Listen to me. I will say the words you truly want to hear.”

“Your desires, why have you been suppressing their demands? Who are you trying to protect them from? They won't live long this time, so make the most of it. Take it all. This is your part of the script.”

Crush. Chain. Claim. The words inject its needle into Blade, piercing skin. Relieving. It feels like a cure, a medicine, his treatment. This is what he needs. The mara suddenly blooms its branches, ripping into his head, splintering it with an agonising pain. Clouds gather its dark feathers, pluming over Xianzhou with its wing-like embrace.

“Sorry, Bladie. I must do this. They were supposed to be dead long ago,” she says these final words, passing him with a smile, sad eyes, before turning into nothing more than another percussive instrument in the orchestra of rain.

...

Ping! ...

User 'Blade' is typing...

...

User 'Blade': You are mine.

You woke up to darkness placing its blindfold over you, sat on cold ground. Sweat trickles down your neck that bobs up and down, trying to breathe—to live. A musk repeating smoke and metal.

Taking another deep breath, you try to stand up but are immediately dissuaded by the nagging on your wrist, chained. The blindfold slips from the jolt.

“You're trying to escape me again.”

Suddenly, you are pulled into an embrace from behind, your back pressed on a chest. He is cold against your engulfed body—ice against fire. Designed by nature to sabotage one another, destined never to find each other. Caused by a sinner's karmic debt. “Blade, y-your arms...”

Small gingko branches perforate through his skin, the leaves thrumming to his slow breath. Red pearls roll down his arms, as if unhitched from a broken necklace. You notice the deep lacerations that dig past even further than where the branches grew from, as if someone has been trying to gouge them out.

Blade watches you, muttering as little words as possible to save breath, “It'll heal.”

You trace his arm with your finger. The wounds are caught in ebb and flow, between the stricken trauma and the regenerative tissues. Gradually, the bloody gap bridges his flesh together, an infrastructure built and painted over with his skin. “What...?” Your hand retracts but Blade catches it.

“Leaving me again?”

You search for his face, aching. Dark eye circles hung low, Blade is exhausted and just as afraid of what he's become. His hands glides along your arms, landing just above the back of your hands, before lacing his fingers into the crooks. He didn't want to hurt you, and you feel that fragility through the press of his lips on your neck.

“I won't,” you reassure, letting his weight stamp onto you.

His shoulders squeeze in, appearing smaller. As if trying to merge with you so that he may live inside. Know you inside out. Claim. His hand tighten around yours, subduing his desires.

Blade shakes his head, lips dragged down by the weight of the torrent he is trying to suppress inside him. He traces Kafka's words. “I abhor you…”

“You're lying... because eventually you will.”

“What makes you say that?”

“This is the price I pay,” he mutters, “I have willed life into an impossible existence, and I must witness how that very life ends.”

The law of equivalent exchange; to obtain what you so desire, an equal value must be given in return. And life and death always follow each other as equals.

Words disintegrate, melting on the tongue, as fragile as snow falling on skin. You replay the frown on Blade's face, his twitching eyebrows. An animation, flicking its pages in your mind, and your heart leaves it to loop over, and over. You lower your head, hesitant. You didn't understand what he was saying. But it feels like he's talking to you.

He is stood at the edge of the cliff, and you are the last push. But you didn't want him to let go yet.

“Then, it's our fault for choosing each other. Bound not by fate, but by choice, and by heart. And if we don't have much time, then let's use every second of it.”

Blade hears Jing Yuan's words in them. He also hears someone else's words. A final flash of another memory. And then, he repeats your voice that said the words. It comforts him, resting the pain to sleep. The gingko leaves fall, ripened. Maybe it were these words he was waiting for all along—to let him know that he can belong next to you after his sin.

There is no use dwelling on the past. He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey; he who blames himself is halfway there; he who blames no one has arrived.⁵ When moments can be spent with you now, the present becomes hopeful.

Kafka's shackles fade. Spring will come again.

Blade unchains the cuff on your wrist, soothing the red marks with his kisses. He fetches something from his pockets—a bobbin of blue string. Softly takes your pinky, intertwined with his, and he begins wrapping the thread around them. You watch him quietly, heart pounding. The knot is tied.

“Let me keep you for a little longer,” Blade whispers, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I'll let you go after this, I promise.” To sever the string.

You mould into him, and the seamster sewed your stitch into the embroidery, the blacksmith modelled the sword in your shape.

Guest_User#1001: I am expecting good results.

Blade sighed, throwing his phone on the bed. That name they gave, it looked familiar. Nevertheless, he had a job to do.

Guest_User#1002 has requested: Hello, may I ask to book a session for me and my insufferable-loser-of-a-fiance?

... What a coincidence. Blade scoffed.

Tracing your location, he found your home. The first time he saw you, he recognised instantly, and memories began flashing.

“Why are you running from me?”

“Why do you have a sword?!”

“Jiaoqiu, you're facing the wrong way—we're behind you.”

“You really are sure he's not your boyfriend?”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Tch. What's Jing Yuan doing with you?”

“Excuse you,”

“If I stayed in the same spot with that insufferable-loser-of-a-fiance, and never messaged you, well, we wouldn't have met, right?”

“Life is finite, grains of sand that slip through fingers. Fragile - for a reason—we are not meant to last forever.”

“Your desires, why have you been suppressing their demands? Who are you trying to protect them from?”

“I will lock you here for eternity. I will never let you go.”

No, these weren't memories. This was a slither of the future that Elio granted him. The original ending that was supposed to fit Blade.

But Blade had changed the end. He had changed fate with you, by his own choice.

...

Ping!

User 'Blade': In front of you.

You look up from your phone, grinning. Blade smiles at you, walking over. You trace the bandage around his arms, where the mara sprouted. "How is it?"

"I'm fine," he replies, "this will not dull my mastery with a sword. Come." He links his pinky with yours. There is no time to waste.

Aurum Alley blossoms with gingko leaves, vessels for auspicious happiness. Qingque waves at you, having reserved a large table by a restaurant. The signature aroma of Jiaoqiu's spices whet the appetite, Moze swiping the dishes away from Feixiao, Jing Yuan leaning his chin on his palm, dozing, and Yanqing and Yunli playing around Blade. Silverwolf and Firefly said their goodbyes.

“Good thing Master Fu Xuan is in a meeting,” Qingque fills your teacup. “And if she questions me, I can just use General Jing Yua–”

"Qingque," Anyone can recognise that voice. “Jing Yuan, you too... and,” She looks at you. You gulp. “You level one-hundred slacker-offs!”

“Lady Fu~ come join us.” Jing Yuan pats a seat.

However, Fu Xuan, with scrunched eyebrows, suddenly grabs your wrist, scruntinising the pinky. As if it's missing something. She looks at Blade, unsettled. “Your string... it's been…” Blade looks at her, quiet. Fu Xuan then shakes her head, giving a sad smile. “So that's your choice. I'm not a couple's therapist, but... I wish good luck to the both of you.”

You are left confused, but Fu Xuan would glare at you if you pushed it further. “He'll tell you one day,” she said.

After the chaotic meal, you all parted ways. A sea of stars reflect the fishes worming under the translucent skin of the river bank, a mirror. Thoughts race in your head, thinking of everything that happened. You rub your pinky.

The red string of fate, a myth that weaves couples together. But you never needed it anyways. Not a red one, at least.

“Blade,” you begin, turning around.

“You were protecting me all along, weren't you?”

Blade looks at you, lending his ears.

“That time when you dragged me away from the orange-haired lady who was about to collide into me, same with the girl with the fiery tail that could've killed me.

When we were climbing that hill with Yanqing, I swear you had your hand behind me. It was to catch my fall, wasn't it?

And that time where you were injured—the mara, it's called—it felt like you were holding yourself back.”

Blade smirks. “You've been watching me?”

You smile. “You're like my guardian angel.”

In those few words, Blade witnesses the last flash of memories.

He remembered. And Blade knew then, that Yingxing was trying to move on. Traces of him were left—Yingxing's intense desires—but ultimately, everything was Blade's choice.

The past would stop haunting him. He is Blade, just as you are you. Not photographed to a fleeting memory, but living in a present time. Left with a body to fill with new memories, he now looks to the future.

A dull ache tugs in his chest, a pain so suffocating. His arms wrap around you.

Watching you laugh, cry, be angry, to keep you safe so that you can grow old, and he will love every second of you. Until you draw that last breath, and then preserved in his mind, so you may live on forever this way—immortal in his memories, until the mara grants him finality.

https://redstringservices.xzhou/homepage/requests/999

This site is closed for an indefinite period. Go away.

User 'Lacking_in_everything_but_muscles_General' has requested: Does anyone know where the person managing the website went? They haven't offered me a duel yet :( ↳ User 'HealerLadyIsTheBest1' replied: Good riddance! ↳ User 'Spice-and-Rice-is-Life!xox' replied: Feixiao, if you don't stop adding coriander to my broth, you will end up in the next meal I cook!!! User 'v1ral_m4ster_of_lif3-stre@ms': Oooh, a haunted website!! Let's make a video about this at Fyxestroll Garden, stat! @UserHuohuo @UserSushang @UserHanya @UserXueyi @UserYukong @UserLingsha @UserFugue @UserSunday @GalacticBaseballer111 @UserDanHeng ↳ UserDanHeng#1003 replied: Why am I here? ↳ UserLingsha#1004 replied: Why am I here? ↳ UserYukong#1005 replied: Why am I here? ↳ UserHanya#1007 replied: Why am I here...? (also asking on Xueyi's behalf) ↳ UserFugue#1008 replied: Haha, why not~ ↳ User 'GalacticBaseballer111' replied: Thanks for the invite! Still dead tho^^ ↳ UserSunday#1009 replied: ...? User 'grandpa!stop_doting_on_me' has requested: Uncle Blaaade, let's plaaaay huhu (╯︵╰,) ↳ User 'My_life_is_for_wielding_swords' replied: General Jing Yuan invited you to play starchess with us, wanna join? Invite March 7th too, we need to keep up her training! Guest_User#1001 left a review: WORST HITMAN EVEEEEER!!! YOU THREATENED ME AND TOOK MY PARTNEEER!!! User 'celstialjademylove10': Wait, that guy really was an assassin??? [Deleted by commenter] ↳ UserFuXuan#1010 replied: Qingque, slacking off are we? ↳ User 'celstialjademylove10' replied: ohshizzles [Deleted by commenter] Mod 'Let'sSetOurHeartsAblaze!': Farewell Blade, until we meet again~ Kafka (and me- and SW here😎) gives you two her regards! Mod 'SW#GU2055#addme': welp the story ends here ig. gg guys lets meet in the next story🤫

“Yingxing, do you know the myth of Yue Lao?”

“An old man who sits under the moon, tying the red string of fate for couples who are meant to find each other,” A melodic laugh, intertwining their pinky with his, wrapped in string. “But... even if Yue Lao did not destine for us to be together, as different as we are... a mortal and... a long-lived.” The knot tightened. A sad but knowing look. They continue,

“I believe it is much more powerful that we have loved each other of our own will, without the gods, deities, or aeons. A freedom and choice, entirely derived from our hearts. We love each other for who we are, not because it was meant to be. A love as natural as the carps along the river flow.”

“And with all the autonomy we had, untouched by divine power, I am so happy that you came back to me every time. As if tied by our very own red string—or, perhaps, our blue string.”

“Bound not by fate, but by choice, and by heart.”

... ౨ৎ

footnotes

Yue Lao - god of marriage and love in Chinese mythology, who appears to people as a old man under the moon. Carries the "red string of fate" to tie the destinies of couples who are meant to be together.

“Dripping water can penetrate the stone.” - proverb about how perseverance can help overcome obstacles.

Chang'e and Huo Yi - in Chinese mythology, Chang'e drank the immortality elixir, taken from her husband, the legendary archer Hou Yi. As a result, Chang'e was separated from her mortal lover, residing on the moon for eternity with her Jade Rabbit.

“Fate is predestined, but when the heart is moved, it’s unforgettable.” - proverb about how true connections that last beyond a fated meeting are what make the encounter unforgettable.

“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.” - proverb about accepting the situation and moving past.

a/n: what if i wrote a time-skip epilogue so everyone can cry. what then. since blade is an older character, he has a lot of development. i tried my best to incorporate most of his story ^^ i teared up thinking abt the high cloud quintet, they were such a cute family before tragedy striked :( they were raising jing yuan, but jing yuan being the only one to have made it out made me even sadder :(( ALSO i apologise to any skott fans huhu. husband!skott but you're having an affair w blade forbidden love WATCH ME IM IM IMGON DO ITT!!!!1! im out of words now. i will now attempt to type the alphabet with my eyes closed. abcdefhjidkl,mnpqweribcxyd (i suck) thanks for reading!!🎀

#if one is talking about blade(s) how does blade know which blade is being talked abt #if you call him sword does he respond to that like its his second name #if blade wields a blade isn't that like self-ception #if i say fetch me my blade will blade just let me smack people with him #if blade wields a blade isn't that just him having an extended body part #how will blade react if you bring a gun to a sword (blade) fight #honkai star rail x reader #blade x reader #hsr x reader #hsr blade x reader #angie's crayon drawings!

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innerfare · 6 months ago

Text

A Lucky Injury - Law

Summary: Your Captain, whom you've been crushing on since you joined the Heart Pirates, was injured in a fight, and his wound is in a place he just can't reach, forcing him to ask you for help bandaging it. Features pining (reader is down bad).

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Gn!Reader

Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff

CW: SFW // Slight Mention of Blood and Injury (no real gory details though)

Word Count: 643

———

It was a lucky injury. You were a bad person for thinking it, a horrible person for gleaning any amount of pleasure from your Captain’s pain, but it was a lucky injury. Somewhere between mild and moderate on the scale, closer to moderate though Law claimed it was mild, the gash on his shoulder blade was just out of reach. For him, at least. The gash was well within your reach. It was also serious enough to warrant medical attention, but not so serious that you had to worry about his future health.

It was a lucky injury.

“Take off your shirt,” you ordered him, doing your utmost to act normal as he sighed and went to pull his hoodie off. To your sick pleasure, he flinched a little when he did, allowing you to step in and pull it the rest of the way off. You caught the lingering scent of his soap and that special laundry detergent he used for his sensitive skin mixed with his sweat, and you had to stop yourself from pulling the garment to your face and inhaling like some sort of lunatic.

“Y/n-ah, I can do it myself.” His voice sounded lower than usual, similar to when he was tired or battling a cold he insisted he didn’t have. It was gravelly, like it might give out at any moment.

“Just like you could fight those guys yourself?” You set the hoodie beside him on the exam table and assessed his wound, drying some of the blood from his tanned skin. You took extra care not to look at his bare chest, knowing full well those heart tattoos and lithe muscles would make it too difficult to concentrate on your work.

“I did fight them myself,” he said. “And I beat them myself, too, so don’t-” He hissed as you dabbed his wound with antiseptic.

“Yeah, you’re a real tough guy.”

“I’m a Warlord,” he reminded you.

“And the most terrifying one, to boot.” You continued cleaning his wound, a little bit too aware of the way his jaw clenched as you worked. Oh, and the sinewy line of his shoulder. You knew your captain was a nerd, but he certainly didn’t have the body of a guy who spent much of his time hunched over a desk.

It was a lucky injury.

“Why are you taking so long?” He asked. “It’s clean by now, just bandage me up.”

“Doctors make the worst patients,” you tutted, giving his wound one more pass with the antiseptic. It was for his own good, not because you wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to touch him.

“If you’re dragging this out to punish me for going in by myself-”

“I would never prolong your suffering,” you interrupted, reaching for a bandage. “That would be unethical.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, “a pirate would never do something unethical.”

“Is the Warlord going to lecture me now on ethics?”

“Maybe.” He cleared his throat, and you realized there was a slight pink flush to his cheeks, though you had no idea why. You could only imagine he was embarrassed to be caught in a position where he needed help.

You considered messing up the bandage so you had to redo it, now not even so enamored by his naked upper half as you were enjoying the way he squirmed, for once not in a position of power, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Of course, you regretted it as soon as he grabbed his dirty hoodie and tugged it back on.

“I’ll need to change that in a few hours,” you told him as he stood up. “Come find me after dinner.”

“Thanks,” was all he said before slipping out, leaving you with the fresh memory of his shirtless form and warm skin.

It was a lucky injury.

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

#one piece #one piece fluff #one piece x reader #law x reader #law one piece #trafalgar law #law #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar law x reader #heart pirates

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avifaunaa · 3 months ago

Text

how the world spins without you [ n.r. ] [ pt.1 ]

AUTHORS NOTE: Hey guys just a quick note. I go a bit into Natasha's entrance into the U.S. and exit from the Red Room in a sort of big chunk of this. It involves Clint being there as her buddy and as someone who helps her get used to her new life. If you're just here for smut I apologize greatly. I do get to it but I wanted to have Nat be a large focus in this fic! That said -- I hope you enjoy it otherwise. This is an AU where Thanos simply doesn’t live after infinity war. They get to him in time.

Masterlist

PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Summary: Natasha was adept at many things: assassination, spying, avenging — they made for a great resume. What she wasn’t quite so adept at was understanding you when she returns from her exile and found you at her beloved table.

Content Warnings: Discussions of culture shock and Natasha's integration into the States, SLOW BURN TO GET TO THE SMUT, Mild-to-moderate angst, SO SOFT, hints that R's parents are absent / neglectful at best, Yelena and Kate being immediate gremlins upon introduction

Word Count: ~7.9k

Men and Minors DNI

Natasha Romanoff did not indulge in many things for herself.

Growing up, it was because she was never offered such things. Enjoying 'the small things in life' was simply not an option in the Red Room and Dreykov was particular about ensuring what his girls consumed. Even the smallest comforts could lead to the idea of freedom.

One of the first things Natasha did when she walked away -- after signing an agreement with the United States government, with S.H.I.E.L.D., -- was get coffee. With Clint.

"You ever had coffee? You've had to have coffee," the Hawkeye said as though it were obvious. They had just been transferred back to the U.S. after a successful escape from Budapest. Growing close in tight quarters had meant learning a little about one another between them listening and watching the people go about their lives.

And between the games of hang-man and tic-tac-toe. Another introduction from Clint, seeming flabbergasted that he had to explain the concept of both games to Natasha who, despite her brief stay in America as a child, simply did not know either game.

She learned quickly and had eventually started to defeat him.

"Once," Natasha replied shortly following behind the bruised and filthy man into the bustling New York shop. "For a mission. To blend in."

Clint did not ask her to elaborate, but he clapped his hands together loud enough to garner some curious looks towards the two [ who already stood out like bleeding, infected thumbs needing to be amputated ].

"Wonderful," he chortled, eyes focusing on the chalk-board menus hanging above the barista bar. Fake vines wrapped invitingly around the signs and little drawings decorated the corners.

Natasha did not know -- could not know -- if she hated such a sight of casual happiness when her entire world before today was never allowed this.

"What do I get?" the redhead asked as the line grew closer.

"Whatever you want," he responds as his muscled arm gestured to the various pastry displays and again at the hanging menu board. "Everything here is different. Some things are iced others are hot. Do you want it made like a caffeinated milkshake? Ask for a frappe, I guess."

"Why so many options?" Natasha questioned next, frowning and feeling slightly overwhelmed.

She would never admit that even her fine training and brutal grooming couldn't have prevented some of this culture shock. The Red Room was able to prevent her from seeking out these luxuries in the name of her duties -- they scarcely deigned to say what luxuries they were.

Natasha felt as though she were face to face with one now. Why so many choices when not one person can try nor like them all? She did not even want to look at the amount of food inside of the displays stacked.

She knew the reality of what happens to the food not finished after a store closes. Thrown out and wasted while others hunger for prices they cannot afford.

"Natasha?" They were at the counter now, where all the thick scents of coffee beans and other smells unfamiliar were at their strongest. "Anything look good?"

Natasha scanned the board for something and to squash that overwhelming lump that threatened to rise from her stomach and into her throat, she just said, "Coffee, black."

Clint groaned from beside her as he pulled out a battered wallet. Natasha watched as he used a credit card to pay and wondered if that would be another luxury given to her.

The Red Room gave them everything they saw as a necessity. Money for missions was sent through a wire transfer to a bank account to withdraw as cash. Mostly to keep their mission as untraceable as possible, but also to control the Widows by only ever giving them enough to get through their assignment.

Running away never worked out for most who tried, anyway.

Clint nudged her a moment later. "C'mon, let's get you sat down okay?"

"Where?"

Clint shrugged more dramatically than needed as he once again used his arms to gesture to the open plan floor where some tables were taken and some sofas around a fire-place hosted people as well. Other tables and some overstuffed leather chairs remained vancant.

"Wherever the heart desires, Nat. No assigned seating required. I'll wait for the order -- why don't you find somewhere for us to sit?"

Natasha wanted to do something other than that. People hardly bothered her in most circumstances -- people had been her job for her entire life. But she was not used to people in a casual context where there was no target to watch out for, no enemies to ensure weren't around with you.

But her feet were moving anyway, avoiding the high traffic tables and definitely shying away from the social circle the fireplace seemed to attract.

She found an empty table near the back close to the hallway leading to the bathrooms where the volume wasn't so thick and where her back could sit comfortably where less amounts of threats were.

She sat awkwardly, arms crossing across the table as she waited. Her eyes floated around the small but busy shop and took in the scene. A mother handing her child a small lidded cup of chocolate milk, a delighted look in the kiddo's eyes, as she adjusted her bag and grabbed her own cup of coffee and started leading the child out the door.

"Clint!" a low-sung voice called out clearly. Clint practically skipped to the counter where two different drinks awaited him as he thanked the barista and turned around on his heel with a swerve.

He spotted Natasha pretty quickly and danced through the crowd -- but he actively involved himself in people instead of avoiding them. He said cheerful "excuse me's!" and a very scolded "pardon" to an elderly couple he nudged the table of as he approached.

"That was a lot of foot work when you could have walked around," the Russian told him when he finally made a safe approach with a smug grin.

"What, and not show off my circus-grade balancing act? I don't think so," he retorted with an even wider grin as he set both drinks down with a flourish.

Natasha bit her tongue when a comment almost forced its' way out. Instead she turned her gaze to the two drinks on the table and read their labels. BLACK read one, the other in a clear tall cup with heavy ice, ICED MOCHA.

Clint pulled his toward him and pulled a straw out of nowhere [ later, Natasha would admit she was still impressed by it for a month until she learned his secret to the trick ] and popped it into the drink's lid.

"I cannot believe," he starts, dropping into the chair across from her and leaning back comfortably, "that I bring you to one of the best coffee shops New York City has to offer and you insult me--"

"It is all the same -- the same intentions, yes?" she asked as she brought the hot drink up to her lips. It was bitter like the one or two other times she'd had coffee but this flavor had a hint of hazelnut. Perhaps a different brand?

"Sure, I mean sort of?" Clint scratched the chin scruff he'd began growing in Budapest. "Some people can't stand the bitterness of normal coffee or don't like it hot. That's why there's so many different ways to get it."

"I don't see the point."

"Would you eat pizza the same way as someone who say . . . likes anchovies?"

Natasha lets herself think on it. The one time she had pizza was when she was with Melina and Alexi as a child. She could still remember how melted the cheese was -- that was the type they got. Cheese. Alexi got some sort of "Americanized Everything" as he called it.

She answered with, "I suppose not. Anchovies are not good."

Clint laughed. "Right. Not everyone wants anchovy on pizza but they still want the pizza. The same goes for coffee. They want the coffee but they may not like how bitter or hot it is. So there's different flavors, different ways to make it. Iced, blended, the works."

"I see," Natasha said as she sipped at her bitter, hot coffee while Clint held his not bitter, hot coffee. "What form did you get?"

"I like mine iced with extra chocolate syrup," he told her. He eyed her, grinned, then nudged it closer. "Wanna try?"

She blinked at him. "It is your drink, I have my own."

Clint raised a bloodied [ days old and dried ] eyebrow at her. "So? It doesn't mean there's a contract that legally binds you from tasting it. Just try it. If you don't end up liking it, you know to not get it next time."

Natasha regards the drink for a moment as it was offered. She decided that she's already done so many things that she shouldn't otherwise be doing -- she was no longer working with Dreykov. Dreykov was dead and he could not touch her.

She leaned over and took a sip. It was definitely cold and tasted like coffee but had a chocolate taste and was sweeter than anything she's ever tasted.

"Good? Terrible? Wanna pull your tongue out and burn it?" Clint wondered.

Natasha smiled a little at him. "I think I like it very much."

Over the years, Natasha would keep coming back to this coffee shop. She learned its name and kept it safe — especially when the attack of New York occurred.

It had been destroyed when she got to it but she was able to save everyone inside. They rebuilt and continued on as anyone can do when a disaster strikes and shock that aliens exist have made the human brain barely able to cope.

The first time they opened since the attack was when Natasha decided to try something new. She had been able to do many new things: become an Avenger, work somewhat nicely with other people, and above all: save the world with Tony Stark and not kill him in the process.

She’d been greeted reverently by the staff who had starshine in their eyes and gratitude to give.

It was overwhelming. She wanted to run away and never come back again.

She ordered an iced mocha with extra chocolate syrup, instead. To go — because too many people were starting to come in. Regulars of the store that she’d recognized but ones that now knew her too. It was too much to handle at once and she needed her exterior to stay solid.

They threw in a free pastry — she didn’t see what it was but heard the crinkling of the bag sat down by her as she leaned against the counter. She took her coffee and unwanted bread product of unknown origin and left.

She didn’t return for three weeks.

When she did she made Steve come with her. They’d grown close the more the government had implemented the Avengers program after the attack and had suffered Tony in bogus amounts.

[ They grew to love Tony, too, if only because he knew how to handle the public more than even Steve but also because he was able to make them forget ].

Steve was better at this thing — the superhero persona. He took it in stride and spoke warmly with people when approached, offering conversation and knowing how to slip away from it politely and smoothly.

This time while Steve was talking to a young pretty blonde near the entrance, Natasha ordered a macchiato. She got Steve his enormously detailed drink he’d listed off for her before being taken to the side and she threw in a couple of pie slices. Blueberry.

She almost believed she could stay this time. Her table was open and it was still early enough to enjoy the energy before the morning rush took over and invaded their space.

Natasha turned to Steve and said, “Okay, Captain America, your coffee is getting cold. We should sit down and eat our pies before we get called back.”

A perfect exit, a glance of relief from the blonde hero, and they sat down. Nat facing the front again but for entirely different reasons this time.

She picked at her pie slice with a plastic fork while Steve drank his coffee and ate his with just the right amount of speed to not concern other patrons.

“You’ve been holding out on me,” he told her, looking around comfortably at the shop. It looked somewhat the same rebuilt — perhaps more updated in terms of structure but otherwise not as new as one could come to think. “This is your hideout?”

Natasha played with a blueberry that fell from the crust. “It was.”

Steve regarded her for a silent minute, then sighed and set down his fork. “You’re not settling well with the attention.”

“I’m doing fine.” She didn’t glance up at him. They were the defacto leaders of their little operation even if Fury believed he was. Besides Clint, it was Steve that Nat was starting to confide in for some things.

For others he seemed to read her like an open fucking book that she had previously managed to keep chained and locked tight.

America was making her soft.

“You’re lying,” he decided after a moment, then took a sip of his coffee and said nothing more.

She waited for him to dig further, but he simply went back to his pie and coffee. She watched him suspiciously. “What — no pep talk about how this is my life now? How I should find a way to live with it so that I can better serve the people?”

Steve tapped his chin. “I’d say you’re living with this life in the best way you can, Nat. I don’t exactly know your entire story but I do know that you worked with people like I did but uh —“ he squinted, “oppositely.”

“You can say I killed people, Steve,” she sighed. Her pie was pushed back, uneaten.

Steve nodded. “Okay. You killed people — maybe they didn’t deserve it but for whatever reason you were sent to do it. You didn’t ask questions but you did as you were told. I was in the army and they essentially ran the same rules but we did it on a greater scale in a massive war instead of in the shadows. Killing was in the job.”

“You became Captain America,” Natasha told him bluntly, curling her lip slightly, “A man that brought great comfort and safety to his country and protected them with the serum they never knew he had running in his veins. But they didn’t have to know — because you did good.”

“Sure,” Steve agreed, looking slightly sadder, “and maybe some of the men I killed could’ve been good. Because I didn’t ask.”

Natasha smiled at him, sadly, “I don’t think so, Steve. They let you play publicly like they let the Red Guardian in Russia play.” She tapped her fingers against the table. “I was never meant to be a hero in anyone’s stories. I was always their nightmare and a blacked out mention on the paperwork and files.”

Steve didn’t know what else to say, how to comfort her. That was okay. Natasha wouldn’t know what to do with comfort or gentleness. She strayed away from it like she strayed away from her mistresses beatings in her ballet lessons.

“In truth,” Natasha says, pulling her coffee closer in hopes it will ground her better than she can ground herself, “I needed you here because maybe I struggle being the part of someone’s story that doesn’t bring endless grief and anger.”

She watched now as the customers began going about their business and pretended that Captain America and the Black Widow were just ordinary people among them.

“Right now, I’m just trying to figure out how to find my place in a world that wasn’t initially meant for me.”

She met you after the long, destructive battle that ended with the death of Thanos — and Vision with him. Wanda had vanished and Natasha knew she’d be called in when they found traces of her.

But for now she was home. The drive from the compound was longer than the walk from the Tower but that’s okay.

“Natasha,” Fiona, the manager, greeted with a small smile and quiet demeanor. “Welcome back. I saw what you did in Wakanda. What you and the Avengers all did.”

Natasha smiles in return, dipping her head in acknowledgement. “Ah, news travels fast now. It was a group effort.”

“I’m glad your name got cleared by the Accords. It wasn’t right,” she continued, shaking her head stiffly, “After all you did. You and Captain America. It simply wasn’t right,” she repeated.

“It’s okay,” Natasha told her with a relaxed stance as she put her hands into her jacket pockets. She was somewhat truthful. It was okay — the fight with Thanos had forgiven a lot of things.

The government had turned their head and seemingly forgotten who their named fugitives were. Lost the paperwork and welcomed their beloved heros back as though it never happened.

The other half of Natasha and the others — the halves that had sacrificed a lot of themselves over the years — were still angry and demanding more.

“It’s being taken care of,” the redhead-turning-blonde continued as she graced an easy smile toward Fiona. “I’m just happy to be home. I missed this place.”

“We missed you too! We kept your streak for what you’ve tried and what you haven’t,” the small barista exclaimed, crouching down and digging under some shelves presumably.

She pulled out a white board that was somewhat on the verge of being erased with all the scuffs it had on its writing. But thankfully it was still legible. She was on course for trying the caramel apple mocha next.

She went with that. “Frappe or cappe?”

Natasha thought for a moment. “Let’s do it as a frappe,” she decided, pulling out her wallet and handing over the sleek black credit card labelled with the large STARK INDUSTRIES on top.

Fiona swiped it once before handing it back, “It’ll be out very soon,” she said as she hopped over to the machines to start making her order.

Natasha meandered over to the pickup counter, finding a spot on the corner to lean against and pull out her phone. The chubby, slobbery face of Nathaniel grinning next to Cooper and Lila greeted her when she looked at her Lock Screen.

She had one text from Tony regarding her rooms at the compound needing to be Clint-proofed [ “Why are you trying to keep me out of your life?” Clint bemoaned when he called her from the blocked off vents later that night ].

She sent a quick text, telling Tony to add flamethrowers to the vent walls if needed to keep the Hawkeye from breaking the damn thing.

Tony only sent back a devil emoji followed by three fire emojis.

Natasha snorted and pocketed her phone as Fiona came over capping the top of her drink, extra whipped cream spilling out the top.

“Here you go,” she chirped proudly as she slid over the drink. “I did add a little of the spice that we use for our pumpkin flavored drinks. It’s really good with this one too.”

“I trust your judgement, Fiona,” Natasha said as she took the drink in hand and smiled. “Thank you. I’ll let you know how I like it.”

“Please do! Your reviews keep us busy.”

Natasha turned and tapped the cup with her fingers as she looked for her table. It was busy already this morning but Natasha had quickly learned that blending in could be as easy or as difficult as she made it.

She said hello to some people who greeted her first, and made some small conversations. The regulars knew she liked to keep to herself until she finished her drink, however, and left her alone with just a smile and short greeting.

But she came to a stop shortly.

Someone was at her table, littering the surface with notebooks and a textbook opened that they seemed to be deeply focused on.

Natasha kept walking towards her table cautiously, suddenly greeted with a new challenge in her comfort zone.

Small talk was an effort — but maybe —

You looked up and they struck Natasha like a speeding car with no intentions to stop. They were so brown — your eyes. Rich in the color and fierce in the cold New York sun.

She expected shock when you realized who she was. Some sort of spluttering hello.

But you only looked slightly irked as you pulled out an AirPod she didn’t see you wearing before and said, “Why the hell are you staring at me?”

This was the worst place for you to have chosen to study — especially since you chose to do it during the height of Winter Break.

Kate had insisted on its perfect aura, the warmth it was saturated in. You called her dramatic and she didn’t answer any of your texts the rest of the night other than to spam emojis at every message you sent her.

Whatever, you thought, as you settled at a table with your newly ordered dark chocolate frappe. It was five in the morning with no sun, few to no people, and sugar and caffeine to keep you going now even if it led to the inevitable crash later.

You got to work with pulling your textbook out and beginning to take extremely detailed notes that you can make even more detailed study cards on at a later date.

It was hours before an intrusion broke you from your study fever. It wasn’t a forceful one, either, but it demanded attention enough that it had you pulling focus after hours of studying with no end in sight.

You pointedly ignored it as best you can, hoping that your music and the lack of eye contact would send a strong and clear message: leave me alone, I don’t wish for human contact.

The message went undelivered as did the feeling of being watched. When you wrote the same bullet point down twice, your eye twitched and you finally gave in.

Removing your AirPod and breaking your peace when the bustle and surroundings of the shop filtered into your space, you stared back with no motivation to hide how irate you were.

The words came out long before your brain could process who, exactly, you were talking to.

“Why the hell are you staring at me?” you hissed out. Your eyes dragged upward just as the sentence fully formed and you suddenly wished you were not so eager.

The Black Widow was staring at you, apparently. Dressed down from battle gear in a pair of jeans and a soft turtleneck, long hair down in waves. But that was the Black Widow without a doubt.

You couldn’t back down now, you’d lose all respect if she had any when approaching you to begin with. No — you held your ground. You had to.

Green eyes, green darker than gardens and well-cared for parks, crossed yours. Surprise lit up within them briefly — but it was gone as quickly as it came.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said perfectly polite, with an apologetic smile forming on her features. “I didn’t even mean to just stare like I did. Sorry.”

Really? You rubbed at your aching temple and glanced down at your phone. 8:45. You hadn’t moved for a good near four hours at the least. Your coffee was only half finished, and your hand writing had grown less organized on the sheets of paper beneath you.

“It’s — it’s fine. I didn’t realize anybody was there. Or what time it was.” You flipped the textbook shut and clenched and unclenched your fingers. “No wonder you were staring. I must have looked like a zombified student.”

A soft laugh rose from the woman across from you, feet crossing as she stuck a hand into her jacket pocket. “Not at all. It actually had nothing to do with you, I must confess.”

You gave her a confused look. “What? Then why all the staring? If anything I should be giving you the wide eyed awestruck look.”

The Black Widow in all her glory and turtleneck sweaters suddenly seemed to grow shy. The smile remained but she tapped her fingers rhythmically against her cup.

“It’s moreso that you’re at the table I usually sit at when I come here,” she confessed quietly, embarrassed at such a small thing to have been caught confused over. “But it’s been a while since I’ve been here so I should’ve expected that the table was likely to be used like I used it.”

You blinked at her confession to you, now more curious and being drawn out of your desire to over-study than ever. “Oh — right you were on the run for a while.”

“Yes,” she confirmed simply, lips thinning into a line as she glanced behind her.

“You can sit here if you want,” you said, breaking the silence and deciding you didn’t want her to have to leave. You moved your stuff. “I’ve been here since five. I mean, if you’re fine waiting while I finish my coffee I can be out of your hair.”

“I don’t mind, if you’re sure.” Natasha pulled out the chair and gave one more long glance toward the shop behind her before sitting down with her back to them and starting to slowly sip her coffee. “May I ask what you’re studying?”

“Oh. Sure. I’m majoring in electrical engineering with a minor in physics,” you said, turning the textbook slightly so she could see the title of it.

“That’s a heavy major,” she mused, but didn’t say it in a way most usually did when you told them. “What made you want to go into that?”

You felt your cheeks turning red at the question — something you normally have no problem answering but now do considering who it is asking. “Well to be honest with you —“

“Honesty is always best,” the older woman agreed in a drawl, amusement glittering across her face.

You puffed, still red, and redder more when Natasha’s amusement seemed to grow upon realizing why without you saying yet, “Okay. I’ve always been sort of interested in engineering. But Stark Industries is literally paving a new path into technology we otherwise wouldn’t break ground on. Imagine what we could do for people in war-torn nations with it? What about turning it to medical use for progress towards incurable diseases? Anything is possible because it hasn’t been done yet. I want to see it, to try it. Like Tony Stark was able to do with that access.”

You were expected to be given a lot of incredulous responses when you told people your ideals for your major. Your expectations were met — but Natasha simply looked thoughtful as she sipped her drink.

“A passion like that could get you anywhere you want,” Natasha told her. “You have dreams that most people give up on. If they have the technology why haven’t they done it?”

A question you loved answering. “Because they don’t have anyone fighting to get it used in those specific areas, to be produced for those situations,” you replied, leaning closer, “Don’t you see? It needs someone or multiple people to see it for what it can do if given the time and the resources.”

Natasha tilted her head curiously, studying you with an unreadable expression, “You think you’re that person? The one who can make the change?”

A flush of defiance coursed through you at the question. “If nobody else will, who better than myself?”

“Where are you going to school?”

“I go to MIT. I’m currently on my winter break.”

“And yet you’re studying like you have a test tomorrow,” Natasha concluded. She glanced from the scurried notes to the textbook and back to you, as if trying to read you out and get your secrets.

“I’m on a scholarship and otherwise wouldn’t be there,” you admitted carefully, chin lifting, “It was a lot of hard work to receive it and losing it isn’t an option.”

Natasha rested a hand on her fist — calloused from whatever dark past and Avengering has rewarded her — and regarded you with a startling feline-like expression.

“Working hard and overworking are different, that will be important to remember. I didn’t know the difference when I was young either.”

“What made you learn?” You ask carefully.

She pursed her lips and stared behind you at the hallway that held no interesting object to look upon. “I did ballet as apart of a program. I found it fun until my instructor made my ankles bleed every single day for every mistake I made each session.”

You swallowed your shock down and fisted your hands together on the table. “She sounds like a fucking cunt.”

Natasha barked out a laugh, the glazed distance disappearing and replaced by a spark as she returned to focus on you instead. A stray lock of hair lowered across her forehead as she relaxed slightly, “She was, I assure you. I did not know the difference between brutality and hardworking traits until I came to the states. Sometimes,” she finished, “I still do not and must be reminded that I am no longer a tool for anyone’s use that I do not myself see purpose in.”

“Wouldn’t you consider the Avengers program being a tool?” You wondered aloud without meaning to.

Her lips twisted, perhaps impressed by your bravery despite the accidental slip. “That is why you must choose carefully what games you want to play and with who. Who to be a tool for and who to destroy.”

“Are you saying I should take more breaks?” You finally ask.

She grins smugly as she removes her chin from her fist and leans back in her chair like a fat cat. “Well done, Malyshka. I like playing with you.”

You pondered her words and sort of wanted to know what got you into this situation where the Black Widow was giving you confusing advice.

Natasha and you were comfortably silent as you two sipped on your coffees together. You think you like whose is without the grandeur that the media tends to flash onto her. She’s thoughtful and quiet — and holy shit you just met and hardly know her.

Natasha suddenly broke your peaceful silence, looking very serious as she says, “I know a guy I can connect you to at Stark Industries when you graduate if you’d like to get your feet off the ground. He’d probably be impressed with you.”

You stared blankly at her, brain shutting down for ten seconds and rebooting in that time.

“What.”

Natasha played with her empty coffee cup, nonchalantly saying, “I know a guy —“

“I heard the first time,” you said, shaking your head a little bit to clear it, “You’re talking about Tony Stark. You — you’re willing to put a word in for me?”

Natasha nodded once with finality. “Yes. You remind me of Tony in ways that are all good — and yet you lack the parts of Tony that make me want to kill him.”

“Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.”

“So . . . Like what’s the catch?” You asked, stacking your notebook on top of your textbook and fiddling around to keep from exploding. “Because it’s weird to me that the Black Widow is sitting down across from me and offering me a gigantic opportunity.”

“Once in a life time,” she corrects, “But there isn’t really a catch. Just a request — the offer will still be open and I’ll ensure Tony gets you on his ledger when you graduate and apply.”

“Sure,” you said, pretty much willing to do anything.

“May I have your number?”

It was so clearly an unexpected request and even you could see Natasha's confident request was followed by tinted cheeks and more taps on her empty cup.

You gave Natasha Romanoff your number.

Your first date with Natasha was at the coffee shop — where you met at the table. You spent hours talking like the day before except for this time you got to know each other a bit more on a deeper level.

You learned she adopted a cat straight off the street that wouldn’t leave her alone. A small black creature with wide yellow eyes. The photos she showed you led to you seeing photos of her nieces and nephews through the Clint Barton.

“He’s chubby little dude,” you noted as you scooted your chair closer to her to see the photo better.

“That’s what I said!” she exclaims, beaming at you and nudging your shoulder with hers.

“Just look at him,” you continued, “those cheeks say it all.”

You learned a little about her and she you. You had similar tastes in music and entertainment, but when it came to movies it seemed you were at an impasse.

This became evident when she showed up to your apartment for the second date and flashed two tickets to a new horror as snow fell around you both.

Your head dropped in defeat as she wrapped an arm around your shoulders and led you to her car. “I promise on Tony’s suit that I will protect you from the big bad.” Then she opened the passenger side door for you.

With a heavy sigh and a suffering look sent her way, you plop into her car and wait for her to shut the door.

She was a pretty decent protector at the movies. She armed you with sugary drinks and snacks and lifted the armrest between you two and opened an invitation into her arms at any point when it got scary.

For you it did not take very long at all. You dived into her side and curled so tight when the first brutal murder flashed on the large screen. Natasha was smart, Natasha was clever. She wrapped her arm around you as you buried your face in her neck and grinned as she watched the movie without so much as flinching.

They went to the coffee shop after to get the remaining heebeejeebies out of your system by chasing it down with caffeine. You notice Natasha thinking it over before ordering a plain mocha latte.

“You ordered something different this time?” you asked her after she paid for both your orders like she had at the movies.

Natasha rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s something I’ve been working on. For a lot of my life I was devoid of choices. They were made for me. This helps me remember that decisions I make are my own, nobody else’s.”

“One unique coffee at a time,” you murmured as you brought your straw to your lips and felt something flutter in your chest.

“One unique coffee at a time,” she echoed, meeting your gaze as she brought her own drink to her lips.

The third date was the only one left before you would be set to return to MIT. You were firm on making plans for this one and Natasha didn’t argue.

It was planned for after Christmas and New Year’s — somewhere you had to begrudgingly drag Kate over to help you set up.

“A date? Good enough to go here?” she asked as you scrolled the website for the restaurant.

“I really like her,” you say, licking your lips and unsure of what else to tell her in regards to Natasha. “She walked right up to me and . . . I don’t know. She sort of just missile fired into my life.”

Kate snorts, but leans against your pillows and nibbles at her cuticles. “Okay. This is a place I think is good if you really really like her. It’s expensive.”

You checked your bank account earlier. You had enough fun money left to spend on this date. “It’s fine. I can do it.”

Kate tapped a few things into her phone before handing it to you. “Then make the reservation.”

Natasha had to pick you up from your place — considering you didn’t have a car in New York at the moment. She was beautifully dressed in a styled pant-suit with her hair curled into a bun. She had some sort of watch you thought looked familiar but couldn’t remember the brand name of.

You ran your hands down your glittery dress and hoped it would be enough to impress her. She came to greet you, reaching out to take your hands. “You said dress nice and you end up dressing nicer than me,” Natasha comments.

You scoffed, fussing with your bracelet to distract yourself from her unwavering gaze and how it made you blush. “T-thank you. You’re so . . . Yeah.”

“Yeah?” she echos, amusement and glee creeping into her tone as she guides you by the hand to her car.

“Yeah.”

“Glad I got the yeah approval.” She settles you in and punches in the address you give her.

The restaurant is very nice — far nicer than even you usually were able to attend despite your parents’ wealth and reputation in the city. You stayed home from the nicer events often with a nanny.

Dinner was started with a set course of appetizers followed by a few dishes brought for the main course. Dessert was the most popular dish and it brought you and Natasha closer and sitting together instead of facing one another so you could enjoy sharing the food while giggling to yourselves and talking.

An entire bottle of wine had been left in an iced bucket at your table and the both of you indulged in a couple of glasses.

“You hid in a vent for five days?” You squawked at her, failing to hide your laughter behind your hand and thus forced to set down your wine glass.

“It was our only option, to be fair,” the redhead admitted, smirking. “We had the entire city in a state of disarray and we had to find a way to lay low for a bit.”

“I can’t imagine the discomfort between two people up there!”

“It was sort of fun. Clint was the first person who was actually . . .” Natasha pauses as she considers what to say next. “. . . Who actually spoke to me like a human, I suppose. Not a soldier or a robot.”

You frowned, lacing your fingers with hers. “That’s terrible, Nat.”

She tilted her head at you. “No, that’s just what my life was. I didn’t know any better, really. Didn’t see what life could be like if I knew what was out in the world other than cruelty.”

You ran a thumb over her the top of her palm. “I’m glad you got out and that you’re here now.”

“Me too, Malyshka,” she agrees, and meaning it to the depth of her soul, “me too.”

She drove you home and held your hand the entire time. It was hard to let you go even as she got out to walk around the front of her own car and help you out and walk you to the door of your building.

“Well, this is me.” You tried to sound cheerful, but there was a sadness laced in the tone thick enough for Natasha to detect.

“Will you let me drive you to the airport tomorrow?” she murmured, her fingers loosening from yours so her hands can trail up your arms, fingers marking the outline of your neck, and finally cupping your cheeks.

You locked gazes with her and smiled warmly as you leaned in, seeking out her closeness just as she did with you.

Natasha was not an expert with how to handle what you made her feel. It took everything in her training to control herself — so she wouldn’t run from the emotions that pelted her.

It was like having her ribcage peeled open and her heart exposed for you to see. Natasha despised it as much as she adored it — the rush it gave her followed by the nerve-wracking fear.

You had the sole ability to tear her apart because she’s giving you the chance. She was warned at a young age never to give anyone that opportunity lest they get you killed by betrayal or by weakness.

It was a cardinal rule Natasha never broke. Even when she got out she never sought out sex, romance, connection. It had the power to destroy everything she was.

And here she was giving you the paperwork to the instructions.

But you wrapped your hands so incredibly gently around hers as they caressed you, nuzzling into the touch and inhaling in her scent and just . . . Simply being there. Both of you. Together.

“Malyshka?” she murmured, nose nudging yours to grab your attention. “Airport?”

Your eyes flew open, still hazy from the moment that overwhelmed the both of you. You sighed.

“I have to be there by six to catch by flight, Nat,” you finally told her, shaking your head slowly in her hands. “Too early.”

“I’ll be there at four.” Natasha leaned in, beginning to press soft kisses to your cheeks. One on each one. Then your forehead.

You furrowed your brow. “Nat, no. That’s way too early.”

“I’m an Avenger, baby.” Nat only pulled back enough to grin at you with that trademark smile of hers. Smug and knowing like she was.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Four thirty.”

“Okay.” She grinned. “Four.”

Then you leaned up and kissed her first, shaking her confidence and surprising her. One hand dropped from where it held your jaw and fell instead to grasp your hip to steady herself.

It was the most amazing thing she’d ever experience since leaving the Red Room. She’d done many things in her newfound freedom — but this . . .

You eventually had to pull back for air and she leaned forward to brush an errant piece of hair back behind your ear. So soft, so gentle.

Your Natasha.

“I’ll see you at four.”

You walked off the stage with a diploma -- a piece of paper telling the world that you were now a credited electrical engineer. Your parents promised to make it and then backed out the day before with apologies and a graduation gift: money. Perhaps in hopes to buy your forgiveness.

Kate flew down though and she hugged you so tight when you walked out into the crowd of thousands as the stadium emptied after the ceremony. You were hot under the robes and you wanted to go change but Kate wanted to embrace you in a death grip first.

"So fucking proud, duuuude," she said, shaking you before releasing you with a beam. "Look at you! My baby girl, all grown up."

You rolled your eyes. "Thanks, mom. You're not embarrassing me at all."

"I should hope not! It would be really awkward since I plan on dragging you to every single bar we can manage until we wake up somewhere the next morning," she said with the Kate-stamped seriousness.

You winced. "Kate, I'm not sure --"

She twitched, then grinned. "I'm joking. Your shit's already packed at your dorm and ready to be flown home. Plan tonight is something entirely low-key."

"First of all." You held up a finger. "How and why did you pack up my stuff already? I had the week to get my dorm cleared. I was going to drive it down with a rental and have Natasha help me move it into storage."

"Oh," Kate clapped her hands, "that reminds me--"

"Hi, Malyshka." That voice you'd been in love with since at least March, when she stayed up late with you while you tried not to break down during sessions of studies.

Natasha, who made the distance work by using her superhero mojo to fly down in her own jet to see you for a day and just hang out when she knew you needed it.

Natasha who was beautiful and followed by a younger, curious blonde with braids as she came up to you. She held an expression of pride as she took you in and --

You burst into tears when you saw her, "Nat?"

The blonde looked perplexed and leaned back a bit, expressing loudly in a thick accent, "Does your face always make her cry. Sistra?"

Sistra. Sister. Natasha had told you about her sister Yelena who she'd reunited with while she was on the run. Who helped her take down the Red Room and Dreykov for real this time. It was a story that Nat had told her on one of her visits to you and as she was opening up more. She told you that Yelena was her entire world before and that night expressed that now you were too.

"Yelena," you spluttered, gesturing to the wary ex-assassin in an attempt to hug her.

"Hello," she greeted awkwardly, tapping your arm with a heavy hand. "I see you know who I am. Natasha." She side-eyed her sister accusingly, but Nat ignored her in favor of embracing you.

"You looked so gorgeous up there. I was very proud watching you walk that stage and keeping your chin up." She kissed the top of your head and held you close as you finally were able to hug your partner again for the first time in months.

Kate and Yelena stood off to the side awkwardly next to one another. "I did not invite you," Kate mentioned, squinting at Yelena.

Yelena sniffed. "Natasha goes, I go. Simple. What are you? Kate?"

"Kate," the brunette confirmed, "Bishop."

"Kate Bishop," Yelena repeated, letting the words flow off her tongue smoothly. A mischievous glint lost on you and Natasha but not on Kate started to glow in her eye. "Do you like mac'n'cheese?"

The look Kate gave her would've had you on the floor in tears if you weren't already in tears in Natasha's arms.

"Let's get you to a hotel, yeah?" Natasha murmured soothingly. She kisses your head again. "You can get to know Yelena if you'd like. We can all watch a movie together."

Nothing sounded better.

I will not be discussing how much fucking trouble this gave me. just take it and pls enjoy it.

PART TWO

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #femslash #clint barton #yelena belova #kate bishop #natasha romanoff x reader

293 notes · View notes

dior-luxury · 16 days ago

Note

heloo!! how are you ? Hope you are doing just finww! Btwww can i request ? I saw your masterlist and saw the Sakamoto dayss !

There's no one request any of it sooo i wantt to try ! Can you do shishiba, nagumo, and gaku with gn!reader finding out what their real job is? Like the character has been dating the reader for years now and lied to the reader about who they actually are, the reader is a bit oblivious and trusts the characters so much. But one day the reader somehow finds out about it and everything that the characters have been hiding from the Reader, the reader was heartbroken and raging mad by this and decided to confront them when the characters are back home ! Like the reader then start making it the first time they have a huge argument angst-hurt-comffort- maybe fluff ?

Finding Out About Their Real Job

( ✧ ) ────── boyfriend stories . fluff/romance - gn!reader .

- [𝐜𝐡.] shishiba . nagumo . gaku

- [𝐩:𝐬] Violence (mentioned) . Emotional distress . Cursing – mild to moderate (especially in Gaku’s) . Angst-heavy themes – betrayal, identity crisis, moral conflict . Hurt/Comfort . Mentions of death/murder . Yelling and emotional arguments

Note: I'm doing fine ty for asking!! Also... MY FIRST SAKAMOTO DAYS REQUEST!! Yayy, I hope this turns out alright since I've never written for them before (*´▽`*)

Shishiba

It started with a phone. A slip-up. A careless buzz of a message preview he forgot to hide.

You hadn’t meant to snoop — you trusted Shishiba, more than anyone else. For years now, he’d been your rock: grumpy, low-talking, dry sense of humor, but deeply, fiercely loyal. You thought you knew him. Thought he was just quiet, a little odd, and worked in some low-key "logistics" company. The kind that made him come home late and tired, sometimes with a few bandaged knuckles and a gruff "work sucked."

But the message said otherwise.

“Target eliminated. Next assignment in 48 hours.”

Your heart plummeted. You’d felt the shift in the air like a guillotine above your head. You started digging.

It was all there, just beneath the surface. Old case files buried online. News clippings that didn’t quite match up. Disappearances. Rumors of a man with a blunt weapon and a cold gaze — matching his build, his face, down to the scar near his eyebrow he never explained.

And suddenly everything made sense — the bruises, the absences, the walls he never let you touch.

When he came home that night, you were waiting in the kitchen, the glow of your laptop casting hard light across your features. You didn’t speak right away. You couldn’t.

Shishiba paused when he saw you. His whole body went still, like a predator clocking that something was wrong.

"…You’re up late."

You turned the laptop toward him. His own photo stared back. Wanted. Assassin. “This you?”

His jaw tightened. "I can explain."

"No,” you snapped. “No more lies, Shishiba. I trusted you. You said you were just a normal guy with a stressful job. Not a— a killer!"

Silence thickened the air. He didn’t try to lie. Didn’t even flinch.

"I didn’t want you to get involved,” he said. His voice was low, even, like it always was — but now, it felt like it was made of cold steel. “I kept you out of it for a reason."

"You lied to me for years." You stood up, voice breaking, "I defended you when my friends said something was off. I told them they didn’t know you like I did. But they were right. I didn’t know anything."

Shishiba's shoulders slumped, a rare crack in his usual stoicism. He stepped forward, slowly, like you were a wounded animal ready to bolt.

"I wanted to protect you. That world? It eats people alive. I kept you out so you’d be safe.”

Your breath hitched, fury giving way to something heavier, more hollow. “You let me fall in love with a lie.”

He reached for you, hesitant. For once, there was emotion in his eyes — not fear, not regret, just longing.

“I didn’t lie about how I feel about you. That’s the only part that’s always been real.”

You turned your face away, trying not to sob. “Do you even regret any of it?”

His hand curled into a fist at his side. “Every time I had to wash someone else’s blood off before holding you. Every time I watched you sleep and thought, she deserves someone better. Every damn day.”

Silence again.

Then you said, voice small, "So what now? You keep going out there, killing people, and I pretend not to know?"

“No,” he said, walking closer. “I’ll walk away.”

You looked at him sharply. “What?”

“If it’s the only way to keep you — to earn your forgiveness — I’ll walk away from it all. The JAA. The killing. Everything.”

You could see the weight of that promise in his face. It wasn’t easy. For someone like him, walking away wasn’t just dangerous — it was nearly impossible. But he meant it.

Your eyes welled up. Despite everything, you wanted to believe him. Needed to. You crossed the distance slowly and finally let yourself fall into his arms. He held you tighter than he ever had.

“…Don’t lie to me again,” you whispered against his chest.

“I won’t,” he murmured, resting his chin on your head. “Never again.”

Nagumo Yoichi

You always thought there was something off about the way Nagumo smiled. Too perfect. Too easy. But you chalked it up to his charm. After all, how could someone who brought you midnight ramen, danced with you in the living room, and whispered ridiculous jokes to make you laugh at 3AM, be hiding something that dark?

But today, the smile cracked.

You were out getting groceries when you saw him — not your Nagumo, but a side of him you never imagined. Drenched in blood, a blade in hand, moving like wind and shadow. You barely ducked behind the alley corner in time. Watched him finish the job. No mercy. No hesitation.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

You went home numb, groceries forgotten. You couldn’t even cry yet — it was too surreal.

He strolled in hours later, smelling of rain and metal. "Yo~ I’m home!" he sang out like always.

You didn’t answer.

He walked into the living room and paused when he saw you, back straight, face pale.

“…Babe?”

“You kill people.” The words felt foreign in your mouth, like poison.

Nagumo blinked. That smile — the fake one — faltered for a second before he recovered. “Well, I prefer the term ‘strategic freelance relocation specialist,’ but—”

“Don’t joke!” you screamed, eyes blazing. “I saw you.”

He froze.

You watched his expression drop — all of it. The smile, the teasing glint in his eyes. Gone. What remained was raw, unfiltered Nagumo: cold, sharp, ancient.

“…I didn’t want you to see that.”

“No kidding.” Your voice trembled. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time. Everything you said, everything we’ve built — was that just part of your cover?!”

“No!” He stepped forward. “God, no. You’re the only real thing I have. The only part of me that isn’t wrapped up in blood and masks.”

You laughed bitterly. “Funny. I don’t even know who you are.”

Nagumo looked like you slapped him. For the first time, he didn’t have a quip, a grin, a slick lie. Just… sorrow.

“I thought I could keep both lives separate. Keep you untouched. Clean. But I was wrong. You deserved the truth, and I was a coward.”

Tears finally welled up in your eyes. “I loved you. Love you. But I don’t know how to trust you anymore.”

He knelt in front of you, quietly. “Then let me start over. Not with some mask — just me. As I really am. Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.”

“…Even if it means giving this all up?”

He looked at you, and for once, there was no joke behind his words.

“I’d burn the whole underworld down if it meant keeping you.”

You let yourself cry into his shoulder then, and he held you tighter than ever, hand trembling against your back.

That night, he didn’t joke once. He didn’t smile that fake smile. He just stayed, and for the first time, you felt like you were finally meeting the real Nagumo.

Gaku

You always knew Gaku was a bit… strange.

His unpredictability came with the package. You’d met him in the most unlikely way—some run-in at a ramen shop that turned into late-night motorcycle rides, street food dates, and the kind of chaotic love that made your heart race. He was reckless but never careless with you. Wild, but always home by sunrise with bruised knuckles and a lazy grin. He told you he worked freelance security. That it was dangerous but legal. You believed him.

Because loving Gaku meant trusting him through all his chaos.

Until the lie bled through the cracks.

It was a stupid thing — a news report flashing on your phone while you were cleaning. A blurry security cam photo, a body in a warehouse, and a figure you recognized too well. That coat. That gait. That grin.

You didn’t want to believe it. But deep down, you’d always wondered what he did when he disappeared for days. Why his smile sometimes didn't quite reach his eyes when he got back. Why he avoided certain topics like they were landmines.

You dug. You connected dots. And it all shattered.

Gaku wasn’t just some sketchy guy with a weird job.

He was a killer. A monster.

And he’d been lying to you for years.

When he came home that night, you were already pacing.

Gaku swung the door open, humming to himself, slinging his jacket off with that boyish, disheveled look that made your heart ache now more than ever.

“Yo, babe—guess who scored free gyoza on the way home—?”

“Don’t. Say. Anything.”

His eyes locked onto yours instantly. The smile dropped.

You held up your phone. The blurry security cam photo still glowed on the screen. “Explain this.”

A beat of silence.

Gaku didn’t flinch. Didn’t move.

"...Where’d you get that?"

“You didn’t even try to hide it,” you spat. “You lied to me. Over and over. Every time I asked where you were, who you worked for—what you do. You looked me in the eye and fed me bullshit.”

He was quiet. Watching you like a cornered animal.

You stepped closer, voice trembling now. “What are you, Gaku? Who the hell did I fall in love with?”

“…You fell in love with me,” he said, voice low. “And I never lied about that.”

“No!” you yelled. “Don’t twist this. You’ve killed people, Gaku! God knows how many! And you brought me into your life like it was normal—like I wouldn’t find out!”

The anger cracked then, letting the pain bleed through. Your voice broke. “I trusted you. I loved you. And you just… kept lying.”

Gaku’s expression shifted — not regret, not guilt, but something quieter. Like something was unraveling inside him.

“I didn’t want you to see that part of me,” he said finally. “’Cause if you did, you’d look at me like this.”

“…Like what?”

“Like I’m a f*ckin’ monster.” His voice was hoarse now. “Like I don’t deserve you.”

You looked away. “Maybe you don’t.”

The silence after that was deafening.

Then, Gaku laughed — not his usual sharp, unhinged kind. This one was hollow. Broken. “Guess I always knew this was coming. Just didn’t think it’d hurt like this.”

You swallowed, throat raw. “So what now? You keep pretending this life doesn’t touch me? That you can keep killing and come home and hold me like everything’s fine?”

“I didn’t come home to pretend,” he said, stepping closer. “I came home ’cause it’s the only place I feel human.”

That stopped you.

He stared at you with something raw in his eyes — the real Gaku. No mask. No wild grin. Just a man standing in front of the one person who could ruin him with a single word.

“I’m not a good man,” he said. “But I swear, I’ve never lied about how I feel about you. I wanted to keep you safe — keep you clean. If I’d told you the truth, you would’ve run.”

“I might have!” you cried, tears finally falling. “But at least it would’ve been my choice!”

He froze at that.

“…I don’t know if I can forgive you,” you whispered. “Not yet.”

“I don’t need forgiveness,” he said, voice quiet. “I just need you to know — if it came down to it, I’d burn the world down for you.”

You stared at him, your chest aching, every emotion clashing inside you. Rage. Grief. Love.

So much love it hurt.

Finally, slowly, you stepped forward, your hand hovering near his chest.

He didn’t move.

You laid your hand over his heart. It was pounding.

“You can’t keep doing this, Gaku,” you said softly. “You can’t keep being two people. Not with me.”

He nodded once, something like fear flashing in his eyes. Not fear of you — fear of losing you.

“I’ll figure it out,” he said. “I’ll fix it. I’ll change. Just… don’t go. Please.”

It was the first time he’d ever begged. The first time you saw Gaku truly afraid.

You didn’t answer. You just leaned into his chest, letting your forehead rest against him.

And for once, he didn’t make a joke. He didn’t try to charm you. He just held you, arms wrapped tight, like he was holding onto the only thing that could keep him from falling apart.

Because maybe he was.

#𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐑-𝐋𝐔𝐗𝐔𝐑𝐘 #sakamoto days x reader #sakamoto days headcanons #sakamoto days imagines #sakamoto days scenarios #shishiba x reader #nagumo yoichi x reader #nagumo x reader #gaku x reader #x reader

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thekoalapastriesbakery · 2 months ago

Text

OUT OF IT

paul aron x male!f2 driver!reader

request: Paul aron (or any driver really) being worried/flattered/exasperated about male reader whenever he's drugged ex. Reader gets his wisdom tooth out, or gets into a crash, or anything similar where male reader is ether extremely flirty, sad, doesn't recognize his boyfriend thinking its some fan trying to cozy up to him so he cheats on his boyfriend, things like that yaknow? –🍑

summary: your boyfriend isn't allowed to flirt with you.

warnings: mild to moderate angst in the beginning, mentions of crashes, mentions of (prescribed) painkillers, mentions of reader being high/under the influence, referenced cheating but no actual cheating, mentions of crashes (no major injuries), whipped!paul + whipped!reader

word count: 815

"red flag, red flag. box box."

paul shouted in annoyance and shifted gears until he was coasting around the track. the drive back to the pit lane was short, unsurprisingly, and certainly not long enough to quell his frustration at losing his gap to p2. the second he was out of the car he was demanding to know who was at fault.

he felt his heart stop when his engineer told him you were the one who brought out the red flag.

crashes were a part of racing. he'd given you a few heart attacks himself. that didn't mean he was ever prepared for you to crash. the team had gone through the routine of keeping paul sane after you crashed a few times. it didn't happen often, but when it did, he was a trainwreck. you'd been taken to the medical centre for tests because you'd taken quite a hit. the second paul was out of the car, his race engineer, trainer, fellow drivers … just about everyone was doing what they could to distract him.

finally, paul was allowed in to see you. at just about the point where everyone else got sick of him. the nurses had warned him in advance that you were a bit foaty from the painkillers they'd given you. but nothing could've prepared paul for the way you reacted to his presence.

"hey, kallis," paul said softly, approaching your bedside with a relaxed smile now that he knew you were okay. "how ar—"

"don't call me that."

your interruption startled him. you never argued against paul calling you pet names in his native language. in fact, it was often the opposite—if he called you by your name, you'd just refuse to answer until he called you a nickname of some sort.

visibly uncertain, paul stopped. "… i'm sorry?"

"you're not allowed to call me kallis," you insisted.

your boyfriend watched in shock and confusion as you crossed your arms and turned away from him.

"have i upset you, ka—y/n?"

you squinted at him. in your drug-addled mind, everything was far too fuzzy and unfamiliar to recognise paul. you remembered him. of course you did. you just couldn't quite connect the memory to the person in front of you.

"i don't like you."

already having stopped once, paul's heart began to break.

"w-what?"

"i don't like you," you repeated stubbornly. "i have a boyfriend and i love him very very very much."

oh.

paul chuckled quietly as he realised what was happening. "i know you do. you love him, huh?"

"yes!"

the pout you sported while you were high was nothing short of hilarious to your boyfriend. not to mention the fact that you were clearly mistaking him for a random fan who had managed to get into the medical center. it was cute.

"alright, well, i'll leave you to think about your boyfriend, then," paul mused, standing up with a smirk.

you nodded, already close to sleep. "pretty boyfriend …"

paul leaving your side so soon was unexpected. he never ever willingly left you alone for even a second when you were sick or injured. naturally, it warranted some level of interrogation from the other formula two drivers. they all knew paul wouldn't shut up if given even a second to talk about you. a half hour later and the whole grid knew about your drug-induced rejection of your boyfriend's comfort.

when you drifted back into consciousness, you were still out of it. just not enough to distort your recognition of your love anymore.

"mm, morning pretty boy."

your grin was sleepy and a little stupid. it still warmed paul's heart. he walked further into your room and sat on the edge of your bed—that is, before you pouted and tugged him closer.

"morning, kallis!" paul kissed your cheek. "have a nice nap?"

a quiet hum was lulled from deep in your chest, almost purring at the affection. "mhm. but you won' believe what happened earlier."

"i won't?"

he already knew what you were going to say. he had been the one you were talking about, after all. he humoured you nonetheless. you were his boyfriend—he always would. even when you were slurring your words and high out of your mind.

"a silly fan came in 'nd called me kallis." you pouted dramatically. it wasn't really your normal behaviour, but an abundance of painkillers did wonders to change a personality. "don' worry, told 'em to go 'way. weren't 's pretty 's you anyway."

paul blinked at that. he wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or offended. "… thanks?"

"but 's okay now! got m'pretty boy back."

in the end, he supposed it didn't matter that you (apparently) assumed anyone you didn't think was him wasn't attractive. you and your dumb grin had him wrapped around your little finger.

"you do," paul agreed with a soft smile.

©thekoalapastriesbakery :: please do not copy or rewrite my work on any platform !!

author's note: this was so cute and very accurately represents the extent of the angst i'm willing to write (and how it resolves) so thank you peaches <3

comments + reblogs appreciated!

taglist: @raizelchrysanderoctavius @crispysoup318 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @ncrsbrg @spoonfulofmilo @justaf1girl @widow-cevans

#formula 1 x male reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 x male reader #f1 x reader #formula one x male reader #formula one x reader #paul aron x male reader #paul aron x reader #driver!reader #🍑 anon

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laurenairay · 7 months ago

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witness all your joy - A. Svechnikov

Summary: Andrei finds himself in Cabo during bye week, where he’s facing the ex-boyfriend of his friend turning up, while managing his feelings for that friend.

Also known as: friends to lovers while dealing with a bad ex.

This is my entry for @misshoneyimhome's Birthday Festival Challenge! I had a lot of fun with this one, so I really hope you like it! Happy (early) birthday Sophia!

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: mild angst, pining, confrontation with terrible ex-boyfriend, some bad language, self-deprecation, hopeful ending

Title from I lived, by OneRepublic

Sun, sea, sand. Exactly what you needed.

When your friends had invited you away with them at the end of January, you hadn’t hesitated to say yes. The NHL bye week may be inconveniently timed, but considering the chaos of the Family Christmas that had just passed, you were more than ready for some actual relaxation.

And Cabo was exactly what you needed.

A private plunge pool in your suite, the hotel’s own private beach, swim-up bars, a full spa with all the massages you could possibly choose from, and incredible food? Not to mention how close it was to the vibrant nightlife but still giving plenty of privacy in the hotel itself.

The best part of it all though? Actually spending time with your friends.

Sure, half of them were in serious relationships, but the group of 15 of you that had gone away together were having a blast. With their busy schedules, alongside your own moderate schedule, having time to just have fun together like this was rare – especially with Andrei. Your tall Russian friends was just as sweet as he was generous, giving out smiles and laughter and hugs as easy as breathing, almost as easy as his blushes from Marty’s teasing.

It wasn’t exactly a secret amongst the women in the group that you had a thing for him, but in all the time you’d known him you’d both never been single at the same time. Until now. Your messy break-up at the end of last year (hence the chaotic Christmas) had been exactly why you needed this break away in the sunshine with your friends, and for the first time, Andrei didn’t have a pretty petite blonde girlfriend attached at the hip.

The girls said it was fate. You knew it was a coincidence.

Either way, you were more than happy just to let yourself look at his bare muscled chest and thick thighs in those short swimshorts without feeling any guilt whatsoever. It was almost enough.

Sun, sea, sand. Exactly what he needed.

Andrei knew that moment that Pyotr told him you were joining the group heading to Cabo (along with Freddie, Jarvy, Marty and his wife, Brady and his wife, Neci and his girlfriend, and a few other assorted women), he was going to have a hard time saying no himself.

Despite the fact that seeing you in a bikini was sure to be the end of him.

From the first moment he’d met you all those years ago, he’d been head over heels. You’d always had a boyfriend though – always the same, tall, tanned, gym-rat type with a killer smile – so he’d tried to distract himself with other girls, but none of them had been enough, as nice as most of them were. Most of the guys knew he had a crush on you, with only a few including Pyotr knowing how deep his feelings truly ran. There was just something about you that had hooked him in right from the start, and that heart-racing cheek-heating rush wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Especially not now that he knew you were single, just like he was.

Maybe it was fate.

Maybe he needed to take a chance while you were all here in paradise to let you know how he really felt about you, just like Pyotr (and Marty, and Jarvy, and even Freddie) said. But how could he, when all eyes were on you and your eyes were not on him?

3 days into your trip (after a morning on the private beach and an afternoon at the spa with the girls), the group ventured down to one of the bars near Cabo San Lucas marina, ready for an evening of dancing and drinking. You had dressed to impress in your favourite slinky little dress, light make-up just highlighting your glowing skin (the heat in Cabo was no joke), and you were ready to dance until your feet hurt.

If you could take your eyes off of Andrei and his half-buttoned baby blue shirt, of course.

A couple of rounds of shots with the group couldn’t hurt to get the night started at least. As soon as the vodka was dealt with, Nykki grabbed your hand to beckon you to the dancefloor, Neci just rolling his eyes fondly at her antics, and soon enough all of the girls were in the middle of the crowd, immersed in the music. You lost track of time as you swayed to the beat, some of the guys joining you all for a few songs before leaving back to the booth that Brady had reserved for you all.

It was exactly what you needed.

Before you knew it, a couple of hours had passed, and you were more than ready for a few drinks. Nykki left the dancefloor with you, heading back to fuss on her boyfriend while you headed to the bar. Or at least you tried to head to the bar, until a large body blocked your path.

No fucking way.

“Looking good, baby.”

“I am not your baby,” you shot back, scowling up at your ex-boyfriend, “what the hell are you doing in Cabo, Mark? In January?”

Of all the places. And all the timings. Why was he here now? It had to be coincidence, right?

“I’m on a stag do for one of the guys from work…”

Of course he was.

“…I’m just as surprised to see you, don’t get me wrong. But when I spotted that sweet little ass swaying on the dancefloor, I had to say hello. Seems like fate brought us back together again, hm?”

The unmitigated gall.

“You lost all rights to stare at my ass when you cheated on me, asshole,” you spat.

It wasn’t just the once, either. Walking in on Mark and another women had been heartbreaking, even more so when you found out it wasn’t even the first time he’d slept with someone else. No, your ex didn’t even bother denying it, even going as far as to brag. Thankfully you weren’t living together, but it still hurt that the man you had been starting to see a future with hadn’t even contemplated a future with you.

The yelling and the crying and the cursing to the heavens had left you running on empty, made even worse by the fact that all of this came to light the week before Christmas – to say your family took the news well was an absolute lie. Hence the chaotic Family Christmas that you’d come all the way to Cabo to get over, and oh look here he was ruining everything again.

The last thing you needed right now was to be around him, not when you finally felt healed.

“You’re still mad about that?” he laughed, rolling his eyes, “come on, let’s just have some fun in the bathroom hey?”

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Your friends were right, what the hell did you ever see in this guy?

“You’re a joke. Leave me alone,” you said sharply.

But as you moved to step around him, Mark grabbed your forearm tightly, stopping you in your place. You tried tugging your arm out of his grip but he just squeezed harder, making you wince.

“Let go of me!”

“I wasn’t done talking. Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.

“I swear I’ll make a scene, Mark, don’t even try me,” you hissed.

Mark rolled his eyes again. “Always so dramatic. I’m just being friendly.”

The audacity.

But before you could retort, you felt a body move to stand behind you. The familiar cologne immediately set your frayed nerves at ease, as did the warmth of his torso.

Andrei.

“You are not her friend. She clearly doesn’t want you touching her. Let go of her arm, now.”

The growled words emanating from Andrei’s chest made your breath hitch in your throat, surprising your ex enough for him to drop his hold on you. Out of instinct, you leaned fully backwards against Andrei’s chest, letting the heat of his body calm you, but as Andrei moved his hand to your hip to steady you, Mark’s face dropped into a sneer.

“Of course you’re fucking him now. I always knew you had a thing for him,” he scoffed.

What the hell?

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Andrei warned.

“Or what?”

Mark took one step forward, anger in his eyes, before he suddenly froze, eyes going wide as he looked over your other shoulder. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who was standing behind you and Andrei, if you were narrowing down your options.

“Is there a problem here?”

Thank fuck for Freddie.

“No, this scumbag was just leaving,” you said, voice a little shakier than you’d like it to be.

“Good. Why don’t I make sure he knows where the door is,” Freddie said flatly, brooking no argument as he loomed over you all.

You waited until Freddie had herded Mark far enough away from you before turning to face Andrei, weak smile on your face even as you missed the heat of his hand on your hip. The anger on his face surprised you, him still glaring across the room, until you rested a hand on his chest to draw his attention back. Andrei’s face immediately softened.

“Are you okay? Is your arm hurting?”

“I think I’m okay? And no, it’s only a little red, I don’t think it’ll even bruise,” you said, shaking your head, “How did you even know I was upset?”

He looked a little hesitant to answer, before his expression fell a little sheepish.

“I saw you from the booth. Your body language…I could tell you didn’t want to be near him. And the moment that Nykki said who she thought he was? I couldn’t just stay across the room, I’m sorry.”

Andrei could read your body language that easily?

“Hey, no, don’t apologise. I’m glad you came over, really. I’m pretty sure I would’ve had to do something pretty drastic to get him to leave me alone otherwise,” you said, huffing out a bitter laugh.

The soft concern on his face shifted into a hardened expression. “I hate that he’s even here, in Cabo of all places. I hate that he was trying to ruin your night. What did he even want?”

“The same old sleazy bullshit, like he hadn’t even cheated on my multiple times,” you sighed.

With the way pure rage flitted across Andrei’s face, you were glad you hadn’t told most of the group the true details of why your relationship ended.

“You are better off without him,” Andrei said firmly.

“I know,” you mused, “but thank you.”

“What can I do? How can I help?”

His sweet words made your heart ache, the difference between him and your ex-boyfriend irrefutable.

“I don’t know. I-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Freddie appeared back at your side with an unimpressed look on his face.

“That asshole is long gone. He made enough of a fuss at the door that security took notice as well, so he walked off rather than lingering,” Freddie explained, rolling his eyes, “sorry you had to deal with that. Are you okay?”

Almost as sweet as Andrei.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” you grimaced, “I’m mostly okay, but I think I’m done with the night? He’s kinda ruined the vibe for me.”

Freddie nodded his understanding, but Andrei frowned.

“Do you want me to walk you back?” he asked.

You tried to ignore Freddie’s smirk. Now was not the time.

“I don’t want you to cut your night short,” you said, shaking your head.

“I’d rather make sure you get back safe, if that’s okay,” Andrei replied.

Oh wow.

“I’ll let the others know,” Freddie volunteered, innocent smile on his face.

You narrowed your eyes up at him, but he just blinked. You had no doubt exactly what Freddie was going to be telling the group. Andrei blushed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck, before seeming to steel himself.

“If you really want to go, then let’s go, yeah?” Andrei said, smiling softly.

You really were a sucker for that smile.

After a quick goodbye hug with Freddie, Andrei guided you out of the bar with a hand on the small of your back, the cooler night air washing over you like relief as the two of you started walking down the street. You glanced up at Andrei with a small smile on your face, but his gaze was a million miles away, expression so serious that it made the smile fade from your lips. Was he really that annoyed about your ex showing up?

Was he annoyed with you?

The more you thought about it, the more you couldn’t help but spiral, the alcohol of the evening not helping your downward mood despite most of its effect wearing off by the time you reached the hotel. Why wasn’t he talking to you? Why was he so silent?

“This is your room, right?”

Andrei’s low rumbling voice made you flinch, his face immediately forming into a frown.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

What’s wrong?

“Are you mad at me?” you asked softly.

As much as you didn’t really want him to confirm it, you needed to know.

“Mad at you? No of course not!” he said, clearly confused, “I’m not…I just…”

Andrei trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, an interesting blush dusting across his cheeks.

“Maybe we can talk in your room? Rather than out in the corridor?” he suggested.

Without hesitating, you unlocked the door to your room, glad more than ever that you’d chosen to have a single room. The last thing you wanted was anyone else overhearing whatever this was. Andrei shut the door behind himself, body language screaming at you that he’d never been more uncomfortable in his life, but his facial expression was determined.

Whatever he was about to say, it was what he’d been thinking about on your walk back from the bar, clearly.

“I’m not sure I know where to start,” Andrei murmured, “But I know that once I start talking, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop, so please just let me get it all out in one go?”

Okay, now he was worrying you.

“Yeah, of course, take all the time you need,” you said softly, smiling as reassuringly as you could.

He took a shaky breath before reaching out for your hand, guiding you over to sit on the sofa next to him before your mind could even process the gentleness of his touch.

“Tonight…everything came together for me. Things have been building for a while, and I’ve been trying to come to terms with a lot of it all by myself, but it’s been hard. It’s new to me, feeling like this, but I have to tell you.”

Andrei’s words were so cryptic, confusing you even more than you already were with his strange behaviour, but as soon as he said ‘feeling like this’ your breath hitched in your throat. Was this going where you thought it was?

“You look so beautiful. You always do, but there’s just something about tonight that took my breath away, and I know I wasn’t the only one in that bar who noticed. Your ex turning up though? It made my blood boil. And when I saw him put his hand on you? I wanted to kill him. I wanted to tear him limb from limb for daring to harm you, and that scared me. No-one has ever made me feel the way you do, everything to the extreme, and tonight just topped the cake. I like you, so much, and it’s driving me crazy trying to figure out whether I could ever have a chance with you.”

“Andrei?” you whispered, mind reeling.

“I just want to see you happy, solnyshko,” he said, smiling sadly, “And if I can’t be the one to make you happy like that, please, you have to let me know so I can start getting over you.”

Solnyshko.

Start getting over you.

Oh fuck.

Your heart both soared and shattered at his closing words, and it was all you could do not to let the tears stinging at your eyes fall. He would let you go, just like that? Despite his feelings?

“I don’t want you to get over me,” you choked out.

“No?”

“No way. You are the sweetest guy I have ever met and I…”

Here goes nothing.

“…I never thought I’d have a chance with you. I never thought you’d be interested in me like that,” you admitted.

It felt silly saying it out loud, after his confession pouring out his feelings, but you couldn’t help it. You truly had thought you’d never have him looking at you like that, as anything more than a friend, so to have that possibility now? It was a little mindblowing.

“Never be…never be interested? You’re the one that always had a gymrat boyfriend!”

“And you always had a dainty little blonde on your arm!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the disgruntled expression on his face, throat still a little choked with emotion, Andrei’s face quickly melting into fondness.

“None of them are you. I want you, in every way,” Andrei murmured.

“In every way?”

You could only hope you understood what he meant.

“Every way. Not just sex. I want to take you on dates, hold your hand, kiss you in public, wake up with you in my arms, dance with you in your kitchen, introduce you to my family…I want everything,” he said softly, and yet firmly enough that you believed every single word.

This felt like a dream. This felt too good to be true. And yet you knew it was real by the earnest emotion on Andrei’s face. He was offering you everything you’d wanted since you’d met him up on a silver platter – how could you not take it with both hands?

“Kiss me,” you said, more than a little breathless.

“Yeah?” he grinned.

“Yeah.”

Andrei wasted no time in cupping your face in his hands and kissing you firmly, over and over again. You couldn’t help but whimper against his lips as his embrace consumed you, Andrei just moaning softly at the sound, everything lost in a feedback loop as his tongue stroked against yours. His kisses were passionate, overwhelming, a little rough, and more than you could ever have imagined in your deepest of daydreams.

He broke away with a jolt, breathing heavily, looking at shaken as you were, eyes a little wild for a moment or two until he came back to himself. Andrei rested his forehead against yours for a breath before pressing a kiss to your forehead, dropping his hands from your face to lean back a little, looking at you properly once more.

“We have a lot to catch up on, hm?” Andrei mused.

That was one way to put it. Decisions, decisions, all of them tempting. You knew what you wanted – but what about him?

“Why don’t we talk about it all a bit more in my private plunge pool?” you suggested, tilting your head slightly as you stood up from the sofa.

“I don’t have my swimsuit with me right now,” Andrei said frowning.

“Who said anything about a swimsuit?” you said innocently. Andrei looked stunned for a moment, until you slid the thin straps of your dress over your shoulders. His eyes filled with a fire that you’d only dreamed of seeing directed your way, and it only took you stepping backwards a few steps for him to stand up from the sofa too and walk towards you with determination, your heart racing. Finally.

#my writing #andrei svechnikov fic #birthday festival challenge #birthdayfestivalchallenge #andrei svechnikov x reader #andrei svechnikov fanfic #andrei svechnikov imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine

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sterekcollabang · 9 months ago

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golden life or gutter

Writer: @geekmom13

Artist: @cubpaws

Rating: Teen And Up Audience Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Additional Tags: Getting Together, Temporary Amnesia, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Tattooed Stiles Stilinski, Magical Accidents, Canon Complicent Mostly, Sterek Collab Bang 2024, Sarcasm is a core part of Stiles personality, Slow Burn, steter brotp, mild to moderate angst, Definite Crack, Self Confidence Issues Summary:

Stiles was mid-fight when he forgot everything. Mischief came to mid-fight and everyone was lying to him.

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selenitesdawn · 6 months ago

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Temperance - Masterlist

Temperance: The practice of exercising self-control and moderation, especially regarding desires and indulgences.

pairing: wanda maximoff x female!reader plot: Your best friend Kate convinced you to do charity work in Sokovia with some of your old classmates, including your former bully Vision and his girlfriend Wanda Maximoff, who you inconveniently took too much of a liking in.

Part 1 warnings: 18+ !! minors dni. wanda is with vision... also, suggestive content

Part 2 warnings: 18+ !! minors dni. wanda is with vision... bad words, allusions to suicidal thoughts, angst. mild sexual content

Part 3 warnings: 18+ !! minors dni. wanda is still with vision… cheating, implications of stalking and manipulation, possessive wanda, power-imbalance, dom!wanda, sub!reader, nsfw: mild choking, nipple play, thigh riding, orgasm delay, fingering (r receiving), cunnilingus (r receiving)

Wanda's Version warnings: 18+ !! minors dni. wanda is with vision, cheating, stalking and heavy (mind)manipulation, possessive wanda, power-imbalance, dom!wanda, sub!reader, sexual content

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x you #wanda x reader #kate bishop x reader #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x y/n

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mins-fins · 4 months ago

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beyond the moon !

"you aren't about to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby".

synopsis: breaking news: the worst possible person you know is actually more than half decent in bed. of course, it's an easy slam dunk. you will begrudgingly admit that jaemin is pretty nice on the eyes—even if he has the personality of a barbed wire. it's a match made on this soul sucking earth. it's only a little perfect.

pairing: na jaemin x male!reader

genre: alternative universe, main hospital scenery, somewhat grey's anatomy fusion, interns the fic, strangers to rivals to rivals who hookup to friends who hookup to lovers, fluff, some angst, slightly suggestive tones, humor, crazy ass pining that's barely realized until 10k words in, some background relationships that provide other drama

warnings: swearing, explicit language, so many mentions of sex, almost tiptoes into borderline smut like five times, sexual humor, reader and jaemin are both equally emotionally underdeveloped and horny, drinking, the impending stress of the medical field, mentions of death, a bunch of medical jargon you probably don't care about, mentions of surgical procedures, some blood.. i think thats it

word count: 16.7k

notes: hello, merry christmas, happy one year anniversary to my hyuck work which started my whole nct saga on tumblr.. im afraid i am very mentally ill 😓 so!! surgeon jaemin!! originally surgeon jaemin was a serial killer but then i lost wave of that draft over the summer and i tried to do it again 😚 this was half based on early greys anatomy because why the fuck is that show so long and um my own life lowkey?? ofc im not sleeping with my fellow interns but i have seen too much of a hospital i have begun to see the white corridors in my fucking dreams.. save me please life has not treated isa mins-fins well 😭😭 and NO dont listen to user junjiie this is not a self insert i swear!! im still going to the hospital later today soooooooo i lost anyway 🤷‍♂️ lowercase intended as usual and last long work of the year 💖

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 1: do ethics matter when the dick is good? (hyperbole.. actually not)

frankly, it began on a mundane tuesday.

well as mundane as a tuesday for you could be, a week following getting dumped would typically be dedicated to mourning but guleum grace hospital is equally as busy each particular day. you did not underestimate the sheer amount of regular patrons at hospitals, your internship was all about that in fact, pouring your blood sweat and tears into some amateur surgery you had about a twenty five percent chance on performing correctly, however, any chance was any chance.

it isn’t as if you were some lunatic brisked with insanity who valued his work in an irregular fashion, you’d surmise that you were a regular workaholic, the epitome of an overworked medical student stereotype, it all sucked the soul out of you, though your scrubs remained spotless and the eye bags stuck in a much acquainted manner.

unfortunately, your heart attack inducing student debt won’t allow for you to simply quit, neither will your pride, your extent of competitiveness, and your bright need to prove your overbearing parents wrong.

getting into a deathly inviting internship program is enough, what’s shit is surviving, and surviving would be easy if not added on by such a nuisance.

what nuisance? you may ask, well the nuisance that so happens to b—

“present the case l/n”.

you somehow retain your sigh, if the distress is displayed through any means of visibility then doyoung merely doesn’t give a shit. “uh— samuel lawson, fifty two, has been in and out of hospitals four times in the last three months with complaints of sporadic, mild to moderate pain in his chest. we picked up on a heart murmur and his echo showed left ventricular hypertrophy with a repolarization abnormality”.

“what would you recommend?”

“the best course of action is to replace his aortic valve with a porcine valve and prescribe anticoagulants to improve the prognosis”.

“good, and why do we want to pay attention to his kidneys in this situation?”

“his kidneys?” you echo, former exhaustion manifesting in the unscathed widening of your eyes. there’s a whistle, lee donghyuck opting to feign forgetfulness to your very presence, as if he even knows the answer.

you aren’t as easily absentminded, you’ve been hard of thinking recently, read all those printed words yet none of them stuck to the confines of your brain. there’s then a sigh, you initially assume from doyoung, but of course it isn’t.

“ah dr na, how kind of you to join us, perhaps you could remind me of the answer?”

arms folded over his chest, jaemin doesn’t miss a beat. “since his heart isn’t functionally effective his kidneys work as a compensatory mechanism, we’ll need to take increased renin and aldosterone secretions into account when considering general anesthesia and how soon he can go into surgery”.

“i see somebody has been doing their homework” you graciously avoid his eyes, glowering in jaemin’s direction as he offers a meager eyebrow raise. “good job na, you’ll definitely be scrubbing in”.

you pray for his early death.

it’s a seamless lesson whilst interning, competition is everything; you love competition, you live for it even, and na jaemin just so happens to be the nuisance which troubles your every week.

it’s something to even survive your first year of interning, let alone in time for when the seven year residency rolls around. only the best become surgeons, a perfectly manufactured system that is definitely not flawed and has most likely not been the cause of many related mental breakdowns.

you’ve had some undisclosed issues out with na jaemin since the beginning of your program, his awareness manifests in his knowing glances, if swiping cases from under your feet and making your life as hellish as possible is equated to diverting entertainment, na jaemin is elated. at least he has the familial connections to ensure the acclaim, the regarded son of na kiwoo, one of the most well revered orthopedic surgeons in the country. now you aren’t petty enough to spew the claim that na jaemin is bad at his job, he isn’t, however, you are petty enough to state the fact that him getting extra time to redo the practical board exam would’ve never been granted to anybody not with the same fucking last name.

and you suppose somebody else could also reign as worthy competition, but you’re conceited, unabashed in the likeness of your own smarts, you didn’t brave the trenches of medical school to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby.

it’s about half past twelve when huang renjun stumbles into the on-call room.

“you drinking on the job?”

he glares, you smile, there’s something concerning his anger which gets a satisfying kick out of you. you were sat at a desk, overloading on coursework you’d give not even a mere glance toward once you got home, the placid diagrams of human arteries burned into your brain. you spent most of your day, resounding to most of your shift, hanging about downstairs in the E.R, handling skimpy stitches from those who couldn’t help but do something idiotic on a saturday morning. who knew? you’re aware dr. kim probably holds a much lowered opinion of you; however, you still preserve hope that he’ll allow you to scrub in on that upcoming LVAD replacement he has scheduled for later in the week.

“can you believe who got to scrub in on that corpus callosotomy?” his undertone indicated irritation, you did not have to take a glance backward, you could distinctly picture the snuggle frown tugging at his lips.

“can i buy a vowel?”

your response earns a hefty scoff, the ghost of a smile lingers as you take in his much visible exasperation. it appears he wants to look intimidating, but his docile like features do not sell such a point home. “kim wonil, can you believe it!?”

“oh really?” you click your tongue, the raise of an eyebrow paired with the raise of a nearby head, it’s lee jeno’s, you make out. “wow, maybe i should start sleeping with mark lee too”.

“well it’s not like anyone knows if they’re sleeping together— he’s basically just his protégé” what a gentleman lee jeno is, feigning unawareness at the whole thing.

“uh huh, me when i’m fucking the only attending neurosurgeon” you seethe. “seriously, you think he’s taking any under the table offers?”

“you’re an asshole”.

you simply blow renjun a kiss.

whilst renjun may be adamant on the whole civilized pursuit, you would say that sleeping with one of your bosses basically equates to getting favored treatment, you suppose your wavelength on that won’t ever change. “is that coursework?”

your eyebrows raise once renjun leans over your shoulder, you don’t make an effort to nod your head. “that’s coursework, what the fuck are you doing?”

“i’m not about to have a splitting headache at home, trying to keep my sanity intact, you know”.

“more like wither your sanity— oh, hey jaemin”.

“hi” jaemin allows renjun the decorum of a smile, because for some reason renjun is the only other intern he has the gall to treat in the manner of a regular human being. he settles in the bed across from you with a look and doesn’t even try a glance in your direction, muttering a small greeting to jeno.

“do you want ibuprofen? i have some in my locker” renjun mutters softly.

you wave a dismissive hand. “no, i’m seriously about to max out on painkillers right now”.

“maybe it’s a tumor” jaemin unexpectedly adds, he doesn’t look up from a book.

“you wish”.

“i do”.

“it could be a caffeine headache” jeno helpfully reckons from where he is across the room, leaning up on his elbows to give you a sympathetic look.

“or the stress” renjun decides. “or your just sleepy because of the stress, i’m getting tired because of the stress” he then makes his way over to the dormant bed and flops right onto it.

“tumor~”.

“why the fuck do you care?”

“i most certainly do not”.

“drop dead asshole”.

“guys..” jeno weakly begins, glancing between you two as if silently picking a side.

“sorry” you feel little remorse towards the tumor hopeful fuckface, simply for everybody else. “the exhaustion is making me mean”.

it appears that a nearby zhong chenle utters the insult of you’re always mean somewhere above you, and then the room grows claustrophobic for you in about five more seconds.

when your chair emits a high pitched screech, renjun’s head rises. “where are you going?”

“gonna find something to do”.

then you shuffle out of the on-call room, feigning ignorance at na jaemin’s continuous stare.

later that week, the one person you observe when you walk into the on-call room on wednesday for your mid-shift nap is na jaemin, the current bane of your existence. you’ve been bumping shoulders in the O.R for the past week, and you’re beginning to think that the world is attempting to kill you early, those mystifying forces rambled about in storybooks manifesting whenever his name happens to appear in your mind.

you pause once you step in, meeting his eyes for a charged second before clenching your teeth, they’ll probably begin bleeding soon. you starkly consider backing out, but you can’t surrender your pride to this guy, that would be letting him win, so you sigh and lean your back against the door.

“i’m just here to sleep,” you voice. “waving my white flag”.

“you should be thanking me”.

you’re baffled. “excuse me?”

“i’ve saved your ass like twice this week, god kim would’ve literally eaten you alive if i weren’t around”.

your mouth dries up, jaemin seemingly revels in such a factor, swinging his legs sideways and out of the bed. “you’re terrible under pressure it’s a wonder you even made it through medical school”.

your left eye twitches, the one singular time you try to be civil, he just— he just decides to..?

“you’re so infuriating and arrogant and selfish—“

“oh really? love it when you talk down on me..”

“and you’re so— annoying god why does everyone like you? i hate you, hate you and your stupid privilege and i couldn’t care less what you think because you’re a fucking suck up! stop backing me up if it makes you so mad”.

jaemin then blinks, slow. “finished now?”

“yes” you drop your arms at the side, breathing having gone shallow as pure fury swirled in your ribs. you hate what jaemin does to you, whatever the fuck this is and why is the rooms temperature skyrocketing? that should be impossible in a hospital of all places, but you shouldn’t give it much thought because jaemin will probably begin over analyzing the singular movements of your facial expressions.

you hate feeling like you’re losing, you feel like your losing even if there’s no prevalent competition, it’s just.. jaemin.

that’s really why.

“good” jaemin replies. “i hope you don’t mind”.

and when he pushes you up against the door you think exactly three specific things in the second it takes for him to do that. 1; jesus this guy goes to the gym how the fuck are his forearms so huge? how is he finding time to hit the gym with such a consistent shift? 2; you should’ve gotten more words in cause oh he got the last laugh, and 3; you suddenly remember you never followed up on that post-op for patient 3109– but then all of those thoughts fly out the window when jaemin leads forward to kiss you.

na jaemin is kissing you, full on lips, hands-on-your-waist kissing you, and all you can do is suck in a breath as you then release a soft sound.

jaemin is ridiculously good at this, all soft despite his rough edges, how funny. he pulled off, taking your bottom lip with him before diving back in.

“i meant everything i said” you pant, even as jaemin pressed you further into the door and your arms wrapped around his shoulders in an effort to continue. you exchanged in a similar manner, frenzied and practically leaning half of him backward with your sheer force.

“i know” he grunts, so effortless in all he does, thumb finding the gap in your uniform which he very much decided to exploit. “but you want me anyway..”

“fuck you”.

so smart y/n, you’re getting into heaven with that one—

he chuckles as he mouths against your neck, light open mouthed kisses along your jaw, tugging at your shirt which acted as an obstacle. “that’s the goal”.

“smart ass”.

“well..”

it was the first and only time.

it actually should’ve been the first and only time, but then again, your decision making is particularly fuzzy.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 2: he’s a hotshot, so unfortunately a hotshot..

you’d been skilled enough to pick out your friends at guleum grace hospital on your first day. frankly you had met a good chunk at the intern mixer the hospital had held a week before you were all due to start, but you were the slightest bit nervous with the whole before day apprehension. lee jeno was an easy one, his timidly boyish attitude made for good company, smile replicated by his eyes as he hung around the refreshments table. he laughed at every single one of your jokes, he was sympathetic to your family predicament, much too familiar with such a thing.

lee donghyuck was similarly not a struggle, he seemingly mirrored many of the traits you found stuck to you and carried around throughout your turbulent adulthood. he clung to your side and assigned you the duty as his titular “person”, whatever that meant.

then there was huang renjun.

it isn’t as if he was unapproachable, per say, he was simply perpetual to consistent avoidance. he exchanged regular smiles yet didn’t divulge any further, somewhat unfriendly and argumentative, especially when donghyuck got on his nerves.

trivially, the only true reason you two became friends is because you assisted him in vomiting up his guts after he’d got a lashing for a mistake in the earlier days. your hand remained on the small of his back for the entire fifteen minutes, and when he finished unleashing his true extent of vulnerability upon you, he threatened you to keep your mouth shut, that threat just so happens to be the bow which ties the knot to your relationship.

renjun is able to refer to the patients as the human beings they are, sensitive and overly stubborn sure, but he’s decent under all the sour looks paired with plentiful insults.

zhong chenle? in a completely different league.

“fifty bucks y/n’s little conquest works at this hospital” he opts to enter, sliding into the spot beside you and exchanging a few looks as if he dumped his life savings onto the table for you to gorge on.

“fifty bucks my wha— how’d you even..?”

“aeri likes to gossip” chenle replies, full of cheek. “and a little birdie told me they saw you leaving the on-call room all flustered”.

“a little— who?”

“i can’t tell you my sources”.

“what if i just had a really good nap?”

“thirty bucks it’s an intern” renjun decides to add on, and you blink his way in sheer betrayal. yes they’re right but you didn’t divulge your weeks ago on-call room hookup story time to anybody, you just.. thought about it.

“that’s what yizhuo was saying! you know we have a bet right?” he digs through his pocket before pulling out an unscathed piece of paper. “let’s see we have dr suh from plastics, yeonjun, dejun, and our very own nepo baby na jaemin, pretty good don’t you think?”

“why is jaemin on the list? take jaemin off the list,” though you swipe for the paper, chenle’s got some fast ass hands.

“no no hear me out, okay? he has my vote because the tension is undeniable but i’m on your side and i don’t think you’ll give into his whims”.

“what whims?”

“his seduction tactic including starting petty fights?” renjun recalls, blinking in your direction as if attempting some newly discovered form of communication. “he probably gets off on that..”

“oh he does!”

and then they begin, you simply sigh as you make the effort to finish your lunch, acquainted with the leftovers you again had to heat up because there was little time for you to actually cook something new.

“jaemin’s a freak, wonil said—“

“we can’t trust anything he says, he’s literally fucking dr. dudebro” you steal a fry off chenle’s plate, humming along with your bite.

“i thought they broke it off?” renjun asks in denial, though his gleaming ‘i knew it’ look would completely beg to differ.

“oh come on! everybody knows they’re still fucking, no mystery, no thrill”.

renjun crinkles his nose at the display of crudeness, you don’t forget to recall the thirty bucks he entered into this godforsaken betting pool. “can i kill him?”

your hands raise in mock surrender. “not in front of me, we swore an oath of peace” you rise from your place and keep your plate in your bag. “besides there’s no mystery, no thrill”.

“don’t leave me with him!” renjun squeaks. “where are you going!?”

you do not let up the walking, however, you allow him at least one reassuring smile.

“to see a guy about a thing!”

in a rare act of perfect timing, you’re just able to sprint to the elevator as soon as it’s closing. by the power of the universe’s most evil, jaemin is the only one inside, and he blankly stares as you hold your folders out to hold the door before ducking in. you hit the button for the sixth floor and begin panting as you lean against the wall.

jaemin barely spares a glance, but his smile says everything. “back for more already?”

“did you tell anyone about us?”

he opts to chuckle at that one. “us? we sleep together once and you’re already thinking there’s an us baby?”

“shut the fuck up, na, like half our class is in a betting pool for when i’m going to let you into my pants so i swear to god if you told anybody i’m going to ship you to the O.R and harvest all of your fucking organs”.

the threat shines brightly above him, smile shimmering. “i’m sure you’d love to do that”.

his smile is endless and the point by which his stare begins is simply dark, it’s that stupid dead-eyed stare that could murder anyone just by one mere glance. if looks could kill, your insides would’ve been splattered all over this elevator currently.

finally, jaemin rolls his eyes.

“christ, relax, no i didn’t, i definitely don’t know anything about a bet either”.

you let out a much needed breath and again allow yourself to lean against the wall of the elevator. the only worse thing than people thinking your friends with jaemin is people thinking you’re actively sleeping with jaemin. well— okay you suppose there are worse things to be known for but being pegged as the intern banging na jaemin is definitely up there.

“i meant what i said by the way, that was a one time thing”.

“of course”.

“stop fucking smiling like that”.

it appears to be his innate need to ensure your irritation, his smile barely resists the clear urge to grow at the sight of your frown. “god, thought you liked my smile?”

“it’s never happening again” you insist. “no more sex, not with you anyway”.

“great” jaemin replies. he finally does turn to face you. “so when you say never again are you actually making a definite final decision or are you simply playing hard to get?”

“what do you think?” you retort, you’re two floors away from your destination, the lab reports you’re clutching much vicely resulting in sweaty palms.

jaemin licks his lips, all high and mighty. “i’m sure you don’t want to know what i’m thinking”.

you look up to meet his stare in a singular effort to glare equally as hard, it’s futile. jaemin’s got the eyes of a predator, as if he’ll pounce if you attempt a single move out of this elevator, it’s striking, his eyes trail all the way up from your terribly expensive shoes and up your body, stopping at your mouth.

he seems pleased with himself, tipping his head forward when the elevator dings at your floor.

you allow a squint, briskly leaving him behind. it’s only three steps out of the elevator that you realize you left him without an answer, therefore leaving him with the last word, but you conclude you’ve walked too far to shout, yet it seems jaemin has no qualms.

“you know where to find me!” he calls.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 3: good sex is addicting! healthy? eh..

naturally it happens again..

and again,

and once again.

if you were in a better place of mind, perhaps if you didn’t contain loads of work on your shoulder and slumped with courses of continuous caffeine, you’d find the right mind to chide yourself for making such a stupid decision, but you’re simply a selfish and desperate man. this is like— the best sex you’ve had since undergrad, not that there were many good examples to be the judge of that one anyway (with little offense given to shotaro, he’s a sweetheart but you two barely ever got it on as it is).

the thing is, you’re beginning to have a little fun with it. sure, you’d felt as if you were betraying yourself after the second or third time but it’s now become its own little adventure. sneaking around and whispering in the hallways in tandem with disappearing into random storage closests is fun.

jaemin is merely jaemin when it’s all over, barbed wire esqe jaemin with a personality you’d liken to some miserable children’s movie villain.

but it works, it isn’t as if you’re doing this because jaemin has a to die for personality, you’re doing it because you’re stressed, despite the fact that he is probably the main contributor of such stress, he at least helps you relieve that stress.

“somethings up with you,” jeno makes apparent when he walks past the couch, casual, conversational.

droning on the television is some nature documentary you don’t recall turning on, acting as background noise as you observe the surgery dr. kim assigned you. you technically aren’t allowed to bring your work home but you’ve also always enjoyed poking holes into rules, you bring your teeth down on a goldfish cracker that you’ve had between your fingers for about five minutes.

“what?” you finally reply.

“you seem different” jeno rewords graciously. “brighter, less.. porcupine-y”.

“i can be mean if you want,” you decide. “you want that puppy?”

jeno turns red, continuous head shaking as he clears his throat. “i just meant— i don’t know, you seem a little less miserable than before, not all grouchy, i’m happy for you”.

“pfft— thanks, always knew you loved me nono”.

his chagrin at such a nickname manifests in his much particular nose scrunch, his arms folding over his chest stubbornly. “don’t call me that.. so anyway, what changed?”

“hm?”

he leans over the couch, staring you down suspiciously, unnaturally nosy. “you can’t just decide to not be miserable overnight, what happened?”

you tilt your head up at him. “i’m getting to scrub in on proper surgeries, and i’m getting laid!”

jeno appears surprised, though gladdened anyway. “oh really? so who’s the guy then?”

you squint at him. “chenle put you up to this?”

“what?” he seems taken aback, but equally completely caught. “no?”

you open your mouth to rebut that clear lie, yet you’re both interrupted by lee donghyuck barreling into the room, looking too good for a regular saturday night, fancy overcoat draped over his arm that he definitely stole from renjun.

“stop looking at me and help me put this on” he motions towards his empty wrist and a fancy looking bracelet.

jeno simply whistles lowly.

“where are you going dressed up like this?” you inquire in the manner of a scrutinizing parent. “you got a date?” you don’t miss his avoidance of eye contact once you actually fasten the thing around his wrist.

“..yes”,

jeno applauds happily, much too excited, as if he were the one going on a date.

“give us a spin” you chide.

“seriously?”

both you and jeno nod in unison.

donghyuck begrudgingly obliges.

“you look good” jeno states.

“very good” you ruffle his hair irritatingly, and he hisses as he bats your hand away, muttering his small thanks. “have fun!”

you make sure to blow him a kiss on his way out, donghyuck makes sure to slam the door on his way out.

jeno then turns to you. “can i guess your guy’s name?”

“no!”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 4: secrets out eventually!!

you suppose you had to eventually tell your friends at some point, of course that would include admitting zhong chenle is right and that sucks the life out of you for a much identifiable reason. the other three are bound to find out about jaemin soon enough, because whilst you’ve never been a talker, it’s getting annoying to do the constant walk of shame to jaemin’s apartment.

“i’m really trying to understand what your problem with me is” jaemin grins, all teeth, perfectly straight purely white fucking teeth. you’re back in the closet again, you can’t help but surmise that there’s a joke in there somewhere.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t, it’s simply so cute how you get angry, kinda turns me on”.

you decide to ignore that one, wiping your mouth over with the back of your hand. you then focus on getting your shirt back to its original, somewhat normal looking form, god you’re so reckless.

“i’m just saying.. if you put effort into actually getting to know me we’d actually be pretty good— fuck ow!” he winces in the manner of a kicked puppy, all because you twisted a piece of skin between your fingers.

“i’m not interested in getting to know you, thought i made that clear” you voice.

“only thing you’ve made clear is that you believe it’s your god given right to hate me since no one else does”.

“oh you make me feel so special, i’m sure there’s someone else in this world who hates you as much as i do”.

“sure y/n” jaemin begins, “i find it hard to believe you actually do hate me” he nips at your ear, you really shouldn’t let jaemin kiss your neck, but you don’t push him off, he’d throw a hissy fit.

just as his hand begins venturing downward the closest door creaks open, and you two jump apart as if you’ve been caught, standing in the doorway is none other than lee donghyuck.

“what the fuck?” he whispers, quickly closing the door behind him. when he steps into the dingy white light, you notice the wet tears against his eyelashes, everything else is erased from your mind.

“hey” you begin, voice soft. “what’s wrong? did something happen?” you smooth over your scrubs.

“nothing” his voice gives it away. “we can’t cry mid shift anymore?”

no, but donghyuck hasn’t cried over a patient in a while, that’s typically your prerogative.

“it’s wonil” he sniffs. “stupid fucking kim wonil,” he sits down on an upturned bucket, once you kneel beside him, he pulls you into a hug to bury his tear streaked face against your neck. “i’m gonna have to change my name and transfer to gwangju instead!”

you look over donghyuck’s trembling shoulder at jaemin, who appears just as clueless as you are. he instead opts to patting the small of his back in support, rubbing soothing strokes. “could i have some elaboration, babe?”

“he used me” he says, holding onto his sobs. “took me on a stupid fucking fancy date and then i caught him with mark lee— oh my god, he.. he lied to me, he said they broke it off months ago but that obviously wasn’t true and he kept scrubbing in on the important surgeries, i thought he— we were going out for months and i just, fuck i feel awful y/n”.

well that’s.. not what you expected to hear at all. your head spins.

“wait— wonil? that’s who?”

“can we not talk about that part right now?” he simply allows for the tears to free fall, you attempt to wipe them as best you can.

sure, it’s nothing.

“did he tell you? how’d you even find this out?”

“no he didn’t i saw them” he covers his face with his own hands, distraught. “and he didn’t even care..”

“then none of it is your fault” you assure, patting the side of his arms. “he’s an asshole”.

it doesn’t quell donghyuck enough, his shoulders continuously quivering. “i had a bad feeling, i really should’ve known better—“

“he’s a cheat, he should know better, don’t beat yourself up over this”.

“i fucking loved him y/n” he rests his head onto your shoulder, something twisted and horrible lodged in his throat, tears endless.

it’s raining because of course it’s raining.

“it’s storming pretty bad” jaemin quips, conversationally. “do you not want me to call you a ride?”

you simply allow a small breath to escape your lips, hair tousled as you slip your jacket on through your arms. “nah, the bus works just fine” you say, wiping your hands on your pants despite your much irritation.

“and i’m guessing you don’t want to wait until it’s let up either?”

“i have to get home cause jeno’s working late and— hyuck’s alone, don’t want him to be..” you mutter, glancing down at your watch as you crinkle your nose at the time. “he’s been baking since the whole wonil thing happened, need to make sure he doesn’t burn down the apartment”.

jaemin doesn’t have to put anymore work into convincing you. “alright, have fun”.

you do the typical before leaving checkup, you have your keys, your phone, cash, and a bus pass, good. it’s silent, awkward, not much of a regular conversation when he isn’t bending you over a table.

but there’s something you really need to know.

“hey jaemin?”

“hm?” he doesn’t look up from his phone.

“should we talk about.. this?”

“well talking about it makes it weird”.

you consider your next words very carefully. “i’m lonely, you know”.

jaemin then puts his phone down. “i’m lost”.

you’re unaware of why exactly you feel the need to divulge context about whatever your relationship happens to be, you keep thinking back to donghyuck and you remember the liabilities caused by workplace relationships. you’re afraid you can’t stomach another complicated relationship, situations that wrap around your head in a nauseating fashion. not that jaemin is boyfriend material or anything but—

“the first time we hooked up? in the on-call room? i did it because i just got off a bad breakup and i was stressed and.. you were my first option”.

jaemin remains frozen in his place, gaze pointed, chest perfectly accentuated in his shir— stop looking there y/n. “what i’m trying to say is that i was desperate and it’s important you know that because—“

“get to the point”.

“i don’t want this to.. you know, be more than what it is, like.. domestic and shit”.

“oh jesus, okay y/n” he pinches the bridge of his nose, as if you irritated him. “you’re asking me not to fall in love with you right? you could’ve just said that then”.

“it sounds stupid”.

“and your other option sounded better?”

“whatever, i’m going, good talk”.

“great talk”.

“stop trying to get the last word in”.

“i’m not trying to do anything”.

“goodnight”.

“don’t say things you don’t mean”.

“fine, i hope you have a terrible one, i hope your roof catches on fire and you sleep through it and it all comes crashing onto you so your death is all slow and painful, happy?”

jaemin smiles, waving you off with each of his fingers as you storm out of the door, into the pouring rain, slamming it shut behind you.

you take a short walk and an even shorter bus ride home, yet when you enter your apartment you’re absolutely drenched.

the whole house smells of sugar and semi-baked sweets, it almost reminds you of home, back when you’d fuck shit up with your sisters in the kitchen. the now added on pain is the continuous ringing of the fire alarm, donghyuck standing at the counter fanning smoke with an empty box of brownie mix.

you sigh as you kick off your shoes.

“what the hell did you do?”

“i have it under control” donghyuck whines.

“hyuck—“

“don’t step any closer” he threatens, butter knife in hand.

your hands raise in mock surrender, a flat look sent his way. “you’re being ridiculous”.

“sorry” he puts the knife down, breathing labored. “help me?”

you two sit down on the kitchen floor and have brownies and ice cream for dinner, an ironic feat for a pair of medical professionals, but this is simply one of those things licensed under free will you have as an adult, the kind of thing that makes you think maybe parental supervision is a good need. besides, sugar is good for heartbreak.

“i don’t wanna go to work tomorrow” donghyuck mutters, beginning to consistently tap his head onto the counter, as if attempting to bash his brains out. “this is so stupid”.

“it’ll be fine, i’m sure no one will question you up front”.

he glances upward. “my former sort of boyfriend is fucking the most popular attending neurosurgeon, and people think i was homewrecking whatever the hell they have going, you think people just forget that?”

you lick your spoon clean. “yeah it’s not looking good,” you admit, scratching the back of your head. “but i’m here to help you through it, and samoyed will be there to bark at anyone who looks at you funny”.

donghyuck gives a weak laugh and leans his head onto your shoulder. “yeah yeah, whatever..”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 5: fuck the domestics, fuck na jaemin.

of course because the universe has a really good sense of humor, mark lee and kim wonil are the first people you and donghyuck see when the elevator dings on the first floor. wonil looks at a loss for words, you’d pride him on such amusement if you weren’t looking to cause him bodily harm.

“uh” mark starts.

“we’re taking the stairs” and since you’re a good friend you do not complain when donghyuck drags you up four flights of stairs.

in his valiant efforts to stay away from neuro, donghyuck gets assigned to obstetrics for the day, whilst you end up back with dr. kim in cardio, which is always a simultaneous blessing and curse. the patient you’re seeing—kiara— has been going back and forth on getting the surgery for a while, and doyoung seemed more than relieved when you showed up with those signed consent forms.

you worked your ass off to get onto this case. you stayed up late all night reading into the procedure, designing a diagram which detailed the surgical process despite the fact that you wouldn’t be carrying it out yourself. observing a complex surgery like this is a rarity for interns, so you intend to soak up every bit of knowledge you can.

so, by design, you’re also standing beside the operating table when her pulse dips, her clutched hand falling dormant in your hold. after the frenzy of orders getting called out and defibrillators charging, there’s nothing but the long, insistent beep of a flatline.

dr. kim calls out the time of death.

realistically, nothing could have been done. she’d waited too long to take the surgery, her vascular walls were weak. it was the best surgeons in the room, and if they couldn’t save her then maybe it was just her time.

you break down in the tunnel despite all of that, you’re sitting on one of the beds against the wall, aware of your own ridiculousness, yet allowing for the tears to brim up anyway.

the only reason kiara was terrified of getting that surgery was because she was afraid of dying on that table, she was scared of dying, and you’d held her hand while they put her under, promising she’d be okay.

that was the mistake.

patient outcomes are never promised, and as much as they remind you, as much as you’re aware that this is in your line of work, death just so happens to spring up on you instantaneously, you can never really fully prepare for it.

“she was going to die anyway” you don’t have to glance up to meet the face behind the voice, simply acquainted with the sight of jaemin’s shoes.

“i know”.

“so why are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself?”

you sigh, massaging a finger to your temple, your head hurts, it all hurts. “go away” another sob pushes itself up out of your chest, another sniffle, more snot.

but would na jaemin ever genuinely listen to an order? absolutely not. he did not go away, he stepped closer, a hand gracing your shoulder.

your own shoulders slump, you’re completely and utterly disappointed in yourself.

“i don’t need you to say anything,” he breathes. “i’m just telling you that it’s okay..”

“it’s not okay” you seethe. “would you have made the same mistake? would you be in my position if it was you?”

you take everything too personal, you need to start thinking like a surgeon, there’s no room for sensitivity in a field like this, dr. kim had said. he made you break the news to her family, have to watch the washed over expressions and the chorus of sobbing as you attempted to contain your own.

“well i wouldn’t have gotten attached..”

and it sounds so condescending, lowly, superiority reigned over your head. you’ve had a terrible day, and all you can do is sob in your own pity as jaemin just stands there.

it’s so easy to get swallowed up in your pride, tout your pigheadedness in front of jaemin on a regular front with spouted curses and illusions high. you suppose jaemin doesn’t have the best standards for you, you didn’t even do anything, but the fashion of your personality you’d displayed was enough of a case.

“y/n” jaemin calls, soft, you almost don’t hear him. the mattress dips with his added pressure, a hand coming to touch the side of your face, fingertips cold as they tuck strands of your hair behind your ear. jaemin’s hands are always cold. “y/n, hey”.

you don’t respond, can’t do anything but let jaemin pull you against his chest. it’s an odd feeling because it’s the thing you needed from the last person you expected to give it to you. you exhale shakily, closing your eyes and reveling in the prospect of being held.

“you suck at this” you sob, on principle of course.

“hush” jaemin murmurs. he rests his chin atop your head, and he says nothing more, doesn’t even pull away either. you cry until you have no more left to give, your shift isn’t quite over yet, you have charts to finish and labs to read over. you push at jaemin to let you go.

“m’fine” you sniffle, posture straightening as you wiped the tears from your cheeks. you feel reckless, embarrassed, like a child. your face is burning hot, but at least you feel better. jaemin is staring, as if he’s experiencing a certain thing for the first time.

you look away.

“i’m fine” you repeat. “don’t look at me like that”.

jaemin clears his throat as if snapping out of an episode. “i know you don’t care for my opinion, but i think you’re doing great”.

“you what..?”

jaemin nods, doesn’t elaborate on any of it, it’s awkward.

your pager beeps, and once you glance down at the location, you silently curse at the location being half across the hospital.

“right, um thank you, i guess i’ll.. uh, see you later?”

“you know where to find me”.

jeno seeks you out first once your shift is over, apprehensive as always.

“you okay? i heard what happened..”

“yeah m’fine” you pause before the doors to allow jeno to catch you, donghyuck and renjun won’t be done for another hour, and it’s once again pouring outside. “i just need to shower and sleep for fifty hours”.

jeno is already looking at you when you glance over. you’ve heard your fair share of stories concerning surgical failures, much too close to one when in your childhood, but experiencing one firsthand just really took it all out of you.

“i’m going to get better at this surgeon thing right? i have to?” you ask.

“you will” jeno replies, silent. he links your fingers together, a warm feeling. he then nudges you, the slightest bit of comfort in the affection laced gesture. “we both will”.

there’s a small switch flip after that.

jaemin remains jaemin. perfectly polished jaemin, hardened in the face of death, all precise and unphased, yet you lay your heart bare for it all, fortitude at the forefront of your emotions.

occasionally, you find yourself looking over at jaemin when he’s too engrossed in his work or conversation to notice.

when you observe him, you attempt to figure out where the fortitude of his beating organ lies. it appears jaemin acts in kindness when he thinks no one else is looking. you wonder if that’s a true display or if that’s simply another mask he wears around for the hell of it, getting into the sweet spots of littler kids is a spectacular move. then again, it takes a special kind of evil to be mean to kids. sure, jaemin’s a bit of an asshole, but he isn’t all bloods evil.

that isn’t such a hard concept to grasp.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 6: running out of terrifically timed titles

the tumultuous disarray of your life provides solace, somewhat regular sex escapades with jaemin continue and donghyuck is often too tipsy once you get home from your shifts later in the week. you surmise he’s simply coping with his situation in manners he’s accustomed to, though both you and jeno would love to chide him for the unhealthiness, you two also can’t talk, ever since you found that unlimited espresso machine in the second floor cafeteria, it’s basically become your life source. jeno will scold you for that one when he eventually finds out, though it’s good to know jungwoo doesn’t mind, simply passing you with mild apprehension whenever you go grab another cup.

you guess you can’t talk about anything, but you also can’t help worrying about your friend.

“l/n, did you follow up on those scans i asked for?” dr. kim unabashedly ambushes you whilst you’re in the middle of a good speed powered walk, files almost tumbling out of your bundled arms.

“uh— yes, they redid them so they aren’t blurry, and i also put in that psych eval you requested, i have all of them here”.

“nice work, will you be available to scrub in tomorrow morning?”

you blink at him, baffled. “i— oh my god yes, thank you um..” you honestly didn’t expect that one after the prior incident with kiara. you assumed for sure doyoung would stand between you and the O.R for a couple of months.

“is there a reason you’re still standing in front of me?”

you blush, embarrassed. “i’m sorry i just.. i know you don’t think i’m cut out for this so I’m unsure of why you chose me”.

for a slim moment, there’s genuine in doyoung’s eyes. “well i’ll have you know opinions can change, will you move out of my way now”.

you pause. “of course, sorry, thank you, i appreciate it”.

“you’d better” he beams, placing yet another stack in your arms. “could you drop these off at the nurses station for me?”

you make your way back downstairs, still reeling from the previous words said to your face, when you hear a familiar voice.

“is dr l/n here? well, no— he’s an intern”.

you look up from the nurses station immediately, catching a glimpse of osaki shotaro’s identifiable tuft of hair, golden blonde, still dyed. he hasn’t changed since you last saw him, well you suppose a few months really don’t provide anything substantial in the area of change.

“taro?”

when he glances up, he breaks into one of his bright smiles and he parts (hyperbole) the hallway to get to you. “y/n, hey, hi”.

“what— what are you doing here? is everything okay? is your mom oka—“

“i’m fine, everyone’s fine it’s just.. i mean— i don’t know actually i was just nearby and i wanted to see you? i know i’m the one who broke up with you and all but i was sure there was a high chance you’d be here instead of.. well anywhere else”.

“yeah” you laugh. “yeah that is true”.

“it’s nice to see you” he fiddles with his bracelet, reaching over to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, a natural habit, you grab onto his wrist before his fingers can grace your skin. shotaro pauses for a moment, cheeks colored pink in embarrassment as he slips from your hold.

“sorry— i um.. can we just talk actually?”

your face warms rather quickly. “uh..”

“oh hello” jaemin appears—literally out of nowhere—“are you here for a patient?”

“no actually he was just leaving—“

“i’m shotaro” he tilts his head to read jaemin’s id card. “you’re.. dr na?” he extends his hand for a handshake, jaemin ignores it. you almost want to tell him off for such a thing.

“yes, you must be the boyfriend”.

“ex boyfriend” you both say.

jaemin inhales a bated breath, handing you a stack of files. “jungwoo said to give these to you, the chief needs all the records manually inputted before you get off your shift today”.

“but—“

“we’re all splitting work, that’s your stack and this is mine”.

“i’m supposed to be having lunch” you frown.

jaemin shrugs, nothing of helpful. “do them after, i don’t care, i’m just the messenger”.

“it was nice meeting you”.

“sure” jaemin flashes a noncommittal smile, then, as quick as he came, he’s gone.

“is he always like that?” shotaro inquires, you sigh, much loudly.

“yeah, kind of, at first glance..”

“so lunch! can i treat you?”

you chuckle. “well i can’t leave so i hope you don’t mind hospital food”.

it’s (surprisingly) a very enjoyable experience for you.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 7: coupling 1000

on tuesday, lee jeno walks into the locker room looking slightly askew, yet completely elated, brightened in some unusual fashion.

you let out a low whistle. “now what the fuck has you so happy?”

“nothing”.

“is it a guy?”

“no!” jeno refutes, the bright red hue paired with the shrill squeaked ‘no’ do naught for his argument. “it’s not that”.

“you have that after guy glow”.

“you’re insane”.

“he’s right though” jaemin wraps an inviting arm around his shoulder, jeno full on pouts. “you look awfully stunning this morning, jeno”.

“fuck?”

“you’re okay”.

“damn, why’s it feel like every intern in this hospital is getting some but me?” donghyuck grouches, you instantly share a look with renjun.

at the inevitable silence, donghyuck groans again. “don’t answer that”.

“yeah cause you’d only be told the obvio—“

“good morning~” kim jungwoo sings, much too delighted for the time of day. “glad to see all of you interns actually in on time, l/n and na you’ll be helping mark prep his patient, zhong and lee one you’ll be in the pit, and.. huang and lee two on charts, any complaints? wonderful! get going!”

mark lee has the discontented mannerisms of a teenage boy, awkward stutters and all, you often neglect to recall that he’s a revered surgeon prided for performing some of the best brain operations in the country, technically your boss.

you haven’t spent much time around him, you actively avoid kim wonil for the sake of donghyuck’s (and your own) sanity, looking into the eyes of mark lee, he appears bashful, shyly boyish in a manner akin to a formerly stranger lee jeno.

“guess he’s still avoidant”.

you snort, jaemin sucks his teeth, you then sigh with your tongue prodding at the side of your cheek. “well he can’t look at you without thinking about..”

now that you think about it, you’ve never really had a conversation with kim wonil, what’s even with the guy?

“oh” his face drops in that distinct kicked puppy fashion, you merely sigh.

“just give him space, okay? he’ll surely come around”.

“space.. really?”

“space is good” jaemin chimes in. “and either way he’s not your intern, we are, can we go now?”

he’s always been ever so impatient.

yang jungwon is a twenty year old college student with a tumor pressing down on his frontal temporal lobe. “it’s affecting his impulse control,” mark warns. “so if he says something a bit forward, that’s why”.

“forward?” you question.

when mark, you and jaemin walk into jungwon’s room, his mother is sitting beside his bed, smoothing over his sheets with her hands. mark bids them good morning and introduces you two as the interns which will be overseeing the surgery, the first thing jungwon says is:

“jesus you all are hot, is that requirement here? why are you all so hot? are there more of you?”

“jungwon” his mother softly chides.

forward, you hum, jaemin only makes an agreeing noise beside you.

“sorry, was that rude? i’m very sorry”.

“he’s usually shy” his mother explains. “he doesn’t mean to be offensive”.

“no offense taken ma’am, that’s probably the nicest thing a patient has said to us in a while” mark replies. “how are you feeling won?”

“my mom’s nervous so now i’m nervous and the food here sucks by the way, i don’t really wanna have brain surgery but i have to be optimistic so yay!”

“that’s the spirit!” mark cheers. “okay, dr. l/n here is gonna run a couple of tests to make sure everything is okay, dr. na will handle all the paperwork, if you still want to proceed i can have you scheduled for O.R two bright and early tomorrow morning, i’ll make sure everything goes smoothly for you okay?”

“can i get snacks from the vending machine to make it go smoother?”

“i’ll do it” his mother offers. “don’t give dr. l/n a hard time, okay?”

mark leaves with jaemin and mrs. yang to grab snacks and necessary consent forms, you begin putting on your gloves to give jungwon a routine examination.

“dr. l/n can i ask you a question?” jungwon asks.

you remove the stethoscope from your ears, giving him a small smile. “go ahead, i’m all ears”.

“well it’s more of a personal question” he twiddles his thumbs, smile stretched widely as he tilts his head towards you. “are you two like.. together?”

“me and who?”

“the other, other hot doctor with all the teeth, the one who was in here just now”.

“me and.. na?”

“yeah, is he your boyfriend? he was looking like he wanted to eat you, i was honestly getting worried by how intense he was staring”.

that shocks a fit of laughter out of you. “no no, he wasn’t—he’s.. he’s not my boyfriend”.

“oh okay, well if nobody’s told you yet then i’m a hundred percent sure he wants to jump your bones, and also be your boyfriend”.

you clear your throat, flustered by jungwon’s sense of earnesty. “we’re not together, just coworkers”.

“do you have a boyfriend?”

you sigh and lean forward, pressing two fingers on either side of his neck to feel for a carotid pulse. “you’ve said the word boyfriend an awful lot in these past few minutes,” you pause. “no i don’t”.

“okay” jungwon says. “this is going to sound a bit presumptuous, but if i survive the surgery, will you go out with me?”

you skillfully sidestep such a question. “that’s not presumptuous, dr. lee is one of the best brain surgeons in the country, he’s going to make sure you come out just fine, your most likely outcome is positive”.

jungwon stops, blinking up at you, galaxies in his pupils. “i think we might be soulmates”.

“yang jungwon”.

“that’s me”.

“you’re cute, and sweet, and funny— but i absolutely cannot go out with you”.

“is it the brain damage thing? i’ve been told that’s a dealbreaker”.

“don’t be cheeky, how old are you again? twenty?”

“twenty going on twenty five”.

you laugh. “you have your whole life ahead of you to find a soulmate, people don’t really have a good time dating me, you’ll be dodging a bullet”.

“what, why not?”

“won—can i call you won?”

“you can call me anything you want..”

“won” you stress, “i spend about eighty hours a week in this hospital, i barely have time to eat or sleep or even think about anything that doesn’t include cutting someone open, my last boyfriend dumped me for that reason, i couldn’t do that again, and i definitely don’t think you want to”.

“ah i see” jungwon says, he’s silent for a while before he asks: “you’re saying it would make sense for you to date someone who works as much as you do, like another doctor, right?”

“well that wasn’t the point but i guess that makes sense then”.

jungwon smiles as if he’s figured out something. “so do you like dr. na then?”

“dr. na is standing right there” jaemin chimes in. you two both turn to see him standing in the doorway, “i have consent forms, i already went over the procedure with your mom, i’m aware mark probably covered it with you, but if it would make you more comfortable i could go over it with you myself”.

both you and jungwon stare at him.

“what?”

“is he always like this?”

you smile in his direction, giggling as you ruffle his hair. “yeah”.

“didn’t peg you as the type to flirt with patients” jaemin utters later in the nurse station whilst you two idle around in feigned ignorance as if you don’t have mountains of work weighing on your shoulders. jungwon had personally asked for you to scrub in on his surgery, and it’s clear jaemin was just the slightest bit envious, you would be too if in his shoes. mark’s surgeries are always the most fun to watch.

“i wasn’t flirting, he was simply asking invasive questions so i entertained him, he’s a nice kid, it’s called having good bedside manners”.

“are you saying i don’t have good bedside manner?”

“your words, not mine”.

“i don’t care, you were definitely flirting back”.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t”.

“well there’s your answer”.

jungwon comes out just fine, you and jaemin however, you take a while to recover.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 8: well i guess he’s fine..

at the end of the week you typically only prefer to gorge on the junk food remained tucked in your refrigerator and embrace the warmth of your bed, but everybody knows you don’t always get the things you want, especially you in your kicked rock of a life.

“are you ready?” renjun bounces on his heels, changed out of his scrubs already, breathing down your neck in an effort to fasten your process of changing.

“what are you all doing tonight?” jaemin inquires, suddenly nosy.

“well i wanted to go home to eat ice cream then sleep all night, but since it’s the last wednesday of the month and we have tomorrow off renjun wants to go do karaoke at the local bar”.

“it’s kind of our tradition!” jeno offers, he’s sat down on one of the benches, lacing up his dunks. “you should come with us, drinks are half off until midnight”.

“you should come! it’ll be so fun, y/n has the voice of an angel”.

your cheeks color red in embarrassment. “well actually—“

“stop trying to be humble now, just admit it” renjun then turns to jaemin. “please? you literally never hang out with us”.

you can’t see renjun’s face, but you know he’s using that pleading puppy look to sell his point.

you watch jaemin crumble in real time.

“alright, guess it couldn’t hurt”.

what hurts is your throat after demolishing a flurry of early 2000s hits. now your ears are beginning to pain as renjun, donghyuck and chenle go head to head, they’ve rapped to super bass three times in a row, and donghyuck continuously doubles over in laughter whenever chenle messes up a single lyric. you aren’t complaining though, this is about the happiest you’ve seen donghyuck in the week, it makes you feel all warm seeing him laughing and all full of bashful insults.

jaemin has been nursing the same beer since you’ve arrived, tucked away on the couch in an effort to not participate in such nonsense. it dawns on you that you normally don’t hang out with him outside of the hospital much, and you wonder if he even has friends outside the hospital.

before you stop yourself, you’re wriggling out of jeno’s lap and making your way over to jaemin. he looks over when you get close, eyes traveling from the loose neckline of your shirt to your face.

“hiii”, you greet.

“hello, you’re drunk”.

“just a little” you giggle, hiccuping on nothing. “you look all moody and broody in the shadows, are you not having fun?”

“i am, you guys are just..” jaemin pauses, again glancing back at the scene before seemingly taking back a few words. “i am”.

you hum, whistling in the air. “i need some fresh air, come with me?”

jaemin nods, following behind you in the manner of a shadow out of the establishment. you two end up sitting on the sidewalk, chilling air offering you solace as you attempt to sober up.

it’s chillier than it was before, but you bask in the cold instead, short sleeves acting as nothing of a barrier.

“that was quite the performance back there” jaemin says quietly.

“thank you, yeah i can’t compare to donghyuck but singing is.. you know, just a hobby”.

you shiver offhandedly, jaemin observes for a while before offering you over his jacket, caging it around you in his lingering warmth. you yearn to comment on it, he practically dares you to, so you take it in silence.

“you know what would be amazing? a hot spicy bowl of kimchi jjigae”.

it’s been a while since you’ve been able to cook a genuine meal, the shifts take it all out of you and turning on any kitchen appliances gives you anxiety after a long shift. eating is a whole shove and go sort of a thing, you don’t pay much mind to it anymore. “now why would you put that in my head? i’m hungry” you whine.

“i know a good spot near the hospital, their stuff is like home”.

you ignore the mention of home.

“you’re just making it worse”.

“sorry” jaemin is not sorry. “maybe we can go together after work sometimes”.

“oh, like with the other interns? that’d be nice..”

jaemin looks caught, he swallows down nothing. “no i mean.. just us”.

you freeze. “oh”.

“what? having sex with me is okay but dinner is completely out of the question?”

“no” you reply defensively. “it’s just— us, you know? we can’t even go a few words without arguing, we don’t do dinner, the only thing we have in common is that we’re stuck up surgeons, we don’t do dinner”.

jaemin presses his lips into a flat line, the kind of thing he does when he’s looking for something nice to say. “we’re friends”.

you almost lurch forward, perhaps drinking was not a good idea. you blink, completely knowing of your upcoming decision.

“you know what? yeah, let’s get dinner”.

“right now?”

“no time like the present!” you shout, holding your hand out for jaemin as you rise from the sidewalk. he takes it, intertwining your fingers as you haul him off the ground,

“what about the others?”

“they’ll be fine” you excuse. “come on”.

you realize belatedly that it’s about midnight, which means most, if not all restaurants serving kimchi jjigae are closed. you two end up at the popular twenty four hour ramen spot instead, and you take time to sober up as you two wait in line. hanging off jaemin’s arm, you simply allow your head to lean against his shoulder, the other making no room for little complaints, you’ll regret being all clingy in the morning, but for now, it’s all up in the air. the waitress who seats you eyes you in that knowing way, she thinks you two are a couple, you decide to not correct her, there’s no benefit, she ensures a comment about how cute you two are.

“first thing i want to do after getting my license is..” jaemin begins. “treat the uppers at one of these places, like a celebratory dinner”.

“ramen for surgeons?”

“basically”.

you hum, tongue hot, all warm. “you wanna split this with me?” you inquire, referring to the takoyaki before you on a plate.

“can you even eat all that?” jaemin poses, clicking his tongue as he eyes the spread of appetizers. you aren’t a quitter, especially after a week of subpar meals you didn’t even bother turning on the stove to create. you raise your plate in his direction, offering a takoyaki ball which he takes a stab at.

“have you always wanted to be a surgeon?”

jaemin sighs. “we don’t have to do this”.

“do what?”

“the thing where we ask each other questions and pretend to care about the answers”.

“i do care” you press. “aren’t we friends? answer the question, minjae”.

“is that supposed to be a nickname?” jaemin grumbles. you’ve always had a knack for nicknames, jeno your main victim. “it sucks”.

“answer the question”.

he sighs again, but this time he’s smiling. “i mean, guess i always had the feeling, i was obsessed with that surgeon game when i was younger, i would sneak into my dad’s office and read up on all of his procedures, i read a lot of his stupid textbooks and was hooked forever”.

“oh”.

“yeah”.

“well it probably helped your family’s full of doctors huh?”

he pauses. “not really”.

you stop for a moment. “your dad is na kiwoo, he’s crazy good at his shit, he invented a whole new way to transplant bone marrow! your uncle is literally the chief of surgery at the hospital we intern at!”

you probably appear nerdy, you scratch the back of your ear, somewhat embarrassed. jaemin stares, clearing his throat. “my parents didn’t want me to become a surgeon”.

you are absolutely gobsmacked, jaemin goes through the effort of physically putting your jaw back in its place. “seriously?”

“absolutely, they did everything to make sure i wouldn’t get into the medical field, wanted me to get some bullshit sports scholarship, they refused to pay my tuition and basically said i ruined their dreams of having an olympian son so i went no contact”.

you scoff. “god”.

“right” he grins, though there’s little genuine. “i tried so hard to get into any program that didn’t have to do with guleum but look where i ended up”.

you blink as you attempt to process the influx of information. “but you’re destined for greatness— you’re your parents’ legacy”.

he dismissively waves. “it would be great if they cared, they have their noses buried in their work, can’t believe they thought i wouldn’t take it personal”.

“you’re still mad?”

“what do you think?”

and then he chuckles. you deliver a small smack to his shoulder, along the lines of an affectionate gesture. “they’re dickheads, you’re gonna be one of the best surgeons in the world, besides me”.

jaemin is now the one who’s surprised. “did you just compliment me?”

“hm.. think you’re hearing things”.

“sure” he stops. “so what about you, then? what got you into this program?”

your nose scrunches. “my sister, she always had complications growing up but she had to get a lobectomy when she was young because she had a tumor, after that she couldn’t talk for a while, we spent a lot of time at the hospital so that’s where the interest came from”.

“i didn’t know you had a sister”.

well you didn’t exactly care. “i have three, never a moment of peace”.

“oh i bet”.

your expression falters for a moment. “dad and mom didn’t want me to, get into the medical field that is, they thought i couldn’t do it, said it was a future depicted in failure and that i’d quit at the first loud shout”.

“you? quit?”

he appears genuinely shocked by such a revelation. “are you surprised?”

“kinda” he mutters, opting to glance directly at you. “you’ve always been so persevering, can’t imagine you quitting anything”.

you shrug. “they weren’t around much, i had to kinda fend for myself with three girls running around”.

“well you did it didn’t you?”

“yeah, all those my little pony reruns and sugar cookies” you muse, shaking your head. “i should not know as much as i do about that show”.

jaemin laughs at that one, and you can’t help the pride which swells in your chest. you belatedly realize that you’re enjoying this conversation, you two haven’t had a petty fight in a while, go figure.

“you aren’t that bad”.

“surprise”.

“so why are you so hellbent on proving it then?”

“preconceived notions go a long way, people hear my last name and think seven thousand different things, it gets tiring trying to prove them wrong, i don’t care anymore”.

but if his voice is anything, then he definitely does still care.

“okay so how exactly do you plan on getting home?” he inquires to you, leftover bags swinging in the light wind.

“the night bus”.

“you don’t drive?”

“i would kill myself” you blurt, and jaemin snorts. “don’t laugh, highways are terrifying, besides, the bus is empty at this time”.

“do they really run now?”

you stare flatly. “of course they do, i memorized the running hours”.

he has half a mind to giggle at that one, you then grab onto jaemin’s hand as you drag him towards the nearest bus stop.

your building lights remain blindingly bright once you finally reach your stop, jaemin following behind you in the fashion he always does.

“you really didn’t have to walk me”.

“i needed to make sure you’re in safely” he emphasizes, as if that makes any sense, he opts for an eye roll to sell the stubborn bit.

“aww, what a gentlemen you are minjae”.

he grumbles at the nickname, though his smile threatens to jump up at every glance.

for the first time since you and jaemin eloped, you take a glance at your watch, shocked at it being half past two already. “don’t you have work today? why didn’t you say anything?”

jaemin shrugs, flatly, very jaemin. “you guys were having fun, my shift’s at noon, it’s fine”.

“okay well, goodnight?”

“goodnight,” jaemin replies, and he leans forward for a peck, it’s short and sweet, by the time he’s done, you realize all too late, cheeks gone red as you instead blink.

“uh” you begin, very intelligent y/n, stellar. “that was.. um—“

“you okay?”

“no! i mean— yes i just, that was nice it was nice..” you exhale, “can i have another one?”

jaemin gives in, cupping your cheeks and drawing you in for another kiss. it shouldn’t go on for as long as it does, but you’re much too embarrassing to admit such a thing, instead you let him do it again, and again, and again, all soft against your lips.

“we probably shouldn’t do that again because..” your lips attempt to twitch up, you try to fasten that sincere expression on your features. “well you know—“

“right, no domestic shit” jaemin smiles, all teeth, so cocky.

you refuse to give him the satisfaction of a smile, turning towards the entrance in order to hide it. “goodnight”.

“goodnight” jaemin lingers for a moment, as if he wants to say something more. however, it appears he changes his mind once you glance back at him, he mirrors your turn back and begins walking off.

it’s not until you put the leftovers away and begin undressing for your shower that you realize you forgot to return him his jacket.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 9: the crush-not-crush phase

jaemin does the friend thing exceptionally well, he relays obscure anecdotes that you giggle at and sneaks in slight jabs when doyoung’s in the middle of an important sentence that has you nudging him in the stomach with your arm.

like right now, he’s droning on about a moment when a nanny almost burned down his parents house whilst trying to cook for him and you’re very much interested, sneaking snorts under your breath.

renjun, jeno and donghyuck all arrive, tapping you on your shoulder, you turn to glance with the slightest confusion.

there isn’t an exchange of words, they simply observe jaemin until he smiles, making up a story about having to go check up on a patient.

they all silently watch him leave.

“why’d you scare him off?” you complain, almost tapering off into whining territory.

“i just want to know what’s up with you two” renjun finally says.

you groan, donghyuck pushes as he takes a seat beside you. “we are not having this conversation again”.

“is he your friend? your boyfriend? an eight month conquest? your shotaro replacement?”

“why does everyone think we’re dating—“

“i ran into him when he was leaving your room this morning” jeno drawls, flat, irritated in that soft way he always is. “i’m about to ask him to start pitching in on the water bill”.

“he’s not over that often”.

your argument falls flat at donghyuck’s eyebrow raise. “he has been this month, do you like him?”

“okay— i hook up with him a few times doesn’t mean i like him”.

“you two keep sneaking off every time we hang out, you basically made him our new pseudo roommate and you were doing that thing you do when you like someone”.

“what thing?”

“you get all giggly and playfully mean—“ donghyuck tucks his hair behind his ear and flutters his eyelashes, squealing in what you suppose is a high pitched imitation of your voice; “oh jaemin you’re sooo funny!”

you land a punch, neither renjun or jeno reach to stop your action despite donghyuck’s extensive complaints.

“i’m not— it doesn’t matter, how could i like jaemin? he’s a fucking shark, do you not remember what he did to me in my our first month?”

renjun glances around, as if searching around for a better excuse you could tout. “your point?”

“i don’t like him, i’m not dating him, it’s all for sex”.

“how long has this been going on again?”

you wrack your mind for an answer. “we started right after i got dumped so.. around late august?”

“oh my god” donghyuck says, his eyes blown out dramatically. “you’ve been sleeping with na jaemin for THREE MONTHS!?”

you decide to assault him again. “can you not be so loud?”

“and you haven’t killed him yet? ew, you do like him”.

“i don’t— what does—“

“oh you totally do! holy shit, is the dick that good!?”

when you take a liberal pause, renjun immediately crinkles his nose. “don’t actually answer that”.

“i wasn’t going to”.

“you were having sex flashbacks!”

“was not, get over yourself” you snark.

donghyuck looks one mouth opening away from speaking when mark lee suddenly shows up, plopping himself at your table. “is this seat taken?”

“yes!” you and renjun yell in unison.

donghyuck clears his throat. “actually, you were just leaving weren’t you?”

“we were?” you ask dumbly, donghyuck nods, tipping his head towards the door.

oh, you realize what he’s trying to do.

“right” you begin slowly. “just leaving, just going”.

“me too” adds renjun.

“i haven’t finished my sandwich yet..” jeno pouts, and renjun sighs as he grabs ahold of his collar, dragging him away from the lunch table where you’ll leave mark and donghyuck alone. “c’mon, they have something to fix”.

when you enter the kitchen the following saturday, donghyuck offers you a mere glance from his book before sighing. “jaemin’s?”

“yep” you pop the p, crouching down as you open the fridge, offering a squint as if your aid will magically appear given your gaze. “are we out of grapes?”

“jeno ate em all, why?”

“nothing, guess i’ll just starve”.

“are you gonna sleep over?”

“i don’t know..”

“sounds close to a yes”.

you glare, donghyuck chuckles.

“practice safe sex youngling!”

you flip him off, he offers you a kiss instead. “sure”.

“enjoy your weekend off!”

you pause before the door and turn back to give him a look, itching to ask a question you’re aware doesn’t have a definite enough answer. “so.. is everything good between you and mark now?”

“i’m working on it” he says, “just working on it”.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 10: blurring the line just a bit

you stumble into jaemin’s room and fall into his bed with your legs tangled. you feel warmth encapsulate you instantly. there’s lightheadedness, as if you’re drunk, intoxicated by the familiar scent of simply jaemin. his hair is in his eyes, yet for a long moment he simply stares. you doubt there’s a definitive way your imperfections could be glimpsed at in the vague orange lamplight, a small frown tugs at your lips.

“what?” you whisper, tentative.

“nothing” jaemin replies, equally silent. “it’s just— you’re just.. you look pretty like this”.

you blank for a moment, brightening yet attempting to shove it downward, reddened. “good, thought you were about to change your mind”.

“hush”.

when jaemin leans down to kiss you it’s soft, and your brain does that stupid malfunction thing once again, you sort of don’t know what to do with it. it’s syrup slow, the way jaemin licks into your mouth and his fingers trail up underneath your shirt, like you two have all the time in the world. you take in a long breath, tugging impatiently at his shirt which acts as a hurdle for you. he chuckles, you feel his smile against your own growing one.

you frown, such an expression heartens jaemin to no end. he’s torturing you, pressing slow soft presses against your soft skin, each press marked by his growing smile as he drags his mouth across each particular edge, exponentially leisure, nothing of vigor and more of attention to specific details. you squirm gradually, jaemin digs the pads of his fingers into your hips to hold you still in place, there’s a gentle edge to it that makes your head spin.

“hey” you tug at jaemin’s hair, and when he glances up at you there’s that huge urge to punch him, or maybe kiss him, do a crazy combination with the grin he’s sporting. “could you— fuck speed it up”.

“don’t you rush me y/n” he drawls, blinking up at you through his terribly beautiful eyelashes. “today is special”.

“it can be special when you get to it”.

“so bossy, maybe you should be in control then”.

despite his clear amusement, lingering insults on his tongue, jaemin again leans down to kiss you. it seems he enjoys that aspect, you don’t let go of his hair, hand on the back of his neck pressing him closer. it’s a good kiss, the slightest bit scary to you. you think you could get used to this, get accustomed to the sight of his dirty blonde hair and his hands pressing into the skin of your hip, possibly leaving marks.

it seems a little scary, but it also seems.. well, it makes you have all those mushy feelings you shouldn’t be having, feelings you’d have a heart attack at having three months ago.

you suppose you are blurring the lines a bit here, teeth ground and face buried into his neck, as if you were attempting to crawl into his skin. jaemin holds you and talks you through it like a lover would, it does terrible things to you, terrible terrible thoughts swirling around in your brain.

in the morning, you awake alone. you lie there for a moment, sunlight peeking through the curtains, then you allow your head to fall once more, taking in a deep breath which inadvertently means you’re smelling jaemin’s pillow. you shake your head instantly at such a thought, it’s really all over for you.

you settle for a moment before finally rising from your place, more of rolling off jaemin’s bed and almost breaking your bones with the fall on the floor.

you go through the motions, brushing your teeth and attempting to fix your hair, eventually just leaving it half done. you then venture into jaemin’s closet, grabbing at a random black hoodie and pulling it over your head.

you hear a commotion, head whipping in the direction of the door. you blink, poking your head out of the bedroom door. “jaemin?”

“i’m fine, it’s all fine! nothings burning down”.

you shuffle your way out of his room, feet mute against his bare floor. jaemin has his back to you, in nothing but a practically see through white shirt. “what’s this?”

“breakfast” he muses, eyes seemingly jumping when he catches a glimpse of you.

you lean over his shoulder, nosy as ever, his face is flat. “what?”

jaemin squints. “do you not like pancakes?”

“what kind of question is that? everyone likes pancakes” you reply, breakfast is one of the most foreign meals to you, you haven’t had an actual real breakfast meal in a startling while. “i thought you didn’t like strawberries”.

“they’re not for me” he says, nose scrunched. he uses a fork to cut up the pieces, getting an equal amount of each ingredient before holding it up to your face. “open up”.

“i know how to use a fork myself, you know”.

“open up”.

you drop your mouth open and allow jaemin to feed you, he observes you eat like a hawk. “good?”

you nod enthusiastically.

jaemin smiles, a real, toothless smile that blossoms alluringly over his features. “alright, eat breakfast, then we can go back to sleep”.

you pause, chewing. “i could’ve helped make breakfast”.

“well i didn’t want to wake you” you’re unaware of when he got closer, you opt to not question it, simply allowing his arms to circle around your waist and for him to kiss you once again. his presses are slow, lazy, warm, his sigh in tandem with him pushing you up against the counter.

“can’t i eat?”

“you look good”.

“my hair looks like shit..” you mumble, in response he ruffles it, which earns a grunt as you attempt to escape his hand by leaning backward. “and you just ruined it again”.

“i didn’t do anything” he’s got that smile on again, the one without his teeth, you found you enjoy capturing glimpses of that one much more than you’d ever gloat. “now eat, lord knows how long it’s been since you’ve had breakfast”.

he makes it up to you by helping you wash your hair in the shower, practically putting you to sleep with his ministrations, hand motions paired with a warm stream of water a dealing blow. he lets you do the same for him, sneaking in kisses between rinses to make your time a bit more difficult, water flicked your way resulting in slight squeaks. you spend the afternoon on the couch, bickering over what to watch before eventually settling on a drama you’d been recommended, cuddling closely, though napping quickly overtakes you. jaemin is heavy against your chest, and when you wake up past sunset, there’s a noticeable cramp in your arm, yet it’s the happiest you’ve felt in years.

it’s no wonder things change after that.

you see jaemin in the hallways of the hospital, messy hair paired with eye bags and your heart starts beating erratically. it remains in such fastened motions whenever he sends you a smile at lunch, or when you’re around the rest of your friends and can’t help but just.. stare. your chest warms inexplicably whenever he purposely bumps into you in the locker room or leans against you once he’s worn out, in the manner of a mind reader who knows what exactly such things to do your weak heart.

you’re still hooking up, obviously, but it’s become so ridiculously domestic that you’re unaware of when such lines began blurring.

jaemin brings you coffee, placing it atop the nurses station and patiently awaiting your response, smile akin to a cat bringing their owner a dead rodent as a gift.

you blink at it, then up at him, smiles all high. you recognize the doodles on the cup as from the cafe down the street, yet your mind is still the slightest bit woozy from a frankly terrible three hour sleep. “what’s this?”

“a little pick me up” he replies. “can’t just keep throwing back espresso shots, that’s unhealthy”.

how jaemin even figured that out is something you neglect to mention, you presume he’s some sort of alien mind reader, completely inhumane. you would’ve bitten back with a snarky remark a few months ago, yet it appears your mind is full of gray static now. you shake your head and go back to reading over the patient notes.

“i can’t drink that”.

“it’s your order” he drawls, and your eyes again shoot up.

“what.. uh— shit”.

jaemin pokes at your shoulder, sliding the cup over and encouraging you to take a sip. you’d argue with him, if you could with how he’s staring.

he was right, it is.

“how’d you even..?”

“i have my ways,” he brightens.

“thank you” you whisper.

“it’s nothing” he leans in to dart a kiss to your temple. “take it easy, okay?”

and your world successfully tilts on its own axis, you really need a word for that one.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 11: desperate times desperate looking man

“i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages,” renjun whispers. you’re sneaking into the NICU between patients, like you typically do when swallowed with work. the tiny preemie babies are so cute, they’re simply giving it their all to survive, it encourages you to keep going in the slightest bit. also did you mention they’re absolutely adorable?

“are you finally moving out? are you taking jeno with you? am i free?”

“i’m not leaving, stop trying to divorce me” you say, smacking donghyuck’s shoulder in retaliation to such words. “has jaemin been acting any weird around you?”

“you mean like— weirder than normal?” donghyuck raises an eyebrow, renjun distracted by cooing at the sleeping NICU babies. you always wondered the extent of dreams infants have, constantly intrigued by such a thing.

“no not really” he replies, nudging renjun slightly in an effort to get him back on track. the older startles out of his admiring daze, blinking in your direction.

“jaemin? jaemin’s always been weird, why are you asking?”

“i don’t know he’s acting.. different, i’m a little worried”.

“different how?” renjun does his award winning judgmental gaze, amping up your consciousness.

“well you know how i slept over at his place last weekend—“

“and spared me the ear bleeding noises yes”.

“shut up, this morning he got me coffee before rounds started, he kissed me and told me to take it easy, since when has jaemin cared about that?”

renjun and donghyuck exchange one mere glance before the latter speaks up; “you know what that sounds like? i think you sucked and fucked your way into a relationship”.

“don’t swear in front of the babies!”

“and don’t ever say sucked and fucked again” renjun glares, nose crinkling in disgust.

donghyuck sucks his teeth, though ignoring renjun’s distinct complaint. “seriously y/n, if you can’t see with your huge fucking eyes that jaemin has something for you, that might be a huge problem”.

your arms drop at their sides, readying up some terrible rebuttal when your pager goes off, you immediately sigh once jaemin’s name pops up. “speak of the devil” you muse.

when you walk into the E.R you spot him immediately.

“hey, what’s up?”

“just need you to come look at something for me” he immediately says. “i have a theory, but i need a second opinion”.

a smug smile creeps onto your face. “are you asking me for a consultation right now?”

he rolls his eyes. “don’t act coy, there’s a lady with glitter glue in her ears, you seriously have to see this”.

you let him lead the way.

it’s eerily quiet in the intern locker when you walk in to grab your phone, one single being in the room, that of na jaemin, lying back on one of the benches, leg propped up. once he catches sight of you, he sits up.

“hey”.

“hi” you reply.

“out or in?”

“out, apparently i hit my eighty hours for the week, jungwoo cut me off”.

“that sucks, i’m on call tonight”.

“that does suck” you hum, shoving your phone in your bag as you eye the suspicious way his leg is propped up. “what’s up with your leg?”

“nothing, it’s just— my knees a little sore, that’s all”.

you frown slightly. “let me see”.

“you know i’m an adult, right? i can take care of myself”.

“hush” you respond, flatly staring as jaemin sits back on the bench, allowing you to poke at the wrap around his knee.

“it’s an old injury” he says. “it’s supposed to be fully healed but it still troubles me sometimes”.

your mouth drops open in a silent ‘ah’, “speed skating, right”.

“yeah, i was just telling choi about it, i don’t know why everyone is so surprised i used to speed skate”.

“you’ve been telling everyone about your secret past? i don’t feel special anymore, na jaemin” you tease. you sit up on the bench, satisfied jaemin wasn’t lying about wrapping it up properly. you’re supposed to go meet your family after this, but you don’t want to leave jaemin’s side just yet, call it obsession.

“relax” jaemin drawls, giving you a salacious wink. “they all know i only have eyes for you”.

you ignore the heat rising in your ears. jaemin has been much more forward with his advances lately, unabashed, little shame, which reminds you—“everyone thinks we’re dating, you know? you’re fueling the fire”.

“you know i don’t care what people think of me”.

liar.

“well i care” you answer. “about us, about.. uh— well, people always talk, you know? makes me anxious”.

“you sure you want me to stop flirting with you? really?”

“yes” you have an airy undertone lacing your voice, eyes sliding towards jaemin’s mouth, you realize lately that all you want to do is kiss him. you’re about fully prepared to when your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“you got somewhere to be?”

you shoot off a text to your younger sister to assure her that you will indeed not be late. you meet jaemin’s eyes and hesitate for a moment, though you’re unsure of why. “yes actually i have a reunion, well— not exactly a reunion but my parents want me to come home for some reason, probably gonna try to set me back up with my ex like they do every single time..”

there’s a small shift in his expression. “oh? didn’t they try to do that last week? or was that something else?”

“shotaro offered last week and i couldn’t turn him down, they’re trying to push me back to another ex”.

“ah”.

you pick up your bag and stand to head out of the door.

“i promised my sisters i wouldn’t be late, can’t leave them alone at home, if they make anything good i’ll bring around leftovers” you look over your shoulder. “text me when you get home?”

jaemin neglects to respond, you squint as you look at him.

“jaemin?”

“what? oh yeah, yeah, i’ll text you”.

jaemin does not end up texting.

you’re aware of that because you continuously glance over at your phone whilst your parents mutter on their meticulous jargon, sneaking in less than vague insults pertaining to your character. you keep checking for some sort of ping, a rogue emoji or videos of his cats that he enjoys sending so much. you only get texts from donghyuck asking what kind of pasta noodles he should buy for dinner, nothing else.

“are we boring you?” your youngest sister inquires, her head leaning against her head as she takes liberal glances towards your own phone.

you sheepishly put your phone away, you have no idea what anybody has been droning on about for the past few minutes, and you’re much too embarrassed to ask. “sorry no, please continue”.

later, you get home and crawl into your sheets, swiping the notification bar one last time to see if jaemin sent anything. disappointment. you tossed and turned for a moment, uncomfortable in the air of your room. it’s late, jaemin clearly had a long day and crashed as soon as he got home. he isn’t obligated to text you everyday, especially when you’re both equally busy in your own right. nevertheless, you briefly entertain the idea of showing up at his place just to see how he’ll react.

that would be crazy, you freak, is what your inner conscious speaks. he’s not your boyfriend or anything.

you do wish jaemin were here, though, he warms your presence in just the slightest.

you get up one last time, grabbing a dormant pusheen plushie left on your floor and pressing your face into it, a silent scream escaping your lips. you peer over at your phone one last time, finally deciding to take a leap.

goodnight, you text, pausing. you take a few moments, typing out i miss you a good six times before deleting such an idiotic message, you two saw each other no more than a few hours ago, why would you even send that? your hands are clammy.

maybe he caught something?

in the next minute, you practically jump up on your feet as your message is registered as seen. you sit up on the bed, observing text bubbles pop up and disappear for several minutes. eventually, jaemin settles on simply hearting your message.

he didn’t even say it back, but your heart is racing, and an irreversible warmth encapsulates you. the sides of your mouth curve upward involuntarily as you think of jaemin, his stupid jokes and his wide smile and his messy blonde hair, lying in bed deciding over how to respond to a ‘goodnight’ text. it’s just a text. a mere reaction even, nothing of a true response, yet this is a feeling you haven’t had in a long time.

lovesickness, you realize.

oh lord.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 12: and zhong chenle was right in the end

“fucking finally” chenle’s mouth does that swivel upward and he beckons renjun closer. “pay up”.

“what? no, this doesn’t count, he hasn’t even told jaemin how he feels yet” renjun argues.

donghyuck taps his feet onto the floor, nudging you with his shoulder as he shares a knowing look, you stick out your tongue, though completely anxious about your upcoming circumstances. “told jaemin how i what?”

chenle sighs as if the whole world rests atop his shoulders. “jaemin romances you every single day, cooks for you, buys you cute gifts, asks for free consults and you’re still wondering how he feels for you? you sure you were at the top of your class back in university?”

jaemin walks in then.

“jaemin!”

you internally wince at the extent of your excitement, tone overwhelming. “um.. hi”.

“hey”.

“you never texted”.

“must’ve slipped my mind”.

“cool— uh, listen” over jaemin’s shoulder, chenle gestures you a thumbs up, renjun making a cut throat motion across his neck whilst donghyuck simply observes the whole thing in the manner of daytime entertainment. “uh.. i’m— we’re ordering in tonight, pizza and a movie are you down?”

jaemin opens his locker and doesn’t look at you. “sounds a little boring, sorry..”

“we don’t have to watch the movie” you suggest, screw shame, you’re as desperate as they get.

he blinks over at you, as if attempting to keep himself grounded though looking into your eyes.

“i’ll pass, have fun though” he replies, “see you all tomorrow” then he’s picking up his jacket, rushing out the locker room in an instant, cutting you off quickly. he practically runs into jeno on his way out, startling the other into donghyuck’s personal space.

“what’s up with jaemin? he looks like his cat just died”.

you turn to renjun and chenle. “he just rejected me, right?

“that money is literally mine” chenle grits his teeth.

“you’re all useless”.

by the time you make it to the lobby, jaemin is about finished with his daily wrap up talk with the receptionist, bag over his shoulder and head pointed towards the door. you’re fully aware of how pathetic you must seem currently, but you suppose nothings worse than not getting the truth out of him.

“hey.. hey, jaemin, slow down?”

jaemin blinks again, the irritated furrow of his eyebrows jumping out at you immediately. “what do you want?”

“i want you to talk to me”.

“what’s there to talk about?”

“you— gosh, you’re so confusing, you know? i can’t read minds, can’t you just tell me what i did wrong?”

and how you ended up outside is beyond you, perhaps it was the better decision, after all, arguing in front of the front desk lady is about as embarrassing as it gets.

jaemin scoffs, glancing down at his watch as if he’s unaware of the time, his apple watch lights up and the background is a picture of his cats, the wallpaper is helplessly adorable, it endears you to no end.

“you didn’t do anything”.

“well you don’t exactly make that obvious with how you’ve been avoiding me, you’ve been weird ever since i told you i started hanging out with shotaro again”.

“that— that has nothing to do with it, what you do out of work is none of my business”.

you try not to feel hurt by that one, you’re aware of what jaemin is trying to do. “so what is it?”

jaemin bites into his cheek. “can’t you drop it?”

“no” you refuse, slightly blocking his way though he could probably carry you on a bad day. “you’re going to have to tell me or get through me”.

“are you insane?”

that almost earns a well deserved fit of laughter, you suppose you are at this point. “you’re being immature, we have all night”.

jaemin gives a long hard stare, and you actually think he’s about to push you out of the way, leave you rejected on the cold sidewalk, but then he sighs, picking at the ends of his hair before breaking into a sigh. “i let you down, you know?”

you blank, arms dropping at your sides as you instead give continuous blinks. “what the fuck are you talking about?”

jaemin looks a crossbred of punching you and kissing you. “of course you don’t remember it’s— god you say things and barely even mean them cause you just talk so much, you know? you make me mad cause you do these little things that just piss me off and i just don’t understand you, you care about people so much and you’re so bossy but you’re also so.. cute, and nice, and you’re funny and you always do these things that make me realize i’m stupidly in love with you, there, that’s it”.

your heart resounds like a drum in your ears. “jaemin—“

“i fell in love with you, okay? and i know you told me not to, didn’t want us devolving into any domestic shit but.. i am, present tense, i’m in love with you”.

oh, you suppose there’s always a catch.

“you done now?” you ask.

“am i— yeah” jaemin laughs, dry and all. “i’m done, are you happy? can i go home now?”

“no” you pull him by the front of his jacket to kiss him, it’s cute that jaemin is clearly surprised by it, the broken whimper he allows to escape when you bite into the swell of his bottom lip is even cuter. his hand comes to cradle your jaw, and for a few sweet moments you forget you’re in front of your building of occupancy. you pull away with your cheeks hot as you rest your foreheads together, suddenly amused.

“thought you would’ve let your parents set you up with your ex”.

“and you didn’t think to ask me?”

“i mean— we never talked about.. this”.

“because you said it would be weird!”

“oh so i’m the bad guy now?”

“yes! yes you are!”

“i told you i was in love with you all you had to say was—“

“shut up” you snap, cupping his impossibly perfect face between your hands. “lord i like you so much, love you an excruciating amount and i miss you all the time even though i see you everyday, you’re so annoying and you have that addicting smile and it’s— you piss me off”.

“as you’ve said before”.

“but.. you know, guess it wouldn’t hurt to try”.

he kisses you again and you can’t help how you smile against his own lips.

“you wanna come back with me?”

jaemin pretends to think it over, as if your fingers aren’t entwined and you don’t already have butterflies alive in your stomach. “i’m worried, what happens if my helmet swallows your tiny little head whole”.

“so romantic na, i’ll have to give you an award for that one”.

“aww, really?”

“no”.

jaemin sticks out his tongue, one last peck given to your lips before you two were off.

when you get back to your place, jaemin falls asleep on your lap midway through the movie like an exhausted old man, or maybe just the young surgeon subjected to the torturous work hours at guleum grave hospital just trying his best. you can’t believe how fond you are, gaze brazen in a manner that renders you nauseous. unable to resist, you reached out to tuck strands of his hair behind his ear.

you hate yourself, it’s just the slightest bit terrifying, you’re fearful at the oncoming future and the enigma of na jaemin in his all. you just want to make sure he wants this, the mushy and sticky feelings which come with the whole process. he is a mystery, yes, but he’s also kind, and patient, and so full of boundless devotion that he probably isn’t even sure he retains.

jaemin jerks awake once jeno flicks on the lights of the living room, but he settles down quickly once he realizes he’s in your lap, you run your fingers through his hair, quietly aching.

he blinks up at you slowly. “i missed the movie”.

“you did” you murmur, “wanna go to bed?”

“yeah” jaemin grabs ahold of your hand in his hair, fingers intertwined, beginning to leave light kisses on your wrist, just above your pulse. he’s so cute like this, so soft looking with his delicate feeling lips and soft all around the edges. you might get sick from the absorbent amount of love you happen to be feeling, his eyelashes flutter in your direction, a smile tugging at his lips which you mirror.

it’s a match made on this soul sucking earth. it’s only a little perfect.

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