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lochtayboatsong · 4 years ago

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The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.

Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend. I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?” It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since. I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.

1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen. The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now. But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.

2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song. It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it. Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.

3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone. Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story. Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?

4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back. Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene. Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.

5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about. First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood. The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad. (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.) One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time. Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it. After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time. Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’” And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son. Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.

6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits. LOVE IT. Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.” Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.

7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again. It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.” Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus. If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus.

8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song. Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show. The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one. Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.

9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave. It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this. But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.

10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.

11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome. The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them. Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.

12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show. This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool. Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.

13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it. The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc. Love it. And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark. I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes. And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.

15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes. (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.) Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions. A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.

16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves. Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it. It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes. Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score. Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way. Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT. John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.

17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions. The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING. Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.

18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition. But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.

19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene. Also he does pilates...hehehe.

20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that. Case in point: King Herod. There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.” He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him. In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE.

21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves. Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly. This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show. Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.

22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.

23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production. This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in. The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power. In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene. Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course. Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red. Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.” And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing. Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial. But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business.

24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show. Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this. There are soul singers. There are girls in skimpy angel costumes. The parkour guys from the prologue are back. Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song. And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.

25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.

26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.

So. I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. :)

#jesus christ superstar #jcs 2012 #jcs is all i have been thinking about all week sorry not sorry #ben forster #tim minchin #melanie c #andrew lloyd webber #tim rice

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bigfrozenfan-fanfics · 3 years ago

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Chapter 13 - Kolgrimr’s Fury

Links: Chapter overview, Character list, Map, Glossar Rating: M over all Publishing cycle: each Friday at 6:00 pm CEST dst/UTC +2:00 on (link)

Remarks: all my chapters contain carefully selected music tracks. It’s your own decision if you want to use them or not while reading. The purpose is to musically support the respective mood of the plot. If you can please use a browser for reading (not the Tumblr app) due to the text formatting and music.

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At some point his mother had stopped beating the drum and after a few minutes he returned from his trance state to reality. His gaze cleared up and he saw Gyda sitting right in front of him. She looked at him relaxed and with a satisfied expression on her face. He listened into himself and felt a previously unknown power within him, it was almost tangible. He smiled at her and nodded impressed. “It worked. I can feel it. Thank you, Mother.”

She briefly stretched out both arms, palms up and said, “What did you expect? It always helped your father up until that day and now it will help you.”

“Yes, indeed. It will help me to get my ...,” he broke off in the middle of the sentence and his face took on a look that was at first astonished, then annoyed. Quite automatically he had let his mind wander and realized that the Arendellians had disappeared from the camp. They had been warned!

“What have you done ...,” he gasped and pulled himself up. He stared at his mother.

“What is it, Kolgrimr? What did you see?”

“They are all gone! Fled because someone warned them! The ritual prevented me from noticing in time. I ...” He clenched his fists and looked at her fiercely, his lips trembled.

She gasped and clapped her hands in front of her mouth. Then she stood up and looked at him sadly, almost pleading. “Kolgrimr, please ... I didn't mean it. Who could have guessed it!”

For seconds they just stood facing them and stared at each other. Then he seemed to have made a decision. One could clearly see it working in his head. “Well, let's do it the other way. It will take longer and have consequences for someone, but I have no choice now. You can prepare yourself for big changes, Mother.”

He angrily grabbed his things and stormed out of the hut. His mother stood there helpless and with her mouth open, staring at the spot where he had just slammed the kota's lid behind him.

~~~

He was furious and roared as he walked through the camp, holding his deadly modified battlestick in front of him. He simply pushed the nearest Northuldra out of the way and moved towards the camp centre.

Many more men and women were already gathering there, startled by Kolgrimr's cries of rage and warning shouts echoing through the camp. Everyone stood there waiting and nervous with their birch wood sticks in their hands and those who didn't have one hurried as fast as they could to their kotas and took it.

Yelana ran up gesticulating and tried to calm her people down. “Stand back! Stay calm, folks.”

Then Kolgrimr stepped onto the small clearing, his burning gaze directed at the leader. The people groaned when they saw him for the first time. So this was Gyda's son and some of the elders here had a deja vu moment as they remembered his father's appearance. Wrapped in his almost black fur coat, he wore a hood with reindeer antlers on his head, and his huge-looking figure loomed threateningly before them.

He pointed angrily at Yelana. “You! You drew everyone's attention and warned them about me. Not only that; you have allowed this brood from Arendelle to enter into our land again and you have also have taken care of them, and treated them as if they were our own people. And then you just let them go!”

“Kolgrimr, calm down, you're making a big mess of things here. They have proved to us that they are our friends and they amended the mistakes of the past. They ...”

“Shut up!” he yelled at her and cut off her word. “They lulled you in, wrapped you around their finger and repeating to you what they did to our old leader. What they did must be avenged!”

“Kolgrimr ...,” she began, but was interrupted by him again.

“You are unworthy to rule us, an illegitimate leader of the People of the Sun and have simply usurped that position. You have betrayed our people and now you will be replaced! My mother will take her rightful position in your place and you will be banished for your deeds.”

Yelana gasped for breath and the mood of the Northuldra tipped behind her. One of the men rumbled, finally becoming enraged, ran angrily towards Kolgrimr with his battlestaff raised against him. But the latter only grinned, and then something began that hadn't happened for ages, a deadly serious battle of the Northuldra against one of their own.

~~~

Honeymaren was already halfway back to the camp when she heard excited voices from there. “What's wrong now?” she muttered and started to run.

Even before she passed the first kotas she heard the roar of an unknown person. She soon realized that this could be only one person. “Kolgrimr!” she exclaimed in horror and stopped so abruptly that she almost tripped over. Her heart began to accelerate and a deep fear seized her suddenly.

What am I going to do; she thought and crept forward carefully, far enough so that she now saw almost all of her people standing together in the clearing, with Yelana at the head. And then she saw Kolgrimr himself and her heart almost stopped at the sight of him.

She had to stand by her people now. Wasn't she the best Skalastet fighter among them? But that also meant that she might very soon find herself in a serious situation between life and death for the first time in her life. She was very afraid and just stood there like paralyzed for seconds. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly to calm down again. Then her decision was made and she crept unnoticed around the crowd and Kolgrimr, towards her kota. Once there she took out her battlestick and moved silently to the hut that was right behind Kolgrimr.

Arriving there, she ducked on the ground and peeked around the corner. A soft noise made her look to the side, startled and she recognized her brother, who moved one hut away towards her, with his battlestick in the crook of his arm. She put a finger in front of her lips. Ryder nodded and now also looked forward to the clearing. Then he looked at her questioningly and she waved him over. When he was with her he whispered, “You're not planning on attacking him from behind all by yourself, are you?”

“What else can I do, little brother, I must stand by them all. But you can be sure that I'm very scared too. This looks like a real fight and it may end badly.”

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“Please be careful, sister, and don't do any of those jumping-up-the-tree-and-hit-up experiments like you did with me. We don't know how good he is with the stick.”

Honeymaren nodded and looked forward again carefully, every tendon in her tensed to breaking.

And then suddenly everything went haywire without any warning.

~~~

Yelana just yelled out loud, “Don't attack him ... stop!” and spread her arms wide to hold her people back, but it was already too late.

Kolgrimr levered up his attacker's battlestick and kicked him so hard against his chest with his foot that he sailed backwards in a high arc and then lay motionless.

Now there was no holding back anymore and many Northuldra stormed him all at once. The first three did not know what happened to them when their battlestaves were knocked from their hands with such force that they themselves were torn around and hurled to the ground. At the next man Kolgrimr cut the staff in half with the blade of his hunting tip in one mighty blow, and in the same movement he struck the other end of the staff with force against his neck. The Northuldra crashed to the ground like a felled tree.

The wave of the attack came to a halt and the Northuldra became more careful now. With eyes widened in fear they looked back and forth between the men lying on the ground and Kolgrimr. Only a few seconds had passed and already five of them were out of action, two of them unconscious and three rubbed their aching arms.

They slowly moved further apart and tried to encircle him now with sticks held out in front of them. Kolgrimr smiled and let his battlestick whirl before him, so that the blades of the hunting tips flashed in the light of the low-lying sun and created a trail of light in front of him. The men hesitated.

Honeymaren still waited. He was yet a bit too far away from her and her steps would surely reveal her in the attack. She hoped that the next attack would bring him closer to her. She slightly corrected her foot position and the grip on her staff. She was ready for the jump.

And indeed, Kolgrimr retreated slightly at the next attack. Two of the more experienced fighters exchanged fierce blows with Kolgrimr at the same time. But he had no problems at all to parry the strokes. With playful ease he casually hit them against arms, legs and scored body hits. He obviously played with them and was unnaturally fast. It was almost as if he knew exactly in advance where the two men were going to strike.

“Yet a little bit closer ...,” Honeymaren whispered to herself without a sound and gripped her staff tighter.

Now the third attacker joined in, a wirily built younger Northuldra woman. She let her battlestaff slowly spin in front of her, waiting for the ideal moment to attack as she moved in a semicircle closer to the fighters. Then the moment was there, she jumped into the gap and thrust with all her might. Kolgrimr made a leap backwards.

That was the moment Honeymaren had been waiting for and left her guard. One leap, another, and her toes barely touched the ground as she jumped up behind him with her battlestaff raised and delivered a precise, powerful blow to the only exposed spot. His carotid artery. She knew it wouldn't kill him, but it would certainly incapacitate him.

She also knew at this crucial moment that her stroke was perfectly executed and would find its target. Then the unthinkable happened. Only a fraction of a second before that, Kolgrimr crouched down in a flash, spun around and looked her straight in the eyes with a terrifying, mad grin, as her strike went nowhere and she went down uncontrolled. Immediately he was above her, put his foot on her chest and pressed his hunting tip against her neck. Honeymaren was stunned and let her staff roll out of her hand.

“You!” he rumbled over her and slightly increased the pressure with his battlestick. Honeymaren groaned and a thin blood thread ran from the light cut.

“Let go of my sister at once, you monster!”

Kolgrimr slowly turned around and saw Ryder standing behind him in attack position two steps away. He raised an eyebrow in surprise and said, “Interesting. I didn't see you coming.”

“How could you, I was standing right behind you, in your blind spot. Let her go now ... please. She was just trying to defend us. We haven't done anything to you!”

Kolgrimr pondered, looked down at Ryder's sister again and then raised his eyes to look into the faces of the surrounding ones who were frozen in their movement.

One of the men whispered in the ear of the equally shocked Yelana. “How can a man be so fast. It's supernatural.”

Yelana shook her head slightly and muttered just two words, “Berserker juice.” He looked after her uncomprehendingly as she took two steps towards Kolgrimr, threw her staff from her and spread her arms wide.

“Kolgrimr. Enough! Hear me ... I beg you. I will grant your request and go into exile willingly if you release Honeymaren. You don't want to kill one of our people, do you? You are one of us, and it is not us you hate.”

Kolgrimr's attitude relaxed a little and Honeymaren dared to breathe a sigh of relief. At least she hoped fervently that he would accept Yelana's offer.

“Why not right away so? That's I wanted to hear since the beginning. Drop all your staffs and step back,” he ordered in a loud voice, turned back to Ryder and said, “You too!” He made a nodding head movement towards the ground and fixed Ryder with a piercing look.

Ryder hesitated and gave Yelana a questioning look. She nodded and breathed a sigh of relief when he finally dropped his staff.

Kolgrimr took the spearhead from Honeymaren's neck and said to Yelana in a commanding tone, “Get your belongings and get out of here! Hurry up, go on!” Yelana gave him an angry look, picked up her staff again, took a quick step to her kota and disappeared into it.

Shortly after, she came out again, with a bag over her shoulder. She took one last look around and walked with measured steps towards lichen meadows. When she was out of sight Kolgrimr also took the foot from Honeymaren's chest and pulled her up by her collar. He stood behind her in a flash and suddenly she had his long knife at her throat.

The Northuldra groaned loudly and Ryder sank to his knees in desperation. “I have no intention of killing her,” Kolgrimr shouted to the Northuldra gathered around him. “But for now, I'll keep her as hostage, you hear? Don't get any stupid ideas or you will bitterly regret it!”

Then he lowered his head to her left ear grinning and whispered in low voice, “You won't die, dearie, not yet. You will help me to bring the Arendellian royalty back to me, specially your beloved snow queen.”

All her hope seemed lost now; she thought. She realized, that she was helplessly at his mercy now. She felt his hard grip pressing her against his chest and the deadly sharp knife at her throat. Tears began to flow down her cheeks and she trembled in fear.

When Kolgrimr finally started to move and to direct her into the woods she throwed to her brother a last glance. He still kneeled on the floor, staring at her desparately. Maybe this was the last goodbye.

Her lips silently formed her last words to him, “I love you, little brother.”

~~~

---

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you liked the story, I would be pleased to read your opinions, even criticisms. If you want to be tagged as soon I publish the next chapter please let me know, except you are already tagged :-)

Announcement : Tomorrow a little surprise is waiting for you, so don't forget to check my blog. By the way, I plan this also for the change to the future parts, always one day later than usual. Just now part two has started... At this point I would also like to thank all those readers who have liked my story so far without comments, but are still there and also my new blog followers. THANK YOU guys!

Tagging: @karma26 @whether-near-to-me-or-far @annaofthenorthernlights @igotelsapregnanthelp

#frozen #frozen2 #frozen3 #fanfic #epic novel #the broken bridge #part two #chapter 13 #bigfrozenfan

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whumping-every-day · 5 years ago

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“What are you?”

He’d never heard of a shapeshifter of this size, but the only other option was a dragon or Jormungandr itself. Dragons couldn’t speak to anyone’s knowledge, and the world wasn’t ending, so shifer was the horse to bet on. Of course, it could be something completely new, but a species like that -a non-shape or sizeshifting one- would’ve almost certainly been discovered by now.

“Demon.”

Fuck. It wasn’t just Cout then. There was something seriously wrong with their perception of demons. In their temperament, and size limitations.

Something that size would’ve easily crushed entire towns if it wanted. It would be impossibly easy.

Yet, it didn’t. And here Callum was, holding a conversation with it. Perhaps it was simply waiting for an opportunity to manipulate. Why would it need to though? Was it a game to the demon?

“Did you send the preta?”

“The what?”

Callum gestured to the spirit clambering on the demon’s spines like a spider.

“Oh. Yes. I did.”

“And why would that be?” And how? Pretas weren’t the easiest spirits to work with. All greed, little to no negotiation.

The demon didn’t respond for a long minute. There was silence. Not even crickets dared chirp in the presence of the demon. Stars didn’t dare show themselves behind the mist’s cover. Even the moon seemed to draw back in the night sky.

Finally, it spoke, “I made a mistake.”

“You’ve said this. You still haven’t told me what, nor have you answered my question.”

“…” The demon was silent. Callum set his jaw. Fine. We’ll get back to that latter.

“Why can you talk but Cout can’t?”

The demon tilted its head. One wing lowered, the other raised and gave a small flap, “Speaking your tongue requires a physical change to ours.” The demon brought a claw to its neck.

“Was that what the,” Callum spun his finger, mimicking the demon’s previous odd movements, “was?”

“Correct. I had to first gather ambient strings to read the language set into them.”

“And what are ‘ambient strings?’”

“The strings of reality.”

Every single string was black. Their haunches hit the floor. They couldn’t have used wings if they had them. It would’ve been biting mud.*

Their claws twitched. A deep ached filled them. They were out of practice. Maybe… just maybe…

It would be like being back in The Under. Folding strings onto themselves. Honing the loops to sharp points, braiding the tails. Hook and twist into their own strings and pull.

They reached.

Strings were thick under their claws. Their deep dark loops melded with the shimmering black of Cout’s own claws. Links faded back into the drithe** where Cout’s influence ended.

They hooked.

They were loose. Impossibly loose. Tender, melting at the slightest touch.

They honed.

A simple squeeze. Black flattened to a spaded edge, like one of the projectiles they’d removed from their tail. Hard and sharp.

They twisted.

A flurry of movement. Like the winds of flight beneath their wings. Their heart skipped. Their breath hitched. Their crest dropped from their body. Something hollowed in their chest. Wonder and nostalgia and too much emotion flooded their mind and body and soul.

They pulled.

wrongwrongwrongpainfearpainfearconfusionwrongwrongfearpainfearfearfearwrongfearwrongfearconfusionhope-

“Strings of… reality?”

The tips of its wings flicked up, “Information is set into them. Strings carry imprints of the stronger emotions that affected them. Often language is a part of this. You appear unsettled, so I used the most recent imprint. It may take me a few days to gain a proper vocabulary.”

“… I wouldn’t worry about that.”

The demon lowered itself to the ground, wing claws scoring the ground on either side. In the distance a cascading crash sounded as its mighty tail flicked centuries-old trees like twigs, “You say the other demon can not speak.”

“That is correct.”

It blinked. Like a massive blanket, the wings folded over the creature’s back. It closed its eyes. Something whooshed by Callum’s side. A long strip of fresh scored dirt marked the claw’s track. The wing settled once more.

Callum jumped. The creature’s eyes flew open. It recoiled, wings mantling. Something that size should not be able to fly. It did anyway.

“H-hello Ash.”

*Biting mud - a demon saying meaning to use much more force than needed, often to the detriment or downfall of whoever is using the force, often irrevocably messing up whatever they were trying to do; Overkill.

**Pronounced drih-thee

#whump #demon whump #cut out whump series #oohhhhh more worldbuilding!!! i love it!#submission

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mathiaskillmaster · 5 years ago

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Rebirth of the Dragon (After GOT / Daenerys Targaryen) Part 12

Essos, Dothraki Sea

As was the custom, Kinvara's body was cremated at a funeral pyre, at a ceremony where Queen Daenerys and each of her allies paid silent but sincere homage to the late priestess, who, knowing what would arrive, had accepted her fate in order to save the life of one of the dragons. Daenerys could never forget this sacrifice to save one of her sons, and would do everything in her power so that the death of Kinvara was not in vain. The necklace of Kinvara had been removed from her, and according to the custom of the cult of R'hllor, the object was taken back to Volantis by the guards of the Fiery Hand, in order to be given to the successor of Lady Kinvara who would then see baptized new high priest or high priestess of Volantis. The ashes of Kinvara were not locked up to remain a prisoner of an urn but allowed the east wind to disperse them, so that her body and her soul could forever live free forever.

From this sacrifice Joreas could have come back, alive and well, and rid of all traces of the venom of Manticore that was eating him. It was as if the poison had evaporated from his body, and maybe that was the case? The powers of the Master of Light were very mysterious, and yet so real to judge by what she had seen in recent months. Not far from the dothraki camp, by an early afternoon in the pleasant warmth of the sun and in the middle of the tall and wild grass dancing in the wind of the East, Daenerys sat on a large rock, leaving the heat cover her and the wind caress her face and her hair. Joreas was with her, sleepy, his head resting on his mother's lap and also let the star of the day warm up his brown scales. Delicately and without pulling him out of his torpor, Daenerys, pensive, caressed the neck of her young dragon, spending a lot of time with him for the past few days, making sure that he regains his strength, that he eat well and manages to to sleep. Drogon and Mirrandes had also been very concerned about the health of their younger brother, and Drogon, as protector and big brother he was, remained permanently close to the other two, almost playing the role of father.

Mirrandes fluttered in the azure sky a few dozen meters above the plain and seemed to bring something between her mighty claws. She dropped not far from the rock what looked like the bloody carcass of a wild ram. Alerted by the sound of the carcass falling on the ground and the smell of blood, Joreas raised his head in a hungry roar, and Daenerys watched him move toward the dead animal, while Mirrandes joined him for the feast. Although a little disgusted by the strong smell of blood and fresh flesh nearby, Daenerys can only be reassured to see her two new children dragons eat with appetite, grabbing large shreds of bloody flesh between their jaws. Although very young, they were already as formidable as adult beasts. This prey being too small for him, Drogon remained behind, lying peacefully in the tall grass and while letting the sun's rays warm his giant body, watched his younger brother and younger sister feasting on their prey. Still sitting on the rock, Daenerys began to close her eyes and looked up at the sky, letting the afternoon heat again overwhelm her.

Recently, she had received news. Shortly after her departure for Westeros, the slavers had managed in the utmost secrecy to reform their coalition and one by one, had taken over the cities liberated by the young queen, enslaving the poor again and reforming their vast and horrific slavery empire of Slaver's Bay. This news, though not surprising, had plunged the queen into deep anger. Other rumors coming from Volantis's neighboring countries were that the Golden Company, or at least what was left of it, had fallen into disgrace after the fiasco of King's Landing, and that the warriors who still composed it found without contracts. No news of any kind came from Westeros, and for Daenerys it was not worse. Never again did she want to hear about this damn West land.

Apart from news from different countries, Daenerys continued to make dreams for the least singular. One in particular marked her. She was always alone, in a huge dark space, cold and desolate, in the middle of which stands a gigantic barral asleep, and each time, the screams of the crow resound, coming to surround her from all sides while three terrifying blue eyes are born of the gnarly bark of the barral, disemboweling it in a flood of blood and darkness and harpooning the young woman with their monstrous irises. While she thinks herself at the mercy of this nascent monstrosity eager to devour her, the fiery and protective flames interpose, and from them emanates a great dragon with incandescent eyes, roaring against the abomination of darkness and hindering him.

_ "I would not like to be at the place of this dead animal." suddenly commented on a familiar voice approaching the rock. It was Yara. Daenerys smiled slightly at her coming and let her come to contemplate the feast of the two dragons, having turned the ram into a real bloody puzzle. Yara leaned against the rock, before talking to the queen again.

_ "With all due respect, my queen, you should not be left alone outside the camp, especially with a faceless man in the area."

_ "I'm not alone," Daenerys corrected, pointing to her dragons, who could be just as formidable as a legion of over-armed guards. She scored a point. Yara also noticed that Daenerys seemed to be staring at her while mentioning that she would never be alone.

_ "Speaking of faceless man..." Daenerys said turning to Yara and taking a tone almost suspicious "... Who tells me that you are not the murderer who took the face of Yara to approach without arousing suspicion?"

Yara showed a smile, almost amused, and looked at the queen straight in the eye.

_ "In that case, what are you waiting for to order your dragons to tear me to pieces, or to burn me to ashes?" Yara asked, almost defiantly. Daenerys said nothing, but recognized that Yara's nerve was not displeasing to her. She liked to see women with a strong character, like her.

_ "Maybe I should ..... but no ...... I'm tired of losing the people who matter to me."

_ "That's the weight for all the leaders, without exception ..." Yara told her as she approached and came to sit next to her. Daenerys let her go, still listening to her. "... I could not even be there to help my brother Theon during the Battle of Winterfell. I let him go, hoping he would come back .... and he sacrificed his life for a family that only used him."

Daenerys knew what family she was referring to, which gave her a bitter taste in her mouth, as well as a deep feeling of sadness across her throat. Daenerys' hand gently took Yara's hand, forcing Yara to look at the dragon queen in her eyes.

_ "I didn't know your brother very well, but he had appeared to me to be a noble and honorable man, just like you. The alliance of our two houses is one of the best things I could ever do. The dragon and the kraken, united against their common enemies."

With these words, she had tightened her grip on Yara's hand, symbolizing that strength and union that survived through them. Yara remained silent, but she understood Queen Targaryen's words very well and nodded forcefully. Reassured, Daenerys rose from the rock, falling to her feet on the soft ground, and began to move away, before giving a final order to the queen-born.

_ "Meet me behind my tent, in a few minutes, with your armor and your weapons."

********* As requested, Yara made her way to the khaleesi tent, with her armor with the kraken's coat of arms on her breastplate, and her belt, ax and sword. A little puzzled by the Daenerys order, she did not say anything to Shen or Grey Worm. Going around the tent to get behind, Yara found herself in front of Daenerys, who was waiting for him.

Queen Targaryen stood there, wearing a dothraki leather outfit, like that of the warriors, and holding in her hand her sword with the gleaming blade that was given to her in the flames and judging by her look, was determined to make use of it. Yara raised an eyebrow.

_ "Majesty?"

_ "Why did I lose everyone I loved, Yara? Tell me why?" asked Daenerys, which Yara did not know what to say. "Because I was not strong enough ..." Daenerys completed "... but today you're going to help me become one, you're an ironborn, the first queen of the iron islands, a true warrior .... Train me to sword fighting."

Yara had heard it well. By the determined tone of her voice and look, she knew she was more than serious.

_ "Is this an order, my queen?" Yara asked one last time, as if to tell her if she was sure of what she wanted. Daenerys's look was enough to make her understand the answer. Yara pulled off her gray cloak, dropping it to the ground and taking her iron sword in hand, making a few nimble reels with and coming in front of Daenerys.

_ "First, show me how you position yourself."

Daenerys executed herself, and holding her sword in her right hand, placed her right leg back and her left leg forward. Yara examined carefully.

_ "Watch your feet." she said pointing to the bottom. Daenerys lowered her eyes to see, and suddenly felt the cold tip of Yara's blade come to touch her chin. Daenerys then looked up at her and Yara made him understand by the look she had made a mistake.

_ "First lesson ...." said the iron queen "... never lose sight of your opponent ... One look elsewhere, one second of inattention, and you are dead."

Daenerys nodded and Yara pulled her blade away, stepping back several steps and firmly grasping the handle of her weapon, staring at Queen Targaryen.

_ "Now, attack me." Yara asked simply with conviction. Daenerys took a deep breath, gripping her sword with both hands, and darted for a smoky first hit, which Yara countered very easily. The two blades clashed in a thud, giving rise to a few sparks. The sword was neither too big nor too small and seemed perfectly suited to the handling of the dragon queen, as if it had been fashioned for her and her alone.

Daenerys then attempted further attacks on the flanks, but Yara avoided them or all of them with her blade, even tripping the dragon queen to the ground, disarming her and blocking her on the ground. But as Yara reached out to Daenerys to help her get up, she was thrown to the ground of the young Targaryen woman who took advantage of the opportunity, picking up her sword and in turn, blocked Yara on the floor leaning over her.

_ "I see you are learning fast, majesty." Yara said, unable to stop herself from sketching a smile.

Daenerys smiles too, proud of her little trick. The two women remained silent for a few seconds, looking into each other's eyes, and Yara could only see that Daenerys was now leaning over her. Finally, too, and seeing the semblance of embarrassment over the sudden flush of Yara's face, Daenerys withdrew, a little embarrassed too, and her cheeks tinged with a slight purple.

_ "I .... uh ..... let's continue, please." said Daenerys, to change the subject and put an end to this somewhat heavy silence. Seeing the queen brandishing her sword again in front of her, Yara straightened up, picking up her weapon and gladly joining the next lesson.

********** In the evening, as the sky of the Dothraki Sea was painted red twilight, Daenerys had returned to his tent, after long hours of training with Yara. The body invaded with aches, the young queen wanted to relax and had a bath in the small bathtub that was available to her. Leaving her dusty clothes, laying the sword and its sheath on the bed, and detaching her long silvery hair falling like a waterfall on her shoulders and the top of her back, Daenerys entered the hot and steaming water, without fear of the slightest burn, and sits peacefully, letting her muscles and mind relax after such a day. A young girl, Mira, formerly captured by the dothrakis and originally from the fishing village who was attacked, was proposed as a new servant of the khaleesi, which the latter accepted, promising the girl that she would never treat her as a slave.

Bringing a chalice filled with hot water, the young maid poured it into the bathtub, adding a little more steam, and then came to wash the hair of Daenerys, the long, silky silver hair dripping with drops.

_ "Mira ....." Daenerys asked, keeping her eyes closed while her new maid was washing her hair ".... I've never asked you before, but why did you wanted to become my maid? Don't believe that your company displeases me, on the contrary, but nothing compelled you to do it."

The young Mira smiled shyly while spinning a strand of silver hair and letting the water flow into the container underneath.

_ "My parents often told me the story of this young and mysterious silver-haired queen, shining like a sun, who arrived one day, from nowhere, at the head of a large and powerful army of former slaves and with her three majestic dragons born from stone and fire .... One by one, she released the cities from the hold of slave masters, bringing a semblance of hope to those who had all their lives treated worse than animals ..... it was as the priests and priestesses of R'hllor once said: the one born from fire and ashes, the one who was promised by the master of light, would one day bring down her judgment on the culprits and build a better world."

Daenerys opened her eyes, listening to every word that was spoken by Mira, who said it like a girl who likes to tell her favorite story. Daenerys was touched, internally. If she had been able to give hope to young children, like Mira, she had to pursue this path, as the master of light had shown her.

_ "And ... where are your parents now?" asked Daenerys again. The question gently made Mira grimace, and the queen guessed that she had just opened a more sensitive subject.

_ "My mother died two years ago by a high fever, and my father lost his life when the dothrakis attacked our village. Their khal, the one your majesty reduced to ashes with her dragon, which decapitated my father and forced me to look."

Onro. It's about him she was talking about. It also reinforced Daenerys' conviction of putting a definitive end to this monster's actions.

Now that she has finally rallied her khalasar, strengthening her new army with the help of unsullied, ironborns and R'hllor faithful, Daenerys may soon be focusing on her new and primary goal: the reconquest of Slaver's Bay and the final eradication of the slave empire. She thought for a moment about the mercenaries in disgrace of the remains of the Golde Company, and their war elephants, who had remained in Essos. Extra troops would not be too much, she told herself while being washed.

**********

Westeros, King's Landing

A fine rain of flakes had begun to fall on the silent capital of the six kingdoms .... A gray sky invaded by black clouds had chased the sunlight as well as the heat of the summer for a macabre and biting coldness. Accompanying the snow, a polar wind had risen, coming from nowhere.

In the streets of King's Landing, no noise was heard, not even the breath of a person ..... Blood and death permeated every part of the city. Slowly advancing and gathering in hordes more and more important, civilians and soldiers, men, women and children, all formerly human but now reduced to blue-eyed cadaveric puppets, crossed the devastated and dead streets of the capital, all heading towards the great gates. At the head of this gigantic new army of the living dead, Bran advanced, his ice skin streaked with veinlets having completely covered his face like the rest of his body, his blue eyes shining in the darkness rising around him, and thin ice horns having begun to grow on his forehead. Among the first deaths that followed him were Bronn and Ser Davos, who were also transformed.

Followed by his new army, Bran, or the new Night King, looked in front of him and made his slow but determined step towards north, apparently determined to reach the place of the defeat that saw his death: Winterfell.

#daenerys targaryen #queen daenerys #daenerys deserved better #game of thrones #A Song of Ice and Fire #yara greyjoy #resurrection #r'hllor #drogon #bran stark

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abildgaardfaircloth1-blog · 6 years ago

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mycryptosuite · 4 years ago

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plussizeweddingdresses790ioo · 4 years ago

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sandralmuller · 5 years ago

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What are you trying to say?

While my tips for writing or editing in a plain English style have become a default part of the way I work on certain kinds of content, these tips only take me so far.

Sure, follow and action these tips too and they’ll make your content more concise, easier to read and comprehend. But can you take it one step further and dig deeper into what you’re trying to say?

Editing plain English content is not just about turning a sentence into a bullet list to improve its readability or switching from the passive voice to the active voice to make it sound less bureaucratic. It’s not all about using plain English alternatives for complex words, though that’s a big part of it.

You have to get right to the heart of what it is you’re trying to say. And sometimes that demands a full rewrite of a sentence, paragraph or even the whole page rather than tweaking a sentence and a few words here and there.

Example of applying plain English editing tips

My entry to the online world in the 1990s was as a UX designer. Most of the clients I worked with were local councils. They are mighty complex beasts! I don’t think there’s any other kind of organisation on the planet more complex than a local council. They serve a wide audience across so many different areas.

One of the most common information requests from residents was always about rubbish collection days.

And rubbish collection day has always been my son’s favourite!

So I chose the following text is an excerpt from my former local council about their rubbish collection days. It’s the first two paragraphs of text.

“It’s important that your recycling bin and green waste bin are placed out on the correct day, as they are collected on alternate weeks.

You will need to place your bins out before 6am on the day of collection. You will need to place you bins 1 metre apart from each other and clear of trees, light and power poles, parked vehicles and driveways. If you live in a court, place your bins on the straight section of the road near the court.

Wyndham City, Bin Collection

The original stats for the readability of the page via VisibleThread are:

Long sentences: 50% Passive voice: 25% Readability: 78 Grade level: 7.3

Readability results

To be fair, the source text isn’t long enough to give it a truly accurate score. You need at least 300 words for a more accurate analysis. This excerpt is only 83 words.

And as you can see, the readability score and grade level is already good. I usually aim for a readability score of more than 50 and a Grade level or 8 or less. Sure, the long sentences and passive voice need some work, but with so little text, it will only be 1 or 2 instances of each. That won’t be hard to fix.

Breaking the bulky paragraph into shorter sentences will add some white space around the text and make it easier to read.

How I would apply plain English principles

If I were tasked with giving this a plain English overhaul, I would:

put the things you must do to ensure your rubbish is collected easily into a bullet list

shorten sentences and add more paragraph marks

reduce the number of times ‘you will need to’ is used

check the style guide for how to present time and measurements

delete the redundant phrase ‘It’s important…’

The content would then look more like this:

“Put your recycling bin and green waste bin out on the correct day.

We collect these bins on alternate weeks.

You must put your bins out before 6am on the day we collect your waste and recycling.

Place your bins 1 metre apart and clear of:

trees

light and power poles

parked vehicles

driveways.

If you live in a court, put your bins on the straight section of the road near the court.”

Readability scores improved to:

Long sentences: 0% Passive voice: 0% Readability: 90/100 Grade level: 3.2

Readability scores after my first edit

But applying plain English editing tips is not enough

While I think the content has improved even without referring to VisibleThread’s algorithmic scores, I’m still not satisfied this is the best it can be.

Will everyone who wants to know about their bin collection know what ‘alternative weeks’ means?

Is the information about recycling and green bins the most important information?

Perhaps one of Council’s biggest gripes is that people don’t put their bins out properly, making it harder for workers to empty them into the garbage trucks. That’s why they’ve put this information at the top of their page when I would think people would be more inclined to want to know when their rubbish is being collected.

This is a classic conundrum of how to marry user needs and business goals.

To figure this out, I would look for evidence. I would ask the staff from the waste management area if how residents place their bins by the curb is a significant issue and what evidence they have to back this up. I’d check the call centre logs to see if ‘bin days’ is a top enquiry. Then I would have a better picture of what content needs to be most prominent.

Taking an evidence-based approach helps you marry user needs and business goals.

Diving deeper into this extract and trying to figure out exactly Council is trying to say, I have made the following changes:

restructured the information so the priority has shifted to making sure residents know how to put out their bins properly

added a subheading to draw attention to the recycling and green waste bins

changed ‘alternate weeks’ into something easier to understand

added a call to action button to encourage residents to find out their recycling or green waste collection day

“Put your bins out before 6am on the day we collect your waste and recycling.

Place your bins 1 metre apart and clear of:

trees

light and power poles

parked vehicles

driveways.

If you live in a court, put your bins on the straight section of the road near the court.

Recycling and green waste bins

We collect your recycling bin one week and green waste bin the next.

Put your recycling bin and green waste bin out on the right day.

<Find your bin collection days>”

The content has morphed significantly from the original version to this final, edited excerpt, but I think it says what Council is trying to say in a much clearer way.

Here are the VisibleThread readability scores.

Long sentences: 0% Passive voice: 0% Readability: 93/100 Grade level: 2.2

Do you agree with my changes? What would you do differently?

Pin it to read later

What are you trying to say? was originally published on Sandra Muller

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k-wax · 5 years ago

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Whipped

Knock knock knock

Wax’s eyes snapped open as though wound, like the toy soldier he was. He lifted a clawed hand and pressed the pad of a finger against the gravelly intercom. Darth Vindictus had given him run of the ship, but he’d sequestered himself away in Engineering. It was filled with empty crew quarters, the Eclipse being primarily run by Sith and unengaged in any conflicts. Engineering was quiet, and this suited him fine.

Zi’aa would drag him out eventually; this he knew, but the solace was needed.

“What is it?” he asked, able to hide the gargle of disuse in his tone under the flimsy connection.

Dad let me in.

Wax’s eyes closed wither a quiet curse as his finger slid off the button and back onto the bed. Always the bunk closest to the door as was habit. He sucked his cheeks in and brought his hand back up to the intercom.

“Don’t you have a shoot up to go to?” He cringed internally. The words sounded like they’d come form someone with a pole up their ass. Not a stick. Pole.

He could hear Taizi’s raspy laughing through the door. She rapped again.

Clink Clink, the thick glass of bottles rapped against the metal with a dull full sound.

“Hear that Sargent Earwax?”

Wax pressed the white button below the comm without hesitation, and the long sealed doors whooshed open with an overly sterile smell. Undisturbed air. He pulled his large square frame into a sitting position, wife beater and stuck up hair altogether telling a story on its own.

“Captain Earwax.”

Taizi’s small frame in the doorway sauntered in, bottles of rhyl held by the mouth at her side.

“Close enough,” she drawled and sat next to him.

She smelled like blaster smoke and sweat in her scored plasteel armor. Wax watched her with a near concerned look. He was quiet a moment.

“I quit,” he finally said now eyeing the bottles in her hands.

Uktaizia reached over, grasped her brother’s wrist, and pressed the bottle into his palm.

“I get it you’re whipped. What she doesn’t know hasn’t happened.”

He curled his claws around it, tips clicking around the glass. Wax looked down at it silently.

“Interesting perspective on honesty.” He paused. “Why’re you here?”

“Heard you got locked up.” Uktaizia cracked the cap off using the edge of Wax’s bunk. His lips twitched with a reprimand about scuffing, but he swallowed it and instead cracked his own cap with his cracked thumb claw. The hissed, cold breath pouring from the rim of the bottle as he placed it to his lips and took his own pull. His tendrils curled gently around the bottle’s neck, holding it to his face.

“I’m facing a tribunal, which is really only a formal reprimand in my case,” he mumbled.

“Because your nose’s so clean, eh bruv?”

“Mmmn.” Wax closed his eyes and took another pull. It was a fight not to guzzle, like a man lost in the Dune Seas. He swallowed, eyes closed as he savored the taste of cheap ryhl. The bottle tapped against he knee with muffled thuds. “I’ve made good connections for myself.”

“And to think,” Taizi huffed as she flopped back against the wall the bunk was pushed against. “You won’t even help me out of speeding tickets.”

Wax glanced back a disapproving look in his eyes. “Threatening to run someone off the road and throwing a spiked Meiloorun juice out your window isn’t just a speeding ticket.” Wax huffed and joined her in leaning back. “’Sides he managed around another mouthful of alcohol, “you’ve shown you’re incapable of learning any other way.” His brow ridges arched.

Taizi tapped the rim of her bottle against her teeth, smeared black lips pursed consideringly. “If you weren’t already in the pudu, I’d punch your teeth down your throat.”

Wax grunted in response and closed his eyes.

“So your girl doesn’t mind you skulking down here? Aren’t you two with child or summat?”

“Or summat,” Wax repeated. His stomach had dropped hollowly. “My life’s out of control.”

Taizi threw her head back and laughed. Wax eyed her out of his periphery and smiled tightly despite himself. “Please, Droido, don’t start your run as a comedian now.”

A half-hearted chuckled left Wax. Cursory. Programmed. Droidlike. He pressed the bottle back into his mouth.

“Did father say anything to you?”

“He asked how I was holding up?” She met Wax’s expectant stare with raised eyebrows. “That’s it. Nothing about your fantasy of getting kicked out of the military after having a tantrum about it.” A snerk found Taizi’s black lips. “Can’t say I don’t admire a deathwish. I’ve never had my father come down to correct my ass on anything before.”

Tch. “Shame. I’m certain he could handle the Caretel better’n you could.”

“Hey Quirt?”

“What?” he asked dryly, head rolling to face her full on. His expression was deadened. Tired.

“Quit your job. Get married. Have the kid. No one blames you for … you know.”

Wax blinked. He felt nothing at the moment. Not that Uktaizia’s opinion had ever carried too much weight, he’d sought validation that the death of her late fiancé hadn’t been his fault. And now having it, it mattered so little. He just stared.

“You blame me,” he finally said. Uktaizia was being remarkably patient with him. Gentle even.

Uktaizia made a difficult sound. “I—No, I don’t. I knew how slave-boy was.” Wax winged at the name, but said nothing. “I was mad with you because—eh. It’s the guy’s business – not mine. I wanted him to pay more attention to me, but that was never going to happen, so whatever. I’m over it.”

“Father’s not,” Wax responded evenly.

“Kaûtimak is never going to be. I don’t know why you grovel so damn hard. I’m surprised you have a nose still with how much it’s pressed to the varping floor.”

Wax shook his head and stared at the exhaust pipe on the ceiling. “Then you’ll never get it. Not in a million years will you bouncing off in your starship. Not really caring for a twinkling second. Our parents love us; they love this family. We’re Sith, pure of blood. Our burden is greater than any human Sith. We are … more. I won’t let that legacy die,” he sighed. “I have to be better than that. Better than our father. Better than myself. It’s not enough to just live a clean life.”

It was Uktaizia’s turn to be silent a while. He knew she was staring, could feel the pointed stare.

“Elutherius was right; you really were just two steps away from losing your mind. All ‘father’ had to do was say the words ‘heir apparent’ and come down here. Do you know what Elutherius was going to do with his mighty Sith throne?”

Wax’s cheeks hollowed and pursed. “It doesn’t mat—”

Taizi trampled right through him. “He was going to ask y--, he was going to get married.” Wax hummed. “He was going to adopt kids.” Wax quirked a brow ridge but hummed nonetheless. “And he was going to let said spouse call shots. That was it. All he wanted was a family.”

“Then maybe Elly didn’t understand the burden as much as I thought he did,” Wax said, irritation rising to the surface of his voice. The tone was smooth, dismissive. He supposed the lack of affect should scare him, but it didn’t. Not much.

“Go upstairs and talk to your girlfriend. Get laid maybe.” Uktaizia shot back as she got up. “If I have to listen to you wallow, I’m going to for real beat you.” Wax snorted as he heard the doors close, leaving him again in gray darkness with an empty bottle of ryhl.

#Kurt Wax #Uktaizia

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etraytin · 8 years ago

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New Fic

Sooo... turns out I have not been quite as productive as I planned in the wake of the 100-Day Fic-a-Day. This homeschooling thing is absolutely kicking my ass, and it’s a lot harder to write when I’m not sending the kiddo off on the bus every day. Woof. Not to mention that the problem with writing three continuing AUs is that I have kind of lost touch and fallen into my own brain on some things. To correct this imbalance, I’ve been going back and watching many, many episodes (not exactly a chore!) to see if I can firm up the world a bit more in my head. Today’s story comes from that, a plot bunny that hit me over the head when I watched Lord John Marbury and saw Josh trying to convince Donna to caddy for him. Enjoy!

“Golf sits in the beautiful junction between perfection and frustration.” -Colleen Ferrary Bader

It was a beautiful day outside. Donna tipped her head back and closed her eyes to let the sun pour down on her skin, imagining she could feel her pores soaking up Vitamin D despite the scrupulous coating of sunscreen she’d applied. A few fat clouds scudded across the blue sky, chased by the same breeze that lifted the ends of her hair and played gently with her clothes. She took a deep breath and smiled. It was so good to get outdoors every once in awhile.

“Donna!”

She kept her eyes closed and took another deep breath. It was so peaceful out here, the carefully manicured grass crisp and soft under her feet, the sound of birds-

“DONNA!”

Opening her eyes, she turned to glare at Josh. “What?” she demanded. “Can’t you see I was having a moment?”

Josh puffed up to her, looking sweaty and out of sorts. “You’re supposed to be my caddy!” he reminded her, his voice perilously close to a whine.

“Yes,” she agreed complacently. “That’s why I’m out here with you on one of my rare and precious days off work, instead of out apartment hunting like I should be.”

“So you agree that you’re caddying for me today,” he pressed suspiciously.

“Uh-huh,” she nodded.

“Then why,” he demanded, “in the name of all that’s holy, am I carrying the bag?” He gave her a glare that was more piteous than menacing, still trying to balance the bag on his shoulder.

“Because it’s heavy!” she reminded him. “And you wouldn’t get a golf cart.”

“Real golfers don’t use golf carts!” Josh scoffed, dropping the bag so he could gesture with both hands. “You don’t get to know a golf course if you don’t walk it with your own feet.”

“Real golfers don’t have a handicap of 26 either, yet here we are,” Donna shot back, raising both her eyebrows at him.

“Hey!” he yelped. “You’re not supposed to be looking at the score cards!” She gave him an unrepentant shrug and kept walking, swinging her arms loosely. “And stop walking, we’ve got to wait up for the others.”

Donna looked over her shoulder. “I thought they were behind us and just walking slower.”

“Senator Richards sent his assistant back to get a golf cart,” Josh muttered. “He’s got a bunion or something. They’re gonna catch up.”

“Wait, so they’re going to have a golf cart and we aren’t?” Donna demanded. “That’s not fair.”

“Actually I was thinking that I should ride with the Senators in the cart, and all the caddies can walk behind. That way we can talk without being interrupted.” He was grinning now, full dimples.

Donna was less amused. “Oh sure, I’m certain that the Senators will be very impressed with your manliness as you make your twenty-six year old female assistant walk behind the cart with your golf clubs. I think you should walk with the clubs and I should ride in the cart, to prove your virility. Besides, they like me better.”

“Virility?” Josh squawked, the pitch of his voice rising sharply. Donna smirked at him. “Nobody, and I mean nobody, Donnatella Moss, has any cause to be questioning my virility! Just ask-” He cut himself off abruptly as both of them considered how well that sort of inquiry would go over with Mandy Hampton. “No,” he decided. “But you can take it as settled fact.”

“If you say so,” Donna replied, tongue firmly in her cheek. “But you know how easily rumors get started. Better not to chance it. Anyway, I think we’re almost to the sixth hole.”

He sighed, hefting the bag again. “All I know is that we’d better get a deal on Appropriations after all this, because I’m not going to be able to walk for the next two days. I don’t even like golf, and we’re only six holes in, and I’ve got the world’s worst caddy here.”

She pouted at him. “That’s not a very nice thing to say. I could be out apartment hunting.”

“Yeah, and you’d be approximately as much use to me there as you are right now,” he pointed out as they arrived at the sixth tee. “Do you even know what a caddy is supposed to be doing?”

“Of course I do, I looked it up,” Donna informed him. “I offer you moral support and make insightful commentary about the course and the game, and keep an independent record of the score.”

“And?” Josh prompted, giving the bag of clubs a little shake.

“And carry supplies,” she finished brightly, producing a golf ball and tee from her pocket. She handed them to him. “There you go. And I think there’s a water feature on this hole. You should probably stay away from it.”

“Thank you, Jack Nicklaus.” Josh muttered. Whatever else he might have wanted to say was curtailed when the golf cart carrying the two senators and their two aides arrived on the tee. If Josh’d had his druthers, they’d have spent most of their time sitting in the cart and hashing out the appropriations package, but the legislators obviously had other priorities. Unfortunately, those priorities required Josh to hit the ball a few times.

Ten minutes later, Josh and Donna stood together on the edge of a shallow pond, looking down into the clear water. “You know,” Donna began, “I clearly remember telling you-”

“Don’t even start with me, I mean it,” he warned, pulling on his hair as he stared at the wavy form of his ball, just out of reach without wading.

She reached out and smoothed his hair down, almost without thinking about it, then handed him another ball. “Just look at it this way, you’ll get an even bigger head start next time you play, right?”

Josh’s bad mood was not improved any by the fact that when he finally did hop on the cart to have words with the senators, Donna immediately made the best of her walking tour by introducing herself to one of the aides, who had also been dragooned into caddying. He was probably about Donna’s age, tall and with a full head of hair, and with the sort of muscular build that suggested he could walk the course easily while carrying both a bag of clubs and Donna. Just the sort of gomer who could be relied upon to turn Donna’s head. By the tenth hole, the two were chatting like old friends, comparing favorite music and restaurants, and being more than a little distracting while Josh was trying to golf. Nobody else seemed to mind, but the legislators were probably just hard of hearing. And maybe senile as well.

When several of Josh’s pointed glares failed to stop the whispered flirtation, he resorted to more drastic measures. This involved putting Donna on the golf cart and trotting along behind it himself while still trying to carry on bits and pieces of a conversation. That worked for about two holes, during which time Donna got to see several dozen grandchild pictures instead of the muscled arms of Gomer-boy. She also somehow managed to sweet-talk Richards into reconsidering two points of the HHS budget, a surprising added bonus that Josh knew he was going to be hearing about for weeks at the office. She might have gotten even more, but Josh could barely catch his breath to play by the time they reached the thirteenth green. He really needed to start jogging again.

“I think you should let me hit the ball,” Donna murmured as she chased Josh into the rough once again, following another misdirected drive. “I think I could do it. I’ve been watching you and I have a system.”

He glared at her. “You haven’t been watching anything but Senator Patterson’s aide for the past five holes,” he muttered back. “I think while you’ve been enjoying Tee-time for the Lovelorn, you’ve forgotten what a caddy does again.”

Again with the pouting. Sometimes when Donna stuck her lower lip out like that, he wanted to… nope. He was very, very busy golfing right now, and he was completely unmoved by any pouting. “Come on, Josh, this is boring!” she insisted. “There’s eighteen holes and you’ve massacred twelve and a half of them already. Would it really make things any worse to let me have a turn?”

“Donna, Donna, Donna,” he began, giving the ball a mighty whack that turned up a hockey-puck-sized divot, but at least put the ball close to the green, “golf is a game where the strategy extends far beyond the score. Would the senators be in such an expansive mood right now if they weren’t cleaning my clock at this completely meaningless excuse for a sport?”

“Ah, so you’re being this terrible on purpose,” Donna guessed, nodding wisely. “That’s a relief. But I still think you should let me take a shot,” she reiterated as he lined up another swing. “Gabe’s promised to help me correct my stance.” Josh whiffed entirely, mostly because he’d whipped his head up to glare at her.

Donna grinned at him and sauntered away, satisfied with a job well done. Josh was getting frustrated with the game and starting to forget what he was out here to do. Now that he was recentered on the task at hand, he ought to do just fine with talking the senators around, even if his score was terrible. Getting him to make that face was just an extra added bonus. Gabe was nice, but he was only twenty-four and very, very green. If he survived another five years in Washington, he might be worth looking at, but Donna was interested in more mature, savvier men, men who already knew exactly where they were going. Like… nope. Like any number of mature, savvy nameless men who were surely out there, just waiting to be discovered. She picked up the clubs and began dragging them along towards the green after Josh.

Josh was especially obnoxious to her for the next three holes, which Donna thought was quite unfair since she’d only been trying to help him out. He wouldn’t even help her load the clubs onto the cart, leaving her with no choice but to flutter her eyes at Gabe until he picked them up for her. “I should just strap the clubs to your back,” Josh muttered to her as they reached the seventeenth tee. “Maybe it would slow you down a little from the pursuit of douchebag politicos.”

Donna gave him a smack on the arm, maybe just a little harder than she’d intended. “Be nice,” she hissed. Nobody was quite close enough to hear them, but it was still a stupid thing to say. “And try not to whiff again, it’s embarrassing.”

“It’s the club that’s the problem!” Josh insisted as they walked up to the teeing box. He handed it over to her, head-first. “It’s got grass and stuff on it. You’re the caddy, polish me up.”

“What, right out here in public?” she asked innocently, taking the club by the handle. While he sputtered and stared, she gave the driver a quick swipe with the towel and scraped a little dirt out with a spare tee. “There you go, all better.” Josh completely whiffed another shot.

Even if Josh’s golf game was well beyond saving, his other skills were still in good shape, especially the one for turning around reluctant senators on important bills. By the eighteenth hole, Josh had his victory in the bag, and was calling Sam to tell him how things needed to be lined up with the legislative liaison’s office. He still wasn’t finished by the time the senators took their first drives, and just waved Donna off when she tried to coax him towards the box.

“Why don’t you take the shot for him?” Senator Patterson joked. “I’m sure you could only be an improvement.” By this point the game had long since denigrated into a contest between the senators anyway.

Needing no further encouragement, Donna pulled the driver from Josh’s bag and teed up. It had been quite awhile since she’d last played, but some things you didn’t really forget. With a satisfying thock sound, she sent the ball flying down the fairway. A helpful breeze caught it in the air, nudging it past the dogleg and making her look pretty impressive when the ball landed neatly on the edge of the putting green.

Josh, who’d turned around at the noise, stared at her as though she’d suddenly grown another head. “How did you do that?” he demanded, ignoring both Sam’s confusion on the phone and the laughter of the senators.

There was no way on earth that Donna would admit she’d been on the golf team for three years in high school to avoid gym class, or that this was a one-in-a-thousand lucky shot she’d be hard-pressed to ever replicate. Instead, she tossed her hair and grinned at him. “I told you to let me have a turn,” she reminded him. “I have a system.” Pushing the golf bag into his hands, she bounded off down the fairway after her ball. She knew he’d be right behind her.

(This fic is also posted at Archive of Our Own, same author name, with the title “Beautiful Junction.”)

#the west wing #west wing #fanfiction #josh/donna #i almost forgot the ridiculous amount of flirt these two had going in season one

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bigbridalgownsukonlineoiyg · 5 years ago

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torentialtribute · 6 years ago

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Newcastle v Liverpool betting tips and odds plus Premier League predictions in top-four race

Liverpool plays Newcastle in St James & Park on Saturday night and can go top

Manchester City will only play on Monday when they Leicester [2] and scoringbournemouth

A-Son-Ayoze Perez-Shane Long when scoring highs return 36/1

Read this page for MailOnline We're with us the penultimate weekend of the Premier League ] – and it's a long time with Everton and Burnley kicking things off on Friday night and lots of action on Saturday and Sunday before Manchester City hosts Leicester on Monday , looking for a new step closer to the title. ]

Liverpool can win the top position of City if they win Saturday night in Newcastle, while the race for the top four continues and Cardiff hangs with the fingertips at the bottom

This is our game by game guide – all kick-off fifteen on Saturday, unless stated otherwise. Sergio Aguero (2nd left) scored the winner against Burnley to keep Man City on top

]

Sergio Aguero (2nd left) scored the winner against Burnley for Man City keep the top of the pile "

the winner against Burnley to hold Man City

Everton against Burnley – Friday 8 pm

It was one of those days for Everton last time -out because they had 22 shots, hit the woodwork twice, but did not wrinkle the Crystal Palace net, none of which came from Gylfi Sigurdsson, which was a shame as a goal from him would have ended after 45/1 treble after Ayoze Perez and Andre Gray respectively scored for Newcastle and Watford, bad luck and sloppy finish cost the Toffees in that scoreless draw, but on the other hand, they have now kept seven clean sheets together in their last nine and four in a row at Goodison. make five too Burnley, who fell to Man City 1-0. Bournemouth v Spurs – Saturday 12.30 pm

Tottenham may be happy to return to a home win on 8/13 while correct scorerers might like the 7/1 for 2-0. the road after their impressive run in their new stadium – three consecutive wins without awarded goals – was ended by rivals from West Ham. It was disappointing, because it was surprising for home fans who then saw their home team lose again, to Ajax, a few days later. Spurs, still not quite sure of a top-four finish, may be forgiven for having an eye on the return trip from Amsterdam this Wednesday, but they won't want to comment on that one in the course of a win-free run of three matches. Bournemouth gives them the chance to avoid that. The Cherries have not won any of their last five at home – against Fulham, Burnley, Newcastle, Man City and Wolves – and the win is slightly different. Son Heung-min returns for Spurs after he has missed the Champions League by suspension and he has five goals in his last four against Bournemouth, he scored more against the side. He did not score in his last three games, but was four of four in advance and can be back on track with opponents he likes. Son is 9/2 for the first goal and 15/8 double in the score.

Son Heung-min will be back for Tottenham this weekend after missing the Ajax defeat "

Son Heung-min will be back for Tottenham this weekend after missing the Ajax defeat

West Ham v Southampton

West Ham manager Manuel Pellegrini had moaned a bit last week about his side's habit of shooting too many targets. … and then watched Tottenham team that were strongly imagined. It ended with four non-win games and they are now looking for two league wins on the spin for the first time since last year's tail. man who made Spurs nauseous and has two goals in the many games: For Saints, James Ward-Prowse did the company as an anytime scorer on 11/4 last weekend while Shane Long also targeted his recent run to four in his last five. Antonio and Long both score can be supported on 9/1.

Michail Antonio shocked Tottenham last week – the West Ham man has two goals in two games

last week – the West Ham man has two goals in two games "

Mikhail Antonio shocked Tottenham last week – the West Ham man has two goals in two games

Wolves against Fulham

They can't get there Fulham flies after three consecutive wins – against Everton, Bournemouth and Cardiff – to nearly double their score for the campaign, winning seven, but the Toffees are the only top-half team Wolves are in seventh place at the top and the finish ends the European adventure as long as the Watford Man City defeats in the FA Cup final.Wolves have a grip on two more games and it is unlikely that they will now release. The Fulham revival was fun to watch, but it should end on Saturday when the Wolves win the final home game of a very impressive season.

Cardiff vs. Crystal Palace – Saturday 5:30 PM

It is more than a decade since Neil Warnock said the Crystal Palace course would probably be his last leadership role. It might not have been a bad time to call it a day. In its current form, it is about to take Cardiff back to the championship and win four points with a much better goal balance. Warnock would bite your hand for a scrappy 1-0, but it's hard to see Palace draw another blank card. They were lucky to have a point against Everton last weekend while they were struggling at home, but they are on their way to Wales that has won their last two away from Selhurst Park, against Arsenal and Newcastle. It is 13/8 for the home win, 9/5 Palace, while the best bet the stalemate resembles 11/4. A 1-1 draw is 11/2.

Newcastle vs. Liverpool – Saturday 7:45 PM

Liverpool and Jurgen Klopp doesn't get any easier. Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez still hurts to go from toe to toe, but now they have to face Salomon Rondon and Ayoze Perez. While Suarez has set five of Messi & # 39; s league goals, Rondon is six times the provider for Perez this season. They all follow Bournemouth's Ryan Fraser and Callum Wilson, but that's another story – read HERE . But back to St James & Park on Saturday night. The Magpies have won six of their last seven at home, score twice in each win and have Perez on a good flight (five goals in three games). But Rafa Benitez has never defeated his former club – in five attempts – and Liverpool are on the longest running undefeated series in the division with 11 wins and four draws since they were lost in Manchester City on January 3. Their unbeaten series in all competitions was 20 games for the Wednesday night at the Nou Camp and despite the 3-0 score, they matched Barca for big spells and missed a few chances. They have to be very strong on Tyneside and are worth winning up to 11/5 to win with both scoring teams. They are no better than 4/11 just to take the points.

Long shot : Andy Robertson had a good match against Barcelona – only lately for him in this excellent season. However, this campaign is the only one I have not scored in and I started in 2012-13. You can get 13/1 if he is aiming against Newcastle at any time.

<img id = "i-dbe860060a81fc8d" src = "https://dailym.ai/2Y30cRw image-a-4_1556804059584.jpg "height =" 433 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-dbe860060a81fc8d" src = "https://dailym.ai/2J2OwKp /02/14/13006496-6984981-image-a-4_1556804059584.jpg "height =" 433 "width =" 634 "alt =" Mohamed Salah and Liverpool lost in Barcelona and have to pick themselves up at Newcastle "and have to pick themselves up in Newcastle "

Mohamed Salah and Liverpool lost in Barcelona and have to pick themselves up in Newcastle

Chelsea v Watford – Sunday 2:00 pm

Chelsea has fourth place in its own hands and two victories in the Champions League – the Europa League would have won and that route will remain open after the draw in Frankfurt on Thursday evening. So it's a great finish for the Blues campaign where momentum will be the key. The same can be said for Watford as they look forward to the FA Cup final. These two have served some delicacies in recent seasons – Chelsea won 4-3 and 4-2 for Watford & 4 39; s victory over Vicarage Road in February last year. A win in the last four games is Watford & # 39; s most stickare patch for a while and with Chelsea losing only one of their last eight, the home team gets a wink. Back to the Blues to win, with both teams scoring on 19/10.

Huddersfield v Man United – Sunday 2:00 pm

Manchester United's hope for a top-four finish was strengthened by the fact that they were taken away in Europe earlier than Chelsea and Arsenal, who both played in the Europa League on Thursday evening United now has a whole week to prepare for the mighty Huddersfield. What still hurts your chances for a Champions League return is the terrible series of just two wins in seven league matches. Nevertheless, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could unbelievably qualify as Arsenal & Arsenal (not so unlikely since they left for Burnley on the last day) and Chelsea did not win against Watford and Leicester. United is 11/1 to skip the London games, but there are many more appealing bets to play on – such as 8/1 for them to win 3-0.

Could Ole Gunnar Solskjaer & Man's United United still achieve a top-four finish despite their poor run? Solskjaer & # 39; s Man United still reach the top four despite their poor run? "

Arsenal v Brighton – England

[ArsenalagainstBrighton-Sunday1600h

Next week's trip to Burnley is the one that Arsenal fans will fear because of their recent record, but this should not be a problem for them, Brighton has done just enough to keep their head above Cardiff, but their goal against Newcastle was their first in eight games last weekend (six losses and two draws). should be a matter of how much for Arsenal, even with a trip to Valencia, where they will defend a 3-1 lead just around the corner.The Gunners are 12/5 to win with more than 3.5 total goals in the game And after the semifinal first legs of Thursday night, Arsenal are 9/4 to win the Europa League with Chelsea 10/11

Man City against Leicester – Monday 8:00 PM

It still seems far away and everything is possible n happen before Monday night, so this is one for the bet builder. We know City as fast starts, it has been mentioned time and again this season, so they win in peace and full time is worth it. Sergio Aguero needs another goal to tie his best range of home attacks in the league (16, 2011-12), so take him with you at any time. Add in Jamie Vardy. He has 31 goals against the big six and that's more than any other player you've managed since the Leicester striker debuted. And take the hosts to win with two or more goals. That small ticket pays 12/1 with bet365.

HOUSES : Wolves, Derby, Peterborough, Plymouth, Rangers DRAWS : MK Dons v Mansfield, United Kingdom AWAYS : Spurs, Manchester United, Middlesbrough, AFC Wimbledon, Celtic Southend v Sunderland, Hearts v Kilmarnock various books

ALL TIMERS (19459017]: Son, Long, Perez

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#Newcastle v Liverpool betting tips and odds plus Premier League predictions in top-four race"

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wellplacedrocket · 6 years ago

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Second Half GIFvalanche: So That Happened

I honestly don’t remember much of the halftime show. I think that’s when I got up to go to the bathroom, refill my water, and pace nervously, awaiting my fate. I know Justin Timberlake played, and there was a Prince element involved as a nod to Minneapolis. If only the Vikings would have been in the game, I’m sure this would have been the Culmination of Being for many of their fans. Sorry, Minneapolis, I had no time for your (our) cultural moment in the national spotlight that night.

The Patriots started the following drive and it sure looked like during halftime they clicked everything into place and solved the Eagles’ defense. And the solution was to Gronk them to death. Hell, the first attempt was a rare miss on a pop route but it was horrifyingly open.

No matter, the next one was a leisurely 15 yard out to him in a very comfortable hole in the Eagles’ zones.

Then another pop for 20 yards, same route as the one they’d missed two plays ago, except the defender was in much better position - but fell over. Then another portent - Brady gets pretty decent protection, but with no one open quickly, he wisely chucks it out of bounds, making all the Eagles fans wish he’d hung onto for literally a quarter-second longer.

Just for funsies, the Patriots then sent Gronkowski wide left from where he easily, almost casually pick up the 3rd and 6, and a couple plays later had him basically box out Ronald Darby (who slipped) for a 5 yard TD.

Slipping and losing your footing is a tough break, so I’m not gonna yell at him. But Jesus H. Christ. But most of the drive just looked so, so easy, like why hadn’t they just been forcing it at Gronk the whole time? Looking at the scoreboard now, all the Eagles’ unlikely heroics in the first half and they were still only up three. My sphincter clenched.

The next sequence is emblematic of Nelson Agholor’s career. I always defend receivers against the slings and arrows of fans who spit angrily at drops, because man...this shit is just way harder than it looks. But he’s still gotta make this catch. And so Agholor, much maligned as a bust last year…

...manages one of the greatest career turnarounds I’ve ever seen a skill position player make, improving his catching ability, but as an added bonus and unexpected twist, he somehow also turned into an outstanding yards-after-catch threat.

Way to go, Agholor.

It’s easy, particularly in football, to get nauseating with fawning cliches about how much of a team game it is, and how credit is due everywhere, but every position group really did have their moment here. The Eagles kept their drive going with blocking that was merely serviceable, but just outstanding rush talent from Blount…

...and Ajayi.

Then I gotta highlight great TE action, because this is a textbook block-to-pop by Ertz, starting from the right wing.

Having expected the Eagles to deflate and lay down softly as soon as the Patriots reasserted themselves in the game, this drive was blowing my mind in all the best ways.

Now I want to contrast a couple plays’ worth of QB action. This first one shows Foles doing something that has always made me squirm and scream in my brain. He’ll look super indecisive with where he wants to go and double clutch on throws. Football is so fast, that if you double clutch even for a half second, your window is probably shut. He hadn’t done this all game and it’s not a good look here…

...although good on him for just chucking it away. Now look at this one, where he’s back to Nick Foles: Unstoppable Football Howitzer.

This wound up being the first of two reviews that made me want to snap my own neck. Much has been made about the review system in sports - particularly football - with many calling for it to be abolished for how it kills the action, and sends everyone down a labyrinth of byzantine rule-parsing. I say technology has made it impossible for sports viewers to tolerate human error that goes against their interests. In earlier days of sports on TV, there weren’t a bajillion camera angles with high-def picture in ultra slow motion that could instantly analyze the action. That genie is out of the bottle now - you think anyone would just let it go when an obviously blown call, revealed by the most advanced video technology in the world, goes against them? Sports would devolve into nothing but judgement about officials’ human imperfections and conspiracy theories, even moreso than it is now.

Still, the emotional limbo that a video review puts you in is excruciating. Do I lose my shit?! Do I lose my shit in a bad way?! Is third RB Corey Clement a god damn hero? Is he an unforgivable putz/traitor?!?!

It was a hell of a run, throw, and catch, another case of the entire roster showing up for their moment. And I was surprised they let it stand. I don’t know that I have ever heard the argument that a ball carrier can be considered to have “control” of the ball if it’s moving around in his grasp, even though it makes intuitive sense. Ball movement is just the visual fulcrum point on which judgement of control sits, for lack of a better one. But the refs, in a rare instance of this, went with the intuitive judgement rather than the driest rule interpretation. And if this had been the Patriots scoring a TD like this, I’m sure I would still be hulked out, speaking in tongues of rage, and fighting gladiator matches on planet Sakaar.

Eagles fans immediately burned effigies of Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels for being so confident this play would be overturned - I’m a little more forgiving. I would later read about their awful PRO-PATRIOTS BIAS as they continued to harp on how it was called...I was too stressed out to notice much of what they were saying at the time, but I suppose it was a little more airtime than commentators usually give to matters of dubious officiating.

The Eagles defense now had a 10 point lead to protect again, and while their D line depth seemed to be paying dividends by limiting the Patriots to short runs, their pass defense once again struggled. A defensive holding call coughed up a first down (it looked like it was reeeeeaaaaaaally upsold by Gronkowski), and then Brady again just barely beats the rush to get it to Hogan, working against pillow soft coverage once again. You could make a plush bathrobe out of this coverage.

Hogan might have pushed off, at least Darby thinks so. But he might not have even needed to.

Check out this tackle by Malcolm Jenkins, it’s hard to see where the hell he even comes from here. Somewhere, Brian Dawkins sheds a proud tear.

I dunno, I probably shouldn’t be getting super pissed about the soft coverage, because even when they press it, it’s burned.

Tom Brady has a very comfortable pocket there. That one is on the rush as much as the secondary. Jesus, what a collapse of one of the strengths of the team, but you also have to tip your hat to the Patriots O-line, they were a wall.

It would have been nice if the Eagles Defense didn’t just lay down softly in this game, you know? But here’s where I was hating myself for ever thinking that maybe the Eagles could pull this shit off. I should be more detachedly cynical than that by now. For all the eye-popping limit-breaks that the offense had made happen, there the Patriots were, and their highlights just looked easier.

There was no telling when the universe would catch wise to Nick Foles and the Eagles offense’s historic success and move to correct the error, but those guys looked like they gave zero fucks:

Holy shit.

HOLY SHIT.

What is going on?!

Then it was the fourth quarter, where hopes go to get snuffed out.

The drive would ultimately stall in the red zone thanks to a nice open field play made by the Patriots’ defense, but I wanted to call attention to the play design here. The Eagles had already hit on an Agholor end-around, and they used that motion again…

...but had him stop and go back the other way. It’s interesting, but I would have preferred if they were going to use the end-around as a decoy to decoy all the way - fake to Agholor and have the RB pop out to Foles’s right. As it happened, the Patriots’ OLB didn’t even rush the pass, and Lane Johnson didn’t have anyone to block. His defender just went with Agholor and was on him right away.

Nice job by Jake Elliott to boot the FG through, but I couldn’t help but notice in a game wherein a touchdown almost always gets 7 points, the Eagles were now only up 6.

And the defense wasn’t inspiring much confidence.

I mean, that’s right into the teeth of what the Eagles defense is supposed to be great at. Mighty Fletcher Cox gets into the backfield, but on the wrong side of the play. Vinny Curry might have been doing a stunt here, but he gets turned aside, and then the Patriots’ O-line does a good job of getting second level.

I actually didn’t mind the blitz here. Usually blitzing against Tom Brady is suicide, but it’s not like anything else was working, and the D-line just wasn’t getting it done. The results were pretty predictable, but Defensive Coordinator Jim Schwartz had to have been tearing his hair out like “FUCK IT! SEND ‘EM ALL!”

When two guys in pass coverage end up in the same space, someone has screwed the pooch. I mean, this looks just beautifully textbook, like it’s during practice for the Patriots. I know exactly how this game ends, and this drive still fills me with dread.

I can’t actually blame the defense too much on that play. Darby’s position wasn’t bad, it was just a difficult throw and a very difficult catch in a perfect spot. But everything leading up to that play made me regret the part of my brain that allowed me to believe the Eagles could win the Super Bowl. I felt so stupid to having opened that emotional door. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, the Scout hurts people, and brother, the Eagles lose in the postseason. Like a force of nature. Of course the Eagles defense would shit the bed this game. It was so obvious. Of course the offense would spend all game lighting it up, and would now come crashing back down to earthbound reality. Of course this would be a record setting game in NFL history for total yards of offense that the Eagles would lose in the 4th quarter.

I flashed forward to the L I’d be chewing on for the rest of my life over this. The immediate sympathy from some friends and coworkers over how close the Eagles were, and the schadenfreude from others. How it would sting when I had to next see people. How years down the line, the pain would be reduced down to a duller ache as I recalled the time the Eagles almost...almost...

It would be internalized and just part of my existence. I would wonder at times what ripple effects it ultimately had on my psyche.

Tom Brady makes fourth quarter comebacks in the Super Bowl like people make eggs for breakfast. The Eagles don’t. Haves and have nots, a tale as old as life.

Ah, yes. This was what I expected. Foles and the offense had been on fire, and now it would cost them as they tried to force increasingly ludicrous miracles.

Hm, a 3rd and 6 converted, down 1 with under 9 minutes to go in the Super Bowl. That’s actually...pretty...clutch?

Another 3rd down…

...and that is a great job on defense. It was actually a pretty good play call, the Patriots blitzed the middle and Foles barely gets it away to the outside. The Patriots blitzed right into a screen, which often burn blitzes, but S Devin McCourty gets around Vaitai, who was after him, and flows out to chase down the play.

It would make for a better story if I said I was surprised they didn’t punt here. But I’d watched the Eagles all season, and going for it on 4th and 1 from their own 45, down 1 with 5:45 left fit their personality. It just seemed like everything was setting up for them to fall on their faces and the Patriots to get the ball back, and burn a few minutes of the clock on their way to another game-sealing “Tom Terrific” touchdown.

The fact that they clutched it out, in the biggest moment of the franchise’s history, demonstrated there was something different going on here. I was in uncharted waters. Looking at that play, it’s a pretty classic pick (a quasi-legal technique executed to perfection by Celek) that is overlooked only because it’s so close to the line of scrimmage. Hell of a backfield dodge under pressure by Foles and a great throw made off his back foot - a posture he has long taken heat for throwing out of too much.

Wha…

How...

What is this?! What is going on here?! You got Foles making Aaron Rodgers throws out here, and Eagles receivers catching them. For all the marbles. EVERY MARBLE. The Eagles do not rise to the occasion! THE EAGLES SHIT THEIR BEDS.

You can argue this was the play of the game, because it got them into reasonable FG range. Vaitai gets beat, but pushes the edge rusher just enough to give Foles the time to get it away. And Foles isn’t taking Ertz in the flat, who is wide open. No, Nick Foles is now Big Dick Nick: Gunslinger and he fires it in a tight window to the slant.

Foles and Agholor have the hot read going on the corner blitz. This is probably just a bad idea by Patriots’ D-coordinator, Matt Patricia. Agholor, a first round pick in 2015, had, after two underwhelming seasons marred by drops, a breakout season and had shown himself to be excellent running with the ball. You don’t want to be putting him in a situation to get the ball quickly with lots of space by drawing away his defender. But maybe the Patriots felt like they had to get weird.

They did a trap block with the LT Vaitai here, and it’s nice to see that in this game, given the context, and despite his previous struggles, they weren’t treating him like a liability with the playcalling. They were featuring him with this call. It’s also very nice to get able to get a few yards and the cloud of dust.

Oh, man. This play.

First of all, I want to snark at McCourty, the S who’s on Ertz 1-on-1 at the top of the screen, but I can’t. It’s a very tough spot he’s put in. This is TE territory, and TEs very much like getting matched up against smaller DBs in tight quarters. McCourty then slips on the break just like Darby had, which made the throw and catch pretty easy.

Then in the biggest moment for this team, which has been around since dirt, from a city that breathes football and in which it has been played since it was a thing, that hadn’t ever won the primary professional football association’s championship - on this play where they take the lead, Al Michaels, of “do you believe in miracles?” fame, says “Zach Ertz for the touchdown! And again, all you can think back to now is the Jesse James play with Pittsburgh. Does he complete the process?”

I’d like to think he’d want to take a mulligan on that one, given the context for Eagles fans. We know the review is coming, god damnit. Just let us have this moment, give us a memory, Michaels. But no.

I don’t know how long the review took, so I’m going to conservatively guess it was 8 months.

This was truly awful, and I get the “down with replay!” crowd here. You lose your shit in those few moments of sports fan glee, before the blood drains from your face because the thing you just saw happen might not have happened. They launch a forensic investigation over whether a knee brushed a blade of grass. Then you wait in trepidation, and if it goes your way, you feel awash in relief more than you feel the ragejoy you were just robbed of. If it doesn’t go your way, you want to crawl under your couch. All if this amplified 10,000x by the Super Bowl.

The fact that this is the first place Michaels goes is, I suppose, not really his fault and mostly just an example of where we’re at with football now. Everyone has to suspend their emotional reaction for however long it takes to reach a conclusion, and when that conclusion is reached, the losers feel shittier and the winners feel about 25% less ecstatic with the loss of immediacy.

Lots of Eagles fans and people rooting against the Patriots had out their torches and pitchforks for what they perceived as favoritism by Michaels and Collinsworth toward the reigning champs that had been going on all night. I didn’t really see what the complaints were about, but I was baffled that these two found this TD controversial. Michaels hit on it right away, the crux of the matter was whether Ertz was ruled a runner with possession of the ball before he broke the plane with it. And look at it. Yeah, he was a runner. He literally runs with possession of the ball. How much is he possessing the ball? Enough to shove it out over the goal line as he makes a desperate dive. The Clement TD was more up in the air than this one, by far.

When the refs finally confirmed the TD after their forensic analysis, this should have been the biggest moment of my sports fan life, but instead...nah. It was more exhaling and unclenching my butt for the first time in 5 minutes than it was “FUCK YEAAAAAAHHHH.” Suggesting we put scrap video review is stupid, but I understand I was emotionally robbed by it.

Going back to that clip for a moment, my favorite reaction is Jeffrey’s (#17). He looks like he wants to jump on Ertz but then doesn’t and instead does this kind of childlike hop with his arms up. It’s a heartwarming moment of pure human joy.

Anyway, if you’re up 5, there’s little reason not to go for 2, but of course it didn’t work out. Good defense.

Now here’s Tom Brady with the ball, a timeout, and 2:21 remaining. Like, it’s supposed to be unlikely they score, right? That’s what makes the legends for those who pull it off. Here was THE BIGGEST LEGEND in the history of the sport. The Eagles Defense was hot garbage that night. “2:21, the two-minute warning, and a time out, he’s got all day,” Michaels remarked with confidence. It just felt so inevitable.

Yes, here was the beginning of the end for all of us Eagles fans. Soft coverage, a quick out to Gronkowski for 7 yards. Soft coverage isn’t actually a bad idea here, but still, if it means you’re going to give up at least 7 yards each play, then the Patriots have plenty of time. The pass rush is actually getting into the backfield alright here, but Brady is able to make the decision quickly to a wide open receiver, so they’re not super close to him.

Again, I wish I had a better story of my reaction to this play, but I was as frozen as I would have been if something horrible had happened, if the Eagles defense had all just fallen over and allowed Brady himself to slow-jog the 70 yards for the TD. But truth is stranger than fiction, and the Eagles pass rush had finally - FINALLY, after a game of being at best a step too slow as everyone danced to Brady’s tune - got to the target.

Although they had plenty of time, the Patriots still had to move the ball, and probably felt they had to crisscross the entire field with route patterns, and so couldn’t afford to trade receivers for extra blockers. Once again, the Eagles coverage is soft, they’re sinking back into zones starting at 10 yards. However, the soft coverage came through here - Brady is looking for a deeper throw and climbs the pocket, burning time not finding any targets. He goes to checkdown, but as he turns to dump it, Brandon Graham is in his face, hacking at his throwing arm. The D-line, the rock of this team, which had spent the game unexpectedly and embarrassingly vanishing, had burst back into the story.

Tom Brady doesn’t get strip sacked and force fed a fat L, like a lowly Brandon Weedon or Trevor Semian. Brady dishes out the Ls to other hapless chumps. But there he was, ass on grass. As an Australian football radio guy would shoutcast, “Tom Brady...bereft on the turf!”

By the way, Michaels goes “Derek Barnett comes away with it! Brandon Graham was one of the guys who got in there!”

I mean...holy shit, Michaels. That’s some real godawful play by play there. Boom goes the dynamite.

I suppose I should have been leaping for joy, but with the Eagles in the driver’s seat and 2:09 remaining, I was silent, “leaned-in” as though my focus on the ensuing events would ward off the many ways the Eagles could still manage to find to fuck it all up. First sack of the game, for the Patriots’ only turnover, and it bounced straight to Barnett. That was catching a break.

My friends, if you believe in the healing, soul-nourishing power of schadenfreude, please feast your eyes.

Even Big Balls Doug wasn’t about to go styling in this situation. The Eagles came out and went with the prescribed heavy package runs, bringing on Seumalo and 2 TEs to try to zone block through all the guys the Patriots would certainly be crowding the line of scrimmage with. Kelce gets blown the hell up here but scrambles and sticks with it. Blount does a nice job extending the play for as long as he could.

The exact same playcall next play was Pederson showing confidence in his kicker for what would be - and I know I’ve beaten this phrase to death - the biggest kick of his life. Jake Elliott, the rookie replacement after starter Caleb Sturgis was injured. Elliott, who got signed off the Bengals practice squad, who had an alarmingly high miss rate for close range kicks, but was somehow money from deep, who had a record-setting walk off 61-yard FG for a win against the Giants at the Linc...go win the game, kid.

Kickers are strange animals. They spend most of their time at practice and during games off to the side, just repeating their one craft over and over again. They get together with teammates to practice special teams execution and how to deal with given scenarios, maybe some trick plays. But by the nature of their job, they don’t get to be all that social with their teammates very much. Then they come in the moments that everyone remembers, sometimes to perform the game winning act after their team has spent the last several hours scrambling with sprained joints and peeing blood to set that kicker up for his shot. All the superstar QBs, WRs, LBs take a backseat, hold their breath, and stand to the side watching the skinniest guy on the team do his thing. Nothing else matters in that moment - not the touchdowns, sacks, clock management. All the egos fade away. Everyone has invested 100% of their emotional selves into this one dude.

If he comes through, he’s the hero. Multimillion dollar superstars storm the field with big goofy, unselfconscious smiles to dogpile him…

...and carry him into legend on their shoulders.

I’m always touched by this scene. Sports does this in a way we don’t get to see much in other walks of life. Everyone loses their god damn minds in hilarious joy and swarms this guy, and each other. It’s a human moment. All the other shitty contexts in life, all the conflict and racism and Steve Bannons vanish because it’s time to scream bliss gibberish at the kicker as they jump on his shoulderpads, for he is their guy.

And if he blows it, you have the Minnesota Vikings.

It’s an exercise in clutch. So on comes Elliott for a midrange FG to put the Eagles up 8 with just over a minute to go in the Super Bowl. No big deal.

It should be noted that rather than the ecstasy of a walk-off W here, Elliott’s teammates give him the usual workmanlike acknowledgements. It was still a one score game.

Failed trick plays always make the attempting team look like goober losers, but I don’t blame the Patriots for getting weird here. They sacrifice the maybe 10 - 15 yards that they’d have likely gotten with a standard return to shoot for the moon with this thing. It went nowhere, mercifully, but it was a solid idea. “That is a really interesting call,” observes Collinsworth. Was it? Seems pretty reasonable and justifiable.

Yesss, yesss, this is where the soft coverage becomes a smothering pillow. At least it should. That is a very tough throw and catch they attempt, but it was possible, god damnit. The zones were swiss cheese.

The pass rush was making its presence known. They were starting to give Brady tickles, which was a better late than never sort of thing. In fact, it was a “if you’re going to do it at all, late is the time to do it” sort of thing.

I mean...come the fuck on. The pass rush certainly was breathing down Brady’s neck here, and I get the secondary is playing waaaaayyy deep, but it’s 4th and 10. Still better safe than sorry by LB Nigel Bradham there, who was in the middle on those sink zones. He just wanted to make sure he was well behind Amendola.

Now let’s take a moment here for football probabilities. In all likelihood, I should have been already celebrating, right? Like there’s no way, right? The Patriots had 26 seconds to get another 78 yards plus a 2 point conversion just to tie it. Even for Tom Brady that’s a steep ask, right? Right?

No, it wasn’t. No, it fucking wasn’t. There was zero chance I was going to cease sweating and unclench my sphincter for even a nanosecond.

See? SEE?! The Eagles were giving the Patriots this kind of quick out for 10 yards, but the Patriots were happy to take it. They hit one of those every 6 - 7 seconds of gameclock, then they only need one (one!) bomb miracle and the Eagles will have LOST, THE SKY WILL OPEN, THE SEVEN TRUMPETS WILL SOUND, AND A MOUNTAIN OF FIRE WILL FALL, AND LAND IN THE OCEAN. THE ANIMALS WILL CRY AND FLEE, AND THERE WILL BE MUCH WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH AMONGST HUMANKIND. GREAT C’THULU WILL ADJOIN WITH BEELZEBUB, THEY WILL OPEN ONE OF THEIR 17 SCREECHING MAWS AND SING THE SONG THAT ENDS THIS EARTH.

I’m glad no one was around to make even a single god damn sound as I was watching this. If anyone were to have piped up with “Man, this is getting surprisingly suspenseful, given how 2 minutes ago it looked as if the Eagles were clearly going to win,” I’d have uppercut them to the sun.

Darby makes the right move hugging the sideline after Gronkowski makes the catch, trying to tangle him up inbounds, but the Patriots look like they’ve set up sort of a pick play just for the this purpose. Listen to Collinsworth rooting so hard for Gronkowski to get out of bounds. “There he is!” he exhales in relief as the real life centaur stumbles across the line. OH, THERE HE IS, COLLINSWORTH? THAT SURE IS A LOAD OFF, RIGHT?! HEAVEN FORFEND HE GETS TACKLED IN BOUNDS AND SOMEONE OTHER THAN TAWM FACKIN’ BRADY WINS THE SUPER BOWL.

Good defensive positioning here, but why couldn’t he just reel it in? Can’t we please have an anticlimactic crunch-time INT to put the game away, followed by what would be my favorite victory formation? I love victory formation, partially because I had very few opportunities to run it. All the routine trappings of football execution that you’re having to perform - huddle, line up, get your alignments right, listen for snap count, execute your prescribed action - are 1000% more fun in victory formation because 1. It’s an easy thing to do 2. There’s no pressure 3. Everyone is smiling and someone is probably making a joke and 4. There’s always that tiiiiiny chance someone on the other team is salty and is gonna pull some dickish shit. One of the dark sides of sports for me is that being pissed off is often thrilling. And in victory formation, you hold all the cards. “Scoreboard,” is the unbeatable comeback to any insult. Imagine how fun it would be in the Super Bowl!

But no. No, now we gotta have actual excitement. I didn’t want excitement. I wanted anything but excitement. I wanted a hilarious blowout like the NFCCG. I wanted the game to be over after the first quarter, and the rest of the game to be a joyous victory lap. I wanted to start happy drinking beer, rather than slowly sipping room temperature water. This game had already had miracles. Jeffrey, Blount, Clement, Ertz, the Patriots O-line, Gronkowski’s 2-TD performance, Tom Brady again, the Philly Special, Brandon Graham, Derek Barnett, the world holding Nick Foles’s beer and watching what he did next. 1,152 total yards of offense, the most in any NFL game ever.

You think there was any chance anyone thought a 51 yard heave into the endzone was impossible? Or some crazy never-before-seen hook-and-ladder or whatever Emperor Palpatine on the Patriots sideline cooked up to make use of the best QB, the best TE, and whatever role-player-come-unstoppable-superstar the Patriots have elevated this week?

I didn’t blink as the ball was snapped. Dug my fingers into the couch arm as Brady spun out of the arms of Graham, who was suddenly in pass rush hypermode. Brady found a moment, a platform, and reminded everyone of his weird agelessness as he cannoned the ball downfield. I remember being aware of the crowd roar and wondered how anyone had any juice left to make sound as the ball flew. It sailed upward into the middle air of the stadium, tracked by hundreds of cameras and millions of eyeballs, and then down to a tight bunch of desperately grappling men. It bounced once off the players, and those watching who had the diaphragm strength left to gasp did so. Then it fell to the turf and into history.

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cricketbettingtipsfreetips-blog · 7 years ago

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Cricket Betting Tips Approaches For India Vs Sri Lanka Test Series

An Introduction

Test matches are scheduled over five full days, with a minimum 90 overs due to be bowled over cricket match tips of three sessions on each of those five days. The three sessions, commonly known as the morning, afternoon and evening sessions, last for around two hours a piece and just like the shorter formats of the game, each over is made up of 6 ball overs in cricket betting tips free.

Each side gets the opportunity to bat twice in a Test match, with the cricket tips free winner being the side that scores the most combined runs over their two innings. Teams are made up of 11 cricketers a side with players kitted out in traditional white clothing and a red ball is used by both sides. Each innings is ended when the opposition side bowls the other side out, with 10 wickets required in order to achieve this. Batting sides that bat really well can choose to declare an innings at any given point, effectively deciding that they have made enough runs at that point in the match to start looking at bowling the opposition out. This happens quite a lot in Test match cricket for various reasons.

If neither side is bowled out twice then we have the possibility of a drawn match, even after five days of action.

1 - Betting On Test Cricket Online

The ICC have been reluctant to hand out further Test playing status' to the likes of Ireland, Kenya and the Netherlands in recent years, despite all three Associate member nations upsetting multiple Full member nations in various One Day Cricket World Cup's. The new brigade aren't helped by the time it took for many of the above nations to register their first Test victory. The now mighty India took 24 Tests before winning their first match whereas New Zealand took an incredible 42 attempts. The most recent nation to gain Full Test status, Bangladesh, took 34 goes before registering their first Test win.

2 - Test Betting Odds Explained

Test cricket odds are very similar to football odds, in that match result betting accounts for either both teams winning the Test match or the match ending in a draw. Regardless of the odds format, if you are serious about making money betting on Test cricket, you need to understand what betting odds represent. To put it simply as possible, betting odds reflect the probability of a given outcome occurring. This probability is often referred to as the 'implied probability'. For example, let's say that India are at odds of 2.60 to win an upcoming Test match against Pakistan. What do the odds of 2.60 for India represent? In this example, according to the bookmaker odds, India has a 38.5% chance of winning the Test match. The implied probability can be calculated as:

3 - Test Cricket Value Bets

Once you have developed an understanding of Test cricket betting odds, it's important that you understand the concept of betting value. What is betting value? Betting value is a situation where you consider the chances of a given outcome to be greater than the probability implied by the bookmaker's odds. To put it as bluntly as possible, you should only bet when you believe their is betting value on offer.

4 - Test Cricket Betting Explained

Win, Lose or Draw are the three possible outcomes for both matches and series.

Top team innings batsman is always a popular market with punters. Whereas in limited overs cricket it often pays to back a top order batsman in this market, in Tests it could often pay to back someone further down the order who might bat when conditions are easier (older ball, flatter pitch, tired bowling attack etc.) Naturally conditions dictate the likelihood of this scenario happening - read the below strategies section for a more in depth cricket betting tips guide on this subject.

The pitch looks flat, the sun is shining and the opposition opening batsmen looked in great form in the previous Test. Losing the toss and fielding first in this type of scenario can see a pre-match result outcome bet all but lose before a ball is even bowled, as its odds on that the opposition are going to rack up 500+ before your team even get a bat.

5 - Best Test Cricket Betting Strategies

Read up on ground history to see how a surface tends to play. Will it suit fast bowlers on the first day? Will spinners gain significant advantages through a dry, dusty surface in the later parts of the Test? Will cracks appear in the surface of the pitch towards the end of the match, making it very difficult for the side batting last. Or alternatively will the surface stay pretty much the same over the five days, meaning each days play should follow the previous days because conditions haven't altered enough to favour a certain skill? and its statsguru page gives a full history of all Test match cricket grounds and players and can guide us in the correct direction when placing our Test match cricket bets.

6 - Test Cricket Betting Spreadsheet

Keeping a record of your betting results is key to being a profitable T20 bettor. By keeping track of each of your bets you will soon see what you are doing right and where you are going wrong. To assist you, we've developed the bettingexpert T20 cricket betting spreadsheet. It's free and available to download now.

7 - Selecting A Bookmaker For Test Cricket Betting

William Hill offer the widest range of markets for betting on Test cricket online in our opinion. They cover all the obvious leading markets that we mentioned above, plus offer specialist side markets that we like such as individual player performance points over/under markets. This is where a player is scored 1pt a run, 10pts a catch, 20pts a wicket or 25pts a stumping throughout the duration of a match.

8 - Test Cricket Free Bets & Promotional Offers

Paddy Power not often have the best cricket betting odds, they also offer the widest range of promotional offers on many cricket markets. One such promotion that has appeared over recent Ashes series has been their generous offer to double your original odds if your top team batsmen bet scores a century. This is a great offer if you fancied a top order batsman to top score but thought his 3.00 price might be on the skinny side. If you backed him and he made a hundred, Paddy Power would pay out as a 6.00 winner.

9 - Test Cricket Live Streaming

Live Test cricket streaming can often be found at a number of bookmakers hroughout the year. Test matches hosted in Sri Lanka, Zimbabwe, Bangladesh, New Zealand and the UAE (where Pakistan play they home matches) are broadcast live alongside their cricket odds, meaning punters can place bets in play alongside live cricket streaming HD pictures for free. The only exception to the above is when England or India are touring the above countries.

10 - Test Cricket Betting Tips

Profitable Test cricket betting tips and predictions are not as easy to locate on the web as we might like. In fact, going on social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, you'll find any number of so called cricket tipsters sharing their predictions. But how many of these tipsters are truly profitable? At bettingexpert we believe in full transparency, especially when it comes to our own cricket tips. When you visit our cricket betting tips page, you will see each of the current cricket betting tips available as well as each tipster's overall betting record, their ROI% and their profit/loss.

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