#mightve projected a little bit but yknow what thats okay

[heyhelloitsmilo]

Mirror, Mirror.

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moon system x gnc/gender neutral reader

word count: 1225 words

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‼️ this is based on my own experiences being trans/nb, i don't have bottom dysphoria so like, i don't... i don't reference it in this.

❗️ my spanish isn't very good, i'm still learning so a bit of google translate was used! masculine terms used (1)

✨ might be a little ooc its been a hot minute since i've written a fic! i'm also very sad!

⚠️ warnings: dysphoria, self-misgendering, feminine terms used in reference to reader, reference to scars (via top surgery), pre-transition/pre-hrt, show accurate depiction of DID, petnames used (lovingly)

💛 pairings: marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader, jake lockley x reader, moon system x reader (sorry steven isnt as relevant in this one i promise to make it up later heres an IOU)

💫 summary: dysphoria hits you really hard one evening after your shower and the boys get concerned, remembering your coming out (fluff, comfort)

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You gripped the bathroom counter, water dripping from your skull down your skin, glistening in the fluorescent lights, dropping from your wet hair strands. Your eyes were trained on your chest, almost willing the world and the universe to make them stop existing. The subtle whirring of the bathroom fan only made it easier for you to zone out, staring at your body as it slowly dried, imagining a flat chest and scars in place of the things that made you a woman to everyone else.

You didn't even notice the soft knocks on the bathroom door or the quiet, "You a'right in there?" from Steven outside. You just stood there, the bath mat soaked, mind filled with thoughts about how feminine and womanly your body was, skincare routine and hygiene forgotten.

"Hey, if you're not gonna come out, I'm gonna come in there." Marc's words jolted you out of your trance, face whipping to the door, hands grabbing for a towel to cover yourself.

"Wait, wait wait hold on-!"

"Too late." Marc opened the door, looking at you, halfway through covering your body. His eyes darted across your frame, the rest of the bathroom, landing on your eyes. "Good. You're okay. We were getting worried." His voice was gruff, his words revealing how relieved he was. "...Dysphoria get to you?"

You nodded silently, looking away from the man in front of you, fully wrapping yourself in the towel. You felt... ashamed. Ashamed of your body, that is.

Marc and Steven (and by extension, Jake) had known you pre social transition, loved you and dated you before now. And they stayed after the fact, with Jake finally meeting you after then.

You remember when Steven had stayed up all night, researching and reading on transitioning, practicing and mumbling to himself (and the system) to not misgender you. His efforts hadn't been in vain, with all three of them only slipping up a handful of times. And you appreciated them for it.

You remember the day you came out like it was yesterday.

You'd spent the last few weeks in a crisis, researching, hyperfixating about the things you were experiencing, taking 'Are You Gay?' tests online.

---

A knock on the desk jolted you out of your hyperfixation, pulling your attention.

"Hey, baby. About time." Marc pulled up a stool, sitting beside you, taking a quick glance at your laptop. "What's that all about?" He did a vague gesture at your laptop, spying the 'Am I Trans?' quiz open.

"O-oh, nothing, don't worry about it." You quickly closed your tabs, swallowing your saliva. You grimaced at the unconvinced look on Marc's face. "Okay, maybe not nothing."

"Is there something you'd like us to know?"

Marc's words echoed in your ears as you seriously considered his question. You weren't entirely sure how he (let alone Steven) would handle that. But based on his current reaction, he didn't seem all that... surprised? You mean, you'd been a very adamant ally of LGBTQ+ rights, and you'd expressed yourself to potentially be queer, even if you hadn't done any real introspection at that point. But... what if you were faking it? Faking being trans? What if this was all just a phase like so many parents had suggested?

"I mean... maybe. I've been looking into um... potentially being trans." You said softly, the warm light from the lamp gracing yours and Marc's faces. You looked up at Marc, eyes tracing his expression. It didn't look... angry. Or happy. Neutral? Indifferent? Maybe a little confused? His eyes flickered to the window, presumably listening to Steven.

"We love you regardless." Marc spoke finally, leaning in towards you, eye level with you. "We always will." He extended a hand towards you, offering to hold yours. When you put your hand in his, his thumb gently ran across your knuckles, massaging your hand in his. "If you discover that being a man, or being neither a woman or a man, is you, then we'll be right here for you." Marc's voice had a very slight British accent, it seemed Steven was co-conscious, wanting to speak as well.

"I..." You were in a bit of shock. You hadn't really expected anything, but this was simply so warm and comforting that your eyes got misty. "...You really mean that?" You squeezed Marc's (Steven's?) hand gently, tears slowly beginning to well in your eyes.

Marc blinked, his demeanor changing in a split second, nodding quickly. Steven's eyes were soft, his lips curved in a smile. "Really. We always will." His hands held yours so delicately, so lovingly.

"...I think I wanna try using they/them."

"Okay. We can do that for you."

---

Marc walked over, putting his hands on your shoulders, straightening your posture. "Stand up straight. Hold your chin up." You complied, keeping the towel loosely wrapped around your form, looking up at Marc. A soft smile played on Marc's lips, his eyes as he looked at you. "There's my darling. C'mon. Come to bed."

You nodded and hung your towel, walking out of the bathroom with him and into your shared bedroom, getting dressed. Wordlessly, you pulled on a sports bra and a pair of your boxers, as well as one of Marc's shirts (which he scoffed playfully at before gesturing to the bed). You shuffled under the covers, trying to forget about the stretch of elastic cloth around your chest, burying your way into the duvet cover.

"Comfy, cariño?" Jake's voice cut through the silence, getting in bed as well and leaning against the headboard. You nodded, looking up at him from your spot in the blankets, extending your hand towards him, taking his hand in yours. "Bueno." His voice was always softer with you, and though you two usually teased and joked around with each other, he knew better in this moment.

The two of you laid there in bed, Jake stroking your hair as you laid your head in his lap, calloused hands massaging your scalp.

"...Te encuentras mejor?" (Are you feeling better?) Jake asked softly and slowly to allow your mind to process the Spanish, hand twirling your hair between his fingers mindlessly.

You nodded, fiddling with the seams on Jake's pants to keep your hands occupied. "Yeah. Thanks guys." The soft fabric of Jake's sweatpants definitely weren't clothes he would typically wear, but there really wasn't time for an outfit change, not when cuddles were involved. You certainly weren't complaining.

"Hey, amor, lean up a minute so I can lie down." You complied, scooting your body off Jake's lap, watching him shuffle down, lying next to you. The two of you looked into each other's eyes, not speaking, before Jake suddenly scooped your body toward's him, wrapping his arms around your waist. "Gotcha." He fluttered soft kisses to your neck and jawline, chuckling as you giggled and squirmed. The kiss-tickle torment ended after a few long moments, Jake just trying to keep the dysphoria off your mind, Marc and Steven watching the both of you.

You wrapped an arm around Jake's waist, not bothering to finagle your other arm under him to properly hold him. You just relaxed in his arms, his hands against the small of your back, rubbing small circles into you. "This is nice." You sighed softly, nestling your face into Jake's chest.

"It really is, amor."

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masterlist/intro

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lets say i mightve been projecting a little

hope you enjoyed!

- milo 💛