#might try and start nsi 18 tomorrow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lighthouseshepard · 26 days ago

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today i received flowers for the first time in my life (real and alive and delicate and can be pressed when they start to fade). yesterday i received another kind of flower entirely also for the first time (not alive but crocheted and equally delicate). im holding both of these dear. ive been clawing my way out of a pit for weeks now. none of the words i possess ever make it all the way out of my mouth. its comforting and quietly exhilarating to know people will continue to love you when you aren't up to loving yourself. its hard to know you don't have to offer anything up in exchange for this

#love is not transactional it's not transactional it gives and takes but those are things done of free will #u don't have to put an offering on the altar of someone else loving you #and ur worthy of it even if it's terrifying esp if it's terrifying #hi I've had a migraine for 12 hrs #i gotta stop using tumble as a feelings journal HFVJGVM #caspost #tbd #im v tired #might try and start nsi 18 tomorrow #we're in the end game now #about 5 chps left #anyways #goodnight

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