#might have cleaned it up more if i'd had time and my ipad wasn't also hanging on for dear life to battery

[nach0]

Whumptober Day 2 - I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back

In which Echo lets go.

[livewiregoth]

Tamagotchi Uni Stuff Part 6

More parts I forgot to get to

Trying to clean up & get around to posts I need to work on & images to clean up(crop & adjust the angle due to being slightly tipped at times)

Care badges

Got some more care badges I've been working on

I kept spamming the snack while the tamas were in the baby stage since the baby stage doesn't effect trying to get certain characters. At some point I was so close to finishing the care badge that I just spammed it after reaching the adult stage.

At some point I found out that you could just spam the same outfit so I downloaded a counter app & kept at it. I only stopped because I didn't know it the screen for "You got a care icon" for the middle badge would happen if I got to the final badge so I stopped, left to get the screen then came back to continue.

By spam I mean go to the tamaverse fashion place, go to where your outfit is displayed then get the shirotama to show up so you can display your current outfit.(While also maybe button spamming to speed up the talking) Once it's displayed you speed threw the conversation before pressing the button to make shirotama show up so you can display again & repeat until you finish.(I had the counter count down for this)

I was waiting for this(meal care badge) one to happen but kind of forgot about it.

I don't really show the dialogue your tama gives you if they ask to leave but I thought I'd try getting a pic this time. I missed the first part but pretty much the full line is "My friends are calling me. It's sad but I have to say bye bye now!"

I've gotten this dialogue at least 3 different times because I've been too distracted to marry her & I'm choosing to marry my tamagotchi instead of let them go.

Tama Search

Found out there was a new special character so got pics of him today. It's Mametchi dressed up for the 28th anniversary of Tamagotchi. The only way to see him is to either be at the event or use the trick of renaming your phone hot spot to a certain code or something which I did.

These images were gotten using my ipad instead of the phone this time which kind of shows they're newer than the others. Still a little off & you can kind of see that I'm being reflected a little in the screen but still way better colors than on my phone.(Some I tried to adjust the coloring a little)

Here's the special character stickers, you only need to visit them once which means you won't see the other 2 stickers normal ones will show you.

Decided I'd show what I got so far involving the normal tama stickers. When possible I try biking around town & I did a lot of biking when I first messed with Tama Search & later when they added more characters. At the moment all I'm missing are seasonal characters for spring & finishing off the winter ones.

I don't plan to go outside in winter unless needed because I don't like the cold so why bike around for wifi signals.

So yeah I edited the date so my Tamagotchi thinks it's winter when I use tama search. As you can see I attempted to do spring as well but decided to end that idea after getting the rose character. It's not always fun to get everything sometimes & I'll be willing to go out more in spring when it's warm again so may as well so I guess despite not wanting to wait I'll save me something to do later on.

Anyway I got all the winter characters but Rednosetchi/Akahanatchi is the only one I got all 3 stickers for. I have two of Santaclautchi's stickers & I think I'm close to getting Amiamitchi's second sticker because I have two hearts with her. It's kind of hard to find her & Yukipatchi when I'm able to find seasonal characters because Rednosetchi & Santaclautchi show up more with Rednosetchi obvious being around more.

Tamaverse Arena Event

I wasn't sure if I could fit the images I had for this into the post cause I know I might be close to the image limit, luckily I was able to shoe in the images I wanted in the most with in the limits.

So an arena event happened a while back, I lost most of the time but enjoyed it.

This is an image of the only time I didn't keep getting 3rd plac

Here is the results screen & LOL THE CLOWN

At some point I lost track of how many days I played for & thought I only played 4 days. Later I found evidence that I played at the very least 5 days with one of them happening with gen10 before marrying her off. As you can see this image shows I played at least 2 days with gen10 & got 6 days so I was still able to get all the rewards in the end.

Here's Gen11 with the trophy, as you probably already know she's been carrying it around ever since I got it.

[thatsucks849]

When I was 12, I downloaded Kik and met a girl who was 14. I told her I was 14 as well, because I guess I thought, for some reason, that she'd automatically dislike me for being younger than her.

She was nice, and we were talking for a while, I don't remember how long though, and I thought she could be my first real friend. But she still didn't know I was 12 and not 14. I avoided talking about the ages of me and my siblings, and I avoided school, as well, because I knew I'd blow it real quick otherwise. She loved Hiro from Big Hero Six and Elsa from Frozen. She liked Hiro better genderbent. Said she was cute. She told me she was bi, I didn't mind.

But I eventually started withdrawing a bit. And I've just realized it may have been in unfortunate proximity to the above confession. But it was not because of her, not in any way, and I felt bad about it and tried to keep talking to her and still be a "friend," much as I could without really understanding how that worked or even what it was. I think what is a "friend" to me is still different from a lot of others. But I was a troubled kid with undiagnosed ASD, ADHD, depression, and anxiety in a household where that meant nothing and any problems you have are just excuses not to do what you're told, and I was losing the energy to put towards other people, I was kind of shutting down in life as a whole.

She asked me a question about something, I think it was school, and I felt certain that her discovery of my True Age was imminent; I'd been lying this whole time, and she might hate me for it. I needed to have a real, proper discussion ane come clean and apologize and hope we could continue on despite the lie and the age gap.

But it was nearing the holidays, I was kinda busy with family, but truthfully moreso with trying to just exist and not spend every day in a totally broken-down state. I told her it was holiday-related family business. I asked if we could "talk about this after the holidays." She agreed. Probably confused, honestly, about why a question about school gets the answer of "let's talk about this when I have more time."

But I broke my iPad. I slammed it in a car door. I had no other way to contact her, to get back in my account on Kik. I ghosted her, and it was an accident. I wanted to talk to her still.

In frustration at having lost this, at having left in such a way that must only seem like abandonment, with no way back, my iPad entirely unusable, I grabbed a hammer and I beat that iPad like all my frustrations in life originated from it, then I cleaned up all the broken pieces and threw it away and cried.

I learned the next day that sometimes, even when a device has been broken, there are ways to access your info. I don't know if this was beyond that point or not. It surely was after I was done with it.

Honestly, I think I'd be afraid to know how this looked to her. We were talking regularly, I slowly backed away, then disappeared entirely. I'd be afraid to know how she delt with that, as one who seemed to care a good bit for me, at the time, and often seemed so cheerful when I messaged her back.

But I'd also want to know. I want to apologize. It was an accident. I have regretted it all this time. I am so sorry. To have been ghosted by one you seemed to have considered a friend, it must have hurt.

And I don't remember how long it was, at this point, but I really hope it wasn't actually at a time where she would think I hated her for coming out (honestly not sure if that's better or worse though? Like if someone is leaving you anyway? It'll heckin suck either way I just don't know, it seems like it'd give some kind of trauma related to it, but you're probably already getting trauma anyway if you felt close to them. Just feels worse to think about).

I hope she's doing well these days, though. It's been 9 years, and idk maybe it's time I let go, myself. I just always wanted to apologize to her.

I wanted to say this, put it out there, get it off my chest, so to speak. I've been thinking of it ever since then, wanting to say something but feeling like I couldn't or shouldn't. I don't think I've ever talked about it in much detail before. I made this account just to do so.

But to that 14 year old girl who loved Hiro and Elsa and dogs, and whom I lied about my age and eventually started talking to less and less before disappearing entirely, I'm sorry.

I handled things poorly, then, in the way I backed away. I still wanted to talk and be friends, if you would have been willing to think of me that way. I was just falling apart, as well, and I didn't know how to handle it or to do both. You were struggling enough. I didn't want to burden you with my own problems, too. And then I no longer had a way to contact you. I lost access to that account entirely. I had no idea what my login info was, even when I had other devices I might use.

However this is taken is fair. An explanation with no intent to excuse, and an apology.

I've never really used Tumblr before, though, this is my first ever post and I don't know the first thing about how it works, so maybe there won't be anyone to take this one way or the next, regardless.

[toloveandbelovedtoo]

Day 2: Compassion

Today was a bit hard to do or reflect on love. I have been off of work this week and feeling like I need to do something big with my week. I've been going out to see friends, eating out, doing cleaning, a lot of napping, and resting. I plugged in my iPad in yesterday thinking I might start a drawing today as I haven't really been doing a lot of art over the winter season.

I couldn't think about anything I wanted to draw and so I thought I'd just draw a portrait of one of my fav characters to get back into the swing of it. But even then I felt no spark and it felt hard to get the lines and shapes how I wanted it. I kept getting frustrated that it wasn't turning out right and how rusty I was at something I put a lot of time and effort in over the last two years.

So I decided to take a break, I went to clean up the bathroom, clear off the coffee table, eat some lunch. I felt anxious, and tried to sit with that to see what I needed. I had taken a shower and then left to go have coffee with a friend. On my ride over, I thought I'd scrap the art, not every piece has to be completed and shared with the world. I'd do some doodles, maybe watch a tutorial on youtube, perhaps do a redraw of an older piece.

Having coffee with a friend was delightful, we had gone to a local cafe that I had not been to before and then walked through a nearby gardening store where I bought a cute golden pathos and koala plant accessory. Getting out with them got me out of my head and I got to laugh, talk, connect, complain, and share a part of my day with someone I respect and really enjoy getting to see. My time with them took my mind off my art frustrations and it was also a practice of being my real self with another person.

When I was driving back home, I decided this drawing would be my focus of my exploration of love today. I would go home and finish it, being mindful of the thoughts I had while drawing and give space for those thoughts and feelings. I'll be honest, it was tough and I ended up taking a nap after I was done. I felt bad that I hadn't been drawing as much, I felt sad that it didn't spark joy for me, I felt sad that it still didn't come out how I wanted it. I felt joy that I did finish it, that I sat in this space with myself.

And sitting with myself, I realized I was giving myself self-conpassion. Anytime a feeling came up, I spoke to it. The feeling bad about not drawing as much as I had before, I acknowledged that and thought, well maybe it's an art block, maybe I don't really draw during the winter season. Perhaps I lost my hyperfixation on art and my blorbos and that I was more interested in another hobby or focused on other things. I spoke with myself, telling myself I could start doing small sketches, I could start practicing just line art and learning how to do eyes (eyes are so hard!!)

And so today's act of love is compassion and recognizing when I'm frustrated and letting myself be frustrated. Letting myself continue on a piece that isn't coming out right and working on it just to get the feel of it. Recognizing that I don't have to be drawing every day, that I could have blocks of time where I don't draw, that I don't always have to be producing. And even when I do draw, find joy in the act rather than making a masterpiece. Sure, I will want to refine a piece, work on it until I feel happy with it, but do that with enjoyment and getting to go into the zone.

I think I need to tell myself it's okay to not draw if I don't feel like it. I do worry about ADHD and depression, that this could be a sign of losing interest in what makes me happy or that I'll hop around from hobby to hobby. I think that's where the self-compassion comes in, to sit with myself and ask, do I not want to draw because I feel sad, empty, hopeful, no interest in anything, or do I just not have an art idea I want to work on? And either way, giving myself love and space and acknowledgement that I'm valid either way and that I'll pick my pencil back up again.