#might d/elete later idk

[bbyteach]

so like, i'm not sure if i really buy the read that ed is a 'neat freak' or maybe that term just means something different to me. I feel that ed likes just loves domesticity and more grounding + more traditionally 'feminine' kind of work. and he is caught in this nexus of wanting to retire but got too good at his job a performing more traditional 'masculine' badassery. everyone talks about blackbeard doing shit like drinking the blood of his enemies (which probably many of those things are rumors) but the man is tired of doing that performance and just want to fix latches and eat good cheese. His job is doing Cool Dude Gender with no breaks no days off and he wants to be able to go home and relax. (also thinking of bp talking about sewing and it being 'women's work' in the first ep. like i imagine it's just seen as so uncool to a lot of dudes in this world to care about that shit)

not to mention how there's a trans allegory woven into his story a la Jes Tom and how much his path in life rhymes so much with stories i've heard from trans femme/gnc/enby amab folks. the overacting of masculinity and wanting to just throw it all out once you finally feel able to. him fishing out the leathers feels close to the stories i've heard from more butchy trans femmes/gnc folks (and tbh those stories I'd love to see more since there's so much rep for the hyper feminine presenting trans femme)

also like, i think the read of ed as trans masc is great too, I don't think there's One True Interpretation here, sky's the limit. for me I relate to ed's gender shit in that I always felt that I had to perform hyper femininity as a job and how exhausting it was, how I always felt like I had to run away from the truth that I simply am not a woman nor do I want the full time job of 'being a woman' in this world. but! after discovering I am nonbinary, I found I like to play with being feminine and masculine and being a weird little void if i can help it.

Just thinking about ed being seen as person who only likes 'neatness' doesn't feel like the right interpretation with him enjoying tasks like folding the laundry but also painting himself on the bride topper and stealing that pearl necklace from the bride too. I think the scenes of him cleaning up after depressive episodes are also just like... the thing people do when they're getting out of a bad one/sobering up too. just feels like there's something else more complicated there with gender shit in the mix.

[samadhifire]

Still thinking about that ask from yesterday... such a difficult one to answer, and I still don’t know if I’m completely satisfied with it? Either way, :handshake: w/ Red Son & living in a family environment that expects so much of you but no matter what you do, you get next to nothing in return. Just trauma.