#might be slitly ooc

[l-artemisia-del-secolo]

That time of the month

Yelena Belova X reader, one shot, angst+fluff, mentions of Red Room methods of control, dealing with their consequences, overall a heavy topic

You had that feeling every month. Yelena was hiding something from you. Something very personal. Something after all this time you didn't deserve to hear. For a few days she was quiet, distant, cold. Your clingy girlfriend was turning into someone else. You didn't know that version of Yelena. That one wasn't yours. And she didn't allow you to change that.

Sometimes she was on the missions during those days. You hated yourself for thinking that was a relief. A relief from a woman you wanted to spend your life with.

You remembered vividly when this happened for the first time. Your first month together. Every time you touched her that day she flinched. Your Yelena didn't want you. And that was hurtful.

Other than these few days you had perfect relationship. You both wanted to have a home, a family, white fence. A cliche fucking fence. You wanted a life together. You two, your dogs, maybe a parrot. Who knew.

Maybe it was all your fault. You were not supportive enough, not open enough. Not dying for Yelena enough.

You met on a rainy day in a coffee shop with her colleagues, damn dark avengers, daring her to approach you. Any other person would get a cold smile and idontcarewhoyouarenoidontwanttohaveagoodtime. But you've noticed her before she even looked at you. With her weirdly low voice and a confusing laugh. And apparently with both a knife and a multitool sticking out of her vest.

On your first date Yelena brought you to a race track. 'cause you mentioned you've never ridden a bike. Sure, she had a BMW, modified by some genius. You were driving a Peugeot.

On a second date she brough you to the shooting range. Before that you shot from a slingshot once or twice in your childhood.

On a third date there was an attack on the facility. She had to go. After the attack she went to your apartment and stayed there. It's been 4 months.

You were so different, but managed to be a perfect match.

She even introduced you to her family. Weird and, well, Russian. Allowed you to walk her dog and even wear her vest.

She loved you. But your Yelena loved you. Not that distant one.

You had a guess. of course you did. But that was a vague answer. The one you didn't want to say out loud.

For 4 months not once did you notice Yelena having "that time of month". Not a single word or sign. She could have had them on her missions, while she was away. While she was saving a world. You tried to ask once, but she quickly brushed it off

Your Yelena would tell you if there was something. You were sure.

Until one day you felt a familiar pain. You could swear someone was squeezing everything inside. Luckily Yelena was near. Burning your neck with her breath. one of calmer nights or mornings rather. without nightmares or muffled screams.

You groaned. Your periods have always been so painful. First day almost unbearable.

"are you all right?" Of course Yelena woke up.

"no, I'm..." Another spasm.

And than Yelena got it. Your painkiller. It was on her side of the bed, 'cause of the recent injury.

She gave it to you. "Don't drink them, until I get you some water."

You could hear her walking barefoot to the kitchen, trying not to wake up Fanny.

Two minutes and she was with you. Stroking your hair, kissing your palms. She would always do that. Her ritual.

You took the tablet.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up." You could feel your body heating up.

"it's ok, babe. I know how it's for you. Do you want anything else?"

"No, it's fine. I guess I need to go to the gynecologist. Maybe she would recommend me something. Pain is getting worse every time"

"Sure. I'll go with you."

"maybe I should go to a different doctor. Which one do you go to?"

Yelena froze. She stopped caressing you. A familiar feeling. Those days. Cold days.

"Babe..." You kissed her cheek to get attention.

"Yeah. I was just... You know, I'll ask Kate if she could..."

"Sure. But I was asking you, babe. Where did you go the last time you did a check up? Or you have one at your facility?"

"Нет (no), нет (no), у нас нет (we don't have one)."

Something was very wrong. With you Yelena was using Russian very rarely. When she was mad or... lost. Like that one time she didn't understand your interaction with a friend and got jealous. Or when Fanny had a surgery after an accident with a bulldog.

"i... Well ... Просто (just) I don't do check ups"

"what?" You were not hearing it right. Yelena is in her top form. She has to be. Her organism has to be in perfect condition.

"мне не нужно (no need)."

"how is that possible?"

You didn't want to push her. Be nosy.

"hey, babygirl." You cautiously took her hand and stroked it. "Remember. It's your safe place."

"Yeah." She smiled weakly. "And you're my safe person."

You had this conversation before. Many times. Piece by piece she was telling you about her past. Blood on her ledgers. That's her term. At first you were terrified. But day by day, story by story you taught herself to understand her and never to judge.

"Do you want to call Fanny to lay with us?"

"No, I'll be fine."

You expected her to get up and add the distance between you two. But she did the opposite. She hugged you and started talking.

"I've told you about the Red Room. You know what I've been through. Physical, psychological torture. Humiliation and manipulation. We were mindless robots. And you know what a robot doesn't need?."

She let out a bitter laugh. "I never specifically told you what they did to us. What would be the point? Напугать тебя или надавить на жалость? (To scare you or to make you feel sorry?). Нас бы это убило (this would kill is). Well, attachments and feelings. You see where I'm going with this?"

Yelena looked you in the eyes. Hers filled with tears and sadness. She was afraid. She never told this story to anyone outside the Red Room. She lived with this. Not a burden. But rather a fact. Reality. Truth. Days of the months when she felt nothing.

You slowly nodded. Your Yelena was lost. And she was lost even when she was with you. And you didn't see that.

"They call it a церемония (ceremony). Hysterectomy. No emotions, no desires, no problems." Yelena sobbed. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before. You have a right to know."

You did have a right to know. Sure. But that wasn't the thing that mattered now. Somehow you already thought of that. Somewhere deep inside, barely a though but a sensation. But now, hearing it from her broke your heart, tore your nerves apart and took away your peace.

"It's.. it's not about me." You tried really hard to sound confident. "Babygirl, I... I won't say that I understand what you've been through or what you feel. But I swear I'll be there for you. It's our family, our pack, our fence. Remember, we're each others life."

How cheap it all sounded. You knew that. Yelena knew that. You took her face in your hands, touched her forehead with yours and whispered. "You're my Yelena. We're gonna go through this together. You're not alone."

"you sure you want me like this?"

"there's no like this. Just my Yelena"