#midnight motion blur armadillo

[haubaut]

woah hold on just a second there pardner

Worlds grainest picture of a rabbit

I think I deserve an award or something for this. You'll never see a grainier picture.

[neocity-sarai]

The Last of Us

✧ main concept: divergent au! (inspired by the divergent novel by Veronica Roth)

✧ pairing: lee jeno x reader

✧ alerts: mentions of death, blood, violence, suggestive, sexual implications, cursing, mentions of other nct members, longer than I anticipated

✧ song reference: “hurricane” by fleurie

Society is a complex concept. It’s this mind-twisting thing to question who gets to live where, who gains freedom- who gets a choice. Categories. Categories of people: they get to choose where you belong like they’ve already wrapped your entire existence in chain links. In Chicago, we’re deemed by another word for categories, something called the faction system. The first is Abnegation- the selfless souls and the ones who actually care about what goes on around them. On the total opposite end is Erudite. Erudite’s full of big-brained people or so they claim, I have yet to interact with many Erudite-ties. Amity is my favorite one if I had to pick, they’re like the neutralizing acid to the fire and ice of the factions. All they do is farm the food and give each other extra cookies when a new neighbor moves to their section- no harm done. Candor seems like the most intimidating because of their snappy mouths and their inabilities to lie if your dress looks ugly. My dad tells me they’re difficult to negotiate with. The last but not least is Dauntless. The faction with the scary- absolutely mental kids who jump off moving trains and through knives around like they’re frisbees. Yet, there’s something so exhilarating, so free about them. On the day of my choosing ceremony, my nerves raced like a million circuits sparking through my veins. Dad gave me a knowing look, his eyes are hardened and stiff while he clutches mom’s sweaty palm. I have always been Abnegation born. My blood pumps to the beat of my family’s simple, slow-paced life. Our clothes have always been a shade of faded grey: the color of the clouds before they tease a rainstorm. The minimalism of our plain walls, my mother’s sleek bun, and my bedroom have always kept me comfortable all this time. Why do I find myself yearning for more?- I'm greedy for the taste of adventurous anticipation. Shouldn’t I just stick to what I know? What I’m used to? 

My heart practically stops when I see my brother slit his calloused palm open as crimson blood drips to the stillness of the water, the drop rippling the serenity of it. To my right, I hear my mom choke on her breath while she continuously flicks her head back from my brother to my father. The creases on his face deepen, his mouth folding into a dipped frown. “Erudite.” Reflective tears begin to roll down mom’s face, her other hand covering her mouth in efforts to suppress her sobs.

“Y/N. L/N.”

The emotionless woman’s voice catches me off guard. I feel my muscles locking together. My hands getting progressively clammy that even my mother’s fingers can’t calm the bump of my knee. I huff out a shaky breath. I don’t even realize that my knees are carrying me down towards the stage as the tall woman guides me to the table at the center of it. The room feels like it’s spinning out of control, how have I not thrown up yet? Like a puppet master entwining the strings, my split hand hovers over the bowl of silver flintstones. I watch the shiny, scarlet liquid trickle down in slow motion- each second ticking in a time bomb. The thought of jolting my hand towards the bowl of sizzling, asphalt coals makes me shudder. The woman eyes me with utter impatience. I squeeze my eyes shut while I mentally count down from three, as if that would urge me to make a last-minute decision. It works. “Dauntless.”

The cheers that vibrate behind me of deafening, the auditorium shakes from the constant tremble of the stomps. The classic, recognizable, dauntless hoot is like a call of a wolf pack, a mantra that beckons the beauty of danger. I feel several hands slap the fabric of my dress on my back, I don’t even want to glance up to see my parents’ faces. Instead, I shuffle with the rest of the people dressed in black outfits as I accidentally catch my mother’s desperate eyes from the side aisle. 

I can’t believe I just did that. I went against everything I’ve been taught, everything I’ve ever really stood for. Why does it feel so good? Unfamiliar faces grin at me as they launch themselves up tall, rust-covered beams, climbing the heights like excited monkeys. When they reach the top, they run forward like a line of stallions, waiting to seize that perfect moment. A bullet train whooshes past my nose by a hair as it’s rickety cars trail behind it. “Let’s go!” screams a boy. Freezing in my spot, the wind threatens to knock me off my feet and onto the ground below the railings. A girl next to me motions at me with her finger, “What the hell are you waiting for?”I digest her words before I take off behind her- gaining on the speeding train. I was never built for this. I wasn’t ever built to run this hard, to run this fast. Everything blurs past me in a tornado of city buildings, tiny people, and ribbons of sunset lighting. Looking ahead of me, the railing is about to end and I don’t have much time left. The same girl sticks her head out the train opening, “Hurry the hell up! Hurry!”

I scream with a burn in my lungs, my legs launching my body into the narrow space. I land on a funny part of my shoulder as my body rolls and rolls- someone’s leg halting my tumble. My dress is wrapped around my thighs, my hair sticks my lips in a mess. “Whoa, going somewhere?” I whip my hair out of my face, a boy removing his foot from the side of my shoulder while all the other dauntless members chuckle by his comment. He’s not at all what I’d expect to see when I sit up. He’s a taller-framed boy who’s dressed in a navy-black outfit and a carved face that could be sculpted from a roman statue. His hair is a pure obsidian shade, one that’s darker than the finest ink in my brother’s fountain-pen collection. His jaw juts out in an aesthetic manner, his bangs curling on one side of his forehead while he pushes his tongue against the side of his cheek, “I don’t remember the last time the leaders cleaned the floor of this train, you might want to stand.” I stutter before standing up way too fast as vertigo washes over my brain in interval waves. I dust myself off, feeling the grime on the tips of my fingers. I nod at him, “Uh, thanks for stopping me?” 

He laughs as his midnight eyes crinkle into slim crescents, his white teeth gleaming brighter than the gold ball that hangs on the edge of the streaky sky. He runs a gloved hand through his damp, dark locks, “You’re going to deal with a lot more than getting yourself soiled on a sooty train.” Nodding, I look around to see the other initiates glaring back at our conversation, their eyes unfazed when I catch them. I awkwardly shift towards the tall boy, his height towering over me. His eyes, framed by thick, dark lashes side-eye me, “You’ll get a hang of it though. Welcome to Dauntless.”

Right. I’m dauntless now. When the train bangs into some obstacle with a ear-shattering boom, I have to grab the frames of the windows for support so I don’t accidentally pummel the boy to the ground. He breezes past me as he steps off the platform as if our conversation had all been in my imagination. “Everyone, gather around!” All the initiates follow suit, gathering around a boy dressed in a thicker, leather jacket and matching pants. He’s a bit shorter than the raven-haired boy yet his build seems almost similar. Glittering gold rings litter the edges of his ear cartilage, his lips red like his hair, and eyes that could swallow your soul. He claps his hands in the air, “My name is Taeyong. I will be your head instructor responsible for your training. My vice is this idiot here- Jeno.” Jeno headlocks Taeyong hastily, scraping his fingernails against the top of Taeyong’s flaming hairs, “Hyung, you’re just as much of an idiot as I am.” Taeyong pushes the younger back with immense force- enough force for Jeno to step back, hands raised in mock surrender. Once Taeyong clears his throat, he stiffens, “Okay, first order of business. Let’s get to where we need to be.” Taeyong shuffles backwards, lifting himself until he stands on a short ledge. The other initiates gasp, their jaws dropped in shock. Taeyong smirks, “See you on the other side. Jeno, don’t be late.”

Taeyong falls back in a t-position, his eyes closing with relief as he plummets down into the shadowy void beneath him. “Wait!” a girl screams, lurching over the ledge to watch Taeyong disappear as his laugh echoes from the chasm. Jeno shakes his head, a small smile gracing his thin lips, “That sucker.” His eyes snap into realization, irises gleaming with amusement, “So, who wants to go first?” I subconsciously find myself backing away from the spot where Jeno is standing, my skin feels cold from the sudden wind that whips around us all. He points at me with a determined finger, his black glove hugging his knuckles, “You. Armadillo on the train, you’re up.”The blonde girl next to me cackles at the name, her snorts come out in an irritating sound. His joke wasn’t that hilarious. I slowly slip through the people, Jeno taking my hand to help me up on the ledge. I jolt at his sudden contact, “Relax. You’re wearing heels, just making sure you don’t land on your arms.” I swish his hand away, spreading my legs apart for grasping balance. This is absolutely insanity. Squinting into the void, it looks like I’m about to descend into a black hole never to be seen again. An extremely short boy shouts impatiently, “We don’t have all day! It’ll be my 50th birthday in 2 seconds!” 

Shaking off their laughs, I concentrate on the syncopation of my heart. I can do this. I just need to breathe. I suck in the air that’s tinted with a smoky note, heaving it into the body of my lungs. Let go. I’m falling. I scream when my dress flies up uncontrollably, my hands fumbling to keep it down. My hairs whip my cheek painfully as the stinging sensation covers my skin. Unh. My back hits the rubber of a puffed inflatable. I feel the dips in water-proof latex beneath me. I’m rolling again, my hands reaching out for purchase. Like a flash, my body is submerged in ice cold water that flows into the heat pockets of my clothing. When I swim up for air, I notice a large, circular pool bed that’s floating on azure-tinted water. It’s a cave. The walls are thick with granite. Some rocky spikes stick out on the rims of the hole, water dripping from the tips. I hear a shout, “Incoming!!” Jeno lands on his back, his figure scrambling into the blanket of water as he grabs hold of my waist. He splashes around, waves colliding with my face, “Jeno, stop flailing!”

He pauses, staring back at me, “Wait a minute, you’re not drowning?”

I raise my eyebrow, “Does it look like I am?”

He purses his lips, hair matted over his eyes slightly, “Well. I can say no now. It seems. I heard a scream and thought you were..”

I shake my head, “No, I just fell in, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

We pause for a moment before Jeno guides me to the concrete floor that extends a few feet away from the inflatable platform before extending his hand to me. I take it, my dress dragging in a wet, soggy mess. Before looking up, Jeno exclaims, covering his eyes, “Shoot!”

“What?! What?!” I scream.

Jeno motions at me with his finger, “You- you’re- your dress..”

I look down at my dress, “What’s wrong with my dre-”

Not only has the fabric of my dress soaked through, my chest was obviously transparent. My cheeks heat up in embarrassment, trying my best to cover up with the folds of soggy fabric, “Jeno, don’t look!”

Jeno’s eyes are squinted so hard, “I won’t! I’m not!”

Taeyong’s voice booms in the cave, “What’s going on here?”

I wave a cautious arm in the air, swiveling around out of Taeyong’s view. He screams beside Jeno, “What’s taking so long? Why are you down here?”

Jeno’s words come out in an undecipherable line, “I--well you see, I heard a yell and I thought she was drowning and well, I saw her scream and well- other initiatives are still up top..”

Without having to turn around, I mentally see Taeyong rolling his eyes, socking Jeno with a punch, “Must I do everything myself?”

I hear him advance closer to me, “Why are you turned around?”

I flail my limbs as hard as I can, “I’m indecent! Don’t come any closer!”

Taeyong pauses his footsteps before he cooly says, “Jeno, get her changed while I get the rest of the initiates. We start orientation soon, we’re already behind schedule. I’m not about to be lectured by Yuta.”

Taeyong walks off to the side of the cave, opening a plain metal door in the process. Jeno huffs, “Okay, you’re going to have to follow me. I promise I won’t turn around.”

I scurry to him, my back still facing him, “You’re sure?”

“You can count on it.”

When I finally swish around, I notice the undercut line of Jeno’s hair and a thin, black swirl that extends around the back of his ear to his back. Tattoos are also a signature dauntless thing. I shouldn’t be surprised. Jeno marches quickly ahead of me, “You know, your tumbling is getting you into trouble. You really are an armadillo at heart.”

I scoff, holding myself back from knocking him in the shoulder blade, “Can you stop calling me that? I have a name, genius.”

Jeno smirks, “Oh really? What might that be?”

“Y/N. Don’t wear it out.”

Jeno coughs lowly, “I think I like armadillo better. But, I guess I could alternate.”

“Don’t call me that period.”

“Geez, don’t let the cold water turn your heart to ice.”

Finally, Jeno pulls out a ring of spiky keys. He turns one into a locked closet that houses multiple shelves of black uniforms: black sweatshirts, jogging pants, and black combat boots in every size. “What’s your size?”

“Medium and shoe size is 7.”

Jeno nods, perusing through the racks, “Coming right up, Y/N.”

Once he’s done, he sets a pile of clothes and a pair of boots on a short table, “You can change here. Come out of the closet when you’re done.”

I do as he says, slipping off the soggy mess of my dress off my ankles. Once I put the whole outfit on, I realize that I don’t look like myself in the mirror. So different from back home. So different from just yesterday. I tie my sticky hair into a thick braid, my mother’s hair-tie holding it together. “I’m ready.”

When I step out, I get a once-over from Jeno, “Black suits you better than that drab grey. How’d you wear that every day?”

“I didn’t mind much because all of abnegation is like that.”

He tsks his tongue, “Well, you won’t have to anymore.”

The walk back to the rest of the initiates is silent as Jeno guides me through a series of hallways and cave corridors before reaching a spacious room, “Hyung, we’re good to go.”

All the other kids are already dressed in uniform, the girls glaring at from where they stand- their eyes filled with envy. Is it because I came in with Jeno?

Taeyong shakes his head disappointingly, “We’ve managed to catch up. Let’s start the basics.”

As Taeyong paces back and forth on a small platform, he teaches us all about Dauntless rules. He discusses dauntless values like they’re his sworn religion since birth. He beats his curled fist onto his chest with determination, enunciating all the pillars that uphold the faction itself. He lists the leaders: Yuta, Johnny, him, Jaehyun, Mark, and someone named Jaegger. Once he’s done, Jeno rises from the chair he was sitting in, “How about we get started with some action?”

Taeyong holds a palm at him, “Hold on. I have to call Jaegger. He wants to supervise.”

Jeno groans, “That guy again?”

Taeyong nods sternly, “You know the rules.”

Taeyong hadn’t explained who Jaegger was yet. Within several seconds, a burly man busts through the metal door, his entire bald head detailed with inked markings. He’s got spikes sticking out of his ears and by the rims of his eyebrows- he looks like a villain straight out of a street gang. His icy, blue eyes dart with hysteria, “Let’s get it done.”

Taeyong nods, “I need two volunteers.”

Among the group, the blonde girl who had stood next to me before shoots her arm up instantly as she flips her hair onto one side. Besides her, no one else volunteers. They stare around each other or look down to the ground, avoiding all forms of eye contact. I accidentally look up because I don’t expect Taeyong to be in my line of sight. He flicks his fingers at me, “You. The one who messed up during the first jump. Try it out.”

Jeno intervenes, “Hyung, she just got into warm clothes- I don’t think she should-”

Taeyong glares back at the taller boy, “Hush, Jeno. I’ve made my decision.”

Jeno closes his mouth, shaking his head in refusal. Everyone in the group parts away from me like a drop of oil in a puddle of water, this singling-out thing is not doing good for me. The blonde girl follows me on to the platform ring that Taeyong and Jeno step off of. I look at her. She looks at me. We glance at Taeyong but instead, Jaegger speaks. He rubs a hand across his polished, bald head, “Rules are simple. This is a combat exercise. Go at it until one of you can’t stand.”

I stare back at him wide-eyed only to see Taeyong crossing his arms beside Jaegger and Jeno looking like he wants to say something. He doesn’t though. Jaegger raises an eyebrow with a scar slashed on it, “Well?”

I look back at the blonde girl and she’s got a sinister grin smashed on her face, “Well, this should be fun.”

Thinking back on the conditions, blondie is built thicker than me, she’s got more muscle, and she’s got huge hands. In this situation, how can I win? Defensively, she raises her fists in front of her as she toes around me. Occasionally, she’ll flip hair out of her face before she skips forward to swing at me. I miss it by a little bit of room, her eyes angry with frustration. Jaegger coughs dramatically, “Stop being idiots and commence already. I don’t have time for bullshit.”

 I’m too focused on Jaegger’s words to realize that blondie’s already coming at me in one swift motion- her first hitting square on the high point of my nose. I taste rusty iron like I’ve licked a bucket of old nails. Blood seeps from my nose on to my lip, I swipe the red stream with my sleeve. My best bet is to catch her by surprise when she’s not expecting it. Lunging for her torso, I try tackling her the hardest I can muster only for her to jab her elbow into my spine. Feeling myself hit the hard platform not only feels like excruciating pain but also feels like sheer disappointment. I can’t give up so easily. I rise from my fall, my back hunched and limbs swinging at awkward angles as I try to take her down once again. Instead, she wraps her bulky arms around my waist as she practically throws me to the copper outline of the ring. I see swirling stars, the room getting sucked into a dizzying oblivion of shadows. My breath is sucked out of me, my legs unable to move from the instant paralysis. When I wake up in a few hours, searing pain throbs at the corner of my brow. A rosy bruise blossoms on the bone, purple marks littering my chin and cheek. Ow. It’s only the first day and I’ve already landed myself in the infirmary. The only pleasing thing about it is that the room is lit with melancholy lavender-colored lights- the purple glow making me feel like I’m in some type of euphoric fever dream. A girl lays awake in the gurney bed next to be, her eyes shot up at the ceiling. She’s thinner than me, freckles dot her face in clusters. Her orangey hair is tied in a messy ponytail. “Oh, you’re awake.” she says.

I nod, “Do you know how long I’ve been out?”

She turns her head to me, revealing a sickly-looking gash on the side of her cheek, “A few hours. I just woke a bit before you. Your snoring was super loud.”

Opening my mouth, I try to think of what to say. I can’t. I muse, “What happened to you?”

She smiles, her lips upturned at the corners, “We’re in the same batch. After your fight with Marlene, Jaegger made me fight too. Obviously, I didn’t win.”

There’s some sort of innocent nativity that I sense in her, it’s almost adorable. She shifts on her side with a wince, “I should also probably tell you that Jaegger told us about the point dock system.”

“Point dock?”

She nods, placing a stray hair behind her ear, “Yeah. He said, ‘if we believe you don’t make the cut, you’re out. Out of dauntless. Out of your old faction. You’ll be left to the factionless..’ and then after, the whole class went silent.”

My mouth drops into a square, “What? Out for good? They can do that?”

She slaps her hand onto her forehead, “Apparently so. You and I are so screwed.”

I nod, “How do you know if you don’t make the cut?”

She replies, “Oh, Jaegger said they’ll make it crystal clear.”

I close my mouth, making the conversation evaporate between us. “What’s your name?” the girl says.

“Y/N. You?”

“Seulgi. Amity if you were wondering.”

“Abnegation- born.”

“I see.”

I swing my legs off the gurney bed, “Can we just leave?” Seulgi rubs her thumb and index finger on her chin, “I think so. There’s no one here besides us.” When both of us exit the violet infirmary, we’re greeted with ominous, stone-covered corridors that vibrate with the sound of hollering further down. We follow the sound into the main foyer. It’s a lobby full of long tables, initiates dressed in raven-colored uniforms, and strings of crystalline lights that glitter above their heads. It’s teeming with life, some people are in a separate area as they tackle each other within a ring and some opt to sit and talk in the lounge space. Seulgi notions, “This is the pit. I guess this is where everyone hangs out.” I nod back at her, “No kidding.” I hope that didn’t sound ruder out loud. When we make our way towards the tables, we see a couple of boys and girls wave at Seulgi, “Seul, over here!” She happily runs to them, dragging my hand along. They embrace her in firm handshakes and side hugs, passing us both two plates of food. A boy to Seulgi’s left laughs, “Some bruises you got, poor Seulgi.” She grins, “Hey, at least I fought the best I could. Later, I’ll become stronger than Serena and beat her up.” The group erupts in laughter, some unknown liquid spilling out of their silvery cups. She gestures at me, “We’ve got a new recruit for our crew.” They go silent, peering around Seulgi to get a better view of me. 

I awkwardly wave, “Good to be here?”

The boy flashes me a thumbs up, “Glad to have you. You put up a fight against that bitch Marlene.”

Laughing a little, I nod, “It doesn’t help that she threw me around like a bulldog’s chew toy.”

A girl across from the boy says, “It wasn't even fair though! She was way bigger than you, the circumstances were so unbalanced.” Seulgi nudges me in the arm, “Tough cookie, you’re going to beat her one day. I know you will.”

The boy raises his cup, everyone following his lead, “Cheers on that! Cheers to dauntless’s newest additions!”

Our cups almost overspill our drinks onto our food, drops landing by my plate. Seulgi perks up suddenly, “You know guys, I have an idea. How about we get celebratory tattoos? You know, dauntless style?”

The girl who sits across from Seulgi cackles sarcastically, “On my virgin body, no way!”

Seulgi punches her lightly, “Come on, Adema, don’t be a vibe-killer! It’ll be fun!”

“Quit being so loud initiates.” 

     We all pause our excitement, turning our heads to see the voice that had spoken to us. It was Jeno. He stood before us, one plate of food in one hand. It was like his demeanor had suddenly changed from friendly vice Jeno to a cold-blooded teenage version of Jaegger. He flops his food down with clank, launching himself into the seat next to me. I speak up, “Jeno, we weren’t being that loud. Everyone here is like, yelling.”

He cocks up a dark eyebrow, lilting his head to the side, “Who said I asked? I saw you all being loud, that’s how it is.”

Seulgi nudges me once more, whispering, “Don’t engage, it’s fine.”

Her plead makes me want to provoke Jeno even more. I sip my drink in contempt. Glaring at him, “did something happen? Why are you like this all of a sudden?”

Jeno widens his onyx eyes at me, his jaw gritting with pressure, “Don’t you think it’s a bit rude to assume?”

I shoot back, “I’m respectfully asking, I’m not inferring. There’s a difference.”

Jeno cards a veiny hand through his messy locks, “Either way, I don’t care. You should just know when to stop asking.”

All of dinner was awkward to say the least. Even so, by the end, we all made our way to the dauntless studio- the one built like an underground speakeasy nightclub. The lights in the room rotate between red, green, and blue lights as some rnb song vibrates in the background of hissing needles. A row of velvet-cushioned chairs lined the parlor as a gigantic tower of tattoo designs rotated in the center of the room. A bar was placed on the side where there were a row of sinks and hair-cutting stations. We all muse around the swirling tower, Seulgi opting for a design of a flaming rose. “Where are you going to get yours?”

She smiles at me, “I’ve always wanted one near my hip. I don’t know, it just sounds sexy to me.”

The boy whose name goes by Renjun laughs, “Should I get a biker-hillbilly esque skull or should I go for the phoenix?”

The girls laugh, “Definitely the phoenix.”

When I trail off to find my own design, I opt for a more simple dauntless insignia as a commemoration. I don’t want anything too crazy. Renjun and Seulgi sneak up on me, “Find what you want?”

I smile back at them excitedly, “I think so!”

“Next appointment for Y/N!”

I sigh, “Well, that’s me!”

Seulgi laughs, “Good luck, girlie!”

When I make way to the counter, I’m greeted by a honey-blonde boy who seems only a few years older than me. His hair falls longer past the nape of his neck, his features apparent of chinese descent. He rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt, his arms covered in beautiful patches of flowers. I take note of the pair of angel wings on his throat. He sighs, “My name is Ten, I’ll be doing your design today.”

“Okay.” I sit down in his station’s chair, the one embellished with gold detailing. He sticks a smoking cigarette into his mouth after breathing out a misty cloud, “What’d you want?’”

I give him the slide of my design, he raises his eyebrows at me, “Really? Just this?”

I shrug, “I like simple.”

Ten makes a skeptical facial expression, “I can respect that.”

When he works, I try my best to stay as still as possible. I feel my arms and hands shake too much in the anticipation of the needle’s point . Instead, I’m pleasantly surprised by the sharpness, by the slight but not overbearing pain when Ten outlines the symbol in jet black. He continues to chew on the butt of his cigarette, swallowing back the bitter flavor, “So, you a new initiate?”

I turn my head towards him, “Yes.”

“How do you like it here?” 

“Still takes some time to get used to, it’s not all bad. Better than being bored back in abnegation.”

His eyebrows crinkle with recognition, “Huh, I used to be in abnegation too.”

“Really? What made you switch?”

He pauses for a moment, thinking about his words, “My family. I wasn’t the biggest fan of their house-hold rules.” “I’m sorry to hear that.”

He shakes his head defiantly, “No need to be sorry. I enjoy Dauntless.”

Ten continues, “By the way, I’m done.” The skinny boy hands me a beautiful- rose-detailed mirror, the glass reflecting the dauntless insignia on the back of my shoulder. He puts a pair of small glasses on, “I’ll give you all the aftercare items you’ll need- it shouldn’t be puffy like that for too long.”

I smile at him, “I honestly love it. Thank you.”

He grunts in agreement before packing various bottles and fabric cloths into a small pink sack and handing it to me. Ten pushes up the bridge of his glasses from slipping down his nose, “Could I ask, what’s your name?”

“Uh- Y/N.”

Ten breaks into a smile that’s almost scarily big, “Ah-Y/N. I thought so. You got dauntless on your aptitude test, right?”

“Um, why are you saying it like that? And to answer your question, yes, I did.”

He laughs amusingly, “Anyway, a little birdie tells me that you made Jeno so embarrassed on your first jump.”

My cheek flare up with redness, “You heard about that?”

Ten unwraps a honey lollipop from one of the drawers at his station, “Of course I did, Jen’s like a little brother to me. I know things even the others don’t know.”

Winking, Ten motions at me, “Don’t tell him I said this but, I think he needs someone like you in his life. The kid’s been struggling on his own.”

I raise my brows out of curiosity, “To tell you the truth, he was extremely rude to my friends and I at dinner just now.”

Ten waves me off, lollipop flinging between his fingers, “Agh- forget that! It’s just a mask that he wears to seem tough since he’s in dauntless. He’s just a sweet kid.”

I mutter, “Even so, he was very rude.”

“He doesn’t mean it, he would never say that on his own out of malicious intent. Please, just give him a chance.”

As resignation, I consider it, “Okay. I’ll try my best to forgive him of the grievances.”

Ten reaches into his bottom drawer again, pulling out a strawberry lollipop, “Good. Take one for your troubles.”

Once I finish thanking Ten, I wait for the rest of the group to get their tattoos before heading back to our dormitory. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen it yet. When we get back, I’m appalled by the acidic smell of bleach that floats from the showers in the corner. The beds are hard as rocks and even worse- there’s no privacy between the boys or girls. Dauntless couldn’t have spent one more second to install walls in the rooms? The next few mornings were dreadful. Every single day, we were awoken by Taeyong’s and Jaegger’s barking orders through a megaphone. Days and nights were spent learning partner combat, close-range shooting, and weapons mastery. Of course, it was hard for me to keep up. I barely could hit the dummy targets. I was the first to run out of breath during the exercises. Even Seulgi, Renjun, and the others were making amazing progress. Jeno’s nice enough to give me an array of pointers, some personal lessons when Taeyong isn’t paying attention. The question remains: will it be enough to be my name above the line?

Few days later

Because I was still struggling the most, I only believed it to be right that I had to work the hardest to do something about it. In my family, we were never allowed vanity. But, we were allowed pride. I felt the need to prove myself to the other initiates, to Taeyong, and to maybe even as far as Jeno. In the middle of the night, I was in our classroom as I practiced close-range shooting on a rice-bag decoy, my goggles becoming foggy from my warm breath. It was probably past midnight then and seeing how silent it was, I’m sure everyone was safely tucked into their back-breaking beds. That’s when I felt a pair of arms surround mine- a face pressed up against my cheek. Without having to look, I knew it was Jeno. His lips barely grazed my hair, his fingers wrapped securely around mine. When did he come in? I didn’t even notice him? He places his index finger on top of mine where the trigger is, “The trick is to focus on your scope rather than the target itself. Aim at an angle so you don’t miss.”

I follow suit, my bullet lodging straight into the bulls-eye heart of the rice decoy, some grains spilling out into a small pile on the floor. I nod, testing his tip again, my bullet hits the decoy by the shoulder. He gives a small applause, “Now you’ve got it!”

“Thanks for the lesson.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Jeno chuckles awkwardly, “So, I was just on my way out to grab a few things and I’m making a stop by the coffee machine, did you want me to get anything for you?”

I shake my head, “I’m good, thank you.”

My mind flips back to Jeno’s stark hostility that peeked through a few nights ago- how could he be the same boy now? He heartily laughs, “I’m getting you one. You’ve been at this for hours and I think you need it.”

Sighing in defeat, I pique, “Wait, how do you know I’ve been up?”

Already making his way to the door, he turns as he smiles until his eyes fold into his eyelids, “Just a hunch. I’ll be back.”

I take a rest on a near-by bench, my legs thrumming to the vibration in the building pipes. A loud boom sounds from outside the training room as if someone had dropped something. Peeking out the tiny door window, “Jeno, is that you?”

There’s no reply. Opening the door carefully, I stick my head out into the hallway to my left- there’s no one in sight. In a span of a few seconds, I feel a rag be pressed to my mouth as my screams come out in silenced muffles. Three large figures wrap their arms around every part of my body, carrying me as if I was a sack of trash ready for dump-pickup. Kicking and screaming kind of helps but doesn’t at the same time. I’ve learned to maneuver my body in certain ways, twisting out of grips but whoever these people are, they keep a strong pin on my wrists. They’re all wearing black masks like some vigilante robbers- cowards, they don’t even dare to reveal their faces. I continue to scream, “Let me go! Get off!” The more I struggle, the more they squeeze my wrists and ankles. Suddenly, I’m dropped to the ground, my back hitting the concrete with a smack, one of the figures wrenches my braid over the chasm drop. The person grabs my face, threatening to toss me down the water-filled void, “We know you’re protecting Jeno’s secret! Confirm it or die!”

I grit my teeth in response, “What the hell? What secret??I barely know him?”

The voice, that of a young boy’s, “Trying to play stupid huh?”

My words come out in whimper, “Seriously, I have no idea what you’re talking about. We’re not even that close.”

The second figure hisses at the younger boy with a deeper gruff, “We’re taking too much time. Let’s just get rid of her.”

Feeling my back lose stabilization on the ground, the top half of my body is already above the chasm- a little more and I’d splat like an insect. I reach out to grab hold of something, someone, only to be met with a kick to the ribs. I bite my tongue out of pain, blood seeping to  my lips. The iron taste is familiar yet sickening, I didn’t come to dauntless to die like this. 

“Get the fuck off her!” Jeno’s voice booms with anger as he flies his fist at the figures standing behind my captor. One by one, they fall to the ground in defeat as their limbs fail to lurch back at Jeno. He grabs the boy holding my hair by the back of his collar, swinging him into the granite wall behind us as the boy’s pained shouts reverberate through the cave. In haste, Jeno pulls me up into his arms, his eyes wild with furious sparks that flame at the center of his ash eyes, “Why did you go outside when I wasn’t back yet?”

I stutter, “I heard a loud noise so I stuck my head out and yeah..”

He shakes his head, “Do you like getting into trouble? You almost died back there!”

Gazing at him, “But I didn’t. Because you came.”

Jeno’s features soften, his frame melting with the weight of my body in his arms, “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just be quiet and see, Y/N.”

After Jeno leads me through a series of elevators, stairwells, and corridors, we arrive at a door. Swinging it open, we’re met with a cold gust of wind, my skin tingling from the icy air. Jeno sits at the end of the rooftop as he plops down, legs swinging over the edge. The view is absolutely breathtaking. In Abnegation, we never really had any windows to see the outside world. This was a stark contrast: a view of each of the sections in the distance. Candor’s buildings touch the stormy skies, Amity’s farming dome covers their entire section, and the center city emits noises from the factionless bartering for food. If you squint hard enough, there’s a wall that surrounds the entire perimeter- urging you to wonder what’s beyond it. Jeno says softly, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I nod in agreement, “Really is.”

Plopping beside him, our thighs barely touch, my hands placed awkwardly on the roof’s surface. Jeno fixes his hair as he tustles his bangs back and forth before biting his lip in anticipation. His voice comes out in a timid but deep vibration, “I’m sorry.”

I stare back at him incredulously, “What are you sorry for?”

Jeno fiddles with the black thread from the fabric of his gloves, “Back at dinner. A few nights ago, I wasn’t very kind to you and your friends.”

Surprised with his apology, “I hope you had your reasons.”

Jeno’s habit of over-biting his lip becomes apparent because they’re pink in the middle and red at the edges. He bobs his head slightly, shutting his eyes with confirmation, “I do. More than you know.”

I put a hand on his shoulder, “If that’s the case, apology accepted.”

When I look at Jeno, he represents a rhythmic soul, one that marches to beat his own drum, and one that’s capable of showing unconditional love. Ten’s correct- his hard exterior reveals the heart of an innocent boy, one that also happens to be covered in bloody scars. “Jeno! You’re hurt!”

Jeno touches his face lightly, the scratch on his cheek irritated, “Oh. I barely noticed these.”

Taking his hand, “Jeno, we need to clean those or they’ll get infected.”

Giving me a small smile, he drags me back through the door we came through. I don’t even register that we’re still holding hands, his large fingers around my palm. I silently pray that he doesn’t notice the heat that’s enclosed between us. After we enter, the room widens into a warehouse-like studio: paneled windows, an unmade bed, and a small kitchen that resides at the corner. The clouds look more organic through the glass window, the view of the factions illuminated with  dim lights. Jeno’s rummaging through his kitchen cabinet to find a first aid kit as he sits down on the black sheets of his bed, pulling out q-tips and antiseptic cleaner. Wincing, Jeno shuts one eye as he smoothes the liquid onto the cut on his face. 

I say, “Here, let me help.”

He opens his mouth to refuse but closes it when I take the q-tip from his hand anyway. I clean my fingers with a wipe before squirting some cooling gel onto the tip of my thumb. Jeno’s breath feels warm on my face, his eyes unmoving from mine. I try to ignore his intense staring, “Jeno, look away.”

He quirks an eyebrow up, “Why?”

“Because you’re making me nervous.”

Jeno’s laugh is full of mirth and sincerity, “Nothing to be nervous about.”

Jeno’s eyes shift to the ground, his lashes framing his eyelids. Jeno looks beautiful when he isn’t trying. When the dim lights illuminate the bridge of his nose to the high points of his cheek, his features harden and soften depending on the angle of his face. Though he has some scratches on his cheeks, some above his eyebrows, it doesn’t change him. He tuts, “Now look who’s staring.”

I quickly dart my eyes away, heat crawling up the expanse of my back in embarrassment, “I wasn’t! Where else are you injured?”

He touches a tender spot on his back with his shoulder blade, “One of those attackers had sharp nails, he got me right by my shoulder.”

“May I?” I gesture beside him on the bed, my mind flashing back to when my mother told me it was rude to sit on someone’s bed without asking. 

He nods in affirmation, lifting the hem of his black sweater over his head. He stretches his back muscles, rolling his shoulders back to move them. I yelp a bit too loudly, “Why are you taking off your shirt??”

Chuckling, Jeno reaches a hand back to scratch at the hairs on his nape, “How are you going to treat it if you can’t reach it?”

“Oh, right.”

I see my hands visibly shake when I apply some more gel to the scratch that aligns in a downward line by his linear tattoo. When I press my fingers to the smooth skin of Jeno’s back, I feel myself letting out a breath I had been holding in. Jeno starts to hum an unfamiliar tune while he takes off his black gloves, tossing them to the floor. I have to say something, it’s way too quiet. “So,why this tattoo?”

He turns his face over his shoulder, “You wanna know?”

I hum, “Yeah, I do.”

Jeno goes on to explain it, his mother’s favorite flowers are cherry blossoms. He talks about how he was originally in Candor and how his mom would paste clippings of Japan from books on to her bedroom walls. His back is like a canvas for the faction insignias, all of them entwined with sakura branches that wrap around his ears and neck. “Basically, I love my mom so that explains the sakura blossoms. For the factions, I don’t believe I can just be one thing. I want to teach myself how to protect the people I love, to be kind, honest, and smart. I don’t want to be shoved into one mold, you know?”

Giving him a nod, “I get that. That’s how I thought- or, think. Now.”

In that moment, I remember Ten’s words: “Jeno has been struggling by himself.”

I pat his shoulder, “Jeno, could I ask you something?”

He turns around to me, his chest is bare and toned. Muscles are carved with definite lines that cross all over his body, “What is it, Y/N?”

“When I came in for a tattoo, I talked to Ten. He told me you struggled by yourself or currently struggling? What’s that mean?”

Jeno narrows his pointed, smoky-filled eyes at me, “Ten said that?”

I nod, “Don’t be mad at him, he’s just trying to help.”

Jeno makes a whirring hum from between his lips as he leans his hands back on the bed, “It’s hard to explain but, things aren’t always easy for me here.”

He pauses before continuing, “Ten knows something about me that most people don’t.”

Saying nothing, my heart beats with anticipation, I withhold myself from pressing him even further. On his own he says, “If I tell you, I need to know if I can trust you. I can’t afford to let this slip.”

Holding up my hand in pledged oath, I nod, “You have my word.”

“I’m divergent.”

My gasp sounds like my lungs have failed due to how loud it sounds. Truly, I didn’t expect those words to come out of Jeno’s mouth, “You’re divergent?”

Nodding solemnly, “Yes. My mother died because she was harboring me, my results got reported. Ten found us when he was on patrol with Taeyong, they took me in and forged the results so I could live.”

Connecting the dots, I point at him knowingly, “Is that why you tried to put on a front during dinner?”

Jeno sighs, “For whatever reason I thought the more mean I was, people couldn’t see through the mask.”

Instinctively, I place a firm hand on Jeno’s bouncing knee, “Jeno, you don’t have to act that way when you’re with me.”

Oh no. Why did I touch his knee like that? He must think I’m trying to come on to him or something, judging by the confused look on his face. I messed up. Jeno cockily smirks, launching himself until there is absolutely no space in between us. His face is only a couple centimeters away, a mischievous glint shines in his shadowy irises. He’s so close I can spot the faded mole at the flat of his cheek, some of his dark hairs fall to his brow. “Y/N, am I making you nervous right now?”

I gulp, my eyes widened like disks, “Very.”

Jeno flicks his eyes to my lips, his smile curling on one side, “Don’t be nervous.”

Like that, Jeno’s lips are on mine in a split second- a soft, slow sensation washing over us like time’s been stopped instantly. I feel myself relaxing as I straddle Jeno’s lap, pulling him closer by his shoulders. The way Jeno moves his head, forehead bumping against mine feels bone-chillingly pleasant as he continues to kiss me passionately. The dark-haired boy moves his rough hands through my hair as loops curl in between his fingers. When I pull back for air, my heart feels like it’s burning when I memorize the honey-golden sheen of Jeno’s skin, his parted lips swollen from our contact. Kneeling up on the bed, I rise to look down on Jeno, his strong arms grasping me by the waist as I lean down to his lips again. Jeno traces the curve of my jaw, his lips moving to the hollow of my neck- his lips sting against my skin. Shutting his eyes in pleasure, Jeno sighs into my shoulder, “Can you just stay here?”

I hug his chest even harder, “Won’t I get in trouble?”

Jeno laughs, “For being with me or for missing curfew?”

I laugh, “Both?”

Jeno kneads my area by my  hip, massaging my sweater upwards, “Can I?”

I look back at him, raising my eyebrow, “Do you even deserve me?”

His smile reveals the highlights of his teeth, “I can try my best for you? Don’t worry about the others giving you a hard time, I can take care of it.”

My arms hang off Jeno’s shoulders, hands crossed by his neck, “Really, Jeno?”

Jeno gives me a fond nod, “Really.”

When I lower myself to Jeno’s level, he helps me lift the fabric of my top above my head. His eyes widen at the sight, he almost looks surprised. I panic, “What, what is it?”

He shakes his head in resignation, “When I first saw you, tumbling on the train, I thought you were the prettiest person in that dirt-covered train car.”

A blush glows on my cheeks, I feel my ear sting a bit- the feeling causing my heart to tremor. Instead, I result to leaning my forehead against Jeno’s, “You’re not bad at all.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jeno smashes his lips against mine once again, harder than the last time as we lower ourselves into Jeno’s navy-blue pillows that sit in a squished pile by the headboard. I sweep a hair behind Jeno’s ear, peering up at his figure on top of me, “We should sleep, I was told that we have intense training tomorrow.”

Jeno’s eyes crinkle like moons, “Y/N, you really know how to kill the mood don’t you?”

I slap a hand against his pectoral muscle, “Jeno, let’s just go to bed!”

“Okay, okay.”

 Jeno gets up to turn off the lights before tossing himself next to me on his bed. Pulling the comforter over our bodies, I feel his breath hit the back of my head as he hums in content. I turn my body to face him, his eyes already softly shut. His eyelashes are even more prominent, his hair is a bit more messy than it was in the last few hours. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I stare back at him for a little bit longer. In the dark, he flicks open one eye, “How do you expect me to go to bed if you keep kissing me?”

“Goodnight, Jeno.”

Pouting, Jeno huffs playfully, “Good night, Y/N.”