#midlifeissues

[raincitycorrina]

Dating 40+ is Like: Finding the Least Damaged Item At The Thrift Store That Doesn’t Smell…

It’s fu*king true! I have an albatross aka spouse so I don’t have to worry about this ( ❤️ Love you my old man) but this is a growing problem for a lot of my friends. They expect a knight in shining armour and end up with an as*hole in aluminum foil. Welcome to 2023, baby. Where champagne wishes and caviar dreams disintegrate into settling for mediocre intimacy. I know, I know. It’s depressing. But it doesn’t have to be. On the bright side people our age did all our stupid stuff before the advent of the internet. You’d think we would have our foibles out of our system by now. But sadly it just does not work that way. People who were messed up then, are messed up now, unless they had years of therapy. Good ones are out there; they do exist. Discernment is key. Dating is hard when you’re young. Dating is hard when you are older. Dating just sucks sometimes. Life sucks sometimes. Find someone who’s either slain their demons or has them under control. Or better yet, employed their demons in their own successful tech and marketing company.

[redundantmidlife]

Social distancing relaxation means friends are coming to my house which has been locked down for weeks. Should I clean it before they arrive?

Since lockdown I have taken the opportunity not to clean my house. Now with social distancing relaxation, all of a sudden 5 friends want to visit my garden. This means they'll need to walk through my house to get to my pretend "pub", and maybe even use my toilet. Should I clean before they arrive, or simply leave them bleach and wipes as part of the social distancing rules to save myself a job?

Ask for advice from an agony uncle, our very own Marvin Marvin's answer: Good question. Many of us have let ourselves go over the past few weeks. My hair is now shaggy, my fingernails dirty and I've forgotten how to shave. Whilst I started enthusiastically tidying and cleaning my house at the start of lockdown, things have gone downhill over the last few weeks. I got bored of being energetic. So I have a similar problem, although it's been like tumbleweed waiting for 5 people to suggest meeting up. That aside, I think your idea is a great one. Leave masks, bleach and other cleaning products at the front and back doors. Anyone going in has to clean the route they took, so you could suggest people wash their hands in a different room to the toilet, and in that way you might get your kitchen, bathroom, hall and toilet all cleaned by your friends. Given the issues some of us have with middle aged bladders, you might be lucky and have one person who does more than one cleaning run. If you think that might be likely, perhaps leaving a camping toilet in another room might get some additional areas cleaned. Just be wary of anyone saying they want to see what's behind your shed, or up your back passage. These may have been funny innuendos before, but now they're simply looking for a place to provide you with a new outside toilet area. What's more, getting them to bring their own glasses and alcohol will save that dreary washing up and tidying effort at the end of the night, when all you want to do is crash into your bed.

Social distancing relaxation dilemmas

Just don't forget the dilemma you may face towards the end of the evening. When you've all had a few drinks and it gets cold, the house will be a sorely tempting place to decamp to. Just remember the police have made it clear they want your neighbours to report you if you are having "a house party with people who don’t live at the house". Genuinely. Therefore to prevent breaking all the social distancing relaxation rules in one go I would suggest you use one or more of the following to keep warm: Cheap brandy. Actually many spirits would probably work but brandy is the one for me.Joe Wicks. Working out with or simply watching, depending on your taste.A fire, where you burn your suits, ties and any other clothes you won't be using again. Feel free to think of or suggest your own ideas. Anyway, in conclusion, there's no point cleaning your house before your friends come round. Remember, they're only coming to you as their houses are probably in a worse state than yours. Just leave out some marigolds (as in gloves, not plants) and watch them clean their way to your bathroom and back. Read the full article

[therustymonkeytrunkstop]

Better than buying new perfume! Goddess, I have hit a new low 😣 #zoflora #queenofclean #midlifeissues #imhavingashitesunday #imgoingtohaveadrink https://ift.tt/312YrVM

[redundantmidlife]

I have become a grumpy old man. How can I get back to being the thigh slapping, fun guy I used to be?

I used to be a happy-go-lucky person that laughed a lot. Now I've become a grumpy old man, and I'm actually only middle aged. I find myself ranting about everything - politicians, TV, people and life in general. Friends who used to hang around with me and found me funny now roll their eyes when I start to talk. And that's on Zoom. I worry that post-lockdown I'll still be alone in a room reading the Racing Post and shouting at the TV. How can I become fun again? Ask for advice and don't ignore me. Marvin's Answer: I presume those thighs you were slapping were your own? Obviously, slapping someone else's thighs, or poking them in odd places can be fun, but not everyone wants your hands all over them. And maybe therein lies your problem. You've reached an age where people look on you as eccentric or even creepy when you try to do those things. Before you were risky, exciting and dangerous. Add some grey hair, a beer belly and dodgy fashion sense like a velvet jacket and suddenly you're a weirdo. I know. It's something I struggle with. I rant at the way all headlines start with "Shocking News!", how statistics are manipulated to create a story, and how every BBC interview degenerates into a "confess to a mistake" interrogation. I moan about not getting enough sleep, my aches and pains and the youth of today. The science behind becoming a grumpy old man However getting older is a process of change, and there is some science behind your increased grumpiness. #askmarvin #boringmiddleage #midlifeissues #miserableoldman Read the full article

[therustymonkeytrunkstop]

Better than buying new perfume! Goddess, I have hit a new low 😣 #zoflora #queenofclean #midlifeissues #imhavingashitesunday #imgoingtohaveadrink — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/2YbVUMf

[therustymonkeytrunkstop]

Tweeted

Better than buying new perfume! Goddess, I have hit a new low 😣#zoflora#queenofclean#midlifeissues#imhavingashitesunday#imgoingtohaveadrink https://t.co/uDWZBPs5qG pic.twitter.com/aZe6UJXKQp

— TheRustyMonkeyTrunkS (@RustyMonkeyTS) July 28, 2019

[therustymonkeytrunkstop]

Tweeted

Better than buying new perfume! Goddess, I have hit a new low 😣#zoflora#queenofclean#midlifeissues#imhavingashitesunday#imgoingtohaveadrink https://t.co/uDWZBPs5qG Better than buying new perfume! Goddess, I have hit a new low 😣#zoflora#queenofclean#midlifeissues #… pic.twitter.com/67moVdIwWp

— TheRustyMonkeyTrunkS (@RustyMonkeyTS) July 28, 2019