#midevial orc period drama

[thecandywrites]

The Talisman Chapter 6

I know, it's July, but I could not get this story off of my mind. And it's my guilty pleasure that my muse tortures me with scenes and lore every other moment of my day as I try to be an adult, with a family, and a job, and a life and other responsibilities. But this helps me get through all of that. So, enjoy.

The Talisman 

Chapter 6

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked Udwar as you noticed him staring at you. 

“You um, you look good in Neveahan clothes.” He complimented. 

“Even as old as they are?” You questioned self consciously. 

“Neveahan clothes are never out of fashion. They’re usually made of dragon silk and dragon wool and such fibers are notoriously very hard to work with but once you master them, the clothes can last for centuries, or so I’ve heard.” He offered. 

“Oh.” You nodded. 

“Hungry?” He asked hopefully. 

“Yeah.” You nodded before he led you down to the galley to get a bowl of rice with chunks of meat in a sauce poured over it. 

“Thank you Naxi.” You thanked the cook sweetly as you took it from her and grabbed a utensil from the large tub of them.

But you couldn’t help but notice the way the others seem to look between your weapons and Udwar. The way one would look at a parent of a misbehaving child, expecting the parent to fix the behavior. But a few quick and hushed but sharp words from Naxi had them simply huffing and walking away. 

“You’re welcome, Hashimi Bon.” She smiled back. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked Naxi. 

“No. Nothing’s wrong.” Udwar quickly reassured you. 

“Are you sure? Because everyone seems to look at me like that.” You pointed out. 

“Then they shouldn’t be on the ship.” Udwar insisted before he had you follow him to a small balcony at the back of the ship that you didn’t realize you had a door to- that connected your room to his on the other side of the wall as you sat down on the small table in the chair and looked out over the ocean and the sunset over the water. 

“Seriously, why do others take so much offense to me?” You asked him. 

“It’s nothing.” He tried to shake his head no. 

“It’s something Udwar. I want to know.” You insisted. 

“It’s because my grandfather made a law, that no one can come within 100 paces of any member of the family with weapons that could ever possibly be used against us, without first swearing a blood oath, that all of their relation should  be cursed and die if they do.” Udwar explained. 

“Because of the blood of the covenant should be thicker than the water of the womb.” You recalled. 

“Yes. Exactly. But because you have no one to swear against, there is no way for you to make such an oath. Which is why you have the Hashimi decree to protect you.” He clarified. 

“Oh.” You blinked. 

“I will have any who look at you with anything but the utmost kindness and respect, removed from the ship, so that their looks do not cause you offense.” He insisted. 

“Would it be better for me to enter into a blood oath with you? For the sake of the others? So that they know that I would never mean or cause you harm? Surely the families that have practically adopted me, and are practically my family found, would be enough for such an oath. Because hurting you is tantamount to hurting myself.” You tried to reason. 

“Unfortunately, such a thing is not possible without consequences.” Udwar tried to gently warn you. 

“What consequences?” You asked. 

“Ok, so what Hashimi- really means to me and my culture and those that follow me, is- it’s a status and a condition that basically means- a wedding engagement. And because I am the Shahmah- or um…I think the closest thing that would equate to in Common is like a warrior king, away from his throne. Because I am the Shahmah and you are my Hashimi, that makes you my fiance. But, just like any other political marriage of convenience engagement, Hashimi will protect both of us, until we can get to the island.” He explained. 

“Oh.” You murmured in understanding. 

“And at this point, if we were to enter into a blood oath, it would be tantamount to getting married, or eloping even.” He explained. 

“Would that be such a bad thing though?” You asked and he nearly choked on his food. 

“You ok?” You asked as he beat his chest to try to learn how to breathe again as he pulled a flask on his hip up to drink from it, to help clear his throat as he nodded but coughed and beat his chest to quit choking. 

“I’m fine.” He breathed once he stopped choking and wiped the tears in his eyes. 

“I…I didn’t want to say anything before. But I’ve noticed how you avoid all the other women, but yet you are not romantic or affectionate with men either. But you do not show the same aversion to sexual intercourse itself in it's varying forms with your generals and commanders.But there is a distance you put yourself, almost like insulation from having any of it yourself. And I don’t know if you truly don’t want to be around them or because of this talisman and it’s power- and the nature of the link between yours and mine. I have also watched as you chastise anyone who is unarmed but yet, refuse to let anyone who isn’t me or one of your generals anywhere near your person.” You revealed as you looked him over curiously. 

“I have noticed you become… uneasy and uncomfortable with anyone who expresses any romantic or intimate relations with you, both male and female or the middle gender either. And you have refused the blood oath of anyone but your closest military planners. If we were to enter into a blood oath, and if it was to be construed as us getting married, wouldn’t that give you a chance to use me as an excuse to not be close to anyone who makes you uncomfortable? We would not have to partake in the physical aspect of that arrangement but could still enjoy the benefits of it. And I would keep a lack of consummation private and in my confidence. You have done so much for me already. If I can even just do that much for you, I'm willing." You professed as it looked like you had given Udwar a kitten or a puppy the way his features softened and seemed to beam with adoration. 

“Why would you want to do such a thing?” Udwar asked, in pleasant surprise. 

“You…you behave similarly to others I’ve known who have been the victims of abuse and assault and even rape. And I can safely promise and swear to you that I would never touch you without your consent. I know that there are some people who are repulsed by intimacy and romance completely. The way a child is before they sexually mature.” You bravely professed as Udwar looked down and away a bit guiltily and self consciously. 

"I am not one of those people." Udwar reassured you as his cheeks darkened.

“Are you?” He asked. 

“Yes and no.” You answered. 

“How so?” He gently prodded. 

“Before I put this talisman on? I was not. Once I put it on- to a degree, yes. Like no other man was suddenly at all handsome to me. No one was even remotely tempting in that respect. But yet, I longed for someone and something, that I can not know or understand. It’s…it’s difficult to explain beyond that.” You surmised as he seemed to nod in understanding. 

“But, you should not be embarrassed. It is only because I have been watching closely that I have noticed. No others have come to such conclusions. All the other women wonder if the fault for your disinterest and refusal is either with them or the talisman itself. Not with you.” You reassured him. 

“It’s just that, as much as you do to care for and protect me. I feel very strongly that I should do the same. I’ve heard the other women scheming. They are eager to get back to your home. And are expecting to be put up in a palace just as grand as the one you’ve told me, your father had built for your mother and his other wives, just like the way your grandfather did with his harem of women. Even if it’s just a marriage of comfort and convenience until we get to the island, and return the talismans. You can always say to them, that I fell in love with the island and the home on it, more than I did you. And if the blood oath is simply to swear not to hurt each other physically, that is enough. I have also heard others speak of divorce. We could always divorce too if and when we need to. I do not mind. And that way, you can focus more singularly on your kingdom. And making sure that the gold and treasure you will surely have, will be used to protect it and it’s people.” You explained. As you could tell he was trying to be polite in his refusal to even this offer. 

“Just…a thought.” You shrugged. 

“As much as I…greatly appreciate the offer. If I were to do such a thing, it would not be fair to you. If I were to bring you anywhere close to my home, my mother would find a way to make you a queen, whether you wanted to be or not and find a way to keep you there and hold you for ransom until all the gold was returned to the kingdom.” Udwar offered. 

“I have an answer to that if you want to hear it.” You replied. 

“Ok, let me hear it then.” He invited. 

“When my mother first put on the talisman, she stopped having her moon blood altogether. And when I put it on, the same thing happened to me, in fact, it’s been like I’ve never fully developed as an adult in body, even though my mind did. And now that I reunited with Chevron in a way, I have come to have more…understanding. And what was relayed to me was that Velena vowed to Uviem that she would never bear any other child than Worlf’s. And she would carry no such child in any other place than her island of Salanz. My mother, once she put on the talisman, everyone said she aged so gracefully. It was like it froze her in time. Even though she grew old in spirit. I feel it’s the same condition that rests on me. If we were to get married, again, for convenience, say that I have to go to the island, because again, the talisman will not leave me. And you can not get there without me. But that I have become barren because of it and it will not release me from the punishment until I go there and the talisman returns. And even if your mother comes with us, she can not stop this. And she is not stronger than Uviem themselves. It would only have to be a charade, I think for a few months right?” You reminded him. 

“If I’m going to marry anyone, it’s going to be who I love more than all others and who I trust more than anyone. And someone who really loves me for me. Not because I’m a conqueror or because I’m the Shahmah. And as much as I appreciate the offer, because I know you are offering such a thing out of kindness and genuine feeling, it wouldn’t be honest.” Udwar gently countered. 

“Well, if you ever change your mind, or our circumstances change or need to change, the offer is open ok?” You offered. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” He smiled and nodded. 

“But for your information, because you asked, you have my consent to touch me ok? Because I know you do not mean harm or intend to do anything to me that I would not be willingly consenting to do.” He specified. 

“Likewise.” You smiled sweetly as the two of you shared a smile before you turned back to your heaping bowl like dish of dinner. 

“This is really good.” You praised the food as you ate, savoring the flavors blooming in your mouth. 

“It is, I’m happy you enjoy it.” He smiled happily as it seemed you passed that particular point, much smoother than you feared. 

“Do you know anything about Salanz? Other than it has a mountain of gold on it?” You asked, changing the subject. 

“What do you want to know?” He asked. 

“Have you ever been there?” You asked. 

“No, but I’ve been to the other islands around it, they’re very nice, a bit on the hot and humid side though.” He admitted. 

“How come there are two holes on either side of it?” You asked. 

“They’re called ‘Current Holes’ where the outer layer gives way to the inner one. And the currents are strong enough because of forces like gravity and the like, that they pull all ships who get too close or that approach from the easier sides, through to the middle world and then shoot them out on the other side again. And they go so fast that ships colliding with each other is fairly common and then all the shipwrecks wash ashore on either end again. It’s what makes traveling there so dangerous. Because they’ve practically engineered the land and the sea to keep Neveah protected.” He explained. 

“Then, how are we getting there?” You asked. 

“The talismans will guide us in- safely, however, our talismans are tied to that island as much, if not more than they are tied to each other. And because of that, when the talismans are together, that's when the safest and best route will reveal itself. That island is extremely special among all of the others, because of the Current Holes.” He reassured you. 

“But if only the talismans together will guide us in, how are you going to get the gold out again?” You asked. 

“Use the same way in to get out, the talismans will guide us.” He answered simply before you nervously took another bite of food to keep yourself from arguing with him as worry and doubt seemed to claw their way through your mind and heart. 

“There is no need to fear me. You are more than welcome to tell me anything you wish to. I can see that you’re worried. How can I reassure you?” He asked as he watched you closely. 

“How many years has it been since your grandfather, Wrolf, left the island?” You asked him. 

“Seventy six.” He answered. 

“Don’t you think the island has changed in those seventy six years? Don’t you think that perhaps the other dragons would want to claim Chevron’s hoard?” You asked worriedly. 

“Nope. Not at all. According to my grandfather, he used his own talisman to put on a special spell on the whole island that nothing would change and that nothing would be taken away while he went to go get Velena. And Uvian, the god that the talismans were blessed by, is a god of vows and promises. And will not fail.” He did his best to reassure you. 

“But…he died so long ago. How can Uvian hold up his side of the promise, if who he promised such a thing to- is dead?” You asked. 

“Because he made the vow with the talismans. And those who wear them by birthright, are still living. And therefore, will still be honored by the vow.” He said as he held up his own for emphasis before you self consciously put your fingers over your own and held it in your hand for a moment. 

“What if it’s all an exaggeration?” You questioned worriedly. 

“Have you ever had a dream, since you put that on, about a place, with sand as white as clouds? With water as blue as the sky is on a cloudless day? And about a thick green jungle? With two towers of rock piercing the sky like two towers of a castle on a hilltop?” He questioned before you frowned but did not answer. 

“That’s where we’re going. When you put that talisman on, and that talisman accepted you as the natural heir, Uvian has tried showing you your inheritance. You may have just thought it was a pleasant dream, that’s all.” He explained. 

“Oh.” You murmured softly in response before you let go of the talisman and continued eating quietly. 

“Do you have any memory of such dreams?” He asked thoughtfully. 

“I usually don’t sleep long enough to dream that much. And I usually don’t remember much of anything from them. But I get bad nightmares sometimes that make me never want to sleep ever again.” You quietly confessed as you moved the small grains of rice in the rich, creamy sauce that remained around in your bowl as the memories of such dreams and nightmares began to wash over your memory while your face contorted and frowned deeper while your brows pinched. 

“What do you see?” He asked patiently. 

“I don’t want to remember. I try very hard to put such things out of my mind.” You insisted as your cheeks flushed while your face grew pained at the flashes that came to your mind seemed to upset and agitate you. 

“Then don’t. Nightmares can be just that, they’re not real. It’s just…imaginary.” Udwar tried to soothe. 

“What if we get there- and the sea has washed away all the gold?” You suddenly blurted out. 

“That’s not possible.” Udwar shook his head softly at the notion with a soft and gentle but reassuring grin. 

“But, what if it was?” You asked. 

“Then it won’t be long before more gold washes ashore. The place is right where one hole spits out the current from the other.” He tried to offer. 

“And what if there is so much gold, that in order to get it all, you have to destroy the island to get it all?” You asked worriedly. 

“I won’t destroy the island, just to get at the gold. We have an agreement, you get the island, as intact as possible. And if removing all of the gold will jeopardize the island, then only the gold that can be safely removed from it, without damaging the island itself will be removed. And that is all. My grandfather said a really good house is there. And I know you wish to make it your home. I will not destroy your home. I promise.” He offered before you felt a measure of peace and reassurance. 

“Thank you.” You thanked him. 

“Here, I got you this.” He offered before he pulled out a small little something wrapped in special waxed paper. 

“What is it?” You asked. 

“It’s a chocolate bonbon.” He offered before you took it and cradled it in your hands before you unwrapped it and couldn’t help but smile when you sniffed its sweetness before you took a small bite and let the chocolate melt in your mouth. 

“My mother said she only got to have these on her wedding day. I understand why she called me Bonbon. Very sweet. Almost too sweet.” You admitted as it was the single sweetest thing you had ever had to eat in your life. 

“The seeds that grow to make that, grow on the island.” He offered encouragingly. 

“They do?” You asked in delight before he showed you a picture on his arm of the trees and the pods they grew from on the trunks and then, showed, through his tattoos how you prepared the seeds from the pod, baked them in the sun and then roasted them and crushed them and added milk and sugar to make what you just ate. And how much labor went into such a thing. But that it was well worth it because of how good it was. 

Then you pulled up your sleeves to show him the other tattoos on your arms so he could identify it and what the hell you were looking at and explained it so it all made sense and that the picture across your chest, was a picture of the island itself. And the tattoos on your back? Would show the route to get there, but would only show a little bit at a time before you pulled your sweater off, to rearrange the top to reveal your back so he could see it and then copy it on a map, so that you would not have to expose yourself for anyone else or to anyone else, which you appreciated and he told you that, should it ever itch, to let him know, because that would indicate that the map changed before he indulged you and scratched your back anyway and smiled when you leaned into the touch anyway. You had never thought such a little, humble thing would feel so divine. 

“For the last three years, I’ve hid these away. And it.. it makes sense that what I’ve felt I’ve been without my whole life, was right on my skin the whole time. And that…” You stopped yourself from saying much more than that. 

“That what?” He asked as he started to slow his scratch and move to simply, gently rubbing as you turned slightly toward him. 

“Once my mother told me where I came from. I always had the urge to climb the mountain, just to get to the top, just to see for myself. Just to look at it and see how much bigger and better Ustas was. But my mother warned me that it was too dangerous and that what we fled from was much worse than what we had. And when I asked her about these places that were on her own skin, she could only reason that they were the home of the original wearer, but that it belonged to her family and not us. And that the pull she always felt, was simply to reunite with the woman’s family. But, she remembered what the old woman said about who was chasing her and wanted to keep her safe, even in death.” You explained. 

“But?” Udwar gently prodded. 

“But one day, the tattoos seemed to practically glow. And suddenly my mother felt like the woman was safe from the one looking for her, but that same nagging feeling, that she needed to go back became the strongest. But by the time she could get us away, we had not even made it half way up the pass and she suddenly grew faint from fear and collapsed and said that we were too late. That the life we chose was the only one we were going to have. And she walked us back down. And she never said anything about it and grew irritated and agitated if I ever brought it up again and once we were back there, the glowing stopped and then the tattoos simply seemed to fade, like something left out in the sun for a long time. And while she wore it, it was as if, she didn’t need to eat so much, didn’t need to sleep so much, like the talisman itself was sustaining her, until it had reached it limits that is.” You revealed with a somber frown as a look of realization seemed to dawn on his features for a moment. 

“Does that mean something?” You asked. 

“Yes. The talisman is very powerful. And the god who blessed it is unusually strong. It does provide such things to the wearer.” He confirmed before it was your turn to frown deeper at his statement as you simply turned back to your bowl to think about that as it was clear you were perplexed but you did not wish to discuss what was really on your mind. 

“So then what happened?” Udwar asked, trying to draw you out.  

“And then, once we got back to Ustas, just as the tattoos had seemed to fade almost completely from her skin, so that it barely looked like a faint bruise, she could show more, but that also meant she got exposed more. She got sick from being in the icy water, washing the lines, because I was sick and couldn’t do it with her. And if I had just sucked it up, she wouldn’t have gotten too cold from being in the cold water so long. She practically collapsed onto the floor. And all the Lord and Lady cared about was that if she finished her chores before she did.” You revealed as you still felt a resentment rise like bile in your throat as your jaw clenched while your nostrils flared and your expression became stony. 

“She died soon after. And when I was at her bedside, I was so angry at them, but I felt so helpless, and I put on the talisman and I wished someone would come along and do to them what they had done to us and leave them cold and forgotten in the freezing cold and that’s when…” You began. 

“That’s when what?” He asked. 

“I felt like I created you in my mind. Or just, an idea of you. The Lady always read fairy tales to her children stories about brave knights, coming to rescue princesses in towers and all that. But I wanted more than that. I felt I needed someone who would be everything they were scared of. A conqueror who would come, turn them all out into the cold and turn them on their heads and pass through the place like a swarm of locusts, and then whisk me away to this place that was painted on my skin. And…that’s exactly what happened. It took three years. But it happened. And when I saw you on the horizon, I had completely forgotten all about it, until just now.” You admitted.

“Hmm.” He hummed with a small grin that was threatening to bloom into a full smile. 

“Well that’s…something, because that's exactly what seemed to happen that day.” He murmured as he seemed to pull a bottle of wine out from a box under the small table that you thought was just a box, supporting the table itself as his touch leaving your back, had your body moving to be closer to him as you scooted your chair closer to his so that you sat almost together, with the side of the ship at your back and the small table between you and looking out at the ocean and the sunset on the horizon. 

“How do you mean?” You asked. 

“When my father fell, he cried that he was freezing cold and his hands showed signs of frostbite, even though it was the middle of summer and quite hot where we were. And suddenly he came down with hyperthermia- which is what happens when you get too cold for too long and you die of being exposed to the cold. And when I tried to take it off, it was like it was frozen to his skin. And when he passed and it thawed, I took it, trying to throw it far away. But the moment it was in my hand, I felt you. I felt your anger and rage and resentment and how powerless you were to show any of it. And when I put it on, I could see the outline of you. Like a shadow. And when I realized what had happened. I put it on and in that moment, I knew exactly where you were. The castle’s picture bloomed on my chest. And I immediately mobilized the army and while I knew it would take me a while to get to you. I had never felt such a drive before in my life. And when the talisman told me that it accepted you as it’s heir and accepted me too, then it was practically a done deal after that.” Udwar explained. 

“Oh. So…you really did travel through the entire Europa continent- just to get to me? All because…I used the talisman to call to you?” You asked. 

“Yep.” He nodded before you took a swig from the wine bottle after he took a swig and left the bottle in the middle of the table to be between you. 

“Huh.” You blinked. 

“But in order to motivate the army, I had to promise them the gold on the island.” He excused. 

“Ah, because otherwise, there’s no way you would’ve…?” You vaguely excused. 

“Nope, wouldn’t have made it past the docks otherwise on the shore.” He offered as he nodded towards the land that was behind you.

“Is the dream your grandfather and father had of taking that fortune and either using it to build an empire- your dream as well? Or did that die with them or is it alive in a sibling?” You asked. 

“The ones who followed my father think it is mine as well and if I say anything otherwise, they will not follow me with any real loyalty. But my mother, once the talisman accepted me, she has been pushing for that, quite hard. Thankfully I left her behind back at home.” He answered. 

“But now is when you need your army and their obedience the most.” You seemed to add in understanding. 

“Yes.” He nodded with a sigh. 

“I'm worried for you then.” You offered before you took another pull of wine before putting it back and reached for your sweater again to stave off the cool breeze on the sea. 

“I’m the one person in the world you shouldn’t worry about or worry for.” He tried to reassure you. 

“If anything, you’re the one I will worry most about.” You offered as you pulled your sweater back on to keep yourself from trying to find more warmth from Udwar himself because you couldn’t trust yourself that much if a simple back scratch was having you itch to get all of your clothing off. Because while the talisman kept you from desiring every other man, it seemed to only amplify your own desire for him, hundred fold. As you never would have imagined yourself hungering like this for anyone else. But yet here you were, on this beautiful balcony, ready to fuck him in time with the waves of the ocean. 

“Why?” He asked but you hesitated to answer him. 

“You can tell me, you can’t say anything that will upset me. I would really like to know.” He tried to invite you before you seemed to search for the right words. 

“I worry for you, because, I sense, that you have no other identity or feeling or thought outside of this talisman and your own family’s legacy and ambition. Even now, you seek reprieve from your own family members who are on these other ships, as they all fight, and bicker and squabble about who gets to be what in the kingdom that they all fantasize you will either buy or build yourself. And because you wear the talisman, and have led so well so far, they all look to you to lead them beyond the island. And they all have a much bigger goal. And you still struggle to hold onto your own dreams, even when they clash with your reality so much. And how…discontent you are, with everything, even yourself. But that if you say anything to the contrary, you’re afraid they’d slit your throat in your sleep and would then kill me in the process. And how that would put us both in mortal danger and you don’t want to do that. So you have to play the role of Udwar, Conquer of Legend. And you don’t know where he stops and where you yourself truly begin. You’re terrified of not living up to such a great expectation.” You realized as you reached up to hold the talisman in your grasp and really sense what it was telling you about him. 

“I know we both feel like we’ve lost our parents in ways that were unfair and unjust and that nothing we could ever do will bring them back. And all we’ve done is try to move on with our lives since then. But we have…wounds that are three generations in the making that have been festering like splinters and we have no idea how to get them out so that we can heal- other than to go to this island, and return these talismans from where they came from. And maybe that notion is right. Maybe once we do return these to where they came from, we will both get the relief we’ve always yearned for. And what once afflicted your grandfather and Velena, will be healed and whatever unfinished matters they had between them, will finally be settled once we do. And if once we do, our claim on the island will be null and void, maybe we should remove as much gold as we can, first and foremost before we deal with the talismans and once we do, we can just…go our separate ways or just…stay friends?” You proposed. 

“How about we cross that bridge when we get to it, either literally or metaphorically speaking?” Udwar offered. 

“Deal. Well, the sun is setting and I’m getting quite tired. Goodnight Udwar.” You offered as you stood and went to reach for his bowl as he seemed to reach for your own in turn, which made you both pause but giggle in amusement. 

“If you’re that tired. Just go inside and get some sleep. I can return these.” He offered. 

“Thanks.” You smiled before you let him take your bowl before you simply bent over and hugged him from his seat, still in the chair.

“Thank you for coming to save me. And showing me that there’s a chance I can have a better home than any other that I’ve ever known. You’re a good man Udwar. No matter what you’ve had to do- to do that for me. It’ll be ok. Don’t worry about me, I won’t say anything to anyone else about anything otherwise. Your own thoughts and feelings are your own. Keep them as close as you can. I’m sorry that the talisman tells me about them anyways, whether you want it to or not. But I’ll try to protect your privacy ok? You deserve that much.” You offered as you nuzzled your head next to his as he hugged you back and before you knew it, you were practically sitting across his lap. 

“Why do I feel like this hug was three generations or at the very least, three years overdue?” He seemed to ask as he seemed to take all the time he could to savor it as your body betrayed you by practically curling around him. The way you used to be able to do with your mother when you were little and this small, secret moment was so precious as it finally filled a life long and multi-generational need. 

“Because when your dad died, when my mom did, we both wanted comfort yet craved destruction at the same time. And now that you’ve done the destruction, now we get to finally give and receive the comfort we’ve both craved.” You answered. 

"And I think, that anything left over from your father or my mother or especially Worlf and Velena, in the talismans, that the age old adage, that you should ‘let sleeping dogs lie’, I think we should do the same. Leave the past in the past, respect it of course, but…don’t feel you have to apologize to me for things you have never done and that you are not guilty of ok? All that matters is that we’re together…” You tried to comfort him. 

“And that we’re going home.” He finished before you could say it. 

“Yes, exactly, we’re going home. It’s just a home that neither of us have ever known yet. It’s gonna be fun. A proper adventure.” You offered with a smile. 

“If I stay here too much longer, I fear I’ll fall asleep.” You teased before you pulled yourself away. 

“Goodnight Udwar, thanks for the bonbon.” You thanked him before you got up and took the rest of it with you, taking tiny little bites to savor each morsel. 

“Goodnight Sioban…Queen of my Soul.” He finished in a hushed whisper the moment you were gone before he simply held his head in his hands as he suddenly felt so guilty and conflicted and confused about what to do or how to even start to do anything. Because with just a single embrace, he was ready to abandon every thought, dream and ambition of ever living up to his own expectations or desires to be King of a great nation. Because to finally hold you like that, was better than anything he had ever known and everything he could have ever dreamed of- for the last 3 years and ever since his own sexual assault when he was a boy. 

And the peace that just flooded him and his senses, was something he had never felt so strongly and intensely before, to the point it was overwhelming. 

Because you were right, he had spent all of his adolescent years avoiding all sex and intimacy with everyone since his assault. And once he had the talisman on, his own libido died. But yet, any time he got to see glimpses of you, that part of him began to heal and grow hungry again. And having you so close now, he was fighting every urge to do something about it. And with that understanding, he had never wanted to just curl up in your lap and cry like a baby and tell you all about it, just to have you soothe and comfort him and then show him what real, true love felt like. And if you had given any indication that you were open to more of it, he would have happily just taken you to his bed and even though he was far from sleepy himself, just to have the honor and privilege for you to feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep in his arms, would be the achievement of a lifetime, because he felt safe in doing the same in yours. 

But he also sensed how much your guard was still up because your talisman must have told you how firmly he had set his sights and ambitions on finally being the one to accomplish his father’s and grandfather’s hopes, goals, ambitions, dreams. This was not going to be an easy war to win and not a simple problem to be solved. He just needed more time. But with every blow of the wind, the closer you all came to his home, the more he feared he was unprepared to go back and face everyone, let alone, present you to the nation as the key to unimaginable wealth. He needed to prepare both you and him. But he could only move as fast you were comfortable with. 

And as much as your notion of entering a blood oath was almost too much of a temptation. He also, would never forgive himself if he tricked you into entering such an oath with him. Just to turn right back around and have the consequences of it- turning you into a queen, you had no desire or interest into being, at least, at the moment. He could feel how dead set you were against it. And it would take many more nights like tonight to ever soften your resolve on it. While also fearing that every moment he spent with you that was like this one, was weakening his own, as if it was made of chalk, rather than stone or iron.